Work Header

Adam B'stard

Chapter Text

The sky was dull on the afternoon of  June 9th 2014 and the infamous conservative prime minister Alan B’stard had died following a skydiving orgy incident which he was laid to rest after inhaling a final breath during a Polynesian massage.

Sarah was a proud rich happy woman the swine she despised as a so called husband was no longer alive and the media didn't even report his death which didn't really affect anything in the world.

Until Sarah remembered during the funeral that Alan’s mum had told her Alan used to be a sperm donator at a young age and that there was a recent scientific breakthrough where dead people’s memories could still be retained by making clones of them via fusing their dna.

She knew Alan had 5 kids and the 5th child was like the spitting image of his father except he lived in a foster home but would occasionally stay over at Sarah’s she had learned “Adam” was in his mid twenties now and happened to do a political science course at his university Sarah had an idea that if she could make something about her late husband desirable it would be his offspring having Adam get a soul transfusion between him and his late dad's soul 

The operation was a success, Adam and Alan had now been fused, it felt like devilish massage (of Alan’s demons flying around him)

Adam awoke, shook his head a bit and processed what memories had now entered his brain

“Who are you”? 

Alan’s prideful baleful voice answered

“Who do you think it is?”

Adam was puzzled

“Aren’t you dead?”

Alan answered

“Yes and it’s boring I’ll tell you that”

Adam started asking questions 

“What was it like ruling Britain?”

Alan boasted 

“Well I ruled the country better than May or Corbyn did”

Adam was even more curious 

“True so tell me what you endured”

Alan started his long anecdote 

“I got wrongly imprisoned in a California prison due to possession of cocaine which I actually got from a soap opera actor I was planning to shag”

listing the meaningful events that had previously happened to him

“I once spent time in a Siberian camp, Old Mumsy didn't know my gender until I was 15,Ive been with many girls,I once worked with Labour for a short time,I once got the BBC temporarily banned,I once worked with a trans woman accountant called Norma,I’m terrible in bed,I had to disguise myself as an anti fascist protester once,I used to have an assistant called Piers who was stupid beyond belief while there was one time one of the fellow politicians thought I was Queer

Adam was taken aback that he could be related to such a person

"Wow that’s a lot to have dealt with….compared to me am I inferior?"

Alan tried to think 

"Well you are now part of me so of course not,I’m amazing who can deny that and Adam don’t be stupid you’re the son of a MP surely your popular at school aren't you I mean weren't you?"

Adam frowned

"Not really…not many people paid attention to me, considering the way things are now I’m too scared to talk to people sometimes because of my conservative views the world is more politically correct now, soldiers who fight terrorists are getting arrested,the economy is sinking,May is taking centre stage and America is ruled by an orange"

Alan brushed Adam's woes off 

"Don’t be scared and politically correct  what nonsense"

he then read a newspaper article

"Oh no that is bad which means you can save the day and defeat may"

the corny line had made Adam cringe 

"Dad never say that again you’re a dead prime minister, not a kid"

Alan doted

"Can’t I say something that isn't sadistic or involving innuendo to my own offspring?"