I'm afraid. I am freakin' afraid.
Sam is acting awkwardly relaxed and Sydney too, but I'm not.
Cas is missing, for a couple of days. Nobody can make contact, or talk to him. Why is this guy always missing when we need him the most? When I need him the most?!
It is happening. Really happening.
I'm on my knees, eyes closed, hands folded.
"Cas please...you make me do things I never was about to do..."
I'm so pissed, angry and scared.
"Cas I'm begging you. I swear you're the only thing I can think about right now...I know we have had a fight. But I swear if you won't get your ass down here as soon as possible then I'm freakin' out!"
I give it up.
I stand up rushing in my roomup and down.
"Cas please! I need you! I really need you now! And I'm fucking missing you son of a bitch!"
I feel how the emotions taking me in. Soaking me. I'm sitting on my bed now, going through my hair. Roughly rubbing my stubbles.
"Cas please...you damn bunch of an angel..."
There are tears in my eyes. I can't take it. I'm mad, sad, totally not me at the moment. Even my voice is cracking. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not fucking now!
"I love you Cas...so please get yo-"
I look up.
He is behind me. Like always when he appears.
The last time I heared his voice was when we were arguing and then he took Kelly with him and just left.
I stand up looking at him. I don't know which feeling would fit on right now. Am I angry? Is there happiness? Madness?
"Dean I know you called a fe-"
I interrupt him with hugging him, getting as close as possible to his body. His smell. I missed it. So I choose the kinda happy way.
Slowly he put his arms around me.
"Man...you got ya power back huh?"
I say swiping away my tears and smile into his face giving his shoulder a brotherly punch. He got his wings back. His grace. His being.
"Yes. And I'm sorry that I left you all."
Yeah, he should be. But I don't care about that now. I'm just happy to see him.
"Well maybe you should go to the library Sam and Sydney missed ya too...kinda.."
The response. My face is cracking.
Then he leans forward, looking at me. My lips. With his typical brows-together-what-do-I-have-to-do-face.
I lean in.
Kiss him in this dark room. He kisses me back. It was so long ago since we have kissed I really missed it. Missed him around me, even when he's annoying, sometimes.
"I do love you too Dean."
"Man shut up this is enough chick flick moment for today...I freakin' prayed for you you owe me one..."
"I still don't know what it means but I'm sure you need a rest now?"
He was right. Then this night was going to be pretty nice.
Sam into some books, Sydney on his lap, surely on her phone, Cas next to me watching me and talks with me and I'm there drinking an ice cold beer.
This life. This hunter life is a gift. A poisened one, but a gift. Found my family, friends and love.