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hear my body speak

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Poe talks in his sleep. He always has, he tells Finn, and whenever someone brings it up he jokes that he just has too much to say, and realistically can’t be expected to confine it to daylight hours.

More often than not, what he says is nonsense -- a few unintelligible words, or a muddled sentence at best -- but Finn still finds it incredibly endearing. Once, he sung the chorus to some folk song from Yavin on repeat for three hours, and, in spite of its repetition, it had been beautiful, Poe’s voice crisp and melodic even through the haze of sleep. It had seeped into Finn’s dreams, and suddenly, he was no longer wrapped in Poe’s arms, in their shared bed, in their shared room on D’Qar, but was outside, on a planet made of green.

(They’ve been sharing a bed for months. It’s easier this way , Poe had agreed when Finn broached the topic. Means you don’t have to walk all the way across the room to wake me up if I’m being loud. Makes sense .)

“Hey, Finn,” Poe mutters one night, and it’s so clear that it takes Finn a moment to realise that Poe is still asleep. It’s rare that they can hold a whole conversation while Poe is unconscious, but it does happen. Once, Poe explained the step-by-step process of how to fly an X-Wing, and when Finn told him over breakfast the next morning, he had laughed and turned to Jess, and said see, I told you I could fly an X-Wing in my sleep . She had rolled her eyes and told Finn to please keep an eye on him so that he didn’t try to bring down the First Order while unconscious.

Finn hesitates for a moment. “Hi,” he responds.

“Finn, d’you know,” Poe continues, slurring slightly.

“Do I know what?”

“D’you know. D’you know,” he repeats. “That you’re so good.”

Finn blinks, and feels a blush rising to his cheeks. “Thanks.”

“Wish I didn’t love you so much,” Poe says.

“Poe--” Finn starts, and his heart feels like it’s shrinking, and beating too fast all at once, and he considers whether he should maybe wake Poe up, because this seems like a conversation that should be had when both parties are aware. (And Finn tries to ignore the fact that he wants to cry. He tries to ignore the knowledge that Poe boths loves him and is ashamed to love him, because it’s far too much to deal with at four in the morning.)

“I love you,” Poe croaks. “Not fair on you. Do better, Finn. Do better than me. You deserve the universe.”

And oh . Oh.

When Finn wakes up the next morning, there’s an empty space next to him in the bed, and he can hear the sounds of water and Poe’s soft singing drifting from the fresher. Poe’s hair is damp when he wanders out, and his grin makes Finn feel like he’s melting.

“You talked in your sleep last night,” Finn blurts as Poe is digging through his drawers for a clean shirt.

Poe sniffs the collar of a black t-shirt, shrugs and pulls it over his head, and then turns to Finn. “I usually do. From what you’ve told me anyway. What’d I say?”

“You said you loved me,” Finn whispers, and sees the blood leave Poe’s face.

“Fuck. Fuck, buddy, I’m so sorry,” Poe says, and takes a step closer like he’s going to reach out and touch Finn, but then thinks better of it. “I’m so sorry, I--”

“I love you too,” Finn cuts him off.

The look on Poe’s face is indecipherable. It’s hope, and it’s disbelief, and it’s an impossible sort of happiness. “Well ain’t that something,” he says quietly.

Finn kisses him, later that day, and can’t believe that it took them this long. How many times, he wonders, had he watched Poe whisper nonsense in his sleep, and wanted to kiss the words from his lips? How many times had he held Poe’s hand, and ran through the halls of the base, and laughed, and wished for things that he didn’t have the words to describe?

“I love you,” Poe croaks, except this time he’s awake, and his eyes are warm and afraid where they meet Finn’s. “You deserve better than me,” he whispers against Finn’s neck.

Finn shakes his head, and feels Poe’s curls brush his skin, and it sends a shiver through his entire body. “You’re the best there is,” he says. “There’s no better than you, Poe.”

(And not much changes, really. Poe continues to talk in his sleep, except now, Finn kisses him when he wakes up, and Poe kisses him back.)