He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help but think about her, her eyes, her smile, her passion, her anger. All of which he would never be a part of. He sighed and stared at the night sky some more. The stars twinkled too much for his liking and the wind blowing to his balcony was too cold. He wished to forget and fall asleep.
Igarashi Tora was not one to look back at life with regrets; he made sure to plan so that he would never feel what he was feeling then. It just couldn’t be helped. He had been caught by surprise and when he recovered, he felt lost for this was the first time in his life he had no complete idea about the situation. At that point of time he couldn’t admit that he was in love.
And the one his heart desired was never to be his for she was someone else’s.
It was all over the news. Ayuzawa Misaki and Usui Takumi were to be wed in less than a year.
The insomnia had begun then. At first he brushed it off as a side effect from work related stress but deep in his heart he just knew that it wasn’t that. It was realization that he was going to forever regret how he behaved and treated others, for if only he had been more like the bastard Usui he wouldn’t be feeling so terrible.
How he despised Usui. But it was all just a cover for how much he hated himself and how everything turned out.
He recalled his last meeting with Misaki. He recalled how her eyes shined brighter than the last time he had seen her, like she was bursting with happiness. Maybe it was because they had set a date for the wedding. He recalled her voice and how it never failed to make his heart race. Her face was flushed from working too hard and her smile so beautiful.
Tora sighed and smiled a little, as if to cherish the memory. He decided he had stayed out too long and walked back to his parlour to pour himself a drink and probably clear his mind.
The first glass of scotch soon turned into two and about half an hour later, a bottle was drained in attempts of drowning his regrets and sorrows. His heart said more alcohol but his head decided against it and he trudged back to bed.
Lying on his warm and comfortable bed, settled under the covers he began to drift off into a world where no Misaki or love or sorrows and regrets would bother him.
Tora Igarashi stood at the bar waiting for his drink. A scotch on the rocks. He took in his surroundings and smiled a genuine smile unlike the ones he had given for the photographs. He felt at peace in that moment unlike a few months ago.
He remembered how hard it was for him to get over her as he had offered to help her plan the wedding and would have to see her quite often to sort things out. He remembered the small tasks he had given his mind to do every day, all leading to one thing- getting over Misaki. But even that day, it hurt a little deep inside just to see her looking like an angel in her white wedding dress.
By this time his drink had arrived and he savoured it as if cherishing its taste like it was elixir. His elixir. The reception was one fit for a king. After all, he would only allow Misaki to get married in the best possible manner. He looked around and took in the beautiful ivory-ebony themed reception right outside a beautiful church, a seven tiered cake, and food which everyone seemed to be complimenting. It was truly a wedding.
“You seem out of it. Is everything alright?”
Tora turned to the source of the voice and his breath hitched. Misaki looked gorgeous.
“Just making sure everything is perfect. Don’t want simple mistakes to ruin your perfect day.”
Misaki seemed satisfied with the answer and smiled.
“But as a host I must ensure that you’re enjoying yourself too. It won’t do if you sit in a corner drinking.”
“Well I never really got to ask you to a dance as your new husband never lets you out of his sight. One would think that people wouldn’t dare to steal you from him now, but he seems to completely ignore that point,” saying that he finished his scotch. “So Misaki, care to dance with me?”
She laughed and pulled him to the dance floor and soon they were waltzing to a lively tune the orchestra was playing. After twirling her around a few times, Tora said,” I never got a chance to congratulate you properly so I just want to say I hope you both are happy even when the world seems to be against you.”
She smiled and thanked him and they broke apart. Misaki left to meet other guests and Tora returned to the bar to order another scotch.
This time unlike all those months before, he felt like he was making progress. He could feel that there would be a day where he would wake up and face the world and face Misaki with no regrets.
His marriage to Chiyo had been just as grand as the Usuis, if not grander.
He was in his parlour with his customary glass of scotch, lost in thought about the past few years. He smiled a little realizing that he didn’t regret his marriage to Chiyo as he first thought he would.
Instead he felt pleased being where he was that day.
A year into his marriage and few months to go to welcoming their child into this world, he could scream from the rooftops that he was a happy and content man. A man not plagued by lost chances and regrets.
After finishing his drink he returned to bed and looked fondly at his wife, who was in deep sleep. He settled close to her and threw the covers over them both, falling asleep with no regrets.