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This Love, This Hate is Burning Me Away

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Even as the Phantom Thieves stumbled through the complete darkness in the latest trap of Sae's Palace, Akira wasn't unnerved in the slightest. He had good instincts, obviously; that was why he hadn't realized something had knocked him out and dragged him somewhere until several moments after he'd regained consciousness.

The first thing he noticed was that there was light here. The second was the... (no, it wasn't familiar shut up) stained carpet. He cast a glance to his side and there was Akechi- wait, had he seriously decided to sabotage them now that wasn't part of the plan- no, that couldn't be, as he looked just as confused as Akira was. 

"Kurusu-san...?" Akechi couldn't see any emotion on the other boy's face as he scanned their surroundings, though his eyes did widen- Akechi couldn't tell why, but this was no surprise; Akira was always far too difficult to read. They seemed to be in some stereotypical trashy hotel room, the kind you would stay in before blowing your life's savings in a casino. Except the room was far too small and the only thing inside was a bed- no windows, no doors, no anything-

"Just the boys I wanted to see!" Shadow Sae's voice sounded like it was coming from a speaker, except there wasn't one anywhere in the room- how was there even light in here without any light source...? "First, we have the mysterious Phantom Thief leader, so elusive despite the hours of blood, sweat, and tears I pour into this godforsaken case! He's such a fucking hero! Nothing could ever change his heart, hmmm?" Akechi watched Akira's face blanch as Sae's laughter filled the air around them. 

"And who could forget our perfect little Detective Prince? So nice to see you here, Akechi! I know you have to be here because it'd be such a fucking tragedy for me to win at anything, correct? You have to take all the success and rewards for yourself, just like usual.'' Abruptly her voice changed, becoming a completely inhuman snarl: "You have it so easy. All you have to do it say some 'witty' bullSHIT and everyone fucking worships you! I do twice the work you do, and what do I get? NOTHING! Just like every other woman in this goddamn country!"

Akechi bit his lip, getting more anxious by the moment. "That isn't true, Sae-san."

"Oh yes, of course, nothing I say can be true because if it was, that would mean I'm right, heaven fucking forbid. But for once, I'm glad you can't stop interrupting me. Yes, there is one way women can get ahead, isn't there? Just be some man's fucktoy and watch the money roll in! Who cares how degrading it is or how long it's been since you slept? Do you know how fucking hard it is? No! No man could ever understand what that's like!"

Akechi's blood ran cold. Had something...? Who had...? He'd never even had the slightest idea that something like that might have happened to her... 

"But today, you will get a glimpse of what it's like! Yes, the strongest men of your little Phantom Thief trainwreck are finally going to taste what it's like to fucking suffer. This game isn't even rigged! You can win it the same way every woman has to. You can do nothing, and stay there and starve to death with no hope of anyone caring enough to save you- no one will ever find you, I promise you that; or, you can do what it takes to succeed and I'll let you out of there. You'll reunite with your little friends and pretend it never happened, keep all the pain and humiliation locked up inside and you won't dare to say a damn thing about it because no one would care and that would just be whining, and strong women don't whine, successful women don't complain!" Her voice was shaking.

Akira had turned away so that Akechi could no longer see his face. Great. Just fucking great. "What is it you want us to do?" The detective's voice was much steadier than he'd expected.

"You truly didn't understand? Well, let's put it in terms children that shouldn't be working with the fucking police and stealing people's souls can understand- fuck or die. Such a fun game when it's not you on the receiving end, right? Enjoy yourselves!"

Akechi couldn't bring himself to respond at this point. This was... so many things,  including but not limited to, fucking stupid. How could hurting someone innocent make you feel better- oh. Still... it was such a foolish-

Abruptly, Akira shoved himself to his feet, ripping his mask off and shrieking, "Persona!" 

Nothing happened. The ravenette, still not looking at him, stormed over to the wall, slamming his shoulder into it over and over with increasing vigor, before finally giving up and jabbing his dagger into it repetitively. It didn't leave a single mark, just made a loud noise and, if anything, Akechi thought he could see his weapon starting to bend. 

"Akira? Akira!"

Akira didn't answer, whipping out his pistol and firing at the spot he'd been working on, the report deafening in the tiny space; each bullet completely lost momentum the moment it touched the wall and fell harmlessly to the ground without leaving a dent. 

Akechi hurried over to his side, placing a hand on his shoulder to still him; Akira's eyes were unrecognizable as he looked at him. "S-Summon Robin Hood."

Akechi obediently removed his mask and called his Persona's name, and again, nothing happened. Before Akira could respond, he tried to stab the wall with his sword, then shot at it as well, but of course, none of it did anything.

Seeing this spread the panic to him as well. After Akechi gave the wall a few increasingly desperate kicks, a foreign scream suddenly drilled into his ears- "FUCK!" Even with the obvious fact that he was the only person here, Akechi was surprised to find Akira as the source of the sound, his chest heaving and his eyes reminiscent of a wild animal's. "No NO NO I'M NOT DOING THIS! FUCK THIS!" Akechi opened his mouth but Akira immediately took a step back, his hands rising defensively. "DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH ME! I'M W-WARNING YOU!" 

Akechi's eyes narrowed. "You genuinely believe I'd hurt you?"

Akira didn't respond. 

Akechi turned away, kicking the wall even harder and inwardly cursing. He didn't want to do this shit, either. Definitely not with Akira- his next kick hit the wall so hard he was pretty sure he might have fractured something, finally cursing audibly.

He turned to Akira, saying, "What should we do-" His words broke off as he realized Akira had crawled into a corner and was curled up in a ball, mumbling something over and over.

He hated Akira. He was going to kill Akira. Why was his heart dropping to see him look like this- no. Those feelings were just the act becoming a bit too real. It was all just an act- stop thinking about it...

Akechi took a few more steps, not daring to get too close. "I'm not going to do that to you, Kurusu-san. I'd hope you already know this, but I assure you, I'm not that type of person."

Surprisingly, Akira looked up, his eyes so striking without the mask or glasses to overshadow them. "I don't want to do this." Especially not with you, he thought but would never admit.

"That's understandable. I feel the same. And we won't. We'll find another way-"

Akira slowly shook his head. "It doesn't work like that... Do you know this room?"

Akechi seemed to be caught off-guard. "Um..." He scanned their surroundings again; he'd been in plenty of hotels of subpar quality before and remembered them pretty well. This wasn't anything like them. "No." After a moment of silence, he added, "Do you?"

Akira's jaw clenched. Akechi, the guy he couldn't afford to look vulnerable in front of, had just watched him have a mental breakdown and now it was about to get even fucking worse. He would kill Akira the first chance he got. God, he should hate him. But he didn't. He couldn't. The same way he couldn't help but speak. "I do, actually." Akechi was the person that wanted to take his life. Akechi was the person he was going to confide in on something he'd never told anyone before. "One time, my parents got pissed at me and." He closed his eyes, wishing he had his mask or his glasses (which, let's be honest here, were basically his second mask.) "Said if I was going to be so ungrateful I could see what it was really like to suffer. They sent me to my uncle- he didn't even have a house. I'm not sure if they sent me there because of that or if they knew that..." He cleared his throat. "He took me to a hotel room exactly like this- I mean, it was bigger and there was a door and a bare lightbulb on the ceiling but the walls were this same dirty white and the bed was the same and there wasn't anything else in the room. He took me there and he tired to..." Akira's hands clenched into fists, his eyes remaining shut. "He... pinned me against the bed and I submitted and when he fell for it I kicked him in the balls as hard as I could and dove out the fucking window. In case you were wondering why I'm so graceful, I did shit like that a lot."

Something inside of Akechi was shattering. "Kurusu-san... I'm so sorry."

Akira bit his lip, then decided that, by now, he may as well tell him even more truths he didn't need to know. His eyes fluttered open as he confessed, "Honestly, if I had to lose my virginity to anyone, I'd want it to be you. But not here. Not like this." He wasn't going to comment on how frilly he'd worded that; he would never admit it, and it wasn't like he didn't fantasize as much as the next guy, but when it came to the thought of actually doing it, sex fucking terrified him.

Akechi's face flushed; Akira didn't seem to notice. He's just trying to catch you off-guard, dumbass. Don't fall for it. "I'm flattered, truly." And, unbidden, more words slipped out: "If I could give mine to anyone, I'd choose you as well." What- no, no, NO, he didn't trust Akira, he didn't like Akira why was it so easy to talk to him why did... No...

Akira's eyes were surprisingly soft when he looked up at Akechi, though to Akira it wouldn't be a shock at all. The ravenette just... couldn't bring himself to feel anything but affection for him. His actions were such an unheard- no, ignored- cry for help, but even as he was silently begging for care he was pushing everyone away... It hurt to watch. It hurt Akira when, whenever they were nestled in a safe room or were in Leblanc for a Metaverse meeting, he'd stand well away from him and the other Thieves. "You can tell me."

Akechi's eyes flicked away; he couldn't stand it when Akira looked at him with such concern. For some reason he was still talking, his voice distant and his eyes brimming with tears as he confessed,  "The... The foster homes. It happened several times but. It doesn't matter now. I'm over it. So please don't wor-"

He wasn't looking and therefore jumped a bit when Akira's arms abruptly wrapped around him. "You deserve so much better than all of that, Goro." Akira's tears mirrored his own. "All of it."

He wasn't going to cry in front of him, goddammit, why couldn't he stop crying? "You don't deserve any of this, either." Fuck you, Sae. Fuck you, Akira. It wasn't like going through with his plans to kill Akira were already difficult enough...

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Akira."

"Not- I mean, I am sorry about that. But... I should have realized what you were going through sooner."

Akechi slowly shook his head. "That absolutely is not your fault-"

"I'm supposed to be the leader." Akira laughed bitterly. "I'm supposed to take care of you, and I was too busy panicking to even notice what you were going through."

"You're quite talkative all of a sudden." Not that he didn't like the deepness of his voice... Akechi smiled wrily, brushing away one of Akira's tears with his fingertips. "We're going to get out of here without doing... any of that."

"No, you aren't." They both started at the unexpected reurtn of Sae's voice. "Waste all the time you want fucking around, but you won't leave until it's all over."

Akira's eye twitched. "I'm not doing that to you. If it comes down to it... I'm not doing that to you." Truly, those yaoi manga Futaba spoke of had it all wrong; it was much more fucking "manly" to be the one that volunteered to put up with the pain of... um...

Akechi cracked his knuckles restlessly. "Duly noted. Now, how do you think we should go about escaping?"

"You're going to have to fuck me."

"WHAT?!?" Akechi's eyes were as wide as those heroic anime characters he'd idolized. 

"It's alright. I can take it. If... you're alright with doing that...?"

"I'm not a rapist." Akechi replied flatly.

"I'm giving you my consent."

"But you don't actually want to do it."

"But I do want out of here. I'm not going to leave our team our there to suffer. And besides, it's not that I don't want you. I just don't want it to be here that we do it, but fuck, you can't have your pancakes and eat them too."

Akechi blushed. "Do you really mean that?" Oh, the temptation to just take that cheap pillow and press it over Akira's face until he could never fuck with his emotions again... But while the thought of his inevitable death at Akechi's hands had hurt so much half an hour ago, it genuinely made him sick by now. 

Akira nodded evenly. That perfect boy looking at him with such compassion and trust (and one day he'd look at him with empty eyes and blood flowing down that beautiful face of his), oh, someone please  help him... "You... You captivate me. Kind, intelligent, charming, understanding, heroic, brave, attractive..." He laughed self-deprecatingly. "I used to try so hard to talk to you all those nights at Leblanc, but you always left before the conversation could get deep. It's alright if you don't feel the same."

"But I do. I already said so, remember?" He didn't mean that. He was just manipulating Akira. That was all. "I... You intrigued me from the first moment I laid eyes on you. Do you remember that time you saw me at the bakery in the underground walkway and I said you seemed nervous and that I would help you with whatever was going on? I... I really wanted you to open up to me." Lies. All lies.

Akira hugged him tighter, his voice soft and childishly innocent as he breathed, "After you catch whoever's behind all of this and we disband... promise me you won't lose contact with me."

Curse magic. It was every curse spell combined, draining out his heart, his soul, his everything with every syllable the younger boy uttered. "I... I won't, Akira. You're sure you... want me to continue talking to you?"

Akira met his eyes and nodded eagerly, earnestly. The ravenette was in love with the boy that wanted him dead and they were locked in here all by themselves, and he was going to lose his innocence in a room he'd once almost been raped in to a boy that clearly wasn't ready to move past his own traumatic sexual experiences, and nothing was okay and nothing fucking mattered anymore.

Akechi smiled, the expression cynically defeated. "I will do so, then. Thank you."

"Thank you." Akira swallowed. "So... can you do this?"

"Me...? I... I'll be fine. I'm over it. Will you?"

"Of course." Akira flashed him that winning grin, standing up and stretching and pretending like he wasn't worried for Akechi and himself. "Let's just get this over with, okay?"

"Alright..." Akechi reluctantly caved- what choice did he have? He had to do what was best for Akira (not because he cared but to... trick him, yes) and keeping him in this room any longer than necessary to hold off something inevitable wasn't going to do that- and Akira immediately crawled onto the bed and got on his hands and knees... This was a fucking cruel joke, Sae.

He'd have to talk him through this a lot, Akechi decided as he got into the bed behind him. Akira obviously wasn't aroused at all, so maybe he should start with... trying to make this at least semi-pleasurable for him.

Akira was... much more oblivious than Akechi had expected. He didn't want to... embarrass him anymore than he already was, so he decided to just let him stay like that for a minute while he awkwardly lifted his tailcoat up and then carefully worked his pants down.

Akira stiffened; Akechi immediately piped up, "Are you alright?" Akira nodded; Akechi continued to remove his pants and Akira buried his face in the stained pillow, and then with no warning he was jerking away, crying out and pressing himself against the other side of the bed. 

"F-Fuck, fuck, fuck-"

Akechi couldn't hide his panic. "A-Akira? Did I hurt you?!?"

Akira miserably shook his head, tears rolling down his face. "I'm s-sorry..." He buried his face in his shaky hands with a sob. "I... I want to be brave, I h-have to, I a-always have to, but G-Goro, I'm so s-scared..."

Akechi tentatively scooted over and pulled him into his arms; Akira melted into him, sobbing loudly into his chest and shaking like one of Akechi's murder victims. "I'm sorry... s-so sorry.. " He was repeating the words around sobs, and Akechi should have been pissed, no one had ever been there for him after all and that shit had actually happened to him, he hadn't had a fucking window to flee to, no fucking hope at all, and yet... Akira... Why did it break his heart to see him this way? Why did he feel this way for him? Fuck, why was he so stupid?!?

Akechi hugged him tighter, running a hand through his hair, so soft and smooth. "It's okay, Akira... You're allowed to be scared. I'm here. I won't hurt you. I promise."

He'd said the right thing; Akira was holding onto him even tighter, whimpering, "Please don't."

 "I won't. I'm not going to hurt you, Akira. No matter what. I don't care how long we stay here, I will never hurt you." Akira didn't see the sardonic, suicidal smile on the brunette's face. 

At his words, Akira actually nuzzled into his chest, and Akechi was burying his chin in his hair and then tilting his head forward to kiss his scalp, oh for the love of fuck what kind of first kiss was on your crush's scalp, oh yeah, the kind of first kiss when you were planning their murder, of course. 

Gradually, Akira calmed down, his breath warm against Akechi's chest even through his Metaverse garb. "Please don't hurt me."

Akechi's heart flinched; Akira's voice, so quiet and innocent, so fucking vulnerable... Why, oh why couldn't he stop feeling these things for him? God fucking damn it... He was stupid. So fucking stupid. Fighting the need to protect the boy whose life was his to take. Whose life he must take...

"I will never hurt you, Akira." He said again, his voice trembling, the irony of his words not lost on him. 

"Thank you..." He kept his face in his chest. "Fuck, Goro, I'm sorry. You... this has to be much worse for you."

"Don't worry about me. I'm alright, honestly. All of that's over now." He wasn't that pathetic little boy anymore. He was going to make them all suffer and Akira was nothing more than a stepping stone on his path to vengeance. Yes, he didn't care anymore. He didn't.

Akira smiled wrily. "You're so brave... You'd be a better leader for the Phantom Thieves than me."

"I assure you, that is not the case." It felt nice, to brush away Akira's tears and see those beautiful gray eyes shimmer with affection and trust. 

"Hmmm... You're so perfect." Akira's voice was hazy with admiration. Akechi's heart was collapsing in on itself. Please don't do this to me...

Akechi couldn't bear to listen to him speak anymore, cupping his face in his gloved hands and giving him plenty of time to move away before he pressed their lips together.

Akira's hear skipped a beat as he slung his arms around Akechi's shoulders, and god, both of them were surprised at how soft the other's lips were. The fear, the memories, even the entire dreadful situation. It all slipped away as Akira tentatively deepened the kiss, Akechi gently taking the lead afterwards.

Akira couldn't deny it anymore. He loved him. He loved him. Of course, he'd never admit it, but then again, he'd never have expected any of this to happen, either...

Unbeknownst to him, a tiny moan slipped into Akechi's mouth. The brunette slid his tongue further in, tasting the sweet tangs of coffee he'd drank at Leblanc and how had he never noticed the quiet way Akira had always approached him at the café, how had he never realized why his eyes always followed him after he left, stupid, so stupid...

Akechi broke away, rubbing Akira's flushed face with one hand while he used his teeth to remove the glove from his other one; now, he was finally feeling Akira's skin under his fingertips, in somewhere other than his guilt-tinged dreams, and the boy was shuddering in response. Akechi trailed soft kisses from the corner of his lips to his jaw, then all along his neck, Akira gasping when his velvety lips brushed over an especially sensitive part about halfway down; Akechi gently worked there with his mouth, Akira starting to moan and squirm beneath him. 

Akechi couldn't help but smirk, his gloved hand rubbing all over his back, his chest, never once attempting to go under his clothes, and, maybe since his nerves were so strung out or maybe not, who the fuck knew at this point, but anyway, Akira was extremely into it, moving into his touch and whining and Akechi had never dared to even dream of seeing Akira show this side of himself to him, so trusting and unguarded and it angered him in a new way, that Akira would never have the opportunity to be like this for him of his own will. That he'd never be like this for anyone by the time Akechi was done with him... Shut up. Don't even think about that now.

Akechi's tongue rolled over the hickey on his neck and Akira cried out, bucking his hips and oh god Akira's erection was pressed into him and Akechi pulled away, murmuring, "Can I...?"

Fear quickly mingled in with the want in his eyes. "Y-Yes."

Akechi kissed his lips again. "Don't be afraid." He assured him for the 800th time. "I won't hurt you." Yet. Akira visibly relaxed. "Just tell me if you want me to stop." The ravenette nodded, and Akechi set to work on undressing him, which was, of course, a very timely process with that Phantom Thief outfit he looked so, so goddamn good in... For whatever reason, Akira's fear overtly rose when Akechi slid his gloves off, and it took several repetitions of, "It's okay, Akira. Do you want me to stop? I'll stop, I'm not going to hurt you," before Akira finally told him to go on.

Eventually, he was completely bare in front of him, and fuck, he was beautiful. His muscles were slender yet toned, and somehow even his flustered squirming was admirably graceful, and he was looking at him with so much anxiety yet again and Akechi held him close, kissing his forehead and whispering, "I promise, you won't get hurt with me, Akira. I could never hurt you."

It was sickeningly funny, how he could easily hurt Akira the same way he'd been hurt before. He could break him so thoroughly he'd never tell anyone. No one would be any the wiser. Shadow Sae would definitely approve. There would be no repercussions whatsoever. But no. He wanted to protect him, to make him happy, wanted to make him c-care about him no no stop thinking like this you're being idiotic again...

"Goro..." Akira breathed, still hard against him.

Akechi gently kissed him again, then, observing Akira closely to gauge his reaction, he carefully reached between his legs-

"Goro?"

"Yes?"

"Can we just... not fool around?" He asked nervously. "I mean... can we just get straight to what she wants us to do and get out?"

"O-Oh! Of course!" Akechi rapidly undressed, ignoring the fact that he wasn't aroused in the slightest yet in his rush to please Akira- why are you so FUCKING STUPID!?! You need to KILL him not HELP him, why does he deserve to be treated this gently when you had to-

Akechi stopped once he'd undressed fully, finally realizing that... Walls. No desks or drawers or anything. Great. Just fucking great.

"What's wrong...?"

"There isn't any lube here." Akechi sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. 

"It's fine. You can just do it anyway."

"It'll hurt."

"It'll be fine."

Akechi bit back a remark about how fucking obvious it was that he didn't have the slightest idea how this worked, focusing on coming up with a solution. "Um... How would you feel if I..." Well, this was awkward. "If I got you off and used your semen as lube?"

Akira's face flushed. "Uh... okay." He chewed on his lip, watching Akechi closely. 

"Or would you be more comfortable touching yourself?"

His whole face was red now. "I... I want you." His voice was still fearful, even with the layers of trust and lust overtop.

Akechi decided to ignore the warmth building up in his stomach from his words. "Tell me if you need me to stop, okay?" It had to be annoying, how often he asked that, but maybe he was just trying to give Akira what he'd fucking wanted, someone that would stop if they were... Shut up.

" 'K... 'kay..."

Akira gasped when his hand finally brushed over his length. He'd daydreamed about it, prayed for it, climaxed to the fantasy of it, but he'd always been damn sure it would never occur in reality. And holy fuck. It was a million times better than he'd imagined, Goro's hand so soft and... experienced. It wasn't anything like touching himself; Akechi wasn't jerking him off, no, he was spreading his fingertips out and stroking, and somehow he'd found the exact five most sensitive places on his length in moments and fuck, his wrist was flicking skillfully in time with Akira's racing heart, and he was moaning, moaning, the sounds lewd and completely uncensored.

"You like that...?" Akira could tell Akechi wasn't even teasing him, just making sure he was okay, and it took everything he had not to tell him how much he fucking loved him, instead fervently nodding and continuing to moan.

Akira. Akira Kurusu, Phantom Thief extraordinaire,  king of the shadows and underworld and submissive to no one,  was laid out in front of him, staring up at Akechi with half-lidded, beautiful gray eyes clouded over with lust and affection, his lips swollen and red, his face red, the mark on his neck red, his reddening cock spasming in his hand and Akechi was never going to have to look at porn again for the rest of his fucking life, hallelujah, amen. His own dick was begging for attention but that meant nothing when this beautiful mess was crying out so perfectly for him and him alone

He was leaking already; Akechi slowed his movements down to a teasing crawl, and Akira looked at him with such overt betrayal you'd think Akechi had just tried to strangle him or something. "Just a moment..." He used his other hand to massage his head, earning several whimpers before he'd got a good amount of pre-cum on his fingers. "Alright..." His fingers were barely even moving at this point. "I'm going to need to stretch you out some before we do it, okay?" He felt like Akira might not be as scared if he explained what he was going to do before he did it. "Can you spread your legs for me...? Good... Relax. Just like that... You're doing so good."

"Goro..." Akira's voice trembled, something inside him igniting when he spoke to him so gently like that, but right now he had to focus on forcing himself to stay relaxed as Akechi slowly worked a finger inside of him, not fast enough to hurt but not slow enough to increase his dread. 

Still teasing his member, Akechi slid another digit inside, quickly curling up to hit his prostate and Akira almost screamed from the surprising jolt of pleasure. "You're so beautiful like this, Akira..." He massaged that spot with one finger while his other stretched him, his voice soft and soothing. "You're always beautiful, of course, but now..."

Akira's hands grabbed onto his shoulders, clenching down to try to anchor himself to reality. "S-So are you... G-Goro, it feels so g-good..."

Crimson eyes lit up, the hand on his cock moving with increased vigor. "Akira..."

"F-Fuck..." Those beautiful, dark curls got even messier as his whole body fidgeted from the energy building up in him, so gorgeous and perfect... Akechi put in a third finger, wanting to make sure it didn't hurt too much when he actually did it, and Akira was mewling his name over and over in the most erotic way imaginable, pleading at him with those irrestible eyes, and Akechi went back to the way he'd been touching him earlier; Akira only lasted a few more moments before he came with at loud cry, Akechi taking extra care to get every last drop he could on his hand.

And oh... Akira made the most intoxicating expression at he climaxed, his eyes squeezed closed and his expression relaxing into a countenance of complete ecstacy. Akechi milked him out to his last drop before leaning away and kissing all across his throat as Akira came down from his high, his breathing delightfully heavy.

"Goro..." Akechi kissed his lips, then leaned up, losing himself in those perfect, blissed-out gray eyes. "Th-Thank you... You did such a good job, truly, thank you..."

His cock twitched. "You did a good job as well, Akira."

"I... I want you to feel good, too." The sweet innocence in his voice...

Oh trust me, I'm feeling much better than I ever have thanks to you... You piece of shit... "I'm much more concerned with your pleasure, my dearest Akira."

In response to his words, Akira actually giggled. Help. "I'm good." He smiled, brushing a stray lock of hair from Akechi's face. "Uh... are you ready?" He wasn't hard anymore, but he still wanted him to do it now, before the mental haze of his orgasm cleared completely.

Akechi nodded, carefully removing the fingers they'd both forgot were there and thoroughly lubing himself up with the cum on his other hand. 

Akira's idea didn't matter, as the moment Akechi gingerly pried open his thighs and lined himself up, Akira was fully aware and fucking terrified again. Why did they have to do this? Goddammit, it was going to hurt it was going to fucking hurt and he wanted to do this, yes, but on his own terms, not in this claustrophobia-inducing room, on this traumatizing bed that reeked of strangers' sweat and sin...

Akechi gently rubbed Akira's hips, both of his hands sticky but that didn't bother Akira at all, his eyes drinking the brunette in like he was the only thing that could ever help him. "Are you alright, Akira?"

"N-No... I'm sorry, I'm so s-scared..." He fought the urge to cry again. "It's pathetic. You've got it way worse than me and-"

"Oh, I assure you, receiving it is much harder than giving it."

He couldn't hold back the tears in his eyes when he thought of why Akechi said it so bitterly, so knowingly. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"It's fine." Akechi sighed and words followed the breath before he could think- "I'm glad it was me with you. I know what I'm doing, at least. Someone else might have accidentally hurt you. But here, I can... I can keep you safe."

Akira nodded slowly, his eyes filled with awe. "You're so kind." Akechi didn't respond. "Have you..." He cut himself off with a tiny shake of his head. 

"Ask away."

"...Fucked someone before?" Akira winced the moment the words tumbled out.

"No." Akechi answered evenly. "I just know what I wish had been done to me. 'Learning from experience,' you could say."

Akira flinched. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright." If they kept talking about this shit, his erection was going to shrivel up and die."It... All I want is your happiness, Akira."

Tears flowed down his porcelain face, pretty and pale and some day soon Akechi would find out how pretty his blush was when the blood rushing to his face was coming from the outside instead of the in. "As... As do I." He took a deep breath. "I'm... ready. Just..." His eyes were so wide and worried. "Go slow, please?"

"Of course." Akechi didn't want to do this when he was so scared and obviously anything but ready, but what choice did he have? They could stay here until they died of dehydration, or try to wait until the Phantom Thief leader felt better, but Akira would only be worse off the longer they stayed in this wretched place. He hadn't the slightest idea if, when everything was said and done, Akira would be alright or scarred for life and it made Akechi fucking sick to even think of it.

When they found Sae's Shadow, he was going to fucking...

"Tell me if it hurts."

Akira smiled, his heart melting- that must have been the hundredth time he'd asked him that. He knew he was a good person. He truly did. He nodded, keeping his legs spread as Akechi's head entered- immediately he clenched around him with a yelp.

"Relax, Akira. You have to relax..." Akira obeyed, closing his eyes tightly in preparation but Akechi didn't move. "Are you alright?"

"N-No. Please, let's just get this over w-with..." 

Akechi started to pull out; Akira whimpered, "Please, don't... C-Come on..."

Akechi was going to be sick. Biting his lip, he worked his way in a bit further, watching Akira do his best to remain still for him. Fuck, it hurt to do this...

He adjusted himself so that the next time he inched forward he nudged Akira's prostate. Akira's eyes shot open, and now there was surprise instead of terror; Sae had never really specified anything, so Akechi was pretty sure he'd be able to get away with only being about halfway-in like he currently was.

He cautiously rolled his hips, focusing on hitting that spot; Akira's hands shot out to the sides of the mattress and squeezed handfuls of the bedsheets, his breathing getting labored and an occasional moan slipping out.

He never increased his pace. Akira's eyelids started to droop, and soon enough his cock was semi-hard. "Goro..."

Akechi moved his hand between his thighs, earning another sharp cry of his name, and after a bit of touching him that way he liked (someday, would he get to touch him like this again, without these dark thoughts and the horrid situation? No, of course not) he was as hard as Akechi was.

And, while Akechi was trying his best not to focus on this, the fact remained that Akira was fucking warm and tight and taking him in so good it took everything he had not to try to go faster. He'd never understood why so many people went crazy over this type of thing, and now... It took everything he had not to do the exact same thing.

Except, after only a few moments, Akira was whimpering, "Gor...o. Please... f-faster. G-Go deeper..."

Calm down. Do not buck your hips forward. Don't.

Do it! Hurt him! HE'S ASKING FOR IT!

Akechi slowly pushed himself all the way in, gasping and panting from the effort it took to not fucking slam into him and Akira let out one long, low moan before lazily grinding into him. That fucking prick...

"D-Dammit, Akira..." Akechi gingerly rocked his hips, and Akira was sucking him in so greedily he could barely move and he kept moaning, telling him to go faster, please Goro fuck me-

Akechi lost it, pounding into his prostate with only the bare minimum amount of restraint. He was (pretty) sure he would have stopped if Akira asked him to do so or even just seemed to be in any discomfort, but the boy was moving into his cock like his life depended on it, his own member pulsing perfectly in Akechi's hand. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Akechi was honestly a bit confused. Sex shouldn't feel this good. It wasn't humanly fucking possible. And yet, here was Akira, doing the same thing he always did by taking his life and his mind and his heart and fucking it all up beyond repair. 

"Ngh- g- fuck, Goro, you're so perfect, don't stop, don't ever s-stop..."

The hand that wasn't on his cock moved to the side of the pillow right next to Akira's face and now he slamming into his prostate with even more force than before because he just could not take it when Akira talked to him like that, and Akira screamed, moving his hands from the sheets to cling onto Akechi's. "Yes, fuck Goro, G-Goro... s-so good..." His eyes were focused on Akechi's, or at least, as focused as they could be with how hazy his mind was going from pleasure.

"You... you feel so good, Ak-kira, fuck..."

"Goro... Mmm, Goro, f-fuck, I love you, I love you so much..."

If he'd been in his right mind, that was where he would have freaked out, but no, somehow he was just going even harder, the lewd smack of skin hitting skin so loud Akira barely heard his his response of, "I love you, too, Akira... Akir-a...!"

With one last, hard thrust, he was spilling his seed inside of him, his head leaning down until he was hovering right over Akira's face as his mind went blank, and the echo of hearing his name combined with the sensation of his cum filling him up was more than enough to push Akira over the edge again, and it was so good so fucking good and Akira smashed their lips together and the tiny noise Akechi made as a result completely destroyed his heart and-

Akechi used the last of his energy to pull out, and Akira immediately pulled him down so he was laying on top of him, neither of them speaking, content to listen to the other breathe as they calmed down.

Then, suddenly, Akira's voice, as soft and quiet and tiny as a baby dove's feather slowly falling through the air- "Goro...? Do you... really love me? It's alright if you don't."

Break. Breaking. Shattering. He couldn't think. Everything was collapsing inside of him, all his walls crumbling down, the way Akira was looking at him with so much affection and hope and not a shred of disgust or anger or anything, too much too much he was breaking. "Yes." The word was calm, the calm before the storm as right after he uttered that single damning syllable he was sobbing, "I'm so stupid, I'm so fucking stupid, what the fuck is wrong with ME-"

"Nice to see at least one of you had the reaction I was hoping for, though I'm sure you both will in a few minutes, right Akechi?" They heard a little clink, and Akira could see the outline of a door opposite to them. "Please, take your time. You're up three flights of stairs by the way, but please tell me before you jump so I can prepare the cleaning crew."

Akira ignored her, hugging the brunette tightly. "Goro...? What's wrong?"

"I love you, okay? I'm fucking stupid! Fuck! Why did you do this to me!?!" He was shaking in his arms but not pulling away, and Akira was freaking out.

"Did I hurt you?" Fuck, the way he was pushing him like that after all Akechi had been through, oh how could he have been so stupid it must have been hard for him to hear that and fuck his uncle had been right as he had held him against a bed so much like this one and told him he was a slut as he'd pretended to submit, he'd proved him right and more importantly he'd hurt Akechi, "Fuck I am so so sorry that was so stupid of me, is there anything I can do?"

"Can you go back in time and make it to where we either met a few years ago or never met at all...?"

Akira's heart broke. "I shouldn't have told you to keep going like that, I'm so so sorry-"

Confusion entered those despairing red eyes. "What...?"

"Didn't I upset you because I was... being such a slut just now...?"

Akechi laughed sardonically, his brow creasing as he kissed him and hugged him tigheter. "No, not at all. You aren't a slut." He sighed, burying his face in his chest. "I have to tell you something and you're going to fucking hate me even more than I do."

"No." And somehow Akira's face was that of Joker's again, calm and confident and completely sure in a way that helped ameliorate Akechi's anxiety. "I could never hate you."

"You won't by the time you know what I've been hiding from you."

Akira restrained a smirk. "I think I might already know more than you think."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morgana already knew something was up when both Akira and Akechi wouldn't speak of what had happened when they were gone for so long. His suspicions grew worse when Akira wouldn't even talk about it when they were at home in Leblanc, despite Morgana's pleas that soon turned to downright badgering in his need to get information. 

Even worse was that Akira rarely called for a Metaverse meeting the day after a trip, and he never did so after a horribly exhausting run, and yesterday's had to be the most mentally and physically traumatizing one throughout their entire Phantom Thief career.. And yet he had called for one. 

Akechi had been the last to show up, and when he'd reached Akira's room his face was so pale Morgana feared he'd brought a gun, but before anyone could even breathe, Akira had silently got up and closed the distance between them, leading him back downstairs without a word of explanation to the other Thieves.

"What the hell...?" Ann grumbled, nervously fidgeting with a pigtail. 

"Ya think he's okay...? Screw it, I'm gonna go check on him," Ryuji declared as he stood.

"Ryuji. Sit." Makoto ordered firmly, waiting until the blond had obeyed to continue. "I'm sure Akira is perfectly fine. He's more than proven he can handle himself."

"But... Akechi..." Everyone went silent following Yusuke's words.

After another minute, Futaba yelped and pulled out her phone. "I'll just check what they're saying right now!"

"Futaba-chan! We have to respect their privacy-" Haru and Futaba stopped as they heard footsteps ascending the stairs.

Akira smiled casually as he took his usual seat, Akechi following suit until Akira responded by forcibly dragging him over and making him sit next to him. The other Thieves shot each other confused glances, but then Akira was speaking.

"Goro has... had a change of heart, you could say. He told me everything. And we've had a change of target."

"WHAT!" Morgana yowled, his fur bristling as the shock crashed down on all of them. "You... You can't just trust him-"

"I apologize for... being the way I was." Akechi said softly.

"What the HELL, Akira?" Ryuji panicked, finally agreeing with the damn cat for once. "He'll hurt you-"

"Guys..." Makoto said quietly. "Look at his eyes... I think he's being truthful. You gave me another chance-"

"You weren't planning on killing him-!"

"Actually, turning him in would have likely led to death." Yusuke interrupted Ann.

Futaba and Haru both seemed to be in shock; Akira pressed, "He's just like us. Manipulated and broken. He did awful things, but we all have. We have to-"

"Who the hell is the new target, anyway?" Ann interjected. "Shouldn't we focus on Sae?"

"No. Now I know who's behind everything. We can help her later, now that we don't have to disband anymore."

"Who is it?" Makoto asked, her eyes flicking between the two and widening when it was Akechi that answered with a surprising amount of honesty:

"Masayoshi Shido. My father."