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The robins of Prey

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“So...Bruce got caught again and we have to save his ass, is that what i’m getting out of this?” Jason says, irritated as they climb into a window of the club that they had received the distress signal from.

“Yes, Jason. Now shut up.” Tim sighs.

“Don’t tell me to shut up, you..!”

“Guys!” Dick sighs. “Can this wait until Bruce isn’t captured?”

“-tt- or not at all.” Daimen adds, rolling his eyes.

“Okay...so what’s the plan?”

Dick stands there blank for a moment. Oh shit, he forgot the plan. He looks around quickly before noticing a rack of costumes, smirking. He quickly walks over to them, shuffling through them.

“Grayson…” Daimen warned, not liking the look on Dick’s face as he through assorted costumes at each of them.

“Okay...here’s the plan…”

Meanwhile, it seemed that all of the justice league arch-enemies had swarmed together to capture their respective enemies, sitting them down for their last meals before they are murdered...or whatever.

Catwoman had been sitting on his lap for the last half hour, flirting with him, The joker and Harley was reminiscing all the “good times” they had together, Two face was sharpening his knives, the riddler was looking over the menu, and Ivy looked like she could very much care less. So Batman had no real clue on why he was here or what they was planning, just that his lap was getting tired and he was trapped.

He had called for backup when he first gotten captured, he was wondering what was taking them so long, see it that all the justice league was useless.

“If we have to do this, can i be catwoman?” Jason sigh.

“Dude, you don’t have the ass or hips to be Catwoman.” Tim says.

“Dude, does anyone have the ass to be Catwoman? I know she’s like our mom but, damn.” Jason snickered.

“I don’t know, seems like a good fit to me.” Dick says, posing. Everyone looked at his abs in the tight outfit, wondering if Dick had forgotten to zip up or if it was how the outfit was. Seeing Catwoman’s fashion choices of the years, this was a legitimate question.

“We only have to do this so the others can get here.” Daimen reminds himself, walking away. 

“Okay guys, when you’re ready.”

“Are we ever truly ready?” Jason mumbles.

The music starts playing, catching everyone’s attention as they turn their heads to the stage.

“Good evening all you gentlemen, mobsters, creeps and crooks,” Dick says, strutting out onto the stage.

Batman tenses, hoping for all that was good  and just that Ivy had hit him with some kind of pollen to make him hallucinate what he was seeing. He hoped that wasn’t Dick in a catwoman suit.

“Men in tights come after you, and still, you’re off the hook,” Jason sings.

Now Batman knew he was hallucinating. There was no way that Jason would crossdress as Huntress...there just can’t be.

But then Catwoman looks over at him with a smile and he knew that this was reality. That he was indeed seeing this. That everyone was seeing this.

Meanwhile, Conner had just snapped the lock to the skyroof, allowing the team to soar in quietly. However, for a moment, their attention was caught by what was going onstage.

“For those who scare and terrorize, it’s the dawn of a brand new day;” Tim says.

Black canary scoffs at the outfit, mumbling on how she doesn’t look that skimpy in it. To which, Green Arrow snorts.

“You scum can just simply call us, the one and only Birds of Prey!” The three synchronize.

Batman’s eye twitches under his cowl. This...this is exactly why he doesn’t ask for help. Things like this.

Catwoman feels him tense while the Joker and Harley are having a ball, laing at his former robins becoming the “birds of Prey”. Two face was looking around, as if he was wondering if he had been hit by Ivy’s pheromones. Ivy raises her hands, pleading innocent.

“Well, riddle me this.”Riddler mumbles.

“Green Lantern has his special ring!” Dick sings, doing his signature Green lantern pose.

“Pretty strong that little thing!”Jason and Tim chime.

John sputters at that comment, Vixen and Sheira throwing their head back with a giggle. Barry glances at Hal, who snickers.

Hal was confident in his size, his being above normal, so the joke must be in the expense of John, which was funny for how high and mighty he acts.

“Blue Beetle’s deeds are really swell!” Tim says, winking to the audience.

“But who will bring him out of his shell?” Jason says.

Jaime tenses at that statement. He had remembered his huge crush on Huntress a couple years back, but he didn’t know everyone knew.

Bart certainly didn’t know, but caught the joke as soon as it was said, wiggling his eyebrows at the beetle. The scarab chirps at the gesture, Jaime’s face heating up.

“Flash’s foes, they finish last!” Dick jumps onto the piano, flicking his leg up to show off the goods before crossing his legs and tucking it away.

“Too bad sometimes he’s just too fast!” Jason says.

The speedster family blushes at the statement. Hal, Artemis, and Jaime smirks. They knew a bit too well, but knows that there is a bright side to their “drawback”.

Ivy chuckles to herself.

“While all the boys can always save the day, No one does it better than the Birds of Prey!” The three sing, having Jason and Tim echo, “The one and only Birds of Prey!”They repeat themselves, before starting the next verse.

“Green Arrow has heroic traits, that is when he’s shooting straight!” Dick winks at Arrow.Black Canary shoots Arrow a look.

“Hey!” says accusingly.

“ I’m just saying…”

“Aquaman’s always courageous!” Tim continues as he shrugs off the last statement.

“His little fish, less outrageous.” Jason says, wagging his finger.

Aquaman scoffs.

“You can’t get it up on time and know the whole ocean thinks you can't do it at all.” he mutters. Aqualad, who was behind his mentor cringes.

“Plastic Man can expand." Tim says, throwing his arms out.

“Becomes putty in our hands! While all the boys can keep you punks at bay,” The three sing.” No one does it better than the Birds of Prey. The one and only Birds of Prey.”

Batman shoots over at his comrades, especially plastic man. How the hell did his sons know any of this stuff? What the hell have they been doing that would allow them to know this information. He was going to have a discussion with the league about this.

“ While all the boys can always save the day,No one does it better, no one does it better than the Birds of Prey!”

Jason points gun fingers at Batman, Dick and Tim smiling and poses. Catwoman gets up, getting the message. Bruce cringes, hoping that they were just going to release him.

Sadly, he was mistaken.

“Batman throws his Batarang,” Dick sings, leaning in closer. “what a weapon, what a bang…”

“Check out that utility belt,” Tim follows suit. “sure can make a girl’s heart melt…”

“He’s always right there for the save,” Jason proclaims. He blows Bruce a kiss, winking at him. ” I’d like to see his secret cave…”

Bruce had officially left the building, leaving behind his body as collateral. He has lost all feeling. He had witness the most horrible thing he has ever seen since the death of jason and his parents. This was one of his greatest mistakes that he was no going to have nightmares and live with for the rest of his life.

“While Batman does things in his special way,” the three line up, leaning in with a wink. “He'd do it better with the Birds of Prey! “ As the trail back up on the stage, Dick and Tim echos “The one and only Birds of Prey!”

“While Batman always seems to save the day,” Dick poses in the middle of the stage, letting M’gann know that they was finishing up. While watching the performance, the team had almost forgotten that they were in the middle of a rescue mission. In fact, it seemed that the villans had forgotten that this was a kidnapping, enjoying the performance. This...this was a whole new level of trippy.” No one does it better, no one does it better than the Birds of Prey! Birds of Prey…”

“Meow…” Dick winks as they all did their last pose.

Applause rang out, Batgirl grabbing Batman and dragging him out as everyone else pretty much got up and left.

It was then agreed that this was one of the most weirdest rescue missions that the justice league had encountered and decided to never talk about it in Batman’s presence.



Extra!

 

Later while flying home, Garfield had to ask.

“So...am i crazy or did everyone hear the lyrics about them wanting to get into Batman’s pants?”

The whole ship blushes. They heard it,  but was going to acknowledge or ask. They were the robin’s, Batman’s sons…

“I’ve thought about it a couple times.” Tim admits as if he just another common thing.

"I don’t want to talk about it.” Jason says, trying to put on his helmet to hide his blush.

Dick smirks. “It was a really good bang.” 

And the rest of the ride was silent.


Extra! Extra!

 

“So...did everyone hear that last verse about how his sons wanted to fuck him?” Flash asks. 

“I mean…”Superman says, but stops himself. “He’s a really good bang.” Wonder woman snorts. Batman was still very much out of it.

“How come there wasn’t anything about you or manhunter?”John gumbles.


Okay one more...Extra!

 

“Superman’s weakness is kryptonite,” Jason chimes. “And a certain Dark Knight.”

 

“Superman, likes apple pie.” Dick says. “But that’s not only one he likes.”

 

“Superman is the man of steel.” Tim laughs. “Knows how to make the ladies squeal.”

 

"Martian can read you mind." Jason says. "But isn't afraid to bump 'n grind."

 

“Cease this ridiculous behavior at once.” Damien hisses."