“I’m sorry,“ he said again and the way he looked right now reminded you off a small five year old boy, rather than the gown man he was.
“Sorry isn’t cutting it, Namjoon,” you almost hissed, using his full name which usually you hardly ever did. His flinching was an indication that he knew as well. Instead of looking at you he focused his eyes on the tip of his shoes and the floor. Everything about him literally screamed how sorry he was, but you didn’t really care. You were mad and angry and hurt, so hurt.
This was not how you had imagined your anniversary to go. Sure 100 days was nothing super big to celebrate, at least not like the first year, or fifth year or the first wedding anniversary. But with your history in relationships 100 days was a freaking milestone for you! But now you didn’t know what you had anymore. Were any of the last 100 days real actually? Or was that just you who was really part of this relationship?
You let out a sigh – frustrated and annoyed in equal parts. Your fingers pinched the bridge of your nose, looking at the mess in front of you. The mess that was Namjoon and the mess that your supposedly happy relationship now was.
“Why?” you asked after several minutes of silence and when it became clear that Namjoon wasn’t going to say anything more. “Was any of it real?” you finally asked when it seemed like he wasn’t able to answer the first question. And maybe he just knew that whatever explanation he would give wasn’t sufficient enough for you. That no matter what he’d say, it wouldn’t be enough for you.
At your second question he looked at you almost shocked, as if the idea of you questioning everything you two had - or didn’t have – was absurd.
“Of course,” he almost yelled as if he thinking the louder and stronger he said it, the more you’d believe him. You didn’t. But then again you didn’t know what to believe right now. “How can you doubt-“
“I was a fu- freaking bet, Namjoon. A bet. How do you think I feel right now? How would you feel about the fact that you were simply a bet to someone? That the love you thought you share was simply just the result of some dare or whatever?
“That’s not what this was…” he said in a small voice, knowing that this wasn’t really the truth either.
“Was it worth it? Whatever you got out of this? What did you bet about anyway? Money? Some useless shit that is probably costing you right now whatever we had?” you asked, still angry and you saw Namjoon look at you shocked. Shocked about the fact that you seemed to consider ending your relationship with him.
The fact that you actually knew about the bet itself was pure coincidence. You had gotten a message from someone from another K-Pop band – god knew how they had managed to get your number or even knew about you and Namjoon – with a screenshot about a conversation between Namjoon and someone else, talking about you and a dare. From what you could gather from the few messages they had seen you on the dance floor of a club and things went from there.
You didn’t know the exact details as in what it was about and how far he was supposed to go. But well… you kind of went all the way. It had been a bad week for you work-wise and also on personal levels as well and you had looked for a night of just fun: drinking, dancing, flirting. You didn’t plan on letting it get quite that far and strangely enough, after dating for a 100 days Namjoon didn’t really strike you as the kind of guy that went for one night stands or was just that easy. And that was uneasy feeling you had in your stomach. He wasn’t the type, so maybe the bet went a lot further than what you’d like. He was approaching you at the bar when you ordered another drink and he paid for it before you could protest, striking up a conversation only seconds later and blew you away. He was charming and funny and despite the fact that due to the loud music you only heard every second or third word, you still had a pretty nice conversation – that eventually ended in your bedroom.
When he approached you, you knew who he was, but you weren’t really a fan as such, more like an admirer of his craft, his beauty and his smartness. You never had been to a BTS concert, didn’t own any piece of merchandise, just their CDs. Him standing next to you in that club had seemed unreal and maybe you had been a tiny bit starstruck. But that had not been your reasoning for taking you home. You weren’t a groupie. And during your relationship you made sure he always knew you weren’t seeing him as Rap Monster from BTS but as Kim Namjoon who just happened to be an Idol.
When you woke up the next morning – after you’d taken Namjoon home from the club - you weren’t particularly proud about it, seeing that you weren’t really the one night stand type either, but well… it had happened. You found yourself all alone in bed and a note from Namjoon on the pillow next to you, with his number and a short message to call him at some stage.
And calling you did. He sounded slightly surprised and maybe now you knew why.
A date was set up pretty quickly and things went from there. The first date was followed by a second and a third and within the timeframe of two weeks you had managed to have six dates and agreed that this was going to be something serious. None of the six dates ended anywhere near a bed or with sex, which was a curious as well as a good thing. And your dates were as different as they could be. There was the classic dinner and a movie date – which also happened to be your first date. There was a sort of festival date, and a date where Namjoon took you to an exhibition. Another date took place at bookshop, where he made you pick your favorite three books regardless whether they were embarrassing or not!
‘The good old times’ you thought to yourself right now, looking at Namjoon who was still more or less silent, which didn’t surprise you. He was smart and right now he probably knew it was better to not say anything and enrage you even more.
You let out another sigh, not knowing what to do really. You were still furious, but you also knew this needed to be cleared at some stage. And as if reading your mind Namjoon finally said something ele – other than that he was sorry.
“Let’s talk about this right now,” Namjoon almost pleaded. And for a moment you wanted to, but you were also afraid of things being said that weren’t maybe meant but just came out in the heat of the moment.
“Right now all I need to do is get distance. Because… I don’t know what to do or think right now in all fairness,” you said, taking your coat and bag from where you had left it earlier and made your way to the door. “Don’t call me, I’ll call you,” you said, shortly before you pulled the door shut behind you and stepped out on the busy street, buzzling with people and life.
THE END (for now anyway)