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The Misfortunes of King JJ

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JJ was so excited, after months of waiting, he was going to finally meet his first born child. He was certain that the baby would be absolutely perfect, like him (and Isabella too-- she was pretty awesome-- after all he’d married her and she was the one that was giving him his first kid). Isabella was crushing his fingers in a vice grip, her hair stuck to her sweaty face, grunting as she pushed her hardest. He wanted to pull his hand away from hers (who knew she had that kind of power at her fingertips) but he had tried that once and was greeted with being backhanded ( he could still feel the sting of the scratch her diamond engagement ring had left on his cheek).

“OK, so I can see the head now Isabella one good push left and we’ll get this baby out” the doctor said from where she was between his wife’s legs.

JJ felt himself getting second wind, after nine months of waiting, fifteen hours of labor, and the bones in his fingers being crushed into powder the baby was almost here. He kissed Isabella’s forehead and excitedly encouraged her to push her hardest. She did just that and a moment later the cries of the newborn rang out.

“It’s a boy.” the doctor said excitedly, a huge grin on her first.

Isabella relaxed and released her vice grip on her husband’s hand.

JJ craned his neck to get a better look at his awesome baby boy. They’d already decided on calling him Jean-Jacques Leroy Jr. (he just couldn’t decide whether to call him “Prince JJ” or “3J” or even “J-cubed”-- he’d have to see what kind of personality the kid had).

“Do you want to cut the cord?” a nurse asked.

He just nodded a loss of words for what exactly to say. Eagerly he too a hold of the scissors and snipped where he was told to before the baby was whisked away to be cleaned up.

“Come here” Isabella said weakly motioning for JJ to join her closer to the bed. “How is he?” she asked.

“Awesome. You did a great job babe, top notch baby we made there.”

His wife laughed and motioned to sit up straighter in the hospital bed; he assisted her to sit up better in the white sheets. Soon, the nurse appeared with their son now clean, quiet, and swaddled in a blue blanket with a blue cap on his head and handed him off to Isabella. She took the newborn into her arms, cradled him gently and looked at him with nothing but love. The hospital staff had moved out of the room to give the new parents a moment of privacy.

“He really is perfect” Isabella said in a soft voice, gently moving a couple of strands of black hair off of her son's forehead with her thumb. She kissed his forehead softly and looked towards JJ. “Do you want to hold him?” she asked her husband.

“Of course. I’ll hold him JJ style” he finished the sentence with a flourish and his signature hand motion. Isabella handed the baby boy over to her husband and the moment he was securely in his father’s arms, little Jean-Jacques Leroy Jr. let out and ungodly shriek.

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“There we go…” JJ said concentrating as he snapped the crotch of the black onesie reading ‘Started from the Belly now I’m Here’ (he had to rep his fave Canadian rapper). Holding one hand on 3J’s belly as he reached for a pair of bottoms-- Isabella had already screamed at him more than once about leaving the baby on the changing table unattended. JJ couldn’t see why it was the big deal it wasn’t like Jcube could roll over yet- he still needed the little gloves to keep him from gauging his own eyes out with those razor sharp baby nails (why did babies have such ungodly sharp nails?). He slipped the little pants overtop of his son’s legs and followed them up with a pair of socks, then finished the look off with the safety gloves, and a matching cap.

He picked up his baby boy and sniffed his head (the baby just smelt so good) before disguising it with a little kiss to his forehead before he headed out of the nursery cradling him to his chest. It’s was a big day after all, Jean-Jacques Jr. was a month old and JJ and Isabella (but mostly JJ) had decided to celebrate it in style. They were going to have a little party, his parents were coming over, her parents were coming over, his siblings, rink mates, personal trainer, a few of Isabella’s friends, and of course the head of marketing for his clothing line too (he was developing athletic wear for infants, than toddlers, and kids-- after all you had to fight childhood obesity with style).

“How is he?” Isabella asked as her two boys entered the room. She was kneeling on the colorful play-mat that they’d purchased (because the parenting sites said that while baby wouldn’t have motor skills enough to need toys, laying them out on a mat when they were awake was a good idea). A tripod and camera were set up at the base of the mat and four bottles had been laid out in the formation of a 1 were laid out.

“Awesome like always.” his wife stood up and approached the two of them taking her son into her arms and examining him. She squenched up her nose reading the onesie and looked at her husband, “Really JJ?”

“Drake is the voice of our generation.” He gave her a wink, “I mean, my shirt ain’t got no stripes but I--”

“Could you not in front of the baby?”

“You don’t like the Andy Griffith Theme Song?”

“I want a divorce.”

“NOOOOOOO” JJ called out playfully, “Fine, fine. I’ll save it for later.”

Isabella rolled her eyes setting their son down on his play-mat next to the arrangement of bottles, “I would rather you didn’t.” she positioned herself behind the camera and snapped a few pictures. JJ arranged himself next to her to take a few pictures using his phone for his son’s instagram account ‘Ice-Ice-Bebe’.

There was a knock at the door and JJ headed to the door without even having to be told to do so by Isabella. Swinging the door open he was greeted by his mother holding a dutch oven, a smile on her face, his father stood next to her. His younger brother, Florian, and little sister Brigette were behind her staring down at their phones. “Mama!” he said brightly leaning forward to kiss his mother’s cheeks and take the dish she held into one of his hands. With the other hand he went to ruffle Florian’s hair, who despite the fact that was was texting gracefully dodged his older brother’s touch. JJ did his best not to look hurt. “Papa” he nodded to his father before stepping aside to let everyone in.

“I made you a little something so that way you don’t have to worry about what to cook later” his mother said touching his cheek, “now step aside so I can see my grandchild.” She made her way into the living room followed by the rest of his family.

JJ went to the kitchen and set the ceramic dish onto the countertop. He took a quick peak though and fist pumped seeing that it was a Tourtière. Sure he was supposed to be on a meal plan, but few things beat his mom’s take on the meat pie. Abandoning the dish he headed into the living room to join his family.

“Oh he’s starting to get big.” Nathalie cooed rocking the baby gently in his arms.

“Yeah 3J’s gonna be ready to start skating before we know it!” he said happily.

There was a snort from Florian and Brigette looked up at him from her phone. “You can’t be calling him that?” his father said breaking the short and mildly awkward silence.

“He does.” Isabella said laugh, “There is also, ‘J-cube’ or ‘J-cubed’-- he thinks that that one’s really clever, ‘J-Trois’, ‘Prince JJ’, or just ‘Prince’ for short.” she counted each one of the nicknames out on her well manicured hands.

“I’m so sorry he’s your dad.” JJ’s younger sister sighed looking at her nephew with pure pity.

“You’ll learn to be embarrassed by him one day.” his brother added, “We all are.”

“Hey!” JJ called out only to be immediately shushed by everyone in the room, “Sorry.”

“Why can’t you just call him Junior or something normal like that?” Alain asked, “You know he has to interact with other people one day.”

“But that’s so boring.” he half whined only to be shushed again as there was another knock on the door.

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JJ was so excited, he was going to spend the whole entire day out and about with JJ Jr (granted it was because Isabella had declared that she needed a break from her two boys because she had been trying to get over a migraine for the last three days). Whatever the reason though JJ was always pumped to parade his baby around, and 3J was getting to the point where he could hold his head up and really observe the world now… and that was pretty sweet.

And so, JJ had found himself and his son in matching red sweaters and shades, (his own from his adult line and 3J’s from his new baby’s athletic gear line-- which was doing pretty dang good), a Babybjorn strapped to his chest, taking selfies on the running path with the leaves starting to change for the autumn season. Quickly he tossed a few filters onto the picture, to bring out the color of the fall foliage and their matching sweaters, uploaded it onto 3J’s Instagram account, and tossed it a quick caption, (“About to head out for a jog with my #supercooldad #jjstyle #jjjstyle #healthylifestyle #dadgoals”) uploaded the picture, pocketed his phone, and began the run.

The whole time he was jogging along the path JJ was singing out loud much to the annoyance of his child. The baby was happy to be out of the house, it was nice to go on outings (though in his little head he much rather go on outings with his mother). The wind felt nice on his face, and getting to see all these new shapes and colors was great (he had just started to see more of these color-things not too long ago and that was pretty exciting). But this listening to his father’s incessant singing and when he pulled out the rectangle from his pocket and started to pose that was annoying too. But if he could just get thru this, they would probably go to store or something, which meant attention from strangers (who were cooler than dad) and probably a bit of a snack-- he’d started to get things other than just the milk (and that was even better than more colors).

Soon the running had stopped, as did JJ’s singing (to 3J’s relief) mostly because he was panting. “Did you like that little man?” JJ asked. His son made no noise or motion that he could mistake for agreement (the baby did like the run-- it was just the present company that he wasn’t enjoying at all). He pulled out his phone from his pocket and checked the likes on the pre-run pic, about half a thousand likes and a few comments mostly going on about how good looking the two of them were. He he put the phone away and headed into his home rink.

Sure JJ had already had his ice time this morning. It was afternoon now so he knew that his parents would be there with his little brother and sister watching over the two teenagers.

He entered the building to a “Hey JJ!” from the girl at the counter, “Oh and you have Junior with you too.”

Jean-Jacques paused at the counter and flashed her one of his signature styles. Of course he had to stop, he loved the attention and loved that having J-cub with him gave him even more attention. Even people who had no idea who he was (somehow) gushed over him and the baby-- babies were babe magnets-- not that he was interested in babes since he had his perfect wife Isabella. “Do you want to hold him?” JJ asked already motioning to take his son out of the Babybjorn.

“Why are you even asking, of course I do.” she reached her hands out to take a hold of the child. JJ handed his son over. And his son was so happy to be able to get away from his dad- his back was starting to get a bit wet and that wasn’t very pleasant. “OMG, just look at you. You’re getting so big.” The woman at the counter smiled holding the baby boy up.

Jean-Jacques Jr. recognized this lady and recognized this place as he looked around the room. She was so much better than his father was. For starters she wasn’t annoying and she held him on her hip in a manner where he could really look around the room well. She also had soft hair that he could get a grip on and gently tugged on in. He liked to tug on hair and it was so hard for him to get a grip on his father’s hair.

JJ laughed, “Oh he seems to like your hair too.” he reached over to help untangle his son’s hand from the girl’s hair, “He loves to pull on dangling earrings too.”

“I don’t mind” she said with a little smile, “He’s just starting to get used to using his little hands.”

“I guess?” JJ shrugged, “Is my family here?” he asked reaching to take his son back.

“Of course they are. You all are so good about keeping to a schedule.” she handed 3J back to his father, much to the disappointment of the infant who had began to start to whine.

“Op did you make a mess in your diaper?” JJ said as a reaction to his son’s squirming around in his arms, “he lifted the baby up and gave his bottom a quick sniff. It wasn’t a poo which made sense, since he didn’t scrunch up his face like he normally did when he pooped. “Ah thanks, I’ve gotta go change this little guy and see my family.”

JJ carried his son away holding him on his hip this time and as he moved away 3J got to be more restless.