Everything was off. Ben knew that between Rey moving in and losing his job, he was circling a major breakdown. He felt horrible, he had so wanted to find a rhythm with Rey here, to slide into some sort of normal dance around one another. Instead it was… chaos. He was on her insane sleep schedule which varied day to day depending on if she had class or not.
He had more than enough in stock options to keep them floating for as long as they needed and if Rey’s performance went well she would be able to start with a salary in a few months. But that wasn't the problem for Ben.
The problem was everything was off. He felt uncomfortable, stressed out, aimless. He would lock down and spend hours doing sudoku or watching the DOW or staring at a wall and he knew it was freaking Rey out.
Worst of all, he had absolutely no sex drive.
Rey would wake up next to him, soft and pliant and searching and he wouldn't be able to do anything except freeze. She never pushed him, but he knew she had needs he wasn't meeting and this added stressor was the cherry on top.
When Ben walked into Dr. Phasma’s office on Monday, he awkwardly explained this to her.
“Well what did Rey say when you talked to her about it?”
Ben looked at her with his mouth open.
“I would start there,” Phasma said, a small and knowing smile on her lips.
Ben went over it in his head, tried to find the best way to go about it. Some variation of words that would be gentle and apologetic and pleading.
It didn't go at all that way.
Instead, Ben walked in from his appointment to find Rey stretching on the floor and he just blurted out the first words that came into his head.
“I'm sorry I'm not having sex with you.”
Rey’s face did a complicated twist and then she was smiling, rising up from the floor to walk over to him.
She took his face in her hands.
“Ben, I don't care. Honey this has been an insane change for you, and I'm so, so proud of how you're handling it. I don't care that we’re not having sex right now, we’ll get there, I am in no rush. You don't have to apologize to me for this, baby, please.”
She kissed his jaw and leaned her weight against him.
Relief crashed over Ben like an ocean.
This, at least, was small mercy.
“Can I ask you something though,” she said, face against his chest.
“I mean, have you ever?”
“Yeah but it’s been-- more than ten years I guess. I had a girlfriend in college and we did a few times but it was, it wasn't fun like it is with you. And then I used to drink a lot,” he said. He wasn't sure how to explain this.
“When I was in my early twenties, it would sort of just happen. I never really felt in control of it, I would just be out and drunk at a bar and I would wake up with someone. It was horrible, I hated it. I stopped altogether when I was about twenty two. I just figured it wasn't for me; I tried and it didn't work, my body just wasn't like that. Until you.”
“I like your body,” she said playfully, trailing her fingers along his arms. “And your brain,” she said.
That night, they watched Frozen and ate ice cream. Rey danced around the room during Elsa’s solo, dragging Ben to his feet to twirl around him. In moments like this, Ben was sure there wasn't anything that could bring them down.
The days leading up to Rey’s performance were tense. She was so busy, Ben hardly saw her. The night before the show Leia called to let Ben know that both she and Han were in town.
“We just want to watch Rey dance, if you can squeeze us in for dinner we would love that too.”
The last thing Ben wanted was to see his father, but he mumbled something about checking with Rey, who he knew would insist on seeing them.
They made dinner plans for the night after the show. Ben was not looking forward to it.
Rey was a bundle of nerves on Saturday morning.
She broke down crying during breakfast and couldn't eat, no matter what Ben tried to feed her. He even made pancakes, her favorite, but she just pushed them around her plate until they were soggy.
He felt helpless as he wished her good luck, promising to find her right after the show.
He went for a really, really long run.
Ben didn't see his parents at the show but he knew they were somewhere in the crowd, but he had found Rose and Paige and Finn in the lobby and the four of them headed to their seats in the third row. Ben had an amazing view.
The show itself was a nearly two hours long, and Rey’s set was near the end. She hadn't let him watch her rehearse and he had no idea what to expect.
Ben liked watching people dance. It brought a sense of calm that few other things in his life did.
He watched with wide eyes as the dancers moved across the stage. Finally, finally, it was Rey’s turn.
Ben had seen Rey dance countless times. The first time he met her she was dancing. Watching her dance was the first secret language they ever spoke, before she learned to read his eyes and his stuttering hands and the press of his shoulder, but nothing could have prepared him for the miracle that was Rey on stage.
She was beautiful, the spotlight made her glow in her white gossamer dress, gauzy and thin. She looked like a ghost. Like an angel.
The music started. Ben knew it was a Florence + The Machine song called Cosmic Love.
She began to dance. Her body was liquid smoke, she looked weightless and precise as she started to spin, bringing her knee up and then extending her leg out. Then she was leaping, moving gracefully up into the crescendo when her movements became erratic and glorious. She lengthened her body, every muscle pushing through.
The way she moved was unbelievable. Ben was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to touch her. He knew that every person in the audience was watching her with the same rapt attention and he couldn't believe that this magnificent creature was his.
The light caught on her skin, making her glow. He could see the lines of her ribs, the strong muscles of her legs, the delicate bones below her neck.
Watching Rey dance had always been an erotic experience for him, it was the thing that had ignited his love for her and he found himself breathless and trembling as he watched her now, desperate to touch her. He knew how she tasted, how her skin felt sliding against his, how her face scrunched and tightened when he pushed his fingers inside of her.
His heart was a hummingbird.
She finished beautifully, breathless and gorgeous and Ben tried to calm himself down during the final performance of the night. He couldn't stop replaying it in his head, the arch of her back, the grace with which she leapt.
As soon as the lights came on he rushed backstage.
There was a throng of people milling about and Ben had nowhere to go. He stood in the crowd clutching the bouquet of flowers he had brought. Finally, he asked one of the dancers.
“Do you know where Rey is?”
She turned her face to up him and smiled.
“You must be Ben,” she said. “Rey was not kidding you are big.”
Ben just sort of stared at her. The girl giggled and pointed down the hall.
“Her dressing room is third on the left, she's probably--”
Ben rushed off before the girl could finish speaking.
He knocked on the door.
“Jess? That you? It's open!”
Ben opened the door. Rey was still in that gauzy dress, barefoot and pulling her hair down.
“Oh! Baby, hi. How did you even get back here--”
Ben rushed to her, setting the flowers down roughly on the counter and gathering her in his arms.
She was caught off guard, of course she was, Ben was not usually so… primal.
He kissed her hungrily, working his tongue into her mouth instantly and using both hands to hoist her up, closer. She wrapped her legs around him.
He was sucking small red spots into the side of her neck when she spoke.
“Oh my god Ben where is this coming from.”
He ripped his mouth away from her skin to look into her eyes. Her face softened when she saw him, pupils dilating and mouth parting.
“You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, you were phenomenal, I-- I can't even tell you, my god Rey, I can't believe you're mine.”
“Oh,” she said softly. Her hands were pushing through his hair, mouth working against his jaw as she spoke. “All yours.”
Ben growled, walking her backward to set her down on the counter.
“Need you,” he whispered, overwhelmed by the sheer want he was feeling, he had never felt anything like it.
“Shh, you have me baby, I'm here,” she said as Ben reached under her dress to drag her panties off.
She kicked them away and he was kissing her again, too eager, he felt like his soul was too big for his body, fighting to escape, to bleed into her.
He pushed two fingers inside of her roughly and she cried out.
“Shit, sorry,” he panted, pressing his face into her neck with a little groan.
Fuck she was so wet.
“No it's good, oh fuck Ben,” she whimpered, canting her hips down to slide deeper onto his hand. Her eyes fluttered closed but he needed them open. Needed to see her.
“Open your eyes, Rey, look at me.” His voice was low and demanding in a way it never was.
Rey gasped as she opened her eyes, and the green had been swallowed almost completely by black.
“Good, so good,” he said, and he began to fuck her with his fingers, slamming into her hard. The wet sounds he was drawing out went right to his cock, which had been so hard for so long, since she stepped onto the stage. He pressed himself up against her leg where it dangled off the counter and she brought her hand down to let him rut against her palm instead.
He let out a little sound and pushed his fingers as far into her as they would go, crooking them inside of her. His eyes glued to her face. She let out a cry and brought a hand up to her mouth to bite on.
Ben growled and pushed her hand away, shaking his head.
Rey’s eyes went wide and then her back arched and she screamed as she came, gushing onto his hand and wrist.
The sound was electricity through Ben’s body. He gasped as he took her mouth, swallowing the last of her cries.
He pulled his fingers out of her and scrambled with his belt, shoving his pants and boxers down just enough to widen his stance again. Then he froze.
He looked up at her and swallowed thickly. This wasn't what he'd had in mind for their first time.
“Rey-- Can I?”
“Oh my god yes, Ben please.” Her voice was a whine.
Ben sighed with relief and lined himself up against her,
The heat was unbearable, he slid in halfway and stilled, eyes on her face. He had always been worried about not being able to read her well enough in these moments.
“Tell me if it hurts,” he begged, bringing a hand up to push through her hair. She nodded and he lifted his hips and pushed into her completely.
She was so hot, so tight, Ben sagged forward, one hand on her hip and one in her hair.
“Oh my god, baby, you feel--” his words choked off as she tightened around him, pushing against him.
He pulled back and thrusted, hard and rough. Rey cried out. He stilled and looked at her.
“Please don't stop oh my god,” she said, her voice was shaking.
Ben began to move in earnest, bringing his hips back and then rocking into her, the drag and burn of his skin against hers was intoxicating.
Rey, his Rey, she looked magnificent, face flushed and eyes bright. He dipped his head to watch the place where he disappeared inside of her and whimpered.
She was stretched completely by him, body a miracle in the way she opened for him, swallowed him.
He grabbed her hips with both hands so he could pull her closer and work her body against his as he pushed, fucking up into her, his balls slapping against her ass.
Rey's mouth found his neck, teeth dragging up to his jaw.
“Love you so much-- can't believe how good you're fucking me, wanted you inside me for so long.”
Ben let out a series of small, huffed noises as his movements became more erratic.
He brought one hand from her hip to the place where their bodies met and began to rub at her clit. His legs were shaking, so were his hands.
“Wanna feel you come on my dick,” Ben whispered. He had never really considered dirty talk, he wasn't sure that's what he was trying to do, he just said whatever thought was in his head.
And he kept talking.
“Fuck I love you, I was so lost without you, can't believe you-- ah-- found me.”
“Oh my god,” Rey said, her nails digging into his shoulders.
He pulled back to look at her, he could feel tears on his face, didn't care. He could die like this, he didn't have space in his skin to feel this good, he was going to spontaneously combust.
“Rey, baby cum for me, please-- I need you to cum I can't-- I'm so close--” he sobbed.
His words seemed to undo her, she cried out, legs locking behind him.
Watching Rey cum was always amazing but this-- this was a miracle. Pulling these sounds from her lips with his body, this was what people started wars for. He would burn down the galaxy for this, for her.
She sobbed as she clenched around him, his name on her lips and he was so done.
His orgasm clawed its way through him, white hot and dangerously intense. Every molecule in his body was humming, he had never felt anything like it. He pressed his face into her neck but she tugged at his hair, bringing his face to hers to catch his mouth. He cried out against her lips, pulling her as close to his body as he could as he fucked into her with a few frantic, final thrusts as he emptied inside of her.
He caught his breath against her neck, finally pulling out so, so slowly.
She looked absolutely blissed out, so gloriously fucked.
“I uh-- I brought you flowers,” he said.
Rey started to laugh and Ben blinked with surprise before following her, laughing against her shoulder as she ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his face.