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Chaldea Academia

Summary:

An unlikely protagonist ends up being forced into a school life. What could possibly go wrong?

Warning: May contain spoilers for FGO JP.

Note: Hiatus is over. The big red button has been pressed. One fear.

Notes:

Moxy: Uh... I guess a put a disclaimer thing here, right? Right.

I do not own Fate/Grand Order or any related franchise. How was that?

... More? Um. Well... Okay! I'm new to this site, hello. I've been writing Fate stories for a while now and have decided to carry over my misadventures onto here. Likely to the dismay of many. This story has started off with 14 chapters since I'm migrating it from a different site. It will continue to be updated on both sites.

Anywho, here are some pointers about this story.

1. This story shouldn't be taken too seriously. Inaccuracies are to be expected. Character personalities may seem different, NPs might be used in outrageous ways, etc.

2. Doesn't mean critique will be ignored though. If there's something you think would improve the story (no, "stop writing" is not a valid response) then let me know.

3. I'm planning for at least every character (from Pt.1 of FGO) to make an appearance in some form. I do not take character requests, but if someone mentions an idea that I think I can use appropriately, I will steal the fuck outta it... and give you some credit. I suppose I have to do that.

4. This story contains characters from Pt.1 of FGO only. Why not anything beyond Pt.1? I figure more people that read this haven't played JP FGO. I mean, NA FGO isn't done with Pt.1 yet... but y'know. Semantics. Anyway, that's just how it is for now.

5. The aforementioned restriction does not include other media in the Fate franchise. I figure most people have played/watched F/SN, and some people probably don't even know about the Strange Tales of the Imperial Holy Grail (oh yes, there are references to that).

6. Not everything is a reference, but a lot of things are. Not that it matters. You can probably gauge my interests based on what is referenced... don't judge.

7. The style I write in for this is very hit or miss. If you dislike it in the first few chapters, you will probably overall not like it. Save yourself the trouble (yes, it is Homestuck-inspired).

8. The 4th Wall is an illusion. Come have tea as we watch paint dry on the three other walls.

9. There MIGHT be "routes" further along the line, for select heroines. We'll see how it goes.

10. No. This is NOT A HAREM STORY.

Chapter 1: A Drastic Case of Fou Pas!

Chapter Text

Beep. Beep. BEEP. BEEP.

"Ah shit, I'm gonna be laaaate!"

He roared into the ceiling but then just sat there, staring upwards…

"Not that I have anything meaningful to be late for."

This is Angra Mainyu. He's a lazy sack of shit with nothing going on in his life.

The world's lamest Heroic Spirit laid down in his dirty worn bed as he returned to slumber contently, without a care in the world.

Like any other day, he would sleep like this until late noon. He would then wake up, prepare a cup of instant ramen for himself and perform the daily grind. AKA, uselessly surfing the web and trolling people on forums.

He was a true representative of the best side of humanity.

The hundred-yen kettle was set and slowly started to boil, as he poured the powdered mix into the dry noodles. Ah, cup ramen. A revolutionary product that represents human ingenuity in the face of self-nourishment under a severe budget.

It was pork rib flavor, a popular choice amidst the cup ramen consuming populace of Chaldea City. He considered himself a connoisseur of such things. He has tried many cup ramens during his time here, and he felt experienced enough to declare that pork rib was the king of cup ramen flavors.

The kettle finally clicked and steaming hot water was poured all over the noodles. More waiting… he could hardly contain his mild amount of excitement. Soon the time had come to grace his tastebuds with cheap, savory goodness.

The noodles were cooked to perfection, a delicate balance between soggy and chewiness. Just the way he liked it. The broth glistened golden and gave off the most delicious aroma. Like succulent, freshly roasted meat on the bone… he could see the flavor slowly but surely seeping into the noodles. The time to dive in was now before it completely messed up the texture of the goods.

Equipped with a plastic fork, the first move was made… a column of freshly brothed up noodles was carefully pulled up. It had a sheen of pork rib coating to it, like the luscious locks of an angel… a greasy, pork-flavored messenger of food heaven.

Sapid juices splashed and dripped all over the place as he delicately hovered scrumptious satisfaction towards his gaping maw… closer and closer, he would soon join the pork-flavored angels on cloud swine…

"Fou."

There was a pause, and a moment of perplexity. His gaze reluctantly shifted from the golden angel's hair before him and settled on…

A magnificently obnoxious ball of fluff. It looked like a P*kemon, or the animal mascot of some low-rate gacha-based waifu-simulator that is most likely a terrible game in all shapes and forms.

Now what was such a pompous little thing doing in his-

"FOU!"

 

Arts of the Beast: Super Fou Kick!

"HUAAAAH!"

It was daylight murder. The furry little scamp performed the most well-formed of high jump kicks and sent that bowl of heaven flying out of Angra's hands. Time seemed to slow down, as a mess of noodles and a haphazard rain of broth cascaded towards the floor…

"NOOOOOOO!"

The bitter end. The bowl of ramen was now spilled all over the floor. It was the last food item that he had in storage. Angra Mainyu was out of usable food…

He whited out.

"Fou."

"I'm gonna make a shishkebab out of you!"

Sadness became anger as he summoned his tonfa-blades that looked like an edgy twelve-year old designed them. The fluffball decided it had overstayed its welcome and was now escaping underneath the door.

Thus, the chase was on. Burning with the fires of pork rib vengeance, the starving Avenger left his crappy apartment complex and chased the fluffball all the way through Downtown.

"Fou! Fou fou!"

"I'll baste ya in butter and honey, then I'll roast ya over an open fire you despoiler of heaven!"

All the locals could really say about this scene was that the local fool was unusually active today. Things were bustling on this Monday morning in Chaldea City, and Angra only enhanced that energy.

Today was not like any other day for Angra. The moment that he had deviated from the daily routine that had cemented him into mundanity for so long… he was already on a full-sail course to something entirely new.

As he rounded the next corner at breakneck speed, he was ready to use the momentum to lunge in for the kill. Like a rabid animal, he went for the neck… except that the fluffball had made a rendevous with its accomplice.

He stamped his feet down to try and brake himself, but he ended up with his blades poised forward. It was too late-

CRACK!

His two blades clashed with a wooden cane of sorts, which promptly snapped in two. Well, at least no one was hurt…

"Ah, now that's terrible luck."

The person that Angra had almost grievously injured was clearly the owner of this dastardly critter. After all, his hair and attire was just as gaudy and obnoxiously lucid in appearance. Maybe he was a hippy, considering he carried around a giant tree branch…

"Your pet ruined my luxurious morning banquet."

"How terrible."

"My Monday is basically ruined now!"

"How terrible."

"So ya gonna compensate me for it or what, clownster?"

"How very terrible."

His patience was waning, as he slowly poised his blades threatening… since they were actually quite blunt, the key tactic in using them was making them look far deadlier than they actually were.

"Now now, you're not gonna commit to murder in the middle of the street are you?"

"Your little piece of shit committed daylight murder on my breakfast."

"My, you're quite the angry one."

"Piss off."

Anyone would be angry if they had their perfect breakfast interrupted like that. This guy's whimsical demeanor didn't help with that.

"Before you proceed to inconvenience me with those rough-edged toys, I must inform you of something…"

Whimsical yet perceptive. Angra reluctantly lowered his weapons a bit as the flamboyant man presented the broken halves of his cane.

"You see this? This was a magical item of superb value and power. A branch of the World Tree, to be precise. Now how will you go about compensating me for it?"

A bit of a chill ran through Angra's veins as he learned the true nature of that cane, though he could probably weasel his way out of this…

"W-well… you probably shouldn't carry something like that around in the street y'know? Eheheh…"

His nervous sweating intensified to counteract his plans. This clownish idiot simply smiled the entire time, though it was probably because he knew that Angra was now in the palms of his hands.

"Such an item cannot be replaced easily. So…"

"No…"

"I will need assistance in that matter…"

"Nooo…"

"Assistance in the form of a debt, or perhaps a favor…"

"No!"

"And it just so happens I know someone that can fulfill that for me."

"NOOOO!"

Angra turned to try and leg it. This guy couldn't possibly run in that get-up, so Angra would do the one thing he was good at: running! A Rank Agility away!

… Except that a conveniently positioned fluffball would stop any possibility of his escape as he dramatically tripped over it.

THUD!

He faceplanted onto the pavement as he made a fool of himself. As he peeled his planted face off of the floor, a hand extended out to him. He grimaced as he saw that bombastic asshole glowing in the morning sun, like some introduction scene from a cheesy anime…

"My name's Merlin. Let's do business, weakest Heroic Spirit."