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Life As We Know It

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Steve Rogers was sitting in his apartment, in a nice shirt, a tie and slacks. Slacks.

Traffic, Steve thought, He's probably stuck in traffic.

He had been waiting for his date for two hours. Someone that Mary had set him up with? A blind date with someone that Richard knew. At first, he was a little hesitant, but he was looking for a relationship and figured that a date couldn't hurt.

He checked his light brown hair in the mirror one more time and sat back on the couch, scrolling through his emails. He hoped the store would be okay without him.

Just when Steve was about to kick off his shoes and loosen his tie, there was a knock on his apartment door. One last time, a hand brushed through his hair and he turned on the charming smile, opening the door.

Standing at the door, in a leather jacket, a baseball cap and jeans, was his date.

"Hi! Tony?" Steve asked.

The man smirked, "You must be Steve."

Steve smiled at Tony, blushing, "Yeah."

Tony cocked his head in the direction of the stairs, "Should we get going?"

Steve perked up, "Yeah, yeah! Absolutely!" He locked his apartment door and followed Tony toward the stairs, "So, you just moved to D.C.?"

Tony nodded, "Yep."

"Cool. How long have you known Mary and Richard?" Steve asked.

"Known Richard since college."

"Wow." Steve said, giving up on the conversational efforts.

They made it down the stairs to Tony's...


"Oh!" Steve exclaimed.

Tony tossed Steve a helmet as he straddled the bike, "Hop on."

Steve eyed the helmet wearily, "You know, I probably shouldn't. The pants are new and..." Sure, it made him sound like a douchebag but he didn't care, "You know, I can drive. It's fine."

Tony looked at Steve's Mini Cooper like he'd never seen one before, "Um...okay." He followed Steve to the red car and sat gingerly on the seat.

Once inside, Steve looked at Tony. He was wearing a worn leather jacket, a graphic t-shirt that was so faded that Steve couldn't make out what it said, jeans that were once dark wash, and shoes that had the soles peeling off. He cringed, "So, where are we going?"

Tony shrugged, "Oh, I don't care, whatever you want to do."

Steve was baffled. Had this guy never been on a date before?

"Well, where did you make the reservations that you said..." Tony's eyes showed that nothing was ringing a bell, " didn't make them."

"I said that?"

"Okay, well then, I guess we can-" As Steve was about to speak, Tony's phone started blaring Hell's Bells by ACDC. When Tony made no move to answer it, Steve smiled dryly at his date, "You can answer that."

Tony made wide eyes and took a deep breath, then answered his phone, ""

Steve chuckled. Tony's tone clearly suggested he wasn't talking to his mother.

"No, no, I'm actually busy right now." Silence as the person on the other end of the line responded, "Um..." He cast a glance at Steve, "How about 11?" More silence. ", I'll be there." Finally, Tony clicked the phone off.

Tony turned to Steve, "Sorry, my, uh, mom."

Steve looked down, then looked back up at Tony, "You know, we don't have to do this."

Tony almost looked happy, "Really? Oh okay." He moved to get out of the car.

Steve was bewildered, "Oh my god, are you serious?"

Tony closed his eyes and looked down, then turned back in the seat to face Steve, "Look, I could tell from the moment you met me that you didn't like me. Mary and Richard set this up and I think we both knew this wouldn't work. Best case? We get drunk and hook up, then spend the rest of the time avoiding each other at the Christmas parties."

Steve laughed cynically, "Oh my god, this was a mistake."

"Look, you can just hang out at your apartment and I can go see my mom."

"Okay, here's a tip for your next date: don't show up two hours late and don't make a booty call while on said date." Steve said, rolling his eyes and getting out of the car.

Tony followed, "Come on, it's my mom!"

"Were you going to heal her with your magic dick?"

"I don't know what Mary was thinking." Steve said, starting back up to the door.

"You know what, me neither."

Tony hopped on his motorcycle and sped off. Steve stood on the front porch of the apartment building and watched until he was out of sight, "Asshole."

Tony was speeding down the road, shaking his head and muttering to himself, "Asshole."