Actions

Work Header

Dangerous Lessons Review

Chapter Text

 

There’s this scene where Stephanie’s talking to Linda about James and how he actually engaged in her class, and Linda’s like “maybe he’s got a crush on you” and she’s all “wtf no” and Linda legit spends like a solid 2 minutes telling Stephanie that she’s still hot and apparently she needs to remind her husband of that. And I’m sitting here like “YES YOU ARE LET ME LOVE YOU”

LINGERIE! BLACK SATIN WITH WHITE LACE! HALP!

Also the husband is legit trying to stop her from seducing him and I’m literally actually writing a story/script/something where this happens. … SHE’S KISSING DOWN HIS BODY AND HE STOPS HER THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT I WROTE! Okay so I haven’t written it yet, but I’ve been planning it for more than 10 years

James goes stalkery like, instantly

Louise keeps going back and forth between her natural accent and her fake American accent

Also very fitting that everyone is into her. James and another one of the teachers, Richard. She totally blows him off, tho. I think they’re trying to make the viewer think he’s the stalker, but, y'know, I know better LOL

Aaaand she’s TOTALLY checking out James, YES

Her eyes are unnaturally blue… I wonder if she’s enhancing with contacts

Also, dear makeup artists… plz stop putting tanned blondes in bubblegum pink lipstick. Esp if they’re in their 40s, jesus

Oh my fucking good goddamn I need to cap this scene, the lighting is amazing and it makes Louise look even more beautiful than she already is

FUCK YEAH SHE KISSED HIM BACK

Dear whoever deals with animals on movie sets. That is not a proper terrarium for a snake. Plz don’t.

Good lord. The trope or cliche or whatever where someone says “I know what you’re going to say” and the other person just takes that at face value needs to fucking die

So Richard overheard her talking to James about the kiss and he’s like, creepy obsessed with her, too, so I foresee Bad Things

Dude, you were handling poisonous flowers, don’t just stand there, wash your damn hands

….. James just told his mother “You stay in your place” and like damn. Wish he was a better actor, that could’ve actually been creepy

He literally tried to give her his great-grandmother’s necklace. And now she’s freaking out LOL

“We’re perfect for each other” he says like dude you’ve known her for like a week

Oh honey, you’re pretty, but you’re a dumbass. Going to the stalker boy’s house is in no way a method for fixing the situation. Even if she is going to talk to his mother. Still. Hands off, honey, hands offff

Oh the mom’s gonna talk to him about respecting the teacher’s boundaries, this can only end badly

Damn, her eyes really are that blue, no contacts

Uh oh I think she’s been drugged. Legit unsure by who. Could be the student. Could be the other teacher. They’re both getting kinda stalkery.

Yup, someone put datura flower in her travel mug. Sheeee’s tripping balls.

Okay so I think it was James cuz he overheard that Richard left datura flowers for Stephanie, so he poisoned her to frame him to get her to himself

Oooo there’s a rumor going around the school about her and a student *the plot thickens*

OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE YOU BUT YOU’RE A DUMBASS DON’T GET INTO THE CAR WITH SAID STUDENT WHILE ON SCHOOL PROPERTY WHAT THE FUCK

Hey she drives a hybrid, sweet

Oh plz tell me Nicole’s new boyfriend who’s being invited over for dinner isn’t gonna be James like that would just be too much (then again, it is a Lifetime movie…)

She thinks he’s moving on. He’s totally gonna be the boyfriend

CALLED IT

Dude. He’s trying to play footsie with her and her daughter/his “girlfriend” is sitting right there

And now he’s snooping under the pretext of using the bathroom

Tooootally jealous of the actor, he just had his face in her cleavage

And I think Nicole is gonna walk in on him trying to rape her mom. Except, because drama, she’s gonna interpret it as him and her mom about to have sex because, y'know, that’s what happens

Well the daughter didn’t catch them on the bed, but she did witness them coming out of the bedroom, so…

So I read reviews of this about how she should’ve gone to the cops, etc, and legit, she just went to the cops and was literally told there was nothing they could do because he hasn’t hurt her (that they know of) and the activity stopped since Richard has been in jail. Like yeah, she should’ve said something sooner, but it’s not like it would’ve changed anything except that everyone would’ve known about it. And maybe Nicole wouldn’t have dated the guy for 2 weeks. Maybe. Depends on if she knew what he looked like

Richard, entering Stephanie’s house without being invited, staying when she tells you to leave, and grabbing her when she tells you to stop and let her go, is not the way to convince her of your innocence. She already knows they had to let you go due to lack of evidence. Stop being creepy.

Damn dude, James just shanked Richard

So Nicole is still meeting with James, still dating him, even tho he admitted to lying to her. But she likes him, and he says he likes her, so… *teenagers*

I feel like bad things are gonna happen to her

Shit his mom pulled a gun on him LOL

And then immediately gives it up when he takes it, and now he’s gonna kill her

I think

Oh shit, James is telling Nicole that Stephanie made a move on him

He’s a bastard LOL

OH SHIT NO DON’T GO TO HIS HOUSE, NICOLE, DON’T MEET HIS MOM HE’S GONNA KILL YOU

Well, at least Stephanie now has proof that James is crazy, since he sent her a pic of Nicole tied up with a gun to her head. So as soon as shit is sorted out, she can go to the cops and they’ll believe her over him

Honey, that’s not how you get unstuck from a mud hole

But of course, it’s just an excuse to take her car away so she can’t get away from him

Oh his mom’s still alive. Beat to shit, but alive

Oh look, it’s the stalker shrine

Aaaand the dead body of Richard

So I read this one review about how the movie never explains why James likes older women, and like… it totally does. It’s doesn’t come out and say it, but his mom is a light-eyed blonde, as is the teacher at his old school that he stalked, and now he’s talking about how his dad beat him and his mom, and telling Stephanie that she can’t tell the difference between those who love her and those who hurt her. Put those together and you get a pretty clear picture of why he likes older (blonde, light-eyed) women

Oh, but one nice thing… When James was choking Stephanie out, they didn’t have her gasping or anything. She was silent, which makes me happy, because it shows that he was actually, y'know, on his way to killing her. It’s a pet peeve where they have the victim gasping, then going unconscious and immediately “oh they’re dead” and I’m like “that’s not how strangulation works”

HOLY SHIT HIS MOM SHOT HIM

You know that ear-ringing tone they use in movies when things get intense and they wanna heighten that intensity by muffling the sound? That’s the exact tone of my tinnitus and it fucking hurts

“I didn’t think anything so pretty could taste so good” says the husband. Me: “So… you’ve never gone down on your wife, then?”

Oh so she shot him but didn’t kill him

Aaaand now he’s obsessing with his nurse

So it was better than I was expecting. I’m not sure if that’s because, y'know, it was actually better, or if I’m blinded by Louise

Like god DAMN that woman’s attractive