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TeenVengers, ASSEMBLE!

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“So you’re probably asking yourself, how did a bunch of teenagers become Earth’s mightiest heroes? Well, it all started with me, of course, because I’m awesome!”


Sigh, “Fine, fine, the rest might also be awesome and all that – not as much as me though-“

“Tony, do not make me call Pepper on you!”

“Oh my gosh, look at Steve’s face!”

“Don’t point Clint, its rude!”

“You’re no boss of m-ack! Sorry! Sorry! Lemme go already!”

“Guuuuuuuyyyyssss! You’re stealing me thunder here!”

“Man of Iron, the only one here with thunder is-“

“Oh shut it Thor, you know it’s only a Midgardian expression.”

“Yeah Thor, get learned.”

“Clint, I swear to-“

“Can you stop it already?! You know the cameras are still rolling, do you? This is supposed to be my moment!”

“Okay, okay team, let’s leave Mr. Fancypants here have his moment.”

“Excuse you, Mr. Fancypants? That’s a terrible nickname Rhodey. I’m disappointed, I’m deeply disappointed.”

“Does the Man of Iron even have pants that are fancy? I have only ever seen him wear those blue pants full of tears.”

“Those are jeans Thor, you know this, you’ve fucking worn them yourself!”


“I’ll have you know that those jeans with tears are top quality, thank you very much!”

“But why do they have tears?”

“For goodness sake Thor, that’s just how they are! You know this!”

“He’s being obnoxious on purpose, leave him alone for a while and it’ll pass.”

“Look how cute his pouty face is!”

“M’n’t cu’t”

“What’s that Thor? Stop mumbling.”

“Leave him alone!”


Cough, “Okay, back to you, camera one. So, as I was saying, all this started with me a couple years ago. I was still a little innocent boy back then- Stop giggling! Ahem, so it was a couple years ago, fine, not that many, but still, I’ve grown since then! I have medical evidence of this! Don’t look at me like that Steve, this is serious stuff! So, let’s start at the beginning of this whole new world.

You see, I was 12 when I was overseeing a weapon I had, at the time, secretly designed for Stark Industries. Back then it was a secret that I had been designing weapons for ages for the company, Stane had me believe that if somebody found out terrible things would happen. I would never be able to continue with all my projects. I was pretty stupid back then. But even if this was a well-kept secret, somebody apparently figured it out and told the Ten Rings about it, so they decided they wanted to have the duck that lays the golden eggs- what? Goose? Why the fuck is it a goose? No-stop looking at me like that Steve! And I’m sure it was a duck! Whatever, you get the gist.

So there I was, travelling the desert as a treat from my then friend and guardian, Obadiah Stane, when suddenly the world went up in flames. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I got kidnapped.”