The look on your face is delicate - delicate, damien rice
Jungkook makes it out of the house before his mom can really even ask where he is going. It's prom night and he's too young to go by himself which is why he's Hoseok's date for the night, all thanks to Jimin's moment of brilliance. He is lucky that his old tux from his aunt's wedding still fits as he clambors into Hoseok's car.
"So I don't know how to actually tie my own bowtie. My mom did it last time I had to wear it," Jungkook says.
The piece of cloth dangles from his fingers and Hoseok takes it while also reaching to tug Jungkook closer to the middle console. Jungkook has nowhere to look really but at Hoseok's face while he does up the bowtie for Jungkook.
"There, you look nice Kookie. Thanks for being my date," Hoseok says.
"Oh it's no problem. I mean I'd rather be out with you guys instead of sitting in my room alone."
Hoseok snorts and drives them towards the rented dance hall, left hand on the steering wheel while the right moves to rest on the console which is close to where Jungkook's thigh rests, and the close proximity has Jungkook shifting in his seat.
He's not the closest to Hoseok, that role belongs to both Jimin and Taehyung but he's still friendly enough after almost two full years of knowing him. He looks up to Hoseok in a lot of ways, as a dancer and just as an all around good person.
"I'm still going to the after party right?" Jungkook asks.
"Yes but if you get drunk I'm going to make Seokjin or Jimin take care of you," Hoseok teases.
"You wouldn't leave me like that, you're too nice."
"Yeah, I guess I am. But seriously don't drink too much, hangovers are a bitch to deal with. Not to mention your mom will know what you did, they always do."
They finally get to the dance hall and head inside, Hoseok handing their tickets over before they make their way towards the ballroom that's designated for them. Near the entrance is an area for photos and Hoseok moves to link his arm with Jungkook's, leading him towards it.
"I mean you are technically my date so we have to get a photo to remember it by," Hoseok says.
The photographer watches them as they get into their position; Hoseok has one arm around Jungkook's shoulder while their hands are clasped together in front of them.
"Are you sure that's the pose you want?" The photographer asks.
"Yep! We're ready!"
The shutter from the camera snaps and they let go of each other. Hoseok fills out the order form for the photos and takes the receipt, pocketing it. His arm naturally gravitates towards Jungkook's shoulder and rests there. It's a comfortable sort of weight and Jungkook likes being close to Hoseok who always has this positive vibe that makes Jungkook happy every single time they are together.
It makes the whole thing more enjoyable really. Jungkook has a good ass time but that's Hoseok's doing. They dance together, but Jungkook doesn't mind when someone else interjects to ask Hoseok to dance with them. A couple of people even ask him to dance which is embarrassing only because Seokjin and Jimin are so loud about it but it doesn't matter, not when it's Hoseok who keeps him close most of the night.
Afterward they all head to Seokjin's house and it's convenient that his parents are gone for the weekend. Jungkook doesn't know where he gets the alcohol from but it doesn't really matter, not when his cup never seems to be empty the whole night. He ditches the tux and changes into something more comfortable, which is good especially when he goes from being pleasantly buzzed to borderline shitfaced.
Being drunk isn't a good feeling, not when he starts to feel his stomach churn and he barely makes it to the bathroom before he's bent over the toilet, throwing up the contents of his dinner. It's more than embarrassing to be the only one who apparently can't hold his liquor and he feels a sense of both relief and shame when it's Hoseok who comes into the bathroom with a bottle of water.
'Hey, how you feeling?" Hoseok asks.
Jungkook just groans and rests his head on the rim of the toilet and if he was more sober he would freak out at how disgusting that is but he can't think about it, not when he feels another wave of nausea creep up on him. Hoseok is there, petting his hair and holding the water to his lips and Jungkook can barely get the water down but he manages to sip a little bit of it.
"I told you not to drink so much. You are going to feel terrible in the morning," Hoseok says.
“It's all Jin's fault, he made me the drinks. Bet he was trying to get me drunk on purpose."
Hoseok laughs softly and his fingers move down from Jungkook's hair to massage the back of his neck. It doesn't really help with the fact that the room is now spinning but it feels nice nonetheless. Jungkook turns his head to look up at Hoseok giving him a weak smile.
He's beautiful Jungkook thinks, like really fucking pretty with that megawatt smile. Jungkook opens his mouth to tell him that but it's not words that come out.
Instead he misses the toilet and pukes on Hoseok's jeans, some of it hitting his shoes and the floor. Jungkook whimpers and he already feels like shit but puking on Hoseok makes him feel even worse. He can't help but half cry because he definitely should have listened to Hoseok.
"Hey it's okay, I've dealt with worse. Taehyung threw up in my bed a few months ago so I can deal with this, honestly."
Jungkook rubs at his eyes and sniffles. It does make him feel a little better knowing it's probably not the grossest thing Hoseok has ever seen. He watches as Hoseok cleans everything up, just stripping down to his boxers to let his jeans air dry and Jungkook really should not be staring at Hoseok but it's just so difficult to look away.
"We should get you to bed. I'm going to stay with you because this is how people die, choking on their vomit," Hoseok says.
"I don't wanna die."
Hoseok helps Jungkook up and takes him to Seokjin's room. He's got a bed big enough to fit like five people so it's easy for Jungkook to curl onto his side, head half off the bed and into the trashcan Hoseok finds and puts next to him. Hoseok does stay, one hand always rubbing up and down Jungkook's back as he soothes Jungkook to sleep.
(and all Jungkook can think of before his eyes close is just how beautiful Hoseok really is)
Summer means freedom but it also means the last moments he gets to spend with both Hoseok and Namjoon before they go off to school. It sucks for Jungkook knowing he's the youngest and that it means he will spend the majority of his high school days alone while the others enjoy college life.
He tries not to dwell on it too much, not when he still gets the time with Hoseok. It's almost always all of them at once, none of them ever straying too far for too long. Even when one of them goes out with other friends they always manage to stay in touch. Jungkook likes the feeling of getting random snaps from Hoseok an they do nothing to stop the crush that Jungkook slowly realizes is there.
It's tough to deal with. He knows he's too young for Hoseok, clearly at fifteen he's barely out of childhood, except it's a feeling he can't stop. He stares a little too long when they're at Jin's pool and Hoseok comes up from the water. He pushes his hair back and Jungkook squirms as he stares at the golden expanse of Hoseok's chest. Jungkook knows it'll be jerk off fantasy for awhile and it doesn't help that the water makes Hoseok's shorts cling to him. His dick is evident and all Jungkook can think about is how it looks in comparison to his own. The only other dicks he's ever seen are the ones in gym class and Taehyung and Jimin. They don't count he thinks, when it's not even sexual.
Hell he's never even kissed anyone. He wonders what Hoseok's lips feel like against his own. He wonders if Hoseok would be gentle.
All the thoughts are torture really knowing he's craving something he can't have. He's right there and Jungkook itches to touch him so sometimes he lingers a little bit longer when they are pressed together on the couch. He'll pout and Hoseok will hug him and for those five seconds it last, Jungkook breathes in Hoseok's scent because it's all he has to really hold onto.
The summer comes and goes in the blink of an eye. They all agree to help on moving day because the more the merrier, and Jungkook almost doesn't want to go because he isn't sure he can stand the thought of seeing Hoseok leave him. It's a stupid thought, he's an hour away not on a different planet but he's so used to riding his bike to Hoseok's house that he panics thinking about being left behind.
"Hey Jungkookie, can you help me put this poster up?"
He's drawn out from his thoughts by the sound of Hoseok's voice. He stands on Hoseok's twin bed and helps to tape up the Coldplay poster Hoseok got six months ago when he and Namjoon saw them together. It used to hang over his headboard and now it's taped to cinder block walls, a small reminder of home.
"You know, it'll be weird not seeing you all the time," Hoseok says.
He's bending to reach for his other posters and Jungkook fumbles to tear a piece of tape off. He hands it to Hoseok without looking at him and he isn't going to cry because that'll just be embarrassing. He can still feel the lump in his throat though and he has to cough it away.
"Yeah. Me too. You'll make lots of friends at college though, everyone is going to love you."
Hoseok reaches over to gently push at Jungkook and he laughs, wobbling on the bed and he reaches to grab onto Hoseok's arm to steady himself. His hand curls around Hoseok's wrist and maybe he lets it linger a little too long. If he does, Hoseok says nothing.
Jungkook looks at Hoseok and he can feel the way his stomach flips when Hoseok smiles at him. It's pathetic. He's almost grateful when the door swings open the the others come barreling in, loud as ever.
"Jungkook we brought you back a smoothie!" Jimin announces.
He takes it with a smile and moves to sit on Hoseok's unmade bed, Taehyung coming to join him.
"What am I, chopped liver?" Hoseok asks.
"Hyung do you really think we forgot about you? Here's yours," Taehyung says.
They sit around for a couple more hours and Jungkook really doesn't want to leave and he knows Jimin and Taehyung feel the same way. It's weird to be just the three of them even if Jungkook is closest to the other two. It doesn't mean he won't miss the others and it's unsettling the way it makes Jungkook feel so alone.
The sun starts to set and Jimin moves to nudge him with his foot. Jungkook knows it's time to leave and he is quiet as they all walk back to the parking lot. He hugs everyone else first, leaving Hoseok for last. Jungkook clings to him and he should stop himself from gripping the back of Hoseok's shirt but he doesn't. He gives in and it only makes Hoseok squeeze him tighter.
"Hey it's going to be okay. I'm not dying. You can call or text me anytime Kook, you know that," Hoseok says.
Jungkook nods, way too afraid to say anything. He pulls back and hopes that the dimly lit parking garage don't show the tears in his eyes. Hoseok cups his face and Jungkook pulls away before he does something stupid. He doesn't even fight to get into the passenger seat which is unlike him. He'll elbow to get his way, desperate for the aux cord, but tonight he settles for sitting in the back, head resting against the window.
Taehyung and Jimin chatter away in the front seat and Jungkook pulls his hat down lower. His fingers itch to take out his phone but he can't text Hoseok just yet. He doesn't want to look desperate. He pulls out his headphones instead which are tangled together and he deftly works to pull them apart and plugs them into his phone.
He plays his favorite playlist and closes his eyes. He's half asleep when the car lurches to a stop and he jolts awake. It takes a second to realize he's home, both Jimin and Taehyung looking at him from the front seats of the car. He pulls one earbud free, yawning as he unbuckles his seatbelt.
"Thanks for the ride Jimin. I'll see you two around."
Jungkook goes inside and sees the note on the fridge from his mom about dinner. He warms up the leftovers and goes up to his room after. He showers and hopes that maybe he gets a text while he's away from his phone. It turns out he's disappointed when he returns to find nothing waiting for him.
He curls up in bed and flips through his photos, settling on the last one he took with Hoseok. It was only three days prior at the party Namjoon had thrown. Hoseok is holding him close and the smile Hoseok is giving the camera makes Jungkook grip the phone a little harder. He stares at it for so long he has to keep touching the screen to keep it from going black.
In the end he changes it to his phone's lock screen.
It takes Hoseok three days to text him first. He sends Jungkook a selfie of himself at the dance studio and Jungkook sends one back of himself laid out in the middle of the soccer field, sun shining in his face.
Ah Jungkookie, so cute is what he gets back.
He stares the message for a ridiculously long time. It's not like they all haven't called him cute. Jimin does it on a daily, pinching his cheeks like a distant auntie would but it's different. He doesn't have a crush on Jimin. Jungkook knows it's just Hoseok teasing him but it gives him the spark of hope that maybe Hoseok will feel the way he does now.
It's stupid of course, he's not even sixteen yet and Hoseok is in college, surrounded by people his own age who are much better looking than Jungkook but still. Jungkook can dream.
Jungkook's birthday comes and he feels a bit sad about it, nostalgic that the others aren't around. Jimin and Taehyung pick him up for school with balloons and a cupcake, loudly and obnoxiously singing happy birthday as he climbs into the backseat.
"Here, blow out the candle quick!' Taehyung says.
Jungkook leans forward between the seats of Taehyung's car and scrunches his eyes closed. It's foolish to wish for something he can't have but he does it anyway. He blows the candle out and watches as Taehyung takes it out, tossing it into his cup holder. Jungkook puts his finger into the icing and swipes it across Jimin's cheek, laughing at Jimin's pout.
"We buy you a cupcake and balloons, this is how you repay us?"
"Sorry hyung. I'll make it up to you on your birthday," Jungkook says.
He peels the wrapper off the cupcake and takes a bite before passing it over to Jimin. He too eats some of it and helps Taehyung to finish the rest while he drives. Jungkook feels happier, even if he misses his friends. His phone buzzes the whole way to school with notifications. He responds to them all and he lights up when Hoseok texts first. He's always been good about that.
From: Golden Hyung
Jungkook-ah, happy birthday!! Come visit us soon. I miss you.
Jungkook won't admit to his face that he misses him too but he can't wait to spend a weekend together with everyone. It'll be just like old times he thinks, all of them crammed together in a space too small but it doesn't matter because being together is the best feeling.
The rest of the day passes by, a blur of texts and snapchat notifications. He keeps coming back to Hoseok's and re-reading it.
I miss you.
And god, does Jungkook miss Hoseok.
The only real contact Jungkook has is via snapchat and the random late night texts he gets from Hoseok. Jungkook gets it, it's college and he wants Hoseok to have the best time of his life. He's dancing still, thanks to the snaps he sends Jungkook and he spends all of his time in the library from the artsy instagram photos he posts of his notes.
It's nice when Halloween rolls around and he piles into Taehyung's car, his backpack filled with extra clothes. They are staying the weekend and it's exciting for Jungkook because he gets to see everyone but he's particularly happy to see Hoseok again.
In fact he practically runs from the car towards Hoseok's dorm, remembering the path up towards the building where he and Namjoon live. He furiously texts Hoseok that he's here and he can hear Taehyung and Jimin yelling behind him but he doesn't care. He breaks into a grin when he sees Hoseok pushing the door open and his backpack drops to the ground as he throws his arms around Hoseok's neck.
"Hey to you too. I've missed you kid but it seems you've missed me more," Hoseok says with a laugh.
Jungkook tightens his grip and Hoseok doesn't let go, just keeps Jungkook pressed to him. Taehyung and Jimin join them and Hoseok pulls back from Jungkook, looking him up and down as he reaches to pat his cheek.
"It's so good to see you, all of you."
"Fucking same man, it's been weird just being the three of us," Jimin says.
Hoseok lets them inside his dorm and they take the stairs up to his shared room. Namjoon is there when they walk in and Jungkook goes over to him, throwing himself on Namjoon's bed. Namjoon laughs and pulls Jungkook into a hug.
"Look at you, you are starting to look like a man now Kook," Namjoon teases.
Jungkook hits at Namjoon's thigh lightly but looks up at him with a grin. He's missed this, the teasing and the fake arguing that always happens when the seven of them are together. Jungkook settles his head on Namjoon's thigh and stretches out on the bed. There's barely enough for him but he doesn't care.
"You guys wanna come to this party?" Hoseok asks.
Jungkook grins. The last time he drank was the weekend before they left for college. It was only three beers but he knows he is shit at holding his liquor and he had nearly had a repeat of prom night. He saved himself the embarrassment, thankfully and only managed to feel like utter shit the next morning.
He hopes he does better this time around. He doesn't want to end up on his knees with his head over the toilet in front of Hoseok's friends who will surely know he's still in high school.
"You up for it Kook?" Jimin asks.
"Hell yes," Jungkook says.
The party goes better than expected. Jungkook only has one drink, mostly too nervous to drink anything else. He gets separated at one point from the others and he can feel the panic start to set in before there is a hand on his shoulder. He whips around and comes face to face with Hoseok who smiles down at him.
"You come here often cutie?"
Jungkook licks his lips. He's not even close to tipsy but he feels bolder than usual.
"Depends. See something you like?"
Hoseok laughs and Jungkook swears it's the most beautiful sound in the world. Jungkook shuffles closer to Hoseok and worms his way under the comfortable weight of Hoseok's arm around his shoulders. They make their way back to the others and it's Seokjin who suggests leaving, going to do something else.
It's Friday and they find themselves at a little diner down the street from the university. Jungkook sits between Hoseok and Jimin, sipping on his strawberry milkshake. He watches as Hoseok texts someone, fingers moving quickly and there's a quirk of a smile playing on Hoseok's face. Jungkook feels the familiar pang of jealousy. He has no right to be jealous but it's easier said than done.
He moves a little closer (if that's even possible) and rests his head on Hoseok's shoulder. He isn't tired but Hoseok puts his phone down and reaches to rub at Jungkook's back.
"If you wanna head back to the dorm we can go Kookie."
Jungkook nibbles on his straw and moves to stand when Hoseok does. The others look and Hoseok moves to tug on Jungkook's arm, pulling him from the booth.
"Jungkookie says he isn't feeling well so I'm taking him back to the dorm."
"Be safe you two. Text us when you get in," Yoongi says.
They leave the others and head back to the dorm. They don't talk the entire way back but it's fine because Jungkook moves his hand to hold onto Hoseok's arm and lets it stay there. Hoseok readjusts it so their arms loop together and Jungkook watches Hoseok from the corner of his eye, lips twitching as he fights back a smile.
"Is college everything you thought it would be hyung?" Jungkook asks.
"And more. It's liberating really. It's more work than high school but it's nice to figure out what you want in life."
Jungkook smiles and lets his hand drop down, interlocking his fingers with Hoseok's. Hoseok doesn't pull away like Jungkook thinks he might, instead just swings his arms dramatically as they take the stairs up to Hoseok's dorm.
"The elevator is usually on the fritz. I guess our tuition dollars don't go towards fixing things like that."
The inside of Hoseok and Namjoon's dorm is different from the last time Jungkook saw it. It's a little bit more cluttered, books and notebooks stacked on their respective desks and there's a pile of clothes near the end of Namjoon's bed that Hoseok makes a face at.
"I've told him a million times to wash his fucking clothes," Hoseok mumbles.
Jungkook laughs and moves to sit on Namjoon's bed but Hoseok is there to grab his hand, tugging him towards his own.
"Want something to drink? I'm pretty sure we have half a bottle of vodka around here."
"I'm okay, if you have some water though that would be good."
Hoseok bends to grab two waters from the mini fridge, plugging in the strand lights that hang above the window and Jungkook thinks it's cozy, comfortable. Hoseok sits on the bed and tucks his legs in on himself and Jungkook doesn't think as he moves to rest his head in Hoseok's lap.
He takes the water that's held in front of his face and he sort of just holds onto it for now. Hoseok pets the back of his neck and Jungkook arches into it. It only further fuels his undeniable crush on Hoseok and he knows that it's all friendly touching; Hoseok acts much the same way with Taehyung and knows for a fact that Taehyung does not see Hoseok in the same light.
Jungkook wishes he could snap his fingers and suddenly wake up not having a crush on Hoseok but it's not that simple. Every little thing Hoseok does only seems to increase the desire inside of Jungkook.
"I miss you being around hyung. It's not the same with you gone," Jungkook says.
"I miss you too. I wish I could be there to take care of you still."
Jungkook wants that. He craves the way Hoseok was always there to go over homework with him, helping to drive Jungkook wherever he needed to go and being the one hyung that was always there when he was down, seeming to know Jungkook's feelings before even Jungkook.
Hoseok moves to stretch his legs out and Jungkook doesn't make it easy by keeping his head down. He closes his eyes and clutches to the water bottle, Hoseok's hands still a constant presence on the back of his neck, half playing with the short hairs there.
It's how he falls asleep.
When Jungkook wakes up the next morning, he's lying side by side with Hoseok. He wrinkles his nose at the stale alcohol that comes from Hoseok's mouth but despite that, he's still beautiful in his sleep. Jungkook carefully and gently lifts a hand to trace his fingers down the side of Hoseok's face. Hoseok stirs slightly but doesn't wake up.
Behind Hoseok, Jungkook can see Namjoon in his own bed, arms and legs sprawled out across the tiny mattress. Jungkook lifts himself enough to see Jimin on the floor clinging to one of Namjoon's pillows.
Jungkook lays back down, not moving as he watches Hoseok sleep. It takes a lot of self control on Jungkook's part not to reach out and snuggle further into Hoseok's embrace, instead he tries to keep as much space between them as possible. He's at that wonderful age where waking up with a hard dick is almost always a guarantee and he knows that it wouldn't take much for him to grind his hips into Hoseok's.
So he has to will himself to not touch. He stares at the small sliver of skin that peeks out from where Hoseok's shirt has ridden up and Jungkook licks his lips at the thought of being on his knees for Hoseok. He's never done anything with anyone before and it sucks when he hears his friends tell their stories; he just wants that same experience.
Jungkook sighs and shifts again, freezing up when Hoseok reaches out and puts his hand on Jungkook's hip.
"Stop moving. It's too early to be awake."
"Actually hyung, your alarm clock says it's almost 10 am."
"That's still early. Just sleep Kook."
Jungkook almost stupidly gasps when Hoseok uses the same hand that stilled his hip to bring him forward, their legs tangling. It's too close and Jungkook's brain panics, because it's too close god he's gonna fuck this up, before he wills himself to relax. Hoseok is already half asleep again, his breathing evening out and Jungkook forces his own eyes to close.
When he wakes up against the bed is empty and Namjoon is awake.
"Ah good we are just waiting on you. Hoseok is in the showers down the hall if you wanna join him."
Jungkook nods and reaches to grab what he needs from his duffle bag. He finds the bathroom easy enough and pushes the door open. There's a row of shower stalls with flimsy curtains and Jungkook isn't sure on whether he's grateful or not. On one hand it'll save him the embarrassment of Hoseok seeing him yet he's also denied the cheap glimpse of Hoseok completely naked and wet.
He knows which stall is Hoseok's because it's the only one taken. He doesn't choose the one right next to it, instead leaves one between them. Jungkook rests his head against the shower wall and moves to wrap his hand around his dick. He thinks about the way Hoseok looks, that megawatt smile and how his body felt against Jungkook's own.
It's probably the most embarrassing thing he has ever done. He bites down on his arm as he comes against the tiles and watches as the shower washes it away. Jungkook can hear the water turn off and the shower curtain open which signals Hoseok's departure. Jungkook waits and breathes out when he hears the bathroom door open and close.
Jungkook doesn't realize he's shaking till he reaches for his body wash and he awkwardly laughs to himself because he's so damn stupid.
As if Hoseok is ever going to feel the same way he does.
He tries to stay in the shower for as long as he can but he knows the others are waiting for him so he has to shut the water off and head back to Hoseok and Namjoon's room wearing only a towel. Jungkook knocks and Hoseok opens the door and Jungkook heads back in, one arm covering his chest.
"Aww Kookie don't be shy, it's just us. There's no girls here to see you shirtless," Namjoon teases.
Jungkook forces out a laugh and reaches for his bag. He drops the towel and quickly pulls his boxers on, hoping neither of them are looking. When he lifts his head he finds that they aren't, to his relief but he still hurriedly pulls his clothes on.
"So uh...what's the plan?"Jungkook asks.
"Well food first then I figure we can head out and maybe see a movie or something. There's this arcade nearby that we could hit up too," Hoseok suggests.
Jungkook shrugs. "I'm down with whatever. I just miss spending time with you guys."
In the end, all of them decide on food and the arcade. It's loud but that's how it's always been and Jungkook doesn't care about the glares they get because well, they always get them and it's fine, he's just happy it's all seven of them again.
He tries not to stick too close to Hoseok because he wonders if he will look too desperate. He instead clings close to Seokjin, wrapping his arms around the older man's shoulders. It doesn't keep Jungkook from watching Hoseok. Watches as he shares dumb jokes with Namjoon and god Jungkook wants to be the reason he laughs like that. Hates the way jealousy creeps up his throat when Hoseok slings his arm around Jimin's shoulders.
But then like fate, they gravitate together. Jungkook's watching Taehyung and Seokjin battle it out on one of the gaming machines and Jungkook feels an arm around his waist and he just knows without looking who it is.
He looks anyway and he hopes the hitch in his breath isn't noticeable.
"You having fun Kook?"
"Aways hyung. I can't wait till I'm in college with you guys."
"Soon. Don't grow up too fast okay? Hyung'll get sad if you do."
Jungkook groans and rolls his eyes playfully as Hoseok squeezes his hip. Jungkook retaliates by reaching to wiggles his fingers against Hoseok's side knowing how ticklish he is and Hoseok squirms away from him.
"You brat," Hoseok says playfully.
Jungkook licks his lips and reaches to tug on Hoseok's sleeve, pointing to the ice cream stand that's across the street.
"Hyung buy me ice cream," Jungkook demands.
Hoseok fake grumbles under his breath but he lets Jungkook lead him out anyway. Jungkook grins as he stands in front of the counter, eyeing up the different flavors and when Hoseok reaches to pay, Jungkook stands behind him, clinging to him.
"If you drop ice cream onto me, I'll have to beat your ass."
"I'd like to see you try hyung. I've been working out now."
Jungkook grabs a table near the back and Hoseok sits with him, digging his spoon into the bowl while Jungkook licks around the cone, following a trail that slides down his wrist. He looks and sees Hoseok staring and when their gazes meet, Hoseok looks away quickly.
"You've been working out huh?"
"Mhmm. Not like hardcore. But sometimes Jiminie and I hit up the gym together."
It's only been a few months but Jungkook can see the change in his own body, no longer lean and scrawny but slowly filling out, becoming a little more broad and defined in places he didn't know was possible.
"Still always gonna be our cute youngest, even if you get ripped," Hoseok says.
Jungkook groans. "You are gonna have to stop babying me at some point."
Hoseok stares him in his eyes, lips curling up into a grin. "Never."
And Jungkook doesn't even fight the smile.
The weekend goes by too quickly. Sunday afternoon rolls around and the three of them have to head back, still needing to finish homework before Monday morning. Jungkook drags his feet to the car despite Jimin calling for him to hurry up. He throws his bag into the trunk and slams it shut, ignoring Taehyung's pleas to treat his car nicer.
Jungkook throws himself at Hoseok first in a hug and Hoseok has to take a step back, arms coming to wrap around Jungkook's body and he presses them together tightly.
"Don't be a stranger. I'm always a phone call away kid," Hoseok says.
Jungkook nods into his neck and he knows he has to pull back before it gets weird. Before he does something stupid like kiss Hoseok.
"Bye hyung. Don't tell the others but you're my favorite," Jungkook whispers.
Hoseok grins and mimes zipping his lips. Jungkook hugs the others, quicker this time, and he piles into the passenger seat despite Jimin's whines and Jungkook ignores the way Jimin kicks at his seat.
Jungkook leans back and smiles to himself.
He's so in love.
Things don't really change after that. Jungkook only sees Hoseok on long weekends or over the breaks he has. They still stay in contact with each other and Jungkook likes sending him stupid little updates on snapchat of the things he's working on for school, post workout selfies with Jimin in the background. In some ways it's comfortable because there is a distance between them meaning Jungkook doesn't have to face his feelings.
He still jerks off thinking about Hoseok. He's probably the only person that occupies Jungkook's thoughts as he grows up, turns from sixteen to seventeen and he's a junior, almost into his senior year finally. He hasn't been with anyone still even though he knows it would be so easy. He could get anyone he wants except well the one person he does want, he can't have.
It's probably wrong to use the touches Hoseok gives him as masturbation material. It's the summer between his junior and senior year and they've all decided to road trip to the beach, piled together in Seokjin's truck. Jungkook sits in the back with Jimin and Taehyung, ignoring the way he sweats the entire ride there. He just strips off his shirt once they are parked and runs towards the water.
When he comes up from and wipes the sea water from his eyes, he sees Hoseok looking his way and he knows he's different now. More muscles and his face looks less like a child and more like a man. He knows he looks good.
And he's more confident now, bolder. It's why he strides over to Hoseok and lays between his legs, head resting on Hoseok's thigh. It's no different than anything else he's ever done but Jungkook swears he feels Hoseok stiffen for a few seconds before he relaxes.
Jungkook closes his eyes and brings an arm up to throw over his eyes to help block the sun from his face. Hoseok's hands come to rest against his chest, fingertips lightly tapping out a beat against the flesh. Jungkook can hear the others but he's not paying attention; no he's far too focused on the way Hoseok's fingers feel against him.
They stay like that for awhile. Jimin calls out for them to join but it's Hoseok who says no, that they are fine like this and Jungkook fights back a smile instead pretending to be asleep. At some point he does slightly nod off but he can feel Hoseok's hands shift, one of them coming to rake through his hair.
It's added to Jungkook's ever growing list of fantasies. He will dream later about the way Hoseok's fingers feel against his body and he knows he'll come to the thought of those fingers wrapped around his dick, making him come against his own skin.
Jungkook's thoughts are interrupted by Seokjin's high pitch yelling and he slowly lifts himself up, moving his arm away from his eyes. He watches as Jimin and Taehyung dunk Seokjin into the wave that's crashing onto the shore and laughs as Seokjin comes up sputtering, hands grabbing out and latching onto Taehyung, already in revenge mode.
All of that ceases to exist when Jungkook feels Hoseok's fingers playing with the soft hair at the base of his neck. It's brief but it's as if time stops and the only thing that matters is just them in that moment.
If Hoseok notices the hitch in Jungkook's breath, he doesn't say anything.
And in the blink of an eye, the fingers are gone and the moment disappears. Jungkook tries to not look disappointed even if he is. The others are calling for the two of them to join and Jungkook is up from the sand and Hoseoks's grasp as he races back towards the water.
(later, when he's in bed, body tinged golden from the sun, he comes hard dreaming of the way Hoseok's mouth would feel on him.)
Senior year comes and with it, Jungkook turns eighteen. It's exciting in some ways, to feel like he's finally on his way to growing up but he's been alone ever since Taehyung and Jimin moved to college a month before. He doesn't want to admit it, but he's so lonely without them. He has same age friends, sure, but he's always been caught hanging around with the others and it's so strange to not have at least Taehyung and Jimin around to pester him.
It's either a curse or a blessing that his birthday falls on a Friday. He doesn't expect much and when he goes home, he trudges up the steps to his front door and unlocks it, using his shoulder to push his way in. His house is dark with both his parents still at work and he's not going to cry like a five year old because he gets it, he shouldn't expect that his parents are waiting with a home cooked meal and a birthday cake.
He tosses his backpack down onto the floor in the hallway and makes his way to the kitchen to make himself something to eat and flicks the switch on.
"Happy birthday Kookie!"
Jungkook almost dies a little. He's pretty sure his heart stops for a good half a second and he stumbles back against the wall as he watches his friends come out from hiding. He blinks in confusion and doesn't really understand how the fuck his friends got into his house and he doesn't know when they even planned this whole thing.
"Aww look at him, our baby is all grown up," Seokjin teases.
He playfully pats Jungkook's chin and Jungkook shoves at him, laughing as they all crowd around him and try to shove a party hat onto his head.
"I literally hate all of you," Jungkook says.
"That's too bad, guess we will have to take back the cake we bought for you," Jimin says.
Jungkook knows it's an empty threat of course. He tries not to grin and god he hates how his default emotion is to feel the tears welling behind his eyes because he's too old to fucking cry over a surprise birthday party.
"When did you guys get here?" Jungkook whispers.
"Maybe an hour ago, Jimin called your mom this morning and she left a spare key for us. They are gonna be here soon too," Taehyung says.
Jungkook uses the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe at his eyes and he sniffles back the snot. It's Hoseok who moves first and pulls Jungkook in for a tight hug, the others joining and it's suffocating but Jungkook feels so happy in the moment. They pull apart but Hoseok is still there, arm slung around Jungkook's shoulders and they pull the cake from the fridge and haphazardly stick a few candles in it, Yoongi pulling out his lighter and lighting them.
"Make a wish Kook-ah,"
It's terrible cliche and Jungkook knows it but he wishes for it anyway; wishes for Hoseok to do something, anything. Kiss him. Fuck him. Doesn't matter at this point, all his fantasies blur together.
He opens his eyes and blows the candles out. Jungkook only has about half a second to duck before the others are spreading the icing across his face and he laughs, pushing at Jimin because he's closest and when Jungkook looks up, he meets Hoseok's gaze from across the kitchen table. Hoseok's smiling wide and Jungkook suddenly forgets that anyone else is in the room.
All he can focus on is how beautiful Hoseok looks and it makes his heart ache. It's been close to three years now and he doesn't know how to ever act because he's so scared he'll do something and fuck it all up. The thought of Hoseok never talking to him overrides anything else because it scares the shit out of him.
So he keeps it to himself.
"Jungkookie, what kind of pizza do you want?" Jimin asks, phone open to Yelp.
They sit around Jungkook's living room, eating and laughing, later joined by Jungkook's parents who eventually go to bed when it gets to be late. Jungkook stretches out on the couch, head in Hoseok's lap and he closes his eyes, half listening to the others talk. There's fingers tracing over his jawline, nose, and the shell of his ear. It makes Jungkook shiver and Hoseok laughs softly above him.
Jungkook says nothing but arches his neck and he doesn't want to lose this moment. He wonders if Hoseok can hear how fast his heart is beating and he thinks that maybe he'll get the courage to kiss Hoseok.
He doesn't, of course, but he imagines how nice it would feel. Instead he nods off because when he opens his eyes again, everyone else is asleep including Hoseok. Jungkook looks up and it must be uncomfortable for Hoseok to be asleep the way he is and Jungkook tries to sit up but the arm across his chest tightens its grip and Jungkook stays put. He cautiously reaches out and traces his finger over Hoseok's hand and this time, his curiosity gets the best of him and he ever so carefully lifts Hoseok's hand and he links their fingers together.
It's not the first time they've ever held hands and Jungkook is sure it won't be the last but it's a little different this time. He lets their joined hands rest against his stomach and he closes his eyes again, smiling as the fatigue takes over.
He wakes up even later and it's dark in the room, tv finally off. Jungkook moves slightly and realizes that Hoseok is behind them, spooning him. Their hands are still joined together and Jungkook squeezes Hoseok's hand in his.
Perhaps there is hope.