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Just A Cabin Pressure Minute

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Herc: So, contestants, your challenge is to talk for one minute on the subject I give you without hesitation, repetition, or deviation. Carolyn, it’s you to begin and your subject is: My one weakness. Your time starts - now.

Carolyn [slowly]: My one weakness is that I really love chocolate, I love it so -

Pull up, pull up!

Herc: Douglas challenged there, what’s your challenge?

Douglas: Repetition of love. Which is not something I thought I would be challenging Carolyn for.

Herc: That’s a correct challenge, Douglas, you have fifty-five seconds on "my one weakness" starting now.

Douglas [smoothly]: Everybody knows that I am excellent at practically everything, but of course what is less well-known is -

Pull up, pull up!

Martin: Repetition of knows!

Herc: No, no, the second one was 'known', so you have an incorrect challenge Douglas, you get an extra point and you have the subject again with forty-seven seconds left, starting now.

Douglas: I do, in fact, have a weakness, and my weakness -

Pull up, pull up!

Herc: Arthur?

Arthur [eagerly, tripping over his words]: Repetition of weakness!

Herc: No, Arthur, remember we said that you can repeat what's in the subject?

Arthur [downcast]: Oh yeah.

Herc: So that's an incorrect challenge again, another point for Douglas, and Douglas you keep the subject "my one weakness" with forty-four seconds -

Carolyn: Oh god, we're going to be here all night.

Herc: Forty-four seconds remaining, starting now.

Douglas: My one weakness is my darling daughter Emily, whose lovely smiling face I simply cannot say no to - only last week she talked me into taking her to the ballet even though I knew she would hate it -

Pull up, pull up!

Herc: Carolyn?

Carolyn [slyly]: Repetition of "she".

Arthur: Oooh, good one, mum! Can I be on your team?

Herc: You're all on your own team, Arthur.

Arthur: Aww! But that means only one person can win, that's a bit rubbish.

Carolyn: It's just how the game works, dear.

Herc: Anyway, that's a correct challenge by Carolyn so she gets the subject of "my one weakness" with - ah - thirty-one seconds remaining, starting now.

Carolyn [fairly quickly]: My one weakness is a complete secret because advertising your one weakness is a stupid idea only done by idiotic people who want their weakness to be used against them in hideous ways so I don't tell anybody my weakness -

Pull up, pull up!

Herc: Martin, you challenged?

Martin: Erm, well-well I might be wrong, but if she's saying she's not telling anybody her weakness, isn't that deviation? Because she's not talking about it?

Douglas: Not bad.

Herc: I think we can give you the benefit of the doubt there. So Martin you have twenty-one seconds on "my one weakness", starting now.

Martin: My one weakness is that, erm -

Pull up, pull up!

Arthur: He said erm! That's a hesitation isn't it?!

Herc: Very good Arthur, yes. You have eighteen seconds, starting now.

Arthur: BRILLIANT! …

Pull up, pull up!

Herc: Douglas?

Douglas: Well… he sort of ground to a halt, didn't he?

Arthur: Sorry. I just got really excited.

Carolyn: We know, dear. It's fine.

Herc: Don't worry, Arthur, I'm sure you'll get the subject back. But for now we call that hesitation, a correct challenge from Douglas and he gets the subject with sixteen seconds remaining, starting now.

Douglas: I was in fact correct about my daughter hating the ballet, she found it dreadfully dull but I don't regret taking her because, well, it's what my one weakness wanted and I'll always try to make her happy even if I have -

Pull up, pull up!

Herc: Arthur?

Arthur: Repetition… of… I?

Carolyn: Well done.

Herc: Yes, very well done Arthur, that's excellent, and you've managed to get in with just four seconds remaining on the subject of "my one weakness", and your time starts now.

Arthur [slowly]: My one weakness is my teddy bear called  -

[Phone timer alert]

Herc: And we're out of time! So you'll never get to hear what Arthur's teddy bear was called.

Martin: Thank god for that.

Herc: But he does get an extra point for speaking as the whistle - er - phone - went. So at the end of that round we have Carolyn and Martin in equal third place, with Arthur a couple of points ahead and Douglas in the lead by one point! Are we having another round?

Carolyn: If we must.

[Phone rings]

Carolyn: Hello? Yes… Straight away. [Puts phone down] Douglas, get a flight plan filed. It's time to fly.

Martin: Thank goodness for that.