Actions

Work Header

This is Major Tom to Ground Control (i showed u my dick pls respond)

Chapter Text

OMEAGLE: Talk to strangers!

 

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like SPACE.

 

You: im gonna b honest im lonely n horny I only wanna talk abt dicks man

Stranger: wow I was here for Space but

Stranger: okay

You: okay sorry you can say one thing about space

You: but just tell me – m or f?

Stranger: m bro

You: please don’t say bro

You: this is very homo

Stranger: well you know there’s a black hole in a galaxy about 12 billons times the size of our sun

Stranger: not relevant but I thought I’d shed light on how pitifully small your homosocial plight is

You: wow ok

You: I only really wanna ask

Stranger: yes, I am an adult male, I am highly educated, I put space as my interest because I am genuinely interested. Wow, thanks. Maybe I don’t want to hear about you jacking off. You’re probably some greasy old man.

You: I’m 23

Stranger: oh ok sorry

Stranger: but space tho

You: look, we can talk about space, ok? Just give me something to work with here

Stranger: wow look at me im a horny student whoa

You: ugh

You: ok, just how big r u?

Stranger:

Stranger: do u want me to like, get a ruler?

Stranger: bc one sec

You: no oh my god just fucking estimate

Stranger: well the last subway footlong I ate was significantly more impressive so u can get rid of any of that fantasy

Stranger: I reckon about 3 of the little grid pattern box things on the solar panel

You: i hate that I understand that

Stranger: dude no way

Stranger: that's amazing

You: thanks I did an entire project on solar panels last semester

Stranger: whoa

Stranger: did you have to do that dumbass experiment where they power the generator based on different wavelengths of light?

Stranger: I was so ready to throw myself off the observation deck oh my god

You: stop im so triggered im not even hard anymoe

Stranger: good now we can talk about space

You: ok fine

Stranger: do u know how fast neutron stars spin per second?

You: approximately 600 rotations

Stranger: I was gonna show off how smart I was but fuck man that was really cool

Stranger: wow

You: ultimate question is do you believe in Planet 9

Stranger: id die for planet 9

You: what did I even expect

Stranger: bring justice to the Kuiper Belt

You: ok but a moment of silence for the bullshit of Van Allen Belts

You: there are things I wanted to calculate in school and then there’s THAT

Stranger: Van Allen was a chill guy don't shit on his belts man

Stranger: they tell us about space storms

Stranger: SPACE STORMS

You: okay fine space storms whoo next time try and make that sound cool when you have 3 hour exam about them

Stranger: okay okay but really

Stranger: what do u call mars

You: I call it mars man what the fuck

Stranger: but mars is a smell boy

You: I came here to jack off but know I just wanna commit

Stranger: did u not study methane on mars

You: of course I studied methane on mars

Stranger: a smelly boy

You: oh my god

You: you are the exact person to be like this its rly on me for not realising

Stranger: thanks man

Stranger: how’s ur dick

You: don't bring up my dick

Stranger: ur probably watching porn on the background so u can multitask this epic chat with jacking off aren’t u

Stranger: bc I know the feel

You: im not even embarrassed at this stage

Stranger: good bc I wanted to keep talking about space stuff

You: okay whats ur opinion

You: is the milky way spiral or bar galaxy

Stranger: spiral is more aesthetic but bar more reasonable logically

You: fair

Stranger: oh shit I gotta go

Stranger: have fun jacking off stranger it was fun talking about space

You: thanks man