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What It Feels Like

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Rey's attendant just would not quit. "Why don't you stay in your suite? We've had it all made up for you, and it's much nicer than this, uh –" she gestured broadly towards the Millennium Falcon, "than your ship."

Rey was not accustomed to being waited on, nor could she find a polite way to describe why the crisp white linens and bare, dustless surfaces of her assigned quarters made her skin crawl. "Thank you Ilaan, but I really prefer to stay here," she said, herding the woman off the gangway and closing the Falcon's door as quickly as she could without betraying her exasperation.

When she finally made it to her room, she slumped onto the bed and covered her face. Since Rey had arrived at the new Resistance base on Lolet, every minute of her day was filled with officers and attendants, gawkers and well-wishers, more people every hour than she normally saw in a month. All exceedingly friendly, and all expecting her to exude wisdom from her very pores because she spent a few days being sassed by the great Luke Skywalker. She was supposed to feel honored, but she felt like a piece of meat.

Finn at least still treated her like a person, though he seemed distracted with his new duties since the battle on Crait. And though he certainly tried, there was no way he could understand what she was going through.

Her eyes trailed to the Jedi texts stacked on her desk, still unopened since she stole them from the temple on Ahch-To. She knew what was expected of her, but how was she supposed to master the Force in time to win this war? Younglings of the Jedi Order were closely trained by masters starting at four years old. And here she was, nearly twenty and having only recently learned that the Jedi weren't just a myth.

She sighed, kicking off her boots. The thin mattress creaked as she sank back into her bunk, eyes tracing the ceiling panels. There's just no way she could do it alone. She needed –

A loud groaning sound jolted her back to the present.

Rey frowned. What now? She glanced at the door. "Chewy? You okay?"

She heard it again, but closer this time, a strange sound like an animal out of breath, like – kriff, were those moans?

Her shock was pierced by a voice in her head, as clear as if it were speaking right in front of her. Rey, it said flatly, perfect timing.

Rey shot up, her jaw falling to the floor as her eyes met with Kylo Ren, lounging back on his elbows on a large, black-decked bed, and seeming rather unconcerned at the fact that there was currently a shapely, dark-haired woman bouncing, uh – on him.

Rey immediately turned away, heat creeping over her face and ears. Oh kriff.

The moans continued, rhythmically sputtering out words, "Mmm, Supreme Leader, I – OH!" The woman's voice cut off with a squeak as the soft sounds of skin-on-skin suddenly became aggressive, rhythmic slaps, a predatory growl rising from the man below her.

"You can call me Kylo," he said, voice dripping with dark amusement.

No, no, not this, not now. Rey pressed her fingers into her ears, screwing her eyes shut and willing the connection away with all she had.

Relax, he spoke calmly through the Force, it's okay to be curious. Maybe you'll learn something.

The words felt like a slug crawling up her spine. "You're sick," she spat.

You know as well as I do that I can't control this. Ignore it if you wish.

He wasn't lying, but he was also clearly enjoying her discomfort. She spun around, fuming. How the fuck am I supposed to ignore – THAT?? she said, gesturing to the woman's heaving breasts as he fucked into her.

Kylo flashed a sidelong smile at Rey, and she instantly knew she had made a grave mistake by looking back. He took the opportunity to yank the woman down for an obscene kiss, and she responded eagerly, moaning into his open mouth. He was clearly trying to provoke her, yet there was no denying that they looked beautiful together, her smooth olive skin contrasting with his heavily scarred paleness as they moved together. Sucking on her lower lip, he pulled back with a pop, then gripped her by the waist and shoulders to flip her on her back in one fluid motion.

She has a name, you know. Tessana, she's a lieu–

I don't give a damn who she is. She swallowed. Just... get this over with. I feel like I'm gonna puke.

Darkness flashed in his eyes. My pleasure. Just do try to shut up?

Rey huffed, turning back to face the wall. Kriffing Kylo, she thought, seething. What a fool she had been to think she could turn him. Her chest grew tight, willing away images of the night at the fire on Ahch-To. Where was the man who was so broken, alone, trembling like a newborn nerf? His presence in the Force was unchanged, yet he was hardly the Ben Solo she had come to know. No, here was Kylo Ren: a Force prodigy, ten years her senior, and currently the most powerful man in the galaxy. Of course he had no shame at what he was doing. He'd probably fucked his way through half the First Order command.

You're not wrong.

"Get out of my head," she ground out. Tears began to burn in her eyes. Why was this happening? Snoke was dead, Ben didn't turn, their bond should be severed. Her mind flashed briefly to the vision she'd had of his future, the moment that had filled her with so much hope: his hand in hers, cloaked in grey and white and gazing at her like a knight looks upon his queen.

There had been something unfamiliar about his face. He looked... happy.

She shook it out of her head. It was a lie, bait planted there by Snoke. Kylo had proven that that day on the Supremacy.

"OHHHHH stars, Kylo, kriff, I'm abou–, I –" the woman let out a guttural cry, and Rey glanced nervously at her door, thanking the stars that Chewy couldn't hear this. What exactly was he doing to her that made it necessary to be that loud? Before she could stop herself, curiosity took over and she allowed herself just one peek.

She stiffened when she saw Kylo's gaze was locked directly on her, a look of pure amusement on his face as he rutted into the shuddering woman below him. She tore herself from his gaze, but couldn't take her eyes off the scene before her. The woman's face was buried in his neck, clinging to him for dear life and pleading in some unknown language as he brushed her clit with his thumb and fucked her with deep, steady thrusts.

There hadn't been that many humans living in her outpost on Jakku, much less young and attractive ones. And she had certainly never – well, she had seen skittermice coupling before, but this... this was something else entirely. She knew she was giving him exactly what he wanted, but Rey just could not look away.

She settled for folding her arms defiantly. "She's faking it."

No, she heard, as if whispered in her ear, she's not.

Rey gulped. He was right, and she knew because she could suddenly feel a surge of release and desire billowing within her – the muted, but familiar sensation of a post-orgasmic high when she was raring for more.

"Good girl, Sana."

Oh please. Rey rolled her eyes, but she could feel echoes of the woman's thrill at his words bristling through her body. She frowned. How was this happening? There's no way she was connected to this – Sana as well. No, if she was feeling this, Kylo must be too.

Do you believe me now?

"I told you to stay the feth out of my head," she spat back.

Don't get jealous. His tone was sneering, but the sensations ceased.

Rey breathed a sigh of relief, though she couldn't help but feel a sudden emptiness at the loss. Her head was swimming with confusion at the sight before her, anger and betrayal and arousal all mixed into a single gut-wrenching punch. She begged herself to turn away, but to see the powerful man before her – the man who, for a brief time, she thought was destined to fight at her side – to see him like this was irresistible.

He was fucking her slowly now, dipping down to nip at her neck as he gave her a brief respite from the intensity of her orgasm. Rey's lips parted as she watched the powerful muscles of his thighs and back work in concert. He was sweating lightly, strands of hair clinging to his face, cheeks flushed with exertion as his eyes bore down into the woman below him. He was, to put it simply, stunning. And stars, what it had felt like just having a taste of what he was doing to her...

No. She wasn't going to go there. She was not going to think about herself underneath Kylo Ren, being fucked to oblivion under those burning eyes. Well, it wasn't like she hadn't thought of it before – but no, that was Ben, and she had always imagined him to be sweeter, gentler, maybe even hesitant. Her stomach turned. To think he had her believing that would happen one day, while this was how he spent his free time...

It was all too much. The tears she'd been holding back began to spill out, and she remained frozen, unable to do anything but watch.

He slowed his rhythm as Sana caught her breath, still clinging to him for dear life and letting out the smallest little gasp at each thrust. Leaning in, he brushed his lips against her ear.

"Ready for more?" he asked lowly. But he didn't bother to wait for an answer. Easily pulling out of her grasp, he sank back onto his knees, slinging a leg over his shoulder as he lined up to fuck her full force again.

He flicked his eyes to Rey's, clearly anticipating her reaction, but the flash of cockiness in his gaze quickly fell when he registered her face.

Eyes wide, she opened her mouth to explain herself, the tears, the staring, but all that came out was a whisper.

"Ben..."

Kylo froze, shoulders sinking as his eyes fell to the woman beneath him.

"Supreme Leader? Is everything all right?" Sana asked, her voice a mix of nervousness and genuine concern. She glanced down between them. "Shall I bring you some firespice?"

"No, no. Just give me a minute."

Rey looked on, willing down the small spark of hope in her chest. He was clearly caught off guard by her reaction, but this was just as likely to be yet another opportunity to fuck with her as it was genuine caring.

"Did I... displease you, sir?"

"Kriff, no, Tessana. Just..." His hand reached up to worry his hair. "Just relax." He paused for a moment, letting out a breath before pulling back, gently unhooking her leg from his shoulder. She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off as he leaned down to plant a kiss on the tip of her nose.

A silence hung in the air, and she blinked, clearly taken aback. But Rey could also see a small blush creeping over the woman's cheeks. She resisted the urge to probe her mind, if she even could through the bond. Rey could see she was still tense, but it was a different kind of tension, a deep well of need in her eyes as they drank in the dark man before her.

Ben must have sensed it too, because he planted the next kiss behind her ear, pausing there to murmur, "You aren't done yet, are you?" She squirmed, turning away and threading her hands through his hair.

"I thought so." He slid down to drag his lips over her collarbone, kissing down and pausing just above her breast before taking the nipple into his mouth. Sana let out a moan, scratching her nails against his scalp as he gently sucked. Squeezing her ample hips, he shifted her to the edge of the bed, releasing her with a pop as he moved to kneel before her.

Oh. Oh Maker. He's going to do that.

He lifted his eyes to Rey again, but the amusement that had been there before had vanished completely. Peering up through loose strands of hair, his eyes were... imploring, reaching out to her, as if he wanted something but was afraid to ask.

Rey felt a flare of heat within her, and for a moment she thought he had linked her mind to the woman's again. But no, she realized with a gulp, this was all her.

Rey...

She held her breath as he dipped down between Sana's thighs, letting a hot breath wash over her cunt before diving straight in. Sana gasped, arching to push her hips closer.

Rey had – well, she had never done this with anyone, but kriff if she hadn't thought of it a thousand times over. How it would feel, the wetness, the warmth. But the boy in her mind was always a passing smuggler or junk dealer, anyone who could whisk her away from the dust and monotony of Jakku for a day. She had never dared imagine a knight, an emperor, a prince kneeling before her.

You could have it, all of it.

Rey clenched her legs as the words echoed in the Force. Kriff. In her distraction, she had let her thoughts leak out into the bond. This was not good.

He pulled back to drag his tongue along her inner lips, slow and savoring, and Sana gripped his hair in a silent plea.

Ben, I only wanted – But she couldn't say it. She bit the inside of her cheek. I only wanted you.

Suddenly it was impossible to sit still, and Rey began to feel uncomfortably warm in her tunic. Sana was panting now, as Ben finally established a rhythm on her clit, slow and steady. She had relinquished his hair in favor of gripping the bedsheets, leaving it to spill over his reddened cheeks. His eyes were closed in quiet concentration as he lapped at her, snaking a hand around her thigh to hold her hips in place.

Just as she was beginning to be lost in the sight before her, Rey felt a gentle probe at her mind. It was a request, not a demand, like a soft knock at a door. Unconvinced, she pushed back through the connection, and was shocked to find he allowed her in with no resistance.

Breathing slowly, she eyed the man before her. He gave every appearance of being enraptured in what he was doing, offering a soft growl as Sana's hips jerked suddenly into his greedy mouth. Rey wondered briefly if she really wanted to know what he was feeling in this moment. But there was no way she was going to let this opportunity pass. Closing her eyes, she braced herself and peered into his foremost thoughts.

Well, first, he had lied about bedding half his officers – majorly. But that wasn't what Rey was looking for. Confusion swirled on the periphery of her mind, and she focused in on it, trying to disentangle each feeling from the undulating mass. He was... aroused, that was for sure, but there was so much more. Loneliness. Hope. Desperation. Regret.

You left me.

Though he spoke softly, the words thundered all around Rey directly from his thoughts, and a wash of sadness and anger crashed over her, powerful enough to knock the air from her lungs. She instantly withdrew herself from his mind, shaken by the intensity.

A loud groan echoed from Sana, and Rey had to look away. Anger of her own brimmed at the accusation – how utterly stunted and ignorant could he be, to put it that way? But his tone was pleading, ashamed, as if he already knew.

Don't be a fool. You know I had to!

Somehow he now had her defending herself for the abominable crime of saving her friends.

Yes, I suppose you did.

To think I came to the Supremacy to save you, she thought. And what would her friends have said if they knew? Probably the same as Luke, that she was stupid and naive. Everyone else just seemed to know what's best for her these days. In fact, she realized, Ben was the only person lately who seemed genuinely interested in what she thought.

And in that moment, she decided to allow him in, if only a little. Taking a measured breath, she relaxed her defenses just enough for him to read her current state. She saw him crank an eye towards her in surprise, faltering in his rhythm.

Thinking she was being teased, Sana whined, "Kyloooo!"

He snapped his attention back to her, playing along by dipping lower between her folds, sliding his tongue deep into her pussy just as Rey felt him reach in to examine her thoughts. She sat still, tolerating the foreign sensation as he leafed through the front of her mind. It was over quickly, and she noted with some surprise that he seemed to visibly relax as he withdrew. What exactly had he been expecting to find?

Sana made a little grunt of frustration, trying to pull him back up to attend to her aching clit. But Ben was having none of it, and he pushed in deeper, making a show of savoring her taste. He lingered there for a moment, groaning into her heat, pulling back only when he'd had enough. Rey bit her lip as she watched him leisurely slide a finger into her, sinking his teeth into her thigh.

"Ohhhh, Ky,"

"Mm-hmm," he hummed knowingly, and Sana gasped as he finally made a broad, flat stroke of his tongue on her clit. Rey could see the muscles in his forearm dancing as he worked the finger inside her, and she recognized the motion immediately. It was the same way she curled her fingers when she did this alone. Stars, it'd been a long time since she'd had the time – or the privacy – for that.

Heat rose in her cheeks again at the thought. But why should she be embarrassed? Here she was, blushing at just the thought of masturbation, while Ben fucking Solo ate this woman's pussy right in front of her like it was a five course meal. Resolved, she reached down to unhook her belt. If he was going to have no shame about this, then neither was she.

Rey quickly shrugged off her tunic, not bothering to remove her arm wrappings, and slid a hand beneath her waistband.

Ben didn't react at all, seemingly lost in his task. But his actions became more exaggerated, lifting Sana's hips from the bed as he positively devoured her womanhood. Rey locked her eyes on him, and felt her whole body shudder in gratitude as she dipped a finger into her wetness and made a first swirl over her clit.

It felt good, too good, and she was quite certain she'd never needed this so bad in her life. She eyed Sana jealously as she ground into Ben's mouth, her breaths labored and full lips parted in rapture. She really was stunning. Like a statue cast in bronze, she was everything full and soft and womanly, a stark contrast from Rey's wiry form. She was probably closer to Ben's age, too. And just look at how he wanted her.

Don't, he spoke firmly through the Force. Don't even begin to think she compares to you.

She couldn't help the flood of warmth and need that came over her at his words. She has so many questions, so much she wanted to know about their last encounter. But her carnal mind alerted her to an even more pressing need, and she began rubbing at her clit in earnest, transfixed at the sight before her.

She stared longingly at his lips as he sucked Sana's clit into his mouth, moaning greedily into her wetness. Stars, what she would give to know what it felt like. She pressed her lips together, suppressing a moan.

You want it back, don't you?

Kriff. A small corner of her rational mind screamed at her to stop now, that it wasn't too late to regain control.

I won't do it unless you ask.

Ben, I... she paused. Yes.

In an instant, she felt a surge of need, twice as strong as before and concentrated in a deep pressure building between her hips. Sana's hands were anchored in his hair as Ben worked at her relentlessly, her whole body tensed and straining for more, and Rey felt it too – not the specific sensations, but a yearning, aching need that threatened to consume her.

"Stars, Ben," she let out, far too gone to keep quiet.

Rey, he responded earnestly.

That was all it took. Rey's vision went white, and her mouth fell open in a silent scream as pleasure overcame her. She could hear from the cries that Sana was there, too.

When she came back to, Rey was covered in sweat, pants pushed around her thighs, mind racing at what she'd just done. She reached out to Ben in the Force, just wanting to feel him again, but her stomach sank when she felt nothing there – she was alone.

Suddenly feeling the cold, she yanked up her pants and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. She barely had a second to think before a loud banging rattled her door.

"Nraaaark!"

"I'm fine, Chewy, just – studying!" she yelled, a bit too insistently. She grabbed her tunic, fumbling to slide it over her head before the overprotective Wookiee broke the door down.

"Mraaawrr?"

Rey's stomach grumbled in response. "Dinner sounds great. I'll be out in a minute."