Steve wants to feel embarrassed, really he does.
Realistically, he knows he should be hiding in bed ashamed, commiserating as Bucky laughs at his cries. He should be thinking about how to do damage control on the whole "Steve is a big slut" bombshell he and Bucky dropped last night. He shouldn't be running around the tower looking for his friends so that he can laugh at their expressions once they see him. He especially shouldn't ask JARVIS to send him their reactions so he can show Bucky later.
But then again, Steve should be dead by all rights and purposes, so who's to say what's right and wrong? If Steve wants to mess with his friends, then that is something he thinks he's earned after years of hearing virgin jokes made at his expense.
Nothing - and Steve has at least two lifetimes of experiences to call back on, so he really means nothing - has proven funnier than Clint not being able to look Steve in the eye. Any time they're in the same room, he uses any means necessary to leave as quickly as possible. Steve only smiles kindly at him every time they end up together which makes Clint even more flustered.
Clint can't even be properly angry at Steve for tracking him down all around the tower like they're playing a giant game of hide and seek because first of all, it’s pretty hilarious. Second of all, every time he looks at Steve to yell at him, he just remembers all the kinky shit Steve admitted to the night before and has to leave immediately before his brain starts playing the Steve Rogers Sex Tape Extravaganza and he sees things he never ever wanted to see.
"You could at least pretend to be uncomfortable about all of this," Clint groans as he rushes towards wherever the fuck Nat is.
"Oh, but where's the fun in that?" Steve calls back, his voice carrying, along with his laughter as Clint flips him off and runs away. He wants to tell Clint that Natasha would be less than sympathetic to his woes, but hey. Steve can’t do everything around here.
Steve continues on to the elevator, chuckling softly at the horrified look on Clint’s face. Although it was nearly torture to leave bed - and Bucky - this morning, there was no way he was going to miss even a second of everyone else's discomfort. Hell, he practically skipped on his way out the door this morning. Granted, Bucky said he looked like a fuckin' tool, Jesus Stevie, but Steve doesn't even mind.
He's in too good of a mood to care. His friends from last night are freaking out just like he expected them too, but innocent employees that watch their meltdowns have no clue what’s going on. It’s amazing.
Steve is lost in his thoughts as he heads to the gym, already imagining Bucky's face when Steve tells him about how weird Clint has been. He sighs happily as he pulls out his phone to send Bucky a quick text. He's halfway through his message when he moves to open the door and realizes that there is nothing there.
He looks up a second too late and stumbles over air, his feet tripping over nothing. Fortunately, Steve happens to bump into Thor, quite literally, who already has the door held open for Steve and thus doesn't have to worry about falling flat on his face. Unfortunately, and typically for someone with luck like Steve, tripping and landing onto Thor means he's got a hand full of sweaty, glorious looking tits. Tits that are attached to an equally sweaty, glorious looking man that seems very amused about the situation he's in.
Because of fucking course Thor doesn’t wear a shirt when he works out. Why should he? It’s not like Steve’s dying internally or anything right now.
Steve tries to laugh his way out of this awkward situation, but the noise dies in his throat as he gets a good look at Thor, up close and personal. Thor raises an eyebrow and Steve realizes that he is, indeed, still draped across Thor with his hands cupped around his chest. He quickly scrambles in his haste to stop accidentally sexually harassing his friend and almost falls once again, this time flat on his ass.
God. How Steve ever manages to get out of bed and speak to other human beings is truly a mystery.
Thor steps in and steadies Steve again, saving him yet again, but this time he steps back once Steve is on two feet again. Steve thankfully has a moment to situate himself far away from Thor's slammin' rack.
Steve wants to run away, but he feels like he's gone too far to run away now without looking like a coward. Hell, he practically just went to second base with Thor in the doorway of the gym. He can't pretend like this isn't extremely awkward, so he tries to push his way through it and make it out the other end of this god-awful encounter alive.
"Hey, Thor. Good to see you this morning," Steve chokes out.
"Hello," Thor grins, his face lighting up as if he didn't just get fondled by his team captain. "Looking for a partner?"
Steve, who hasn't been able to look Thor in the eye and has instead fixated on a bead of sweat nestled in Thor's cleavage, looks up quickly at that.
Thor gives him a kind look before smiling again and nodding to the large mat in the middle of the gym.
"A partner? To spar with?" Thor tilts his head and looks at Steve like a confused dog; it's disgustingly endearing. "That's why you're here, isn't it?"
Oh, thank god; he's giving Steve an out.
"Oh, yeah that's um- Yeah that's - yes. Sparring. That is, uh, that is why I'm here."
Jesus fucking Christ, Rogers. Way to go. Maybe next time you should just drop to your knees first and ask questions later.
That voice in Steve's head sounds suspiciously like Bucky and Steve has to quickly shake his head to silence it. This is decidedly not the time to think of himself on his knees for Thor.
"Sorry," Steve squeaks out, rubbing the back of his undoubtedly bright red neck. "I guess that stuff from last night was stronger than I thought. I'm still a little out of it."
“Yeah, Thor. It's the booze from 13 whole hours ago that made me trip over air and fall face first into your titties, so really this is all on you.” Way to go, Steve. That'll make things less weird.
Steve chuckles way too loudly at nothing in particular and really wishes he had just listened to Bucky and stayed in bed in the first place. Thor literally saw him leave last night and knows that he was barely drunk. Hell, Steve was more tipsy than anything. And besides, Thor probably knows the ins and outs of an Asgardian hangover and can tell without a shadow of a doubt that Steve is completely sobered up by now.
"Then all the more reason to spar," Thor replies easily, completely ignoring how fucking weird Steve is being. Bless him. "Sweat it out with me and you'll feel better in no time."
Steve has to try very hard not to think about getting sweaty with Thor in any capacity, desperately willing his dick and brain to cooperate with each other for once in his fucking life. He just needs to get through this hellish afternoon so he can gracefully bow out after letting Thor whoop his sorry ass, run back home with his tail between his legs, and let Bucky laugh at what an absolute loser he was today, in that order. That's literally all he needs.
It seems that Thor's made his mind up on the subject because he pulls Steve by the hand onto the mat without waiting for a response.
"Oh, okay then I guess," Steve says offhandedly.
Steve takes off his hoodie and drops his phone onto it, learning early on that sparring with your phone in your pocket is a surefire way to have a broken phone. He wonders if he could text Bucky and tell him to suddenly call him sobbing and in need of Steve’s help immediately, prompting a quick and plausible escape plan.
Steve groans internally thinking about sparring with Thor. Getting all hot and sweaty, grabbing each other and panting as they try to pin each other and make the other submit. It's all the best parts of sex without getting an actual nut.
Again, not the time to be thinking about sex.
Plus, Steve knows that if he texts Bucky and asks for him for any sort of quick assistance without a genuine need for said assistance, Bucky will just laugh at him and leave him to suffer alone. Steve might love his boyfriend, but that doesn't mean he's not still a colossal asshole.
Whatever, Steve sighs and starts stretching. The last thing he needs is a strained hamstring or something like that. Knowing Thor, he would insist on carrying Steve all the way to the infirmary and Steve absolutely cannot spend another moment in Thor's arms lest he do something that would make his poor mother roll in her grave.
Once Steve has stalled for far too long and feels as ready as he's gonna get, he turns around to look at Thor who has been patiently sitting on the mat, cross legged and waiting for Steve.
Steve thinks his eyes are about to fall out of his fucking head. He was so preoccupied with Thor not wearing a shirt that he completely neglected to look at what shorts Thor was wearing. It was probably self-preservation, because if Steve had seen the way Thor is practically busting out of the most flimsy pair of, for lack of a better word, booty shorts, he genuinely thinks he might have died.
Well, at least I don't have to think about his arms anymore, Steve thinks as his eyes focus on Thor's massive tree trunks disguised as thighs. His muscles are bulging out of the embarrassingly short shorts he's wearing and Steve has to wonder if he actually did fall face first earlier and this is all some wild dream he's having while he sits in a coma in some hospital. The hairs on Thor’s thighs look so soft and it takes all of Steve’s willpower to not try and cop a feel again for confirmation.
Thor looks like every teenage wet dream Steve had that didn't include Bucky and he has to take a deep breath and have a strong word with his dick, begging it not to get hard right now.
Realizing that he has, once again, been caught staring at Thor's body for far too long, Steve snaps out of it and gets onto the mat, nodding to give Thor the go ahead. He centers himself and gets into a battle stance, ready for whatever Thor could throw at him. All thoughts of whether or not Thor is wearing underwear and if Thor's pubes are the same shade as his beard thankfully fly out of his head as he gets ready to fight.
Steve only has a moment to sidestep before Thor is lunging for him, his fist barely missing Steve's face. Well then, that was too close. Steve strikes back but misses, huffing out a quick laugh at how shit he's being. Usually that would have knocked Thor back a few steps at least.
Thor circles Steve before lunging again, but this time he manages to clip Steve in the shoulder hard enough to throw him off balance. Steve tries to quickly adjust his footing but it seems like Thor is already two steps ahead of him. He sweeps his leg out and knocks Steve to the floor, quickly dropping to his knees and straddling Steve's hips. Steve barely has a second to breathe before Thor pins him with a forearm over his throat.
"You seem distracted," Thor says conversationally as he adjusts himself, pressing down lightly on Steve's throat. "Something the matter, Steve?"
Steve feels his face flushing and wants to scream at how quickly his cock is filling up. He wants to get out of this situation and lock himself in the nearest empty room so he can jack off to the thought of Thor's body pressed against his own. He really wants to scream at Bucky for making this association that has Steve rock hard in the middle of a friendly spar. But mostly, the pressure of Thor's forearm on his throat makes Steve want to rut against Thor's ass and beg for release like the needy slut he is.
Jesus H. Christ, he needs to get out of this room immediately.
Steve has to hope that Thor hasn't noticed his hard on and grabs Thor's forearm to try and displace him. He heaves with all his weight until Thor topples over and Steve can roll out of his hold and back onto his feet.
"I'm aces," Steve replies breathlessly, trying fruitlessly to will away his boner. Looks like this is just how his day is going today. He never believed in karma until this very moment, dick hard and obviously bulging out his pants right in front of a literal god.
Steve still has enough of his wits about him to remember that he hasn't called a time out and that they're still sparring. He narrowly manages to catch the fist Thor throws at him, rocking backwards at the force but maintaining his footing. He savors his shallow moment of victory before Thor grabs Steve's wrist and yanks. Steve, not expecting it, jolts forward. He only has a moment to brace himself, expecting a headbutt at the least. What he doesn't expect is everything that actually happens next.
Thor looks at Steve, eyes screwed up in anticipation and smiles softly before moving closer, relaxing his body as he takes a long, sweeping look at Steve's body, lingering on the very prominent bulge making itself known. Thor lets the fight leave his body and steps forward until he and Steve are chest to chest.
Steve slowly opens his eyes and takes an aborted step back seeing how close Thor is. What the hell is going on?
In his haste to not get his nose broken, Steve didn't think to angle his crotch away from Thor's and now he's positive that his friend can feel how hard he is. He whines at the feeling of Thor's torso pressed against his own, not even counting how good it feels to finally get some sort of friction on his cock.
"You certainly are," Thor replies deeply, glancing down at Steve's lips intently. "Aces."
Steve has no time to think before Thor leans in and kisses him, effectively shutting off any higher levels of brain function.
Oh thank god.
Steve wonders if it's odd to say that while making out with an actual god, and then realizes he's fucking kissing Thor and doesn't even fucking care.
How this happened, Steve has no clue. He just came here to mess with his friends after last night, maybe get in a quick workout while he's in the area, and now he's kissing Thor. Or rather, Thor is kissing him and he's really good at it. Steve still thinks this is some coma-induced wet dream but he's not about to question it.
God fucking dammit, Thor's beard feels so good.
Steve never thought he liked facial hair on men but now all he can think of how the burn would feel somewhere else, somewhere much more sensitive. Fuck, the very thought of Thor in between Steve's legs is enough to have Steve leaning forward and pressing into the kiss, licking his way into Thor's mouth and whining like a whore as Thor kisses back just as enthusiastically. Steve wraps his arms around Thor's almost insultingly wide shoulders before twining his fingers behind his neck, playing with the low ponytail Thor has his hair in.
Fuck. Yet another fault of Bucky's, but Steve can't stop his hands from pulling Thor's hair out of the rubber band and mussing it up, smiling into the kiss as Thor growls lowly.
He feels Thor's body against his and keens as Thor's cock presses against his hip through the embarrassingly flimsy workout shorts he's wearing. Steve doesn't even think Thor is fully hard yet and that thought gets him so hot.
He's only half hard and he's still that big? Steve's asshole clenches just thinking about it.
That action causes a dull twinge of pain in Steve’s ass and he is quickly pulled back into reality, reminded of how Bucky is the reason why he's still so sore.
Steve quickly pulls away, despite wanting nothing more than to listen to his inner Bucky and drop to his knees for Thor right now, damn the consequences and anybody that could walk into the very public gym at the moment.
"Wait, wait. Thor, I'm – I’m so sorry, we can't. Bucky -" he tries to say, but as he looks at how hot Thor looks right now, hair messed up and lips red and kiss swollen, the words fail him.
Thor pulls back at that, keeping his hands on Steve's shoulders but taking a step back so they're no longer dry humping like a couple of horny teenagers at a school dance.
"I just -" Steve starts, ducking his head in shame. He can't believe he's out here throwing himself at Thor not 12 hours after Bucky came in his ass. Steve still thinks he can feel some of Bucky's come in him and clenches again at the thought.
"It's all right Steve," Thor assures. "You feel that your companion would be upset at us for doing something like this without his knowledge, correct?"
"It's not like we've never done something like this -" Steve says, gesturing between himself and Thor, "-before but we've always told each other about it ahead of time and we usually work something out so that nobody is excluded. I would feel so awful doing something like this behind his back, you know?"
Thor hums thoughtfully for a moment before dropping his hands and stepping back, walking away towards the door. Steve tries to pretend like he's not hurt by Thor's actions, but he at least understands them. Not everybody gets his and Bucky's relationship. He's not sure why Thor's rejection hurts so much, but it does.
"Are you coming?" Thor calls from the doorway, looking amused at Steve's furrowed brows and pouty lips.
Steve looks up and feels equally confused. He knows that he's experiencing some massive blood rush right now as his dick finally realizes that he is not going to be fucking Thor today, but seriously. He just convinced his dick that he’s not going to be coming with Thor, which begs the question. What the fuck is going on?
"I don't know where your home is, Captain Rogers," Thor says, smiling softly. "I can't very well meet with your Bucky without you, can I?"
"My what? Wait, what's -" Steve says, stumbling over his words like suddenly Thor started speaking a foreign language.
Thor thankfully takes pity on Steve and walks back to him, holding out a hand and waiting for Steve to get with the picture. Steve is still hopelessly confused but grabs his hoodie and phone and goes with it, because why the fuck not. This makes about as much sense as anything else that's happened today.
"You said you never brought someone else into your bed without consulting with Bucky first," Thor clarifies slowly as they make their way to the elevator. He waits for Steve to nod before continuing, "So now I am taking you to your car so we can both go to your house and talk to Bucky to see what he has to say about all of this. Hopefully, we'll be able to come to an agreement that benefits all three of us, because you both are absolutely stunning and I would love nothing more than to spend a night with either, or both, of you."
Steve looks at Thor like he's grown a second head.
His brain is saying that Thor is okay with this, even wants to spent a night with him - Bucky too! - but his dick is a little slower on the uptake. He was kissing Thor seconds ago and now he's not, but now they're going home to talk to Bucky so Steve can hopefully kiss Thor some more and maybe even suck his dick?
Fuck Steve's confused, but he knows better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.
He tightens his grip on Thor's hand and drags him the rest of the way to the elevator, blushing wildly the whole time. He's pretty sure he presses the button for the parking garage about 30 times before Thor grabs his hand and holds it tightly, smiling at Steve's antics.
Steve tries to hide his very obvious nervousness but knows he's failing by the way Thor just can't stop giggling.
"Yeah, laugh it up now," he murmurs, leaning into Thor's side and enjoying the rest of their elevator ride in silence.
He has no idea what the fuck he's gonna say to Bucky when he gets home, but when he looks at Thor all he can think of is the way Thor's cock felt pressed against his body and how he really wants to feel it again.
Fuck, Steve will think of something.