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The Devil in Triples

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Summary: P5 The Three AUA. The Amamiya-Kurusu triplets are all about Action, so what if the Action sometimes involves excessive adopting of others? (On mostly unrelated news, their (s)hit list just keeps getting longer.)

OR: In which three P5 MCs from different alternate realities reincarnate into the world of P5.

Note: I keep on crack fic-ing.

Warnings: Crack, Shameless Self-Indulgence, The Three AUAU, I Named One Of The Triplets Akiren Excuse My Lack Of Originality, This Is A Mess And I Love It, Say Hi To Yet Another One Of My Trash Fics Please Enjoy, Features The Amamiya-Kurusu Name Dispute.

Disclaimer: Don’t own P5.

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[Introducing the Amamiya-Kurusu triplets, where the eldest son is the devil, the middle son is a phantom thief and the youngest is a drama queen moonlighting as an idol, and two of them simply Do Not Want to hyphenate.]

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Amamiya!” Amamiya Ren ground out, glaring at his slightly older twin brother, Kurusu Akira, “Amamiya is the better surname!”

Kurusu.” Akira smiled sickeningly sweet at Ren, “There is no way Amamiya beats Kurusu.”

Meanwhile, Amamiya-Kurusu Akiren was enjoying his daily dose of caffeine.

“I’ll never call myself Kurusu Ren.” Ren sniffed imperiously.

“And I shall never call myself Amamiya Akira.” Akira stared down Ren.

There was a slam as their mother grew fed up with their arguments and hit the table with her hand, “You have this argument every day. You better stop it or I’ll make you hyphenate.”

The threat shut them up quickly; Akiren sighed contentedly as he sipped his coffee, finally, some peace and quiet.

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[Excessive adopting starts off at the tender age of six (and Akechi Goro gets adopted four times over).]

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Akechi Goro learned at a very young age that life wasn’t fair for unwanted kids like him; it spat at them, strung them along and threw them about for its sick entertainment. A seven-year old being whisked away by random strangers without warning? Very likely to happen- there were some very sick people out in the world. The random stranger being a kid a year younger? Actually not that hard to imagine- kids were a force to be reckoned with whenever they put their mind to something. The aforementioned random kid shouting ‘I’ll be your parent from now on!’ while he was at it? That… was completely wild.

And that was how Akechi Goro was adopted for the first time. By a six-year old.

Now, Goro was a resourceful child and leery of strangers, for a good reason, no matter the age, and so he slipped away from the kid and ran off.

A ways away, he ran into the kid again, somehow, even though he was sure he’d lost him some time ago. The kid even had the gall to act like he never saw Goro before.

“Oh, look at you,” The kid said, his gray eyes carefully observing Goro, “It’s okay, you don’t have to run away from anyone. I’ll protect you. I’ll be your parent from now on.”

“Are you messing with me?!” Goro didn’t have the patience to deal with such tricks, “Don’t try to act innocent or like you’ll succeed on the second try! I refuse! Now beat it!”

The kid looked at him in confusion and Goro wanted to punch him in the face.

“Hey, where did you run off to?” A voice came from behind Goro and he stiffened “Oh!  There you are!”

Goro turned to look behind him then back to the kid he’d been shouting at again.

Oh great, there were two of them.

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Actually, there were three of them, Goro would discover later after he’d come across the third while running away from the first two. The third would be no better and would declare himself Goro’s parent before deciding that he’d fight the other two for custody.

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(None of them got the custody as their uncle swooped in and swept Goro away. By the time Goro recovered from the whirlwind of chaos he’d gone through, his official documents would be declaring him Amamiya-Akechi Goro, adopted cousin of Amamiya Ren, Kurusu Akira and Amamiya-Kurusu Akiren.)

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(Goro knew someone somewhere out there was laughing at his predicament.)

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Goro got over it. Eventually. When only a few years later, Ren dragged home a blonde girl with twin tails alongside her three friends and declared them his kids. Akira and Akiren honed in on the opportunity like sharks to the scent of blood.

This time, Goro got to be the one laughing.

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[Phantom Thief Etiquette is watching over the members of your task force and their respective family members.]

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Makoto went about her routine with a blank mind. Prepared dinner. Ate. Did homework. Sis still wasn’t home yet-

Her phone rang and she reached for it, trembling slightly when she saw that it was an unknown number.

It was Kaneshiro.

By a work of miracle, she managed to rebuff him for the night.

After she finished the call, she took a deep, shuddering breath. She was in an unenviable position and had no idea how to get out of it. There was no one to help her out; she was all alone in her predicament. She couldn’t tell anyone, and how could she-?

“You seem to be in trouble.”

Makoto whirled around and saw the figure casually lounging on one of the windows. The clothes, mask and red gloves were easily identifiable.

“Joker!” It was the Phantom Thief her sister was chasing! What was he doing in their house?

“What are you doing here?”

“Checking up on you.”

“On me?”

Joker nodded.

“Why?”

“You’re Sae’s sister and she’s a part of the taskforce assigned to capture me, and I’m a good Phantom Thief who takes care of the members of his taskforce- their family members included.”

Makoto clenched her fist around her phone, “And?”

“You’re in trouble.”

“I’m not in any trouble whatsoever! If this is some ploy to get at Sis, then I assure you that-!” Her tirade was cut off when Joker approached her quickly and put a calming hand on her head.

“Shh. This isn’t about your sister, it’s about you. And you’re in trouble. I’m here to help you out.”

Makoto took a shaky breath, “Why should I trust you?”

“You don’t have to. Just give me a chance to help you out. Someone is bothering you, just give me a name.”

“Are you going to rob them?”

“Maybe. Depending. Possibly. Probably.”

Makoto’s shoulders slumped. Maybe she should… a chance… Joker couldn’t possibly make things worse anyway.

“Kaneshiro Junya.”

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When Makoto told Joker Kaneshiro’s name, she didn’t expect much to come out of it.

So, imagine her surprise when three days later, Kaneshiro was found bound and gagged, in his underwear, in front of the police station with one of Joker’s calling cards slapped on his forehead.

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[Being the Responsible Older Son grants you benefit, like letting you escort a victim of assault into a safe place with no one suspecting you of anything nefarious, giving you permission to keep the cat you found, and not bothering you during your trek through the collective unconscious of humanity which culminates in you shooting god in the face.]

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Akiren was the quiet child; the responsible, older son everyone trusted and no one doubted.

(Ren led a conspiracy theorists cult about Akiren being a reincarnated, old deity while Goro staunchly insisted that Akiren was the devil himself.)

(There was a reason Goro was one of Akiren’s favorite kids.)

(“I’m your only kid. Unfortunately.”)

So, Akiren going out in for a nightly stroll and returning home with a shaking woman? There was absolutely nothing suspicious about it; she was probably lost and tired, and he led her somewhere she could rest and helped her find a way back home.

No one would think anything of it.

No one would link the reported disappearance of the politician Shido Masayoshi discovered a couple of days later to that small incident. And no one would even think it could possibly have anything to do with the dartboard Akiren gifted Goro.

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So, Akiren going to visit Okumura Haru in Shujin and returning back with a way too intelligent cat? Wouldn’t be the first cat in the Amamiya-Kurusu household (no matter how much Akira would deny being a cat).

So what if the visit coincided with a PE teacher at Shujin having a nervous breakdown and babbling about seeing the devil before confessing to a sickening list of crimes? 

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Somewhere within the depths of the collective human unconscious taking residence in a train station, a supposed god resided.

Akiren was completely sure it was the same entity that had been trying to get into his kid’s dreams for the past two years or so. Akiren didn’t like it when deities decided to mess around with mortals around him. Especially his kids.

The last person to make his kid’s life shit was turned into a dartboard, what to do with this one?

Akiren cocked his head to the side as he thought; shooting gods in the face was ‘in’, wasn’t it?

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End