Work Header

Hear No Evil

Work Text:

It’s been a long day.

Enabling the alarm system he just disabled, Tim wearily climbed into the window of this night’s safehouse of choice. The whole family rotated through them whenever they needed a place to crash and home was too far away. There were enough safehouses for everyone to hole into that they seldom ran into one of the others. When that happened, they either just fell into bed snoring or got dragged into whatever shenanigans the other person came up with.

He hoped for a little peace and quiet tonight. He had just taken off his cape and sat down on the battered couch to pull off his boots when he heard a male voice sing.

“And now… The end is near…”

Tim’s eyebrows rose way up to his hairline. That did not sound like Dick.

“And so I face, the final curtain.”

Clamping his lips together to stop himself from giggling like a loon, he reached for his phone and snuck to the bathroom door. He quickly thumbed the voice recording option as the voice, Jason, it was definitely Jason, kept singing.

“My friend, I’ll say it clear. I’ll state my case of which I’m certain.”

Jason had a surprisingly good singing voice. Tim was grudgingly impressed, as if he needed any more reason to be so hung up on the guy.

“I’ve lived a life that’s full. I’ve travelled each and every highway. But more, much more than this, I did it my way…”

He probably looked like a loon, stuck to the wall with a maniacal grin on his face, listening to Jason belt out the highlights of the song as the shower started running. Tim had to clamp his hand over his mouth so as not to be heard over the mic as Jason sang the last verses of the song, voice full of feeling at the crescendo. Tim could almost see him sweeping his arms dramatically as he belted out, “The record shows! I took the blows! And did it my way!”

And no, he was trying not to picture Jason naked as he did that. Nope.

Nah. Who was he kidding? It was even better that way.

At the last line, Tim gave in and clapped, whisted and yelled, “Bravo! Bravo!!!”

He heard scrambling from the bathroom, a distinct sound of someone knocking something over and possibly tripping, coupled with a curse.

The bathroom door swung open and he was faced with a dripping wet Jason, towel precariously low on his waist, one hand gripping the doorknob and the other wielding a gun.

Oh wow. Gun to his face aside, that was ridiculously hot. Jason was ridiculously hot. Tim swallowed his suddenly dry throat and raised an eyebrow as casually as he could. “Sinatra, really?”

Jason waved his arms in exasperation, body blocking the entire bathroom doorway. “You shouldn’t have heard that!”

Tim smirked and raised his phone. “Too late. This is now your personalized ringtone.”

Smug and confident, he turned to go back on the couch to take off his boots and mask, only to freeze when in one smooth motion he was grabbed by the arm and tossed over Jason’s shoulder like a sack of wriggling potatoes, one muscled arm clamped over the back of his thighs.

“What the hell? Jason!” He tried to kick but was promptly smacked on the butt for his efforts. His brain was torn between indignation and shock. Give him a couple of minutes to process that Jason still had a big warm hand on his ass and the shock will probably turn into seriously turned on.

“In you go,” Jason patted his rear and Tim was dumped unceremoniously into the tub. Before he could protest, cold water rained down on him.

He quickly scrambled out of the tub, but his uniform was already soaked. Good thing all their gadgets were waterproof. “Jason!”

Jason smirked, eyes raking through him, full of mirth. “That’s me. Don’t wear it out.”

“I still have all my clothes on!”

The bastard grinned and crossed his arms over his chest. “Then get naked. I don’t mind.”

Ooh. That was definitely a leer. He may need to reevaluate that later.

Tim bent to take off his boot and shucked it at the bastard who ran out of the bathroom laughing.

Two seconds later, Jason poked his head back in and sang with the most obnoxious grin, “I did it Myyy Waaaay!”

Oh. Tim was definitely sending the audio file to the rest of the family.