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A Mother's Love

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Amanda looks down at her crying baby boy, Spock, who she tried so hard to get. She knows that this blatant emotion he’s showing will be taught out of him as he gets older, so she tries to cherish it now, loud as it may be. She looks up to where her husband is standing, and gives Sarek a small smile. Sarek gives her an almost imperceptible nod, but she she sees it anyway. She knows that he is as happy as she is, even if he would never admit it. She looks back at her son, and feels her love grow for him, and hands him to the nurses waiting around her so they can clean him. She knows that he will be everything she hoped for, and more.

***

When she said ‘and more’ she didn’t think that it would mean that he would be as advanced as he is. Mentally that is. Academically, Spock is on-par with the rest of his age group, but telepathically, he is stronger than most. T’Pau says that they need to teach him to shield earlier than other children, because he can send and receive thoughts easier through touch. She even hypothesizes that as he got older, he might not even need to touch someone to read or send thoughts, if he had a mental link with them. Emotions on the other hand, he would be able to feel without touch. When they heard this, Amanda and Sarek were shocked. They thought, because of his half-human side, that he would not be able to form mental links as easily as other Vulcans, but apparently not. She looked at her small child, now a year old, and smiled, despite the matriarch of their clan being in the room. Her son may just be playing with blocks now (granted, they are dodecahedrons, not cubes), but he would be one of the greatest minds out there, she just knew it.

***

Even with Spock’s great mind, it didn’t help him form a bond with T’Pring. She was upset of course, but Sarek soon comforted her saying that it wasn’t because either party was lacking in anyway, but because T’Pau realized that Spock was destined for a T’hy’la, and therefore couldn’t be bonded to someone else. T’Pring’s family was not concerned, as it would be illogical to be upset in the first place, let alone because of a T’hy’la. So she was even more surprised when a young seven-year-old T’Pring arrived at their house the next day, asking to see Spock. When the two children had greeted each other, they went into a room and studied together for two hours before T’Pring left again. When Amanda asked Spock about it, he said it would be illogical to ignore a fellow scholar on the mere basis of an unmakeable bond, or of heritage. Amanda smiled, knowing that Spock meant that he had found a friend.

***

She wished that T’Pring and Spock’s logical attitudes towards friends and other such things would carry over into the other children. More than once would Spock come home and inform her of what had happened earlier in the day. Of course, he never engaged with them, as it was illogical to do so he said, but she knew it affected him. What made her more mad is that she couldn’t do anything about it because if she went to the instructors, they would blame her concern on her emotionalism, and that the boys were doing nothing but stating facts, and not intending harm, and if Spock took it as such, then it was just his Human emotions coming into play. (She knew because she had tried to go the first time it had happened, and they told her this exact thing.) Amanda just hoped that it wouldn’t get any worse.

***

It got worse. The day that Spock came home with blood on his face, she felt her heart break. (Of course, it didn’t actually break, Sarek, it’s just a figure of speech.) When she found out to why he had finally engaged with the bullies, she was furious. How dare they! She was about to go to the school, emotions be damned, and give them a piece of her mind (again, a figure of speech Sarek, Amanda knows you know what these mean), when Sarek stopped her and informed her that he had already taken care of it. (A slight against the Ambassador’s wife, no matter her species, was no laughing matter, and the bullies were appropriately punished.) When she asked what would happen to Spock, Sarek gave the equivalent to a Vulcan sigh and said that Spock would not be allowed back to school for three days, as to ‘get his emotions under control’, which was a bunch of horse shit (her words, not Sarek’s). When she went to go check on Spock, she found him studying again, because Heaven forbid him not being able to go to school stop him from studying. (No, Heaven would not forbid- ya know what Sarek? Amanda is not going to respond to you, you silly Vulcan. (and yes you can be silly.))

***

It looks like all that studying paid off, because years later, Spock gets a call to come into the Vulcan Science Academy. She knows he is excited, even if he would never show it. Before he goes in for his hearing with the council (which Sarek is on, so Spock had better been accepted, or someone gets the couch tonight) she stands before her beautiful baby boy (who is not a baby anymore, mother, please refrain from calling him that) and messes with his sweater. Spock informs her through their bond (which he had gotten so much stronger, T’Pau was right) that his sweater was fine, and she needn’t mess with it. She just grinned and told him that no matter his choice, he would have a proud mother (and a proud father, even if he wouldn’t admit it). She also knew that Spock had a Starfleet acceptance letter at home that he hadn’t responded to and was clearly considering. (It was to ‘cover his bases’ as she would say.) As much as Spock loved space, however, Amanda knew that if he was accepted (which he would be, stop worrying) that Spock would choose the VSA.

***

Which is why she was so surprised that Spock walked out of the hearing and told her that he was accepted, but declined the school. When she heard why, however, she understood. Spock had never been good with people insulting her. Neither was Sarek, if she read his fleeting emotions through their bond correctly. She wasn’t very Psi advanced, but she could get little readings of big emotions, so she was shocked that she could clearly feel his anger. Spock quietly informed her that Sarek was angry with the High Councilman, not Spock. Amanda nodded, as she was also very angry at the Council. How could such logical creatures be so xenophobic? She couldn’t understand it. But instead of asking her question out loud, she just asked Spock when the Starfleet courses started, and when he said two months, she stated that they had a lot to do before to get him ready before he left.

(That night, when Sarek came home, if he had a bruise or two, and stated that the High Councilman would not be making any more slights against her, well then, that was no one else’s problem, nor was their problem on how she responded to that.)

***

When Spock left for Starfleet, Amanda felt like crying, but didn’t because that was ‘too big of a show of emotion.’ So, she simply gave her son the ta’al, which he returned. What surprised her was the hug he gave her right before he stepped onto the transport, but she returned it fully. When they separated, she reminded him to call her and give her updates. He stated that he had not forgotten from when she told him this thirty point two minutes prior. She just smiled and told him that it was an emotional human response for a mother when her child is leaving for an extended amount of time. Spock just nodded and turned to say goodbye to his father. When Spock finally stepped on the transport, and the doors closed, and the transport left, Amanda found it hard to keep tears in. The only thing keeping her from doing so was her darling, wonderful husband standing next to her, holding a hand on the small of her back, which was much more physical than he would normally get in public, but she knew it was for her benefit.

(If when they got into their private hover, Amanda let her tears flow, then that was no of anyone’s concern nor business.) Amanda just hoped that Spock would actually call.

***

And call he did. He called once a month, the third at 1600 hours, on the dot. If he couldn’t at the time for whatever reason, he would send her a message for another time, but always on the third. He didn’t say much about himself, more on the classes or other student’s peculiar behavior (now he didn’t say peculiar, he said illogical but Amanda knew that’s what he meant.). He also talked about how some of the professors who would make comments when they think he couldn’t hear them about how he was going to be a great scientist when he graduated, but not a great officer if he couldn’t make friends, or at least acquaintances. His eyes softened with sadness (even though he would deny it) when he said that, and Amanda’s heart broke. She wished he could make friends, but she knew that he was too Vulcan for Humans, and the only Vulcan he wasn’t to Human for did not want to go to Starfleet. (And she knew that those dumb Starfleet professors wouldn’t believe that a pure Vulcan would make friends. Damn them and their illogical prejudices.) Amanda just hoped that those higher ups would overlook her son’s inability to make friends.

***

And they did overlook it. Four years after Spock enrolled, he graduated and became a Science Officer under Chris Pike on the Farragut. When he called her before Graduation to tell her of his impending service, he looked as excited as the day he got I-Chaya (speaking of, that was the most excited Amanda had seen either Spock or Sarek, who knew Vulcans were animal people?). He also informed her Graduation was in 5 days, when it’s a 4 ½ day trip from Vulcan to San Francisco. When she promptly panicked and asked why he hadn’t told her sooner, he simply responded that he just did, and to not get so emotional about it. (She forgave him though, because the look of surprise in his eyes that she wanted to go and the look of guilt for not telling her made up for it.) She just sighed and said it was okay, before signing off and starting to pack her and Sarek’s bags, sending her husband a message to get home from work, as they were about to go on an impromptu trip. She just prayed that they made it on time.

***

They barely made it. They walked in about ten minutes before it started, having rushed from the transport dock. They (i.e. her, Sarek look as calm as ever (she could feel his panic about missing this)) look rushed and very not put together, with their bags hastily thrown (by Amanda, rearranged to look neat by Sarek) into the room that was meant for the Ambassadors that visit (and Amanda had never been gladder for her husband’s occupation). It was all worth it for the look in Spock’s eyes when he spotted them, and for the look on his face after when he greeted them as a newly graduated Starfleet Officer (she was so proud). To everyone else, it looked like he was as impassive as ever, but Amanda knew. She knew that he as very happy to see them, and excited to be going to a starship. She knew that he would rise through the ranks quickly.

***

And he did. Very soon, her son went from being just a Science Officer to being Chief Science Officer, and when Pike’s First Officer was promoted to a Captain about a year and a half into the three year mission, Spock was chosen to be Pike’s new First, while maintaining his Chief position (thank goodness for the Vulcan brain right?). When he told her during one of their still-kept monthly calls, she was so happy and proud of him. She looked at her son and saw the man that he had become. As they continued the call, he mentioned that he would be interested in teaching at the Academy when they finished this mission, as they wouldn’t be taking another until the Enterprise was finished. She suggested that he teach Vulcan for the linguistics department, and he seemed interested. She knew he inherited more than just his eyes from her. The love for languages was passed down too.

***

Taking the teaching of Vulcan position seemed to be working for Spock, as a year after he took said position, he mentioned a student who was very proficient in the language already. A student named Uhura. Amanda liked the sound of her already. She hoped that after she left his class that this student would still be friends with Spock.

***

Or more than friends apparently, as about a year after this Uhura was no longer Spock’s student, he started dating her. It shocked Amanda, because she thought that Spock wouldn’t date anyone until he found his T’hy’la. But apparently not. Now, she wasn’t disapproving at all, she was just surprised. But she just grinned and nodded, and listened as her son changed subjects to some cadet who was about to retake the Kobayashi Maru test for the second time.

***

And a third time apparently, if Spock wasn’t mixing up cadets (and Amanda knew he wasn’t). This James T. Kirk seemed to be a real thorn in her son’s side, and Amanda couldn’t help but think that if he wasn’t annoying her son, that they would have been great friends. The name Kirk seemed familiar to her, but she couldn’t remember where from. Was it another Captain, or First Officer? Both? Or maybe it was an Engineer? It didn’t matter much, but even a few days after her son called her to tell her that, she was still thinking abo- What’s that?

***

She just watched a big red something - a laser? - start shooting into the planet when Sarek called her to tell her to get to the Katric Ark. She rushed there, knowing that something bad was happening. She just hoped that the transfer of Surak’s Katra into her husband would be smooth.

***

The moment she stepped into the Katric Ark, she knew something was wrong. Her husband and another Elder looked to be debating (because Vulcans never argued) about something. Another Elder came up to her and explained that the first Elder did not agree that Sarek should be the one to carry Surak’s katra, even though he was a direct descendant. It seemed to be smoothed over at the mention of Sarek’s ancestry, and the first Elder stepped back, although he still seemed annoyed. At the moment of Surak’s Katra being transferred to Sarek, Amanda got a vision. Which wasn’t normal, but apparently happened sometimes to the bond mate’s of those who carried Surak’s katra. She couldn’t make out everything, but she got the impression that they were not all going to make it. She hoped she was wrong.

***

When she saw Spock run in, luckily after the process of Surak’s katra transfer was over, she knew that she was not wrong. Especially with how worried he looked and sounded when he said they must evacuate.

***

Hearing the sounds of two of the other Elders die hurt her inside. Walking out and seeing what was happening to Vulcan hurt her even worse. She took a few steps forward towards the cliff as she heard her son call to be beamed back to the ship, and watched as her home for countless years, the place where she watched her son grow up, crumble around her. She realized her mistake too late.

***

As the cliff crumbled towards her, she turned to look at her boys. Her loving husband, and her wonderful son. She pushed as much love and pride she could to them, especially to Spock. She just wanted- no, needed, him to know how much she loved him, and how proud she was of-

***

him. Logically (man, those Vulcans have rubbed off on her), she knew that the fall from the cliff face to the ground was not very long, and she would die on impact, possibly before the planet was destroyed. (And she knew it was being destroyed, she would be dumb not to realize.) But as she fell, it felt like the fall was taking forever. She watched her family get energized, and felt at peace. She knew they would be safe, and that’s all that mattered. She thought of her son, and hoped that he would be alright. Maybe Nyota would help him. A funny notion came to her: maybe James T. Kirk would help, if her son ever became friends with him. Oh. She knew the name now. Kirk. She was right on all accounts. Winona was an engineer, and George was a First Officer turned Captain during the Kelvin attack. Huh. Family legacy to go to Starfleet she guessed. Her thoughts, surprisingly calm, turned back to her son. She hoped he remembered Kaiidth- What is, is. Or, if his human companions tried to help, maybe they would phrase it differently. Maybe something like- No matter what happens, still we go on. Amanda liked that. A little wordier, but efficient. She knew the ground was getting closer, but she was still at peace. Because of two things: Kaiidth and no matter what, still we go on.