Anri exhaled slowly. Charlotte sat next to her, blinking innocently, as if Anri didn’t just confess her heart out to her. The two girls sat in silence, hands holding each other, barely even comforting. Anri hated moments where her friend was silent like this. Why couldn’t she just speak her mind like she always did? She looked at her white haired friend. Charlotte was staring blankly at the spot where their feet were, which was covered by the messy sheets of Anri’s bed. The sheets were being slowly disturbed as Charlotte wiggled her toes beneath the fabric. Anri tried to inconspicuously breath through her nose, careful to make her shoulders shake less.
She couldn’t stand this deafening silence. The girl wanted to be with Charlotte so badly. Her heart ached whenever she stared after Charlotte’s back. On the roof, where they always met for lunch, she would stand so very close to the railing. It scared Anri. Charlotte’s white hair almost looked like it turned silver. (Sometimes, it even looked like she had a halo.)
Anri only confessed because she didn’t want to draw things out. Doing so would only be annoying. The girl took another deep breath, trying to maintain her equanimity . Carbon dioxide welled up in her lungs as her breath hitched.
The silent, white haired girl turned to Anri and quietly wrapped her arms around her waist. Anri felt like she was drowning in a dream of a swamp. She gingerly returned her friend’s awkward hug. It felt odd, since the two girls were sitting in a line, but Anri could care less. Even if she was just being selfish, at least she had Charlotte. Her future was such an uncertain scenario for her, that she only found solace in Charlotte now.
Even if Charlotte were to open her mouth right now and say, “I hate you,” Anri wouldn’t care. She would distort words until she heard an ‘i love you’ in return. The disillusioned girl wanted her emotions to be fulfilled. It didn’t matter that she depended too much on others. After all, isn’t that how other are too? What’s the difference if she did it. These feelings circulate through the world’s heart.
Every moment with Charlotte reminded Anri from when they first met. She was, and would always be, mad with idealism. Sure, she had a gloomy look to her, but she was always smiling. However, it always seemed like she was trying to disguise her animosity towards anyone who wasn’t Charlotte. Anri, definitely, definitely, definitely, wanted her bloodshot wish to be reciprocated. For the entire duration of their relationship, Anri has followed Charlotte around. That’s just how it was, and how it’ll always be.
So what if there was no love anywhere. With Charlotte everything was ‘just fine’.
Anri’s heart beated erratically as Charlotte seemed to press closer to her. It was like she was trying to comfort(?) her. The other girl sighed into the crook of Anri’s neck, seemingly troubled. She wished that Charlotte would embrace her testament of love already. She wanted to hear her reciprocate her ideals. She wanted her. That girl was so very magnanimous , it seemed so merciful to Anri. Perhaps that’s why she loves her so much.
Her mind song a melody of fools. She had nowhere else to go, except for Charlotte. It was always her. It’s always been her. All she wants is her. The number of times she’s thought about Charlotte keeps accumulating. She always seemed to find herself at the mercy of her endless love.
She detested it.
The black haired girl failed at trying to stifle a sigh as she tried to urge her friend closer towards her. She was submerged in her selfishness, and she couldn’t do anything about it. Maybe love was evil. Anri blinked hard, trying to ward off the sheer intrusiveness of her own mind.
“Are you angry?” Anri whispered.
“...I’m not angry.” was her response.
The two girls were perfectly in sync, yet off beat. If she were in some sort of video game (perhaps this was one of those rpg horror games) she would endure it until the end credits rolled. She wouldn’t want to go through it again, because it probably wouldn’t have any replay value. It’s too cruel to watch things proceed from beginning, to middle, then to the inevitable end. The characters would go through the same suffering throughout every playthrough. How horrible, she thought as she chewed on her already sore lip.
This was just the worse. Charlotte stayed silent, so Anri did too. Anything she did, she would do also. It was a shame that both of them were those who lacked interpersonal skills. They’d unintentionally hurt each other over and over and over again. Just like those characters in video games.
Anri couldn’t help herself. Her ideal philosophy, in the end, was just Charlotte. She wanted to say she was fine, but she knew that was a lie. However, that’s the only thing she believed at this point.
Everything was just fine.
Especially, since Charlotte was here.