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Oh my God, this is a smegging nightmare!!!


Spent most of the day trying to re-establish the linkway to no avail. My thigh aches.


I don’t understand how one person can make this much difference to a crew. Even if that person’s Rimmer. Or maybe I do.

This Dave keeps looking at me like a puppy. He looks the same as my Dave, but he’s just Wrong. But I can’t help still being a bit attracted to him, scruffiness and all.

And I don’t think I’m the only one. Rimmer keeps looking between us and making bitchy jibes - well, he does that to all the crew to be fair, but there’s a difference in the way he addresses me compared to Cat or Kryten. Always “Ma’am”, of course, but it sounds like an insult coming from him.

I can’t believe I never realised this before, but our Rimmer had a crush on Dave too. Who waits at check-in for their allegedly despised ROOM-MATE to return from planet leave?

So here I am, stuck on this outmoded Starbug with an irritating hologram who thinks I’m a rival for the affections of his slovenly version of my boyfriend and has his nose out of joint at being outranked, particularly by a mere woman. And a version of Kryten whose unswerving loyalty belongs to this Dave rather than myself. Fabulous.

At least this Cat seems to like me, I suppose. Not sure I could bear being actively disliked by more than half the crew. Even if he and Dave are mainly being nice because I’m the first woman they’ve seen in millennia, I’ll take it.
Until I’m back where I belong. It won’t be long. It can’t be.


I thought counselling was supposed to help people? Admittedly that odd psychiatry bot has a lot to work on with Rimmer.

Why is it taking so damn long to recover the linkway? WHY?


Oh gosh, now I feel like a complete heel.

Rimmer doesn’t just have a crush on Dave. He’s hopelessly in love with him. His pale tear-streaked face, the way he kept shouting at Kryten and I to find the right drugs faster, the way he clutched poor Dave in his arms almost as though he was a child…

I don’t know how I managed to drag him away from the bed long enough for Kryten to get Dave stabilised. I’m used to hard-light hologram strength, I suppose. And it was a blessing in this case as frankly, without Rimmer’s quick actions in getting him back to Starbug, Dave would be dead.

This Dave, I mean.

Rimmer acted exactly as my Dave did that time my safety harness snapped and I hit my head. So the others told me anyway. Good grief, I miss them.

I can’t believe he let me put an arm around him to calm him down. I hate to think how long it’s probably been since anyone did that.

No wonder our Rimmer was always on Dave’s heels like a - No, I can’t be mean tonight. I can still see his stricken face and bloodstained uniform.

Does Dave feel the same way though? He does seem more half-hearted in his attempts at flirting lately. Not that he’ll be doing any flirting with anyone for the next few days, poor man.


Well. This is certainly a development.

I’ve never seen Rimmer look so close to happy. As for Dave, his grins are even sunnier than usual. I’m missing my Dave even more now.

I’m happy for them; I truly am. But all the little looks between them are reminding me so strongly of him. Those lovely eyes should be casting soft glances at me, not Rimmer of all people.


Things seem to be returning to normal between them. I distinctly heard the sound of an argument during my sleep period today and couldn’t drop off again, annoyingly. Now I’m overtired, but I’m not giving up. I’m so close to cracking it.


Interesting how Dave and Rimmer have basically settled back into their pre-relationship dynamic whilst still being in a relationship. They’ve started sniping at each other again and you have to watch closely to catch the underlying affection.

I suppose it’s just the way their relationship works, whether romantic or platonic. They’re naturally adversarial, but they don’t hate each other. Clearly, they never did.