Author's notes: A challenge from the listmom on the Feisty Daniel Appreciation Society
Date Archived: 01/26/03
Category: Humor, Established 'ship, Slash, PWP, Holiday Fic
Characters/Pairings: Col. Jack O'Neill, Dr. Daniel Jackson, Gen. George Hammond Jack/Daniel
Permission to archive: Area 52
Notes: A challenge from the listmom on the Feisty Daniel Appreciation Society
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money. The usual.
Summary: Jack reveals a deep dark secret
Jack hummed softly as he trimmed the large Douglas Fir standing proudly in his sitting room. He reached up to hang some candy canes on the upper branches and looked at the Christmas card scene outside; deep, crisp, white snow, laying pristine and unblemished on the front yard, with soft flakes drifting slowly down from the night sky to add to it. He sighed and glanced over to where Daniel was wrapping presents on the floor, in front of the roaring log fire.
"Santa Baby, slip a Daniel under the tree, For me. I've been an awful good boy..." he crooned (badly) then grinned as Daniel peered over his glasses at him.
"With a voice like that? You'll only get your wish if you don't sing any more," he smiled.
Jack's face crumpled in mock hurt. "I'm wounded, Daniel. That was my best singing voice! It's won me prizes, I'll have you know," he pouted. "I was trying to serenade you."
Daniel chuckled and put his arms around him, resting his head on Jack's shoulder. "You don't need to serenade me, Jack. Just promise me. No karaoke?"
Jack held Daniel's arms, keeping him there. "Promise."
Daniel placed a soft kiss on his neck and Jack leaned his head back to allow his lover better access.
"Prizes?" Daniel murmured.
Jack was just turning in Daniel's arms, when they were interrupted, by a frantic knocking at the door.
Jack strode over and climbed the steps, looking quizzically at Daniel, who shrugged.
"Colonel!" a deep voice boomed through the door. "I know you're in there, I can see you! Open the damn door!"
Jack's mouth dropped as he opened the door to a vision in red and white.
"Out of my way, Colonel! I've got a pressing engagement," the voice continued, the portly gentleman rushing past him to the bathroom, dripping wet snow all over the floor in his wake.
Daniel started to laugh.
"General Hammond dressed as Santa Claus!" Daniel spluttered.
"Santa is in my bathroom, Daniel." Jack stated, his face not cracking an inch.
Daniel merely nodded, helpless.
"Y'all right in there, sir?" Jack shouted through the locked bathroom door.
A soft sigh was his reply, followed by, "I'm just fine, Jack. Just fine. Aaaaaahhhh...."
Daniel had just about stopped giggling by the time the General emerged, his satisfied smile just visible under the large, white fluffy beard.
"Well, that's much better!" Santa beamed.
"Ah...good! That's...er..." stuttered Jack.
"Good!" echoed Daniel.
The General's face coloured as he explained, "I was playing Santy Claus for Kayla's school party. They just kept bringing me glasses of water because the lights were so hot in there, and then I got out into the cold air and...well, you know how it is. I couldn't exactly go barging back in there to use the bathroom when they were expecting me and my reindeer to be flying off back to the North Pole."
Daniel turned towards the tree, quickly picking up a candy cane and studying where to place it, so that the General wouldn't see him trying not to laugh again.
"It's all right, son. I'm not so blind that I can't see the humour in it," he smiled.
Jack raised his eyebrows and smiled, "Eggnog?"
"No, thank you, Colonel. I think my bladder has had quite enough for one night; besides, I'm driving. I want to go home and get this damned costume off, too. It's hotter'n Lucifer's ass in here. God knows why I ever said I'd do it in the first place," he grumbled.
"Because you have a charitable streak a mile wide, General. Even though you choose to hide it," Daniel smiled.
"Well..." the General began.
"And you're about the right size...sir," Jack offered unhelpfully.
The General fixed him with an icy glare, the exact meaning of which was indecipherable. "Careful, Colonel. I can still strip that bird off your shoulder, you know."
Hammond's face broke into a grin. He was quite pleased to see that Jack wasn't sure how to take him. It made a nice change to get one over on the Colonel. "I guess I could stand to lose a few pounds. By the way, Jack, you really should close your drapes if you and Doctor Jackson are going to canoodle."
"Can..." began Daniel.
"...oodle, sir?" Jack finished.
"I wasn't lying when I said I could see you."
Jack tried to bluff it, without success.
"C'mon Jack, don't kid a kidder. I've suspected there was something going on between you two, but I closed my eyes to it. I don't want the paperwork for one thing, and I don't want to lose either of you for another."
Daniel sat down on the couch. "What are you going to do, General?"
"Nothing. I was never here. You never saw me in a Santy Claus outfit and I never saw you with your face buried in the Colonel's neck."
Jack could feel his face burn as the colour flushed into it.
"If it was anyone else I'd have to report it, Jack. But I reckon you two have earned a bit of latitude." He snorted. "Not that I don't give you more than I should as it is!"
Jack smiled. "I know that, sir and I appreciate it."
Daniel stood beside his lover. "We both do, General."
"Hmm. Well, I better go. The elves'll be getting mighty grumpy if I'm not back soon and the reindeer need their supper," Hammond smiled.
The lovers chuckled and Jack linked his fingers with Daniel's, no longer afraid.
"See you tomorrow, sir."
"Colonel. And boys, no PDAs at work. I was never here, but if I see anything untoward happen at the mountain, I will have to report it," the General warned.
"Understood, sir. Thank you," Daniel replied as Santa adjusted his belt and prepared to leave. "Drive carefully, that Rudolph can be pretty feisty."
"Dear God... no more... I can't take it! I swear to God, Daniel. If this ever gets out, I'll..."
Daniel grinned, "Secrets are all safe, George. Goodnight."
Hammond smiled, then waved a scarlet clad arm as he opened the door, allowing swirls of snow to fly into the room. He closed the door heavily behind him and Jack looked at Daniel, frowning.
"What?" Daniel enquired.
"He knows. He's not telling. You should be happy, I certainly am."
Daniel moved around in front of him and rested his arms on Jacks shoulders. Kissing him, softly. "Santa baby, slip in Daniel under the tree..."
Daniel's voice was only marginally better than Jack's and it served to break the Colonel's sombre mood. He laughed.
"C'mon, it's getting late, Danny. Let's finish trimming this tree."
Most of a bowl of eggnog later the tree was done, with a bright star sitting at the top of it, slightly askew. Jack and Daniel lay on the floor looking up at it and Jack turned his head to get a better angle.
"Looks kinda... tipsy,"
"Kinda like you," Daniel giggled.
"Pfftththth," Jack blew a vaguely inebriated raspberry at him.
"So, tell me, Colonel Mine. What's this 'prizes' thing you were talking about before we were so rudely interrupted?"
Jack snorted with laughter, knowing full well that if he hadn't been slightly drunk, he'd have no intention of telling Daniel about it, but he was now just drunk enough for that not to stop him.
"I was based up in Norway and we were having a Christmas party in the mess. All the officers had to put on a little skit for the rest of the base. None of us could work out what the fuck to do, so we drew lots out of a big barrel. It was kinda like a tombola. Everyone put an idea in and everyone had to draw one out. Whatever it said, that's what we had to do. We were all pretty tanked. We'd never have done it otherwise."
"And what did you do?" Daniel asked, his curiosity more than piqued.
Jack began to flush with embarrassment, although he was hoping Daniel would think it was the eggnog. He took a deep breath.
"I had to sing 'Santa Baby'..."
"I'd gathered that much!" Daniel snorted.
"...in drag," Jack finished, quietly.
If Daniel hadn't already been lying on the floor, he would certainly have ended up there as he roared with laughter.
"Drag?!" he spluttered, helpless and rolling around on the rug.
Jack couldn't help but chuckle at the memory, "Yeah. Red lipstick, blonde wig, fishnet stockings, the whole bit."
"And stilettos? Please tell me you were wearing stilettos!"
"Yep. Those things were a bitch to walk in; let me tell you. I finished up with a new respect for women; and don't even get me started on the false tits! I don't know how they do it! And the stockings itched like crazy!" he was laughing himself now, lying on his back, his body shuddering as the giggles wracked him.
"I ended up on one airman's lap. He was so embarrassed! Worst of it was, I was sitting there and he was gettin' hard!" he spluttered.
Daniel was completely breathless, holding his stomach and begging Jack to stop.
"Oh God! Oh God, Jack! So, did you fuck him?"
Jack collapsed into a roaring laughing bout and shouted, "Yes!"
"Wow, Jack. You must have been some siren!" Daniel said, gradually getting his breath back. "Sing it for me. All of it."
Jack rolled closer to him, his eyes darkening but with more than a twinkle of humour still shining in them, and traced the outline of Daniel's lips with his fingertips.
"Santa baby, slip a Daniel under the tree, For me. I've been an awful good boy, Santa baby hurry down the chimney tonight..."
Jack's voice had taken on a husky quality and as he sang, suddenly Daniel didn't find it quite so funny any more.
"Come and trim my Christmas tree, With some decorations bought from Tiffany's. I really do believe in you, Let's see if you believe in me..."
Jack began to caress Daniel's face and throat, punctuating each line with delicate kisses, until Daniel began to breathe heavily and want him to shut the hell up.
"Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight, hurry down the chimney tonight, hurry down the..." Jack continued, almost whispering, until Daniel couldn't stand the teasing any longer and rolled Jack onto his back, diving down to kiss him.
Their tongues meshed and tangled together in a breathtaking kiss and when Daniel finally pulled back, he was panting.
"You're a prick tease, O'Neill," he murmured, the blue in his eyes almost gone.
Jack smiled wickedly, "You're only a tease if you don't put out. Wanna fuck me, Book Boy?"
Daniel growled and bit his neck, each of them struggling awkwardly to rip of their own and the other's clothes. They rolled around the hearth rug in front of the warm glow of the fire, a tangle of naked limbs before they finally got into a comfortable position, lying on their sides with Jack facing the fire and Daniel behind him.
Daniel lifted Jack's leg into the crook of his arm and worked at Jack's pucker with his fingers and spit. Jack's hole was still fairly relaxed from their lovemaking earlier that evening and slick enough that Daniel didn't need to use any lube to get him ready. After a couple of minutes of vocally appreciated preparation, Daniel slid slowly inside him, fucking him slow and deep as Jack pulled on his cock, moaning softly.
This never gets old, he reflected. It felt just as sweet, just as right every time the young man was inside him. The intense heat from the fire was burning his chest, but it wouldn't be long before he came and for a feeling like this, singed chest hair was more than a worthwhile price to pay. Daniel drove into him and Jack looked over his shoulder to watch his lover's face, contorted in passion. Nothing existed for Daniel but the velvet heat of his lover's ass, the coarse hair of Jack's thigh rubbing along his arm and the orgasm which approached, perching him on the edge of oblivion.
Jack came first, sighing and spurting his semen all over the rug. Jack's ass muscles clenching around him sent Daniel over the edge too, with a sated groan. He allowed Jack's leg to relax and eased himself gently out of his lover's body, flopping onto his back with his chest heaving. The flames from the fire danced over Daniel's skin, giving it a golden glow and Jack couldn't resist planting grateful kisses all over the young man's torso, working his way up to Daniel's smiling face.
"I got a surprise, come on," he whispered, encouraging Daniel to stand and leading him to the parcels under the tree.
He picked up a large one and handed it to his lover. "Well, it is Christmas Eve. I think we can have some of our presents, don't you?"
Daniel chuckled, "I think I just had one!"
Jack snorted, "Danny, my ass is yours any time you want it. Go ahead. Open it."
Daniel ripped open the package, his eyes as wide as a five-year-old's. Inside was a cotton robe, monogrammed with "DJ" over the breast.
"Wow, thanks babe!" he exclaimed, kissing Jack on the cheek.
"Go on, put it on."
He slipped it around his shoulders and snuggled into the soft fabric, smiling happily. "It's beautiful, Jack. Thank you."
Jack took his lover gently by the hand. "Come on, there's a hot tub on the deck with our names on it."
"But...but it's fucking freezing out there!"
"That's why it's a hot tub, Daniel. C'mon y'big wuss, it's stopped snowing."
"...and you would know this how?"
"I can do that," Daniel replied, following him out pausing only to wait for Jack to put his own robe on. While he waited, he sneaked back to the tree and picked up a small, flat parcel which he intended to give to Jack. He couldn't stop the smug grin from spreading over his face as he imagined the look on Jack's when he opened it.
"You coming or not?" Jack called from the top of the stairs.
"Yes, of course...you're not bringing..." Daniel waved his hand at the yellow rubber ducky Jack was holding.
"Jonas? Sure I am. He always comes in the hot tub with me."
"Hmm, maybe we should change our names to Ernie and Bert," Daniel harumphed as he followed Jack to the deck.
Jack sighed as his aching knees were enveloped by the warm water and he sank back into the tub, making himself comfortable.
"Don't get your hands wet, Jack. I have something for you."
Daniel slipped off his robe and eased himself into the water, the package still dry in one hand.
"Here. Merry Christmas, babe."
Jack opened the parcel with a puzzled expression which soon turned to laughter as he saw what the paper contained.
"Vinyl? Christ, Danny. I didn't think they made vinyl records any more!"
"Turn it over," Daniel grinned.
Jack's laughter became open mouthed shock as he read the title of the song.
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