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Longest Novel: Fall of the Republic

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It was in May 28 2020, when a forty six year old author was sitting down in his chair in his room, figuring that he was wanting to give the idea of writing his adventures a chance. He was figuring that there was finally no longer any point in hiding it any longer. He was telling himself that he had wanted to tell thousands of people what was going on in his life, and he was wanting them to see that he truly was wishing to express his creativity to make them entertained as well.
His name was T.K. Shioda, and he was sitting down, thinking about the best way he could tell his series to thousands of other people, and he was wondering if he was really thinking that this was the proper way to get people to take him serious. Was just words on paper, with relative lack of evidence, going to actually get them to believe in him? Was his desire to just write down the truth, and write it well, the thing that would have made them listen to him? When he was sitting down, and he was genuinely thinking about it, the less certain that he was going to be on the actual event. So with that, he was sighing, and figured that he was just going to stop telling himself to be afraid on this.
The only thing that he had wanted to do was just finally get this over with. In a way, he was tired of hiding, and he was tired of denying his right to let people know what had been happening in his life. So with that, he was just thinking that once he had started to tell the truth, and once he had started to get people to know that he was telling the truth, maybe he would know what he was getting himself into.
So with that, he was opening up his computer, and he was getting to the first blank document, and he was just telling himself, trying to bargain with himself one final time to just not even do it, but when he was telling himself not to do this, and not to be a coward anymore, and just to do it, and get it over with. But when T.K. knew what he was wanting to do, and he was just thinking about the fact that the story was going to be helping him fine pace, that was the thing that finally made him feel like it was just the right choice to be doing this. So with that, he was rubbing his eyes, and he was telling himself that there was no more hiding.
And besides, there was one other thing that he needed to remind himself when looking at this. He knew that his wife was going to be coming home with their just born child, and when he was thinking about that, he was smiling, and laughing, and realized that in a way, him having a family was the only reason that he was getting himself into this in the first place. As he was thinking about his kids new life, he was aware that there was literally no other fucking option.
As T.K. was sighing about that, he was thinking that his family was the main thing that he was caring about. He did not know what it was like to have a family that he had cared about so much that he was willing to give up everything that he had to make it all work out for him. He was not really sure if he was going to have the best way to describe it to somebody who had never had any kids, but when he was seeing how it was affecting his overall demeanor with each passing year after he had met his wife, he was sighing, and he was just realizing how glad that he was to be having something like this after all.
As he was realizing that his family was the main thing driving him, and as he was realizing that he had cared more about being a normal person than he had ever expected, he was finding himself realizing that maybe he had finally faced his evolution as a man. He was shaking his head though, thinking that he was not allowed to think about them quite yet. Once he was feeling like he had expressed his mind enough, and once he had gotten people to listen to him, and once they knew he was being sincere, they were going to support him, and go all the way with him.
T.K. knew that for the way for him to be able to be there for him and his family, was for him to focus exclusively on this material for the time being, until he had finally gotten the stories down, and until they had finally all felt like he had explained himself enough. But despite how much he was hating to admit it, and despite how much he was wishing to just find a way to get out of this material all on his own, he was aware of the brutal fact that there was no way that he was going to accomplish this all by himself. He was needing to get somebody at his side, to help them with the smaller details at the very least.
Despite how much he was wishing to deny it, T.K. was also hoping deep down inside that this was his chance to be able to get his family, and his friends to all meet each other, for the past to be buried, and for everybody to truly know what was going on. T.K. was genuinely telling himself that he was doing the right thing. He had not once felt like he was doing anything wrong.
As T.K. felt that this was the best way for him to go through this, T.K. was smiling, remembering what it was like to be with those people. He realized that in a small way, he was still having a small amount of immaturity to be showing something like this. Despite what he was wanting to deny, T.K. felt like he was just using this as his biggest chance ever to take advantage of others.
Eventually, T.K. sighed, and he was just feeling like he was going to get this over with. He was thinking about who he was going to be talking with first. He was thinking about his main options. There were some people that he had known he was not going to even bother wasting his time trying to contact. Such as Mimi. Not because she had hated him or anything, but mainly because she was seriously broken by what had happened.
T.K. had felt like the idea of working with her was just cruel to her, and he was feeling like she deserved better than this. So with that, T.K. felt like that was totally out of the fucking option. She was barely scraping along in life now, after what had happened. And despite the fact that he was wanting to act like it had been enough time for her to get over it, he knew deep down that he was being a fucking monster for even suggesting such a fucking thing.
As he realized where he was going with this, T.K. was deciding that he was going to just leave her alone. There was Izzy, who was possibly an option. But T.K. and Izzy had probably not talked in a good two or three years, and Izzy would be so puzzled at the idea of him trying to reach out to him at all, that he was going to just tell T.K. he was much too busy to even bother trying to discuss anything with him. So with that, T.K. was sighing, and felt like Izzy deserved better than what he was doing to them all.
As T.K. brushed Izzy out of the option, T.K. had his third option as Matt. He was thinking that Matt would maybe work under a better case. But that was just not happening. T.K. had known damn well that he was not going to be getting Matt excited about talking with him, after several small things that had built up to virtual dissatisfaction with getting to even know each other anymore.
One of the main things being the fact that T.K. was into much younger women. He had dated younger people almost exclusively for his entire adult life, and despite the fact that he was having legal dates and stuff, Matt had felt like he was just a bit unsure of what the hell to tell him. T.K. knew that it was his wife that had placed it over the edge. The fact that he was roughly double his wives age, and then finally just had a kid, was just hard for him. The last time they had a relatively positive discussion was when they were celebrating their father's 100th birthday back in March 12th, and they had not shared a word in two months.
Plus after the death of his wife back in 2016. T.K. was certain that any chances that Matt would have to be in general open about anything was being thrown out the window. T.K. did not fully blame the man, but at the same time, he was hating the fact that his brother was using what happened to his wife as an excuse to just treat other people like shit, when they had done nothing to deserve it at all.
There was Tai, who T.K. wasn't even sure would fully admit to the events that had happened. Part of T.K. was fully expecting Tai to just pretend like these events never happened, and would totally unsurprised if Tai would just say that he was going crazy, or that he was just trying to tell a story. As annoyed as that idea made T.K., he was not shocked at this at all, and was fully expecting something like this.
So with that, T.K. was reluctantly telling himself that Tai might not even be a option in the first place. So with that, T.K. was left with only one option left. That was Joe, who was the oldest member of the initial seven, at fifty one years old. He was going to have more memories of what he had. These events happened in 1986, when T.K. was just twelve years old, and while some would say Joe being seventeen was still like a kid, it was leaps and bounds different compared to just twelve.
So as T.K. was thinking about what he had been getting himself into, T.K. was telling himself that maybe he was just needing to give the Joe call a chance. Besides, he had felt like the worst that was going to happen was that Joe was going to just tell him off, and say that he was too busy to do the job. Which was not the end of the world.
In a way, T.K. had felt like maybe Joe rejecting the idea of this was going to be the best way to go about this. But until he was getting there, he was not even going to be considering this idea. He was going to just consider what he was going to tell Joe in a call, and justify the idea of calling him after five months of no contact. Joe lasted talked with him on new years day, and T.K. didn't even bother telling him that his wife was now four months pregnant.
Despite the fact that the more he was thinking about it, the more he was seeing how truly awful of a friend he really was, he was just telling himself that this was going to be his redemption, and that he just needed to focus on the second chances. So with this, he was sighing, and he was getting ready to just make the call, and in a way, he was going to just roll the dice, and see what Joe was going to be saying here.
So when he called, Joe answered after just four seconds of waiting, which was making T.K. happy. "Hey Joe, how are you?" T.K. asked, just trying to keep himself excited as hell. When Joe was hearing T.K.'s fear as well as joy, he was feeling like he had just needed to see where T.K. was going to be heading with this.
"I was wanting to talk to you guys about something important. Something that I think you might want to help me out on." T.K. said, and he was wondering if Joe was just going to tell him off, or if Joe was actually going to be listening, and actually give him a chance, and be able to see if he was going to actual help. "I know you might be kind of confused about this, and I do not blame you." Once he was done, Joe was sighing, and decided to just give this a chance.
He had no idea what to believe or reject, but he was just going to not reject at least hearing what T.K. was wanting to talk about, and sighed, telling himself that he was probably going to regret this. "So T.K., what is going on?" After he had asked T.K. this, that was when T.K. was just collecting his thoughts, and jumped right to the main point.
"The truth of the matter is, is that I want to tell the world the story that we had gone through back in the summer of eighty six. I mean, people are going to probably not believe in me, but I feel like I just need to at least. I need to just take a leap of faith, and at least give myself a chance." After T.K. said that to Joe, that was when he was taking a long and deep breath, and he was wondering what T.K. would have gone on to say to this idea.
"T.K., do you really believe that this is a good idea?" Joe asked, and T.K. was not wanting to waste their time, and he was not wanting to deal with Joe trying to tell him off, so with that, he was getting right to the point, and he was going to make his voice heard, even if it was going to be pissing him off.
"It is a better idea than nothing at all. I mean, I know that people are going to tell me that I should not do this. I know that people are going to deny the right for me to do this, but I don't care. I want to make a choice. I am going to just tell the story, and if people want to listen to me, great, and if not, then I will not be surprised, but I will be glad to just give it a chance." T.K. said, and then he was waiting for Joe to respond, if he was going to try and say much at all.
"Alright, I will give you a chance, but only because you're a friend, and I want to help you out." After Joe said that, that was all that T.K. had needed, and that was the only thing that T.K. felt like he truly deserved here. There was no real reason for T.K. to even assume that something else was going to be happening.
"Thank you. I knew that I was probably never going to be getting anything else from you guys, and while that is a shame, I just knew that I have to be realistic when looking at this." T.K. said, and then he was wondering how likely it was that Joe was going to really help him out. T.K. was wondering if perhaps Joe was going to truly believe in what they were getting themselves into. T.K. did not know, and honestly, he did not care what was happening.
"Joe, I know that you guys wanted to just put this behind us. I mean, I was the exact same way. I was telling myself to never come back here. But I always told myself that I just needed to give this a chance. I never wanted to just pretend like this was something I could escape forever. I think that us writing this down might truly be for the best." After he was done saying that, this was when he had known that Joe was never going to buy it.
"I never thought that we could put it behind us forever. I just thought that maybe I could give myself the illusion to doing something like that. You know, just to pretend like there was no need to worry about this. I never really thought that it was gone forever though." After Joe said that to T.K., that was when T.K. was sighing, feeling like Joe was being a good man, and that he was also being a realistic man at this whole thing.
"I wanted to think that it was at least mildly possible. But I think that maybe if we wanted to do something like that, then we should have gotten people to really listen to our issues. I think that once I do this though, and once the world has listened to us, then I think that we can all be proud of where we are going." T.K. said, and that was when he was telling himself that everything he was saying was a load of shit, and that he was just needing to cut out the crap.
"Anyways, I just feel like it is more important for me to truly confront the past, and show the people around me that I am no longer afraid of what I need to tell. I think that now that I know there is a story to tell, and a way for those around us to hear it, I think that I am willing to just be honest with others." After he was done saying that, this was when Joe was deciding that he was going to ask the main question that he had felt like really mattered here.
"T.K., can you answer one question that I think is really important?" After Joe asked T.K. this, that was when T.K. sighed, feeling like this was going to be something that he might regret, but something that he was needing to be asked nonetheless, so with that, he was just letting Joe just go at it.
"What is it? I mean, we are getting deep into this, so I will let you have a chance." I said, and then after I had said that, he was taking a breath, and I was telling myself to just be careful, and that no matter what he was going to ask me, I was going to be slightly annoyed, but I was needing to just be patient with him, no matter where this was going to head.
"What is the true reason you decided to write this story down? I don't want to call you out for bullshit or anything like that, but I feel like there is more to this than you just wanting to make your mind at ease. I feel like there is something going on, that is keeping you just wishing to branch out." After Joe said this to T.K., this was when T.K. was sighing, and he was thinking that Joe might be angry for not telling him the truth months ago, but he was just needing to get it over with.
"I have a son who is going to be born today. His name is Trent. He is coming home tonight, and I wanted to get a head start before he comes home, that way we can have a start on what I need to just get done." T.K. said, and he was just preparing himself for what Joe was going to say. He was preparing himself for Joe getting angry at him, and telling him that he had just needed to say that at the start months ago.
"I was just scared to tell you since I was feeling you might not have been all that interested in hearing about it. I always felt like maybe you were just going to tell me that I needed to stop talking about it." After T.K. had said that, he was sighing, feeling like this was silly for him to be worried about, but now that he was just telling the truth, he was almost feeling like he had needed to get this over with. Joe was taking a second to reply before answering.
"That is great to hear. I did not think you were ever going to be doing something like that though. I thought that this was something that you were just sort of out of the range of." After Joe said that, this was when T.K. sighed, and slightly rolled his eyes, wanting to pretend like Joe was full of shit, but in a way, he was thinking that maybe Joe was onto something this time.
"I know. I think that it is just kind of strange that this is happening. I don't know how better to describe it." T.K. finished, and then he was wondering if Joe really knew what to say. Joe was wondering if he had wanted to say more, and if he was wanting to talk with T.K., but in a way, he did not want to force anything else onto T.K., or risk anything at all, so he was just remaining silent on this.
"Hey T.K. I think that maybe we should be letting go now. I will head on my way there. I will be there as soon as you can. But you can get started while you wait for me. And congratulations for having the kid by the way." After Joe had said that to T.K., this was when the discussion was coming to a close, and that there was literally no need to keep the phone conversation up any longer, and he was able to just leave.
"Bye Joe, thanks for working with me again. I am so fucking happy to know at least one man is at my side." After T.K. finished this, that was when he was letting the conversation go, and then he was hanging up the phone, and he was feeling like there was several things going on in his mind, and he was wishing to finally just get a real answer. But that such a thing was just going to be really fucking difficult to deal with.
T.K. was rubbing his eyes, feeling like he had wished to find a way to carry this conversation better for everybody involved. Despite the issues T.K. had with Joe, that was when he was telling himself that he had wanted to work harder and longer with him, but that if he was going to do such a thing, T.K. was needing to show him that he was being serious. He was needing to show Joe and the others that he was not using them, and that he was genuinely wanting what he had felt like was best.
Once T.K. was done with this, he was going back to his document, and he was thinking about where he was going to start. After a couple of seconds of thinking about it, and just trying to find something to start with, that was when T.K. had felt like he was having a place to start. He was feeling like despite the fact that many would feel like this was an unconventional place to start, that he just needed to go with this, since it was the hardest story to tell, but that by telling everybody what the truth was, he was going to truly do people justice. That was the only thing that truly mattered. So with that, he started to write down the few bits and pieces that he did remember, slowly gathering a title, and letting the slow brewing storm coming onto the screen.
When he had just written a couple of sentences, there was a text message that he had been given though. Something that he was wishing that had never happened, especially when he was in the middle of the one project in his life that mattered. Then he was staring at the message a couple of seconds, and when he saw it, and processed it fully, he was now scared.
'I know what you are getting into.' After the text showed him this message, that was when T.K. was actually kind of scared, and he was feeling like the idea that he was getting this text less than two minutes after he started to write the book of his life, was just the one big thing that was putting him over the edge. He was sighing, telling himself not even to waste his time on this, and just brush it off as a joke. But the timing got him.
Not only did the timing get him, but the fact that there was no number from the text. It was literally just blank, and T.K. had heard about things like this before, but he was never seeing such a thing before, and that was when T.K. knew that there was indeed something happening now. That was when he was sighing, and knew that he really had no choice but to just wonder where the hell this text was going to be leading him.
He was thinking that this was either the most important text of his life, or the dumbest prank he ever had. Less than ten seconds after he had thought that, there was a text from him telling him a number to call. After the text had shown him this, that was when there was another forty seconds or so of silence before there was one more text that was related to what was going on with contacting, and sort of affirming that this was not a joke.
'I know that this is going to be hard for you to finish. Call me tonight, and we have some important matters to discuss.' After the text was finished with this, that was when T.K. was sighing, wondering what the hell he was going to be doing now. He was wondering if perhaps he really had a choice or not. He was sighing, and told himself that deep down, he did not have a choice, and that he just needed to get this over with. He just needed to call the number, and hope that they had some information.
He was wanting to give this a chance as a false contact, and that was why he placed the phone down for about ten minutes or so, writing a couple of loose sentences for his story before he decided to just get it over with, and see what the hell this man was trying to accomplish now.

Chapter Text

-Todd Jr's POV August 22 2020 8:33 pm- Hi, my name is Todd, and I guess you can call this a shared journal that me and my siblings are sharing. I am the oldest of eleven siblings, as of today, with my parents bringing in the last one, who was just born a few hours ago. Honestly, by this point, I don't really even know what to be exactly feeling about it all anymore.

I guess that maybe we can start at a more realistic pace. So I am twenty years old, and I have sort of been the voice of reason for many of our siblings this whole time. Not too shocking, considering that I was the first one, even if it can get kind of tiresome. But I would not want to admit that out loud, since despite everything going on, I do still love my siblings.

My father was an extremely late starter when he became a parent for the first time. He had me at fifty years old, which means that in just a little more than two months from now, my father will be turning seventy years old. That's just crazy in my mind. Then you have my mother, twenty seven years younger, and feeling like both her and him, also named Todd, have been getting far too old to continue, so they both agreed right then and there that this was the last one.

As you know, I am the oldest, and I am still living at the house. Currently, I am unemployed, although I do think that I am going to be able to rectify that one soon enough, thankfully. I have been just watching as everything had been forming over the years, and despite how much I dislike to admit it, I never had a serious relationship. Not too shocking, since a grand total of zero people want to be associated with the man with ten younger siblings.

My second sibling is Gabe, turning eighteen on October 2nd. He is a senior in high school, and is trying to just pretty much spend most of his next time just getting the final ten credits needed to graduate (out of fifty in total required). He has also never dated anybody, but he does have quite a bit of friends, so I guess that in a way, that does balance out, as opposed to mine three or four.

Josiah is the next one, at fifteen years old, and is trying to make a spot for himself with his music taste. I mean, for somebody his age, he really is pretty good. I think he genuinely can be able to make it if he focuses enough. And that is something that truth be told, I am jealous of. Unlike Gabe and I, he had dated a few times before, the most recent ending only about two weeks ago.

Seth is the fourth oldest, at eleven years old. The gap between Josiah and Seth being the largest one out of any of the individual siblings. He is really trying to be making a big name for himself in his class for the comedy area. So I guess that in some regard, he is very much the same as Josiah. I guess that I never thought much about it until now. Although I do feel bad for him, with his lack of friends here.

Jack is fifth, at nine years old, and really enjoys sports. Honestly, that is just so strange, seeing him out there in the front yard, practicing on a daily basis. I mean, he really is dedicated to trying to make this whole thing work out. I am honestly kind of impressed with how much he just wants to genuinely make it all work out.

Then you have the middle one, Lydia, at just seven years old. Lydia is the middle and only girl out of all of us. She was adopted, which is something that all of the older ones tried to decide to either hide from her forever or as long as possible. We felt like in a way that was for the best for her. I was just wanting to make sure she never got too uncomfortable.

Henry is the oldest of the younger batch of brothers, at five years old. He is one of the very few people that I know who was born on January first, and this is something that he really enjoys bringing up to other people. As if his birthday is something to be bragging a lot about. I guess that I can't really judge too much though.

Dylan was the first of the two twins, at just three years old. Barely even old enough to have much of a personality of his own. He just likes to do a lot of dirty stuff, and get really dirty. That is pretty much all that I knew, and all that I cared to really know. Although when he gets older, that will obviously change.

Drake was the slightly younger of the twins, born sixteen minutes later. He is much cleaner and calm of the two. I mean, I always felt like he was just trying to not be like his brother because maybe there was a small part of him that might have been slightly embarrassed by this whole thing. That being said, I was not going to say anything.

Calvin was the second to last one, at two years old. He still is in the same room as mom and dad, and I think that he will probably remain that way for another two or something. He hardly talks, and when he does talk, there is always something that he clearly has in his mind, and just wants to actually really consider. I mean, sure he was just two, but for a two year old, he must have had a brain.

And now we have Ridge, the one who was born today, and the one who was brought home today, and the final son. He is the one that we were all really excited for, since we all knew that there was going to be an end, and this was it. I think most of us were just wondering when the last one would show up, rather really than if there was going to be a last one. So I guess that to some extent, this was a good thing.

Also, I will make one thing very clear, when we start getting to the much younger ones, do not be shocked if much of the narration is up to date like a adult way of speaking. I am compiling these entries, and I am going to try and make them semi read able and coherent, and that is why they all will have a sort of adult way of speaking, as well as a relatively clean prose. If some mistakes show up here and there, then I'm sorry, but I tried.

When my parents were back, my father was looking right at me, and I was seeing that he was on the verge of just falling right asleep. I would not really blame him if he was like this. But I figured that I would try and find one final time to talk with him for the night before he was planning on heading right to sleep.

"Hey dad, how are you tonight?" I asked, looking right at him, and then he glanced right up at me, and I was seeing him looking like he really had nothing to say right now. "I mean, if you are too tired to speak, then I will leave you alone." I said, not wanting to sound mean, but I was just unsure how to be reacting right now.

"I'm fucking tired honestly. I mean, I have no better way to explain it than that. I just want to take a moment to rest, and just think deeply about what I am going to do to make your siblings have a good and free life." He said, and looked right up at me, wondering what he was going to even say now.

"Are you going to be trying to hang out with some of your friends tonight? I mean, just make sure that you do not stay out too late without letting us know if you do." After my father said that to me, I nodded, feeling like I had no real reason to object to something like this.

"Yeah, I have some people that I want to just tell about the delivery. I mean, I think that they were aware that there was going to be another one, but I just wanted to go along, and relay the news to them that it is official now." I said, and then looked right at him, wondering what else I was even going to say to him now. If there was anything to say.

"Well, I mean, I guess that when I was your age, I did a lot of things that I just wanted to do for my friends. I wanted to just enjoy every moment that I had. You know, not fall behind, and not do something that I regretted." My dad said, and then he was starting to look slightly more attentive on what was going on, and looked like he was paying more attention.

"I would have a lot of fun when I see the woman you decide to bring home and have a relationship with." He told me, and then I winced at that remark, unsure of what to tell him that I did not have a girlfriend. I had no idea how to really get one now, since I had barely hung out with many people, and was sort of all over the place.

"I plan on getting a job soon. I have seen some places that are currently hiring. I think that I might try and find a place soon, and when I do, maybe I can find a girl there. I don't know. It is the best thing that I could hope for." I said, and then I glanced right at him, wishing that I had something else to say, but decided to just keep my remarks alone.

"Well, I think that mom and I are going to be very excited to see who you meet up with. I would love to see a grandkid at some point in my life." After dad said that to me, I was sighing, and looked right down on the ground, feeling like what he was saying was just on par with guilt tripping. I had wished he never said something like that, to never make me feel like he was throwing me under the bus.

"I am sure that one of us will be able to do it. I would not be too worried about that. I mean, I have no reason to believe that there won't really be one of us that would do that." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping that he was going to be seeing my bluff.

"I guess that part of it is my fault. But I mean, if I never have a chance to see something go through, then part of me will really feel slightly let down." My dad said, and then after he was done saying that, he was clearly looking like he had no real reason to continue, and he was looking like he was willing to move on.

"I love you guys. I will find something someday. Trust me when I say that." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping that I could hold my end to the promise. If I had said something and then it turned out to be false, then that was going to be a issue. But right now, I was feeling like he had enough time for at least Gabe or Josiah or I to have had one.

I was hoping that I was going to actually mean it. "Well, I will be heading out now. I will see what I can do about getting that job, and I will let you know." I said, desperate to let the growingly more uncomfortable conversation end, so that way I did not feel like I was going to be needing more and more pressure mounting up for any of us.

As I was out of the house, I was figuring that I would go on and see Chad first. He lived much closer, and I was thinking that he would be easier to discuss with the reveal. I was thinking that when I would see him, the two of us could be able to just talk for a while and just generally mess around, and not be too worried about anything going on right now.

As I was heading towards Chad's house, I was thinking about what he always felt like when more and more siblings were being brought to the house. I always knew that he was just thinking that my parents had started to go over board, and he was feeling like my parents needed to have some form of self control. I would agree, but I didn't want to say anything.

I was also wondering something else. I was wondering if my siblings were going to these labyrinth parties. I mean, I knew that my siblings were always into those things, and I was feeling like there was something going on with that. But I felt like maybe they just liked the idea of just not giving a fuck after that awful sound showed up.

God, I fucking hated that sound. There was no better way to describe it to be honest. I was feeling like the person who had created that grinding noise needed to fucking just find something else to do. I was feeling like there was certainly some form of logging business going on when that would go off.

However, something else confused me. You know, I was wondering what the hell was going on, making that noise happen in the first place. I mean, I was wondering if it really was logging or something else. The main reason I wondered this was the erratic pattern of it setting off.

It seriously set off at the most random times, such as sometimes being every several months, and then down to every few weeks. Like there was a period of time when for about three years, it went off every two months on the dot. Then it went off like once every five or six months for about three times, and then after that, it went off like three times in one month. And then there was a year where it went off one time, 2013 it went off on June 7, and that was literally it. Then the next year, 2014, it went off a record of twenty two times (January and May being the only months it did not go off twice, and only once). This year it has set off four times. February 18, April 21, June 11, and July 28. As you can guess, none of it made any sense. But there has never been a single year in my entire life where it did not go off at least once. Not a single fucking one.

As I was getting closer to Chad's house, there was another thing that I was wondering about, although I did not want to admit it out loud. I was wondering what had happened with that grinding noise that tied it with the missing girls in town.

That was also a very usual thing. Almost every time that this thing went off, about one to two weeks later, a girl would go missing in this town. The youngest was only eleven that I remembered, and the oldest was thirty nine. Usually the age range was seventeen to twenty two. I just found it really strange, but I had my own theories on it.

Eventually, as I was putting all of these thoughts around in my head, that was when I was getting closer to Chad's house, and I was hoping that maybe he and I could talk about it for a bit, and he might be willing to help me just think of some things that I could have said to make some sense out of it all.

When Chad answered his door after I had knocked on it, he was looking right at me, tired, and looking like he had been doing shit all fucking day. I was wondering if it was best to just leave him alone, and let him be doing his own thing. As I was thinking all this, he was stopping me.

"Don't worry. I just have been thinking about a lot of things, and I was just unsure of how to be going at it all. But if you wanted to hang out for a while, then I am more than willing to do so." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and felt like I needed to come up with something to say if I was to make this whole thing work.

"I was wondering if you had some suggestions on what to do tonight. My parents brought home my younger brother Ridge. Let's just hope that they are done after this one, and they mean it." I said, and then I was thinking about what I had said, and thinking about what the hell I was even talking about when looking at him. Chad sighed, thinking that it was a miracle that it was all over with finally.

Before I would even have a chance to say a single word, I was looking right at Chad, and I was going to open my mouth when the noise that I had been talking about just came up. The grinding noise went off for about five minutes or something, and during the entire time, it was dead silence with the town. Not a single word was uttered in the streets during the time.

"Oh shit, that just happened again. I was actually thinking about it just a moment ago. I guess that maybe I just jinxed it." I said, trying to be funny about it, but in my mind, it was no laughing matter. The whole thing was just annoying, and I wanted it to end.

"Dude, what the hell is it anyways? I mean, it makes no sense. But I guess that this means that there is going to be a labyrinth party coming up. Do you think that you might be interested in going to that this time?" After Chad asked me this, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like what he was asking was going to be a bit hard to answer, but I was aware he was being fair.

"Well, I am not going to be wondering for too much longer. I just want to know what it is so badly. But I guess that maybe doing something like looking into it might not be a very smart idea." I said, and then I was thinking about what it was going to be like if I was actually going to try and go through with this idea. I was sighing, and could not believe myself.

"Honestly, I am just wondering if people are even wondering anything of it at all, or if they do not really even care all that much. I mean, I guess that it is not that big of a deal, but this whole thing really makes no sense." Eventually, Chad looked like he was already willing to move on from it.

"Are you wanting to know what the noise is about? I hate to admit, but I feel like I really just need to know what it is, or else I am going to be going insane." I was telling him, and I knew that he was not going to be a big fan of me saying stuff like this. He was just wishing that I would not be acting like this all the time.

"Well, I am going to just see what the hell my parents might say on it. My dad has lived here since he was twelve years old. Surely he must know something here." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking nothing of it, and thinking that if he knew, he would tell me, and if not, then he wouldn't. Simple as fucking that.

"I think that maybe your father would be the one to check if you must check one of them out. I mean, that man is a genius, and I would not be surprised if he knew it. But there is a small part of me that just knows that it really is not all that important to look into." After Chad said that, he was shrugging, and as much as I was hating to admit, I was wondering if perhaps he was right in what he had been saying, and that maybe I was looking too deep into something so small.

With that, I was then thinking about what we were able to talk about, that made the whole thing seem just a bit better for us all. "So now that we know what the hell we are getting ourselves into, what the heck do you really think is happening?" I asked, and then I was just wanting to pretend like I was not really too focused on that, when I was aware that I think we both knew that something like that was bullshit.

"Well, I am interested in going to the labyrinth party this time. What about you?" Chad asked me, and then I was sighing, thinking that as much as I hated to admit it, I did want to see what it was like, and I was going to want to see where this was heading.

So with this, I was just feeling tired, and wanted to see what else I might be able to discuss in the long run here. "Yeah, I am going. I think it might be tomorrow or something. I do want to go, as much as I hate to admit it." I admitted, thinking that it might be good for me in terms of meeting somebody for my own sake.

-August 23 2020 11:22 pm- I was getting ready for the labyrinth party coming up. I was unable to fucking believe the fact that I was doing this. I never really got the point of it, and often times found them stupid and over the top. But I guess that I was just desperate to be doing something that I felt like would have given me some form of a chance at being cool.

I mean, if I really was getting a job soon, and if I was going to be putting money on the table, one fucking night left of being over the top and stupid was going to be fine. I mean, it was just ging to be one more night. Everybody would be able to live with that. I was feeling like the only thing that could be a issue was if I met people who hated me.

And as selfish as it was for me to admit, I was feeling like going to the party was going to give me a chance to possibly get a girlfriend. I was feeling like I had just needed to try and really make something work with her. I was thinking that if I would be able to get a woman to actually like me, then it would be the change in the world.

I was thinking that if I could get somebody to date me, then I was thinking that my parents were going to be making fun of me forever. They were never going to be letting it go, and I was not going to be super excited for something like that.

Honestly, I was just thinking that the chances of a woman liking me enough for this would have been less than ten percent. I was just telling myself that I was going to just try and see what I might be able to get out of this, but that it was not even going to matter. In a way, I was just feeling like that I was still able to dream, even if it was unlikely.

I felt like as long as neither Chad nor Dan made fun of me for not being super popular or cool, and not going out to more of these, then I was feeling like maybe that would have been fine enough. I was just thinking that in a way, I was going to have to really make the point well.

I mean, despite the fact that I refused to admit it, I was feeling like maybe I really did make a fucking mistake not bringing my popularity up by going to these parties earlier. I had started to feel like I should have gone to more of these, and actually have a chance to be happier with my life.

I was wondering if maybe this was me going back to my childhood state, or if this was me finally admitting that I was looking at life from a totally shitty perspective, and that I just needed to finally do something that was for myself for once. Yes, I know my words make no sense. But my mind was all over the place.

All that I did know was that if I was going to be going on this party, I was not going to be letting anybody know what I was planning on doing, and that I was not going to be letting anybody know that this was virtually my way of trying to recapture my entire life. I was feeling like doing this was literally the only way that things were able to be done.

When Chad was getting close to me, to go on to the party, he was looking at me, and I knew from the way he was looking at me, I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to show me that this was him being proud of me for the fact that I was wanting to try and do something that was not going to be just staying at home all day or anything like that.

"Dan was telling me that you were planning on going to this party and stuff… I did not know if you were telling the truth. I just thought that perhaps he was just saying that to get me to be thinking that you had something in you to be adventurous." After Chad said this, I looked at Chad, and sighed at the fact that I really had no idea what to say.

"Well, honestly I think that the idea of me going out to parties is the one thing that I never thought that I was going to be doing. I think that part of me just wants to stay at least somewhat out of the range of controversy." I said, and then I was laughing at this, wondering if he was going to be buying what I had been saying at all, or just thinking that I was just saying this to make him feel differently.

"I guess that I also thought that if my younger siblings found out what I was doing, that they were going to use this as a chance to basically convince my parents that they should be allowed to do stuff like this, and I feared many of them were far too young for that." I said, thinking that something like this was a terrible excuse.

Even the way he was looking right at me was showing me that he was having a hard time fully buying what I had said. I was sighing, and I was thinking that perhaps I really did need to just drop the act, and just admit that it really was not something for me, at least at first.

"Dude, I think that you don't need to fucking lie about it. I mean, I really don't care all that much what you were feeling or doing. I was just finding the whole thing to be odd is all." After he had said that to me, he was shrugging, and then I was sighing, feeling like perhaps I was needing to think of what he was saying, and just think about what we were getting ourselves into.

"Yeah, I guess that I am just being a bit antsy. I just have no idea what I am going to do when I get out there, and I go on a party that I have no idea if I am going to enjoy or not." I said, and then I remained silent, and I was feeling like regardless of what was happening, I just needed to be looking at things slightly easier.

"Do you think that perhaps you would have enjoyed them if you have gone to them earlier? I mean, I do believe that if you have gone to these earlier, and if you had finally just sort of went at it all and stuff, that things might be entirely different." After Chad told me this, I was sighing, and I was wondering what he was even going to try and accomplish as he was saying that to me, but I decided to remain silent.

"I mean, I might have. I think there is no real reason for me to not think that I might have." I said, and I decided that the honesty and the real look at life was going to just keep this whole thing up. I was wondering if Chad was going to tell me about some things that he was planning, and if he was already aware of some fucking evil master plan or some shit like that.

"Well, I guess that maybe we can go on and just pick up Dan. He has somebody who he is taking on a date with though, so I think that you probably need to just be prepared for if he is going to be more focused on that than anything else." Chad told me, and as we were getting along to get Dan, I was then thinking of something that I knew he was not really going to want to talk about. But I didn't care.

"Do you know who the missing person was this time around? I mean, I feel like there is something that makes me really want to know." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and the way that Chad looked right at me was showing that this was literally a discussion that he had never wanted to have. In a way, I guess that I did not really blame him.

"I never thought about it too much. I don't think that I have heard any news report on it. Do you think that you might have an idea?" After he had asked me this, I was sighing, and I was wondering what we were getting ourselves into by even mentioning this.

"I think that I would like to know who it was at least. You know, maybe to see if there is something that I could do to make things a bit easier for that family. Only if I knew them, obviously." I said, and then I was feeling like I just needed to drop the subject right now if I was not wanting to mildly annoy my friend right now.

"Todd, I think you are aware just as well as I am that something like this has literally a zero percent chance of actually happening." After Chad had said this to me, I was not wanting to have him tell me this, but I was aware deep down that he was right. I was well aware of the fact that no matter what I wanted to do, there was nothing that I could do about it.

"I know. I guess that I just like to try and believe that what I am doing actually has some form of real life meaning." I said, and then I was laughing, and thankfully for both of us, this entire debate was ending when we were getting closer to where Dan had lived, and I was feeling like when we were going to pick him up, his reaction and his joy was going to be enough to save us both here.

Once Dan was coming down with his brown haired girlfriend, or date I should say, I was seeing him looking like he was just so happy to be finally pulling something like this off. I was telling myself that perhaps this was the one thing that I needed to remind myself when I was trying to talk about happiness here.

"Hey guys, how are you doing today?" After Dan asked this question, I was stopping, and I was thinking about it for a second. I was thinking about what he was able to do to keep himself up in such a good mood today. I was feeling like he certainly was just carrying himself like this because of the date.

"We were just wondering when you were going to be ready. Todd and I have been waiting for you for so long." After Chad said this, Dan was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was having a hard time buying it right now. He was feeling like if he was going to get me to talk about this stuff better, then he was just needing to play along.

"I was going to be ready for this long before Todd even considered the idea of going. I have been waiting for this one for such a long time, with my date and all." After Dan had admitted this, I was nodding, now aware of the fact that this was something that he had been planning for a very long period of time. I looked at Chad, wondering what he was going to be saying to this.

"How long have you been ready for something like this?" I asked, and I was just looking at him in a way that was showing him that I did not care if he had been waiting for a while. I just wanted him to be honest about it, so that way I could just shrug it off, and move the fuck along. You know, just to sort of get over it.

"I was kind of wanting to do something with it, and I was excited to see some friends again and stuff. But I never really was thinking super deeply about it." Chad said, and then I was looking at the girl who was with Dan, and I was seeing from the way that she was looking right now taht it was having a good chance she was already tipsy, and that me talking with her was virtually never going to fucking happen.

"Do you know the person who had went missing last?" I asked, feeling like maybe asking her a question directly would get her to react. When she looked at me for a moment, I was seeing from the way that she was acting that this was not going to be happening. With that, I was sighing, and told myself not to think too much on it.

-August 24 2020 12:18 am- I was at the house where the party was going to be, and when I was sitting in the car for a few seconds longer, I was thinking about just leaving, and pretending like I had some important things to do. But I wanted to claim something for my life even more, and that outweighed literally anything in my mind.

"Fuck it, we're here now, and we are going to have the time of our lives." I said, and this was something that I was mainly saying for myself, to try and get myself to believe it in. However, as I was saying this, and I was actually thinking it, I was believing that I was telling the truth after all. So I was getting out of the car, and my friends were already down the pathway.

When I had actually gone inside of the building, I was seeing that about forty people or so were already in attendance. I was sighing, and I was thinking that maybe I really did not predict the popularity of these enough.

I was looking around, and I was seeing quite a few people that I went to school with in the area. I was seeing many people who I had not interacted with since high school, and while it had only been two years, I was just so happy to be seeing these people again. Knowing how much fun I really did have when looking back.

So with that, I was thinking that I could adapt into one of these enough. And even though I knew that I was not legally old enough to drink or anything, when I was seeing some of the alcohol in the area, I was thinking that I might as well just have one or two shots, just to see what people were having here. I was just happy to finally let loose.

"Hey Todd, haven't seen you in a while." The voice of a girl said, and I turned around, and when I was looking at her, I knew her as the pizza delivery girl. "How has it been lately?" She asked, and then I was smiling for a bit, glad that a woman wanted to speak with me. A nice woman, who was wanting to be nice at least for the time being.

"Hey Bebe. Not much. Just coming here to this party upon the suggestion of my friends. I guess that I wanted to go to one anyways, but was always scared of being insensitive." I said, and then I looked right at Bebe, happy to see her again. I remember having a couple of classes with her in high school, and she was always relatively polite with me.

"Don't worry about it. People are not really worried about that stuff. You can pretty much do whatever you want, and nobody would care all that much." After Bebe said that to me, she was looking at me for a few seconds longer, clearly trying to think of something to tell me right now.

"Hey I know that this might be a bit random, but do you maybe want to go out for some dinner tomorrow? You know, just to hang out and catch up. Hardly got to know you in school besides the pizza girl." I said, and I knew that I was sounding strange, but I was just wanting to give her a choice, and I was just wanting to give something like this a chance, and see if it might work out for the best.

"Yeah, I guess that something like this could be a lot of fun. I mean, I never really got to get to know you, so I think that maybe we could catch up on quite a bit." After she had told me this, I was sighing, and I was just glad to be knowing that perhaps maybe I was able to make something work out after all.

"It really is good to see you again." I said, and then this time I was sincerely meaning it, and I was not just saying that to appease her. I was wanting her to understand that in all honesty, it was great to finally get to know her a bit.

When I was done with that whole thing, I was seeing Bebe looking really happy. Seeing her like this when we were talking was the best thing in my mind. I was just so glad to finally see somebody look like they had really wanted to know me for who I was.

So when I was thinking about the agreement that I made with her, I was looking around and I was seeing some other person that I had not seen in a while sitting down on a table in the room. When I saw him there, and saw him looing depressed as shit, I was feeling like I just needed to see what the issue was, so I sighed, and went over to him.

I had no real reason to want to speak with him, and I was feeling like he was probably not going to want to speak with me, since he didn't know who I was. But I was just telling myself that he was going to be willing to let me know more if I could just speak with him, and talk to slightly appease the feelings that he was having right now.

"Hey, how are you tonight?" I asked, and then I saw him looking right up at me, and when I was seeing him, I was seeing that he was not looking happy at all. In a way, I was thinking that I needed to just try and pretend like we were not here. But this man was the one person who I felt like I could connect with, and that was why I just needed to get to know him a bit better.

"I'm doing alright. But I feel like you should not waste your time talking to me. You are not going to be getting anything out of it." He said, and then that sudden abrasive matter was getting to me for a second, and I was feeling like I just needed to know what the issue was. I was thinking that if I could get to know him, things would not be so bad.

"I remember you from school. You're Travis, right?" I asked, and I was wondering what the hell the purpose of this whole thing really wasl. I was wondering why I was trying so damn hard to get to know him right now. But then he was just looking like he was having a level of confusion in his face, which I did not blame him for.

"Yeah, you're right. Weren't you the guy with like a million siblings?" After he had asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like that was going to be the way that everybody knew me as, and that the sooner I accepted this, the better that I was going to be. Even if I was wishing to have a slightly different reputation.

"Yeah, that was me. I was just seeing that you weren't looking all that happy right now, and I was just wanting to see if perhaps you were thinking about something." I said, and then he was looking right at me, clearly unsure of what he was even going to tell me right now. But he was also looking like he did not want to cause a big issue.

"The fact that people are here, celebrating these terrible things, and not a single person cares for the fact that there is somebody who went missing. I guess that in all honesty, I am not helping the narrative too much by being here. But it makes me mad." He said, and then I was looking right at him, wondering what the hell I was going to tell him now.

"I think you would feel better when you know that there are several people here who do not like what is happening. Several people here believe that what is going on is wrong. But we have these parties as a way to sort of just not think about it too much." I said, looking right at him, and I was hoping that he was going to enjoy what I had said.

"If people were sad over this, they are doing a terrible a job showing it. But I guess that people are not wanting to hear it." Travis said, and then he was taking a fast shot of a drink, and from the way he was looking at the table, I knew it was not the first.

I was in a hard spot because while I agreed with Travis, I knew that this was a party, and in all honesty, now that I was here, and now that I was enjoying myself, I was wanting to actually not ruin it by having this discussion. I was feeling like I needed to talk to him about it later though.

"Maybe we can talk about it later. I think that we can be able to really get some things discussed here, and you know I think that maybe we can both learn some things here." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing travis having no fucking interest in me trying to butter him up this way.

"Maybe in a couple of days, when I actually think about it more, I might be able to come to you." he said, and then the way that he was looking at me was showing that even if he was wanting to do more, he was aware that getting me along into something that I was not going to enjoy was just not going to be the besy way to go at this.

"Thank you for being nice about it. I do want to just consider things a bit better before I make any real mistakes." I said, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like no matter what Travis was going to tell me, we were going to have a big fucking road ahead of us, and that neither of us could really accomplish much.

"I am not going to try and get people to actually listen to me. Nobody fucking cares about me anymore." Travis was telling me, and I was wondering if he had been wanting to look into this on his own or if he was just wanting to pretend like things were fine enough. But I was just really feeling like a fucking mad man.

"I will be seeing what I can do here, and I will see if there are any people I can just hang out with tonight, but we can talk about this later, and I think that we will both have a lot of things that we want to talk about it. So don't worry too much about this." I said, and then I was feeling like if I did something else, he was not going to be happy with the 'lie' or anything like that.

"I guess that maybe we can see what we can do. But I doubt that it will really matter." After Travis said this, I was just thinking about what my Travis had been saying, and I was wondering if he was really just broken on this whole thing. I was feeling like something must have surely happened for him to be like this, and despite everything going on, I was feeling really bad for him. It just reminded me of what it was like to be broken.

"It will be fine enough. Everything is going to be good. I mean, many people here are having these thoughts as well. I mean, I know for a fact that I have had many areas of uncertainty to be totally honest." I said, and then I was looking right at him, thinking that no matter what we were going to discuss, Travis was going to try and find a way to make me guilty for something that was not even all my fault.

"You would never know what it was like, with all of your siblings, and all of the times that you can just meet up with the, and not be worried about life." After he was saying this to me, I saw him actually kind of pissed at me right now. I was seeing that he was really not in the mood for me to try and talk to him about this when I clearly had no clue.

Despite being fucking pissed with the way that he was acting, and despite feeling like he was not giving me nearly enough credit, I was finding it in myself to maybe slightly concede that he was telling the truth, and that was something that I was willing to own up to. "Well, I hope that you can give me a chance to enlighten me." I said, and I was not going to sound very nice about it, but I did not care at all.

When I was done talking with Travis, I was sincerely wondering what the issue was, and I was wondering what he knew, and if perhaps he was hiding something from me because he was scared that I was not going to actually listen or something like that. But despite what was going on, I just genuinely had no real clue.

But as I was going along with the party and stuff, I was just sort of minding my own business, and I was seeing some of my friends just actually enjoying themselves, such as Dan and his date making out in the corner of the room, and I was laughing when I had seen this. I was then walking around, and saw that Bebe was still in the area, and I was wondering if maybe I just needed to try and connect with her a bit.

"Hey, how are you right now? You look like you got a lot on your mind?" I asked, and then she was looking right back up at me, and I was seeing her looking like she had no idea on what to be telling me. She was almost looking like she was scared of what I was wanting to talk to her about. "Don't worry, I was not meaning anything by it." I said, hoping this would ease her a bit better now.

"Honestly, I just wished that I brought some pizza here or something. You know, I think that if I had done something like this, and I was able to help liven up the mood a bit or something, then I would be able to just really feel like I have a spot here." She said, and then I looked at her, and I was smiling for a bit, and I was thinking that liven up the party was not a huge issue now.

"I think that the guy dancing on top of that table is going to already take care of making this a more lively mood." I said, and I was pointing to the dude who was just trying to do a dance like from lord of the rings on top of a tablehere. As he was about to get down, the table started to crack, and I looked at her to not have to witness this.

"Well, I guess that you might be right. I just thought that when I could be here, that I would have contributed more, and I would have felt like I was setting myself up for a better position." After Bebe told me this, she was shrugging, clearly not thinking anything of it at all, and clearly not even remotely giving a single shit at all. I was just happy to see her looking fine again.

"If you want to go and deal with the pizza, then perhaps we can hop out of here, and grab some, and I think that most people woul never notice that we were gone." I was suggesting, hoping that she was going to take it, and I was hoping that she was going to want to maybe go on a one on one date or something.

"I doubt that anybody is really going to care all that much about it. I guess that I am just being a bit unsure of what to do right now." After she had said that to me, she was sighing, and clearly had no idea what to be discussing right now. In a way, Bebe was just looking happier by being here with all these people.

"I wonder if there is going to be any weed in the area." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was looking at me, as if that was the funniest thing in the entire world. I was feeling like she was just needing to tell me more. But I shrugged, deciding against it now.

"Maybe we can go look for some, if you really want to smoke some weed." She said, and I was seeing that the look on her face was just one of too much amusement to be saying anything. But she was clearly looking like she was not wanting to really smoke anything. Was more in it for the story than anything else. And I guess that this is the story of how I met my girlfriend…

-August 25 2020 4:32 pm- I was getting ready to be going on a date with Bebe, and when I was placing on my shoes, and just getting the money ready, I was just feeling like the fucking date with her was going to be the change that I had needed in my life. Gabe was looking right at me, looking amazed that I was actually going through with this.

"I never thought that you were actually going to be going on a date in the near future. I am honestly kind of impressed." After Gabe had said that to me, I was seeing him looking totally out of the loop right now. I was smiling, and started to laugh at him when he had said that. I mean, I did not blame him after all.

"Honestly, I just wanted to do my best to something like this feel earned and natural. I think that when I go out, and when I just get to know her, I will honestly be happy." I said, aware of how fucking vague I sounded really was. But I just wanted to make Bebe know that I was a team player now.

"You know, I just thought that you were going to try and go through with some strange idea of never dating again. But I guess that maybe that isn't true." Gabe said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wanting to tell him that something like this was not true. But this was just not working.

"It was not a issue of not wanting to date, as much of an issue that I did not want to go through even more heart breaking break ups." I said, and I was remembering the one time that I did get something sort of going with a girl back in junior year of high school. I did not want to fail a different person again.

"Well, I think that your thing with that girl was just doomed from the start, and I think that there is no way that something like this was going to just be handed to you." After Gabe said this, he was looking right at me, and I was just seeing him clearly looking like he was trying to take my side on this issue.

"Well, I mean, that was like three years ago. I guess that you could argue that being still on this whole thing would be fucking embarassing after all. I guess that maybe I just need to start to put these things behind me." After I told him this, Gabe was just shrugging, as if almost like he had no real investment in this anymore.

"When you start senior year in a couple of weeks, I really hope that you don't let simple things like these get too much in your way. I think that you need to just try and find a way to not let a relationship ruin some things that are really not that important." I said, and then Gabe gave me a super confused look.

"Bro, I don't think that I will need to be worrying about that too much. I think most of the school year is going to be on zoom or some shit like that." Gabe said to me, and then he was shrugging, and I was thinking that perhaps he might have been right. I was wondering how much this whole Covid thing was going to be still in our face.

"Yeah, I guess that I did not think of that. I guess that if you do have a chance of going to a physical school, then I believe that you need to just remember that school and relationships are going to be a bit of a impressionable issue to deal with." I said, and then I was feeling like I had no real need to discuss this now.

"Honestly, I am going to just see how things are. I am not going to be making a big deal out of it though. But I hope that my friends are going to make my school year at least slightly more interesting." After Gabe said that, I was thinking that I still needed to get ready for my date with Bebe, and that I was wasting my time here.

"I really think that seeing Bebe is going to be one of the best things that I can do for myself. I mean, I remember the few times that we interacted in school, and she was always a nice person. Extremely selfless, from the couple of times that we interacted." After I told him this, I was then thinking of the fact that I kind of ruined my chances of making her be a good friends of mine later.

"Do you think that a friendship really would have been possible at the time?" After he had asked me this, I looked right at him, and I was then thinking that despite how annoying that it would be for people to tell me that things would not work, I was just thinking that maybe he was telling the truth right now.

"I think that it would be worth it if I had at least tried. I mean, I am not going to be too worried about it right now. But that does not mean that I would not have minded seeing what I could have accomplished." I said, and then I was just getting ready to be heading out. I was really just not in the mood to see how bad things would have been.

"I mean, I know that you probably have a good idea what you are doing right now. So I guess that maybe I am just being too in your face about this for no real good reason." After Gabe said this, he was clearly looking like he did not believe in what he was saying, but was just trying to be sounding natural here.

"I will tell you how the date goes after I come back. I believe that everything is going to be fine. I think that I just need to remember that in all honesty, it is just a date, and that it is not going to be all that big of a deal." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that what I was saying was making a whole lot of sense.

"Alright, I will be paying attention, and I will be rather interested in hearing the results." Gabe said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to see what I was going to say now. I was just shrugging, and I was just thinking that perhaps Gabe was wanting to talk longer, but decided that it was not worth it.

"I mean, I think that as long as I am not a total dick, everything will be fine." I said, and then I was thinking that what I had been saying was not even true. But despite what was going on in my mind, I was thinking that Bebe was not going to be angry at me. I was thinking that in all honesty, the worst that would come was slight disappointment.

"If you say so, then I will not be getting in your face about it too much." Gabe said, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking totally out of it. He was almost looking like he had lost any interest in this discussion, and that even trying to be talking about this any longer was going to be a bit boring for him.

"Well, I really am going to leave now." I said, and then after I had told him this, I was walking out of the room, and I was going to be seeing what Bebe was going to be like with me. I was wanting to just make sure that the date was going to be perfect. This date was going to have to be perfect if I was even going to forgive myself.

Once I was in the car, I was then thinking that maybe my parents were going to be super proud of me. I was convinced that my parents were wanting to know everything that I was doing, and I was wanting to make sure that she would not be fucking pissed at me. I loved my parents, and I wanted to make them happier.

Eventually, I reached her house, from what she had told me at the end of the party, and I was feeling like I just needed to get myself ready for whatever she was wanting to do. I was feeling like no matter what we were going to do, Bebe was wanting to make things a lot better for us all.

I was feeling maybe Bebe might have forgotten all about this whole thing, and she was going to tell me that we needed to not be doing this. I was feeling like this whole thing was going to be the worst thing ever. But no matter what we were doing, I was thinking that I just needed to give a fucking ten out of ten performance.

Bebe was going to probably have some really high standards for me, and while I was able to respect her a while, and while I knew she was going to be nice to me, I was just telling myself that maybe she must have known what I was actually feeling right now.

Eventually I got out of the car, and then I was walking to her door, and I knocked on it quietly, not wanting to make the others that were living in the house bothered by my hindrance. Eventually, she was answering the door, and she looked right at me happily.

"I didn't forget the promise that I made to you." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was just looking truly excited for the date that we were going to have right now. I was then thinking that maybe she was wanting to show me something, and to be honest, knowing what she was going to show me, I was really happy to do this all.

"Well, I was expecting you to not actually come along and do it. I would be more than happy to do this." After she had said that to me, I was then thinking about what we were doing now. I was then walking to my car, as she was walking at my side as well. I was then wondering if Bebe had anything that she needed to tell me.

Once I was inside of the car, and I looked right at her, I was then feeling like I just needed to find something to tell her, and I was then thinking that maybe Bebe was not going to have much to tell me in the first place. "Hey Bebe, do you have any plans that you have for us? I mean, you can tell me anything you like." I said, trying to be patient with this whole thing, and to win her over a bit.

"I mean, I never really thought too much about it. Part of me was wondering if you were really even willing to hang out with me here?" After she had asked me this, I looked right at her, and I was seeing her looking just looking like this whole thing was hard to believe, and I was wondering if she liked me.

"Well, I mean, I was just telling myself a bunch of advice on how I could be getting ready for this whole thing, and I figured that I would want to make sure that I didn't fuck it all up." I said, feeling like maybe being honest was the only way to get at this.

"Todd, you did not need to worry so much about this whole thing. I mean, you were worried about something that is not all that big of a deal." She said, and then I was looking right at her, feeling like nothing that I could tell her would be making her feel any different. I was thinking that she was just not wanting me to put her on a pedestal.

We eventually went on for a while longer, and I was seeing Bebe wanting to speak with me about some other things, and I was just looking right at her, clearly wanting to just talk for a while longer, about some important things.

"Maybe we can go to the local diner." After she had told me this, I was looking at her, and I was actually thinking about if I had actually gone to that diner or not. In all honesty, I had no idea if I had, and that was starting to confuse me.

"Yeah, maybe we can go and check it out." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was smiling for a bit, and then I was starting the car up, and I was starting to head out, and I was driving down the street, feeling like maybe if I could talk with her for a while, then everything would have been fine.

"I mean, I don't know if I have ever been to one of those diners before. I mean, I was wanting to figure it out. But I guess not." I was shrugging, and I knew it was not that important. But I was desperate to just have a discussion with her right now.

We drove along for a bit, and Bebe was telling me what she had thought on it. "Honestly, it had a lot of really great options there." After she had told me this, I was looking right at her, and she was thinking about what we were going to be able to do to make it all better for us. Eventually, we were getting near the diner, and I needed to think on what to even discuss now.

We got out of the car, and I was telling myself that I needed her to have a chance. I was smiling, knowing that as long as there was a small chance this date would work out, that I was still going to have a chance to just relax, and be with my new friend. I was feeling like I just needed to still remember to be polite.

We sat down in the second closest booth to the door, and then Bebe was glancing out at me. "Todd, you look like you are thinking deeply about something." After she had told me this, I was looking right at her, and then I was realizing that what I was doing was probably a bit strange to her, and that I needed to knock it off.

"Oh sorry, I just started to realize how fucking not ready I am for this. I am so out of my fucking league that it is crazy." I said, and then she was laughing at me, and I was looking right at her, and I was wishing that this was not the attitude that she was going to be having right now.

"I thought that you might have gone on some dates or something when you were in high school. I could have swore you had something in junior year." She said, and then I was giving a very weak nod at this.

"But that did not go well, at all. And it is something I often times like to try and pretend never happened." I said, and then I was looking at her, as if hoping that she was going to be able to respect my wishes on this. I knew that it might have sounded strange to her, but still.

"I mean, I know that people like to just not be reminded of bad stuff like that. I mean, I never really got it. But I guess that if it makes you feel better…" She said, and then I was nodding, and then I looked right at her, feeling like maybe we could find a way to talk about something else.

"Do you have anything that you like to just forget about?" I asked, feeling as if this as a good way to start a conversation, hoping that she had actually wanted to talk about that, and that I was not just totally misreading her on this. She shook her head, but I could tell she was not done with her response.

"I don't really have anything like that. But I have an older brother that did that often when he lived with me. He often times made it very clear that he did not want things to be brought up, if he was feeling like the subject was going to be something he would not be very proud of." Bebe said, as I gave her a quizzical look.

"You have siblings? I never knew of them." I said, feeling like I could be honest about that, and then I looked at her, and she was shrugging, as if feeling like she had no real interest in discussing them, for some reason or another.

"I think it is because they are both so far apart from me in age. An older brother and a younger brother. Both exactly ten years apart from me." She said, and then I was kind of shocked at the realization that she had a thirty year old and a ten year old brother. And then I was just trying to find a way to keep the talk up longer.

"Yeah, I never had to deal with any issues like that. Given the fact that all of my siblings, when looked at individually, were still somewhat close in age." I said, and then I was thinking about how that was nice at least. That while the difference with Ridge and I was huge, the difference with me and Gabe, and even me and Josiah to some extent, wasn't as bad.

"I don't even know why my parents thought it was so smart to be doing that. You know, I think that they were just wanting to keep up the idea of having somebody they could connect with…" Bebe said, and then I was thinking that maybe that was what my parents were doing as well, when I think of it.

"Perhaps that was what my parents did as well. You know, I think that maybe they had just wanted to connect with us still, and they were desperate for some form of attachment, and therefore was willing to do anything for it. I guess that maybe when I think of it that way, I do kind of feel bad for it." I told her, thinking of what it must be like to not want to separate from the family image.

"I mean, I know that when I am older, and if I have kids, I think that I am capping it at one. I mean, I know that people like to have a big family, but after what I went through, I am done with it. I just want to focus on life." I said, finally feeling like I was being responsible for saying the truth of the matter.

"I guess that I never really thought much of it. I mean, I would understand one or two, but they would need to be somewhat close in age, that way I don't get any surprises, and I can just focus on them both as they grow older." She said, and I felt that was fair.

"I suppose that makes sense. I mean, I guess that I would not want any giant surprises when dealing with a family on my own and stuff. I mean, I just wish that my parents might have thought about that a slight bit." After I told that to her, Bebe was nodding, not sure what my parents were doing.

"And besides, I mean, if I were to do something like that, I want to move out first. Which I have only recently started to look at as a genuinely realistic chance." I said, wishing that I did not need to say that to her, but I was feeling like the honesty might win me some points when talking to her.

"Do you think that moving out is going to be hard, given everything going on lately?" She asked, and I knew that she was talking about Covid, and I was wishing that she was not going to bring that up. But I also knew that her bringing it up was sure to happen someday.

"Yeah, I mean it is possible that I might be able to do it for another year or so, but I might as well save up until then. I just want to be ready for when it happens. You know, actually have a fucking plan here." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that if I had a plan, and if I was able to keep going here, then perhaps this whole mess was not going to be as much of a mess as I was making it out to be.

"Todd, do you feel like you want to leave?" She asked, and then I was nodding, feeling like sooner or later, I was needing to do something like this. I needed her to be able to see where I was coming from, and I was going to do whatever it took to make sure that no matter what, I was going to do what was best for everybody.

"You seem like perhaps you have been thinking deeply about this lately. I mean, I guess that with a large family and everything, you have been very focused on just doing what you think is best." She said, and then I was nodding, thinking that maybe she got me better than I was giving her credit for so far.

"Yeah, I think that with everything that was already happening with my family, thinking about this was the only way that things could be done." I said, and then I looked right at her, and I was hoping that no matter what I told her, she would accept my life choices, and not be trying to play too deeply into a narrative.

"Well, just make sure that whatever you do, you feel like it is something that you have been thinking long and deeply about, and that you are truly ready for it all." She said, and then I was nodding, and then I was thinking that maybe we were needing to just go along, and that maybe this was going to be more than just a casual date.

-August 27 2020 5:48 pm- I was finally ready to be placing in my job application to the video store about two miles away from my house. I just wanted to go there mainly because I was wanting to go to a place that was at least somewhat close to this place. I was just tired of staying here, and I was just tired of always being looked like by a weirdo for no reason.

Yes, because a person who is watching his siblings and often times is unable to do things such as look for a job because of how fucking complicated his life is can be so much fucking worse than people who get addicted to drugs or get involved in like some sex ring. I mean, come on.

Anyways, I was still riding high on that date with Bebe a couple of nights ago, and I was starting to honestly feel like maybe I could try and contact her again, and maybe I could see what she was feeling, and maybe if we talked for a while, the two of us could be able to connect for a few minutes, and just see how we were both doing. I was starting to hope that maybe we were going to be in an official relationship soon enough. I wanted her to know that no matter what was going to happen, I was going to do whatever we could to work out.

I parked near where the video store was, and the entire time that I was sitting there, and wondering what to do, I was having doubt in my mind. You know, always telling myself that these things were not meant to work out at all. I was thinking about what was going to happen if I went through with this.

I was just hoping that my parents were going to be able to hold on to the kids for a while when I was actually going to be on the clock, and I was reminding myself that I still did need to set aside about a quarter of my earnings for mom and dad, that way I could be able to still contribute to the house, and make them feel like I was not just going to be out of it or anything like that. I did not want them to be feeling like I never cared.

So with that, I was grabbing my paper application, and I was thinking that if Covid can give me one thing it was the fact that those people in virtually any business were going to just love working with me, and they were going to give me whatever I had wanted and needed. So I was feeling that I might get the job first try.

When I was inside of the store, I was seeing a guy in his later twenties with a bunch of acne sitting down on a chair, with some weed rolled up as cigarette on his ear. He was looking right at me, clearly not looking all that interested in what I was going to say.

"I have a job application to give you." I said, and then as I was handing him the paper, he looked up at me, and I already saw him booking much more interested in what I had said, and almost looked like I had just kicked him in the nuts or something crazy. He coughed, and then started to speak up again.

"How can somebody actually be crazy enough to want to work here? My god, I wished that I had more respect for myself." He said, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but decided against it.

"Well, I was mainly just needing to have some place to work. You know, just to get myself some money and help out my family." I said, feeling like maybe he was already probably not going to be all that interested in this anymore, and was already doing his own thing. I placed the paper down again, and then thought of what to say.

"If you are willing to take me in, just call my number on the paper." I said, and then I was just feeling like I was able to leave it alone, and that I thought that I did not need to say anything else at all. To be honest, the way that this was going, I was wondering if I was just making something out of nothing, or if this guy really did not want me.

"I bet that our boss will be willing to. I mean, nobody ever applies here. If he had any sanity, he would either close the shop or hire anybody who applies." The guy said, and then I was thinking about what we were discussing. I wanted to talk to him, but he was clearly looking like he had already lost interest here.

When I was out of the store, I was instantly starting to convince myself that I needed to find something better to be doing, and that I was just needing to pretend like what he was discussing was not all that strange after all. I mean, I was wondering what his boss was like if he was talking about him that openly.

I was just sighing, and felt like there was a good chance that he was possibly not going to be keeping his job much longer with that talk going on. I was then shrugging, and felt like I could call Bebe up, and see if she was wanting to talk for a bit. Just to see how she was doing.

When I was calling, I waited for a while until the voice mail came, and the recording said "Hey, sorry I can't answer the phone right now. I am most likely on the clock and will get to you as soon as I am on break or off work." The voice mail ended, and when I heard that, I was then wondering if I needed to talk at all.

"How are you tonight? I just applied for that video store near by, and I really hope that I get the position. I can talk to you more about it later if you would like." I said, and then I was shrugging, and hung up the phone, feeling like I had done all that I needed, and that I did not need to keep talking at all. So with that, I was ready to hang out with some friends.

I started to drive towards Dan's house, and I was going to see how he was doing with that girl after the party. I was sort of interested in seeing what he would have to say about her. I mean, it was none of my business, but if he was wanting to do something with his friends, then perhaps he could at least tell me what was going on. And maybe I could offer him some words of encouragement or something vague.

When I was parking the car, I was hearing a notification going off, but I did not pay attention to it, and I was getting out of my car, and I was going to be seeing what my friend was going to try and talk to me about. I knocked on his door, and waited for a few seconds.

Dan eventually answered the door, and was looking right at me. He was clearly looking like he was not really all that worried about anything. I was seeing him looking like he was just sort of wanting to get all of our questions over with. "So how are you today?" He asked, and I was shrugging for a moment.

"I'm doing okay enough. I placed a application with the video store earlier. I went on a date a couple of days ago, and I have been trying to make something work between the two of us." I said, and I was well aware that he was not going to actually believe in what I had been saying. That being said, he was actually sort of interested.

"Oh shit, that's awesome. How was it?" As he asked me this, I was nodding in agreement, knowing that what I was finally getting was really fucking epic, and I was glad to know what he was believing in here. But then I was looking right at her again, hoping to find something that we could discuss here.

"I mean, we just talked about our families and stuff. Not that great of a first date I guess. But to be honest, I guess that something like this is to be expected on a first date with me of all men." I said, laughing at this, and then Dan was looking like the second question he was going to ask was much more important.

"What is her name?" She asked, and then I was looking right at him, wondering if he was actually going to be friends with Bebe, or really have a strong opinion on this whole thing at all. I was sort of wishing that he would leave me alone. I was just wanting her to like me, no matter what it would take.

"Bebe. She was somebody that we went to school with, and she is super happy with me so far. Or at least that's what I believe so far. I just want to make her happier, and I want to make her feel like our date is going to come together." After I told Dan this, he was taking a moment to actually think about who Bebe was, and then he was piecing it together.

"Do you think that you plan on making a long term relationship with her work?" Dan asked, and then I was nodding, feeling like there was no reason to not at least try and make this whole thing come together. I just wished that he was not going to be making fun of me too much here.

"I think that I should try at least. You know, I think she might be a perfect person, and I want to do what it takes to make sure that even if we break up, that at least she goes out with a good impression, and she knows it is not her fault." I was then looking at him, hoping he was fine with this statement.

"Well, good luck on this. You know, I believe that it has been far too long since you have tried to actually get yourself out there. I think that by now, it is time that you do at least try. At least in my opinion." After he had said that to me, I was wondering if this whole thing would work out.

"I would agree with you that it is about time for me to finally do something that I know that I will enjoy. I love hanging out with people, and I want to just make this whole thing work out." I was saying, and I was thinking about how hard this whole thing was going to be, and I was then thinking about what Bebe was like.

With that, I was feeling like I could finally get one step closer to making it all work out, and i was feeling like no matter what my friends thought, I was finally getting what I had needed. I was finally getting what was going to be right for me. And that was all that I could really think would turn things around.

"Todd, what are you going to do if you really feel like you are going to get Bebe to think that you both have a chance to make it all work out? I mean, I want to help you out, and make you know that there is a chance that everything can work. But I think that perhaps we just need to actually make it all work for the best." After Dan said this to me, I was looking at him for a few seconds longer, unsure what I could say to this.

"I am just going to make it very clear that I am going to view her as a fucking equal. I am not going to be doing a damn thing that will make her feel like I am not caring for her at all." I said, and then I was thinking that just treating her as a equal was the only thing that could fucking matter at all.

"I mean, go ahead and do that, but don't be too obvious about it. I think that there can come a point where if you are too obvious about it, she might be seeing through the act." Dan said, and then I was not wanting to be rude to him, and I was thinking that his heart was probably in the right place, but I was not wanting him to say that.

"It is not going to be a act. I mean, for all I know, she might be a better person than I am." I said, and then I was looking right at her, feeling like perhaps if I was more direct like this, then everything would have been fine enough. But at the same time, this whole thing was just hard to truly comprehend.

"Just do whatever you can to make things go along decently enough. I mean, I just wish that I could help you out, but I think that you already got a good grip on this whole thing, and I am going to respect what you are doing here." Dan said, and then I was seeing him just feeling like there was not much that he had to say beyond this.

"Well, I am just glad that I finally decided to try and put the past behind myself. I think that I am kind of over it. I am tired of beating myself up for things that are not even all that big of a deal. I mean, I know deep down that people are just thinking that there is only so much that I can be thinking about something that happened back in the day." I said, and I was thinking that the girl that I used to be with is sort of becoming more and more of a distant memory.

"I mean, it wasn't even all that bad of a break up anyways. I think that some times you got to just put things behind you, and that everything is going to be decent enough. I doubt that this girl even cares what happened back in the day either. I think that honestly after a point even she would be thinking you took it all too far." I did not want Dan to tell me this, but I was feeling like perhaps he was telling the truth.

"I think that I was just feeling like it was all my fault. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. I guess that it does not even fucking matter anymore. I am just going to fucking focus on Bebe, and I will make sure that no matter what mistakes I made back in the day, I am not going to be making those fucking mistakes again." I said, and then after I was done with this, I looked right at him, as if feeling like what I was saying finally was going to put me on a certain level of peace here.

"Well, I think that if for nothing else, no matter everything that I might say, I can respect how much you actually want to help her out, and make her genuinely happy right now. I think that no matter what you do now, I can just look at you, and I can finally say that you are going to get a bit of a grip on this whole issue.

"I guess that maybe if there is one thing that my father did teach me properly, it is how to treat a woman properly, and that is something that I can be able to at least try and work out." I said, and then I was feeling like I could finally just leave this whole thing alone once and for all.

-August 27 2020 10:09 pm- I was in my room that night, and I was just trying to get ready to be relax for the rest of the evening. There was virtually nothing left to do that night, and I was wanting to go online or something when there was somebody walking by. I was confused when I was seeing that it was Lydia out of all of them. I was standing up, wanting to tell her that she needed to go to bed.

"Hey Lydia, what are you doing up so late?" I asked, trying to be sounding patient with her. As I was asking her this, she looked right at me, and I was seeing her looking a bit embarrassed that I was confronting her like this. I was sighing, wishing that she was not feeling so worried about speaking to me like this.

"I was just wanting to see if you actually managed to get the job?" She asked me, and then I was looking right at her, and I was feeling like this was going to be a bit out of nowhere. But I decided that I was going to not be showing her what I was thinking, and that perhaps I was just needing to speak with her for a bit, and be polite as possible.

"I don't know yet. I will know eventually. I am going to just try and focus on making sure the girl that I had been trying to go on dates with actually feel like we are going to have some real connection here." After I told her this, she was looking at me, and I was seeing her looking proud to hear me tell her that I was actually wanting to make Bebe happy.

"Well let me know if you get the job or not. I would love to see more of the movies that the town has for rent." Lydia said, and then I was thinking that the movies were probably going to be a bit boring to her, and I was not wanting to tell her this. But I was just thinking that this was not going to be going super well.

"I will let you know if there are things that you might like." I said, and then I was thinking that we could finally put the conversation to rest, and we were going to just focus on what we were actually doing right now. I was thinking that perhaps Lydia was actually wanting to do something to do to make these discussions a little bit less boring.

"Thanks Todd." After Lydia told me this, I was seeing her walking along to the living room, and I was sort of forgetting about the fact that I needed to tell her to go to bed. In all honesty, I was kind of wanting to just talk with her for a while longer, and I was wishing that maybe things would be all fine enough.

"So Lydia, what type of things would you even want to be watching in the first place?" I asked, feeling like maybe if I was civil enough I could actually get her to just tell me a bit more. I was then thinking that no matter what Lydia was going to tell me, I was just going to have to find a way to get her to go back down.

I wanted to make Lydia happy though, regardless of what was going on. "So Lydia, I know that you like to watch some movies and stuff, but I never knew what your preference really was. Do you like to talk to me on this?" I asked, thinking that as long as I pretended to be able to get her to talk, then sooner or later she would be willing to go down.

"Oh not that many types. I am sure that maybe if you look for me, everything will be fine enough." After she had told me this, I was then sighing, feeling like I just needed to find something to say to make this discussion actually seem like it was going to be helping me out right now.

-August 29 2020 4:19 pm- I was getting a call on my phone, and while I was slightly annoyed at this prospect, I was opening it up, and the number looked slightly familiar, so when I answered it, I was realizing that it was the number of that video store finally reaching out to me. "Hey are you Todd?" The voice asked, and I confirmed.

"Is there something that you needed?" I asked, feeling like there was a good chance that he was not going to be accepting me, and that I was just needing to accept it right now, and then that way we would be able to move on, and I would start to look at finding other places that I could look for.

"We were looking over your application, and we were wondering if you were willing to take a training course next Wednesday the second? And you can start on Monday the seventh?" After the guy was asking this, I was thinking about it, and I was thinking about how I can get still about one more week or happiness and innocence.

"Yeah, I can do that. Thank you for being able to give me a chance." I said, feeling like saying this was going to be the best way to flatter him, and make him feel like I was going the right thing right now. I was feeling like this whole thing was going to be a rough job, but it was going to need to be done for my own family.

"Thank you for your interest in working at our store. We hope that we will be able to work together for the long term." The voice said, and then I was sighing, feeling like that statement was not going to really work out. I was not wanting to be a bitch to him though, so I was remaining silent, and felt like I just needed to keep my preference silent.

"See you on Wednesday." I said, and then with that, we both hung up, and I was sighing, feeling like this was going to be the best thing that we could do right now. I was just hoping that this whole thing was going to actually work. I was scared of what people were going to do when they found out that I did get the job.

I was laying down on my bed, and I was feeling like maybe one final hang out with my friends, or with Bebe would be fine for my self before I go out and do something like this. I just wanted to have some fucking free time before my life was effectively given to these people. I know how dramatic this sounds, but at the moment it seemed like a relatively valid thing to be feeling.

I was telling myself that my friends were needing to just help me out when they could, if they knew what I was personally feeling right now. If they knew what I was going to do, then I knew that while they would be proud, many of them would question why I went for a video store.

I was getting up, and I was telling myself that I was just needing to go on and see her again soon enough. I was feeling like no matter what was happening, Bebe was just going to be happy to see me, and I was genuinely convinced that she was going to be the one most happy to be seeing me working hard.

I was getting my shoes on, and I saw that Josiah was in the middle of his room, and he was doing some stuff like writing music score, and I was laughing at the fact that this was the one thing that he was always doing. I mean, no matter what is going on, I always see him busting out something in there,and to be honest, I am actually kind of impressed that he was able to just focus on what he was feeling like would have been his life calling.

I was getting in my car, and I was driving down for a while, and when I was getting close to where she had lived, this was when something really strange happened. Somebody was coming up to my car, and when I was looking at the rear view mirror a bit, I was initially wanting to get the fuck away. But then I saw it was actually Travis.

I was shocked more than anything else that he really was going to be going through with talking to me all the time right now. I was feeling like he really was wanting to go through with this whole thing. I had to try and just figure out what was even going to happen.

He was knocking on my door when he could, and despite the randomness of the whole thing, and how strange I was finding it that he was wanting to do this now of all times, I was feeling like it was going to be a big mistake for me to not try and just see what he was planning. I opened the door, and he was getting inside.

"Hey, do you remember our conversation a few days ago?" After he asked this, I was tempted to lie, and tell him off. But I was feeling like something like this was going to be getting us nowhere, and that I was just needing to let him have his moment. After I nodded, he was sighing, and decided to just tell me what was in his mind.

"I'm more shocked that you could, considering the fact that you were drunk as a kite the whole time." I said, and then I looked right at him, willing to see if he was going to challenge me on that claim. He was sighing, aware that I was correct on this, and he was clearly not wanting me to rub it in or anything like that.

"Okay, okay, you don't need to make fun of me too much over it right now." He said, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that this was not the way that he was wishing that we could be going through with this. I sighed, feeling like I needed to be more respectful.

"What are you wanting to talk about?" I asked, wishing to hear his answer, and I was hoping that regardless of what he was going to tell me, that this was something that I would have actually been ready for. I was not going to be in the mood for him to suddenly tell me that he had made some mistake or something.

"I was wanting to talk to you about the fact that you were telling me that you cared for the things going on down here, and that you wanted to know what the truth of the town was. I was wondering if you were actually telling me the truth." After he had asked me this, I was looking right at him, and I saw that there was no way around it at all.

"Yes, I am wanting to know more, and I am very curious to see what is happening here. But I am not going to get myself killed over such a thing. I am scared of what it would be like if I do anything too crazy." I said, finally feeling like if I was honest with him, he might be able to respect that a small amount. Maybe he could try and find some bullshit comforter.

"Honestly, no matter how many times I try and pretend like what I am doing is natural to just pretend like things are fine, I feel like I am making a big fucking mistake by not looking. I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong." He told me, and then I was sighing, feeling like this was not the time to be having this debate. I was just telling myself to just focus on the current discussion right now.

"I mean, I do care about what is going on. But I guess that you are right. The fact that I do know that I have a family, with brothers, and a sister, is something that is always keeping me from going all in. I mean, deep down I know that I should be looking hard at this, but that is going to be really hard for me to do, and I might as well just be honest about it." I said, and looked right at him, hoping that he could appreciate my honesty at least.

"But when you see everything that is going on here, are you seriously going to just brush it off, and pretend like nothing is going on? Are you seriously going to act like there is nothing you need to concern yourself with?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, and despite how much I was wishing to not admit it, I was feeling like he might have been right.

"I get why you are wanting to know more so damn badly. I do too. But please actually look at it my way. You know that I have ten younger siblings. I need to make sure that they stay safe, and I need to make sure that the younger ones do not get in danger, and that they are going to have a proper chance to be having a good life here. And if that means I have no choice but to ignore things that are a big deal to me, then I guess that this is it." I said, and even I was aware of how fucking shallow I was sounding really was.

"Todd, I know that you want to keep your family safe, and I do respect that. But think of it in my way for once. Think about what it would be like if your family isn't safe because there is really much more to this than you could ever expect? You know, maybe something will happen to your siblings, and there was something you could have done, but failed to do so with." He said, and then I was pissed at him trying to throw me under the bus, because I knew he was right.

"I guess that something like this is indeed possible. I am not going to pretend like it is not. I will be real when I say that. I will be real when I say that things could always happen to those that I care most about. I am not going to act like nothing is happening." I said, and then I looked at the man, wondering if this was going to satisfy him a bit.

"I think that if you want to truly make a real fight, then perhaps we are going to have to look at everything going on here. But I guess that maybe you probably understand that a bit." After Travis was saying this to me, I was looking right at him, feeling like I needed to keep my calm.

"I am going to just have to focus on what can make things good with my family. I mean, if you have something to show me, and if you want me to look for some clues with you in some spare time here and there, I guess that I can do this though." I said, and then I looked right at him, feeling like I was going to slowly appeal to him by wording it this way.

"I will do just that this time. I have some places that you might be interested in, if you are willing to check it out right now." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, feeling like he was needing to have a good place to show me, and that he better not be bullshitting me right now. Or else I was going to be livid.

"Alright, if you really think that there are some things that I need to give a chance to, I will do just that. But I really feel like these places have to be a good starting point, or else I will have to just start to go my own way. You know, just to get back to my own thing." After I told him this, I was feeling like I was making my point enough to Travis, and he was finding a loose piece of paper that he was already writing on.

I will give him credit for one thing though, and that he was not afraid of what people were going to be saying to him. He was not afraid of voicing what he was feeling like needed to be done. And the thing was that I agreed with him one thousand percent, but I was just needing to remember my family, my friends, Bebe, and my own future.

I don't give a shit how selfish it is, I need to focus on making sure that the people in my life are safe. If they are not, and I go crazy with this, and they get hurt, it is all my fault. These people needed to be taken care of by me, and I needed to focus on that, in order to have any chance. And I was hoping that people would get that. And that honestly, if Travis was like this, he had nobody in his life to help him here.

"Alright, if you feel like this is the best way to go at it all, for your sake and your family, I will not stop you. But at least give these places a look. If you give them a look, and you come to think that they are still not worthy of making a big deal out of them, I will give up and concede defeat. But until then, please just try." After Travis told me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like maybe this was for the best.

"Okay, give me one week to give all of these things a go. Send me your number, and I will text you all of my opinions as they go." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like no matter what was going to happen, this was going to be fucking annoying, and I was not going to want to be doing this. But I was feeling like maybe he really was telling the truth here.

I was unable to even comprehend the fact that I was setting myself up for something like this, and that I was actually pretending like this was something that I felt like could even be remotely worth looking at and stuff. But for fucks sake, I was thinking that if any of this could suddenly make sense now, it was worth a go.

I was then seeing Travis looking like he was looking slightly better about this all, and that he was almost looking proud to have seeked me out, and proud to know that I was not going to be bullshitting with him anymore. I guess that maybe he was tired of the lies, and tired of the uncertainty that were plaguing him now.

So with this, I was telling myself to just focus on making things right, and no longer making him feel like I was not going to care for what was happening. "Thank you for listening to me, and thank you for actually taking me seriously when the whole thing fucking counted." After he had said that to me, I was just seeing Travis looked like the weight of the world was gone.

With this, Travis was getting out of the car, and I was looking at every place on the list, and when I was looking at it, I would be lying through my fucking teeth if I said that I did not at least consider stopping what I was doing and looking at these places. I was feeling like maybe there was a level of truth here, and that I just needed to check it out.

I was then thinking that Bebe would have some things to say on this whole thing, and she would be having quite an opinion here, for lack of better term. I was thinking that perhaps that I should talk with her first, and just get to know her for a moment longer, and then I would give this a chance when it was all done.

As I was walking to the door, I was wondering what in the fucking hell I was even doing right now, and why I was trying to pretend like everything was all fine and dandy. They were not, and I was never even going to be able to get away with pretending like such a thing was the truth. I had so many things to deal with right now.

When I knocked at her door, I was sighing for a moment, and she was showing up, looking both excited and concerned for me. I was seeing that from the look on her face, she clearly saw that entire thing, and was wondering what the issue was right now. "Todd, what the fucking hell was that just now?"

"I was dealing with somebody at the party from a couple of days ago, wanting to talk to me about some things going on right now." I said, and I was looking right at her, and I was hoping that this answer would suffice enough. As she was looking at me, I saw her looking like her mind was running at a million miles per hour.

"What would Travis even want to do with you anyways?" She asked, and then I was shrugging at this, thinking that the question was a valid one, but I had no idea what the heck we were even going to be doing talking about it right now. "I mean, he seems like a guy who always has different motives here."

"Yeah, but maybe those motives are good right now." I admitted, feeling like the idea of saying that Travis was correct, and we were all wrong was something that I just felt like needed to be said. I was just hoping that my assumptions were not wrong about this man.

"I am not going to get into the whole thing. I know that if he wants to talk with you, and not me, then it truly is none of my business. But I was just curious was all." She said, and then I was nodding, feeling like what she was saying was making perfect fucking sense. But that all being said, I was feeling so fucking lost right now.

"Yeah, I mean, even I don't know what his main goal at the end of the day is. All that I do know is that I want to be happier than I ever have been before." I said, and then I was looking right at Bebe, and I was feeling like I needed this challenge. I was needing for her to be happier, and I was going to just focus on what I could to make it all work out.

"Well, just make sure that if you are going to do something, that you make sure you actually want to do it. Don't feel forced to do something because everybody is telling you to. I think that something like this is the worst way to really go at it." After she had said that to me, I was nodding, thinking that she was right on this, as usual, and that I needed for her to always be the voice of reason here.

"Thank you for talking to me at least. I am going to just do everything that I can to make sure that nothing I do is something that I do not feel comfortable with." I said, and then I was thinking that saying that was going to be a terrible lie, and I was thinking that every time that I was lying to her, I was needing to go back on what I was doing, for her own sake. But I guess that maybe I was just getting deep in it all.

"You're welcome. If you want to talk about something, let me know, and we can see what to do right now." After Bebe told me this, I was glad to know she was at my side, but also glad to know that no matter what, we were focused on the things I wanted to talk on now.

-August 30 2020 11:04 pm- When it was very late at night, and I was feeling like everything was starting to calm down a little bit, I was seeing that Seth was sitting down, and he was looking like he was working on his usual comedy routine. While I had nothing in theory against him working his mind out in creative exercises, I was feeling like what he was doing was never going to get anywhere.

I mean, I knew that this was none of my business, and that I needed to just let him do his own thing, but part of me was well aware that he had deserved better, and that he was not even giving himself a chance to try and see that for what it was. But I decided to remain silent on it.

That all being said, I sure as hell was going to try and see how he was feeling. I was going to see if he was really going to need something, or if he was going to be fine on his own. "Hey Seth, how are things with you and your skits?" I asked, feeling like as long as I at least pretended to be feeling like this was the way he was needing to do things, then perhaps he would talk with me.

"They're alright honestly. Just focused on making sure that the jokes land and stuff. I am certain that you get it. But I am not going to bore you out of your mind with the details. I mean, if I listened to somebody else tell me about them, then I personally would be going crazy." Seth said, laughing a little bit at what he said.

"Well, don't do anything too exciting. I mean, I know that you probably have a lot of ideas in your head. Just don't do anything that might get people to make fun of you at school." I said, and this time, I was trying to sound helpful. But there was no way he was going to be listening to me, considering how I was coming off.

"I mean, everybody does silly stuff all the time, I doubt that what I would be doing would be any worse than anything you and your friends are doing." After Seth said that, I actually had to think about it for a solid second. I mean, in a way, I guess that maybe he was not all that wrong. Even if I hated to fucking admit it out loud.

"I mean, maybe that is true. But maybe that is also why I am worried about what would happen if you fall down that rabbit hole." I said, hoping this counter attack was going to get him to be thinking for a moment, and it was going to be getting him to actually think that what I was doing was making total fucking sense.

"See, I know that I can find a way to break your poker face." Seth said, and then I was sighing, feeling like the way he was saying this was going to be the worst way to be going at this, and i was just telling myself to be focused on the point that I was wanting to make right now, which was to give him a chance to turn back now.

"Todd, you are taking this stuff way too seriously. No wonder why you never got a girlfriend until recently." Seth said, which shocked me. Not because of the comment itself. Seth was capable for those type of come backs when he was in the mood, but the fact that he already knew that stuff, and I never told him.

"Why the fuck are people talking about my dating life behind my back?" I asked, and I was genuinely mad at this idea, and I was really wanting to know who the one doing this was. I was feeling like maybe I needed to relax. But at the moment, I could not.

"I wasn't meaning anything about it. I just heard from Gabe that you were going on a date, and Josiah mentioned how you haven't dated in a while." Seth said, holding up his hands, trying to get me to relax, and he was clearly looking like he was not wanting to make a big deal out of it. As I was seeing him like this, and I was seeing him clearly worried about this, I was sighing, and I had felt like maybe I was needing to be having a small amount of pity for him.

"Sorry, I know that if what you are saying is true, it was not your fault. I just always get up and arms when I hear people talking about me, and I have nothing to say about it." I said, sighing, feeling like I needed to give him some fucking patience, and that I was just needing to remember that he was dong his own thing, and that he was just always the one for the ride.

"Well, I do think that maybe if it really is going to be a big problem, maybe you can talk to Gabe and Josiah about it. I am sure that if you explain that you are not into them talking like that, surely they will both understand." Seth was saying, and I was feeling like he was a nice and innocent kid if he was feeling like something like this was the truth.

"Yeah, I guess that I can always do that. I mean, I do not want to be totally a dick about it." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping beyond god that he was not going to be feeling like this was the way that I had been. If he had felt like that, then I was feeling like I just needed to not be doing things a certain way anymore.

"Hey Todd, is it true though? Since we are talking about it, are you actually dating somebody?" After Seth asked me this, I saw him looking like he was pleading for me to tell him the truth. After a moment of thought, I was sighing, and I was nodding, feeling like maybe this was going to get people to talk about it less, if I just confirmed it.

"Cool. I mean, I was wondering when something like this was going to happen. But I knew that none of this was my business, so I decided to be saying nothing about it." After Seth had said that to me, I was seeing him shrugging, clearly looking like he was already mostly losing interest in this for the time being.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure that I was ready for it. I think that when I see Bebe, and we hang out, I am ready for her, and I am ready to just see what the two of us can be able to do." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like maybe the longer that I was saying something like this, everything was going to be fine enough.

"Honestly, I just feel like I am happy with her, and I feel like when I think of a good relationship, that is the thing that I feel like is a good fucking sign. When you are happy with what you have," I said, looking right at him, and I was hoping that he was going to be finding what I was saying to be cheesy and stupid and lame. But I just wanted to be honest.

"Well, I hope that if you are really feeling this way, then she does treat you with the respect that you want, and the respect you feel you deserve." Seth said, and then the way that he was saying was showing that he was just trying to pretend like he knew what he was talking about, and while he did not, he was just trying to find a way to get out of this peacefully.

"I will do whatever it takes to make sure that either it works, or if it fails, then I will just break it off with her, and that I can move on. But I feel like she deserves a fucking chance. And thank you for showing some interest in the subject." I said, feeling like maybe saying that was going to win him over a bit more, and that by saying something like this, I could get him to think that maybe I was not a asshole, or whatever he might be thinking. Which I knew was just being a bit worried, but still. I wanted to just be careful.

"Todd, don't get all sappy with me right now." Seth said, and then I was looking right down at him, and I was feeling like that comment just kind of ruined it. I was feeling like maybe the two of us were going to be onto something. But I guess it was not that big of a deal in all honesty.

-August 31 2020 1:19 pm- I was getting ready to just go out with one of my friends again, or to see Bebe, or just to do something else out of my time. I was putting on my shoes, and had some nicer clothes on, and as I was heading out, I saw Ridge in his crip for the first time in nearly ten days.

I stared for a few second, and the entire time that I was looking, part of me was just shocked that it had been ten days since he was born already. I was shocked to be thinking that he had already been around for nearly two weeks, and I just nearly really even paid much thought to it at all. I mean, I saw him around here and there, but I never really thought on it too much. In all honesty, I just felt like being that way was kind of wrong.

I was sighing, and I was walking out of the house, finally feeling like I was needing to just try and reach out to the kid at some point. Sure he was still literally nothing more than a sleeping baby right now, but in a few months he will start talking, walking, and doing his own things. When you are that age, literally every single day is a big deal, and I was not there for much of it.

I was tired of feeling like I was failing my family though, since that feeling was just a bit much, and I was feeling kind of tired of hating myself for just not knowing every thing that my family has been doing. Eventually, I was telling myself to fucking relax a bit, and not be making a huge deal out of much here.

When I was out of the house, I was walking towards the park that was nearby, and in a moment, my mind had started to turn towards something else entirely. Something that I hated to even fucking suggest in my mind. Getting to know the truth of what Travis was suggesting to me. I needed to know what Travis was wanting to talk to me about.

I had a terrible feeling that if Travis knew what was happening here, and if he was serious here, and if he was really wanting to help me out, and help me save my fucking family, I needed to give him a chance, and I needed to listen to the insane stories that he was telling me right now.

I was looking for the first bench I could find, and then I sat down on it, and then I was feeling a bit longer, telling myself that this was something that better fucking be worth it. I was not going to be happy if he was showing me something that had literally no fucking connection with anything at all.

When I sat down, I was looking at all of the places that Travis had wrote down on the notes, and then I was looking at all of the places that I had felt like I might be a bit more comfortable with looking at. The longer that I was looking at all of these notes, the less certain that I was going to be when going forward at any of this.

I was seeing that one of the places was that fucking tree house. When I first saw that, I was not too shocked and I was thinking that perhaps I could go there soon enough, when I was feeling like I had gotten the point. But for the time being, I was seeing there was a place that was in the middle of town that I never thought would have been related to anything.

Despite the things going on in my mind, I was feeling like perhaps I could just see why Travis was thinking that this was a place that we needed to look. I was sighing, and told myself not to be fucking annoyed at him at all, and that maybe I could go to this area. The main reason I was confused was that it was abandoned. Like I had not seen anybody come in years to that area, in or out at all.

I was shaking my head, and I was convinced that if I went there, then everything was going to be a waste of time. But I was also having a million things running in my mind, and I was telling myself that I just needed to fucking take the risk. Maybe if I was alone, and Bebe did not see what I was fucking doing, or anybody else, then I would have gotten away with it all together.

So as I was telling myself this, I was getting up, and I was going to give this one place a look, and if there was something there, I would tell Travis what I thought, and see if he was satisfied with this answer. If he was having something he wanted to say and debate, we would try and talk about it later.

I was feeling like if my friends were aware that I was doing this, they were going to be finding it strange, and they were going to tell me not to waste my time with this. I did not disagree with them, and I was thinking that they were right. But at that moment, my friends were just probably actually enjoying themselves, and not getting involved with these insane ideas.

I started to walk there, and the only thing that I was telling myself over and over again was my desire that this man was telling the truth. I was hoping that with all of this time, and this obsession of his, that he would have at least figured out some form of a starting plan with this right now. But I was telling myself not to get too comfortable.

I was thinking that perhaps if for nothing else, if I could just go there, and if I really did feel like Travis was wasting my time, or that he was picking up dead ends, I would just tell him, and I would be honest with what was going on. I wanted him to feel like he could talk. But I needed him to be clear that I was not playing.

When I was getting closer to being there, I was also telling myself that perhaps I was just not being fair enough for him. Maybe he really was thinking that everything that he had found was making total sense, and that in his mind, he really felt like he was like a prophet on this whole thing. It would have been a lie, but maybe in his mind, it was not one.

But when I was getting close to the area, I was shocked at what I was seeing. I was seeing a place with a construction working truck across the street, and two guys talking with each other, and I was wondering if perhaps this group of people were going to try and break it down, and that maybe they had known what Travis and I discussed. It was then and there that I thought that maybe he was onto something after all.

-September 1 2020 1:34 am- I was about to go to bed that night, and really was feeling like clocking out was the best thig that I could do when I was getting a last second text, and I had felt like that I needed to just answer this one, for both our sakes. When I saw it, I was not shocked to see that it was from Travis.

"Did you hear what happened today?" Travis asked, and then I was feeling like he was talking about the one building that he suggested that I go check out, that I never went and actually looked at. But I refused to bring that up, wanting him to feel like I actually was a team player.

"Yeah, I was seeing a few people working construction near the area." I said, feeling like that was going to be good enough for him. Maybe that enough would make him feel like I went there, and that I knew what I was discussing. There was a moment of silence a bit longer.

"There was a bit more to it than that, I think." Travis said, and I was clearly able to tell that he was not wanting to say anything, in case that I was not really ready for this. I knew what he was wanting to do, and that he was just wanting me to fucking say shit. So I sighed, and decided that I would hear him out.

"What happened? Are you willing to fucking talk with me? I mean, if we want to work together, you need to just fucking be honest." I was borderline willing to snap at this man, but I was feeling like as much as I hated to admit that Travis was the only one who knew the answers to the shit going on right now, and that I needed to just pretend like there was nothing going on right now that was even remotely pissing me off right now at all.

"I was getting to that Todd, please give me some fucking time to gather my words." Travis said, showing some emotion for the first time in the few days that I knew the man, and I was feeling like he was not going to be playing by my way anymore, and then I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to respect that a bit more.

"There was an explosion from that area, according to what I heard." After Travis said this, I was suddenly stopping, and everything that I was thinking and feeling earlier was suddenly becoming halted, and I was wanting to then know his every word.

"I think that I heard a really loud noise earlier tonight, but I never made the connection." I admitted, and I was feeling kind of stupid to not realize that it was a fucking explosion. I was sighing, and had felt like maybe I was needing to actually hear him out after all.

"Okay, so I guess that maybe I was underselling this whole thing after all." I said, not even wanting to admit it, and not even wanting to think about what Travis was going to do with the power of that statement. But at the same time, I was feeling like honesty was the only way that both of us were going to progress.

"Now are you starting to really fucking get it?" After Travis asked me this, I was sighing, and I was not at all wanting to say something, in fear of what he would do, but I was thinking that maybe he was putting me to a corner.

"Maybe I fucking am." I said, and then I was feeling like the honesty of that was going to be the best thing that I could fucking do, and that I just needed to fucking find a way to get along with him, before he was going to tell me that I was suddenly wrong for how I was earlier.

"Well, I think that maybe if you want to help out now, I think that now is the time that we start to do things to really fucking get it into high gear. No more excuses. I think that we need to really just see if there is something that is being hidden or not." After Travis told me this, I was then thinking that maybe we were going to need to be logical here. But I think that he was really refusing to think this out.

"Okay, so maybe you are right." I said, finally feeling like being honest was the best way that the two of us were going to fucking live through this whole thing. "Travis, if you really feel like you got any ideas on what to do, please tell me on what you are feeling." I said, and then I was thinking that while supporting his beliefs, and wanting to fucking roam around like a fucking dumb ass was the last thing that sounded appealing to me, I was just needing to be honest.

"Well, I think that if you want to show me that you are not messing around with me anymore, that you need to check out all those places I suggested. You know that if you look there, maybe we might be able to find some clues." He said to me, and then I was sighing, feeling like this was literally the last thing that I wanted to do. But I needed to be a team player, no matter what.

"Fine, I will do just that, and I will fucking see what I might find there." I said, and then the prospect of ever going beyond just that was scary to me, and something that I was not even wanting to strongly consider. But I was feeling like this was the only way that the two of us were ever going to form any form of a working relation here.

"I would also highly suggest not letting a single fucking person know what you are doing. If you let anybody know what you are doing, they will surely try and find a way to get involved, and pretend like they are making a fucking difference." After Travis told me this, I was actually thinking on that for a moment, and I was conceding that one deep down.

"Yeah, I think that must agree with you on that one." I texted back, thinking of the prospect of literally any of my siblings coming along, and finding out what I was doing. If they had come along, and found out what was happening, then everything would have been terrible, and everything would have been ruined. I was thinking that such a thing was just not allowed to happen at all.

"I mean, no matter what all that I have said, I do not want to have your family get involved with this. I would rather have you flat out not get involved at all in this than get involved, and end up hurting or killing your siblings. I would never forgive myself." Travis said, and then I sighed in relief that entire time.

Hearing that was the best possible thing he would have said to me, and the only thing that was making me feel like I could respect where he was heading with this. I was glad that no matter what was going on in this world, and this town, that he was always going to put my family above literally anything else.

I was sighing, and then I was feeling like no matter what was happening, and no matter what I was wanting to do, I was feeling like there was no way in fucking hell that I was ever going to to be in a good spot here, and that Travis was going to be up to something, if I was not careful enough. I mean, I was wanting to help out Travis, and I was wanting to have him feel like he was going to have a chance to be able to reach out to me, but it was going to be hard.

Travis and I needed to be working together hard if we were actually going to make some plans and progress right now. Travis was having things that he was aware of, and his plans were going to be dangerous, but they were going to be all that I had right now, and I was always needing to remember this.

When I was getting ready to go back to sleep again, this was when Gabe was speaking to me, and then I was looking across the bed, and I was looking right at Gabe, wondering what his plans were right now, and I was wondering if he was needing to actually talk with me. In all honesty, I was wanting Gabe the fucking hell out of this discussion, for his own sake. "How are you right now?" I asked, feeling like I could talk for a bit here.

"I just saw that you looked like you were in a really serious mood right now, and I was wondering if there was something going on that you were needing to discuss." He said, and I will not fucking lie, I did consider for about ten seconds or so, and I was feeling like maybe I could rely on him for a while, and see what he was saying.

But then I was feeling like if something happened to him, then I was never forgiving myself, and I was never going to be feeling like what I had been doing was worth it all. So with this, I was shrugging, and pretended like none of this was even all that big of a deal. "Trust me, Gabe, everything is going to be fine. I will survive." I said, and then he was looking like he did not believe a fucking word of what I was telling him. Not that I could fucking blame him.

"I feel like you are really in that mindset that when there is something serious going on, you just hate the idea of talking to other people, because you feel that you need to be the one who takes care of things." He said, and then I was letting out a dramatic sigh, not in the mood for this right now.

"I just have no real mindset to talk about this stuff right now. I am just trying to fucking figure out what I want to do, and I feel fucking confused. I will figure it all out soon enough. I just need to actually have a plan right now." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like this would satisfy him for now.

"I mean, I just want to make sure that whatever I am doing, that it is something that is done after great consideration and time put into figuring it out." I said, finally feeling like this type of comment would suffice, and make Gabe feel like he was sort of able to get it. I was not really having a hard time against talking with him, but I was not wanting to talk about this.

"Todd, how much do you feel like you will be able to have a grasp on what is happening around you?" Gabe asked, and I was feeling like he was just trying to talk with me, and just trying to get to know how I was feeling. I was tired of this discussuion. But I was not wanting to say such, to not anger him or anything. I was tired of everybody acting like I was just being a fucking idiot.

"Well, I am just going to do what I feel like will help out you guys. I mean, I got hired recently at the video store, and I am just focusing on making sure that I do not let that get thrown out of line. I just want to make sure that no matter what happens, I can stay there and get some money for you guys." I said, just thinking od how money was the one thing this family did not have enough of at all.

"You do not need to be worried about doing all of that. I am sure that even mom and dad would not want that to be something you are fearing right now." Gabe told me, and then I looked right at him, trying to act like what he was telling me was true. I knew deep down that this was not. But I was wanting to give him a level of doubt.

"I feel like worrying about that is going to be the only thing that I can really do. I mean, I have been seeing how this house has had a terrible time keeping up with the demands that we are all having. I mean, I feel like mom and dad did a decent job given what they had. But in the grand scheme of things, I feel like I could do so much more." I said, feeling like what I had said was a fair enough way of looking at it.

"Well, just whatever you do, remember that things are always going to be good with all of us together." Gabe said, and the way he was saying this was making it seem like he was genuinely wanting to make sure that I had a chance of actually having a smaller chance of being happier here. I was thinking that deep down, I could appreciate that.

"I will try my best, I guess." I said, and I was meaning it when I had said that. I was not sure that I could convince myself. But I was feeling like I could pretend like I was happy. I was pissed at the way that my family was like with me being a good and caring brother. I was just then telling myself that Gabe was actually feeling like there really was nothing important going on. If he was feeling that way, then I was really going to have a rough time speaking with him now.

"Anyways, I hope that you enjoy working at the place that you got hired at. I just think that you better not be too worried about what we are feeling. I mean, it will only be a few months before you and I are going to be heading out of the house, and when we leave, there will only be nine people here instead, I guess." Gabe said, and I was thinking that the longer he was talking, the more even he was understanding how insane the whole thing was, and I was glad to see him actually putting it in perspective.

"I mean, I don't know about enjoying or not enjoying. But I guess that maybe working there will be good. I mean, you are right about there only being nine people left when we go. But nine people is still a huge amount. Especially when most of them are not even more than just a couple of years apart in age." I felt like that last part was rather important, bringing up how hard it was going to be for the family to eventually not have a lot of worrying about.

"Yeah, I guess there is that as well. But I think we need to remember that we can't fucking do everything here. I mean, I think even you understand that there is only so much that we can do about this, right?" Gabe asked, and then I was feeling like no matter what I was going to say, and no matter what I was wanting to say, he was never going to see my perspective.

"Yeah, you are right, in that we can't really change much of it. I think that in all honesty, that is the thing that makes me fucking crazy. The fact that even if I give forty to sixty bucks a week, that is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I mean, I think that the reality of that is always going to be brutal. Knowing that I am having no way of really making a fucking difference." I said, and then I was sighing, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

"Well, I think that in all honesty, as brutal as it may sound, maybe mom and dad should have thought about this earlier. I think that there is only so much that we can really say or do before it really all comes down to that. You know, the fact that in all honesty, there is no real point in beating ourselves up for something we had no power over." Gabe was sighing, and then he was looking at the ceiling at the end of this.

"Well, good night. I hope that you do not do anything too exciting." After he said this to me, I was then thinking that eventful was going to be the better word for what Travis was going to have me do. I was thinking that eventful was going to be the only way that I was going to come close to describing what was happening here.

"Yeah, you too. I think that I will be mostly fine." I said, and I was thinking more and more about what I was saying here, and I was thinking about the fact that if I even dared to say anything else, then I was only going to be making things much worse for all of us. But I was choosing not to bring this up, for his own sake.

I was then thinking about what it was going to be like to work with Travis. I was feeling like working with him was going to be the only way that things were going to be accomplished at all. I was thinking that Travis better has some fucking good ideas here, and that if he did not, then I was going to just be on the verge of ending this partnership. I was thinking that he better be told of this before he got too complacent.

I was then looking at the phone one final time before I was about to head to sleep, and the entire time that I was staring at the phone, I was wondering if Travis was going to be an actual ally, or if he was going to be somebody that was going to be a enemy. I was thinking that no matter what, I was needing to be careful with him.

Travis was going to have a long way to go if he was feeling like we were going to be fully working together. I was thinking that soon enough, we were going to have a good discussion about both of our values, and we were going to both have a understanding. I was thinking that surely, if the two of us talked longer, the better both of us were going to be.

I was thinking that despite everything that Travis and I had just said to each other, that if we worked together, and if we were actually going to make a difference, I was certain that the two of us were going to finally come to a final understanding. I was thinking that there was no way that he did not have a clear idea on what was meant to actually be done. So with this, I was sighing, and I was getting ready to face him.

But even beyond him, there was still all my other siblings, and there was still all my friends, and there was now Bebe in the equation. I was thinking that while I was needing to protect them, and be happier for them, that I was going to have to at least consider what things would be like if they knew what I was doing. Maybe we could work together in such an event. And as much as I hated to admit it, I could talk with dad…

-September 7 2020 12:19 pm- I went ahead and read a couple of the entries that Gabe has written down after I told him about this notebook, and the fact that I was slowly wanting to turn it into a family experiment. And oh my god, either he has lost his mind, or he really had found something that is beyond any form of reasonable description, and either way that does worry me.

I was just trying my best to pretend like none of this was a real issue, but now I am wondering if he really is going to be doing something that he might regret, with looking at those files and trying to talk to that fucking facility. I think that the very idea with trying to speak to those people was a terrible idea.

Eventually, I was thinking about what it would be like if I could get Josiah to hear about what I was doing, and if he might have a fucking opinion on this whole thing. I was feeling like I had no real desire to be bringing him into any of this, and I was feeling like he deserved so much fucking better. But at the time, I was feeling like it might have been the only way.

I guess that this does give me one fucking answer though. The fact that when I see somebody else doing some of the exact same stuff, I can see just how insane it really is, and I can see how much of a terrible idea it can be. So I think that now that I have that in mind, I think that I might be able to start to realize that it is time to put this whole thing to the side.

That being said, if my friends or family did get in danger, I would start doing something without a single fucking seconds thought. But for now, I wanted to give Gabe a chance, and see if he really was off his rocker, or if he was actually wanting to do something for us, and that quite possibly he really was having a method to all of his madness.

As I left the house, I was seeing that Josiah was talking with Gabe, and I was thinking about how much nicer it would be if I was still relatively innocent like Josiah was at the time. If he had no idea what was happening, and that everything just seemed fucking normal here. If it just seemed like a regular old conversation, and not anything really too strange at all. And as I was dialing up Bebe's number, I felt like it was time for one other thing.

And that was just trying to speak with her, and trying to make it all right. You know, just seeing how she had felt. You know, actually getting to know her. I think that doing something like this was all that I can do, and I was just wondering if she was willing to take the idea, and run with it at all. I was just secretly hoping that she would understand that all that I had ever wanted right now was to see her smiling. As strange as that was sounding, I was just wanting to make sure that nothing was happening to her.

"Hey Bebe, I was thinking about stopping by, and seeing how you were doing right now." I said, and I was feeling the text might be casual enough to where she would never noti

Chapter Text

-Gabe's POV September 1 2020 10:12 pm- I was told about this journal that Todd wants us all to write in and stuff. I don't really think that it would be a smart idea to be talking about everything we dealt with in a way that people can be able to learn about it. But I will admit that there are some stuff going on here that I guess I could vent on about at least, so I will go along with it.

So it was going on earlier today, when I was planning on hanging out with one of my friends. I was mainly doing it to capture some time with them before senior year of school, and another part of me was just wanting to make sure that they were safe after the stuff that had gone down with that explosion and stuff. You know, I just wanted to make it all safe.

There was something that was taking the things Todd had been doing the previous days that made me feel like maybe Todd might have known what was happening, and I was just feeling like regardless of what the hell he was going to try and tell me, that I just needed to see what his issue was. But I decided that I was not going to bother him too much on this.

I was wanting Todd to just fucking talk with me, and help me out with this whole thing. But as I was heading down to Michael's house, where I was hoping we could gather up with Carly, and we could all just make sure that we were fine, I was seeing some glowing light that was really confusing me the entire fucking time.

I wanted to pretend like the fucking glowing light was no fucking big deal, and that we just needed to relax a bit. But the entire time that I was heading there, I was tired, and I was wanting to fucking just see what they were feeling. When I would talk with them next, maybe I could tell them about the glowing light that I had seen, and learn what they were thinking on it.

So with that, I was starting to walk to the forest and I was just telling myself that it was only going to be a small visit, and that things were all going to be fine. I was convinced that there was going to be no issue with checking this out for a moment or two. I was seriously thinking that everything would have been fine. The entire time that I was walking there, I was telling myself that chances were very likely that I was just over thinking it, and that it was not that big of a deal in all honesty.

The only thing that was running in my mind over and over again during this walk was that I was needing to try and just make some peace with the fact that some people were not even going to be all that interested in what some glowing lights were, and I was feeling that in all honesty, I should not have been interested either.

The entire time that I was walking down the forest path, feeling like I was just needing to be calm and collected. I had genuinely felt like if I was going to just see what was happening there, I was telling myself over and over again that I was going to just find out what Todd was hiding from me. Which I was feeling like was the most important thing we could do.

I was wondering what Todd was even worried about right now. I was just thinking that perhaps if I could talk with him, and get him to be totally honest with me, then I was going to finally feel like the two of us were going to have a true connection. I wanted a tangible connection and one that I was going to really feel like could have been able to bring us together. Maybe we could work together, and make this whole thing less terrible.

There was also the part of me that was wondering if any of this even fucking mattered or not. I was thinking that speaking to him was only going to make things a bit harder, when I was being realistic, and that he was not going to want to work with me. I was convinced that he was going to tell me off, and tell me that I was just looking at this whole thing way too deeply. I hated it, but I was expecting this.

In the end, I was feeling like I was never going to be fully satisfied with myself, and I was never going to think about what I could be doing to make life better. My entire life that I had been living so far was a really confusing one. Pretending like nothing was even fucking happening, and pretending like nothing that I had seen in the past even fucking mattered at all.

I was telling myself that I was needing to realize that no matter what I had been wanting to do, and no matter what I was thinking that I needed to do for the best presentation of my family, I was just needing to stop pretending like what I had been seeing back in the day was fake. In a way, those fucking monsters were sincere, and I think we all knew this deep down.

The only time that really made me unsure of what to be thinking was the time that I was hanging out with those fucking guys back in that summer. But I guess that memories were all floating by, and that with each passing year, despite how big the events were, I was getting older, and I was starting to more and more forget about what I was feeling. This was something that I was used to, but that did not mean that I was happy for it.

Eventually, I was in the middle of a barren open area. As I was looking around the area, I was just wanting to try and find something to do that would actually get me some fucking ideas on what was happening. But there was something about the center of the clearing that gave me a unsettled feeling.

So with this, I was getting down on one of my knees, and then I was starting to unbury something from the ground. I could feel something down there, and the entire time that I was bigging, the more and more certain that this was where I had needed to go. I was feeling fucking happy for finally feeling like I was seeing the thing that gave me uncertain doubt for such a long period of time.

I was digging for nearly three minutes or something, and the longer that I was going, the more and more that I was convincing myself that I was just going crazy, and that nothing was really happening. The more that I was convincing myself that I just needed to be taking this whole thing more seriously, and not be treating things so fucking jokingly.

Eventually I was feeling my hand hitting something, and this was when I was feeling like I would finally find something that was going to be giving me more context. I was pulling out what I was touching, and then I was looking at something cylinder when I was finished, although it was covered up.

I was then feeling like even if this was having nothing to do with earlier, that this was going to be worth the fucking find, and then I was unwrapping the thing from its wrapping, and I was telling myself that by doing this, I was going to find out what people were actually so fucking scared of for no real fucking reason.

When I was holding the rod, it had looked exactly like something like a lightsaber from the star wars movies. I was confused as hell from what I had found, and I was thinking that maybe I could just see if there was a button on it that I could be pressing, to see if this really was like a lightsaber from those movies, or if I was letting my imagination run wild now.

I saw a red button on it, and knowing full well what I was going to do, and knowing full well what I had found, I pressed the button, and saw the giant blue blade coming out from the rod. I was hoping for a green one, since that was my favorite color, but the idea of finding a real one of these at all was still exciting, and the color after a few seconds seemed to entirely leave my mind, I stared at it after I brought it to a upward position for nearly ten seconds before turning it off.

Once I had turned it off, I was sighing, and I was well aware that there was a chance that if somebody found this, that they were going to possibly use it for something bad. I was then thinking that in a way, when I was going to have it with me, that I was just needing to keep it with me, and keep it safe from what people were planning to possibly do with it. I was then wrapping the blade up, and placed it in my pocket.

I was walking down the pathway of the forest, and I was feeling that by getting out of the forest, I might have been able to hide for a while longer, and I might have been able to just keep this whole thing together. The entire time that I was walking down the pathway to get the hell out of here, I was well aware that I just needed to find a way to not only show this to Todd, but get him to believe that I was doing the right thing by using this to fight.

I wondered if listening to Todd was the only thing that was going to save me from whatever I was going to do. I was thinking that if Todd was going to be here with me, then we might have been able to figure out what the hell people were having, and then hiding from here. I was then feeling like no matter what Todd would have said, even he would have been more willing to help me out, if he was aware that I was actually going to be having some good intentions.

I was thinking about Todd, and I was thinking that maybe he might have known about some other stories that dad used to tell him. I was convinced that perhaps dad might have been able to help me out with this. I was thinking that he probably heard all about the monster stories from decades ago, and I was thinking that perhaps if he was wanting to help me out, then this would have been the only thing that could have made any fucking difference.

I was eventually getting out of the forest, and then I was feeling like maybe Michael might have been more supsective to the idea of hearing out my ideas, Maybe hearing me out, and hearing what I was thinking, he might have finally taken me seriously, and while I was not wanting him to be annoyed with me, and be angry at the fact that I was acting so strangely, I needed to let him hear me out.

I was thinking that as selfish as it was for me to say, that I wanted Carly to be the last person in this. She was needing to fucking hide from the truth. I was thinking that hiding her from the truth was going to be the only way that I would have kept her fucking safe. It was wrong to be like this, and even I knew this, but I did not care.

The closer that I was getting to his house, I was thinking that this was going to be a fun investigation if for nothing else, and that was the thing that made me so fucking sure that I was not going to be doing anything wrong. I was going to just tell him what I was thinking, and what I was wanting to do, and if he was not wanting to help me out for whatever reason, then I was going to have to just accept that fact once and for all.

The faster that I was getting convinced that this was going to be a really good idea, the better and better that I was feeling like I was a good fucking bullshitter. Then I eventually reached his house, and then I was knocking on his house for a few seconds. When I was done, I was staring up at the sky, and I was telling myself that I was ready for it all.

When Michael was anwering the door, he had looked right at me, and I was seeing him looking relatively uncertain on what I was doing, and that since we did not really make any agreements to hang out, the whole thing was just a bit strange. So I was thinking of something I could talk to him about, and we could connect for a while longer.

"Hey Gabe, how are you today?" After Michael asked me this, I shrugged, not having much to be thinking on this. I was thinking that just talking to him for a while was going to be the best thing that I could do. "I mean, you look like something is really bothering you. Plus, it is super fucking late in the night, and I think that you clearly just want to show me something."

"I am doing alright, but I have something that you might be really fucking interested in seeing." After I said this, I was seeing Michael looking at me as if feeling like I was needing to fucking not reel him in too much. But then he was sighing, and then he was telling himself mentally to just fucking give me a chance, and see what I was thinking right now.

"Are you worried about something?" After Michael asked this, I was getting inside of his house, rather forcefully, and I was feeling bad for it even at the moment. When we were inside though, I was looking right at him, and I was placing my hands on his shoulder, which was making it very clear to him that I was not messing around here.

"What the fucking hell is going on? I mean, you are starting to worry me now?" He asked, and then I was sighing, and I was just telling myself to fucking comprehend how silly this was probably looking to him, and then I was thinking of the best way that I could say this, and make him actually think that I was not going crazy, like a fucking mental asylum.

"I found this when I was in the forest, and I tried it out, and it actually works." I said, and before he was going to say no, and try and get to know what I was thinking, I was bring out the fucking blade from my pocket, and I was seeing him looking kind of confused, but he was remaining silent, wanting to give off at least some impression of respect when hearing me.

"What the fucking hell are you talking about? How did you find that? How are things like this even real?" After he has asked me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to just try and get it, but I was seeing that his mind was literally fucking reeling from this entire thing, and I did not blame him at all.

I turned the blade on, showing him that this was indeed real. As I was done with this, I was looking right at him, and I was seeing him finally calming down, and then he was looking right at me, and I was just thinking that no matter what he was wanting to do, I was needing to be respectful, and I was just needing to work with him on all levels.

"Wow, I never thought that I would see a fucking lightsaber. Like a real one. But what are you going to do about it? Do you think that perhaps with this, you might be able to do something with it?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like the next part of my answer was not going to be something he would want to hear. But I was thinking that I might as well be honest with him.

"I have no idea. What I am going to do is just look to see if the legends of the town are true or not. I mean, surely some of them must be. Look at this. Look at it. I am certain that at least some of this is true." I said, and then he was sighing, feeling like what I was saying was just wrong. But at the same time, I saw him just looking like he was trying to be calm, and not be telling me off.

"Gabe, that is going to get you killed. I hope that you understand this. You are going to be getting yourself killed if you even think of doing something like this. Please fucking think of that. But that being said, I would be lying if I was saying that I was not at least somewhat interested in what you were going to find." He was eventually sighing, and felt like the truth was going to come out. Then with this, I was sighing, and then was just trying my best to comprehend my friends caring for what I was doing.

...

-September 4 2020 12:31 pm- When I was sure that noboy else was awake that night, I was feeling like I just needed to do something that I never really wanted to do. And that was doing my fucking homework, and making sure that I knew all of the fucking clues on what was actually happening here. I was just telling myself that no matter what the fucking hell was happening, my siblings needed to stay out of this.

I was feeling like even if I was not the smartest cookie in the shed, I was smart enough to know that getting any of them involved in what I was doing, and what I was wanting to do, was just a fucking selfish and stupid move. So I was going to keep my cool, and pretend that they were all safe.

I had no idea if that plan was going to be very effective, and if it was going to fucking make any difference in the way that they were going to feel if they had known the truth. But I was going to feel so much fucking happier for pretending that they were going to be in a good spot. So I was going to just see what I can do now.

The only thing that I was not so sure about was if I was needing to try and bring Carly in on this. I was feeling like if she had known, we could work together, and we could fucking actually be a team. But at the same time, if she had known, she might have told me that she wanted nothing to do with my fucking plans now. She was going to act like I was taking things too far, or making something out of nothing.

And for all I fucking knew, they were right. For all that I knew on the other hand, something really could be happening here, and something could have been actually going down, and something could have been happening without a single one of us fucking know, and this was just a giant fucking mistake now.

The one thing that I was fucking certain of was that I was needing to make sure that my family would not see that if I was not careful enough, this would turn into something that I was obsessed over. Something that I just needed to get my shot of. You know, in a way, I guess that if I was not careful enough, I would treat it like it was fucking heroin.

Wow, I think that maybe I am taking the comparisons to a bit of a over the top degree, and even I must admit that. But whatever, I am just trying to sort of make my point that there is more to this than I will want to admit, and that I am willing to make it all fucking work out in the end.

Eventually, I was reaching the town library, and when I was there, I sighed for a moment, and I was just telling myself to go right in, and do what I can to find out what I can. And when I was done, I was going to leave, and I was going to just finally start to have more of a grasp on what I was doing. All that I just needed to do was fucking focus on the main goal.

When I was telling myself one final time to just not do it, I was shaking my fucking head, and told myself that I was needing to do this for my own mental sanity, and I was walking right inside. So as I was looking around, I was just seeing that there was nobody behind the counter. That was a bit strange to me, but I guess that maybe he or she was fucking busy.

So I choose not to think too much on it for the time being, feeling like my conclusion was a relatively perfectly valid one. I was going to the counter though, for a couple of second, thinking that maybe if somebody saw me, they could have come to me by then. When that did not happen, I was feeling like I was needing to just give it a fucking rest, and I started to wak to the one section of the library I new migt help me out.

The archies explaining all of the details on missing people in the town. I mean, I was feeling like surely at least one of two of those places were going to give me the fucking clues that I had wanted. I was just needing to buckle down, and just decide that I did want to read the material. I did want to read it, and I wanted to understand it. I wanted it so fucking badly.

I was thinking that it was rather strange that the files were here in the library though, and that was entirely because of the fact that the mayor and other people were rather proud of the fact that this information was never really going to ruin the fact that tourists were coming to the town, and making it a site that people loves to see. But by doing this, it was going to help drive people away.

If they knew all about the people who were gone, and all the people that were never coming along, people would have bolted from this town so fucking long ago. That was a fucking fact. People would have made it a priority that nobody was ever going to have a fucking visit, or a consideration for this place, fucking ever.

I was wondering how powerful advertising was then. You know, to hide something as big as this, and to hide it in a way that anybody could have seen it, and would have if they looked, and choose just not to do something like this. The whole thing was literally making no fucking sense to me. But I guess that at the same time, none of it mattered.

As I was grabbing some files from just last year, a lady called out to me. This scared the shit out of me for a couple of seconds, and then I saw her, and was seeing that she was having a relatively serious but polite look on her face. "Is there anything that you need?" She asked, probably entirely assuming that I was doing this because of school. I was thinking about what to say then.

"No, not really. I am just sort of looking at things that had some form of interest to me. You know, just things that I have wanted to know about. I think that I will probably be fine." I said, and then I was looking at her, and she was clearly not looking too into what i had said, and thought that maybe I lied a small bit.

"What person in your age range actually has a interest in things that happen in this town years ago? I mean, that seems like something that would never even cross some of your peoples minds to save your life." She said, and then I looked right at her, and the thing was that at the moment, I did not disagree with her. But I was needing to just pretend like I was not thinking too much on it, and she was being silly right now.

"Well, I think that those people are just not wanting to come off and give off that impression of being obssessed." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that I just needed to be leaving it alone. She was never going to really fucking get it. I mean, with Lydia always having a ssmall chance of being another person to go missing, I would be insane to not be looking at it all.

"I think that you are severely underestimating my knowledge on the subject. But if you want to look at this stuff, then there is nothing that I would do about it. I mean, I do applaud your interest in the subject, or whatever reason that is." She said, and then she was finally willing to leave the subject alone. I was just thinking that if she would leave me alone, then everything would be the best thing for me.

"Thank you, and if I find something that I might need your help on, I will see what I could find." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like something like this was going to be for the best. Just making it look like I was willing to at least make it seem like I was willing to give her a chance. With this, she was leaving me alone.

Eventually, when she was finally fucking gone, I was sighing in relief, and I was fucking over the discussion, despite the fact that we never really even had a chance to start it. I sat down, and I was ready to finally fucking work, and see what I was finally going to pull out some shit with this. I was pulling out things from the year 2019 and 2020, given the fact that those just happened.

I was seeing a note saying "Pheobe Jarret next person gone in growing list of people." The name reminded me of her. I only knew her vaguely from like middle school, and even then we barely talked about anything with each other. I was thinking that she probably forgot I even existed. Which was not strange since for a brief second, I did as well.

I was feeling like i just was going to have to remember if we ever even interacted once in our entire lives. I was thinking that we probably shared words like hello and have a nice day, but in a actual discussion, I think that perhaps we did not have anything remotely close to this. I was shaking my head, looking at the date, and was just trying to find a common connection there.

June 12 2020, slightly less than three months ago. I think that she was most recent one. But then I was remembering the grinding noise from slightly less than two weeks ago, and I was thinking that maybe I was going to keep all of this in mind. I was thinking that there was a small chance that surely somebody else might have been missing, and that I just needed to try harder.

I was then thinking about some questions that maybe I could ask the lady at the counter again. I was walking towards her, and I was just hoping that no matter what was happening, she was going to try and reach out to me. "Hey, I do have a question for you after all." I said, wanting to pretend like I could find a way to get her to listen to me for a second.

She was looking up at me, and the way she had looked at me was showing that she was actually kind of shocked that I was wanting to hold on with this. "I was wondering if there was any reports on the whole Pheobe Jarret case that happened a couple of months ago?' I asked, hoping that she was actually going to be listening to me. I was just hoping that no matter what she was feeling here, she would have actually listened to me here.

"No, I never heard anything about it, which is surpirising since people usually get at least one or two clues by now." She admitted, and I was shocked that she was genuinely willing to talk with me at all about this. She was happy to talk with me, andif I could listen to her tell me more clues, I was needing to see what she was keeping to herself.

"Sorry for wasting your time. I just thought that there would have been something from this." I said, feeling like I was wasting her fucking time this entire time, and I was feeling like I was just being a fucking waste of time. I was feeling like no matter what I was thinking, I was just beeding to be careful. I was telling myself that this woman was only wanting to pretend to help me.

"I mean, I never thought that you were actually going to ask any questions about this. I thought that you were just going to be only pretending to want to know stuff." After he had said that to me, I was then thinking about what we were going to discuss right now. I eventually was then gathering myself up once again, and then I was looking right at her again.

"Anyways, I will continue to see what I might find now." I said, and then I was finding myself trying to find out what I was going to accomplish right now. I was going to just really pretend that what people were thinking of people like me, and people my age in general, which was just a bit too much to actually handle.

I was walking to the area again, and I was then telling myself to actually look more at the information again. I was thinking about what the article was saying could have actually had something to help me out. I was thinking that there must have been at least some fucking information here. No matter what I was feeling, I just needed to look.

When I was done, I was seeing a fucking paper with a note on it. I was confused at the fucking note, and I was just trying to pretend like the note was not strange. But when I could have fucking sworn that I never seen something like this, I was just going to have to read the note. Which confused me when I was seeing it directed for me. I placed it in my pocket, thinking that i would read it when I was in my house tonight or something.

I was telling myself that when I was going to be reading this note, I was going to see if it was going to fucking help me ou at all, which I was genuinely feeling like was just never going to fucking be the case. But you know, I think that I was just thinking that I was going to have to pretend like someting like this had a fucking chance of happening.

...

-September 4 2020 3:36 pm- I was getting ready to hang out with my friends, and I was thinking that as long as Michael was still aware of what I was fucking doing, then the two of us were going to have a good plan, and we were actually going to be making things work out for the best.

I was thinking that at least until it became a situation of no choice, that I was not going to be telling Carly about what I was doing. She needed to not know the truth for as long as fucking possible. The longer she refused to know the truth, and the longer she was away from what was happening, the better that things were going to be.

But despite everything going on, I was telling myself that perhaps when I was going to be seeing Carly again, and I was going to see how she was presenting herself, she would have possibly had a chance to see that I was wanting to fucking make things work out. I was wanting to fucking keep her safe. But if keeping her safe was to bring her in this, then I was willing to change my plan.

The only thing that even remotely fucking mattered to me was just trying to figure out what that note was trying to accomplish. I mean, that note was really getting to me. The longer that I thought on that note, and the longer I was really spending on it, thinking deeply about what I was being told, the longer that I was sure that it was not a fucking hoax, and somebody did want to meet me.

I was taking out the note, and I was wondering if maybe I was just over reacting, and if the note really was not meant for me. Despite what I was thinking, I was willing to admit that something like this was rather possible. Something like this really could have fucking happened, and I was being stupid for not thinking that maybe something was there, and that maybe I just noticed it for the first time. Even though I had a feeling this was not true.

"It is clear why you are reading these notes. Clearly you want to try and find out some clues on this town. That is not going to work. Do not even bother trying to make something like this work. You know that you will never find something, and your attempts are going to fail. Every attempt at trying to help these people out has failed miserably." The note was starting to say, and I was feeling like this was just a terrible way to be writing to somebody, and I was feeling like I was needing to ignore thie.

When I shoved the note back in my pocket, I was finding myself genuinely pissed at the whole thing, and I was just telling myself that perhaps this person was having some attempts at finding something, but they themselves failed. Or they were trying to put me in a situation where I did not feel right to continue this whole thing. Surely they were going to feel like they were super successful, and that they were going to laugh at me for falling for it.

I was wondering if maybe Todd or Josiah had any ideas on what to be saying right now. Considering the fact that they were old enough to have dealt with their missing share of newly missing people, and i was convinced that neither of them would have tried to hide from me if they knew that I was genuinely wnating to help out a bit better.

I was then thinking that maybe Michael would have some clues, and I was going to just figure out what they might want to tell me, if they were going to want to tell me anything at all. And if they did, then I was going to just tell them that this was for personal interest, and that I had no desire to be doing something that I was certain wwas only getting my friends in danger.

I mean, I do admit though that I am just so much more interested in that sword blade that I had found earlier. I was wondering if it was something related to a secret experiment, and that was why nobody had wanted to check into it. The only thing about this whole investigation that was kind of worrying me was that if some other people found out what I was doing, they might actually want to do something about it.

Eventually, I was reaching Michael's house, and I knocked on his door, and when he had answered, and I was seeing him looking like he was having virtually no interest in pretending like I was here for something other for what I was going to be here for. I was feeling like maybe this whole thing might have been for the best, and I was just thinking that maybe he was wanting to get this whole thing over with.

"Are you wanting to talk about what you had found a couple of days ago?" After he asked me this, I was looking right at him, and he was clearly looking unsure of what he was wanting to accomplish. I was tired, and I was just wanting him to at least pretend like he was going to have some fucking ideas on what to do.

"Maybe a little bit. But at the same time, I was just wondering if you were holding up well or not tonight." I said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was just needing to pretend like what I was discussing with him was going to be fine. I was just feeling like no matter what he had said, neither of us were going to stall this discussion for too much longer.

"I am doing alright enough. I mean, it is not that big of a deal. I mean, I am just sort of wondering if what we had found was real or not. The whole thing was justs trange, and I know that I didn't imagine it. But I just feel like there must have been more to it." After Michael was saying this to me, I was then seeing him looking like he was wishing that I could pretend like nothing was happening.

"I guess that maybe none of this really makes any fucking difference. I just wish that I could be fine right now. I think that when I know what happened that placed that down there, I could have made everything just be put behind my back." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I just needed to leave the whole thing alone. "I mean, I am not going to try and connect it with all the missing people, but knowing my luck, I would not be shocked if they were connected."

"I mean, maybe somebody had just made one, and they thought that there was not all that much to it, so they buried it." Michael said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like the chances of this happening was just really fucking small. "I mean, I guess that it could be a suggestion that I would make."

"I mean, if somebody made a fucking lightsaber, not a single fucking person would be hiding it. I think that this idea is just not going to fucking be realistic." I said, and then looking right at him, and the longer that I was staring, the more that he was looking like he was actually considering what I had said. Even if he was not a big fan of me acting like he was stupid.

"I guess that maybe that is true. I am just trying to find a way to make some fucking sense out of this whole thing. I mean, surely I think even you must understand where I am coming from right now." He was telling me, and then I was looking right at her, just trying to find a way to be making some fucking sense out of the insanity of this.

"Yeah, I guess that may understand that you are just worried about how things are and stuff. I mean, I am sort of able to see why people care so much about these simple little things." I said, and then I looked right at him, wondering what the heck I was even going to be saying now. I was pretending like if we were talking longer on this, then I would feel like this was not going to be all that big of a deal, and we were fine.

I was just wishing that maybe I could have made Michael feel like maybe we were going to be focusing on some things that were going to be much more important for the most part. "So Michael, I think that perhaps maybe we can go along and see if there really is something happening right now, and if maybe there is somebody who would know about the creation about these energy swords." I said, trying to find a way to make sense out of this.

"Well, maybe if you feel like there really is something happening here, then while I may think that actually looking at this might not be a good idea, I have nothing to say to stop you. I guess that I will just want to have you be safe mostly." After he had said that to me, I was thinking about the comment 'mostly'. I think we all knew that something like this was never fucking happening.

"Yeah, I get it. I think that the idea of perfect safety is just going to be impossible to accomplish." I said, feeling like the honesty was going to be the best thing we could do. But seriously, I just need to see if perhaps I can find something at the library. I wanted to find something there. That did not fucking work." I said, and then he was looking at me, just looking fucking confused.

"What did you fucking do in there?" After Michael asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like maybe this discussion was going to be hard to have since in a way, doing this might have been exposing that I was getting a bit fucking insane, and that I was honestly starting to get obsessed right now. "What were you in the library in the first place?"

"I was just thinking that if I looked hard enough, I might have seen something that could have given me a couple of pieces of information. You know, I was just trying to find something that would have made me feel like I was doing something smart. Who knows, maybe there was some news articles on it." I said, almost realizing how silly I was silly as I was speaking right now.

"There is no way that there will be something about people creating crazy weapons in the news papers. I think that even you must surely understand that if you wanted to find something, that it would not be in a paper that everybody could read." He said, and I was shrugging, thinking that this was not entirely true, but I was in no mood to argue with him.

"Think of it my way. I mean, nuclear weapons and shit have their stuff reported. That is stuff that appears on papers for everybody to read. There is no fucking reason for this to not be one of those things." I said, shrugging, and I was hoping that Micheal would have at least reluctantly conceded where I was coming from.

But as I had said that, and I was seeing that his mind was still running for things to say. To run for things that he would have been able to say to make it seem like nothing was fucking happening, and that perhaps I was just looking too deeply into it all. Which I admit was just him trying to not deal with any of the issues of denial.

"I just thought that it was worth a check. It really all comes down to this. But I think that maybe you guys might have something that I might want to see." I said, and then I was looking at him, referring to him and his friend group, and I was seeing that he was able to piece together that this was what I meant.

"I think that the idea of Carly or I having something that can help you out is pretty crazy. I mean, I am just as lost as you are on this whole thing, and I think that your best bet is going to just work hard, and look hard at things. I mean, I am sure that you will find something eventually." He said, and then he looked right at me, as if feeling like what he was saying was making a lot of sense, and that surely I could get it.

"Yeah, I guess that you're right. Sorry for being so fucking pushy I guess. I will probably move on soon enough. I mean, I kind of know deep down that this is not really going to be all that fucking worth it at the end. I mean, i am alread feeling like I am fucking going crazy from all of this uncertainty going on right now." I was shrugging, hoping that this comment could make him feel slightly differently to this whole thing.

"I think that if you want to know something, that there are some people who you can try and reach out in contact with. I mean, surely even if the library doesn't help you, which I mean it could, then I think that maybe you can go out and reach out to like the history people." Michael said, and while I was thinking this comment was rather fucking vague, and did not really fucking help out at all, I was thinking that what he was saying made sense, mostly.

"I guess that I can see what I might be learning here." I said, and then I was shurgging, thinking about those fucking missing links, and as much as I hated to admit it, I had never once fucking thought about asking the people at the fucking history sites. But then there was something else that I was considering. Something that just recently passed my mind at that very moment.

"I wonder if that strange science research facility might have something that I might be able to use." I was shrugging as I had said that, thinking that what I suggested made a decent amount of sense, and that maybe even Michael might be able to concede to this one. He was remaining silent for a second longer. As if actually trying to process it all.

"I mean, I would not place very high hopes on it, but I guess that maybe you could try it out. Surely there might be one or two people there who will be willing to help you out if you were nice enough about it." He was not sounding too sure, but I was seeing him considering it for a bit.

"Yeah, exactly, that is my fucking point. I mean, maybe there is somebody there. I will go check that out soon." I said, and then I was thinking of something that I could tell him that would make him feel slightly better about all of this, and I was feeling like this comment, if I was honest, was the least that I could do, to make him feel like I was not going fucking crazy.

"If I do not find anything after going there and trying tonight, or if I am straight up not even able to fucking do something, I will give up tonight. I will leave it all alone, and I will never look into it again." I said, and then I was feeling like this was the perfect offer that he would not turn down. He was looking like he was really unsure of what to say to this. Almost relieved in his own way.

"Alright, if you really mean what you are saying, and if you really do leave it alone, then I will let you have your little thing, and I will leave you alone." Micheal said, and I was thankful to see him at least pretending to understand, and at least pretending like this was not a big deal to him at all. I was feeling like that was all that I had needed right there.

"Hey Gabe, I know that this whole thing may not be making much sense to me, and I might not really get it all that much. But if you really do find something there, and if you really do feel like you are going to be finding something important there, then I will support you in what I can." After Michael told me this, I was feeling so fucking glad to be knowing that he was there for me on this one, at least for now.

"Thank you or helping me out. Thank you for the promise. It really does make me feel so much fucking better." I said, and then I looked at him as if feeling like I just needed to try and say something else, and that if I failed to find something to tell him, he was not going to feel like I was being very sincere. But he did not say anything, and I felt that this was my way of being let go for now.

"The only thing that I do not want at all from this is putting Carly in danger If you can promise to keep her out of this entirely, and make sure that she is going to be able to stay safe, and stay happy, then I will be fine. I mean, I don't really have any like romantic feelings or anything, but I do not want anything to happen to her that might get her in danger." Michael said, and I was nodding, thinking that it was a point of agreement that the two of us could have on this, and I was glad that we could see eye to eye on this issue at the very least.

...

-Sepetember 4 2020 11:32 pm- I was aware that what I was doing was fucking insanity. Do you know think that I was smart enough to figure that one out on my own? I mean, even I think that maybe I went a bit over the fucking line when I was thinking about all of this stuff. But the one fucking thing that I did know was that I could not control myself.

I was thinking that I could just get right inside, and when I was inside, I would see what I could learn, and see if there was somebody who was willing to have peaceful discussion with me. If they were going to do that, then I would not have to do a single fucking thing that was going to be a big issue. I was just thinking that all that I needed to do was focus on what was ahead of me.

You know, I was just feeling like that if I was smart enough, and I was able to position myself well enough, then everybody who would have known me would have been able to respect the way that I was going to be playing this game. Respect the way that I was going to be taking this upfront approach, and fucking just try and make it feel like what I was doing made sense.

All that I did know that I needed was a fucking idea of who I was going to be working with on a team, and who I was going to just have to put away, and not be helping out. I was thinking that despite what I told Michael about leaving this whole thing alone if I had found out nothing, I was deeply aware that something like this was just not fucking happening. It never was, and probably never fucking would go down like this.

The only real issue that I had here was the fact that nobody was going to be fully aware of what I was actually wanting to do. People were probably thinking that I was just doing something for school, since senior year was so fucking close, and they were not going to get in my business here, which was going to be a short term plus. But I was needing to either find something before I was exposed, or give up before then.

I did not know which one of those two were going to happen. But if I did not accomplish one of them at least, then nothing that I wanted to do would have made any fucking difference. Nothing that I could have fucking even dreamed of doing would have amounted to a damn thing. I mean, people act like I do not know a lot of things like this. But I am smart enough to figure out when the cards are totally fucking stacked against somebody.

I was finally creating a game plan after several minutes, and when I was done having something that would feel like it was not totally off the rails, I wrote it all down in a journal, and this was when Todd was coming along, and I was placing the notebook down on my chest, and I was feeling like chances were really good he was going to want to read it.

"Hey Gabe, what types of things are you working on?" Todd asked, totally not thinking at all on what I was trying to do. I was feeling like this was gods way of giving me a chance to just get out of this one decently enough, and I came up with a load of bullshit on the spot, hoping he would buy it.

"I am just working on a heist story. You know, try something else out for once. I never got much into the whole writing thing, so I figured that I might as well give it a chance." I said, and I was really hoping that he was willing to leave it alone at this. The way he was looking at me clearly showed he was not really sure what exactly to tell me right now. Almost like he was wondering if I was lying to him here.

Either he did not see through me, or he was willing to at least pretend like nothing was going on, since he was just shrugging at this. "I mean, do what you want to do. I mean, it really is none of my fucking business what you are interested in." Todd said, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing looking like he was wanting to have me behave enough to where he did not have to change that set of beliefs. If it was going to keep my activity on the down low, I would not dare risk it.

"Trust me, we are both good. I mean, I think that this story is just going to give me a chance to just relax, and just think about what I am doing." I said, feeling like saying something like this was going to make him feel like we were going to be having a nice discussion. The entire time that I was trying to speak, I was sincerely feeling like I needed to have perfect responses.

"Gabe, seriously, it really is none of my business. I was just interested for a second. I mean, people can do what they want to do with their own time, and as long as they are not making a big deal out of it, I have nothing to judge you for." He said, and then he was laying down on his bed, and i was seeing him pulling his phone out of his pocket, and I was feeling like this was my cue that we were good, and that I was safe for another while at the very least.

...

-September 5 2020 11:01 pm- I was finally feeling like my progress was going to be ready to go, and I was just feeling like no matter what my fucking siblings would tell me, at the very least at Michael would be willing to pretend like I was just doing something like hanging out with them for the time being.

As I was about to head out of the house, I was seeing Josiah looking really busy at work, and I was seeing that when he had seen me, that he had clearly wanted to fucking talk with me for a while longer. He was feeling like he just needing to see how I was doing in the first place. I was tired of what everybody wanted to tell me. They were clearly going to try and pretend like I was going to be doing something stupid.

"Hey Gabe, what is happening right now?" After Josiah asked me this, I was looking at him, and I was just feeling fucking tired of this whole thing. I was thinking that in my mind, I was just not really in the fucking mood to be hearing what some people were going to be doing if they had known what was going on in my fucking mind. "I was just a bit curious."

"I was just going to be checking something out right now. I feel like I might just want to see what is happening right now." I said, feeling like there was absolutely nothing that I could have tried to make this whole thing feel a bit differently for me. I was thinking that maybe Josiah was just needing to leave me alone for the time being.

"I guess that it is not that big of a deal. Is there something you and your friend are doing that I might be interested in?" He asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I had no fucking interest in this whole fucking thing. I was wondering what the hell he would have even tried to accomplish about this right now.

"I mean, I think that there is nothing going on that you might even fucking care about. It is not that big of a deal honestly." I said, trying to pretend like I was all fine here. When I was staring right at him, and I was seeing Josiah looking kind of bored. Like he had wanted to say something. "I really don't know why you would be so interested in this whole thing anyways." I said, not even interested in this right now.

"I don't know. Just things that Todd had said got me slightly curious. But I know that in all honesty, that it is none of my business." After Josiah was telling me this, I was wondering what the hell we were even going to accomplish by keeping this whole thing up any longer. I was then going to leave the house, having no interest in this anymore.

I was then leaving the house, not even remotely interested in this discussion right now. I was then walking down for a while longer, and I was going to go to that facility, and despite what I was personally feeling, none of this even fucking mattered anymore. I was just thinking that maybe this look was going to be enough to end my interest once and for all.

I was thinking that Carly was just never going to know the truth, and my refusal to let her know more was going to fucking be enough for her own sake. I was thinking that maybe Carly never knowing the truth was going to be something that could have been considered the only good saving grace. I was feeling like what Carly would have said would have been kind of aggitating. But in a way, I was just not even fucking caring anymore.

I was getting close to the facility, and I was thinking that if they could at least answer me what the grinding noise was, or what the radio station was, and that by doing this, I could have made the fucking peace with what was going on right now. I was thinking that maybe I was going to just go up the pathway, and see what the station was. I was thinking that maybe when I would go there, the biggest question could be answered.

I was feeling like the fact that I was going to radio station, and I was feeling like I was needing to go back to that tree house in that forest. I had not been there for years. You know, the tree house had not even been in my mind for yeas, and I was thinking that as strange as it was, there must have been at least one or two things that I might have been able to really recall from this.

I was thinking that maybe when I was going to see the tree house, I was going to just find a couple of jokes that were going to make it all make sense. I was wondering if Michael was going to finally find a way to give me some advice, if he was going to find some real clues on what was actually going on in the first place. Eventually, I was seeing the facility close by, and I was just staring at the facility for as long as possible.

I was then just walking across the street, just trying to find some peace with all of that was even happening. The only thing that I was going to have to do was just bullshit my way out if they were not going to help me. I was thinking that surely I could come up with some good excuses if I was trying hard enough. Not that it would have really been a issue, but I was never going to be one hundred percent sure in the end.

Right when I was getting inside, I was seeing that there was a lady behind the front service counter, and she was shocked to see me there. I was wanting to just bolt out of there the minute that she was looking at me, and then I was just telling myself that I had a right to be here, and that I was just being a big fucking baby about this, and that I just needed to go up to her, and ask for some simple questions.

"Hey, I was needing some help with certain things. Would you be willing to help me out right now?" I asked her, feeling like maybe just being straight forward about it might be able to help me out for a bit. The way she was looking at me clearly looked like she was feeling like what I was doing was just so fucking strange, and wished that I was not even going to be here right now. Which I felt like was shitty customer service. But then again, this wasn't a normal business.

"I promise you that I do not plan on being here for a very long period of time. I just want to go on and look around for a bit. I have some questions about this town, and things going on, that I feel like might be answered by some people who work here." I said, and I was feeling like the way that I was asking this sounded strange, even to myself. But I was just needing to play low, no matter what it was going to take.

"Guests are usually not allowed here under any circumstances." She said, and I was seeing that she was sort of going back to her same level of general composure. I was still just really unsure what the issue was in the first place that made her so fucking worried in the first place. I was feeling like what she was doing was just beyond strange, and I was not really in the mood to be arguing with her on this.

"What is the issue? Is there something going on?" I felt like pushing my luck on this was not a good idea, but I was feeling like if this was the way that things were going to be, that I at least deserved to know what the fucking issue was, and I deserved to at least have a fucking idea why they were being hard on me.

"Honestly, it is just lab policy. It is something that is considered very special if you ever have a chance to be able to question the workers here on anything." She said, and I was seeing her looking like she was hoping that something like this might have appealed to me enough. To be honest, it came nowhere close to this, and was leaving me with more questions than answers.

"Are there ways that I can set up appointments here?" I was asking, just thinking that the longer that I was really aiming at this, and the longer we were going to talk in this fashion, the more she was going to be feeling like she had no real choice but to just cave in, and at least give me a chance here.

As I was about to try and argue another thing with the look on her face gettng ready to give me something on the lines of another no, a voice was calling out to us, and I was feeling like this was either going to be my savior, or my killer. "If he wants to asks his auetions so badly, why not let him have his chance? I mean, what are the worst that they will be?" The guy asked, and he was looking right at me, as if feeling like he was wanting me to take advantage of this.

"Thank you very much. I promise that I will be rather quick. I mean, I only have a few things that I want to know. But I had a feeling that you guys might know more about it than anybody else." I said, and I was hoping that mild flattery would win him over. I was wanting to make him feel like we were going to find some form of common ground if I had just picked apart hard enough.

Eventually, I was following him, and he was looking right at me, just trying to find something to say. "So young man, what really is your interest in the subjects that we study here? I mean, none of this seem like stuff that people your age would even care about. So I am just trying to understand." He said, and then I was thinking that maybe he was going to use me as a subject, and I was sighing, in the fact that I was starting to realize that I was going to be duped by this guy.

"Well, I was hearing that you guys knew about everything that happens in this town, and I was aware that you might have some things that I would consider very good information. I was wondering if something like this was a good approach. Praising them, whiile also not seeming to be over the top or insincere about it. He was shrugging, as if feeling like I needed to go deeper.

"The truth is that we just do whatever we can to solve as many cases in this town as possible. We feel like everything has a real answer here, and we feel like if you have something that you want to know, that perhaps we will already have some things that you would be wanting to know." He was saying, thinking that as long as I was still talking, as long as we did not seem to be losing sight here, everything was going to be fucking great. "So what types of things are running in your mind?"

"Well, I was wondering if you have any clues about the location of the radio station, and what might actually be going on up there?" I asked, and I was feeling like even I was aware of how strange the question must sound to any normal person. But at the same time, I was convinced that there was no way these were normal people.

"Well, I think that you might be very shocked to learn that there is actually not that much business that goes up there anymore. After the station suffered from some very serious issues back in the distant past, the station has been mostly viewed as a terrible economic position, and is only really there is partly a historic piece." The man said, and there was something about the way that he said it that made me refuse to believe him.

"I think that there is probably more to it than just that. I mean, with all of the stuff that gets talked about it when dealing with its history, and most of it's issues, I feel like there surely is something hidden there." I was saying, and I was hoping that he was not going to be annoyed with my pestering on the issue.

"The truth of the matter is that there is hardly anybody around who has taken a great enough interest in using anything with it." He said, and I was just thinking that maybe he was hiding the fact that perhaps the science facility was using it for their own purposes. I mean, in a way, that did make some fucking sense. As much as they might deny it, that was something that I was feeling like was a legit idea to go with.

"The only thing that I really just want to know, is the fact that this place has been here for literally fucking decades, and now that we are aware of the fact that this place has not been used for most of that, and you are saying at no point in time has anybody been even remotely interested in going on to see what might be going on up there? I mean, I think you might understand why I find that hard to believe." I said, and I was thinking that if I was pressing him harder, he might just tell me the truth, or he was going to admit that he was having me on a fucking string here.

"We just try and do our best to make sure that we take every factor into consideration. I sincerely tell you that if you want to help us find out the truth, then you are totally welcome to do so. But many people have tried to purchase it out, and tried to make it their own thing, but have been failing to really accomplish this." He said, and then he was sighing, hoping the discussion can end.

I was almost there. I was feeling like I was close to something, even if we were not there yet. "I mean, I am just wanting to go up there, and maybe if I can go up there, I might learn some things about this town I might like." I said, and then he was looking at me, a flash of fear in his eye, and that was when I knew that I fucking got the guy there.

"I would highly suggest against that. If you go in there, and you ended up getting hurt, then there will be so many legal troubles that the issues would not even begin to be describable. I think that the only way that this whole thing would turn out is just with one big law suit." He said, and then I was looking at him, appaled by the fact that he was saying this right now.

"Listen, I know that there is a level of fear that can go on in here. But imagine what it must be like to grow up in a place where literally nobody fucking tells you the basic things going on?" I asked, and I was looking right at him, and I was hoping this small comment was going to be sticking to him for a bit. I was feeling like it was the only thing that I can do.

"Well, I mean, I guess that I can't stop you from going there. I think that if you truly believe that you want to go there, then I will let you be doing whatever you please. But I think that you need to plan out your excursions, and I think that you need to keep in mind the possible effects of what you do in mind." He said, and this time, almost any pretense of being kind and caring was gone, and he was entirely replacing it with anger and annoyance. I was thinking that I was needing to listen to him for a second longer before I pissed him off any further.

"No matter what happens, I do appreciate the time you took into seeing me. Please do not worry about what I might be doing. I have been thinking about this for a while. I want to make things all fine here." I said, and then I was sighing, and then he was feeling like he was calming down as I was about to head out. He looked like there was more to say here.

"I am saying this right now because what is happening at town should not be your business. You need to just remember that these issues have been taken care of for years, and that everybody is fine right now." He said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something else, but just remained silent. I was nodding, not in the mood any further, and when I was leaving, I saw a almost menacing look on his face, and I was seeing him reaching down to his pocket and grab something out. Right then and there, everything went from annoyance and confusion to fear.

-September 7 2020 11:33 pm- I had started to settle down, and I was finally starting to fucking calm down, and I was feeling like more and more that I had been thinking about this, that maybe I really did need to give this one a fucking rest. I hated what fucking happened, but I hated what I was getting myself into, no matter how else I was trying to describe it all.

I was thinking that despite all that I was saying right now, that there was a thing that I was just trying to fucking figure out. I was needing to fucking try and see if there were more people who were willing to talk to me, and that maybe this man was just fucking pulling my fucking leg. I was feeling like this man was a fucking guy who was just trying to keep his secrets hidden, which I fucking hated more than anything else.

I fucking hated the fact that this man just probably felt like I was a fucking idiot, and he was feeling like it was just super fucking funny to be seeing me running around, and not fucking finding a single fucking clue, when that was all that I fucking wanted. So when I was thinking all that in my mind, I was just thinking that I needed to be respectful about how I was heading at this.

I was thinking that despite what I was wanting to admit, that maybe I had really been had. But I was telling myself that no matter what was happening, and no matter if I had been had or not, I was just needing to remember that maybe people were always going to tell me that I should be doing things differently. I would never even dream that he was the man behind this all. But he was a man who was willing to let it all slide, which was just as bad.

I would just be respectful about the next time that I was going to meet with those people, and the next time that I would speak with them, I was going to pretend like I was not going to be losing my fucking mind. Despite the truth of what I had been feeling, I was just thinking that I was needing to look for more true and irrefutable evidence. I was thinking that maybe I did deserve to give the guy this much. You know, give him a chance.

I was wondering who would have been willing to hear me out at all, and who was going to even tell me that they were really actually fucking imagining what I had been doing. They were going to tell me that while I might have been having a couple of good points, that I was just being too fucking hard to myself on this. That I was just going to just need to really at least bring it all together before I made conclusions.

In my honest opinion, it was hard not to be making conclusions, and I was feeling like if people were going to tell me off, I was needing to show them the blade, and when I was going to show them the blade, surely at least one of two of them would have actually listened to me, and not be acting like I was being a bit of a fucking loser.

Sorry, I know that if anybody is reading this, they might not like all the swearing. But my mind is going crazy, and I just have a impossible time even pretending like I had a filter right now. I guess that maybe I am just trying to act like this is all making sense, but in all honesty, perhaps none of this really had been making sense. None of this was going to be making any sense, and that was all that even mattered now.

I was getting out of my house, and this time, I was not even going to keep a mind on the control of what I was doing. I was going to be making a scene, but I was going to be making my point, and I was going to make sure that everybody was going to keep Carly and the others out of this shit. I mean, I was aware that Carly deserved something of the truth. But in that moment, there was absolutely nothing that I could do about it.

As I was walking along, I was getting ready to just try and pretend like what I was doing had been totally justified. Eventually though, before I was even able to find something that could have given me a excuse that what I was doing was wrong, there was a person pulling their car over. I was confused as to what this person was doing, but I knew that this man was wanting to talk with me. Given the fact that he made a clear effort to park next to me.

Once he had parked, this was when the man was rolling down his window, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like there was no way that I was going to be able to get away with this if I was wanting to pretend that I never saw anything. If I had done this, he was going to instantly see through the shit, and I was just thinking that neither of us deserved it.

"Can you come inside, and we can talk for a bit?" The man asked, and when he asked me this, I was feeling like my entire mind was running at a million miles per hour. What did this man think was even worth speaking to me about? But I was then feeling like maybe he knew some answers to the questions that I was having in my mind, and that I just listen to him for a while.

I was thinking that despite all of the possible good that could have come out of it, that I just needed to be realistic, and that I needed to remember that this was a fucking terrible idea. That none of this was making any fucking sense, and that any person in the world with brain cells would have told us to not be doing this. But despite all of this, I decided that I needed to take the risk.

Once I was inside of the car, and I was looking right at him, I was seeing the man looking like he was shocked to actually see me go through with it, and he was shocked to be seeing me not actually try and run away from this. Then he was sighing, and felt like he needed to just start to speak with me.

"What are you wanting to talk to me about?" I asked, and I was seeing him looking just wanting to make sure that nothing was going to be exposed if I was going to try and talk with him. So with this, he was placing his fingers at his face, and then he was pulling something out of the glove compartment.

"My employer wants you to sign this. It is a non disclosure agreement, and that you must never tell anybody what we are going to be discussing right now." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like this was a fucking terrible idea. I was not even going to be able to talk with him at all, and he must have known this, because there was no way that I was going to constantly lie to people every time that I spoke with them.

"So say on a purely hypothetical level, what if I did not agree with this idea?" I asked, and I was then feeling like saying something like this was a terrible idea, and even I was well aware that I was just not needing to say anything at all. I was needing to just not act like a total fucking idiot. But then he was sighing, and was trying hard to find something to say now.

"I think that my boss will not be willing to let something like this pass. He will kill you probably. The only way that you might be able to get away with this is if you walk out of the car right now." After the man told me this, I was then looking at the road ahead of us. I was scared out of my fucking mind and I was wondering what to even be saying now.

"Just give me a simple yes or no, but do you guys have any idea what is actually happening in the town at all?" I asked, and then he was looking like he was actually wanting to decide if something like this was a question that he would be allowed to answer. So he was just remaining silent, and I was just feeling like nothing else could matter.

-September 8 2020 2:46 pm- As much as I would not like to admit it, I basically skipped pretty much everything about school, and I was not really even all that worried about it. I was just more focused on something that I had felt like would have actually been a bigger deal. And that bigger deal was making sure that I knew what the source of this blade that I had seen was. I was feeling like maybe I could go on and maybe explain to my father what I had found.

I was calling up Michael's phone, and then I was wondering if he was willing to listen to me. I was thinking that perhaps if he was going to talk with me for a while longer. As I was waiting for the dial to finish up, Michael had answered the phone, and then I was thinking of what I could say to actually make him listen to me.

"Hey Gabe, what is on your mind around now?" After he asked me this, I was glad to hear that at least he was still sounding like he was in a decent mood. I was feeling like as long as he was in a decent mood, that the two of us were going to be able to connect for a while longer. "Did you do anything on your first day of school?"

"Fuck no. I probably should. I would rather suffer through the homework and get it over with than to suffer another year here. But I guess that I still have nine months to deal with that." I said, and then I was feeling like what I had said was just kind of strange. I mean, I was not actually believing that I was able to fucking talk about the school year right now, when I was not in the mood to talk about the school year at all.

"But I was going to that facility a couple of days ago, and I was just trying to see if I could gather some information here." I said, and then I was thinking that saying this to him was just going to be pissing him off. I was feeling like perhaps if Michael was wanting to berate me for my choice, that he just needed to get this over with, and not even pretend like he was supportive of this whole thing.

"Gabe, did you really think that you were actually going to find anything at all? Do you really think that those people were willing to actually act like they were going to give you anything?" Michael asked, and then I was sighing, not really in the mood to hear him constantly saying this.

"Okay, I get it. You were right. The guy refused to tell me anything. The entire time that I was talking with him, he was not giving me any fucking clues. But there was something that happened after I was done that you might be interested in hearing." I said, and then Michael was remaining silent for a moment longer, choosing what to feel.

"What happened?" Michael caved in, thinking that he would rather know the truth than to be lying, and pretending like there was nothing of interest here. "Do you feel like this is actually going to be something that will put us in danger." After Michael was telling me this, I was feeling like I was just needing to be actually considering what to feel.

"When I was about to leave, as if on fucking cue, the guy was placing in a call, and he was trying to get in contact with somebody. I was seeing this happen, and I was pretending like I did not notice, but I could swear that the man was seeing me looking at him, and I saw him giving me what was on par of a death glare. I mean, I think that something is happening right now." I said, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I was just needing to make some peace with this.

"Gabe, I think that for once, you really might need to just leave this whole thing alone. I mean, I get why you are wanting to fucking know why there is something about this. But I think that you are actually getting deep in this, and that you might have to consider your spot here." After he had said this to me, I was feeling like I had just needed to consider what he suggesting.

"I know that you are probably right. But there was also a guy that tried to talk with me last night." I said, and then I was wondering if Michael was going to scream at this, or just be taking it slowly, and accept what he had heard. "I mean, when I was talking with him, he was telling me that there was stuff he knew, as long as I signed a non disclosure agreement."

"Did you sign it, and did you learn anything at all?" After he had asked me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like he was only asking a relatively fair question, and that he was having every right to fucking know what I was actually feeling now. "I mean, if you did, could you be breaking the fucking law?"

"I did not sign the agreement, and as far as I remember, I did not even have the discussion with him on any of this." I said, and then I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I was going to be leaving the subject alone, as long as he was not preassing any further with what I was feeling.

"So Gabe, do you feel like that now that you have people who are getting on your business on this, that you might really have some ideas on what is happening? Do you think that you are going to just give up that thing that you found, which might be for the best?" Michael asked, and while I did not want to say anything, I was considering it for a brief moment. But then I was remembering what things could have been if I did do this.

"I fucking can't. If I try and do something like this, then I am only going to be making things so much fucking worse. I think that if I try and give the man something, and if I try and give people what I found, then they will only be using this. So I feel like I just need to leave this alone. I think that I need to never even consider letting somebody have it." I was feeling like Michael was going to hate what I did, but that maybe he was going to see where I was coming from as well.

"I guess that as much as I hate to admit it, that you might be onto something here. I guess that maybe you are right here." Michael said, and then he was sighing, thinking that he was just going to have to find some things better to say. "But if you feel like there is such a certainty that something is happening, that maybe you might need to go on and leave it all behind?"

"I am not going to even fucking try and figure out what that guy is trying to speak to me about. I mean, I think that after all of this, maybe it might be best to leave it alone. I will still keep that thing I found in the forest, and I will still keep it away from people who might want to use it. I think that might be best. But aside from that, I am going to be doing my best to just move on." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that there was nothing I needed to say now.

"Well, I guess that if you just leave it alone for a while, then things might be fine, and you might be able to just give people a random feeling of uncertainty, and they might be willing to leave it all alone." After Michael was saying this, I was shrugging, feeling like I was needing to keep calm now.

"Thanks for talking to me now. I think that it really is best to just finally get this whole thing over with, and remember that there are some fucking fun events that we can just focus on. Even though I guess with Covid, not much can be done." I said, thinking that I was just needing to not even bring up that issue, but it was hard given our living situation.

"Thank god you're putting safety first." He said, and then I was sighing, feeling like if I did not do this, then I was only making things worse for everybody, and while I was never really anybody who made things better, I was never wanting to be a guy who just made people feel scared or wrong.

"Well, talk to you later." I said, and I was feeling like maybe if I was going to be honest, and if I was happy, then the entire thing would be over with. I was tired of being scared, and I was tired of having nothing to work with. I was done with this, and I was so tired of everything.

As I was looking at the ceiling of my room, I was walking out of the house a few minutes later when I thought about how fucking insane it all had been. I needed to just leave things alone, and I was aware that people were not going to be patient with this, and to be honest, I was feeling like this whole thing was just something that was a big fucking mistake right now.

Honestly, the whole issue was something that I should have never even brought up. I wanted to know shit, and I was trying to know shit, and by a result of this, I was only making things so much worse for everybody involved. The whole entire thing was going to be impossible to really move on from, but it was something that I needed to at least try and do.

I was tired of this whole fucking thing. And I was thinking that maybe I could just go to hanging out with some people, or just atch some mindless movies, or do some mindless shopping. I mean, I was thinking that as long as I was doing literally anything, things would have been fine. And I was thinking that my family would want this from me.

When I was getting close to the facility again, I was just deciding to ignore it, and pretend like I never went there, and I was wondering that maybe if I perhaps did this, and just pretended like nothing was going on, everything would have been fine. People would have not paid me a second mind, and I would just hang out with friends for a while longer. I was thinking that now it was finally time to meet up with Carly again. Since I had not done so in a while, and maybe it was fine now of all times.

I was thinking that if Carly was not going to enjoy the information I told her, that this would have been the true sign that I made a terrible mistake. I was hoping that if for nothing else, at least she was going to be willing to let things slide, and pretend like what I was doing was perfectly normal and fine.

Yeah fucking right. Even I was well aware that something like this was going to be fools fucking gold. But I was guessing that maybe I was just wanting to keep up the hopes that things were not going to be all that rough if we were just getting along. Regardless of if that was true or not, I guess that I would have to see her first.

Eventually, I was getting close to where she was living, and I was feeling angry at the way that I had been going through this whole thing. I then just decided to knock on her door, and then when she had answered the door, she had lookeed right at me, and I was seeing her looking fucking shocked to be seeing me here. I was feeling like after the last several day of not seeing her at all, that maybe this was fair.

"Hey Gabe, how are you doing?" She asked me, and then i was thinking that maybe she was not going to be having a big issue with this. I was sighing, and i was just telling myself that for her sake, she was just needing to have me work with her, and not be acting all shocked and sonfucsed and stuff.

"I am doing alright enough. I am just trying to find something that can keep me busy. I have been rather bored mostly." I said, and then I was shrugging, just trying to be funny about it all. The way she was looking right at me, was showing that she was aware that perhaps there was more to this than I was wanting to admit.

"Well, if you are here, and you are just trying to keep yourself busy, then I guess that maybe we could try and hang out for a bit." She said, and then I was seeing her looking like she was slightly warming up to the idea, and once I was here, and once her initial shock was over with, that perhaps we would be able to hang out, and just enjoy our time.

"Yeah, sorry that I have not taken the time to go on and hang out with you lately. I mean, I guess that I could have always just taken the time to go on and see how you were doing. But I was always just getting distracted, and I was just never really taking things too seriously." I said, thinking that as long as I was polite, and I was reasonable, and as long as we were working together, the two of us were going to put it aside, and not worry on it at all.

"It's okay Gabe. It really is not that big of a deal. I mean, you were probably rather fucking bsy with your own thing. I think that you are just needing to not be so hard on yourelf." She said, and then I was thinking that if she was aware of the truth, she would not be saying this at all. She would be stone cold if she was aware of the truth. But I was remaining silent now.

"Anyways, so have you been up to anything exicting lately?" She asked, and then I was thinking that this was where things were going to be coming to a head. Do I lie to her, and make her not aware of what I was dealing with, or do I stall out, and just keep up the bullshit? I really did not know at all.

"Probably nothing that you would be interested in." I said, and I was feeling like that was mostly true, and I was thinking and hoping that she was actually going to buy into it. I was thinking that maybe if I was going to preface this like that, then she might be able to actually not get angry at me if she did find out the truth.

"Alright, I guess that I will leave it alone." After she had said this, I was looking at her, and there was a moment of uncertainty that was going on in my mind. The way she was looking at me made me briefly wonder if she had already known, and she was just trying to be respectful about this whole thing. I would not put it past her, and that was the thing that was scaring the hell out of me.

"Well, I mean, I just like to do random little things here and there. And I think that if I try and explain them all to you, that sooner or later, you might lose some interest in it." I said, trying my best to be sounding casual and calm, and the longer that I had been working on it, the longer that I was thinking that surely she would buy into the fucking bluff.

"Anyways, so what do you think that you might want to do?" She asked and I was feeling like by now she was just trying to lighten up the mood, which I was totally cool with, and I was feeling like doing that would have helped me feel like things were slightly less awful to be dealing with.

"Maybe we can just hang out, and if you want to do something, maybe we can see if our classmates got some special event that we can jump in on to start our senior year." I said, so fucking glad that the torture was almost over, and I was thinking that in just about nine months, I was going to be out of that area, and I was never going to have to deal with anything like this anymore. I was probably not going to college, so the biggest thing that could challenge that was at least tempomarily behind me.

"Yeah I guess that this could be a lot of fun." She said, and she was letting the possibility of something like this being actually fun and cool running in her mind. Then she was looking right at me, and I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to possibly ask me something. But she kept it to herself, and did not mention anything. Which I did not know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. But it did make me feel better for now.

...

-September 8 2020 6:29 pm- Carly and I were sitting down on a bench in the middle of the down town area, and I was justthinking of the stuff that had been going on the last few days, and I was telling myself that it might be best to just come clean, and admit everything that I had been doing. And if she was goig to be angry, and if she was going to want to tell me to fucking stop doing all of this, then I would accept that, and hope that we could make up.

"So Carly, I was wanting to just talk to you for a bit, and maybe see if we could clear some things up, and get it over with." I said, and then I was looking right at her, hoping that beyond all hope that I was at least looking at this from a somewhat good perspective. She was looking right at me, as if confused what I was saying.

"There was something that I found a couple of days ago, and I was just wanting to know more and more about it. I was wanting to fucking know all about it. But I guess that I was just looking at things too deeply. And I was making some big fucking mistakes." I said, and then I was looking right at her, hoping that she was not going to be reacting all that awfully. Instead, she was looking confused for now.

"Gabe, what are you on about? Did you do something awful?" She asked, and then I was thinking about what she was asking, and then I was thinking normally for a second longer. I was actually thinking about if I was doing anything 'awful' and when I was looking at it in a certain way, I wasn't too sure.

"I guess that I would not say awful as much as just incredibly stupid." I said, and then I was looking right at her, hoping that she was not going to be having too much of an issue with what I was saying here. The way she was looking at me was showing that at least for now, she was having virtually no fucking issue with this.

"So you know all those myths and shit about monsters?" I asked, and I was well aware of how strange this whole thing must have sounded to her, and I was seeing from the look on her face right away, that she was feeling like I was clearly just trying to be funny to her. I was sighing, and felt like I just needed to go with this now.

"Gabe, those are stories from the past. You know, things that people thought that they saw. There is nothing but lies to them. I think that even you know this by now." After she had said this to me, she was looking right at me, and she was clearly looking like she was wondering if I was even going to be listening at all. I was shrugging, and I was thinking that this was her answer, right then and there.

"I would want to pretend like those are exactly what you say, stories of the past. But something came up, and there is no way that I am able to pretend like they are anymore." I said, and then I was looking at her, and she was clearly showing me a level of confusion, and borderline loss of interest, if I was to keep this up.

"I found something in town recently that I think will totally ruin this entire theory, and prove that at least parts of these stories are real." I said, and then I was looking at her for a few seconds longer, and she was sighing, and she was nodding, as if letting me have a chance to explain what I had been meaning.

"If you want to know more about it, I can show you sometime later tonight, or tomorrow." I said, hoping that she was going to be fine with this offer, and that the faster thats he would accept the offer, the faster we could have this discussion, and the faster that we were able to get this whole thing over with.

"Sure, I mean, I am kind of curious what has been driving you so insane right now with this." She said, and then I was looking down, not wanting to hear that. Feeling like hearing that was the worst thing that she could have said. But then with this, I was nodding, feeling like in her mind, this whole thing was making no fucking sense, and that in my mind, if I was the one listening to this, then I might be the one looking like I had been told a story that was making no fucking sense.

"Just make sure that no matter what you find, you do not tall to anybody outside of our friend group on this. Keep this entire thing to us, and we will be all fine and stuff." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and she was clearly looking like what I was saying was just fucking insane, and that I was going to need to suddenly start making sense, or at least just come clean right now why I wanted her to keep this secret.

"Okay, if you say so. I mean, I don't really get the point. But if you are so worried about it, I guess that maybe I will leave it alone." Carly said, and she was almost looking like she had wanted to find something else could discuss here right now. I was then seeing Carly looking as if she had so many fucking things that she had desired to say, but had no way of being able to say it.

"Gabe, are you being honest with me right now?" She aked me, and then I was looking right at her, and I was wondering what she was meaning when she was telling me this. I was sighing, and I was thinking that I deserved something better than this. I was many things. I was a crazy dude, I was a idiot, and I was often times a man who needed to actually think with his mind than his heart. But I was not a liar, no matter how much I wanted to be.

"I mean, I wish that I was lying to you right now. That would be making things so much easier. But I can't lie to you, no matter how much I wish that I was." I said, and I was looking right at her, and I was hoping that she was not offended by what I had said. I was thinking that since my point was now made, we could be able to move on now.

"Shit, it must be really bad if you wish that you were lying." She said, and then she had looked at me, and I was seeing her looking like she was wishing to say more. She was clearly wanting to ask a couple of other questions, but knew that I was probably not really in the mood for it at all.

"Now that you are starting to understand it a bit better, are you willing to take it a bit more seriously?" I asked bluntly, and I knew as soon as I said that I would regret it. But at the moment, I was not going to be taking any shit. At that moment, I was just wanting to see where her loyalties lay, and see if she was wanting to actually help.

I could even see the look on her face looking clearly attacked as I was saying this, and the moment that I was telling her this, I was wondering what my issue was, and I was wondering if I should even be given the right to be friends with her. Or if I was just being given a honor that should have never been mine. But then I was thinking of what to do here at the moment.

"Sorry, I was just in a heat of the moment. I said something that I should have never said." I said, and I was hoping that this was going to be enough to make the point that I never wanted to do anything to hurt her feelings. She was slowly nodding, as if feeling like maybe that apology would have to do.

"But as I was saying before hand, this is not a lie. I wish that it was a lie, and I wish that I was just messing around with you, but that will never be the case, no matter how much I try to make it so. I just think that I need to find a way to make this whole disaster a little bit less awful." After I said that to her, I was looking right at her, hoping that now that I made my apology, we could move on and work on something better here

-September 9 2020 4:29 pm- I had been thinking of the best way that I could reveal what I had found to Carly, since that was now the only thing that really mattered. Once I was done revealing it, and when we got it over with, I was thinking that surely we were going to be on good terms again. But then again, after I was done with the reveal, how was she going to react to the truth of these weapons and stories?

I mean, that was the main reason I wanted to be hiding the truth from her. The truth was going to be brutal, and I was aware of it. I was somebody going through it all, and I was somebody who had to deal with it on a daily fucking basis. And when I was considering this very strongly, I was thinking about if this was why dad never told my other siblings and I. Because of how fucking insane this whole thing was sounding.

But then I was telling myself that he did not mean to have this be something he never told us. I was thinking that maybe he was either not aware, or he was just doing his own thing. I was convinced that perhaps I was giving him too much shit. I was needing to give him more credit than he was getting.

When I was sitting down on at my front steps, this was when Michael was walking up to me. When he was seeing me, I was seeing that there was a small part of him that was just wanting to get this whole thing away. He was looking like he was thinking that if we must talk about this, that we must just do it real quick, but that he was aware that none of us were wanting to discuss it at all.

"Hey Gabe, how have you been lately?" He asked, and I was just seeing him looking like he was wanting to so badly put it all behind us. I was then looking at him, and I was seeing that he was just desperate to be hearing my side of the conversation. I was then smiling, thinking of recapturing what was once had.

"I am doing alright. You know, just trying to get something in my mind about senior year." I said, thinking that for both our sakes, I was going to lie about the actual stuff that I was thinking of. Then I was thinking of what to tell him now. "Hey, do you have anybody that might like to hang out with us?" I asked, trying to make it seem like the two of us were going to be able to talk on something we might enjoy more.

"Oh yeah, senior year. I guess that I could have some people that you could be able to hang out with, if you are interested in such a thing." After he had said that to me, he was smiling at me, and he was wanting to see what I could have done now. "But whatever you want to do just make sure you bring up none of that stuff to them"

"Okay, I get it. I mean, I think that you do not have much to worry about with that anymore." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing Michael looking like he was feeling so much better for everything that had been going on, and that now that we were not talking about that other thing, we could pretend to be in a decent mood.

"I am sorry that I have been doing stuff that you are not very comfortable with." I said, and then I was shrugging, and I was thinking that the longer that he and I were talking, and the longer that I was going on and appeasing him, the better that everything was going to be.

"But in all seriousness, who do you think that you would like me to meet?" I asked, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him coming back to some form of a normal stature. "I mean, I want to spend at least some time in my senior year doing something that I know that I will be able to enjoy, and not worry about everything going on." I said, and then Michael was looking super fucking impressed with me right now.

"Yeah, go ahead, and be shocked at me wanting to do something different with my life…" I said, and then I was looking at him for a second longer, and I was wondering what else we were even going to be discussing in the first place. I was then trying to find something that Michael was going to help me with.

"What is making you look at things so differently this year?" Michael asked, and I was feeling like that was a valid enough question. I was feeling like I just needed to give him a fucking chance, no matter how much the whole thing was going to be relatively hard to deal with. "I mean, stuff like this was impossible to imagine you doing back in freshman year."

"I think about all the stuff that I have been missing out on, and I fucking hate having nothing ahead of me. I am just tired of always being in the fucking middle. You know, I think that when you deal with stuff like this, and when you deal with the idea that people are always doing stuff that you should be doing, but that you are too fucking scared to have the fucking courage to do so, I think it makes a lot of sense." After I told Michael this, I was feeling like I could leave it all alone, just wanting to move on.

"I don't know. I mean, I know you are not liking me bringing this thing that I found up, but I am going to for the sake of making my point. You know, I think that maybe just seeing that brought up some awareness that I was needing to have I was starting to realize that I want to have a life that I love. And if these things really are happening here, that might be hard." I said, thinking that the honesty was all that mattered now.

"Okay, I think that you made your point. I just thought that it was strange was all." He was saying, and then he was looking right at me, and then I was thinking of the fact that our idea of having a big friendship, was going to be a fucking big ass goal. One of these days, I was going to help Michael out with his own things.

"Hell, I am even planning on starting to date somebody this year." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was now seeing Michael looking fucking shocked at the fact that I was saying this. But when he was accepting what I had been saying, and when he had been thinking of what I could have been meaning now, I was then seeing him finally calming down, and there was that part of him that was thinking of how to get me ready for one.

"Are you telling the truth on that? If you are, then that would be great, and I think that almost everybody here would feel like it would be time for you to at least try and make something like this work." He was saying, and then I was standing up, and I was feeling like there was virtuall no fucking reason to continue thid discussion. I was feeling like we had both made our points, and that we were not needing to be beating the dead horse anymore.

"Yes, I am telling the truth. I think that after all of the missed chances, and after all of the annoyance that I had to deal with, that I am done with this. I am going to just fucking try and capture some good times with my friends." I said, and then I was thinking that there was virtually nothing that I could do now. We were walking down the road, and then Michael was looking like he was clearly wanting to say something else now.

"So, Carly was telling me that you were planning on telling her something. She was rather confused by the whole thing, and she was clearly wanting to talk to you about this before you forget." Once Michael said this, he was looking like he was wishing to just see if this was true. But he was aware that this was none of his business.

"Yeah, I was planning on telling her the truth of what I found. But for now, I am starting to already second question myself, and I am already telling myself that something like this is a bad idea." After I told him this, he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that Michael was just wishing to not be too bothersome with his fears.

"Why do you keep being afraid to just tell people what is going on? I mean, it is really not my business, so I need to be leaving you alone. But for now, I am just feeling like I am needing to try and make some sense out of it." When he was done speaking this, I was feeling like this was the closest to attacking me that he was getting, and I was feeling guilty.

"I am just afraid that if I do something like this, then people are going to be not wanting to hang out with me anymore. I mean, such a thing would be fucking terrible, and I would hate it." I said, and then when I was done speaking this, I was feeling like there was virtually nothing else to say at this rate.

"I guess that maybe something like this makes some sense. That being said, I just wish that I could be able to talk to you about these things better. I mean, I just think that not speaking the truth, and not letting people know if going to be a big fucking mistake." Once he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just wishing to be seeing where I was coming from. "I just think that if I look at things normally, I can sort of see it both ways."

"I guess that maybe there is a small amount of truth to this. But there is nothing that I can fucking do about it. I think that you are aware of this." I said, and I was aware that he was not going to be seeing my point. He knew that I was just bullshitting, and making excuses. I knew this, and I knew that I was needing to be giving him a better treatment now.

"Do you believe that if you are going to talk to Carly, that she genuinely might not want to be friends with you? I mean, I don't want to consider it, but I guess that maybe there is a small chance that something like this can go down." After Michael was telling me this, I was seeing him shaking his head, and I was seeing him wanting to think that Carly was better than this.

"I mean, I think that it is not super likely. But I think that I am going to have to consider the ideas of this happening. And that is the only thing that is in my mind. All of the ideas and outcomes that I am just really getting ready for." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, thinking that there was officially no more that I needed to be saying to this now.

When we were getting near the high school, I was looking right at Michael, and then I was feeling like I was just needing to at least consider where he was coming from right now. I was wanting to see what his evil plans were. But I had no idea how to do this.

"What the hell are we doing, going to the school again?" I asked and then I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to have me attack him too much. He was then looking at the building, just thinking on what to do right now. "Sorry, I just don't really see the point of it." I said, and then I was thinking about what to do now.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go on and meet some people here, and that if you look around hard enough, you might be able to make some friends now." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him truly unsure of what we were going to do now. I was truly unsure of what the hell was even the point now.

"I mean, I doubt that anybody will be here on their own free will. But I guess that if there is anywhere we can look, this is a place that could make sense." He was saying, and he was truly unsure of what his point even was now. So he was just willing to remain silent.

We were walking along, and there was almost nothing that I even felt the needed to say now. The entire thing was just sort of confusing. I was wanting to pretend like we were doing alright, but I was just thinking that we were taking things a bit too seriously. I saw that there was a small group of people in the track area.

"Okay, I guess that I was wrong about this one." I said, and then I was seeing Michael smiling, as if always getting some form of satisfaction in knowing that he was right on these things. I was sighing, and I was feeling like he was not needing to rub this whole thing in my face anymore.

"Why don't we try and hang out with them? I mean, please don't try and be strange about it all, but I am sure that they are willing to talk with you." After Michael said this, I was feeling like the man was trying too hard to get me to do something, and I was wondering if he was actually having some plans here. But I was refusing to say anything at all.

"Yeah sure, I guess that we might as well just see what is going on." I said, and then I was thinking that maybe the man would want to talk with me. I was thinking that Michael might have known these people earlier, and that was the main reason he was wanting to have me do this in the first place. And that if it was anything else they would not have been even remotely having a interest in it at all.

As we were going to those people, I was feeling like michael better be telling me the truth, or else I was going to be looking like a fucking idiot, and I would be furious with him. But I guess that maybe he might have wanted to help me out. That was the only thing that was keeping me calm, and not having any fears here.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" The small group asked me, and then I was stopping, and I was thinking that the question was a great one. I was then looking right at Michael, and I was then wondering if he had been thinking about this at all. He was looking at me, as if feeling like maybe he can do this part of me.

"We were planning on going to hang out at the track, but it looks like you guys are already here. If it is something that you would prefer we do, we can go right back, and we can leave you alone." After he had said that to the other group, there was a small moment of silence, and I was feeling like this was a waste of time.

"Well, I guess it all depends on what you were doing." One of them said, and then as I was thinking about just leaving, when one of them was calling out to me, and he was pulling me out of this whole thing. I looked at him, uncertain of what to say.

"Did you know about Bridgette?" The guy asked, and I remembered who she was, since we went to school together. I was not getting the point of this though, so I was looking right at him. Most of his friends seemed to collectively roll their eyes at this, and were not very excited for the fact that their friend was bringing this up again.

Despite this, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I just needed to at least hear his story out, and see if he was going to actually tell me anything. After I nodded, he was taking that as a cue to start talking again. "So she was the one that went missing a couple of weeks ago. I don't know how well you guys knew her or whatever, but I thought that maybe you might have wanted to know." He said, and after he had said that, he was looking at Michael and I, as if waiting to see our reaction to this.

"Shit, I was not wanting to know about who it was." I said, and then I was looking at him, now suddenly aware of the fact that with a life tied to the grinding noise this time, there was really no way that I would have been able to get away with this. I was now brutally aware of what her family must be going through, and that was a fact of my life now.

"How do you know this?" I asked, trying to be civil about this, and aware that he was probably meaning nothing by it. But I was just needing to know what the hell the connection was, and I was wanting to see if he was bullshitting me or not. The next response ruined any doubt, and I was hating it so much.

"She was my neighbor. I know a lot about it." He said, and I was hearing a minor tint of annoyance to this, as if he was not wanting to have people question him for what he had known. I was not wanting to make him feel like this, I was just feeling totally unsure of how to be going at this whole thing, and I was wanting to have some more clues now.

"Sorry about that. I am sure that you probably knew her pretty well." After Michael said this, trying to console the guy, in case he was needing it, the other guy was brushing it off, as if thinking that such a thing was not needed. Like he had made his peace with the whole thing already, and was now just a relayer of the message.

"I think that just telling everybody I can is able to help out with this whole thing." He said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to try and say more, and he was just trying to be making it look like he was doing well. But the entire time that he was thinking on it, the more and more that he was feeling like there was nothing for him to say.

"I mean, for all that I know, she might have had some friends who never knew the truth, and that they are just needing to know, for the sake of making peace." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking at his friends, and I was seeing that on the look on his face, that he was already kind of losing interest in this discussion.

-September 10 2020 10:29 pm- I was tired and everything that I had been thinking about was basically telling me that whatever those people were wanting to tell me about with that one girl who went missing recently, I was going to just have to see what he was feeling. Maybe if I was going to speak with him for a while, he might be able to describe to me what the girl was like.

I was then seeing that Todd was looking like he was having the time of his life talking with Bebe right now on his phone, and I was sort of jealous of what he was able to accomplish, and I was telling myself that once this whole thing was starting to wear down a little bit, I might be able to try and find somebody that I might want to have a date with.

I was standing up, and now at this point in time, I was just sort of tired of everything, and I was not wanting to be in the same room as what my brother was doing, and the fact that my brother was always so fucking happy, and that no matter what was going on, nothing I could do would change this. I wished that he would like me more, and I wished that he would have told me more.

Once I was out of the room, and I was getting near the fucking front door of the house, I was seeing that both of my parents were really happy, and that they were both sort of just getting along with the fact that they were truly making their family all work out. I was sort of really taking in the fact that they were meaning it this time when they say that they were done having siblings this time. Just the certainty on their face.

Eventually, I was walking out of the house before either of them would know what the heck I was doing. I was sighing, and I was starting to feel like if there was a chance that I was going to make my parents and younger siblings happy, and make them aware that I was not wanting to make anything happen to them, I was just going to do whatever the hell I would to make things better for them. And I was going to be proud of it all.

I would try and see if Michael was willing to talk with me now, knowing what we had witnessed. I was sort of feeling like maybe that was going to be a bit strange, and part of me was thinking that even if he was wanting to talk with me, he was not going to be doing it so soon, and that he was going to want to have some time pass before he was feeling like he might have the courage to actually go on and see what the real issue actually was.

As annoying as something like this might have been, I was sort of seeing where he was coming from, and I was sort of willing to admit that he was having a level of validity to be feeling the way that he had been. That was the only thing that I was sort of telling myself over and over again, as I thought on it better.

I was feeling like if for nothing else, I might as well go on and see what the hell this guy from earlier was going to do. I was remembering the phone number he handed me before we left that day, and I was feeling like I just needed to go on and give him a fucking chance. I was pulling out the phone, thinking on what to say in the text.

"Hey, it's Gabe. I was wanting to see if there was anything that you were willing to tell me about the stuff that you knew with that girl you said went missing recently." I said, and then after that, I was sending the text, and I was already starting to think on how fucking silly I was sounding with this, and I was telling myself that I just needed to be thinking about what I was going to accomplish by having this discussion in the first place. I was wondering if he was even wanting to give me a chance at all.

I was starting to remember those guys who were trying to pull me over, and trying to kill me, and force me to not tell anybody a damn thing if I actually found out more truth of this whole town. I was well aware that they were clearly just trying to hide something, and I was desperately hoping that they were not going to hide from the bullshit in the first place.

Maybe when I was at the school track, people might just be thinking that I was some radom teenager doing some random stuff, and might not be thinking on it at all. I was feeling like that would have been the best thing that I could have actually accomplished. There was virtually no other way that I would have accomplished something such as those guys leaving me all alone. I wondered if they would have suspected that I was just hiding though.

I was reminding myself that I just needed to chill the fucking hell out if I was going to be going at this whole thing now. I was shrugging, not even thinking that what I was feeling would have been all that reasonable. I was thinking that in a way, I was just kind of being a asshole, for no real reason.

Once I was at the track field, I was looking around, and seeing that there was nobody around at all. I was so fucking happy to know that when I was alone, there was some level of relative certainty to the fact that I was just thinking that I was being a bit too harsh with this. I was shaking my head, and I was wondering what the heck this guy would have said in the first place.

"Oh hey, I was not expecting you to actually want to talk to me about something like this. I never thought that you would have had any interest..." There was a silence after that, and I was thinking that I was just needing to have a better idea on how I was going to speak any further. I was shrugging, thinking that maybe if I was going to try and talk with him, I was needing to have a polite way of continuing this.

"Sorry, I never got your name, I don't believe... Would you be willing to tell me your name?" I asked and I was thinking that perhaps once I was getting to know him, and see what he was trying to accomplish, maybe he would just tell me, and then we could have a real discussion. But the longer that I had been thinking on this, I was wondering what he actually knew.

"Yeah, my name is Jackson. But now that we are here, do you have any real interest on getting to know some stuff about her?" Jackson asked, and I was uncertain if I was actually wanting to know more about her, or if I was just wanting to know more about if he was aware of what was going on with this town. I was just feeling like once I knew if he was going to give me some clues, I would finally make some real progress.

But I was feeling like if I was going to have any fucking chance on getting to get him on my side, I was going to have to pretend like she was the only thing that I cared about. Which was not the truth. But I guess it did not really matter. I was thinking that if I would go through some relatively boring information, I could be able to get to something much more interesting, and something that I was needing much more.

"Yeah, sure, if you are willing to tell me about her or whatever, you can. I thought that you barely knew her?" I asked, and then I was feeling like I was just needing to see what he was wanting to tell me. I was starting to feel like perhaps he was lying to me. Or at least not showing me the entire story.

"I never got to know her as much as I would know somebody who was going to school with me. But I talked to her sometimes." After Jackson told me this, I was thinking that he was a strange guy, and I was feeling like perhaps he was needing to step back on his fucking story, and that if he was lying, he just needed to confess, and not be giving me any more bullshit. But then I was telling myself that I needed to give him a greater chance here.

"Alright, sorry. I guess that it is not really all that important what you were saying. I was just thinking that I needed to see what you could say." I said, thinking that maybe I could have left it alone at this, and almost felt like I might have needed to leave this whole thing alone. I was tired of this, and I was just wanting to get this whole thing over with.

"Well, she was telling me about some people that she had been seeing lately, and some people that she felt like were making her uncomfortable. People that she was thinking were wanting something with her." Jackson said, and then I was actually shocked by this, and I was feeling like I was needing to know more about what he was thinking here. But then I was looking over my shoulder, and I was seeing one of those cars coming along again.

"Do you know anything about the black cars in town that sometimes come along?" I asked, not even caring who out of nowhere it was sounding, and I was hiping that he was willing to just tell me what he had known, if anything at all. I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to fucking stall this whole thing out longer. These people were some of the only people that actually still scared me, as silly as it might sound to admit.

"Not really. What does that have to do with anything?" Jackson responded less than fifteen seconds after I had sent him the question, and then I was standing up, and I was starting to walk along, and I was just thinking that maybe getting away from here would have sufficed enough. I was smiling at how smart that I was actually being right now. I was actually thinking that maybe this guy would not know what I was doing, and would not actually try and stop me, or try and see what I was doing.

"I have been seeing them a lot lately, and I think that they are starting to think that I am onto something right now." I said, and then I was thinking that perhaps he might be thinking that what I was doing was strange. The only thing that I could accomplish right now was just getting my mind off of the fact that these cars were onto me again, right when I was talking with somebody now.

"What the hell would they even care about with you?" Jackson asked, and then I was feeling like what he had asked was a relatively innocent question, and that I just needed to try and pretend like what he was asking me was not all that strange right now. "Gabe, is there something that you are hiding from people?"

"Not at all. I am trying to figure out some of the things here, and i just feel like talking with people here might be able to help clear some confusion up right now. I just feel like those black cars are at least somewhat related to this." I said, and then I was thinking that perhaps if I was going to get him to listen, he was not going to be too angry with me.

Before another text was able to be read or sent, this was when the car was getting close to me, and I was wondering what was worse. Compiling with him, and just listening to him, or telling him off, and just walking further and further away. I was thinking that neither one of them were going to be worth it.

I was then feeling like with the first, all that I needed to do was pretend like I was oblivious to this, and that I just needed to tell them that I had nothing, and then they would have left me alone. But with the second, they were going to get really into my business, and try and figure out why I ran away from him in the first place. And that was even fucking worse than anything else.

When he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him just looking like he was really happy to be seeing me atcually not try and get away, and that he was seeing me work with him for the time being. He was feeling like with the way that he was talking with me, that he was going to break through to me.

"Hey Gabe, I was wondering if we could be able to talk with each other for a little bit?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, and then I was getting in the car, and then I was staring at him. I was feeling like I just needed to talk with him, and that with talking to him, maybe he was not all that bad of a guy, and he would be willing to speak with me why he was accomplishing this at all.

"What the fucking hell do you want?" I asked, and I was not even caring what he was going to be telling me, and I was not even caring if he was going to be pissed at me for reacting at him like this. I just wanted to go home, and I was just wanting to see where this was going to go, and I was going to make it perfectly clear that I was not messing around here.

"I was just wanting to see if you were having any interest in what we were researching, and I was wondering if perhaps I could be able to help you out right now?" He asked me, and then I was looking right at him, appalled that he was asking like this, and I was aware that he was clearly on the intent on just luring me over, and pretending like he was going to be my ally. Which fucking pissed me off more than anything.

"Do you think that you will be able to help my colleagues and I on some information gathering that we have been going on lately?" The man asked me, and I was feeling like that was going to be a rather tall order, and that I wanted nothing to do with this. I was feeling like he was asking for the one thing that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with. "I mean, I am sure that you would want to know about this town, right?"

"I would like to know more. But I am not going to be getting into fruitless adventures if I am not sure of my own personal safety of it as well." I said, feeling like what I was saying was a fair and objective answer. "Listen, I mean, I understand that you probably feel liek you are doing something of good faith, and I understand that you are wanting to possibly help me out on some regard. But I just have a feeling that the two of us have different ways of going at this, and I think that our ways are never going to be fully aligned." I said, just thinking that if I worded it enough, we were going to be fine.

"Well, I am sure that my boss will be able to helo you out find something that can appeal to both of us. But if you are having no interest in something like this for now, and you have already made up your mind, I will respect your choice, and I will relay the message to my boss." After the man was saying this to me, I was feeling like there was something that I was indeed wanting to know more about. Even though I was hating to admit it.

"What if your boss like? Do you think that if I tried hard enough, he would be willing to work with me?" I asked, feeling like as much as I hated to admit it, that maybe I could find something to do to work with him, and I would feel like maybe I could be able to find something that was going to give both of us at least some level of common ground now.

"I think that if you want to go on and see what he is like, and see if you can work with him, you are going to have to fucking meet him in person. I think that meeting him in person is the only way to fully grasp what heis true intentions are." He said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was well aware that this was something that I wanted nothing to do with. I was seeing that in the look on this mans face, that he was using this as one final attempt to lure me into whatever they were doing.

"I will think about it." I said, lying through my teeth about it. But I was feeling like the lie was going to have to do, and that maybe he was going to be able to buy it for the time being, which would be wonderful.

"I think that my boss would be very much willing to hear your concerns out if you are willing to give him a chance." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I just needed to debunk that bullshit right now. The way that he had said that with such fucking confidence pissed me the fucking hell off. There was no way this guy was going to support me, no matter what was happening.

"I know that you really want me to do thism and I am not even sure why you care so much what I am doing here. I feel like I should have the choice to not do this if I have no real desire to do this. But I guess that maybe this is all a matter of opinion." I was telling him, and then I was looking out the window, thinking that now that I had started to speak my point, he was going to surely respect at least some of it a bit better.

"I guess that for tonight, this might really be the best that I am going to get. I am a bit saddened by this, but I will respect where you are coming from." After the man said that to me, I was seeing him looking like even he was just sort of accepting the fact that there was no way that any changes were going to be made. Then with that, he was looking ahead at the road.

"All that I can say is that I hope that one day, we will be able to bury this feeling of anger and confusion, and we will be able to work together, and make things better for us all. I wish that you can be able to give me this much." After he had said this to me, I was then thinking of what he was wanting to tell me. I was thinking that I was needing to give him some more credit if this was the way that he was looking at things.

"I think that something like this is very much desired with all of us. But I guess that for now, we do not need to be going any furthr on this. Thank you for understanding where I am coming from. Or at least pretending to understand it all. It makes me feel like there is more to this than I gave you credit for." I was saying, and then I was thinking about what my friends and I were going to do once we were home.

I left the car, and I was not even giving this man a chance to speak with me longer, and I was going to be making it very clear that as long as we were going to be far away from each other, the better we were going to be getting along here. I was taking out my phone, and I saw a message from less then thirty seconds ago.

When I saw the message, and I was heading home, I was taking a second to think about the mistakes that I had already made. "Hey Gabe, did something happen to you? You haven't responded in nearly twenty minutes?" After I saw that Jackson sent me this, I was sighing, and had nothing to say now.

"I was talking with the guy who was in one of those black cars." I said, and then I sent the message, feeling that if I refused to go any further on this, then he might have been able to leave it alone. I was feeling like he did not need to worry himself with anything else, and I was thinking that in a way, I was actually doing something right now.

I was half way to my house again, when Jackson was responding again. "Are you sure that was a good idea, after all you said?" The question was coming off as sounding sincerely scared, and I was wondering if maybe he was already caring more about this than he was wanting to admit. I was laughing at this prospect, but I refused to admit it, since I knew that he might not want to really hear it at all.

"I guess that it was something that I felt like I had to do." I sent the text, and then I was leaving it alone for another few minutes, and i was thinking that if I stopped this right now, and did not mention anything else, then I might have been doing better. I was thinking that staying away from Jackson, and this entire conversation, was going to be giving me some time to actually be thinking about what I was getting myself into. I was telling myself to please fucking be smart about this whole thing for once in my entire life. If such a thing was even possible.

Once I was getting close to my house, I was wondering if any of this was going to be making any real sense. I was wondering if this man was actually really aware of what I was feeling, and if he was actually finding some enjoyment out of me being scared, and if this was something that he was wanting to witness. I was wondering if maybe this was all part of the fucking plan.

Eventually, I was near my house, and then I was thinking about what possible group must have even been running this whole thing. I was thinking that if I was going to figure that one out at least, then perhaps I might have been able to make some fucking game plan, and that maybe I might have been able to figure out if any of this was dangerous, or if I was just being a big fucking over dramatic dude.

When I was going inside, I was then seeing one final message from Jackson before I decided that I was going to go to sleep. "Are you thinking that they might be onto you? If this is actually part of something?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, and I was thinking that no matter what he was going to tell me, he was going to not be fully satisfied with me, and he was going to feel like I could have come up with a better response.

"I guess that I just have to wait and see. You know, I guess that I want to just see what to do now. But I think that I might need to really put this aside. I mean, school does exist after all." I was done with this, I was sighing, and then I was feeling like that was all that I needed to say. All that I wanted to say, and all that I felt like I could have said in order to fucking make my point when going forward at this whole thing.

Once I was done, i was seeing that there was Josiah sitting down in the main family living room, and he was looking like he was working on his music. I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was needing to pick up on something like this myself. You know, just to distract me for a while longer. But I was wondering if distractions were even for the best, considering all that I had fucking known.

He was looking at me, and I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to ask something, and that he was clearly wanting to know more, and see if perhaps I might have been honest with this. But then he was sighing, and I was thinking that perhaps he was going to just give up on the this whole idea. Knowing that it was not even going to matter anymore.

"Why were you out so late?" Josiah asked, and then I was thinking about the question he asked, and even I was wondering if I was going to have a valid answer. I mean, all that I did was get myself in trouble. I mean, part of me was wanting to investigate more, and part of me was just wanting to pretend like I was finding something out. But I think everybody knew what I was wanting and I could get was totally bullshit.

"I guess that I just needed a night walk." I said, thinking that while this answer was stupid and he was not going to buy it, I was thinking that maybe he was going to fucking listen to me, and he was going to actually want to leave it alone. I was seeing that from the look on his face, that his mind was really fucking reeling with ideas on what to say.

"I guess that I don't need to know anything too much. I mean, it really is none of my business." After he had said that to me, I was shrugging, and I was pissed at the fact that I had done all of that, and then learned nothing at all. I was feeling like I just wasted so much fucking time wanting to do something, and then got none of it done.

"I think that one day, I might be willing to tell you more. Depends on how much I get in the mood for this." I said, and then I was feeling that something like this could make him leave me alone. I was tired of this, and I was tired of people feeling like they needed to know so much more, when in all honesty there was no need to.

"Alright. I mean, I know that none of it is really going to matter." He said, and then he was shurgging at this, and at this point, I was seeing that he was clearly finding this whole thing strange. I was sighing, and I was feeling like I just needed to really strongly work on my social skills, to not be making him think that I was being stupid.

"Just don't anything too stupid. Don't want to have to repeat senior year, right?" I heard him ask, and to be honest, him asking me this question was just going to be the one thing that I was going to have to think deeply about. I mean, I didn't want to. But I guess I was letting the prospect of it sink in for a bit.

"Yeah, I sure as fucking hell have no desire to do something like that." I said, and then I was shrugging, pissed at this story, I was pissed everybody wanted me to be doing stuff some certain way. But I was sure as hell having no fucking desire to be doing school anymore, and that was the only thing that I was relatively certain of right now.

So with that, there was no reason to talk. We were willing to leave it alone. I was feeling like I was we were just going to focus on what was going to be making school work out better for us all. You know, with us being in high school for a year together, so whatever I did this year was going to impact him the next three years.

Chapter Text

-Josiah's POV September 12 2020 10:25 pm- So I guess that it is my turn to be writing down some of my thoughts when going at this whole thing. But you know, I guess that maybe it is not really going to matter all that much. Honestly, I don't know what either of my older siblings is up to, and to be honest, I am not even all that interested in getting to know much of this. I am just wanting to explain some of the stuff that is going on at school lately, while I try to make a proper adjustment for Freshman year.
The first thing I would like to discuss was after school yesterday, when I was just playing on my guitar for a bit, and trying to just make some musical tunes. As I was trying to play around on the guitar for a while, I was wanting to see if maybe I could get some people to be interested in what I was preparing. And I was wondering if perhaps I could make some friends while going at it.
This exact thing started, as when I was playing, a guy with blonde hair and a green shirt started to walk up to me. I was wondering if he was planning on just simply asking some questions, or if he was wanting to actually get to know me a bit better. I had no idea which one I would rather have it be. But I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to discuss, we could make a real discussion.
When he was sitting down, he was looking at the guitar, and I could see that he was clearly having at least some questions in mind right now. "Hey, what type of guitar is that?" After he asked me this, I was looking down at it. Despite how much this seemed like a normal question, I was thinking that it was just a bit strange.
"Just a electric one. Six strings, so can't be a bass." I said, after I took a couple of seconds to really look and check it out. I was sighing, and then I looked at him, hoping that this was all that he had wanted from this. I was then looking at the guy right in the face, and while I was not wanting to look strange at it, I was just wanting to see what the fucking point of this even was.
"I barely play any normal music myself. I would like to go out and give it a go, but I am always worried about what people are going to be saying about my abilities." After the guy said this, I was sighing, and I was thinking that perhaps he and I were having that small piece in common. So I was looking at him, trying to find at least something to say to motivate him.
"Well, you do not really need to worry about people just enjoy your music. If you enjoy the work that you are doing, then just do whatever you want." After I was telling him this, I was wondering if he was actually a fan of music, or if he was just a guy who was casually into this. If it was the latter, it might be harder to connect, but I would have to try.
"I mean, sure, but I mean, it would be really exciting to have at least some people enjoy what I am doing. Will make me feel like I am not wasting so much of my time at this." After he was telling me this, he looked right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was hoping that I could consider what he was saying here at least, and not just shooting him down right now.
"Dude, relax. I am not really all that worried if you are not interested in this stuff. I mean, if you don't care for the musical arts, I am not able to do anything about it." After I was telling him, and then the guy was refusing to be saying anything else, and I was thinking that perhaps I was trying too hard, and I was thinking that I had needed to just sort of leave it all alone. So I was seeing him clearly taking a couple of moments to think harder now.
"What's your name, by the way?" He asked, and by now I was feeling like he was just trying to find a way to make this conversation feel at least sort of justified. I was laughing at this, and then I was thinking that I might as well let him know. I mean, it was not like he was going to have anything against me for being related to such a large family.
"Josiah. I have a large family, and I am the third one in line." I said, and then I was wondering if he was even caring, or if I was just randomly spitting out random facts that he would not have needed to know given the context. But I was thinking that perhaps if I could find a way to make him feel like we were going to get to know each other better. "What is your name?"
"Simon. I don't have a large family, as you might put it. I have a sister named Sam, who is a few years younger than me. But that is all that I think my parents will ever have." Simon said, and then I was laughing at that prospect of even being remotely certain on this, since that was what I was feeling when I was seeing my parents having more and more kids.
"Trust me when I say that there is no way that you can be even remotely safe that people will be done having kids. I thought that my parents would leave things alone right now, but they kept having another kid every couple of years, and to be honest, the whole thing is fucking insane." I said, and then I was looking at him, wondering if Simon was going to listen to me.
"I guess that maybe that does make some sense. But do you really believe that everybody is going to be doing the exact same things that your parents have been doing? I would assume that not everybody would be like this. At least, I am guessing." After Simon was saying this, I was shrugging, thinking that this was making some sense. So I was then wanting to change the subject to something slightly better.
"I think that even assuming that something like that would happen would just be a case of me being really close minded, and not even pretending to actually keep a open mind with." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, not even thinking about things anymore. I was feeling like this was just going to be something that I just needed to focus on right now.
"So Josiah, what is your family like when you think about all your siblings?" After Simon asked, I thought on it, and I was feeling like there was nothing that I really needed to say. You know, just thinking that talking on it was stupid. I was tired of fucking dealing with any of this now.
"I mean, they are fine enough. You know, I just think that they are all interested in their own things, and I have no fucking spot trying to get them to be doing their own thing, and I think that something like this would be rather fucking rude." I was shrugging, and then I was thinking that maybe my siblings had no real goal in mind, beyond what they were wanting to do with school.
In a way, I was just trying to keep this conversation going for as long as humanly possible, I was then thinking of what I had wanted to even fucking talk about now. "So Simon, what are the things that you are interested in, if you are not really somebody who is all that into the music scene?" I asked, still just trying to keep up some form of a possible friendship going.
"I never said that I was not into music. I just said that I was not into the whole idea of presenting my stuff at school. That being said, I guess that some of the things that I am interested in are some relatively scary movies." After Simon was saying this, I was seeing him looking proud of what he had said, and then I was looking at him, just tryingto find more of what to say to keep up a conversation with him.
"What types of scary movies have you watched, that made you get so into them?" I barely knew anything about these said movies, but I was wanting to give him a chance, and I was wanting to see if I might have wanted to see any of them. Which might not be possible, but I wanted to still see.
"I mean, I like stuff like Halloween, and I thought that the two IT movies were really good. I mean, I was thinking that the movie would not have been all that good, but I was mostly satisfied with what I had seen. That being said, I was just feeling like maybe I had been a bit harsh on the film before we even had a chance to see them." After he was saying this, he clearly had nothing else to say on this.
"So Simon, what part of those movies were really exciting?" I asked, and I was genuinely curious, and i had no intention of trying to make fun of him, which was not the impression I was wanting to give. But I was worried that he was going to be getting this impression. But I was seeing him looking relatively unsure of what to be saying now.
"I think just the fact that I was expecting them to not really be trying all that hard, and when I saw that they actually had a decent plot line, and a really great cast of actors for their age, and I just wanted to see what the movies were like." After he had said that to me, I was then feeling like there was nothing that was needed to be said now.
"So do you think that you and your friends are really into those movies?" I was asking, and I was not sure what his friends were like, and to be honest, I was not really even all that interested in this, and I was just wanting to see what he was wanting to say. I was just wanting to get to know him, and see how well we would get along now.
"I mean, I don't have a ton of friends, but the ones that I do have here have very mixed opinions on this whole thing, and I am not really able to get them to change their mind here. I mea, as long as they enjoy the stuff that they like, part of me wonders what common interests we really have." After he was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to have something to say to make this funnier. But at the moment, it was hard to be taking it super serious.
"Do you think that any of them would be rather into the music scene? Sorry if what I am constantly asking might be sounding kind of annoying?" I asked, and he was going to probably tell me that being annoying was just not in my blood. I guess that maybe he was just either never having a different mind set than me once or he was desperate for friends.
"I mean, I guess that maybe you might ask them if you ever meet them. But I mean, I have no idea what the heck is going on here. But if you are genuinely interested in getting to know them, sure you can try." After he was saying this, he was sounding totally indifferent, and hardly even seemed like he was caring.
"Want to go on and try and hang out with me outside of here?" I asked, and then I was thinking that maybe doing this might have been a decent idea, and that way we can get the hell out of here. I was feeling like this was the best way to get out of it. So with this, I was standing up, unsure of what to do now.
"Sure, I mean, I guess that there is not much that we are accomplishing by staying here." He said, and then he was shrugging feeling like there was not even all that much he was wanting to do by staying here for any longer. With this, we were walking out of the school, and i was just trying my best to be finding something to change his perspective here. Not that it was going to be super easy to go at this.
"So Simon, what do you like to do when you are done with school every day?" I asked, trying to find a way to be making this whole thing work out. I was feeling like I was just needing to at least pretend like I was not thinking about music, which was not true. But like I said, if I was willing to at least pretend, everything would be fine. I was hoping that maybe Simon even really cared too much.
"I like to go around, and just see what places this town like to offer. You know, since I heard that there are a lot of great places in town, and I was just wanting to see how much of it was true." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, feeling like maybe I was just having a different perspective than he did. After all, if he was wanting to enjoy this town, there was no reason to not let him have a choice here.
"So what are the things that you have heard too much about?" I asked, and I was pretending like maybe if was willing to hear what his stories were, I might be willing to debunk or confirm some of these. I was thinking that maybe I just really need to hear out his entire story.
"I heard a lot of rumors about people who go missing. I mean, I know that you guys might not feel too comfortable talking about this. Since it is a rough subject. That being said, I really am just curious to see what is happening." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and I was thinking that maybe I just needed to not tell him any of this, since it was all a bit of a rough subject. I guess that none of this was going to be making a single fucking difference.

-September 16 2020 1:50 am- I was wanting to go to sleep, and I was feeling like it would be really best if I went around and did something like this. But that was just going to be hard when I was having so many fucking things in my mind. I was feeling like I just needed to go on and finally see what Simon was feeling about the idea of possibly going on a music show with me. I was not wanting to make it sound forced or whatever. But I felt I could at least offer.
I was pulling out my phone, and I was thinking that worst comes to worst, he was not going to respond to the messages, and I was feeling like I was going to have sort of wasted my time this whole way. "Hey Simon, are you still awake?" I asked on the text, feeling like I would give him a chance one way or another.
I was looking over at Seth, who was fast asleep on his bed, and I was feeling like whatever he was doing on his own time was just something that I wanted to see. I wanted to see if I could help Seth out with making some friends at school. But at the same time, I did not want to make him feel like I was forcing him to do things my way.
I was sighing, thinking that maybe I was already wasting my time when I was getting another text, and I was looking and saw that it was indeed from Simon, which made me feel nice knowing that at least it was not from some random person. "What are you wanting to talk about?" He asked and then I was thinking on it for a moment longer, unsure what to say.
"I was wondering if perhaps you were wanting to go on one of those talent shows in a band or something? I know that you said you had no real interest in music, but I was feeling like I would still offer." I sent the next text, thinking that he was going to reject me, but that I could have at least tried to see how it would be.
"Do you think that the show could be fun?" He asked, and I was unsure of what I would say about this, and I was sort of taken aback by the question. I was thinking that perhaps I should have seen this one coming. But at the same time, I was tired, and I was just thinking that he would have given me a simple yes or no.
"Yeah, I feel like it really could be a whole lot of fun. I mean, if you have no interest in it though, I am not forcing you into it though." I said, and I was feeling like this was going to be the only even remotely decent way of going at this. The only way that I would say it in which he would not be pissed off at me here.
"Well, if you feel like it is something that you genuinely want to do, I will help you out as much as I can. I mean, I feel like something about it does sound kind of exciting." He was saying, and then I was sighing in victory, feeling like part of it was now taken care of before I even needed to worry about it at all.
"Hey by the way, I know this might sound random, but is your younger brother Seth?" He asked, and I was shocked at this, but I decided to not say anything, and I was feeling like he was just trying to pass by casual conversation, so I went along with it.
"Yeah, he is my brother. Is there something going on?" I was asking, slightly scared that something happened, and he was being made fun of, or being totally treated like shit by his classmates for no good reason. I was having a lot running in my mind.
"Well, that is really funny, because I think what I am about to tell you might be sounding totally crazy to you." He said, and I was feeling like I was just needing to see where this was going. I was needing to hear his side of the story, for my own interest.
"What is it?" I asked, and I was no longer feeling like he was in trouble, and I was just feeling like if there was something my brother did that was genuinely funny, then I was actually wanting to know. I wanted to know if my brother really did have something up his sleeve after all.
"My younger sister Sam totally has like a thing for him. She never stops talking about him, and I didn't think on it at all until I heard the last night. As soon as I heard that last name, it caught on, and I realized instantly the big connection." He said, and then I was laughing at this, knowing that Seth of all people had somebody liking him.
If fucking Seth of all guys had been able to get a girl to have a interest in him, I was wondering if everybody in the world could have been able to accomplish this. But at the same time, I had no desire to say such a thing out loud, since I did not want to offend him at all.
"That's really fucking funny honestly. I never thought that he would have accomplished it to be honest. I thought that he was dead on arrival." I said, and I was feeling like being honest about it might have helped ease the tension here. Part of me was feeling like maybe if I was able to snoop along more, I might have gotten Simon's help on getting the two together as well.
"I just thought that you might have been interested in it. I mean, I was just sort of not thinking about it, and then I remembered the name, and then it was all fucking coming together." After he was saying this to me, I was then laughing, and then I was just shaking my head, feeling slightly jealous, but then I was remembering that it was all in my power to make it all fucking work.
"Well, I will see if maybe he might be interested in something like this." I said, and I was thinking about how I never really learned if he was into guys or girls. I mean, I never once thought on it, and I was thinking that it was no big deal. But at the same time, I was slightly curious. After all, he was getting old enough to start forming ideas.
"Well, I guess that it is not that big of a deal. I was just thinking that you might be interested in it. I mean, if he wants to check something out here, that is entirely up to him. I just think that maybe if he starts to get hit on by her, then don't say that I did not warn you." He said, and then I was thinking about how odd that text was. I was thinking that if anything, Seth needed to be ready, and that I did not need warning.
"Trust me, if anybody needs the heads up, it will be him. Maybe I can see what he might want to say. Regardless, thanks for letting me know. Personally, I think that it's fucking hilarious." I was finishing, and then I was thinking that now that the initial shock and annoyance was gone, and I was thinking on it all, I was thinking that this was fucking perfect, and that I needed to savor every single fucking second of it.
"Anyways, so thanks for the offer on the band. I will think about it. I mean, it does sound kind of fun at least. So I will give it a chance probably. Only if you still feel up for it later." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was just thinking that no matter what was going on, Simon and I were starting to get a real friendship going here. I was needing to take care of it, and I was needing to earn his trust, and by doing so, then things were finally going to fucking be making some fucking sense in general.
"Good night. Sorry for keeping you up for so long. I did not mean to create any problems." I said, and then I was feeling like doing such a thing, and admitting this was going to be making him feel a while lot better. Despite everything going on, I was just trying to be careful going forward.
Eventually, I turned off my phone for the night, and I was feeling like at least some fucking sleep would be greatly appreciated, and that this was the only thing that I would want more anything in the entire fucking world.
...
-September 16 2020 3:45 pm- When school was done the next day, I was still feeling some form of uncertainty at the fact that Seth had somebody who had a huge ass crush on him. The whple thing just felt so strange, and I was honestly fucking jealous, and I was not even going to pretend like I wasn't. I just sincerely had no idea how he was able to pull something like this off, when he was such a strange fucking guy.
I just never even thought that he would have been interested in getting people to like him. In all honesty, all of these things that were popping in my mind were the only things that had been popping in my mind were just the uncertainty of why the hell I was even so worried about this in the first place, when I knew that my older brothers were running around like chickens with their fucking heads cut off.
As I was playing a couple of songs for a few minutes, Simon was sitting down, and he wa slooking right at me, and I was seeing that there were a couple of things that he was wanting to talk to me about, and I was feeling that I just needed to lusten to him for a while. "Hey Josiah, I was wanting to talk for a bit, if you were down with that." He was saying, and I was totall fucking cool with that.
"Yeah, what were you wanting to talk about?" I asked, just pretending like I wasn't wanting to see what he was wanting to talk about. I was pretending like I was only mildly interested in it all. He was looking at me, and I was seeing taht he was wanting to talk about random things.
"So have you ever thought about what your house will be like with your older siblings probably heading out at some point? You know, since Gabe is a senior, and Todd has a job now." He said, and then I was thinking it was a random one, but I decided to go with it.
"Honestly, I just want to see if they are going to be leaving. That being said, if they do go, then I am certainly going to just do my best to make sure that the younger siblings are going to be safe. You know, the fact that they are goig to at least have a chance to be able to have a way of living a decent life without their two oldest ones around." I said, and then I was trying to think about how life would be like if things were going to be getting a bit more complicated.
"Well, do you feel like they want to make sure that you guys are going to have a peaceful transition period? I mean, I just try and imagine what it will be like when I leave, and I think that there will certainly be at least some open ended period." After Simon was saying this, I was confused as to why he was thinking so much on this now.
"Honestly, I just try and think about what I would like to do on my own time. I mean, I am just happy to know that my siblings are all doing their best, and I think that when I see the way that they are looking like they are enjoying either school or their time home, I know that there is not much that I can fucking do about it." I said, and then I was thinking about what they were probably doing right now, and I was wishing that I was with them, having my own fun, and my own time.
"So Josiah, do you feel like you might try and get like a weekend job and try to help them out? You know, make sure that they are going to have extra revenue?" After he asked me this, I was shrugging, not even wanting to debate that idea right now, and to be honest, I felt the question was mildly pointless.
"I think that I am going to have a lot of shit to do with school and stuff, that even if I wanted to do such a thing, I would be distracted. That being said, if there is really a good gig that I might enjoy, I will fucking take it." I said, and then I was thinking about what type of place would have to do that for me. To be so fucking good that I will have to just drop everything that I was doing, and just fucking go for it. I was feeling like that was just not going to be popping up anytime soon.
"Well, I was just curious. I mean, it is none of my business, but I know that when people try and talk to me about stuff, I think that most of them are kind of shocked that I never at least looked for stuff." Simon said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that it did not even matter all that much, and that I was really not worried at all.
"I don't really care what you do with your time. I don't even know why people would care so much about that in the first place. It is really none of their business anyways." I said, and then I was thinking that maybe I could have just left it all alone, and not even bring it up any more.
"I don't even know why I brought it up. I guess that I was just mildly curious was all." He was shrugging, and then he was thinking about what to be doing now. "So what are you planning on doing tonight? Work on music?" He asked, as if feeling like there was no need to be even asking. Almost as if feeling like he was sort of wasting his time bringing it up.
"Don't worry about it. I would rather talk about this than deal with my youngr brothers trying to write a bunch of annoying comedy or talking non stop about sports." I said, having very specific jabs at Seth and Jack, and I was feeling like this might be the only place in the world that I might get away with this statement.
I was tired of everything, and I was tired of feeling like nobody was going to be taking me seriously. That being said, I was feelig like I was just needing to be fair here. I mean, I was feeling like several people were doing far fucking worse. So I was just not going to be making a giant deal out of it.
"So Josiah, why do you feel like you need to hang out with them at all if you are hating the idea of speaking to them so much?" He asked, and as much as I hated to admit this, I was feeling like it was a valid question. I was not wanting to be saying anything on it at all though.
"I guess that maybe there is a slight interest that I have in the subject. I mean, tehy are my brothers after all. I do want to see what is best for them, no matter how much it can sometimes drive me up my nerves, what they are always talking about. But to be honest, I would rather have a somewhat decent friendship with them than nothing at all." I was shrugging, thinking taht i was needing to leave it all alone now.
"So you are mainly doing it for family loyalty? I guess that in a way, that does make some sense." Simon was saying, unsure if he was truly buying it, but at the same time, he was feeling like he was trying to at least see where I was coming from.
"Yeah, I guess that you can say that. I guess that I just want to see my family happy, no matter what it might be, and no matter if I have no interest in hearing out their crazy stories or not, I just want to see them do well." I said, and then i was shrugging, thinking about what such a thing would indicate. But I decided not to say anything on it at all.
"Honestly, I just think that when I see that they are all having some fucking form of ambition, and here I am, not really doing much, and just acting like I have something going here, I feel so fucking confused. I want to perform a album, but have no real idea what I want my material to be over." I was saying, and then looked at him, and I was seeing that he was clearly looking out of the loop when I was saying this all. So I was feeling like I just needed to stop, and leave it alone.
"Well, if you feel like you need to make an album, but you feel like you have no idea where to be going with it, maybe you can try and get your family to go on and help you out? I mean, surely they might be willing to give you some clues on how to be going at it." Simon suggested, and I was looking at him, and I was feeling like this was never good enough at all.
"I am sure that they will want me to be looking for my own answer, and be doing things my own way, and I doubt that many of them will be willing to give me advice on how I am doing? I am going to have to keep that in perspective." After I had said that him, I was feeling like if that was true, then maybe I was over rating how much my family cared for me. I was aware of how silly that sounded. But right then and there, I did not care.
"That just feels like a shitty ass answer, and I feel like there is so much more to this than you want.to admit. But I think that maybe if something like this is trly the case, then is there a chance that maybe there is not nearly enough that your family is doing for you after all." Simon asked, and I was not thinking he meant anything of it, but I was truly unsure what to tell him.
"I mean, I have nothing agianst my family, so I really think that I want them to prove me that this feeling of certainty is correct. You know, I think that they at least deserve a chance." I was shrugging, and looked at Simon, and I was feeling like I was needing to at least try and pretend like I was seeing it his way. But for some reason, it was fucking impossible to be doing right now.
"Alright, sorry for even mentioning something like this. I just thought it was worth mentioning, but I think that maybe I need to relax, and just look at things slightly differently." He was saying, and I was feeling like he was just clearly saying this to get me to calm down. I was sighing, and I felt really bad for the way that I was acting right now.
"I don't know. I guess that maybe I am just at unease. I mean, I know that you are probably trying your best, and that you want to try and give me some feeling of being better at this. But who knows. I guess that maybe I am just sort of unsure of what to even feel anymore." I was saying, and I decided that maybe saying that was going to be making him feel differently now.
"Well, I think that regardless, it is always best to be talking with people if you feel uncertain about things. You know, just to sort of make it feel like you know what is going on. I think that you need to do something like that going forward anyways." He was saying, and then I was thinking about it all, and I had been thinking about what I was even wanting to say now.
"Anyways, I just think that when I go out, and I see my family doing their own thing, I just feel like maybe there is more credit that I need to give them than I have been. I mean, after all, my fucking younger brother is having the time of his life, and he is getting a girl to like him in the process. And here I am, acting like what he is doing is just fucking stupid. At least he is getting praise for being who he is." I was saying, thinking now more than ever that maybe Seth knew what he was doing in his life now.
"Do you think that you are going to try and see what Seth would tell you on these cases, or do you feel like you are sort of aware of what you want to do now?" He asked me, and then I was shrugging, as if having no fucking idea of what the hell we were going to be doing now. I was feeling tired, and I was feeling unsure of why I was suddenly acting like he was my model, when this was not the fucking truth.
"Anyways, I just think that maybe when I talk all of this shit aboiut him, and then he does this, I feel like maybe there is some validity to this whole thing, and that is the main thing that I am mainly coming from. It is just something that I feel like I am needing to look more and more at." I was saying, and then I was just thinking that maybe I could leave it alone now, and that maybe I made my point, and would be able to leave it all alone.
"There is nothing else to it. All that I can say is that when I have a chance to go on and talk with Seth again, I can actually ask him how he gets the courage to go around and actually do what he wants to do. I mean, maybe when he tells me what is going on, I can sort of see things slightly differently, and I will see what I can do to change things up for the best for myself. Because I really want high school to be worth it." I said, thinking about high school, and how hard this was going to be.
"I believe that this is one thing we can all agree on. You know, just fucking enjoying school, and making it not the biggest hell in the entire world. But I guess that I will see how things are. But you know, I think that if for nothing else, we can get some fun out of it. So you know, now that we are here, what are your basic goals?" Simon asked, and I was feeling like that was a genuinely loaded question, and that there was no fucking way that I was going to be able to answe that as best as he was wishing probably.
"I think that aside from having fun, I just want to get out of this alive. I just want to get out of this feeling like I had at least some fucking experience that was actually worth it." I was saying, and I was thinking about how hard something like this might have been. I mean, that was the big statement, and I knew that there was not much to go with this.
"One of these days, I am going to just look back at this though, and I know that I am being a emotional train wreck." I said, and I was just trying to be funny about it, but I was thinking that there was probably at least a mild amount of truth to it, as much as I was hating to admit it. But I was focused on making it work now.
"Well, when that day happens, if I still know you, I would love to see that scene. I think that it could be a lot of fun." Simon was saying, and I was feeling like maybe he was not meaning to give it any sort of context, and that he was just trying to be funny. So I decided not to say anything.
"The one thing that I do know is that I am glad that I already have a better head getting into this than either of my two older brothers ever did. I think that maybe they were not having a good set of goals, and I think that maybe that was going to be their issue." I was shrugging, thinking that there was not much that I could say to it besides that.
"There is only one thing that I am certain of right now. The fact that I do actually feel really good on this. I feel like I have something ahead of me that I never once had. I have a feeling of just feeling good. I mean, I look at things real, and I think that things are going to be hard, and i remember that as long as I have some friends, and i get to do my music, it will be fine." I was saying, and I was getting closer and closer to my house, where I could just relax then.
"Do you think that your family will be cool with me coming by?" Simon asked as we were getting close to my house, and I was unsure of why they were not going to be, and I was thinking that this was a stupid question. But I decided not to say anything on it, thinking that it was just his way of trying to be polite.

-September 18 2020 12:38 am- I was tired of everything being about my fucking family. I mean, yes I know how fucking selfish this whole thing is sounding, and I am just being a bit realistic when I am saying this. I was wanting to be my own man, and I was wanting to make that whole thing very fucking clear. But I guess that maybe I was just having a tough time going at this.
That being said, I was wanting to fucking know what the hell the issue was that my brothers, especially Gabe, had been getting into. I was feeling like maybe I could have tried and talk with him about what he was getting himself into. I knew he was not going to be listening to me, and I knew that he would pretend like I was pushing him too much. But I needed to try harder than before.
As I was sitting in my living room, I was seeing Gabe starting to come towards the exit of the house, and when I was seeing him doing something, I was just seeing him looking tired and he was looking fucking terrified of whatever was going on. "Hey, what are you doing?" I asked, as Gabe looked right at me to see what I was wanting to ask.
"I just have been seeing you having a lot of issues lately, and I guess that maybe this whole thing has been confusing the hell out of me." I was saying, and despite how much he was clearly wanting to find something to me to tell me off right now, I was feeling like he was going to just tired and probably knew that lying was not going to help out at all. Then he was sitting down, and he was staring right at me, just thinking of what to tell me.
"Well, I just wanted to see if there was a lot of stuff that I had heard about the town that were actually true or not. I mean, I know that none of this is something that be considered very realistic." Gabe was telling me, and I was looking at him, as if just clearly had nothing that I could have said that would make them comprehend anything at all. "I mean, I thought that some of the legends might have been true, which was the only reason I wanted to really look."
"Gabe, what the fucking hell are you talking about? I mean, none of this is making any sense at all. I mean, why were you even having something like this to begin with? What fucking legends are you even trying to look at right now?" I was sighing, and then I was just clearly having no idea what I was even believing right now.
"Honestly, I just saw a couple of things that I never really thought could do anything but fucking confirm what I had been hearing. You know, I just wanted to see if the things that I found were isolated instances, or if they were all connected. I guess that I can just leave this whole thing alone though. I mean, speaking it out loud, I guess that some of this is sounding a bit strange." Gabe said, and then he was clearly having nothing that he even wanted to consider.
"Well, I guess that maybe I will have nothing that I can say that will be making any sense out of this. So even if I were to try and push this issue further, I will never even get any of this to be comprehended. I guess that I will just leave it alone." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wishing that he could have taken some pity out of me right now.
"I don't think that you should even want to know what is happening. I mean, I think that even if you want to know more and more of the truth, then you will just feel like you are wasting your time. So I am asking you for my own sake, to leave it all alone." Gabe was saying, and this was just confusing the hell out of me, so I was refusing to even fucking say anything now.
"Honestly, I have no idea what is going on, and I had nothing that I wanted to even know at all. So I will just leave it alone." After I was telling him this, the two of us were just having a silent fear in our emotions. I was scared of what the hell my brother was getting himself into, and Gabe was clearly scared of what he was getting into, and I was seeing that he was clearly having nothing that he had wanted to say at all.
"But Gabe, I mean, I know that none of this is any of my business, but I am genuinely curious as to what the hell is going on, and I was wondering what you were even trying to accomplish here." I was just trying so fucking hard to know more, and that was all that I was really caring about. Maybe Gabe would have helped me out further. But Gabe was clearly having something that he was trying to accomplish, and as much as I wanted to not know more, I was feeling like I really had no choice.
"Just things that mom and dad told me about when I was really young, and I was always brushing them off as fiction, and at the time I was feeling like there was nothing else to this. But then I was hearing so many fucking things that they thought I needed to just never know. And it was something that I saw in the forest. I will be leaving it at all." After Gabe was done telling me this, I was just shrugging for a while longer, and had no idea what the hell this even mattered.
"What were you doing in the forest in the first place?" I asked, feeling like this was the best question that I could have asked, and then he was shrugging, and I was seeing that no matter how professional and kind he was being here, there was no real reason he did what he had done, and he had nothing he even wanted to say about this now.
"Well, I was thinking that I saw some fucking glowing light, and I decided that I would go on and fucking see what the glowing light was. I was heading on towards it, and then I was getting right inside, just clearly unsure of what to do." After he was telling me this, I was just clearly unsure of what the hell we were doing. "Once I was inside, I was looking around for a while longer. And then eventually I was finding something that was finally giving me some real suspicious."
"Alright, I guess that I will be leaving it alone for now. But I guess that we have nothing else that we even need to talk about." After I was telling him this, and then I started to stand up, and I was clearly having no desire to speak on this further, and now I was just wanting to get the hell out of this. I was feeling like this entire conversation was just a bit stupid, and as I was then looking right at Gabe, he was just clearly wishing that we never had any idea what we could have discussed.
"Hey Gabe, just stay safe no matter what the hell you are doing. I guess that maybe you can just do whatever you want. I mean, I have no idea what the hell we are even doing. And I think that I just need to focus on school and my music, but I will not force you to do anything else." I was then feeling like I just had no idea what the hell I even wanted to discuss in the first place. If Gabe wanted to be doing something stupid and strange, it was his own choice.
"I will stay safe. In all honesty, I have no real interest in going further at this in the first place. I guess that you might not get it at all. So I will leave it alone." Gabe said, and then I was staring right at him, and I was wondering why he was wanting to leave this whole thing alone. I was feeling like if he was wanting to know more, he did not need to leave it alone.
"Gabe, why would you want to stop looking if you were so interested in knowing what is happening in the first place." I asked, and Gabe was staring right at me, and he totally looked bored out of his fucking mind. He shrugged for a while longer, and I was wondering if I was going to have able to get any clues on what he was feeling. I was just going to let it go, and I was thinking it was best to go to bed.
When I was inside of my room, and then Gabe was starting to stand up. Once he was going to the door, finally feeling like he was just glad to finally be leaving it all alone. Once he was out of the house. And this was the one thing that I was just needing to follow him, and I knew that I would regret this. But I did not really even care. I just needed to see if he was safe.
He closed the door, and I was feeling like I just needed to wait a few seconds longer before I would start to follow him for a while longer. I then walked out of the house once I was convinced he was at least several yards away. Then with that, I was looking around, and stared at the night sky, feeling like if we were caught, we were both going to be in so much trouble.
I was almost finding some amusement out of this, and then with that, I was starting to continue for a while longer. I was walking for a while longer, and I was feeling kind of pissed that Gabe was lying to me, but at the same time, I was feeling like when I was going to see how scary it was, I would start to truly get how bad this whole thing really could have been.
Then with this, I was kind of annoyed with the fact that Gabe was just doing something, but I was feeling like I was just not giving him a fucking chance. I was thinking that if something really was happening, he was needing to fucking tell people about this, and then maybe with telling me this, everything would have made some more sense. And then I would have started to try and help him out for a while until he was going to figure it all out.
When I was following him for a while, I was seeing that Gabe was just standing in the middle of a side walk for a few seconds, and I was wondering what the fucking issue was. I was feeling like I was just needing to get him to tell me the truth of what was actually happening. Seeing him like this was just scaring the absolute shit out of me.
I was hiding behind a tree the entire time that this was happening, and the longer that I had been standing there, then that was when Gabe was just not even really having any issues with this. He was sort of clearly having something of a plan going on here. I was wanting to stop him right now. But I was really just thinking that if I mentioned anything, he might be making things much worse, and he was going to to tell me he wanted to just not speak to me anymore.
When he was done standing there for a while longer, I was seeing him walking along again, and then I was then continuing to follow him, and I was doing it at a much slower pace, feeling like if I was going at a slower pace, then I might have been able to get back home in case if I needed to. And if he was walking back, I would use that built distance to get back faster, so that way he would never suspect me at all.
With each passing minute that was going on, I was seeing Gabe just clearly tired of things right now, and I was going to try and confront him one more time. I was going to fucking force him to tell me more. But I was thinking that this was the one fucking thing that if I said this, I was going to ruin any chances of trust we had now.
I was seeing him getting closer to his friends house, and when I was seeing him near where his friend was living, I was sighing for a moment longer, I was sort of believing that I would have left this whole thing alone. In a way, I was fucking glad that I never had to be talking about this any more. I felt like I could just let him hang out with his friends.
The only way that I knew if my friends were going to be willing to hear about this was if I was feeling like my brothers were in genuine danger right now. I knew that in a way, it was not worth the fucking risk, but I was feeling like it was going to be something that I could just refuse to even bring up now.
I was then just thinking that maybe Gabe was having something he was wanting to do with his friends, and then I guess that I could just have left it all alone. I was then feeling like I was going to have to remember that if for nothing else, he was going to be safe. Gabe was going to be safe, and Gabe was going to be just doing his own random thing, so I was going to be perfectly fine.
I was then thinking about what my parents were going to do if they found out what I was doing now. I was thinking that my parents were going to be fucking furious with this whole thing, no matter what the issue really was. I was then thinking that no matter what this whole thing about Gabe telling me about legends was going on, I would just be calm and collected. I was just going to tell them I wanted him to be safe. But that being said, I was feeling like something like this was just not going to be considered good enough for them at all.
...
-Sepetember 18 2020 2:32 pm- I was still being bothered by what I had seen last night with Gabe, and while I was telling myself that chances are that something else was happening here. I was genuinely thinking that I was needing to be a bit more careful. I had no idea how else I could describe it besides that. I was feeling like I needed to see what Gabe was doing, and this time, i was going to be much more forceful about it.
I was shaking my head, and to be honest, I was getting kind of annoyed with everything that had been going on. I was feeling like I had just needed to see what Gabe even wanted right now. I was feeling like if Gabe was wanting to just hide something from us, then it was probably not my fucking business. But I supposed that none of it mattered at all.
Then with that, I was willing to talk with Gabe, and just ask politely. But then after I started to think about this for a while longer, I was feeling like there was virtually nothing that I could have asked him right now. So I was starting to feel like I was going to have to leave it all alone. And that was all that I fucking cared about. I was not going to do something I knew that I would regret.I was not fucking stupid after all.
When I was starting to get ready for school to be over, that was when I was seeing Simon calling out towards me. When I saw him coming towards me, I was then looking down on the ground, feeling like I was just needing to leave it alone. I was thinking that perhaps when I was going to just talk with him for a while, I might as well see what he might be willing to tell me. Not that any of it really mattered though.
"Hey, I was wondering how you were doing. You look like you got something on your mind right now." He was telling me, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like what he was trying to say here was that I was looking like I needed to lighten the fucking hell up, and not be too annoyed here.
"Not much to do right now. I guess that I ust have a lot of things that are bothering me right now, but mainly with my siblings. But I decided that I would leave it alone." I was telling him, and then he was looking at me for a moment. This whole thing was starting to make Simon look a bit more uncomfortable. So I was just remaining silent for now.
"What the heck is your issue with your siblings? I mean, I guess that it is none of my business, but come on..." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and then I was feeling like I could just go on and leave it all alone. I was then rubbing my eyes, just kind of tired of everything. In all honesty, I was feeling like I had should just keep him out of it.
"I just don't think that it is going to make much of a difference anymore. I think that for your sake, I might be leaving it alone." After I was telling him this, I was seeing Simon just looking a bit tired, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say something else. But decided that it was not even going to matter at all. "Well, I was wondering if there was something that you wanted to do to hang out for a bit?" He asked, and I was feeling like that was a decent idea.
"Yeah, sure I guess that we can do that, if you want to." I said, and then he was looking slightly excited for a moment, and I was feeling like regardless of what he was thinking, we were just needing to find something to make this discussion at least somewhat better. "Do you have any ideas of what we can do?" I was feeling like I was needing to play along as long as possible.
"No, not really. I guess that maybe we can go to my house for a bit. If you are fine with that idea." Simon said, and I was remembering what my parents had told me, in that as long as I was safe, and as long as I was getting my credits at school, I was virtually allowed to be doing anything that I was wanting. When I said that to Simon, I saw him looking a bit more happy about this, so we were starting to walk for a while longer.
"Do you think that I might be able to go on and see what Sam is like? I mean, I just got curious when you were telling me that she was having a thing for my brother Seth. I mean, it is none of my business. But still, I just am curious to know a bit is all." I was saying, and then I was looking at him for a few seconds.
"Oh don't worry about it. I mean, she might not want to talk much about it in the first place. She might just want to reject any ideas and notions that this is what she is like." After Simon was saying this, he was shrugging, and I guessed that this was just because she was embarassed to admit things like this.
"I guess that it really is not something I need to be worried about. I supposed that mabe I was just jealous that I had somebody who was liking my brother, but nobody likes me. I guess that maybe I should have found something that could help me feel better." I was shrugging, thinking that maybe saying something like this would make him feel a bit differently.
We were walking along, and I was feeling like maybe this whole thing was going to be sounding silly. He was not going to be very interested in this. So I was feeling like I was needing to see what if Simon was going to just find some way to be bullshitting me for a moment longer. "So Josiah, are you feeling like you wish to go on a few dates with some people?" Simon asked me, and then I was just shrugging, not too bothered by this.
"Honestly, I have no idea what the heck I want or feel. I guess that I am too worried about it all." I said, and then I was feeling like I just needed to find a way to make this whole thing differently. "I just feel like when I see that, I will have to see what the heck is going on." I was shrugging, not really all that worried about it, thinking that just saying this might have made things slightly different for us all.
"Well, I am sure that over the years, something will come up. So I will just suggest letting it slide." After he was telling me this, I was feeling like I was needing to keep this whole thing up for a while longer. "But Josiah, I think that you just can just work on your music. I am sure that the music performance might get somebody impressed." Simon told me, I was feeling like the only thing that could make this whole thing work out was just going to possibly work out.
"I guess that maybe something like this can work. But I guess that I am just needing to see what things are like before I make any fucking judgements here." I was sighing, feeling like I was gong to have to have to find something to bring this whole thing. "But I think that I will have to just make sure that I will put in as much effort as I can here." We were walking along for a while longer, sort of just needing to let it all go for a while.
"So Josiah, what type of music do you even feel like will be making people actually want to connect with you? I mean, I am just curious, so that way you don't go up there, and then you start to make a performance, and then it is revealed that it looks like maybe nothing actually came out of it." Maybe Simon was actually wanting to help me out for a while longer, so I just needed to keep things together.
"I mean, I need to be thinking about it for a while longer. I mean, I guess that nothing I will be saying might make any difference, but I guess that I just want to be at least slightly realistic when going through with this." I was saying, feeling like maybe Simon was gong to push for more information. But I guessed that nothing else would make any fucking difference.
"I think that on one hand, people might appreciate the honesty a bit more. On the other hand, I just think that maybe the lack of honesty, and creating something that I know that I will not like might be able to get people to have more mass appeal to this." I was saying, just thinking that I could have just gotten this worked out if I was trying a bit harder.
"I think that you are thinking too much into this. I think that you probably need to fucking relax." After she was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was going to have to try and be a bit more careful when I was speaking to him now. I was standing up, and then I was then holding my guitar as tightly as possible. But I was just not even really in the mood for any of this. I supposed that maybe I was needing to just try and make him see where I was coming from a bit more right now.
Once we were getting close to where Simon's house was, I was looking at my family, and this time, I was feeling like maybe I could go on and just see what he might be wishing to tell me, and I was feeling like I was just needing to give him a chance right now. "So Simon, did you enjoy meeting some of my siblings yesterday?" I asked, wanting to see what he was wanting to say.
Simon was looking like he had nothing else to say, so he was just shrugging, and i was thinking about how that was playing the exact opposite of what I was hoping, but I refused to say a damn word, not wanting to make it a deal. "I guess that some of my siblings can be a piece of work, if you do not know what you are getting yourself into." I said, trying to make the whole thing seem at least somewhat funny now.
"I mean, I think that they are not actually all that bad of people. But I think that sometimes, they might be a bit much." Simon said, and I was sighing, thinking that I just needed to see what the issue was. I mean, I just wanted to see if he was at least wanting to get to know them a small amount more.
"Honestly, I just wanted to see if you would like them or not. But I guess that this whole makes at least some sense. At this rate, I mean, I think that there is nothing forcing you to like them." I was shrugging, and I was not even all that worried about this anymore. "Honestly, I think that we just might need to find something else to be doing now."
"Well, now that I am thinking about it a bit more, I think that Lydia is kind of a interesting girl. I mean, she was looking always really confused about seeing me though. Does she not know what it is like to have people visiting here?" Simon was saying, and then I was thinking deeply about Lydia a bit. Then with that, we were walking inside, just trying to find something to do now to make this a bit different.
"The only thing that I think I might have some regrets for is the fact that I just need to have some interactions with Todd's new girlfriend, but the whole thing is strange. I just think that the idea of him getting a girlfriend like that was rather off." I was feeling like I just needed to be slightly careful when going through this. I was needing to not let Simon think that maybe I would like Bebe.
"Why do you have a interest in his girlfriend? I mean, have you ever interacted with her even once? I just find it kind of odd that this is the thing that you are super worried on?" Simon asked, and I was still feeling like that was a perfectly fair question, and that he was just asking a question that he was feeling like if he went hard enough, I might be able to give him a honest answer.
"I mean, she just seems like a nice person, and I thought that maybe if I tried hard enough, she would just sort of make me understand what is such a great quality of my brother. I am just wanting to know." I said, and I was aware of how fucking rude I must have sounded. Basically saying that my brother did not deserve something like that. But I was sort of just trying to make my point clear though.
"Well, whatever you are doing, I guess that it is none of my business. I mean, as long as your brother is willing to talk with you, and tell you about her, I guess that I will just let you guys be doing it all." Simon said, and then this time, we were really inside of the house, and then I was thinking about what we were actually getting ourselves into. I was feeling like I just needed to think about our hang outs going forward.
"I also just kind of wonder if maybe I could be able to get some free pizza if I get on her good graces, and not treat her like a dumb ass or something. Since she works at the local pizza shop." I said, and then I was feeling like what I had said was a bit strange, and I was thinking that maybe that would just never happen. Bt a man could fucking dream about free damn pizza.
"Well, I think that doing something like that would never happen, since she probably does not want to break store protocol." He said, and then I was nodding, thinking exactly that, and I was thinking that maybe I was just needing to be a bit more realistic when I was going at this whole thing. As annoying as being analytical might be.
Once inside of the house, I was seeing a relatively large living room, although not nearly as big as the one that was at my house, which was the only large part about my house. As I was looking around, I was seeing that there was nobody inside the house, or at least nobody who was outside of their room wandering about. "Do your parents go to work often or something?" I asked, just trying to find something to keep the discussion up.
"Yeah, my dad is always out doing something. Only comes by during the nights, when Sam is usually asleep. I barely speak to him when he is home, because I go to sleep soon after anywways. And mom usually comes home a bit earlier, but only by a couple of hours. They expect both Sam and I to be old enough to get ready for school and stuff." After he had said that to me, I was nodding, thinking that I really did not need to have him tell me more, since I felt like I got it.
"Alright, I was just curious was all. But I guess that it really is not my business. I was just thinking it was strange how nobody was here. What time does Sam come home?" I asked and I was feeling like my interest in Sam was a bit strange, and that I just needed to focus on the fucking hang out. However, I felt it really was only fair that I was just trying to get a scope of the moment.
"She usually hangs out with her friends for a hour or two after school, before she comes home. But I guess that maybe she is just a bit more social than I am here. I just have a hard time finding some people to really connect with." After he said that to me, he was sitting down, and he was feeling like now that he stated that, he did not need me to rub it in or anything, and I was not having any intention to. But I refused to say that.
"Do you feel like you could possibly make some friends who might be willing to hang out with you after school if you looked hard enough?" I asked, thinking that as strange as I was probably sounding with this question, I was just sort of wanting to know what he had been feeling.
"I mean, I am kind of doing that right now, right?" He asked, and then I was slowly nodding, not thinking much of it at all, and then I was just thinking about school, and I was tired of school. "But Josiah, how many friends do you have that you usually hang out with after school?" He asked, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like that was a valid question, and I was wishing that I had a better answer for him right now.
I was then thinking about how much I was wishing to have him not ask me questions like these, as they sometimes made me feel down about what the hell I was actually doing now. "Only a couple here and there. But to be honest, it oes not bother me as much as you might think." I said, and then i was feeling like that was a fucking lie, but I did not want him to be seeing that there was a level of weakness that I was having right now.
"I guess that the ones you do have might go on and meet me soon." He said, and then I was thinking that this was a decent enough assumption, so I decided that I was going to be leaving it alone, and that I was not going to be commenting on things that I felt like were not even all that important anyways.
"Yeah, I am sure that they would be fine with getting to know you. So I am not going to be all that worried about it." I said, and then I was shrugging, as if sort of thinking about what was even fucking happening now, and I was feeling like virtually nothing that I would say can make the entire discussion any different for us all.
"I just feel like when I go around, and I just see all the social groups already decided before the school year even starts, I do get a bit jealous, and I do wish that I had been here longer, to make this whole thing seem a bit less hard to come to terms with." He said, and then he was shaking his head, as if feeling like he had nothing else that he was going to say on the matter now, so he was going to leave it all alone now.
"Anyways, now that you have been here for a couple of weeks of the school year, what are you feeling about Wayside so far? I mean, do you feel like you are getting attached to the place so far?" I asked, feeling like maybe as long as I focused on that instead, I might make this discussuin a bit easier for both of us, thankfully.
"I mean, I like it enough. I don't really think that it is all that bad of a place. But I feel like I do wnat to sort of get to know it, and see what it all has to offer. I feel like doing that might be the only way to make me feel like I am really getting a good impression of the place." He was saying, and then he was shrugging, as if having nothing else that even remotely want to speak on the matter any further. So I decided that I was going to just give it a rest, for my own sake.
...
-September 19 2020 12:21 am- When I was getting inside of my house, I was seeing that Todd was looking like he was talking with Bebe on his phone. I was feeling sort of happy for him, but stopped the second I saw him because I knew the moment he saw me, that there was something he was really wanting to talk to me about. And to be honest, I was in no mood for this right now. "Josiah, what wwere you out so late doing tday?" He asked, and I was wonderingw hay he even cared so much. I mean, I wasn't doing anything dangerous, and it was a fucking weekend. So by default, I was allowed to do anything that I fucking wanted, and he was getting in my business no fucking reason. Which to be honest, was kind of annoying.
"I was just hanging out with some of my friends. I was wanting to catch up with them after not seeing them all summer. You know, just trying to make some plans for the school year." I was saying, thinking that what I was saying was natural enough, and I was hoping to god that he was going to be leaving it alone, since I was not really in the mood for anything of this right now.
"I am just worried about what was going on. I mean, you usually did not stay out this late, no matter what the cause is, and I am just wanting to make sure that you are getting yourself into something that you might end up regretting." Todd said, and I was seeing from the look on his face, that he was not entirely convinced that I was actually not up to something. I was feeling like he was needing to get off the war path, if he was wanting me to be in a good mood.
"Todd, you do not need to worry about me. I am fine. I am doing good. I am just hanging out with people. Trust me, I would not be stupid enough to do something that will not be safe. I mean, I am somebody who actually knows what I am getting myself into sometimes." I was saying, and then I was looking at him, and I was wondering if he was going to try and contest me right now.
"Well, just remember that no matter what is going on, that if you ever want to talk to me on some things, you can. I just think that there are a couple of things right now that are worrying me a bit, and I just want to make sure that you are all fine before I move out." He was saying, and then I was looking at him, confused at this whole thing. I did not know that he was already planning on leaving or anything.
"Are you seriously planning on moving out soon?" I asked, and then I was just feeling like as long as I got some grip on what was happening, the two of us could work together, and the two of us would be happier, and then I would be more forgiving of him being a bit of a strange dude, when talking to me right now.
"I would not say soon, but when I have a decent supply on money, I do want to leave this place. I mean, you guys need to be free of every person possible. And even beyond that, I do have some goals in my mind that I really do want to get to. I want to you know, get a head start on things that I feel like I might really want to get into." He said, and then he was looking right at me, smiling his tooth grinning smile, and then I was shrugging at this.
"I am guessing that you are just worried about how the much younger ones are doing? You know, Ridge and the others?" I asked, feeling like I was just needing to find a way to talk about this, and not make it seem like I was pestering him. Todd was staring right at me, and then he was slowly nodding, as if thinking that I was getting it right on the nose.
"I mean, they are at least part of what is going on in my mind, I am not going to lie. But I am worried about what things are going to be like if I never take the moment to just move out, and if I never take the chances in my life. What is I end up really regretting it all? You know, I just want to see what I can be able to accomplish." He said, and then he was leaving it all alone, and then I was thinking that I got it now, and that he could let it all go.
"Hey Todd, well whatever you plan on doing, just make sure that you get it done... You know, I want to make sure that you have a life that you feel like you can be proud of." I said, and then I was seeing him nodding, as if feeling like he was just needing to sort of not need me to bring it up any further. I was then thinking about how much it was going to be strange to see that one day, Todd will be leaving, and that was all that was constantly running in my mind.
"Well, I am not going to come up with a plan if I am not one hundred percent sure that I am going to go forward with it. You know, that would be terrible, to come up with plans, and then stop because I felt like I did not want to go through with them." Todd said, and then I was laughing at the dude, and then I was tired of him being so in tact with the way he was looking at things, but I was thinking that maybe since he had a five years head start on me, he was always aware of what he was wanting to accomplish before I had any ideas.
"Yeah, I guess that maybe that does make some sense. I mean, if you are not sure what you are doing, and you feel like you might flake out on something, then you are not going to be very smart if you turn it all down." I said, shrugging, and then I was thinking that perhaps I got his point. I was thinking that maybe I was seeing his perspective a bit better.
"Yeah, exactly. I just wish that maybe I was finally feeling like I had more plans earlier. But I guess that maybe that is all something that I will have to own up to later, and something that I am just going to have to accept. But one thing that I do know that I am going to do is that I am going to just find some friends who will be willing to listen to me go through this all." I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I was just needing to leave it all alone now.
"The one thing that do know right now is that I am going to see what Bebe might want to see me accomplish. I mean, I have grown to care about her a lot in the weeks that I have known her. I think that just seeing how much she already has her life together, it makes me feel like I can brings together, and see what I can do differently." He was saying, and then he was looking like he was not wanting to really say anything more on it, since he was not sure how I was going to react, and if I was going to be brushing it off, or supporting it all.
"Well, I think that if that is all true, then this Bebe girl might really be something special." I said, and then I was seeing the look on his face, and he was nodding as if to confirm that this was exactly the word he was using to describe her. I was wondering if I was going to have a true chance to get to know her one day, and I was feeling like if I did, then it would be a really good moment, and I would get to see if Todd was full of shit or not.
"She is special, and she does have a lot of things that she has ahead of her, and I think that when I look at it all, I just want to go on and support her on her goals. I think she deserves that at the very least. And when I think about how much I can help her out by doing this, then I will see what it will be like to have things as planned out as she does." He shrugged, and then I was seeing that he was already looking like he was virtually done speaking about it now.

-Sepetember 21 2020 2:57 am- I can promise you one thing. I was feeling like I was just needing to find something to do that was going to make me feel like I gave it a good run. I was thinking that even is my music failed, as long as I was making some real friends, than maybe I did some things right. I was thinking that something like this was just not happening.
I was then seeing that for some reason, Seth was stirring around, which I guess was a bit hypocritical for me to not be all that cool with this, when in all honesty, I was staying up at nearly three in the morning. I guess that maybe I was just needing to head to sleep right now. But I was wanting to see if Seth was wanting to speak at all, and see if he was wanting to just tell me what he was feeling.
"Hey Josiah, why are you still up this late?" Seth asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I was not even really wanting to say anything at all. I was aware that he was not going to understand what I was doing. But then again, I was wondering if I was going to understand. I was not even caring what he was feeling. I was thinking that he was probably going to be the more sane person here.
"I guess that maybe I am just thinking of something. Not all that big of a deal. But don't worry all that much about it." I said, and then I was staring at him, wishing that he was going to be heading to sleep. I was tired of this conversation already, and I was not wanting him to pretend like I was actually interested in what he was saying, and that he was having any real contribution here.
"Well, I guess that maybe it is not any of my business, but it certainly was strange..." After Seth said that, he was looking like he was just wanting to leave it alone. I was already seeing that he was losing any interest in what was going on here, which was something that I was wanting to celebrate. But then when I was feeling like I could leave it alone, he was saying something that just dragged this on again.
"Are you sure that you are going to try and go on and perform at the talent show?" Seth asked, and for some reason, when I was hearing him say this, I was rather fucking annoyed, and I was wanting him to stop even mentioning this. But then I was looking right at him, wanting hm to be letting it all go. "I mean, I guess that you might not want to talk about it though."
"Yeah, I mean, I do want to perform you. You know, I think that this is the least that I can fucking do. But I mean, I doubt that anybody is going to listen to me." I was saying, I was staring at the ceiling, and I was feeling like I was going to have to ask another question that he might be willing to listen to me on.
"Hey Seth, I think that I might have something that you might want to talk to me about..." I said, and then Seth was shuffling, and he was clearly at least having something that was putting this discussion back to some form of life. I was needing to hear his point, and I thinking that maybe he really did have something for me.
"What are you wanting to talk to me about?" After Seth asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like maybe I was just needing to be as careful as humanly possible right now. I was just thinking that he would never listen to me. But at the same time, I quite honestly did not even care.
"Honestly, I was wondering if you had something to say about what our older siblings have been up to? You know, if you have noticed how off that they are being? I guess that maybe Gabe at least really is up to something." I was sighing, thinking that maybe I just needed to see what he was going to say to this.
"I mean, Todd is probably just doing all the work he can, and is out with Bebe often. So I would not be too worried about something like this. But Gabe, that one is a bit strange, I can admit. I think that Gabe might actually be onto something..." Seth admitted, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to ask another question for a moment.
"I just want to know what it is. I mean, all he does is stay out all day, and he looks beat up and just out of it when he does come home, and usually he is only back for a couple of hours even then before he is either getting ready for school or out again." I was sighing, and then I was feeling like saying all of this was going to be a waste of my fucking time, and that he could not get it.
"Well, I would let him do what he wants for a while longer. But for now, I think that he might just have to be doing things on his own. For better or for worse." After he had said that to me, he was looking at me, as if wondering what I was going to say now.
"I guess that I can wait and see. I guess that I am just be a bit worried is all. You know, that he might actually be doing something dangerous, and that us not looking into it will be making him in a even worse spot. Although I don't know how that can even be possible." I was saying, and then I sighed, as if wanting to continue, but was utterly defeated.
"Honestly, I doubt he would even want to talk about it, so I feel like you might be wasting your time even trying to get him to respond. Just being realistic when I look at things here." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but felt like he had already said enough.
"Yeah, you're probably right... I don't know. I guess that I just don't want to see him doing something that he is going to really regret. I mean, I see how he is all the time, and I see how much he wants to just be happier, and I see him trying to do something good with his life. I do not want him to throw it all away..." I said, and then I was sighing, truly at a loss of words now.
"So Josiah, what would you consider to be a sign of something that you need to worry about?" After he asked me this, I was looking at him, and I was feeling like no matter what I was saying, I was going to be making him call me out for bullshit, or something like this. I was not in the mood, but I was totally ready for something like this.
"Well, I don't really know. I mean, I have seen it so often these last few weeks, I am not even sure if I have any real idea what to be fearing anymore. But I guess that none of it really matters." I said, and then I was looking at him, wishing that I had an idea what we were actually getting ourselves into. "But I mean, I feel like whatever is going on, if anything, there will be one of those signs rather fucking quick." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, and I was aware of how insane that I might have sounded. But for now, I was sort of just not even caring anymore.
"Yeah, well whatever it is, I am sure that the answers will be coming along just fine. I think that you are going to see that everything will be fine soon enough." Seth said, and then I was seeing him looking like he was wishing to have something better to say, but in all honesty, was looking at a loss of words here.
"Well, thank you for taking the time to at least listen to what I was wanting to say. I mean, you might not have any real affect here, and I know you probably don't really even care what I am thinking right now. But to just have a chance to finally vent out some of this, really does make me feel a lot better." I was saying, and then I was looking at the growing heavy eyes once again, and I was aware that maybe it was time to give it a rest soon.
"I was wanting to ask you something Josiah..." Seth asked, and then I was sort of feeling like I was going to have no choice but to give him a real ass response here. I was then feeling like this was going to be a hard one then. Since I was having a hard time with doing that to him.
"If you were to start going around, and doing stuff like this, and doing things you own way, are you going to be in denial of the idea that you are doing stuff strange, or are you going to own up to it? I just want to know if the rules apply." After he had said that to me, I was thinking that what he was saying was a minor attack, but I was not too sure either.
"I guess that maybe I will have to see what I am going to be like when I get there. I mean, I guess that I can see it going both ways." I said, and then I was feeling like the honesty might be something that he might have respected, and I was feeling like he was not wanting anything else.
"I mean, I guess that Gabe might be thinking he is being totally normal, and that there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. Maybe he is right..." I said, thinking on the idea that I was pulling something out of my ass, and that I was just making brash assumptions.
"Well, I see..." Seth said, and I was seeing that part of him was looking like he was not very excited about all of this. "I mean, I guess that I just sort of wanted to know where the standards were." He said, and then I was truly feeling like he was judging me now. I was feeling like the idea of my brother judging me like this was a bit scary. You know, the idea that he was feeling like I might do something wrong one day.
"We will all be fine. I am assuming that nothing will even come up to where I have to be worried about something like this." I was saying, and I was feeling like what I told him was just not true, and that he was going to still be worried over this. But at the same time, I was just trying to be making him feel better under any case.
"I mean, I doubt that you have any real ambitions to be doing anything dangerous. I am not worried about that. I am just more worried that you might end up doing something dangerous, and then end up regretting it because you never realize how dangerous it all really is." After he said that to me, I was thinking about it for a moment longer, and I was feeling like no matter where I was going to stand on this, I was going to be giving him a answer that he was never going to be happy with.
With that, I was hearing him starting to doze off again, and I was feeling like this time, he was really going to be heading to sleep, and that I did not need to worry about those questions anymore, and that was something that I was going to be happy for. Knowing that I did not need to worry about how he was going to judge me.
I was then sitting up, and then I started to think about what the man was telling me, and I was thinking about if Seth was actually appreciating any of this talk that I was having about my siblings, and going around, saying all of this stuff, and then going around, and then not really meaing any of what I was saying. I was wondering if he felt like I was a liar or something strange like that.
I mean, for all of the stuff that I said about the kid, and all of the things that annoy me about him from time to time, I do not want him to hate me. I do not want him to feel like I am not a man of my word. I mean, doing something like that, and getting him to think that way, was going to really fucking suck, and I was not ready for that.
But that all being said, I was just thinking that I was needing to just not be making any more excuses, and that I was just needing to be thinking about what I could do to make things a better social circle between us. I was thinking that it was the least that he deserved, and the least that anybody else that I fucking knew deserved. I was certain of that one at least.
But then with that, I was just telling myself that as much as he might be judging me right now, and as much as he might not like all that I am doing, he does not hate me. He might just be worried that I am doing something that he does not approve of, an dthat one day, he is scared it will get me killed. But that is going to not be a real big issue any time soon.
One of these days, he was going to be getting into high school himself, and he was going to follow his own interests, and he might be wanting to do things that nobody else will fucking get, and things that nobody else will approve of. I mean, it is the way of life. But I guess that in a way, that is something that we are all going to have to get used to.
God, maybe I was being harsh on him this whole time, and maybe I was needing to give him another chance. But that was something that I was going to deal with when I was getting there, and something that was neither here nor there. It was something of a more long term idea.
...
-September 22 2020 2:18 am- I was feeling like school this year was going to be rough, but at the same time, I was not even all that worried about anything anymore. I was not really in the fucking mood for just waiting around, and doing nothing right now. I was wanting to go out, and I was wanting to just do something, to make my day feel like I was accomplishing something.
I was wanting to fucking force Gabe to tell me what the hell was happening, and I was going to make him understand that this was not a fucking game anymore. Maybe he was going to understand that this was not a joke anymore, but when I would do this, he was going to take it as an attack. But at the same time, I was just not even caring anymore. Maybe he was going to listen to me if I tried hard enough.
When I was looking, and I was seeing that Gabe was in his room, and I was already seeing his shoes being put on, I was thinking that perhaps I was going to try and see what he was going to tell me. Maybe he was already getting ready to leave, and I was just thinking that maybe as long as I was polite here, he would tell me everything.
When he was getting out of the room, I was then looking right at him for a second, and I was feeling like I just needed to try one final time, and see if he was going to tell me more. "Gabe, do you have any idea what you are doing? Do you think that you will handle it?" I asked, and then he was looking right at me, as if annoyed as hell at what I was saying.
"Why are you up right now? Just to try and get me to own up to something? There is nothing I am worried about. You know, I am just trying to do some studies right now..." He said, and then I was looking right at him, as if feeling like I had needed to speak up longer.
"There is no place in town you are going to be studying at in two in the fucking morning. I mean, I am not a fucking idiot, and I know what is happening." I was saying, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting me to just fucking stop. As if he was wanting me to leave things all alone for his own sake.
"I am going to go to the library. I feel like I can tell you that. But that is all that I am willing to admit." He said, and then I was looking right at him, as if just trying to find something to say, to make it all seem to be better. "But I think that I would not really want to talk about it too much longer."
"Okay, if you say so. I guess that I really do not get it. But I guess that I have no reason to try and stop you from doing what you want." I said, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was going to have to find something to say to make him feel better. "I mean, I just want to know what you are really interested in."
"I mean, I think that I might be interested in telling you guys what I am looking into, but only if you are really caring here." After he was saying this to me, I was then sighing, I was thinking that what he was telling me was going to just make me rather uninterested. But I was feeling like I just needed to know what was bothering him now.
"Why do you want to spend so much time studying something? Is this related to what we were discussing earlier?" I asked, and then he was sighing, as if thinking that this was the worst posible question that I could have asked him. The way that he was looking at me showed that he had no interest in hearing this.
"I think that this is something that you would not be interested in, so I am not going to waste my time on this. You know, I just think that maybe if I find something, I can finally convince you that what I am feeling here is finally fucking correct. But I guess this is all one big fucking waste of time." Gabe was saying, and I was just wanting to speak further, but then he was looking just like he was wanting to sleep now"
"I mean, are you feeling like you are even getting something here?" I asked, and then I was looking at him for a second, and then he was just looking totally unsure of what he was wanting to tell me right now. I was seeing him sighing, almost looking kind of exhausted.
"Honestly, I just fucking think that when I look at these things, and I see that there are some things that I might have figured out, and some things that are just really fucking getting me interested, I just think that I need to give it all a chance." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him shrugging, and I was seeing him just not even caring.
"Alright, I do not need to worry about this anymore. I think that you are making your point. I mean, I think that I might fucking refuse to understand this, and I think you are going to do the same thing." After I was saying this, I shrugged, and I was feeling like I was just thinking that I was going to leave it all alone. I was thinking that whatever Gabe was doing, and whatever he was scared of, that maybe it was for a good reason. Maybe I was needing to respect his wishes.
"I mean, I think that one of these days, I guess that maybe the whole thing is going to probably be coming off as a waste of time for me. I mean, even I fucking know this. I am not as fucking stupid as some people might make me out to be. I think that I can fucking figure out when something is going to not work." Gabe said, and then he was sighingm as if feeling like he was having nothing else he was going to be saying at all.
"Honestly, I just think that you might need to be safe. But I assume you already know this. You are probably somebody who knows what you are getting yourself into. Maybe more than you want to admit that you do." I was saying, and then I sighed, as if feeling like I was needing to not press him any further on the issue, since he was never going to listen to me anyways.
"Regardless, I am just sure that nobody is ever going to be taking me seriously anyways. I think that I am going to just have to do whatever I fucking can to make sure that I am going to find out all that I am looking for, and be sure that I am ging to really know what I am accomplishing." Gabe said, and then he was placing his hand on the door, as he was looking right at me for a few seconds longer.
"Honestly, just make sure that if you are going to do something, that you are going to keep it in a way that nobody is going to get in too much danger. You know, I have no issue with you wanting to play around and stuff, but I don't want you to get too hurt." I was sighing, and then I was just feeling like I was finally going to be leaving it all alone once and for all.
"Josiah, I know that everything that I am doing is probably just coming off as stupid and random for some people, and that nobody supports me deep down. But I know what I am doing. I know what I want to fucking do, and I am going to make it work." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was already no longer in the mood for it.
"Gabe, if you keep this up, and don't end the discussion, I am going to want to force you to tell me more. So for both our sakes, I think that it will be best to leave it now." I was saying, and now I was just meaning it in a playful manner. He nodded, as if feeling like he was totally fine with doing something like this, and headed off. I was really just needing to know what the hell he was up to, for my own fucking sanity. But tomorrow, I would go into it.

-September 22 2020 11:23 pm- I then got up, and I was feeling like when I was going to be finally seeing what my siblings would do, I would just feel like a idiot. So in a way, I was just feeling like I was just going to need to be doing my own thing, and in a way, when I was thinking about it, I would not appreciate it if my siblings were going to be going on and trying to push their feelings and fears all in my face. I would wish that they would leave me alone now.
I was sighing, and I was fucking pissed that my siblings were so fucking happy for everything going on. So when I fully comprehended what I felt like I would feel like in a way, I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to leave them all alone, in order to not really come off as a bit of a hypocrite or anything like that.
So no matter what the hell I was even feeling now, I was just going to try and live my own life, and I was going to be hanging out with my friends, and I was going to just do my best to be leaving it all alone once and for all. But something was happening as I was heading to the door, and then I looked back and I was seeing Lydia, looking kind of scared and worried for me.
I loved Lydia as a sibling, but I was in no fucking mood to be hearing her telling me how I needed to behave. "Josiah, what is going on? You looked scared out of your fucking mind." She was saying, and then I was sighing, thinking that she did not need to be saying anything like this. She was just trying to force me under the bus.
"I am just going to be playing some fucking music. You know, just trying to not worry about what the hell my siblings are doing. They are never going to be taking me seriously, no matter what I fucking say. So I am going to not even try and speak to them here. I am just going to work on something that I know that I will want to do." I was sighing, ad then I was feeling like I was just needing to leave it all alone for the time being.
"Why can't you just get along with your siblings?" She asked me, and then I was looking right at her, and I was shocked at what she was saying, and I was feeling like I was going to have to try and understand what the point of this even was. "I mean, they are all doing their own thing, and they're just busy." She was saying, trying to make me feel better.
"I do want to get along with them. I mean, I don't want to get into a fight with them all, but I think that something like this is just not going to fucking happen. You know, I think that I need to try and just respect their space." I was saying, and then I was placing my door at the knob, and was getting ready to just leave.
"I mean, in a way, I think that I would want to have the exact same thing done for me if this was happening. But I guess that something like this is just entirely impossible." I was saying, and I was just thinking that I could finally leave the subject alone, and no matter what I was going to tell Lydia, I was unsure if she would get it, and in a way, part of me was not even caring anymore.
"Alright, if you say so, I will leave you alone about it now." She was saying, and then I was sighing, and I knew that she was just wanting to help me along now, and I was wanting her to feel better. She was just scared for me, and I was wanting to help her out now. But she was never going to truly listen to me. "But Josiah, are you going to be safe right now?" She was asking, and then I was nodding, thinking that I had genuinely no desire to not be safe, as she said it.
"Yeah, I am going to be safe. I think that there is no reason for me to be worried about anything else." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, as if thinking that either she was going to buy what I just said, and believe in me right now, or she was going to be acting like I was one of the worst idiots who had ever lived. "I just wish that I could have made it all better for you guys. That this was not an obsession. But that is probably not possible.
"Good. I do not want to have you do something that is going to be hurting you. That would be so sad, to see something happen to you." Lydia said, and then I was then thinking that what Lydia was telling me was going to just make me feel like I was doing so many wrong things, and I was not really in the mood for anything like this anymore.
"Lydia, just keep this between us. Can you be able to do that for me?" I was asking, as if feeling like something like this could have been our little secret. As long as she was willing to play along with me. If she was not willing to do this, then I was going to be fucking screwed. But for now, if it worked out, it was all going to be good.
"Yeah, I can do that. As long as it is something that keeps you safe, I can do it." She said, and then I was smiling, as if feeling like what she was saying was going to be a massive let down if she was aware of the truth. But for now, I was sighing, feeling like she was just going to be fine if she had never known more.
I was out of the house, and I was thinking about what Lydia was telling me, and I was thinking that she was never going to understand the deep issues of what she was saying to me, about keeping me safe. I was thinking that the idea of me being safe was not impossible, but it was going to be much harder than she was ever going to fully understand, for better or for worse.
Eventually, the only person that I was thinking who was going to knoww what was happening might have been one of my former teachers. I was thinking that they would never go on and help me, but I was feeling like perhaps if I was just patient enough, and if I was listening to them for a while, and showed them genuine interest, they might actually give me more.
So I was walking down for a while, and I was just thinking of things that I could have said that would have made my questions fair, and seem like I was being interested in this, while also not making it look like it was an obsession for the way that I was going to be speaking of the issue. I was then wondering how many of them would have even been alive in the mid to later eighties, which was when the stories Gabe and my parents told me about were happening.
I was then thinking that I was needing to go on and find some of them that were at least alive at the time, and then talk with them about where they had grown up. I was thinking that in all honesty, I had no interest in the monsters or the stories themselves, and that I was just needing to see if what Gabe and Todd told me was possibly real. Since if dad was not the only one mentioning them, perhaps that there was something to this that was true.
I was aware that maybe my brothers were possibly just pulling my leg. I mean, it was possible since they were older siblings and stuff. But in all honesty, if they were not messing with me, and if there was something actually explaining what the hell the things in town were actually about, then I might be feeling like this whole thing might have been worth it.
I mean, I was always scared on what the things in town were. I mean, there must have been a reason for all of the missing people, and there must have been something going on that made these things make some fucking sense. I was just needing to know the stories on those, and when I would know, I could be happy, and I was going to feel like I could make at least some peace with that all. Which was not possible, but I was wanting to just give myself a benefit of a doubt.
...
-September 23 2020 2:39 pm- When school was wrapping up, I was thinking that I might just go straight home. I felt like maybe I could just work on my songs for a bit, and then I would go home. I was really having no desire to be doing anything else, since doing something else would virtually be putting other priorities first. So I was just thinking that I was needing to be careful.
As I was sitting down on a random table near the exit of school, that was when Simon was coming up to me. By this point, I had grown used to his presence, so I did not really feel the need to be saying anything, and I was just working in my material for as long as possible. "You look like you are rather busy. What type of music are you working on right now?" He asked, and then I was looking right at him, shocked that he had actually wanted to know.
"Honestly, just something to pass my time. You know, just trying my best to be working on some tunes that are going to be nice and casual enough to where people might be more willing to just sort of turn their mind off to it." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like I was just needing to find a way to bring him along for the subject in a better light. Since I was feeling like he might have wanted to talk about other things.
"Do you think that this is the music that you are actually going to perform at the talent show, or do you think that you might be going on and show something else that people might be more curious about." After he was asking me this, I was sighing, and the honest truth was that I had no idea what I was even going to believe in anymore.
"I don't know what my fucking classmates are going to want. You know, they might all be wanting something else, and they are all going to be annoyed if they do not get exactly that. You know, I think that I am going to just have to remember that if I ever do go up, and if I ever do go and perform." I was sighing, and I hated the fact that I was saying this, but I was understanding the truth of the fact.
"Well, if you do no know what your classmates are even going to want, then I guess that there is no point in wasting your time trying to give them that, and that you might as well go after things that you want..." He was saying, and I shook my head, as if feeling like it was more complicated than that. Even though I truly knew deep down that it was not. And that I was being ridiculous.
"Hey Simon, what type of music are you even all that interested in to begin with?" I was asking, and then he was looking at me for a few seconds until he was sighing, and then I was seeing that maybe he was just partially embarassed in the idea of admittingw hat type of music that he was really into.
"Just some stuff that show up online. You know, I am not really all that fucking interested in any specific genres. I can't remember the times when I was last really into genres." After he was saying that to me, I was sighing, feeling like he was not really helping me out at all, and I was wishing that he would have pretended to give me something. I was feeling like without any idea on where to start, I was going to have to find something else.
"Well, I guess that I will find something eventually. That being said, I think that Seth might be a bit interested in doing his comedy skits, and I am sue that he is making soem great fucking progress. You know, I want to tell him about the thing that your sister has for him. But I guess that I am worried that maybe it might be getting to his head all the time." I was siging, and I was thinking that I could officially leave him alone about it now.
"Honestly, I think that she would be feeling like the most embarassed girl in the entire world if he ever went on to the truth. I think that she might try and deny it even if he was wanting to talk with her for a while." After Simon was telling me this, I was then nodding, feeling like I could have finally left it all alone going forward.
"I doubt that it is going to actually matter all that much in the first place. But you know, I think that maybe Seth is going to probably need the motivation to keep him going. You know, I just think that without anything to help him going on, he might be feeling like there is virtually nothing that is going to be going in his favor at school." I was saying, and then after this was said, that was when I was feeling like there was something Simon wanted to tell me.
"So Josiah, I was wanting to ask you a relatively important question. Well, maybe not important, but something that I am curious over." After he was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and for once, I was fucking scared. I as feeling like I just needed to take him totally serious now.
"What is going on? You know, I am just kind of unsure if I can help you out. But if you really need to know, I will do my best to answer you." I was saying, and he was looking sincerely unsure of what the heck we were even doing now. "If it is related to all the things going on in town, I will not be able to help you all that much, as much as I hate to admit it."
"Do you now anything about the grinding noise? I mean, I just feel like I want to know a little bit more about that." After he was saying that to me I was sighing, and I was really not in the mood for something like this. I was seeing him just looking somewhat tired here.
"I mean, I don't know much of it at all. I just try to ignore it as much as I can. I mean, that is probably the best thing that uou can do with that. It is rather annoying, but it is mostly harmless, from what I figured out." I was saying, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like this was all that I needed to be saying at all, and I was seeing that he was still looking unsure.
"I guess that in all honesty, when you hear something enough, it is not that big of a deal. I mean, I was just kind of curious mostly. But I know that it is probably not going to be much of my business here." He was telling me, and then I saw him looking like he was wanting to say so much more, but decided against it this time.
"What else are you curious about here? I feel like there is still more, from the way that you are looking at me here." I was saying, and then he was sighing, clearly feeling like there was nothing that he needed to hide anymore. "I mean, I just feel like I need to know a bit."
"Honestly, I was wondering why so many people go missing at such high rates. I mean, don't you think that something like this is a bit strange. You know, I mean, after all of this time, there is just something that I think we need to be careful on." After he was saying that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was wishing that he was going to be more careful here.
"I would not be mentioning some of this stuff out loud. Some people do take this really seriously, and there are several theories going on here." I was sighing, and I was aware that he did not mean anything, and that he was just doing his best to be making me feel better.
"Well, I was just asking a basic question..." Simon was saying, and I was just seeing the look on his face looking like he was entirely uncertain of what the heck was going on right now. "I mean, I just assumed that with something like this happening so often, there are some things that are making a lot of sense." After he was saying that to me, I was just thinking about what we were even going to say.
"Sorry, I know that you are just probably as curious about this whole thing as everybody else, and I do not blame you for that right now. But that all being said, I am scared out of my fucking mind out of the things that are happening here, and I am scared out of my fucking mind on knowing what could possibly go down." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, feeling like I had nothing else to say now.
"In all honesty, I am just kind of curious, do you actually have any idea what is happening at all? I mean, I am just kind of interested in getting to know what is even happening." Simon was telling me, and then I was feeling like absolutely nothing that he could say could have made me feel any fucking differently. But maybe that was just sort of fucking impossible right now.
"Do you know any of the people who have gone missing? A simple yes or no would be fine here." After he was saying this to me, I was then thinking about it a while longer, and I was wishing that I had absolutely nothing to say here. But I guess that when I was looking at him, my face was betraying me, and Simon was just looking down, unsure what to tell me.
"Yeah, I do know who some of them were. I wished that I never did though. That would have made things so muh easier." I was saying, and looked directly at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to have a better way to present his argument right now.
"How much did knowing that person really affect you going at this?" Simon asked me, and then I was sighing, as if feeling like maybe I could have just left it all alone. No matter what I was wanting to do, and no matter how much I was wanting to brush this whole thing off, I was just feeling like I needed to be honest with him this time.
"I mean, it did make the first couple of weeks after what had happened sort of hard to be living through. You know, just going to school, trying to pretend like everything was fine, but nobody giving a shit after the first few days. I mean, I sound really fucking rude when I say that, but I guess that this is exactly how I feel here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if thinking that there was literally no way that I was getting out of this.
"Do you feel like you could have done things differently this year if she had never gone missing, or were you never really close with her?" Simon was asking, and I was feeling like him asking this question to me was going to really suck, and I was going to hate telling the truth. I was feeling truly uncertain what I could have said here.
"I never really got to know her all that well. I should have treated her better, and I think that maybe that is a part of it. You know, hindsight I guess. I guess that maybe if I was with her and her friends better, then things would have been so much fucking better. But for now, I think that maybe I am just sort of playing the guilt game for no real good fucking reason." I shrugged, as if annoyed that I was doing this, and I was seeing Simon looking like he had wanted to say more, but did not at all.
"Honestly, I just think that maybe I could see where you are coming from. I mean, I never would have really understood that perspective. As strange as that is, I guess that maybe I am being a bit selfish here." Simon said, and then I was seeing him truly looking unsure of what to tell me right now. I was seeing him looking truly conflicted here.
"I do think that as I get to know more people though, I will be feeling very fucking different. You know, I think that things like this type of empathy might only be coming up if I am in a position like this myself. But I think that I can assure that I want nothing like this." After he was saying this, he was shrugging, and I was shocked at him trying to take this whole thing so fucking seriously.
"Honestly, if that happens to you, I think that you should not be too worried about what people are going to be saying. They are going to be doing their own thing, and you are going to be fine." After I was telling Simon this, I was finally feeling like in this regard, I could let the truth of reality be showing to him, and maybe something like this might get him to see how unfair things could have been.
"Why do you think that so few people care? You think that with all of these things happening, people would be at least somewhat curious on what is going on here? I think that this whole thing is just making no fucking sense at all." After he was saying that to me, I was shrugging, wanting to find something else to say, to make it just coome off as better here.
"I think the reason that so few people care is because they are just getting to the point where people are not even thinking about it at all anymore. I think that this is the best that you can really explain it." I was tired, and I was feeling like this honest response might be hurting him, but I was thinking that the faster I could tell Simon this, the better that things were going to be here.

-September 24 2020 3:08 pm- I was thinking all about what Simon was saying, and I was remembering what it was like when I was in his spot with some of my friends. I hated to admit it, but I was feeling like his emotions were relatively valid here. I was feeling like I just needed to respect his position, since I was there once.
I was thinking that as much as I hated to admit it, I was needing to go on and just talk to Simon, and see what he might be able to tell me, and see if perhaps we might be able to work together for a while longer, and put things to a rest.
I was sighing, feeling like maybe I was just thinking about what I could have done to make things differently. I was just thinking about some of my friends that had gone missing, and I was thinking about what they would have been like if I had virtually just given up on wanting to know what had happened. If they had known the truth, they might have been fucking furious. Or I guess I should say that their families should be furious.
I was wondering why Simon had decided to bring that up. As selfish as it had sounded, I had wished he kept his fucking mouth shut, and that he would have just given it a rest. I was sighing and stoof up, and I was rubbing my hair a bit. I was thinking that maybe I could go on and actually see what their parents would have said. I just felt like going on and giving them a chance was the only thing that I could have done.
As I was about to head out, I was seeing Gabe just hanging out with his friends, and the thing was that it was indeed looking like he was enjoying himself, but that at the same time, he was looking like there was something that was truly bothering him. I was sighing, and as much as I hated to admit it out loud, I was feeling like maybe I was sort of seeing where he was coming from. Maybe what he was feeling did make some sense.
I was thinking that since he was indeed enjoying some time with his friends, I would leave him alone for the time being, and I was not going to be saying a single fucking thing to him. I was walking out of the school, and I pulled out my phone and I was seeing that I had gotten a text from Simon. "Hey, sorry for trying so hard to be getting my personal views brought to you. I know that it might have been really rude to do this." The note said, and then I was sighing, truly unsure of what I was going to say.
"I guess that you might have been right. I just really do not want to deal with the mistakes our school is making." I was saying, and I was thinking that perhaps what I had been saying was making at least some form of sense. I was placing the phone down, not wanting to think on it too much,
"I know. That doesn't mean that I wasn't being a bit hard on it. I guess that I just wanted to know some things, and I was feeling like I was just needing to know more." After the text said this to me, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just wanting to go on and leave it all alone. I was feeling like nobody was going to fucking understand what I was doing.
"Do you think that you are going to try and look and find something here? I mean, I know that you don't want to talk about it, but have you ever been curious enough to look?" He was asking more and more on the texts, and I was feeling like I was just going to have to deal with what he was asking. I was thinking that he was needing to give it all a rest.
"I guess that there are some things that I have wanted to do. But I really do not feel like this whole thing is actually going to be all that good of a plan. The one thing that I wish that I did was just help my friends have a chance of coming home. I feel like I could have at least done that." I was saying, and then I was putting the phone down, and I was thinking that if he was wanting to talk about this further, he was going to have to try and actually speak to me here.
As I was trying to keep my composure, I was wondering what Simon was thinking, and I was feeling like there was a good chance that there was somebody who went missing, and that this was somebody that Simon actually was sort of starting to like, and seeing her gone was getting to him a bit more.
I was sighing, and I was slightly laughing at this, and I was thinking about how this was not fucking funny. But at the same time, I was just thinking about what things were like, and I was doing my best to be making things go in a lighter mood, and then I was seeing him coming right up to me. As I was seeing him, I was seeing him clearly looking like he was wanting to speak to me.
"Hey Josiah, are you going to be having some plans today?" He asked, and I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to be making things too obvious, but given the way he was presenting himself this whole time, I was thinking it was super obvious that he was wanting to speak to me about some things, and I was just wanting him to get it over with.
"No, I don't have any plans. I was wanting to speak with you though. Since I know that there are some things that I know you are wanting to really just discuss. I mean, I am not going to try and get you to stop. That is something that I know is going to be pointless. But I do want to sort of bring some form of cautionary sign here." I was saying, and then he was sighing for a few seconds, tired of speaking about this.
"Sorry if I pushed this whole thing a bit too far..." He was saying, and in a way, with the way he said that, I knew that he was actually being sincere about his apology, and I was thinking that maybe him seeming sincere on this might have helped me feel a bit better about this. But I just needed him to listen to me.
"You did not push this too far. I was rude, and I was really fucking regretting the way that I was acting here. But I think that perhaps we need to just fucking talk about some things that you might be curious. You know, I think that I might be able to just make this whole thing seem at least a bit better." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if thinking about what I was feeling now. I was wondering if he was just going to be glad to see me not giving him any bullshit.
The two of us were walking down the side walk, and then I was wondering what he was going to tell me if he was going to feel like he had every right to ask me more questions. "Honestly, I just think that when I try and bring some things together, and think about what had been happening, but that something like this is just fucking impossible. I just am kind of tired of everything."
"Do you know anybody who went missing? How did it go on and affect you?" Simon asked, and I was feeling like he was just trying his best to be helping me out. I was wondering if he was feeling like talking about this was suddenly going to make me not want to refuse anything. But I was shrugging, and I was thinking that maybe just being honest with him might have gotten him to want to talk with me, and earn his trust.
"Yeah, I know one. I will tell you all about her if we go to a place that is far away from school. Maybe Mezmers. It is the local burger joint." I was saying, thinking about how long it had been stuck around, and then with this, Simon sighed, and he was clearly looking like he was just glad to be taking this chance to talk with me. So with that, we were going to speak for a while, and the entire time that we were walking there, I was sort of feeling like I was just needing to speak to him as much as possible.
Once we were sitting down at Mezmer's, and we ordered some generic food, I was looking at Simon, and I was seeing him looking like he was genuinely just wanting to ask me some questions about what was happening. I was feeling like I was having no idea what I was going to do to get out of this. But I was thinking that the only thing I could do was just be honest with him.
"So, do you actually know anybody who had gone missing? I mean, I know it is none of my business, but I feel like I might be able to help you out, feel better, if you are willing to talk to me." After Simon was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying his best to be looking composed here, and not be throwing me under the bus.
"Yeah, I do know a couple of people who were actually mostly friendly to me, and I felt like their case always just sort of puts a really sour taste in my fucking mind." I was saying, and looked at Simon, as if wondering if he was willing to even pretend to be able to understand what I was trying to say right now.
"Who was she? If you are willing to talk to me about this, what was going on?" After Simon asked me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be honest with him. I was seeing that Simon was genuinely trying his best to be helping me out as much as possible. I knew it was not possible, but I could work with him here.
"Her name is Amanda. It had only happened about five or six months ago, and I was just trying to put it all behind me. You know, I just wanted to act like she was not having anything happen to her. But I guess that maybe something like this is going to be impossible, for better or for worse." I was saying, as if what I had said was just the worst thing in the entire world. But I was doing my best to just help him get some context.
"Did you ever find out what had happened to her, and do you feel like you could have been able to help her out for a while?" After Simon was asking me this, I was sighing, and I was staring right at him, and I was feeling like something like this was just literally impossible to explain. But I was feeling like as long as he was willing to listen to me, I just needed to give him everything that I was feeling comfortable with explaining. Then again, I was laughing at this idea, not sure what I was even comfortable with at all.
"I never found out what happened to her. But I will be honest, and I will say that I do want to know what happened to her. I wish that I was able to fucking know what had happened to her, since if I had gone on and learned the truth, then I might have been able to give her some fucking closure. I might have been able to give her family something." I was sighing, and I was feeling like what I was saying was a waste of time.
"I mean, I wish that I was able to give you something better. But trust me when I say that no matter what I wish to say, I can't accomplish anything. But I feel like there was something that I did wrong..." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like I had made my point, and that I could be able to just leave it alone now. "The one thing that I do know right now is that I wish that if I could have been able to find her, I would have just made that the only thing that mattered."
"Do you think that you could have been able to find some clues to her location? Did you at least try and look for her? I am not judging you or anything, I am just trying to find out what I can say to go forward with this." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and I knew that nothing I could say would satisfy him, and I was aware of this.
"I think that I will never be able to find out any fucking clues at all. I think that the idea of finding clues to her location would be basically tantamount to going insane. That being said, I did try. I did try and see if there was something that I could have done to help her out." I was saying, and I was thinking that I could just leave it alone now.
"What did you find when you were trying to find her?" After he asked me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like maybe I could try and find a big load of bullshit to make it seem like I did so much to bring her home. But that was just not really all that true. I only really tried for about a week, and I was scared of how he could react if he knew this.
"I only really tried for a while, and I was wanting to see what I could have found. But I gave up after a certain point. I could have gone further, but I was just being fucking childish here. I just basically decided that I wanted to capture my life for a while again, and I did not want to sacrifice myself. I know that what I did was wrong, but it felt right at the moment." I was saying, and I was wishing to just have him get his lecture over with, so that way I did not have to deal with any guilt here.
"I guess that I could be able to understand that, even if I am not looking like I want to admit it. I mean, I guess that maybe you just felt like you were needing to place yourself first." He was saying, and I was feeling like that was the worst way he could have said it, but it was the fucking truth.
"Honestly, I guess that maybe in a way, as much as I hate to admit it, maybe I was not taking this friendship with her as seriously as I could have here. But I think that this is too much for me to admit. I mean, I did like her, and I did view her as a decent friend." I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I might be able to just leave it all alone, and be good now.
"Josiah, I never wanted to make you feel bad when you were talking with me. I should have just left things alone. I am really fucking sorry, and I should probably just stop bringing it up." Simon told me, and then I was seeing him looking like he was feeling so fucking bad, and I was feeling like as much as I was wanting to be annoyed at him, I should have just treated him well.
"I never really meant for anything like this. I was just trying to find a way to answer your question honestly. As annoying as something like this might be. I mean, I think that maybe the honesty might have been the best way to be going at this." I was shrugging, and I was thinking about what the heck to do, and I was ready to just fucking quit right now.
"Josiah, do you think that you are going to want to find her again, or are you going to be leaving it alone?" After he was asking me this, I was sighing, and I was pissed at this discussion, because I was now going to be forced to make a choice on what I was feeling was important. I was aware of what was important, but I was just thinking that I needed to try harder to be finding a real response right now.
"I think that maybe I should give a honest attempt once again. You know, just try and find a way to make it all work. I wish that I could have found her again, and I think that I do want to find a way to make her family feel happier again. Even if she is dead, then you know, the answer might be able to give her some feeling of relief. Knowing the truth, and having a chance to grief." I was saying, and I was unsure of what the hell I was even saying now. I knew that it was true what I said, but that did not mean that I was supposed to like it.
"If you do not feel like you want to go through with looking around for this, then there is no reason to force you to do something like this. I guess that maybe I sort of just need to accept the fact that maybe I will let you be doing the thing that will be working for you." After Simon was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and I was wishing to finally go on and sort of make him feel like he was willing to still go on and get to know me.
"The worst part of this whole thing is the fact that deep down, I think that I do want to know what happened to her. I mean, I wanted to know when it first happened, and I still do want to know. There is nothing that is changing the fact that I want to know the truth as much as damn possible. Nothing in the world will be giving that whole thing a change. But I think that it is a matter of if I will have the courage to finally fucking look into it all." I was saying to him, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like the way that I could talk to him here would make him open up further.
"Josiah, how do you think you will be able to find her? I mean, I think that you are going to have to try and be realistic when looking at this whole thing. If you do not feel like you have any fucking clue what is happening, then I think that either you will let the police just look into it, or you are going to have to talk to her family here, and I have no idea how much they will be willing to deal with this." Simon told me, and I was not really wanting him to say something like this, since I knew that this was fucking impossible to accomplish.
"I think that there is no way in hell that I will be getting the police to help me. I think that if you knew what the police were like here, the idea of them finding the girls or whatever will be fucking impossible. Honestly, I will not want to make you get too worried here, but I think that you just need to understand what I am feeling here." I was sighing, and then I was shrugging, and I knew that I was needing to find a way to make him feel better now.
"I mean, do you feel like if it is somebody who has a lot of evidence, that they might be able to go on and help you?" After he was asking this, I was feeling like at this point, he was just trying to force me to find something to work with him here. So I was just sighing, and I was feeling like I could just be able to go on and leave it alone.
"I mean, I have seen everything that is happening here, and I wanted to try and act like things that are differently, but something like this is just a fucking huge goal, and I wish that I was able to be more civil about this, but I refuse to try and force myself to be giving them a chance when I know what they will tell me." I was saying, remember what the previous history was like, and I was fucking pissed to think on it.
"Have you tried and speak with them before? I mean, come the fuck on... There is no way that there are no police that are willing to talk with you. Or maybe this is just me speaking from a optimistic point of view." He was saying, and then I was seeing him give a slight chuckle here. It was not funny, and I was feeling like he knew that, but that he was just trying his best to be making this whole thing work.
"As much as I hate to admit it, but you really are looking at it from a optimistic point of view. You know, i just wish that I was able to go on and look at things differently, but maybe that is just not going to fucking work." I was sighing, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was having virtually nothing to even tell him now. I was feeling like I had made basically my entire point.
"Well, no matter what we are going to be doing here, I think that perhaps her friends will be willing to help you out. I mean, srely she must have some friends who went to this school, that are going to be willing to help you out. I would assume, at the very least..." He was telling me, and I was seeing him looking entirely unsure of what he was even feeling here.
"I guess that maybe something like this is true. I mean, I think that you are right. As much as I want to pretend like what you are saying is wrong, so I could avoid it, I think you are probably corrrect here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if having virtually nothing that I could even wish to tell him. I was just thinking of who I would be going on to be speaking to.
"Honestly, are you going to try and talk to them here, and are you going to try and make sure that you see what they are going to be feeling now?" After he was asking me this, I was sighing, as if I was having no way that I was going to be arguing with this at all. But I was feeling like he was just trying to help me sort of become a hero in my own stories, as silly as this was.
"Yeah, I think that starting tomorrow, as much as I hate to admit it, I could go on and speak to some of her friends, and maybe when I see them next, they might actually want to help me out, or be willing to listen to me. They might actually be willing to work with me here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if having nothing that I was even wanting to say now, and I was just thinking that I was needing to just look at things differently now.
"Good, I will help you if you want it. I mean, I am sorry for just trying to sound pushy, but with all the people that I hear this about, I just feel kind of scared now. I just want to make sure that I did not move to a cult like town." After he was saying this to me, I was sighing, as if not really in the mood to be hearing something like this right now. But I was shrugging, and felt like I was needing to be glad to hear him have some fucking passion here.
"I mean, I guess that when you put it that way, I can't blame you for wanting to know. I mean, I think that there are some things that can be giving off the impression of a fucking cult." I was shrugging, and then I was aware of the fact that Simon was wanting to probably push me to give me as many details as possible, and I was not too sure if I was going to want to hear it at all.
"I would be rather interested in knowing what is giving off the impression of a cult. Only if you are interested in telling me though..." After he was saying this, I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to find something to keep the talk up longer, and I was seeing that deep down, I was just wanting to help him out.
"Well, in all honesty, I think that if you want to know more about that stuff, I will tell you everything that you want to know. But only when we are in a more secluded place. That is some stuff I really do not think we should be speaking of out loud." I was saying, and he was sighing, as if giving up on this argument for the time being.
"Dang it, I was wanting to see what you could have told me some things. But I guess that maybe I can wait for a while longer." After Simon was saying this, he was shrugging, as if finally conceding defeat to this whole thing. "Well, I guess that maybe I can always look into it myself, if you are too scared about this whole thing. But I will not force you into something that worried you." He was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if having virtually nothing to say now.

Chapter Text

-Seth's POV September 26 2020 11:34 pm- Let me tell you before I really get too started here, I was wanting to do that fucking talent show so fucking badly. I was wanting it more than anything else in the fucking world. I mean, I was feeling like I could have made it feel like I was doing something good, and something right by being here.

The only fucking scary thing was if people were willing to actually want to give me a chance. I think that the fact that I did not know if people were even caring about that was what was making it so much worse for everybody involved. I was sitting down on my bed, and I was just trying to make some good jokes on my papers here.

I was staring up at the ceiling, and I was sighing in annoyance, as if feeling like there was something else that I could have said, something else that I could have done, but was failing to draw up a single fucking thing now. I was wondering what Josiah was doing, since he was not home, and I was wondering if he was hanging out with friends or something.

I was remembering that it was entirely up to him what he was doing, and it was not my choice. If he was wanting to do something strange with his friends, I was feeling like I was just needing to remember that it was his choice. But I guess that I just wish that he was not making me feel like I could have done something, and that I could have performed well, when he was always working on his own stuff.

I was getting out of my bed, and I was walking out of my room, and I was aware that if my parents saw that I was out of bed this late at night, at my age, I was going to be getting in so much fucking trouble. They were going to be fucking pissed at me for just not staying asleep.

But I was feeling like there were so many things that I had wanted to fucking do. I was feeling like maybe if I was outside of the house for a while, sort of just hanging out, then everything would have been fine. You know, I was just trying to literally do something to make myself not bored out of my fucking mind here.

Once I was out of my house, and I was sitting down on the chair that was right near the front door, I was sighing, and I was staring at the night sky. I was just going to be in so much of a great mood when I was going to be going to school next. I was starting to finally feel like this year was going to be the fucking year.

This was going to be the year that I was going to be making a name for myself at school. You know, I was ready to fucking make some friends, and I was ready to be making people see that I was funny. The fact that I was taking this seriously. The fact that I was working hard on my material, and that I was not just doing it as a phase.

I was not wanting people to be thinking that I never cared anymore. I was tired of people acting like I didn't care, and I was wanting people to know that I would do everything in my power to make the shows work out as well as possible.

I sighed for a few seconds, and I was thinking about how I was just tired of always being the laughing stock, always being the guy that people just thought that they could be making fun of. You know, I was just feeling like I needed to have a genuine fucking chance to be turning this whole fucking thing around.

I was sighing, and I was thinking that I was just needing to be patient when I was talking with people about what I was thinking right now. I was smiling at the prospect of people finally seeing that maybe I was no longer riding in my older brothers shadows. That was the other thing that I was always pissed off by. The fact that people never fucking took me seriously.

The only thing that I was scared of admitting was that maybe I was just flat out not fucking funny. That the fact was that I really was just going to be making people think that I was trying too hard. I mean, I was feeling like I had some funny jokes. But when some people were pretty much telling me that there was nobody who liked me, I was just thinking that maybe I did make some mistakes at this rate.

I was shaking my head, and I was just trying to tell myself that I was too worried about this. Even if I was not funny, at least I was being honest about what I was enjoying. At least I was being real with it, and if people did not like this, then they were the ones that had a problem. They were the ones who refused to express themselves.

Eventually, as I was telling myself this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like I needed to not be lying with myself. I was telling myself that I was going to be like this, and I was telling myself that I was going to be happy with the way that I was, when in all reality, I knew that I was going to be pissed with this stuff, and that I was going to be lashing it out.
I was shaking my head, and then I was about ready to just go to sleep, or at least head back to my room, when I was seeing that Josiah was coming up, and I was feeling like I might have been able to see what he was doing, and see if he was willing to just be honest with me.

"Hey Seth, you're up late. What is going on?" After Josiah asked this to me, I was sighing, as if feeling like I could lie about this for now, and I could just lie to him about what I was feeling, but I guess that I could be real with him now.

"I am just thinking about my plans to be making this the year that I can finally just be happy with my school year. I think that I can finally just make myself feel like I can capture at least some respect here." I was saying, and then that was when Josiah was looking like he was having no idea what to be telling me right now.

"I was not wanting to tell you because I was afraid of the fact that it might get to your head, but there are people who do seem to genuinely like your style. People who think that you really are funny, from what I heard." He was telling me, and then I was sighing, and I was just looking at him, having no desire to be hearing him put me in a good mood.

"Are you sure? Is this a joke that you are trying to ull on me right now?" I was asking, not really sure if I was ready to be hearing this reveal. I was feeling like there was a chance that he might have been lying to me, and was just trying to see how I might react here. "Honestly, I do not want to be getting my hopes up, and then have them be dashed..."

"I would not be fucking with you. Do you know how messed up something like this might be? I mean, I like to tease you guys often, but that is something that I could never fucking do to you." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to make me feel better, and I was feeling like he really was just wanting what was best for me. Or he was willing to at least work with me here.

"I mean, I look at you, and I see how much you are struggling at this, and with that, there is now ay that I would just be making jokes to you, and there is no way that I wold be pulling your leg like this." After Josiah was telling me this, I was then looking down on the ground, and considered the propspect of a persn who was actually liking my comedy and stuff. I was laughing for a second, and then looked right at him.

"If somebody really does like me out there, then oh my fucking god, that will fucking be the greatest thing in the entire world right now. I mean, I just want to make it so that way people know what I am feeling, and they know that I really do want to make these jokes work out, and I want to be a good friend." After I was saying that to him, he was sighing for a few seconds, and had nothing to say here.

"Seth, I think that you are making the right choice on going to that talent show. I mean, I know that you really want to get people to see that you are somebody who does take your stuff seriously, and that you are somebody who wants to make people just enjoy your stuff. I think that this is the only way that you might be having that work out." After Josiah was telling me this, I was sighing, and truly had no idea what to be telling him.

"Honestly, I guess that I was always just scared that people were not going to be really into what I was trying to present. I always felt fucking scared, and I guess that I just thought the idea of this working out, for anybody at all, was just a fucking false hope. But I think that I am going to go up there, and I am going to see what I might be able to perform, and I can see what they would go on and tell me here." I was saying, and I was finally thinking about my chances on making people see that I was serious.

"Well, I think that if you were always scared of something like this happening, then I guess your uncertainty does make some sense, but you do not need to be so worried over something like this. Trust me, I think that the only thing that people wished you did not do so much of was just making everything into a joke. Not the jokes themselves." Josiah told me, and while I did not want to concede that he was onto something here, I was feeling like he was really trying to help me out, so I sighed in defeat.

"Alright, I think I got it. I suck, and I need to try and find a way to not suck as much." I was saying, and then I was looking at him, and he was looking like this was not at all what he was trying to say. But he was just feeling like there was no point in even trying to change what I was feeling here.

"I was not wanting to say that to you. I was just trying to help you. You know, I was just shocked when Simon was telling me that his younger sister might be liking you. I was thinking that it was just sort of out of nowhere. And I think that you should just sort of take this as a victory, and just sort of wor your way here." After Josiah told me this, I was shaking my head, and I was thinking about the new prospect of this working, and I was feeling like I was going to be on top of the fucking world here.

"Well, whatever you do now, just good luck on it, and we will be seeing where you can go with this. I will do my best to support you, no matter what is happening. You know, I just think that when you go up there, and you present the stuff that you are into, I just feel like maybe I should have been like that earlier. And in that regard, I have no right to try and criticize you." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was really not in the mood anymore.
"Maybe I am just too stubborn for my own good. I don't know, but I do not want to go down without a fight, I guess." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wondering if he was going to be taking the time to even try and process this all, or if he was just sort of on his own midnset right now, and that I needed to leave it alone.
"If being stubborn leads to this, then I guess that maybe being stubborn is not all that bad of a thing. Anyways, I am going to bed. I think it might be best if you do the same." After he was saying that to me, I was sighing, and I guess that there was a chance that what he was saying was true enough. I was thinking that it was only a matter of time before I got in some trouble for being out for so much fucking longer than I should have been.
"Yeah, I mean, you are probably right. I just wish that I could find something better to be talking about here." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, not thinking too much on it, and I was thinking that since our points were made, that maybe once I was inside of the house, everything could be better.
"Hey Seth, sorry for always being hard on you with your stuff. I mean, if you enjoy these shows, than I have nothing to say with stopping you. You should be having as much fun as you possibly can when you are this young. And I do respect something like this. So just have fun, and just do what you want, and don't let anybody stop this." He was saying, and then I was nodding, not even sure what I was going to say now.
"I mean, it is nothing too big of a deal. You just need to fucking relax. I mean, I just wish that I was able to have some friends who were interested in helping me out here. I think that when I don't have something like this, that is where things are going to be the worst part of it all." I was saying, and then I was smiling, and I was thinking that I might be able to leave it alone, and not be thinking about what he was feeling.
...
-September 27 2020 4:18 pm- I was sitting down near the park, and for once, I was feeling like I might be able to have a fucking life back, and I was feeling like there was a chance that I could truly be happy. With all that Josiah was telling me, and all that I was going to be trying to accomplish when I was going to school again, and with the show coming right up, I was just feeling like I was on top of the world.
As I was sitting down, and I was just working on some notes, I was hearing somebody sitting down, and I was not thinking all that much on it, and I was just doing my best to be leaving it alone. When he was done sitting down, I glanced right up at him, and I was noticing that it was somebody my age, which made it not as strange in my mind that he was sitting right down.
"What are you working on right now?" He asked, and then I was looking right up at him, and then I was sighing, as if having nothing that I was wanting to tell him. I was thinking that he was probably not really all that interested in knowing more, and that he was just trying to make some small talk. "Is this your first time here?"
"No, not my first time. But it is the first time in a while." I was saying, thinking that I might as well be honest with him, and just try and see if that he was going to be getting the cue that I was not really wanting to be talking about this all that much. "I am also working on something for the school talent show."
"What are you going to be performing at the show?" He was asking, and then I looked right at him, having nothing that I could tell him. I was sighing, and I was thinking that with the look that he was giving me, that he was wanting to actually know more, and that he was not just trying to get in my business for no real reason. So I was thinking that I could work with him here.
"I am going to be doing a comedy show when I get up there. You know, just try and see if some people might be liking my stuff. Nothing too serious." I was looking right down at the papers again, and I was not even thinking that I was needing to say anything else. I was feeling like I had done everything I wanted. The guy was looking like he was trying to decide what to say now.
"Why are you wantig to play some comedy shows? I mean, I just don't really get it. It never really is something that i would choose to be doing." He was saying, and I was seeing that from the look on his face, he was genuinely trying to understand my perspective. He was genuinely trying to form a discussion with me.
"I mean, I just enjoy seeing what people find funny, and I am enjoying just sort of making people know what is going on in mind. I mean, there is not any way that I would just be willing to not have some people hear what I am really up to. I don't need to have people worrying about what I am doing right now. You know, I just want people to hang out with me, and have a good time." I was saying, and then I was then thinking that I could have left it all alone now.
"Honestly, I was just thinking that the idea of comedy is a bit strange. You know, I just never really have any interest in anything like this." After she was saying this to me, I was looking right at her, as if feeling like I was just needing to see where she was coming from. But then I was sighing, and I decided that I was going to be leaving it all alone.
"I mean, it is something that I have been super into since I was a young kid. You know, it was just something I fucking wanted to finally show people that I had some level of general happiness. I think that these comedy shows are the only thing that give me any thing related to being happy." I was saying, feeling like if I had spoken any further, he was not going to want to speak any further. But I was not wanting to make him feel strange here.
"So do you feel like these shows might be able to get some friends to help you out here?" After he asked me this, I was nodding, and I was feeling like if what Josiah was telling me was true, then I might have been able to have something of a friendship going here. But I guess that maybe he would have never really understood what I was going to accomplish now.
"I mean, I think that there might be at least some people who live at this town who might appreciate what I am trying to accomplish. You know, I just think that I am going to have to really fucking earn my way into any form of popularity here." I was saying, and I was smiling, feeling like this was a challenge I wanted to live up to.
"You are taking his way too seriously. I mean, I thought that you would have just been brushing this whole thing off." He was telling me, and I was sighing, and I was feeling like this entire discussion was just making me fucking worthless right now. No matter what we were going to say, this was just never going to be helping me move forward. "Anyways, since we're here, what is your name?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like I was having no real choice.
"My name is Seth. I am the fourth oldest sibing in my family." I was saying, and then the way that he was looking at me clearly showed that he knew with my wording, that I was nowhere near the last one. That look on his face was showing me that there was no way that he was not going to be wanting to know the truth behind how many fucking siblings that I had. "I can tell that you are wanting to now more about what my family is lie. I mean, everybody that I talk to wants to know all about that first."
"I'm sorry, I guess that it is just hard to not be interested in something like this when that is what you say when you first meet somebody." He was telling me and then he was sighing, as if feeling like he was just needing to try and be polite with me, and sort of talk to me about himself or a bit. "My name is Manny. I am the only child in my family. So you are not needing to worry about that if you go on and hang out with me at my house." I was shocked to be hearing him willing to even go on and give me the chance to go on and hang out with some people like him and his friends in the first place. I was feeling like I was just needing to go on and see if he was wanting to actually hang out with me, or if he was trying to be nice to me here.
"So, are you feeling like you might be willing to go on and hang out with me? I mean, with the way that you were saying that, makes me kind of curious" I was saying, and I was feeling like the way he was hearing me say this was going to be making him feel like I was just being boring right now. But at the same time, I was just not even caring anymore.
"I mean, if you are willing to give me a chance, then I could be able to see what I might be able to accomplish." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something else to me, but he was shrugging, as if thinking that he was going to just remain silent now. "So anyways, you were telling me about all of your siblings, and I was just curious if you were willing to tell me more." He said, and then I was sighing, feeling like I just needed to get that over with for my own sake.
"Yeah, I have a few of them. I mean, no matter how much I want to try and brush this whole thing off, that is the main thing that my large family is known for. I have nine brothers, and a sister, who is right in the middle. As crazy as something like that is to admit." I was sighing, feeling like I was going to find something else to be saying to make him feel like he was going to be more interested with where this was going.
"Do you like any of them" He asked me, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like I was just needing to think about what was happening. I was feeling like he might want to hear me being real with him, even if he was not wanting to hear me rant about things like this. But the thing was that they were not all that bad.
"I just hate how when I look at them, I see them all doing so many fucking things that are so fucking successful. You know, they are all having a life of their own that they can be proud of. I am still having something that I know that I need to prove with people that it is something that works. You know, I feel like that is why I want to make this work." I was saying, as if feeling like I had nothing else to be saying now.
"Well, I think that they are probably not going to care all that much what you are wanting to do. If you are doing something that you enjoy, even if everybody else laughs at you, then as long as you want to do something, then does it really matter?" He was asking, and then I was looking at him, and then I was sighing, I was feeling like there was nothing else that I wanted to say at this rate.
"You know, I just think that if things were that easy, and if I was able to easily just look at things that way, then I would have made things better for us all. I think that maybe I just am too worried about it all. I do want to play that show, and I do want to make things work out with the show." I was sighing, and I was having nothing else to say now.
"How many people do you think are going to want to hang out with you when you finally finish that performance?" After he was asking me this question, I was sighing, and I was feeling like there was virtually nothing else to say, and that I was just wasting my time now. But I wanted to make it all work out.
"I think that if I can earn even just one or two friends, it will fucking be worth it." I was saying, and then I looked right at him, as if feeling like like the way that I could speak to him was going to be making him feel like I was having some fucking form of composure here, and that I was having no fucking grudges on what was happening.
"I guess that this does make some sense." He was telling me, and then he was shrugging, as if willing to finally leave the subject alone, and then we were just then looking like both of us were wanting to find something else to say. I was seeing from the way he was looking at me that he was really just wanting to know more about what was happening in my mind.
"So Manny, how many friends do you have around school? I mean, if you do not have that many, then I guess that perhaps we could make something work here." I fucking told him, and then he was sighing, as if feeling like maybe he was having no right to be giving me these talks, when I was about to expose something to him. "It's okay if you do not have that many. Everybody has to start somewhere." I was just wanting to make him feel better here.
"I have people that talk with me, and are nice to me, but that is all that I have. You know, people that just do not want to really hang out with me outside of school." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing that Manny was wanting to say something else, and that he was really just wanting to continue this discussion, but did not have any idea what to be telling me now.
"Well, if you want to hang out now, and just enjoy some time out of school, we can." I was saying, and the way that I was saying this made Manny look like he was not too sure, but that he would rather be doing this than nothing else. So with this, he was nodding, and then he was smiling, and I was seeing him looking like he was glad at the prospect of a new friendship.
...
-September 29 2020 12:56 am- I was waking up for a bit, and when I was waking up, I had started to think of what I was even trying to accomplish. I mean, in all honesty, the idea of doing this show scared the shit out of me. Becaue I had no idea if I was going to be doing something that would make this whole thing work. And just because Manny was willing to be nice to me did not mean that I was going to be on a good fucking streak with making this show actually pull together.
I was smiling for a bit, and then I was telling myself to just fucking sleep, and then plan out my fucking day a bit better. You know, actually come up with some fucking ideas on what I was going to be doing for school later, and that I was just needing to be pulling these things off later. I was thinking that I was needing to just tell Manny that I was going to have to be thinking things through much deeper. But that was going to be fucking rough.
I was then standing up, and I was remembering the fact that he was seeming to not respect the school system too much, and I had felt like I might be able to take advantage of this. I was tired of the that part of me was feeling like I was needin to have full respect for the system, when in all reality, nobody was wanting to do something like this either. I did not feel like I was needing to do something else when nobody had any desire to be doing this as well.
I was walking out of the room, and I was thinking that maybe I could go on a small walk or something, and I was aware that this was going to be fucking insane, and that my parents were not going to be happy with what I was doing. They were both going to be telling me to tell them what I was doing.
If they were going to be telling me this, I was going to tell them that in all honesty, my siblings had no fucking respect for the system as well, and I was just thinking that as long as I was back within an hour or so, then I might be able to get away with it. If I was gone for a super long time, then it was going to be a issue. But not at the time. I was then just telling myself to just go with it, and just be happy.
As I was walking along the streets, when I had gotten out, I was wondering for a bit if the stories that Josiah were telling me about the fact that there was a girl who liked me were true. I was feeling like if what he had said was true, then he was just going to have to tell me how I could be able to be friends with them. And if this was a lie, the I was gong to ask him to just fess up to it, and just admit that he was pulling my fucking leg.
I was telling myself that I was just needing to go on and talk with Manny, and I could be able to see if he was having at least some friends that were going to be willing to give me a chance. If that was the case, then I might be able to see what they could have been like, and if they were willing to be friends with me.
I was wondering if Manny really did have any friends, or if he did not. I was not going to be too shocked one way or another, and I was feeling like if he was having some friends, then I could just be polite about it, and see what was happening here. I was wondering why I was even caring so much what his friends were, and I was wondering if he was even willing to call me a friend at all, or if he was just bullshitting with me.
I was feeling like maybe if I was going on to talk to Manny a bit, he was going to be feeling like I was just wasting his time. But I was remembering what it was goig to be like when school would start up tomorrow, and I was going to perhaps just see what his opinions on this whole thing were. I was thinking that if Many was not a big fan of hanging out with me, I would rather have him just be honest about such a thing than try to be my friend or something like this.
The only thing that had scared me when I was going to be hanging out with them again, was that I was going to just have to at least pretend like what I was doing was normal, and that I was going to just have to pretend like what I was doing was not going to be a massive fucking waste of his time. I was hating the idea of thinking that nothing I was doing was going to be considered exciting or cool in his eyes. But that was just going to be something I would have to deal with as I was going through it all.
I was also wondering what I was going to do if I was going to go on and meet up with Josiah, and if I was going to maybe see if he was lying to me, or if he was telling the truth. I was kind of feeling like if he was lying to me, I would have the worst way of going through school now, since I was going to be not only dealing wih a bad joke, but a bad joke that raised my confidence beyond what the hell it should have been.
I was feeling that even if Josiah was wanting to mess with me, he was not going to be this mean about it. I was feeling like Josiah was going to be at least somewhat willing to help me out, and only make jokes that he was feeling like I might have wanted to hear. I did not know if that was true, but I was getting my hopes up.
I knew that Josiah was going to be a friend of mine, and I was wondering if maybe the two of us were going to do a good job while going at that talent show, and I was wondering why I was not wanting to do that talent show, and I was thinking that despite everything going on, we really did have one thing in common, as much as he might refuse to admit such a thing.
The only thing that I was thinking Josiah was wanting to do when we were going to this show was just find a way for him to be the big man, and for him to be the one who would be getting all of the credit for the stuff going on. Even if we were working together, I knew that he was going to be the one getting all the credit, and it was going to be my fault.
...
-September 29 2020 7:35 pm- When I was done with school that day, I was hanging out with Manny again, and I was feeling like maybe I could go on and find a way to be making this friendship just be more and more something that could totally work out. I was aware that Manny was possiby not wanting to hang out with me, or anything like that, but that was something that I was going to be working with as we were heading along.
So as I was hanging out with Manny, I was feeling like I was needing to go on and just see how he was feeling, and see if there was something that was in his mind that he was wanting to say, but just felt like he was needing to keep it together. "So Seth, do you think that you have any real plans on what material you plan on presenting while you are at the talent show? I mean, that is going to be fucking impossible to appease everybody." After Manny was saying his to me, I was nodding, as if feeling like what he was saying was perfectly obvious, and that he was not needing to be saying this, since it was making too much sense.
"Well, I know that I am not going to appease everybody. But I do hope that when I am up there, and I show people what is going on in my mind, that they might be seeing that I am really trying my best to be making these shows work out. I mean, I would rather fail at these shows than just not even try, since if I do not even try, then I will never even fucking know what will work or not." I was saying, and I was feeling like what I was telling him was going to be fucking worthless.
"So Seth, do you think that if it does not work out, then do you feel like what you did was going to be a waste of time? I mean, do you feel like your school reputation is going to be thrown away if it all fails? I am just kind of curious to see what you might believe." After Manny said this, I was feeling like he was clearly just trying to get me to admit that something like this was a terrible idea, but that was not something I was wanting to admit for the time being.
I was wanting to just see what to even say that was going to be able to satisfy his query. I mean, I was hating the fact that he was wanting to force so much out of me. But at the same time, I was just not even caring. "I mean, I think that with the fact that we will be here for another seven years, if this fails, it will only be around for another couple of weeks." I was saying, somehow feeling like this was the truth.
"Anyways, I was wondering if you were having any friends that you might be thinking would like to go on and hang out with me. I mean, I know that something like this might be a bit out of nowhere, since I just want to know if I am going to be doing something with you guys soon enough." I was saying, and the longer that I was staring at him, Manny was looking entirely unsure what to tell me right now.
"I guess that you might go on and see some of the people that I casually talk with at school. But in all honesty, I would not be too worried over something like this. That being said, there is a girl named Becky who is sort of like you. She might be somebody who you will want to give a chance." After Manny was telling me this, I was siging, and I was thining deeply about what he was saying, and I was just thinking about what we were going to accomplish here.
"Thanks for the suggestion. I will see what I might be able to do when I hang out with her. Although I think that I will just be careful here, since I do not want to try and befriend her, and then turn out that she hates me." I was feeling like the mere idea of something like this was going to suck, but I was reminding myself to not be too worried about it.
"She is a prettty relaxed girl. Honestly, I think that you just need to be remembering that she will be happy to have anybody who will want to go on and hang out with you. I know that something like this might be hard to imagine, but the fact is that not everybody is going around, wanting to ruin your life." Manny told me, and then I was sighing, as if feeling like what he was saying was not even going to be settling in all that much anymore.
"Yeah, I think that I am going to want to try and hang out with her. And maybe if he does want to hang out with me, she might be thinking about ways that she could be able to help me out with my show." I was saying, and then I was sighing, as if aware that something like this was just not a good idea. But you know, Iw as wanting to just imagine what could be working out that was in my fucking favor.
"I guess that something like this might happen. You know, I think that when you are are a much more relaxed guy. You know, when you talk about how you are going to be failing all the time, part of me wonders if you are just going insane or something like this." After Manny said that, I was sighing, and I was feeling like what he was going to tell me was going to be making me feel so much fucking worse.
"Yeah, I mean, in all honesty, the worst that might happen is that I might be making a strange attempt at a friendship. That being said, I am not going to be too worried about whatever is happening. So I will just see if you might want to go on and actually help me out at the show." I was saying, and I knew that he was not going to like the fact that I was bringing this up again, but that was just something that I was going to have to accept, for my own sake.
"I mean, I guess that maybe I could try something like that. I think that you know that you are not going to think that any of the stuff that I said is going to be very funny. But I think that I will just try and help you out from the back side." He was telling me, and then I was looking at him, trying to find sometjing to tell him, but just had no idea.
"Yeah, I guess that something like this is true enough. But in all honesty, I am just going to want to see why people do not want to give this stuff a chance. I mean, I know that it is not something that you are interested in, but do you have something that you consider to be a bigger interest?" I was asking, and then Manny was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was truly having no idea what the hell he was going to be telling me.
Almost as if what he was telling me was going to be totally embarassing, and that he had no desire to be telling me something that I was going to just constantly laugh at him over. "Well, I just kind of like the idea of dark stories and stuff. You know, the stuff that you might read online. I like those ones, and if I had something to go on and be into, I might do soething like that." After Manny told me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like that was something I would never do, but I could see why he was going to be liking it.
"I guess that you might be making a lot of stories that you are kind of proud of?" I asked, and I was feeling like maybe the way that I was asking him this might be sort of putting him offhere. But I was feeling like I just needed to see if he was willing to show e some of these stories. If he was, then maybe we could work together here. He was shrugging, as if feeling like he might have something he would show me after all.
...
-September 29 2020 11:02 pm- As Manny and I were getting ready to go on and wrap up for the evening, and I was sure that my parents were going to be at least slightly worried about what I was doing, and why I was gone for so long, I was just telling myself that none of this was going to even fucking matter right now. I was feeling that Manny was probably wanting to find other thinga that he was wanting to tell me. But for the time being, we were all keeping it to ourself.
As I was getting ready to leave, Manny was calling out to me, and I was seeing that there was something that he was wanting to tell me, and I was seeing that it was something that he was clearly just wanting to get off his chest. I was scared on what this was, but I was feeling like I needed to listen to him, and give him a chance to explain to me what the issue was.
"Hey, would you be fine with going out, and just going to your place for a bit? There was a couple of things that I was wanting to ask you, and I think that maybe you would probably know what is happening." After he was saying this to me, I was sighing, and while I was in no mood for this shit, I was willing to do this, if it was going to be putting him in a good mood, and if it could build some trust between the two of us.
"Yeah, I can see what I would be able to tell you. Although to be honest, I don't know if it will b every much." I was saying, as if to just try and make sure that no matter what he was saying, if I was unable to help him out, he was never going to be too let down over this.
"Well, I was wondering if you knew why your brothers are constantly thinking that they might be able to find something here, when there really is nothing going on here at all." He was telling me, and then I was looking right at him, and I was feeling like this was going to be a sensitive topic, and part of me was feeling like that was surely why he was bringing it up.
"What are you wanting to know?" I asked, as if feeling like maybe if I was not too sure what he was discussing, he might be able to just brush this off, and decide that he was wasting my time, and I was thinking that something like this was going to be the greatest way that we could be able to have both of our feelings established.
"Well, you were telling me about all of the things that your brothers are doing, and you were telling me about how worried that it is making you, and I was wondering if you would be able to tell me what was going on. I am just slightly curious is all." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I knew that this was going to be a rough discussion, as much as I wanted to get out of it.
"Oh shit, I mean, I think that they are purposely trying to not tell me this shit because they know that if I get to know the truth, they will be actng like I am getting to know too much, or they might be forcing me to work with them here." I was saying, and I was sighing, more annoyed at this than I was wanting to admit. I was hoping that it would hide relatively well here.
"Do they seriously think that what you are going to want to do would be putting you in danger" After Manny asked me this, he was sighing, and I was seeing him looking like there was nothing that he was going to be getting out of this by lying or anything like that. So he was just taking a momet to proess what he would ask next.
"I mean, I would be more worried about them. They are always just going around, and they are just being fucking stupid all of the time. None of them seem to probably understand that what they are doing is not going to be helping them out at all." I was saying, and I was not going to be shy about the fact that I was feeling like all of my older siblings were up to something, and I was not going to be shy about the fact that in the end, what they were doing really pissed me off.
"I have been just kind of curious since I was hearing stuff about the town, and I know that you probably have no idea what is happening, but I was wondering if you perhaps had a way of being able to get them to tell you what was going on." After Manny ws telling me this, I was shrugging, as if thinking that if they had known, then they were going to just try and hide it away as some form of gossip or some shit like that.
"I mean, I think that if they know what is happening at this place, then they would probably have told some of their friends by now, and I think that with that, gossip could go around, and nobody is going to fucking hide what is happening. So I think that the chances of us knowing is fucking lost." I was saying, and I had no idea if that was a good thing, or if it was a bad thing.
"I mean, I know that it is none of my business, but I guess that I just got too curious to not wan to know at least some things." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, and I had no idea what I was even going to be saying now. All that I did know was that I just wished that whatever was going on, this was never going to be getting in the way of us hanging out and stuff. That he was no going to be letting this be a deciding factor.
"Honestly, I guess that none of this is going to be making a difference. I think that everybody probably already knows something, and that I am just getting myself interested in nothing important. The only thing that I do know is that I just hope that my siblings are not going to be forcing me to do anything that I had no interest in. Or else that might get me kind of pissed here." I was shrugging, and then I was thinking that I might be able to just leave it all alone now.
"Do you have any idea if one of our classmates will be the next one who is going to be going missing?" He was asking me, and then i was sighing at this question, and I was feeling like that was a eustion that I was never going to be able to properly answer, and I was hoping that he was not going to be expecting something big from me. I was not wanting that to happen to any of my classmates, no matter what they thought of me, and i was going to be making it so that way nobody would be feeling this way.
"If that happens, then I guess that I would feel absolutely terrible for that fucking family. You know, I would not want to even consider something like this. You know, just the fact that something could happen to my classmates is kind of shitty." I was telling him, and I was hoping that Manny was not going to be too worried about something like this, and I was hoping that he was never going to be needingt to bring that up again.
"I know that it is a bad thing to bring up. I just thought that it was something that needed to be discussed. You know, just in case something could happen. But I guess that we will not have to worry about getting there until something like that happens." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, and I felt like I could go on and leave it all alone.
We were getting close to my house, and then Manny was sighing, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be giving hm a chance. "So Seth, sorry for bringing all that up. I guess that I just really wanted your opinion on this whole thing. But I guess that maybe I could have left it all alone." He was saying, and I was feeling like I did not need to say something, and that I could leave it all alone.
...
-September 30 2020 1:32 pm- I was feeling like maybe as much as I was going to be hating the idea of doing this, I was thinking that perhaps I could talk with Josiah about what and just seeing if he was willing to tell me anything that had been going on in the family and stuff. I was feeling like surely he might have been willing to tell me something, if I was polite to him about it. You know, as long as I was making it seem like he had the need to tell me.
I was not wanting to deal with him brushing this whole thing off, and pretending like nothing was wrong. I was wanting him to fucking understand that I was needing to just know what the issue was. Maybe he was going to actually be willing to treat me with some fucking respect. If something like this was even possible. But I guess that maybe I am just looking at this a bit too hard.
When I was getting up, I was seeing that Josiah was finally getting ready to be heading to sleep, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing that there was something on his face that was clearly showing that he was terrified of what the heck was going on here. He was clearly just wanting to get to know what the issue was to make me be gone for so long.
"Seth, what is going on here? What is making you stay out so late? You're only eleven. You should not be doing something like this." He was saying, and I was shocked to be hearing him genuinely having something of a worry here. I was feeling like if this was going to be the way that he was acting here, I would just have to be trying to get along with him as much as humanly fucking possible.
"I was just hanging oit with some friends. Trust me, I have no desire to be going on and doing shit that you guys are doing. I would never go around, and be acting like a fucking idiot." I was saying, and I was not even remotely giving a shit if he was going to be offended by what I had said to him. He was looking slightly offended in what I had told him. But then he was sighing, as if he was almost expecting something like this.
"Alright normally I would try and argue with you right now. But deep down, I know that something like this is probably true and honest. I just want to make sure that you do not follow this path as well. That is the fucking truth. I do not want to see you follow down the path that your older siblings are going on." After he was telling me this, I was staring at him, and I was shocked at him, as if feeling like maybe I was just needing to see what hewould have told me now.
"Shit. I was not expecting to hear you tell me something like this." I was saying, and then I was looking down for a few seconds, feeling like there was virtually else that I was going to accomplish with talking to him now. "Josiah, I was not execting you to admit that you were just doing all of this for us." I was feeling like if I was done saying this, then he would be buying that I was just wanting to make him feel better.
"So Seth, I know that if you are telling the truth, you were just hanging out with your friends, and I was doing the exact same thing when I was your age. I guess that if this was the case, then I need to be leaving you alone, and not treat you bad. But at the same time, I just want to know that you are not going to be looking around, and trying to do something you will not be capable at doing." After he was telling me this, I was looking at him, and I was seeing him getting a face that was on par with begging me to listen to him this time.
"Okay, you know, I had no desire with doing something, and I thought that you and the others were the ones going around, and just being insane. But I guess that we are both just wasting our time saying this." I said, and then I was looking right at him, wanting to just find something else to tell him, but in all honesty, nothing else fucking mattered.
"I guess that maybe you might have known that my friend might have been trying to tell me what was going on in his mind with this stuff." I was saying, and I was aware that none of what I was saying was very well put together. But at the same time, I was just trying to be making him feel better. He was just looking like there was something that he was wanting to tell me, although I was seeing that there was a small part of him that looked very fucking unsure of what to tell me.
"Thank you for being patient with me. And I find it really cool that you got somebody who is willing to hang out with you. You know, I never fucking thought that you would have tried to do something like that. But my god, seeing you actually do something that you can be proud of, makes me know that I want you to do well at that fucking talent show. I want you to just fucking kick ass." Josiah told me, and I was wanting Josiah to be telling me something else, and I was seeing Josiah then looking like he was wanting to find something else to tell me.
"Do you think that the music will be able to finally get you some more friends of your own?" I was asking, and then Josiah was looing at me, and I was seeing him looking like he did not want me to be giving him anything of that tonight. I was smiling, and then I was feeling like I might be getting to him a bit better. I was thinking that if I was trying hard enough, he might just try and get to know a bit better.
"I have been making some friends lately. You do not need to be worried about me right now. Just have some fucking fun, and I will be doing whatever I can to make sure that my friends and I are doing whatever we can to just be in our top mindset." After he told me this, I was then sighing, and I was thinking that maybe we had just needed to be leaving the situation alone, and that we were sort of getting our points across.
"So Josiah, I hope that you do well on the show. I think that you probably know that. Just make sure that no mater what is happening, the show is the best that you can make it." I was saying, and then I was staring right at him, and then I was feeling like maybe if we were to talk longer, our points could be expressed more. But I was feeling like we did not need to do that anymore, so I went to bed, and was ready to sleep.
...
-September 30 2020 1:09 pm- As I was sitting around in lunch that day, I was just thinking about what Josiah and I were talking about earlier, and I was starting to think that in all honesty, I might be able to trust him, and that in all honesty, I was not needing to worry about what Josiah was going to be feeling right now. I was just thinking about what it must have taken for him to be saying stuff like this, and to not be feeling like he was giving me total bullshit.
I was then getting my back pack out, and I was telling myself to just fucking work on the notes that I was trying to master, and I was thinking that if I focused on the songs, and I did not get too far away from the main focus, then the day would go by quickly, and that I was going to possibly get this whole thing done with as fast as possible.
I saw Manny coming towards me, and when he was sitting down, I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to find something to say, to sort of just break the mold of this conversation. "So Seth, what are you working on this time?" After he asked me this, I was looking right at him, as if feeling like he was going to try and bring up what had happened eaarlier, and he was going to try and apologize for bringing that up, when it was not something he was needing to worry over.
"Just some notes. Nothing too important. Probably nothing that you are too shocked by." I was saying, and I was feeling like I was just needing to know what he was wanting to talk to me about. I could not get it out of my mind that the entire time he was looking here, there was something that he was just wanting to address really badly, and I was justw anting to get it over with.
"So I was wanting to talk to you about the stuff that I was bringing up earlier, and I was wanting to let you know that I went way too a, and that I was sorry for forcing that situation on you. You deserved so much more than me trying to throw your siblings under the bus." After he was saying this to me, I was sighing, just wanting to not debate it too mch, since I was already moving on.
"It's okay Manny. I was never thinking that you were trying to do something like that. You know, I was just thinking that you were curious about something, and you are right in wanting to know what is going on." I was sighing, and then I was staring right at him, wondering if he was going to be affected by what i was saying at all, or if he was not even caring.
"I guess that I was just curous to know if you were also wanting to know what was happening to your family. I mean, I know that what your siblings are doing is none of your busness, usually. But you know, I was just thinking that you would have tried to force something." He was saying, and then he was sighing, and I was seeing him looking like he was done speaking of this, and I was as well.
"I just think that if I wanted to get to know what was happening with them, they would not be too patient with me, and they would be telling me that I just needed to be dealing with my own things. And I guess that what they say would be valid enough. So I am not going to be trying too hard on this." I was saying, thinking that if I was going to push them at all, then they were going to be losing the respect that they were able to get for me.
"Yeah, anyways, do you kow if the are going to be even up to something. I mean, for all that we know, maybe they literally have nothing going on, and we are just talking about something that is not even happening." After Manny told me this, I was then thinking that there was a pretty good chance that this was true. That we were just pretending like something was happening, when in all honesty, nothing was even going on.
"All that I know is that I am just glad that whatever they are doing, they are willing to keep it to themsleves. You know, that is something that I think I have to appreciate. I mean, as long as they never try to make other people deal with what they are doing, and they keep their stupid ideas to themselves, then who am I to judge what they are doing." I was saying, thinking about what we were going to do if my siblings were going to try and force me into something that I never wanted here.
"Is your brother Josiah going to still be going on and making that performance with you?" After he asked me this, I was taking a second in my mind to get used to the subject change, but in all honesty, after everything that had been discussed, I was so fucking happy to be hearing them talk about literally anything else, that I could not have cared less.
"Well, I am petty sure that he will do something like that. There is no reason for him to do something else. You know, I just believe that everything is going to be all about him though. You know, I just always have a fucking fear that he is going to be going up there, and everything that I could have for me is thrown away. I would hate that so much." I was then just thinking about what it would be like if I was just going to be used by my brother.
"So Seth, do you really feel like your brother doing something like this will be affecting your social standing when you are at school again? I am not going to lie, I think that you are over looking this a bit. You know, not everybody wants to fucking just take credit for shit their younger siblings do." Manny said, and then I was just telling myself that I knew he was correct, and that he was just wanting me to be realistic for once in my life.
"Yeah, I guess that when you put it that way, maybe it is a bit strange that I am acting like this. I mean, I doubt that we are even going to be perorming in the same show regardless. I doubt that Josiah would be having any matieral that would directly compliment my stuff regardless. So I guess that maybe I just need to be thinking about that for a bit." I was saying, as if thinking that for once, when I was thinking about everything from a mildly logical perspective, that maybe I was going to have to be cutting my brothers some slack, just to have a good presentation here.
"Do you know if Josiah is going to be having some of his friends going there to help him out with the performance, or do you think that he is going to be all on his own here?" After he was asking me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like I was certain that he was having at least some people who were going to be going along, and wanting to do this show as well, and that I was just lying to myself for even worrying about that at all.
"Trust me, the chances of nobody going on and helping him out is not happening. I mean, he has so many friends with him, and he is doing a lot of shit to be helping him out. I don't really care though, I just want to make sure that whatever he does, he does it in a way that can help both of us out." I was shrugging, and then I was feeling like there might have been something that Josiah was already discussing with his friends, while he was hanging out with them. I was just thinking about what I could do to help Manny out, feeling fine here.
"So you were telling me tha you were a fan of the story telling stuff. What do you do when you are working on that story? I was asking, as if feeling like maybe I could be getting him to just open up with me here. I was seeing Manny looking embarassed to be admitting something like this, and I was wondering what the issue was here.
"Well, my stories are not that good, and they are not something that I think should be presented to the school. You know, if something like that were to happen, I am almost certain that I would be getting in a lot of trouble. And it would be fucking sad." He was saying, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to do more, but that he was just wanting to be realistic when he was looking at all of this, and that he was not wanting anybody to cheer him up when it was impossible.
"Oh come on, there is no way that it is any wore than all of the stuff that people make about sex and stuff. You know, I think that people are just wanting to focus on that stuff a lot." I was saying, and I was thinking about the comedy that I was making in my own free tme, and I was using that as a reminder that I was correct here.
"I know that because I write a lot of material like that, and it is something that I am pretty sure would be getting me in trouble if my teachers ever saw all the notes. And my parents would be very let down by it as well." I was saying, and now I was thinking that maybe he could find some of it funny, and that Manny clearly would have wanted to know more now.
"Well in all honesty, I think that what I make goes deeper than just bad sex jokes. I think that the school would not be thinking that what I was writing was very child apprpriate. Even in the standrds of people our age looking into stuff that is considered such in the first place." He was telling me, and then I was sighing, and I was not even sure why I was having this discussion in the first place. "Although I don't know if you would understand it at all."
"I wonder why you feel like I would not get it. I mean, there is probably nothing all that hard to understand." I was saying to him, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that he was wanting to try and say something that was going to be sounding like he was taking control of this discussion, but he was sighing, as if already giving up on the prospect of this happening.
I was thinking that if I did not want to piss him off, I was needing to fucking stop, and I was needing to respect the fact that he was clearly having no desire to be speaking on this at all, even if I was wanting to know so fucking much of it. Even if it was something that I was dying to fucking know. "Would you be interested in telling me what the basis for this all was?" I was asking, as if feeling that was fair enough here.
"I don't really know. I just make a lot of jokes that re related to what I think is happening at the town, since I feel like doing something like this is my only way of being able to express the fact that I do not want these things to be bothering me all that much." He was saying, and while I did not get it, I refused to be making a ordeal out of it all.
"So you just turn to dark humor when you feel like something iI guess that if you feel like the dark humor is the only thing that will help you out, then I will not be making fun of you too much over it." I was saying, and I was just mainly saying this in order to feel like I was not too hard pressed to be getting him to tell me everything.
"I guess that if you really want to explain it in some fashion, you could be able to say that. But it is something that I never really tried too deeply to be thinking of right now." After he was saying this to me, I was seeing him looking as if he had felt like everything in his mind was just trying to decide what he was wanting to be saying, and if he was wanting to let me know everything, or if he was going to just keep this to himself.
"I mean, I know that there are probably not many things that are going to be that big of a deal, and I am sure that everybody in the town had some idea what is happening if they were looking hard enough. I know that I want to know what is happening, but I also know that I have no desire to be trying to figure it out either. I mean, I will be saying all of this, and then I will never spend a minute looking at things myself." Manny said, and then I was laughing at the self awareness of this.
"Honestly, as long as you understand that about yourself, and you do not try and lie to yourself about it all, then I think that not many people will be angry at you. Just have some fun foing your own thing, and everything will be fine enough." I was saying, and then I was wondering if he was wanting to try and debate that, or just leave it all alone now. I was thinking about what it would be like if my brothers were going to be going on, and telling me how I should react to all of the people who were going missing, when they had no idea themselves.
"So Manny, would you be fine with showing me some of the stuff that you worked on? I would be interested in giving it a chance." I was saying, and I was honestly meaning that, and I was hoping that he was not going to be feeling like I was just lying to him and stuff. Manny looked entirely unsure what the the heck he was going to say here.
"I guess that if you really want to know what I have been working on, I guess that I can show you. But I do not know if I would be willing to do something like this yet, since I have a lot of stuff that I need to compile together." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was feeling like no matter how much I wanted to know more, I was having no fucking spot telling him to go on and rush things up and stuff.
"Yeah, that is going to be really fucking awesome, and I would love to see what you are ptting together." I was saying, and then then I was thinking about how much fun it would be if we both worked together to try and make our vision worked out. Manny was looking at me, and I was seeing taht from the look on his face, he was just thinking that maybe I was taking this whole thing too seriously.
"Seth, ny stuff really is not that good. I know that first hand, and I think that you need to relax if you think that you are going to be finding something out of it." He was telling me, and then I was thinking that maybe he was underselling himself, and I was wanting to be making it clear to him that I was not going to be too worried on this at all.
"Manny, I know that sometimes the works we make are going to be terrible, but I think that as long as you like to hang out, and as long as you just try and see what you can be capable of, I think that you will see that things are not as hard as you expected." I was telling him, and I was thinking that if he knew my history, and what he knew of me, he would know to be taking me seriously.
"Well, I do suppose that perhaps you know better than most people who go around on this. So I suppose that I will be listening to you." He was saying, and I was then nodding, as if thinking that saying stuff like this was going to be making him aware that I was truly wanting to make him understand that it was fine to mess things up.
"Thanks for sort of telling me that. I do not know if I fully believe in it as of yet, but I do appreicate the fact that you are just at least trying to act like you can make things better here." He was sighing, and then I was thinking that as long as we finally got that over with, I was then thinking about taking his advice and seeing what friends I was going to be making now. Now that I had the same discussion with Manny like fifty times, I was feeling like we had made our points enough.
"Well, we have been here long enough, and I think that we can just go along, and see what we can do now. You know, I think that if we stay around here for too long we might be getting in trouble with our teachers. Although I guess that they might not be all that worried about what we are saying." I was saying, and then I was thinking that if we were to get talked to by the teachers, my parents were going to know the truth, and then everything was just going to be made so much fucking wrse.
We were getting up, and we were heading to our next classes, and I was thinking about wy I had wanted to know what Manny had been working on for so much. I was thinking that in a way, my obsession was a bit strange, and even I was wondering what the heck I would have seen if I did read the stuff. They were not going to ge al that interesting, but it was for something that I felt like could have been able to help Manny out breaking out of this shell.
...
-September 30 2020 6:10 pm- As I was heading home that day, I was then trying to think about all that was going on, and all that I had discussed with Manny, and I was thinking about what it was going to be like if we were to try and make something work out with him and his stuff. I was feeling relatively ready with my stuff, and I was no longer worried about that anymore. I was worried about if he was feeling like he could ever trust people to know what his projects were.
I mean, I was then thinking that it was not my business, and that I was just needing to fucking relax for a while. But as I was thinking about all of this stuff, I was thinking about the shell that I was still in I mean, I was not all that open about what I was working on either. I was slightly more open than he was, but that was all that I could say here.
As I was heading closer and closer to my house, I was seeing a girl who was close to my age at the park as well, and then I was feeling like maybe there was something that happened to her. I mean from the way she was looking, I was seeing that there was something that deeply bothered her, and I was then thinking that I was going to have to tell her that I just wanted to see if she was doing alright.
"Hey, is there something going on here?" I was asking, and then I was seeing her looking up at me, and she was looking out of it, and I was seeing that maybe I was just needing to be more careful about what I was saying now. I was thinking that I was needing to just leave, so I was starting to head on out for a bit.
"Don't worry about leaving. I am sorry. I just have had a lot on my mind lately, and I am just kind of really mad at something." She was telling me, and I was feeling like there was no way that I could help her. But I was thinking that if she was willing to be this honest with me on this, I could be able to give her a chance here.
"What is it?" I was asking, and I knew deep down that I was going to be way out of my league, but I was thinking that I just needed to do this under all circumstances. I was thinking that in a strange way, my entire future was riding on the fact that I was needing to be there for this girl, and show her that I was willing to be helping her out. She nodded, and then I was sitting down next to her on the swings, and I was thinking about what I might be able to say that could show her that I was wanting to help her out as much as possible.
"I had a sister who went missing a couple of weeks agao, and I still am not fully over it. You know, I shouldn't be. But you know, after a rate, people that you go to school with sort of feel like you are just taking things way too far." She was telling me, and I was sighing, thinking about what she had just said. I knew that I was totaly out of my league, but that I was needing to just fucking listen to her, and that I was needing to see if she was possibly wanting to talk with me.
"Oh shit, I never thought that it was going to be that. Sorry about that. That must be really awful." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, and I was hoping that she was going to by my bullshit weak condolences. I was hoping that she was not going to be offended by not giving her any more. I was just thinking that no matter what we were going to tallk about today, that the two of us were going to be on thin ass ice.
"Thanks. I mean, I know that everybody says that, but I think that there is something about you, that is a bit different from the others. I feel like you are a bit more sincere than the others, and I feel like I could listen to you when you say this." She was telling me, and then I was sighing as if feeling like she was not supposed to be saying that to me, or else that was going to be pulling a big burden on me.
That being said, I was thinking that when I was going to be looking at her, and I was seeing how uch help she was going to need, I was thinking that if we went to school together, she was going to have to get a friend, and I was going to have to at least try and be there. "The truth is that I just always get scared if that is to happen to my younger sister Lydia. You know, if something is going to happen and one day, I wake up, and she is not even home anymore. You know, I just think that there is no way that I could describe it all.
"I think that these things are ideas that you never really fully ponder, and understand what it all feels like until it happens to you in person. I mean, I never thought I would understand what it was like to deal with my sister gong missing until it had happened. And now that it has happened, I just know that people are going to want me to pretend like I am in a good spot. Which is gong to be fucking impossible." She was saying, and I was nodding, and while I was feeling like I might not get it fuly, I was feeling glad she was willing to talk to me here.
"I'm sorry. I was not trying to ddo anything like a 'I know what you are going through.' I know that I will never get it. I just feel like there is nothing that I will fully understand. But in all honesty, I just hope that mabe we could be able to talk about this, and see if perhaps we could help each other out, and I could help you out." I was saying, as if feeling like maybe telling her this was going to help win her over.
"Thanks for trying to be helping me out here. Thanks for doing your best to be supportive of everything going on here. What is your name?" She was asking me, and then I was sighing, and I was feeling like if this was the start to a frindship, you know that it would be something that was actually going to fucking matter, and not something like a random comedy show that nobody was gong to remember in more than a week or two from now.
"I'm Seth. What is your name? Maybe you can go and meet some other people that I have been hanging out with, and you can sort of see if you might enjoy hanging out with them.' I was suggesting, as a way to make sure taht she was having a social circle going forward, which might help her with the missing girl and stuff. She was looking up at me, and I was seeing from the look on her face that she was well aware of the fact that I was doing my best to be helping her out, which was something she was able to appreciate.

"My name is Becky. If you want to make fun of it right now, go ahead. I mean, people do it all the fucking time. You know, people always just want to be making it the funniest thing in the world." After she was saying this to me, I was sighing, and I was just thinking that there was virtually no way in hell that I would be able to fully describe this entire thing.
"Honestly, there is more to what a person is like than a name." I was saying, and to be honest, this whole thing was just seeming like the natural response, and I was feeling like there was nothing else that I could say to her that could fully win her trust. I just know that when the name was clicking in, with what Manny told me earlier, that this was going to all come together somewhat.
"So Becky, do you know a guy name Manny. He is somebody who I have been hanging out with for a while, and he was telling me about the idea of me going on and meeting you. I guess that he doesn't need to arrange that anymore." I was telling him, and she was looking like what I was saying was rather funny, and that I was just starting to make her feel more welcome here.
"Yeah, I know him. I have hung out with him a couple of times. Not a bad guy, but I would be wondering why I would be the first person that he would suggest that you would go on and hang out with." She was saying, just genuinely sounding lost on everything going on here. She was clearly just looking like she wanted me to tell her a couple of things. "But Seth, do you think that he might like me a bit?"
I was shocked at that one, and I was having no fucking idea how to be responding, and I was just telling myself to fucking focus on what was being presented to me. Then with that, I was looking right at her, and I was thinking of what I wanted to tell her, if I was wanting to be entirely honest.
"I honestly have no idea. I mean, he might, and I think that if you want to know, it might really help you to go on and ask him. But I do not know." I was saying, and then I was looking at her, and I was hoping that she was not going to be too bothered by what I was telling her. She was sighing, as if thinking that there was nothing else to say now.
"Well, thanks for being honest. I think that he's kind of a cool guy, but I barely know anything about him. So I could be totally wrong." She was saying, and was then nodding, as if thinking that no matter what was going on in my mind, I was just needing to be playing along with this, and not be relatively annoyed that the chances of anything with her were already being thrown out of the fucking window.
"I think that if he knew that you were possibly looking at him, he might be willing to give it a chance though. So I think that you can have that to look forward to." I was saying, just trying my best to be making it seem like I was going to be calm and composed, and that I was going to be helping them all the way through this. But then I was having something in my mind that I genuinely wanted to actually know.
"Do you know if your sister was possibly seeing anybody? I mean, there is a chance that she might have been dating a guy, and that something happened to her due to that." I was saing, and I knew that when it came to statements like this, I needed to be careful, but I was feeling like I was just needing to give her honest ideas here.
"I guess that maybe something like this might be true. I don't know what she would be up to though, so I would not be too worried over something like this." She was saying this to me, but then with that, I was rubbing my eyes, and I was needing to make her happy, and I was neeing to just find something to say now.
"I mean, I do not want to be making it seem like your sister knew what was going to happen. But I would be lying if I was saying that we can't look at all the ideas. And for better or for worse, this is one of those ideas on something that could happen." I was shrugging, thinking that no matter what she was going to tell me here, that there was going to be a part of her that was going to be seeing where I was coming from deep down.
"Yeah, I will sort of see where this is coming from. I just feel like that there is something bigger to it all. I mean, I think that there is no way that she was just dating a random guy, and then one day, that guy was going to be the reason that she went missing." She was taking a long and deep breath, and then I was thinking about what to be telling her now, to sort of break the tension of this whole thing.
"Honestly, I think that no matter what is going on, I am going to be keeping every fucking idea together, and I am going to hav eto try and see what I can do when it come sto my younger siblings being safe. Epecially my youngest one, who is only a little over one month old." I was saying, and then there was that other part of me that was shocked at the fact that it had already been a month since Ridge was born. That was just fucking crazy.
"That is probably wise. I think that the family will be able to appreciate that in due time. You know, everybody has a hero that they look up, and your younger siblings might be looking at you as that type of guy." After she was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was thinking that something like this was going to be rather bullshit, but I was willing to let her feed into something like this for the time being.
"You know, I think that the last fucking thing my younger siblings will be looking to me as is a role model. You know, I think that I can respect what you are trying to tell me. But I think that I just need to be realistic when I am going at this whole thing." I was saying, and then I was feeling that the certainty of this was too much, and it was all my fucking fault, and that was kind of getting to me a bit. I will not fucking lie.
"Seth, just because you might not think highly of yourself doesn't mean that your younger siblings don't. I mean, I looked up to my sister, and I thought she was a good person." Becky was saying, and I was seeing her clearly looking like she was just both going through memory lane, while also just trying to be making me feel slightly better. I didn't knw what to be feeling, but I was just going to be going through with it all.
"I guess that something like this can be true. I guess that I just always felt like people were looking at me as a fucking failure, and that this was all that I was able to be able to look at myself at." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, as if thinking that maybe when I was saying all of this, the truth might be something that when spoken, for both of us, could be driving a different level of truth to it all.
"I think that I wish that I could have told her how much I appreicated her company. You know, if I told her this, and if I was honest with her, and made her feel better, than I could have been a great sibling, and would have made this whole path much easier." She was telling me, and I was thinking that no matter what I was feeling about this, I was needing to just let her speak, and that I was needing to just hear her tell me everything.
"I guess that maybe I can talk to my older ones about something like this. You know, maybe when I tell them something like this, they might take something to it." I was saying, and while I was feeling like saying something like this was not going to be the best thing in the world, but it was something that I was going to just have to go on through. Surely Becky was going to be feeling better one day, if Manny and I were to support her.
"I think that they will probably just find it strange, and stupid, but I am sure that no matter what happens, in the end, you might be feeling better once you say something like this." She was telling me, and I was not wanting to admit it, but I was well aware that she was telling me the truth. I hated this truth, since it felt fucking basic. But in the end, I was thinking that no matter what we were doing, everything was going to be going on just fine now.
"Well Becky, did you and your sister get along too well at first, or is it only something in hindsight where you are starting to fully get it?" I asked her, and I was aware that this was going to be a terribly rude question, and she was not going to be liking the fact that I asked this one bit, but I was needing the truth to be explained here.
"I think that when she was around, it was a day by day thing, and that in all honesty, I was never really fully getting it at first. I mean, now that I know that there was something here, I could have had more. But for now, I guess that maybe I just fucking had no idea what I was thinking..." Becky was telling me, and I was seeing her looking like there was nothing else to be telling her.
"I was expecting something like this. I mean, I am rather much the same way. You know, right now, dealing with things right now, they can be a pain in my fucking ass, and you know, just something that I never want to deal with. But at the same time, I think that I just need to be a bit more open with approaching them here." I was telling her, and then I was sighing, and I had nothing else that I was going to be telling her that would change it all.
"I think that if I had known what was going to happen to my sister, and I had known that she was going to be going missing, I would have tried to make a real good relationshop with her." She was telling me, and then I was nodding, as if feeling like everything that she was saying was making total sense, and much more sense than I was wanting to say, and in that regard, I was wishing that she was going to just stop.
"I guess that in a way, I can thank you for telling me all of this stuff. It will give me a good perspective on what I can do to make this whole thing much better. I think that when I see them, the only thing that matters is seeing if maybe my siblings have any fucking idea what I want to do. And see if they are willing to go on and give me a chance." I was saying, thinking about what it was going to be like if they did not. But I was telling myself that they would.
"Do you think that your siblings have any idea what they are going to do when you are going to be doing things, such as hanging out with your friends?" Becky asked me, and the entire time she was asking me this, I was not thinking at all on it, and I was thinking that she was needing to relax, and that everything would have been all fine and dandy.
"Honestly, I will just tell them that these are people that I really want to go on and hang out with, and they are all people that I really repect." I was saying, and I was looking right at her, as if wondering if she was having something that she was wanting to tell me, and I was then just seeing her looking like she was having nothing else to say, so she was remaining silent now.
"I guess that I can just leave it at that. You know, I just think that when I make friends, I think that this is going to be something that I will remember that no matter what, my sister would have wanted. She would have wanted me to have some friends, and she would have wanted me to be happy, and I am going to be doing exactly that." She was saying, and then I was thinking that the way she was looking at this was rather mature.
"See, I think that when you see things from a different perspective, as hard as something might be to deal with at the time, it might be best to remember what you are having, and what you can take advantage of, and what you can take a chance with." I was telling her, just thinking that I could finally leave it all alone. I was thinking that maybe Becky would help me out, and that way, we could be able to get a level of attachment here.
"I mean, nothing will take away what happened to my sister, but I think that in a way, you do have a decent point. Or at least something that I can look at, and something that I will use to sort of just make me feel differently." She was telling me, and then I was looking at her for a few seconds longer, and I was thinking that the entire time we were talking, she and I were going to be great friends, and this was going to be something I needed to take advantage of.
"Yeah, I was never trying to say something like that. Sorry if you were getting that impression. I was just wanting to try and make it seem like things were not going to be all that bad, depending on how you try to take things in perspective." I was then staring ahead, and I knew that while this friendship was going to be hard, it was going to be worth it, and I would fucking love it now.

-October 1 2020 2:31 pm- I was still thinking all about the stuff that Becky and I were discussing, and now that I was certain that this was the reason that Manny wanted to know more about what my brothers were doing, I was feeling like I was just needing to confront him about him not just telling me straight out about what was happening. I knew that he did not need to do this, but I was just feeling like I needed to have more here.
When I was seeing Manny near by, I was feeling like I was just needing to go on and speak to him, and I was feeling like no matter what he was wanting to say, this discussion just needed to be had, and I was hoping that he was always going to forgive me, and that even if he was going to be feeling like I was forcing something onto him, he was going to be feeling better about the fact that at least I was willing to speak to him, and that maybe we were going to be making something work out, if for nothing else.
"Hey, can we talk for a bit? I feel like we need to discuss some things right now." I was saying, and then I was staring right at him, wanting to say something, and I was feeling like no matter what I was going to be telling him, and no matter what I was feeling I needed to tell him, I was going to just have to be relatively patient right now. "I know that there are some things that you want to discuss with the cases in town."
As I was saying this to him, he was looking right at me, and I was feeling like I was going to have to be going at this in a decent manner, and I was seeing him looking scared out of his fucking mind. "Trust me, I am willing to speak to you on this stuff now. Now that I have started to settle down for a bit." I was saying, and then I was shrugging, just thinking that I was needing to shoot it straight to him.
"What changed your mind on this in the first place?" After he was asking me this, I was sighing, and I knew that this was going to be a rough discussion, but I was thinking that by now, it was needed. "I mean, you seem to have a really different attitude about it all." He was rubbing his eyes, and then I was remembering everything that Becky was telling me, and all that I wanted to do to help her out here.
"I changed my mind when I was meeting somebody who was telling me about her sister." I was saying, and then I was staring right at him, and I was wondering if he was going to get the reference right away, or if I was going to have to be walking him through it a bit better. Not that it was a big deal.
"Are you talking about Becky? Did you meet her last night? How was she like?" Manny was asking, and I was seeing him looking relatively defeated, and I was seeing that he was just clearly wanting to be making the entire discussion at least go by somewhat easier. "I was wanting to introduce you to her, but I was scared on if you would be interested."
"I saw her when I was heading home yesterday, and when I met her, I was broken to be seeing her looking so fucking sad, and looking like she was fucking out of it. I was wanting to help her out, and I was wanting to make her happy. But I think that something like this was fucking impossible. So I just told her about my family a bit." I was saying, thinking that I would leave it all alone after that.
"Do you would be able to change the way that things are with her? I mean, I think that she might be needing some friends, and I know that I am not going to be a good enough person for her." After Manny told me this, I was actually thinking deeper about where this whole thing was heading. "I think that you might be able to invite her to be going on and playing at that show. She might not say yes or whatever, but I think that the offer might help..."
"I doubt that she would be in much of a mood to be doing something like this, especially given all that is going on. But I guess that you might be right, in that there is nothing wrong with approaching her for once. She might be thinking that she can't do something, and that she just feels like we are just sort of wasting time now. But you know, she needs some help." I was telling Manny, and I was thinking about how hard it was going to be to help that woman, and make her feel like she was having some chance to move forward.
"Look, I know that it might not be worth it, and that it might be considered a weak effort in the end, but I do think that she will appreciate the gesture if for nothing else. She might be thinking that at least you are trying to be making her social life better, and I think that something like this is going to be enough." Manny told me, and I was nodding, thinking that deep down, he might have been right, and that I was just needing to be taking things easier.
"Yeah, alright, I can see what I can do, and if for nothing else, I will see what she might want to tell me. If for nothing else, like you said, she might be able to appreciate the gesture. And if for nothing else, she might be thinking that I am trying to make a sincere friendship here, and that will be worth it all." I responded, and I was thinking that there was nothing else I needed to say at all.
"I know that she might just be thinking that deep down, we are pushing something onto her, but in all honesty, I think that something like this could be worth it. She is scared, and I think that she will always be afraid that maybe there is something about people reaching out to her that is just not real." He said, and then I was thinking about how awful something like this could have been. I sighed, thinking about what she would have said if she was here.
"If she feels that way, then I will respect her space, and I will leave her alone for a couple of days or weeks, and then I will come to her again, and I will explain to her that I have no reason to be bullshitting something, and hopefully she would be able to see my point." I told him, thinking that the longer that I was talking about this in a more direct matter, the more that it was going to be looking like I had some form of discussion together now.
"I never thought that you would have said that you were going to respect her space. I thought that you were almost going to say something on the lines that you would push harder, until she got the message." He was telling me, and then I was feeling like the fact that he was telling me this was going to be removing some hope that I had. But I did not want to admit it at all.
"Well, I think that I am smart enough to know that something like this would be a terrible idea. I might not be the smartest boy around, but I am smart enough to know when something is fucking insane." I was telling him, hoping he was not going to be trying to be disputing that point, even if it was to try and be funny.
"Okay, you made your point, and I will be leaving it alone for now. I do just worry that something is going on here, and I am worried that we are not getting ourselves ready enough in case things really are as bad as we fear." Manny said, and then he was rubbing his eyes, as if feeling like there was virtually nothing else that there was to be said now.
"I think that the idea of something coming up, and proving things to be even worse than we fear, is something that I will never even fucking ponder yet. I mean, for fucks sake, if that is actually going on, then I guess that I just will be blown away. But you know, I think that the only thing that I can accomplish is just trying to go out there, and at least pretending like I am a good fucking friend, and maybe not even pretending after a point." I was shrugging, having nothing else to be saying now.
"Well, are you already friends with her in the first place?" I was asking Manny, going back to Becky, given the fact that he was the first person who told me about her in the first place. I was feeling like perhaps there was something else he might have known, that he was just not fucking telling me. He was shrugging, as if unsure what to tell me.
"Well, I know her. I don't know if I would go as far as to say friends, but I can certainly say that I think she is a good enough person." After Manny was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was slowly letting in the idea that she might not be having friends at all sink in. I was thinking that in that moment, he might have been taking things a bit too serously. But I was glad to be seeing him showing some awareness.
"I don't know if you need to be that worried about it all. Just wanted to see what you were thinking about it all." I was telling him, as if wanting to try and make him feel at least slightly better. Then Manny was just looking relatively unsure, and he was mostly just confused. "But in all honesty, I wonder if she thinks that you are her friend, and that she is just feeling like you are going to be somebody to be making this whole thing less awful."
"I mean, if she already thinks of me as a friend, then she must have some bad friends. But I guess that none of this is going to matter all that much. Honestly, I just think that I would be both surprised, and honestly kind of honored by something like that. As strange as something like this might be." Once he was done, I was seeing Manny just looking like his mind was running at a million fucking miles an hour.
"Don't beat yourself up too bad here." You know, I just think that maybe we are going to have to see what is happening." I was then thinking about what the hell we were going to be doing now, and then I was thinking about what Manny even would have been saying to her the next time she saw him. I was thinking I would tell him the last bit of our talk.
"If it makes you feel better, she seems to be having a liking to you. She seems to be thinking that you're a cool guy, and I think she wants to get to know you better." I was saying, and then the look on his face was just looking more and more shocked at something like this. As if he was just having a hard time buying it, but that if it was true, he was going to see if he could take the risk on it later.
"I would never thought that you would try and tell me that. I have a hard time buying that though. I mean, I am not the best guy in the world, and I think that maybe she would need to come up with a better lie." He was saying, and then I was sighing, thinking that if I said anything else, Manny was just never going to be trying to do anything else.
"I think that if you want to talk to her, and see if you can make something of a better friendship work here, I think that it might be relatively fun." I was then sighing, thinking that it was none of my fucking business what he was feeling, and I was thinking that I probably just needed to stop, and not really wanting to talk about it too much.
"Well, thanks for giving me the idea. I will see what I might do. I doubt that it will work, but I guess that I can get myself some hopes up and stuff." After he was saying that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to speak about anything with Becky any further. "This whole thing is just kind of strange to me. I mean, I guess that part of me needs to be happy here. But in all honesty, I just want to make sure that this doesn't get any worse for her."
"So Seth, are you thinking about going on and getting into the dating scene?" He was asking me, and I was shocked, and I was having no idea why he was wanting me to be discussing thia at all. I mean, I was actually going to take the time to be thinking about it. That did not mean that I was having a response that I wanted to give him.
"I mean, I have no real issue about the idea. I have never been thinking too much into it though. I think that part of me is not all that worried here. You know, I think that I can come up with a better idea, but I mean, I don't really feel like I need to be rushing things, if it is something that I have no idea if it will work or not." I was saying, and I was wondering if anybody wanted to date me in the first place, and I was thinking that this was just a pointless fucking idea honestly.
"Seth, I think that you would probably have a much better time making something like this work than I do. I mean, I think that you have better social skills, and that you might be able to make something come together." After Manny was telling me this, I was shrugging, thinking that I was just going to let him be telling me this stuff that was somewhat praise like. Since I was just wanting to be hearing somebody view me as a decent guy.
"I guess that you could possibly have a point. I guess that maybe we could make something like this work a bit better." I was shrugging, as if feeling like I could just go on and leave it alone. "But what do you think is going to be happening? I mean, I know that I keep saying stuff like this, but I just think more and more that I just need to find a way to be making Becky feel better about what is going on, and this whole thing is just sort of getting to me again."
"I think that making her feel better is literally impossible. I mean, I would encourage you to want to try and make her feel better. I think that there is nothing with that. But I think that you just need to be calm and realistic, and that you need to try and just slowly go on and approach her for a while." Manny said, and then I nodded, and I was standing up, and I was just thinking about how I could go on and meet her up again. I was thinking that seeing she was probably just sort of doing her thing, and that she was not too invested with anything at all.
"I am going to try and see if we can talk to her. I think that if both of us go on and do it, and if we both try and see if there is something we can say to connect with her, this whole thing would go on and just be fucking perfect." After I was telling him this, I was seeing Manny looking like he was just letting this whole thing sink in for a while, and that he was just sort of letting the possibly of doing this seem somewhat feasible.
"Yeah sure. I mean, if you can find her, we can see what she might be saying. I think that the worst that can happen is that she might just not seem all that interested and stuff." After he was telling me this, I was nodding, and I was glad to be seeing him get it. But the one thing that was slowly getting to me was the idea of what Becky would have said if she was seeing us coming along, and trying to make her feel better. I was scared out of my fucking mind that she would fucking reject it.
You know, I just felt like the idea of her rejecting me, and telling me that we were not going to be her friends, and that I caught her in a moment of weakness, was getting to me. I was aware of how fucking stupid I was sounding. But at the fucking time, I was sincerely not fucking caring at all. I was wanting to just get it over with.
"God, I never met somebody who had one of their siblings going missing. I mean, it happens all the time, but I just never tried to be making this whole thing work out. I mean, I am going to possibly try and talk to Josiah about this. My third oldest brother, in case you don't know. He had a friend go missing recently, and I think he might get it." I was telling him, and I was wondering if he was going to be buying whatever he was telling me here.
"Do you think that Josiah will really get what it feels like. You know I just think that in all honesty, he will probably just try and mask what is going on here. You know, pretending like everything was all fine." After Manny was suggesting this to me, I was shrugging about this all, and in a way, I was feeling like I was just trying to make it seem like nothing was going on at all.
"I think that he better not be playing up the role this time. I mean, I am going to be trying to see if I could help him out, and if he is not going to be fine with this idea, then I will have no idea what to be telling him at all." I was telling him, and I was seeing that Manny was just thinking about what I was saying, and I was seeing that in his mind, I might have been setting myself up for some form of failure here.
"I think that no matter how much you might be feeling like your intentions are going to be valid, and I agree with you, I would not be surprised if he tells you to just go and fuck off. I think that people will just pretend like they are too strong for their own good, and I would not be suprised if your older brother tells you this." Manny told me, and I had no idea what to tell him, I was feeling like he was just wanting this whole thing to fucking fail at this rate now.
"God, I think you must want something like this to fail, oh my fucking god." I was saying, and I was mostly meaning it to be funny. I was not wanting to have him be feeling like he I was just pissed at all of this. But in the end, part of me was wondering if he was wanting to support me, or if he was just sort of secretly wanting this whole thing to crash and burn.
"No matter what happens, I am going to just be seeing if I could be able to reach out to Josiah, and I think that maybe the talent show will be the thing that does the trick. You know, I think that perhaps reaching out to him, and just getting him to talk to me about that show, will be the only thing that fucking matters." I was saying, and I knew that I was hinging a lot on this show. Almost too much. But in the end, part of me was just not even caring anymore.
...
-October 1 2020 5:24 pm- I was feeling tired, and I was thining about all that Manny and I had debated. In all hinesty, I was scared of what Becky would say. But that fear was dying the moment I was hearing her calling out to me. I was turning around, and I was seeing her just looking like she was wanting to find something to say. But that perhaps words were never going to be enough to describe what was going on.
"Hey Seth." She was saying, and I was turning around to her. I was seeing her trying her best to be looking happy, which was making me feel like perhaps I was getting to her somewhat, and then I was nodding, as if feeling like I was needing to give her a chance to tell me what the issue was. "I was wanting to thank you for helping me feel slightly better last night. I don't know how much it helped, but I feel like maybe I can have a real friend here." She said, and then I was nodding, feeling like it was the least that I could have done for her.
"I was just wanting to do whatever it took to make you feel better. You know, I wished that I would have helped you out. But I think that maybe just taling to you would have been enough. You know, I am sincerely sorry for everything that happened to you, and I wished that I could have helped better." I was sighing, as if just wanting to find something else I could say now.
"I think that knowing what you were doing, and seeing how much you wanted to help out, was already enough for me. I mean, you deserved to have a friend there to help you out though." She was saying, and I was wondering if that was her polite way of telling me that I did not entirely succeed in helping her out. I was looking down, wishing that I could helped her out. But I knew that I just needed to accept this.
"I mean, Manny was telling me that it would be best if we helped you out. I would agree with him. Since in all honesty, I just think that you need to have somebody there for you. And we are both worried about you." After I had said that to her, Becky was looking like she was having nothing to tell me.
"Well, I think that maybe he coud be a rather wise guy. I mean, I know how hard some of these things might be for you guys to hear, and I do npt blame you or anything at all, if you are unsure what to be doing now. But I think that the only thing that I wished I had was just the knowledge of knowing that things were never going to have to be getting much worse." Becky said, and as if almost on cue, that was when Manny was walking up to us, and I was seeing him looking sad about this discussion, and I was seeing him clearly feeling bad.
"Hey you two. How are you both doing?" He was asking, and I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was just having no real issues going on here, but he was looking like he was having a few things to tell us. But he was just thinking about just walking around, and that way we could be able to just see what we were going to accomplish together.
"We're doing alright. Do you want to go along and just hang out for a bit?" I was asking, and then he nodded, as if feeling that was the only thing that he was going to be happy for. With this, we were just walking along, and I was feeling like if Manny was able to talk to her nicely enough, Becky might be able to sort of become the third wheel to our tricycle.
"Yeah, sure, I think that it could be fun. You know, I was just wanting to see if you were holding up well. I mean, I understood what you were feeling here. I just had no idea how to be helping you out." He was saying, as if feeling like he was going to try and be careful, just like I had been, but he was wanting to make it clear that he was wanting to help.
"I think that when I hear about how everybody is just sort of going around, and having the time of their life, I do remember that in a way, I need to remind myself that what I am dealing with is a isolated case. And I think that even with that, things will not be so bad once I make some friends, that I can rely on." She was saying, as if feeling like she was wanting to just slightly target us a bit.
"I was wanting to ask you something..." I was saying, and then she was looking right at me, and I was seeing her looking more and more like she was just wanting to have me get right to the point. Almost like she was not really in the mood for me to be bringing up her sister once again.
Thankfully for her, that was not going to be the thing that I was going to bring up this time. "Do you want to go on and perform at the talent show with me tomorrow? I think that you might be able to have a good chance to just have something else distract you for a night or something." I said, as if feeling like I was needing to be careful, to make her feel like I was not pushing her on this, but she was not looking entirely convinced.
"I mean, it is entirely your right to be saying no. I was just thinking that perhaps it might be able to help you out at least a small amount." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, just genuinely wanting her to be feeling like what I was saying could be breaking through now. "I just believe that everything going on here might be a bit much right now." I was thinking that in my mind, I had just needed to stop.
"I guess that I can give it a try. You know, I just think that even if this is not going to be all that great of a idea, I don't want to be thinking about this all the time, and I think that maybe we could work together here." After Becky said this, I was seeing her looking more and more like she was slowly getting used to this whole idea.
"Good, I will see what you might be able to accomplish here, and see what we might perform." I was saying, as if thinking that the way we could work together here was going to be the only way that we could even slightly come together at all. "So Becky, I know that this might be a bit of a random question, but do you have any interest in the comedic arts at all?" I was thinking about how I could be able to get her interested in this right away.
"I mean, I have listened to some shows on youtube. But I have never gone out of my way to try and perform anything myself." She said, and then I was nodding, as if thinking that what she was telling me was nothing too fucking shocking. "I know that this is your thing, and that you like to do that the most. So do you think that you might have any ideas on what you might want to say now?" I was seeing her just trying her damn best to give a calm presentation.
"I think that I am going to go and do things related to my family. I mean, they might not be in love with this idea, but I think that if I pitch it in a certain way, they will be unable to fight me, and they will enjoy what I am doing enough. You know, I am just going to be doing my best to just get them to all see that there is nothing vicious here." I was saying, and the entire time that I was telling her this, I was seeing her looking unsure what to be telling me here, and if she liked that idea or not.
"Damn, I was not thinking that you were going to do that. Oh my god, I totally just want to see that shit show." Manny was saying, and I was not sure if he was saying the idea of this was a shit show, or if the way they were going to react would have been it. But they were willing to go with me, and that was all that I had needed right now.

-October 2 2020 9:47 pm- I was really excited, but also mildly angry with myself at the same time. I was feeling like I was making some really big mistakes, and that was due to the fact that I was here at the talent show, when it was Gabe's eighteenth birthday. I was thinking that he was needing to enjoy his life as much as possible, and I was wanting to make him know that I was wishing him the best going into the next year. But at the same time, I was very clearly wanting to just fucking focus on the show, and I was wanting to make sure that no matter what was happening, the show was going to work out.
I was just sitting down next to Manny and Becky, and I was feeling like no matter what I was going to tell them, I was really just glad to be knowing that they were willing to be there to just support me and help me out. But in all honesty, I was feeling like there was just a lot of issues that I needed to just thank them for being there to at least pretend like they were wanting to help me. "Hey guys, I know that I barely know you both, and I know that you are just thinking that maybe I barely understand what I am going to do, but I want to help make this work out." I was shrugging, as if feeling like I was just needing to help them out.
"Don't worry about it. It seems like Josiah is finishing up his part of the show, and it seems like he and his friends are having the time of their life right now." Manny was saying, and he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him just clearly looking like he was wanting to make me feel better here. In all honesty, I was just scared, and I was wanting to run away. But for now, I was sure that I was wanting to just show people that I was serious here.
"I am going to just go up there, and I am going to fucking kick ass. You know, I have been wanting to do this for so long, that if I fail to go and show people what I want to do, people are going to just view me as a faker." I was saying, and then I was standing up, looking right at them, wondering what they were going to be telling me there. Both of them just looked like they were just hoping that I was not going to let them down.
"Well, if you feel like you are ready to just make this the best time of your life, then I think that you probably already got more dedication than you are wanting to admit." Becky was telling me, and then I was sighing, and I was thinking that what she was telling me was just extremely obvious, and that she did not need to worry about how I was feeling anymore.
"Thanks for just trying to help me out. I want to make this the best time of my life. You know, I am tired of feeling like nobody is going to be there to support me. And I just think that the only issue to this is the fact that I barely go out there and actually do anything of my own." I was saying, and then I was starting to walk along, and I was getting closer to the real stage, and let me tell you that I was getting fright here.
"Shit. Do I feel like I can really do this?" I was asking to myself, and then I was rubbing my eyes, and I was telling myself that I was needing to never let my guard down, and that this was the only chance that I was having. And the longer that I was watching, I was seeing Josiah looking like he was in the middle of a fucking just streak of kicking ass. Then when he was done, he was holding up his right hand after he played a certain note.
I was wondering if he had come into this with pure confidence, or if he had only come into this as a result of just letting the surge of creativity flow on through him. I was shaking my head, and I was well aware of the fact that there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to beat him. I was not going to capture the true fucking excitement that he and his base were having.
Seeing how much that Josiah was enjoying his show, and seeing how much he was just willing to do everything that he could to make it clear to everybody, I was remembering that even if I was never going to beat him, if I was able to capture that same spirit, then he and I were going to be putting up similar performances, and that was all that really mattered.
I got distracted as I was watching him in his playing by something that I was certain was going to be a much bigger issue. I was seeing that there was a man at the back of the auditorium, and I was seeing him eying us directly, and I was well aware of the fact that the man was going to possibly want to talk to Josiah or I, maybe even both. I was thinking that maybe he was somebody who knew what Gabe was doing, and wanted to see what we knew.
I was then thinking that I needed to let Josiah know about what I was seeing, and I was hoping that he was going to be taking me seriously, and not just brushing me off as a guy saying shit for the sake of a reaction. But then I was telling myself to just enjoy my time up there as much as possible, and not fucking worry about what he was wanting to do.
It was another song before Josiah was done, and when he was, he was walking up to me, and I was seeing that he was clearly aware of how unsure I was at this whole thing. Part of him was clearly looking bad at this prospect, and I was aware of why he was thinking I was this way. "Seth, you are going to do fine. People are going to just respect the fact that you are able to go up there, and just fucking enjoy yourself." After he had told me this, I stared at him for a second longer.
"I will be doing whatever I can. That does not mean that I know what I am getting myself into." I was sighing clearly feeling like whatever was going to happen was going to just be secondary compared to what that man was aware of. I did not understand much. But I did understand that I was needing to be fucking as careful as possible.
"Thanks, I might need whatever I can get there. But I think that whatever I might be feeling will be worthless if I have no idea how to truly present my stuff properly." I was saying, thinking that maybe if I was hyping up something like this, he was going to be totally oblivious to the fact that I was scared for literally our fucking lives and stuff.
"Well, don't take it too seriously, and whatever you do, just remember that I am going to respect the stuff you pull. I mean, I think that as long as you are true to yourself, and present the way that you want, that I will fucking just be happy for the fact that you are finally being yourself." He was telling me, and at this point, I was just nodding along, and pretending like he was getting through to me a while longer.
"Good luck." Josiah told me, placing my hand on my shoulder for a couple of seconds longer before I finally did leave him alone, and I was just telling myself to be taking things calmly and casually, and I was thinking that as long as I could just remind myself that I was taking this one day at a time, then everything was going to be making some more sense.
I was getting to the stage, and I was seeing many people looking like they were really not expecting me to be going up here. Almost as if they were expecting me to never go on through with my idea of showing people what my plans were. But as I was looking at their look of confusion, and I was looking at the way they did not believe in me, I was feeling like I was just needing to go further, and show people that I was serious.
I took one final deep breath, took one final glance at the guy who was watching us, and I was telling myself that for tonight only, this was my show, and that I was the only man that fucking mattered. That I was the guy that was able to show others that they needed to stop underestimating me.
"Hey guys, so I am sure that you guys just saw my older brothers great performance. I know that often times, he really just over shadows everybody with how good his material is. But there is more to this than I think many will expect." I was saying, as if thinking that this was my fucking chance to just start running with it, before anybody told me to stop doing it, and told me that I was being harsh of whatever.
"When is at home, and he is trying to get material ready for his shows, he often times has no real goal on what he is doing. I guess that you can say that he is into empty metal." I was saying, and then I winced at this joke, knowing how terrible it was, and I knew that nobody was going to find it funny. But sometimes he likes to perform metal music, and with him not doing much some days, the metal would be empty.
Almost nobody laughed at that, and then I was thinking that this was nothing too shocking at all. "Well, I think that I have a slightly better one. So my parents have a bunch of boys and that they do not have many girls at all. You know, I think that if you look at how the odds are stacked, and how much one gets focus than the other, you can truly call our family its own war on women." I was saying, and this one actually got a few people laughing, knowing what the reference was.
Seeing even just a couple people laugh at this was giving me a extra boost in motivation. "You would think that with everything going on today, most people would be worried about getting Covid. I think that I would respectfully disagree with that. I think that the real issue that my family has to worry about is the idea of having a baby flu." I laughed at that one, thinking that I was getting a bit better at this, and that one actually had about a quarter of the audiecnce laugh at that.
"You know how some people talk about the idea of comedians giving bad jokes, and how they are laughing at you, and not with you. Well, you know, many people go on and do bad on purpose. And they very cleverly hide it, and do not want people to know the truth. So in the end, I would say that they are getting the last laugh." I was feeling like this was going to be a possible method to be having people give me a break if they were going to be talking about how bad I was. I could just go on and say that I was purposely being bad here.
"I sometimes see all these people running around on the school track, and they are not going on and actually trying to get on the team. And then when I see something like this, I'm like thinking to myself "chill the fuck out bro, you're not fucking forest gump. You're not running from the police. It is not that big of a deal. And people are just going to be looking at you like you are a idiot." I said, and then I was laughing, and many people who were in my age range were laughing at the use of a swear word, and I was thinking that something like this could propel me a bit further along with what I was accomplishing.
"You know how some people go around, and they have this like psychic ability and stuff. Well I am not a psychic and even I am able to tell you that these people are going to be the next starters of the ponzi schemes. Stealing your fucking money for personal gain to make people think that you are a great dealer. You know, it is all in the illuminati." I said, and I was seeing some people starting to walk down the hall, to try and get me to stop the swearing, and at this point in time, people were just actually having to much fun with this, and that I was finally getting something done, even if I was not allowed to go further, I was finally planting that I was good.
Eventually, I was closing my eyes, and I was aware of the fact that no matter what I was wanting to say, and what I was wanting to do, nobody was going to be wanting to hear anything else anymore, and they were going to be making it very clear that none of this was going to be tolerated. "When I go up here, and I am in class, and I am hearing people talking about the importance of voting, and how much things can be changed by casting your vote, I am thinking to myself, "how gullible are people going to be when they hear that one person can change things?" You know that when you go up there, and you try to present yourself as the decider of something, it makes you come off as a guy who just wants to be self absorbed. You are somebody demanding for attention, and that is all that you want in life." I was saying, and then I was seeing the person getting on the stage, and I was thinking that maybe I could sneak one more in there.
"Some people say that there is no way that they ever would be lying. But when you think about it, if you know that somebody might be lying, and the person is probably pulling your leg, and you are saying that you are no longer a liar, then you are not just one. You are actually a spy by that point. You can go on and join the secret government, and save us all. The fate of the entire world rests on your shoulders." I was saying, and at this point, I was not even trying to get a reaction going, and I was just trying to sneak in as much as I could there.
"See you everybody. I am going to go home, and I am going to write up some material for next time, and I promise that I will be much better. I guess that you could say that I am going to catch you off guard." I dropped the microphone, and then I dabbed at the end, and that was the one that made everybody laugh, and I was getting off the stage before anybody could go and tell me that they wanted me to stop doing this.
Once I was away, and I was looking around to see if Becky, Manny and Josiah were around, I was seeing somebody placing their hand on my shoulder, and when I was looking up, I was shocked to see that it was not the staff member from earlier, and that it was the man who was trying to watch me and Josiah from earlier. Everything came flooding back, and I was scared out of my fucking mind. There is no better way to try and describe it.
"Do you know anything about what your brother Gabe is doing?" he was asking me, and then I was shaking my head, and I was feeling like he was just needing to fucking relax. I was never going to fucking know what he was trying to accomplish, and I was thinking that what he was telling me was just out there, and totally fucking hard to follow. But I was not wanting to piss him off.
"I barely even know what he does. I have no idea what is going on. I think that you might have to try and talk to him." I was telling him, and I was really meaning it, since I was not wanting this guy to be hurting me anymore, and I was feeling like if I could get out of this, I was going to learn what my brothers were doing, and I could just find out that way.
"Do you think that this is some kind of joke? Your brother is up to something dangerous, and if he is allowed to continue, he might be getting himself killed, or even worse, you guys." After he was telling me this, I was looking at him, fucking out of it, and I was thinking that he was totally just saying shit to be making me talk to him. I shook my head, feeling like I no longer had the patience to deal with this right now.
"I don't know what you are talking about. As I said before, I barely know what he is up to anymore. If I knew what he was doing, I would not understand it anyways. He barely speaks to us at all, and I think it is better that way." I was saying, hoping that if he would stop, he would see how fucking insane this really was.
"Even if you do not fully graps what is at stake, you need to go on and speak to him. Speaking to him might get you to understand what is happening a bit better. I will not force you to do something, but I guess that you are not going to be listening to me. Maybe I will have no choice but to be taking more extreme measures." After he was telling me this, I was looking right at him, and I was scared out of my fucking mind what he was meaning when he had said 'drastic measures' and I was feeling like I needed to tell my brothers what was going on.
"If you are going to be hurting them, then I will not be letting you have the chance. They are not deserving your pressure." I was then saying, and I was not even caring how much that was going to be putting me in danger. As he was looking at me, he laughed at this, and I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to say something else, but decided against it.
"A meaningless effort. You know that I am stronger than you, and that if I feel like something must be done, I will do whatever it takes, and if that means that something happens to you, then I will not be taking a second to go on and accomplish this." After he was telling me this, I was pissed at him, and I was just needing to have him get the fucking hell away from me.
"I don't know what you are trying to make me understand, and I think that you will not get me there by just pushing me along. You might as well just give up." I was holding up my arm, and I was putting it in a way that was showing that even if I was almost certainly going to be losing to him, that I was willing to fight him, if there was no other way around it all.
"I appreicate your excitement, and I understand why you are happy to try and defend yourself against everything that is going on, but when you see me next time, just understand that almost nothing I am doing will be chaging the affect of the outcome. Nothing you can tell me will change the outcome. You know, I already know everything that is going on, and I think that all you might do is just delay the outcome, or even speed it up." As he was saying this, I knew that he was meaning what he had said, and I was aware that he was going to actually force what he wants on us, no matter what.
"I will never tell anybody about this meeting. I am not needing to be a genius to know that nobody is going to believe what I say anyways. I am going to just be wasting my time, and my effort." I was looking at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was mildly let dpwn by what I was saying. That I was not going to at least try.
"This does nothing besides prove my point. If you had fought, and if you had tried your best to be making it work, you might have won some respect from those that I know." He was telling me, and then I was sighing, and with that, he was heading away, and then I was angry, and I was not wanting to have him speak to me ever again. But I was aware that he was wanting that anger from me, and that I was letting him win right now.
As I was thinking about all that I had said, and all that I was needing to do, I was sighing, and then I was seeing Manny coming up to me, and Becky as well. The way that they were talking confused teh shit out of me. As if nothing had happened, and that they did not hear the entire conversation at all. Almost as if I was going fucking crazy for even imagining such a thing.
"Hey Seth, at least you had fun, right?" Manny was saying to me, and when I was thinking about it for a moment longer, I knew that deep down, I really did have fun, and that I was never going to need to let anything take that away. I was needing to remember that no matter what was going to happen, at least I was having them at my side.
"Yeah, I had a great time, and in all honesty, I was not even thinking that I was going to be getting as many people to laugh at my shit as I did. I think that I did a bad job, and that I was just going for it. But this time, if people are into it, I think that I might be able to get a good start here." I was saying, and for what was possibly the only time in my life, until then, I was actually having fucking some hope here.
"So, do you think that you are going to be giving it another go at some point?" He asked me, and then I was slowly nodding, as if feeling like I was going to have to just accept the responsibility that I was going to be taking, and that was the only thing that was going to be keeping this friendship up for any period of time.
"Yeah, I will do whatever I can to be making people understand that this not just something that is short term. I am going to be fucking going deep, and I am going to be fucking happy when I go up there, because I know that no matter how I perform, I am being myself, and that is all that I can fucking say here." I said, and then I was looking at Becky, and I was wondering what she was going to be saying here.
"So Seth, do you think that even if you are not one hundred percent into how you did, that you can be proud at least?' Becky was asking me, and then with that, I was sighing, as if thinking that there was going to be a lot more to that question than i would ever want to fucking admit, and I was hating that prospect.
"I think that I am proud in the way that I finally spoke out. I finally expressed myself, and I finally made it clear that I was no longer going to be dragged around." I was saying, and then I was nodding, feeling like there was virtually nothing else for me to be saying, and that if I tried to be saying anything else, they were never going to get it.

"Well, at least that you know now that you can do something like this, do you feel like you are going to be doing it as often as you can?" Becky asked me, and then I was feeling like that was going to be pushing it kind of. I was feeling like if that was something that was on the table, I would have been more than willing to do it earlier. But right now, I had genuinely no idea.

"I will see what I can accomplish. I will go up there, and I will certainly not be holding anything back, if that is what you are meaning..." I was saying, and I was hoping that this was exactly it. I was hoping that this was all that she had wanted to hear, and that she was not expecting me to say more.

"The one thing that I can be certain of right now, is that I do know that no matter what happens, I will have a true group of people who are going to get me through it all, and that no matter what, I do need to just not ruin it, if that makes sense." I was saying to them, and I was aware of how cheesy I was right now. But in the end, I was not caring anymore. I was needing my point to be made, and I was not scared anymore.

"Well, you do know that this is a start at least, right?" Manny said, and I was thinking that he was slowly starting to accept the prospect that this was going to be a much longer thing than a simple friendship that would last a weekend or two. He was nodding, as if thinking that no matter what was happening, he was just going to have to be prepared for it all.

Chapter Text

-Jack's POV October 10 2020 11:33 pm- The last few days, I was genuinely confused as to what the hell was going on with my older siblings. You know, in all honesty, the whole thing was just starting to get to me a while. I was thinking that if there was something that my older siblings were doing, I was feeling like they were needing to just stop being so fucking stupid when going at this whole thing. They were going to be acting like what they were doing was genuinely all fine and stuff. When in all honesty, it was not.

I was thinking that my siblings never really cared for anything that was going to be making things worse with the family. You know, we were all scared for them, and I was feeling like we were just needing to make that clear to them. I wanted them to just go back to hanging out with their stupid fucking friends, and doing their stupid fucking things, and just understand that we wanted nothing to do with what was going on them.

In all honesty, I was aware that I was being too harsh on them, and I was aware that as long as they were being relatively safe in nature, that things were going to fine enough, and that I was just needing to not be too much of a fucking asshole for them. I was thinking that I was going to be like this if I were them. And that was something I needed to consider.

But in all honesty, I did not even really care about what we were doing in the first place. I was going to be playing some fucking ball out in the front yard, and when I was done playing some ball, I would just pretend like what was happening was not all that big of a deal. We all knew that my sporting hobbies were never going to really have a chance to stick around to my school.

Once I was out of the house, I was starting to kick my ball around, and I was starting to just pretend like what my mind was saying was not all that important. I mean, Todd was in a relationship, Gabe was at school, Josiah was just enjoying a social life, and Seth was trying to be popular. I mean, I never understood the need for popularity, but he was being harmless about it all.

But even then, there was no denying that the men in black who were constantly running around, and trying to see shit, was a bit strange, and there was no way around that. I was feeling like there was something that those guys were hiding, and I was feeling like I was just needing to see what it was, and then I was feeling like maybe I could see if they were willing to be more open to me.

I wondered who those men in black were, and I feel like whoever they were willing to talk to among my siblings was possibly going to be putting them in some form of danger. I mean, I knew that something like this was just unlikely. But in all honesty, I was just not even fucking caring. I was going to be playing my own game here, and those men would never speak to me.

I kicked it around for a few more minutes, and I was feeling like maybe when I was going to be telling myself that they were never going to be speaking to me, I would never have to be scared again, and I was never going to be speaking to them again. I was thinking that if they left me alone, I would leave them alone, and everything would be fine.

I wondered however what the heck was going on that made them want to be speaking to my brothers in the first place. You know, that was something that was making me feel like none of this was making any fucking sense. You know, I just needed to know what the issue was with them, that would be making those guys want to just reach out to them now.

I knew that it was none of my business, and that I just needed to respect that, and that I needed to pretend like I was fine with this. But this was just going to be very easy. I was going to be wondering what was happening for the rest of my life, and every single time that I was telling myself not to be thinking about this too much, it was all going to be going in over my head.

I mean, I would rather get to know what was happening with those guys than get to know what the issue was with my father never fucking coming home. You know, he was always fucking gone, and I was feeling like he was just needing to give me the answers already. Surely he was not this busy all the time. In all honesty, I was convinced something was going on here.

You know, I was feeling like I just needed to respect his wishes, and that I was just needing to not be getting in his business at all. But at the same time, I was feeling like what he was getting himself into was a bigger deal than what my curiosity was, so I just needed to sort of accept that.

You know, I was feeling like I just needed to see what my parents were doing, since if I would do that, I would be feeling like I could be making some peace with this all. I knew that what my father was going to be doing was so much fucking worse than anything that those men in black were doing. In all honesty, despite how much he was never going to admit it, I was feeling like what he was doing was setting aside my family.

As I was thinking all of this, I was seeing that Lydia was up, and she was on the couch, and I was feeling like I might as well see what she was wanting to be doing. I rubbed my eyes, annoyed out of my fucking mind that I was doing something like this in the first place. I was feeling like if for nothing else, I might as well just see what she was doing. So I was walking inside, and I was going to just talk with her.

"Hey Lydia, what are you up to?" I asked, and then I was staring at her, and she was looking at me, and she was looking like she was having no real interest in this discussion, and I was feeling like I was just needing to possibly be nicer, and that by doing this, she might be aware that she was not in trouble. But that I was just needing to know what the fucking hell was going on.

"Just watching a movie. You know, since it is the only time of the day when I can watch what I want." She was saying, and for a second, I was confused on the idea that she was talking about the idea of watching in general, when I was aware that she would always just be able to watch with us. But them I was starting to fully get it.

"You mean just watch on your own, without making any chances of people just getting in the way, and forcing you to watch something that they want you to watch instead?" After I asked her this, she was nodding, and then I was sighing, feeling like there was no way in hell that I was going to argue with that.

"I guess that this does make some sense. You know, since I just think that maybe without having anybody go around, and forcing you to be doing your own thing, then you can enjoy the shows that you want. But seriously what do you even think that you would be watching that you would be interested in at this time?" I asked, just trying to pretend like I was getting the appeal.

"Not much. Just the idea of watching something without getting people to force me to stop is better than nothing at all." After she was telling me this, I was sitting down next to her, and I was feeling like maybe we would be able to watch something together, and she might be feeling like something like this could be done, and that she would not be having too much of a issue to this.

When we were watching for a couple of moments, I was then thinking about what I would be able to ask her. "So, out of the things that you have been watching on here, what was of most interest to you?" After I asked this, I was genuinely wanting to know, since I was feeling like perhaps she might actually have some really interesting answers that would enlighten me.

"I remember this one that was basically like watching a police chase sequence, and during the sequence, I was feeling like the places that I was seeing was related to Wayside, and you know, that we were both aware of." Lydia was telling me, and then after she was telling me this, I was feeling like maybe I was just remembering this for a bit.

"You know, I feel like maybe I did see something like this from a couple of years ago. But I do not remember it too much. What color were the cars?" I asked her, and I was seeing Lydia looking unsure, as if she was thinking that something like this was not all that big of a deal. "You know, I feel like if I know that, then I can be able to confirm or deny if this is related to what I saw." I told her, just thinking that I was needing to be as patient as possible here.

"I think one of them was a red car. I mean, I think that the one that was the main center of attention was red." After she was giving me that answer, I was feeling let down, since I was feeling like something like this was just showing that in all reality, we might not have been seeing the same thing. I was feeling like in all honesty, whatever the heck Lydia was seeing, she might have been seeing something that was forbidden.

"Was it on a channel with no name?" I asked, and then I was seeing her thinking about it for a few seconds, and she was actually stopping to really see if she was going to be able to piece it all together. "I remember that the chase was later mid day." I was saying, and she was nodding at that second part, as if to confirm this as well.

"Yeah, I think that it was indeed a channel with no name, and I can confirm that it was at the same time during the day." She was telling me, and then I was sighing, as if feeling like we were having something in common. But then I was feeling like we were going to be able to get a little bit deeper into this whole thing.

"Do you remember how the channel video was showing what ended up happening? I remember the video going into some form of a car parking lot that you would be seeing in air ports. So many open areas for cars, and not a single area was filled up." I was saying, and then I was sighing, feeling as if we were going to have to be discussing things further now.

"I remember that they were going somewhere, but I can't remember if it was something like this." After she was telling me this, I was seeing that our conversation might have to end soon, since we were seeing a person starting to walk along, and he was looking tired and bored now.

...

-October 11 2020 6:31 pm- It was in the middle of the day when I was practicing some basketball out in the school field. I was feeling like I needed to not be thinking about what the hell Lydia and I were talking about. You know, I was sincerely feeling like if I was falling into this disussion one day, then I was going to start to form an obsession, and then I would be just like the others.

I was just thinking that despite this, and despite the fact that it was not all that big of a deal, I was sincerely wanting to know what the fucking movie that Lydia and I were watching was. If I had known what that movie was, I would have gotten my interest over with, and everything would have been totally fine and dandy. Even though I was tired of how everything was going.

No matter what we were going to do, I was going to just tell myself to focus on the game, and that I just needed to focus on the practice, and that no matter what we were going to be playing, eventually Lydia and I were going to totally forget about how fucking awful that game was. And we were going to pretend like everything was just totally okay.

As I was playing around for a few more minutes, I was just not going to be thinking too deeply into all of this, and I was tired of the people who were going to be actually doing something dangerous, and had no idea what it was like to be so obsessed with something so small. You know, I was feeling like what I was doing was entirely wrong, and I was fine with admitting this.

I would be lying through my teeth though if I was saying that I did not feel like there was a small part of me that was wondering if I was being watched or something. I genuinely felt like I was being fucking watched the entire time that I was at this place, and I was wondering if this was what started the thing with my siblings. In all honesty, I would not be too shocked.

In all reality, the only reason that people would be watching me at this fucking school yard would be those people that were scared of making me get out of the school, since they would probably have to go around and clean it up. But unless if people were going to tell me this, I was not going to be too worried about any of that.

Eventually, I was telling myself to be happier, and that I was needing to remember that as long as I was practicing basketball, and making friends, then whatever the hell was on screen that day that Lydia was talking about, was just not going to be all that big of a deal. It was going to be fine.

Eventually, there was another person who was coming to me, and this was not the thing that was shocking to me at all that much. The one thing that was shocking to me was the fact that it was a guy who was my age, rather than a person who was much older, and probably would have been coming down here to tell me to get the hell away from here.

"What are you doing here?" He asked me, and then I was smiling at this idea, thinking that as long as he was nice and calm to me, he was going to be my friend, and he was going to be making me feel like I was actually a really nice guy. But I was needing to actually win him over. "I was going to be doing some practice. But if you are already here, I will just go home."

"You do not need to worry about me all that much. I was just trying to find a way to get some practice in before school starts. That way I could be able to actually have a chance to know how to play with some people to school." I said, as if feeling like the way that I could speak to him would be making him feel much better. I just needed to get him to feel like he was able to not worry all that much now.

"Hey, do you like to play basketball normally?" I asked, and then he was shrugging, almost pretending like he was not even all that interested in what was even happening at all. "I mean, it had been something that I had been rather interested in. But in all honesty, I was feeling like I was not really all that ready for this." I was shrugging, and just felt like I had nothing else to say now.

"Yeah, it is something that I do like to do on my own. But in all honesty, I am scared that basketball is something that I would never actually do all that good in. I mean, I am way too short." After he was telling me this, I was nodding, and I was feeling like that was a fair statement to be making here. You know, I was thinking about how I could help him out.

"Do you have any idea what you can be doing to make it better?" I was asking, feeling like maybe I could try and make him feel at least slightly better about this. I was seeing him looking like he was almost just not wanting to be discussinng this too much longer. He was almost looking like he was just wanting to reject any advances of me helping him out. But at the same time, he wanted to get some advice as well.

"We all all very short. Almost every one of us are going to have a long way to go in order to actually make things different here." I was telling him, and then he was sighing, as if wishing that he was just wishing that I was not going to be trying to make him feel better about all of this. But he was sighing, and almost acted like I was never going to be making any difference at all.

"Well, sure, everybody who becomes great at something starts somewhere. But do you feel like I am seriously going to be actually making any fucking difference here? Do you feel like I am actually having any chance?" After he asked me this, I was feeling like what I was talking to him about was fucking impossible. He was going to be making excuse after excuse, and this was going to just be impossible to actually work with.

"Hey, how about you actually give it a chance right now, and see what it is like?" I asked, and I was holding the ball out to him. I was then seeing him looking like he was debating this for a couple of moments. Then with that, he grabbed it, and was looking like he was now ready to give it a chance. So with that, he was shooting the ball to the hoop. He failed, hitting the wall instead.

"I would not be too worried about it honestly. Every single person sucks at this game at first. I still fucking suck at it. But I give myself a goal, and I always follow through with the goals every day." I said, and I was looking at him, as if feeling like what I said to him was fair enough. I saw him looking like he was having a question he was dying to ask me already.

"What type of goals do you usually make?" After he asked me this, I was sighing, as if feeling like he was not going to be letting this whole thing go. I was then nodding, and I felt like despite how much he was pushing me on this, that he was asking a relatively fair set of questions.

"I usually tell myself that stuff like 'I need to make at least five shots beefore I go home today'. Stuff like that. Things that I know that I can accomplish, but will have to take some effort." I said, and then I was walking back a couple of steps, and then I was throwing the ball through the hoop, and it was taking a second to work. But it did go through.

"Okay, I guess that something like this makes some sense. You know, that way you can feel like you are making at leeast some progress." He was telling me, and then I was throwing the ball to him, and then he was staring at it for a second or two longer, as if considering what he was going to do with it. Then he was nodding, ready to be throwing it and giving himself a goal.

"I think I will go with three shots as my goal today." After he was telling me this, I was seeeing him looking like this was fair enough, and I was thinking that if he was going to be genuinely wanting to accomplish this, he was going to have to work hard, and be taking it seriously. He was not going to get away with messing around and stuff.

He was throwing the ball, and it did not work, but he was getting it relatively close, starting to hit the background wall. I was glad to be seeing that he was not too angry with the way that he was playing. In fact, he was looking happy to be getting even that close after a couple of tries. So with this, I was getting ready for another shot, and this time, it was hitting the rim of the hoop, but decided to reject going in.

"So what is your name?" I asked, as if feeling like the fact that I had not gotten to know who he was after all of this time was strange, and that I was going to want to know about him as a person. As I was telling myself this, I was wondering if he was actually wanting to be a friend with me, or if he was feeling like this was just sort of pointless right now.

"Max. What about you?" He asked, and tried to make another shot, and he was not getting all that close, but I was thinking that I could appreciate the fact that he was trying. I grabbed the ball again, and I was feeling like I was willing to be giving it another try. So with that, I was wondering if he was just wanting to be my friend, or if he was just trying to pretend like e was liking me, to win me over.

"I'm Jack. Maybe you know who Seth and Lydia are? They're my siblings." I said, not even bothering to mention the others since they were all too much older or too much younger than me to actually have a real connection right now. "I mean, I would not be shocked if you don't know them, which is totally fine." I was just thinking that if he did not know them, at least I could be friends with them without being associated with my siblings.

"I don't know about Seth, but I think that I might know who Lydia is." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, and I was thinking that out of the two, I would rather be associated with Lydia than Seth. Maybe he was just too famous for me, and that things were just sort of hard for me to actually enjoy in order to come here. I mean, he only started to get popular in the last few days. But I did not want to be making a deal out of it now.

We played for about an hour there, and we were having various switches of good and bad stuff, and he had almost actually succeeded a couple of times. As he was wanting to hang out with me, and he was clearly just looking happy for this whole thing. As we were walking home, I was wondering what I could say to Max to make him feel better.

"So Jack, did one of your siblings try to get you to play ball, or did you decide that you had wanted to be doing such a thing on your own?" After he asked me this, I was smiling, and I was going to be proud to tell him this next bit. As if he was going to just feel like I was being so fucking badass here.

"I love to be in a competition, and I know that I would never really see what my siblings are interested in. So I decided that I would play around, and just do my own thing. To help pass the time." I was saying, and I was feeling like there was virtually no other need to be speaking to him right now about how I liked to be playing.

"So you decided that if they were not going to be playing with you, that you were going to just still have as much fun as you possibly could, regardless?" He was nodding, and that was literally all that there was to it, and that if I were to try and epxlain it any other way, there was no way to get around it.

"I mean, I don't want to be making my days boring and shit, so I decided that I could at least do something, and that if I was playing around for a while, then in a way, it can sort of be my own thing. Which in a way, it was." I was saying, and then I was feeling like there was no need to be talking any further on this whole thing.

"Fair enough. I mean, I just think that some times when I see that people are doing really good at playing here, I just want to see if I could pull something out here." Max was telling me, and the look on his face was looking entirely just unsure. I was smiling, feeling like I was needing to see if Max was actually having any real plans right now.

"I just wish that I could be able to get some of my siblings to want to play with me. You know, since I think that they would enjoy it, and I think that if I could get them to see that I am just working hard. I don't want them to be feeling like I am just being totally lay right now." I said, feeling like I was just needing to sort of find a proper way to express how much I wanted to be having fun with my siblings, and I was feeling like this could have been great.

"You know, I think that maybe Lydia might. Just a hunch, I guess." Max said, and I was seeing him looking like he was feeling like that was a fair statement. I was shrugging, as if I was not wanting to force Lydia to this whole thing, since that would have been just so fucking forceful here.

"I mean, after Lydia and I were talking about earlier, I think that she might be too worried about playing shit with me." I was saying, and then Max was looking right at me, and I was seeing that I peaked his interest too much, and that he was just wanting to know what the issue was in the first place.

"What wre you guys talking about? I mean, I think that she seems like a nice enough girl, from what you were telling me..." After he had told me this, I was sighing, wishing that he was not going to be pressing this issue onto me too much. "I mean, I guess that it is not my business, but you are just getting me too interested."

"We were talking about a movie that we had seen, and I think that from the way that she was looking at me, and the way that we were talking about the movie, that she was kind of scared out of her fucking mind about it. I don't even know what we were reallu agreeing on. I saw it once years ago, and had no idea what it was." I told him, and he was looking at me, confused out of his fucking mind, and I was seeing that he had wanted to know so much more.

"What was so scary about a random movie? I mean, it was just a fucking movie?" After he was asking me this, I was sighing, and I was wishing that it was this simple. It was not, and I was scared out of my fucking mind that it was not. And if this was something that I was needing to accept.

"You know, I think that we might have actually been watching a crime happen on screen. Like a real life one. I think that this is just something that she was not ready for." I was telling him, and then he was just looking confused at this, and I was seeing that he was wanting to know. That being said, I was just feeling like there was virtually nothing to do now.

"Why would a crime be shown on tv? You guys are over reacting, if I have to be honest." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I was wishing that I believed in him, and in a small extent, I think that I was. But there was that small part of me that was feeling like there was much more to it than we were wanting to admit.

"I don't fucking know. I barely even know what we were actually looking at, so I mostly just ignored it. You know, I just thought that it was not going to be that big of a deal." I was saying, I was staring right at him, and I was thinking that Max could have possibly had some idea what was happening. I mean, I had no idea why I felt such a way. But I was feeling like I could give him a chance.

"Do you think that she might have been lying to you or something? Just to see what your reaction would have been?" After he was asking me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like he was just wasting my time right now. I was then thinking that even if he did not mean it, this question was basically suggesting that I was a fucking liar, or a fucking madman.

"I don't know if she was just not sure of what she saw. But if she was saying something like that, then that would mean that I am a liar. I saw that too, and that scared me the first time that I had seen something like this as well. You know, I was not too worried about it. But I guess that I had no idea what was happening." I was telling him, and I was seeing that Max was looking like he was not wanting to make me feel bad about anything else here.

"I guess that I do not have much else to suggest here. If you saw something like this, then I guess that there is not much else to it." After he was telling me this, he was shrugging as if having nothing else that he was wanting to tell me. I was just seeing him looking like he had wanted to find more to discuss. But just needed to leave it alone.

"Are you ever going to be interested in checking something out once again? Or do you think that you are going to be leaving it alone?" After he asked me this, I was shrugging, as if feeling like he was not needing to be asking me anything. I was feeling like the idea of looking around if just fucking impossible.

"I am not going to be wasting my time looking around. You know, if I tried to look around, and see what was happening here, people just would never believe in me. I thought that what I saw was a lie until she told me. And now that I know that it is not, I think that I want to just leave it at that." I was shrugging, having nothing else to say now.

"Fair enough. I just thought that you might have been wanting to go on and check it all around and stuff." After he was telling me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say something else. But he was just clearly having nothing else on his mind/ "So Jack, what the heck are you going to do if people ask you more questions related to it, outside of the house?"

"Honestly, I have no idea what the issue is. I think that they just want to go around, and they would be going around, and spreading gossip about me and stuff." I was saying, feeling like there was virtually nothing else to be discussing with this topic. I was feeling like maybe Max was just going to possibly tell people.

"Are you going to be going around, and gossiping about this? I mean, if that is what you are wanting to accomplish, then I am not going to be very happy with this." I was saying, he was holding his hand up, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was wanting me to relax, and that there was no reason for me to be feeling this way.

"It is just the fact that you started to ask me all of that stuff right after we started to meet up that made it seem incredibly suspicious." I was telling me, and then he was looking down, and I was seeing him relatively conceding defeat to this whole thing. But regardless, I was just telling myself to be happier here.

"Yeah, I guess that maybe something like this might make some sense. Sorry for the terrible timing of me asking this." After he was telling me this, he looked down, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to just brush this off, and pretend like nothing else was going to be all that big of a deal. "But I was just feeling like I was really needing to know right away." He finished, and I was feeling like we could just leave the subject alone.

"I mean, it is not going to be all that big of a deal. But do you have any idea what the hell is even happening here? I mean, have you been seeing things yourself? I just think that it could be a good discussion point." I was saying, and I was feeling like maybe if this was all being a discussion point, maybe I was going to start to see why my siblings were so fucking obssessed with something like this in the frist place, and I was feeling no more need to make fun of them.

"No, I have no idea what is happening. You know, I think that we are just making a big deal out of something that will not even really matter. You know, I think your siblings are just pulling your leg. I remember how you were mentioning an hour or so ago about how your siblings are just often saying random shit, and how you think they are just messing with you." He told me, and then I was thinking that the only one who might be willing to do that was Seth, and that for anybody else, either it was the truth, or they had no interest in speaking to me.

"I think that Seth doing that is totally realistic, but if anybody else does that, then it would be something just sort of way too out there." I was saying, feeling like what I was saying would not really get him too convinced. But despite how much I was not wanting to admit it, I was thinking that maybe what he was saying could have been true.

"Alright, you made your point. I was just trying to be putting a slightly different look when going at this all." He was saying, as if feeling like he was not even wanting to talk to me on this anymore, and despite how much I was wanting to not make him feel like he was being attacked, I was just thinking about what things were going to be like now.

"That being said, I do think that my father might be willing to use all of this stuff as a way to be getting me and my siblings scared to be wanting to look at something. That shit seems totally like something he wants to do." I was saying, and I was just trying to be funny about it. But in all honesty, I had no reason to believe that he was never going to be doing something like that.

"Wow, at least your father seems like he is willing to be having fun with something." After he was saying that to me, I was unsure if that was going to be the word that I would want to use. But at the same time, I was seeing that he was just trying to be making me feel better about this all. In all honesty, I was just thinking that dad was tired of all of our shit, and was going to just be giving us a lot of crap for it all.

"I think that dad having fun is something he might have been doing back in like middle school. Not even saying that in a way that makes him seem super strict. I think that he just has a hard time understanding that not everything is a big deal, and that we can just relax." I was telling him, annoyed that I was saying that. Not because of Max. But because of jst the reality of it all.

"How is your father like if you are so much happier with the way that my dad does it?" I asked, and he was looking relatively unsure of what to be saying here. I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say something else. But then if he was going to speak more, then I was either not going to believe in him, or he was just going to be feeling like he was wasting my time. So we were just getting to my house, and we were ready to just hang out there.

-October 12 2020 11:03 pm- When I was just sitting around that day, I decided that I was bored out of my fucking mind and that I was just wanting to do something before I went on and got to sleep. I was just feeling like something was happening right now. Maybe when I would talk to Max again, he would have wanted to actually talk to me about something other than that car chase.

Despite what I was wanting right now, and despite the fact that I was wanting to get out of this conversation as much as possible, I was feeling like what Lydia had mentioned was just bringing up my curiosity way too much. I was feeling like I just needing to see what the issue really was. I was needing to go on and speak to her real calm about it all.

I was needing to just see what the hell she had wanted to know. I was thinking that if she was up again, she would talk to me once again. So I was getting up, and I was going to be walking up the stairs, feeling like maybe if I was with her, we were going to just make some form of connection clear once again.

As I was looking around, I was seeing that Lydia was in her room, still sleeping with the twins on the other side. Henry was still asleep in the room that I had shared with him. I was feeling like maybe I could go on and speak to him for a moment if he would be getting up again. But then I would just go up, and maybe see if I could have met him again.

Once upstairs, I was seeing that Seth was upstairs, and I was seeing that shockingly enough, he was just about to finish a hang out with a couple of his friends. I was holding my arms down, and I was just staring, trying to figure out what the heck that they were going to continue doing. "Hey Jack, how are you?"

As he was asking this, I was seeing that he was just clearly shocked that I was up at this rate, and I was feeling like I was just needing to respect him as much as possible. I was gulping, as if pretending like what was happening was perfectly fine and dandy. "I am doing alright. I just never thought that you were hanging out with your friends this late."

"It's all fine. We were just talking about silly things that we were seeing going on with our siblings, and other things at school. I would not be worried about it honestly." Seth said, as he was clearly seeing that I was having a million questions in my mind, and I was wondering what he was even wanting to ask me.

"I am not worried about it. Do you have any idea what is going on with the television lately?" I asked, and he was looking right at me, as if he was wanting to know if I was just lying to him at all. He was just clearly feeling as if what I was asking him was fucking insane.

"You know that I do not even watch tv that much Jack. Why the heck would out be feeling like I was the one who knew the answer." He said, and then I was looking down for a second, feeling like I was going to have to be careful with everything that he was going to ask me.

"Well, Lydia was telling me about something that she had watched, and I knew what she was watching. Although in all honesty, I feel like what she had saw was real and stuff." I said, and then I was seeing Seth just looking at me as if I was wasting his time. He was clearly looking like whatver was going on, he had just wanted this discussion to end as fast as possible.

"What do you mean? I mean, you do realize that you guys could have just watched a similar show when you were both younger." After he was telling me this, I was looking at him, for a few seconds, and I was feeling like no matter what was happening, I was going to have to just be slightly more careful right now.

"I know that it might not be sounding like a big deal, and I would agree with you. But what if there was something actually happening. Did you watch something about a red car being chased by the police?" I asked, and then I saw him looking at me, as if feeling like what I had just asked him was fucking pointless. But then he was sighing, as if feeling like he was just wanting to entertain me a bit here.

"No, I never saw something like this. But I remember when I was your age, and I saw some stuff on a un-named channel. But honestly, don't worry about it all that much. Just don't pay that much attention to it, and everything will be fine." After he had told me this, I was staring right at him, and I was aware that he was just perfectly walking into what I was wanting to discuss with him anyway.

"That is the exact channel that Lydia was talking about. A un-named one that would be showing a bunch of random material." After I told him this, he was just looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had known what we were talking about was either a waste of time, or something that he was going to be falling for perfectly.

"Guys, you need to not worry about this so much. We really do need to be heading out soon." After Manny was saying that to me, I was looking at him and the female friend that Seth had, who I barely knew, and I was feeling like I was just needing to find a way to speak with them. In a way that was going to be making me look like I was not being stupid and all that stuff.

"Sorry, I just felt like Seth would surely have known something going on here." After I had told him this, I was seeing both Manny and the girl were looking totally unsure of what to even be discussing in the first place. The entire time that we were speaking with each other, the more that I was feeling like I would never really resonate with them.

"Anyways, so Jack, you need to not be too worried about what is happening with what Lydia is saying. You know, she might just be giving you stories, just for the sake of the fun of it. She might have been saying to be making you feel better now." After Seth told me this, I was seeing him get a much more serious look on his face. When I was seeing him looking serious, I was scared out fo my mind.

Seeing Seth is one of those cases of when you know he really needs you just to knock something off. I was seeing him looking like he was just mentally begging for me to be leaving the subject alone for the time being. "I will stop talking about it. But do you know what the un-named channel was on?" I asked, and then I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting for me to be shutting up about this whole thing. He was clearly looking like he was just wanting for me to be stopping, before I ended up just ruining this entire thing.

"Jack, leave it alone. Even if that was something that was real, then clearly something is going on, and it is something that I think that just needs to be kept to itself. I am not really somebody who believes in shit like this too often. But I would stupid to not be believing this right now." Seth was looking like whatever remote idea of a conversation we were going to be having was now entirely over, and he had wanted us to leave it alone.

"Alright, you guys win. You can go on and leave now." I was saying, and I was feeling like maybe when I was saying shit like this, he might be leaving this alone now. I was seeing him looking like he was just relatively finished with the entire story. Seth was sort of looking like he had nothing else he was wanting to do now.

Once Seth was out of the house, I was feeling like whatever was happening was going to be putting me to a total level of unrest. I was feeling like whatever the hell he was going to do with his friends was going to be slightly building onto the fear of what was happening. I was not wanting to be making things any worse. But in all honesty, I was thinking something was going to go down real soon now.

I was sitting down, and the moment that I had sat down, I was thinking about how good looking the girl was, and I was feeling like something like this was a rather strange thought to be having. But in all honesty, she was kind of cute. I was wondering if maybe we could hang out sooner or later, just for a bit.

As I was thinking all of this, I knew that Seth was not going to appreicate anything like that. Seth was going to be telling me that he was not wanting me to be getting in the business of his friends. In all honesty, he was having every right to be feeling this way. Maybe if he was like this, then he was having every right to.

I was wanting to watch that movie again, and I was wondering if I could find the un-named channel. I just had a feeling that Seth was not going to be coming home any time soon, and that he was going to be not going to school. I was thinking that what he was doing was going to be a bit boring. And something that would only interest him and friends, so I was not that worried on it.

Maybe if Lydia had known what I was going to try and do, she would have helped me out. She would have wanted to be awake, to give me a starting point on where to go with this. But despite what we were going to do, and the intentions of this, I was feeling like the idea was not going to be all that different. I just wanted to make this work out as much as possible.

I turned on the television again, and I was turning the volume down a lot. As I was looking around, I was just looking for literally any fucking channel that was having no name. If I was going to find a channel with no name, and look harder after that, then everything was going to be all coming together once again.

I was seeing that all of my older siblings were all in bed, and then we were going to be making everything just turn out and make it all seem like everything was going to be just fucking pitch ass perfect. Eventually, I was finding something that was having no channel, and that channel had a rather interesting title.

I was seeing that it was titled 'Emergency Alert Do Not Watch'. As I had been looking right at it, I was considering for nearly an entire minute if I was wanting to go on and watch it. I was just thinking that this was a terrible fucking idea. No matter what I was wanting to do, I just needed to go on and watch it.

I was feeling like the part about not watching it was not going to be all that important, and in all honesty, I was feeling like that was just a way to be testing people if they are going to be insane enough to go on and watch it all. As I was getting ready for this, I was just telling myself that nothing else would even matter now.

As I was watching the broadcast, the thing started off with a guy smoking a cigarette for a bit in front of his car. He was looking like he was just wanting to just find something to discuss with a person. I was wanting to just get his business deal over with, for whatever reason it had been.

The cigarette taken about two minutes to smoke, and at first, this was the only thing that was being shown. Eventually, when he was done smoking the cigarette, there was another car that was starting to pull up. When he was seeing this car showing up, that was when he was opening up his own car door, and pulling something out.

Eventually, there was the guy from the other car getting out. He was wearing a black hoodie, and I was seeing that he was about five years or so younger than the one who was smoking the cigarette, but he was clearly still an adult. Probably twenty four or so.

"Did you get the money?" After he had asked the cigarette man this, that was when cigarette man handed him a briefcase, and I was seeing that both of these guys looking like they were on top of the world. As if finding something here was going to be benefitting their job position or their revenue. I was just wondering what was happening.

"Has she been dropped out to where she needs to go?" Cigarette man asked, and then hoodie man was just looking around for a couple of seconds, as if feeling like he was wanting to make sure that nobody was watching him. I was wanting to say that I was watching him, but there was something that would later make this point not even matter.

"Yeah, she has reached her destination. I got to admit though, I do feel somewhat bad for her family. It seems like her family really did care for her." Hoodie man said, and then he was looking down on the ground, as if feeling like he was just needing to say something else. But he was just not going to make things any worse at this.

"Well that is the deal with what is going on with our job. You can't force something to happen." After cigarette said this, he was clearing his throat, and at first, I was thinking he was just trying to get the tar from the cigarettes that he had smoked cleared up. Then he was talking about something that he declared 'much more important'.

"So the mayor has said that he needs to know your loyalty. And that he is worried that you have not proven it yet." After he had told me this, he was getting to the back trunk of his car. Then he was pulling something out. After a few seconds, it was clear that this was a man. An actual fucking human being.

"This man has been trying to figure out what is happening around town, and we figured that if you are truly loyal to our business, you need to take him out." He said, and then he took off the mask, in order to make it clear who hoodie man was going to 'take out.'

"Kill him. If you feel like you truly are with the program, you will prove your loyalty by killing him." Cigarette man told hoodie as he was taking out another one to smoke. Hoodie man was pulling out the gun he was given when he joined the forces, and he was putting the gun right at the mans forehead.

The man who had the gun right to the forehead was screaming. "You can't do this. Not after all we did together, and not after all the things that we agreed on. Why are you turning your back against everything that we did?" He asked, and then hoodie man was cocking the gun back, ready to fire now.

"Just because we agreed on the same things to do when we were younger, when there was less grey in the middle, doesn't mean that I must agree with you now. I saw the other way, and I understand that it was better." After he had said that, there was another moment of silence.

"All we did is going to be thrown away by your choice. Do you really feel like something like this will be worth it?" The man asked, and then hoodie man was sighing, as if wishing to not be having this discussion right now.

"Yes Buford, I do." Hoodie man said, and then fired the bullet, splattering the blood and brain matter on cigarette man's clothes. Cigarette man looked like he was on top of the world when he had seen that. Then he was looking right at hoodie man. "I worked with him before. His name was Buford Van Stomm. I thought that if we just went our separate ways, we could just be fine as former allies." Hoodie man said, and then cigarette man was just silent at this for a cigarette.

"He choose the wrong side and now all of his friends and colleagues are going to have to accept it." After cigarette man said this, he handed hoodie man one, and they both shared a smoke at this, and then cigarette smoke up. "You know, I never thought that you would do it. But you are truly in the program now. Until you die, you work for labyrinth."

After he had said that, hoodie man nodded, and they both got in their cars, and drove off, leaving Buford's body to rot. I knew that I needed to call the police on this. But when I looked down, I saw that the date this was recorded was December 7 2013. And if I was never going to help the man who just died get brought to justice, I would at least be able to learn the history of it all.

-October 13 2020 11:45 pm- I was honestly scared out of my fucking mind on what the hell I had seen last night, and I was feeling like nobody was going to even pretend that they were going to buy what I had been saying. In all honesty, this was going to piss me off. But I was used to something like this. No matter what was going on, I was just over it.

Maybe I could on and speak to Max about all of this. I was thinking that if I could speak to him, and I could get him to see that I was not lying to him about anything, then we were going to be making it all come together. As I was about to head out, and head to his house, to have this discussion, despite how late it was at night, Lydia had called out to me.

"Jack, what the heck are you doing?" After she had asked me this, I was looking right at her, feeling like this was making no sense. I was wanting to tell her that she was needing to be leaving me alone. But then I was sighing, and I just decided that I was going to have to let her just pretend like she was super worried on what I was doing.

"I am going to be seeing Max, and I am going to be giving him some answers on what I had been seeing so far today." I was saying, and then I was looking right at her, and I was seeing that Lydia was looking kind of scared of what I was saying. She clearly looked like she had nothing else to tell me now. Like she was wishing that I would just be safe now.

"Jack, it is almost midnight. I don't think that mom and dad will be letting you out this late." After Lydia was telling me this, I sighed, and I was feeling like she was not going to understand what I was doing. She was pretending like she was my fucking mother, when I barely even knew her.

"Lydia, I have to talk to him about what I saw yesterday." I said, and then I was thinking that this was the worst thing that we were going to discuss here. She was looking right at me, and I knew that she was wanting to ask me other things. But I was seeing her just looking like she was just sad at this all.

"What did you see yesterday?" After she asked me this, I was wanting to tell her off, and I was wanting to make her understand that I was wanting nothing to do with having this discussion with her. I was wanting her to be able to understand that I was wanting her happy, and I was wanting her safe. No matter what we were going to discuss, I was needing the safety of this discussion.

"Jack, what the fucking hell did you see?" She was clearly having no fucking patience with this anymore, and I was thinking that no matter what we were going to discuss, she was going to be clearly having a lot of issues with this. I was needing to make her happier. But there was nothing that would make her feel like I was actually fighting for her feeling differently here.

"I saw something that nobody needs to see." I said, pretending like I was going to be calm and collected here. She was seeing me looking like she was wanting to argue with me for a few seconds, but decided that she was just never going to be saying anything else. She was almost looking like she was wishing to just sort of leave it all alone.

"Was it the car chase?" As she asked me this, I was sighing, feeling like there was nothing that I would tell her right now. I saw her looking like she had almost never wanted to leave this alone. She had no respect for my wishes here, and I was going to have a very big lack of respect when talking to her on this now. She was never going to speak to me in a way that I would want to.

"No, it was something much worse. And that is all that you need to know." I was telling her this, and then she was looking like she was wanting to tell me something else. But that she was going to be leaving it all alone. So with this, I was then thinking that maybe I was just needing to tell her the truth. This way, she might be respecting me a bit better now.

"I have a feeling that I will see it sooner or later." She was telling me, and then I was sighing, hating the fact that she was telling me this. Lydia was looking like she was wanting to talk about something else. She was clearly looking like she was aware that no matter what was happening, none of this was going to be making any fucking difference. It looked like she was broken.

"I am going to be seeing him now. This time, I am going to be talking to him, and I am going to just make him understand that I want to make this whole thing work out with our family better." I said, and then I was thinking that nothing else mattered but the family. The family was the only thing that mattered, and I was aware of this now.

"Jack, you are making a big mistake not telling me what is happening. I want to see what I can do to help you out." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her looking genuinely scared out of her mind what was happening. I was feeling like no matter what was happening, I was just needing to be as reaponsible as fucking possible with her.

I was just leaving the house, and I was not going to be letting this discussion continue any longer, and I was feeling like the way that this was all going was fucking selfish, and I was feeling like I was just needing to give her more. She was needing more from me, but I was terrified over her, and I was wondering if Lydia hated me.

The only thing that I knew right then and there was that I was going to be making sure that I was going to just tell her that I was sincerely sorry for everything that had been happening. But that there was nothing that I could have done to be making her feel any differently now. I was needing to change the way things were now.

I was needing to understand that she was my younger sister, and that in all honesty, whatever was going on was going to be making it fucking clear to her that no matter what was happening, we were going to be changing what had been going on. I just wished that this was making more sense.

I knew that no matter what the heck Lydia was feeling here, and no matter what she was wishing to tell me, and no matter what she was wishing the discussion could have been, we just needed to finally make it seem like nothing else was going to be getting any worse. It was all just one big fucking complicated issue.

I was wanting to make Lydia know that we were going to be friends. I was wanting to make her understand that I would never let our disagreements get in the way of our friendship. I was going to give her all the respect in the world, and that was the only thing that I would say to you for sure,. Since I was wanting to be a good brother.

Max would probably tell me that I was just looking at things too deeply, and that I was taking things way too seriously. I was going to be pissed at this. But I was going to let him just be honest with me, if he was having something he needed to tell me. If he was needing to be honest with me, I would just let him lay it all out.

The only thing that I knew for a fucking fact was that I was never going to be bringing this up to my siblings. The brothers I mean. If I was going to tell my brothers what was happening right now, they were going to be fucking furious with me. They were going to probably never want to be speaking to me anymore if I told them what I saw last night.

I do not give a single amount of a fuck how crazy something like this might be sounding. I was thinking that I saw a man getting murdered, and if I did not help see the change out of this at all, then I was feeling like I was just needing to accept the reality of something like this now.

-October 16 2020 2:15 pm- I was just wanting to count down the minutes to go until I was done with school, and by doing so, just count the time before I could go home, and either try and make some more friends, or just practice all of my sports. At this point in time, I was hardly even thinking about that awful broadcast anymore. It had been a few days, and my mind had started to try and pretend like it either never happened, or was no big deal.

In all honesty, I was just feeling like whatever was happening then was seven years ago, and that there was no realistic way that I was going to be making a difference anyways, so there was no need to be so worried about whatever was going on now. I was just thinking that I could pretend like it was never going to have a serious impact on me.

The only thing that was worrying me still was if people were even going to believe if I told them what I had found, or if they were going to be telling me to stop making shit up. I was wishing that people would take my issues more seriously. But at the same time, I was just not even getting myself in the mindset that people were going to take what I had said with even the mildest amount of sincerity.

Eventually, I had also told myself that the only person who may have believed in me, Lydia, was not going to, and I was thinking that if Lydia was going to be finding what I said to be stupid and dumb and lame then there was no point in telling anybody. So with that in mind, I was going to just sort of either find out on my own, or just tell myself that it was no big deal.

I was wondering if Lydia had maybe seen something like this to. When it was more recent, and therefore was going to have a bigger impact, and she would have had even less of a understanding of it than I did. I was scared of that notion. But at the same time, I was feeling really bad for her, since I was thinking that something like this could have been true.

I mean, if she had seen something like this, then I would be in a strange position. On one hand, I would wish that she would have taken it more seriously. On the other hand, she was just a young girl, and even younger then, so the idea of her getting it would have been almost totally out of question and therefore I would have to adjust my standards to be fitting such a thing.

When school was getting out, I was walking down the hallway, and I was thinking that maybe I would try and see what Max was wanting to talk to me about. I was feeling like maybe if Max was just wanting to see how I was feeling, and if we were going to connect for a while, then I would tell him why I was so scared of what was going on, and why I was wanting to make things just not so damn hard to handle in the first place.

"Hey Jack, you look like you have been really busy the last couple of days." Max told me, and I was well aware he was going to be just wanting to hang out with me, and if we were going to hang out, he was going to just try and force me to tell him what the issue was here. He was going to try and force me to tell him what I had seen, and why it was affecting me.

"I have not been really busy. But I think that I found something that scares the fucking shit out of me. You know, I want to just sort of ignore it all." I said, and then I was thinking that telling him this was just going to make him not really listen to me all that much in the first place. "And before you ask, it has nothing to do with what I was telling you about. I could almost not even care anymore about something that boring and simple." I said, as if thinking that the car chase was the least of my worries right now.

"What did you find?" Max asked me, and I was just not wanting to talk about this. I was just starting to walk home, and I was feeling like playing basketball while having this discussion was just not going to work at all, and that I was not going to waste my time on something that I could not really handle. "It looks like you might not want to talk too much about it."

"Not want to talk about it doesn't even begin to cover it. I mean, you know, I think that if I try and talk to this about it, then you are just not going to be taking anything that I say very seriously, and even if you did, I would not want to be making this much worse." I said, sort of wanting to make it sound like I was having a calm and collected idea on what I was getting myself into. In all honesty, I did not. But I was just trying to pretend like I would know what I was doing.

"I think that you are not giving me enough credit." I was hearing Max say, and the way he was looking at me was clearly showing that in all honesty, he did not want to be thinking about what I was going to do, and that he did not want to be thrown under the bus at all. "Anyways, would you be willing to tell me one thing at least?" He asked me, and then I was thinking that one detail would not be the worst thing in the entire world.

"Sure, if you want to know something, I will tell you one detail." I said, and I was feeling like he better make the detail count, or else I was not going to be wasting his time on this. I was just hoping that it was going to be one of the easiest and least problematic questions one could ask me.

"Was it something that you actually saw on the television, and do you think that it was on the channel Lydia was telling you of?" After he asked me this, I was thinking about the question, and I was not sure what the channel was, and to be honest, I did not care, and i was thinking that something like this was not that important.

"I don't know, I don't really think that either Lydia and I were paying much attention to the channel. I mean, I guess that in all honesty, they might be connected. But who cares. And yes, it was indeed something on television." I was telling him, and I was feeling like I was just done with this discussion. Not that it even fucking mattered what I was thinking.

"Alright, I guess that I will leave you alone." After Max told me this, I was thinking that we would just leave the subject alone. In all honesty, I was not wanting to talk on this at all. But when I was thinking about everything that was going on, I was thinking that I better give Max so much more, in order for him to not be brushing things off.

"The only thing that I do know of is that I am never going to be looking at random channels on tv during the night, and that in all honesty, I just kind of feel like I might have been stupid for even thinking that something like this was a decent idea. But I guess that I am not going to beat myself up for it all.

"Sure, I guess that it makes sense. I mean, I wonder why Lydia was even doing something like this in the first place." After Max was telling me this, I was thinking that I just needed to be leaving it all alone. "I mean, I know that she probably did not want to be bored and stuff, but I think that something like this was a terrible idea."

"You know, Lydia probably wants to just have some fun, and if she genuinely thinks that this is something that is very fun, then I think that I am going to just leave it all alone." I was telling him this, I was thinking that if Lydia was going to be like this, then I was thinking that maybe she was going to have to find some better answers here.

"Do you think that your standards of fun are going to be totally different from hers?" Max asked me, and I was feeling like this was a total waste of fucking time, and I was thinking that there was no way in hell that I was even going to be thinking on what to be telling him right now.

"Obviously she finds different things fun than what I do. I think that even debating something like this might be stupid as hell. No offense, but I think that the answer is super obvious." I told him, and then I was thinking that whatever he was going to be feeling now, he was not going to be feeling like I was sort of attacking him right now,

"Well, you know, I was just trying to give off a decent option right now?" After Max said this to me, I was hearing him look like he was sort of unsure of what the hell he was wanting to tell me right now. He was actually looking like he was wanting to talk about some other things. But he was just sort of not even wanting to talk on this anymore.

"I'm sorry. I just felt like there was no better way to be answering the most obvious question that anybody could ask me right now." I was saying, feeling like I was just needing to make the point across to him. I was not wanting to talk about this anymore, and I was feeling like he was just needing to talk to me about literally anything else in the world. At least if we could leave this subject alone, then it would be all fine.

"Anyways, so Jack, do you think that if she might be needing to find some other hobbies, that you might show her what basketball might be like?" After he had asked me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to just move on to a different subject as well, and I was feeling like I was just needing to respect his space when going at this all.

"I think that if she wanted to fucking play basketball, she would have tried already. I think that I am going to just be wasting my fucking time even bringing up this idea. But who knows, she might be into something like this." I said, and then I was looking right at him, as if feeling like whatever the hell he was hearing me tell him was going to be a bit of a let down. I had no idea why he was even caring so much. I was thinking that he was just wanting to possibly let her have a chance.

"Sorry, I guess that I was just wanting to sort of give her a chance." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like something like this was a genuinely let down. I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to tell me, he might just need to tell me what it was, and then we could just sort of get this over with, and be done.

"Well, if she had known about this, I am sure that she would probably appreciate that notion." I said, as if just feeling like maybe if I was going to be making him feel better, then he was not going to be too offended by this all. I was feeling like this entire debate was dumb, and I was not wanting to tell him this. But one of these days, I would tell him that maybe Lydia was just simply not all that interested in this.

"Anyways, let's talk about something that I have been wanting to ask you. Since in all honesty, it has been all over my mind right now. I just want to know if you are liking anybody. I was wondering if you were liking a girl at school." I was saying, feeling like if I was going to tell him something else, but I was thinking that he was going to be making fun of me for knowing that there was a girl that I was thinking was cute, and he was going to just rub it in my face for the rest of my life.

"Oh shit, I never thought that you were going to be asking something like this." After Max asked me this, I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to be talking about this all that much. But then I was thinking that I was just needing to sort of slowly win him over here.

"Honestly, there is somebody that I have been sort of liking, and I want to see if I would be able to get her to like me back. But I think that something like this might be really hard." After I told him this, I was just thinking that I might as well be honest about this whole thing. But then the way that he was looking at me, just made me clearly think that we were going to have a really fun discussion going forward.

"Do you think that you would be willing to tell me who the hell she is?" After Max asked me this, I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting so fucking hard to be proving me that I was not having the right to ask him this. I smiled though, thinking that I might as well just sort of see where this might go now.

"I think that I should never tell you, since this is going to be the worst thing to admit." I was saying, and then I was thinking that something like this was relatively hypocritical. At this point in time, I was just sort of wanting to admit that maybe I was wrong here. Then with that, I was seeing Max looking like he was sort of over this discusson, and did not want to be too worried over something like this.

"Oh, so you think that you need to go on and learn more about me. But then you are totally fine with not telling me and all of that." After Max was saying this, he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was just trying to be funny about this whole thing. I was then thinking that I was going to have to either just drop it, or act like I was going to block this whole thing off.

"Sorry, I was just trying to make some small talk. If you want to go around and just let me know more about it all." I was saying, and I was just looking right at him, wanting to see if maybe the longer we were talking, the easier that things would have all been. "But seriously, just a yes or no... Do you think that you might actually be able to have somebody that you like?"

"Yeah, I guess that there is somebody who I would consider to be my favorite." He was telling me, and I was seeing him looking like he was just sort of sad to finally admit this. When we were done discussing all of this, I was seeing him looking like he was sort of needing to sort of drop the subject now.

"Damn, one day you are totally going to swoon her over." I said, and then I was smiling, placing my hands over my hand, and I was just feeling like this was going to be the most exciting thing in the world to be telling him. I was thinking that the longer that we were going to be talking, and the longer that I could just really make this whole friendship work, he was going to be buying into all of my bullshit right now.

"That is not going to happen. Nobody thinks that I am going to swoon anybody over. Well, nobody who is sane." Max said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to be saying more. But that there was no need to be talking about this anymore. I was thinking that maybe one day, we might be having a better discussion here.

"Alright, if you feel like it is not going to happen, then I would feel very sorry for you." I was saying, and I was just thinking that I could just leave the subject alone. I was wondering what I would do to make him feel like he was not going to have the worst time in the world to be making something like this work out.

"Besides, I think that you have a better chance, with you being the basketball star in the school. Everybody is going to be thinking that you are the greatest player ever, and everybody is going to want to be just like you." After he was telling me this, I was feeling happy to be hearing him tell me this. Hearing him say this was going to make me feel like I was going to have a chance to take advantage of something like this now.

...

-October 18 2020 1:11 am- The only thing that I was scared of going forward, was making my crushes actually go on and like me. You know, I needed to make the things going on in town feel less and less overwhelming, and less and less like I was just losing everything going on in my life. I was tired of everything, and I was feeling like if for nothing else, watching that broadcast was going to be giving me something that I could talk about. I didn't want to watch it. But it would give me something.

I knew that I did not want to watch that next stuff. But I was wanting to just get this over with, and I was just wanting to see what was even going to present itself. If I could just see what the point of this was, then I would get to know if there was a chance that I might be learning what had happened to Bufford, and I was just wanting to make sure that nothing happened to anybody else who was close with him. Since I would not want that to happen.

I mean, I had no idea who he was, and I had no idea if I was even going to be safe going forward with learning this stuff. But I was feeling like I was just needing to know whatever the hell these men and women who must have known this and showed it to tv were fucking hiding. I was scared, and I was reminding myself not to be speaking on it.

I was aware that nobody was going to be buying what I had told them, and nobody was going to even pretend to care. I was thinking that I was not going to play around here. Those men who ere involved with this were going to be doing something to people who lived here, and I was just thinking about why I was even wanting to think that this risk was going to be worth it.

I was aware that if any of my older siblings were watching me doing this, and if they were actually aware of what I was doing, they were going to be pissed the fucking hell off at me. They were going to be yelling at me for bringing something into the house that should have never been brought forward. They were probably right. But I hated to admit it.

I sat down and I was turning on the television again, and as much as I was hating to admit it, I was letting this whole thing get to me, and I was slowly letting this whole thing to turn into a giant obsession. I hated to admit the truth of the fact that I was letting this get to me. But I guess that in some extent, I was just not even caring anymore.

As I was looking for this channel, I was feeling the annoyance of what I was thinking to Lydia coming back. I was feeling like the fact that Lydia had brought this up to me, and the fact that she was making me so interested in this was the whole thing that just made it all so much fucking worse. If she had never mentioned this, it would have never been an issue.

It took about ten minutes this time, and this time I felt like the channel was not even remotely related to the one that was showing up last time. But I was not wanting to make a deal out of it. I was thinking that maybe I had imagined that bit. So with that, I knew that there was clearly something that the people who knew this channel were doing behind our backs. Something about this was just really changing my mind now.

When I did click on the channel, I was seeing that there was a few moment of blank screen. The screen being totally blank for that length of time was just getting to me for some reason. I had truly believed that I had finally found something that was wasting my time. Or that I had found everything that I could, and that there was nothing now. After another several seconds, there was a man who was sitting down on a chair.

As he was sitting down on the chair, I saw him just staring right at the screen for several seconds. He was clearly just staring down something, and I was thinking the fact that he was not wanting to look away from this was just clearly showing that either he was finding something to enjoy here, or that he was not even aware that he was being watched. But with the posture that he was showing, I was much more feeling like it was the former.

"The reports have been filed in. Nobody has suspected anything else. There are some needs to increase the revenue of our business, and that is why we are proposing the idea of adding a bit of an extra cost to all future orders going forward?" After a random voice was saying this, the men who was sitting down looked up, and he was clearly looking like he was having no real interest in this subject at all.

"How much extra are you guys planning to add to the orders?" The man sitting down asked, and there was a look on his face as if showing that he was super happy to be hearing something like this, like he was wanting to take in every fucking penny that he would be able to take. "Or is this just a proposition that is not going to be going through?" I was feeling like this was the only moment that really mattered, and the only moment that I was needing to actually watch more than anything else.

"An extra twenty five hundred per shipment is going to be enough. And since one percent of every order goes to the employee, that is only an extra twenty five dollars per order for them." The voice who was trying to make a deal said, and then the boss was looking like he was kind of pissed at the way that this man acted like this was no big deal at all.

"Damn it. Soon enough, some people are going to want more and more money. But for now, I think that something like this might be enough." After the man who was sitting down on the chair was saying this, I saw him looking like he was relatively peaceful, and he was clearly looking like he had wanted to just keep the thoughts to himself. I knew that whatever this man wanted, he would take it. I was certain of this.

"Well, for now, it seems like we are not going to have a choice here. But I think that you probably already understand this. The only thing that I think we should be more careful of is keeping the parents in track. They might be starting to lose some interest in all that we are working with." After he said this, the man in the chair was almost thinking about everything that he was being told. I was clearly seeing him looking like he did not appreciate the commentary here, and did not want to be told how to be doing his job at all.

"You know that things are going to be much harder than you are making it out to be. We can't just keep giving and giving and giving. Sooner or later, they are going to be taking things, and there is nothing that we are going to be able to do about it." After the in the chair was saying this, he was sounding like his mind was totally out of it, and not even pretending to focus now.

"I always wondered how we were able to keep up this business for so long. I mean, you would think that sooner or later, somebody would be wise to what is happening." After the second person said this, the man in the chair was looking up, and I was seeing that he was sincerely pissed at everything he had just heard that other guy say. As if feeling betrayed.

"We were able to keep this business hidden for so long because we had our priorities stright. We understood what it was like to be losing track and focus on the task. I was very much the same way at one point in time, and I do not blame some others for being like this before. But trust me when I say that I am not going to be letting this continue." The man sitting down said, as if thinking about what he was going to do to make sure that this was going to never happen again.

...

-October 18 2020 5:08 pm- Thankfully speaking, the broadcast I watched last night was not nearly as strange as the one as the car chase, and not nearly as scary as the man who got killed. In all honesty, I was feeling like I had been taking this whole thing way too seriously, and I was now feeling like I was taking this whole thing way too far. Almost as if I was sincerely believing that the things that I had been watching was going to be getting me killed. I was now genuinely convinced of something like this.

The only thing that I was certain of though was that I was just glad to be aware that Lydia had not seen the one that I had watched last night. Or the one with the man getting shot. If Lydia had seen one of, if not both of those, I was going to feel like she was going to be losing her mind.

I was aware that no matter what Lydia was going to be doing, she was going to just simply brushing me off, and she was going to be watching those fucking films more and more. I was thinking that if Lydia was going to keep watching them, then I was going to be one hundred percent certain that she was going to be putting herself in danger. I knew that something like this was sounding strange, but I just was certain.

As I was getting ready to head out to hang out with Max again before school tomorrow, and just have a good moment, that was when right as I was about to leave, that was when I heard a voice calling out to me. I was turning around, and I was seeing that it was Seth. I had no idea what he was trying to accomplish, so I was just going to ignore what he was wanting to tell me for the time being.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked, not even wanting to talk about the fact that he was thinking that all that I had seen, and what I was wanting to tell him earlier was a fucking lie. That really pissed me off, and I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to tell me was only going to be making fun of me more.

"I just wanted to apologize to you." After Seth said that, I was actually confused, and impressed, and I was feeling like I was just needing to give him a chance. Maybe he was actually going to be taking what I said with more respect, and that if he was going to tell me something, I needed to at least pretend to give him the safe respect as well.

"What for?" I asked, and despite everything that had been running in my mind, I was not going to be lying if I told you that I was not entirely certain that he was not just pulling my leg. I was feeling like I was just needing to really take what he was saying more seriously now.

"The way I treated you at school some days ago. I know that you were just trying to find out what I knew about that guy, and that strange as showing. I know that you were just wanting to have some clues here. You deserve better than what I gave you." He said, and then I was just feeling like I needed to give him a chance now. I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to tell me, was just going to be a load of shit.

"Tell me one thing... Do you actually think that something like this might be true? Did you see something like this before? I mean, the thing really scared me." I said, and I was more referring to the car, and that the thing that scared me was the man who got killed. I wanted that mans death to stop being in my mind so much. But there was no way that this would truly happen.

"I don't know what you saw, and I don't know if you were telling me the truth. But the fact that some of my friends were telling me about it when we were done talking that day, and they seemed to be taking it more seriously. Then the way that Becky was talking to me about it, makes me convinced that she might have seen something like this." After he was telling me this, I genuinely had no idea what to be telling me.

"Do you think that maybe I could talk to Becky on it, and see what she has to tell me?" I asked, and the way that I was staring right at him, was making it very clear that I was not going to be taking this as a fucking joke. I had no real interest in taking this any further. "Seth, do you feel like you would want to try and see if there is something by watching some stuff?" I asked, and I was feeling like maybe if I could ask him this, he would actually want to help me out here.

"I am not going to be looking into anything like that. I am scared out of my mind on the off chance that is real. Besides, I want to do stuff like school, and have some friends. I have a real goal in life." After he was telling me this, I was unable to tell if this was a personal jab, or if he was not thinking too much on it at all.

"Come on, I think that if you see something like this, you might believe me." I said, and I was unsure why I was needing or wanting him to believe in me for so long. I was feeling like I just needed to get him to admit that something was happening. The only way that I could get this man to work with me was to basically beg. And I hoped that as my older brother, if he knew that I needed his help, he might be taking it more seriously.

"I do believe that something might have been shown. But I think that you can't really connect this to anything. You know, I feel like you can't connect this to the people who go missing or whatever." He said, and while I appreciated his honesty, I was not wanting him to be saying this. I was not wanting to hear him tell me that this did not matter.

"Stuff is happening at this town, and I think that it might be bets to take it seriously, and see what is happening." I was saying, and then I was feeling like maybe if I could be just speaking to him, and talking to him in a way that showed him that I was wanting him to know that this was something I genuinely felt fear on, I was going to make it finally work out.

"I never said that there was not stuff going on at this town. I just think that we need to be more realistic when looking at where this is going. I think that we just need to be fair. I mean, people go missing. What does that have to do with a random car chase that was going on?" Seth said, and I was feeling like I just needed to decide if I was wanting to tell him the truth right then and there, and just tell him what I was fearing, then he might know what was happening was much more serious.

"Do you think that there might be something of a overall business going on at this town? You know, with the missing cases." I was saying, feeling like maybe if I could tell him this, then Seth would see that I knew what was happening. I saw Seth looking down, and I was seeing him looking like he was having nothing he wanted to tell me. "Do you know what is up the mountain?" I was feeling like that was a valid question now.

"No, why would I be worried what is up the mountain? This is so all over the place that I think you need to relax, and just come up with something to actually focus on here." Seth was asking me, and I was feeling like I was just needing to be leaving this whole thing alone if he was wanting to have any remote respect for me.

"I just think that something could be there." I said, and then I was wanting to say something else. I wanted to be saying something to make him happier, and make him feel like I was taking this seriously, and that I was not a asshole. But at the same time, I was thinking that since he was not all that worried about this all, then why the heck was I taking it so damn seriously, and was I actually sounding insane this whole time?

-October 19 2020 5:21 pm- I was well aware of how much my interest in this subject was just dragging me down, and I was aware of how much it was probably coming off as a bit much to my family and friends. I was thinking that I just needed to let it go, and while I was glad that Seth was at least pretending to help me out here, and teach me what was going on with the help of his friends, I was accepting that maybe I was just needing to try and leave it all alone.

I did not want to force Seth and his friends into this, and I was thinking that if I was going to be doing something like this, they would have every single right in the world to not want to hang out with me. They were going to hate me, and they were going to view me as that retarded little brother, and they were going to have every single right in the world to be feeling this way.

That being said, the only thing that I wished that was given to me better was the confirmation that Seth and the others were going to not be brushing me off as a total joke anymore. If I could be given that at least, then I might as well be able to pretend like I was fucking making progress to my friends and family. My friends and family were the most important people that I could have been fighting for, no matter what.

I was walking out of my house, and I figured that if I could remove myself from the house, then I might be able to pretend like there was a small chance that at least I would not want to take the chances to be finding it once again. I felt like that was the only thing that I could have actually accomplished here. Right as I was about to leave the yard, I was hearing Lydia's voice calling out to me, and I was kind of annoyed and kind of grateful for this at the same time.

I was not wanting to hang out with Lydia since she was the one that brought this whole thing up to me, and she was the one who made things even worse. On the other hand, I was wanting to hang out with her, since she was the closest to me in age, and if the conversation must come up, I would rather have her do it than have Henry or one of the older ones do so.

I needed to remember the fact that Henry was almost six, and he was my roommate, which meant that it was only a matter of time before he tried to force me to tell him the truth. He was going to be rough with me telling him. But I was entirely unsure of if I could be able to tell him anything at all. I was just wanting him to have a bit more happiness here, that I might have gotten.

"Hey Jack, I was wondering if you were willing to hang for a bit?" Lydia asked, and I was feeling like that was the worst question she would be asking me, since I was feeling like whatever she was doing was going to be dragging me along to something that I was not really ready for. "Or are you going to be too busy for all of this?"

The way that she was asking me this was making me feel bad, and I was wanting to tell her something else. I was wanting to just pretend like I was annoyed with her, and I was wanting to pretend like I did not want her to be hanging out with me. But I did want her to be hanging out with her, to just have something to discuss a bit. In all honesty, I was going to have to really just hide what the fear in my mind was, and I was going to have to pretend like I did not fear anything, despite the fact that I was scared out of my fucking mind.

"Yeah, sure we can talk for a bit. I am probably going to try and talk to Max for a while. You know, just some stuff about basketball, or football. Just something..." I said, as if trying to make it seem like I was being a regular teenager, and that I was not scared for what was going to be happening at all. She was looking at me, as if clearly feeling like she did not believe a word of what I was going to be saying right now.

"Oh, I have wanted to get into sports for a while. But I feel like if I try to do it, I would be coming off as a failure. I do not want to be making you let down. But I just think that it would be so much fun." After she had told me this, I was smiling, and I was thinking that maybe if she was meaning what she had said, and that she did really think it was fun, I was going to have to give her a fucking chance now.

"Well, maybe if you are telling the truth, I might as well tell you what I think you could be able to do to make it all work out." I said, and then I was feeling like maybe if we could be able to work along a bit longer, and actually take something seriously, then she and I would probably even come up with some form of a actual plan here.

"I mean, it looks like something is making you a bit worried right now. I think that maybe we can talk about something here." After Lydia was telling me this, I was feeling like we just needed to talk about something, or that I just needed to lie, and then she would be feeling like she was going to be careful, and she was going to be safe. But she was needing to not worry about what we were getting ourselves into.

"Just some stuff that I saw. I don't really want to talk about it. I think that if I talk about it, then the whole thing just becomes a bit too real." I said, and then I was looking right at her, and I was seeing that she was super wanting to ask me something. She knew that I was needing to talk about it to somebody, and she was clearly wondering why I would not let her be the one who would talk to me on this all.

"Is it related to the channel I told you on?" She asked me, and then I was feeling like maybe if I was honest to her on this regard, she might not want to be looking into this anymore, and she might be learning that this was no longer a game. It probably never was a game in the first place. But I was now seeing it way too well that it was not, and I was not scared to admit that I got myself into something way too far.

"Yeah, it is all because of that." I said, feeling like I was finally doing something good by telling her the truth. I felt like by telling her the truth, the only thing that I would have been able to do that I would have considered a good thing. But in all honesty, I was just telling myself to put myself first once and for all.

"Sorry for telling you about it. I never thought that you were going to be having such a big deal out of it. I just thought that it would have been somewhat fun in all honesty." She was telling me, and then I was feeling like I just needed to find my way out of this whole thing. I was feeling like I was needing to just save her from something much worse, and I was just needing to be making my point the entire time.

"Don't worry about it. I just don't really think that I am going to be wanting to look into something anymore. I am so fucking done with it. I fucking hate this whole thing, and I think that I just need to get it out of my mind." I was saying, and I did not care if Lydia was going to be mad at me swearing. I was feeling like I was just needing to be making my point on this whole thing.

"Jack, you need to relax. None of this is real. You are taking this whole thing way too seriously." Lydia told me, and I was not wanting to hear any of it. It was much more than this, and she knew it. She must have been smart enough to know this, or at least try and suspect something like it.

"What if it is real though?" I asked, feeling like I needed to have her at least consider this prospect a bit. I needed to get her to understand that perhaps this was not a fucking game. I was feeling like she was not going to be taking it seriously enough, and on one hand, I did not blame her for not doing so. On the other hand, I was feeling like since she was the one that brought this upon me, I needed her to be honest with me.

"Then let the adults take care of it. We don't need to worry about it." She was telling me, and I was sort of mildly agreeing with her, but at the same time, I was disagreeing way too fucking much. I was feeling like if she was going to be like this, I needed to accept the fact that she was just not going to be my ally on this going forward. I wanted her to be happy. But I wanted her to be real with me here at the same time.

"Maybe that would be a good idea in any other world, but not on this one. Not on this one, trust me." I said, and then I was feeling like I was pushing my beliefs on her too hard, and I was feeling like I was just going to have to relax a bit. I knew that she was happy, and I knew that she was not getting it. I was wondering why I was challenging this mindset, and I was wondering why I would not just let herbe happy, and just leave the whole thing alone. Mabe if I were to do that, then she might be able to respect me a bit better.

"Do you think that Max believes in this whole thing anyways?" She asked me, and then I was looking at her, and I was not wanting her to be bringing up Max, since her doing this was just going to try and make me sound stupid, and be throwing me under the bus She was clearly just wanting me to look at things from a morepractical perspective. Which would have been great. But it could not realistically work out at all.

"I think that he will certainly believe in it if he saw the stuff that I did. I think that if anybody saw that shit, they would believe in me." I said, and then I was feeling like I was needing to respect her safety, and her patience, and her respect, and that I just needed to fucking stop for the time being. Maybe she would have taken it super serious.

But until she saw something like this, and until I had the courage to explain it, which I just did not have enough of, she would be forever confused, and she would be forever wondering if I was just making bullshit up. Maybe I was just needing to respect that part of her space a bit better.

Once we were getting to his house, I was glad that at least for the time being, we were able to put this whole thing behind me. I was thinking that maybe we could just hang out with Max, and we were going to just pretend like nothing was even going to matter all that much anymore.

"Hey Max, how are you doing?" I asked, trying to just speak with him for a while, and just trying to make it seem like none of this was going to be all that big of a deal. Max was not looking like he was bothered by the random visit, and if anything, he was still looking like he was just proud to be seeing us here at all, and taht he was wanting to hang ouy with me now.

"I'm doing alright." After Max told me this, he was looking at Lydia for a second, and I was seeing him looking like he was sincerely wanting to ask me what she was doing with me. Then with this, he was just telling himself to not be saying anything. Almost as if he was wanting to respect my wishes here or something.

"What are you going to do with us today?" He asked Lydia, as if feeling like he was just needing to respect the fact that maybe Lydia was having a genuine reason to be here, and that maybe he just needed to let that come on through. With that, Lydia was smiling, and she was rubbing her hair behind her head, as if scared of the way that Max was going to percieve her.

"I was wanting to just hang out with Jack, and he let me tag along. I think that it would be a lot of fun, and I think that he needs to stop being so worried about sppoky stuff." She said, and then Max was looking at me, knowing full well what she was talking about, and he was sort of giving me a look of 'let it go' but he was just not wanting to be super rude about it. I was shrugging, as if thinking that something like this was just never going to fucking happen, no matter how much I wanted it.

"Yeah, he talks about that stuff alot. You just sort of get used to it though. So I would not be too worried on it." I was not sure if he was saying that in annoyance, or if he was just trying to be funny, or being blunt. I was feeling like no matter what we were going to be dealing with, there was going to be a small part of him that was just hating this whole thing, and was not willing to truly hide it all. But maybe it was his lack of seriousness that was getting to me. The fact that he was not even pretending.

"I think that you should be blaming her. She was the one that brought this information onto me." I said, mainly to defend myself, and to make it clear that I was thinking that there was more to this than they were thinking. No, not that I thought. That I fucking knew, and that I was going to be making it clear here.

"I didn't know that you were going to be obssessed with this now. I thought that it would have been fun to just talk for a while. But do you want to watch them more?" She asked, and I was seeing Lydia looking like this was borderline a test. I was kind of annoyed with this whole thing, but I was wondering where this was going now.

"You watch that stuff every night, so you do not get to tell me not to be taking this too seriously. You watch it all the time, and you have way too much fun with it." I was saying to her, and she was looking like she was wanting to have me relax, and not be taking it way too seriously. But then with that, I was sighing, and told myself not to be so rude.

"Yeah I do. You know it. It's a lot of fun. But that doesn't mean that what I am seeing is true. I think and know that it is just a bunch of fake stuff. That does not mean that it is not fun to be looking at, and I think you need to calm down." Lydia was telling me, and I was feeling like I was needing to scream at her as she had said that.

"Well, what I saw was real. I know that what I saw was real. But I don't know if you saw the same thing." I said, and I was remembering the fact that we were having a bunch of different things to look into. "If you saw the same thing, you would not be messing around with me right now." I sighed, and had nothing else that was going to say, since I had felt like I had perhaps just needed to fucking relax for a bit longer.

"Relax Jack, I'm just playing with you. I am not worried if you believe what you saw was fiction or not. I am just more happy that you are willing to talk about it at all." She was saying, and I was feeling like the fact that she was wanting to having fun with this was something that I wanted to be happy with, and something that I wished that I had. But I could never have it, no matter how much I was wanting it all.

"Alright, if that is how it is going to be, then I guess that things are just something I can never look at. Never mnd me actually having my own look at it all." I said, and then Max was laughing at this, and him laughing reminded me of the fact that we were hanging out with him in the first place. So with that, I was relaxing, and I remembered that I just needed to put in a nice smile on my face, and remember that I just did not need to be taking it so serious.

...

-October 19 2020 10:25 pm- I remembered that in all honesty, people were just going to have to find out things their own way. I mean, I was able to respect the fact that it had seemed like Lydia was genuinely at least trying, and I was able to respect the fact that Max was not totally brushing me off as a loonie here. But at the same time, I was thinking that if they were more aware, if they were more accepting here, then none of this was going to be a fucking issue at all.

I was thinking that they were both deserving better than the unfair treatment that I was giving them, and that they were both feeling like I was just needing to remember things a bit different. I wished that I would do just that. I wished that I would just remember that none of this was going to be making any difference. But the fact of the matter is that no matter what people told me, I was going to be considering where to go from here.

I needed to really see if I could learn more about Bufford, and if learning more about his group of friends, was going to be making any difference. I had truly felt like speaking to those people, or learning their history, would have given me a start to making progress down the road. I felt like it would have been the start that I needed. The only thing that I needed was the sort of place to be able to even look at this in the first place.

I was just thinking that even if helping my older siblings was just not fucking real at all, and even if they were never going to accept my help even if such help was offered, I was just thinking that I could ignore that whole thing for the time being, and just look at something that I felt like I needed to do. Helping out my younger siblings going forward.

I was hoping that one of these days, either Lydia or Max would be coming around to helping me. But despite everything going on, I just was going to be a independent agent. I was going to be doing everything that I could to research as much of this as I could in libraries after school, or watching those shows. Sooner or later, the proper answer would come, and then I was going to tell people and show every single one of them that I was not going crazy. That I did see what I had saw, and that it was time to answer for what had happened to him.

I remember this one person who was in my class. I think her name was Abby or something. I remember her older cousin went missing when we were six years old, which was only three years ago. I was certain now more than ever that maybe something like that had to do with what happened to her. I was certain that this fucking business was entire responsible for it. Well, not business, but what I had witnessed.

As I was thinking all of this, when I was wanting to fall asleep, this was when my younger brother Henry was speaking out to me. I looked at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was just probably worried for me, and was wondering what was going on. As I was seeing him like this, and I was seeing him just wanting to say more, I was going to let him talk for now.

"Jack, you look like something is bothering you." After Henry said that to me, I was sighing, and I was just feeling like saying that this was bothering me was a fucking understatement of the damn century. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me, and then I was sighing, truly not wanting to do this at all.

"Just something that I saw on television, and nobody is taking me seriously." I said, and then I was seeing Henry looking like he did not get it, and I was thinking that I was not going to be shocked by something like this at all. I was thinking that I was needing to not be shocked by this at all. "I mean, I know what I saw, and I know that what I saw was real, and that nobody was making it up for anything." I was telling him, not even caring if he was listening to me here, and not even caring what he was wanting to say as an objection.

"How can you know if it was real or not?" Henry asked me, and for a second, I was thinking about this question, and I was thinking about how I could answer it in a way that was not going to be sounding like I was fucking crazy or what not. I was thinking that maybe I had been crazy. But for the time being, I was just not even worried on this. But maybe I was going to have to ring it in, and just try and find a way to truly answer him.

"I know it was real because the way that the people were acting was just too real. You know, it seemed like this person really was having to make the choice of his life." I said, and then I was just I was seeing him looking like he was still not getting it. I was not surprised, and I was thinking that maybe I was going to just have to find a way that I could explain it in a way that was not going to be too confusing to him.

"What were they acting like?" Henry asked, and I was feeling like maybe this was the part where either I fully let him in, or I reel it in back, and just think about what he was telling me. I was wanting to tell him off, but I knew that sooner or later, Lydia was probably going to tell him about how I was acting insane, and how she regretted showing me, and how I was needing to play it back a bit longer.

"Well, one of them was basically talking about this strange like business that he was involved with. I would not be shocked if he was the one running the whole thing. Even though he was denying it." I told him, thinking that this was going to be the easy part to understand, and I was feeling like I would be ine with letting him know that much. Not like he was going to be getting scared over that. "He was smoking a cigarette, so that affected his voice a bit, and that probably could add to his cover a bit."

Obviously, at nine, I did not understand that one single cigarette was not going to be the end of the world, and that he needed so much more to truly make a difference. But at the moment, I was thinking that maybe stalling it out was going to be making him lose some interest here, and that by doing this, I might be keeping him safe for a while longer.

"Anyways, so he was explaining to one guy who was sort of goth or something what it was like to be working at this company or what ever, and he was basically telling him that in order to be a part of the job fully, he was needing to do exactly as he was told." I was saying, and I was thinking about how I was down paying the whole thing to make it seem like he was just a generic villain or what not. Which perhaps he was, but I did not want to be saying it.

"What was he told to do?" Henry asked, and I was feeling like that was the one question I hated for him to be asking me. I was thinking that if he was going to ask me this, then I was going to have to grow a fucking pair of balls, and just tell him straight up what I had seen. I was not wanting to do that, and I was not going to hide this fact at all.

"I think that you do not need to be know the truth about this." I said, and I was feeling like maybe be lying to him, and just pushing him off, and treating him like he was somebody who was sort of a side part of it all. "I mean, I know why you would want to know, and I know that it might be too exciting to just not know the truth of. But I think that if you know, then you would never forgive me." I said, pretending like what I was doing was real smart, and borderline heroic. But at the same time, Iw as feeling like maybe if I just let him know the truth, he would not be too angry at me.

"But I still want to know. can you please just tell me." After Henry said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was just not going to be letting this go at all. I was seeing him looking like he was not going to respect the fact that I was wanting to leave the whole thing alone for the time being.

"Fine, if you care so much, I will fucking tell you." I said, and I was feeling like maybe I was needing to respect him a bit better. But at the same time, I was thinking that he was just needing to not be too hard on me, and that I was just needing to do my own thing now. "I was seeing a man being told that he was going to have to kill somebody if he were wanting to be in the job any longer."

"I think that this man had some history with the man who was given the gun, and who was told that he was needing to shoot the bullet. He did not want to fire the bullet. You can see the man scred to fire the bullet. But you saw that the man was going to do it if it had meant showing his allegiance. He knew that whatever he was serving was more important in his mind than any legal issues." I was saying, and I was feeling like like I was just needing to leave it alone now.

"Why was he wanted to be killed?" Henry asked me, and I was shocked to be seeing him even remotely interested in this stuff, and I was feeling like I just needed to drop the subject. I was feeling like I was needing to be making it clear to him that this was something that was far too important.

"I think that he probably was wanted because he might have tried to expose the secret. You know, whatever that town business was doing, they were scared of being exposed, and they would be willing to do anything, include killing another man to hide it for a while longer." I said, and I was thinking about all that I just said, and I was thinking about what it was going to be like if what I had said was going to be carrying over later.

"So Jack, do you think that you do not want to know what is happening because if you do, then you might have to learn more truth here?" Henry asked, and I was feeling like for a five year old, he was pretty good at catching onto this. But I was not wanting to give him credit. I was thinking that by giving him credit, he was going to be laughing at me here.

"More or less, I think that is exactly it. I think that I just do not wan to learn more for my own safety." I said, and I was not caring how selfish it was sounding. I knew how selfish it was sounding, and in all honesty, I was not even caring at all. But in all honesty, I was wondering if maybe telling him this was going to give him a greater understanding of this fucking place in the future.

"So Jack, did the goth guy do it? Did he kill the man?" Henry asked, scared out of his fucking mind about what he was asking, and scared about the prospects of what was happening, and he was scared of what it meant if I was seeing a death. "Is that why you are so worried about it?"

"That is exactly why honestly. The man on the ground got a bullet out in his head, and he was left down on the ground. They just left his body there, to rot. They did not even take the time to remove him. And the thing that scares me is that there is probably much worse out there, and I never saw it yet." I said, and then I was sighing, and I was just thinking that the fact that I needed to consider that was coming true scared me shitless.

"Do you think that somebody might be coming after you?" Henry asked, and this was something that I was happy for, and something that I could brish off, and that was the only thing that I could be grateful for. "Do you think you will be the next one to get shot?" Despite my confidence, I was not wanting him to continue.

"I think that I do not need to worry about that at all. Thankfully. I am certain that people are going not coming after me. First off, this whole thing seemed entirely personal between the killer and the victim. Then there is the fact that this was made seven years ago." I said, and then I was feeling like that was the last thing that I needed to tell him to remember that this was true.

"Yeah, there was a date at the bottom, and it was a date that this was recorded. That is the proof that I need that this was real." I said, and then I was just feeling like a idiot for not mentioning this before, and I was feeling like the fact that I never used that as my argument was probably the only reason I could not convince them what was happening right away, and the reason why nobody liked it at all.

"Are you going to be letting other people see this? I mean, maybe Lydia might be interested in something like this?" Henry was telling me, and then I was looking right at him, and I was wishing that he was going to be able to see how crazy what he was suggesting was, and that he was just needing to fucking stop it right then and there. But then I was telling myself to remember how happy he was right now.

"Lydia already knows of this stuff. She doesn't believe in me about it. She doesn't understand why I believe it in so much. But I think that I just need to be keeping this away from her. She deserves better than this, and I think that if she was able to look at it as a hoax, I just need to respect something like this." I was telling her, and then I was noddingm fully aware and accepting of what we were getting ourselves into.

"Maybe I can show you tomorrow. You know, if you want to know more about this, I guess that this is the best that I could do." I was saying, and I was hating what I told him, and I was feeling like he was deserving so much better than what I was suggesting. But if he was wanting to know more, and was pressing for more, I might as well fucking let him have it.

"Cool. That would be so much fun." After he had told me this, I was seeing Henry looking like his mind was so excited for this. I wish I was as excited for this as he was, but that was something that was going to be impossible, and something that I wish that I could have accepted right away.

...

-Oct 20 2020 11:34 pm - When I was feeling like most of our siblings were asleep, I was feeling like if Henry wanted and needed to see what was happening, and see what I was talking about, I might as well just show him now, and get it over with. I was still thinking that this was a terrible idea, and that he was a fucking idiot for this. But for now, I was not in the mood for it.

"Henry, do you still feel like you want to see what it is?" I was asking, and I was hoping deep down he was going to be saying no. I was wanting him to just can this idea before we went too far with it. But I knew that look on his face, and that look on his face was showing me that he was not going to be taking no for an answer, and that I was just needing to accept the truth that this was something we were going to be doing.

"Alright, I was feelng like it was worth one final try." I admitted, feeling like I was going to be regretting this idea way too much, and that was something that I was going to just try and keep my fear hidden on. He was never going to understand why I was so scared of this, and he was never going to understand the one that I was seeing. He was never going to understand that I genuinely felt like we were going to be in danger by doing this now.

As we were going up the stairs, I was feeling like no matter what Henry was going to say, and no matter what he was wanting to do now, he was going to regret ever asking me this in the first place, and he was going to feel sorry for ever pressing me on the issue. Once he was going to be seeing the first one, which was probably going to be the worst one for him, then he was going to know that this was not a joke.

"Jack, what is the issue? I mean, it's just a bad show?" He was asking me this, and I was feeling like I had no idea what the hell we were even going to be doing. I was having no idea what the hell I was going to tell him. I had no idea if I wanted to tell him anything at all. We were sitting down in the living room, I was feeling like he was going to understand all too well what we were getting ourselves into. I turned on the television, and I was turning around for a while.

After nearly two minutes of this, that was when Henry was feeling like it was a perfect time to be a total fucking smartass, and was wanting to pretend like he was being super fucking smart here. "Are you sure that you did not dream this, and that this was actually real?" He asked me, and then I was feeling like there was too much at stake for him to be dragging me down with his commentary. I was thinking that I just needed to entirely dodge him off.

"I know that what I saw was real. Lydia was the one who was introducing me to this, and there was no way she was imagining it." I was saying, and then after a few more seconds, I was eventually seeing that the channel was coming along. I knew that this was the channel that we were looking for, and after a second, I was reeling back my excitement, and I was remembering to present myself well enough.

"This is the one that I found the first couple of times." I was looking at him for a second, and despite the fact that he was obviously trying to hide it, and the fact that he was hating to admit it, I was seeing that he was actually shocked that something was here, and he was clearly feeling like he was needing to take back his comments for now, and see what I was trying to show him now.

I was watching the movie, and I was seeing that on the broadcast, there was a guy who was around twelve years old skating around, and while he was skating around, he was seriously looking like he was the most happy boy in the entire world. As he was doing this, I was wondering if maybe I would be able to see the value of skating and stuff, and maybe I was thinking that I should be giving it a chance.

For a few seconds, I was seeing that the guy was just skating, and Henry was looking at me, as if wondering if this was a total prank. I was seeing that for the time being, he was already starting to lose some interest in this whole subject. In all honesty, I did not even blame him for feeling that way. But I was wishing that he was going to be taking this more seriously right now.

Eventually, as he was skating for a few more seconds, he was hitting a bump, and then he was landing on the ground, and as he landed on the ground, we heard the loud popping sound of his arm breaking, and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. I was looking around, and strangely enough, a few of the areas around the blonde boys (I believe) surroundings, I realized that I actually knew some of these places.

This both scared the shit out of me, while also made me interested. Aside from the thirty four year difference between then and now, as you can see with the July 30 1986 on the bottom right of the screen, I was seeing that these places were many of the same. I saw that the local gas station was there, which meant that the former summer camp was goin to only be about five or so miles away.

I was scared to realize that now there was no way around it, every single thing that I was watching was a historical footage tape of Wayside, and it was something that was bringing me together, and knowing that what I found was the biggest discovery of the town. And I was seeing the boy standing up, and grabbing the skateboard.

Henry was clearly looking like he was uncomfortable with what he had just seen, and I was seeing that he was not wanting to admit that this officially made him at unease. I was feeling like maybe I was needing to wrap his up, and that if something like this was scaring him, then I was needing to just let him be doing this on his own. But then I was going to be focusing on the main thing that we were watching. Which was figuring out this man was going to be doing.

Eventually, as he was walking along, just trying to keep the board and broken arm together. As he was walking along, there were a few police cars driving by a rapid pace, and I was seeing that they were going to be looking for something very important. I just think that the boy who was walking by was now more interested in this than anything else. You would see that look on his face when he was beaming up, and I was just wanting to see what he was going to do now.

As the by was following along, it took nearly ten minutes of real time passing by in order for us to see what was hapening with the police car. As we were watching the cars parking, I was seeing that the police officers were all looking like they were just sad over what was happening. And the boy was wondering what was going to be coming up next.

They were around a well, and while I was confused for a few seconds, I was seeing what was going to be coming along. I was seeing that they were going to probably pull a body out. I was seeing that Henry was clearly not getting it, and he was actually really interested in what was going on now. So I was feeling like I just needed to be quiet, and let it see where this was going.

A few moments later, my fears were proven correct when a the bucket of the well had pulled out a police officer who was brought down there, as well as a young girl who could not have been any older than fifteen. I was really thinking about what it would have been like to have somebody Josiah's age getting murdered and thrown down the well in our town thirty four years ago. Surely dad would know about what we were getting ourselves to do.

When the girl was brought down the ground, one of the officers was speaking to a mircophone, and the skateboard boy gasped at this, and I was clearly feeling like maybe he was just aware of who this girl was, and that maybe I was actually going to be seeing a huge part of skater boys life starting up. As if I was watching his origin story.

"Jeff is at large again, on his yearly streak." After the officer said this, I was confused who Jeff was, and I was confused as to why everybody was looking like he going to be the biggest deal in Wayside history. I was feeling like I just needed to see what the hell his issue was, and then we were going to start to piece at least one mystery together now.

As this was happening, I was shocked for what was happening next when the grinding noise had gone off, which gave me a answer on when one of the times it happened was, and if I was wanting to look into the history of this place, I would learn what was happening on July 30 1986, and see the history of the town at the current moment to lead into something like this happening.

-October 21 2020 4:46 pm- I was feeling like if I could go on and learn the truth of what these people were hiding with the grinding sound, and how the hell the case with the dead girl was solved, I was wondering if anything like this was my business. I mean, this happened thirty four years ago. I mean, I was sincerely doubting that anything here was happening, and that I was just taking this whole thing way too fucking seriously.

I was feeling like if Henry had known what I was wanting to do, then he was going to be telling me that I was fucking stupid. He was going to tell me that I was insane, and that I just needed to find something to do that was going to be making him feel like I was not getting myself in danger. I was wanting him to not be scared, since he did not deserve anything like this.

I was going to see if maybe I might be able to get Becky to want to talk to me. I knew that she was going to be thinking that me reaching out to her was going to be rather strange, and that she would not want to have me do this. But in all honesty, I was thinking that this was not even going to make any real difference at all.

While I would go on and see if maybe I could hang out with Seth, to go on and see Becky, I was just hoping that Henry was never going to be binging up what he had saw to Lydia. I knew that Lydia was going to be the only one that was going to be taking him seriously, and that Lydia was the only one who would not be angry at me for what I had shown him.

That being said, if he were to tell Lydia, then Lydia might go on and tell the others. And if she told the others, then I was fucked. I would never be able to accomplish anything at all. I would be having my older brothers getting angry at me because I was finding myself going down into some form of an obsession. Nobody was going to be very happy with what I was doing, and I was going to have to try and act like I was sorry for this.

In all honesty, despite what they would have wanted me to be saying, I would not feel sorry for what had happened, and I would never apologize for anything like this. I was going to be owning up to what I was doing, and I was going to explain that I had felt like I had no choice and that if they were going to be angry at me over this, then they needed to just let me go on and do my own thing.

Henry was going to not speak a word of this to anybody if he was wanting me to have a small amount of trust with him. I decided that I would show him what I had found, because I thought he would not talk. I thought that he was going to be the only one who would treat me with some respect. But I guess that if he was going to be like this, then something like this would just not be possible at all.

I was seeing Seth heading out, and he was getting ready to hang out with Manny and Becky. I was feeling like I just needed to go on and see how he was feeling. I was not only wanting to see her to get some info from her. But I was feeling like she was mildly good looking girl, and I was thinking that I was going to want to see how she was like, and if she would be friends with me.

I was thinking that something like this would sound insane. I knew that she was going to be telling me that I was not good enough for her, and that she was going to be looking at people her age. But if I could show her that I was sincerely thinking that she was kind of attractive, then I might be able to go on and win her over slightly more.

"Hey Seth, can I go on and hang out with you for a bit?" I asked, and then he was looking right at me, and I saw him looking like he had no desire to be speaking about this at all. I was feeling like I was just going to have to have a slightly better delivery on what I was wanting to do here.

"I know that you were planning on hanging out with Manny and Becky, and I thought that something like this could be a lot of fun, so I was wondering if I would come along with it." I saw Seth looking like he was just trying to be polite about how he was turning me down.

"I think that she might not really want to try and see you. I think that she might be just wanting it to be the three of us." After Dakota had told me this, I was sighing, and I was not wanting to admit that this was something that was sort of getting to me a bit. I wanted to show him that I could be capable of something like this. But I did not want to be pushy at all.

"Damn it, why would she not want to be seeing me? Does she thinking that I am a bit strange is all?" I asked, not wanting to admit something like this, but I was thinking that something like this was going to be kind of annoying him.

"She probably thinks that you are too focused on what the heck was going on with that strange broadcast. I mean, if I did not know any better, I would be thinking that you would be getting obsessed with something like this, and I would be wanting to see you give it a rest." After he was telling me this, I was wishing that he did not tell me this. But at the same time, I was sort of able to see what he was meaning.

"Seth, I know what I saw. I know that what I saw was really fucking scary." I said, and then I was looking down, and I was wanting to hide my relative annoyance on this whole thing. But I was thinking that with the way that this was going, just simply none of this would have been able to work out at all.

"I am not saying that you did not know what you had seen. All that I had said was that I just think that you need to find something else to worry about. You know that if you do not find something else that you can put your mind on, the whole thing is going to fucking eat you." Seth said to me, and I was seeing him looking like he had nothing else to say now.

"But she was the only one who was defending me at the moment. She was the only one who did not totally reject me, and act like I was insane." I said, and I was seeing him looking like he was just wanting to pretend like this whole thing was not getting to him right now. But that something like this was going to be impossible to even preted now.

"She was wanting to probably make you feel better. I would not be all that worried about it Jack. I think that you just need to try and think of how you must be sounding, and what you would be thinking if you were hearing other people saying all of this. You know deep down if you did that, you would be seeing where I am coming from right now, and you would get it." Once he was done telling me this, I saw him just kind of finally looking like he was finished with this now.

"Seth, I just want to see if either Manny or Becky would know if they would be able to give some form of context here." I said, and I was feeling like my friendships, family, and sporting life, were starting to go down because I could not go on and leave this alone. And all because I just wanted to know what Lydia was into.

"I can see what she might say. That is the best that I can do Jack. I wish that I could be able to go on and help you out better. But for now, I think that you might be best to just relax, and remember that things are not that bad." Once Seth had told me this, I saw him looking like he was just wishing beyond all hope that this would be the end of it, as he was walking out of the house.

"Do you know why Gabe was getting so obssessed with something for a while? Are these things connected?" I asked, feeling like I was getting closer to finding out the truth than he was wanting to admit. This was when Seth was looking down, and I was seeing him looking like he had sincere remorse going around. As if he was feeling truly sorry over what he had been wanting to say, but decided all against it.

"As much as I hate to admit it, and I really do genuinely hate to admit it, but I think that we need to let Gabe be doing his own thing, since I highly doubt he would be very happy with anybody getting into his business. Besides, in all honesty, I want nothing to do with it. Not after the bits that I have seen." He was telling me, and I was feeling like I was just needing to know what was happening here. I just needed to see what he could tell me.

"Seth, what is going on with him? What have you seen? Can you be willing to tell me that at least?" I asked, and I was feeling like if he was willing to tell me this at least, and not be hiding behind some bullshit, then I was going to be happy enough. I would at least feel like I was getting somewhere when talking to him then.

"I was getting interested in something like this early on, when it was no big deal, and it was a big mistake. That is all that I want to say. If I say anything else, I think that I might actually start to get scared once again, and I do not want to be scared." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he was wishing that I would take this cue, and not be making any issue with this now. I was nodding, and I decided that I was going to respect his wishes.

"I guess that it was a big deal then. I mean, you just are seeming like you want nothing to do with it, and even if I do not get it, I will let it go." I was sighing, not wanting to be speaking on it anymore, and then Seth was looking at me, as if feeling like what he was going to tell me next was going to be possibly making me feel slightly better.

"There is nothing wrong with being interested in knowing what our brothers are up to. I think that you are having a very bright goal ahead of you if this is what you want to do. That being said, I think that we just need to be aware of certain things that can go on if you press too hard." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him nodding, and looked like he had nothing else to say.

"Are you actually scared?" I was asking, and I knew that he was not going to appreciate what I was saying, and I was feeling like he was going to deny everything for a good minute or two... Or that was what I was thinking he was going to do. Instead what he had done was just lower his head, and then he was slowly nodding.

"Happy now? I am, and I think that if you continue to look into this, you should be too." He was telling me, and I was seeing him looking like he had wished that I could just drop the subject right then and there. And this time, he was looking like he was not going to be taking no for an answer.

Seth was walking out of the house, and as I was seeing him gone, I was wondering what he was going to be saying next. I guess that maybe he was having a valid point when it was coming to trying to learn more about this stuff going on. I was still thinking that watching was not going to be all that big of a deal. And that he was needing to relax with simply wathching.

I still wanted to talk to Becky about this, and I was feeling like this was going to be something that I could do in order to impress her, if I was ever going to be getting the chance to speak to her. But I was thinking that I could just play some ball, and that maybe shooting some hoops can give me some time to be thinking about what I was going to do to win her over.

So with that, I was outside, and I was looking at the basketball hoop, which I had not used in a few days. I grabbed the ball, and I was pissed at this prospect, and I was wishing that I had used it more often, and that I was not going to be so worried about what people were going to be saying about me for doing so.

I threw the ball, and I actually missed the shot. Not shocking, considering how much I had neglected taking my sports seriously for nearly two weeks now. I was thinking that the fact that I was finally getting back to this at all was more of a bigger deal than anything else. The fact that I was telling myself to just fucking try was the biggest thing that I could do.

I was wondering if Becky was going to be more impressed by my throwing skills, or more impressed by my way of being able to figure out the truth. Part of me was thinking deeply on it, and after a moment of thinking on it, I was deciding that maybe she was going to be more impressed with me doing good at ball, and that maybe I was just needing to focus on that instead.

As I was thinking all of this, that was when Max was coming up to me, and I was seeing him looking like he was actually kind of excited for something. I was feeling like I just needed to see where this would have been heading. "Hey Jack, I was wondering if you were wanting to hang out for a while." After he had said that, I was sighing, and I started to nod.

"Yeah, sure, I guess that I might see what we can do." I was saying, and then I was feeling like maybe the two of us were going to possibly enjoy the idea of just doing something different for once. I was feeling like maybe just hanging out with him might be able to get me to feel like I could do something else now.

As we were walking along, I was feeling like I might as well say something to Max, to make him feel better over what was going on. "Sorry for the way that I was treating you guys all in the last couple of weeks. I was just too interested in knowing more about what was happening here, that I could not let things go, and I was just needing to see what was happening."

After I had told him this, I was seeing Max looking like he was wanting to say something, to make things slightly different. But I was just feeing like he was never going to tell me anything else. "Jack, don't worry about it. I knew that you were going to want to talk about something else eventually. I knew that I just needed to let you be doing your own thing. And it would all end eventually." After he had said that to me, I was seeing Max looking like he had already forgiven me, and that he had no negative feelings.

"I just think that if I could have found something here, that could have given me some context, and given me a couple of answers, it would have been something that could have changed this all up. But I guess that something like this was just too much to really handle." After I was trying to come up with some bullshit excuse here, I was seeing him looking like he had not wanting to speak on this any longer at all.

"I mean, you were being innocent enough about it anyways. So when you put that in perspective, I could not be too angry at you over something like this. I just think that maybe you were going to see that there would have only been so much time to go before you would have understood why it was fucking insane." After he had told me this, I was shrugging, and I was wanting to speak about something else. And when this was happening, I was sort of realizing that something like this was all that really mattered. Just having a good friendship with some people.

Chapter Text

-Lydia's POV October 22 2020 6:07 pm- Let's just say right now that I sometimes have no idea what is going on in guys heads, and what they must feel like they need to hide from people all the time. I feel like each and every one of my older brothers, and probably what will be one day my younger ones, are just going around and acting like they needed to hide every single fucking thing that was going on in their life. To be honest, I was just thinking that this was their way of showing how manly they were.

But I guess that maybe despite all of that, I think that at least some guys are pretty good out there. Such as the fact that my older brothers seemed like decent people, and the fact that Bebe, Todd's girlfriend, seemed to have a couple of brothers of her own. I only met her younger one out of the two, and while I will deny it if anybody tried to ask me point, but I was thinking that he was actually kind of good looking. And I was thinking that maybe I could try and go out with him once or twice.

That being said, I did not want to be giving Todd that strange feeling of knowing that his girlfriend had a younger brother who was dating his younger sister. In all honesty, the whole thing just seemed fucking strange, and I was hating to be forcing her to go on through something like this. I was just thinking that despite what I was wanting to do, I would just hide what I was thinking, and not be making a giant fucking deal out of it.

So with that, I was just more focused on making some friends on school. I had been about six weeks into my first grade year, and while nobody was at all hostile to me, I was thinking that some of them were not wanting to exactly be friends with me, and some of them were people that I was indeed wanting to be friends with. So I was just sort of accepting the fact that maybe I was going to have to respect their space a bit better.

I was going to be heading home that day, and I was letting my emotions of going on and finding out who I could be making friends with, while also learning what the heck I could do to get Robbie Dan to like me, and then also just wondering what the heck was with my brothers, and what they were going through to make them feel like they were needing to give off this crazy manly impression. To be honest, the whole thing made no fucking sense to me, and I was just sort of taking it one step at a time.

In all honesty, if I could be getting one of those three to be happening any time soon, I was going to be happy enough, and I was not going to be having a huge issue with it. But I was just telling myself that the only one that might realistically happen was getting a friend. Since I had a feeling that Robbie Dan was not liking me, and I was thinking that my brothers were the most stubborn people on earth.

The one thing that I had wished that I could have done to make this whole thing seem to be less boring was just at least having a way that I could actually motivate myself to be doing the homework at school. You know, since I was having no desire to be dealing with that at all. Homework was so fucking boring, and I was only wanting to do it in order to not make my parents angry at the fact that I was brushing it off, whne it was the most boring thing in the entire fucking world.

As I was going to be walking home, and just not going to deal with anything too much for the next few hours, I was seeing a girl running by me, and I was calling out to her, to see what the issue was going to be. To just sort of see what the heck was going on, and I was wanting to see if I could be making her feel better.

"What is going on?" I asked, and I was not wanting to get her to be angry or annoyed with me, so I was finding myself begging my mind to just shut up, and not be saying something that was going to be making me regret it. She was sighing, as if looking like she did not even care anymore. She was probably thinking that she would rather speak with somebody than be bored and do nothing at all.

"I was going to be heading home. I didn't think that anybody was going to be here with me this late." She was telling me, and then I was thinking about a way that I could be able to talk, and dodge what she had said, and make it seem like I was not being rude or anything. Since I was feeling like if she was willing to talk with me right now, maybe we could hang out for a while. And maybe I could finally get one of those three taken care of now.

"I was just trying to find a way to motivate myself to do homework, but I could not care too much to do it. I was also just wanting to make sure that I did not have to be going home for a while longer." I was saying, and then I was feeling like what I was saying was a terrible idea, since I did not want her to be thinking that I was having a terrible home life. I did not. I just did not want to deal with my brothers being totally crazy, and social nut cases who refused to even acknowledge my fucking existence.

"Why do you not want to go home right now?" She asked me, and then I was sighing, feeling like I was bringing this one on myself, and that I was just needing to drop the subject as fast as possible, in order for it to not be all that big of a deal. "If you don't want to go home yet, we can go to my place, and hang out there." She was saying, and I was seeing her looking like she was sort of happy right now.

"I just don't want to deal with my older brothers going crazy, and not wanting to talk with me. I just want to ignore that for a while longer." I said, and I was feeling like admitting something like this was going to possibly get her to respect me a bit more. At least if I was being totally honest and real with her, then she was not going to have any chances of telling me off.

"What is your name?" The girl asked, feeling like that was probably a better starting point than just going on about nothing at all, and just making it seem like we were all best friends, when we barely had known a single fucking detail about each other." As I was thinking this, I was just telling myself to make as much conversation with her as I possibly could.

"I'm Lydia. What is your name?" I asked, and I was now finally feeling like I was going to have a chance to just truly make my life at Wayside not seem like it was going to be a total failure, and I was thinking that if I could take advantage of that, then school was not going to be fucking boring as hell.

"I'm Claire. Are you a first grade student. I'm first grade, and I think I seen you around before." She said, and I was nodding to confirm the fact that I was in first grade, and then with this, I was just telling myself that we were going to kick it off very well. The only issue with her was the fact that I had no idea how her parents were going to react here. React to me hanging out with her, I mean... But I was telling myself not to be too worried on it.

I was walking up to her. "I thought that school was going to suck, and I was not wanting to do it at all." I said, and I was feeling like being honest with her was going to be the best way that I could go at this. I was not wanting to be talkng all that much like life was this terrible thing. My brothers were not even bad siblings. I just did not appreciate the fact that many of them were always brushing me off, and acting like I was not needing to speak to them.

-October 24 2020 8:27 pm- I was so happy to have met Claire, since it was making me feel like I had a chance now to be getting a social life that I was wanting in school. I knew all abot how much better it would be to have friends, and how much it would be helping your standing to have some who were going to actually respect the stuff that you wanted to do. And I genuinely felt like I was connecting with Claire the entire time that I knew her, as strange and silly as something like this was sounding, I was feeling like our friendship was feeling real here.

Honestly, I was wondering what it was going to take to branch out even further. I had known that things were going to be really fucking serious if things were going to not be branching out all that much. But when I was meeting up with Josiah about it a couple of days later, he was seeming like he was really proud of me. As if he felt like this was the best news he had heard all week, which it may well have been.

"So Lydia, do you feel like school is going to be much easier now?" Josiah asked me, and then I was nodding, feeling like I just needed to make him as proud of me as possible, and I had wanted to make him know that in all honesty, I did not even think that something like this was going to be working out so well.

"In all honesty, I never thought that it was going to be working out as well as it did. I thought she was going to try and just brush it off, and that she might not really want to be friends with me. But now that I saw her, and I saw her giving me a chance, I feel like this is the only thing that I could want." I said, holding up my arms in excitement, and I was feeling like there was no need to be going any further with what I was saying right now.

"Do you think that she would like to meet us at some point? I would love to see how she is like if you think that you are already going to be good friends with her." Josiah was telling me, and I was feeling like maybe if I was going to give him this, and if he was going to meet her and approve, he might be willing to work with me here.

"She already was telling me about how great it would be if she was going to meet you guys for the first time." I said, and I was actually tellng the truth. She was talking about how fun something like this would be, and I was thinking about how fun it would be if she was going to be friends with them, and we could all be able to connect.

"I think that you just need to be careful, and not be expecting too much, but you need to just make sure that it all works anyways." Josiah was telling me, and I was wondering why he had said the last bit. In all honesty, the last bit was just sounding a bit jealous. I was not wanting to say something like this though in front of him, to not piss him off.

"I think that when I get to know her family a bit more, I just am shocked at some of the things that I already learned." I said, and then Josiah was looking right at me, and I was seeing that he was not getting what I had meant, so I was feeling like I could explain him what was going on here.

"Well, when I went to her house two days ago, I learned that she had two moms. I thought that marriage was between a man and a woman." I said, and then I was seeing him looking like he was aware that the sooner that we talked about something like this, the better that it would be, and the more that I would understand stuff like this in the future.

"Until five years ago, when you were only two, that would have been true. But in 2015, after a large amount of a movement for it, same sex marriage became legal in every state. People thought that it was only fair that every option should be open for every single person. So if one day, you turn out that you want to marry a woman, you would be able to do, and legally they can't do anything to stop you. Or if one of your brothers want to marry a man, the same thing applies." Josiah said, and while my head was blown over this revelation, I was not thinking about it too much.

"But Robbie is a man, and I want to marry Robbie, so it will not matter for me." I said, and I was not thinking much of it. I was seeing Josiah looking like he did not want to go into a giant thing with that yet, so he was nodding, and I was thinking in general, he was just happy to see me happy, that he was refusing to say anything at all.

"Well, if that is the case, then things will be very easy for you, and you will not need to worry about anything at all." Josiah said, and then I was nodding, thinking that there better damn right not be a problem wth the fact that I was liking Robbie, and the fact that I was wanting to be happy there. That being said, I was feeling like maybe he known more to it than he had wanted to admit, and that was where he was coming from.

"As long as you know what you are wanting, and as long as you are not too in his face about wanting to marry him, to make him feel better, than you are allowed to want anything that you want." He said, and then he was shrugging, and I was seeing that in all honesty, he was just thinking that this entire subject was just too strange to really consider.

"But yeah, going back to Claire, I think that it will be the coolest thing in the entire world if you could be friends with her." I said, thinking about what it would be like, and I was thinking about how much I was wanting to make it all seem like we were going to be getting this worked out. That being said, the only thing that I was not sure of is if my younger siblings are just simply not even caring what I was having with Claire and friends.

"I think that as soon as you can, you better start showing Claire to all of us. The sooner we all get to know her, and see what she is like, the better that things are going to be." Josiah was telling me, and he was clearly wanting to not be talking about these things to deeply. But the fact of the matter was that he was just thinking about what we were going to be getting ourselves into if it had turned out that some of my siblings did not like Claire all that much.

As I was looking at him, and I was seeing the look of uncertainry crossing his mind, I was feeling like what I was going to ask him next was going to be a fair question, and I was feeling like I deserved to have a real answer here. "Why the heck do you think that some of the others are not going to like Claire?" I asked, and then he was shrugging, and I saw that maybe he did not have much of a answer after all.

"I think that they might just be thinking that she might not be a good enough friend for you. But since we never met her, I think that we can never truly know for sure. That was why I was saying that it might be best to just introduce her as fast as possible, so we would all know what to say now." After Josiah was saying this, I was seeing him looking like he was feeling slightly bad about what he was saying. I wondered if he was against Claire, despite never meeting her.

"I guess that I can do something like this. I don't see much point to it, but I will do it." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I might as well just drop the subject, and that the sooner that I dropped the subject, and the sooner that I had made it look like I accepted this prospect, the sooner that he might be feeling like things were going to go along just fine.

As we were talking about it, like on cue, that was when there was a knock on the door, and I was feeling like we should answer it, in case it was one of our siblings, parents, or friends. Since it was the weekend, I was figuring that anything was going to be possible, and I was thinking that despite all of this, mom and dad would not be too happy if I was the one who answered, considering the fact that Josiah was meant to be taking care of us right now.

When Josiah answered the door, he was seeing that Claire was standing there, and I was seeing her looking like she was actually just really happy to be seeing me here. I was wondering if Claire must have known what I was doing, and she was just wanting to see if maybe we were going to be able to hang out for a while. I figured that as long as Josiah was fine with it, and as long as he was not going to protest, there was no reason not to accept.

"Hey, Lydia was telling me all about you, and she was talking about how great of friends you were already." After he said that to her, he was feeling like if he had said anything further, he would be making the subject much more strange. So with this, he was just looking at Claire and I, as if trying to decide if he needed to stay here, to make sure things were fine, or just be heading off.

"We had so much fun a couple of days ago, and I think that maybe we could all hang out at some point." She was telling me, and I was feeling that would not be all that good of a idea, but I was thinking that maybe she was just really genuinely wanting to make things work out. And in that perspective, I was thinking that maybe the idea was not that awful.

"I am sure that sooner or later, we could be able to make something like this happen. It will all depend on how much time I have off soon." Josiah said, and I was wondering what he was meaning since every weekend was time off, and he was not having a job. So in all honesty, two days of every week he should be fine. Even if he was hanging out with friends on one of them, he should still have at least one day a week.

"Cool, I would be very interested in seeing how your siblings are all like. They all sound really fun." Claire was saying, with a giant smile on her face, and when I was seeing her like this, I knew that if for nothing else, she was having good intentions, and I was hoping that at least my siblings would probably be able to see that for what it was.

"Although Todd and Gabe are going to be very busy with their job and school ending and stuff." Josiah said, as if feeling like in order to make things better, they needed to all be on the same page. As long as they were all on the same page, then there was literally no reason to be scared for this. Claire was too young to be having grudges, I felt like.

"And Seth is always working on his stuff or hanging out with friends. He isn't having nearly as much fun as he used to." I said, annoyed at the fact that Seth was pretty much putting those friends of his above any of us. I was honestly pretty jealous, as silly as it might be to admit. I was wanting Seth to understand that we were his family, and I was wanting Seth to understand that we cared for him the most out of any of this.

That was when Josiah was looking right at me, as if feeling like he would not believe what he had just heard. I was thinking that for once, I had actually kind of made him angry, and I was wondering what the issue to what I said was. I thought that if anybody would have agreed with me, it would have been him.

"Seth is doing much better, and he seems to actually be happy for once in his life. There is no reason to be angry at what he is doing. I think that as long as he is doing well, there is no reason to be getting in the way of what he is doing." Josiah said, and if I did not know any better, I could swear that he was giving me the most firm tone that any of my siblings had ever given me. I was just sighing, thinking that he was needing to relax.

"I thought that you never even cared much for Seth anyways. All you do is complain about having to share the same room as him. You clearly as just saying this." I was telling him, and at this point, I was mainly doing it to defend myself, and I was just feeling like maybe he needed to own up to the way that he was acting to me, and the hypocrisy.

"That was before I saw him actually taking the time and the effort to be making a difference. Once he showed that he genuinely wanted the change, I had a different opinion of him, and I think that it is best to respect what he is doing, no matter what." He was telling me, and I was feeling like none of this was even making any sense at all.

"What made you feel like he was having a desire to change?" Claire asked, and knowing that this was the first time she ever really got to know of Seth in any fashion, she was feeling like this was a perfectly valid question. Josiah was sighing, knowing that being annoyed with her would not be fair at all, so he was going to answer her properly.

"Well, before the start of the school year, he would never do a damn thing for himself, and he would always be angry with the way that things were. This was when he was feeling like every single thing on earth was against him. He clearly had a new posture, and he now takes life seriously, and wants to enjoy the way he truly is." Josiah said, thinking that this was the only thing that needed to be said on the issue for both of us.

"I understand if you don't see it, and if you feel like I am just making something up. But I saw it for myself, and I saw the transformation slowly happen. That is why I am so set on this being the case." He said, and then he was sighing, thinking that he was tired of this discussion, and was hoping that all three of us were going to drop it.

"That seems like something to be proud of." Claire said, not thinking anything of it. I was feeling bad, knowing that I just got into a fight with Josiah over one of our siblings, and I was never thinking in my life that Josiah would have taken Seth's side over anything. I was wondering for a moment if this change he was speaking of really did happen.

"Sorry for that. Claire and I are going to be hanging down below." I said, and I was not wanting to be rude about it or anything, but in all honesty, I was wanting this talk to be done, and I was wanting him to know that I had no bad feelings towards him. I just wanted to make sure that things did not get any worse between us.

I saw with the way that he was looking at me that he was actually kind of regretting it all. I was seeing that in a way, he was wishing that he did not lash out in the way that he did. Or that at least not in the way that I was feeling like he did. I knew that in the end, we were just trying to have a good look on things.

Once I was done in the room, everything felt so much better, and I was feeling like I would be more comfortable down here, and that we did not need to worry about anything like what had happened earlier. Maybe Claire and I would make some plans, and we would actually have something going on to make ourselves more happy over everything. I knew one thing for sure... I wanted to make this friendship work out as much as possible.

...

-October 24 2020 11:38 pm- I was getting ready to be heading out with Claire, to politely see her going home. But as this was happening, I was seeing Jack going up the stairs, and I was clearly seeing that he had some form of mission that he was having right now. I was feeling like I just needed to prove to Claire that I was not lying about the heck was happening. I was not lying about the fact that my older brother had grown a fucking obsession, and that he was just taking things way too far.

As I was looking right at her, I was seeing Claire just looking totally unsure of what she was going to be telling me. "Claire, I know that you are not going to like this idea right now, but I think that we just need to fucking go in there. We need to see what Jack is doing." I said, and then I was seeing her looking like she both did not want to do this, but also at the same time did want to see this. She was clearly more interested than she had ever wanted to act like she was.

"Do you really think that it is going to be wise to be following him along, and just getting in his business?" After she was asking me this, I was seeing her looking totally fucking desperate to not do something that was going to be something that I might regret. I was nodding, almost not giving a single shit in the world.

"Yeah, I think that this is going to be much more important than anything else. I know that he might not be happy with what we are doing, but in the end, I do not care. I think that he is going to appreciate the frontness of it if for nothing else." I was saying, feeling like what I was saying was the truth. Claire was looking like she was just sort of struggling to make a choice, and she was looking at the twins, who were both fast asleep.

"So you think that he is going to be angry if he finds out what we are doing?" She asked me, and then I was thinking about what she was asking. I mean, I sort of got the point that she was making, and I did not want to admit that she was probably right. But at the same time time, this whole thing was just totally crazy.

"I think that if he is going to be angry, then I will accept the fact that he would have never found this if I did not tell him. You know, that might make him feel better." I said, and I was seeing her looking like she was sort of accepting what I was saying, mainly because she knew that there was no reason to argue with me.

"Alright, as long as you make sure that none of it goes to me, then I will be fine." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her nod a while, and I was feeling like this was all that really mattered. I was just wanting to find something to tell her to make it very clear to her that no matter what we were getting ourselves into, that this was something that she was going to be safe from.

As we waited another minute or two, we went up the stairs as well, and we were walking to the couch, and we hid behind it as Jack was already there, and we were as quiet as possible, to make him not know what we were doing. I was feeling like a fucking spy doing this. I was thinking that once Jack found out what we were doing, the stint would be over. But in all honesty, I did not even care if that was going to happen. As long as the truth was being shown, we were going to be fine.

Once Jack was finding the channel that he had looked for, I was seeing that there was a video that was being shown to him. The entire time Jack was watching, he had clearly had some form of a fucking interest in what was happening. I was looking down on the bottom screen and when I was seeing the screen, I had seen a date that was on the bottom. I wondered what the point of this date was, even though when Jack and I would talk on it later one time, he told me that it was the date that this had actually happened in real life.

August 24 2005, that was what the screen was reading. I was just shocked at how old this footage was, as this was far before most of us were even born, and this was when things were still relatively retro. I was seeing a guy with red hair walking down the street, and he saw a giant building. As he was staring at the building, he was holding out his arm, and he was starting to speak to it, which I was finding strange.

"We are now on sight. Should I just walk right in?" He asked and there was a second or two of a wait before the thing that was on his wrist actually responded. I was shocked to be seeing this, but I was thinking that since this was a show, and nothing too serious, despite what Jack might be claiming, I decided not to be saying anything on it. Although a very small part of me was telling myself to be taking it seriously.

"Remember what I taught you all this time. You need to just go in, and you need to be careful that nobody is able to suspect you. If they suspect you, then you have no choice but to pretend like you are not aware of what they are talking about. The only acceptable outcome is getting to the top floor. Any other outcome is going to indicate that all this time of training and planning was meant for nothing." The voice said, and the red haired guy was sighing once again.

"Yes T.K., we discussed this before. You don't need to worry about what I am going to do." After he had said that to the guy who was talking with him, that was when the person on the wrist watch was sighing, as if feeling like this discussion was one that he was expecting to have, though this was the exact opposite of what he was wanting to deal with.

"You know that if you keep up this mentality, if you end up getting yourseld killed, then there is nothing that I can do. I have been trying my best to train you all this time, and I just want to make sure that you are safe." He was saying, and the fear in the guys voice clearly made the red haired guy take back a moment, and think on what to say.

"Why did you feel like you needed to train me anyways? I mean, you knew nothing of me. You probably just assumed that I could have made it all work. But none of this makes any sense." The red hair guy was saying, and despite the extremely confident way he was speaking earlier, I was seeing all of that leave his voice. I was feeling like I was just going to be either watching something real, like Jack keeps saying, or this man was the best actor in Hollywood history.

"I knew that you and I had a common cause, and a common enemy. Both of us had something taken away from us, and I felt like it was the most important thing to do. I felt like if I did not help you out with what was happening, then life was going to be a giant mess." After he had said that to the red haired boy, that was when both of them were silent for a moment, and I was seeing red haired boy looking like he had wanted to say something else.

"I know that you had a lot riding on me, and that you want me to remain focused on the task. But knowing that he is with them, and knowing that he has been a part of it this whole time... makes me feel like I am getting myself ready for something that I could just never handle." The red hair boy said, and then the man on the wrist watch was actually thinking of what to say, since they had this discussion a hundred times. But he was that guys age once, and understood how it was like.

"I understand that it must have been really hard to deal with the fact that there was nothing that you could have done to prepare for that revelation. I understand that you feel like you could have done more. But the fact is that he made his choice decades ago. The only thing to do now is just focus on saving the one person who matters the most to you." The voice said, and there was some noises, which made the conversation had no choice but to end.

The red hair boy was running inside of the building, and I was feeling like I was about to start to watch a really exciting action movie. The way that Jack was looking though when he was watching made it very clear that he did not have nearly the same level of excitement. He was looking like he was taking every single second that was being shown as a research subject, and that he was needing to know what was happening. I wondered what his obsession was, which I think by now it was safe to say that it was.

As he was looking around, I was seeing him just taking a moment to get used to the fact that aside from people just doing their job, and not really paying much mind to anything, that at least for now he was going to be rather safe. But he was walking to the side of the right wall, that way he was not walking super in the spot light.

One person who was doing her work looked up, and she was looking like she was actually kind of scared of what she was seeing. Despite the fact that I had no idea what the issue was, and the fact that I was thinking what this guy was doing was perfectly fine and acceptable, I did not want to be making things too obvious that I was listening in on this. I did not want to piss Jack off if he had known I was watching.

Once he was reaching the elevator, that was when he was touching the button to go up the elevator. And this was when a voice on the intercom started to call out to him. As if the man had been expecting something like this the entire time. Whatever was happening, these two knew each other well, and they had some form of a history. So that was going to sort of be making things a bit more interesting to watch, if I may say so myself.

"Phineas, did you really think that by wearing that cheesy fucking white karate outfit, you were going to make me feel like I would not notice you? The least you could have done was wear a hoodie." The guy was saying, and he wasn't even sounding all that angry, just sort of more blown away at how things were going to be.

"If you would just surrender, and accept the fact that I have the vastly supperior supplies in every way, and that you have no chance of winning, then we might be able to work out a deal." The man was saying, as if feeling like he was not really in the mood to be saying this stuff, but felt like he was having no real choice right now.

It was at this point when the red haired boy, who I now knew was Phineas was starting to look around, and he was taking a long and deep breath. "I really do not want to be making things worse. I know that neither of us want to be making any issues out of this. So why don't we just discuss things in a relatively cordial manner, and we can work out an agreement?" After he had said that, the intercom voice started to laugh out loud at this statement.

"I know what you guys are like. You are willing to debate, and you are willing to work with us, but then when things do not go in your favor, you are willing to go around and start swinging your swords around, and start acting like it is the twelfth century again. The only reason why I don't have a guy coming down and shooting your head off is because we have a personal history, and I personally respect what you have overcome to get here." The intercom voice said, and he was sounding like he was sincere with what he had said.

"I know that if I accept your offer to go up there, and if I accept the idea that we are going to be friends here, you are going to use that trust, and you are simply going to be burying a knife in my back. I know too much, and you know that you can't let me go without risking exposure of the company. We both know what is at stake here." Phineas said, as if feeling like the longer they could talk, and the longer it would take for the elevator to finally come down, the better things would be.

"If I had needed to kill you, I would have done so already. In all honesty, I feel like there is something we can be able to work together on, and something that I feel like might be able to benefit both of us." After the intercom had told Phineas this that was when Phineas was laughing at the very idea that these two men were going to be working together, and not acting like they had been trying to kill each other this whole time.

"I have to hand it to you... You were a very smart man to be hiding your motives this long, and I would have never fallen for it. I feel like you did a great job doing that. But the fact of the matter is that you simply were never going to hide yourself forever. And once you stopped hiding yourself, I was able to see what the scheme was," Phineas said, and then he was sounding much less patient, and he was sounding like almost all of his respect was going away, and that he was not going to even pretend like he was having it anymore.

"I knew that you were a smart kid. I knew that one day, no matter how long I tried to be hiding it, and no matter how well we worked together when I did hide it, that you were going to know what I was doing one day. You knew that I was probably not going to hide forever. I just am kind of shocked that you found out the way that you did." When he was done saying this, that was when the elevator landed, and Phineas was placing hand hand on something that was to his side.

"I knew that you were going to do this. I will let you take care of this yourself. I hav eto get back to work, and if you manage to see me again, we can discuss more." After the man was saying this to Phineas, the conversation was over, and the door opened and it revealed three guys with police batons in their hands. Phineas was taking out what he was holding and pressed a black button, which showed something that looked like a blue lightsaber from Star Wars.

I was convinced there for a bit that this was fake, and that this was something that had a really good cast and crew. But when I would later learn what Gabe had found, and later learn what Gabe was just trying to hide from us this whole time, that was when things really changed, and that was when I realized that this was not nearly as much of a game as I might have been thinking that it could have been.

-October 29 2020 4:25 pm- As I was about to head home for the day, there was a girl that was talking to Claire, and I was feeling like I might as well see how they were doing. I was thinking that if I could find a way to make her seem like we could be able to get along as friends, then that was another person that I could say that likes me.

So I was walking up to Claire, and I was basically telling myself that anybody who was a friend of Claire was a friend of me, and I was thinking that if I was keeping up this mindset for the entire time that we were hanging out we were going to be fucking perfect. Once I was with them, I was sighing, and I needed to think of how to speak to them.

"Hey, are you friends with Claire?" I asked, feeling like as long as I was being nice to her, and as long as I was making her feel welcome, then the faster that this was going to be done. She was looking at me, and I was seeing that she was looking like she was both shocked and happy that I was willing to talk to her, and not just speak to Claire.

"We've been talking to each other here and there, and I guess that we can be friends now." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her looking like she was just kind of shocked that she was now getting to that point, where she was feeling like she would relatively safely be able to consider Claire a friend of hers.

"Are you the girl that she has been talking about this whole time?" Claire asked, and I was feeling like the way that she would tell me that would be leaving a lot of stuff hanging, and I was feeling like whatever she was wanting to say, I would just prefer for her to be saying it right now.

"I have hung around her a couple of times, so I think that I might be." I said, and then I was sighing, and I was just thinking about what the heck I would do if Claire had been talking about me behind my back, and if she was actually not being very nice. If she was basically saying rude things.

"Claire says that you are a lot of fun, and that you are really nice." She says, and I was sighing in relief, knowing at least she was not saying a bunch of terrible stuff about me, and that I was not needing to be so worried about stuff like this going forward. But then I was thinking about what to be doing now.

"Well, that's good. How long have you guys known each other?" I asked, refusing to let my excitement be showing too much, and I was thinking that as long as I was making it look like I was relatively composed, and as long as I was at least sort of making it look like I was keeping my stuff in line, then we were going to just have easy sailing now.

"About a week now. She has been just showing me around, and trying to get me connected." After she had told me this, I was nodding, and I was taking minor pride in the fact that I had known her longer. Then I was telling myself that she probably did not really care for anything like that, and that I was just needing to not be mentioning it.

"Do you guys think that you might want to go on and hang out with each other today?" I asked, thinking that I could this as a chance to break the ice, and I was feeling like maybe she was going to be feeling like perhaps as long as we were in this level of good terms, before things got serious, then everything could be great.

"Yeah, I think that maybe we could see how something like this would work." Claire said, and I was glad that she was the one to break the mold, and that we did not have to have the other girl basically decide if this was worth it or not. Maybe by doing this, we were going to both feel like it was going to be for the best of Claire to try and make something like this work out.

"Anyways, what is your name?" I asked, and I was thinking that the sooner I at least learned her name, the better we were going to be. She was smiling, as if thinking that the fact that I was reaching out, and trying to at least be polite was going to be the thing that was going to make her feel fine here.

"My name is Lisa. If I remember correctly, Claire told me your name is Lydia." She said, and then I was nodding, and now that the introductions were done, it was now a matter of finding something we were both going to actually be interested in, and not just totally bored by.

"Yeah. Maybe you could want to go around and show me some things that you are personally interested in." I said, trying my best to make it not go to my brothers, since while I had nothing against my family, I was feeling like that was going to be a terrible way to start a friendship with her, and I was feeling like she was not going to be super happy over it.

"Well, I think I can show you the park that I like to go to the most." She said, and then I was feeling like I might already know most of the parks here. But I was thinking being polite was the best way to go at this. I was nodding my head, and I was feeling like there was no real reason to be so unsure of what she was wanting to do. I mean, there was nothing too awful about her idea after all.

"What park in this town do you like to play at the most?" I asked, thinking that Lisa was going on, and I was feeling like maybe I was going to just sort of see what was going on in her mind. "My favorite park is the one that is a couplf of blocks away from Wayside school." I said, thinking of the one that was about half an hour away from my house. I wondered if this was the one that she had been thinking of as well.

"It's a relatively small one that is about two miles away from the school." After she had said that to me, I was confused on what this park was, and I was wondering if I had ever gone to this park before. I mean, I was feeling like in all honesty, I never had. But I was just thinking that maybe I needed to give her the chance here.

"Yeah, I think that maybe we can go on and see what the park is." Claire was telling her, and she was looking right at me, as if telling me that we just needed to make it work. I was seeing her looking like it was a terrible idea to reject her advance. I was thinking on it for a moment, and despite everything going on in my mind, wanting to know more, I was just thinking that maybe the only bad thing about the park was that it might be somewhat of a let down.

"I think that it could be fun to see what it is." I said, and I was not too sure if I was meaning what I was saying, and I was feeling like what I was telling them was just to make them feel better. But at the same time, I was feeling like maybe I did want to see what it could have been, and that I was just needing to give it all a go, and that in all honesty, I was just never wanting her to tell my siblings what we had found, and that this was something we could just hide.

As we were walking along, I was wondering if something like this was such a bad idea. I was asking myself in my mind why I was feeling like this was a bad idea. I was just thinking that for some reason, I was just having a hard time getting attached to some people here, and that I was just letting this get in the way of being happier with my friends. This whole thing was just something that was getting in the way of most of the dreams that I had wanted here. The dreams of being happy, and the dreams of doing stuff that I had fucking actually wanted to do. But I suppose that I could have said nothing else and that it would have been still making my point.

"So Lisa, you seem like you know something about this parks." I said, and then I was wanting to just know if there was some super epic secret going on, and I was feeling like I was going to fucking be working deeply into this. I was thinking that if Lisa had known something here, then I would want to at least have some fucking clue what that would have been.

"I never really been to the parks all that much, and I never seen anything too strange when I go to them, but I hear a lot of stories about them." After Lisa was telling me this, I was thinking that I just needed to know what the hell she was hiding, and I was feeling like maybe if she was actually going to tell me the truth, we could have been looking into something as well.

"Do you want to go on and know what is happening there? I think that something like this might be a whole lot of fucking fun." After I was telling her this, to try and lure her into this idea, I was seeing her looking like she was sort of just only kind of getting used to this all. As if she was feeling like this would have been a really fucking terrible jump to be making.

"Yeah, I think that if you are interested in something like this, we can go on and try to make it work." After she was telling me this, I was thinking that all we needed to do was just get Claire to be approving of the idea and if Claire was down, then everything was going to be perfect. And then maybe we were going to have a perfect friendship, something like a perfect fucking trio of non stop able ladies.

"So Claire, do you think that you could be down for something like this?" I asked, feeling like I was kind of being a bit of a dick for not asking her earlier. She was shrugging, and I was seeing her looking like she was still needing to just sort of see what was happening between Lisa and I, she was just looking like she was going to be happy that we were starting to look like we were getting along well.

"Yeah, I think that as long as we are all getting along, and everything is going well, then I will be happy with anything." After she was saying this, I was seeing her looking like she was just wanting to end this discussion before it truly had the chance to begin. I was feeling like maybe if her parents had known what my plans were, then they might be kind of angry at me, and they might not want to have her hang around me more. But I think that it was Claire's choice to be making here.

Once we were getting close to where the park was, I was feeling like all three of us had different ideas on what was going to be happening. I felt like no matter what was happening, if something was actually at this park, we were going to have to just find a way to know what it really was.

There was two swings, a small play fortress area for kids, and a small merri go round. I was confused at what I was seeing, and I was just telling myself that maybe I was just needing to piece together where I had seen this before. The more that I was thinking on it, the more I was convinced I had seen it somewhere. Which made me feel like I was starting to see how much I sounded like Jack when I said this.

"There are not even that many places in this park. Why would you even want to be going here in the first place?" Claire asked, and I was clearly feeling like since she was not thinking of things the same way I was, I was almost thinking that this was going to be fucking stupid to be trying to bring up anything, and that I was feeling bad for agreeing to come here on those terms.

"I think that there are more to this park than we make it look." Lisa was saying, and she was just looking at the small fortress thing. We were walking behind her, and both Claire and I were looking at each other, as if sort of agreeing that we just needed to play along with what she was saying, to be making her feel better, and make her feel like she was really onto something big here.

"What did you find?" Claire asked, and I was clearly seeing thats he was actually interested in what she was going to be shown. I was feeling like maybe I was needing to just see things from her perspective, and that maybe in her mind, it was a friend of hers feeling like she had found some cool secret, and that she was thinking we could all just play along, and see what was happening.

"I found this about a month ago. I thought that it was really cool." She said, and then Claire and I looked at each other, and I was seeing a small look on Claire's face, and I was nodding my head off. I was thinking that if anything could either confirm or deny the shit that Jack was saying, then I was needing to see what it was, and see if I could be able to show him prove or debunking.

We looked, and I was seeing some strange note on it that I could not really understand. "I thought that this was a special place. I thought I could hide. I thought I could run. Now this is just the last thing people will know me with. Mile Marker 128." After the note was done, I was looking at both Claire and Lisa, and I was seeing them both looking spooked, but for different reasons than me. Shit, was what Jack saying real, if this was on here. No way this was one big giant prank pulled by all of Wayside...

...

-October 30 2020 1:49 pm- I was still thinking about what Lisa had shown me. I was hating to admit it, but I was thinking that she was onto something here, and I was thinking that maybe I needed to go on and give it a look further. I was thinking that it would be a terrible idea to just pretend like what I had seen was not really there. But at the same time, did I really want to know?

Despite what I was not wanting to do, I was thinking that maybe I just needed to tell Jack that I was sorry. I knew that I hated the idea of admitting that he was not fucking lying. But doing so was going to be the only fucking thing that was going to give even a minor amount of ownership to the fact that I might be willing to see what he actually already did know.

I was thinking that if Jack knew that I was feeling bad for brushing him off this whole time, and that I was thinking something like this was a bad choice, I was just thinking that as long as I was at least willing to come clean with him, then he was not going to hate it as long as I was fearing that he could. But I just needed to come forward, and tell him straight up.

I was still wanting to hang out with Lisa though, and I was wanting to hang out with Claire, and I was feeling like doing this was going to be showing her that I was wanting to be friends, regardless of everything that had been going on. I just needed to be willing to put aside how much I was sounding crazy, for all of our sakes. I sounded crazy, to myself, which I guess was maybe how Jack must have been feeling.

I was wondering if maybe Lisa actually knew anything about the legends going around town. The stuff I had ben hearing about literally my entire fucking life. You know, I was just wanting to see if she had any idea what the heck to tell me. I did not want to tell her anything at all, if she really did not know the truth. If she did not know the truth of this town, then she was needing to be happy, and she was needing to be spared as long as possible.

Maybe Lisa and I were going to be having a fun discussion over that soon enough. Sooner or later, she was going to know, and she was going to force me to tell her something. I knew how I was with my older siblings, and I knew how she was going to be. So maybe sparing her was fine, for now.

The one thing that I knew that I was for sure doing, was just that I was going to be talking to Claire, and I was going to be able to learn from her, rather than Lisa, what Lisa had known, so that way, if she did not know the truth, then she did not need to know for a while longer, and I might be able to live in bliss ignorance for a while.

As I was thinking all of this, I was wondering if asking Claire was going to really even lead me to any results. For all that I knew, Claire might not know what Lisa knew or didn't know, so asking her was going to be a waste of fucking time, and I was thinking that maybe I just needed to come up with better ideas than just going around.

The one thing that I had knwon going forward was that Lisa was going to probably want me to respect her wishes if she was going to tell me to either not tell her more, or if she was wanting to know more, than she was going to want me to be flat out with it, and tell her as much as possible. I hated both ideas, and I think that both mentalities were terrible. But if I wanted to be friends with her, then it was the only thing that I could do.

When I was heading home, I was hearing Robbie's voice calling out to me, and then I turned around to be seeing him, and for the only time in my entire life, I was not wanting to see him, and I was just hoping that he was not going to try and force any shit on me. I was feeling like whatever he wanted to know, I just needed to tell him, and then be done with it. You know, just to pretend like I was doing alright or some shit like that.

"Hey Lydia, you seem like you are worried about something right now. Do you think that maybe I could help you out here?" He was asking, and then I was shrugging, as if feeling like if he was willing to try, then I was going to need to give him the chance. But for the time being, I was just thinking that he was going to tell me a bunch of shit that I already knew, or did not want to hear, and then he was going to be making me feel like a dick for when I lash out.

"Yeah, I guess that I am worried over a couple of things. I mean, I just wish that I could be able to feel like a proper friend right now to some people." I said, and then I was sighing, as if thinking that the more that I was talking like this, the less that he was going to feel terribly out of it, and the more he would want to talk. Since despite everything, I was wanting to be friendly with him.

"Lydia, as long as you are being polite, and as long as you make them feel like you are giving them a chance to be welcome around you, and you make them feel like there is nothing wrong with getting to see how you are like, then everything will be alright. You just got to make them feel welcome." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, thinking that what he was telling me was probably true enough, even if incredibly vague.

"But what do I need to do to know if I am being polite here?" I asked, and then I was looking directly at him, and I was seeing him sighing, as if feeling like he was not really in the mood for this type of discussion. He was probably feeling like I was just being a bit too serious right now.

"Well, just make them feel like they could be able to get to know you. Make them feel like you are actually trying to actually see what they are like, and make them feel like you are really doing your best to make them feel like they can open up to you. If they feel like they can open up to you, and feel like you are doing your best, then that is all that matters." He was telling me, and I was sighing, as if thinking that there was more to it than this. But I did not want to dispute him.

"I think that the only thing that I can give them is the feeling of just not feeling like they are in the wrong place. I mean, I want to be friends with people, and I want to make them feel comfortable." I said, and then I was thinking that something like this was not going to be very likely. I just needed to be happy, and I was thinking that as long as they were doing good, it could all come together and stuff.

"Lydia, you are a very kind girl. A lot of people in your grade are just really mean, and only care about popularity. You just seem to care about having fun, and that is something that I respect." Robbie was telling me, and then I was sighing, knowing that he was just trying to make me feel better. But I did not want to be pressing any futher.

"Thank you for the kind words." I smiled, and looked at him, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to not pursue this any further, since doing so was going to be making him feel like he was in a strange spot. But I was thinking that as long as he was at least trying to help me out, and as long as he was at least the most polite he could be here, I had nothing against him at all.

"Lydia, I know that you feel like you are trying to not be like your brothers, and that you want to be your own person, but there is nothing wrong with just always asking them for help if you are truly lost in the future. I mean, Todd might know something." Robbie said, and I was wondering if he was saying that since he was Bebe's boyfriend, or because he was the oldest.

"I will see if he even wants to give me any advice at all. For all that I might know, he might not even want to give me any clues." I said, and I was sighing, and I knew that the idea of Todd not wanting to help me out was probably not all that true. I think that something like this was just sort of doomer or me to be saying.

"I don't know what your brothers are like. I am just trying my best to help you out. That being said, I am curious to see how the heck your brothers are able to make friends so easily. It feels like they could all just make some within a few minutes. Not going to lie, kind of fucking jealous." After he was saying that to me, he was shrugging, clearly having nothing to say.

"I think that my brothers probably just have the experience of doing it far longer." I said, and I was sort of just omitting my much younger ones in this case, knowing that there was a zero percent chance that Ridge was going around and just making friends with a bunch of people. Such a idea would be silly, and I was more of just wondering how my younger ones were going to be doing compared to us all.

"I guess that something like this makes some sense. I mean, I think that as long as you just simply want to get to know their way of doing it, and you are nice about it, some of them are certainly going to be giving you clues." After he had said that, he was shrugging, and then he was just clearly looking like he had nothing to say at all.

"Well, as you said, it all depends on their view point of nice. I think that every thing all comes to how people look at things." After I was saying this, Robbie was sighing, and he was almost just feeling like arguing with me was going to just be making things impossible to be handling right now.

"Fair enough. But I think that you got to understand that for you, it has to be a combination of doing your own thing, as well as seeing what your brothers say. I think that it could be wise to sort of just try and put both together. I think that as long as you do both, then it could be fine enough.

"Sure, I guess that something like that makes sense. I think that you are probably more aware of how guys are like after all." I said, and then he was giving me a 'no shit' look, and I was smiling at this, and I was feeling like we were going to be getting along great after all. I just needed to make sure that he was still going to be nice enough to me going forward.

"Well, I think that there are some friends that I have had that might be able to give me some experience here." After he was telling me this, I was sighing, and I wished that maybe hearing Robbie say this, and say it in a way that was showing he was not even all that big of a deal, was going to make me feel better. But in a way, it really did not.

"Can I be able to hang out with your friends?" I asked, feeling like maybe as long as we were going to be working something out as friends, then the bigger my connection was going to be. The bigger my time here would have been. I was thinking that this was the best that I could have done. Maybe Robbie would have felt fine giving me some ideas.

"Well, I think that they might be finding it a bit off, but I think that as long as I am just clear about the fact that I think you are fine here, then we are going to be fine. But honestly, I think that outside of a few seconds, they will probably not care that much that you are wanting to see them." Robbie said, and I was wondering if he was just thinking the same thing that I was, and that maybe being friends with me was a good idea. If that was the case, then I was going to be feeling so good.

"I doubt that they care that much. I just hope that as long as we are all happy and dandy, then the only issue is making them feel like I could be a good long term addition." I said, feeling like that was going to be the only thing that I needed to worry about. If they were going to be feeling like I was only going to be there for a few days. That was going to really suck.

"I wonder if they even know that we are hanging out right now. That would be hilarious if they had just found out, and were freaking out over what we were doing. If they knew what we were doing, I can tell you right now that they would be freaking out. It would totally fucking be worth it." Robbie said, now finally showing a bit of a rebellious side to him, as if thinking that this was what he now just wanted to do.

...

-October 30 2020 10:25 pm- I knew that what Robbie was saying was right, as a man, he had known more about what was going on than I ever could as a girl. I mean, I hated to admit such a thing, but I was feeling like I just needed to try and pretend like everything was all going to be working out. I was thinking that if Robbie was going to want to give me more info, he would have done it, and that I just needed to be happy about what was happening.

As I was thinking about what I could say to Jack at least, to make him feel better, I was feeling like something like this was going to be fucking impossible. I was telling myself that no matter what I was wanting to say, and no matter what he was needing to hear me say, he was going to be feeling like I was letting him down a bit, and that was something that I needed to make some peace with in the end.

I was getting out of my bed, and I told myself to be a smart and happy woman for once, and I loved him as a brother, so just growing up, and growing a small pair of balls, methaphorically speaking obviously, and just admitting that I was making mistakes, was the only thing that I could have done that was going to be making some of this work out for the best.

I was walking towards him, and I was just taking a long and deep breath, and part of me was wondering why the hell I was having such a hard time just saying it. He was looking up, and he was seeing me, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was having no idea what I was going to be doing. I started to nod, and just told myself to do something now.

"Hey Jack, I was wanting to talk for a moment." I said, and then Jack was looking right up at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had no idea what to tell me. I was just thinking that as long as he was polite at least, then everything was going to be good enough. "I mean, I know that we were having a bit of a dispute earlier, and I was just wanting to help you out a bit."

"What is going on?" He asked, and I was feeling like he had really no idea what was happening, and then I was thinking that maybe something like this was a good starting point. Getting him when he was clearly unaware of what was happening, and unaware of what I was worried over, this was about the best way to be making this whole thing go down.

"Well, the thing is that I know that I was making fun of the stuff that you were watching a lot, and I was just instantly brushing it off, and pretending like you had no right to be saying anything like that. But I feel like maybe I was just needing to apologize to you over that." I said, and then he was just clearly looking like he had no real investment in what I was saying, for better or for worse.

"I mean, the only thing that was really pissing me off about the way you were talking was the fact that you were the one who had shown it to me, so I was feeling like I deserved better than what I was getting. I felt like I needed you to at least hear me out, and not be brushing me off." I said, sighing, and feeling like maybe I was being a dick, but it was a way that I just felt like needed to have been done.

"I know that you feel like you deserved better than that, and you are right, you did. I was being a bit of a asshole, when you were not needing something like this. I guess that I was just scared of what you were meaning, if this whole thing was a true story." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking about what to be doing now.

"I mean, what made you change your mind about this whole thing?" After he was asking me this, I was thinking about what I should him. I was thinking about what he was feeling, and I was feeling about what he was going to feel like if I was getting in the way of his watching stuff. But then again, I was remembering that technically this isn't his stuff, and he was just doing it on his own, and that he took it over.

"I was hanging out with Claire and a girl named Lisa. She was showing me to a park, and there was this note in the park that makes me know that maybe something like this is real." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that I might be able to leave it at that. I was hoping that I could leave it at that, and that he was not going to be too worried on it at all.

"What did the note say?" Jack asked, and by this point, I was almost seeing him looking more and more like he was just being super serious now. I was wondering why he was taking every single thing going on in this town super seriously. I was thinking about what Jack was wanting to tell me, and I was wondering if he was actually wanting to say anything at all, or if he was just genuinely curious about it all.

"It was saying something about how much the person who wrote it wanted to leave. I have no idea if it is the truth or not. I think that maybe it was just a joke." I said, and then I was shrugging, as if having nothing else that I wanted to say. At least until he told me something in return, and was opening up here.

"Was there something about a mile marker written on it?" He asked, and this was something that I was wondering if I could get away from saying. I felt like if he was hearing me tell him this he was going to be fucking acting like a terrified kid, and I was not wanting my older brother to be like this. I was just thinking that maybe lying to him might be for the best. Then I was sighing, and told myself he would know right away if I was.

"Yeah, there was. It was in the triple digits." I said, hardly remembering what the actual number was, and hardly caring. I was feeling like the fact that Jack was wanting to know something like this was odd, and that I just needed him to be taking things lightly, and not be a fucking let down over it all.

"Damn it. I was wondering if maybe we could have avoided something like this." He was saying, and then he was sighing, as if he was finding himself not even caring anymore. The only thing I wanted him to just do was come clean with me, and not be hiding what had been happening now.

"What are you talking about avoiding?" I asked, and I was feeling like I had every right to be asking him this. He looked at me, and I was seeing him clearly looking like he was having a deep debate on just spilling the beans, or just pretending like he was going to be able to act like he never said what he had just said, which was almost pissing me off.

"Honestly, it is something that I do not want to talk about. I think that if I told you anything, you would not even believe in me anyways." He was saying, and I was mad at him for saying this. He was acting like because he was the older one that he was going to just call every single fucking shot, and that he was having the right to pretend like I had no right to be at least curious what the heck was scaring him so bad.

"Okay, I guess that if it is going to be like this, then I will leave you alone." I was saying, and then I was sighing, and I was just trying my best to be nice to him, and be respectful of the fact that he was aware of what had been happening. And then here he was, acting like telling me one fucking thing was going to be a fucking hassle. God damn, I was wondering if Robbie was insane when he told me to just let him be him. But I was just telling myself to focus on the subject that actually fucking mattered at the moment, to make him feel differently here.

"Sorry, I did not mean to be making you feel awful. But I think that you just need to be letting some things be given a rest. You know, I think that you should really be following my advice on this one more than fucking anything." Jack told me this, and I was seeing him looking like he was seeing if I was going to want to challenge this, or if I was going to just be leaving it all alone, and that I was going to just be happy that he was speaking to me at all.

"Jack, what is happening here?" I asked, and then I was feeling like he was just needing to be straight forward with me on this, and that if he was goint to be giving me any more crap, then he was only giving me more bait to just leave and jump ship. I was wanting to respect his space, and respect his politeness, but he was going to be making something like this fucking impossible to be doing.

"Nothing really. Just a lot of stuff about people who go missing. I hardly know what is happening to, but I am just wanting to know myself. I think that this is the most that I can be able to give." He was telling me this, and then I was seeing him looking like he had really felt bad for just saying all of this, and he was feeling bad for brushing me off like this, but that he was just not scared of what he would do for me being safe. Or safe in his mind.

"Do you know anybody who went missing?" I was asking, feeling like it was a valid enough question, and I was just wanting to know if he was having a personal vandetta here. I was thinking that it was about the only damn thing that was making sense about the way that he was acting here.

If he was not dealing with something like that, then I was thinking that he had truly gone insane, and I was going to have to find something to do to make him stop what was going on in his mind. "I know people who know people. Like people that I go to school with. You know, that is why I care." He said, and then I was sighing, and I was thinking that the idea of a nine year old trying to take care of this was fucking impossible, and that he was just needing to get real here.

"Jack, you need to go back to your sports and stuff. You need to just go back and do stuff that you actually enjoy." I said, and then Jack was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was laughing on the inside over what he had just told me. He was clearly feeling like what he had just heard me say was going to be one of the worst things that anybody could suggest.

"I have been doing stuff like that. I spend every lunch and an hour after school every day doing this. And on the weekends, I spend the last hour before I go to bed practicing. I know what I am doing." He was saying, and I was thinking that he was meaning something much more serious as he was saying this. I was thinking that whatever he was wanting to tell me, he was going tyo try and tell me, but he was going to do it when I was more ready to hear it all.

"What do you mean, by you know what you are doing?" I asked, and I was feeling like whatever he was wanting to tell me, he just needed to play it straight with me. The faster that he had told me what he had meant on that sentence, the faster that I could respect what he was doing on his own time.

"I am just getting ready for what I want to do in life. Sports help me do that, and sports help me for any possible contest that I will want to do. I feel like practice on this is key to everything." He was saying, as if feeling like what he had just told me was super fucking obvious. It was not, and I was not seeing how he was going to really feel like it did.

"Alright, I guess that I just don't get it." I was saying, and then I shrugged, thinking that I needed to just leave the entire conversation alone. If he was wanting to tell me more, then I was going to be letting this whole thing just be done with as fast as possible. But despite everything going on, I was wanting him to be feeling like he was just never going to have to be making a big deal out of all that was happening here. But he clearly did not agree, and I was just needing to accept this fact for what it was.

"It's all fine Lydia, you do not need to understand it. It is fine if you do not get it." After he had told me this, I was seeing him looking like he was actually feeling sort of bad for all that was happening, and I was wondering if he was having something that he had wanted to say, but was just sort of too scared to be doing it right now.

"Well, good luck on whatever it is you are looking at." I said, and I was just feeling like I just needed to have this conversation end. At this point in time, there was no fucking way this was making any sense. We were both going in circles, and we were both wasting our time on this. At this rate, I was just wanting to get this whole thing over with. I was just tired of bullshit, and I was never going to be making any issue with it.

"Thank you Lydia. Thank you for understanding." He said, and then I was sighing, and I fel like whatever was going on in his mind, he was wanting to just deal with it all himself, and I was scared of all that had been happening, and I was going to be letting him play his own games later.

I felt bad for having this discussion with him, mainly because I knew that Henry was right there, and that he was probably just thinking that we were going insane, and that he was probably wanting us to just leave him alone, and let him try and go on to sleep. In a way, I was feeling like when we were talking later, we needed to try and keep him in mind.

I was wondering if Henry heard most, or all, of that entire discussion. I was feeling like even if he had heard a small part of it, he was going to be feeling like we were just going crazy. He was going to be feeling like we were just coming up with totally random shit to be discussing, and I was kind of feeling bad over this whole thing. I was feeling like we just needed to respect his wishes on that regard.

As I was thinking about it, I was thinking that this discussion with Jack was probably going to be a flush out regardless, and I was thinking that in all honesty, maybe trying to have a discussion with him about any of this was going to sort of be a terrible idea. I needed to respect his wishes, and while that might be hard for me to do as a sister, I was needing to remember that he was the older sibling, so I was just needing to do what he was wanting here.

Maybe when I kept reminding myself that I was the younger sister, and he was the older brother, that I was going to be getting it in my fucking head that I just needed to be letting him play along, and do his own thing, and not be getting in the way of what he was doing. As I was telling myself this, I was smiling, and I was loving the way that I was going to be looking at all that was happening, and what I was going to be telling myself now.

I was thinking about what it was going to be like when Henry, the twins Dylan and Drake, Calvin, and Ridge were all older. Once they were getting older, and once they were aware of what was going on in their minds, and what they were wanting, that was when I was going to be very much like a fucking sister, and I knew that I was going to be getting in their business, no matter if they were wanting me to be doing it at all.

When I was thinking about what my brothers were going to be wanting to do, and what they were going to be feeling as they were growing older, and as I was going to be seeing them become actual men of their own, I was scared of what it was going to be like, feeling like I was needing to protect them all, but that in the end, eventually, due to how strong guys eventually become usually, they would in turn be the ones protecting me now.

I was sighing in annoyance as I was thinking about that, and I was feeling like in some ways, life could be unfair, and I was really cool with just pretending like things were fine, and that they did not need me, but what if things came up one day, and they were going to be needing me more than anything else in the world? How would I come along and protect them then?

I knew that I was looking too deeply into it, and that was something that I was going to be owning up in all honesty. I was feeling like it was the only choice that I had though, and that was the only thing that I was going to be saying in my defense if things were going to get hard here.

I was about to go to bed when I was seeing Jack walkin to me, and I was seeing that from the look on his face, he was sincerely feeling fucking terribly over what had been happening, and all that he had said. I said, and I was feeling like neither one of us were going to be working together at this rate, if this was going to be all we were going to do now.

"Lydia, thank you for talking to me. Sorry for not being more open to you about what is going on here. I think that this whole thing is just scary to me. You know, I think that this is the only way that I can describe it." He was saying, and then he was shrugging, as if thinking that there was no better way to say it besides the actual fucking truth to it all.

"I mean, I just thought that maybe we could find something we could be able to work with, by talking to each other, and just being open with each other. I do not know how much that helped though." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that saying something like this was going to be my way of owning up to what was happening, and owning up to the fact that in the end, as much as I was hating to admit it, I was going to be fucking lost here. I was going to have to be doing my own thing, to feel like I was creating a destiny I needed to follow.

"Well, I think that you are really nice to be doing this. I think that I wish that I was more like you in some cases. As much as i hate to admit it, considering the fact that you should be the one looking up to me right now." He said, obviously bringing the whole age thing up. I did not know if this was the way that I wanted him to talk to me, or the way that he needed to do so.

"Jack, you do not need to be mean to yourself." I said, and I was meaning it sincerely, feeling like if he was going to be like this, and if he was going to be acting like I was so much better than him, then he was not thinking about the things that he had been doing that was really good, and I needed him to be looking into something like that first.

"Sorry, I guess that I just could not help it that time." He was saying, and I was feeling like he did not mean much to his apology, and I was pissed at the fact that he was acting like this, and I was feeling like he was needing to just remember the fact that he was doing whatever he could, and that was all that even fucking mattered at all.

"Hey Lydia, do you think that I can go on and hang out with Claire some time? She seems like she is a nice girl, and I want to go on and see what she is like." After Jack had said that to me, I was looking at him, shocked that he was saying this, and I wanted to make him feel better here, and I was wanting him to feel like he had a chance of a friendship. But the way that this was all happening just felt too out there for me in all honesty.

"I think that she would be willing to give it a go. I mean, I really see no reason why she would not be." I said, meaning what I had said, but I was wondering if Jack was going to be buying it at all. He was looking down on the ground, and I was seeing him looking like he had to worry about something else now. He was almost looking like he had wanted to just tell me off, and that he was lying now. But then he sighed, and decided against it this time.

"Thanks for letting me know. That makes me feel a lot better, and makes me feel like I have a chance to actually be social." Jack said, and I was thinking that this was strange, considering the fact that he was friends with Max, and I was feeling like if for nothing else, that was some form of friendship and social life. So he was just needing to be giving himself more credit. But in the end, I just did not even fucking know how I was going to be saying this. At this rate, I felt like we made our points, and we could be going to sleep now.

-October 31 2020 7:45 pm- I was going to be going trick or treating with Claire, Jack, Seth, and Henry. As he was by far the oldest out of us, Seth was pretty much the one who was going to be forced to watch over us, and make sure that nothing happened to us. We didn't get the point of it, and I think that Seth was kind of pissed at it, but he was feeling like he now had an excuse to leave the house, so in a way, he was not too upset.

"This is going to be so awesome." Henry said, who decided to dress up as Kylo Ren in his Force Awakens outfit. I guess it was making since, as that was the first movie that he had ever seen, even before he had gone on and seen the other ones. Which was strange how he waited like nearly an entire year before he saw his first ever movie, as that was in late December, and he is a New Years baby.

"I hope that this is going to be the best trick or treat ever." After Claire said this, I was seeing her looking like she had never been o happy in her entire life. I was feeling like if this was something that she was super excited for, then I was going to be getting some extra happiness here. I was hoping that if for nothing else, Claire was not going to be minding hanging out with us.

"Guys, where are we going to go?" I asked, and then Seth was looking at us, and I was seeing that there was clearly a evil idea in his mind, and he was hoping that none of us were going to be making a big deal out of it. I was wondering if he had just simply not wanted to be here on this whole thing at all, or if he was just really trying his best to be playing with us.

"I think that we should be heading to this super awesome party down town. Josiah told me about the annual party two years ago, and I was wanting to go on it." Jack said, and in all honesty, with the way that he was saying it, I was feeling like this was probably something that mom and dad did not want us to be doing, but I did not want to be arguing with him here.

"Are you sure that we are going to be allowed to go there?" Jack asked, as if he had clearly known what Seth was planning on here. Seth looked right at him, and I was seeing that in the end, Seth was borderline not even caring all that much what people were going to be saying to him. Which was both a good thing, and a bad thing.

"I bet that Josiah is going to be there, and maybe even Gabe or Todd. At least this is not a labyrinth party we are talking about." Seth was saying, and I was feeling like the very mention of that thing was going to be making me feel uncertain. I mean, I knew what those parties were like, and I knew that mom and dad did not want us to go to those, under any case.

"What is a labyrinth party?" Henry asked, clearly not knowing what was happening, and feeling like he could be able to see if maybe he could go on one at some point. Which was the worst way we were going to be going at this discussion. I was feeling like now was the time to interject into this discussion.

"It is something to celebrate the griding noise going off. Since it is a relatively rare event, many people think that it might be fun to just sort of make a special event out of it." Jack explained, and I was feeling like he was clearly just not wanting to have this discussion any time soon. I was wondering if maybe it was a bad idea to be bringing Claire along for the ride, if she was hearing my brothers just argue with each other.

"Guys, I don't really think that we need to be having this discussion tonight. I think that we can just leave it alone." After I said this, I was mainly just not wanting to deal with the argument, at least for tonight, and thinking that if they wanted to have this debate later, that would be fine. But for gods sake, not in front of my friend.

"Yeah, Lydia is right. We can hold this off for later. I mean, we do not want to be making Claire feel uncomfortable." Seth wwas saying, having a small amount of regret in what he was saying, and I was wondering if maybe Seth was actually feeling bad, or if he was just saying this to be easing the whole situation for a while longer, and to be making it feel like it was nothing more than just a simple little innocent debate.

"Guys, I do not mind you guys talking about that stuff. It goes off every few months. I am used to it by now." She was saying, and then she was shrugging, thinking nothing else on it, and I was seeing her almosst just not even giving a single shit what was going on now. I was sighing, and I was feeling like there was the one argument that I had that could have made it feel like we were going to be getting out of this.

"Well, now that we are talking about it, it has been a bit over two months since the last time. I think the last time was the day Ridge was brought home, and that was on August 22. I wonder what is happening that is making people wait this long." Seth said, and that was scaring him more than the sound itself. I guess that when you are that used to it, not having it go off was something that was more scary than it happening.

"Are you seriously more worried about the grinding noise not going off?" Claire asked, and I was sort of able to get where Seth was going with it, even if I did not like it. I was just feeling like I would not have mentioned anything about it, since I was wanting to basically pretend like everything was going to be fine.

"I am not more worried about it as much as more curious. I will leave it at that. But in all honesty, I just wish that I would have at least some idea what the heck is happening, and that way I can figure out why everybody wants to know so badly." After Seth was saying this, he shurgged, having virtually no idea what we were going to be doing here.

"Well, what do you think that it might be?" Claire asked him, and then he was looking at her, as if feeling like she was asking for a really tall question, and then he was just sighing, and decided that he was not going to be getting in her business too much on what she had been feeling. "I mean, I think that it is just possibly some people working on their job?"

"I would not say that at all. I think that it is much more than that." Jack was saying, and sighed, and he was clearly looking like he had no real plan on what he was going to say here. "Seriously though, I think that Seth might be looking too deeply into it. Didn't we go over five months one time like just three years ago or something?" Jack asked, and I was not remembering it, but I vaguely knew what he was talking about, and it was actually four years.

In 2016, it went off on May 20, and then once more on October 27, which was dad's birthday. But from what Todd said in his first entry, in 2013, it literally only went off once the entire year. That is basically nothing at all, and it was around half way through the year as well, so I had no idea how Jack did not know of that. Maybe because he was only two at the time.

"Yeah, but I am used to it going off once every four to six weeks now. So it being over two months is a bit strange. I mean, I know that this is not the most important thing in the world, but I do want to know what the whole hold up is I guess." After he was telling me this, I was thinking that maybe Seth was just wanting to know more about it, and was feeling like speaking to us about what it was going to be like in the future was going to be a big deal.

"Guys, if we keep talking, we won't be able to go trick or treating." Claire said, and then I was feeling like out of any of us, I would have expected Henry to be the one saying this. But she was clearly feeling like this debate was not that important, and it probably wasn't, so we needed to put it aside.

Once we were outside, I was feeling like maybe I was just needing to pretend like everything was all fine and dandy. I was just thinking that whatever my brothers were on about with the grinding noise, we had made it clear that this was something we did not want discussed, and as long as we were hanging out, we were wishing that this would not come up again.

We were walking along for a moment, and then I was then thinking of something to say. "I wonder what Josiah, Gabe, and Todd are doing?" I asked, and I was not wanting to use this as a excuse to bring up the fucking party that Seth was wanting to go to, but I was feeling like it might be a good conversation point, and I was thinking that maybe there was a good chance that was the answer we were needing.

"I think that Josiah is probably just doing some music show. You know, he only cares about that fucking guitar." After Jack said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was finding it more funny to imagine that than anything else. But at the same time, I was seeing Seth looking like he was still kind of jealous of the fact that we had rejected his idea. Which was insane that he was still on about that.

"I think that Bebe and Todd probably are spending this evening doing adult stuff." Henry said, and then I was feeling like that was going to be a good way to put it, since while I did not know much about anything like this, I was feeling like perhaps there was something deeper than what we were looking at here.

"Who knows what the hell Gabe is doing? I mean, he does a bunch of random stuff at this point, and I would honestly not even waste his time on trying to get him to tell us." Seth said, and this was another case of him sounding like he was breaking through, and was just showing more of his brotherly side, and that maybe there was more he was thinking about than the fucking party. I mean, he knew Gabe more than any of us, so it would make sense.

"I think that as long as he is busy, and he is enjoying his own life, then there is nothing else to be worried about." I said, and I was not really convinced. I was feeling like maybe I just needed to know that it was none of my business, and that was the only thing that I wanted to keep telling myself here. I was wishing that Gabe would be more open, but I sort of understood why he was not willing to do so.

We were going along, and as we had been driving along, that fucking black car that I usually saw passing by here lately was going by again. I was seeing this car once every week or so, almost always on Saturdays, which was just strange and I was wondering what the heck the car was doing. It never did anything besides just driving by and stuff.

"Do you know what the purpose of that car is anyways?" I asked, feeling like that was a fair enough question, and both Jack and Seth were looking at each other. This was looking like the one thing that was sort of uniting them in a relative fear. Not the car itself, but the fact that I had known of it, and the fact that I was wanting to try and see what they thought on it.

"I think that you do not need to worry about that Lydia. I think that they are just driving by on some important business." After Seth said that, I was thinking that I just needed to force something onto them this time, and that this time, I was not going to be taking no for a answer, and that they just needed to be straight forward for once.

"Sorry. I didn't think it was going to be bothering you so much." I said, and I was being sincere when I had said that. I was just thinking that these boys needed to calm down, and find something else to be dooming over, and that they needed to just understand that these type of things were not that big of a deal.

"You guys are sounding strange." Henry said, and then I was sighing, and I knew that he was just thinking that nothing was a big deal, and I was not really wanting to break his feelings here. He deserved beer than dealing with what we were dealing with. I knew that much about my fucking younger brother, and that was the only thing that I just needed to tell myself.

"Yeah, long story short, just don't be worried about it." Jack said again, and this time, he was clearly seeming like he was wanting to have the subject end, and that this time, he was not playing around nearly as much. I was then nodidng, and I was just telling myself that I just needed to respect his wishes. And if it was going to end this strange ass debate for a while longer, than I was willing to do just that.

"Alright, we can drop the subject for now." After I was saying this, I was just thinking that if it was scaring both Seth and Jack, that I just needed to fucking chill out with what I was doing, and I was not wanting to be making things any worse for him. And I was not wanting to be making things worse for my brother Henry, since he was still young enough and innocent enough to not fucking get what the heck was going on, and I just needed to make sure he did not have to deal with this.

"Why do you even care what is happening?" Jack asked, and I was feeling like that was a valid enough question, as much as I hated to admit it, and I was hating to tell them the real reason this was all getting to me. But I was just thinking that in a way, I did not need to say it, and that I could just leave it all alone. If we did not speak of it much, then it would have been okay enough.

"I just thought that it was strange how you guys were all scared, and that I was just sort of interested in knowing what it was like." I said, and then I was feeling like I could let it go after that, and that if we were to talk on this any longer, then it was going to just be a fucking idiot.

We were geting to our first house, and this was when the subject was dropping finally, and I was thinking that for all of us, this was a blessing in disguise, since I was pretty sure that none of us were wanting to talk on this any more, and I was feeling like if any of us were keeping up this discussion, then we were all going to be going fucking insane.

I was thinking that since this was Henry's first time, that we just needed to be letting him have the moment, and that he was needing to be happy for one day and stuff. In all honesty, I was thinking that if we were wanting to talk on this any longer, than perhaps we just could always fucking wait until a totally different day and then we could be happy about it.

"Trick or Treat!" Henry yelled when he was seeing the lady in her early thirties opening up. She was looking down at all of us, and she was seeing Seth for a second. She was smiling, as if she had seen him and possibly even Jack come by here once or twice, and I was feeling like maybe this was just a way of showing that maybe Seth did know what he was doing every once in a while.

"Oh you brought along more of your family this year." She was saying relatively excited, and then after that, this was when she was placing a piece or two of candy in all of our baskets, and that was the first trick or treat house that Henry ever did in his life, that I knew of, and I was wondering if he was going to be enjoying stuff like this in the future. If he was wanting to do more of this, and perhaps have it be his favorite holiday.

...

-November 1 2020 2:29 pm- At this point in time, I was seeing that Gabe and Todd were looking much more serious than they had been before. I felt like i was just needing to see what was going on. I needed to try and see if I could be making them feel better. But perhaps something like this was just not very realistic, given the fact that they were probably going to accuse me of being too young to understand.

The thing was that I sort of had a idea what was going on, and what was scaring them so bad, which was the fact that the election, or something like that was just two days away. They were feeling like something was about to happen. Something really big and something really important, and I just felt like I needed to have them at least explain what was so important about this.

From what Josiah told me, it is an event that happens every four years who will get to determine who the next President of the United States was. I did know who that was at least, so something like this was not too much to explain. Although as far as I remembered, something like this is just simply a label given to somebody.

The point is that I think people take it way too seriously, and I think that people just need to be relaxing. It was just something that happened once every four years, and I did not need to worry about it again aside from one night that day. But I guess that my siblings somehow feel like there is much more to it than that. They probably think that whoever the president is actually has some real affect on what is going on in this country, which I call a bunch of crap.

The only thing that I was not sure on was why somebody who would even need to go through this whole thing once every four years. That does not really even seem like that big of a deal, and I was just wondering if they were going through this procedure just to make sure that somebody doesn't become king or queen or something insane like tha.

I was thinking that maybe I could go on and see maybe Josiah or Seth and see what he might be saying. Maybe he might be able to fully get it. And if he was going to be polite about it, then I was going to be willing to hear their argument. I was thinking about what Gabe and Todd would have tried to say if I asked them to explain it. They were going to just be acting like it was out of my understanding, and that was something that in all honesty, I was really not in the fucking mood for at all.

But my thoughts were being cut short when I was hearing a voice calling out to me. I was looking up, and I was seeing that it was Lisa and Claire at our house again. I was feeling like maybe I could go on and see what they were wanting to tell me. Maybe they would have some plans to be putting my questions to rest for a while.

I was feeling excited to be seeing them though, and I knew that this was going to be the best thing that was going to be happening, so I was having no real issues with just doing what they were wanting. I walked up to them, and I was smiling, feeling like I was now going to be ready to just hang out with them for a couple of hours.

"How are you feeling today?" Claire was asking, and I was feeling like she was just referring to the events that were happening last night, and the arguments that had been coming up. I was finding myself not really in the mood to be having this discussion. But in all honesty, I was appreciating the fact that she was willing to speak to me at all on this, and do so in a way that was in front of her friends, so I just needed to be happy here.

The only thing that I did know to tell her was just the fact that in all honesty, I was just kind of wishing that this was going to be ending soon enough. I did not want to deal with my older brothers arguing about random things, and making Henry and his life worse, and I did not want to be hanging out with my two oldest ones when they were obssessed with this fucking election thing, as well as what was going on with the stuff in the town.

So in all honesty, despite everything going on, and despite the fact that I was probably needing to be doing other things, that were going to be more important, I just really did not care all that much, and I was wondering if maybe speaking to Claire and Lisa was going to give me a new appreciation for the fact that life in Wayside was really not as crazy as many people were making it all out to have been.

"Honestly, I feel like the next time I try and get involved with what my brothers are doing, I might just sort of be wasting my time doing this. They are really having no interest in helping me get it, so I need to leave it alone." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking nothing of it, and thinking that I could leave it alone now.

"Why do your brothers argue so much anyways? That was so strange, and was honestly really starting to un-nerve me." Claire admitted, and I was feeling like if my older brothers had known this about what she had said, I was thinking that maybe I would need to just tell them, and maybe that might make them less inclined to argue in the future.

"I think that in some ways, it is literally a sign of them trying to show that they can be a real ass man or whatever. They feel like by making their case heard, and trying to get people to listen to them, they are true guys." After I said that, I was feeling like something like this did sincerely have at least a small part of it all, and I was just thinking that maybe I needed to be more polite on it. But I did not care.

"Well, next time tell them to be having their debates away from us." Claire was saying,a nd to be honest, I did not even disagree with what she was saying, and I wanted to say something like this to them. All that I just needed to do was make my voice loud and clear to them, and they were going to get it in their head that something like this was not going to be tolerated anymore.

"Do you know if one of them knew what was going on at the park?" Lisa asked, and I was feeling immense regret for her bringing this one thing up of all things, and I was feeling like she was just needing to keep something like this to herself. As it was going to get kind of annoying.

"The only one who might even pretend to want to talk about that stuff is Jack. He seems to be taking stuff like that way too seriously. I guess that I will just leave it at that, since I do not want to piss him off with anything about it." I said, choosing that my family ties were more important than any possible interest that I was having in the notes and stuff.

"Why does he seem to be the only one who might care for something like that?" After Lisa asked me this, I was feeling like her questions were just getting to be a bit hard to fully answer. I was thinking that I just needed to leave her alone, and that maybe doing this would be getting her to steer away from that awful discussion.

"Well, I just think that it all ties into what he has recently been into lately. I think that his obssession with those television shows, and those broadcasts are starting to eat him up too much, and he is refusing to be very practical on it." I said, and then I was thinking that I could leave something alone like that. I knew that one of these days, I was going to have no choice but to flat out ask them, and get to know the truth.

I was thinking that this was a terrible idea, and that this idea was going to be one idea that would end a bunch of friendships in my family, but at the same time, I did not care. "I guess that I will see what he might want to tell me later, if he wants to tell me anything at all." I said, and then decided to leave it at that.

"Anyways, so Lisa, you were making it seem like that was not the only thing you knew about here. Do you think that you would be fine with telling me more?" Claire asked, and I was feeling like she was fucking insane for even askng something like this, and I was feeling like she was needing to not be dragging this whole thing out any further. But at the same time, I just wanted to see if there was going to be real info shown.

"I know of a couple of places. But in all honesty, I doubt you would even care for something like this, and I know that you do not really believe any of the stories that I would tell you." After she had told me this, I was sighing, and I was not wanting to admit it, but I was wanting to know more, and I was feeling like seeing the truth was going to be the only way to make sense out of it.

"Do you think that you could tell us more anyways?" Claire asked Lisa, and I was seeing Lisa looking like she was thinking that this was going to be the best way to keep things for a while longer, and that as long as one of us was showing interest in this, then it was going to be going perfectly.

"I guess that I coukd. I mean, I do want to show as many people as possible that this is something that I do think can be a lot of fun if we just mess around with it." She said, clearly looking like she had no desire to be going any further with this. I was thinking that as long as she was still showing some doubt here, then it was only going to be showing a sign of how bad things might actually be.

"Where do you think we could be going next?" I asked, feeling like I had known most of the places in town, and if there was nothing going on, then we could just leave it all alone, and if there was nothing she had found, then I was thinking that we could be able to leave it all alone for a while longer.

"Well, I think that a lot of things have happened where the main school used to be." She was saying, clearly speaking of the thirty story school that we used to have here that was no longer in use. I was feeling like the fact that she was mentioning this place was showing me that she was not exactly playing around here, and that she really did know what she was going on about. It scared me, but I knew that I needed to take her more seriously.

"Oh shit, I think that you might be onto something here." I said, and I was hating the fact that she was, and I was hating the fact that this was something that I had found myself admitting, but I was thinking that if she was wanting to talk to me about something like this, and if she was feeling like something was going on, then we needed to at least give it a look.

This whole thing was something that I had wished to never discuss. "So maybe we can go there, and see if something is going on." I said, and then I was feeling like whatever we were going to be discussing now was going to be a very important topic. I was thinking that maybe Claire was not going to get it, but that I was clearly aware of the fact that maybe I was needing to speak to my dad about what was going on, and see if he was going to be giving me any actual clues to go forward on this.

"I think that maybe I can talk to my dad about when the school was running, since he went to school there at the time it was running. I wonder if he might know why it had shut down, and I think that maybe if he knows why, we can see if something is really going on." I said, and then I was feeling like something like this might be a terrible idea, and I was thinking that we were just taking this whole thing too far. But at the same time, I was just not even caring.

"Yeah, sure, but are you sure? I mean, how old is your dad to be able to have gone here?" After Lisa asked me this, I was sighing, and I knew that whatever she was telling me here was going to be a conversatin that should just not be had. I did not want to be going through another discussion of how old my dad was.

"I mean, he is much older than most of the parents we go to school with. But the thing is that he was a very busy guy when he was ounger, and I think that he just was always up to something, and could never settle down." After I was saying this I was feeling like I just needed needed to leave it all alone.

"Well, I guess that it is none of my business, so I'll leave it alone." After Lisa said this, I was seeing her looking like she was just feeling better about it all. I was then wondering if maybe Lisa was going to be bringing this up to other people that we went to school with. If she was going to be making a big thing out of it, and acting like it was some really big deal. In all honesty, I had hoped that she would not.

We were walking along, and eventually, as we were getting closer and closer to where the older school was, I was wondering what Claire was going to be saying to this. She was probably going to be wanting to talk about what made the school shut down. I was feeling like if she was going to try and force that info on me, then things were only going to be getting so much worse.

"Do you really feel like this is actually even all that connected to stuff that Jack watched or what is going on at the park?" Claire did eventually ask, and I was seeing her looking like she had just wanted me to be a bit more realistic now. I sighed, and I was feeling like there was no real answer that I would have wanted to give.

"I think that sooner or later, Jack will be watching one that connects. If the stuff he watches is real, then surely what happened to Wayside is going to have some connection here. You know that it makes sense." I said, and then I was thinking that if Jack was going to tell me one thing about the stuff he was watching, then maybe he had already known about this for some time.

"Maybe he already has known, and i think that maybe you can see what he is feeling here." Claire said, and I was feeling like this was her way of just trying to get out of the subject for a while longer. In s away I did not blame her, and in a way, I was thinking that what she was saying was perfectly valid. But I refused to admit it.

"Honestly, I think that just a simple look will not be all that bad. What is the worst that can happen?" After Lisa was saying this, I had felt like if she had been listening this whole time, it would not have been an issue. But for now, it was just kind of really confusing me that there was this debate now,

"I mean, even if something did happen, I doubt that Wayside would be the one fucking place in town that was being covered up." After I said this, I was feeling like what I said was probably not all that true, deep down inside, but I was thinking that there was a small level of validity to it.

"Yeah, I guess that you're right." After Claire was telling me this, I was feeling like the light of reasoning was coming through a bit better. I was thinking that perhaps we were all being smart here, and that we were not going to be making any rash statements. So with that, despite us not knowing, we were already almost there, and despite all that I was thinking, and saying it had seemed like something was going on. But not to the wa that they had been expecting, so there was that.

Once we were walking along, and we were seeing there was a set of three black cars in the area, I was feeling like we needed to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible. I was feeling like this was much more important than anything else going on. "Do you think that they are just having the same idea as us?" Lisa asked, thinking nothing of what was going on.

"I think that this is much more important than anything else." After I said this, I was starting to look back to the streets that we had just gone by, feeling like perhaps we were needing to accept the fact that we had made one giant set of mistakes here. But then Lisa was pointing towards one guy in the middle of this whole thing that looked much different from the other guys there.

In all honesty, I was kind of annoyed that she was doing this at first, and I was feeling like what she had been thinking was going to lead to nothing but them catching us, and therefore just making a giant fucking annoyance here. But then I was looking closely, and sort of saw what she was meaning.

This man was much younger than the rest of them, looking like he was only about Gabe's age, or maybe even a few months younger, and it was looking like he had basically bee running the show here. He had been wearing a regular hoodie, and had long black hair, and he was a really tall guy, about six five or so. The others around him were nearly six inches shorter than him, or sometimes even more.

The other guys were also dressed in almost exclusively black pants, white T-Shirt with a black top over it, a black tie, and then black glasses. They looked like they were officials of something, and I was feeling like maybe whatever these men were doing, it was far more important than just simply looking at the school. This guy with the hoodie also looked like he was trying to give them some clear orders.

"I need you to get rid of every single file that is in store here. If even one of them is leaked, then all the records that happened over fifty to forty years ago will be exposed, and the entire thing will be blown." The man said, and he was looking at a guy with a clip board, taking notes of what his boss said.

"If you must, bring them all to my fathers offices, and let him decide what to do with them. Once you have taken care of all the files, then you must change up the rooms, stairs, and make them able to be traversed again. Get rid of every single locker as we will be needing the space." The young man said, and I was clearly aware even at the age of seven that this was the sign of a construction project, and I was wondering what the point of the project even was.

"What do you want to do about the classrooms, and the way that the school is built, having a uneven structure on every single floor?" The one with the clipboard asked, and the young man seemed to be thinking about this a bit longer, thinking of how to go at this issue that even my father mentioned once.

"The classrooms can be used in a decent manner. Leave the rooms as they are, but get rid of all the desks, and make sure that the room is set up in a way that it can actually be used for proper work. As for the floors themselves, if you need to destroy some floors, and build it higher up or down lower, to create a more even space, then do it. Never leave a single one out." After the man was saying this, he was clearly thinking about how much of a issue this was going to be, and I was even hearing that maybe a small part of him resented this whole thing.

"Do you think that your father would approve of such measures?" The man with the clipboard asked, and then the man with the hoodie sighed, as if feeling like it was only a matter of time before this question was going to be coming up, and he was clearly having no desire to be having this discussion for even a second.

"My father will know that there is no other choice. If he doesn't like it, I will simply explain to him what the issue is, and why I did things the way that they were done. It is only going to be a matter of time before I take over the company anyways." He said, as if happy to be aware that this was the moment that he was going to no longer have to deal with anything tha would be considered even a small issue.

"But what if he doesn't? And you know that the company is not yours officially yet." He said, and then the man in the hoodie was looking right at him, and he was clearly angry at this. He was feeling like if this man was going to be talking about how the issues were handled going forward, then nothing else was going to even matter at all.

"I know that it is not mine yet. But I think that you are really taking a bigger issue than it is with the fact that I want to have these floors in a decent fashion. I was told by my father that we needed to make this school ground a better place for operations to be run. Not to be the same it once was. And I feel like this is the best way to do it." He said, clearly thinking that if this conversation was to keep up, then everything that needed to be done would have been entirely wasted over this simple discussion.

"We need to get out of here now." I said, and this time I was not going to be nice about it. I was scared out of my mid this time, and I was feeling like listening to these two guys talk about what was happening with Wayside any longer was going to be making things so much worse for all of us, and I was feeling like we needed to end this.

We were walking off, and this time, neither Claire or Lisa were arguing with us. Clearly she was feeling like we could finally just move on, and I was feeling like maybe I could go on and ask my dad what the heck is going on now. Maybe he was going to have something to tell me when I would see his mood here.

"What were those guys taking care of over there?" Claire asked me, and I was feeling like that was the worst way she could word something like this, and I was feeling like they were not taking care of anything. I was feeling like maybe in all honesty, whatever the heck we were doing with that conversation, and however we could take it, but it would just be a massive issue.

"I feel like we should just never speak of it. I am scared that something is happening here, and I think we should just be hanging out, and pretending like nothing is going on." I said, and this was when I was feeling like there was just no real point in talking about anything like this anymore. I was thinking that whatever they wanted to talk about, was going to be put off for later.

"Yeah, Lydia is right guys. If we talk about this, then those guys are going to know it was us. If they do not aleady." After Lisa was saying this, I was wondering if there was any way I could make this whole thing seem less awful, and be able to make them both feel at least a bit better. Aside from bringing up my brothers, which neither of them always seemed to be interested in.

We were walking along for a bit, and I was feeling like maybe when I could see what the heck this guy was doing, and see why he was wanting to ruin a old school of all places, then this was going to make more sense. He was a guy who had a clear goal, and that was all that I had known.

I was feeling like as much as I wanted to get out of this, and as long as I wanted to go without getting the guy into this, for reasons that I felt like he was going to pretend like he knew better than us, I was going to have to bring my father to this. Maybe he was going to give me the clues that I had needed, and that was all that I cared for.

-November 7 2020 10:40 am- I was sort of getting worried over Henry, knowing how much time he had spent dealing with that election, since in all honesty, I was feeling like everybody was constantly going around to him on it. I felt like he had deserved something better than to have everybody going on and trying to force him to give them every single update of the entire race. I was feeling like in all honesty, I was just needing to find a way to speak to him, to make him feel a bit better here.

Despite this all, and no matter what I was wanting to tell him, I had felt like this was sort of what he was going to be getting himself into when he was agreeing to be helping his brothers out on this whole thing. I sort of expected him to try and learn way too much, and then as a result, everybody was going to be feeling like he was the only one who can help him out. After all, we already had known who the winner was going to be.

I was going to be hanging out with Claire and I knew that this was the only thing that I had wanted to really do more than anything at all, and therefore, I was going to be sort of just kind of having my space a bit more respected. I was wondering if tehy had some other friends who might be willing to hang out with me, since I knew that they were probably not going to be enough to drag me through the whole school year. Lisa and Claire, mostly Claire, was a good starting point, but I had felt like I just needed to get more than just that.

When I was going to be seeingher, I was going to suggest that maybe we could go along and see what she was going to try and do. I knew that she surely must have had an idea on what we could have done, even if she was not wanting to be dealing with making new plans. I was just not that good at making new plans, and while I was fine with Lisa showing me that thing at the park, I was not wanting that to be the only thing we looked at. I did not want to be like Jack again, where we spent hours and days thinking about something that was literally out of his power.

That was one thing that I could be grateful for the election on. At least it had semed like Jack was sort of moving forward on that whole thing, and he seemed to be going on to other things. As much as I was not wanting to be hearing about it anymore, I was thinking that if the election could be able to divert focus away from that for a while, then everything was going to be better than normal. and we could just pretend like nothing we saw was that important.

Eventually, I was starting to walk on my way to where Claire lived, and I was seeing that she must have had an idea on what we were going to be doing, or that we should be hanging out, because of the fact that she was already heading my way, and I was seeing that she was just looking like she was wanting to eitehr tell me something, or for some reason was satisfied enough to just be seeing me at all that she did not even worry about what we were going to be doing.

"Hey Lydia, how are you doing today?" She asked, and despite the fact that I was not wanting to say great or anything, due to coming up with a different line, I was feeling like that was the only thing I could describe it with. Besides, I was sort of just wanting to talk about something else, and I was now in a mindset where as long as I was not thinking about the stuff with my brothers, then I was going to be happy enough.

"I am doing good. Do you have any ideas on what you might be wanting to do?" After I asked her this, she was sighing, and I was seeing her looking like she had wanted to say something else, but decided against it. I was sort of thinking that maybe she was actually having ideas, but had no idea what she was going to be telling me, and was therefore leaving it alone.

"I was wondering if I could ask you about something?" She asked, as we were walking away from my house, and getting closer to her house. I knew that something like this was going to be coming up, and I knew that she was just wanting to pretend like this was not happening. But I was smart enough to see through it, and I was willing to just answer whatever questions she had, if it had meant that she was going to be not giving off this strange presentation.

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" I asked, feeling like as long as I was going to be respectful to her, and as long as I was making it seem like I was going to make a real difference, then I was going to just sort of get going here. "I mean, I have no idea if I can help you, especially if it is about my brothers, but stilll..." I said, therefore now wanting to leave it alone.

"Well, I was wondering what you had felt about that guy who we saw when we were back at Wayside school nearly a week ago. The one who was giving orders and stuff." Claire said, and that was sort of random and out of nowhere. I was feeling like if she was wanting to see what I had thought on something, she just needed to be more specific on something that I was able to really make a difference on. But then I was sighing, and just felt like I needed to see what she was feeling here.

"I think that you might need to not worry about something like that. It is really none of our business what those guys were doing." I said, and I was feeling like I had just said that mainly to be making her get away from this discussion. She was clearly looking like she had wished that I could have taken this more seriously, but she was remaining silent here.

"I know that it is none of our business, but the fact that he was seeming like he was going to destroy the school or something like that, makes me wondering what his purpose was. I just sort of think that we might need to see what is going on here." After she had said that to me, I was thinking that this was going to be a waste of time and effort. But as long as she was going to be doing something that she was wanting to do, I guess that I needed to pretend like I was happy with this idea.

"Honestly, I think that the school was going to be replaced anyday sometime anyways. So I think that we might as well just leave the whole thing alone." I said, and while I did not want to be coming off as rude, I was feeling like this was the only thing that we could do, and still make it seem like we were having some form of choice here.

"But it is more about the fact that he probably has something that he will be doing with the school once it is all done. That is the main reason that I am scared what is going on here. I know that nobody uses the school anymore, but what will be be doing with it?" After she had asked me this, I was nodding, and I was thinking about getting focused on the main point though.

"That is something that I need to not worry on. I mean for gods sake, what will my father be thinking if he sees his older school being replaced with something that is only going to be making things worse?" I asked and I was then feeling like I was taking this much too seriously, and I was wondering why I was even caring so much what was going to be going down.

"I doubt that your father will really be caring all that much what people are doing to a school that he went to nearly sixty years ago." Claire told me, and then I was thinking about how long ago it had been, and when she was mentioning that perspective, as much as I was hating to admit it, I was feeling like maybe she might have been right, and that I just needed to let it go now.

"I guess that maybe that makes sense. I just think that he would be at least a little bit sad over something like this." I said, and then I was leaving it alone for a bit, thinking that as long as I was not defending it too much longer, then she might not be too worried on it in a perspective that I was just trying to explain away the fact that these guys can do whatever they want.

"That being said, it had been left alone for a while. Maybe they wanted to decide to give it something to do instead, such as replacing many of the areas in it, and then building a new inside. I think that it might be better than nothing." I said, feeling like we were going to make it a good argument with that. Claire was remaining silent, and I was seeing her looking like she had wished that I was going to be taking this more seriously than I had been, since in all honesty, I just did not see the point to any of this.

"I just think that maybe we should be at least somewhat worried on how he is going to be using it. For all we know, he might be having some plans that are going to be evil." Claire said, and I was thinking that the word evil was being far too generic, and that she was needing to be coming up with better material. But in a way, what if she was telling the truth, and that if this guy took the building over, it would be fine.

"I think that we might as well give him a chance." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that it was only going to fair to do something like this. After all, he was our elder, and that maybe by him doing something like this, we could be able to let him go on and show us all that he was not going to be taking things for granted.

"Sure, I guess that I can sort of see where you are coming from, even if I do not agree with it entirely." She was telling me, and then I was thinking that it was mildly strange that she was more interested in something like this than I had been. I was wondering if maybe she was right, and if maybe I was needing to be taking this more seriously than I had been. If that was true, and I was just playing around, then maybe things were going to be much worse.

"Besides, what would he do with it?" I asked, and then I was feeling like this was going to be a good point. If I was going to be putting it this way, then surely she would be able to see why I was telling her that she was going to be making something out of literally nothing at all.

"Do what his father wants him to do, and if that's bad, then it's bad." Claire said, and then I was indeed remembering the fact that he was following his dads orders, and when I had remembered that, I was wondering what his dad might have been up to. If his dad was up to something, then perhaps we were going to indeed need to look further in it all.

"I guess that this is fair enough." I said, thinking about who was right between the two of us was literally going to be driving right down to what his father might have been doing. And if his father was going to be trying to do something wrong with Wayside, then I was wondering if he was just taking things over. You know, like those people from the movies who just want money.

"After all, his father owns Lazarus, which is a major company." Claire was saying, and after she was speaking more and more, the longer that the seeds of doubt had been coming in, and the longer that I was feeling like the guy who was at the school was just following orders. But then again, he was seeming to be a rather big authority figure. So in all honesty, I think that there was more to it than Claire or I were maing it out to be.

"I wonder what Lazarus even does anyways." I said, fully aware that this place was going to be the only place in all of our town who pretty much had sole say on what was happening, and that we were going to have to take this business more seriously if we were to be making any real progress here. "If we know what they are doing, then we could actually have a answer here."

"Maybe we can go on and ask." Claire asked, and I was thinking that this was a fucking terrible idea, and I was feeling like maybe we were going to have to just reel it back a bit, and pretend like we were not going to be getting ourselves into something that we might be regretting. Something that could be putting our lives at risk.

"Claire, I think that we just need to be looking at this a bit better. We need to just not be taking this whole thing too seriously." I said, and then I was seeing her looking like she was just kind of wanting to do something else, but was willing to quit the discussion for the time being. "I mean, if we mind our own business, isn't that better than anything else?"

"If you say so, then I will be doing my best here." After she had said that to me, I was seeing her angry at me, and I was wondering what her problem was, and why she had wanted to be doing something like this. The guy was moderately scary, and I had wanted her to be seeing where she was coming from was absolutely insane, even if she did not see it.

"Besides, I doubt that even if we were to ask dad around, he would be giving us answers. He might be telling us to be doing our own thing, and let him just be doing his job. Whatever the heck his job is." I said, hating my life, and hating the fact that Claire was wanting to take life to such a fucking scary extreme.

"In all honesty, I think that Lisa and all our other friends, will not want to be wanting us to take this as seriously as you are suggesting. If you try too hard to be getting into this whole thing, then they might be getting kind of annoyed with us." I said, and then I was feeling like we might as well just sort of look at it this way.

"You might be right there." She was saying, finally calming down enough to where she was finally looking like she was willing to see some form of logic of reasoning. This was the only thing that I had wanted, and the only thing that I had cared for. I was thinking that if our friends did not like this, they would not hang out with me anymore.

As selfish was it was, part of me was only caring for something like this. As selfish as it was, I was thinking that if we were losing friends over this, then my entire life would be fucked. I was wanting friends, and I was wanting to do good in school. That was the main thing that I had cared for, more than anything else in the world.

"I think that we just have a lot of stuff that we need to be worried about going forward. I think that our friends are going to be telling us that we are taking things way too seriously, and that would be really wrong for me to be saying this stuff about my brother Jack, but then not be looking at ourselves in the mirror going forward." I said, and then I was wondering if this was something that Jack was feeling earlier, and that maybe we just needed to give him more credit here.

"Do you feel like what your brother is doing is the same as what is going on here? I mean, your brother is just watching a bunch of random footage, and trying to make a meaning out of it. While what we saw was a real event, and we know that we did not make any of it up." Claire said, trying to just make me see it her way. But then I was sighing, and I was just having no real desire to continue going along here.

"Well, I think that making something out of a single conversation is not going to be any better than him making stuff out of footage that looks like it could be having damning evidence here." After I said that to her, I was feeling like I just needed to be realistic when looking at this, even if I was being harsh on it all, which I admit I might have been.

Chapter Text

-Henry's POV November 3 2020 12:55 am- I was getting up to go to the bathroom, and be doing my own thing, when I was seeing my oldest brother staring in front of the television, and I was seeing him looking like he was taking something very seriously. I was thinking that at this point, he might be needing to have somebody talk to him, and make him feel at least somewhat better here. "Hey, what is happening?" I asked, and then Todd looked right at me.
As he was looking right at me, I saw him looking like he was just tired, and that he had wanted to end this whole thing. "I am really worried over something that is going to be happening later today." He said, and then I was having virtually no reaction here, since in all honesty, the way he was speaking was just sort of making me feel like I had no real way of getting through this all. "I doubt that you would really get how important what this will all be is, and I do not want to force it on you." My brother said, and I was feeling like he was needing to give me more credit here, and that maybe he was just needing to know that I had no real intention on making him feel bad.
"I can try and help." I said, and then I was seeing Todd looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was almost thinking that this entire dicussion was going to be a waste of his fucking time. He shook his head and then decided to start talking to me.
"Honestly, I am not even all that worried over something like this. I am just dealing with the fact that the election is tomorrow, and that is going to show us who the president is going to be." After he had said that to me, I saw him looking like he was wanting to almost say something else, but he had decided entirely against it all.
"Do you think that I might be able to help you?" I asked, feeling like this was going to be making him feel better. The idea of telling him that he can flat out let me know what the issue was, and then we could possibly work something out. I was seeing Todd looking like he was having nothing to say, but then there was a small part of him that was looking like he was seeing some value to what I had been saying.
"Yeah, maybe you can..." Todd said, and then he was looking at me, and there was a slight smile on this face. "Would you be willing to let me know how it goes by writing down the events of it?" He said, and went to his room, where he was grabbing a notebook, and staring at me for a couple of seconds.
"I guess I can. I don't get it though." I said, and then I was looking right at him, and Todd was just giving me this look that was basically saying 'please don't argue with me'. I was feeling like no matter what I was wanting to say, that Todd was going to be in a really bad mood, and that I was just needing to be making it at least slightly less bad at this rate.
"Just do it, and write down all the states as they come in. Just make sure that no matter what happens, you tell the truth, even if you feel like it might be something I will not like." He said, and then I was looking at him, and I was feeling like even if I had no desire to admit it, that he was going crazy right now, and that he had needed to relax.
"Sure, I will do that." I said, and then I shrugged, and then I was feeling like there was no other way that I could be telling him anything like this, and be having him feel even remotely slightly better. So with this, I was just thinking that as long as I was making him feel well, that I was going to be a good brother here.
"As long as you keep it the truth, and as long as you let it just be known what happens as it happens, then there is nothing that I can do about it." After he had said that to me, I decide that I was going to just be leaving it all alone. "I am going to be dealing with stuff in my own time. Being with Bebe, as well as a short shift at my job. I will be just too busy to be seeing what is going to be happening and stuff." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he was having no real way to be arguing on this anymore, and that as long as I was just doing exactly as he was saying, then the only issue was going to be who was going to win.
'Why do you care so much what is happening?" I asked, and I was not wanting to be rude on it, but in all honesty, I was just not getting the point, and I was feeling like if he was just going to tell me what had been happening, it would have been better.
"I think that it is going to be making a issue on who is going to be the person solely responsible for making choices in this country for four more years, and I have no idea which one will be better at the job, and what I can even be doing about it all." After he told me this, I was sighing, and had no idea what to say now.
"Yeah, I might be the only one who can do it." I said, thinking about what it was going to be like to make this whole, and I was wondering if what I said about being the only one who could do it. I was thinking that in my mind, I was just trying to justify the idea of doing this, and why he was coming to me. Which in my mind was saying that I was the only one who can do it.
"If you are not too sure what is going on, and if you feel like there are some things you do not understand yet, just write them down anyways, and just see what you can do to make a difference." Todd said, and I was sighing, and I was feeling like even if he was not wanting to admit it, he was setting me up for a high standard, and I was feeling like maybe I was going to just have to see what we were even going to be doing yet.
"Anyways, I think that as the years go by, then you will be wanting to know what is happening anyways, as you grow older, and you will see why these things every four years matter so much." He was just saying, and despite what he was telling me, I was sort of feeling like he was just saying a bunch of doomy stuff, and I was feeling like it was sort of above my pay grade.
"If you say so." I said, and then I was thinking about what it was going to be like if what he was saying was true. I did not think that it was true, and I did not think that it was a big deal. But if this was the way that things were going to be, and if he was really going off of actual experience, then I was going to have to just be playing along for a while longer, and see what was going to be going down here.
"Anyways, the fact of the matter is that I am just sort of feeling like there is too much to explain in a short amount of time, and you are too young to need to worry on it for the time being." After Todd said this to me, I was sighing, and the whole time that I had been thinking about what was to happen I was wondering what my siblings were going to say now.
"Have fun with Bebe." I said, totally randomly bringing the subject to that, but I was feeling like maybe something like this was going to be something that could help him be happier, so in a way, I was feeling like I was doing a good job, and I was just wanting to make this discussion a whole lot less strange than it had been in all honesty. When I was bringing her up to him, I was seeing him looking like he was getting a whole lot happier, calmer, and more of a relatively composed state.
...

-November 3 2020 4:00 pm- I was sitting down on the screen, and I was just basically forcing myself to be listening to what was happening, since in all honesty, I had no real desire to be going through this whole thing. But I was well aware of the fact that if I slacked off on what I was promising my brothers to do, they would be getting rather angry at me. The only thing that I was focused on was just getting the results down as it was all happening.
"Welcome to election night 2020. Where we will be seeing who will be elected the next president of the United States. In this election, we will be having our current president Donald Trump running against Joe Biden, and we will be seeing if the president will be the second one to win two terms in a row, or if Biden will be taking over for the next four years." The announcer said, and then he was looking right at the screen, ready for it to load up something.
"In order to outright win the election, one of the two candidates must reach an absolute majority of the electoral vote. And like in the 2012 and 2016 elections, that will be 623 votes out of 1244. In order to get there, both candidates must win enough states to have an combined vote be getting them over the top." The man said, continuing his speech that he gives at the start of every one.
"The way that the electoral college is allocated, for those who only watch this every four years, is by how many representatives and senators there are in the state. Every single state has two senators, which is 100. Every state has a certain amount of representatives that represent their state depending on population, and in this case, one per 270 thousand residents. This gives us 1140 representatives, and DC has 4 more electoral votes." The man was then feeling like he needed to continue on with the next part of his speech.
"After our census this year, there are another set of electors which will be representing the state, and from our early reports of population, it seems as if our electoral votes of 2024 and 2028 will be 1325, which will make the winning mark 663." When he was done with this, he was looking at the map, waiting for more to be coming along.
"So far we have a few states closed up. We have Indiana, we have Kentucky, and we have Vermont all closed up. Soon enough, we will be seeing West Virginia, Virginia, and South Carolina closing. And while some states have closed, it is very important to go out and cast your vote this year. As it seems like this year will have the most ever." The man was sounding almost proud of this for once in his life.
"The only thing that you would need to worry about in your involvement tonight is making sure that you cast your vote, and by doing so, you will be helping make your voice heard among one of millions of voters." The man said, feeling like there was not much to be going forward with.
As he was saying this all, that was when Jack was walking into the room, and he was looking across the screen, as if thinking of something to be saying here. In all honesty, I saw him looking like he had wanted to make fun of me really badly, but decided that he was not going to be doing something like this.
"What are you checking up on? I did not think you would be interested in something like this." He said, feeling like he might as well be honest about what was going on in his mind. In all honesty, I wish that I was never asked to be watching something like this either. But I was asked politely to do so.
"Gabe and Todd asked me to be watching the election, to make sure that they can know what is happening before anything else comes up." I said, and then I was wondering if he had any real response to this. He was shrugging, thinking that this was going to be a bit out of his league or interest at all.
"Well, as long as you are not going around, and making everybody else watch it with you, I suppose that I am not allowed to complain." He said, and then I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say something else, but decided that for once, he was going to be keeping it inside.
"I don't really care what is happening tonight. Barely anything has come in, and to be honest, the number system is odd." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that I might as well leave it alone. I was feeling like I made my voice heard, and that I was going to just keep going on this if I felt like it was going to be important to do so.
"I am mainly doing it to make sure that Gabe and Todd do not get angry at me." I said, feeling like it was selfish to be saying this, but that I might as well be honest with what I was saying. As long as I told the truth, you would not be too annoyed with what was happening, or my lack of response.
"Well, I guess you might as well tell me who wins if that comes up." After he had said that, I saw him looking like he had not wanted to be saying anything else. But I was feeling like maybe with the two of us talking a bit better, than maybe we could have been getting along a slight bit better.
I was looking at the screen, and I was wondering how these electoral votes, or whatever they were called, were going to be coming in, and if we were going to be waiting super long for them to be happening. It turns out at that moment, the guy answered my minds query.
"We can now project that the state of Kentucky will be going to Donald Trump, with their 18 electoral votes. On the other side of the spectrum, we will be calling the 4 electoral votes to Joe Biden. This puts us at 18 to 4 so far, with Indiana fasting counting their votes, and if trends are keeping up, will be delivering a solid amount to Trump soon." The man said, and then I was sort of looking at Jack, who was almost appaled that he even stuck around for that bit.
"I will let you know how it goes along soon enough." After I had said that to him, I was seeing him looking like he had no idea what to be saying to that idea. But he was shrugging, and decided that he was going to be letting it go. If it was something I wanted to do with him, I was going to do it, and I was certain that he had known of that as well.
"Well, have some fun with this, I guess. But don't get too wrapped up in it all." After Jack had told me this, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to be saying more, and that he had felt like he was needing to continue, but decided that he was going to be leaving it alone for the time being. All I knew at this rate was that Trump might be winning the damn thing.
I knew that he was probably going to be hanging out with his friends, so I was going to be letting him have his own thing, and that he was going to just be too far gone to really want to be having this whole thing go along anyways. As Jack was heading off, I was thinking about what I was getting myself into, and why I even cared what I had seen too much.
Maybe part of me really did have a bit of excitement on what was to come. So with that, I was going to be working hard to be watching the full reports. And when they were all said and done, then I was going to be telling them all the details. But as I was watching, I wondered if I had even wanted to be doing such a thing.
All that I knew was that from the way the guy was looking here, and the way he was talking, that this was something that he did not take lightly at all. He was wanting to make sure that everybody knew the full reports, and was ready to be making it so that everybody fully got it, for better or for worse.
I wished that in all honesty, the people who were watching this, and the people who had been going along with these reports, were going to be able to just give me some more details, and not be making me feel like we were heading nowhere at all. But for now, I was going to just sit back and watch it all.
Electoral Count
Trump 18 (1.44%)
Biden 4 (0.32%)

...

-Nov 3 2020 4:48 pm- Right as I was seeing the screen once again, this was when the next projection had been made. It was for another couple of states that had been closed on nearly an hour ago. "We will now be able to project that President Trump will be winning the 9 electoral votes of West Virginia against Joe Biden. And in the opposite end of the spectrum, Joe Biden will be winning the 32 electoral votes of Virginia. These two states being called will be President Trump all the way up to 27 electoral votes, while Biden is now currently in the lead with 36." The reporter said, with two bars of different colors filling in a increasingly tightening grey bar. I figured out that stuff and what it meant instantly.
"As per tradition for the last 72 year, ever since we started to have television, we will be placing in every state that the Republican candidate wins in the blue coloring. Every state that the Demoracts win is going to be colored in red. And on top of this, every time a state is called, the electoral votes of that state will be showing up on the top." He said, feeling like he would move on now.
"We are seeing counts in Florida showing that they are roughly three fifths of the way through the counting of the ballots, and will be getting closer as the night goes on. Due to the stricter standards on COVID, many states have been doing mostly main in voting, and the votes were being counted every week in oder to get ready to start making early reports. These mail in votes are having their official reports being shown up first, to get many people a clue on what is to come." The man explained, and by this point, I had been totally lost now.
At this rate, I was seeing Seth walking by, and he was looking like he was having the time of his life, and I was not wanting to argue with him at all. I was not wanting to be bringing up anything that he might be finding mildly annoying. But in a way, I was feeling like maybe I could be seeing where he was coming from. "Do you're actually fulfilling the promise?" Seth asked, only faintly aware what this promise even was, and did not want to be asking any more on it if I did not want to speak on it.
"Yeah, I feel like I might be having no choice." I said, and then I was looking at the screen again, and despite what I was wanting to pretend like here, I was actually much more interested in this than I was letting on. I wanted to know where this was going to go. I mean, right now, the election looked so fucking close, and I was wanting to see where this was going to go.
"How are you feeling right now?" Seth asked, and I was unsure if he thought I would have feelings on this, or if he was just wanting to see if I had been bored out of my mind yet. I was thinking that I might as well tell him the answer that might be blowing him away if he heard it.
"I guess that I am just sort of wanting to see what the hype is." After I said that, I was seeing him looking like he was kind of happy to be seeing that at least I might have been taking it better than he had been. I was wondering if with his older age, and greater experience, if he was tired of even pretending like he was interested in this stuff.
"The truth of the matter is that there is virtually none. This happens every single four years. You will be getting used to the fact that this is a load of shit no matter what. There is nothing about it that is cool or exciting. If you have to report this for our brothers, go ahead, but don't be thinking too much into it." He said, and then he was sighing, feeling like that was all that he had wanted to even say on the matter.
"I mean, I thought it was cool the first time, but now that I know what the structure is like, and I know what people do, I just sort of want these nights over with every fucking time." Seth was saying, and I was wondering what the heck happened that made him hate it as much as he did right now. I was feeling like the whole thing was just strange, to be hating this much.
"Do you know who will win?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and then he was laughing at this question, as if feeling like he was wanting to be having more hope in it, but was finding the question utterly dumb in his own way. "Do you want to have one win?" At this, I was seeing him looking like he was virtually done with it all.
"I don't give a crap who wins. Nobody is going to win in my books. I think that something like this is a giant waste of time, if I am being frank with you. None of it is going to lead anywhere, and everybody is going to be finger pointing. We just need to accept that it is no big deal." He was telling me, and I saw him thinking that we were able to leave it at that.
"I think that it is a waste of time that Todd and Gabe want to know so badly. I think that they just buy into the hype of it all, without even seeing that there is no real reason that we should think that either of them are going to run things any fucking different from the others." Seth finished, and felt like he could leave it at that for now.
As Seth was in the middle of his speech about the bullshit and stuff, that was when the next projection had been made. "We can now safely call that South Carolina will be going to President Trump. This will be putting President Trump up at 46 electoral votes. he is now leading against Joe Biden, who is still at the 36 we gave him earlier. At this point in time, we still have 1157 left up for grabs, which means that for now, it really is anybodys race to take." The man was saying, as if feeling like he was needing to at least pretend like he was not being biased here.
"We will be seeing states such as New Jersey and Alabama closing soon. Once these states close in, many of which are almost assured to go to either Biden or Trump, we will be seeing the undecided vote counting down a lot less. In the popular vote, despite having far fewer electoral votes as of yet, Biden is leading by about a hundred thousand votes." The man said, letting the statistics run up for a while.
"We will project that once the night is done, regardless of wheater or not he wins the electoral vote, Biden will probably be picking up the popular vote. This is very much in the same vein as 2016, where despite all of the shocks, and despite the fact that it had looked as such all night, then candidate Donald Trump did pick up a solid 1.7 million vote victory against former first lady Hillary Clinton." The man was saying, reminding those who saw this in the past.
"In that election, Trump ended up walking away with a very good 752 electoral votes to Hillary Clinton only getting 492. While many of those states were close and could have put Hillary on top had they gone the other way, it is important to note like this time, Trump was very behind in virtually every poll in until the last fourteen days, when he had it as a tie." He said, and it was one moment where he was showing borderline impressed excitement over one of them.
"I can't take this anymore. Go on and fucking watch it. I am done with this for the rest of the night." Seth said, and then he walked to his room, and I was wondering if he got in a fight with his friends, or if he was just seriously and genuinely that over all of the stuff going on here.
As I was wondering all of that, I almost let it get in the way of my job, and I was letting the emotions somehow ruin the one thing that I was told that I needed to be doing. Maybe when this was all over, I was going to be asking him what the issue was, and why he was even wanting to be in a bad mood right now. But for the time being, I was going to just watch the show for as long as I could, to see where it could go.
Electoral Count
Trump 46 (3.68%)
Biden 36 (2.89%)

...

-November 3 2020 5:48 pm- With the next calls of the race being made, this was when the race was starting to become ever so slightly more interesting, and I was wondering where this was going on. I was wondering if these states being called so fast was going to be the reason that Todd gave so much of a shit about it. The man was looking like he was glad to be getting these ones done with now.
"Our next state projections will now project that Trump will win the 20 electoral votes of Alabama, the 13 electoral votes of Mississippi, the 25 electoral votes of Tennesse, the 13 electoral votes of Arkansas and the 16 electoral votes of Oklahoma. This will be bringing him up to 133 electoral votes. With most of his southern locked in states kicking in, we will be seeing where he will be needing to improve soon." The man said, and I was confused at this, since he already had so many locked in.
"The 26 electoral votes of Masschusetts will be going to Joe Biden. Delaware's 5 electoral votes will go him, the 4 electoral votes of DC, the 23 electoral votes of Maryland, the 34 electoral votes of New Jersey, the 15 electoral votes of Connecticut, the 6 electoral vote of Rhode Island, and the 49 electoral votes of Illinois all go to Joe Biden. At this rate, we are looking at 198 for Biden, and 133 for President Trump." The man said, feeling like the race was going to be soon going into the landslide that it would become.
"These are all states that have been considered by many to be clear walk aways before the night started. So I would suggest not reading into these at all, and just watching the next several states coming in. Florida has yet to be called, and when that state is eventually called, we will be having a good idea on who will win the race." The announcer said, and I was seeing Lydia coming towards me.
I was seeing her looking like she was wanting to see what I was doing. "Hey Henry, what has been going on so far?" She asked, and I was seeing her looking at the screen, feeling like whatever was going to be coming next, the election was going to be taking a rather odd turn around.
"With the way Josiah was saying it, I thought Trump was going to lose in a blow out." She said, and then she was shrugging, having no idea what to be saying now, and she was clearly feeling like she had no idea what to be doing with it. Eventually, Lydia had wanted to say something else, but that with what was going on, she was terrified of what Josiah was going to be like now.
"Why do you think that this was happening? Or why did he?" I asked, and I was feeling like this was going to be giving me a clearer idea on what I was supposed to be getting ready for. Lydia was shrugging, feeling like I was sort of asking her a question that she had no real power in answering at all.
"I just listened to what he had said. I think that if you want to know, let him talk to you on this." She said, and then she sighed, feeling like she was wanting to just leave the subject alone, and that this was something she was feeling like was almost too much to really handle.
"Alright, I will do that." I said, feeling like I was willing to take the challenge, and that this was going to totally be worth my time and the effort. If he was wanting to let me know, and if he was fair with me, then it was going to be perfect for everybody involved. I was staring at the screen, feeling like maybe Josiah was just losing his mind if he was thinking Biden was going to walk away with it all.
"I am honestly kind of impressed with how much you care about this so far." She said, feeling like maybe this was something that she had wanted to do, but had no real patience to be doing it. With that, she was looking around the room, and I was seeing her clearly just wanting to talk longer, but had no real interest here.
"We can now project that Donald Trump will be winning the 26 electoral votes of Indidana, which will be placing him up to 159. With this state called, he is now about a quarter of the way to winning a second term. And with several more states that are considered safely for him coming up, he will be locking in many more before the night ends." The announcer said, and then he was looking at a much larger number that had been changing often.
"Despite being down by 39 electoral votes for now, Trump is now gaining a small lead in the popular vote against Biden. As time goes on, we will be seeing if this lead will be holding, or if Biden will eventually be able to catch up, and take the president over. With states such as California to be closed, we expect that the margin will be relatively in his favor in coming hours." He said, and I was wondering what was so important about California to make it like this.
"So I guess that most of the election is now over with, given more states are already done." After Lydia was saying this to me, I was wanting to believe in this. It would have been so much easier to be buying into that narrative. But given the way the guy was talking about it all, I was not really super sure. At least not as much as I had been earlier.
"I will let you know how things turn out soon enough." I said, and I was wondering if she even cared about that, or if she was just sort of commenting on the election as a whole. In all honesty, if she was not really interested in this, I was feeling like maybe I just needed to be letting her just be having fun, and not be pressing this any further at all.
"Well, don't be going around, and acting like it is the end of the world when it turns out that it looks like you wasted your entire night away." Lydia was saying, and I was wondering what the issue here was. I was sort of feeling like she was just wanting to say more, and that she was feeling the need to be doing so. But that she was also aware that I was making my position on this relatively clear, and not to be pressing it any more.
"Alright, I will remember that." I said, and then I was thinking that for better or for worse, this was not going to be such a simple night. That being said, despite all that was going on, I was wanting to see where it would go, and I was getting more and more excited with each passing minute that I was actually going to be witnessing a historical event.
Once Lydia was looking down, she was clearly looking like she had wanted to be saying more, but did not really know how she was going to be doing so. "Well, I mean, as long as you are enjoying what is going on, and you feel like you feel connected with it, then I have no real issues with it at all." Lydia was telling me, and I was slowly nodding, but despite my nodding, I was feeling like there was something to it that I was not really getting.
"So Lydia, do you feel like there is something going on here?" I asked her, and she was shaking her head, feeling like if she had felt that way on anything, she would have been just thinking that I was a liar. "I mean, Seth was talking about how bullshit it was." I said, and I felt like saying the word was fine when I was directly referencing words other people were saying.
"I don't think anything is going on. I just think that the night itself is boring as hell." She said, feeling like she might as well be honest about what she was feeling, and then she was just sort of feeling a bit lost here. "We all have differing ideas though, so I am not worried."
As she had said that, she really did head off, and I was wondering what the next states that were going to be called would have been. I was thinking that we were going to be getting close to another few, and I was just wanting them to be done, so we could have been able to all move on.
Electoral Count
Biden 198 (15.92%)
Trump 159 (12.79%)

...

-November 3 2020 6:41 pm- The next set of reports had been coming in, and the announcer was getting ready to just tell us what the status on the election was for now. "We can now project that the state of New York with 74 electoral votes, and New Mexico with 10 electoral votes will be going to Biden. This puts him up at 282. On Trump's side, we can project that Lousiana with 19 electoral votes, Oklahoma with 16 electoral votes, the 5 electoral votes of North Dakota, South Dakota with 5 electoral votes, Nebraska with 9 electoral votes, and Wyoming with another 4 electoral votes, will be going to Donald Trump. This brings him up to 217. It is now impossible for Trump to win over 1000 electoral votes, with Biden's result."
Now at this point in time, most of the states had been called to at least some fashion, which means that more so now than before, the election had really started to experience a bit of a winding down experience. At least that was the way that I had taken it. "The states of Florida, Ohio, and Texas will be expected to give a winner soon enough, and as of yet, those states are all looking very favorable to Trump. Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Pennsalvania, are too much too early and too close to call."
I was wondering what the next states were going to be, and I was wondering when the calls were finally going to be going through. In all honesty, I just kind of wished to be seeing who was going to win now. Neither of them were even half way they needed to win. By this point, part of me was feeling like the whole thing had been dragged on for far too long, and I was now starting to lose some interest here.
As this was done, I saw Josiah walking in, and I was seeing him taking a second to look at the screen, and when he had seen this, I saw him getting a very happy look on his eyes. As if this was the turn out that he was wanting. I was wondering if he was willing to tell me what it was that he had wanting. What he had by now been expecting to go down.
"Hey Henry, do you think that Biden is going to win?" After he asked me this, I was looking right at him, feeling like there was not much to say here. I was looking at the screen for a couple of seconds, and I was feeling like no matter what was happening one way or another, he was going to be wanting a straight forward answer, so I was going to be letting him have it.
"Yeah, I think he is favored to win." I said, not thinking about the other states to still be called, and I was just thinking about the current counts. In all honesty, I did not know if it was better for him to win, but that was what I was thinking.
"That is good news for all of us. If he fails to win the election, I will be feeling like we might be having a huge set of issues to go through." After he was saying this, I was confused as to this all, but I decided not to be saying anything on it, and I decided that it was none of my business.
"We can now project that Joe Biden will be winning the 21 electoral votes of Colorado. This result will be placing him at 303 electoral votess, which is slightly less than half of what he will be needing to win the White House." The announcer said, and the bar filled up with a slight bit more red, while the blue states mostly contained a paltry amount of electoral votes.
"I am going to be telling my friends about to tonight, and I think that this will be a night for us all to remember." After Josiah told me this, I saw him looking like he was ready to be walking away with a look of pure joy on his face. If he had known what was to be coming up, I feel like he would not have been in a very good mood going forward.
"Hey Josiah..." I said, and then he was looking right at me, as if feeling like he was willing to spend a small bit more time to just see what my point was. "What will you feel if Trump wins?" I asked, and I was feeling like the question was innocent enough, and then he was looking down, as if wishing that I never even mentioned such a thing.
"I will not be very happy. I would be wondering what happened to our country to be leading to this." After Josiah said that to me, I was nodding, feeling like I needed to leave it alone, and that if I was going to be pursuing the matter any further, he would be getting a bit more annoyed with me.
"I would also be wondering how so many more people would be willing to favor him this time, like the previous time. I still can't believe nearly two million more people voted for him last time." Josiah was saying, and I was feeling like eventually, I was going to have to learn what the issue he had with the guy was, and what we were going to be able to do about such a thing. But I decided that for now, I would be leaving it alone.
"See you when you get him." I said, feeling like we were only a matter of time away from when Biden was going to get the other 320 votes to win. In all honesty, I was not really all that worried about who was going to win, so I would be just sort of letting it all go, and be fine with it.
Once Josiah was leaving the house, I was hoping that he was going to be taking things well if Trump were to win. I mean, I am not too sure if he is going to win or not, but I feel like he might have had a slight chance to pull it off, and I think that it was going to be a giant mistake to be thinking that he was out of the race right now.
Eventually I was looking at the map again, and I was wondering if I was thinking too deeply into it. I was wondering if the whole thing was over with, and I was thinking that no matter what I was telling myself, there was no real need to be even feeling like it was going to be something else than what we had been seeing.
"It will be pretty soon when the western states will be closd, and there is a very high chance that Biden will be sweeping all of thos states, as those states have never gone Republican in decades. These states will be putting Biden extremely close to being the winner, but if Trump wins Ohio, Florida, Texas, and Iowa, he will still have a very real shot here." The man said, feeling like he was almost done with speaking about specifics on this all.
"The state of Kansas has now been projected to go to President Trump's favor. This will be bringing him up to 230 electoral votes, which is still within shooting distance of being up to where Biden is. Despite the votes of these states going the way that they have, it is important to note that Trump is still leading in the national popular vote. Trump is cracking in at slightly more than forty million votes, while Biden is around thirty eight and a half million." The announcer said, feeling like he was ready to be sort of just getting through the next stages of this all.
I was wondering what the next couple of states that were going to be called were. In all honesty, I felt like these next couple of states were going to be sort of wrapping up the night one way or another. Perhaps when we can finally figure out who will win. The only way Trump was going to be winning at this rate was if he somehow swept all of the swing states that had not been closed yet, and all the ones that he was currently leading in.
I was wondering if Gabe and Todd were going to be feeling good about who was winning so far, since by this point, the results had been a few hours in, and we were finally seeing that there were some signs of it wrapping up. I mean, I felt like if one of them wwere happy, then both of them were going to be happy enough. That was all that I needed to tell myself.
Electoral Count
Biden 303 (24.35%)
Trump 230 (18.49%)

...

-November 3 2020 7:45 pm- It took a long time for even just one more projection to have been made. It was only one state this time, but I felt as if some of these states were going to be just plucked off slowly now. "We now project that the state of Missouri, with 22 electoral votes, will be going to President Trump. This brings him up to 254 so far. As of now, neither candidate will be able to break the 1000 mark, as Biden can now only earn up to 990." As the annoncer said this, I was wondering what it would have to take in order for literally every single state left over to go on and be projected to Biden.
Despite how much I was thinking about it all, I would later learn that many of these calls were sort of expected, and that there was no real shock to the fact that Trump had picked up these states. But I was wondering when the competitive states were going to start kicking in, since those ones, in their words, have not been coming through that much.
As I was watching, Seth was coming back to the house with his friends Manny and Becky, and this time, I was seeing both of them looking like they were just sort of wondering what the current results would be. "How much longer do you feel like you will be looking at this?" Seth said, and then he was looking at the screen, as if wondering when this whole thing was going to be wrapping up, since he was sort of just more bored of this now more than anything else.
"Probably another few hours." I said, thinking of how boring something like this was probably going to realistically be when we were going to be dealing with something like this for the long future. So as I was considering this, and considering if the boredom of it all was the main reason Todd and Gabe did not want to do this, then I was going to be admitting that it might have been relatively clever to be making it so that I was the one who was going to be watching instead of them.
"Well, if you get bored out of your mind on this, then it is not my fault. But please, I do want to know now. You have stuck through so long and so far, that I feel like I just need to know." Seth was saying, and I was wondering if he was just doing this to validate my point, or to just make it feel like we were all fine now.
"Sure, I will see what might be going on, and see what this is like." I said, and then I was looking at the screen again, and I was feeling like no matter what the broadcast was going to be, and then I was just then going forward with what was happening. The broadcast was going to be finally making sense of this all.
"It is at this time that we can project another four states to be going to certain candidates. In Idaho, their 8 electoral votes will be awarded to President Trump. The 139 electoral votes of California will be rewarded to Joe Biden. The 16 electoral votes of Oregon will be going to Biden. And the 27 electoral votes of Washington will be heading to Biden. New Hampshire with 7 electoral votes will be going to Biden, much faster than they had gone to Hillary Clinton last time. Biden is at 485 electoral votes, and 262 electoral votes so far." The announcer said, and then I was seeing how much of the bar was now just filled with red.
"Joe Biden is now much closer to winning the presidency than Donald Trump is. Biden will only need to win a couple more swing states to be capturing the deal, while President Trump will have to virtually sweep the rest of the states to emerge." The guy said, feeling like it was much more a foregone conclusion that Biden would be winning now.
"That being said, even if Biden does win tonight, the result will not be coming along for quite a while longer. Trump is ahead in Florida and Ohio, and it is relatively expected that he will be picking up those two. He is leading in Utah, Montana, and Iowa, which will probably go to him. He is indeed leading in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsalvania, and Arizona. While it is unlikely that he will be winning all these states, if he can claim some of these, he will probably win as long as he wins the other states mentioned. So while Trump has a narrow victory, he does have one." He said, and then he was sighing, not having much to be saying here.
I was feeling like the way he was describing it was making it seem like Trump might actually win the election, which there was no way in hell that was happening. I mean, the map was so red at this point that there was just hardly any real chance it will be coming to Trump. Sure, with the states mentioned, it would not be a landslide, but there would be no victory.
Eventually, I was feeling like we were getting to the point where I was feeling like we able to wrap this up for the night. I was feeling like I could leave it alone... But what if Trump did win? What if the race was close? Should I at least stay around for a while, and see what happens? You know, something like this might be worth checking, just to be sure.
So with this, despite the fact that I was feeling like there was no point in watching this any further, I was thinking that maybe we could watch this for a while longer, and see where this was going, and see if Trump could possibly come out at top.
Electoral Count
Biden 485 (38.84%)

Trump 262 (21.06%)

...

-November 3 2020 8:22 pm- The results were remaining at a relatively stagnant point at this rate, although one extra state had been called by that point in time. "We will now be able to project that President Trump will be able to win the state of Utah, and their 12 electoral votes. He will now be at 274 electoral votes so far." After the guy said this, another state filled up with the blue coloration, and what was strange was that depite the fact that he was so far below in the electoral vote, he was doing well in the state by state results.
Eventually, Lydia was walking up to me, and she was having Claire at her side. I had only met Claire once in my life, and I had barely spoken to her on the one time that we did speak. I was looking right at her, hoping that if for nothing else, at least Claire was not going to be rude about the fact that I was watching this election.
"Wow, that is a lot of states done." Claire said, glancing at the screen for a second, clearly much more surprised and somewhat interested in this than pretty much anybody else. As she was looking at me, and I was seeing that there was an excited look on her face, as if wanting to see where I was coming from.
"So who do you want to be winning tonight?" She asked, and then I was shrugging. I had no idea why everybody was wanting me to be taking bets on who was going to win, and why everybody was asking me who I had been rooting for. I mean in all honesty, I barely knew anything about these two guys, and here I was, basically with everybody asking me who I was hoping would win the whole night. So it was just too strange to fucking handle.
"I don't know. I am only watching this because my oldest two brothers want me to be watching this." I said, and then after I was telling her this, I was seeing her looking slightly bored, and having virtually nothing else to be saying right now. "I will just watch what happens throughout the night." I said, and then I was feeling like when I was making that more clear, then everything was going to be more fine than it would have been before.
"I wonder if Gabe and Todd voted." Claire said, and then I was nodding at this one, knowing that I was able to confirm this one at least for her, considering the conversations that I had with both of my brothers. "I mean, they really have no no right to be this focused on what happens if they did not vote."
"The two of them did vote. I can confirm this at least." I said, and then I was looking right at her, as if hoping that something like this would be getting her mind off of things for a while longer. Then with this, she was looking at the screen again, and then she was taking a long and deep breath, as if curious to see where this was going now.
The reports had been coming in, and no other states had been called yet, and I was feeling like we were reaching a part of the night where things were going to be massively slowed down, and that nothing else was going to be coming along with it for the time being. I did not know if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. But in all honesty, I was just wanted to see where this was heading now.
"Well, I hope that my moms are happy about how this night is turning." Claire said, and then I was wondering where she was heading with that. Plus the idea of the word 'moms' was a bit strange, and I was feeling like I was needing to just go back and see what the meadning of that was.
As I was about to ask, Lydia was looking at me with a look that said 'I'll explain later if you just don't mention it now' and then with that, I was looking down on the ground for a split second, and I was then just focusing on what else the election was going to be giving us now.
"Why do you think they could be happy?" I asked, and then she was looking at me, as if feeling like this was a better question that she was much more willing to answer me. So when I was seeing this, I had been thinking to myself that maybe Lydia was right about this one and that it was best to be leaving it alone.
"Well, they spent all the time talking about how much better Biden would be for president than Trump. So I am assuming that this is their way of probably celebrating that the guy they like if winning." After she was telling me this, I was seeing her looking like her investment was relatively low, despite everything that was happening.
"I guess that I will just see where this goes now." I said, thinking about the fact that I really did not want this to be a massive issue, and that I was just sort of wanting to see where this was heading before I made too much out of it. I mean, I knew Biden was likely to win, but the way that guy talked earlier made it seem like Trump had a off chance.
"If I'm still here when we see a winner, can you tell me who it is?" She asked me, and then I was waving my left hand, and nodding, feeling like after hearing this asked to me a million fucking times, I was sort of used to it all. I was not really in the mood to be hearing anything else, so I was remaining quiet for now.
Once Lydia and Claire were sort of moving on, and not showing as much interest in this subject now, I was taking a long and deep breath, and I was feeling like I was just needing to calm down. She was having every right to be worried over me, and I was telling myself that I was kind of being a bit of an asshole to not be letting her have more here.
I was sighing, and I was feeling like if I got one more person who was asking me who I was thinking would win, and who I would want to win, I was going to be going crazy, and I would be telling that person to go just fuck off honestly. It was just getting at this point in time where everybody was talking about that over anything else at all.
I was seeing that the states still have not changed, only the shades of the ones that had not been called yet, showing that those states were tipping leads to one person or another. In all honesty, I was almost really just considering at least taking a small nap or something like that. I was feeling like something like this would have been fine enough.
I shrugged, and I was feeling like whenever the next set of states were going to be called, then everything would have sort of been coming together bit by bit. I mean, I was just more so wondering why some states were taking so much longer to call than others. I mean, they were all still states regardless, so it was not like anything was different about it all.
"By this point in time, virtually every single state that was considered a safe state going into this election has been called, and it is now a matter of time of when the swing states will be called. The only safe states that will probably be called soon are Montana and Alaska for Trump, and Hawaii for Biden. But aside from those, every single state that is left to be counted and called is now a true battleground." The announcer said, and I was seeing that he was looking relatively glad to be seeing that the night itself was sort of wrapping up by now.
I was seeing Montana was the only one of those three states that had even been closed by this point in time, and I was feeling like I was not needing to watch this state all that much. It was 6 electoral votes. So not all that bad, but still not nearly enough to be making a real deal out of it.
But I was wondering of if Alaska and Montana were going to be the last states called for him. I mean, I was not expecting anything like that to seriously happen, but I guess that it was not out of the realm of ideas. The idea that he was going to pick up two more states, and it was going to be totally over with after that.
"We can now safely project that Hawaii will be going to Joe Biden, bringing him up to 492 electoral votes. This puts him within shooting distance at the 500 mark. Most of the states that re left have a high enough electoral number to where virtually any state left over will be bringing him to the 500 mark. As for the 600 mark, we will be seeing when we get there, although with certain states having him as the lead, we will probably see a situation where he can pull through." The announcer said, and I was totally confused as to why he was suddenly acting like Biden was doomed, when just ten minutes ago, everybody was acting like it was a done deal, and that we were sort of just wasting our time now.
I was then feeling like maybe with the way he was speaking, we were going to be in for a closer election than I was expecting, and I was telling myself not to wrap things up yet, so with that, I was just staring at the screen once again, wondering where this was going to be heading now.
I was then wondering who my siblings were all wanting to pull through. I mean, I knew Josiah was pretty firmly Biden, and I was feeling like I was not even needing to be wasting my time asking that fucking question. That being said, I was wondering if I had any members of my family that were pulling it for Trump, since I was feeling like out of ten siblings, at least one of them was going to be going forward for him.
Who the hell even liked these people though? I mean, I barely knew anything of them, so for that reason, I was feeling like maybe there was something about their appeal that I did not get. But for the time being, I was feeling like in all honesty, the whole thing was gong to be a sort of waste of my time.
I was feeling like once enough time had passed to where people had sort of gotten over it, and that it is no longer a huge deal, I might as well ask them who they all voted for, and then by doing so, I was going to then see which way everybody swung, and then i was going to be super proud of my progress on figuring it out.
The only thing that I was wondering about was if people were goingto be taking things like this way too seriously, and if they were going to be pretending like there was more to this question than the fucking president. I did not really give a single fuck who was going to win, and I was wondering why the others would be pretending like the end of the world was going to be on the line with whoever wins.
Electoral Count
Biden 492 (39.55%)
Trump 274 (22.03%)

...

-November 3 2020 9:25 pm- It was at the point in time where I had stayed up way later than I ever woul have in a normal night, but it had seemed like most people knew what I was getting myself into, so they were willing to give me this one night. Not because they might have wanetd it, but because of the fact that they were needing the answers to be given to us.
I wondered who the next person who was going to be trying to speak to me was, and what they were going to want to tell me. I was wondering if they were going to somehow pin point the blame on me if the candidate they did not want was the one who ended up winning. I was just a man who was speaking about what we were watching, and I was going to be the one who would get the brunt of it for not telling them that the one they wanted was going to be the one who was going to be coming out on top.
Eventually, I was wondering if things like these were the reason that people who not wanting to watch this, and why I was the one who had been given the duty of doing so. Because I was to young to get it, so they were feeling like I was a safer option to be going on with. I would have been pissed, but I would have gotten it.
I was feeling like maybe when the next results were going to be called, I was going to be feeling like I might be able to go to bed, if the results were going to Biden. If the results were going for Trump, and he was able to start to tip the race at least slightly in his favor, then I was feeling like I was going to be here for a while, for better or for worse.
I wondered why there were only two options, and why the next place finishers were hardly getting any votes at all. I was feeling like it would be a bit interesting to learn about that, next time that I spoke with my family. They were going to probably tell me some dumb reason, but I was feeling like it was a fair question to ask them.
I mean, I was wondering if the non Biden and Trump candidates were going to be able to net any electoral votes at all. I mean, the whole thing seemed at least somewhat possible, but I was just thinking that with each state that was called, I was needing to let those ideas die off a bit further.
The announcer was looking back at the screen, and I was wondering if he was wanting to say something else, or if he was going to be remaining silent for a few seconds longer. I needed him to just tell us something about the state of the race, to give me at least some feeling of moving on now.
"We now have several states to be calling for the president that will be helping his chances of winning the election. In Ohio, we project that their 45 electoral votes will be going to him. In Iowa, their 13 electoral votes will be going in his favor. And in Montana, their 6 electoral votes will be headed to him. This brings him up to 342 electoral votes. He is now also slightly more than half way on his way to winning." The annoncer said, and while I knew that we were in for the long haul now, I was just glad to be literally having anything be called now that I did not even care.
We were seeing the bar going along a far more amount blue, and I was seeing that this election was probably going to be a relatively close one regardless of who was going to be the winner. That was the only thing that I was sort of excited for now. I was just waiting to see who was going to win, and I would stay until somebody crossed 623.
The moment that one of them hit that mark, things were going to be different, but I was wondering if we were even going to be witnessing such a thing play out tonight, or if it was going to be going on into the future. That scared me, but also got my hopes up that I was not wasting my fucking ime with watching this. It was getting my hopes up that we had a real night.
"It looks as if Florida and Texas will be close to calling in their winner, and if Biden wins both, he will win the night. If Trump wins both, he will be very close to having the same amount of electoral votes as Biden. If Biden wins one of them, he will not be at the point of winning yet, but he will be within striking distance." The man was saying, looking at the numbers he had left.
"Biden is at 492. If he wins Texas, he is at 587. If he wins Florida, he will either be at 658 or he will be at 563. If Trump can pull off both of them, he will be put to 437 because of Texas, and Florida will then put him at 508, which means that by that point, he will be the one who is leading, and Biden will now be the one who will have to officially play catch up in order to win." The man said, and I was now starting to get hooked once again.
"If Trump wins both of them, and is at 508, he suddenly has a path to 623. If he can pick up North Carolina and Georgia and Arizona, he will be at 594. If he can win both Minnesota and Wisconsin, he is at 639, and Biden will be at 605." The announcer said, and then he was going right on with his broadcat, when he was realizing that yet another call had been made so far.
"Donald Trump as we speak has now been projected to win the 71 electoral votes of Florida. With that, the math has been corrected for me, and he is at 384 electoral votes. Not the position that I was making it out to be earlier, but he has a much more close race going into this than many of us were projecting that it would have been earlier." The man finished, and the bottom state of the country filled up with blue, and a 71 on top of it.
"Trump is probably willing to celebrate this right now, knowing that he is much more in the race than many people might have been at one point saying that he was. If he can keep up this momemtum for the rest of the night, he will be in a very good spot for the rest of the day. While it is not official yet, he is probably going to also win Texas, which will put him at 479, nearly the same as what Biden is currently on." The man was saying, and he was sort of seeing the pieces of the puzzle coming together in a strange way.
"His victory in Florida was rather pronouced, given the standards of modern day voting in the state. By the end of the election, we project that Trump will win Florida by about 4.5 percent. This means that one in twenty two votes on average from Florida decided to be choosing Trump instead of Biden." The guy said, and I was thinking about it in classroom standard.
"We will probably not be expecting a concession from either Biden or Trump for another couple of days, and once we do get one, we will probably still be wanting to know if the victory is official or not. Around this point four years ago, eight, and twleve years ago, we were all getting relatively certain on who was going to be the winner." He said, and then continued one as if he was already still going.
"The last time we had an election that took this long to fully project was 2004, when John McCain became the first Republican in 12 years to win over the White House after he defeated Al Gore. The results of the election had gone to him with 612 electoral votes, and 560 for Al Gore." As he sort of remembered that night, part of him was just telling himself not even to bring up what had happened four years earlier than that.
"We do not project that the race will be that close, but given how things trend some times, and given how often things can change at a whim, it will not be entirely surprising if it turns out to be like this. Although even with that victory, Gore conceded defeat to McCain by the end of the evening, and said that he wished for the man to have a good admistration." As he was going on, I was sort of zoning out at this time, not that interested in this at all.
As we were listening to this guy give a boring history lesson for a while, this was when I was seeing Todd coming inside of the house, and I was seeing that he was just much too focused on this, and only gave a slight look on the screen before he was just walking right out, and pretending like nothing else even fucking mattered. As he was getting in and out of his room, I was feeling like I just needed to get to know what he was up to, even if he was not too happy here.
"Hey Todd, how are things with you today?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was just more happy than anything else to be seeing that i was doing my job. I was given a certain task by him, and I was following through with it, which was the only thing that he had wanted. So with that, he was feeling like he would respond.
"I'm doing good. Going to be going on a date with Bebe. I promised her that I would let her have a day where we did not think a fucking thing about what was going to be coming along. I mean, a bit ironic for me to be like this, considering what I asked of you, but that was what she had wanted, and it is what I will give her." He said, and then I was feeling like I just wished that I would have been that dedicated to be making things work out.
"Well, enjoy the date." I said, and then I was looking right at him, hoping that that Todd was going to be wanting to say something else. The way he was looking at the screen was showing that in all honesty, he had no real opinions on where to be going with this at all.
"I mean, I think that the date is going to be making things much easier for me and her, regardless of who wins. I think that when we look at the overall stakes of this whole thing, it is going to be a bit hard not to be at least slightly concerned on where this is going to go. But I will not bore you to death of stupid election details." Todd said, and then I was feeling like I could retort him with this, as if thinking that it was a great some back.
"I am already getting bored to death of these in the first place. And it did not bother you when you wanted me to do it earlier." I said, and then he was sighing, feeling like that was a good point, but he was wishing that I was not going to be playing like this, since it was not the best thing for him to be doing.
"I guess that maybe you might be right on that. Sorry about that. But please Henry, you are already this far, please finish the job, and let me know what is to be coming after this all." After he was telling me this, I was slowly nodidng, feeling like there was not much for me to be saying. I was tired of this, and I was just wanting this whole thing over with. But I wanted them to be happy.
"Don't worry, I want to know." I said, and I was seeing that there were only a few more states that had not been closed at all yet, and every other state had at least some red or blue lines on them, which was to show that they were still counting. "Do you have any idea on what things are going to be like, depending on who wins?" I asked, and then he was looking at the screen for a few more seconds before looking right at me, thinking on how to answer.
"No, I have no real idea. I feel like if you want to know who is going to win, and how it affects us, you will have to see how it goes in the next four years. I did not think that when we elected Trump the first time the things would turn out the way that they had. I known that Gabe has his own mindset on what happened, given how much he talks about it all the time." After he was telling me this, I was shrugging, and I was feeling like we really had no real reason to be worried on this at all.
"What do you think that Gabe things about it?" I asked, and he was shrugging, having no real wishes to be talking about that too much, since doing so was going to be making it very clear that he would be making things sort of just spill out, and he did not want people to know too much what Gabe felt about the president.
"Well, I think that he should be the only one who tells people what he chose, since I feel like that is entirely his business." After he had told me this, he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but just decided against it, and he was clearly angry at this whole fucking talk, and I did not know if I could blame him.
"Well, I would want to know one day, given what we are looking at right now." I said, and then he was sighing, and I was seeing that he was clearly wanting to be saying more on it, but he no real wished to be creating any sort of uncalm air between all those who were around him. "Do you think I could eventually ask him?" He was looking at me, and shrugged, as if to give me a 'I don't know, try if you want' look, and then he was ready to be heading off again.
Eventually, Todd was heading right to the door of the house, and at this rate, I was feeling like this next question was going to be vital, and I needed to have him be burtually honest with me. "Hey Todd, can you tell me something else?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, after his face was showing some minor annoyance that he probably thought he hid well.
"Do you even know what Gabe is doing all the time? He seems to be gone all the fucking time. Do you think that he might have some idea on what is going on?" I asked, and then he was sighing, and I was seeing him looking like he had wished that I never aksed him this question, since doing so was only going to be making things much worse for us all.
"I have no idea what the fuck Gabe is doing. To be honest, I hardly care. it is none of my business, and he is going to be shutting me down if I ask him anyways. So for that reason, I am refusing to be asking him, and I will fucking work with him to just make sure that he does not make things any worse though." After he had told that to me, I saw him looking like he had wished to say more, but had no real wished to go on now.
"I think that if Gabe wanted to tell me what he was dealing with, I would just tell him to fuck off pretty much. He needs to understand that he can't be doing stuff that is this dangerous most of the time. But I guess that I have no real right to be saying anything like this." After he had said this, I was seeing that in his mind, even if he denied it, he hated what his brother was doing, and he was wanting Gabe to get it in his head that this was not good.
"Sorry, I will leave you alone now." I said, and then I was looking down on the ground, wanting him to fucking relax, and that I was wishing that no matter what was going on he was going to understand that I was not wanting to make things any worse for him, no matter what the cause was.
"See you later. I will be fine with whatever happens. I am not that worried about anything. I am more worried about how others are going to be taking it when it is all done." After he had said that to me, he walked on out of the house, clearly tired, and clearly just wanting to have me leave it alone, and give him some space.
As he had left, less than a minute later, the next state projection came in that made the rest of the night fall into place, and this was the first real kernel that it could. "We will now be able to project that Donald Trump will be picking up the 95 electoral votes of Texas, which will be bringing him all the way up to 479 again. Trump now has a much more clear walk in to win the election, and will we will be seeing that the election going forward, especially with how states are running, that we are virtually neck and neck."
Electoral Count
Biden 492 (39.55%)
Trump 479 (38.50%)

...

-November 4 2020 12:06 am- At this point, I was shocked at what had happened, since I was feeling like despite the somewhat early writings on the wall, I could not really be ready for something like this at all. "We can now project that Trump is within striking distance of winning a second term to the White House. Georgia will be sending their 38 electoral votes to Donald. President Trump will be winning the 37 electoral votes of North Carolina, and he will also be winning the 26 electoral votes of Arizona. At this rate, he is at 594 electoral votes. He is now only 29 away from winning the second term, and even if Biden wins, it will be by a true squeaker."
I was feeling like if Josiah had seen this, and if he had known what was about to come, he would have been in a much more angry mood, and I feel like he would have never wanted to be speaking to several people who had voted for the president ever again. I mean, I had no idea what to be feeling here, so I was just more watching it play out all in front of me.
"If he can sweep Wisconsin and Minnesota, which is looking like he will indeed be able to, he will be at 639, which will barely be enough to win, but it will be enough to win still. And there will be nothing that will be done about it. At this rate, several people in the Biden campaign are already seeming to be preparing a concession." The guy said, and at this rate, he was seeming to try and be as unbiased as humanly possible going on.
As he was done saying this, Gabe was inside of the house, and I was seeing that he was limping, and clearly not in the best of positions, but I was feeling happy that he was home nonetheless. I was seeing that the way that he was looking as he was staring at the screen was one of relief. Much to the polar opposite of what Josiah would have been feeling.
"I knew that he was going to be pulling through at the end. I was wondering how long it was going to be taking. But good god, I am glad to just know that it is over, and that we do not have to be dealing with the other way." He said, and then he was flopping down on the couch, as if feeling like he was wanting to be spending the last few minutes just sort of watching the final votes come in, and seeing the victory declared.
"What makes you feel like he was the better option?" I asked, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was hating this question, and wanted nothing to do with it, but at the same time, he was feeling like the truth was something he might as well tell me, for my own personal sake and stuff.
"I saw how he was running for the last four years. In my opinion, he has done a good job, and I feel like he has been able to capture what it is like to be a real leader. I mean, I do get why Josiah does not like him. There are some things that the man did that I dod not fully agree, but I feel like on the whole, he is the man that I want to be taking over for the next years." After Gabe said that to me, he sighed, and had nothing else to be saying now.
"That being said, I know that going forward, seeing what is happening, and seeing how people have felt on it all, I am pretty sure that the Democrats are going to be taking it back in 2024. So I think that I better just get used to that fact before it happens." After he was telling me this, I was wondering why he was telling me this, when I did not get a single word of what was going on, and I was still relatively lost here.
"What do they all stand for? The parties?" I asked, and then Gabe was shrugging, feeling like that was going to be a long discussion, and he was clearly looking like he was not fully ready for one quite yet. He was looking at me, and I was seeing that at the end, he was just clearly feeling like any need to be talking here was going to go nowhere.
"I am not going to be going through that. Ideas change all the time. Even eight years ago, things were much different. Obama was a great president in my mind when he ran. I even still liked him through last time. I just saw that through both his and Trump's term, that there is much more to things than a simple party line. You can have a good president regardless of party." Gabe said, and then he was looking right at the screen once again, feeling like we could shut up now.
"Why do ideas change all the time?" I asked, and then he was looking at me, and I was feeling like this was a valid question. He was sighing, and he had no idea of what to be telling me right now. I was seeing that no matter what he was going to be telling, the answer was going to be a bit underwhelming to hear.
"I think that it is as simple as age. You know, the fact that with each passing year, you change your ideas, and you change what matters to you. I think that I will just want to be saying something more detailed. But that is all that I think that we need to get into." After he was telling me this, I was seeing him looking like he had more to say, but did not want to be saying it.
"If that is the case, do you feel like Josiah will be changing his mind in four years?" I asked, and then Gabe was laughing his ass off at this idea. He was clearly feeling like something like this was just not happening, no matter what at all.
"I feel like there is zero chance that he will be changing his mind. He has been so set on it for like three years now that I feel like we are going to be wasting our time even trying to talk to each other about it. I mean, I get it, but I think that he just needs to sort of keep it all to himself." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to have more to say, but did not.
"Sorry, I was just curious." I said, and then I had felt like whatever I said next was not going to be fully making him happy, and he was feeling like there was a long way to be going. But then he was shrugging, and I was seeing that deep down, he was not even all that worried.
"Don't be worry about it all. I mean, you have every right to be knowing what your siblings are into. I think that if we were all like this, then things would be much easier for us." After Gabe said that to me, I was seeing that there was a genuine wish to be having more here, and there was something he missed about life before, but he was over it all by now.
"Honestly though, I mean, as long as he lives successfully, and he is happy, then there is nothing more that I fucking want. I one hundred percent mean that. And I hope that no matter what happens in these four years, we can be able to work together here." Gabe looked at the screen once again, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to be saying more, but had no real need to be doing it at all.
"Why do you feel like whoever the president is will not be making him happy and successful?" I asked, and then he was shrugging, as if having nothing else to be saying here. He was almost feeling like anything else at this rate was never going to be changing anything from now on. That the story was going to be flat now.
"I think that it is more of a matter of if he will be letting it get in the way. I am scared that Josiah will be letting emotions get in his way. I mean, I sort of get why he would, but I feel like it will end so many things of his life if he is like this." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to say more, but just could not.
"I hope he does not let it get in the way." I said, and then he was nodding at this, and I was seeing him looking like there was nothing he would say in dispute with me right now. But Gabe was sighing, feeling like he was never going to be accomplishing anything else now.
"Hey Gabe, sorry to change topics with you right now, but do you have something that you are up to that you do not want to be telling others? I mea, you seem busy all the time, and always hurt." I said, and then he was sighing, and looked down, and a small part of him was screaming to refuse to tell me a god damn detail. I was wondering what the issue was, since I felt like he was deserving better than this.
"You do not need to know something like that. I mean, it is a rather hard series of events to explain, and I think if I tell you, things are only getting worse." After he had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but decided that there was no need to. He was shaking his head, and I was feeling like he was going to be alone now.
"I want to be telling everybody what is happening, and I hope that nobody is angry at me for not saying it earlier. But for the time being, I feel like I just sort of am lost right now, and I feel like the battle is all of my own, to be honest." After my brother told me this, Gabe was feeling like the discussion was relatively winding down, for better or for worse.
"Do you feel like Todd and Josiah at least will help?" I felt like trying to say something like that will be making some difference. Gabe shook his head, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to be saying something else, but was refusing to be commenting further, for his own sake, and for mine as well.
"I wish that they could, but I think that something like that is just not fucking happening." After he had told me this, I was sighing, and I was annoyed, but I was seeing that he was never going to be having a different mindset on this, and I was sort of seeing him looking like he had hardly cared anymore for anything.
"Why do you feel like they would never help you out anyways?" I was asking, and I was aware that I might be annoying the shit out of him with this, and I was already kind of feeling bad for that, but at the same time, I was not even fucking caring. I was feeling like I needed to be speaking to him normally, and I was feeling like no matter what was going on, I just needed to go on with this.
"I think that they would be too busy with things that they need to focus on. I do not blame him, and in fact, if I was in their spot, and they were coming to me like this, I would be the same way as well. So it is nothing that I am holding against them." After Gabe said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was wondering if he really meant any of this.
I was feeling like it might be best for my own sake to be silent though, and that I was just needing to not be making him more annoyed with this. We were looking at the screen, just looking like we had almost nothing else to be even speaking of anymore. We were here for the results, so nothing else mattered.
Projected Final Electoral Vote
Trump 639
Biden 605
"We can now project what we have been looking like we were seeing come into play the last few hours, but we now know it to be certain. President Trump will be winning a second term to the White House. He has won Wisconsin, collecting their 23 electoral votes, and he ended up winning Minnesota as well, collecting another 22. He is now at the 639 as we were once expecting for him to be getting to. The states that put him over the top, North Carolina, Georgia, Arizona, Minnesota, and Wisconsin are states that barely voted for him, and he barely got over the top here. His weakest margin of those five were Wisconsin, where he won by 1.3 percent. Minnesota was the largest of those five, by a small amount, with a 1.8 percent victory." The man said, and then Gabe was sighing, more glad than all else to see it over with now.
"It is looking more and more likely at this time that Biden will indeed win Maine, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and Michigan. Donald Trump will look like he is also going to be winning Alaska. If Biden wins the states mentioned earlier, he will be winning 7 electoral votes from Maine, 12 electoral votes from Nevada, 49 electoral votes from Pennsylvania, and 38 electoral votes from Michigan. Alaska only has 5 electoral votes, and is easily the smallest prize. These votes mentioned above would be enough for him to be ending up at 605 electoral votes, the most ever for a losing candidate." The announcer said, and at this rate, he was just sort of reading the numbers, and hardly caring anymore.
"Well, there we have it. I think that we might as well call it good for now. Although it does look like Biden will at least win the popular vote, for all that's fucking worth." Gabe said, and then he was laughing, as if feeling like it was great that for once, that was not going to be going the way that it had needed to be. And then with that, he rubbed my hair, thanked me for staying, and then went to his room to sleep.

...

-November 6 2020 12:46 am- So after it had been officially done and over that Trump had won the second term of the presidency, my brothers all seemed to have gone through different reactions, although most of them did grow to some form of accepting that such a thing had happened, and almost all of them had sort of just made peace with the fact that Donald Trump was going to be leading the election for another four years.
Despite what was happening, in a way, I was almost not even going to be all that worried over something like this. I was just sort of thinking about what it was going to be like to have a normal family life again. In all honesty, some of the people in this family had taken this thing way too seriously, and while I did not want to be rude about it, I was feeling like they had kind of needed to calm down, and that there was nothing that we needed to worry about on whoever was going to win.
In fact, in a strange way, part of me was excited for this whole thing. Knowing that there was going to be the president for four years, and we had known at the night that it had happened. And unlike what I had been guessing the race had been relatively close, and there was virtually no real reason to be thinking that it would not have been a landslide.
I remember that when the whole night had started, I was expecting this to be a night that Trump would just walk on through, and I was silly enough to be thinking that the whole thing was a waste of time. But I guess that this was what you got when you were feeling like in all honesty, you had known more about how things were done than you really do.
I suppose that in a way, I was being stubborn, and I was sort of just wanting to sort of make it seem like I was not interested in what had happened, when in all honesty, I was far too interested. I was way too excited, and I had wanted to know way too much why the events happened the way that they had done. I was just hoping that in all honesty, Todd and Gabe would be willing to put away a level of the anger or excitement or whatever that they had been feeling, and just tell me how and why he got that second term. Maybe by doing this, then I could be able to sort of understand it.
All that being said, I was feeling like maybe due to the fact that I had seen the whole thing unfold before me, and the whole thing just sort of turn into its own thing, I was able to sort of have some time to be thinking that maybe this whole thing was not really all that big of a deal, and that in all honesty, people took one or two things, and just tried to be sort of smart about it all, when I was the one who had seen it all.
Once things had seemed to settle down somewhat, this was when Lydia was coming right up to me, and I was seeing her looking right at me. I was seeing that she was just wanting to suggest something, and to be honest, I was wondering why she was not wanting to just tell me what it was. "Hey Henry, I was wondering if you would like to hang out with Claire and I? You know, since everything is making you have a hard time lately, and I think that maybe you might just need to be having some fun." After she was telling me this, I was feeling like maybe she was finding the wrong person to talk to here.
"I think that she would be finding me to not be nearly cool enough to hang out with. I think that you might as well be finding somebody else to go around and hang with." I said, and then I looked right at her, and I was feeling like if for nothing else, at least with the honesty, there was going to be no real social issues.
"But I think that most of the others are not very nice, and you are really nice." She said, and then I was sighing, thinking that she was aware of nothing like how I was. But then again, I was just telling myself to not be saying anything, and that maybe as long as I was going to not be creating any issues, we were going to be doing well now.
"I think that if you want to say that I was really nice, then you would be crazy. But I think that there is no real reason to be arguing with you." I said, and then I was sighing, thinking that as long as we were keeping this discussion up, she and I were going to never be reaching any form of normal discussion. And since I had no issues with Claire, I decided to stop being a piece of shit, and just go along with it.
"Yeah sure, I will do it. I think that it might be fun." I said, knowing that it will be much later in the day, considering the fact that it was so early in the morning, and there was no way that Claire was going to want to meet us so late. Or at least, I was feeling like something like this would be making sense.
"Well, yeah, I think that we will be meeting up at four or so in the afternoon. And we will be coming by after school, and pick you right up. Then everything is going to be fine." After she had said that to me, I sighed, and I was thinking that this was going to be the worst day of her life. She was going to be let down, and I did not even pretend that she was going to be expecting anything better than a let down.

-November 6 2020 9:50 pm- I was heading home after the time that I had with Claire and Lydia, and to be honest, I had having no idea what to be feeling about the whole thing. In all honesty, the whole thing just seemed like I was sort of just tagging along for their ride, and that I had barely really been a major part of it all. I hated to admit it, but I was sort of feeling like I was kind of worthless here.
Once I was about to be heading down, I was seeing Lydia looking like no matter what I might have been feeling, she was on top of the world, and that in all honesty, this was something that she had wanted to do. And as much as something like this had bothered me, I was happy to be seeing her do well, that I did not want to be fighting it at all.
"Henry, thank you so much for joining me and Claire while we went out to do these things." After Lydia had said this to me, I was seeing her looking like she had almost wanted to say something else, but did not want to be getting in our way here. "I mean, I know that did not have much of an idea what we were doing, and I feel sort of sorry for that. But to see you at least going along, and just doing what you could, was enough to make it all so much better."
"I'm sorry if I was feeling like I was just kind of there, and not really in the right mindset for anything. I know that I might have been a bit of a let down. But I was sort of just seeing what was going to be happening in a way." I said, and then I was thinking that I could be leaving the subject alone, and that I did not need to be dragging this thing forward, for both our sakes.
"Do you think that you might be wanting to come along and do more stuff with us in the future?" After she had asked me this, I was sighing, and I was really having no idea what I was going to be telling her here. I was thinking that while I did want to make things nicer between us, I did not know if I wanted to be going through that again.
"I will see how it might be like. I think that this is the best that I can do." I said, and then I was thinking about how I was going to be leaving it all alone. I was angry at the fact that if this keeping up I was just pretty much their play toy. But at the same time, as much as I was hating to admit it, I had needed to just sort of go along for the ride.
"If you feel like you do not want to be doing something like this again, I will accept it." She was telling me, and then I was sighing, and I did not want to be having this discussion right now. I was feeling like this was the exact opposite discussion that I was wanting here. In the way that it was just feeling like she was wanting to pretend like she was apologizing for something she did not really feel sorry for.
"I will see. I mean, it's better to be with you guys than talking about the election." I said, feeling like at this point, any time that I heard people talk about it, I was just kind of annoyed, and I was not wanting to show that. But at the same time, it was fucking impossible not to be doing it. It was all people wanted to discuss with me now.
"I guess that we can see what Seth might want you to do. Since Seth always seems to have ideas on what we can be doing." She was telling me, and in all honesty, I was not really in the mood to be hearing her trying to make me do stuff with my siblings. After the election, I was sort of done doing favors for them.
"I will see if he will even want to do something like that. i doubt that he will really be all that interested." After I told her this, I was feeling like I was just needing to be honest. At least with being honest, and at least if I was just telling her the way that things were, she might not be too angry if I did flat out tell her that this was something that I had no interest in doing.
"Anyways, I think that you should probably be doing something to get ready for bed." She was telling me, and I was sighing at the fact that she was still pretty much telling me how to be doing everything. In all honesty, as silly as it was sounding, I was kind of pissed that she was pretty much feeling like she had owned me.
"Thank you, I guess." I said, and I was feeling like if I just ended this discussion, then it was going to be better for both of us here. So with this, I was walking along, and I was going to be heading to my room. I was aware that I might be speaking to Jack for a bit, and I was wondering how much I was going to be against such a thing. In all honesty, I was thinking about what it would be like if Jack was going to ever try to have a deeper conversation with me than anything related to sports, or what he had seen that day. In all honesty, despite what I was not wanting to admit, the whole thing with Jack was sometimes getting on my nerves.
Once I was getting down stairs, I was wondering what life was going to be like when Jack was not thinking about sports all the time. In all honesty, despite how strange it was to tell him, I was feeling like he was going to have to be keeping it up as a part of who he was. Even if I was sort of annoyed with it, the whole thing was his to do.
Besides, as strange as it was for me to admit, and despite how much I was wanting to pretend like he was going to be not good enough for me, I was feeling like as long as the guy was doing just fine, and as long as he was going to be making progress on his goals, then the whole thing was going to be heading along famously. I just needed to see what his interest in it was so badly.
I was getting closer to our room, and I was feeling like it was going to truly make a difference when I was at least polite with him, and when I was going out of my way to just generally approach him. As long as the approach was harmless, and as long as the approach had something to do with what he was wanting to do, and having nothing to do with what people were thinking of his interests, then the only thing that I could do was just keep it all up for a while.
At this point, despite how rude it was, I had hardly even felt like I was needing to pay a lot of attention to what Lydia was telling me anymore. I was feeling like if she had wanted to discuss with me something, and if she was feeling like I had been flaking out on her, I was going to have to have her tell me flat out in the future, and then I was going to be able to do more about it later.
Eventually, I was feeling like despite how much I was refusing to admit it, I was kind of being a bit of a dick for no real reason, and I was wondering if what I was doing was really making any difference here. I was wanting to act like what I had been doing was making sense, and what I had done was going to change things up, but in all honesty, it did not.
When I was in the same room as Jack, I was sighing, and I was feeling like being around here was going to be the only thing that I was going to be ready for tonight. Besides, I was feeling like I could be much more prepared for anything he wanted to discuss than anything that Lydia was wanting to discuss, since we had hardly talked until recently.

...
-November 7 2020 11:06 pm- I saw Lydia looking like she was not in a very good mood today, and I was not wanting to say anything here, so I was going to be leaving her alone. I was going to be letting her do her own thing, and to be with her friends, if that was the thing she had cared about most. Besides, I was more interested in something with one of my older siblings.
So with that, I was walking out of my bed, and I was going to be seeing what they were going to be saying if I asked him anything. I was aware that he might just refuse me, and tell me off, but at the same time, I was just not even going to care anymore. I knew that Gabe was up to something, and I was going to force him to tell me what he was up to. I was going to understand what was with him, and why he had wanted to just be acting like he was the big hero on campus.
Once I was upstairs, I was looking around, and I knew that he was going to be heading out soon, and when I knew this in mind, I was going to be coming along, and hopefully he was going to not be giving me any shit. Hopefully he was going to be giving me the answers that I had wanted.
It took about five minutes or so, and I was going to be making him pissed. But I did not fucking care. I was going to make him talk to me, and he was going to listen to me, and hopefully he was going to understand how much I was worried about him when he was here.'
"Hey Gabe, what are you doing today?" I asked, and I was seeing him looking right at me. As I was seeing him stare for a couple of seconds, despite the fact that he was clearly wanting to look like he was glad to be seeing me, deep down I knew that this was the exact opposite of the fucking truth. He was going to be lashing out at me.
"I am doing alright. I just have some things that I am dealing with. You know, just stuff that my friends told me about, and I am worried about them." He said, and then I was feeling like he was just giving me something that was much too big for me to handle. But at the same time, I did not care. I was going to make him tell me more.
"Gabe, I am scared for you. I mean, you have been sneaking out every single night, and I wonder if you are doing something bad." I said, and then he was holding onto something in his pocket, and from the looks of it, he clearly looked like he was just losing any composure. I was wanting to leave it alone, for my own sake, but I did not care.
"I am doing what I feel like is right. I think that I am going to be a good friend, and that is all that I can ask for." Gabe told me, and I was seeing him looking like he was hoping that I did not argue with him here. I was slowly looking down, and I was thinking that if this was true, then maybe I was going to be making things a big fucking issue if I did not simply respect his wishes, and did not really take the time to get to know him better.
"What do you feel like is going to change it all?" I asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I was seeing Gabe looking like he was just sort of feeling glad that I was unable to understand, as it showed how innocent that I was still. But he was pissed off at something here. I was seeing him looking like he was just wondering if he needed to tell me anything else.
"I feel like I have been getting smarter and smarter as time has gone on. I feel like more and more that I am the only one who understands what is happening around us, and that is why I am feeling like I need to be doing it." Gabe said, and no matter what I wanted to know, or what I felt like I needed to force him to tell me, I did not want to be creating a fight between us, and I did not know if he was in a good mood. So I was going to be leaving it alone for now.
"If you need any help, just let me know." I said, and I felt like that was the only thing that I could be saying to make him feel better. He was sighing, and I was seeing him officially looking as if the whole thing was going to be a big lie and a big waste. I saw him looking like he had wanted to do something about it all, but just was against it all.
"Are you going to get your friends to know what is happening, and have them help you?" I asked, and then Gabe was shaking his head. I was feeling like what I asked was a very valid question, and then he was just acting like he was going to be angry if anybody even so much as suggested that he was needing to do this again.
"No, I think that they have known too much, and I think that if they know any more, then they will be losing everything. I gave up too much for them, and I am not going to continue this. They have things to live for, and I will let them have it." Gabe said, and I was just wanting to ask more, and get to know more, but I did not want to risk angering him for any reason.
"I know that you are never going to understand what my job is like, and sometimes I feel like I do not know what it is like. But I feel like you do not want to be able to get it all. This is the only thing that I feel responsible for doing." After Gabe had said that to me, I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say more, but refused to be giving into something like this, and refused to be making the whole thing much worse.
"Just be safe..." I said to him, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he had not even wanted me to be saying anything like this. But at the end, Gabe was just feeling like being safe was just impossible, and that he was wishing to never admit to something like it.
"I will be safe. Do you think that I would be insane enough to be making any real issues here?" After he had asked me this, I sighed, and I was just thinking that I might as well leave the whole thing alone. He was going to be acting like he was better than me, and he probably was. But that did not mean that in any stuations, I wanted him to be admitting to anything like it.
"How recently have you been doing this all anyways?" I asked, feeling like maybe if he was going to tell me the truth here, then I might be able to see what his feelings were here. I was going to be seeing how deep he had gone, and that if he was going to tell me anything else, I was going to be basically telling him to fuck off, and not be lying to me.
"About two and a half months. About a week after Ridge was brought home. Wow, it really has been a while I guess." Gabe said, and I was seeing him letting the reality of this all sink in, and I was wondering what the hell the issue was. I was wondering if he had anything to say to this.
"Why do you feel like you are the only one who can be able to do anything on it?" I asked, feeling like this was a fair question, and I was feeling like maybe he just needed to be giving me a honest answer on this, for both our sakes.
With this, Gabe walked out of the house, and I was seeing him shaking his head the moment he was outside of the house. As he was shaking his head, I wanted to see if I could speak to him more. But I knew that I needed to just respect his space more, so I was going to be leaving it alone, for both our sakes. I was thinking that he was having virtually no respect for these talks now.
I was sitting down, and I was looking down on the floor. I was wondering if maybe what my oldest brother said about these elections being more important than I gave him credit for was true. I was feeling like if this was the way that everybody was acting now, over something like this, then maybe Todd was having every right to be feeling sad and over it all.
So with this, I was taking a deep breath, and I was telling myself to no longer be taking things as a joke. I was going to be hearing every single story that he had to tell me, and then eventually, once these stories were done, I was going to be ready for it all.
I was wondering what Gabe was doing, and I was wondering if I could help him out. I was not wanting to be getting Gabe angry by asking him more and more. But at the same time, if he was going to be like this, and if he was going to be constantly brushing me off, then I just needed to grow a fucking pair of balls, and I needed to see what his plans were.
No matter what Todd wanted to do, and no matter what Gabe was trying to do, these were still normal guys, and they were still needing to remember that there was not much that they can do about what was happening. That was something that I had hoped the two of them were going to come down to realize, sooner or later.
If Gabe and Todd were like this all the time, I wondered how they were going to be making much progress on the things that were actually important. I was wondering if maybe Josiah or Seth had any idea here. I was feeling like since they were the only two that were living up there with us, I could see what the heck was going on with the two oldest siblings, by using those two.
I was looking at the television, and for a few seconds, I was considering it. I was going to consider watching what the program had to offer. I was feeling like I needed to just sort of see where this was going to be heading.
I was going to see if there were any broadcasts that I could find, that would bring things to a head. If I could learn them all, and if I was going to be following Jack in that regard, then perhaps this was all that I had needed to do. I was thinking that this was the only real option at the end.
I was feeling like the broadcasts were going to finally make me get it. So for that reason, I was thinking that I just needed to absorb them in, and just take them all in for what they were. Besides, there was something that I wanted to finally figure out. I was going to see why Jack had cared so much over it all.

-November 8 2020 11:56 am- I was glad that I did not give into watching that program, and that I did not feel like I needed to fall for something like that. I was close to watching it though, and I was feeling like watching it might have been the only option if I was wanting to know what my brother was up to. But in all honesty, I was almost just not even caring what we were doing.
I was wondering if Jack was wanting me to watch this stuff, or if he was feeling like I did not need to subject myself to this. That I did not need to be bothered with something he was entirely inflicting on himself. But at the same time, I had just felt like if we had a real plan here, and if we went through it all, then I was going to finally see where Jack had been coming from.
One thing that I did want to do was see if he had been watching more of those. Since he watched so many of them, I was wondering if he was still going at it, or if he was sort of giving up on the whole thing. To be honest, I did not want to know what he was going to be doing. I felt like if he told me where his focus was, and if he was willing to let me see where this was all going, then maybe things had really gotten bad.
One of these days, he was going to do it. I was just feeling like if he was wanting to make me see what the things in town were like, and why he cared so much, he was going to be doing it at some point, and that I was just sort of prepared for when the worst was going to be coming.
That being said, I was happy for him knowing what it was like to actually maintain a level of respect for his family members. But at the same time, I wondered why Jack cared about the shows. I mean, there was only so much that you were going to be getting out of watcing these all the time. Or at least that was what I was thinking here. Of course I did not know the real truth.
Eventually, I was getting myself up, and I was going to be just doing other things. I did not want to be dragging myself down by thinking of things that I had no real control on. That was going to just be impossible to really justify to myself. I knew that whatever was to be coming next was the fact that Jack was scared of something, and I was going to be seeing what it was eventually.
As I had been thinking this all out, I was seeing Josiah walking by, and he was watching the fact that I was not really watching much television. That I was just staring at the screen, and that I was sort of just totally out of it. He was sighing, wishing that he had something to tell me here.
"What is going on?" Josiah asked, and I was seeing him looking like he was wondering if he really could have been able to help me out, or if he was going to be just letting me do my own fucking thing. "I mean, I never seen you reject watching stuff before." I was then looking at him, wondering what I could tell him, and if he was willing to listen to me.
"I was wondering something..." I said, and then I was feeling like maybe I could be able to leave the subject alone for the time being. Josiah was looking at the screen, and he was pincing the in between of his eyes, and I was seeing like he was going to just have very little patience for something like this now.
"What were you looking at? What was worrying you?" He asked, and I was feeling like he might have been busy, and I did not want him to be feeling like he was wasting his time here, so I was feeling like I would just leave him alone.
"Never mind, it is nothing important. You have plans." I said, and then Josiah was sort of clearly having nothing he was wanting to tell me there. Almost as if he was feeling like it was a bit random and insane that I was actually going to be saying something like this now.
"Well, is it going to be told to me rather quick?" After he asked me this, I was then thinking about it. I was wondering if he had something else he was wanting to tell me, or just that he was wanting to be keeping up this whole thing for as long as possible.
"I guess. I mean, I was aware of things that Lydia and Jack watch, and they showed me one, and I was wondering if they are real. Seth doesn't think so." After I said that, Josiah was clearly looking like he was feeling like I was speaking about silly TV shows, and that he was going to have to find a way to just break this all to me.
"Most of those shows aren't real. They are just shown to entertain you guys." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and then I was thinking about what we were going to be talking about if I was going to make him understand that it went deeper to this.
"No it is like these broadcasts that are shown a lot in town, and Jack thinks that these things are real. He is focused on it a lot until the election." I said, thinking about how much he was barely talking about it here. I was wondering if he was getting annoyed with nobody taking him seriously, or if he was actually moving on from it and he did stop caring.
"Well, I think that Seth is probably right. I mean, if these were true, then there would be no way the channel would not have been taken down yet." After Josiah told me this, I was considering this prospect, and I was seeing him almost feeling like this was a rather decent point.
"Well, from what Jack explains, it is always on a different channel." After I said that, this was when Josiah was looking like he was a bit more interested in this, and that he was almost thinking about what it would have been like to consider all that he had said true.
"Odd, but I think that you don't need to be thinking about it all that much." Josiah was saying, and I wondered how much he was even wanting to talk about this, or if he was not even really caring all that much any more. "If you believe that these things are real, then I guess that there really might be a lot of messed up things here."
"Sure, I guess that it might be true." I said, and despite everything he had said, and everything that I wanted to tell him, I was feeling like either he was right, or he was at least far too stubborn to even consider something else, so bringing up more stuff would be a waste of time.
"Might as well let you be doing your own thing." I said, and then he was smiling at me, glad to be seeing me letting this whole thing go. Josiah walked off, and I was shaking my head. I was feeling like he could have at least pretended to be taking what I had said more seriously. If he had done that, life would have been easier for us all. Like if he had listened to me talk about what we watched that might have been enough.
I was looking back at the television again, angry at the things going on here, and angry at the stuff that I had been watching. Angry at the fact that I was just being brushed off all the time. Why did nobody on earth take me seriously? Nobody was listening to me, or even pretend to be listening to me. They just thought that since I was five, everything was all a big fucking joke.
It was all a big fucking joke, to be real with you. It was all something that made me annoyed, and I hated it, but I guess that I was sort of expecting it now. I was sort of just glad that if for nothing else, at least unlike some other people, Josiah did not talk over me (yeah fuck you Bettina with the non stop interruptions fuck off).
I was just wondering what his plans were, and what he was going to be doing with his own spare time. I was wondering who his friends were, and why the hell they were always hanging out. Since that was all that he fucking did, was just hang out with people.
The only thing that I wanted to do was work with Josiah for a while when the time had been coming. I was walking around and I was seeing Gabe in his room, and I was feeling like maybe I just needed to be speaking to him for a few seconds. He was looking a bit tired, and I was wanting to see what was in his mind. "What is going on?" I asked, feeling like maybe I could just find a way to make them feel better now.
"Not much. Just did my work, and got back a bit more beaten up than I thought that I was going o be." He said, and then he was sighing, as if feeling like he was going to try and pretend like he had more to say, but that in all honesty, he was just clearly tired, and I was feeling like I was needing to respect his wishes.
"What were you working on?" I asked, feeling like maybe if I was going to be a bit pushy with him, he might be listening to what I wanted him to be doing. I wanted the truth, and I was going to be forcing it out of him. He was going to tell me what was going on, no matter what he might have wanted here.
"I was just learning some stuff that I needed to look into. You know, I feel like when you are really busy all the time, you just feel like you need to get every fucking answer possible." He said, and then he was leaving it at this. I had wanted to know more so badly, and I was feeling like I just needed to know more, but I did not want to be making the issue any worse, so I decided that I was going to leave it alone for now.
"I guess that maybe it was important." I said, and then I was shrugging, thinking that if I said that, then he might be feeling better here. He might be feeling like I was listening to him, and that I was no longer just making him feel like I was pushing him around. In all honesty, I wanted to know more, and I was feeling like the lack of knowledge was getting me crazy. But for now, I was going to just pretend like things were fine.
"Besides, I feel like maybe I was just sort of needing the space. I needed the time. After hearing everybody and their reactions to the election, and seeing how much they all been feeling like things are turning around for the worst, I decided that I just needed to get myself away from all of the fucking lies." After he had told me this, I knew that I wanted to know more, but did not force it.
"Do you feel like the man who is president is a good guy? Since he is winning a second term?" I asked, and then I was seeing him thinking about it, and then he was slowly nodding. As if feeling like now several days later, he might be able to speak about it, and not be getting me angry at him. Not that I was angry at him.
"Yeah, I did. I feel like he did a great job so far, and I needed to award him with this." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he was a bit more calm and collected here. I did not know the specifics of it all, so I just decided that I was going to be letting him talk longer if he was wanting to do just that.
"Do you have more hope in this country, knowing he might be getting a second one?" After I asked him this, he was nodding, and I saw that this was the first time that he had looked like he was glad over something recently, and that was the reason that no matter what was happening, and even if I was older, I was not going to be angry at him no matter what, since he was just finally looking fine.
"I do have hope for this country. I feel like that so many people decided that he had done a good enough round to go at giving him a second one is the sign that I was wrong about this country." After Gabe was telling me this, I was looking at him, feeling like I just needed to hear what he was going to keep saying. As long as he was doing well, it was worth it all.
"What would you have done if Biden won?" I asked, and then he was shrugging, as if feeling like there was not much to be saying there. In all honesty, I was seeing him looking like he could not care too much if Biden had won. I did not know if it was sincere, or just a show.
"I would have accepted it. I would not have liked it, and I would have been feeling like it was a bad choice, but I would have accepted it for what it was." After Gabe said that, he shurgged, as if feeling like there was not much to be saying here. I was slowly nodding, feeling like I would be able to leave it all alone now.
"Alright, I guess that maybe there is nothing else to do." I said, and then I nodded, and looked right at him, and I was seeing Gabe looking like he was almost considering it for a moment. Despite what we were doing, and despite what I wanted to know, I was feeling like maybe Gabe was a bit worried over discussing this.
"Josiah does not seem as confident as you do. What is his feelings on it all?" I asked, and then Gabe was sighing, feeling like maybe we might be able to discuss something like that eventually. Since in all honesty, the discussion was going to be getting rather strange when discussing the prospect of why these two were so different.
"He was worried about some of the things that Trump did these last four years, and I just think that he was scared. I mean, I don't get it. But if he feels a certain way, the I guess that either his views will change eventually, or he can have the right to exercise his views in four years." Gabe said, referring to the fact that Josiah will be old enough to vote next time.
"Thanks for talking to me about this." I said, and then I was seeing him happy that he was able to be trying to get my perspective to be open here. As long as at least somebody was willing to hear his perspective, and as long as somebody was willing to hear him out, then it was going to be the best thing that we would have been doing now.
"Well, I will let you be resting now." I said, and then I was nodding for a while, and I was wondering if maybe talking to Gabe was going to be giving me a different perspective here. I was seeing him slowly stand up, and I saw him looking as if he was wanting to do something, but in all honesty, he was just thinking about what it would be like to just rest for a while.
"Do you know why you feel like you have to be doing this all?" After I asked him this, Gabe looked right at me, and this was when he was clearly looking like he was going be leaving it all alone. Gabe clearly knew that he was going to have to answer my question at one point in time, but that he was stalling it out for a while longer.
"I feel like when other people are willing to see the truth, and see what the issues are, then we will do whatever it will take to be working together. But until I get people to actually listen to me, and not be treating what I say like a joke, then I will be sort of leaving it alone. But I also found something that I just feel like I need to know the truth of." He said, and I was wondering where he was going with that last bit.
"So, what did you find?" I asked, and then I was feeling like I needed to just have him be more open about this all. I was seeing Gabe looking like he was wanting to debate between telling me or not. At least unlike the other times, I was seeing him sort of looking at the idea of saying something. I was seeing him looking like he knew where this was going to be going, and I was sort of happy for that. But once again, he rejected. But I did get him to think on it.

...

-November 9 2020 11:47 pm- I was seeing Jack getting out of his room, and I was seeing that he was going to be going up those fucking stairs again, and he was going to be watching more of those shows. I was feeling like I just needed to sort of give up any hope on him just not doing something like this in all honesty.
I was feeling like maybe if I tried hard enough, he might be able to reveal to me some stuff that was going on, and he might be willing to tell me what he was doing, and if he had still felt nothing about what happened with the election. I knew he was going to say he did not, but at the same time, I wasn't one hundred percent sure.
"Hey Jack, do you want to talk about some stuff?" I asked, really wishing that he was going to be giving me something this time. He was looking down on the bed and I was seeing that there was a small look of debate in his eyes. As if he was for once considering the idea of letting me know. But clearly he was choosing against it.
"I feel like I am so close to the answer of the mystery, that I want to go deeper and deeper to it all. Maybe once everything comes together, I will feel differently. But for now, I just want to see it all." After he was telling me this, I looked down on the ground, feeling like I was just needing to not be saying a damn other thing, in fear of what he was going to be saying as a reaction now.
"Whatever it is you are doing, don't look into it too much." I said, feeling like maybe saying that was the only way to be going at this in a way that was going to be making it seem like I was not pushing him too rough. He was looking at me, and I saw that he was not having much to be saying here.
"I will certainly remember that at the end of the day, what I am seeing is probably not all that important." Jack said, shaking his head, feeling like the fact that he was conceding this was wrong in his eyes. I was aware that he was having a lot on his mind, but I was feeling like I needed to be looking deeper into this than I was doing.
To be honest, the way he was going at it all was making me feel like he had too much of a mission statement in his mind. I mean, I did not mind it when he was mildly interested, but this was all just something that I was not sure on what to feel. But I was going to remain silent for the most part.
Once Jack was getting up the stairs, despite how much I was wanting to speak to him here, I was reminding myself to be calm, and be collected, and that in all honesty, there was nothing else that even mattered anymore. He was done being nice and dandy about it all, for better or for worse, and I was finally accepting something like this.
The only issue that I was having with it all was how the hell my older siblings did not think that it was ever smart to stop this whole thing, and not be getting in the way of what he was doing. Instead, they were just letting it go on. It felt wrong, and in all honesty, I was wishing that they would have seen that he was getting too deep into it all, and they would take care of it.
However, despite everything that I keep saying about Jack, and despite everything that gets to me here, I did appreciate how serious he was taking something. He had a clear mindset on one thing, and he was going to be doing his damn best to be going through with it, no matter what the cost of it was going to become.
I just wish that if he was scared on something, he would let us know, and that he was going to be saying it in a way that was easy for us to believe. The shows and the broadcasts was not the way to be going at this whole thing, and surely he would see that one day or another.
I was wanting to say more, and I was wanting to do more, but I was feeling like no matter what I was going to be saying, and no matter what I could have said, not only would he literally have not heard it, due to us no longer being in the same room, but I was feeling like he would have just acted like it never mattered. So I was focusing on the idea of simply helping him if he had needed this to be done.
I sat down on my bed, and I was thinking about what it would have been like to just go up there, and what it would have been like to just sort of see what he was in store for. I was thinking that if I did something like this, then the whole thing might have been a bit less hard for all of us. I wondered what he would have said if I did try and join in with him. If he would have accepted or just flat out rejected me.
He was going to be on a set mission, and that was the only thing I knew what to bethinking about here. We were going to be on our own set of plans. But the one thing that I knew I was going to do was that next time we talked, I would ask him what he had seen recently, and I was going to see if that was going to be what would be finally opening him up a bit.
I was thinking that even if he was going to be rejecting these advances, that I just needed to be getting up there. I was getting out of my bed, and I was going to be speaking to him, and I was going to be getting something out of him, no matter what he was going to say. No matter what he would want, we were going to be talking this time, and he would understand I was doing my best to be helping him here.
I knew that if Jack was not wanting to be speaking to me, and if Jack was scared to speak to me on anything related to here, while I would appreciate the gesture, I was going to be standing my ground, and I was going to be seeing if he was going to finally make any real difference with this discussion now.
Once I was up the stairs, I was looking around the living room, and I was seeing that like I expected, he was just looking intently on the screen, and he was watching some footage of something. As I was looking right at him, and not saying a word, in fear of how he would react, I was seeing him sighing, and looking like he had wanted to just say something else to the screen, but decided against it all.
Then he was turning around for a split second, and he was sighing, and I was wondering if maybe I was just needing to say something to defend myself. He shook his head, as if feeling like at this point, trying to talk me down, or tell me that I was not old enough to get it was just not going to go through.
"Yeah, I guess that if you really wanted to be watching this, you can do it." He said, clearly feeling like the faster that he finally agreed with this, the better that it was going to be. The better that it was going to look for both of us, and the better it would be for a general civil discussion.
I was sitting down next to him, as he was clearly looking like he had known that fighting this was going to be a lost cause, and that if we were going to be getting along as siblings, and if we were going to be living together for at least nine more years, the fighting and the uncertainty needed to fucking die off.
I stared at the screen for fifteen seconds, and this time, I was seeing a guy walking down the street, and he was looking around, as if trying his best to not be caught. When he was clearly feeling like he was going to be safe, he walked on right in, and he was holding something in his hand. As if he was doing a deal, or having something to defend himself with, in case things went wrong or whatever it was.

...

-November 11 2020 6:12 pm- I was seeing Seth showing up, and I was seeing him hanging out with that guy Manny, and I was wondering what the two were up to right now. I was feeling like maybe they were needing to just let me know what they were doing on a regular basic. I was wanting to be friends with them, and I was just hoping that they were going to be willing to let me hang out for a while longer, before telling me that they were done with this.
"Hey, what are you doing today?" I asked, and then I saw Seth looking at me, and the way he was looking at me clearly showed that he was having no real opinion on what to be telling me. He clearly felt like I was just trying to get in his business over something that he had no real desire to be talking about. But then he looked at Manny, and he was looking like he was just figuring that maybe tellin me was not that big of a deal.
"We're doing fine. We were going to be heading out to watch some movies. But we were needing to go on and get stuff." Seth said, and I was seeing him looking like he was hoping that we could have been able to leave it at that. So with that, I was just looking down on the ground, and at this rate, Manny was looking like he was just trying to find a way to be getting this discussion over with.
"We don't really have any real plans. I would not be too worried about it." After Manny told me that, I saw him looking like he had been wanting to talk about something else. I was then coming up with a question that I knew they were not going to super happy with me asking, but I was still feeling like for better or for worse, it was worth the question.
"What do you think of who won the election?" I asked, and then Manny was looking down to me, and I was seeing him looking more shocked that I was asking him this question at all than anything else. As if he was expecting somebody like me to be having no interest in something like who would be winning a national election.
"I am not really all that interested in who wins. The whole thing is none of my business." After he had told me this, I was seeing Manny looking like he was wondering why I even wanted to discuss this in the first place. I was wising that I had a real answer, but in all honesty, I did not, and I was feeling like maybe I was being strange here.
"Josiah seemed to be very interested." I said, and then after I had said that, Seth was nodding to that, having no right to deny something like this. In a way, he was finding the interest Josiah had to be a bit strange, and borderline stupid and lame. But he did not want to say such outloud.
"Well, I think that Josiah was probably wasting his time having so much investment over something so little." Seth told me, with the anger in his voice coming on through again. I was wondering what his issue with this election really was. I was feeling like he had just needed to help state what it was, in order for people to be able to help him out or whatever, and not just be bringing everybody down for no real good reason.
"I just think that maybe he is having one thing that he cares about. Maybe he is offended by all the tweets." Manny said, and then he goes to where Seth and Josiah's room was. I was wondering how things were between Seth and Josiah, given the fact that they were both looking at this election way the fuck differently and stuff. I was feeling like they needed to have some actual plans to go here.
As Seth was about to enter the room, I was calling out to Manny, to see if there was something he was willing to tell me. "Do you have any idea on what the next four years are going to be like?" I asked, and then Manny was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking like he was needing to cut it out with the idea that he must have had any clue what is happening. Even though it was just a innocent question.
"Honestly, I think that anybody who tries to predict it is wasting their time. He will be out in four years anyways. Why rush it when there is no changing what happens? Just let it happen, and we can be able to change things up next time. Besides, he did win Minnesota, so a large group of people here liked him." After Manny told me this, I was seeing him looking like he was kind of not nearly as worried about this as Josiah, but having more feelings on it compared to Seth.
"You seem like you care quite a bit on who won." I said, thinking about how strange it would have been for him to be reactng any other way, and I was wondering if there was some way that I might have been able to help him out here. Or if I was going to be wasting my time even trying to think of a way to make it work.
"I did, but I also know how little affect it has on the long run. I know that it will be over with in four years, and I just need to remind myself that things are to be done one day at a time. So there is nothing to be too worried about here, when you look at it this way." After he had said that to me, he was done speaking here, and I was just seeing him kind of tired now. So he was finally going in to Seth's room, to be doing his own thing, and leave things alone.
Once they were inside of the room, I was then feeling like they were probably just going to be relatively busy, and then I was just telling myself that I needed to let them be doing their own thing, and that if they were ever wanting to be hanginh out with me for whatever reason, then I could be going through all that as we were heading there. But for now, we were just going to be leaving the situation all alone.
I was then wondering what to be doing if Lydia was going to be asking to hang out with me again. I mean, I was feeling like Jack was going to be hanging out with me and talking to me about what we were watchig. As I was thinking about what it was to be like to be talking with him on what he had watched, it was going to be a really long and dragged out conversation. He was going to be asking me what I had seen, and he was going to be making it very clear to me that he was not going to be taking no for an option, and I was going to have to just fess up to it all.
I mean, by comparison, I would rather be doing what Lydia was wanting to be dealing with since at least with what Lydia was planning on doing, then we could ba making at least some form of a discussion that I could be getting used to. Rather than a discussion that was going to be making it very clear that he was not really wanting to even bring this subject up again, and he was hoping that I would do the same.
As I was getting ready to be having this confrontation with him, I was feeling like the whole discussion was going to be the worst thing that we could have ever be going through. I was feeling like maybe if Jack was wanting to speak with me, here then I might be forcing myself to just see where this would have gone.
Eventually, I was telling myself to be taking things less seriously, and that maybe when this discussion was coming up, I would be saying some bullshit to get myself out of this, and then he might be willing to listen to me. I was feeling like whenever Jack and I were talking about these shows, I was going to be offered to watch again, and then everything was going to be coming up again. And I was just hoping that we would be done with it sooner or later, for both of our sakes.
So for the time being, I was walking down the stairs, telling myself to be getting this over with, and that no matter what he might have been feeling, everything that Jack watched was going to be relatively pointless for the time being.

The 2020 Election Results

Final Electoral Count

Trump 651 (52.33%)

Biden 593 (47.66%)

Final Popular Count

Biden 78732666 (49.25%)

Trump 75328207 (47.12%)

Chapter Text

-Dylan's POV November 14 2020 9:39 pm- At this rate, I will be totally honest with you, I barely even remember any of the stuff that is going to be placed down on here, and I am instead doing it since I am just the next person in line, and Henry has finished his turn of the speaker.
I do find it kind of funny how my older brothers decided that he was the one who was going to be taking care of figuring out what the heck was going to be happening with the election. He was only five years old at the time. I think that they were just going on the lines that since he was five at the election, he was old enough to have a vague memory of it, but young enough to not really have any feelings on the matter. I guess that something like this is a fair feeling, even if I do not get it at all.
All that being said, I do remember some of the more important stuff that goes on after this point. Since believe it or not, there are much more important things that happen after all that went down. There were several things that I did witness, and despite how young I was, the event itself was so hard to forget due to how awful it was that I feel like I am going to be remembering something like this for a long ass time to come no matter what.
The only thing that I think that I could have done differently was the idea of just sort of being able to have a way to handle telling my family about it all. My slightly younger twin Drake was the only one who was there to see it, and my older siblings, even Henry and Lydia brushed me off, and Calvin and Ridge are even younger than I am, so they would not get it at all.
So with that in mind, I am here, and I am just going to explain the events on this journal as well as possible, and I hope that people are willing to hear me out, and give me a chance to not be brushing me off as a idiot. I hope that no matter what, they are willing to at least see what I was trying to tell them with my writings here. After all, some of the stuff that Gabe and Josiah went through, and the stuff Jack saw on that television, seems to be at least slightly connected to this all.
So to start with, it was when I was sitting down, and it was a pretty late time at the night. 9:47 was when it started I believe, and I was watching some stuff with Drake. Since we were only three at the time, and my older siblings were not worried, and dad and mom were always busy doing something, Drake and I from about 9 to 11 every night had the television to ourselves.
I will admit, this starting point is pretty similar to the one that Jack had in the way that it was something that happened with television. What the difference is that he pretty much just had his whole action be from stuff that he was watching, while in a way, Drake and I were actually forced to be living through it all.
"So Drake, we watched it all." I said, and I was mainly talking about the channel as a whole. The channel that we had been watching for nearly a month by that point was kind of boring now, and I feel like watching it was sort of getting to us now. I wanted to go on and do something different. Something that would get me at least a bit of a new story to work with.
"I know, but there are no other channels." He said, and then he was looking around the avalible options, feeling like he might as well scroll around for a few minutes, to help show his point. "See, nothing of worth at all." He said, and then he was looking right at me, wanting to say more, but decided against it for some random reason.
"Maybe we can make our own show." I said, and then I was seeing him looking like he was not really even considering the idea too much. Almost as if he was feeling like the whole idea of it all was a bit pointless, an dthat I just needed to come up with some better ideas here. "It would be better than skipping channels all day."
I think it was due to the fact that I said it that way, I was seeing him considering my point, and I was seeing him looking like he was sort of at least wanting to see where I was coming from with this idea. He was looking right at me, and I was seeing him looking as if he was going to give me a chance to prove myself here.
"Where do you think we would make it?" He asked, and then I was looking right at him, and I knew that this idea was against the rules of our parents. But at the same time, I was almost not even caring anymore. Surely if they saw it this way, they would be willing to work with me, and give us a bit more freedom here.
"I know we can't play outside the yard until we're five, but they might let us do the park for the show." I said, thinking about the park that was three blocks away, and I was aware that at the time, when you were three years old, three blocks was virtually the biggest journey somebody would dream of doing.
"They might not like it though." He said, and I was seeing him looking like he was wanting this discussion to end as soon as possible, to be making it seem like he was on good behavior. I saw that while he wanted to deny it, that there was something going on in there that made him want to do it though.
As we were looking around, I clicked on a random channel, and in the same vein that Jack was at first, he was watching something totally random and something that had really no actual reason to exist. As we were watching, part of me felt more and more fulfilled here. I was feeling like if this could be shown on television, then our stuff could be as well.
The start of the show was showing a guy who was probably early to mid twenties talking to a much more gruf older guy. The older man was holding out his arm in front of the mid twenties guy, and I was seeing that he was looking angry. "This is your payment for the contract. If you want to earn more, then you need to continue doing jobs here." He said, sounding like he had no desire to be changing his opinion on this whole thing at all.
"What types of jobs are you planning here?" The younger guy, who strangely enough had blue hair, asked. I was able to tell that part of him was not really into what was going on here, and was only doing this for the money, and was only probably doing it for some other purpose that he did not reveal.
'We are planning on blowing up the Grand Shire Hotel." The gruff older guy said, who I now am slowly remembering to be black. "By doing so, we will send a clear message Heinz. And we will be showing everybody that we are not some covert undergound group, and that we are serious with our job."
"I am not with you guys. I am against them, and I am here to take them down." The younger guy said, sounding like he was tired of giving this speech, and probably was in a way of life where he was just tired of everything that was going on around him. He just wanted to do something that he was feeling like could give real justice.
"If you are against them, we have a common cause, and a common enemy. That will be good enough for me." The black gruff guy said, and then he was trying his best to be keeping his cool the entire time he was looking at the younger man. Then with this, the younger man was slowly nodding, and decided that the fighting was just not really even worth it anymore.
"Yeah, sure, I will do it. I have no other reason to tell you off." After he had said that, the other man was slowly nodding, and was sort of glad to be seeing that if for nothing else, at least this argument was going to be ending. Then with that, he was looking at the papers on the table, and was getting ready to finally explain the plans to him.
"Why do you even care what these people do? I mean, there is no personal stake that you have here?" The guy with blue hair said, and then that was when the black man was sounding like he was actually kind of pissed at the way the younger man was speaking to him now.
"Because when I was a kid, I believed that Wayside was a great town, and there are great things about it still. I want to make sure that we have a chance to see them again." After the man was saying this to the kid, he was looking like if there was any other further questions on it, their work was going to be getting cut very short.
"Well, we all fell for that idea. Do you know what it was like to learn that some of your best friends were the product of some form of strange mutated and failed experiments?" The guy in blue hair asked, and then that was when the black man stared at him, and slowly shook his head in concession, but countered with another one.
"But I know what it was like when there was a chance that we could have been able to actually thrive, before more and more of the resources in town were starting to get seeped off. Those mines were just the start of what happened. Once the materials there were taken out, it was only a matter of time before Heinz felt like it would be time to be going underground." After the black man said this, he was feeling like there was no other point to make to his younger counterpart.
"You are in it for the personal vandetta. I am in it for the resources that they took and destroyed, and I am going to be making things right." He said, and then with this, the guy with blue hair was slowly nodding, partly to appease this gorilla of a man, and partly to show that they were actually working together here.
"You understand that sooner or later, despite how much we work together, and I do respect your side of the war, I am going to have to be leaving, and there is only one person who I care to meet. And I feel like our work needs to be together until we start to get to that." The man with blue hair said, and the black man slowly nodded at this.
"As long as this truce doesn't get shaky, I will let you do whatever you want. As long as the basics of this job are still done." He said, and then with that, the man with blue hair started to walk off, and then the black man was calling out to him. The blue haired man was looking right at him, feeling like he needed to hear his arguments. "And Gumball, know that despite this all, I do support what you want to do."
Once Gumball was out of the room, he was looking at the black sky, and he was willing to see that there were other things in it all that he remembers. He had no real issue with what Barrett was doing, but he was feeling like Barrett was rather close minded, whereas Gumball was looking at the big picture.
Gumball took out a cigarette, and was walking down the side walk to his house, where he was going to be meeting the closest thing that he had to a friend in his entire adult life. The only person who cared if he was even fucking alive in all honesty. The only person Gumball felt would actually miss him if he was gone.
The relative peacefull ness of the town sort of reminding him of how well the lie worked out. Despite everything, Gumball could not deny that the men and women behind this all did a great job hiding what their goals were, and did a great job making it seem like nothing was going on at all.
Eventually, once Gumball was inside of the house he stayed out, he sat down on his living room chair. "How was the meeting with him today?" A girl asked, and then Gumball was sighing, feeling like he had nothing to say to her. Feeling like no matter what he was going to tell her, she was going to find a way to defend the man.
"He gave me the payment for the contract yesterday. But honestly, I am wondering when the reports are going to be assuming that it was me. I was really sloopy. I am honestly shocked that I survived that one at all." Gumball said, remembering the engulfing flames that were only seconds away from catching him, if he was even just a tad bit slower.
"Do you feel like you are going to be safe here, any longer? I mean, you stay here, and you work all the time on this, for small cash that is supposed to just get you through. But sooner or later, these are going to kill you." After she was telling him this, Gumball sighed, and then he was taking at the girl, feeling like he wanted to tell her more, but could never say it, for her own sake.
"I will only give up when I am dead or they are done. And there was something that I saw that made me remember what I was fighting for." Gumball said, and then the other girl was sitting next to him, feeling like they had gone through this several times, and she was feeling like it was best to just hear what he was going to tell her. "I saw a young girl playing at the park on the way home, picking some toys up. She wanted to give me one, but I declined. Seeing her made me feel warm inside." Gumball said, scared to say anymore, worrying what it might mean.
"Do you think that when you see a newer generation of people, who barely started, that you feel like that is the main thing that gives you a purpose?" She asked, and then Gumball was nodding, feeling like he did not need to hide what he was feeling. In all honesty, he was feeling like hiding it was not going to be doing anybody else any favors.
"I think that when I meet her, I will just thank her for saying hello to me. Something nice and simple. But now that I see somebody like her around, I feel like there is no way that I could ever pretend like things were going to be fine now." Sheldon said, and he was feeling like there was no other way he was going to be able to say it, without making it seem strange.
"Well, I hope that if for nothing else, it all works out." She said, and then Gumball was thinking about it, and he was wondering if things were even going to be able to work out anymore. He was wanting to believe that it would be able to come together. He was feeling like it fucking had to. But in all honesty, there was a level of uncertainty that he was having here.
"I will see if there is something that needs to be done after my next contract. I feel like this one is really going to be putting us on the radar, and I think it is possible that I might not be able to survive this." Gumball said, and while he was used to looking at death in the eye, he was feeling like it was not enough to be getting this off his chest.
"I wish that I could be able to help you better. But I think that we are going to have a bit of a rough time if I have any advice to give you." After she had told him this, Gumball was slowly nodding, accepting what he was being told. No matter what was happening, he was wanting her to never have any real danger thrown at her. He was wanting to make sure that she was safe.
"No matter what is to come, I do know that I am never to be losing any faith. If I lose faith, and admit that I lose the war, then there is nothing left for me to be doing. That is totally wrong in every fucking way." After Gumball said this, he was looking at her, wondering what she was going to be saying. She remained silent for a moment longer.
"I hope that you do not hurt yourself too much soon. And just make sure that no matter what, you remember that everybody will be rooting for you if they knew the truth." She said, and the Gumball shook his head at that one, thinking it was a fucking bull face lie.
The program ended after a bit, and I was looking right at Drake, wondering what I would be able to say to get him to work with me here. "See Drake, if we can see something like this show up on television, then we have every right to do whatever we can." I said, and then I was slowly seeing him looking like he was willing to concede the poing that I was right here. He nodded, and I was feeling like this was one fight that I finally was able to say that I had won against him on. Which made me feel so fucking proud, I am not even going to fucking lie.
"Yeah, I guess that I do see where you are coming from." Drake said, and while he clearly did not want to be doing this earlier, I was now seeing him looking like he was happy to try something like this. So with this, I was thinking about what our plans were going to be, and if we were going to end up like that other show.
"I think that we should just see what we can do to make it work." After I said this to him, I was thinking about what I was going to do, and I was wanting to make this work out. I was needing this to work out. The only thing that was going to be making me feel like I was happy was just to be getting out there, and being a man with certain creativity.
"Maybe our brothers can come." After he said that to me, I did not want to say it, and I was feeling like they were going to ruin it. But at the same tme, I was feeling like I could be able to see where they were coming from, so I was thinking that I was just needing to leave it all alone for now.
"I think the only one who would is like Seth or Lydia, maybe Henry." I said, and I was feeling like maybe having Henry help us out was going to the only thing we were going to work with, since he was the only one within our age range, and he did meet the five year old rule that our parents had laid out.
"We can just do what we want." Drake said, and then with this, I was thinking about what it was going to be like to have our entire future already planned out like this. I was feeling like there was never any real issues that I would be facing with this. We were going to be having a good time, and that was the only thing that I was feeling like I needed to be telling myself. I just needed to see where this was going to go.
"Thanks for seeing my view." I said, and then I was looking right at him, feeling like we were finally working along on this, and we were going to be happier than anything else. So with this, I was now looking at the future we were going to be holding soon.

...

-November 16 2020 4:06 pm- I went up to Seth's room, and Drake was with me. As we were at his room, I was seeing that he was finishing up working on something, so I was feeling like we were able to speak to him and not annoy the shit out of him. Although a small part of me was wondering if he was going to be annoyed regardless. But I told myself not to be thinking on it too much.
"Hey, do you want to help us?" I asked, and then Seth was looking right at us, and I was feeling like he was probably thinking that we were talking about him making a lunch of whatever for us. I was feeling like he was going to be feeling much better about it once he was finding out the truth, so I was going to keep this whole thing up for a while longer.
"What are you talking about?" Seth asked, and I was then thinking that in order to not slightly annoy him, we needed to be getting right to it, to make him feel happier. "I mean, I was going to be hanging out with my friends soon, but if I need to stop, I should know right now." After he had told me this, I then felt guilty for a second.
"I was wanting to make a movie." I said, and then Seth stopped what he was doing, and he was staring right at us, as if feeling like he was now wanting to see where this was going. Now I felt like we were going to be working something out here. "Drake and I wanted you to help." I said, and then Drake was looking excited at this idea, wanting to just get it over with for now.
"What the heck are you going to be making this movie over?" He asked, and then I was seeing him standing up, and looking right at us, and I was feeling like no matter what we were saying, we needed to be really selling our point as good as possible. "I mean, I am not really somebody who is too into that." After he admitted this, I was feeling like we were now going to have to do a good job winning him over, to make him feel better about cancelling.
"We wanted to go to the park, but we're too young to, so we thought that maybe you would be able to help us take care of that." I said, and then he as looking right at me, and I was seeing that his mind was wanting to argue more and more, but then he was sighing, and decided against doing this.
"Oh wow, I was not expecting this to be out of the house. I guess that we can do something like this. Maybe my friends might be able to come along and help us out." He said, and then I was seeing him looking like he was not wanting to admit it, but that this was actually going to be sort of fun now.
"If they want to help, that would be fun." I said, and then I looked right at Drake, wondering if he was going to be having anything that he was wanting to say. Drake was silent for this, but his nodding was sort of driving forward this narrative a bit, and that was what we were needing. With this, Seth looked right at us, and I was seeing him slowly nodding, and I was seeing that he did not like it at all, but that he had no desire to argue with it at all.
"Okay, I guess that we can do this." After Seth said that to us, I was seeing him looking like he did not feel fully convinced, but that he was willing to just do something if it was going to be making us happieer, since we were his younger brothers, and he did care of us, even if it meant not hanging out with us.
We were walking out of the house, and I was seeing that Seth was not looking too convinced right now, but was willing to see if we had a plan. I was seeing that he grabbed his cell phone, and I was wondering if that was to record, or if he was going to try and contact his friends to let them know what was happening, and that they could, or maybe even should, come along.
"Have you ever been in a movie?" I asked, and then Seth was laughing at that, as if thinking that the question was the best one that I would possibly ever ask him. I was feeling like it was valid enough, so I was really not getting what was making him act like this or anything.
"I think that if I were ever in a movie, people would be making fun of me for the rest of my life. People would be acting like I am just pulling off one of the best stunts in the world. Needless to say, the answer is no." After he had said that to me, I was then feeling like he was needing to be giving himself more credit. I felt like he was a nice enough guy to do this.
"Well, you might enjoy it though." I said, and I was mainly just saying this to make him feel like he was not wasting his time. The way he was looking at me was showing me that in a way, even if he was not wanting to say it, he was hoping that I did not push him on this too long.
"I will see I guess. I mean, I will have to really get to know what your plans here are. If you're just having fun, or if you want to tell a story." Seth sighed as if thinking that the idea of telling a story here was going to be impossible, since we were so fucking young, and we had no idea what a story even fucking was.
Once we were at the park, Seth was playing with his phone for a few seconds, and I would later learn that this was him sending a text to his friends offering them to be able to come here to be able to hang out. I was feeling like this was going to be the most exciting thing that could have happened if it were to be working out. You know, getting more people to work with us.
"Alright, so as I was asking, what is going to be your overall plan here?" He asked, and then I was shrugging, feeling like there was no real need to be making a plan here. I was feeling like we were going to be able to do whatever we had wanted, and it was going to just be a lot of fun. In my mind, things really were that simple, as much as I am embarassed to admit such a thing.
"We don't really need any plans here." I said, and then he was sighing, as if feeling like this was going to be going nowhere, and that in a way, he was now feeling like he was going to be wasting his time doing anything like this. I wished that he was feeling a bit different about all this, but I was deciding to just remain silent.
"Oh boy, this is going to be a really strange night." Seth said, as if feeling like there was nothing else to even fucking tell us. I was really not getting what the issue was here, but to be honest, part of me was not even caring what it was. I was thinking that we were going to be doing great no matter what.
I was looking around, and I was mainly just looking for something that I felt like would be a good thing to record. "Hey Seth, can we use your phone to record?" I asked, and this was clearly the part where Seth was looking like he was getting so over it, and that he was just not wanting to be going through with this at all. I wondered what the issue was.
"I guess that we can. But do you promise not to do anything with it?" Seth asked, and I was seeing him looking more and more like he was just trying to be making a very clear message to me. I made the promise, feeling like there was something else he was wanting to say, and that either I needed to behave well to make sure he did not need to say it, or just let him do it.
"I promise that I will not be doing anything with it." I said, and then he was looking right at me, and I was seeing that no matter what he was wanting to say, he was going to just leave it alone for the time being, and not be making things any worse for now. So he was just handing me the phone, and I saw him shake his head, as if feeling like there was no purpose now.
"Do you guys see that over there?" Drake asked, and I was confused what he was talking about, so I was feeling like I might as well just see what he was talking about. He was pointing towards this one person walking down on the other side of the park, and he was walking slowly to his car.
At first, Seth was looking like he was just finding this whole thing entirely pointless, and that there was no reason to be looking at this, and that we were going to be wasting our time. But the longer that we were watching, I was seeing him ripping the phone out of his hand, and he was staring, and holding the phone to one set spot for a while.
He was scared over something, and I was wondering what the issue was. I was seeing him looking like he was wanting to try and say something else, and that he was wanting to be doing more, but did not want to be doing anything that could be getting us in some form of danger. I was checking to see what he was recording, and I noticed he zoomed it in all the way.
"What the fuck?" Seth asked, and he was referring to the fact that this man was throwing something in his car, and the thing that was in the car was by no means a natural thing. I mean, I would only get it as I was older, but Seth was telling me one time that he was sure that he was seeing that person put a actual body in there. Which just scared him to no end.
"What are you doing?" I asked, feeling like if I would see what his plans were, I would be able to help him out here. Seth was then recording for a few seconds longer, knowing that he was certain that the body was not moving. Then when he was done, he handed me the phone, when the person was driving off. Seth looked at Drake and I, as if he was wanting to say something else, but decided that he was going to keep it to himself.
"Oh shit, what the heck did I find myself agreeing to?" He asked, and I was feeling like I was just needing to get him to explain things to me in a way that was going to be making at least some form of sense. "Never mind, you do not need to be worried about that yet. I would not be telling you." He said, clearly feeling like he needed to try and pretend to be happy for our sakes.
With that, Manny was showing up, and I was seeing him looking like he was not too sure of what it was going to be like, recording stuff with us. But at the same time, he was wanting to make sure that we were just having some fun, so he was going to be keeping it all to himself.
"What is going on?" Manny asked, and I was thinking that he was referring to the fact that Seth was having, as if he was aware that Seth was scared over something. I still had no idea what was going on, so I was thinking that I might as well just be quiet, for everybodys sake involved, to not be making the story any worse
"Nothing important. But I think that we should be taking this 'movie' a bit more seriously." Seth said, and I did not know it at the time, but this was his way of using us for his own thing. I did not want to be aware of this yet, but looking back on it, it is so easy to see that he was just using us.
"What should we be doing?" Manny asked, as if feeling like he was just needing to see what the general point of this movie was even going to be. I was thinking that as long as he was not aware of what we were doing, then he was going to be totally fucking lost, and have no idea what was even going to be going forward.
"Do you have anything else to record?" I asked, and then Seth was thinking about it for a second, and then Seth was slowly nodding. He looked at Drake and I, as if wanting to make sure that no matter what we were going to be doing, we were not going to be spreading out news here, or be making it clear that something else was going on. I wished that I was not so scared of something here, knowing what was to come in the future.
"I think that I might have something that we should be looking at." Seth said, and then he felt like he was finally able to say his argument in a way that would be making sense out of it. "So I need you two to promise that you are not going to be telling mom and dad what we are doing. Please, no matter what, keep this to yourself here." After he said that, I looked at Drake, wanting to see what he would have said.
"We can do it." Drake said, just happy to be seeing that Seth was still willing to be doing this, and he was clearly just wanting to get to the action. He was just like me in that regard. He knew that we would be wasting our time doing anything else. Seth nodding, and then was looking right at Manny for a second.
"What was that place you told me about earlier? The area you said looks like a old relic of the past, as you say." He said, and then Manny was taking a second to think on it, and then he was slowly nodding, as if letting the pieces of it come together, and then he was happy to be doing something like this now.
"Oh yeah, it is only a block or two away from here. If I remember correctly. It was kind of by luck that I found it in the first place." He said, and then he was looking right at Seth, wondering what the purpose to this was going to be. Seth was then slowly letting what he was wanting to do sink right in here.
"Yeah, this is going to be a lot of fun, and this is also going to be really fucking stupid." After he had said that, he laughed for a couple of seconds, and then he was thinking that we might as well just go along with the ideas more, and see what was to go on. We walked along with Seth and Manny. Drake and I were then thinking of something that we would be able to discuss with each other for a while longer.
"So Drake, what do you think Seth is up to right now?" I asked, and then I was seeing that Drake was clearly not thinking about it at all. Almost as if he was out of it entirely. I was sighing, relatively annoyed with this, but I was happy to be seeing that he was still enjoying his time, and I liked my brother too much to be thinking much on it otherwise.
"Well, at least Seth is giving the movie a story." After he had said that to me, I was looking right at him, and I was wondering what the heck I was even going to be telling him here. I wanted to say more to argue with him here. But I was sighing, and just felt like there was no reason to be going wrong with that. I mean, from a certain perspective, maybe this whole thing was a blessing in disguise and stuff.
"Yeah, I guess that this is true. What is going on though?" I asked, just trying to be making sense out of it all, and I was wanting to be having some idea of making it seem like it was fine enough. But to be honest, I was having no idea what to be saying, and I was having no wish to be going any further with it, for lack of a better term.
"Why do you think it's something?" He asked, and then I was feeling like despite everything in mind screaming that there was more than Drake and I knew, I was aware that deep down, he was right, and that there was nothing showing that this was true. There was nothing of this that was really making sense here. But I was feeling like I would appreciate the fact that they were at least willing to let this whole thing go on without too much issue.

...

-November 17 2020 6:22 pm- I was feeling like I was needing to see what Seth would have told me, if I were to go on and ask him what was happening here. In all honesty, I was feeling like maybe if I was speaking to him now, and ask him why he took the recording so seriously. I felt like he was just maybe needing to relax for a while longer, and just enjoy this project more than he had been.
I was seeing Drake doing his own thing, and I was wondering what the heck Drake would have wanted to be saying here, when I was seeing him placing some clothes and shoes on. I was thinking about how much he was enjoying this, and despite the initial level of confusion that I might have been having here, I did want to continue the filming on this as long as possible.
"Do you think that Seth is going to be the main guy making much of this movie?" I asked, feeling like maybe if I was going to be bringing this up, and see what he might say, Drake just looked at me for a couple of seconds, as if thinking that maybe I was taking this way too seriously, and why this was even happening at all.
"Well, I think that he is just using the camera. No real big deal." After he had said that to me, I was sighing, and then I was thinking that we just neeed to continue going with this for a while longer. I was thinking that we just needed to find some real plans to be making this whole movie work out better.
We walked up the stairs, and I was feeling like this whole thing was going to be a strange path to be going down. I was feeling like I needed to be giving him more credit, and that maybe Seth knew what he was doing. I had no idea why I was so worried over something that in all honesty, was not even that big of a deal. I was making something out of nothing.
Once we were at the top of the stairs, and I was seeing Seth picking up something from the fridge, I was seeing him sitting down near the computer, and then he was placing his phone in a plug, and then he was putting the stuff we recorded on the folder named Seth. Then he was looking right at us, as if feeling like we were needing to be doing something else.
"Hey guys, I was wondering if we could continue recording for a bit. I was thinking that there were some stuff that we could be gathering up right now." After he had said that to me, I slowly nodded, feeling like something like this was a great idea. So I was wanting to see what Seth would have been coming up with to make it all work.
"Where do you think that we should be going?" I asked, and then I was seeing Seth looking like he was wanting to see what the heck we would have been doing. But then Seth was ejecting his phone from the laptop, and then he was placing the laptop under the pillow, as if trying to make it so that some people might not see where this was heading.
We were walking out of the house, and we were walking along, and I was seeing that Seth was putting his camera on. As we were walking along, I was seeing Seth looking right at us, and I was seeing him looking like he had wanted to say something else to be making this whole thing work. "How are you doing today? Are you excited for this recording?"
"Yeah, I was the one who brought up the idea of making the movie." I said, and he was nodding along with this, clearly having nothing else to say. "So I think that one place we can check out is where we ended up leaving off of yesterday." After Seth told us this, I was seeing him looking like he was going to be suggesting something better, but decided against it.
"What would we even find there?" I asked, and then I was seeing him thinking about some excuse to be going there. I was seeing that even if he was feeling like he was in a corner, if he was coming up with a decent enough excuse, then I might as well be able to just go along with this for a while.
"We are just making a good story, and I think that if we look harder, something like this might work. Just play along, and see what I am trying to find here." After he was telling me this, I saw him looking like he was wanting to say more, but decided against it. I was thinking that if I pressed hard enough, I would learn more, but that I needed to not press it.
We walked along for a few seconds longer, and I was feeling like maybe Manny or Becky were going to be coming along, and that maybe when I was going to be seeing what they were wanting to tell me, and then this whole thing would have made our entire filming process a whole lot easier.
"So are Manny and Becky going to be coming along?" I asked, and then I was looking at him, wondering and hoping that he was going to say yes. I mean, I was sort of worried that if we did not have them with us, then this entire movie was going to be the product of what Seth was wanting to do, and that we were never going to get anything that we wanted.
Eventually, we reached the sign that Manny showed us yesterday, and I was emiling, feeling like this was uc picking up the progress that we had been leaving off of here. "Seth, what is the next step to this movie?" Drake asked, and then Seth was shrugging, having nothing that he was wanting to say right now. He was just looking at the sign, and was recording here.
"We are just going to be looking at it again for a few seconds, and i think that we do not need to be doing anything else for a while." After he was telling us this, I was seeing him going to the back of the sign, as if expecting to find something there that we had not been looking at earlier.
Once he was there, that was when I was following behind him, and Drake took a second, but he did as well, and I was wondering if this was why mom and dad made the five year old minimum rule, considering the fact that we have been going around, and we had been going all over the place. And I was feeling tired over some minimal walking, and I was too young to get it all.
"Mile Marker 6." Seth said, and then I was looking at it, and then Seth was slowly thinking about it for a moment. He had clearly felt like he was wanting to say something further, but just decided against it for the time being. "This is one of the first ones that this town made."
Drake walked beyond, to the front of the sign again, and looked at it once again, and then I was seeing that Drake clearly had something he was wanting to tell me. "There is no way that Wayside is six miles long." After Drake told us that, this was when Seth was walking up to us again.
"It's not that. The mile markers are not related to that." After Seth had said that to us, I was totally confused, and I was wondering if Seth was going to be telling us something. "I wish that this whole thing made some more sense. But I wondered why the Wayside sign from back then was considered the sixth spot."
"What is the mile markers for?" After I asked Seth this, he looked right at me for a few seconds, and I was seeing him looking like he had something that he would have wanted to try and tell us, but then he was sighing, and he was just wanting to be leaving this all alone. Seth looked at us for a few seconds longer, so I was feeling I would leave it all alone.
"I have no idea. But I think that Gabe and Todd do. I am going to look harder for something else, that I remember." After Seth told us this, that was when he was walking down the side walk for a moment, and I was feeling like sooner or later, I was needing to tell him that we needed to be doing something else.
As we had looked around for a bit longer, I was seeing Seth looking like he was getting progressively more and more calm, wondering if what he was saying was actually true, or he was just sort of imagining things that were actually not going on.
Eventually, Seth was feeling like he needed to see how we were going to be finding the clues to the next mile marker, or whatever the heck that Seth was wanting to do. We were getting back into town, and as we were walking around town, that was when I was wondering if Seth was actually having a plan.
"I'm hungry." After Drake said that to us, that was when Seth was looking at him, and for a second, he was looking kind of annoyed, but decided that he was going to be keeping it to himself. After all, Drake and I did not eat much today, so maybe this was something that we should have been expecting and stuff.
"Yeah, maybe we can go and pick up something at the gas station, and that can be used as a short break." Seth said, and then he was looking like he did not want to be going forward on this at all, and I was feeling like maybe if Seth had something that he was thinking he would have been able to find, to give some context here.
Once we were getting closer and closer to the gas station, I was wondering why Seth was thinking that this was a good idea. In all honesty, I felt like we should have not wasted our time with this, since we were not with a car or anything. We needed a car to be getting gas, and that was the point of a gas station.
"Hey Seth, what do you think we are even going to be finding there?" I asked, and then he looked right at me, as if thinking that the question was really dumb, and that I needed to be taking this more seriously. But he was thinking that we were not needing to say more on this.
"Just some food. I am sure that they have something. I would not be too worried about it." After Seth said that to me, I saw him looking like he had wanted to be saying more, but just decided to be quiet right now. I was wondering if I just did not get the concept of these nearly enough. As silly as something like this was.
We were walking to the front of the station, and Seth was looking around in his pocket, trying to find some money, and he eventually pulled out five or six dollars, and then we walked in after that. I was then thinking that I just needed to stay quiet for a while longer, and that I better just let him be taking care of the show for the time being.
When we were in the gas station, that was when Seth grabbed a couple of random things, and then we were getting ready to buy it. Then when we were done purchasing the stuff, that was when Seth was looking at something in the distance. I tried to see what it was