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What's It Called When Spider-Man Climbs Walls?

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“What about… you slider-ed your way into my heart?”

“Did you just send me a picture of you eating a cheeseburger?”

And that is how the conversation began. Because yes, Peter did send Michelle a picture of him eating a cheeseburger. Aside from Ned and May, no one really knew that the two were dating. After about two weeks, Peter had asked if it were alright for him to post a picture of them. She had said yes. ‘Duh, dummy’

Of course, with the lack of caption, people still weren’t getting it. So after witnessing Cindy Moon ask Peter if he wanted to ‘study later at her place’, they decided they had to make it more obvious. Other than hold hands, because PDA was not allowed and Peter really did not want another detention. Detention sucked.

So they had to find a way to publicly let it be known that no, they were not available to ‘study later’.  Sunday’s were dictated to be Non Patrol days. So Peter would spend the day with May, usually. The occasional visit from Ned or MJ.

This led to MJ hanging out at Peter’s house. Ned was going to come over too, but he had family from out of state visiting and it was their last day so he had to be home before they left.

“Right by your side till 3005?” MJ looked at Peter as if he had suggested posting Legos instead. “Parker, did you just reference Childish Gambino?” Peter grinned. His music taste was expanding, thanks to the decathlon team and their bus rides. “I dunno, did you just understand a Childish Gambino lyric?” Peter also knew that Michelle’s music taste was growing too.

“How about ‘you’ve stolen a pizza my heart’?” MJ rolled her eyes lightheartedly, “We don’t have pictures with pizza yet.” Peter tried to hide his blush on the ‘yet’ bit. “Oh don’t get all sappy, Parker, there’s a new pizza place on the way here, I passed by it.” Peter smiled, making a mental note to take Michelle there one day. “I like you a latte?” Michelle shook her head. “No, I’ve got that one reserved for the coffee shop you’re taking me to next Sunday.” “You’ve got a caption reser-”

Peter was interrupted by the pillow MJ threw at his face.


“Hey, you’re one in a melon.” Peter showed Michelle the balled watermelon before plopping it in his mouth. “Peter! You ate it!”

A couple of minutes had passed as they fell into a comfortable silence before Peter broke it again. “You’re my lobster?” Michelle tried to hide her smile with a smirk. “Nah, no Friends quotes yet.”

Another couple of minutes had passed before Peter started laughing to himself. “What? You got one?”

Peter shook with laughter, trying to calm himself. “Hey, what is it called when Spider-Man climbs walls?” Michelle glared. “If you say ‘aracnobatics’, I will cut you.” Peter laughed impossibly harder. “I was gonna say Peter Parkour, but I like yours better.”

Of course her boyfriend would laugh at his own jokes.

“Hey guys! Food’s here!” May called from the kitchen. Peter looked to Michelle. “Race you there?”

“You’re on, Parker.”

May rolled her eyes as Peter and Michelle zoomed into the kitchen, elbows flying.


“I love thai. So much. So, so much.” May took another sip of her water. Peter and Michelle nodded, continuing to eat. “Thai food, stealing hearts across America. Ben and I started eating this way back when. 1996, I think.”

Michelle smiles. “Stealing hearts since ‘96. Like me.”

Peter grinned, ignoring the fact that they weren’t even born in 1996 . “Stealing hearts since never.”


By the time they had eaten takeout with May and it was Michelle’s time to go, they had thought of the perfect caption. So while they were walking to her house, they snapped another pic.


In the morning, Peter had a multitude of Instagram notifications from strangers, along with follower updates. He knew he should’ve set his account on private. Along with the likes and new followers, there were a ton of comments. His phone hadn’t stopped buzzing, he had to turn notifications off.

He sent a quick good morning text to MJ, and then texted Ned, asking if he knew what was going on. Which is when Ned sent him a link to some article.

Beneath the headline was a screenshot of Peter’s recent instagram picture. He didn’t even know there tabloids following him to begin with, so it was weird that it was even discovered by people he didn’t know.

“Peter, we have a visitor!” May had called from the living room, if she was up this early on a Monday, she either swapped shifts are picked up an extra. Peter made his way to the living room to see Tony Stark planted on the sofa. “Mr. Stark, what, uh, what’re you doing here?” Tony grinned up. “What? Can’t visit my favorite intern? Where’s the girlfriend? Still asleep?” May rolled her eyes, grabbing her keys. “Ha ha, Stark. You are hilarious.” May turned to Tony. “She is at home, right?”


Aunt May laughed before opening the door. “I’m kidding, I know you two are smart and responsible. I gotta go, so whenever you go to school today, lock up behind me.”  Peter waved at his aunt, Mr. Stark doing the same. “Bye May”

“So, you got tabloids on your tail now, kid.” Tony shifted from his spot on the sofa to face Peter. “Yeah. Um, what do I, what do I do now? Are they just gonna be stalking me now?”

Tony looked at Peter. This is a fift-sixteen year old kid. He shouldn’t have to worry about being followed around, he’s a kid. Sure, Tony had to deal with it, that doesn’t mean he wanted it for Peter. Which is why he hadn’t released to the press that he even had a bright, young new intern in the first place.

“Look, kid, for some reason, people know you’re my intern. There’s going to be people that just don’t care, and there’s going to be people who are obsessed. We’ll take care of it, alright?” Tony stood, making his way to the door. “Yeah, yeah. Alright.” Peter nodded, checking the time. “Ok now get ready for school, I’ll take ya.” Peter gaped.

“I thought we were gonna downplay it.”

“Well yeah, but we gotta show it’s not false. And by the way,”

Peter looked up at his mentor who was showing the picture on his phone.

“Stealing hearts since never? What does that even mean?”

Peter grinned. “It’s an inside joke.”