Actions

Work Header

Not this arsehole again...

Chapter Text

“Hey there sweet cheeks”

Oh no, not this prick again.

Shitty customers you were used to. Crappy customers? Been there. Creepy customers? Can deal with them no problem. Your fake customer service smile got you through them all. But then there was THIS arsehole known as Sans the Skeleton. This special-snowflake-once-in-a-blue-fucking-moon miracle of an arsehole. If it wasn’t for the fact that you needed this stupid job at this shitty fast food place you would have punched that stupid gold tooth right from his smug face.

“Hello sir, what can I get you today?”

Please tell me it’s a boot up your boney backside. You just HAD to turn up five minutes before the end of my shift didn’t you?

The skeleton monster smirked
at you.

“I dunno gorgeous what can you get for me?”

I really don’t need this shit today

 

This twat came in at least once every single day. You never could expect when he would turn up. It could happen anytime. You think that he did that on purpose just to make you squirm. He always took forever to order despite the fact that he always ordered the exact same thing every time (plain hamburger with a disgusting amount of mustard). And the entire time did everything he could to make you uncomfortable.

He would get annoyingly close at any given opportunity. He would stare at you with a surprising amount of intensity for someone with no eyeballs, his dull blue eye lights followed you everywhere. Despite the fact that you wore a name tag he would use demeaning nicknames constantly. He would make the same terrible puns over and over and over to the point where you wanted to scream. He would leave mustard packets everywhere after he ate. Whoopie cushions would just appear somehow under your feet whenever he was around. He would summon friggen magical bones out of nowhere just to trip you up. He would deliberately walk on an area you had just mopped, getting his dirty footprints everywhere. The sneaky shit would always pull this shit when you were alone.

The worst part though? The whole time he would be looking at you with that sodding shit eating grin of his. You tried mentioning this to Ivy, your manager, but she didn’t care. The only evidence that was left behind was the mess that Sans had made and that wasn’t their problem. Cleaning up after customers was one of your duties. Your cat monster co-worker BP seemed to be afraid of this douche for some reason. So the second BP spotted Sans his fur would fluff up and he would pelt it to the kitchen to hide. With your manager in the office and BP hiding in the kitchen you always had to face this fucker alone.

You had nothing against monsters. Most were decent folk under the rough exterior. BP (he would never tell you what that was shorthand for) was a funny git once you got him talking. But an arsehole is an arsehole no matter what species they are. And Sans the skeleton was a magnificent example of an arsehole. With his stupid grungy edgelord clothing and that irritating swagger. When all you saw was a prick who needed to be taken down a peg or two. Actually no screw that. He needed to be taken down a thousand pegs.

However your job was your job. You needed the money and as much as you wanted to, bitch slapping this arsehole while you were working was a sure fire way to get you fired and probably sued. So you never reacted, you slapped on your fakest smile and got through it.

“Well Sir you always get a plain hamburger with extra mustard so unless you suddenly changed your preferences might I recommend that?”

San’s grin faltered

“Are you ever goin’ ta drop the nice girl act sweetheart?”

Dafuq? Where did that come from?

“I am sorry sir. I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean?”

The skeleton monsters grin was back in place like nothing ever happened. He winked at you.

“I’ll take my usual order of burg’, but make this order to go. Actually make that two orders of the usual. I could eat a skeleTON today”

Was that it? Just a weak pun? The heck is wrong with him?

Bewildered you took his money, got the order to BP and when the burgers were ready shoved them into the bag and handed it to Sans. Who left.

He had been standing there quietly the whole time

No pranks. No antics. Not even a word.

The hell was going on?

You stood there pondering what had happened for the last two minutes of your shift. You left work, leaving the cleaning and closing up to BP and Ivy.

You started walking home, your thoughts still on Sans.

I guess I should be grateful that he didn’t cause any shit today. Was he trying to throw me off by doing what I didn’t expect him to do?

“A G for your thoughts darlin’?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin. There casually keeping pace with you, hands nonchalantly in his pockets was the bane of your existence.

How long has he been there? How did he get there? What the hell?

Sans’s Sharp grin widened.

“Did the big bad monster scare you hot stuff?”

You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction. You just ignored him and kept walking.

“Hey!”

Don’t like being ignored fucker? Good. Now that I’m off the clock you don’t get any of my time

Suddenly your shoulder was grabbed and you were turned round. Your eyes looked up into two muddy yellow pinpricks of light. His hand dug into your shoulder.

“Listen sweetness, if it wasn’t for the fact that you are a fine piece of ass I wouldn’t even bother with ya. But I am trying to have a conver-“

You slapped him in the face. Dazed, he let go of your shoulder. He tried to step away but you grabbed him by the scruff of his raggedy blue turtleneck and pulled him so you were face to face.

“Listen here you arsehole I put up with your childish bullshit at work because it’s part of my fucking job to deal with pathetic cunts like you. However right now I’m off the clock so I can ignore you whenever I goddamn please. However, if you ever touch me again either in or out of work. The only thing left of you will be a pile of dust and that tacky fucking gold tooth!”

You let go of his turtleneck. And he stepped backwards. You turned away and stomped off.

Fuck! That felt good! Hopefully that’ll get him to finally leave me alone!

-

Sans stood there in a trance. He felt happier than he had felt in ages. He fucking knew it! He fucking knew that you were a badass! No one had that rich dark blue of a soul without being metal as fuck. He had been trying to get you to show it for months! The way your soul would spark and flare whenever you were pissed, it was the most hypnotic and beautiful thing Sans had ever seen. Yet the anger would never show on your face. That always pissed Sans off. Something that beautiful shouldn’t be locked away. Who knew that all it took to get you to show it on your face was to touch you!

The responsibility of being the judge of the hellhole underground was a terrible burden, surrounded by the shitty, tainted souls of the monsters of the underground. Despite his attempts to make sure Paps stayed innocent, papyrus’s ambition to become a royal guard captain led him to darkening his soul. Just like all the others. Of course Sans was no saint. Killing over territory, revenge, a mate or other reason? No problem in the underground. But killing just to increase your LV? Forbidden. No one was allowed to be stronger than the king. Sans was not only the judge, he was also the royal executioner. Not that anyone outside of royalty knew that of course. Better that way. That way, no one ever saw him coming for them.

Living in that hellhole made them all believe that all beings were just waiting to kill or be killed. Until the “angel” who refused to fight. Sans knew it was all bullshit. The kid’s soul had all the telltale signs of someone who had gone on a killing spree. There wasn’t any LV in the kid’s soul, but if Sans looked carefully he could tell the kid’s soul was far from guilt-free. His equipment in the lab clearly showed that there had been a reset in the timeline. So the kid murdered a bunch of people for funsies then reset the timeline to try to cover it up.

Sans and the little shit had made a deal once they got above ground. No more resets. Or Sans would make the kid suffer. Sans always could tell when a reset had happened, he could read the guilt in Frisk’s soul like a book. Simple really if the kid reset then Sans would have a great time. The kid? Not so much.

Right now Frisk’s influence had helped the monsters clean up their act. Five years on the surface and most monsters had jobs and were leading decent lives. Sans wasn’t needed to be the judge anymore. His PHD on soul science had only just been recognised by human universities. So he had a cushy job with alphys in Ebott university working on blending modern human tech with monster magic, paps had joined the human police, things were looking good.
Except one problem, human souls were either just as messed up as the monster souls. Or they were just plain boring.

Until yours.

So....touching you got you mad enough to show your true self? He would just have to touch you more then. Maybe you would even slap him again. That was fucking hot. And stars the way your eyes burned him down to his soul. Also fucking hot. The hottest thing though? The way your bright pure beautiful soul glowed. That soul of yours made him want to do the dirtiest things with his magic.

Sans looked down the street where you had marched off triumphant. He closed his sockets and thought of your soul with it’s soothing navy blue warmth. The smile on his face was relaxed and peaceful.

But when he opened his sockets, his smile was wide, cocky and hungry.

“Game on beautiful”

Chapter Text

For the first thirty seconds you felt invigorated. Strong. Triumphant. After a minute your smile started to fade and you started to lose the spring in your step. You began to realise that your hand really fucking hurt. Turns out that slapping solid bone made your hand sting like a bitch. However your hand wasn’t what was on your mind.

Fuck. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have let him get to me. I have to be better than that. Better than them.

You had to apologise. Yes Sans deserved what he got, yes slapping him made you happy. BUT. You were ashamed of yourself. There had to be a better way to handle that situation. Violence did nothing but create more violence. Apologise to the turd and try to be better. No matter how much the arsehole tries to get under your skin. Be better.

You walked up to the front door. Took out your keys. Looked at the front door and muttered to yourself.

“Leave your shit at the door. She doesn’t need your drama.”

You unlocked the door and walked in.

-

“Judge, report”

Sans raised an eyebrow at the boss monster behind the desk. King Asgore Dreemurr the undefeated. The highest recorded attack, defence and LV of all monsterkind. And Sans’s ex-boss.

“Last time I checked, I didn’t work for ya anymore fluffybuns”

Asgore didn’t even glance up from his paperwork.

“Your work as the royal executioner has indeed come to an end. However, you were born as the judge, you will live as the judge and you will die as the judge. So your report, now”

King Asgore fucking Dreemurr. His original traits were bravery, patience and a slight pinch of rare natural determination. Not enough to turn him into one of Alphys’s horrifying amalgamates. But just enough to make him a cunning bastard. His adoring public would argue that his high LV hadn’t changed him. However people who actually knew Asgore, like his ex-wife and Sans knew that his patience turned to idleness the second that the first human child’s blood coated his hands. He could have got everyone out anytime. But the fucker dragged his feet. He kept his people waiting, and that meant that more and more monster traits became warped as they took their anger and frustration out on each other. His bravery became his audacity as he killed all those who were against his murdering the child. He already had an impressive LV count before that child, but that child was enough to change his traits fully. Just enough to turn that bright noble red Determination into dark horrible spite.

Despite all that Sans did begrudgingly respect Asgore. He didn’t take any shit from anybody and he was smart enough to know that monsters needed to adapt to survive this new world. He let the brat and their pet weed be the “symbols of human and monster cooperation”. Nevermind the fact that the “angel” was a mass murderer and the “friendly flower” was the disgusting result of the royal scientist’s more cruel and creative experiments. In the public eye Asgore was a sympathetic character, a sad king who sacrificed his family, his honour and the love of his life for his people. Behind closed doors however, Asgore was the perfect sociopathic politician. Smooth talking, bribing, blackmailing and threatening when needed. The six children who were immediately harvested for their souls? (After the first kid that became Another one of Sans’s delightful duties underground). Thanks to Asgore’s efforts, they were now the heroes and martyrs to the cause of freeing the monsters. Who lived long and fruitful lives in the underground, despite being trapped, who willingly donated their souls to the cause after they died. All to give his people the chance to flourish without living with the threat of another war hanging over their heads. Asgore was well loved and respected by almost all of his people. He was by far one of the best leaders the monsters had ever had....to Sans however he was the douchecanoe who enslaved him underground and would still occasionally yank on the choke chain here on the surface. His ability to analyse a soul just by looking at it was too valuable a tool to someone like Asgore.

Sans sighed and shrugged.

“The occasional scrap between monsters about the usual shit, but no increases in LV. They beat the crap out of each other. But they ain’t killing each other no more. No bad press that way. Right?”

Asgore nodded. “And the humans?”

Sans shrugged. “ain’t seen any humans with high LV about boss”

“Good, have you come across any souls that stand out in any way? Anything strange or suspicious?”

Souls that stand out? Sans immediately thought of your stunning dark blue soul, brighter than the aurora borealis. A beauty you kept restrained for reasons he couldn’t comprehend. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was in front of the supreme douche of all monsters. He probably would have started purring.

“Nope, nada nothin’ out of the ordinary. Can I go now?”

Asgore finally glanced up at Sans over his paperwork with his Amber eyes.

“You may”

Sans spun on his heel and headed for the door of the office. It was impolite to shortcut in front of his royal fucking majesty, after all.

“Oh ...Sans?”

Fuck. He should have known that it wouldn’t have been that easy.

“Is your brother doing well in the police?”

Where was Dreemurr going with this?

“As far as I’m aware he’s doin’ well”

“Excellent, his progress is good publicity for monsters. I am very interested in his career. Depending on your cooperation that interest could benefit papyrus or hinder him. Do I make myself clear?”

Patronising, manipulative ass.

“Crystal”

Chapter Text

New day, fresh out of the laundry uniform.

“Same old shit” BP muttered whilst leaning on the front counter.

When there was nothing to do BP tended to hang out with you at
the front of the restaurant. You turned to him.

“What?”

“Everyday in this job is the same old shit. Then again what sort of life should I expect when that rotten box controls my life?” BP hung his head.

Mettaton, the star of the underground, very quickly became a star above ground too. He took the film world by storm with his unique take on the horror movie genre. (Though to the monsters these films were comedies). Where he seemed to seamlessly blend his trademark fabulousness with the epitome of human suffering. His recent picture “drag me to my death” (a film about drag queens having to fight each other to the death in a fabulous arena) had won several oscars. The interesting thing was how Mettaton strived to be a home brand. So he quickly brought his MTT brand to the surface. Hence you were standing in an MTT burger emporium.

You smiled at BP. “Look BP, if you hate this job so much, why don’t you look for another one? Surely Mettaton isn’t your only option? You’re a smart guy I’m sure you can manage it”

BP looked up. “You really think so _____?

You nodded.

“People love cats, we have millions of people watching cat videos. Anime has endless cat girls. As a species, we are fucking obsessed with cats. You are a walking talking cat monster. Just put yourself out there man. I have no doubt that you’ll land on your feet”

BP winced.

“Buddy that was inspirational, until that joke at the end.”

Huh? Had you made a joke?

“In case you haven’t noticed I’m a bipedal cat monster. Your little pets only have feet... so of course they’ll only land on them. Me on the other hand? Faceplant city right here”.

Ohhhhhhh shit. Was that racist? Were you being racist towards your coworker? Fuuuuuuuccckkk

BP kept talking.

“Seriously _______ if you start making cat puns at me I’ll start pulling my fur out. I get enough of that shit from Sans”

Wait what?

“What do you mean by that? You always run from Sans whenever he walks in here”

“Well yeah, his puns are awful”

Ain’t that the fucking truth...but still.

“Dude, this whole time I thought you were afraid of him.”

“Of Sans? Nah. In the underground he was one of the few monsters that wasn’t a constant threat to my life. He was a still an annoying pain in the ass even back then but the guy is pretty chill.”

Good to know that sans isn’t violent as least.

“Course I wasn’t used to seeing him as often as I do now. Wonder why he comes here so often.” A customer walks through the door. So BP stopped talking and walked up to the till to serve them.

You started prepping the order pondering. Everyone knew that the monsters life underground was pretty violent. But in general people understood. Living in that cramped space for hundreds of years was bound to make anyone violent. Besides as soon as the monsters got out they started to settle down. That was a sign that they were not naturally violent.

Still even in that horrible situation Sans wasn’t violent? Fuck, you really needed to apologise to him now. As annoying, arrogant and irritating as he was maybe wasn’t all that bad of a guy deep down.

-

“Fucking son of a Jerry. Bastard cunting shit!”

Sans muttered to himself whilst pacing his lab. The fucking scanning device failed testing again! What was he doing wrong? He balanced the power going through exactly! He set the magic filters precisely. He had tuned the damn thing to copy his magical resonance. He had even polished the fucking lens in hopes that it would help somehow. And still the damn thing wouldn’t work! Sans threw the failed soul scanner at the wall, breaking it to pieces. Angry knowing that its failure meant that he was still living under Asgore’s thumb. Fuck! He needed to blow off some steam. Needed something to make him feel better.

Sans stopped pacing as his grimace became a smile. He knew exactly what would cheer him up. Pissing you off. He looked at the clock. You should be finishing work about now. Good, better chance at getting to see the real you that way.

“Time ta play”

-

You were walking home.

Sans hadn’t turned up all day. Which was weird as he always turned up. Not that you were worried or anything. How were you supposed to apologise if he didn’t show his face? Maybe that slap scared him off?

“Stupid arsehole coward.” You muttered to yourself.

“Hope you aren’t talkin’ about me darlin’, cause I would have a bone to pick with you otherwise.”

Just like last time, there he was, popping into existence out of the blue. Walking next to you like it was no big deal.

Of course. Don’t react ______ don’t give yourself another reason to feel guilty.

You stopped walking.

“You do realise what you are doing is stalking right? I could get you arrested” you snapped your fingers “like that”

Sans smile grew. “yeah I know, I read up on all your laws when we first came up. Didn’t want to get into a sticky situation.”

Wait when did a stick appear in his hand? Did this prick seriously teleport a stick into his hand for the sake of a pun? Also what?

“ you read ALL the laws?”
“Yup”
“ all the laws of this country?”
“Nah”
Ok maybe he just read the basic ones. Thou shalt not steal etc.

“I read all the laws currently being enforced on the planet. Did you know that’s it’s illegal to be seen “suspiciously holding a fish” in this country? How is that a thing for you humans? It’s fishy to be holding a fish. Heh. Amazin”

This guy. Breaks my brain. How does he always do that? Just get that apology done.

“I’m sorry”

Sans’s sockets widened. He just looked at you bewildered. You took that as a sign to keep talking.

“I’m sorry that I slapped you last night. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m really sorry that I tried to hurt you. You are an annoying son of a bitch but that doesn’t excuse my actions.”

You both stood there, awkwardly. San’s sockets were wide, stunned. He wore the same expression that he had after the slap yesterday.

He closed his sockets, then he started to chuckle, then he started to laugh. Then he was was laughing so hard he was holding his stomach. You just stood there.

What the crap did I do to him? Why is my apology so funny? What. The. Fuck?

Sans opened his sockets and smiled at you, it wasn’t a smug smirk or a knowing grin. It was a genuine smile, filled with joy and warmth. It surprisingly suited him.

“I harass you for months, deliberately drive you crazy, you finally react and slap me. A slapping that I deserved, considerin’ what I did to you. And here you are apologisin’ to me?

What is up with his expression? Why is he looking at me like that?

“Not to mention that where I’m from you would be well within your rights to try to kill me for all that I’ve done to you”

Looking at me like I’m something special.

“You apologising to me, and it’s not even the fake you in that burger place doing it. Genuinely and honestly saying sorry yet still managing to insult me whilst doing it. Feelin’ so bad for that one little slap. Tearing yourself up for losing control of yourself.”

What the hell is this? How does he know? What the fuck is he doing?

“you really are something else”

Sans stepped closer to you. Not enough to touch you. But enough to definitely be more aware of him.

“Also there is absolutely no reason to apologise for doing something that I. fuckin’. Loved. If you are ever feeling bonely and fancy doing that again. I’m ready anytime.”

Sans winked at you. “Catch you later beautiful”

And just like that, Sans disappeared.

You stood there. Face red, mouth agape. You were unable to process the feelings that Sans had made you feel. So your mind focused on something that it could focus on without combusting.

“What the fuck is up with the harry potter apparation bullshit! Instant tranmissioning all over the place. Does that guy thinks he’s goku or some shit?!” Just fucking around with physics like it’s not a big deal?!? Who does that guy think he is?

Chapter Text

Sans shortcutted away from you. But not very far. In fact, he was hiding up a nearby tree. He wanted to see your reaction. You didn’t disappoint. Your face was a nice shade of embarrassed red. And you were clearly stunned. That wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was the amount of guilt that you were carrying around about the slap. Your soul even looked a bit dim when he first showed up. What was lovely to feel was the warmth your soul gave off as you apologised. Having the guts to genuinely apologise to someone you didn’t like. That was an act of pure integrity. Sans normally hated his ability to see souls. However he was glad of it in that moment. There hadn’t been many instances of pure beauty in his life. However that was definitely in the top ten. The slap still beat that though. Definitely in the top five that slap. But seeing the guilt weigh your soul down wasn’t worth it. He had made it clear that you slapping him was no biggie. He was waiting for you to process what just happened.
Sockets glued to your face Sans counted.

three....two....one...

“What the fuck is up with the harry potter apparation bullshit!”

Holy shit your face! This was amazing!

“Instant tranmissioning all over the place.”

Instant transmission? He guessed that was a human term for teleportation. You were stamping your foot on the tree across from Sans. Damn. What he wouldn’t give to be that tree right now.

His complete boredom in the underground and his increased HP (thanks to his LV) had led to him enjoying pain. Partly because it was a decent distraction from the monotony and mostly thanks to good old fashioned emo self-hate. He kept this a secret from most monsters cause the fact that he wasn’t deterred by pain was really useful in a fight. Especially if the enemy didn’t know that.

Damn your anger was really fucking hot. But he had a feeling that you wouldn’t have shown it whilst he was still around this time. Considering the guilt you felt over last time.

“Does that guy thinks he’s goku or some shit?!?”

The fuck was a goku? That sounded like some weeaboo shit. He’d ask alphys later. You marched past San’s tree. Growling to yourself.

“Look at me I’m sans the arsehole skeleton. I piss all over the laws of physics cause I don’t respect anything! Wait...he’s a skeleton. Does he even need to piss? ARGH!!!”

Stars. That was fucking hilarious. It took everything sans had to not laugh. If you knew he was there you wouldn’t have been so honest. Good to see that your soul was back to its sparking, flaring self. He could look at your soul all damn day. But you had places to be and he didn’t want to actually be arrested for stalking. It was interesting that you brought that up. Cause that was totally what he was doing to you. He was worried at first cause getting arrested wouldn’t have been good for Paps. But you hadn’t said a word. Sans didn’t know if that was because you were too stubborn to admit weakness or because deep down you secretly liked him. Just a little bit.

Ahh well a skeleton can hope.
And drink.

aaaaaand maybe drink some more. He’d earned it.

With that thought in mind he shortcutted to grillby’s.

-

You stomped your feet so hard whilst walking to the house your feet started to feel a little bit numb. Fortunately Ebott city was a pretty safe city as cities go. So you were comfortable walking about alone at night. Which was convenient as you were not being entirely aware of your surroundings. This was due to the fact that your thoughts were irritatingly filled with thoughts of sans-I’m-a-Fuck-nugget-from-hell-the-nerf-herding-piss-taking-skeletwat. It was undoubtedly safe to say that you were not his biggest fan.

I put myself out there, apologised to him and he laughs at me. I slap him in the face and he enjoys it. I try to ignore him and he gets pissy. On top of all that he tries to flirt with me?!? What the hell gives him the right to do that? He hasn’t earned it!

Stupid sans.

Stupid sans with his stupid clothing. And his stupid tooth.

Stupid fucking sans with that stupid fucking grin.

Why the hell did I even apologise? That’s the last time he gets an apology from me about anything!.

You stepped in dog poop. You didn’t notice.

Stupid sans and that stupid happy laugh. He looked so friggen happy. Why? I don’t get it.

Deep down, you liked that laugh, you liked that big, happy, honest smile he gave you. You liked the warmth you felt from when he was all up in your personal bubble. You wanted to see it again. You wanted to feel that again. But you wanted to make him smile whilst understanding why he was smiling.

The way it was currently, there was no genuine connection between the two of you. This was a person you had known for about two months. You saw him almost every day. Yet you knew next to nothing about him. And he didn’t even acknowledge your name. That is what was really pissing you off whenever you saw him. Sans was clearly an interesting, intelligent person. But he only seemed to treat you like a dancing monkey for his amusement. The one time you extend an olive branch and attempt a real connection with him. He laughed at you. It hurt. It was confusing to be “entertaining” but not interesting enough to get to know. You were done. BP would have to deal with him at work. Despite the fact that he wasn’t a violent monster. He clearly didn’t appreciate people. You had wasted enough time on Sans the skeleton.

You came to the front door. And took out your keys.

Put it away ______ . He is a person not worth your time. You had more important people to care about.

You unlocked the door and walked in.

And was immediately bombarded by a noisy beagle.

“WOOOO!”

As usual Murphy the beagle’s noisy baying snapped you out of your funk.

You heard a voice from upstairs.

“_________ ? Is that you darling?”
You climbed the stairs

“Hi Mum! How are you feeling today?”

Your mum was in her bed. Bundled in blankets. She always took herself to bed early as she got fatigued very quickly.

“A bit better than yesterday love. I even managed to do a little bit of gardening today. How was work?”

Your mother had an auto immune disease. The doctors weren’t sure which one it was. So instead she had a list of syndromes and symptoms as long as her arm. When you were little your mother was basically a productiveness tornado. However when you were eighteen her immune system went nuts. Now it was a good day if she got out of the house on her wheelchair. She could still walk. But she got so tired so quickly it wouldn’t be long before she ran out of energy for the day.

This is the reason you stayed in Ebott city. This was why you worked a shitty minimum wage job. You needed to be close by with a job that didn’t take up too much of your time and effort. It needed to be a job that you could stop doing without too many consequences. You needed to look after your mum. After all the shit she had been through taking care of you and your siblings. It was the least you could do. Of course as far as your Mum was aware you were “taking the time to find out what you wanted to do” which wasn’t exactly a lie. You had no idea what you wanted to do with your life. But right now you just wanted to make sure that your Mum was ok.

You sat down on the edge of the bed. Murphy jumped up and put his head on your lap. Eyes demanding “scratch my ears!”

You did as commanded.

“Work was fine, nothing special happened.” You gave your mum a knowing look. She had a tendency to Push herself too far.
“How about you? You didn’t over do it in the garden?”

Your mum smiled “of course not darling. I just want the garden to look pretty for the summer”

“Alright then. You hungry? I’ll make us a chilli if that’s alright with you?”

Your mum nodded.

“Alright then. Just gimme half an hour or so.”

Your mum softly held your hand.

“Thank you darling. I really appreciate everything you do.”

“I know Mum. Don’t worry about it and just rest ok?”

You stood up and began to leave the room.

“Darling”

You turned back to your mother. She looked annoyed yet amused at the same time.

“You have dog shit on your shoe. And have trekked it all through the house. Please clean it up before you cook. It stinks”

You looked down. There was indeed dog crap on your shoe.

“Oh fuck! Sorry Mum!”

-

 

“You are a fucking idiot”

Grillby, as ever, was a monster of few but direct words. Except when he lost his temper.

Grillby was one of the few veterans left from the Great War. He was originally a medic. As such he had a higher LV count than most monsters, but less than the other veterans.

The ways monsters traits changed depended on two things.

One: the LV or EXP of the monster

Two: the strength of will of that particular monster

If a monster had low LV but not much inner strength. Their virtues became vices very quickly. However if a monster was very strong willed, not all of the traits would change immediately. However once a monster had gathered enough LV (like sans and asgore) it didn’t matter about strength of will. The traits would change.

During the war Grillby had the virtues of bravery and kindness. After the war he kept the kindness. But his bravery changed to audacity. He was kind enough to know that the monsters needed a safe haven underground. But bold enough to not give a shit what the military thought when he told them to go fuck themselves.

As such Grillby has three rules for his bar. All kept on handy dandy signs on the wall next to the whiskey shelf.

“I like you, you get a tab. If you don’t pay it. You’ll lose the tab and probably lose a limb. Or an eye. I’m not fussy”

“You break my shit. I break you.”

“No dusting. Or I’ll be cleaning up what’s left of you with my hoover.”

So. Sans was apprehensive when he asked.

“What do ya mean by that grillbz?”

Grillby sighed.

.”You have been talking at me about this woman for two months Sans. Whining at me about how she won’t open up to you. But how can you expect her to do that? Considering how you’ve treated her? Keep doing what you are doing and she is going to hate you. If she doesn’t already that is.”

Sans took a sip of his mustard. And shrugged.

“Whaddya mean by that? I’ve just been teasing her a bit. No big deal”

Grillby facepalmed.

“You’ve been interrupting her in her work. Stalking her, bothering her on her way home. Harassing her to the point where she got mad enough to hit you. And laughed in her face when she tried to apologise. And you expect her to trust you? When all you want to do is ogle her soul?”

Sans put his drink down.

“I ain’t ogling her soul”

Grillby raised a firey eyebrow.

“You know sans. Sometimes I get some bratty human boys in here during the day. They do everything they can to look up girls skirts or down their shirts. They are more interested in their body parts than the people attached to the body parts. Sound familiar?”

Sans gripped the edge of the bar.

“It’s different from that”

“Just because it’s her soul. It doesn’t mean that it’s any emotionally deeper. You deliberately act in a way to get her soul to do a light show for you. How is that different sans?”

Sans was quiet. Grillby continued.

“You know what I think Sans? You like this woman. But you are too scared to get close so instead you treat her like an object. A toy. Something below you instead of a person. Because if you dared see her as a person. You might finally start putting effort into someone again. You are afraid of getting hurt. Coward”

SNAP! A piece of the bar came off in sans’s hands. His left socket was ablaze with blue and yellow lights. He glared at grillby.

The bar was quiet. Sans had never been this aggressive towards grillby before. So the humans and monsters in the bar had no idea what to do.

“If you were any other monster. I would dust you where you stand” sans growled.

Grillby rolled his eyes.
“Don’t pull that shit here Sans. You wouldn’t have been able to pull that off and live underground and you certainly won’t be able to here. You know I’m right otherwise you wouldn’t be so pissy”

The bottles and glasses behind the bar started to levitate

“Shut up!” Sans snapped

Grillby folded his arms.
“You want me to shut up? Prove me wrong. What’s her name?”

The bottles and glasses fell to the floor. Sans sockets were black.

“What?”

“You heard me. What’s her name? You’ve known her for two months. Been talking about her for two months yet haven’t even once mentioned her name. If you recognised her as a person you should be able to recall her name. Right?”

Sans’s mind was running at a mile a minute.

Sweet-cheeks. Gorgeous, sweetheart, darlin’, hot stuff, sweetness.

Beautiful.

You even wore a name tag at work. But he hadn’t even spared it a glance.

Fuck

Sans looked up at grillby. Who smacked sans on the head.

“All the shit you just broke is going on your tab. You bonehead”

Chapter Text

So. This was grillby’s?. Looked kinda boring. You expected more considering how much monsters banged on about the place.

Monster food had finally been registered as safe for humans to eat earlier this year. It was safe to eat as long as humans didn’t try to live off it like monsters did. Unless they wanted to die from scurvy and suchlike. People who were seeking to lose weight but still wanting to eat the good stuff flocked to monster food, supplements and multivitamins. So monster restaurants were the new hot thing. Oliver, your editor, had assigned you to review monster restaurants. Your first assignment was this place. Sure monster food was healthy. But how did it compare to human restaurants?

Hence you were here. Food critic and representative of the newspaper Ebott Today.

The building in front of you looked like a standard bar. A red brick building with a warm glow emanating from the big window at the front. If it wasn’t for all the monsters and humans smoking outside and in the window. It wouldn’t have really stood out much.

You walked past the smoking monsters and humans. Heading to the door.

Wait? Were the monsters smoking.... Dog treats? Christ monsters were weird.

You walked through the door. You were hit with a blast of soothing warm air and the inviting smell of a bonfire. The scene in front of you wouldn’t have looked out of place in the film who framed roger rabbit.

There was a bright green flaming waitress going around with drinks. Classic rock played from an old looking jukebox. There was a group of dogs playing poker. A yellow rabbit looked close to passing out in a booth. A human and a plant monster with big teeth were eating a steak together. Two big beefy guys in heavy looking black armour were sitting at a two person booth. Somehow, despite the spikes on their armour, they were snuggling. Naw. A lion in a dress and a unicorn monster were playing pool. Hovering near the pool table, watching the game, was a small, black airplane? Wearing a cute little hat? With ribbons on? God monsters were confusing.

Sitting at the bar was a short squat, skeleton in a black hoodie with a fluffy hood, nursing a glass of some sort of yellow drink. He was talking animatedly to the bartender. Who was, without a doubt, the most eye catching sight in the whole weird place.

He wore a black shirt slightly open at the neck. With an emerald-green waistcoat. As nice as his clothes were it was his face that got your attention. He wore a pair of stylish black rimmed glasses, odd, but it worked for him. His face and hands were made of a bright orange fire. Constantly shifting and moving. It was mesmerising. He was mesmerising. You looked round the bar, you couldn’t see the any air heaters or radiators. So was the warmth in this place coming from him? He was polishing a glass and listening to the chatty skeleton. He glanced up from his friend and gestured for you to sit down at the bar.

There were several seats available at the bar. You sat two seats to the right from the skeleton. Seeing that you were in no rush, the bartender turned back to skeleton.

You started to overhear what the short skeleton was saying.

“I’m tellin’ ya grillbz. Her face was a goddamn work of art whilst she was stompin’ on that tree. You should’a seen her soul. Freakin’ beautiful. Just wish I could figure out how to get the broad to open ta me you know?”

The skeleton smiled a little bittersweet smile. He took a sip of his drink.

Huh? Did the fire guy just glow green for a second? The heck?

“You are a fucking idiot”

Woah, that was a voice that could melt butter. It was deep and rich with a slightly rough edge.

You were so distracted by how nice the firey guy’s voice sounded, you lost track of the conversation itself. It sounded kinda private and eavesdropping was rude. So, you turned away from the bickering pair and looked up at the bottles on the shelves.

There were many brands of alcohol that you recognised, however there were even more that you didn’t. On the highest shelf were bottles without labels. Each bottle seemed to contain a liquid that looked like a galaxy. Each a different colour. They were fascinating. Your eyes moved to three signs. Each sign had a rule written on it. The rules seemed reasonable enough. The way they were worded made you chuckle.

The exterior of Grillby’s did not do justice to the interior. That was for sure.

SNAP!

You were startled by the sudden noise. The skeleton was holding a piece of the bar in his hands.

The hell was up with his eye? Why was it on fire?

“If you were any other monster. I would dust you where you stand”

Holy crap! That skeleton was scary as hell! You wanted to move away. But at the same time you were too scared to move as you didn’t want to draw attention to yourself.

The bartender on the other hand only looked slightly miffed. The skeleton’s attempts to intimidate just seemed to annoy the bartender more than anything. The pair had the attention of the entire bar.

“Don’t pull that shit here Sans. You wouldn’t have been able to pull that off and live underground and you certainly won’t be able to here. You know I’m right otherwise you wouldn’t be so pissy”

Was it bad that even though you were afraid. You still couldn’t help noticing how goddamn nice that voice sounded? Yup... that was bad. Mind out of the gutter in a potentially life threatening situation y/n.

“Shut up!”

The glasses and bottles started levitating around the skeleton.

Okay. Nope. Time to get out the line of fire.

You climbed off the stool and jumped over the bar to the bartender’s side. You crouched down, closed your eyes and put your hands over your head.

Well, this bar was gonna get a pants review. That was obvious. Bloody monsters. Bloody Oliver. Why couldn’t he have sent you to that scream cream shop? That would have been much more straightforward.

The glasses and bottles came crashing down. You yelped and tucked your head further down. Seriously. There was a really cute looking bakery that you could have been sent to. Why were you here again?

You heard a smack.

“All the shit you just broke is going on your tab. You bonehead”

You felt a warm presence. You opened your eyes. The bartender was crouched down in front of you. Concern apparent on his firey face.

“Are you alright miss?”

You nodded, dumbstruck. He held a glowing hand out to you. You took it, and he stood up with you. His hand was wonderfully warm. You looked at the dangerous skeleton. He was on his feet, the stool he was sitting on was on its side on the floor. The bartender let go of your hand.

Your hands hurt. Why did your hands hurt? You looked at your hands. There were several small cuts all over your hands. The glass must have done some damage.

The bartender seemed to glow a brighter orange as he glared at the skeleton. Who had put his hood up and was trying to hide his face in it.

“Stars Sans. Look what you’ve done to my customer’s hands! Apologise to her now you fucking prick!”

The skeleton, who apparently was called Sans. Looked up at you. Poor guy looked empty and a little bit broken.

“I......I’m so sorry”

Then he was gone.

The bartender sighed. The bar went back to normal.

“Right then. Let’s take a look at your hands.”

He put his hand on your shoulder and steered you back round to the front of the bar. He sat you back down on your stool. You were still a bit shell shocked. He sat next to you on the neighbouring stool. He smiled at you.

“Nice to meet you. I wish that our first meeting had been more pleasant for you. My name is grillby. I am the owner and manager of this establishment. Could you please tell me your name?”

His smile was warm and friendly. It gave you butterflies. You smiled back. “My name is y/n. Despite the circumstances, it’s nice to meet you too.”

He reached out to your poor hands.

“I am sorry for the pain that my idiot friend has caused you. He is very a intelligent person believe it or not. But a complete moron when it comes to his feelings. I would like to use my magic to heal you. Do I have your permission?”

You nodded. Grillby took hold of both of your hands gently.

“This may feel a little odd.”

His hands started glowing green. You felt a rush of....something... through your body. Green flames were flowing all around you. This felt amazing. The fire felt cold and hot all at once. Then all too soon he was finished. Grillby let go of your hands. As soon as he did. You missed the warmth.

Grillby looked at you. This close, you could see that his eyes were white behind the glasses. There was concern in those eyes.

“How are you feeling?”

How were you feeling? Amazing. You felt relaxed and invigorated at the same time! Like you had just had the best massage of your life. This man had some fantastic healing hands. But you felt that you shouldn’t be too excitable as technically you were here for work.

“Good, thank you”

Satisfied, Grillby got off the barstool and walked back round the bar.

“Alright then. So, how can I help you today Y/n?”

Ah right! Your job! That was a thing right?

You reached into your purse and pulled out a business card. You handed it to Grillby.

“I’m a food critic writing for Ebott Today. So, yeah. I’m here to try out your food.”

Normally when restaurant workers heard the word “food critic” they started panicking. Grillby, however, didn’t bat an eye.

“Very well. What would you
like to try?”

You were confused.
“Um. You wouldn’t happen to have a menu?”

Grillby leaned against the wall and
tapped a big blackboard hanging on the wall. The menu was written there. Ah. Right. With all the drama you hadn’t noticed it.

“Oh. Sorry for not noticing that. Ok then, I’ll take a hamburger with fries with a strawberry shake”

A simple enough order. If he messed it up, then you knew not to waste any more time here.

Grillby nodded and walked through a door behind the bar.

You turned around to look round the bar again. Ok, let’s see how long it takes for him to prep the order. There were a fair few monsters in the bar but most of them were drinking. Not eating. So if he knows what’s he’s doing then he shouldn’t be long.

“Here is your order”

Wait what?

You spun back round in your stool. There in front of you, was your order. Perfectly cooked and slightly steaming. The burger smelled divine, the chips were chunky and a perfect golden colour. The milkshake looked thick and creamy.

That was ridiculously fast. Impossibly fast. You looked up at Grillby.

“How did you-“

“Magic. Bon appetit”

Grillby walked off to serve another customer.

Ok. So he can use magic to get the food out quickly. Alright. Fair enough. And he’s not bad at presentation. It wasn’t fine dining level but for a burger and chips it looked pretty damn inviting. The most important thing was flavour. It couldn’t possibly be that good considering how fast he made it.

You took hold of your burger and took a bite.

Holy sweet green guacamole.

Perfect. You never thought you would use that word for a burger or all things. But damn. This burger was perfect. Ok how about the chips? You put the delicious meaty morsel of a burger down and picked up a chip. So the guy was a great meat cook. Made sense. He was a fire monster and all that. No way were the chips gonna be as good.

You ate the chip.

Foodgasm alert. The chips were just as good as the burger. You began eating the food with gusto. You grabbed the milkshake and took a shlurp.

The milkshake was so delicious that you wanted to book a hotel room with it. Just you and this milkshake. The damn thing deserved a statue.

You hadn’t enjoyed a meal this much in years.

Suddenly there was a crash behind you. The lion and the unicorn were fighting. The lion had the unicorn up over his head. The lion shoved the unicorn headfirst into the pool table. The unicorns horn went through the table.

Never in your life had you had such a peculiar evening. There in front of you was an upside down unicorn monster. It’s horn lodged in the pool table, it’s legs kicking the air. One of it’s kicks hit the lion square in the chest, who went toppling onto the black armour couple’s table. Splattering them with thier beers.

“ENOUGH!”

Grillby’s voice echoed through the bar.

The rabbit armour guy pulled the unicorn out of the pool table. Whilst the dragon one pulled the lion up from the table. Orange and white flames erupted around the dishevelled pair.

Grillby turned to you.

“I apologise yet again y/n. It seems that my customers have been taking stupid pills today. Pardon me while I go sort this out”

Grillby walked up to the lion and the unicorn. Who both looked sheepish.

“Leo, boris. What is rule number two?”

Leo and boris said in unison.

“You break my shit, I break you”

Grillby nodded.

“Good, you know the rule. Care to explain why you broke it then?”

Leo piped up, paws gripping the skirt of his dress. “He was making eyes at my girl!”

Boris turned and glared at Leo “your girl?! Since when was she your girl?!? You’ve never even asked her out!”

“You know I like her. So why you flirting with her dude? That ain’t cool.”

Boris sighed “you weren’t making a move. So I thought that you weren’t interested anymore. I like her too man”

Grillby sighed. “That’s enough from you two. Shouldn’t the lady herself have a say?”

Grillby walked round the pool table.

And stopped in front of the small black airplane.

“Tsundereplane my dear. What are your thoughts on this?”

The plane was blushing a bright green.

“What? Idiot! Why should I have anything to say about this?”

Grillby ran his hands through the flames on his head in frustration.

He looked back at the pair still surrounded by orange and white fire.

“Boris, Leo. The one you both like is tsundereplane correct?”

They both nodded.

The plane blushed even greener and started wobbling in the air.

“EEEEHHHH?????”

Grillby turned back to tsundereplane.

“They are fighting over you. How do you feel about them?”
The plane humphed and turned away from Grillby.
“Why should I tell you that you .......you idiot?”
Grillby started glowing brighter again. He was clearly starting to get really aggravated.
“Tsundereplane, be honest, now”

The plane stopped wobbling. And turned back to grillby.

“I...I like them both ok? Leo is so strong and sweet. And boris is such a ch...charmer and funny. I can’t possibly choose between them!”

Grillby smiled and turned back to the suddenly much happier looking pair.

“How’s about it boys? The lady likes you both. Are you willing to behave and share for her sake?”

The two nodded, beaming.
“Of course! Whatever makes plane-chan happy!”
“Anything for my little tsun-tsun!”

Grillby clapped his hands together. The white flames disappeared. The orange fire however, was still there. The fire spread from around the boys to the exit.

“Good, however you know the rules. You broke my shit. So I get to break you. If you keep moving through the fire it won’t bring your HP any lower. However that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt like fuck. Off you go. And you are banned until you pay me back for the damages”

The boys ran through the fire and out of the bar. Swearing the whole way through. The flames disappeared. Tsundereplane floated after them. Calling.

“Don’t worry boyfriends! I won’t be able to heal you. But my magic will remove the pain!”

Grillby folded his his arms and started tapping his foot. He looked tired. The customers went back to their business.

You walked up to grillby.

“Does that kind of thing happen often in here?”

Grillby stopped tapping his foot and looked at you.

“A cultural hazard of being a monster. Passions tend to run hot with my species.” He gestured to himself “If you’ll pardon the pun.”

You giggled.

“Well this place is definitely interesting. I’ll give it that”

Grillby raised an eyebrow. Confused.

“You mean that all of that didn’t scare you off?”
You tilted your head, pondering. After about five seconds you replied.

“The argument with your friend nearly did scare me off. But you made sure that I was okay and got your friend to apologise. What’s more important though is that was the best meal that I’ve had in years. I can’t wait to try the rest of the menu. If you are ok with me hanging around a lot?”

Grillby looked surprised at your response. He then gently took your hand again.

“It is more than alright. It would be my pleasure”

Chapter Text

You woke up. The first sight of the day was a dog’s butt an inch from your face.

Hey there Murphy.

You had stayed at your mum’s house last night. You did this occasionally. Your mum had a fold out sofa bed in the living room for guests. Murphy had the tendency to hop into your bed while you were sleeping. Hence the dog butt.

You sat up in bed, stretched, forced yourself to move from the warm bed and made your way to the kitchen. Murphy padded after you. You looked down at him. Eyes that practically screamed “FEED ME!” looked back.

As always, you did as commanded.

Later you took your Mum up a tray of coffee and toast for her breakfast. As well as a pot containing her morning medication.

You gently woke your mother up. By poking her sharply in the arm.

“Oi! Wakey wakey sleeping beauty!”

Your mother was about as difficult to wake up as a hibernating bear. Funnily enough, she had the temper of one too in the morning.

Your mum opened one eye.

“Piss off”

You chuckled, your mum was all bark but no bite.

“Love you too, also not gonna happen. You need to take your meds.”

She grumbled but reached for the controller to operate her bed. She hit the button on the remote to sit herself up. You passed her the tray.

“Thank you darling.”

The sight and smell of coffee always brightened your mother’s mood.

“Your welcome, call for me when you’ve finished and I’ll come get the tray.”

You went back downstairs, folded up the sofa bed and went back to the kitchen to get your own breakfast.

As you sat on the sofa eating a bowl of cereal, you pondered.

Ok, it’s Sunday. I have the day off today. I’m going to spend it doing things that I want to do for a change. So that when I inevitably run into the skeleprick at work. I’ll have fully charged mental batteries to deal with the little shit.

It was a beautiful day outside, birds were singing, flowers were blooming. On days like these, dogs like Murphy should be walked.

With this in mind, you called up to your Mum.

“I’m stealing Murphy for a bit ok?”

You Mum called back.

“Keep him for as long as you want darling. The little shit stole my sandwich yesterday”

Naughty Murphy. But neither you or your mother would be without him.

-

Later, you and Murphy walked into the local dog park. This was quite a popular park in Ebott city as there was a small river that flowed through it.

You leant down and took Murphy off his lead. Once realising he was free Murphy pelted it to the nearest tree.

Keeping an eye on Murphy, you let your thoughts wonder.

Ahh, there is nothing quite like fresh air and sunshine. The rustling of the trees in the breeze. The flowing river, sparkling in the afternoon sun. Murphy taking a dump by the tree.

Wait what?

You sighed and pulled out a dog poop bag from your jacket pocket. You glared at Murphy. And grumbled at him whilst cleaning up his mess.

“You crapped twice on the way to this park Murph, you poop machine. What is Mum even feeding you?”

“HALT! HUMAN!”

You whipped round. There in front of you was a skeleton wearing a long red scarf. A much taller skeleton that the one you were used to. His skull was slightly cracked. He wore bright red boots with spikes on, black jogging shorts with spikes on, and a black tank top that said “I jog because punching people is frowned upon”.......With spikes on.

All the spikes seemed to have been sewn on haphazardly to his clothing.

The spikey skeleton had a fluffy black retriever at his side. Outside of the matching colour, the cute dog did not match his owner.

You skeleton pointed at you with a red gloved hand.

“YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR THE CRIME OF MAKING AN UGLY FACE AT A DOG! OR AT LEAST YOU WOULD BE! IF WE WERE IN OKLAHOMA, WHICH WE ARE NOT.
OR IF I WAS ON DUTY TODAY. WHICH I AM NOT. SO I, CONSTABLE PAPYRUS, SHALL LET YOU OFF WITH A WARNING. BE GRATEFUL HUMAN!”

The fuck is this guy on? And how can I get some?

Still you were intrigued as to where this conversation was going so you smiled at the guy.

“Thank you for not arresting me constable.”

The skeleton beamed at you.

“NYEH HEH! HEH! YOU ARE VERY WELCOME HUMAN!”

You walked to a nearby bin and got rid of the dog poo bag. Seemed like Murphy and the black dog were starting to play. You and this papyrus person were walking in the same direction. So it seemed that you and Murphy had gained some companions for a bit. The black dog seemed friendly and Murphy seemed to enjoy playing with him. So you could tolerate the owner’s.....interesting company.

“LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF PROPERLY HUMAN! I AM PAPYRUS, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE. FORMER ROYAL GUARD CAPTAIN, FORMER SHERIFF OF SNOWDIN. AND CURRENTLY A CONSTABLE WITH THE GCPD!” He gestured towards the dog. “THIS IS SHADOW TOBIAS DOOMFANGER, THIEF OF SPECIAL ATTACKS AND FIRST OF HIS NAME. BUT HE RESPONDS ONLY TO THE NAME SHADOW, DESPITE MY EFFORTS. INTRODUCE YOURSELF HUMAN!”

Damn, that was one heck of an introduction.

You pointed at Murphy.

“That’s Murphy.”

You pointed to yourself

“I’m _______. Nice to meet you Papyrus.”

You walked in silence for a few seconds.

Judging by his lengthy introduction, this guy might have a lot of interesting stories about the underground. The only monsters that you interacted with often were BP and Sans. BP’s stories about the underground were mostly about being stuck in the underground’s MTT Burger emporium, not much different from his life now. Give or take the occasional attempted murder after customers found that they disliked the taste of the scramburgers. And well... Sans...was Sans.... however just from the information on the news and BP. You could tell that the underground was the kind of place where homicide happened at the drop of a hat.

How the fuck was someone a “Sheriff” of a place like that? You just had to ask.

“So, Papyrus.”

Papyrus looked down at you.

“YES HUMAN? I MEAN HUMAN _______ ?”

Nice save.....

“You mentioned that you were a captain and sheriff underground? But what does that actually mean? What did you do in your job?”

Papyrus looked slightly uncomfortable.

“YOU ARE AWARE HUMAN ______ THAT LIFE UNDERGROUND WAS A TAD MORE.....MURDERY.....THAN UP HERE?”

You nodded. Papyrus looked relieved but confused.

“AND YOU ARE NOT AFRAID OF ME? DESPITE KNOWING THIS?”

You shook your head.

“Well, I haven’t heard of any monsters murdering each other since you guys came up top. Yet I hear of humans murdering each other everyday. Despite that, I’m not afraid of most humans. So why would I be afraid of monsters when I haven’t heard of a single monster murder in five whole years?”

Papyrus’s smile could have lit a lighthouse, it was that bright.

“WOWIE! FOR A HUMAN, YOU ARE VERY NICE! SO, MY MAIN DUTY IN THE ROYAL GUARD WAS TO CAPTURE HUMANS. BUT THERE WERE NOT MANY HUMANS ABOUT. I COMMANDED THE CANINE UNIT AND MY LAZYBONES BROTHER! WE WOULD PATROL SNOWDIN AND THE SURROUNDING AREAS EVERYDAY IN ORDER TO CHECK FOR HUMANS! AS WELL AS CHECK ON THE TRAPS AND PUZZLES WE HAD SET UP! THAT WAS THE FUN PART!”

You nodded, so far that made sense.

“MY DUTIES AS SHERIFF, WELL.....THEY WERE NOT AS FUN. BUT VERY IMPORTANT! MONSTERS GOT INTO FIGHTS A LOT! IT WAS MY JOB TO MAKE SURE THAT BYSTANDERS DID NOT GET HURT! ALSO TO TRY TO MAKE SURE THAT WE DIDN’T LOSE TWO MONSTERS IN THE FIGHT. THERE ARE NOT THAT MANY OF US YOU SEE, SO WHILE IT WAS A CITIZEN’S RIGHT TO DEAL WITH A DISPUTE HOW THEY PLEASE. DYING RIGHT AFTER A VICTORY IS JUST A WASTE.”

Wow. Ok as jobs go, that sounded really stressful.

“I MUCH PREFER MY JOB ON THE SURFACE! UNDERGROUND, IT WAS NOT THE DONE THING TO GET INVOLVED IN ANYONE ELSE’S CONFRONTATION! YOU HUMANS TRY TO STOP EVERYONE FROM GETTING HURT! FINALLY! A JOB FITTING MY GREAT SKILLS!”

Ok, you were sold, this guy was a little odd, but a freaking sweetheart.

You and papyrus sat down on a bench by the river. And watched Shadow and Murphy play in the water.

Papyrus threw a bone for them to fetch then turned back to you. “NOW HUMAN! I HAVE ANSWERED YOUR QUESTIONS. NOW YOU SHALL ANSWER MINE!”

Ok bring it on cute skeleman.

“What would you like to know?”

“DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?”

You nodded. “Yup, an older brother and a older sister.”

“AND WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THEY ARE SAD, BUT WON’T TELL YOU WHY THEY ARE SAD?”

Is this why papyrus started a conversation with you in the first place? To get advice on how to help his brother?

“Well....I would let them know that I was there for them if they wanted to talk about it. And there for them if they didn’t want to talk about it. I think just knowing that they have the support will help cheer them up”

While you had been talking, papyrus had taken out a small black book and pen and had been writing down notes.

“I SEE, THANK YOU HUMAN ____. I SHALL TRY THAT TONIGHT!”

You called Murphy who came trotting up to you, he was soaked from his ears to his tail. You put his lead back on.

“We need to start heading back, thank you for keeping us company. If I see you again, let me know how it went with your brother.”

Papyrus held out a piece of paper to you.

“HERE IS MY MOBILE NUMBER HUMAN _____. IF YOU GIVE ME YOURS. I SHALL SEND YOU A REPORT ON MY PROGRESS TONIGHT! THAT WAY YOU SHALL NOT HAVE TO WAIT AND AGONISE OVER IF YOUR ADVICE WORKED OR NOT!”

Eh, why not? He doesn’t seem like a creep.

You took the number and saved it under the name “Skeledude”. You sent him a text of a dog emoji. Papyrus looked slightly relieved. Was he afraid that you would just take the paper and not send him your number?

“HAVE A GOOD AFTERNOON HUMAN ____! LOOK FORWARD TO MY REPORT! COME SHADOW!”

Papyrus jogged off with a wave to you, Shadow Tobias Doomfanger on his heels.

What a nice skeleton. You hoped that your advice helped him out.

You headed back to your mum’s house. Your mum was not gonna be happy with the wet dog smell.

Chapter Text

“Did you ever come across something, something that someone has made, and be so blown over by it’s quality that it made you speechless? For some this may be a book, film or a finely crafted piece of furniture. In my case, it was a plate of burger and chips with a strawberry milkshake that completely blew my socks off.

I have been very fortunate in getting to where I am in my career. It’s my job to eat stuff and write about the stuff that I eat. I’ve been doing it for a while now and felt that I knew what to expect from bar food. However even with all my experience, all the time that I’ve spent in hoity-toity restaurants with tiny plates of food. It could not hold up to being blown away by the best burger, chips and milkshake that I’ve ever had.

The only criticisms for Grillby’s bar are that while monsters fighting is normal for monsters, some humans might find that a turn off. The only other issue the exterior does not do justice to the treasures found within. Maybe jazz that up a bit.

So, for those of you who think that monster food isn’t worth your time and money. Pull your heads out of whatever your favourite orifices are.

I am looking forward to my next visit to Grillby’s. I can’t wait to see what the place has in store for me.”

Gerson looked up from the newspaper at his friend Grillby, who was in the process of repairing the pool table. They were supposed to meet up at Gerson’s shop for a sea tea. However Grillby called to cancel last night, as he had to do some repairs in his bar. So Gerson had come to Grillby’s instead.

“Lookie here Boy! Seems like you have a fan! Wa Ha Ha!”

Grillby looked up from his work and walked up to Gerson’s booth. Gerson handed him the newspaper. Grillby sat down and read the article.

Gerson had been the leader of Grillby’s squad during the war. As such, they had been friends a very long time. So Gerson could tell that his friend was VERY interested in this article.

“By the looks of things boy, you’re a fan of your fan.”

Grillby looked up, embarrassed. Put the newspaper down and walked back to the pool table.

“Gerson, I’ve been an adult for nearly one thousand years, surely it’s time you stopped calling me boy?”

Monsters didn’t age like humans did. Your standard monster lived for about one-thousand five hundred years. That long lifespan could be cut short in two ways, getting dusted or by meeting their soulmate and having children. The soul bond between parents and child would help them grow. As children grew, their parents aged and eventually fell down once they had used up their magic.

Gerson chuckled. “You were still a boy when we first met, just a piddling eighty years. A bratty adolescent with healing magic that I had to babysit.”

Gerson had been around three hundred when they had first met. The young and fierce hammer of justice who saved many monster lives by keeping the humans at bay.

Grillby didn’t look up from the pool table.

“You seemed to forget who had to heal your arse constantly during the war. Who was babysitting who Old man?”

Gerson laughed

“Quit it with that “old man” bollocks. The only reason that you aren’t a wrinkly old git like me is cause you are a bloody elemental, you lucky bastard. Even if I met my soulmate now, I’d probably scare them off with this ugly mug.”

Gerson and Grillby then fell into a comfortable silence. Gerson went back to his newspaper. Grillby started putting the pool table back together.

Gerson had maybe one hundred years before the end of his lifespan. However he had said finally living around peaceful humans on the surface, who had a short lifespan compared to monsters, had made the threat of death easier to handle for him. Humans packed so much into their brief lives. It was inspiring to monsters like Gerson. Who had decided to make the most out of what was left of his life. Considering that he wasn’t immortal like a boss monster.

With boss monsters in mind, Grillby looked up at Gerson and asked.

“Hey Geezer? Did you ever know King Gorevega before or during the war?”

His late highness king Gorevega Dreemurr the bold (renamed “the insane” after the war), was a lion monster and father of king Asgore. Grillby had never met him in person and only knew that he had instigated the war with humans somehow. All the monsters that had been on the front lines with Gorevega had perished. Whilst Asgore had evacuated the monster villages with Gerson’s squad.

After Grillby had broken off from the military, he and Gerson had fallen out. Gerson at the time couldn’t handle Grillby’s “desertion”. It had taken hundreds of years to repair the rift. But it had only been after they had come to the surface that Gerson had felt comfortable talking about the war again.

“Mad king veggie? Aye, I knew the stupid cunt. Whaddya wanna know?”

Grillby put the pool table back in place and walked over to look at his poor broken countertop.

“Well I know that it was because of him that we went to war. But I never knew what he did that started it to begin with. All I know is that he went insane. No details were ever written down and the Dreemurr’s have always been tight lipped about it.”

Gerson sighed and folded up his newspaper.

“Well, that’s a bit of a complicated question. So let’s start at the beginnin’, you remember queen Calistas?”

Grillby nodded. He hadn’t talked to queen Calistas, but he had seen her at a public event when he was a child. She had been a pure white sheep monster. Asgore had inherited his father’s body type, fur and mane from his father but his face, horns and general colouring from his mother. She hadn’t been a boss monster, but she had been brave and kind.

“Calistas was friends with me ol’ ma, I used ta eavesdrop on their chats. Basically when she and veggie had baby asgore. Both she and veggie started to age. Fluffybun’s father was a boss monster an’ had been around for a very long time. He had never had to face death before an’ accordin’ to Calistas wasn’t very good at handlin’ it. Queen Cali was the only thing tha’ kept him calm.”

Grillby sat down on one of the barstools.

“But then she fell down.”

Gerson thumped the table.

“Exactly my boy, she fell down, a lot quicker than most monster parents too. Sometimes one dies before the other cause they are the weaker one of the pair, but Calistas was no wimp. She and veggie should have been able to have at least three children before she died. However, due to Gorevega’s fear of growing old and dyin’. His soul stopped feedin’ energy to Asgore’s. He didn’t know he was doin’ it mind you. Yet the burden was forced on his wife all tha’ same.”

Grillby shuddered, how pathetic. Dying so that your children could grow and prosper was a privilege only few monsters achieved. It was the most honourable way to die. Knowing that you had helped monster kind continue on. So few monsters met their soulmates and had children. Even fewer after the monsters had been separated from their potential human soulmates by the barrier. Gorevega should have treated that gift carefully and appreciated what he had. If he had, his wife wouldn’t have had to suffer due to his weakness.

Gerson continued.

“Anyhoo, she died just before Asgore fully developed at age one hundred. As a result Gorevega began to lose his bloody mind pretty damn quickly. Can you imagine that? Never having to face death before, but losing the love of your life suddenly, losing the one thing that helped you cope? Knowing that you would have to face your death alone and the one being that was causing your death was the child you loved? The one tie back to the person you lost? For us normal monsters this is run-of-tha-mill, but for a pampered little wanker like Gorevega? Too much for that slow noggin of his. He went completely coo coo.”

Gerson paused, clearly reluctant. Grillby was almost hesitant to ask his original question again, but he couldn’t deny what he wanted to know. In an even tone, barely containing the anger he felt at the long dead king. He asked the question.

“What did he do?”

Gerson sighed and continued.

“King moron was visiting a pretty important human leader. I was there with general Griffin as a member of the royal guard. The great and mighty muppet had a dilemma, kill his beloved son to preserve his life? Or kill one weak human and become immortal again by absorbing their soul? He could have picked any human, any random human that no one would have missed. Back then they dropped like flies. But the proud twat didn’t just want any ol’ soul. He wanted the soul of a leader, just like him.”

Gerson paused again. Grillby walked to the whiskey shelf, grabbed a bottle, two glasses and went to Gerson’s booth. He poured them a glass each. They both needed a drink before Gerson could finish his story.

Gerson downed the whiskey. Muttered his thanks and continued.

“So the stupid fucker killed the human’s king, right then and there. In front of all those witnesses. I guess he figured that he could quickly take the soul and kill all of the humans. He shouldn’t have underestimated a room filled with trained human warriors. Humans were already skittish toward us monsters and there it was, absolute proof that we were after their souls, proof provided by our king, of all people. The bellend. He didn’t even get a chance to grab their king’s soul after he died. If it wasn’t for Griffin staying behind to hold them off, I doubt me and king fuckface would’a gotten out. Good thing Griffin was a boss monster I ‘spose.”

There are only two boss monsters at any one time. Both have to die before the powers transfer to the next strongest pair of monsters. Not all become royalty but most hold some kind of important position in monster culture. After Gorevega died in battle, asgore and Toriel became the next generation of boss monsters. Far too late to have any positive influence on the war. The humans, who felt justified in attacking the murderers of their king, attacked with such anger that the monsters didn’t even stand a chance.

Asgore had met Toriel during an attack in her village by humans. They quickly bonded as friends as they were both fresh to being boss monsters and soon fell in love. It had been the one good thing that the monsters rallied around.

Grillby topped up both of their drinks. This time Gerson savoured it.

“Funny thing, after all that palaver. The silly bugger went and got himself killed in a battle.”

Grillby nodded. Gerson continued.

“Imagine if Gorevega hadn’t have been such a spineless twat. Or if Asgore had stepped up sooner and booted his crazy pops of the throne...maybe things might’ve been different”

Grillby drank the rest of his second drink.

“Yeah......perhaps they might of been”

Chapter Text

“I’M HOME BROTHER!” Called papyrus as he and shadow walked into the house.

Silence.

Papyrus sighed and took shadow off the lead. Who padded into the kitchen for some water.

Papyrus followed his pet into the kitchen pondering his next move.

He and his brother had always been very close. Their mother had died when he was just a baby bones. And their father was.....gone....somehow.......

Papyrus paused on his way to the kitchen.

What had been he thinking about?

Ah yes! his brother! They had always been pretty close. For a long time the only thing they had in the world had been their bond. Papyrus had believed that absolutely nothing could strain that bond.

When Papyrus had decided to become a sentry, sans had signed up with him, smiling all the while by his side.

Papyrus had then decided to try for the royal guard. Sans did not join up with him. But was still by his smiling by his side.

Papyrus had joined the royal guard. Sans was right there beside him, proud and supportive.

But the day papyrus had told sans that he hoped to climb the royal guard ranks, was the first day he ever saw his brother stop smiling.

It had only been for a second, so he wasn’t sure if he had even seen it. Sans had shrugged, the smile returned like it had never left. He had patted papyrus on the shoulder and said.

“Course Paps, they’d be lucky to have you”

Papyrus had started training for the position, coming back home, exhausted and even with broken bones. Sans had been concerned. When Sans asked papyrus if this really was what he wanted. papyrus had replied.

“OF COURSE BROTHER! BEING A CAPTAIN IS ONE OF THE GREATEST HONOURS A MONSTER CAN ACHIEVE!”

Sans didn’t smile, in fact, he looked so incredibly sad. Papyrus didn’t know what to make of it and the next morning Sans was back to normal, like nothing had ever happened.

It wasn’t until the morning of the final test, that sans finally broke down. Sans had actually cried in front of him, imploring him to not go through with the final test.

“Bro, don’t you realise what it is that they are gonna make ya do? What ya are gonna do to yourself? To ya soul? And for what pap? Prestige? Honour? There’s no point to any of that shit papy!”

At the time papyrus was outraged, all that work? all that effort? Just when papyrus’s goal was almost in his grasp, his brother decided now to remove his support? When he needed it the most? Papyrus didn’t understand.

It was the first real argument that he and his brother had ever had.

The final test to become captain was simple. You had to prove one thing. Prove that you were prepared to take a life.

The monster that papyrus was sent to hunt down had broken one of the most sacred of monster laws.

Do not harm or kill a monster child.

Despite the fact that adult monsters dusted each other occasionally in confrontations. Monster children were not to be hurt in any way. They were extremely rare. By law all children wore striped shirts to identify them as such and all teenagers wore the uniform of their schools. All to send a clear message.

Do not touch this child.

However this disgusting creature, knowing that they could never defeat their nemesis had instead murdered their nemesis’s child.

Dogamy and Dogaressa were never the same after the death of their child. Their beautiful, precious child. The product of their true love. Had been murdered for the sake of petty revenge.

So papyrus had to hunt the trash down and dust him. Their name would never be spoken of again by any monster. For garbage does not deserve a name.

Papyrus almost couldn’t do it, the way the creature sobbed and begged him, papyrus almost felt pity.

But the tears and heartbreak of dogamy and dogaressa pushed papyrus to the killing blow.

With dust on his hands, papyrus sobbed in that cold dark forest for the rest of the night. When he returned to undyne and King Asgore, he was immediately promoted to captain and sheriff of Snowdin. Dogamy and dogaressa had thanked him with grateful tears and he had earned the canine Corps loyalty and trust.

Papyrus was popular, he had prestige.

But his brother, the most important person in papyrus’s life, had never looked at him in quite the same way since.

Sans had tried to hide it, tried to be supportive and proud. But after that night thier bond was never quite the same.

On the surface, things were easier, simpler and peaceful. papyrus and sans were almost back to where they were. Since papyrus had joined the police sans had begun to look at paps with real pride and joy again.

Papyrus had a new resolve. To never again cause Sans to cry sad tears.

So when Sans was in one of his angsty moods, like today, papyrus was determined to do something about it. Last night he had pounded his fists at Sans’s bedroom door, demanding to know what was going on. Papyrus had tried to tempt him out with his cooking. Had threatened to sic shadow on him to be licked and snuggled to death.

None of that had worked. Papyrus had been at a loss, until he had come across a nice looking human who had been talking to their dog like he could understand her. Upon ascertaining that she was indeed a nice human, papyrus had sought out her outsider perspective.

Papyrus marched upstairs and this time quietly knocked on sans’s bedroom door.

As expected sans was silent.

Papyrus sat down on the floor with his back up against the door and started talking. In a quieter voice than normal.

“You Know Sans, I Don’t Remember Much From When I Was a Babybones. Just Little Things, Our Mother’s Lullabies, A White Lab Coat For Some Reason, Mostly Silly Things Like That. One Thing I Do Remember Though Is How Your Eyelights Used To Look. Your Eyelights Were Like Two Bright White Stars Sans. I Never Did Ask You Why They Suddenly Changed To Blue. You Didn’t Tell Me Why And I Never Asked.”

Papyrus tilted his head back and leant it against the door.

“However I Know Now That I Should Have Been More Supportive Of You. I Should Have Let You Know That Even If You Didn’t Want To Tell Me Back Then, It Would Have Been Ok To Confide In Me Whenever Or If Ever You Wanted To. And I Should Have Let You Know That No Matter What, Whether You Confide In Me Or Not. I’ve Always Got Your Back Sans.”

Papyrus looked back down and started playing with his gloves.

“I Know That Something Is Upsetting You Now, You Don’t Have To Tell Me If You Don’t Want To. But I Have To Know That You Are Ok. I’m Going To Be Cooking Ravioli Tonight, If You Are Up To it, Please Come Out Of Your Room?”

Papyrus stood up and went back downstairs to the the kitchen.
All he could do now was wait and be patient.

He started prepping the meal. Since coming up to the surface and studying real cookery books. Papyrus cooking had improved immensely. He didn’t have enough confidence yet to completely leave pasta behind yet though.

Papyrus soon had two plates of steaming ravioli on the table.

Oh shoot, he forgot the utensils. He went back to the kitchen, grabbed what he needed from the drawer and headed back to the table.

“Hey bro.”

There, standing next to the table was his short older brother.

Sans looked at the ravioli.

“Looks good paps, is that a tomato sauce?”

Papyrus grabbed sans and gave him a bone crushing hug

“NYOO! HOO HOO! BROTHER! YOU’VE HAD ME WORRIED SICK!”

Papyrus put his brother down.

“BY THE WAY YOU STINK! EAT AND THEN GO CLEAN YOURSELF UP! SMELLYBONES!”

Sans chuckled

“Aw paps, no need to be scent-imental here”

Papyrus groaned.

“CLEARLY MY CONCERN WAS POINTLESS. SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR DINNER LAZYBONES”.

Sans winked at his brother.

“Will do.”

Chapter Text

You were in a good mood. Papyrus had messaged you last night with good news

Skeledude:

SALUTATIONS HUMAN _____! I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT THAT THE PLAN WAS A SUCCESS!

You:
That’s amazing papyrus! I’m so happy for you!

You and papyrus had chatted via text for a while after that. He had even invited you to dinner with him and his brother to thank you. You told him that there was no need for thanks but that you would love to have dinner and meet his brother.

You had made a new friend. It had put a slight spring in your step as you headed to work.
-

 

Sans looked up at the burger emporium.

Welp....here goes.....something. What exactly sans didn’t know. He figured he’d just wing it once he saw how you reacted to him.

Sans had spent the night after his and grillby’s ....discussion....holed up in his room. In a nasty bubble of self hate and regret. He was such an idiot. He got pissy at the brat for treating peoples lives and emotions like playthings. Yet he was doing the exact same thing to you, without even realising it. When papyrus had first started banging on the door, sans had ignored him. Thinking that his brother wouldn’t really understand.

However last night papyrus had surprised him. Papy has been more observant that sans had given him credit for. Normally sans hated surprises, but this had been a good one.

After he had showered, he and paps had sat down and talked. Really talked. Sans had talked to paps about his current situation with you, he hadn’t mentioned that he could see your soul or anything of course. Sans had to keep his role and powers of the judge quiet in order to both protect papy and in order to do his job properly. All that he had told paps was that he had treated a human pretty badly and didn’t know how to fix it.

Paps had sighed when sans had mentioned the puns.

Paps had facepalmed when Sans had mentioned the pranks.

And paps had thrown up his hands in frustration when sans told him the about the slap and the apology.

It was when sans revealed that he hadn’t even had bothered to learn your name, that papyrus got really annoyed at him.

“STARS SANS, YOU HAVE TO BE THE STUPIDEST SMART PERSON EVER! YOU NINCOMPOOP!”

But he had listened. When sans had thanked him, papyrus responded by giving him another big hug. Saying.

“THINK NOTHING OF IT BROTHER! WE ARE FAMILY AFTER ALL! I’M JUST HAPPY THAT WE ARE TALKING PROPERLY AGAIN!”

Papyrus’s expression after he had let go of sans had been so ridiculously happy. It had choked sans up a bit. The last time sans had saw that expression on papy’s face was when they had first visited a human supermarket. pap had been ecstatic to discover just how many types of pasta existed.

Stars his brother was cool, one EXP was no where near enough to change his virtues into vices. Patient, kind and full of integrity. Papy was the perfect sheriff and captain underground. It was a shame about the horrifying cost to gain that promotion.

So here sans was. About to face the unknown. Just how were you going to respond to him? As much as he enjoyed your reactions, he had realised that he had been a complete and utter dickhead. He just hoped that it wasn’t too late to fix things.

-

Where the fuck was your name tag? It was before dinner time so it was quiet in the restaurant. You were mulling over where the hell you saw it last when you happened to look out of the restaurant window.

Ooooohh shit. Set the douche alarm. Arsehole alert! Twatbasket incoming!

Sans the skeleton was walking towards the restaurant.

You quickly walked up to BP, who was busy cleaning tables. And whispered in his ear.

“BP! Code blue! Battle stations!”

That morning, while you and BP were waiting for Ivy to turn up to let you in the building, you had filled BP in on what was going on with sans. He had offered to help you avoid The skeleprat. You had been surprised at the offer. Seeing as he knew sans before knowing you. But BP just took a drag of his cigarette and said.

“In the Underground, sans was just a customer that wasn’t too much of a pain in the neck. He’s still the same to me now. But you? I actually like you.”

BP stubbed out his cigarette.

“Besides, buddies should help each other out.”

BP wasn’t the hugging type. If he had been, you would have hugged the crap outta him.

So when you whispered in his ear. BP turned to you and grinned.

“You got it, buddy.”

 

-

Sans had been in such a good mood this morning.

But now? Now he was pissed.

“What did you just say?”

In front of him was Burgerpants. With that trademark horrorshow smile on his face.

“I am so sorry sir! But, my colleague cannot come to the till right now! So if you are going to order, you will have to talk to me! That is what I just said! Perhaps Sir, you should pay closer attention?”

Seriously, of all the monsters to stand up to him, it was fucking burgerpants? In a way, sans was proud that the wimp had finally grown a damn spine. But the timing could not have been worse. It was obvious that you were avoiding him, as he saw you leg it to the kitchen while he was walking up.

So, you were pissed at him. Ok, fine. He deserved that. But to avoid him completely? That was just frustrating. How the hell was he supposed to get you out here?

Welp, Time to break burgerpants.

“Look burgerpants. I’m not sure I like your new cattitude.”

Burgerpants eye twitched.

“Seriously I just want a mewment of her time”

Burgerpants took a deep breath.

“Be a pal and get her out here, it would be clawsome if you did!”

Sans noticed that Burgerpant’s fur was starting to fluff up, just a little bit.

“I’m pawsitive that it’ll help her.”

Fluffing has increased by five percent!

“Are you sure that I won’t be able to purrsuade you?”

The cat was now fifteen percent fluffed.

“I’ve had my thinking cat on all night! Thinking of how to make this better.”

Twenty five percent.

“Is she not feline well?”

Thirty five percent

“I’m tellin’ ya the truth! I’m not lion”

Forty percent. Damn, burgerpants was being stubborn today. He clearly needed to bring out the big guns to get burgerpants to move.

“You’ve cat to be kitten me right meow!”

Bam. One hundred percent fluffed. Burgerpants looked like he was about to have a fit.

“Hello sir, how can I help you today?”

You had finally come to burgerpants’s rescue. Sans took the opportunity to look at your name tag.

Wait.....where was it?

Burgerpants turned to you, concern on his fluffed up face. You nodded at him saying.

“Go and calm down BP, you look like you have been electrocuted.”

Burgerpants went into the kitchen and you turned to sans.

“Well then sir, what can I get you?”

Sans so wanted to look at your soul to really see what you were feeling. But since Grillby’s comments he felt....weird about doing that. So instead he had to deal with the mask you put on. He put his hands in his pockets.

“I wanted to talk to ya. To apologise.”

Your face didn’t budge an inch.

“I am afraid I don’t know what you are talking about sir. What would you like to order?”

Stars you were making this difficult.

“I’m sorry.”

Your face didn’t change at all.

“Sir if you aren’t going to order then please stop wasting my time.”

Dammit! Why were you being like this? He would take your anger. In fact , he preferred it to the coldness that you were giving off right now.

“I’m sorry for being such a dick to ya.”

You raised an eyebrow. It was still cold. But fuck at least it was something.

“Are you?”

Sans nodded. Glad that at least you were responding.

“You are sorry for treating my feelings as entertainment? Sorry for acting up like a small child wanting attention? Sorry for doing everything you can to irritate me?”

You still looked unemotional. But sans kept nodding, not knowing what else to do.

“Yeah, darlin’ I’m really sor-“

You slammed your hand down on the counter. Interrupting sans. Your eyes were closed.

“What is my name Sans?”

Fuck, you must have noticed him looking for your name tag.

Sans was silent.

“All this time, I thought those nicknames were just you trying to be a pain in the arse. And that you had never asked for my name because it was pinned to this stupid uniform.”

You opened your eyes. They were full of tears.

Sans felt his soul tremble.

“But you didn’t even look at the fucking name tag did you? I’m not even a person to you. Isn’t that right?”

You started to chuckle, but it was bitter and cold.

“Funny thing is, despite all the shit you’ve put me through. You were still a person that I wanted to get to know. But clearly you don’t feel the same way. I don’t know what motivated you to try to apologise to me Sans. And right now I don’t care. But I really don’t understand you. Why would you even bother when you’ve made it clear that you don’t really give a shit about me?”

Sans wanted to say something, wanted to tell you that he did care. That he did find you worth knowing. That he wanted to get to know you. And that he wanted you to know him. But the words he wanted to say dried up in the face of your tears.

A de-fluffed burgerpants came back through the kitchen door, and you quickly walked past him with your head down, trying to hide your tears. The cat tried to talk to you. But you ignored him.

Burgerpants looked down at sans. A mixture of anger and pity on his face.

“I don’t know what it is you just did. But I think you should leave. Now.”

Sans did just that.
-

Papyrus was hiding in a tree with binoculars, watching the whole debacle between you and Sans.

He had taken an emergency day off work. Luckily the detective in charge of papyrus owed him a favour and let him go for the day. (Papyrus had given the detective a pasta recipe that had really wowed their intended date mate). He had also borrowed a ninja outfit from Alphys in order to be more efficient at spying.

Papyrus had been surprised that it had been you, of all humans, that his brother had a crush on. He was glad it was you, as papyrus knew that you were a nice human. Despite sans’s ignorance to his own feelings. It was pretty damn obvious that he intended to make you his date-mate. No way would sans put in this much effort in otherwise.

However from what papyrus could gather, sans’s efforts were clearly too little, too late. When you started crying it took everything papyrus had to not run in and hug you. So instead Papyrus sadly watched his brother crash and burn.

Sans walked out of the restaurant and stopped under papyrus’s tree.

“Pap, I know you are up there. I’ve hidden in that tree before”

Damn, his brother was always the best at hide and seek!

Papyrus jumped down and looked at his brother. His Eyelights were turned off, not a good sign.

“WELL, THAT WENT POORLY.”

“Yep”

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO TRY NEXT?”

“Nope”

Papyrus wondered if he should tell sans that he knew you. That he knew your name. That he had your phone number and that you were the human that he had told sans about last night........
He decided not to. Papyrus considered it cheating. It was like giving someone an answer to a puzzle without letting them find the joy of figuring it out For themselves.

However that didn’t mean that he couldn’t help sans in some other way.

Papyrus got out his phone and started texting someone.

“SANS I THINK YOU NEED HELP FOR THIS PROBLEM. YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO IS BETTER WITH PEOPLE THAN YOU ARE”

Sans looked up, blue eyelights popping back.

“Oh hell no pap, don’t you dare involve-“

Sans’s phone buzzed.

Sans slowly got his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open. He looked at the text.

Brat:

Yo dunkle! I hear you struck out with a lady? Seems like you could use my help :D

Sans sighed.

Great, now the brat was involved.

Chapter Text

You walked through the kitchen door. And leant against it, slowly breathing and trying calm down.

Skatie looked up from her phone startled.

She walked up to you concerned.

“Hey ______, you alright? I know this job sucks but there’s no need to cry.”

You looked up at skatie. Her tentacles here pulled back into a ponytail and she was wearing her chefs apron. Her red eyes and purple face were full of worry.

You rubbed the tears from your eyes and did the best attempt that you could at a smile.

“I’m good, don’t worry, just had a nasty run in with a shitty person”

Skatie went from concerned to miffed in a millisecond.

“Where are they so that I can beat the crap out of them with my skateboard?”

You laughed and shook your head.

“No need for that, but do you think I could grab a break for ten minutes? Need to get my head straight.”

Skatie shrugged.

“You are due a break anyway from what I can tell. So for for it.”

You smiled at her and walked to the staff room.

She called after you.

“Seriously Though! If you need this jerk’s legs broken just say the word!”

You called back that you would keep that in mind and walked into the staff room.

You sat down in a chair and started to think.

You were in two minds.

The rational, logical part of your brain said.

Hey, weren’t you being a little harsh? He was trying to apologise. So, he doesn’t know your name, ok then, why does that matter? So he doesn’t give a shit, so what? He’s clearly in the “annoying douchebag.” bucket. You shouldn’t care. You should have just accepted the apology and got on with your day.

However the irrational part of your brain did care. Sans’s actions were confusing you and messing with your head.

“Are you ever goin’ ta drop the nice girl act sweetheart?”

The customer service shtick that was good enough to fool most, sans saw through straight away. He was perceptive and he saw YOU. Even when you really didn’t want him to.

But then there was the endless attempts to annoy you for his own amusement. He never attempted a real conversation with you. He only talked nonsense or was annoyingly flirty.

“Feelin’ so bad for that one little slap. Tearing yourself up for losing control of yourself.”

But it seemed that he was able to pick up on how you felt effortlessly. He must have been paying attention to you in order to guess how you felt about slapping him.

“You really are something else.”

He had looked at you like you were a precious, unexpected treasure. It made you feel.......things.....that were scary but also potentially wonderful.

But he never told you anything about himself, you knew his name and condiment preferences. That was it. He deliberately ignored or deflected any questions that you had made in the past.

Today, when you were eavesdropping on BP’s and Sans’s conversation. You are kind of flattered by how much he wanted to talk to you. And how he tried to drive BP insane by punning at him.

(Also you found out that “BP” stood for burgerpants? Poor BP, no wonder he didn’t tell you what it stood for)

When you came out to stop BP from having a stress induced aneurysm, you had noticed Sans look down for your name tag and his look of surprise and panic when he realised that it wasn’t there. You had tried to keep your cool by playing the ice queen. But hearing him obviously trying to cover it up by using an endearment just made you snap.

All the stress and confusion towards him had just poured out.

You didn’t understand him, you wanted to understand him. But you couldn’t cope with this weird hot and cold act of his. Sometimes he acted like you were important to him. But the standard signs of respect and concern just weren’t happening.

The stress was just too much.

You didn’t know what to do.

-

Sans really didn’t want to be having this conversation.

Sans, flowey, frisk and Papyrus were all at grillby’s. Papyrus was sitting at the bar, talking with grillby and the human woman that Sans had hurt accidentally the other night. Sans was surprised to see that she had come back to grillby’s after what had happened to her. Sans was worried about her intentions. But that was a concern for later.

Right now he was talking to the world champion in manipulation and their pet. They were in a booth where no one else could hear them.

“Talk us through everything that’s been going on, pap told us that you’ve been upsetting a human and all your apology did was make it worse. So, Start from the beginning. How’d you meet?”

Sans was reluctant, but started talking.

“I was at that MTT burger shithole, checkin’ up on Burgerpants’s and Skatie’s LV. When I heard someone behind me say,

“excuse me sir”,

I turned around and there was this human broad standing there with a mop and bucket with this fake-as-fuck smile. I asked her what was up. She said ta me.

“Sir you have just walked all over a space that I have only just mopped. The floor is still wet and you are getting mud everywhere. if you would kindly stand over there where it is dry so that I could redo the area, I would be very grateful”

She was bein’ polite and all. So I did what she asked. I’d finished checking the other souls in there so I figured I’d give her the once over, just in case.”

Frisk and flowey took a sip of their of milkshakes.

Flowey piped up.

“So? Out with it trashbag, what did you see?”

Sans glared at the flower.

“I’m getting ta that weed. Her soul was bright blue, the brightest blue I’ve seen in a long time. And it was fuckin’ pissed. The lights it was giving off......”

Sans paused, he didn’t like talking about how your soul made him feel to these two. It was too.....personal a feeling.

Frisk grinned and waggled their eyebrows.

“So, you liked what you saw huh?”

frisk was now fourteen years old. Their flirting and shipping habits had only gotten worse with age.

Yup sans was now feeling REALLY uncomfortable.

“Shuddap kid”

Instead of deterring them, frisk looked delighted

“Oh my god! You did!”

Flowey on the other hand looked disgusted.

“Pervert”

Sans really wanted out of this conversation. However this brat managed to get an entire underground filled with murderous monsters to not only let them live, but also got all of them to like them. Minus sans of course. Sans should get some new ideas out of this conversation at least.

“Moving on, I wasn’t sure if that pissed off feeling that her soul was showing was actually because of me so I decided to try to piss her off again”

Flowey rolled his eyes.

“Well, so far this sounds super romantic. Seriously, you should write a novel based on this. You should call it “I get off on people being pissed at me, so I act like a twat”.

Sans, once again glared at the flower.

“You filled in your sarcasm quota for the day yet? Herb your enthusiasm, I’ve got a pun quota ya see. I’d hate to use it all on plant puns bud, I don’t think that you would be able to dill with it”

Frisk laughed whilst flowey just looked bitter. Frisk looked back to sans.

“So what did you do?”

Sans chuckled.

“I ordered a scramburger meal from her and then had them remake it four times. Every time they remade it I had a new complaint. After that, I knew it was definitely me that was getting under her skin and causing her soul to flare up. I got addicted to seeing it. I would pull some stupid shit every day she worked. It’s been two months and now she hates my guts”

Frisk stopped smiling.

“So you went back every day she was working. Just to piss her off? Pap also told me that you didn’t know her name. It’s been two months dunkle, the hell?

Flowey started laughing, it wasn’t a nice sound.

“Wow, it’s no wonder she hates you, jackass. Did you think that one little “I’m sorry” was actually going to work? You really are an idiot huh?”

Sans facepalmed.

“I know I fucked up, Grillby already made me realise that. I was using her as stress relief when I Should have been trying to be her friend. I wanna make it up to her, but I have no idea how without just making it worse.”

Frisk looked thoughtful.

“You really like her don’t you?”

Did he like you? Well yeah. Of course. You were fiery and passionate. You and he had some fantastic hate banter. You tried your damnedest to be a good person despite him being a bastard. He didn’t know about your hobbies and interests but you were clearly observant and intelligent. He did like you.

“Yeah I do”

Frisk leant forward eagerness filling their expression.

“Do you want to date her?”

Ever the shipper this kid.

Sans hadn’t imagined you and him dating romantically.

Did he want to get his hands on your soul? Oh yeah. Did he have fantasies about your hands on his ribs? You betcha. His fingers in your hair while you caressed his soul with your tongue? Absolutely. Did he especially have a fantasy of you slapping him while he was on top of you? And then you on top of him? Stars yes. He had that fantasy quite often.

But commitment? Hearts and flowers and all that nauseating sweet sugary shit? Nah... Sans knew that his piece of shit soul was too fucked up to even have a soulmate. So why bother pretending?

“Nah, I feel bad for treating her as badly as I have and I do wanna be her friend. But dating her? Nope. I’m good without that mushy crap.”

Frisk looked disappointed, flowey looked suspicious.

“But you are obviously attracted to her soul, you idiot, so you not wanting a romantic bond is bull crap”

Sans smirked at the flower.

“Brats like you two wouldn’t understand what I’m on about”

If you wanted a sex-buddy, he would gladly fill in that role. He knew that if he managed to set free all that passion you kept locked up, the results would be fan-fucking-tastic. But someone as fucked up as him couldn’t possibly have a soulmate. He was born to kill and keep an eye on people’s souls for asgore. That was it. No one could possibly love someone like him romantically with all the LV in his soul. He had paps and his friends, that was enough.

Speaking of friends and pap. There was that woman’s soul nearby that he hadn’t checked yet. Not knowing if her soul was safe or not was making him antsy.

“Just a sec kids, there’s a soul in here that needs a quick look at.”

Sans looked towards the woman from the other night and was about to start scanning when.....

 

Two human hands were in his fucking eye sockets....the weed was cackling.

“.......Brat?”

“Yes dunkle?”

“What. The fuck. Are you doing?”

“Saving you from yourself”

The fuck they mean by that?

“Are you going to move your shitty hands? This isn’t exactly comfortable ya know?”

“Only if you don’t scan that lady’s soul”

The fuck?

“Alright fine, now get your fucking hands out of my head!”

Frisk pulled their hands out. Sans shuddered at the feeling. The weed was still laughing.

“Bwahahaha ha ha! Your face! It’s brilliant!”

Sans ignored him, too angry at frisk to care.

“Care to explain why you don’t want me check if that woman is a threat?”

Frisk and flowey both looked exasperated. Flowey spoke.

“Do you think grillby is an idiot? You moron. Do you think he would let that lady come back if she was a threat? Are you that full of yourself that you think your obsessive checking is the only reason that everyone is alive?”

Frisk joined in.

“You don’t have to check every single new person you meet sans. You should only really invade someone’s privacy like that if you have a good reason.”

Sans snorted.

“Like if they killed everyone I’ve ever known and then fucked about with the timeline to clean up their mess? Or if they are an abomination with no control over their emotions created by a mad scientist?”

Frisk and flowey both nodded grimly. Frisk spoke.

“We will help you with your problem if you stop snooping around in innocent people’s souls. Deal?”

The brat drove a hard bargain. But sans was desperate and out of ideas.

Sans crossed his legs and put his hands behind his head. Pretending he was more relaxed than he felt.

 

“All right. If it will get you to help me with my problem. We’ll do it your way, no scanning unless they are suspicious. Guess I should start with the most suspicious of the lot right?”

sans looked into frisk’s soul, and whatever that revolting, pulsating mess that flowey had was.

Flowey the flower-
LV 7
total EXP 327
A disgusting conglomeration of a flower, monster dust and all of the soul traits.

Frisk-
LV 1
total EXP 99999
Even if you have the power to reverse time. Even if you no longer have the will to hurt others. I nor your soul will never forget. What. You. Did.

Dirty brother killer.

Chapter Text

Hope opens the closet door, over 2000 hits, over 200 kudos, 30 bookmarks and 50 comments all spill out all over the floor......(I know it says over 100 but half of the total comments are my responses)

She doesn’t quite know what to do with them all.....but she is happy

 

Ok guys....first of all thanks so much for all the support...I really wasn’t expecting such a positive reaction to me fucking around with underfell and chucking two main characters at you.....but you have all been really lovely :D

So really....sincerely....thank you...

 

So moving on to why I’m writing this...

I’ve been posting chapters quite often as my brain is buzzing with ideas...but im not going to post a chapter for a couple of days...maybe even a week...im going into hospital for a surgery...(gall bladder removal) it’s not a super duper mega surgery.....it’s takes about an hour ....I’m not sure how recovery will affect me...but I’ll be out of commission for at least a few days.....I won’t let this fanfic drop and I will not abandon it....I wasn’t expecting it ....but this story means a lot to me...I didn’t think that I was any good at writing ....but seeing people enjoy what I write means a hell of a lot to me ...

As always thanks for reading!

Chapter Text

You looked up at grillby’s. This time you were aware that it was anything but boring.

Oliver had loved your article on the place and after you mentioned that there was monster alcohol that you hadn’t tried yet. He had sent you back with orders to “try everything there that you can, you can even get shitfaced if you want. As long as you remember the night. People want to know what monster booze does. Go and be their guinea pig!”

Get drunk for the people? Get paid to spend time in grillby’s and with the enigmatic grillby?

Oliver was the best. Your job was the best. You never thought you would be this lucky. You started your internship at the paper, fresh out of university, just before monsters came to the surface. At the time, you didn’t feel like there was a place for you there. The paper had a small readership and Ebott wasn’t the most exciting city. You were beginning to think that your choice in career was impossible.

Then the monsters emerged. They were weird, kooky and grumpy. But you had been fascinated by their oddness. Once Oliver had found out that one, you were obsessed with food and two, monsters had practically a buffet just waiting to be legalised. He started sending around restaurants to train you up as a food critic. So that you would know what you were talking about when monster food was eventually legalised.

Thanks in part to the efforts of the monsters king and a few open minded politicians. That day finally came at the beginning of the year. An MTT burger emporium, a coffee shop ran by a family of rabbits, A spider bakery, a tea and antique shop owned by tortoise, a “scream cream” shop and of course Grillby’s had all popped up in the monster district of Ebbot city.

You were so lucky.

You walked past the smoking monsters and into the bar.

There was less people in here than on the Saturday night, which made sense. Monday’s tended to be quiet for bars. Instead of the green fire girl, a bored looking mouse monster in a long scarf was cleaning a nearby table. The card playing dogs were here again. Only this time they were playing blackjack. And a teenage boy and a rabbit in a girls school uniform were drinking milkshakes together in a booth. But that was it. The bar stools were empty, and there was grillby. In his green waistcoat and glasses.

He gave you a small wave. You smiled and walked up to the bar and sat down.

Grillby smiled.

“Hello again.”

This man could read an I tunes legal document out loud, and you would still hang on his every word. His voice was that smooth.

You smiled back.

“Hi”

You looked down at the bar and at the pool table.

“You get a guy in to fix the broken stuff?”

Grillby shook his head.

“If I did that every time one of my customers broke something, I’d be out of business. I tend to fix things myself. Cheaper that way”

You looked down at the bar. It looked like it had never been broken. Seeing the surprise on your face Grillby chuckled.

“I’ve had a lot of time to practice.”

He put the glass he was polishing down. He brought out a newspaper and put it on the bar in front of you. It was a copy of Ebott today. It was opened up to your article. You blushed, he went to the trouble of reading it?

“So, how would you change the front of my bar?”

Oh jeez, he must think that you were a snooty cow.

“A smoking area!” You blurted out.

“You have a whole bunch of humans and monsters smoking outside looking uncomfortable. Something to shield them from the weather, maybe a couple of chairs. Might make things more comfortable for them”

Grillby nodded.

“Good idea, I’ll get on that. I can’t do anything about monsters fighting though”

He gestured to the pool table.

“All I can do is clean up the mess”

He smiled at you.

“I enjoyed your writing by the way. Your comments have been very useful.”

You nodded, blushing. He liked your writing? That made you waaaaayyyy happier than it should.

“Thank you”

He leaned over the bar just a little bit, you became suddenly a lot more aware of his warmth.

“If anything I should thank you, it’s not often I get such clear, constructive criticism. The monsters don’t have the highest of standards and I think the humans here find me too intimidating to talk to me properly.”

He took your hand and squeezed it gently. Grillby sure was a touchy-feely guy.

“Really, thank you”

He let go of your hand and straightened up.

“So, what can I get you today y/n?”

Right yes, work, how did this guy always manage to make your mind turn into mush?

You pointed at the multicoloured galaxy drinks on the top shelf.

“I mentioned to my editor that monsters seemed to have their own alcohol. So today I’m here to try that, if that’s ok with you”

Grillby looked surprised, but also pleased.

“You sure? I haven’t had many humans interested in trying monster alcohol yet”

You smiled.

“Only because they don’t know what it does yet. We know monster food is safe, but we don’t know what exactly monster alcohol does. All that the lab testing said was that it was safe. Nothing about it’s differences to human alcohol or it’s flavour.”

Grillby looked thoughtful.

“So that’s where you come in”

“Exactly”

Grillby pointed at the menu on the wall with a firey thumb.

“Well you can’t drink on an empty stomach. So what do you fancy eating before drinking heavily?”

You laughed and looked at the menu. You knew he could handle burgers. But how was he at Italian?

“I’ll take the lasagna please and whatever non-alcoholic monster drink you think will go with it.”

Grillby nodded and headed to the kitchen.

You heard the door of the bar open. A tall skeleton walked in, wearing ninja clothes? With spikes on? The shirt he was wearing was open, revealing a tank top that had “Ghoul dude” written on it with marker pen. Behind the ninja Skeleton was a teenager. You couldn’t tell if they were a boy or a girl. The teenager had a small yellow flower with a face in a small satchel. The teenager was talking to......oh no.....

the short skeleton from the other day. Seeing him again so soon after your injury made you nervous. He looked uncomfortable for some reason, but you hoped that whatever was bothering him had been sorted out.

What was that amazing smell?

“Oh great, the bonehead is back.”

You turned round. The amazing smell wafted from a delicious looking plate of oozing lasagna with a crisp looking salad on the side. Next to the plate was a fresh looking glass of fizzing amber liquid. Grillby has placed them both before you. He gestured towards the glass.

“That is spider cider, it’s made by an acquaintance.”

You took a sip, it was refreshing and left you with a warm feeling inside.

“Heh, you forgot to tell her it was made of spiders grillbz”

The short skeleton had taken a seat on the stool next to you. Smirking at you.

You looked back at the glass. Made of spiders huh? You had eaten jellyfish, insects and all sorts of weird things. Who cares if it was made of spiders? It was tasty. You looked back at the skeleton and took a big gulp of the spider cider. Keeping eye contact the whole time.

You put the glass down and looked at grillby.

“Good stuff grillby, mind writing down the address of where you got it?”

The shorty looked surprised but didn’t talk to you again.

You started eating your lasagna. Some lasagnas you had eaten before were too gloopy, some had too much cheese or too much tomato. This was delicious, great balance between cheesyness and tomatoes. The pasta wasn’t too soft or too hard. The meat was also seasoned very well. You could eat this lasagna every day. The salad had the perfect sauce on it to cleanse your palate.

Just like before, foodgasm alert. You scoffed down the whole thing.

The teenager ordered two milkshakes from the mouse monster, who disappeared into the kitchen. The tall skeleton was inspecting the jukebox. The small skeleton looked down at the bar.

“Good to see that you got the place fixed up”

Grillby folded his arms.

“You don’t get your tab back until you pay me back for the damages you bonehead.”

Sans nodded.

You looked up at the signs.

“You break my shit, I break you”

You looked at the skeleton and grillby.

“Why aren’t you doing that flame thing to him? Like you did to Leo and Boris?”

Grillby laughed.

“Cause sans here would just enjoy the pain, he’s a kinky bastard like that”

Sans blushed a ridiculous bright blue.

“Just force the skeleton out of the closet why don’t ya grillbz?”

Grillby shrugged.

“Besides humiliating him like this and taking away his tab is more than enough punishment for him”

The flower in the satchel started cackling.

The mouse monster returned with the milkshakes and was about to ask the teenager for money when grillby interrupted.

“Remember mousephina, frisk doesn’t have to pay. Ever”

The mouse nodded and handed the teenager the drinks. The teenager, the flower and Sans went to a small booth on the other side of the bar.

80’s electro pop boomed from the jukebox. The tall skeleton sat down next to you. Grillby nodded to him.

“Hey papyrus, looks like y/n here likes your lasagna recipe.”

The skeleton beamed.

“NYEH HEH HEH! AS EXPECTED FROM MASTER CHEF PAPYRUS! I AM GLAD THAT YOUR MENU FINALLY HAS SOMETHING OTHER THAN GREASY FOOD!“

Wait, the recipe was this dudes?

You turned to the skeleton. You handed him a business card.

“This lasagna is seriously amazing. If you ever open your own restaurant, let me know immediately and I’ll get your name out there”

Papyrus read the card.

“WOWIE HUMAN! I’M FLATTERED! RIGHT NOW MY PASSION IS DIRECTED TOWARDS MY CAREER WITH THE POLICE! BUT I SHALL KEEP THAT IN MIND!”

He put the card in one of the pockets in his shirt.

“What else do you cook papyrus?”

“EVERY FORM OF PASTA! ALAS MY REPERTOIRE HAS NOT GONE BEYOND THAT!”

Grillby nodded.

“Paps has an amazing knack for pasta. But he can’t seem to get a grip on other types of cooking. I would help but I just don’t have the time.”

Really? What a shame. ......You had an idea.

“Want a cooking partner? I can help you get more comfortable with other types of cooking. And you can teach me your amazing pasta recipes?”

“WOWIE! ANOTHER NICE HUMAN! CAN WE EXCHANGE NUMBERS?”

You exchanged numbers. You wrote him down as “pasta papy”

Papyrus was looking at his phone.

Grillby looked concerned.

“Everything ok papyrus?”

Papyrus looked up. “l HAVE A DILEMMA GRILLBY. I ALREADY HAVE HUMAN _____ IN MY PHONE. WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT HUMAN Y/N? KNOWING TWO HUMANS WITH THE SAME NAME IS CONFUSING!”

Grillby pondered.

“You could give y/n a nickname?”

Grillby looked at you.

“If that’s ok with you y/n?”

You shrugged.

“That’s fine with me.”

If it made life easier, you could live with a nickname.

“NYEH HEH! I HAVE IT!”

Papyrus showed the two of you his phone.

You had been written down as “Human foodie”

Grillby started to laugh. You were a little embarrassed but you couldn’t argue, the nickname was accurate after all. Besides, grillby had a wonderful laugh. It was deep
and it gave you a tingling feeling.

Sans and the frisk walked back up to the bar. Papyrus beamed at them.

“HELLO BROTHER! ARE YOU GOING TO LET HUMAN FRISK HELP YOU?”

Sans nodded,a look of reluctance apparent on his face. Frisk looked happy. The flower looked just as reluctant as sans.

“Yeah bro, we’ve got it all figured out.”

Papyrus stood up.

“VERY WELL, WE SHALL DEPART!”

He turned to you.

“I LOOK FORWARD TO COOKING WITH YOU AT OUR HOUSE!”

Sans looked startled.

“Wait what? You invited her to our house? Just like that?”

Papyrus shrugged.

“WHY NOT? SHE SEEMS LIKE A NICE HUMAN.”

You held out a hand to sans.

“Hi, my name is-“

“Foodie” grillby interrupted

You looked at him, a smile was on his face. You smiled back and turned back to sans.

“Yeah ok lets go with that. Call me foodie. Nice to meet you. And no hard feelings about the broken glass incident.”

Sans looked amused. And he took your hand.

“You know what? I’m not even gonna ask. But nice to meet ya foodie. Glad to know that you don’t think I’m a pain in the glass”

Grillby, papyrus and the flower all groaned. Whilst you and frisk chuckled.

You turned to frisk and held out your hand.

“Nice to meet you as well frisk”

Frisk grabbed your hand and shook it enthusiastically up and down.

“Glad to meet you!”

Frisk held up their satchel close to your face. A confused looking flowery face met your gaze.

“Don’t be shy flowey! Say hello!”

The flower bowed its head shyly.

“Howdy”

Ermahgerd! So cute!

“Hi” you were afraid that if you said anything else you’d freak out the poor thing.

The satchel swung back into place.

Sans started walking towards the door.

“Welp we gotta get going. Nice to meet ya foodie”

Frisk gave you a quick hug.

“Bye foodie! It was nice to meet you”

Frisk ran after sans. Flowey gave you a sweet smile and a wave from the satchel.

Papyrus smiled down at you.

“I LOOK FORWARD TO COOKING TOGETHER HUMAN Y/N! PLEASE MESSAGE ME WITH YOUR SCHEDULE!”

Papyrus left the bar. The dogs, the mouse and teenagers had left earlier.

You and grillby were left alone in the bar.

You turned to grillby.

“So those drinks?”

Grillby turned to the shelf.

“Pick a colour”

You looked at the light blue bottle. It was pretty, like a summer midday sky only sparkly.

“Light blue”

Grillby grabbed the bottle and two glasses. He walked around the bar and sat next to you on a stool.

“Don’t mind having a drinking buddy?”

If anything you felt relieved, you hated drinking alone.

“Of course not”

Grillby poured out two glasses of the sky blue liquid.

“So this particular type of alcohol is called patience port. I make all of these drinks myself. It’s supposed to have a calming feeling on monsters. Not sure how it will affect a human. But I guess I’m about to find out.”

You held up the glass.

“Time to drink, for science!”

Grillby laughed quietly.

“For science”

You both downed the shots.

“How do you feel?”

“Well so far I don’t feel anythin-“

You fell forward. Your head felt like it was wrapped up in a cloud.

You felt warm arms.

“Ok, so monster alcohol is a bit stronger for humans. Good to know.”

You blinked. Wait where were you?

“Are you alright y/n?”

You had fallen off the stool. Grillby seemed to have caught you. You were in his arms whilst he was crouched on the floor.

You nodded. Too embarrassed to say anything.

“I think that’s enough monster alcohol for you tonight.”

You nodded again in agreement.

Grillby stood up. Still gently holding you.

He looked worried.

“Are you sure you are ok to stand on your own?”

You laughed.

“Well I won’t know that until you let me go”

Grillby expression went from worried to intense. It gave you shivers. There was no doubting the heat in that gaze.

“You see, we have a problem there”

He held you closer.

“I don’t want to let go just yet”

You didn’t know if it was the alcohol talking. But you were feeling daring.

“Then don’t. Just for a little while.”

Grillby leaned his head against yours.

“Whatever the lady demands, I shall deliver. Just for a little while”

Chapter Text

Grillby was lying on his sofa, staring up at the ceiling of his apartment. You were sleeping off the patience port in his bedroom. You had passed out in his arms downstairs. Disappointing, yet simultaneously adorable.

Adorable. Everything you did so far was just that. The rapture on your face when you ate his food. How flustered you looked when he talked about your article. The peaceful expression you had when he healed you that first night. The way you trembled when you hugged him back tonight. You didn’t reject him, you weren’t repulsed by him.

“Then don’t. Just for a little while”

The audacity in his soul raged at his kindness. To seize, to take, to savour and enjoy you. His kindness remained resolute. Not without your consent, he would not destroy what he had waited so long to find.

Grillby’s soul became a tricky tightrope walk after the war. A balancing act between audacity and kindness. He had the constant drive to say what he wanted, take what he wanted and remove all that stood between him and what he craved. However, the kindness in his soul would be tortured by the consequences and the pain his thoughtless actions wrought. When he was younger (and more foolish) he thought his kindness a weakness. Was ashamed of the pain he felt when looking upon the enemies he helped destroy.

After he and the rest of his kind were sealed underground however. He began to realise that kindness was a trait that was needed. Now, he knew how to get what he wanted. But also had the wisdom to know that a full frontal assault wasn’t always the best strategy.

Case in point, you. He had felt his soul ache for you the first time he held your hand to help you stand that first night. He was not a silly, immature child like sans. He had been in his soul’s company long enough to know what it was telling him. What both he and it wanted.

He did not want for much in his life, he had his bar, friends, customers and the freedom above ground. He indulged in the rare fling every hundred years or so to kill time and boredom. But no one held his attention for very long romantically. Ironically for a fire elemental he was usually very cold in those matters. He had never really WANTED anyone like this before.

He only had one fear, never knowing his soulmate. Dying without experiencing that joy, the delight of revelling in the mere presence of another. He suspected that you were that soulmate. Judging by how he was drawn to you. However He wouldn’t know for sure without seeing your soul and seeing how you reacted to his soul.

However, that was something far too...intimate for only your second meeting. He should not push you towards something that you were not ready for mentally. If he did he would risk losing you completely.

Grillby was so overwhelmed with happiness in just knowing that you existed, that he had finally met you. That he could wait for you to be ready for him. Until you told him that you wanted him.

The second you told him that and he was sure that you understood what that meant. He would not hold anything back, he would give you all he had to give. Anything that you wanted to give him, he would treasure more than his very soul.

The sweet anticipation alone was almost too much for him to bear.

-

While grillby was getting hot and bothered on the living room sofa. You were sleeping soundly, surrounded by the comforting smell of a bonfire. You were dreaming of perfect summer skies and of a warm pair of hands, reaching gently towards you.

-

Sans was tinkering in his lab behind his house. He was rebuilding the soul scanner that he had smashed the other day. It calmed him to work with his hands. Even if the scanner itself didn’t work, the intricacies of the work was a useful distraction.

His soul was aching, aching to see that beautiful dark blue. He ignored it. Idleness, conceit and ruthlessness. Shitty traits in a shitty soul. He knew that he didn’t deserve that beauty. However he had damage to fix and wounds to heal. The kid and the flower were going to help him out. It stung his pride, but after seeing your tears. He knew that he needed to do more than just say he was sorry. He missed your company, the banter and the occasional knowing look you gave him. You had admitted that you had liked him, in a way. He could live with that. Knowing that there was something positive there. If he hadn’t already completely destroyed that feeling.

The kid and the weed were going to do some recon, make their own opinion on you and get back to him.

“I really am less than a person to you aren’t I?”

The reality was, he didn’t quite know what you were to him. But for some reason you were important to him. He may have only just realised that himself. But now he just had to prove it to you.

Sans’s soul was in pain, despite his...interesting preferences...this wasn’t a pain he was enjoying...not one little bit.

-

You were lying in bed sleeping. Your sleep was not peaceful. In your dreams you were alone, in a small dark room with a single window that was too high for you to see out of. The only light in the room was coming from the high window. The light was changing from a dim yellow, to a dull light blue. The light would have been comforting. But you couldn’t see where it was coming from. You didn’t understand what the lights meant. They just made you feel more isolated. Alone.

Chapter Text

The king stood before them. The fierce leader of the underground. A blood red trident in their hands, their face solemn. All but one of the human’s allies had been blasted away. The kings wife, the judge, the two captains of the royal guard and the royal scientist could not stand against the might of the king. The ones that were not unconscious were kept at bay by a smoggy blue wall.

They were begging him to spare the human or imploring the human to run away. Neither the king nor the human did what they asked. The golden flower was watching from the sidelines, spared from the blast by ducking down inside of an old boot. They felt nothing but terror and concern. The king looked at the flower oddly, a shade of recognition on his face. However as soon as it appeared it was gone. The king did not have time to ponder. The key to his people’s freedom stood before him. All he had to do was kill them once, then it would all be over.

The trident went through the humans chest. They died.

The trident cut into the humans side ablaze with orange flames. They died again.

The human fell into the blue trident. They didn’t even see it coming. Yet again they died.

The human was caught in a ring of white flames. They burnt to death.

The human fell down. Their skin burnt and raw. Once again they died.

The child collapsed from exhaustion, unable to dodge any more. They died with a single blow.

On and on and on. The child died again and again and again.

The child fell onto their knees, they were out of healing items. The monarch stood before them, the trident pointed towards the child’s face. One more hit, and the child would be dead yet again.

The trident was trembling in the kings hands.

“How many times child?”

The human looked up.

Asgore Dreemurr‘s Amber eyes were full of tears.

“How many times have you suffered the pain of death?”

The child laughed, it was a sad laugh, but still contained a small trace of hope.

“Too many”

The trident slipped from Asgore’s hands. It dispersed before it hit the floor. The king looked at his hands.

“How many times have I-?”

The child smiled.

“Also too many”

Asgore Dreemurr fell to his knees in front of the child. The guilt and weight of his sins too much to bear. He reached out for the child, to his astonishment they didn’t flinch away.

“I’m.....so sorry”

Asgore hugged the child, frisk hugged them back. The blue walls came down.

The flower breathed a sigh of relief, and looked towards the captive human souls, inaccessible until this moment.

He had a job to do.

-

“Flowey?”

Flowey opened his eyes. Frisk’s worried face filled their vision.

“You ok?”

Flowey didn’t dream like a normal being. You had to have a soul in order to do that. Flowey dreams contained only crystal clear memories. From both his past life and his current one.

“I’m good, just a dream”

Frisk moved away from flowey.

“You wanna talk about it?

What would be the point?

“No, I don’t”

Flowey shifted slightly in his soil. Waking up his roots. He looked up at frisk.

“You ready to spy for the smiley trash bag?”

Frisk folded their arms.

“Lay off dunkle, he’s been through a lot.”

“He’s also put US through a lot ya know?” Flowey snapped.

Arms remained folded.

“Flowey.”

Flowey rolled his eyes.

“Urgh, FINE! I guess if we make him happy he might finally get off your case about the whole genocide thing. It’s still unfair of him though! It wasn’t even your fault!”

Frisk patted flowey on the head.

“Sometimes, we have to bear the burden of other people’s crimes flowey. Besides I should have fought harder and faster than I did. It’s mostly because of Sans that I managed to get control back when I did.”

Flowey looked at frisk, regret and tears in their eyes.

“I’m so sorry frisk, if I hadn’t have been such a coward, they wouldn’t have gotten control over you. I should have been by your side from the beginning I -“

Frisk shushed them gently.

“We’ve been over this, you need to stop apologising to me. You’ve done more than enough to make things better for everyone. We just need to make one more person happy. Then it will all be ok. Okay?”

Flowey wiped away his tears with his leaves and smiled at Frisk.

“Okay”

-

You woke up groggy, you slammed your hand down on your alarm clock and then rubbed your eyes. What had you been dreaming about? A window?

Any recollection of your dream faded from your mind as the groggyness began to clear.

You sat up and stretched. It was a new day and you were determined to make it a fresh start. You checked your phone, no messages from your mother so you sent her a quick message asking her how she was. She would see it when she woke up. There was a new message from papyrus.

Skeledude:

“HUMAN _____! I HAVE MET ANOTHER NICE HUMAN! SHE AND I ARE GOING TO BE COOKING TOGETHER! WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US IN OUR COOKERY? WE CAN ALL EAT TOGETHER THEN!”

Here’s the thing, you weren’t that great at cooking. You could make a decent chilli as long as you had the cookbook practically strapped to your face. But you couldn’t stand the thought of living off the shite from work for much longer. You also needed a healthy dose of social activity and papyrus was a fun guy. So you responded.

You:

“Of course I’d like to join papyrus! Just let me know when and where so that I can book time off work!”

You got a message back almost immediately.

Skeledude:

EXCELLENT HUMAN ________! I SHALL STRATEGISE WITH HUMAN FOODIE IMMEDIATELY!”

Foodie? That was a dumb nickname. Meh...to each their own you guessed.

You got out of bed and started fishing out a clean work uniform from one of your drawers.

New day, new start, no thinking about douchebag skeletons ________.

You had a nicer, taller skeleton in your life now. You were hoping that you would become good friends.

-

“How you doing hun?”

Skatie was waiting by the till for you when you walked into work. The burger emporium wasn’t open for customers yet so you started helping her set up for the day.

“I’m good, Where’s BP?”

Skatie giggled.

“He called in sick this morning, “emotional damage after a pun assault”. So I’m on front with you and ivy’s cooking”

Poor BP, I should really do something for him. He’s been mentioning wanting some new clothes. Maybe I could show him some shops that would suit him?

You sent BP a message.

you:

“Yo BP! Heard you called in sick. You wanna meet up Sunday? I know some clothes shops that have stuff that would suit you!”

Your phone buzzed,

BP:

“Sounds good buddy, all my clothes are falling apart. And not in a cool, “I don’t give a damn” kind of way.”

Look at me! I can do social activity! And I’m not thinking about a sad looking skeleton with a cute twinkle in his eye at all! Nope! Not at all!

-

Toriel looked down at her child and their flower.

“My child, flowey, are you sure this was where you wanted to get ice cream? You normally prefer Grillby’s”

Frisk and flowey nodded.

“Yep Mum, this is the place!”

“I wanna get a tsarfait!”

-

Holy shit! This goat woman was the tallest fucking monster you had ever seen! Her purple dress could easily be used as a blanket for your bed!

“Hello, how can I help you?”

The goat woman smiled gently.

“Oh my! How polite! Three of your tsarfaits please!”

You processed the order and took the payment. Skatie made up the ice creams. The goat lady waited patiently, when skatie was ready she picked up the tray of tsarfaits and started walking back to the counter. When she saw the goat lady she nearly dropped the tray.

“Your majesty!”

The goat woman looked slightly frustrated. But still maintained a regal smile.

“If you recall miss skatie, I and my husband’s bond splintered long ago. I am no longer a Dreemurr. Please just call me Toriel. Alright?”

Skatie handed Toriel the tray.

“Yes! Of course! Your maje- I mean Toriel!”

Toriel nodded calmly and then swept to a nearby table with a grace that really did not suit her surroundings. It was like seeing a prima ballerina at a hoedown.

Sitting at the table was a teenager in a striped shirt. A small, cute flower was in a flowerpot on the table.

Does that flower have a fucking face? monsters fuck my head up.

Skatie grabbed you and yanked you out of sight of the three customers.

“Do you know who those three are??!?”

Skatie looked starstruck.

“You called that goat woman “your majesty” is she monster royalty or something?”

Skatie looked almost insulted.

“That “goat woman” is queen freaking Toriel! Or at least she was the queen. She’s one of only two boss monsters in existence! The only other one is her ex-husband! His majesty king Asgore Dreemurr! She is one of the strongest monsters out there!”

Woah, ok....that sounded important.

You glanced at the trio, they were happily enjoying their tsarfaits.

Skatie continued muttering.

“She and Asgore were the ultimate power couple of the underground! Until one day she disappeared! She and Asgore are the only monsters in existence that have survived a splintered bond. Boss monsters are so. Freaking. Cool!”

“Who is the kid and the flower?”

Skatie looked incredulous.

“Oh my god!?! Don’t you know anything?!? That’s frisk Dreemurr! And flowey the flower!”

You still weren’t getting it.

“Who?”

Skatie waved her hands in the air in frustration.

“The ambassadors for monsters?”

Fucking hell. That cute looking kid and flower were the ones that saved all of the monsters?

Skatie looked worried

“If I had known that it was was THEM, I would have put more effort into the tsarfaits! Check if they like them! Do it, please! For me?”

Skatie pushed you slightly towards the trio.

Well why not? Good customer service and all that shit.

You walked up to the table.

“Excuse me”

The three looked up, flowey and frisk both had chocolate sauce on their faces. Toriel was pristine, she used a napkin on her mouth and turned to you.

“Yes my dear?”

Despite her size this woman was as elegant as a motherfucking Japanese flower arrangement.

“Is everything alright with your tsarfaits? Would you like me to get anything else for you?”

Toriel looked at the messy pair, frisk gave you a thumbs up, mouth too full to speak. Flowey, smiled a chocolatey smile.

“Perhaps some more napkins if that’s alright? Such a messy pair.”

You nodded and got more napkins.

You brought the napkins to the table, frisk and flowey cleaned themselves up.

Toriel’s phone on the table started chiming. You couldn’t help but glance at the caller ID.

It said “pathetic whelp”

Damn lady....I don’t want to cross you.

Toriel’s face, which had been a picture of elegance, kindness and grace up until this point. Changed. It looked like your mother’s expression after she saw Murphy try to eat his own sick last month.

“May I ask a favour of you?”

You nodded. The phone kept ringing.

“Unfortunately I need to take this phone call in private. Could you keep my child company while I do so?”

You nodded again.

“Of course, take all the time you need.”

Toriel stood up and grabbed the phone. She started walking towards the door outside.

“What do you want Dreemurr? No now is not a good time!”

Frisk and flowey didn’t just look comfortable with the situation, they looked amused.

Frisk looked at flowey.

“I wonder what dad wants this time?”

Flowey snorted.

“Probably just her attention.”

They both looked at you. Frisk smiled.

“Please, sit down if you want”

You mean you could sit and relax? While you supposed to be working? Who were you to refuse a customers request?

You sat down. You glanced outside, Toriel was angrily pacing whilst talking into the phone.

The flower had his head in the tsarfait cup.

“What’s your name?” Came the question from the glass.

Ah right you didn’t have your name tag. Your mum had sent you a message last night to tell you that you left it in the bathroom the other night.

“I’m ______, and you two are?”

Flowey removed his head from the glass. His face was covered in sprinkles.

“Howdy, I’m flowey, flowey the flower. And this is frisk, the human.”

Frisk waved at you casually.

“Yo”

Frisk our their elbow on the table and leaned on their hand. Were they? Waggling their eyebrows at you?

“So ______, you single?”

Flowey sighed wearily.

Ok weird customer alert! Just answer the question and get past the awkwardness.

“Yes I am”

“Don’t encourage them” flowey muttered.

Frisk smiled in what you were sure they thought was a sultry way. But they just looked ridiculous.

Don’t laugh at the customer___. Especially ambassador customers with intimidating monster mothers.

“Oh really? That’s a shame”

Don’t laugh_______.

They grandly gestured towards themselves.

You are a calm river _____.

Flowey looked like he wanted to be buried in a hole.

There is nothing hilarious happening here.

“How about taking me for a spin then? Lovely_______?”

Frisk winked at you

You couldn’t hold it in......

You burst out laughing, this kid was just too fucking funny!
You were wiping tears from your eyes when you looked back at frisk and flowey.

Flowey looked relieved whilst frisk looked incredibly pleased with themselves.

You felt better than you had for a while, you had needed that laugh.

“Is everything alright my child?”

Toriel had returned from her stressful phone call. Frisk smiled an angelic smile. Flowey looked exhausted.

“Yup, everything’s good Mum. ______ here is a nice lady”

Flowey nodded in agreement...awww....

Toriel smiled down at you.

“Thank you for watching them, frisk, flowey, we should get going”

Frisk stood up and gave you a big surprise hug. You heard a whisper in your ear.

“You didn’t exactly say no. Does that mean I have a date?”

You started laughing again. You pulled out of the hug.

“Yeah, sure kid, in maybe ten years we’ll go on that date.”

Frisk posed dramatically.

 

“Huzzah! Hope has not been lost! The barriers of age will only separate us for so long fair maiden! Wait for me! I shall win thy heart ____!”

Toriel started laughing

“Frisk is a dear child, but a little strange. Thank you for putting up with their nonsense miss ______”

You struggled to contain your giggles.

“Please, just ______. Please come back anytime guys.”

Flowey beamed at you.

“You sure are the tolerant type huh? You’ll need it around goofballs like frisk”

Frisk grabbed flowey and stuffed them in their satchel.

“Flowey don’t embarrass me in front of my beloved!” Frisk started walking backwards towards the door.

 

“Fare thee well! Oh beautiful _____! May we see each other again soon!”

Was it possible to die from laughter? Cause you pretty sure you were going to do just that.

Frisk started blowing kisses at you from outside. Poor flowey looked nauseated.

You were Seriously going to fucking die from the giggles.

Toriel looked delighted and surprised.

“My goodness! They are certainly taken with you! May we exchange phone numbers? I apologise for being forward but I need someone to keep an eye on frisk occasionally. I think you may be exactly what I need. Of course I would pay.”

More money? Working for a nice lady like Toriel? Fuck yeah you’d go for that!

“That sounds fantastic!”

You exchanged numbers.

You saved Toriel down as “goat mama”. After that you continued to chat.

-

Seeing that you and Toriel were chatting, Flowey took the opportunity to talk to frisk.

“So, she seems nice. Too good for bone boy that’s for sure”

Frisk looked down at flowey. They looked determined.

“You think so? I think she might be exactly what he needs.”

Chapter Text

You were half asleep. You didn’t want to wake up fully. You were warm and snuggled up in a comfy bed. A comfy bed that smelled kinda like a toasty fireplace. It normally would have been an irritating smell after a while. But for some reason you found it relaxing.

You felt a warm hand on your forehead and you heard a soothing voice.

“While I’m pleased you find my bed so comfortable and your sleeping face is endearing. I can’t let you sleep in all day. That would hurt my pride as a host”

You moved your head, and the warm hand was moved to cup your cheek. You nuzzled into the hand.

“Grillby?”
Was he in your dreams? Then you wanted to sleep a little longer. That seemed like it would be one heck of a good dream if you did.

You heard a soft laugh

“Yes, it’s grillby. You had better wake up-“

You didn’t hear the rest of the sentence. You were starting to doze off again.

The hand moved from your face. The voice started to sound concerned.

“Y/n? Are you alright?”

Wait....where were you?

Oh crabcakes! You remembered!

You sat bolt upright. You looked around. You were in an unfamiliar bed. In an unfamiliar room. Your hair was loose.

Oh no.

You looked down. You were still wearing your clothes from yesterday. Your hairslide was on the bedside table and your jacket was on a hanger on the wardrobe.

Oh thank god. Still an embarrassing situation but not ....what...could have happened.

 

Oh fudgenuggets.....stop imagining THAT brain! Especially not with the guy who was sitting on the side of the bed next to you!

You hid your face in your hands.

You heard grillby speak again.

“Sorry to sound like a broken record but, are you alright y/n?”

You moved your hands. Grillby was wearing a soft looking black robe and red pyjama bottoms. He was also wearing a worried expression behind his glasses.

Poor guy. What had you put him through last night?

“I’m so sorry! What did I do? I don’t remember anything after.....”

After grillby had hugged you......and you had hugged him back. And neither of those hugs were chaste “you are like a sibling to me!” Hugs.

You felt your face go tomato red.

Grillby put his hand on your head and messed up your bed head a little.

“Relax, you didn’t do anything. You passed out while I was holding you. That’s all. I hope you don’t mind me bringing you upstairs. But I wanted to keep an eye on you.”

He moved his hand from your head and you started trying to fix your hair.

“No, thank you! I’m sorry for passing out like that. Thank you for taking care of me. That was very sweet of you”

Grillby smiled, at least, you think he did. As his face was literally made of fire it was sometimes hard to tell.

“Think nothing of it. Now, there are some clean clothes at the foot of the bed if you want a fresh change of clothes. They are mine, so they’ll be a little baggy on you. Sorry about that.”

He pointed at a nearby door.

“There’s a small shower room and toilet there. I have no need to use them, but they are clean. There are toiletries in there, as I find it’s best to be prepared. So please help yourself to them.”

Grillby stood up.

“When you are ready I’ll make us some breakfast. Do you like French toast?”

You nodded, in awe of his hospitality skills.

“Excellent! I shall see you in a bit then.”

He played with your hair again, but this time he didn’t mess it up too much. Then he turned and left the room.

You sat there for about ten seconds. Processing.

Holy moly. Grillby was waaaaaayyyy better at being an adult than you were.

Good thing that you weren’t expected at the paper till tomorrow.

You headed to the bathroom.

-

Grillby headed to the kitchen, chuckling to himself.

Your flustered, flushed face just now would keep his soul warm and happy for quite a while.

Though the way you had nuzzled into his hand....stars...he almost climbed into that bed with you to snuggle you right back then and there.

He did lose just a little bit of his self control. Good thing that you didn’t hear what he said through your drowsiness.

“You had better wake up soon, or I will be joining you in that bed sooner than I anticipated.”

Grillby breathed a weary sigh.

Get a grip Grillby. You are not a neanderthal. Slow, steady and gentle. Until she says she wants otherwise.

Right then, he had French toast to prepare.

-

You stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped up in a fluffy towel.

Grillby wasn’t kidding when he said that he was prepared.

Multiple kinds of every type of bathroom soap, lotion, shampoo, conditioner and so on had been in that bathroom. The bathroom was a little cozy. But it had a shower bath and several cabinets.

He must of not known what to buy for guests. So he seemed to have bought an entire shop. He didn’t buy the cheap stuff either. You felt happier knowing that you were clean. But you felt a little sad for grillby, water must hurt him or something. He’d never get to enjoy the lovely things that he had bought.

The clothes that grillby had left for you were a plain black t shirt and grey tracksuit bottoms. You got changed and brushed your wet hair with the small hairbrush from your handbag.

You didn’t spot a hair dryer anywhere. Ahh well. The apartment was plenty warm. Your hair would dry soon enough, besides wet hair wasn’t going to kill you.

You headed to the kitchen. Grillby was sitting at the table with a copy of ebott today. He looked up from his newspaper.

“Feeling better?”

You nodded and sat down across from grillby. He stood up and picked up two plates of French toast. He put the plates on the table. He also picked up a small tray that had jam, syrup and fruit on it and placed it between the two plates.

Everything smelled and looked amazing.

“Tea? Coffee?”

Oh caffeine you beautiful substance you.

“Coffee please”

Grillby picked up a steaming coffee pot.

“How do you take it?”

You told grillby your preferences and he placed the cup before you.

The breakfast in front of you was fit for royalty. When did he make all of this? But how was it all still so warm?

Seeing your confusion grillby explained.

“A benefit of being a fire elemental is that I can control the temperature of things around me a little. I can’t keep things cold, but I can keep them warm.”

He sat down and started to eat.

You nodded and started eating too. You had to stop yourself from moaning at how delicious the toast was. If grillby ever decided to open his bar in the mornings you’d have breakfast there everyday.

You looked up at grillby. He was seemingly eating just like you were. He was chewing and swallowing just like you were. But wasn’t he made of fire? You were confused

Grillby looked amused.

“You are curious about how I eat aren’t you?”

Oh gosh, were you being rude?

“I’m sorry, I’ll stop staring”

Grillby laughed softly.

“No it’s quite alright, monsters that aren’t elementals get confused about this as well.”

He picked up a strawberry from the fruit bowl. It caught on fire and quickly disappeared in between grillby’s fingers.

“Technically I can absorb energy from food like this, but I don’t get to taste anything that way.”

You listened carefully, understanding him so far.

“When fire elementals are born they are literally just a flame. No legs, no head, no eyes. Just a flame with sentience.”

You took a sip of your coffee. Thinking.

“But how do you observe the outside world? How do you learn?”

Grillby poured some syrup on his toast.

“We communicate through the soul bond with our parents. They teach us how to create things like eyes, arms, legs and mouth. Then, when we are older, we choose what form to take.”

You picked up a few slices of fruit.

“So you can turn your body into any shape? Any form?”

Grillby nodded.

“And any function, but I found that two legs and two arms were quite enough for me”

You laughed.

You and grillby ate in comfortable silence. You had a thought.

“What a second, if you can create anything. Why do you need glasses?”

Grillby took the glasses in question off. Woah. His eyes were gorgeous, two beautiful white lights.

“My fault I’m afraid, when I was a small flame I was a little too eager to see the world. My parents warned me that my magic was too weak for me to even attempt something as complicated as sight. However I was brash and foolish. I would attempt seeing when my parents were out of the room.”

“How would that mess up your vision though?”

“You see without proper guidance. I was more focused on things far away from me than things up close. I didn’t realise it as important, by the time my parents noticed what I had done it was too late. That was how my body learned to make its eyes and I was too young to know how to change it back. So now I wear glasses.”

You felt sad for him.

“Poor little grillby.”

Grillby laughed.

“No need to pity me y/n. I could have done far worse to myself. Besides it’s made me more, careful, with how I shape my body.”

Grillby put his glasses back on and finished his breakfast. You finished eating yours.

You took the plates, cups and tray to the sink. Grillby tried to insist that he should clean up but you shushed him.

“It’s the least I can do grillby. Don’t worry your pretty firey head about it and just let me help. You can dry and put them away.”

You cleaned up together. It felt, nice, domestic. You hadn’t really done the dishes with someone since your university housemates. It was fun.

You were drying your hands while grillby was putting the last plate away when he turned to you.

“By the way, about monster alcohol. Would you still like to try it? I think if I dilute it you won’t pass out on me again.”

He was still willing to help you with your article? What a nice guy.

“Um, yeah, of course! If you don’t mind!”

Grillby closed the cupboard.

“Alright then, I think it would be best for you to try it out when I’m not busy with other customers. Could you come to the bar Sunday? That way you would have my full attention.”

Argh! Did that make you blush? Why did that make you blush?

“Yep, sounds good. Anyway, I should get going. My cat isn’t going to feed himself!”

Grillby nodded and you went back into the bedroom to grab your things. He was waiting by his front door.

You both walked out the apartment and down a flight of stairs. Through the bar kitchen and into the bar.

You were putting on your jacket, it looked a little cold out. You turned to grillby.

“Grillby. Thank you so much for everything.”

You dug out a business card and a pen from your bag, you wrote your number on the back and gave it to him.

“Please call me if you need to change our plans Sunday. Or you know, call me if you just want to call me”

Grillby took the card from you and put it in his robe pocket without a word.

Ok then, maybe that hug from last night was just alcohol fuelled-

Nope

Grillby was hugging you again, more gently and platonically than last night. But a hug all the same.

You hugged him back. You heard his lovely voice at your ear.

“You need to stop thanking me for things I take pleasure in doing”

You felt a warm hand glide over your hair gently. You felt your hair drying.

“Hold still just a moment, I don’t want you catching a cold. It looks rather chilly today”

You relaxed in his arms again. This was still platonic right? He’s just drying your hair, that’s all.

When grillby was finished he pulled back slightly. He was still holding you by the waist softly.

Ummmm ok maybe not so platonic.

“See you soon y/n”

He held your face gently in his other hand for just a moment then stepped away from you completely.

Move mouth! Talk! Wordy things!

“Yep! Ok! See you soon!”

You quickly walked out before your face went completely red.

Despite grillby’s concerns, the feelings that you had kept you warm all the way home.

Chapter Text

Fuck, that’s a damn fine house.

It was Wednesday morning and you were looking up at the most adorable little house.

You and Toriel had been texting since yesterday, and she had invited you to her home for pie and tea. You looked down at your phone.

Goat mama:

Tell me _______. Do you prefer cinnamon or butterscotch?

You:

I like both actually!

Goat mama:

That’s convenient! That means the pie will be a quali-TEA pie!

 

Were puns just a thing for monsters? Well at least Toriel was nice unlike a certain boney basta-

Nope, not going there anymore ______.

Fortunately you were not needed in work until the evening. Toriel lives just on the outskirts of the monster district, twenty minutes walk to your job. Half an hour walk to your apartment and about forty minutes walk to your mum’s place.

Toriel had wanted to make sure that you were comfortable with her house before you started keeping an eye on frisk.

So here you were. In front of a house that looked like it belonged on front of one of your grandmother’s sewing tins. You walked up and knocked on the door. The door had a cute picture of a snail on it for some reason.

You rang the doorbell, it played a pretty little melody, it almost sounded like a music box.

The door opened and a waft of delicious sweet smelling air hit you in the face.

Toriel was standing at the door, she was wearing a green dress today.

“Hello my dear! Please come in!”

The house was just as lovely on the inside.

You and Toriel walked through to the living room.

Frisk and flowey were perched on the sofa playing mario kart. Frisk was playing as birdo. Flowey was bowser.

Frisk easily won the race. Flower dumped the controller on the sofa with his vines and turned away from frisk with a huff.

You walked up.

“Hey guys, mind if I join in?”

Flowey looked up at you, tears of frustration in their eyes.

“Frisk always wins this stupid game. I don’t get why.”

Frisk put their hands behind their head smugly.

“That’s cause I’m a master”

A master? Really? You picked up the player one controller and looked up frisk’s Grand Prix record.

You smirked.

“You haven’t completed 150cc.”

You pushed a few more buttons

“You haven’t even unlocked mirror mode. Hardly a master”

Frisk looked startled. But was speechless.

Flowey looked up at you, wiping tears away with his leaves.

Toriel left the room to check on the pie.

You patted flowey on the head.

“Flowey, why did you pick bowser?”

Flowey narrowed his eyes,

“Well duh, he’s the toughest looking”

You tutted and shook your head.

“He’s also one of the heaviest, which means that when you get hit. It takes forever to get back up to speed. Heavy characters are great if you know how to dodge. But terrible if you don’t. I prefer to pick middle weight characters.”

You looked at frisk knowingly.

“Like birdo, funny that frisk didn’t mention the differences to you”

Flowey’s glare at frisk was so hilarious. Your brain permanently stored it in your “things to make you smile when things are fucking crap” file.

Frisk looked like they wanted to disappear into the sofa.

You passed frisk the player two controller.

You went and chose the special cup Grand Prix. At 150cc. You immediately went and chose your man and your preferred car.

No one could defeat you when you partnered up with Luigi. His magnificent fucking moustache always led you to victory.

To frisk, you were sure you looked slightly unhinged.

“Bring it on kid.”

You didn’t let yourself get competitive often.

But no one fucks with you and mario kart.

Frisk looked determined.

“You bet I’ll bring it on gorgeous!”

.............

Four races later.

Frisk had lost their determination. And was posing sadly on the sofa.

“Curses! You have defeated me with your karting skills!”

You triumphantly stood up holding up flowey over your head as your pretend trophy.

You all were laughing.

You heard a polite cough.

You all turned round.

Fucking hell. Even you knew who this huge guy was.

You gently put flowey down.

King Asgore dreemurr was standing in the middle of the living room. He was wearing a flowery shirt? He actually looked kinda adorable. Like someone did a palette swap on beast from beauty and the beast and then slapped him in a Hawaiian shirt. Toriel was standing behind him, her face was like thunder.

Frisk ran up to Asgore and gave them a big hug.

“Hi dad! Watcha doing here?”

Asgore looked down fondly at frisk and rubbed their head.

“Just dropping off some documents for your mother”

Toriel scoffed.

“You should have just mailed them, or sent a messenger if it was that important.”

Asgore smiled at Toriel. She did not return the smile.

“And miss the opportunity to see you all? Nonsense.”

Asgore then turned his smile to you.

Asgore walked up to you. His Massive paw was extended out for a handshake.

“Howdy, I’m Asgore dreemurr. Who might you be?”

You looked down at the gigantic paw. How the ever loving fuck were you supposed to shake this?

Fuck it just wing it_______

You grabbed hold of his middle finger and tried your best at a handshake.

“I’m_______. Toriel is possibly going to hire me as a sitter for frisk and flowey.”

“Is that so? Splendid!”

Asgore picked up flowey and started checking him.

“How are you doing flowey? Are you getting enough sunlight? Are you hydrated? Is your soil being kept nutritious?”

“I am taking care of him just fine Dreemurr.” Interrupted Toriel.

Asgore remained calm.

“I don’t doubt that you have no problem taking care of children toriel. But plants are my expertise. Let this old man soothe his worries.”

Ok. Awkward. Best to either clear the air or get the kids out of the way.

You didn’t know Toriel well enough to know what would help clear the air.

Plan B it is then!

You smelled the air dramatically.

“Toriel that pie smells heavenly. Do you mind if I take the kids to the kitchen to grab a slice?”

Toriel’s face, which hadn’t been Pleasant looking since Asgore arrived returned to its beautiful gentleness for a moment as she nodded at you.

“Of course my dear, it’s on the kitchen table, help yourself.”

Asgore chimed in, looking hopeful.

“Could you spare me a slice of that pie Toriel?”

Goat mama’s grumpy face was back in place.

“No, I did not bake that pie for you.”

Gentle face

“Please enjoy the pie my dears”

Grumpy face

“You, come with me, you clearly came here for a reason. I intend to find out what that reason is.”

You, frisk and flowey headed to the kitchen.

You heard Asgore booming voice as you closed the living room door.

“It was nice to meet you_______.”

You headed into the kitchen. The biggest goddamn pie you had ever seen was on the table.

You looked at frisk and flowey. You were worried.

“Are you two ok? That was super uncomfortable.”

They both shrugged.

“Meh, you get used to it.” Flowey muttered.

Frisk looked at the pie.

“Here beautiful______. Do you want to take the first slice?”

Hell Yeah you do! That pie looks bloody epic!

-

Toriel was irritated. She had been looking forward to spending a lovely morning and afternoon with you and her children.

Instead she was spending it with the whelp. Joy.

The documents that Asgore had brought with him were planned adjustments to the current education laws. He wanted her perspective as a headmistress.

Just because she hated her ex husband didn’t mean she would neglect her duty to the people as the second boss monster. She still felt guilt for hiding in the ruins for as long as she did.

And the manipulative ingrate in front of her knew her well enough to know that.

Asgore was intelligent, brave and carried the responsibilities of king above ground well. Now and again she would see glimpses of the troubled but caring soul that she had bonded with.

He had maintained who he was after the war, despite the LV he had gained and Toriel had been proud of him for it. Proud to be by his side. Monsters were troubled after the war, too eager to maim and kill one another. But the royal family had stood as a beacon of hope and light. He wasn’t his father, he was too smart to ever become his father.

However after their son was taken from them. He finally allowed the LV he had gained during the war to twist his soul.

After that, his intelligence and logic made him murder a child. A sweet patient soul. And he did it right in front of Toriel with a brutality that disgusted her. After that he had grabbed Toriel with his bloody paws. There had been hints of his father’s madness in his eyes that day.

“Don’t you see Tori? This is what the humans who trapped us here deserve! This is what we should have done to that human who took our son from us! They take our children from us, we take theirs. That is what is fair!”

That was the day their bond splintered. Only extreme feelings of revulsion and fear towards your mate could ever do that. All pairs with a splintered bond perished. Except boss monsters it seemed.

Since meeting frisk and coming to the surface. Asgore had technically done more than enough to redeem himself. The way that he managed human politicians was admirable, even if occasionally his methods left a lot to be desired.

But Toriel could never fully trust him again. The monster that she thought she knew had a side to himself that even he didn’t fully understand. She could never relax around him again. Never knowing if that insanity would cloud his eyes and mind again.

But her duty was her duty. And for better or worse, she was stuck with her ex husband.

They had just finished their business and she was showing Asgore to the front door when he stopped walking in the hallway suddenly.

“Do you hear that Toriel?”

Sounds of laughter were emanating from the kitchen.

“It sounds like miss______ is an excellent choice of sitter for the children.”

He turned around, concern on his features. He played with his beard nervously.

A habit she used to find sweet. Now she found it only irksome.

“Spit it out whelp”

“I am worried though. Are you sure that human is safe?”

Toriel folded her arms and started tapping her foot.

“Do you doubt my judgement dreemurr?”

Asgore waved his hands in a slightly panicked way.

“No, no of course not! But, you mentioning judgement has given me an idea.”

Toriel narrowed her eyes. She knew exactly what he was hinting at. She wasn’t pleased by the idea.

“I thought that you had promised sans that he could live his own life.”

Asgore nodded sadly.

“I know, but this concerns the safety of the children. I just want to be careful.”

Toriel could not find a way to argue with that. She hated the idea of using her friend as a tool, but he was the best way to make sure that you were a safe human.

“Very well. I’ll invite him over today to check ______’s soul. Just to be safe”

Asgore breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank you tori- I mean Toriel. But please, let me contact him. I’ve taken up enough of your day with my concerns”

Toriel nodded and showed Asgore out. After she closed the door she took a few seconds to herself to calm down.

The sounds of giggling and joy from the kitchen helped.

She headed to the kitchen to join you.

-

Asgore looked up at the house fondly. One day, he would get to be a part of his family again, he just knew it.

His face became ever so slightly colder.

He would never again let anyone tear his family apart. He would be more careful this time.

He took out his phone and typed in a number from memory.

Good thing he had the current judge on a leash. It was a shame he had to be so harsh with sans. But the skeleton was stubborn and wilful. Completely ignorant of his duties to his people. He missed the previous judge. She didn’t need to be bullied or manipulated. She understood her duty and fulfilled it without question.

He heard a drowsy voice from the phone.

“Whaddya want boss?”

Eloquent as always. Best to cut to the chase.

“There is a stranger who has gotten involved with my family. I need you to check if they are safe. They are at my wife’s house now, teleport there immediately.”

Asgore heard a chuckle.

“Don’tcha mean ex-wife fluffybuns? Women don’t like it if ya don’t respect their boundaries. Trust me, I know.”

Obstinate wretch.

“I have no need for this nonsense judge. Get here, now.”

The voice from the phone lost it’s humour.

“You know something I’ve realised recently? Names are pretty damn important things ya know?”

What Asgore wouldn’t give to be dealing with Amazone right now instead of her brat of a son.

“Sans, do your job, I will not ask again.”

The humour returned to the voice, though it was still laced with sarcasm.

“Orders received loud and clear your highness. One soul scan coming right up.”

Eventually the judge would learn what his responsibilities were. Asgore just had to be patient.

“Good, do let me know the results will you sans? Spare no detail.”

The voice sounded bored.

“Yeah Yeah got it boss.”

The judge hung up.

Asgore knew that sans was diligent when it came to checking souls at least.

If you passed sans’s judgement, Asgore would welcome you to the family himself. If you didn’t. Well. What would one more secret execution hurt?

Asgore headed back to his home. Humming.

Chapter Text

Sans was dreaming.

He was looking up at the “stars” in the wishing room at waterfall. Only they were all a rich dark blue. He couldn’t reach them, but he was basking in their soothing glow.

Then his phone started to ring.

Fuck’s sake. Can’t a guy enjoy his not-exactly-subtle-with-their-symbolism-but-still-fuckin-awesome dreams?

Sans picked up the phone and answered it sleepily.

One conversation later.

Sans was sitting up in his bed. Looking angrily at his phone.

King asswhore dreemurr just had to call him in the morning didn’t he?

Sans had been working on the designs to make touch screens usable for monsters last night. It was the current project that he and alphys had been working on. They were almost finished with the project. sans had been pushing himself a little harder than usual.

Work was a good distraction from his soul whining at him. Alphys certainly wasn’t complaining.

Welp, he wasn’t going to get back to sleep now. Best start chugging down some starbuns coffee. He needed to be caffeinated before having to face the kid, the weed and whoever this new human was.

Tori though? He looked forward to seeing her. Now that he and the kid had a kinda truce he guessed he might feel a little more comfortable around her again.

Things between him and toriel were ....a little awkward.

They had been good pun pals through the door. When neither of them knew who the other one really was.

Tori didn’t have too much LV, hardly any in fact. And she had a single soul trait.

Kindness.

Tori was practically kindness embodied. The best healer alive by a long shot. Whilst Asgore had lead Gerson’s squad to hold the line for as long as possible. She was in charge of medical care and getting the monsters evacuees underground.

One time a small group of humans had snuck past Asgore’s line to try to wreck havoc.

The stupid fucks hadn’t stood a chance.

Tori didn’t get mad often, but it tended to get a little, Flamey. When she did.

However the small amount of LV in her soul, combined with hiding in the ruins and watching human children leave to die, had her soul teetering on the brink between kindness and compliance for hundreds of years. Guilt had a way of eating at the strength of will of someone.

However, after frisk left the ruins, potentially to their death. Tori got a grip on herself and eventually went after them.

Tori’s soul hadn’t wavered since.

After everyone came to the surface. He and toriel practically became best friends for a while.

Until toriel realised that sans was the judge and executioner. As royalty, she was clued in on how to recognise the judge. After that, She soon twigged that it had been sans who had murdered the five human children for Asgore.

He hadn’t exactly had a choice, back then he had to obey the crown or die, tori understood that. But their friendship started to change after that.

Plus sans treating frisk coldly probably didn’t help. He had spared the kid’s life when he could have very easily taken it away. Tori knew that and was thankful. But he wasn’t frisk’s friend. Hell no. And that, mixed in with the whole “you murdered children” thing. Caused, problems.

In a way, sans missed the days when it was just them and the door. With no complications.

But life always found a way to fuck things up.

Case in point, Asgore interrupting that peaceful dream of his.

Sans didn’t get nice dreams like that often. And king douche took that away.

Sans stood up and slowly made his way downstairs. Pap was at work and shadow was snoozing on the sofa.

He sent the kid a message. Best to make nice with the kid as they were helping him out and all.

Sans:

“Yo kid, your pop is sending me over to scan the soul of the new human in your house. I’d say no for the sake of our deal, but you know how fluffybuns is. Just givin ya a heads up.”

-
Frisk had been running around the kitchen, while you had been chasing them with a paper towel. Toriel and flowey were watching the spectacle and laughing their heads off.

Frisk had used the can of whipped cream that their mum had left for the pie to give themselves a big white foamy beard.

Fuck this kid is good at dodging.

Frisk’s phone buzzed. They stopped moving mid dodge to look at it. You were caught unawares by the sudden stop and nearly ran into frisk, you managed to only just avoid falling flat on your face.

“What the heck frisk?”

You shoved the towel in their face, wiping off the cream.

“Shorry”

They tried to talk but you still cleaning their face. You stepped back after they were clean. Frisk looked to their mum.

“Mum, dunkle is coming over to visit!”

Flowey rolled his eyes. Toriel smiled serenely.

“Oh, great, HIM”

“ I know my child, I’ve already started to make a fresh pot of tea.”

You sat back down at the table with frisk.

“Sorry, but what’s a dunkle?”

Toriel started cleaning up the plates.

“Just an old friend of the family”

Frisk looked at you, they had an odd expression on their face, it was oddly serious. But it was gone quickly as they looked back to their phone.

Whoever this “dunkle” was, you hoped he was nice.
-

Brat:

No worries! Just shortcut over! \^_^/

Alrighty then. Sans put down his coffee cup and threw on his beloved black hoodie over the clothes he had slept in. Not like his sleeping clothes looked any different from his normal clothes anyway.

Sans felt out for toriel’s energy for a tether.

There’s that goat Mum green.

He made the shortcut and yanked himself through.

He landed in tori’s kitchen.

“Sup tori? Pap sent me over to borrow a cookbook from ya. The pie one? Hope that’s cool.”

There were four chairs around the circular kitchen table instead of the usual three. All the chairs had pretty tall backs to accommodate tori’s size. So sans couldn’t see the new human as their chair was facing away from him.

For some reason though, the pain in his soul he had been feeling the last couple of days lessened a bit. Weird.

Tori nodded.

“That’s absolutely fine sans, I’ll just go get it for you.”

She stood up from the table and left the room.

Sans looked at frisk.

“Sup kiddo?”

Frisk looked like they were up to something. It set sans on edge slightly.

“Hi dunkle! I’m good! How about you?”

Sans shrugged.

“Been workin’ down to tha bone, so I’m kinda tired, but good”

The weed scoffed.

“You? Working? That’s Bullshit.”

The new human remained quiet, didn’t even introduce themselves. Rude.

Sans chuckled.
“I’m hurt. I’m normally hard at work. Workin’ hard at doin’ nothin’ takes some effort ya know?”

He took a few steps closer to the table.

“Who’s your new pal?”

Still nothing from the new human, that was irritating.

Screw it, he wasn’t here to make a new buddy. He’d just scan the soul and be on his way.

He focused on the new soul.

It was a beautiful dark blue soul. It looked extremely pissed off.

Holy crap

It was YOUR beautiful dark blue soul. And YOU were extremely pissed off.

Beautiful:
LV - 1 EXP - 0
The person that you are obsessed with. The person you hurt. You’ve missed her more than you are willing to admit even to yourself. But yeah, she looks completely ready to kick your ass. Good luck.

He stopped scanning.

His soul was humming pleasantly.

Not that sans could really focus on that now. Cause he was in complete fucking shock.

You were the new human!?!

You stood up from the chair and faced him.

He had never seen you out of that horrible uniform before. For the first time since you met you were in clothes that you looked comfortable in. Your hair was loose, instead of being forced back in a tight bun.

Your expression was angry, but stars. He had missed you.

You looked good.

Actually no, he could describe it better than that.

You looked absolutely fucking gorgeous.

Somehow, he managed to speak.

“Hey, how you do-urk!”

You had suddenly grabbed the hood of his jacket and marched out of the kitchen. Dragging him behind you.

Fuck, he had also missed how turned on you made him feel.

He knew that you were angry at him again, but shit, he was so freaking happy to see you again he didn’t give a fuck that you were mad at him.

-

Frisk and flowey burst out laughing.

“Holy shit, the trash bag has got it bad.”

“Did you see how he blushed? He practically turned into a pile of goo the second he saw her”

Toriel came back into the kitchen.

“Here you go sans, oh, where has he gone? Where’s ______?”

Frisk took the book from their mum and put it carefully on the table.

“Sit down Mum, We need to explain some things.”

Toriel sat. And looked at her two children.

“Explain what?.”

Flowey laughed.

“Long story short____and that boney idiot have known each other for a bit. Sans refuses to see it but _____is definitely sans’s potential soulmate. But he may have already completely messed things up!”

Toriel brought her paws up to her mouth in shock.

“My goodness! You two tell me everything you know! From the beginning!”
-

“Why are you here? Are you stalking me again? Cause seriously? This is getting really fucking creepy.”

In front of you was the skeleton. And for once he looked completely not at ease.

“Trust me on this, I had no idea that you were here. I’m just as surprised as you”

“So you knowing this family is just one huge coincidence?”

Sans scratched at his skull.

“Kinda? Sort of? I mean honestly? You meeting the kids wasn’t a coincidence. I told the kids about you, about how I fucked up, and they said they wanted ta help me out”

What? Frisk and flowey were in cahoots with sans?

Seeing your face sans looked panicked.

“But they didn’t tell me HOW they would help. Me coming over today was actually a coincidence.”

You sighed. You felt like you didn’t know who to trust.

“toriel isn’t in on this too is she?”

“Nah, I didn’t talk to her about you.”

Thank fuck, you didn’t know what you would do if toriel had been manipulating you. Meeting her has been really wonderful, you didn’t want that to be spoiled. She was a great person, you hoped to friends with her just like how you hoped to be friends with papyrus.

Wait, you think back to what sans said when he teleported into the kitchen.

“Pap sent me over to borrow a cookbook from ya.”

Oh twatting hell.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a brother would you? Called papyrus?”

Sans’s sockets widened.

“Wait, you know papy?”

Oh for fucks sake. Did this fucking guy know everyone?

You sat down on the sofa, processing.

So sans knew frisk and flowey. He Had spoken to them about you and they wanted to help him out. Sweet of them, you guessed, but still annoying.

They had come to your work to essentially spy on you. Toriel wanted to hire you as their sitter coincidentally.
Sans the fuckhead skeleton came here while you were here also by coincidence.

Ok now what about papyrus?

You looked up at sans.

“You don’t have any other siblings do you?”

Sans sat down on the sofa as well.
“Nah, it’s just me and paps. Are You ok?”

You looked at sans carefully.

He looked tired, the clothes he was wearing looked slept in. Even his stupid gold tooth wasn’t as shiny as it normally was. He also looked worried. It was an expression you hadn’t seen on him before.

Fuck it. This is about him anyways. I may as well talk to him.

“I met your brother when I was walking my dog. We started chatting and he asked me for advice on how to cheer his brother up”

Sans looked like he was experiencing what you were feeling right now.

“Wait, That “nice human” that paps was telling me about was you?! The one that helped us out?”

You nodded.

“Yep, the advice I gave him to help out his “poor depressed brother”. Was actually advice that helped you out.”

“Holy shit”

You leant back on the couch

“Yeah, I know”

Sans leant back too, he smirked at you.

“You seriously couldn’t tell that pap was related ta me?”

You glared at him.

“What are you talking about?”

He popped a boney eyebrow. Somehow.

“Cause we are both skeletons? Duh?”

You bristled. Did he just fucking “duh” you?

“Hey prick, not all cat monsters are related. Not all dog monsters are related. So I didn’t assume that you were related. So take that “duh” and shove it up your non-existent arse.”

Sans snickered.

“Hey don’t ASSume that I don’t have an arse when you haven’t even seen me naked yet.”

This fucking guy.

“Oh just shut the hell up sans.”

Sans burst out laughing. It was a relaxed, happy sound.

He sat back up and shifted slightly on the sofa so that he was facing you.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I messed with your head. I wish I had a decent reason for why I did what I did and why I treated you the way that I did. But I don’t really have any reason outside of me being a fucking douche. I like ya. I want ya to like me. I wanna be friends with ya if you’ll let me. I want to get to know ya and I want you ta know me. Can we start over?”

He held out his hand to you.

“Sup, I’m sans. Sans the skeleton. What’s your name?”

You looked at it closely. The first time you had shaken hands he had zapped you with a buzzer. This time it was buzzer free.

You took his hand. It was, warmer, than you had expected. And you felt a faint vibration coming from his bones.

“Apology accepted sans.”

Sans looked dissatisfied.

“You aren’t going ta tell me your name?”

“No”

“Why the Fuck not?”

You smirked at him. You wanted to make him squirm.

“Cause you bone boy, need to earn it. I still hate your metaphorical guts.”

Sans smile suddenly grew very wide.

“Nah, I doubt that, otherwise why would you bother with me at all?”

“I’m bothering because forgiving people is part of being a decent person”

Sans leant slightly closer.

“Nah, you are just telling yourself that. You like me, I just have to get you to admit it”

You laughed and stood up.

“Tell you what sans, you get me to say that and I’ll tell you my name. Sound good?”

You turned around and looked down at sans. He was looking at you in that way again. Like you were something remarkable.

Nope, those were not butterflies. You clearly were having intestinal problems.

Sans stood up, and got all up in your personal bubble.

He may have been shorter than you. But you still felt slightly overwhelmed by his closeness.

“Heh, game on beautiful.”

Chapter Text

Some time ago

Your father got into his car and drove away. He would be gone for a while. Maybe a few hours. Maybe a day. The first few times he did that you cried and sobbed. Your cuddly toys were your only friends in the world . You would talk to them. Ask them so many questions.

Why did your parents fight all the time? Parents were not supposed to fight? Your parents loved each other.

Didn’t they?

But of course. You didn’t know the answers. And so your soft friends didn’t know either.

You stopped talking to them.

After a while. You didn’t cry when your father drove away. There were no more tears left in you to shed.

You wanted to stop feeling this way. Feeling sad. Your world was crumbling around you. You started to feel cold. You started to feel numb. You started to feel as if a piece of you was being torn apart. You needed something secure. Something to hold to.

You found stories. Beautiful, Pure, Wonderful stories. They were you able to make you feel emotions without consequences.

“How can you sit there reading? While this is happening?”

You looked up from your book.

Your older brother was standing in the doorway. There were tears in his eyes.

You didn’t answer him.

Back then you didn’t know the answer. But in reality You just wanted to ignore your shouting parents downstairs.

Fiction was far better than reality

-
A different place. And a different time.

“You want to do what?”

“I want to become a food critic Mum.”

“Have you completely lost your senses? There’s so much more you could do. You could report on Wars. On crime. On things that are actually important.”

“ I don’t want to write about war. I don’t want to write about crime. Besides, food is kinda important when you think about it”

“You stupid child! You want to live a small, little life? Fine then. Just don’t come crying to me about it. Your father is going to be so disappointed in you.”

“Love you too Mum. Thanks for all the support. Wouldn’t be without it”

“Don’t you dare take that tone with me young lady!”

-

A very different time. And a very different place.

“Looks like some free EXP”

The small skeleton was tired. He was lost. He was holding his babybones brother in his arms. They were both hungry and scared.

Everyone he knew in new home forgot him and papy. No one knew where his dad was.

No one knew his dad.

Where are you pops? Why did everyone forget you? What’s going on?

Papy started to cry.

The monster in front of of the brothers snarled.

“Shut that fucking baby up or I’ll make you watch as I rip it apart”

Sans was so tired. So tired of dodging. So tired of begging. They were strangers everywhere they went now.

Easy targets.

He couldn’t fight anymore. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. He didn’t want to have to kill someone to save himself .

He looked down at Papyrus. His one connection in the world.

For his brother though? He would kill EVERYONE and EVERYTHING to save his little bro.

“One day my little babybones. You will inherit the powers of the judge. It will grant you the power to be everywhere and nowhere. And it will weigh down the guilty with their sins.”

He couldn’t remember what his mother’s voice sounded like.

But he always had her words.

Sans felt his eye burst into flames. The monster started to scream

“Heh. Lookie here papy. Looks like I got myself some free EXP”

-one maiming later-

Grillby had heard a racket outside of the bar whilst he was closing up. So he had gone outside to investigate.

He had found two skeleton children. And a regular from the bar.

Grillby looked down at the creature. Judging by the surrounding damage, the little shit had tried to boost their LV by killing children. Considering how much trouble they were as a customer, he wasn’t surprised by their cowardice.

What he did find surprising was the horrific mess that had been made of his annoying patron.

It’s body had been ripped apart and mangled. Yet somehow it was still clinging to life. It was twitching and whimpering in agony as it’s limbs slowly started turning into dust.

Grillby looked up at the two children in front of him. The older of the two snarled at him.

“Walk away mister.”

Grillby shook his head.

“Someone has to clean up the mess”

White flames engulfed the monster. Killing it almost instantaneously.

Grillby held out his hand to the child.

“Come on then, I haven’t got all night.”

The skeleton looked suspicious.

“What?”

Grillby lowered his hand.

“I’m not about to leave children alone, hungry, cold and unprotected.”

Grillby glanced down to the pile of dust.

“Though it is clear that you are capable of taking care of yourself and your sibling.”

The child walked closer to grillby.

“What’s the catch?”

Grillby crouched down to meet the child eye to eye.

“No catch. My name is Grillby. What is yours?”

The child shuffled his feet.

“Sans”

Grillby looked at the baby bones.

“Who is this little fellow?”

The baby gurgled and smiled at Grillby.

“His name’s papyrus”

-

Chapter Text

Sans was in his basement lab. Putting on the finishing touches on the smartphone for monsters. Damn modern human tech was tricky to comprehend at first. Sans and Alphys had always tinkered with the stuff that flowed into the dump when they were kids. But it was only when they came to the surface did they both realize how little they had access to back then

Above ground was a gadget lovers paradise, endless improvements and parts to incorporate into existing monster tech.

Once these monster friendly smartphones hit the shelves. Monsters would finally break through the final tech barrier separating them from humans.

He couldn't wait for all the monster-made memes.

Pap was entertaining you and "Foodie" upstairs tonight. Sans could tell that you had arrived cause of his pesky soul. The bastard was nagging him again. It was happy to have you in the house but it wanted to be in your presence. Fucking thing wouldn't stop complaining. He only just got you to start talking to him again. He didn't want to fuck it up. Best to stay out of the way. He might spoil pap's evening and he didn't want to scare you off or piss off pap.

Sans's phone buzzed. Sans glanced at the ID and sighed.

Brat: Pap told me about his cooking club! Your crush is in the house right now and you aren't even going to say hi? O.o

Sans: piss off brat

Brat: I will when you talk to her!
Brat: Dooooo iiiiittttt!
Brat: Do it! Do it! Do it!

The phone continued to buzz as an avalanche of similar messages began to infest Sans's phone.

Sans ignored it

-

You and papy were watching one of Mettaton's TV series "cooking with a killer robot". It has very little to do with actual cooking but you still adored this show. Mettaton would use industrial equipment and weapons to fail spectacularly at making basic food. All while threatening and flirting with his celebrity guests. So far he was being oddly tame tonight. He was only using a cement mixer to make scrambled eggs.

The robot turned to the camera.

"You know what darlings? This episode hasn't been anywhere near flashy enough"

Mettaton minced over to one of his guests and draped his metallic arms over the terrified looking celebrity's shoulders.

"Hugh, my lovely. I know your acting has a reputation for being wonderfully.... explosive. How about I throw that hunky body of yours in there? See what happens."

The actor was struck dumb and could only shake his head in protest.

"Phooey. Well....this will just have to do then."

Mettaton threw a grenade into the cement mixer. You and Papy burst out laughing. All of the guests either dropped to the ground or ran away.

The cement mixer exploded, with Mettaton smiling maniacally at the sight.
You may hate working in one of his crappy restaurants. But fuck did that guy have glamour.

Explodey firey glamour.

You heard the doorbell ring just as the episode's credits were rolling.

"That must be the other guest!"
Papyrus bounded out of the room. Damn paps was an excitable guy all the time. But right now his sheer joy was radiating of him. He clearly enjoyed playing host. What a big heart he had.

Papyrus almost pranced back into the room dragging a woman behind him by the hand. She looked a little older than you and even though she was being dragged around by Papyrus, she had a happy genuine smile on her face. A lot of people would have found Papy's.....unique.... personality a little jarring. But seeing that this lady also appreciated it warmed you to her.
Papyrus grandly gestured towards the newcomer.

"Human, meet Foodie!"

Oh yeah...that odd nickname

"Foodie?" You directed the question at the lady. Who laughed and held out her hand for a handshake.
"So apparently we have the same first name. So in order to avoid confusion. I have been baptised as "Foodie". I mean, they aren't wrong calling me that after all"

Yup. I like this woman. You shook her hand and smiled back at her. "Doesn't quite feel fair if you are the only one stuck with a nickname."

Papyrus looked thoughtful
"INDEED HUMAN. THAT WOULD ALSO CAUSE ISSUES WITH YOUR GAME WITH MY BROTHER!"

Shit, you almost forgot about that. Plus being called just "human" was ironically a little dehumanising.

You felt Papyrus's gloved hand patting your head.
"DO NOT FRET HUMAN! I SHALL ENDEAVOUR TO CREATE A NICKNAME THAT SUITS YOU!"

You looked up at the adorable skeletal face.

"Thanks Pap!"
Foodie put her hands together and smiled at the pair of you.
"Alrighty then, you wanna make some culinary delights? You can tell me all about this game you've got going on with Sans"
-
You all began preparing your food. Foodie did the starter, you the main course. Pap the pudding.
*Rustle Rustle

"So, you met him just over two months ago?"
"Yup, at my work"
"I MET BOTH OF YOU ABOUT A WEEK AGO!"

*Chop chop chop

"He did what?!?"
"He put hotdogs in all of the toilets"
"ARGH SANS! WHAT A WASTE OF FOOD!"

*Slice slice slice

" And this whole time he didn't bother to learn your name?"
"Yeah...it..stung a little"
"THERE IS NO NEED TO HIDE HOW YOU FEEL HUMAN. YOUR EXPRESSION AT THE TIME CONVEYED HOW MUCH IT HURT"
"Wait...when did you see that Papy?'
"UM...WELL...YOU SEE...I WAS UO THE TREE NEXT TO THE RESTAURANT. USING MY NINJA SKILLS TO GAIN INFORMATION."
"Wait that's why you were dressed as a ninja in Grillby's"
"INDEED FOODIE"

*sizzle sizzle

"Wait so you forgave him?"
"Yep"
"Why?"
"INDEED HUMAN, I ALSO FIND THAT CURIOUS"
"Because it was the right thing to do"
"Fair enough"
-
Foodie had made motherfucking gyoza. A food you had only seen in manga and anime, was now right in front of your face. It smelled amazing.

You popped one into your mouth, holy shit it tasted as good as it smelled.

"Foodie this is fucking amazing"
"I DON'T AGREE WITH THE LANGUAGE. BUT I DO WITH THE SENTIMENT"

Foodie chuckled.
"Thanks guys. It's no where near Grillby's standard but I'm happy with them."
"THAT IS BECAUSE AS A MONSTER HE INFUSES HIS FOOD WITH HIS GOODWILL VIA THE COOKING PROCESS"

Foodie looked interested. "I wonder if I can get Grillby to show me how he does it"

Ok...the fuck was a Grillby?

"Um... who is Grillby?"

"GRILLBY IS THE OWNER OF GRILLBY'S"
helpful Papyrus
"Ummmm..."
Foodie took pity on you.
"Grillby's is the name of a restaurant and of the monster who owns it. He's a fire elemental."
"A fire elemental? Sounds pretty dangerous to keep indoors"
"Oh no no no! He is far too careful and kind to let that happen!"

Your romance radar was suddenly blaring. How often had Foodie mentioned Grillby? Quite a lot. And she obviously admired him beyond his cooking skills. However it was best to handle this tactfully. It also wasn't your place to interfere. You focused on your food. You all soon finished the starter.

You all began cleaning up the plates and took them to the kitchen. Papyrus had been uncharacteristically quiet. He looked inquisitively at Foodie.....
Oh no....
"FOODIE DO YOU WISH FOR GRILLBY TO BECOME YOUR DATEMATE?"

Foodie dropped her plate into the sink.

Well shit.
"Um...well...I...uh....I don't know" Papy put his hand on Foodie's shoulder and began to lead her out of the room

"HUMAN! PLEASE EXCUSE FOODIE AND I! WE HAVE MUCH TO DISCUSS!"

Papyrus and Foodie left the kitchen.
You left them to it. You didn't know Grillby like Papy obviously did besides you had a chili to add the finishing touches to.
-
Sans was getting hungry.

Grillby's? Nah. He couldn't be arsed with Grillby nagging him about his unpaid tab.

MTT burger shit hole? Hell no. No point if you weren't there.

He had some hot cats in the fridge. He'd just teleport up there, microwave the food and pop back to the lab.

He doubted anyone would see him.

Chapter Text

"oh no no no! He is far too careful and kind to let that happen!"

Papyrus pondered while making his way to the kitchen. That made the tenth time in the past hour that human y/n (otherwise known as Foodie) had made mention of Grillby. Granted the topic had been food and cooking. Something that Grillby was closely tied to.....

However! Well over half of those times Foodie had been complimenting Grillby. When at Grillby's she wore nicer clothes than she was now....

According to the circumstancial evidence. Foodie was seemingly infatuated with Grillby. A fine choice. When Papyrus was sherrif of Snowdin, the previous establishment known as Grillby's had been technically under his jurisdiction. However Grillby was undoubtedly the sherrif of his bar. Papyrus had known that the law abiding patrons were safe at Grillby's and with Grillby. He was a brave and kind monster . A good match with the sweet and gentle y/n.

However! As his captain liked to say, one must confirm a hunch before taking further steps! He may be misinterpreting the evidence. He needed confirmation!

"DO YOU INTEND FOR GRILLBY TO BECOME YOUR DATEMATE?"

Foodie suddenly dropped the plate she was carrying in the sink. Papy didn't care about the plate because he was so excited for his friend!

Foodie fidgeted

"Um...well...I...uh...I don't know"

Seemed that Foodie needed his expertise. After all, he was a master of romance. He had been on dates! Well...one date...but his charm did make the small human fall madly in love with him! Clearly Foodie needed some of what humans called "girl talk". Where females of the species met to discuss romance and feelings. A pastime he was envious of.....
Well human______ had the chili to finish preparing! So now was his chance to experience the cultural phenomenon!

Papyrus led Foodie from the room after saying farewell to______. Papyrus and Foodie walking into the living room. Shadow was stretched out on the sofa snoozing. Papyrus was outraged!
."SHADOW TOBIAS DOOMFANGER! MAKE ROOM THIS INSTANT!"

Shadow dutifully shifted to make room. Sharing was caring after all. Foodie looked bewildered. "You let your dog on the furniture?"

"OF COURSE! WHY WOULDN'T I?"
Foodie smiled and sat down. "My mother would have a fit if that happened at her house"
Papyrus sat down next to her and patted Shadow's head.

"FIRST OF ALL HUMAN, SHADOW PAYS RENT THROUGH SNUGGLES SO HE MAY USE THE SOFA AT HIS LEISURE. SECONDLY WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO TALK ABOUT"

Foodie looked uncomfortable
"Like what?"
The interviewee was avoiding the topic! The captain had told Papyrus that it was best in this situation to "cut to the chase". Papy didn't understand this phrase. Was he supposed to carry scissors to cut something?Did it have something to do with running? Anyhoo Papyrus decided to be direct.

"WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS TOWARDS GRILLBY?
"My intentions?"
"YES"
Foodie looked a little sad
" I have no clue Pap. I haven't known him for long. I'm not sure of how I feel yet"
"HAVE YOU BEEN ON A DATE?"
"No"
He needed to push her a little.
"HAVE YOU KISSED?"
"No" Papyrus noted that Foodie blushed.
"THEN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
"We've hugged twice"

Papyrus thought for a second. Perhaps comparing her feelings for Grillby with platonic feelings towards someone else would do the trick!

"ARE YOU INTERESTED IN ME ROMANTICALLY?" He posed slightly on the sofa. " I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF GREATNESS AFTER ALL"
Foodie chuckled "I agree on the you being great Papy. But no I am not. Why do you ask?"

"I SEE.... "
Papyrus suddenly stood up.
"I'VE GOT AN IDEA! WE ARE PLATONIC FRIENDS CORRECT?"
Foodie nodded and Papyrus stretched out his arms.
"THEN HUG ME!"
"Pardon?"
"HUG ME!, YOUR PLATONIC FRIEND! AND COMPARE YOUR FEELINGS!"
Foodie looked at him incredulously.
"You're joking?"
"I ASSURE YOU HUMAN. MY OFFER IS TOTES FOR REALSIES"

You chuckled again and stood up.
"Ok, if you are sure Papy"
Papyrus held his arms out wider.
"MY BODY AWAITS YOU"
Foodie let out a loud happy laugh and hugged Papyrus.

Foodie was much shorter than Papyrus. So the hug was a little.. odd. But she was definitely in Papy's top ten for hugging skills, behind Sans, Frisk and Lady Toriel. But above Undyne, whose hugs tended to be a bit....grappley. Papyrus required a report.

"WELL? DOES HUGGING GRILLBY FEEL LIKE THIS?"

Foodie looked up at Papy. She was blushing a little. But he could tell that the blush was not because of him. But before Foodie could not answer there was a massive shriek from the kitchen.

Chapter Text

-a few minutes before the scream-

Well fucknuggets

Sans had shortcutted into the kitchen, and there you were. Dammit. He had seen you, now he felt that he just had to talk to you.

You were stirring a pot of rice and humming to yourself, stars that was fucking cute. You had borrowed one of Papy's aprons. It was so long on you that it touched the floor. It was one that Pap had made himself. It was black (of course) with words spelt out in little bones.

"YOU MAY PLATONICALLY HUG ME. BUT PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES AND DO NOT TAKE IT ANY FURTHER"

Here was the thing though. You and Sans had not shared much physical contact outside of a couple of handshakes and the slapping incident. So the idea of hugging you.......well...that kinda got his engine running. AND you were wearing a literal invitation.

Tempting. So. Very. Tempting.

Sans took one small step forward.
What did your body feel like?
Another tiny step.
A stern smokey voice rang in Sans's head.

"They are more interested in the body parts rather than the person attached"

Fuck! Shit! He was doing it again! Stupid bastard! Don't screw it up again!

He shortcutted just outside the room. He was standing on the last step leading to the basement.

Selfish little shit! You need to earn it!

Sans allowed himself to breathe for a second. Get your shit together Sansy. Just go and talk to her. Just a normal regular conversation like what normal regular people do.

Sans walked into the room just as you were taking the pan of rice to the sink to drain. You didn't notice him.

Ok.....here we go.

"What's cookin good lookin?"
You were slightly startled and a little bit of water from the pan spilled onto the floor. You gave him a quick smile.

"Oh! Hey there bonehead. I made a chili if you must know"

You looked around the kitchen.
"Sorry about the mess"
You drained the rice
"I'll start cleaning up now"

Sans shook his head
"You are Papy's guest, there's no way he would forgive me if I let you do that."

Sans went to the fridge, pulled out two hot cats and a bottle of mustard.
You snorted. "What is it with you and mustard?"

Sans shoved the hot cats in the microwave.

"What can I say? I relish it"
You rolled your eyes. Sans glanced at the chili. And he had an idea. A terrible idea. A wonderfully terrible idea.

Sans sauntered over to the chili.
"In fact, you know what this chili could use"
He shook the mustard bottle for dramatic effect.

You narrowed your eyes.
"Sans don't you dare"

Stars that tone of voice, it sent a thrill through his bones. He didn't actually intend to ruin your chili. He just loved teasing you though. Just a little bit more wouldn't hurt, old habits dust hard after all.
"C'mon, you just need to mustard the strength to try new things" Sans slowly started unscrewing the cap off the mustard.
You marched angrily forward.

"Give that here you arse-WOAH!"
Your foot slipped on the water from the pan.

For once Sans and his soul were in complete agreement.
"Don't let her get hurt!"

-

You had closed your eyes, waiting for an impact that never came. Instead you felt thin but warm and solid arms around you. You opened your eyes and a concerned skeletal face filled your vision.

Sans had caught you just before you hit the ground. He was surprisingly warm for a bag of bones. You could smell a faint hint of mustard and machine oil. Was Sans a mechanic? Your heart was pounding in your chest. But considering that you nearly fell on your arse that wasn't exactly surprising.

"You ok?"

When he was this close you could feel his deep voice reverberate through his body. Huh? Why wasn't your heart slowing down?

"Yeah, I'm good"

Sans sighed with relief and helped you stand up by pulling you up by your hand. He went to pull his hand away but you gave it a small squeeze. Well....you couldn't exactly squeeze it.... considering he was made of bone....but you tried your best anyway.

"Thanks Sans"

Wait was his face glowing..... blue?

He scratched the back of his skull with his free hand and pulled his other hand slowly away.

"Anytime"

Sans ever present smile....faltered

"Oh shit"

Sans was looking at the chili.

Oh no.......fuck ....FUCK.....FUCK!!!!

The mustard bottle had fallen into the chili and the loose cap had been completely dislodged. The contents of the bottle had oozed into the chili and congealed....ruining the whole lot ....

The noise of frustration that came from your lips was.....loud...to say the least.

Foodie and Papy burst into the kitchen.
Foodie immediately ran to you and asked if you were alright. You pointed wordlessly at the chili.

Papyrus looked at you, then at the mustard bottle sticking out of the chili and then at Sans. Who withered under his gaze.

"SANS..... EXPLAIN............... PLEASE"

Sans shuffled in his slippers.

"Well....."

-
One telling off (via papyrus) and apology (via sans) later

You were all watching a movie. Sans had a huge bowl of mustard flavour chili in front of him which he was eating with gusto. Papy you and Foodie were all eating pizza that Sans has paid for. You were piled onto the sofa. Shadow had sniffed the chili out of curiosity and had left the living room in disgust.

The film they were watching was one of Papy's favourites. One of Mettaton's ridiculous spectacles. So Sans let his mind wander. You were pissed at him again, but still talking to him. So that was something. He guessed that catching you you balanced out the chili ruining (even though Sans actually enjoyed eating the result)

However catching you? Stars. The feel of your soul that close was amazing. Your soul had felt electrifying to him. Like a live wire. You had felt soft and warm. And damn did you smell good.

So you were still talking to him. He had gotten to touch you and he was eating something tasty.

Not bad for a single evening's work.

Papyrus paused the film and stood up.

"I MADE ICE CREAM FOR DESSERT! I SHALL GO GET IT!"

You stood up as well

"I'll help Pap"

"THANK YOU HUMAN! FOODIE! PLEASE BABYSIT MY BROTHER!"

yup...Papy was miffed with him. He definitely had some grovelling to do. You and Pap left the room. Sans was left with ..."Foodie".

He turned to her

"Ok I gotta ask. Well the hell isn't anyone using your real name?"

Foodie laughed

"I have the same first name as our mutual friend" she gestured towards the kitchen. "And it was decided for the sake of your "game" that I keep my name a secret"

The fuck?
"That's a really annoying coincidence"
"It's pretty common for humans. I've met many Sams, Johns and Amys for example"

"INDEED FOODIE! HENCE THE HUMAN HERE NEEDS A NICKNAME!"

The human in question was on Papy's heels as she came back into the room with four bowls.

Papy had gotten an ice cream machine last week. He had been experimenting constantly and the freezer was filled with ice cream of every conceivable flavour.

Papy handed Sans his bowl. It was a bowl full of Papy's failed attempts of spaghetti flavoured ice cream.....yup..... pap was definitely pissed at him. Sorry for that Papy.

So...she needed a nickname huh?

"Lightning"
Everyone looked confused.
"Pardon?"
"WHAT?"
"The hell you say?"

Sans shrugged
"Lightning. My suggestion for a nickname is all"

C'mon pap back me up
"I LIKE IT! IT SOUNDS EXCITING!"
Papy sat down next to Sans and muttered quietly so that only Sans could hear.
"wink"
Atta boy Pap. He could always count on Papy. Even when he had pissed his little bro off. He was so cool.

Foodie looked confused
"Wait... why lightning?"

Cause you were sparky. You anger was a force of nature. Your soul felt electrifying. A small quiet part of Sans whispered.

And she lights up my world.

Sans winked
"Cause reasons"
You shrugged and sat down
"Fuck it, it'll do. Better than being called "human" anyway"

The evening finished well, except for the poor forgotten hot cats left cold and uneaten in the microwave.

Chapter Text

You: hey there pusscat! Where you at?
Catman: outside the mall by the exit
You: which exit? There's four you know?
Catman: the west one. See you soon!

You put your phone in your pocket and headed to the exit.

You were glad that you and BP were close enough to want to hang out outside of work. Even though you now knew that "BP" meant "Burgerpants". Your friend had introduced himself as BP and you were going to respect that.

The two of you were going shopping. Despite the fact that BP was a guy, going clothes shopping with him had never felt awkward or weird. You were very much aware that you weren't BPs type. You recalled a particular statement that he made once.

"Humans aren't hairy enough. You are all so smooth. It's weird"

Not being hairy enough was a deficiency that you would happily accept.
You spotted BP leaning against the wall outside, a half smoked cigarette in his fluffy hands. Attempting (and failing) to look cool and casual.

Though today he was wearing a dark brown leather jacket. It was a pretty good look for him. You stepped outside and waved to him. He gave a nonchalant wave back. But the smile on his face was genuine.

"Hey buddy! Ready to commit crimes against fashion?"
You grinned.
"Damned straight bitch!"

You both headed into the mall.
Most monsters, liked clothing that could only be described as "edgy". You never really understood why that was the case. But you had a soft spot for the older Tim Burton films. So you kinda liked the monsters taste in fashion. Even though most of it looked extremely heavy and uncomfortable. BP was a bit of a black sheep for a monster because he preferred comfort over style.

The pair of you walked past an MTT fashion emporium. Neither of you could repress your shudders.
Mettaton had embraced the goth lolita fashion style for his emporiums. There was still plenty of black and spikes to go around but it had been infused with with all the girly shite that your mother had tried (in vain) to get you to like as a kid.

Instead of the posters displaying models of different shapes and sizes. All of the models were mettaton. Instead of mannequins, life size plastic mettatons were all over the store in a multitude of positions and poses. They would constantly quote his most famous lines. You did admit to yourself that Mettaton's fashion sense was pretty. But it was the kinda stuff that you imagined being on China dolls. Not people.

You used to be a fan of his films. But after spending most of your time at work, drowning in all things mettaton. Just the mere sight of him outside of work made you cringe.
You and BP marched past the MTT store to get it out of sight as soon as possible and to be free from the neon glare.
BP looked suddenly exhausted.
"Can't ever be free of that box can we?"
You shook your head.
"Nope, he's always watching"
A familiar and comforting black store came into view.

"Mike likes spikes"
Before the monsters showed up, Mike likes spikes had been a small business that had been kept alive by the loyalty of the local goths and metalheads. The current owner, Lucy, had inherited the store from her father Michael. You had known Lucy at school, not well enough to be good friends as you had been in different grades, but enough to be friendly.

Since the monsters came up top. Mike likes spikes had become incredibly popular for monsters. There was even a rumor that Lucy would make the business into a franchise.
BP looked a lot more relaxed.
"I'm so glad that it was payday yesterday"
You glanced at the shop next door. Simply called.
"Yay! Nerd stuff"

"Me too"

You and BP walked into the clothes store. BP didn't spend too long choosing clothes. However, he picked nicer stuff than usual. Odd. He made his way to the changing area. You sat down on a small stool in front of BP's booth. There were a few monsters here and there but none seemed to be bothered by your presence.

BP had been oddly quiet. Time to pry into your friend's personal life.

"So...what's going on?"

You heard a nervous voice reply.

"Nothings going on. Why would you think something was going on? Did someone tell you something?"
Yup, something was definitely going on.
BP came out of the dressing room.
"What do you think?"

BP had squeezed himself into tight leather pants and a top with a dangerous amount of zips for someone so fluffy.

"Depends"
BP had started to fluff up
"On what?"
"You going to a BDSM party?"
The fluffing increased
"What? No?!"
"Then what's with the getup that makes you look like an anime antihero? Normally you are a jeans and t-shirt guy"
BP patted down his fur
"I just need a nicer outfit than normal ok?"
"Wwwwwwhhhhhyyyyyy? You got a hot date or something?"
BP's tail suddenly resembled a feather duster.
"ERMAHGERD! With who?!?"
BP looked flustered
"Shuddap______."
"I will not shut up! Tell me!"
"No"
You pondered for a moment. Then you snapped your fingers as it dawned on you.
"Is it the mean cream guy? He's always coming into work to see you"

The fur on BP's face fluffed up. Who needed a lie detector when you had BPs fur?

"I fucking knew it! I've been shipping you two for ages!"

You looked again at BP's outfit.
"Put on the dark blue jeans you picked out. I'll be right back.

You went back into the shop and grabbed a plain black t shirt. You headed back into the changing area. You shoved your hand holding the t shirt into the booth.

"______ this is a size smaller than what I usually wear."
You grinned.
"That's exactly the point, put your jacket on over it ok?"

You heard BP muttering to himself. But also the rustle of clothes.
BP came out of the changing room.
"How do I look?"
You smiled
"Perfect"
-
You and BP were leaving the store when his phone started to ring. Weirdly enough it was playing the theme from Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho". Odd. You were sure his ringtone was "everybody wants to be cat".
BP froze, slowly and robotically removed his phone from his jacket pocket.

The caller ID said
"The robot devil"
"Fuck, sorry_____ I've got to go. His holy Fabulousness is calling"

The phone continued to ring.
"Yeah sure of course, let me know how the date goes"

BP smiled a little at that and then morphed his smile into the one he usually reserved for the worst customers. He walked away and answered the phone. You heard a forcefully cheerful.

"Heeeeeeyyyy boss! How you doing?"
Before was out of sight and earshot.

You made your way to "yay! Nerd stuff!"
Ahhhhh so many potentially terrible purchases to be found here. There were a few monsters and humans wandering about. You made a beeline for the animation section. Your eyes fell on the "new arrivals" shelf. Two beautiful plushies stared back at you.

That big open mouth, the arrow on the head. The avatar fangirl was screaming at you to buy the sky bison plushie. But, That adorable blank expression. That fluffy pink mane. The Steven universe fangirl was making a compelling case. She yelled at you to buy Lion. Could you possibly buy both?
You checked the prices.
Yeah......fuck no. Your budget wouldn't allow for both. You picked up the sky bison. Avatar was the older show, more importantly it was finished. So official merchandise like this was pretty rare nowadays.

Steven universe on the other hand was still ongoing. So the sky bison was the logical choice. You gave the lion one last longing look. Next month you beautiful creature. You shall be mine.

You began heading to the cashier.

You felt someone's presence walking behind you.

"What the heck is that..... thing?"

The voice behind you sounded nasally and offended. You stopped walking and turned around. There was no one there.

You looked down.

There was a yellow Lizard staring at your beloved plushie with a look of disgust. The voice told you that this monster was probably female. If someone took the word geek and anthropomorphised it. The result would probably be very similar to this lizard lady. Nasally voice? Check. Bloody think glasses? Check. Labcoat? Check. Keychain of obscure anime character that even with literal years of your life donated to anime you still cannot fucking recognise? Check.

Well...educating someone might be fun. You held out the plushie for her to inspect.

"It's a sky bison"

The lizard adjusted her glasses and peered at the sky bisons face.

"It sure is ugly. Is it from an anime?"

You raised an eyebrow.

"First of all Appa is adorable as hell. And no. He's not from an anime. He's from an American cartoon."

The lizard's nose scrunched up in revoltion.

"Urgh. You watch that cartoon trash?"

Did this bitch just push your angry nerd button? Welp. Time to school a fool.

"Avatar: the last airbender and the legend of Korra"
The lizard looked confused.
"Gravity falls, Rick and Morty, BoJack horseman, Steven universe"
You kept your voice calm and steady. However, the lizard took a step back.
"Samurai Jack, SpongeBob Squarepants, Batman: the animated series, Spiderman, justice League, teen titans, Powerpuff girls, Johnny bravo, Futurama"

She withered under the gaze. You kept going

"How to train your dragon, thundercats, south park, looney toons, tom and jerry, pink panther, fairly odd parents, Dexter's laboratory, Pixar, X-Men, transformers, teenage mutant ninja turtles"

You leant slightly forward.
"And not all of, but a big part of Disney. Cause the direct to video sequels were all kind of shit. And they just keep remaking their old crap"

The lizard looked somehow even smaller than before. She stuttered
"W.....what..... was all that?"

You straightened up

"You don't know any of those names?'
"No...why should I?"
"Those were the names of cartoons. And they are all amazing. There's a lot more out there that are equally as fantastic."

There was an awkward moment of silence. You smiled a big bright smile at the lizard.

"An ignorant opinion is a stupid opinion. Buh bye now"

You turned your heel and walked away. Paid for your prize and left.

A few moments after you left the store you heard a familiar nasally voice shout.

"Wait! ..... please!!"

You turned around again.
The lizard lady was in front of you again. Only this time she had a notebook and pen out. Her eyes were bright and intense.
"Tell me those names again"
You tilted your head.
"Why?"
"Cause....I want to.... inspect...these cartoons...they might actually be trash...but...you made a good point....I need to experience them for myself."

Huh......this lady may actually be alright.

 

"Ok then".

You held out your hand.
"I'm _______"

The lizard shook your hand.
"I'm Alphys"

"Before we get to the list"

You pointed at the anime character hanging from Alphys's phone. It was a pink cat eared girl holding two knives. Her expression was still cutesy despite the weaponry.
"What anime is that from?"

Alphys looked excited.

"It's from mew mew killy cutie"

You nodded
"Cool...any idea of where I can watch it?"
Alphys looked like she was going to cry. But in a happy way.