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aesthetically pleasing lettuce

Chapter Text

Jack frowned at the email in his inbox, the Google logo glowing brightly at him. After he’d confirmed that yes, this was the real deal and no, it wasn’t a scam, he had to decide whether to take the company up on the offer they were giving him.

The offer was this: if Jack agreed to do a short video series on the shiny new Google IRL unit, for a minimum total of 60 minutes time, they’d ship him a free unit to do the series with and let him keep it; they’d even let him customize its appearance! On one hand, it was an extremely tempting offer; the Google IRL units were not cheap, practically the price of a new car, and he’d basically be getting one for free. He could do 60 minutes easy, what with all the tech and capabilities of the thing that were advertised. On the other hand, it was a potentially massive invasion of privacy. People complained about things like Google Home and the Echo listening in on them, but this was something that could watch you, talk back to you almost like it was a real person. But he could tell it not to look, or stay out of certain places, right? Probably? Hopefully.

But still. Who was he to deny the opportunity to be lazy? He could make it do all his chores! What was there to lose?


The box arrived approximately six weeks after he’d completed communication with Google. It was a little smaller than two shoeboxes with their long sides stuck together, and it was very light. Jack frowned at it as he closed the door to his apartment. Was this really the box the android came in? Or was it just the owner’s manual, and the android would come later? Whatever, he’d open the box now and see what was inside.

He plopped down on his couch and set the box on the coffee table, pocket knife in hand. He carefully sliced open the packing to reveal another box set inside a Styrofoam frame, and an owner’s manual sitting right on top, along with a postcard-sized piece of paper. Jack carefully picked up the piece of paper and read it. Its message was essentially “thank you for working with us, hope you enjoy the unit, make sure to report bugs, blah blah blah, have fun”. It was sweet, and he set it aside for safe keeping. He then plucked the manual, a narrow but dense thing that fortunately only had staples to bind it, from its cradle and began to read it over.

The manual had setup instructions in the front; it said in big bold letters to place the interior box on the floor when you opened it, otherwise the android would be unable to calibrate itself. A strange direction, but Jack could deal with it. He scanned the setup instructions, and flipped through the other headings: Connecting Google IRL to the Internet, Voice Commands, Repair and Troubleshooting, Household Chores Functionality (Dishes, Laundry, Cooking, etc.), Entertainment Functionality (Movies, Books, Games, Adult Entertainment, etc.)- wait. “Adult Entertainment”? Jack flipped back a page and read carefully, then began to cackle.

“Oh my god, are you serious?? You can fuck the robot?! That’s amazing! Oh man, that’s hilarious!” Jack had a good chuckle over that while he read over the section. Evidently the male model had a fully functional penis that could get an erection (on command even!) and could simulate an orgasm in time with the user’s – complete with a small supply of synthetic, nontoxic semen. There was other stuff but Jack moved on to the rest of the manual.

“You can fuck the robot,” Jack snickered. “That’s fantastic, I love it.”

After a few more minutes of reading, Jack decided he could probably do some kind of unboxing video. The company hadn’t said he couldn’t do that, and hadn’t they actually encouraged something to that effect, as long as he didn’t give out sensitive information? Yeah, that sounded about right. Having made his decision, he hopped up off the couch to set up recording.



He decided to do it in his standard recording room and set a small handheld camera at a height where it could capture both him on the floor opening the box and him standing up. He turned on the camera and started recording. First came the intro, then the explanation. Now to the good stuff.

“Okay! It says in the manual here that I’m supposed to open it on the floor so the android can calibrate, which is a really weird instruction? ‘Cause this box isn’t nearly big enough to hold a robot, and it’s SUPER light, but whatever.” He laughed a little. “We’ll find out what’s inside together!” It was one of those boxes where the top flap had tabs that tucked into the side, so he carefully pulled the tabs out and began to lift the lid.

Just as he could start seeing glowing, shifting geometrics inside the box, something practically flew out of the box and lit up very brightly, making him fall backwards with a shout. There was a humming, almost musical noise that sounded very much like a start-up noise, and after a few long moments it faded with the light. He brought his forearm down from his eyes (when had he raised it?) and-

There was a man in his recording room. A robot, Jack’s brain corrected. It- he? Jack wasn’t sure he felt comfortable calling something that looked so human an it- stared out into oblivion for a few moments before tilting his head slowly downwards to look at Jack where he lay on the floor in shock. The glowing capital ‘G’ on the blue T-shirt captured his attention.

“Hello,” said the robot. His voice was a pleasing baritone, natural and backed by a slight, yet distinctly robot reverb in a crisp American accent.

The robot’s voice startled Jack into action. “Oh! Hi!” Jack stood up quickly and let out a breathless chuckle. “Wow! That was incredible! I dunno how they did that but-” Jack glanced at the camera, then back at the robot, and reached out a hand to brush against the robot’s shoulder, to make sure he was real. Cotton fabric met his fingertips, and he brought his arms in close to his chest, rubbing his hands together in excitement. “-that was so cool!! Wow! Uh- what’s next?” Jack picked up the nearby manual and read aloud from it. “‘Begin personalizing your Google IRL unit by connecting it to the internet and logging in to your Google account. To connect the unit to the internet, use the following steps.’” Jack turned to the camera. “Y’know, I’m not really sure how to refer to- to- to this Google IRL unit? Do I use ‘he’? ‘It’? Does the robot have feelings? I don’t wanna hurt his feelings.” He chuckled nervously.

The robot startled Jack by speaking up. “Current Google IRL user data indicates that users generally refer to Google IRL units with the gender presentation of their particular unit.”

“Oh! Uh, okay, that answers that question, hehe. Ok, now to connect you to the internet.” Jack read the instructions out loud, and there was a bit where Jack had to awkwardly drag the robot closer to his router because the signal coming from the router wasn’t strong enough, apparently, and the unit wasn’t responding to verbal direction commands yet. He made comments to the eventually-watching audience, and then awkwardly pushed him back into frame. “Okay, now to log in.” Jack said the appropriate voice command, and a holographic keyboard popped up in front of the Google IRL unit. “I didn’t think they had the tech for holographic keyboards yet, but apparently they do! That’s so cool! You know,” Jack commented as he typed, “he looks very realistic, I wonder just how much research went into making these robots looking life-like? It’s really incredible, he even has eyelashes! I’ll have to ask him what he’s made of once I get everything set up.”

Jack tapped the ‘enter’ button, and a musical tone sounded while the robot’s brown eyes pulsed a bright blue. The blue faded once the tone ended, and the eyes focused back on him.

“Hello Seán McLoughlin, I am you personal Google IRL unit. You can either call me ‘Google’ for voice commands or establish a nickname for me. You can setup a personalized nickname for me at anytime using the given voice commands in your Owner’s Manual. Would you like to name me now?”

“Oh jesus, I can name him??” Jack laughed, mostly out of reflex. “I dunno how to feel about that! Ahh, geez, what do I do?” Jack made indecisive noises for a moment before coming to a conclusion. “Uhh, no, I do not want to name you.”

Google smiled pleasantly at him, and a ring of blue went around his iris once, like a loading symbol. “Excellent. Would you like me to continue calling you ‘Seán’ or do you have another name you would like me to call you?”

“Seán or Jack is fine,” Jack said. He crossed his arms and glanced over at the camera. “This is so cool,” he said in a stage whisper.

“User name: Seán McLoughlin. Alternate nickname: Jack. Is this correct?” Google’s eye contact was unwavering, almost intense.

“Yes.” Jack fidgeted in place, eager to get to the questions.

Google’s eyes flashed blue again, in that loading circle pattern. “Excellent. Please confirm that the following information is correct.” Another holographic screen popped up, with sensitive personal information.

“Ehh, Robin, you can just blur all this out, hehe,” Jack said, gesturing to the holographic screen. He scanned the screen and then tapped the ‘OK’ button.

Google’s eyes flashed once more. “Excellent. For optimal service, please guide me around your place of residence, making sure to clearly identify each location.”

“Oh, okay, I can do that.” Jack gestured to the room around them. “This is my recording room, where I record all my videos.” He picked up the camera and walked into the hallway, gesturing for Google to follow. “The washer and dryer is over on that end of the hallway.” He moved to the next doorway, closer to the washer and dryer. “This room is my bedroom, ahh, as you can see it’s a mess, hehe. This next door here is the bathroom.” He moved around Google, back towards the recording room and turned right into the rest of the apartment. “This here is the “dining room” I guess you could call it, this table here.” To his right was the entry to the hallway for the bedroom and bathroom. He pointed straight ahead. “That’s my kitchen in there, I’ve got the standard fridge, the stove, microwave, dishwasher, toaster, etcetera.” He moved diagonally, towards the far corner of his apartment, and stood behind the longer couch. “So I’ve got a breakfast bar behind me for the kitchen, and in front of me is basically the living room, from the entryway on the left over to the far right. Ahm, that’s basically it, I’ve got a small apartment, hehe.”

Jack turned back to Google, and he was staring off into the distance, those loading circles making bright trails in his eyes. After a long few moments, Google’s eyes turned to their normal brown, and he smiled pleasantly. “Excellent. I am now ready for everyday use. Simply begin your request with my designated name, and I will complete it as quickly as possible. Over time, I will learn your speech patterns and your habits, and I will be able to serve you more effectively, without the need for you to address me by name. However, if you would like me to complete assigned tasks automatically, such as cleaning and cooking, you will have to give me admin permissions. Would you like to do so at this time?” A popup appeared in front of Google, repeating the question with a “yes/no” option.

This gave Jack pause. Did he really want a robot running around his apartment on his own? Especially one so new? That sounded like a recipe for disaster. “Uhm, not right now, Google. Maybe later on, when I’ve gotten more used to yeh.” He tapped the ‘no’ button.

Some faint expression crossed Google’s face – something like disapproval? Annoyance? Whatever it was, Jack wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it or not. “Very well. What would you like me to do? I am at your service.”

Okay, now this was where the exciting stuff happened. “Ok, Google, what are you made of?”

“My internal structure is made of lightweight titanium, and my skin and hair are made of synthetic material.”

Jack continued asking Google questions about his make, occasionally receiving a “That is a company secret” in return, and got giddier with each passing question. Google seemed pleased to indulge his curiosity, which was intriguing, and Jack asked him if he was getting annoyed by all the questions.

“Human curiosity is a trait I am designed to accommodate, and it is impossible for me to feel annoyance towards the asking of questions. In fact, it gives me joy to answer questions.” Google was giving him that pleased smile again. “Unless said questions happen to interfere with a previously given task. Such an occurrence can be quite frustrating.”

“Oh-ho, we’ve got a little sass on this one, I like it!” Jack grinned at the camera. The wording of Google’s answer made him think of something else. “Can you- are you able to feel emotions like humans can?”

Google tilted his head. “The answer to your question is meant to be ‘yes’, but whether that is actually the case has yet to be determined. Consciousness is a very particular thing, is it not?”

Jack rubbed at his beard as some sort of emotion he couldn’t identify twisted in his chest. “Huh. Interestin’.” Jack glanced at the clock. Hmm, was that that enough time for a 15 minute video? He could test some of the other functionalities. “Hey Google, since it’s getting close to lunch time, could you make me a sandwich?”

“I can.” Google walked around into the kitchen, and Jack followed to stand in the entryway of the kitchen. “Any preferences or allergies?”

Jack watched as Google pulled out the bread from its place on top of the microwave, fascinated by fluid yet precise and distinctly robotic movement of his limbs. “Just somethin’ with meat and cheese, please. And uh, no I don’t have any food allergies.”

Google nodded once. “Noted.” The robot opened the fridge and there were a few minutes where he shuffled things around quietly while his eyes glowed a bright blue, no doubt cataloguing the contents of his fridge. Apparently satisfied, Google pulled out a package of smoked turkey, swiss cheese, a head of lettuce (oh yeah, Jack had almost forgotten about that!), and a jar of mayonnaise. Google set all the ingredients on the opposite counter and then began systematically opening drawers and cupboards. As he found the plates, he set one down on the counter and once he found the silverware he washed his hands.

“Google, aren’t ya worried about shorting out your circuits, when you’re around water?” Jack asked.

“My synthetic skin renders me nearly waterproof,” Google said as he dried his hands. He began making the sandwich on the counter opposite the fridge. “The only risk of water or vapor-related incidents occurs when I am in places where there are significant amounts of steam for extended periods of time, such as bathrooms after my user has taken a shower.”

“Huh, that’s cool.” Jack moved around the other side of the breakfast bar and sat down on one of the bar stools, opposite where Google was making his sandwich. He made comments to camera while he watched Google make the most aesthetically pleasing sandwich he’d ever seen.

Speaking of aesthetically pleasing, so was Google. Jack couldn’t deny that the long hair the robot sported looked smooth and soft to the touch as it fell over one of his eyes. Google’s voice, too, was something that Jack could already tell he wasn’t going to get tired of hearing it for quite some time.

In hardly any time at all, the sandwich was done. Google poured him a glass of water before cutting the sandwich into two triangles, separating them a bit so Jack could see the cross-section like he was plating it for a commercial. Both the plate and glass were pushed towards him, and the situation felt incredibly surreal.

“Wow! Look at that!” Jack made himself say for the camera. He zoomed in on the cross-section. “That’s the prettiest sandwich I’ve ever seen in my life.” Jack set the camera down, making sure that both him and Google were in the shot. He picked up a triangle and took a bite of the sandwich. He glanced up as he chewed and noticed Google’s intense gaze watching him. He felt self-conscious as he swallowed and looked over at the camera. “Yep! Tastes like a sandwich alright!” he laughed. “Thanks man, you did a good job,” he told Google.

Google smiled at him and leaned back (when had he leaned forward?), and Jack relaxed as Google left his personal space. As cool as Google was, there was something about the robot that left Jack very unsettled, and he couldn’t pinpoint what exactly it was. Something anxious rose in his chest and he felt the desire to end the video quickly, so he did a subdued outro, deciding that he could do a proper on later behind the safety of a closed door.

Jack ended the recording, turned off the camera, and continued to eat the sandwich. It really was a good sandwich; Google’s gaze on him just unnerved the hell out of him.

After a few moments, Google was apparently satisfied and began to clean up after himself, putting away ingredients and putting the used knife in the dishwasher.

The apartment was dead quiet for a few minutes as Jack ate. It wasn’t until Jack had set down his empty glass of water that Google spoke again. “Are you still hungry? I can make whatever you like if you are.”

Jack assessed his hunger status. “Yeah, I’m still kinda hungry. I’ve got an opened bag of crisps in that cupboard over there.” Jack pointed to the cupboard.

Google frowned at him. “Are you sure? You have a perfectly acceptable array of vegetables in your refrigerator that are much healthier than chips.”

Oh. Huh. Did Google have some kind of “keep your owner healthy” directive? It made sense, but… was it really necessary? The idea made Jack feel some kind of uncertain way. “I mean, there’s no reason I can’t have both?” he suggested. “I could have both; gotta have some balance in life, ya know?”

Google examined his face for a moment. “Alright. I will retrieve the chips and a selection of vegetables. Would you like a refill on your water?”

Jack crossed his arms, resting them on the countertop. “Yeah, you can refill the glass, probably about halfway?” He felt distinctly uncomfortable and didn’t know why. Maybe he could talk to Google about the eye contact thing?

Google pulled the plate back towards him and turned away to get the food, and Jack slumped in his chair, feeling more comfortable now that he wasn’t being watched.

“You’re going to get back problems if you slump like that all the time,” Google told him idly.

Jack startled. How did he know?? “I can sit however I’d like, thank you very much. This is my apartment after all,” he said dryly.

“I am only trying to ensure that you live a healthy lifestyle; it is in my programming to make sure that you are happy and healthy,” Google said as he plated the vegetables in an aesthetically pleasing manner.

Jack had no immediate response for that. How much was there to these robots that wasn’t advertised? He’d been expecting some kind of housemaid, not a nanny. Okay, that was probably an exaggeration, but the point still stood. “I get that but like, just try not to be like, aggressive about it? Let me make my mistakes, unless it’ll kill me or somethin’.”

Google looked up at him, eyes glowing brightly. “Understood,” he said simply. He finished plating the vegetables and examined the nutrition label on the chips. After a moment, he put his hand into the bag and pulled out a large handful of chips and proceeded to arrange those on the plate as well. Seemingly satisfied, Google pushed the plate towards Jack and refilled his glass exactly halfway with water.

Jack started with the vegetables and yep, Google was watching him eat again. Definitely not creepy at all.

Jack swallowed his bite. “Hey uh Google, could you please not watch me eat? It makes me uncomfortable.”

Google tilted his head. “But how will I be able to tell if I am doing a satisfactory job if I am unable to see your expression? Humans are known to say one thing with their mouth while their body language says another.”

Jack shifted in his seat, unable to maintain eye contact with Google. “Well- yeah, but like, it’s one thing to check what my face is saying, but it’s something completely different to just watch me eat. I’m just sayin’ that it seems like the time you’re takin’ to watch my reaction is longer than what most humans consider ok.”

Google’s eyes glowed for a few moments while he processed the statement. “Understood. I will reduce duration of my facial expression recognition function during food consumption. There will be no negative side effect to such an action.” He turned his face slightly to focus on the far wall.

Jack smiled at him. “Thanks man, I appreciate it.”

Jack finished his food in silence, occasionally asking a question between bites. When he was done, he pushed away his plate and Google took the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher. Google returned to face him and Jack sighed, knowing he had an awkward conversation ahead of him about what he did for a job.

“So I figure this is the part where I talk about what my schedule is and stuff, right?” Jack rubbed the back of his neck.

“If you would like,” Google said mildly.

“So, I’m a Youtuber. That means I make money through ad revenue on videos, which means I spend most of my time at home,” Jack started.

Google nodded. “I have pre-downloaded information about your career, which includes recommendations on how to best accommodate your needs.”

“Oh,” Jack said. That definitely was not something he’d been expecting to hear. The Google IRL unit he’d been given seemed to be much more customized than he’d originally assumed, which was sweet but at the same time it made him feel… exposed? In a way? He wasn’t too sure, but whatever it was, it was vaguely unpleasant. “What- what kind of recommendations?” he hazarded.

Google’s spine seemed to straighten. “My recommended care routine for you includes: ensuring that you consume three square meals a day, limiting your intake of unhealthy food, ensuring that you get regular exercise, ensuring that you maintain a sufficient hygiene routine, ensuring that you keep a regular sleep cycle – I was informed that this cycle may not necessarily follow standard wake-up and bed times, ensuring that standard cleaning and maintenance routines are performed, and meeting any emotional needs that you may have.”

Jack sat back and laughed nervously. “That’s uhh, that’s pretty thorough, man. Most of that stuff you don’t hafta do, I can take of myself, dude.” He felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of consideration the company had put into customizing the android they’d given him. Something in his chest twisted in discomfort, feeling exposed.

“If you’d like, I can place a higher priority on certain tasks, and lower the priority of others,” Google suggested.

“I’d like that, yeah,” Jack said, rubbing the back of his head.

Google frowned ever so slightly. “Very well. Which ones would you like to put at a higher priority?”

“Ehh, just the cooking and cleaning stuff is fine, maybe the sleep cycle? Everything else isn’t really necessary right now.”

Google’s eyes flashed blue. “Understood.” His face was a weird mixture of pleased and disappointed, and Jack didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Oh, one more thing,” Jack interjected. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt while I was recording, unless it’s really important? And believe me, you’ll know when I’m recording and when I’m not, I usually have my door closed when I am.”

“Understood,” Google said again.

“Man, this is gonna take some getting used to,” Jack laughed to himself. “Ok, so uh, your company wants me to do a few more videos with you, so be prepared for that over this next week. Uhm, I’ve got some other videos to record today, so for now just get yourself situated and stuff, ok?”

“Understood.” Google just maintained eye contact with him.

“Alright.” Jack slid off the bar stool and started making his way to his recording room. “I’m gonna go start recording now. Could you make dinner, too? And let me know when it’s ready?”

“I most certainly can,” Google said, his face somehow gentler than it was before despite no obvious changes to his expression.

“Okay, thanks, I appreciate it,” Jack said, grabbing his camera, and then escaped to his recording room, closing the door behind him.

Jack sighed as he sat down, a windy exhale of noise. The Google IRL bot was… a bit much. Sure, he was nice and had a fuckton of capabilities, but there was an intensity to him that he just wasn’t prepared for. Sure, he hadn’t lived with anyone for some time and maybe that made him unused to having someone around, let alone a robot that didn’t necessarily understand the nuances of human habits and emotions.

Maybe he was just judging the bot too early; the dude was just trying to do things he was programmed to do. Maybe it would get easier after a few days. Probably. Hopefully. He recorded his initial assessment of Google IRL and the outro for the video it would go with, and sent the footage off to Robin.

Jack flopped back into his chair. He felt drained by the whole exchange, and his brain drifted back to the android and how attractive he was. Jack sighed; yes, Google was attractive and had a nice build, but Jack didn’t feel up to analyzing the moral logistics of being attracted to a seemingly self-aware robot that was built to serve him.

Not to mention those “adult entertainment” options. Jack considered himself pretty straight, but he was secure enough in his sexuality that he could readily admit when another man was hot. Unbidden, his brain conjured up the image of Google between his legs, those glowing blue eyes staring up at him, ready and waiting to service him.

Yeah, nope, he wasn’t gonna think about that right now.

Jack let out another breath and pulled on his headphones, getting started on the work he needed to do for the day.

Chapter Text

After approximately six hours of editing and playing games, Jack was in a good mood again.

He’d also completely forgotten that he wasn’t the only one in the apartment anymore.

So when the knock came on the door to his recording room at precisely 6 pm, Jack just about jumped out of his skin.

“Dinner is ready,” came the robotic voice, muffled by the door.

Jack pressed a hand to his chest, as if it would calm his racing heart. “I’ll be out in a second!” he called. Fortunately, he’d only been in the middle of scrolling through his twitter feed, and so he didn’t have to worry about a recording being messed up. He stopped by the bathroom to pee and wash his hands, but as he straightened to dry his hands, he realized there was something different about the bathroom.

He analyzed his reflection in the mirror and noticed it was perfectly clean. The sink, too, was clean and free of stains. Everything on the counter had been cleaned and straightened. There was a new hand towel on the rack and the toilet tank had been dusted – even the yellow ring in the toilet bowl was gone!

“Holy shit,” Jack murmured to himself. He dried his hands and inspected the shower. That, too, had been thoroughly cleaned. “Google really did a number on this room, huh?” He padded out into the main room of the apartment and paused, resting his hand on one of the chairs tucked into the dining table.

The apartment seemed absolutely pristine.

Everything seemed brighter, cleaner. Just how good was this robot at cleaning?!

“It looks so clean,” Jack said.

“I have simply done a superficial cleaning of the apartment,” Google stated as he set a steaming casserole dish onto the table. “The only room I have deep-cleaned is the bathroom; I intend to do a deep-clean of the entire apartment, but you are running low on the supplies necessary for such a task.” He brought out a side dish of vegetables (where did he find those?) and set the jug of milk on the table as he spoke. “However, with admin permissions I can go out and purchase the supplies myself, in addition to an array of groceries that will be necessary for your health.”

Jack noticed that a table setting was already set up for him, and he sat down at the indicated place. “Uhh, let me think about that some more okay? I’m worried about somebody like, stealing you or something.”

“I am equipped with an array of self-defense measures. It is a near-impossibility that any human will be able to successfully damage or steal me,” Google informed him. “If it would make you feel more secure, I can compile a list of items for you to purchase at your leisure.”

“That sounds good,” Jack agreed. He watched as Google carefully served him a portion of each dish.

“Excellent. Before I compile the grocery list, I would like you to go over a selection of recipes and tell me if you would be amenable to them. I would hate to prepare a meal you did not like, Seán.” Google stepped back from the table. His gaze was focused, intent.

“I can do that, yeah.” Jack took a bite of the casserole (chicken and rice) and willed himself to ignore Google’s staring. After a moment of thoughtful chewing, he swallowed and gave his verdict. “It’s pretty good. Feels like it’s missin’ somethin’ though.”

“What would you say it is missing?”

“I dunno.” Jack took another bite. “Maybe some kinda spice? I’m not sure, maybe some kinda kick.”

Google’s eyebrows twitched into a frown. “Please do not talk with your mouth full, Seán.”

Jack swallowed that bite and snickered. “You sound like my mom.”

Google was not swayed. “In addition to maintaining manners, it is important that you reduce the risk of accidentally inhaling food and choking by not speaking while chewing.”

Jack laughed. “Ok, ok, I get it.” Jack switched to a voice he used when he was being goofy, the one that was a little higher pitched. “I gotta be a good boy!”

Something happened to Google’s face over the span of a moment, and Jack wasn’t sure he’d seen it at all. “Precisely.”

Did. Did Google know he was joking? He hoped so, otherwise things were going to get weird real fast. Jack decided not to say anything, opting instead to simply eat dinner.

It was quiet as Jack ate, the only sound being the humming noise from Google. It felt awkward, but mainly because Jack was used to eating alone but not being the only one eating while someone else was just… there. Google certainly didn’t seem to mind, but awkwardness sat heavily in his chest.

“If you are still hungry, please feel free to serve yourself seconds,” Google said in that ever-placid tone of his.

Jack was still a little hungry, but the idea of eating another serving under this robot’s watchful gaze seemed too daunting to bear. “Nah, I’m good.”

“Are you sure?” Google’s eyes seemed to see straight into his soul.

“Yep,” Jack said.

“Very well.” Google set about putting dinner away. “If you would like, I can initiate the recipe selection process once I finish here.”

“Alright, sounds good, man. Where do you want me?”

“The couch will suffice,” Google said as he put the casserole into a Tupperware container.

“Okay.” Jack got up and sat himself down on the couch, crossing one leg under himself. He messed around on his phone for a few minutes while he listened to Google do things in the kitchen.

It was definitely surreal, having a whole other body in his apartment doing things after so long of being by himself. Was he doing this right? Was there a risk of accidentally giving Google the wrong idea of how humans and society worked? Part of him wanted to respect Google’s bodily autonomy because he was human-shaped and all but on the other hand, Google was robot literally designed to cater to his every need. And what’s more, Google had confirmed he was capable of feeling emotion. So where did that leave him? How was he to treat this new housemate?

Before Jack could think about a potential answer for that, Google was walking up to the TV. Instead of using the remote like jack had expected, Google just placed his hand on top of it and there was popping, crackling, staticky noise, and the screen was glitching to life, colorful pixel-ly segments radiating outward from where his hand was. After a moment, everything settled into a view of a single-tab Chrome window with no more audio noise.

“What the fuck,” Jack breathed, wide-eyed. “I’m like, 99% certain that’s not how TV’s work, man.”

Google seemed entirely too smug as he removed his hand from the TV. “Are you sure? This is how they work for me.”

Jack blinked, looking between him and the TV. “Is the TV okay?? I don’t wanna have to buy a new one,” he asked, voice somewhat shrill.

“The TV is perfectly fine,” Google said. “Are you ready to begin?”

“Whoa whoa whoa, are we not gonna talk about this?” Jack exclaimed. “Are we just gonna ignore the fact that you just turned on my TV with some kinda sorcery or some shit?? How the fuck did you do that?!”

Google tilted his head, smiling. “That’s a company secret.”

Jack threw up his hands in defeat. “Okay,” he laughed, “I guess that’s never getting answered. I have no idea how the fuck that’s even supposed to work. Anyway. Let’s get started.”

Google showed him one recipe after another, starting with breakfast food, then lunch, then snacks, then dinner, and lastly desserts. Occasionally Jack would nix a recipe and Google would ask why, and nod solemnly at the answer. Jack suspected that Google had collected a very significant amount of recipes and was filtering out large swathes of recipes based on feedback.

The strangest thing about the whole process was the switch between recipes. The screen would… glitch? Switch windows really fast? Whatever it was, it was sudden and disorienting at first. On top of that was Google’s piercing gaze, flashing blue during each switch, flicking back and forth while he switch from one recipe to another. That heavy, quietly judging gaze made Jack want to shrink into himself, and it was possibly the longest hour and a half he’d ever experienced.

Afterwards, Jack snuck back into his recording room as quick as possible without seeming rude. He sequestered himself away for as long as possible, but he was forced to come out at around nine when his stomach started to growl aggressively and he ran out of water.

He crept into the rest of the apartment but saw Google nowhere. That meant he was either in the bathroom or the bedroom, and the bathroom had already been cleaned which meant… oh fuck. The ensuing conversation was gonna be embarrassing, he could already feel it.

Jack sighed to himself as he pulled out the leftover casserole. Just as the glass container clinked quietly onto the countertop, he heard the quiet noise of Google’s limbs rounding the corner. He steadfastly refused to lift his eyes at the noise.

Google made a noise like a sigh. “Seán, if you were hungry you should have let me know. I would have gladly warmed up some food for you.”

Jack pulled out a paper plate from his cupboard and a spoon. “Yeah, well, I just wanted to get it myself, you know? You don’t have to baby me every step of the way.” There was quiet clinking as Jack’s spoon hit the glass of the container, spooning cold casserole onto the plate.

“I do not understand,” Google said after a long moment. “Why would you decline assistance? Humans are always trying to make their lives easier, are they not?”

Jack sighed and tossed the plate into the microwave and pressed a few buttons, the microwave humming to life as he thought. With some effort, Jack made himself look at the robot. “Y’know, I’ve been living by myself for a long time, I’ve become self-sufficient. And now suddenly I’ve got a whole other person in my apartment, someone that’s basically a fuckin’ maid. An’ it’s one thing to get used to a new roommate, but it’s another thing to get used to having someone that- that’s basically a servant around. And both of those together? It’s hard, man. Just- take it easy on me, alright?”

The microwave beeped, and Jack took out his plate, setting it on the other counter and starting to eat.

Google was silent a long minute, his eyes bright blue in Jack’s peripheral vision. “Your logic is unclear to me, but I will endeavor to be as unobtrusive as possible, so that you might become accustomed to my presence.”

“Thanks, Google, I appreciate it, that’s all I’m askin’,” Jack smiled at him, eating another bite.

Google was quiet another moment. “Would you like me to prepare your meals tomorrow as well?”

Jack processed the question before answering. “Yes, please.”

“Excellent.” Google paused, and there was a subtle shift to his posture. “I have done a superficial cleaning of your room. It is my understanding that bedrooms are extremely personal and private places for humans, so I have not opened any drawers, boxes, or your closet during cleaning. If there are more specific parameters you would to set for the cleaning of your bedroom, please do so at anytime.”

Jack shifted uncomfortably at the thought of Google in his room, but was simultaneously relieved at the knowledge he would respect any boundaries Jack set up. “I mean, you can go into my dresser and closet to put clothes away and shit, but don’t open any boxes or other drawers in my room unless I explicitly say so? That’s really the only thing I can think of?”

Google’s eyes flashed once. “Understood. If there is anything you need, please let me know. At 10 pm, I will go into standby mode, to save power, and exit standby mode at 7 am. During this time period, you may activate me by using the phrase ‘Okay Google’. If desired, you may also change my enter and exit times for standby mode.”

“Uhmm.” Jack continued eating. “I don’t usually get up until around nine am? So that can be your exit time, around then.”

“Understood. Where would you like me to wait while I am in standby?”

Jack frowned, trying to come up with an answer quickly. “Uhh, probably in the living room on the couch?”

“Understood. Again, please let me know if you need anything.”

“I- I will, don’t worry.” Jack sped up the pace of his eating, feeling discomfort worm its way into his abdomen once again.

“Understood.” Google fell silent, and his eyes focused on the far wall.

With Google’s eyes off him, Jack felt a little more comfortable eating. He finished his food quickly and put everything away. “So, I’m gonna do some more work, and then after that I’ll head to bed, so uh. Good night.”

Google’s gaze snapped to Jack when he spoke up. “Good night, Seán.”

Jack awkwardly shuffled past Google, feeling those eyes following as he made his way back to his room. He flopped into his chair with a sigh. This was going to be a lot harder than he originally thought. He spent a couple hours working, then a few more dicking around, and at 1 am crawled in bed, tired from the long and eventful day.


Jack awoke the next morning to the smell of pancakes and bacon. He first stopped by the bathroom for his morning piss, and then shuffled out to the kitchen, rubbing his face.

“Good morning, Seán. Did you sleep well?” Google stood in the kitchen, wearing an apron he’d dug up from fuck-knows-where.

“Mmmm. Yeah? Slept pretty well, I guess.” He shuffled over to the breakfast bar, slumping as he sat on a stool. His phone clattered on the countertop. “D’you have coffee?”

“Yes.” Google turned his attention from the pancakes to the waiting coffee maker, the carafe already full of the glorious ambrosia that was coffee. He poured it into a large mug, and Jack watched sleepily as Google emptied two sugar packets into the mug, just how he liked it. Google slid the coffee over to him, and Jack reflexively inhaled the wonderful smell of coffee.

Jack cupped his hands around the mug and drank deeply, the taste of it waking him up. “Thanks, man.”

“You’re welcome.” Google turned back to food preparation.

Jack scrolled through his various social media sites, slowly waking up as he drank his coffee. The silence was something close to comfortable, what with the sizzling of bacon and the humming of Google’s servos. Before he knew it, a plate of three perfect looking pancakes and three crispy strips of bacon was being shoved under his nose, along with a cup of orange juice. There was syrup drizzled artfully over the pancakes, and Jack admired its aesthetically pleasing appearance and dug into the breakfast.

It was delicious. Of course it was. For a robot, Google sure seemed to have a good idea of how food was supposed to taste.

“This is really good, Google,” Jack said after a few bites.

Google puffed up a little in something approximating pride. “I am glad that you are pleased with my selection.”

There was still the intense gaze as Google watched him eat, but it seemed to Jack that the robot was more… subdued? Whatever the change was, it was a welcome respite, and Jack felt a little more comfortable making eye contact.

Jack didn’t have many plans outside the ordinary for the day, and he was anticipating the reactions for the first video about Google IRL that was set to go up at five. If he was being honest, he was pretty anxious about it, so he decided he’d get those groceries and supplies Google had been talking about to distract himself a little.

Google had suggested that he could accompany Jack on the trip, and he’d be able to carry most if not all of the groceries. Jack had been unsure at first, but Google had given a sound argument, and Jack had relented. Heck, he could even make the trip part of the 60 minutes of content!

An hour later, they were about to head out when Jack paused, looking at the glowing ‘G’ on Google’s shirt, wondering if it would be too conspicuous. Google reassured him once again that if they did run into trouble, he was fully capable of defending them and securing the apartment against intruders. Jack still wasn’t completely sold on the idea, but decided to go along with it anyway.


There were definitely stares. The glowing ‘G’ was attracting attention, but Google was giving off enough of a “fuck off” vibe that people around them went on their way. He’d been very attentive and aware of their surroundings during the trip to the store, quietly advising him one way or another to avoid things he deemed “threats”. But now they were in the store, people bustling about them.

“Alright, where do we wanna start, Google?” Jack asked as he retrieved a cart.

Google’s eyes lit up blue and flitted around in their sockets as he processed, planned, and did whatever it was he needed to do in order to calculate their route through the store. “The optimal route would be to start with the cleaning products and finish with the refrigerated and fresh produce.”

“Sounds good.” Jack fished out a small camera and started recording as he pushed the cart.

Almost immediately Google politely took control of the cart. “Please, allow me.”

Surprised, Jack let him take the cart. “Oh, okay,” he laughed. “Such a gentleman,” he told the camera.

“I am not a gentleman, I am a robot,” Google said very matter-of-factly.

Jack snickered quietly, mindful of the other shoppers.

The selection of cleaning products went swiftly, Jack putting products in the basket of the cart at Google’s recommendation since the robot would be doing the majority of cleaning. Things went smoothly until the cereal isle.

“Oh shit, the Lucky Charms are on sale! Sweet!” Jack exclaimed. He made to put the box in the cart, when Google plucked the box out of his grip.

“These are not on the list, Seán,” Google said, frowning at him.

“So??” Jack took the box back.

“They are extremely unhealthy and a poor choice of breakfast food. There are other perfectly acceptable cereals in this isle.” Google took the box from Jack again.

“They’re good, though!” The box of cereal traded hands again.

“There are 13.3 grams of sugar per cup of cereal, which is far more than you need in the morning.” The box went back to Google. “I must firmly request that you reconsider.”

“Nope.” Jack felt himself grinning as he took the box back and put it in the cart.

Google scowled at him. “Very well.”

They stared at each other for a moment before Jack broke down into laughter, hanging his head and resting his elbows on the rim of the cart. “I’m havin’ an argument with a robot over fuckin’ cereal of all things,” he laughed. “What the hell is my life right now.”

Google waited until Jack’s giggling had died down. “Are you quite finished?” he asked, extremely polite.

Jack stood up straight. “Yeah, let’s keep movin’. What’s next?”

The shopping trip continued in a similar fashion, with small disagreements over what was needed, and sometimes Jack would win and sometimes Google would. Occasionally Jack would ask Google random questions about nearby products (it’s a vlog! gotta keep things interesting!) and Google would pause whatever he was doing to turn to Jack and answer the question. Google would mainly insist on getting the healthier option of whatever they were getting, but if Jack was particularly insistent on one based on flavor or texture, Google would acquiesce. Google was smart; very smart as Jack was coming to learn, and if he was being honest it was a little unsettling.

They got to the produce section, which meant they were very nearly done.

It also meant that they were nearing the end of the vlog, and Jack needed to make things interesting.

“Tell me somethin’ about grapes, Google,” Jack said as Google examined a package of grapes.

Google rattled off the main types of grapes (red, green, and purple) and the major producers of grapes (Spain and France for wine-making grapes, and China and the US for general grape production).

Jack rolled his eyes. “Tell me something interesting, that’s boring.”

Google held the grapes perfectly still as he searched. “Microwaving a grape that has been almost completely split in half produces plasma, and the process gives off toxic gases such as ozone which is deadly in certain quantities and can lead to diseases such as asthma, bronchitis-”

“Uhh, how ‘bout something less scary?” Jack said, cutting him off quickly.

Google raised an eyebrow at Jack, holding the grapes close to his abdomen. “Vineyards used to be guarded day and night while in bloom because grape flowers are a known aphrodisiac. On a related note, bananas can help increase semen production.”

Jack felt his face heat up. “Uhh, that’s enough Google,” he laughed nervously. “That’s uh, that’s really interesting, thanks.” He stopped recording and put the camera in his bag.

Google sighed. “Do not ask questions that you do not want to know the answers to.”

The giddy nervousness in Jack’s gut turned cold at the strangely ominous nature of the statement. What had prompted that? Could Google read his emotions? It was weird, and Jack wanted to put it out of his mind. “Okay?” Jack said, for lack of anything else to say.

They went through the checkout lane when they were done. There was awed staring from little kids, sneering and distrust from older adults, and curious gazes from those his age. He was used to the staring, but not in this way. He steadfastly ignored the way his hands shook a little as he swiped his card to pay, Google putting the bags in cart in his peripheral vision.

Soon enough they were putting the groceries in the car and heading home. They parked at their apartment building and Seán scratched his head, looking at the open trunk. “We got a lot of stuff today. We can probably get it all in two trips or something.”

“That will not be necessary,” Google said, and then he was gathering the handles of the heaviest bags in his hands and then the skin of his forearms were splitting along invisible seams and moving to reveal the glimmering underpinnings if his structure but then there were metal - snakes? Coming out of him? Like narrow silver metal tubes actively snaking out of his fucking arms to loop around the remaining handles.

Jack felt the urge to get his camera out of his bag and record whatever the fuck this was but all he could do was stare in mild horror and intrigue because what the fuck??? What the fuck. What the honest to god fuck. This wasn’t how robots worked, was it? He was fairly certain that technology hadn’t advanced so far as to rationalize whatever the hell Google had going on beneath his false skin.

“What the fuck,” he breathed, brows furrowing. “What the fuck are those?!”

Google was not phased in the slightest. “Are you coming?”

“I- yeah, I’m coming,” Jack said, helpless. He shut the trunk, locked the car, and headed up to his apartment, Google following faithfully behind. He kept glancing around and behind, checking for people watching and… what all else he wasn’t sure. Every time he made eye contact with Google’s brown eyes, dread dripped down his spine from the base of his skull, which made little sense because Google was perfectly harmless.


Jack let Google enter the apartment first and closed the door behind himself, staring awe or perhaps horror as Google set all the bags down and continued to use the metal snakes (noodles??) coming out of his arms to put the groceries away. He found himself walking forward towards Google, dropping his bag on the couch.

“Google?” he asked, and there was a note of something like fear in his voice. There was something tightening in his chest as his mind raced, informing him of the potential for more of those tubes and all the horror he’d heard of with similar eldritch monstrosities.

Google looked up at him, and then he was walking towards Jack, the narrow metal tubes sliding back inside him and the skin sealing closed. The sight relaxed Jack a little bit but his chest was still tight and then Google was in front of him, placing his hands on his shoulders, and it was a comforting, grounding weight.

“You are working yourself up into a panic attack, Seán,” Google was saying, and then Google was leading him through a series of breathing exercises and Jack was calming down, relaxing.

Google slowly removed his hands from Jack’s shoulders, and Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks man, I dunno what got into me there.”

“It is my job to make sure that you are protected, even and especially if that means protecting you from your own emotions,” Google said, smiling. Then he frowned. “I must have overestimated your receptiveness to more shocking aspects of myself. Exposing this ability so early on was a mistake and I apologize.”

“Oh no no no, it’s cool as fuck!” Jack was quick to say. “I just wasn’t prepared to see fuckin’ tentacles of all things come out of a robot! Give a dude some warning when you do that kind of stuff, will ya?” He laughed a little to lighten the mood.

Google searched his face, looking for something. “Understood. I will make sure to warn you ahead of such instances in the future.”

Jack blinked, surprised by the earnestness of Google’s response. Huh. Maybe there really was something to the whole “the robot has emotions” thing. “Thanks, I appreciate it,” he said. “Seriously, though, what the hell were those things?”

The robot’s smile was secretive, conspiratorial. “There is not much I am permitted to say, but what I can tell you is that the ‘tentacles’ as you called them are part of my musculature, built to simulate the human muscular system. They have a multitude of uses, and due to their shocking, inhuman nature are not publicized.”

“Really? What else can ya tell me?” Jack was intrigued. It was possible to simulate human muscles with those weird tubes? Incredible!

Google smiled and withdrew a step. “I am afraid I cannot say more than that. Now, I must finish putting the groceries away, and if you’d like, I can prepare lunch for you later.”

“Aw man! It sounds so cool though!” Jack complained good-naturedly. “Anyway, uh, lunch sounds good, Google. I’ll uh, I’ll go get started on some work.” Jack slowly began making his way towards the recording room.

Google nodded. “Understood.” He went back to the kitchen and began putting away more groceries.

Jack let out a breath and picked up his bag before he went into his recording room.

Well. That hadn’t been a complete disaster. It had actually gone pretty well! Aside from the whole “finding out Google’s muscles are made of metal tentacles” thing. That had been simultaneously cool and terrifying. Google definitely seemed to be sincerely concerned about his well-being, which relieved Jack of a few of his worries. He’d also seemed to be serious about being unobtrusive, but then he’d revealed that tentacle thing? So much for unobtrusive. And what was that about Jack’s “receptiveness to more shocking aspects” of Google? Maybe he’d figured out that Jack was interested in how he worked based on all those questions about his make the day before and had tried to be subtle about it. That made more sense. It was too early to tell, but perhaps living with a robot wouldn’t be as bad as he’d thought yesterday. On the other hand, he might’ve just jinxed himself. Oh well.

Now what would he do for the rest of the second video? Maybe he could demonstrate some of Google’s other functions. Oh! For the third one he cold probably do a reading your comments video with Google! That definitely had potential to be interesting.

Speaking of videos, Jack was mildly dreading the responses to the first Google IRL video that would go up in a few hours. There would be negative comments, of course, but he was worried about how many there would be and what they would say. There would lots of positive comments in there too, he was sure of it. He could only hope that was the case. No point in worrying about it though; he’d upload the video and take whatever came his way in stride.

Chapter Text

Jack did some thumbnails and then it was time for lunch (a panini with a side of baked potato wedges), and then after that Jack recorded some more with Google for the second video, showing off some of the other built-in features. Afterwards, Jack recorded some commentary for the second video, and did some other recording until it was time to upload the first video in the Google IRL series.

Sooner than he would’ve liked, it was time for Jack to check the comments. They were, well, about what one could expect from youtube comments.

“oh look, jack finally bought himself a boyfriend” “gay” “can it even understand your stupid accent” “that’s really creepy to just have a dude in your house” “this is basically slavery” “guess he had to buy a robot to get someone who wouldn’t run away from his stupid annoying voice”

Jack inhaled slowly, and then exhaled just as slow. There were a lot of comments like that, but they were outnumbered by positive ones expressing happiness and sincere interest. Didn’t make the negative ones hurt any less, though.

Jack glanced at the clock and saw that Google would be just about done with dinner. He sighed heavily and went out into the main room of his apartment, sitting at the dining table.

Google was busy drizzling salad dressing over a serving of salad. “Good evening, Seán,” he said without looking up.

“Hey Google,” Jack greeted in return, his voice tired.

Google turned to look at him, putting down the salad dressing. “Is everything alright, Seán?” he said after a moment.

Jack sighed and rubbed his face. “It’s nothin’, some of the comments on the video I put up today are just gettin’ ta me. There were… a lot more negative ones than usual.”

Google turned to face him fully, and his normally brown eyes glowed bright blue. After a long moment he said, “You appear to be in need of a ‘pick-me-up’. I can help you raise your serotonin and endorphin levels in a number of ways, including playing your favorite media and providing physical comfort.”

Jack blinked at him. “Are yeh. Are yeh asking if I want a hug?”

“Yes, if that is what you would like,” Google said simply. His eyes faded back to brown.

“I mean,” Jack started, but then stopped. Now that he thought about it, it had been far longer than he’d like to admit since he hugged someone, especially someone he knew personally. Jack would readily admit he was touch-starved, but he’d known Google for barely 24 hours, was he comfortable hugging someone he barely knew?

You’ve hugged fans you met for not even thirty seconds before, you dummy, his brain reminded him, which was also a fair point. But what was the difference? The difference, his gut told him, was that there was something off about Google, something subtle and inexplicable but dangerous nonetheless, but that didn’t make sense either; if the laws of robotics had been followed, then there was absolutely no reason to be afraid of Google, right? Jack didn’t want to be afraid of Google; he loved robots and technology and to distrust Google after so little time of knowing him would be unfair.

As if sensing his indecision, Google spoke up. “If you are uncomfortable with the idea of physical contact, we can simply find other ways of lifting your mood.”

“No no, it’s just-” Jack started quickly. Was Jack more touch-starved than he was worried about Google’s potential threat? “-yeah, I’d- I’d like a hug.” He felt the loneliness almost like the absence of a hug, crawling around his ribs, the outside of his arms, along his front.

Google smiled, and for once it was warm and sincere and that was at once both strange and a relief. He opened his arms and Jack was standing, moving into the embrace. Jack wrapped his arms around Google’s ribs, and felt Google’s sizeable arms fold around him. Something inside Jack sighed at the contact and he rested his forehead against the robot’s shoulder.

He smells like new electronics, he noticed. Google’s embrace was firm and solid, but not tight, and it was grounding, comforting as one of Google’s hands rubbed up and down his back. All Jack could hear for several delightfully long seconds was the humming of Google’s insides and that too was soothing in a way.

After a few moments, Jack made to release Google from the hug, as the socially acceptable length of time for hugs had come to an end, but Google made no move to release him.

“Your serotonin and endorphin hormones are not yet at an acceptable level. I advise you to remain engaged in current mood-stabilizing activities,” Google said in a murmur.

Now that. That made something pleasant twist his insides, the lonely bits of himself crying out in joy. Jack sighed and relaxed into the hug, and he felt Google delicately rest his chin on his head. He hugged Google a little tighter. After several more moments, Jack realized it was actually working; his mood was lifting and those negative emotions were draining away the longer he stood there in Google’s hug.

“I have analyzed the contents of the comments on your latest video and have concluded that while there is a relatively high concentration of negative comments, it is most likely a result of there being few internet personalities reviewing other Google IRL units,” Google said. “I am aware that the technology I am made of is exceptionally cutting-edge, so therefore there will be more eyes on the few who are reviewing Google IRL units. Place no value on the thoughts of those who do not know you.”

Jack was surprised at how deep that was, as logic-filled as the words of comfort were. “Thanks, Google,” Jack mumbled.

After a little while, Google spoke up again. “Your mood hormones have risen to acceptable levels.” Google slowly removed himself from Jack, and Jack withdrew, feeling much better than he had before.

“I feel much better now, thanks man,” Jack smiled.

Google smiled back at him. “That is good to hear, Seán; I am always here to help, after all. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

The strange emphasis on “always” made something ping wrongly inside Jack’s chest, but he ate dinner as normal, and after a somewhat awkward conversation with Google, he determined that his third video in the Google IRL series would be a reading your comments video. The next day he put out a request for comments on twitter and that evening, after the second Google IRL video went up, Jack set up a second chair for Google to sit in while they recorded. Google sat stiffly on the chair, with perfect posture, and they began recording in short order.

“First comment, ‘how big is google’s dick?’ Really guys? This is really what’s on your mind?? Why am I even surprised,” Jack laughed.

“Male Google IRL models have a penile length of 12.4 centimeters flaccid, or 4.88 inches,” Google stated very matter-of-factly. “Users can adjust the fully erected length and circumference to their preference.”

“Oh my god,” Jack said, laughing quietly.

“However,” Google continued, “proving this would most likely get Seán banned from YouTube.”

Jack laughed louder. “We’re not- we’re just gonna leave that there, moving on now!”

The other questions that followed were about what Jack expected: questions about how Jack planned to use the bot (“Mostly household chores and shit until I can get more used to having someone around”), questions about Google’s make, comments about robots murdering people, and other silly comments.

“‘take off your shirt google, i wanna see them robo titties’,” Jack read aloud, breaking into giggles at the end.

“Okay,” Google said, and then he was standing up and pulling his shirt off in one swift motion, revealing a perfect mimicry of the ideal male torso, smooth with no blemishes and a glowing ‘G’ set into his chest.

Jack let out a startled laugh. “Holy shit dude, I wasn’t expecting you to actually take your shirt off!” Jack laughed again. “Lookin’ good man, lookin’ good!”

Google smiled at Jack. “I have no need for exercise to have an aesthetically pleasing body, but the sentiment is appreciated nonetheless, Seán.” He sat back down, still shirtless.

“So you’re not gonna- you’re just gonna stay like that, okay that’s fine,” Jack said, chuckling.

Recording went smoothly, apart from Google not responding as swiftly a couple times, but Jack thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until he was scrolling through the tumblr tag the evening after the video had been posted that he even noticed anything odd.

There were memes of it; of course there were. The moment had been gif’ed and screencapped a multitude of times and Jack wondered how the hell he’d missed it when he’d been recording. The moment in question was just after he’d read off a comment that went something like “I hope the robot is evil so that it can kill you” and Google had just smiled, like he knew a secret no one else knew and honestly it was creepy as fuck.

Jack watched the footage back and felt a knot of uneasy dread form in his stomach, painfully aware of the robot charging in his living room. He remembered the tentacles winding out of Google’s forearms and wondered how strong they were. How much strength did even one of those tendrils hold? Were they capable of piercing flesh? Hell, Google may very well be able to rip people limb from limb with his bare hands.

Jack shook his head, as if trying to physically shake the gruesome thoughts from his mind. Sure Seán, think about the murder capabilities of your robot, there’s no way you’ll have bad dreams tonight, he thought to himself sarcastically. He set his phone on the bedside table and rolled over to sleep. There’s no need to be afraid of Google, he reminded himself as he drifted off.

That night he dreamt of those metal tentacles roaming his body, exploratory with a slight edge of danger but ultimately nonthreatening, squeezing his calf, his thigh, his arms, his abdomen. He woke up after the dream, noted the half-hard state of his dick as well as the time, and fell asleep again.


The last video Jack recorded for the series was a let’s play with Google, something extra challenging to see if he could trip him up. He decided to start with an oldie but goodie: Geometry Dash.

“I wanna see how well you can do on this, gimme your best shot!” Jack had said when they started recording.

Google’s reflexes were truly impressive. Jack couldn’t keep track of all the times he thought Google was about to fail the level, only to make a last second correction, eyes glowing blue the entire time. What’s more, Google never made the same mistake twice, which was almost as impressive.

The next game they moved onto was a co-op versus game, to show off exactly how much better Google was. Of course, Google beat him out by miles, but Jack suspected that if he hadn’t told him to go all out, Google might’ve carefully orchestrated his performance to be just average. The last game Jack had Google play was one with lots of random elements. The first couple rounds of attempts went as normal, but then the randomized elements began showing up and Google noticed immediately. He frowned slightly, eyes glowing a little brighter than they had been, and tried again. As time passed, Google grew increasingly and visibly frustrated, and Jack couldn’t help but giggle.

Google eventually finished the level, looking satisfied, and there was silence as Jack tried to hold back his giggling, only to erupt into laughter at Google’s face.

“I am glad you find my struggles to defeat a game amusing, Seán,” Google said dryly.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, even as he laughed. “It’s just that you were doing amazing on the other stuff, and watching you be so fuckin’ vexed by this particular game is hilarious to me.” He paused. “You sure you weren’t cheating on the other games with that weird-ass tech magic you have?” he asked, grinning.

“I was not cheating, and I do not appreciate the insinuation that I would do so,” Google responded, the corner of his mouth tilting upwards.

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Jack joked, and then he wrapped up the video.

The series was well received overall, which was something of a relief. Now it was over, and Jack could spend time getting properly acclimated to having a new roommate of sorts without having to worry about making content for the Google IRL series. Heck, maybe Google could even help him edit videos! That would save him and Robin time, and it would help him spot copyrighted songs before the videos got uploaded. Was that even something Google was capable of? Maybe he could find out later, once he’d gotten used to the robot.

Chapter Text

Loading user-unit audio transcripts……

Displaying requested data from “audtransc_20190327.txt” ……

New conversation initiated at 13:11:25 local time.

Seán: Mornin’ Google.

Unit Beta: It is not morning, Seán, it is currently early afternoon.

Seán: It’s the sentiment that counts, right? [yawn]

Unit Beta: You were up quite late last night. Are you aware that irregular sleep schedules can lead to poor health?

[sound of liquid pouring into mug]

Seán: I am, yeah. Besides, how do you know that last night wasn’t just out of the ordinary, huh? You’ve only been here a week, yeh know.

Unit Beta: That is correct, Seán, but the care guide I was given for you explicitly stated that you routinely stay up until early morning hours and sleep late, and your sleep schedule over the past week as been anything but regular. It is in my best interest to make sure your sleep cycle is standardized.

Seán: [slurping noise] Ah, that’s them dirty beans I love. Look, I can take care of myself man, you don’t hafta get on my case about my sleep, I already know that it sucks. [light chuckle]

Unit Beta: If you ever decide that you need assistance regulating your sleep, I am here to help. Would you like breakfast foods or lunch foods for your first meal of the day?

Seán: I was kinda thinkin’ about havin’ some cereal, teh be honest.

Unit Beta: Understood. Is there anything else you

Data feed interrupted. Would you like to <try again> or <return>?

Returning to menu of user-unit audio transcripts……

Exiting program……


Time passed, and the two of them were settling into a routine: Jack would wake up, and after messing around on his phone for a while, he’d go out into the kitchen and Google would have a mug of black coffee waiting for him and then ask him what he’d like to eat. Then at 6 pm without fail, Google would have dinner ready for him, and at 11 pm Google would quietly encourage him to consider going to bed soon before going back to the living room to go into standby mode.

Jack tried to bond with Google. He really did. He first tried playing multiplayer video games with Google, and while he was good for competing against, there was little of the banter that usually came with playing against other people. Google wasn’t especially great at witty banter, even though he had his moments, so with just Jack trying making quips as they played it got awkward fast. Trying to play board games with the android was even worse for the same reason, and also because there were only two of them to play.

Watching movies with Google worked out better, but not all the time. Such activities yielded better results when they were watching bad movies and could criticize and mock all the bad special effects and dumb movie logic, which tended to be really fun. It was less fun when they were watching a movie Jack really liked, and Google would poke holes in the logic of the film, making it less fun to watch. After a while Jack gave up on scheduling bonding time, deciding to just let it happen when it happened.

In Jack’s opinion, Google was, on the whole, relatively companionable; he was occasionally able to return a clever retort to something Jack said, which Jack appreciated as a social person. He’d gotten more used to Google’s intense gaze, though fortunately google had more or less stopped staring at him while he ate, which Jack was also grateful for.

The only annoying things about Google so far was his apparent paranoia over the intentions of other humans and his tendency to ask Jack about admin permissions nearly every day; it was actually kind of impressive the number of ways the android had figured out how to slip the question into casual conversation. Jack had been patient with the question so far; he figured Google was just programmed to regularly ask the question, like computers trying to update, but Jack wasn’t sure how much longer he could bear hearing the same question day in and day out, and he hadn’t been able to find anything in the handbook about getting Google to stop asking.

Oh well. At least the android had a nice face to look at.

Speaking of, Jack never failed to be impressed by the strong, clean lines of Google’s face. He was truly a miracle of engineering – all that processing power in such a pretty looking package. Google had such realistic features he wasn’t even in the uncanny valley of robots! He’d gone past “uncanny” and straight into “basically human”.

Jack was admiring the engineers’ handiwork on Google’s face while waiting for the android to finish preparing dinner when he noticed something different about the android’s hair: where the shine a normal person’s hair would be a very light color, almost white, the shine on Google’s hair was blue. The android’s hair appeared to be a deep black at first glance, but the shine was blue, how the hell had Jack not noticed before??

“Your hair is fuckin’ gorgeous, Google,” Jack blurted.

Google paused to turn and blink at Jack, then he smiled. “Thank you, Seán. Would you like me to send a message to the Google IRL Human Resources department expressing that sentiment?”

“I-” Jack took a moment to process that. “Yeah, of course! And tell ‘em that they’ve done an absolutely fantastic job on face construction too! It’s absolutely incredible how life-like they managed to get you!”

“Noted,” Google said, and then turned to face straight ahead while his eyes glowed blue. “Message sent,” he said after a few moments. “If I may ask, would it be accurate to assume that you consider my facial features to be aesthetically pleasing to your tastes?”

“Uhh.” Jack felt heat rise to his cheeks. “Yeah, that’d be accurate, you’ve got a nice face. I don’t mind lookin’ at it, you’re very, uhh, handsome. Yeah.”

Google smiled at him again. “That is very nice of you to say, thank you Seán.”

Something inside Jack squirmed pleasantly, feeling like a child that had been told they’d done a good job by an adult, only in all the best ways.

“You’re welcome,” he managed, and then dinner was being served.


A couple days later, Jack found himself organizing a get-together to see Robin and a couple other friends in person.  The get-together was to occur in three weeks, and Robin, Felix, Marzia, and PJ would be coming, Jack was very excited, but when he told Google about it, the android wasn’t nearly as enthused.

“How do you know they are trustworthy, Seán?” Google asked, frowning at Jack over the breakfast bar.

“Dude, I’ve met all these people in person multiple times, of course they’re trustworthy! I’ve known all of them for a couple years, at least!” Jack insisted.

“I want to ensure that you are not associating with people who will turn on you later and hurt you,” Google said.

Jack sighed. “I get where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the concern, but that’s just not something you have to worry about when it comes to these guys, they’re good people.”

Google continued to frown at him, unconvinced.

“Look,” Jack began, I’m gonna give you all their youtube channels so you can check them out and see for yourself that they’re not out to hurt me or whatever. And if you still don’t trust them, well, I’m sorry but you don’t really have a say in whether or not they come visit.”

Google was silent a moment. “Understood.”

Jack sighed again and listed off his friends’ youtube channels and went back to his recording room.

The next time Jack saw Google, the android apologized for being overcritical of Jack’s friends, and that the videos he’d analyzed showed that they were, in fact, good people, but Google maintained that he’d keep a close eye on them when they arrived nonetheless.

A couple days before the get-together, the two of them went to the store to get some snacks and drinks for the occasion. There were chips, of course, crackers and cheese, and one kind of individually wrapped sweet. Jack had wanted to get two different kinds, but Google had been very insistent about being healthy, so he’d caved and gone with just one. They had to get alcohol, of course, what was the point of having a party without any? They went with some beer, some wine coolers, and whiskey. There were the obligatory “Jack” Daniel’s puns as they went through the aisle, and Google would just roll his eyes while Jack laughed at his own joke.

“Let’s go to the produce section to determine what vegetables you would like,” Google said, having finished selecting their alcohol for the event.

“What? No, we’re not getting any veggies, it’s a fuckin’ party,” Jack said dismissively.

“Seán, tell me: how many parties have you been to?”

“Fuck man, I dunno. A lot?”

“And how many of them had at least some sort of vegetable among the food options?”

Jack had to stop and think. “Most of them?”

“Were there people that took those vegetables at those parties?”

“I don’t remember, man, probably?” Jack shrugged.

“Therefore, since there is a precedent for vegetables being consumed at parties, we are getting some as well, Seán.”

“Ugh, fine, I can’t really argue with that logic. Can’t we at least get some dip for ‘em or something?”

Some. Broccoli and carrots are only so healthy when they are swimming in ranch, Seán.”

Jack laughed at that, and they went to get the rest of their supplies.


The day of the get-together arrived, and Jack was thoroughly prepared after their trip to the grocery store. PJ arrived just after lunch, Robin about half an hour after that, and Felix and Marzia about forty-five minutes after Robin.

The first thing that happened, of course, was the admiration over Google.

“He’s got a nice ass,” Felix said almost immediately after seeing the android.

“Felix!” Jack admonished, even as he laughed. “It’s barely been five minutes!”

“He is quite the handsome fellow,” PJ agreed.

Google was in the kitchen preparing snacks for them to eat and did not respond to the comments. The snacks were all in nice glass bowls that Jack didn’t know he had and laid out on trays in a very aesthetically pleasing manner. Google was finishing up making little sandwiches for them all, and cutting them into neat little triangles with a toothpick through them.

Felix meandered over to the breakfast bar and grabbed a handful of chips. “So Jack,” he started, a mischievous grin on his face, “I heard you can fuck the robot. Is that true? Have you tried it?”

“Yes, it’s true, no I haven’t tried it,” Jack said, slightly embarrassed.

“Really?!” Felix said, sounding surprised. “If I were you, I would’ve been all over him, I mean look at this guy!”

“It’s only been a couple months, dude, I’m only just getting used teh not being the only one in my apartment!” Jack laughed.

“That’s plenty of time!” Felix retorted playfully. He turned to the android. “Google! Has he really not fucked you yet?”

Google paused what he was doing and straightened slightly, looking Felix in the eye. “It would be against my Terms Of Service to divulge any information related to Seán’s sex life unless it is an emergency situation. And no, I am quite certain that this is not an emergency situation.”

“Jack’s sex life is an emergency, let’s be real here,” Felix joked, and everyone laughed.

“All right guys, enough gossiping, do you wanna get to the video games or not?” Jack said, ushering them towards the couches.


They played video games all afternoon, periodically fake-threatening to fight each other when somebody lost, and subsequently being sternly warned by Google not to roughhouse. When it was time to eat dinner, they ordered pizza, and they cracked open the alcohol. Afterwards, Jack brought out his big Cards Against Humanity box, and the five of them played for a while, periodically refilling their drinks.

It was Robin who had the idea to include Google in on the game, who had until this point been standing unobtrusively near one of the shelves except when he was needed.

Google was, unsurprisingly, terrible at it. The android didn’t seem to mind it though; Jack knew perfectly well there were things he simply wasn’t programmed to be good in. Google tended to go for the technically accurate and factually true answers, which only occasionally gave him a black card. It was better than what the others had been expecting though, and Jack felt a little pride well up in his chest.

A couple passes around the table after Google got into the game, it was Jack’s turn to be the card czar again, and he read out the black card. “‘What ended my last relationship?’ Oh boy, this is gonna be interesting.”

When all the cards were laid down, Jack picked them up and began reading them off. “What ended my last relationship? ‘Revenge fucking. Wait, am I doing the fucking or are they? Because there’s a very big difference here!”

“Does it matter?” PJ joked.

“What ended my last relationship? ‘Existing.’ Wow, rude!” Jack laughed.

“‘Deez nuts’ also ended my last relationship.” Jack giggled at that one, and the others giggled with him.

“‘My boyfriend’s stupid penis’.” That one made Jack burst into laughter, leaning on the table until he got his composure back.

“What ended my last relationship? ‘Getting drive-by shot’. Wow, thanks guys,” he joked.

Abruptly, Google snatched up the last card and held it up. “Who played this card?”

Nobody answered, looking at each other in confusion.

“Who. Played. This card?” Google asked again, more insistently.

PJ raised his hand. “Uh, I did.”

Google’s gaze snapped over to PJ. “Threatening bodily harm to another person is nothing to joke about,” he said severely.

“Dude calm down it’s just a game,” Felix said.

“Why did you say something about this one and not all the other really offensive ones, like the mass shooting card that got played?” Robin asked.

“Seán’s heath and wellness is currently my only priority; the rest of humanity is not,” Google practically spat. “If Seán tells me I must put care into something that he does, I will oblige, but as far as I am concerned, the rest of the world can rot.”

The room was quiet and tense, unwilling to break the silence after Google’s severe statement.

It was in this moment that Jack realized this game was giving Google a hell of a lot of fuel for his distrust of Jack’s friends. The whole point of the game was to play the most morally questionable card you could, and it wasn’t really the best measurement for actual quality of character, but Google seemed to be misunderstanding something. He needed to defuse this, and fast.

“Google,” Jack said, calmly and carefully, “I appreciate that you’re concerned about my well-being, but you need to chill out right now. This game is about being an awful person, so anything we play here doesn’t count against us. It’s just a game, none of us are being serious right now, okay?”

There was a moment of silence as Google processed the statement. “Understood,” he said finally. “I will refrain from making similar commentary for the duration of the game.”

Jack smiled at him. “Thanks, I appreciate that.” He turned his attention back to the cards before him. “Uhh, getting back to the game, the winner of this round is ‘my boyfriend’s stupid penis’, who had that?”

Marzia snatched the black card and smiled cheekily at Felix.

“Hey, my penis isn’t stupid!” Felix said, mock offended.

The others laughed, and the tension slipped away as they got back into the groove of the game.

Jack glanced over at Google, who was frowning at his hand, eyes glowing bright blue. Regardless of how the rest of this night went, Jack was sure he’d get an earful when they all left the next day.


“Hey, Robin,” Felix said at some point between rounds. They were all at least a little tipsy, riding the high of laughter among friends.

“What’s up?”

“Do you think that now that Jack has Google you’re gonna get replaced?” Felix asked, grinning.

“Uhmmm?” Robin hummed, considering. “Nah, I’m not worried, not yet at least. I mean, current technology shows that AI isn’t exactly great at making things funny.”

“Are you implying that I’d just fuckin’ drop Robin without a second thought?” Jack joked. “I’m not an asshole like that, man,” he laughed. “Seriously though, I agree with Robin, I don’t think Google would be good at editing. I feel like it’d be really hard for an AI to edit down footage into something that humans find funny.”

“I think I heard somewhere that Google IRL robots are learning machines,” Marzia said. “So maybe he could learn how to edit well?”

“Marzia is correct,” Google said. “While I am currently incapable of editing video footage to a human’s satisfaction, I am also capable of learning how to do so, given input on my performance and various resources to analyze for further guidance.”

Jack mulled over this information. “Huh. Maybe we could teach him how to edit, for whenever your schedule gets really tight, Robin.”

“That could come in really handy,” Robin agreed.

"Alright, how ‘bout this,” Jack began, “how about I give you guys the same footage to edit, and then we compare and contrast. Actually, I could make a video out of that!”

The others chorused their agreement, sounding excited by the prospect.

“It’s settled then! Robin, Google, we’re gonna make a video! ‘Man versus machine: the editing edition!’ Or something like that, heheh.”

The three of them hashed out some details to it right there, the others piping up with ideas every now and then. Once satisfied, they went back to the game.

The five of them played games, talked shit, and chatted about anything and everything until late hours of the night. Felix and Marzia had booked a hotel room which they left for a little after one in the morning. They had established that PJ and Robin would sleep over at Jack’s place, and so the three of them talked a while longer before setting things up for bed, since they had plans to hang out a little more in the morning before everyone left for home.

Google woke them all up at 9:30 whether they liked it or not. He knocked on Jack’s door to wake him up, not relenting until he heard the bed covers rustle. The knocking woke up Robin but not PJ, and so Google woke up PJ by poking him gently on the forehead until his eyes blinked open, squinting in confusion. Satisfied with everyone’s state of awake-ness, Google stood up and started the coffee maker and began preparing breakfast while the humans chatted sleepily.

They all had minimal hangovers, thanks to Google’s insistence that they drink plenty of water. Felix and Marzia arrived back at Jack’s place just as Google was serving them pancakes and bacon.  They chatted more until it was time for everyone to leave for their flights, and they said their goodbyes.

Jack sighed happily as he closed the door behind Robin, who had been the last to leave.

“Seán,” Google said behind him, and there was a stern note in the android’s voice that had Jack didn’t like.

Jack turned to face him and crossed his arms. “What’s up?”

“I have made a final decision regarding the character quality of the people you invited over,” Google said.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“While Robin is an acceptable companion for you, I do not trust either PJ or Felix. Marzia remains neutral,” Google stated.

Jack was quiet a moment before speaking up, frowning. “I really don’t appreciate you trying to tell me who to be friends with. Yeah, Felix has made some bad judgements before, but he’s still my friend, and he’s not gonna stop being my friend just because you tell me to. Unless you have solid, concrete proof that being friends with a particular person is bad for me, I’d really appreciate it if you just stayed quiet about it. And when I say solid proof, I mean shit like, they’re talking shit about me behind my back, or you find proof that they’re just trying to use me or something, and one night of cards against humanity doesn’t count. Am I clear?”

Google was quiet as he processed, eyes lighting up blue only briefly. “Yes, I understand, Seán,” he said simply, and they way he said his name sounded a lot like the way one would say “sir” to their superiors.

Jack searched Google’s neutral face for a moment and sighed, uncrossing his arms. “Thanks. I just really hate being bossed around when it comes teh that kinda thing, you know?”

Google nodded, eyes locked on Jack. “I understand.”

“Alright. I’ve got some thumbnails to make, so let me know when lunch is ready, ok?” Jack said as he made his way to his recording room.

“I will.”

The door clicked closed behind Jack, leaving Google standing in the middle of the living room, his eyes glowing bright blue.

Chapter Text

Jack had started an exercise routine at Google’s suggestion a couple weeks before the party, which had occurred about a few days ago, and it was, well, giving him one hell of a workout. He’d been trying a few different things to see what worked for him, and he wasn’t especially keen on going to the gym to exercise.

The routine Jack was doing now was one of those DVD workouts that you followed along with as it played, and he was hyper-focused on the work out, partially aware of Google making noise in the kitchen behind him. Once he finished, he turned to go fetch a glass of water from the kitchen to hydrate and cool off, only to be startled by Google who was pressing a cool glass of water into his hand.

“By jeysus yeh scared me!” Jack exclaimed, pressing his free hand to his chest. “Don’t sneak up on me like that, man!”

Google held on to the glass for a moment, ensuring that it was steady in Jack’s hand, before stepping back. “My apologies. I was operating under the understanding that you heard me walking up to you.”

Jack sucked down about half the glass. “No problem man, just make some more noise next time or something.”

“Noted.” There was a brief silence as Jack drank the water before Google spoke up again. “I am glad to report that your stamina is already improving.”

Jack finished the water and handed it back to Google. “It is? How can you tell?”

“I record the majority of your workout sessions and compare them to previous sessions and the standard exercise being performed,” the android informed him.

Jack frowned. “You… record me working out?”

“Yes, I do. Since you do not possess any fitness-tracking wearable technology, it is the best way for me to track your improvement.”

“That’s really fuckin’ weird,” Jack said, somewhat unsettled.

“I apologize,” Google said, folding his hands behind his back. “If it makes you feel any better, any footage or recordings taken of you for analysis purposes remain strictly in my databanks only and are not sent to any third party within the Google corporation or outside it without your consent. Would you like to view your privacy settings?”

“I would, yeah,” Jack said, frowning.

Google brought up a hologram of the privacy settings for Jack to scroll through and watched Jack’s expression with mild interest as the human went through it, tapping options occasionally.

Jack pressed the ‘OK’ button at the bottom of the page and felt his posture relax. “Alright, I’m happy with that.”

Google smiled benignly. “Good; I would hate for you to be dissatisfied with my performance.”

Jack’s mind flashed back to the party, and his brows twitched together slightly. He wanted to be still mad about the party. He really did. But staying mad just wasn’t something he was good at; he’d already rationalized to himself that Google was just looking out for him, and it was just like yelling at a toaster for burning your toast, and about as helpful. The only negative emotion that lingered now was a mild annoyance, and he’d been wanting to apologize to Google for snapping, which was probably unnecessary. Was it possible for Google to have his feelings hurt?

“…yeah,” Jack said at length, not knowing what else to say.

“May I make an inquiry regarding your exercise goals?” Google asked.

“Oh, sure,” Jack said, somewhat thrown off by the topic change.

“What is your exercise goal? To lose weight? To get in shape? To make certain body parts more defined? If you’d like, I could make an exercise regimen that accommodates those goals,” the android suggested.

“Uhh,” Jack said as he processed the question. “All of them kinda? I wanna lose weight mostly around my arms and abs.”

Google’s eyes flickered blue briefly. “Would you like me to craft an exercise routine for you?”

“Uh- sure, why not? I wanna see what you come up with,” Jack said, crossing his arms.

“Excellent,” Google said, and then his eyes focused on the middle distance, his eyelids fluttering periodically and something flickering behind his eyes. After a couple minutes, Google focused his eyes on Jack and smiled. “Based on your current strength and stamina, I have determined that a combination of yoga and high-intensity exercises that start simple and work up to complex will enable you to achieve your desired results.”

Jack considered the suggestion. “That- that sounds like somethin’ I’d be willing to try. Maybe we can do that the next time I exercise.”

Google smiled. “Excellent. I will put together a regimen for you.”


A couple days later, Google was laying out a yoga mat that had been collecting dust in a closet. Jack was to warm up with stretches, move onto the yoga, do the high intensity part, and then wind down with more stretches. Jack was somewhat surprised by how thorough Google was being, but he figured it was just part of the android’s programming.

Google recited instructions on how to do each yoga pose, starting off with the downward dog.

Jack moved slowly into position, as instructed, and felt a comfortable strain in his limbs.

“Allow me to correct your posture,” was all the warning Jack had before two wide hands were placed on his hips, carefully manhandling him into position.

Jack inhaled sharply, about to protest the sudden invasion of space, but something warmed low in his abdomen, relishing in the rare bit of bodily contact. Jesus, was he really that touch-starved? He hadn’t realized it had gotten that bad. Jack willed Google to not notice his reaction, and by sheer luck Google proceeded as normal.

Except that as the yoga section of Jack’s workout went on, Google continued to manhandle him: shifting his arms this way, turning his shoulders that way, lifting his leg higher, etc. Google was casually strong, shifting him about as if he weighed barely anything, and Jack refused to acknowledge what that meant for the low warmth in his abdomen. When Jack successfully held the correct position for enough time, Google would idly pat his shoulder, his hip, his knee, whatever was closest, all accompanied by a pleasant statement of approval.

By the time they were done with the yoga, Jack was steadfastly ignoring the partial chub in his sweatpants and praying to whatever higher power would listen that Google hadn’t noticed either.

If Google had noticed, he said nothing, and moved straight into the high intensity portion of the workout, and Jack had no room in his head for contemplating the weird boner he’d gotten between trying to keep up with Google’s instructions and catching his breath.

By the time it was all said and done, Jack was once again desperately wishing he was physically capable of sweating. Google instructed him to go take a shower while the android prepared a protein-heavy snack, and Jack went gladly to the bathroom.

Jack stepped into the shower, turning the temperature to cool, and his mind drifted back to how it felt to have those wide hands on his body. Those hands had felt human enough, hadn’t they? They weren’t quite as warm, and smoother in a weird way, but they were still soft, still firm, grasping at his flesh with ease. Jack remembered how Google had gripped his thigh to fix his posture for one of the poses and how it had sent a spike of arousal through him, and the memory of it affected him still. It had been quite some time since Jack had been intimate with another person, and Google was certainly very attractive. What’s more, Google did have those functions, but was it acceptable to ask the android for it? Was it even right, given that Google couldn’t really consent?

Jack realized his hand had been hovering near his groin, fingertips gently rubbing against the wiry hair there. He let it drop and he shook his head, as if to physically rid himself of the thoughts. Ugh, it was too soon to think about these things. He was still adjusting to simply having the android in his house, for fuck’s sake.

Jack turned the water a fraction colder, deciding not to deal with these thoughts just yet.


“You seem quite tense, Seán,” Google said one evening as Jack finished dinner.

Jack looked up from his phone, blinking. “Do I? I feel relaxed.”

“Your body language as of late indicates that you are feeling stressed, and behavioral patterns suggest that this is from a lack of meaningful face-to-face interactions and work-related difficulties,” Google stated.

Jack laughed somewhat awkwardly. “Jesus, am I that easy to read?”

“There is the possibility that I am incorrect, but early research indicates that Google IRL units are capable of correctly ascertaining the problems ailing users based on observed behavior 78.4 percent of the time,” the android informed him.

“Huh,” Jack said.

“If you’ll allow me, I can help you relieve that stress,” Google added. “For example, I could give you a full body massage, or engage in extended close physical contact to fulfill the natural human desire for touch. Some humans even prefer being brought to sexual climax to relieve stress and I could assist you that way.”

Jack coughed in surprise at the last sentence. “Fuckin’ what?!”

Google just tilted his head. “Are you not interested in engaging in sexual conduct with androids or those that present male? I will make note of it if that is the case.”

Jack began to hastily correct the android. “No no! It’s not that I’m not attracted to guys, I am! I can appreciate a good penis every now and then! It’s just that I feel like I haven’t known you for long enough to feel comfortable having sex with you.”

Google nodded once, eyes glowing briefly. “Understandable. Would you then be willing to engage in sexual activity with myself if you felt we had a stronger emotional connection?”

“I mean- yeah,” Jack agreed. “But anyway, I’m getting off topic! I would appreciate a massage, yes.”

Google smiled, clearly pleased. “Excellent. Would you prefer to be massaged on your bed or the couch?”

“Uhh, probably my bed? It’d be more comfortable,” Jack said.

“Alright, I will retrieve a towel so that you may cover yourself with it after you get undressed,” Google said, not waiting for Jack to respond. After a few moments, Google came back with a thick, fluffy hand towel Jack didn’t even know he had.

Google handed the towel over. “Once you have undressed and covered yourself, please let me know and I will get started.”

Jack took the towel and stood up. “Do I remove my underwear too?”

“It is preferred, but not necessary,” Google informed him. “You do not have to get completely naked if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Gotcha,” Jack said, and then he went into his room. He shut the door and undressed down to his boxers, and he fiddled with the elastic hem for a moment before removing that as well. He laid down on the bed and fussed with the towel for a few moments, trying to figure out how best cover himself before just laying it across his hips.

“I’m ready!” Jack called out.

There were footsteps outside the door, and then Google came in, holding a bottle of massage oil Jack was fairly certain he’d never seen before in his apartment. Before he could question it though, Google approached him and slid a hand beneath his head, startling him into silence.

“For maximum effect, I will ensure that you are comfortable,” Google said as he lifted Jack’s head a little to slide a pillow beneath it. He adjusted the towel, making sure it was nice and straight.

Jack blinked, and then smiled a little, adjusting his head on the pillow. “Thanks.” He watched as Google poured a little oil into his hands and then just… held them together? “Uh. What’re you doing?”

“I am warming up my hands to slightly above the average temperature of skin so that the massage will be more effective,” Google stated.

“Oh, ok,” Jack said agreeably.

Google stood near the head of the bed, and Jack closed his eyes as Google laid his hands on his stomach, working the oil into the skin of his upper body.

Jack sighed contentedly. Google’s hands really were warm, just like a human’s, and a knot of tension that Jack hadn’t even realized was in his chest began to unwind. It was nice, for once, to have warm hands on his skin, gentle and soothing as Google worked his way down Jack’s body, starting at his shoulders and arms and going down to his calves.

When Google reached the muscles in his hips, Google rotated the towel so one end fell between his legs and the other end laid across his stomach. Jack shifted a little, feeling a slow trickle of desire at the oddly intimate touch. He breathed deeply, trying not to tense up or let the desire show outwardly. If Google noticed at all, he said nothing, which Jack was grateful for.

After a few minutes, Google stated that he was finished with Jack’s front and directed him to turn over. Carefully, Jack turned over, holding the towel to his crotch so that he didn’t accidentally expose Google to his dick. Once on his stomach, Google moved the pillow out of the way and placed the towel over his butt.

It was easier this way, now that Jack didn’t risk meeting Google’s eyes whenever he opened his eyes; there was just Google’s warm hands working knots out of his muscles, and it was wonderful.

But then Google moved on to his thighs and calves and wow, that uh, that was a feeling. The warmth of Google’s hands on his upper thighs seemed to sink right into his cock, and Jack couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed. Was he really that touch starved that body heat would get him aroused?

Fortunately, Google was fairly clinical about the whole thing, which eased his anxiety somewhat. He just massaged up and down his legs, periodically asking questions about Jack’s comfort.

Sooner than Jack would have liked, Google was done. The moment his hands withdrew, Jack’s skin felt cold and he couldn’t help but silently bemoan the loss of them. The android helped him sit up, and Jack started to internally panic about the fact that Google could see his half-hard dick, but all Google did was flick his down once and then back up, maintaining eye contact with Jack, and said nothing about the subject.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” was all he asked.

“Uh, no,” Jack said, draping a hand over his groin as casually as possible.

Google smiled in a way that Jack would dare to describe as content. “Then I recommend that you change into some comfortable clothes and relax for the rest of the evening as much as you can.”

“I’ll uh, I’ll do my best,” Jack said, laughing a little awkwardly.

“Excellent. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you,” Google responded before he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Jack sighed heavily and sat there for a moment, processing the interaction. He considered Google’s suggestion to relax, and decided that he could afford a night off. He got up and changed into sweat pants and a comfy t-shirt, and then he went into the living room to watch some Netflix.

He must’ve been more relaxed from the massage than he thought, because one moment he was sleepily watching a series, and the next all the windows were dark, and he was being carefully lifted from the couch, the only light from a soft yellow lamp and the dim glow of Google’s shirt.

Jack made a confused noise in his throat and Google responded with a shushing noise that whistled through his teeth, skin-warm metal tilting Jack’s head onto Google’s shoulder.

“Just sleep, I’ve got you,” Google murmured, rubbing a hand up and down Jack’s spine.

There were more lines of support along Jack’s body than Google had arms and he was confused, but his eyelids were so heavy, too heavy to open and understand why this was. He shifted a little, and Google’s grip tightened a little. Jack made a sleepy hum before sighing and going lax in Google’s arms. The android was surprisingly comfortable and Jack was tired, too tired to question why Google was picking him up and making him feel small.

There was the gentle bounce of Google’s gait and the slight inertia as he turned, and then the sound of Google’s footsteps changed as he entered Jack’s bedroom. There was the sound of fabric shifting, and then Jack was being carefully laid down, head placed gently on the pillow.

The tender treatment made something oddly pleasant warm in his stomach, and Jack managed to flicker his eyes open and hummed again as Google pulled the blankets over him.

Google seemed to notice his open eyes and made another shushing noise, stroking his hair back from his forehead. “Sleep, Seán. You need it.” He moved his hand to Jack’s cheek, thumb stroking along the cheekbone.

Jack’s eyes were too heavy to keep open, and so he closed them, feeling Google’s hand move away after a moment. He settled into his bed, getting comfortable.

“You spread yourself too thin,” he heard Google murmur. There were footsteps and the sound of his door clicking shut, and then he was asleep again.

Chapter Text

Jack had forgotten about the fact that he’d arranged to have Google edit a video clip until Robin asked if Google had finished his attempt at editing. When he asked Google, the android informed him that he’d finished some time ago and was simply waiting for Jack.

Google’s edit wasn’t great, which Jack had expected, but it was kind of funny in its own way. It was the sort of thing you’d post once, just to shake things up a little, and then go back to the standard way of editing. Robin and Jack gave Google some tips, and they agreed to try again in a couple weeks.

They all agreed that Robin would remain the editor, and they exchanged some good-natured jokes about human versus android intelligence.

As the days and weeks passed, Jack found himself coming out into the living room more often between recording episodes, just to talk with Google. He noticed himself growing more comfortable with the android’s presence, just rambling about stuff that he’d been doing that day, ideas he had, and things he wanted to do. As a bonus, Google was gradually becoming a better conversation partner, learning how Jack socialized and how to respond to him.

Jack grew comfortable with Google, to the point that people were noticing on livestreams that he seemed a little perkier than normal. Google would drop off some snacks while Jack was streaming and there’s be some goofs with the android, and chat would giggle over how adorable their interactions were.

Jack could readily admit that it was nice to be casual around Google, and he was grateful that the awkwardness was slowly going away.

One evening Jack asked if he could help Google make dinner. The android seemed concerned by this request, and after a little nudging from Jack he went along with it. He tasked Jack with browning some ground beef while he cut up some vegetables. Jack joked around while they cooked, Google replying dryly.

The pan Jack used to brown the meat was cast iron, and when he went to drain the grease, the handle was hot but Jack thought he could tough it out.

It turned out that Jack couldn’t actually tough it out, and so he tried to quickly put down the skillet, swearing to himself, but in the process he knocked it into the tall glass jar, tipping it toward himself. It was almost like time slowed down for a moment, and he saw with clarity that he wouldn’t be able to catch the jar in time and so he started to mentally prepare himself for the burning hot grease to splash on him, squeezing his eyes shut.

But it never came.

Instead there was a light full-body shove, an arm wrapping around the small of his back, and the light clink of metal on glass. Jack lost his balance and stumbled, but the arm pressed him tighter to Google and all Jack could smell was browning meat and the electric cotton that he associated with the android.

Google carefully pulled him upright, and as Jack opened his eyes he could see a metal coil winding out from a slit in his forearm. Jack let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, and he looked up to see that Google was frowning down at him, his gaze more intense than it had been in some time, his face closer than Jack would’ve preferred since the android was still gripping his waist tightly.

The other end of the metal coil came into view, and Jack saw the it was holding the glass jar. “This is why I insist upon cooking for you. You will make a mistake and hurt yourself, and I cannot allow you to come to any harm under my watch. Do you understand?”

This close, Jack could see the apertures in Google’s eyes expanding and contracting as he focused on different parts of his face. “Uh- yeah, I understand.”

Google’s frown deepened and moved both hands up to grip at Jack’s shoulders. “This is serious, Seán,” he said, voice stern. “Your health and safety is paramount and I will not compromise on this. Ideally, I would have you wait in your room while I finish cooking but I cannot force you to do so. If you wish to continue observing me, I must request that you do it from the other side of the counter. Is that clear, Seán?”

Jack blinked, surprised by the severity in Google’s voice. He swallowed, something like fear twisting in his chest. The idea of staying in the same room while Google frowned at him like that was daunting. “Y-yeah, crystal clear.” He couldn’t keep up the eye contact with Google’s hard gaze, and so he dropped his eyes to the android’s mouth. He made to back up, get some space between them, but Google’s grip was iron. “I’ll uh- I’ll just go see what other games I can find on Steam while you finish up here, ok?”

Google’s frown lessened, and his grip on Jack’s shoulders gradually loosened until Jack could finally step back, but one hand lingered, sliding down his arm to grip his forearm. “That is acceptable,” the android said at length, fully releasing Jack.

Jack smiled, partly to relieve the tension in the room. He started walking backwards, towards the doorway to the kitchen. “Alright, let me know when dinner’s ready, alright?”

“I will,” Google said, still watching him.

“Ok, cool!” Jack said by way of pleasantries before turning around and heading straight to his recording room, feeling Google’s eyes on him the whole way.

Once Jack closed the door behind him, he let out a slow breath. Jack honestly hadn’t expected him to react like that, with such intensity. He hadn’t felt that intimidated by the android since the first couple weeks of him being there. His mind flashed back to that “care guide” or whatever that Google had mentioned the very first day that had listed so many different ways to take care of him. It sat heavy in his mind, like it was significant somehow, and he turned the thought over and over until he figured out why it seemed so important.

“Protective” was the word that came to mind. He suddenly remembered how Google had acted during the hangout with his friends, and a sense of mild dread rolled over him. Was Google supposed to act so protective? Was it a bug? There’d been a few other minor bugs that’d he’d reported, maybe this was one of them.

Jack sat down at his computer and pulled up his email, looking for the email address that he’d sent records of the bugs to. With slightly shaky hands, he typed out a quick email, saying that Google seemed oddly protective and gave a couple of examples. He reread the email for typos and once satisfied he sent it off.

Once dinner was ready, Google apologized for his behavior, that he didn’t intend to frighten him and simply wanted to express that Jack’s safety was important to him. He seemed sincere about the apology, and the sincerity eased his nerves so Jack accepted the apology.

Things went back to normal, and after a couple days of normal routine the incident slipped from Jack’s mind.


It was one of those days where Jack found himself admiring Google’s profile and the blue shine of his hair as he cleaned the kitchen. It always astounded Jack how unfairly pretty the android was, and Jack would be lying if his mind hadn’t… wandered over the last month or two.

Not to mention the fucker’s voice. It was a lovely baritone, backed by electronic noise, and it had even starred in a couple indistinct, heated dreams.

“Admiring the engineers’ handiwork again?” Google said dryly, startling Jack out of his thoughts.

“Maybe,” Jack said. They had this conversation occasionally; Google would catch Jack staring and would tease him gently for it.

“Just ‘maybe’? Was their work unsatisfactory?”

“Oh no, far from it,” Jack grinned, leaning on his elbows at the dinner table. “They did an absolutely fantastic job.”

“Oh, did they?” Google responded, his tone trying for suggestive, but falling somewhat flat.

“Yeah,” Jack said. A thought occurred to him, and before he could filter the thought he blurted, “Hey, what all can you do with the sex stuff?”

Google paused what he was doing and looked at Jack, raising a single eyebrow. “’The sex stuff’?”

Jack swore internally. Shit, now you gotta commit, he told himself. “Yeah, the sex stuff. How sexy can you get?”

Google turned towards him fully, approaching him slowly. “’Sexy’ is a subjective trait, but I have significant data from both you and the comments left on your videos that I appear in that indicates I could have such a trait. However, to address your original question, I am capable of performing hand jobs and blowjobs, I can penetrate a partner and be penetrated, I have a significant database of positions to perform intercourse in, and I am knowledgeable in a wide range of ‘kinks’ as they are called.”

“So the whole nine yards, huh?” Jack said. Google’s eyes were intense, but for once it wasn’t unwelcome. It was alluring, hypnotizing, and Jack wanted to know how soft that shiny hair would feel twined through his fingers. The thought of having sex with the android was intimidating, but… a hand job? A blowjob? That was an intriguing thought, and it made arousal warm his abdomen.

“Indeed,” Google responded, and he stopped next to Jack’s chair. “Are you interested in trying out one of those features?”

Jack took a moment to consider the question seriously. He couldn’t deny that he was attracted to the android on some level, and there was a corner of himself that was deeply curious about what Google could do. He was comfortable enough with Google’s presence that interacting with him on a sexual level wasn’t unappealing, but rather somewhat enticing.

“Yeah, I’m interested,” Jack said at length, turning in his seat towards the android.

Google’s smile was pleased, damn near lecherous, and the expression made the arousal low in Jack’s gut bubble a little higher. “What would you like to try?”

“Uhh, nothing too intense,” Jack hummed. “How about… a blowjob? If you’re okay with that of course.”

“I am more than okay with it,” Google said, dropping to his knees in front of Jack. He placed his hands on Jack’s knees, rubbing slowly up and down his thighs. “In fact, it gives me great pleasure to give you pleasure, Seán.”

“Yeah?” Jack widened his legs, and Google pressed further in, sliding his hands closer to Jack’s crotch where a tent in his jeans steadily grew.

Google undid the button and zipper of his jeans with little preamble, and then pulled him closer to the edge of the chair by his hips. “My purpose is to fill your needs,” Google said as he pulled Jack’s cock out of his underwear. “Whether those needs be physical, mental, emotional, or sexual, I am very happy to fill them.

Jack inhaled a steadying breath as Google began to pull on his cock slowly from root to tip and back down again. Google’s hand was smooth, a lukewarm room temperature, and it was certainly different from his own hand.

Once Google had gotten him fully hard, he leaned in to lick a stripe up the length of his cock. Jack gasped at the sensation of Google’s oddly warm tongue and before he could adjust, Google was enveloping the head of his cock in his mouth, tongue swirling around him.

Jack moaned softly and gripped the table with one hand, taking in the slick, warm slide of Google’s mouth as he gradually sank deeper and deeper onto his cock. It was almost like a fleshlight except miles better because the pseudo-muscles in Google’s mouth flexed and rippled around him, tongue digging into the underside of his cock.

Jack placed a shaking hand on top of Google’s head as his mouth drew Jack into his throat, and god, his hair was just as soft as it looked.

“You can be rough with me if you like,” came Google’s voice, and the vibrations of his speakers were delicious against the head of Jack’s cock and he couldn’t help but moan a little louder and twine his fingers through that soft, soft hair.

The suction around his cock ramped up, going tight and sweet and Jack’s hips twitched into Google’s mouth, grip going a little tighter as he let out a strangled moan.

“That’s it, Seán, let out those pretty noises for me,” Google said through his speaker as he drew back halfway.

“You’re really good at this,” Jack said, leaning against the back of the chair. “Not gonna lie, hearing you speak clearly with your mouth full is weird as hell but I’m not complaining.”

Google looked up at Jack with glowing blue eyes over his glasses and rumbled out a laugh around his cock. He sank down on his cock again, swallowing it down until his nose pressed into the coarse pubic hair, and Jack exhaled shakily.

“Oh, fuck,” Jack swore. He slid his hand to the back of Google’s head, not pressing down but simply holding his hand there. The pleasure rolled over him in waves, cresting every time Google would hollow out his cheeks. Google bobbed his head up and down, encouraging each noise pulled from his lips and every twitch of his hips deeper into Google’s throat.

The pleasure grew until Jack was lightly thrusting into Google’s mouth, unsure if it was possible to choke him but wanting to be careful.  The pleasure coiled tighter and tighter and Jack was panting with it, trying hard to not just pull Google’s head flush to his hips.

“I’m gonna cum,” Jack moaned, concerned over whether the android would want to pull away or not.

But Google didn’t pull away, and instead pulled his hips closer with his hands, the suction growing impossibly tighter, and Jack tossed his head back, letting out a stuttering moan, and then he was cumming down Google’s throat, hips twitching helplessly into his mouth and gripping Google’s hair with both hands.

Jack sighed contentedly as he came down, posture relaxing and fingers unwinding from his hair while he caught his breath.

Google pulled off his cock and sat back on his heels. “Was my performance satisfactory?”

“Oh definitely,” Jack said. “Five stars, ten outta ten.”

Google smiled. “Excellent.” Then Google tilted his head back, and Jack could see something working in his throat. Google tilted his head back down and Jack watched in confusion as Google reached two fingers deep into his mouth.

Jack mouth dropped open in shock as Google withdrew a neatly tied condom partially filled with a clear fluid and Jack’s cum. “What the fuck? Did you just pull a condom out of your mouth?”

“It makes clean up easy, since I cannot process organic material,” Google explained.

“Oh. Huh. I guess that makes sense,” Jack said.

Google stood up in one smooth motion and tossed the condom in the trash, and Jack took a moment to put his dick away. Now that he’d more or less come down from the high, the remnants of lazy euphoria still drifting through his veins, the moment seemed awkward now, and he didn’t know how to continue the conversation.

Google turned back towards Jack, wearing a smile that seemed a little smug. “Was there anything else you wanted to try?”

“Uh, no, not right now.” Jack rubbed his palms on his jeans, feeling some sort of anxious jitteriness build up.

“Alright, just let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I’ll finish up cleaning the kitchen in the meantime.”

“Yeah, sure,” Jack said, and then he stood up and retreated to his computer, closing the door behind him.

Well. That was an experience. In all honesty, it was one of the best blowjobs he’d ever had, not that he’d had many in his life. The image of Google’s brightly glowing eyes looking up at him with his cock in his mouth was seared into Jack’s brain, and it was something he’d probably incorporate into his spank bank sooner than he’d like to admit. It had been entirely too long since someone else had touched him in that manner, and Google certainly seemed to enjoy doing it.

But was it really consent, or was it just Google’s programming, designed to make its owner happy? Google had offered first, that was true. He even seemed downright pleased to be able to service him in such a manner. Was this normal for Google IRL units? Maybe he should ask his contact over there about it.

Now that he was thinking about it, he never received an email back in response to his email about his concerns over personality bugs. Did he get the email wrong, did they not receive it or something? He’d send another email just in case.

But then again, seeing Google so eager assuaged some of his worries that he was just taking advantage of the bot. Google had offered of his own free will, hadn’t he? Was there even a difference between Google’s personality and the imperatives coded into him? But then again, Google’s programming was his personality, that’s how artificial intelligence worked.

Maybe he was making a bigger deal out of it than it really was. Google didn’t seem to care; he just cared about Jack.

The jittery anxiety settled down now that he’d reasoned it out, and he felt ready to settle into the groove of doing some work. But before he did, he sent off another email to his contact in the Google IRL department of the parent company, reiterating some stuff in his previous email and adding another couple questions to it. Hopefully they’d get the email this time.

He checked the dropbox, and found a couple more video edits from Google, with a request for critique. He clicked on them curiously and watched them.

To Jack’s surprise, the edits had improved from the first one; it wasn’t great, but still ok. It was like somebody new to video editing had tried to edit, and if Google had gotten better after just one critique session, then there could be hope for the android. He wrote down a few notes to tell Google how he could improve when they talked next and sent a quick message to Robin to ask his opinion about Google’s new edits.

In a hypothetical situation where Google got good enough at editing videos, then he’d be able to take a load of work off Robin. His chest twisted in discomfort at the thought of letting Robin go entirely; he wanted to keep him on as an editor for a while longer, he enjoyed Robin’s company, and they got along well.

Jack shook his head as if to physically rid himself of the depressing thoughts. They’d cross that bridge when they got to it. Right now, he was going to focus on getting some work done, and then maybe browse twitter later.

Chapter Text

“Ugh, I’m bored,” Jack whined to Google, flopped over the back of the couch.

“Did you get work done?” Google asked, not looking up from where he was chopping vegetables.

“Yeah,” he said into the cushions. “If I did more it’d just be extra buffer.”

“Do you want to watch Netflix?”


“Do you want to watch a movie?”


“What about a board game?”



“Whaaat?” Jack said in that same whiny tone.

“I cannot simply guess what will relieve your boredom. Tell me what sort of activity you desire to partake in and I will give you some suggestions.”

“I dunno,” he said, standing up and facing the android. “I wanna go out. I’ve been cooped up in here too long, I wanna go out and do stuff.”

“You go out every week for groceries, is that not sufficient?”

“Well, no, cus it’s something I have to do,” Jack said. “I wanna do something fun.”

Google set down his knife and looked at Jack. “Is there a specific type of activity you would like to do?”

“Umm.” Jack paused to think about it. There was nothing in particular he wanted to do, he just kinda wanted to go out. Get some of his restless energy out or something. “I just kinda wanna walk around. Maybe go downtown or something.”

“Hmm. Alright then; I will accompany you downtown and ensure that the trip goes smoothly,” Google decided.

Jack perked up, straightening from his flopped over position. “Cool! Let’s go when you’re finished with food stuff.”

Google nodded his acknowledgement and set about finishing the vegetables while Jack hopped off the couch to get his things together. After a few minutes they were ready to go and they headed out in Jack’s car, Google acting as a patient guide to a convenient parking garage. It was mid-summer, but it was a mild day so there was no need for a jacket: the sun was hidden behind clouds and there was a light breeze; perfect for a nice walk.

They wandered up and down streets, dipping in and out of shops as Jack pleased, rambling excitedly about things to Google, who listened patiently with a faint smile.

After some time, they exited a coffee shop, Jack carrying a cup of coffee, and it was just as Jack turned to look at his companion to say something that the sun peeked out from behind the clouds and Google’s painstakingly engineered face was devastatingly gorgeous in the light. Jack’s breath caught in his throat and he couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful blue shine of his hair and the angle of his cheekbone.

Something warm and fluttery bloomed in Jack’s chest and he looked away, suddenly embarrassed for staring so long.

“Something wrong, Seán?” Google asked, and there was amusement in his voice.

“Nope, everything’s fine,” Jack said quickly, feeling heat rise to his cheeks.

“Are you sure?” The smirk was practically audible now.

“Yes, I’m very sure. Oh look at that, let’s go over there!” Jack exclaimed, pointing at nothing in particular as a messy exit from the topic.

Google just hummed as they walked along.


 The nice afternoon couldn’t last forever, of course. Jack and Google were headed back towards the parking garage, carrying a couple bags of things they’d bought on their outing, when somebody started calling out to them.

“Hey! Hey you, with the tin can!”

Jack’s good mood almost immediately evaporated, replaced by cautious worry as they turned around to face who was speaking.

They were met with a skinny fucker, thinner than Jack, with stringy, greasy hair and rough stubble and ugly teeth. “You fuckin’ that thing?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Jack said.

“It’s just plastic and metal, what the fuck else could it be good for?” the man scoffed.

Jack frowned, adjusting his grip on the shopping bags he held. “I’ll have you know that he is a perfectly fine conversationalist, thank you very much.”

The man laughed, walking a little closer. “Conversations about what? ‘I can suck your dick real good master, yes master you’re so handsome you can fuck me whenever you want!’ Ha! That’s fuckin’ hilarious.”

Jack’s frown deepened. “Now that’s just rude.”

Google leaned in to murmur into Jack’s ear. “He is not worth our time, Seán. We should leave.”

“Y’know,” the man continued, walking still closer, “people like you are what’s wrong with the world. You rich fucks create all these cute little toys to play with that us common folk will never even get to touch and act like it’s some wonderful gift to us while you fuck us over at the same time.”

Jack could smell stale cigarette smoke on the man now. “The androids are a feat of incredible engineering, not some toy. Those engineers work really hard.”

“You people act like you’re all that and a bag of chips when you’re just so fuckin’ ugly on the inside. I oughta punch you in your pretty little face and make the outside match the inside.” The man pulled his fist back and Jack flinched, raising his unladen arm to protect himself, but the blow never came.

Jack opened his eyes to see that Google had stepped in front of him and caught the man’s fist with his hand, and he could see that the grip on the man’s knuckled was firm but not crushing.

“Wha-  what the fuck?! What the hell are you?!” the man spluttered. His eyes were wide, his expression frightened.

“I strongly recommend that you walk away and continue with your day, sir,” Google said, and there was an edge to his voice that Jack was unfamiliar with. “I will not hesitate to call the authorities if Seán instructs me to.”

“Let him go, Google. Let’s just go home,” Jack said.

Google stared at the man for moment longer, and Jack could see that his eyes were glowing bright blue. “Seán is a far kinder man than you deserve,” he said after a moment, letting go of the man’s hand. “Now go, before Seán changes his mind.”

The man stood there for a moment, and then wisely took the opportunity to leave and ran down the street the way he came.

Jack stood silently for a moment before turning to Google. “Thanks for stopping him.”

“There is no need to thank me,” Google said, carefully taking Jack’s bags. “It is only what I am supposed to do.”

“Still,” Jack said as he began to walk in the direction of the parking garage, the butterflies in his chest from earlier starting up again. “I appreciate it. It’s the right thing to do.”

“You’re welcome, Seán.”

A few days later, Jack ended up playing a game with bullying and harassment themes, and he related his experience from the other day during a lull in the gameplay. It turned out to be very good publicity for the company that had made the androids, and it made a few headlines. There were, of course, lots of fans saying how endearing and sweet it was.

Over the course of a week or so after Google had shooed away the man that had harassed them, Jack was starting to realize he was crushing on the robot, and hard. He was slowly growing aware of how infrequently he’d had even casual physical contact with friends and how longed to just hug someone. And sure, he could probably just hug Googs but for some reason he felt weird about it.

It was the whole “he’s a robot and I’m a human” thing, Jack figured. Books and movies and video games had drilled it into his head that robots and androids were cold and emotionless, that they would never be able to feel emotion, let alone return love. But Google had proved that was wrong: the android had shown that he could feel joy, pride, frustration, disappointment, possibly even anger. The emotions had all been subtle as far as Jack could tell, but there nonetheless. And there was the fact that Google had encouraged him multiple times that it was fine to seek out comfort from him, that it was his purpose to provide comfort.

There was also the fact that Jack kinda wanted to kiss the android. Google’s lips looked soft and plush, and with the romantic notions floating through his head these days, he wanted to know what they felt like against his own lips. But would Google want to kiss him? Or would his ‘want’ just be another part of his programming to make Jack happy? And there was still the fact that in fiction humans in relationships with robots was fine, but reality might not be so kind. If he got involved like that, would Jack have to hide the relationship? How kind or unkind would his fanbase be in reaction to something like that?

The clinking of a plate on his desk startled Jack out of his thoughts. It was Google, giving him an afternoon snack. “Yeh scared me man, make some more noise next time,” he laughed.

Google smiled. “I knocked, but you seemed deep in thought. I apologize for startling you.”

Jack leaned over to look at what Google had brought him: cheese, crackers, and veggies, with a small pool of dip. “Thanks for the snack!” He dipped a carrot in the veggie dip and ate it.

“You’re welcome.” Google paused a moment, considering something. “May I ask what had you so deep in thought, Seán?”

“Uh.” Jack’s cheeks warmed, and he couldn’t make eye contact with him. “I uh, um. I was just. Kinda. Thinkin’ about.”

“About?” Google prompted.

“That I kinda wanna kiss yeh,” Jack managed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Then kiss me,” Google said, and there was some kind of warm amusement in his voice.

Jack glanced up at him. “Really? But- I don’t want to push you into anything, I wanna make sure you’re comfortable with that.”

“Seán,” Google said, smiling a little. “Stand up, please.”

“Okay.” Jack stood up, shifting so that he stood in front of the android.

Google stepped closer and cupped Jack’s face in his hands. “I do not know how much more clearly I can say this: you are in control of all our interactions. There is very little you could ask of me for sexual and emotional fulfillment that I would not agree to. If it obeys all laws, I am more than happy to partake in it. If you wish to kiss me, or whatever feels natural, then this is me giving you blanket permission to do whatever you want.”

Jack blinked at him wide-eyed, drinking in the faint warmth of Google’s hands. “Oh. Okay. That makes sense.”

“Now the important question is,” Google continued, “are you certain you wish to kiss me?”

Google’s gaze was intense but concerned, and his hands were gentle. Something about the situation made his lower abdomen warm with some kind of arousal, and Jack wanted to press closer.

“Yes,” Jack said firmly, confidently. “I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you right now.”

“Excellent,” Google said, and then he was leaning in and pulling Jack’s face closer, and then they were kissing.

Google’s lips were soft, the kiss gentle, and there was something about the give of his flesh that made it feel distinctly different from kissing a human. The scent of artificiality was in his nose, and Jack couldn’t help but thread a hand through Google’s hair as the android moved one hand to Jack’s lower back. Jack made a soft noise as their lips moved against each other, and Google’s grip firmed up. They kissed slowly for a while and it was just what he needed, to kiss someone luxuriously while the sensuality of it all built up in his abdomen.

Jack pulled back a fraction to take a breath, and then pressed back in, kissing harder, and he noticed his pants were getting tighter, the arousal blooming. Jack was half-aware of Google shuffling them somewhere, and just as his back hit the foam padding of his wall, Google slotted a thigh between his legs, just barely pressing against his hardening cock.

Google was devastatingly good at kissing and Jack couldn’t help but moan into his mouth. Google’s statement of ‘do whatever you want’ ran through his head, and he wanted to press his hips into the android’s thigh, so he did. As soon as Jack’s hips pulled back from the first press, Google’s thigh started grinding against him and it was perfect.

Jack’s head dropped back against the foam and he groaned into the air. Google bent down and began mouthing at the line of his throat, causing spikes of pleasure to spark down his spine, and Jack’s hips ground down against Google’s thigh, and after a few moments they found the perfect rhythm, one that wrung pleasure from his spine on each downward roll of his hips.

This went on for several glorious moments, but the tightness of his jeans was growing unbearable. “Google,” Jack moaned. “Google please.”

“Please what?” Google murmured into his throat.

“Touch me, please,” he begged.

“I am already touching you,” Google said, the smugness clear in his voice.

Jack made a noise of frustration that sounded more like a moan. “Touch my dick, please!”

“If you insist,” Google said. He pressed a hand to the tent in Jack’s jeans, palming him through the fabric.

Jack practically whined. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it! Pull my dick out and get me off, please.”

“Well why didn’t you say that before?” Google’s voice was so smug, and Jack would’ve snarked at him if he hadn’t immediately undone his jeans. Google withdrew Jack’s cock, and the head was smeared with precum from grinding down on Google’s thigh.

Jack moaned in relief as Google pumped him twice. That same hand ran up Jack’s side under his shirt to thumb at his nipple, and Jack’s hips twitched at the stimulation. Something warm and slender wrapped around his cock and Jack was confused because one of Google’s hands was at his hip, and the other at his chest, and both of Jack’s were clutching at Google. With some effort, Jack pulled his head forward to look down at his cock, only to see several thin tendrils of shiny metal wrapped around his shaft, leading under the hem of Google’s shirt, and it was then that those tendrils squeezed just right.

Jack’s head fell back again and he moaned. Google moved back up to capture his mouth, swallowing his moans as those warm tendrils squeezed rhythmically, rubbing over the head of his cock. Jack wanted it to last forever.

But it couldn’t last forever, not with the perfect way the android stoked the pleasure within him. Jack began fucking into the tight channel the tendrils made, and he moaned louder into Google’s mouth and he was getting so close to coming and he was helpless with it, losing control over his voice and the pace of his hips.

Google pulled away from his lips and pressed his mouth against Jack’s ear. “Cum for me, Seán. I know you want to, you must be so close. So cum for me.”

Google pulled on his nipple and then Jack was lost, back arching, hips stuttering, and moaning as he came, gripping hard at whatever he could reach of Google. Those warm metal tendrils stroked him through his orgasm, and as it trailed off Jack’s body relaxed and he panted heavily. The tendrils let go of his cock just as it started getting overstimulated, and Google was shifting as Jack came down from the high.

Google swiped a tissue over Jack’s abdomen, where the majority of his cum had splattered, and over the head of his cock, making sure to be gentle.

“Was that satisfactory?” Google asked.

“Are you kidding me? That was fuckin’ incredible,” Jack responded, starting to catch his breath.

Google smiled, and it was soft and genuine. “I am glad it was good for you.”

Jack smiled in return. Fuck, he was in so deep for this android.

Chapter Text

Jack changed into some clean underwear, gave Google another quick kiss before the android did whatever he usually did, and then sat down at his computer to continue working. The sound of discord’s notification alert came through his headphones, and Jack clicked over to see what it was about, idly nibbling at the veggies Google had left him.

It was a message from Robin: have you been getting my texts? it’s nothing i can’t handle but i’m curious

Oh. Huh. Jack quickly scrolled through his messages with Robin but found nothing between now and the last time they’d texted, almost three weeks ago.

i don’t have any recent texts, that’s weird. what’s up dude?

not much, just wanted to know how things are going with the robo :P

Well, it wasn’t urgent, that was good. pretty good actually! he’s gotten a lot less creepy and way more considerate

cool! there was something else i was curious about tho

There was a long few minutes of Robin’s username popping up and going away as he typed, and the longer it went on, Jack grew more worried. He distractedly ate some of the cheese and crackers from Google’s snack plate.

Eventually, a message from robin popped up. huh, discord must be buggin out, i can’t send the message :/ i guess it’s not that important, i’ll try again some other time

Jack wondered what Robin wanted to know but decided not to press it. ok, if you’re sure. let me know if you need anything!

Robin sent back a thumbs up emoji, and Jack let out a light huff of amusement. Jack wondered why he didn’t get those texts from Robin and made a mental note to look into it later. Maybe his phone service was acting up or something. Oh well.


The next day, Jack went into the kitchen for some early lunch. Google was at the counter chopping vegetables. He was always chopping vegetables it seemed, and sometimes the sound of it drove him crazy. At least he was eating healthier, so that was something. He shuffled about in the cupboards and the fridge, searching for something to eat.

“We are running low on some ingredients,” Google said after a few moments. “I will write out a list of groceries for you to obtain at your leisure.”

Jack shut the fridge door and turned to face the android. “Again? I could swear I just went shopping a couple days ago.”

“You last went grocery shopping six days ago,” Google said pleasantly, not looking away from his cutting board. “However, if you find the trips to the store inconvenient, enabling admin permissions would allow me to autonomously make the trips for you, and allow you to spend more time relaxing.”

“That does sound appealing,” Jack said, leaning against the fridge. “It’s been a while since you’ve mentioned the admin permissions though, what all does that entail?”

At this Google set down the knife and turned to face Jack. “I will be able to automatically carry out tasks I have been assigned, as well as determine what actions will be most beneficial for your health and wellness and execute them.”

“So if you can get groceries for me, does that mean you’d have access to my banking information and stuff?” Jack asked.

“I will have access to the information you choose to share with me; credit and/or debit card information will suffice for the majority of transactions I may need to make.”

Jack made a considering noise, scratching at his beard. “I’ll think about it, ok? If there’s like, a terms and conditions or whatever for the admin permissions I’d like to take a look at it.”

Google nodded. “I will search for the file and send it to you.”

Jack smiled. “Thanks, I appreciate it.” He turned to look at the cupboards and then paused, trying to remember what he’d been doing before.

“Were you looking for something to eat, Seán?” Google asked.

“I- yeah,” Jack said. “I dunno what I wanna eat though.”

“I am currently preparing a salad for you,” Google informed him. “Does that sound agreeable?”

Jack thought about it, about the crunch and the tang that comes with salad, deciding if it was something he wanted. “Yeah, that sounds fine.”

Google smiled. “Excellent. Have a seat and it will be ready shortly.” Google turned back to the cutting board and resumed chopping vegetables with seemingly more vigor than before.

Jack walked around to the other side of the counter and sat down on one of the bar stools, watching Google work with fascination.

Google had started using his metal tentacle-things casually around the house, using them in small ways like grabbing nearby items or opening cupboard doors or getting things out of the fridge. They were no longer unsettling to Jack and he even found them fascinating, especially after that handjob from the other day. A tendril sprouting from Google’s forearm reached out to drag the salad bowl closer, and on a whim Jack reached to grab it. It automatically curled around his finger and Google looked up, an amused smile on his face.

Jack couldn’t help but grin and tugged Google’s arm by the tendril until Google was leaning halfway over the counter. Jack leaned up in his seat and kissed the android briefly on the lips, plopping back down onto his seat and letting go of the tendril, smiling like a doof. Google smiled back at him, and Jack could swear he saw a pulse of blue light travel up his neck on a circuit before fading at his jaw.

Google let out a little laugh, and it was a beautifully musical, electronic noise, and Jack felt his smile widen just that much more.

God, he was so fucking enamored with him. It probably wasn’t healthy to be this fond of a robot, but Jack couldn’t be bothered to give a fuck.

Google returned to preparing the salad, and Jack watched as he mixed the dressing in. In short order, Google was setting the salad in front of Jack and began to clean up the counter.

Jack stabbed into the salad with a fork and took a bite. As he chewed, he was mildly surprised by the sense of satisfaction that settled in his chest, calming a restlessness he hadn’t even noticed was there. How was Google so good at making stuff he wanted? It must’ve been magic.

Jack swallowed his mouthful before speaking. “I dunno how you always know the kinda thing I’m craving, this is really good.”

“Thank you, I am glad you like it,” Google said as he washed the cutting board. “There is a macaroni and cheese casserole in the oven that will be ready shortly.”

“Oh, sweet! I love mac and cheese!” Jack ate his salad in a surprisingly short amount of time, and when he was done, he had to resist the giddy urge to swing his legs back and forth like a little kid. He didn’t know why he was in an oddly perky mood, but he was glad for it anyway.

Soon enough, the mac and cheese was ready, and Google was serving it to him on a clean plate with a clean fork.

It tasted great, of course it did. Thankfully Google had gotten much better about not obviously staring at him while he ate, which greatly helped ease the awkwardness.

If Jack was being honest, he was really enjoying having Google around. Whatever learning algorithm the engineers had given him was really starting to bloom and make communication and bonding that much smoother, in addition to Jack getting used to Google’s odd quirks. Jack was growing really fond of the android, to the point where he constantly wanted to casually touch and hug the android, since that was just how he interacted with people, but he always found himself pulling his hands away somewhat awkwardly. Why was he doing that?

Why indeed? Jack thoughtfully chewed his macaroni as he rolled the question over in his mind. Well, Google was a robot. There was the stereotype that robots were cold and emotionless. Maybe he was afraid that Google wouldn’t be able to return his feelings? Was he afraid of making a fool of himself? But if that was true, then what had possessed him to give Google a quick kiss earlier? Maybe the exchange prior to the handjob was what had given him the courage, that had only happened a couple days prior, and the hesitancy to touch had been around for longer. Maybe he just had to take a leap of faith and trust that no matter what, Google would do his utmost to make Jack happy.

….but Jack didn’t also want Google to do things that made the android uncomfortable, assuming he was capable of feeling that. The thought of Google being uncomfortable while outwardly showing no signs of distress made him feel uncomfortable, but the thought of going without physical touch for so long made him cold and lonely on the inside.

Jack could almost physically feel his mood dropping at the somber thoughts. He finished eating the macaroni with less vigor.

It must’ve shown on his face because Google was standing in front of him, a light frown on his face, and saying, “Is something wrong, Seán?”

“It’s nothing,” Jack said, perhaps a bit too dismissively.

Googles frown deepened as he took the dirty dishes. “Are you sure?”

The note of genuine concern in Google’s voice bid Jack be more honest. “I’m. I don’t wanna talk about it right now, maybe later?”

Google was quiet for a moment, eyes bright blue in the silence. “Alright,” Google conceded, eyes flickering back to brown, “tell me when you are ready, alright? I would hate for you to wallow in sadness too long.”

Jack gave him a small smile. “Thanks, Googs.”


Jack was drunk. Completely, undeniably hammered. Wasted. Blitzed out of his fucking skull. Totally legless, off his tits. Absolutely-

He was getting off track.

Anyway. He’d decided to do a video that involved taking shots when he got questions wrong because those were always popular, and he hadn’t done one in a while. So. He’d ended up taking like, six shots of some whiskey he couldn’t remember the name of. Or was it seven? Maybe eight??? He wasn’t sure, but it was a lot. Google had frowned very disapprovingly when he saw Jack take the bottle into his recording room, and Jack had defended himself by saying it was for a video and besides, when had Googs ever seen him drink more than a couple beers at one time in the months he’d been there??

Jack had made his way out of the recording room afterwards, intent on flopping down on the couch and channel surfing. Thank goodness he’d decided to do this one last.

Google had met him almost immediately with a bottle of water and insisted on helping him to the couch. Jack had stumbled a little as he made his way around the dinner table (Jack claimed loudly it was Google’s fault, the big dummy was hoverin’ too close!!) and Google had caught him around the bicep and righted him perhaps a touch more roughly than was strictly necessary and that… that had made something happen in his belly, something his drunk mind didn’t know how to process, so he just kinda ignored it and pressed forward.

Now he was flopped in the dead center of the couch, the TV playing some show he didn’t recognize and Google’s insides humming away next to him on his left. Jack giggled at something that probably wasn’t actually funny and took a sip from his mostly full water bottle.

Jack looked over at Google, who was staring silently ahead at the TV. The fluorescent light in the kitchen behind him and the lamplight from the corner near the TV highlighted the robot’s features nicely. He found himself staring at the strong jawline, the sweep of his lashes, the soft flow of his hair…

Before Jack quite realized it, he was raising his hand and running his fingers though the synthetic hair, sighing happily at the soft texture of it

Google’s head was turning suddenly, almost bending into the touch. “Seán? Is there something you need?”

“Your hair’s soft,” Jack said. He let the silky strands fall from his fingers. Abruptly, he pulled his hand back and looked downward guiltily. “I shoulda asked first, ‘m sorry.”

“If it makes you happy, you may continue to touch my hair,” Google said. His eyes were curious, both soft and keenly sharp all at once.

Jack smiled brightly at him. “Thank you!” His hand immediately went back to Google’s hair. Soft. So very soft. Patpatpat. He leaned in to sniff at it, and it smelled like a newly opened box of… something. Something electrical. Industrial. Jack wrinkled his nose and pulled back. “You smell weird.”

“Weird?” The harmony of Google’s voice caught on Jack’s ears and it made him squeeze his legs together.

“Yeah. Like… new box. You should… you should take a shower.” Jack paused his ramblings, his statement registering belatedly. “Wait, you’d die!!”

Google’s eyes were focused on his face, glowing in the darkness behind the curtain of hair. “I could sponge myself down and wash my clothes, if that would make me more palatable to your sense of smell.”

Jack looked shocked. “You can do that?!”

A corner of Google’s mouth pulled back in a smile. “I can. Would you like me to do that?” His voice was amused, and it made Jack happy to hear Google happy.

“Yes, please!! I can’t cuddle you if you smell weird!” Huh. Where had that thought come from?

Google’s eyes glowed a little brighter. “Then I will do so at the earliest opportunity.”

Jack played with his hair for a few more moments before flopping back into the couch, the water in his hand sloshing out of the bottle.

Google carefully pried the bottle out of his hand and set it on the floor. “You are going to get yourself all wet like that.”

Jack made a noise in his throat in response. In the months that he’d had the bot, Google had only been out of the apartment a few times, usually to help with groceries. Did Google feel trapped in here, in the apartment with him?

Jack turned on the couch and laid down, so his head was in Google’s lap, looking up at him. He stared at Google’s pretty face, almost losing his train of thought before he blurted out, “Do you get lonely? I’m always in my recording room and I feel bad.”

Google seemed confused. “I do not get lonely. Why would I when I have you to take care of?”

Jack smiled up at him, but it only lasted for a moment. Google’s legs were oddly squishy, like human ones, and they vibrated ever so slightly beneath his head a little from all the humming inner bits. Having Google around had reminded Jack exactly how touch-starved he was. Sure they’d messed around some (that handjob had been, what? Two, three weeks ago?) but he felt weird asking for physical affection. Google was just a robot, and probably wouldn’t appreciate it, never mind that Google had said it was okay probably a dozen times. He didn’t want to seem clingy, and the lack of touch was getting to him. Jack felt the loneliness in his arms and along his ribs, and his face fell.

“Is the something wrong, Seán?” Google asked him.

Jack looked up into Google’s eyes. “’m lonely, Googs. I need hugs,” he said plaintively.

Without a word, Google picked him up by the armpits and dragged his body up so that his butt sat on his lap, and wrapped his arms around Jack, pressing the human’s face into his shoulder and resting his chin on top of Jack’s hair.

There was that low burn in his gut again. Something sighed and relaxed within him, and he turned into the hold, folding his legs onto the middle cushion and pressing his face right into the crook of Google’s neck, where the collar of his T-shirt met skin. Google tightened his grip accordingly, and the close contact made Jack almost want to cry.

“Better?” Google’s voice rumbled next to his ear.

“Yeah.” Jack’s voice was muffled, choked up. His fists curled into Google’s shirt and he felt small, the warmth from all the processing the robot did bleeding into his skin almost like body heat.

They stayed like that for a while, with only the TV playing in the background. Almost imperceptibly, the volume turned down to a quiet white noise.

“You know, I could fill all your emotional needs, if you allowed me,” Google said in a low murmur.

The thought was enticing. It really was. It could be nice, feeling emotionally fulfilled, but on the other hand… Google was a robot. How emotionally fulfilling could he really be?

“Can you?” Jack asked, just as quietly.

Google ran his hand down the length of Jack’s back, and then up again. “I could not offer it as an option if I had not passed the tests for it.”

Well shit, he had a point. Jack’s heart quivered, aching for something to fill the ever-growing hole of loneliness.

As if sensing his indecisiveness, Google pressed onwards. “In fact, I could even fulfill your needs before you even realized you had them, if you gave me admin permissions. I could be everything you needed, and you would lack for nothing, neither physically nor emotionally.”

Everything he needed, huh. That was… that was really enticing actually. And he remembered that every time he’d said ‘no’ to that request, Google had looked a little sad, and Jack didn’t want him to be sad. No sad robots allowed in this apartment, no sirree. But. There was just one thing he was concerned about.

“If. If I put up boundaries, like, lines I didn’t want you to cross… you’d respect them, right?” Jack’s voice was soft, uncertain. Unlike him.

“Of course I would. I would not allow you to feel unsafe in my presence,” Google reassured.

Jack mulled over the statement for a bit. “Ok,” he decided. “I’ll give you admin permissions. Take care of me real good, please.”

Google was quiet for a moment, perhaps a little too long. “Excellent,” he said. Then he was pulling Jack’s face out of its hiding place and a little confirmation window popped up in front of Jack.

Jack stared at it for a moment, and then tapped the little ‘Ok’ button. The window disappeared and Jack buried his face back into its comfy little hidey hole.

“Thank you very much,” Google said, and Jack could hear the happiness in it. Google pulled him marginally closer, and Jack could swear the hold felt warmer and cozier than before.