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Bob Ross

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Yuuri is so tired. He had been studying for eight hours straight for his Biology 101 final. All the facts he’d been pouring into his head were all starting to swirl together, and the only thing keeping his panic at bay was the chocolate and caffeine haze. Every time he felt his chest tighten, he’d chug a can of red Kickstart and eat Vicchan’s weight in chocolate.  

Bleary-eyed and having consumed all of his chocolate stash, Yuuri padded into the kitchen in search of the sacred substance and discovered a pink Tupperware with a posted on top that read, “After Finals,” in Phichit’s curly scrawl. Curiosity and cravings getting the better of him, he popped open the lid and was greeted with the warm aroma of brownies.

He plucked one out quickly and resealed the rest of the forbidden food. He sniffed experimentally and was rewarded with the rich, luscious scent of brownies. Their rink mate, Anna, would make the most decadent double chocolate chip brownies for their cheat days and finals (otherwise known as no diets week). They were so rich that even Yuuri, the chocolate connoisseur, could only have one and even then needed a glass of milk to pair with it.

Pouring a tall glass of the cold white liquid and settling himself on the couch for a much-deserved break from the mind-numbing studying, he turned on the tv and flipped through the channels as he took his first bite of the decadent treat. The chips melted on contact with his tongue and he moaned as the flavor spread across his palette. He savored each crumb and chip, licking his fingers to get every last bit, finally chasing it with his glass of ice cold milk.

Yuuri’s eyes widened when the tv channel he’d randomly stopped on began to play “The Joy of Painting”. Bob Ross, the guru of chill, was one of his go-to shows when he needed to get out of his head. As a joke for his last birthday, Phichit had gotten him the Bob Ross beginners painting set. Bob, in all his afro-tastic serene glory, was painting a winterscape with a tall mountain in the background.

Several episodes later or at least he thinks it’s been that long, Yuuri was struck with the best idea he’d ever had. He stumbled into the tiny bedroom and dug into his closet after finally grasping the handle which for some reason kept moving on him. Under all of his collector edition, mint condition posters of Viktor Nikiforov, sat his Bob Ross painting set. Prize in hand, he made his way slowly back to the living room. It seemed to take forever as he battled the floor that refused to stay still.

Bob was telling him that the colors he’d need would be listed on the screen. This time they were painting a snowy cottage in the forest. Yuuri dumped out the contents of the box and realized to his horror that he had no canvas to paint on. Nothing so trivial had ever stopped Yuuri Katsuki. His attention was pulled to his pale legs peeking out of his shorts, and he stripped off his clothes. Picking up the palate, he squirted various amounts of paint that he’d need to make his masterpiece.  

“Let’s have a good time.”

“Yes, let’s!”

He began by covering his torso with the liquid white that was the signature of all Bob’s winterscapes.

“All right, let’s pick up our two-inch brush and dip into our Phthalo blue…”

He grabbed the first brush he could find and dipped it into the vivid blue color and began to paint his chest. As Bob’s soothing voice prattled on about happy trees and little laughing brooks, Yuuri followed along adding the happiest trees and the loudest brooks known to man. He was such a good student, following along perfectly. That is until Bob told him he needed to change colors and had to clean his brush. Yuuri looked around, searching for the right tool to get him back on track then lit up with glee when he saw his half-empty glass of milk. He dipped the brush in and beat it, just like Bob told him to, on the leg of the coffee table sending drops of blue paint and milk all over the living room.

Nearing the completion of his painting, Yuuri heard the front door to the apartment open and someone gasp. His mind supplied that it must be Phichit and that he must show him his beautiful painting.

“Phichit! My bestest bestie! Look what I have created!” He dropped his palette and brush, rushing over to greet his roommate.

Phichit, whose phone was already out, held out his other hand to keep Yuuri from getting too close. “Yuuri! This is, um, something else?”

“Isn’t it?! I’ve been painting with GOD!”

“Really?! Does God have a fluffy brown afro and a beard?”

“How did you know? Have you seen God too?”

“I have. What have you been eating and drinking today, Yuuri?” Phichit was still keeping Yuuri at arm’s length as he made his way to the kitchen. “Did you have one of Anna’s brownies?”

Nodding his head vigorously enough to make himself a bit dizzy, Yuuri answered, “Yes, it was AMAZING! Like sex in a brownie form.”

“I’m sure it was.” Phichit peeked in the Tupperware to see how many Yuuri had eaten. “Well, good thing you only had one.” Phichit then put on the sternest face Yuuri had ever seen him ever wear. “Why didn’t you wait like the note said ‘til after finals.”

Yuuri looked sheepishly down at his feet which had pretty blue, white and brown speckles on them while he tried to think of an answer for Phichit.

“Yuuri?”

“Oh, yeah! The brownie! I ran out of chocolate, and I wanted some more, and I was too tired after studying to go get more and they were right there, and I only had one and yeah.”

“It’s okay Yuuri.” Phichit patted him on the head and began to steer him toward the bathroom. “Now we need to clean you up so you can go take your Bio final.”

“I can’t clean this off!! It’s my masterpiece!”

Shaking his head at his higher than a kite best friend, Phichit turned on the hot water in the shower. “Don’t worry. I took a picture of it for you. Now, hurry up! You don’t want to be late.”

“Thanks, Phichit. I love you, man.” Yuuri cooed at his friend as the water began washing away all of the paint.

“I love you, too man.”

Later a clean, but still high Yuuri took and passed his Bio 101 final. He stayed far far away from Phichit’s traitorous brownies even after his finals were finished, but did ask Anna to make him a “clean” batch. It wasn’t ‘til Phichit retold the story to the baker of said brownies, that sober Yuuri learned that he’d not only taken a picture of him in that state but had posted it to Instagram.

“How could you!?” whined Yuuri, beat red to his ears. Yet more pictures he hoped his parents never saw.

“How could I not, Yuuri?” was Phichit’s only response, looking very much like the cat the caught the canary. “And look! Viktor Nikiforov even liked and commented! ‘Beautiful!’”

“Really?! Lemme see!” Phichit showed him the offending post that had apparently been circulated through the entire skating community and saw that the shot was from his smile to just at his hip bones, so at least his identity and some of his dignity was still intact. Only clue being Phichit’s caption, ‘My bestie’s best work!!’

“Well at least the painting doesn’t suck,” he mumbled stuffing another brownie into his mouth as he stared at that single word written by the official @v-nikiforov.

“Truly one of your finest.”