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Just In Case

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Eggsy opened his eyes, feeling groggy and far too tired for it to be morning already. He blinked, trying to take in the world, but he found he had buried his face in his pillow and could see little else.

With a grumble, he rolled onto his back, trying to tug the duvet closer around himself, but found it was impossible to move it with the way his lovers were holding onto it.

A small smile broke onto his lips as his eyes adjusted to the late night darkness and he took in the sight of them both in turn. As it often happened, they had drifted away from him in their sleep - they were three men used to sleeping alone for most of their life, after all, and on some nights they made up for it by wrapping almost too tightly around each other, whoever ended up in the middle risking to suffocate in the stifling heat of their bodies under the covers; other times, they woke up in couples, and whoever found himself free of the other two would get up first to get them all coffee.

Eggsy often slept in the middle, knowing Merlin might need to leave suddenly in the middle of the night to handle an emergency or another at HQ, and knowing that Harry still got nightmares from the Church. At least Merlin had no dreams from Poppyland, the trauma too much for even that big super-computer brain of his to elaborate, so that it had been wiped away like a virus.

Being in the middle suited him just fine, and it was the best possible arrangement, with the exception of when one of his men needed extra affection or on other special occasions, like when their combined attentions overwhelmed their third.

Despite how much they complained about being old and broken, joking only half of the time, they could keep up with Eggsy’s youth and needs exceptionally well, especially since they knew each other so intimately after a decades long relationship that Eggsy had been terrified to ruin when they had first started this. Now, he didn’t regret any of it. He didn’t think he ever could.

But even as he thought of that - of hot breaths and teasing touches and deep voices - Eggsy didn’t feel arousal.

It was so quiet, that moment, as if the world had been enclosed in amber and they were suspended in time, and dawn would never come (Eggsy would be more than fine with that), and it seemed like his body knew the moment was too precious to be ruined by a bothersome erection.

Instead, a big grin broke into his face as he looked at the nape of Merlin’s neck, the back of his head, and he let himself be guided by the impulse of leaning in, pressing soft kisses to the gentle curve of his skull, where he could see the way Merlin’s vertebrae disappeared in his head under the smooth stretch of skin. Eggsy nuzzled the skin for a moment, the stubble of Merlin’s hair pricking at his forehead in a way that could never bother him.

I’m old and bald, Merlin had said when Eggsy had admitted to his feelings for him, as if that would be a problem. It never was, and it only made him love Merlin more to know he felt such human emotions like insecurity under that veneer of almost robotic calm he always seemed intent on portraying while at work.

Eggsy didn’t want to wake him, though, knowing how little sleep the tech wizard managed to get on a daily basis, and so he turned on his other side, grinning at the stark contrast made by Harry’s full head of hair.

The soft strands were curling at the back of his head after the shower he had taken before bed, the way Eggsy loved so much. It was almost criminal, in his opinion, the way Harry always kept it perfectly styled and pomaded, not allowing it to coil gently into springy curls the way it so desperately wanted to, fighting him and his comb every morning.

But what Eggsy loved the most was the fact that Merlin and he had managed to convince Harry that he didn’t need to dye it the way he had began to do after the silver hair at his temples had started to spread to the rest of his head. Harry still insisted on styling it (It would be ungentlemanly to leave it unkempt, he had said; unprofessional ), but Eggsy counted it as a victory that he could now bury his face in soft moonlight strands, the artificial chestnut that had been so similar to Harry’s natural colour leaving their Arthur looking mature and dignified.

Eggsy knew Harry fussed over it whenever he looked at himself in the mirror, the way he knew Merlin plucked away any white hair he found in his bushy eyebrows, but it was that kind of small thing that made him realise just how much he loved the two fools in his bed.

He would never stop telling them that. How he adored them, with their white hair and scars and softening bellies as the prolonged desk work caused them to lose muscle definition (well, mostly Harry, really) in a way that just made Eggsy’s heart lurch in his chest, aching something fierce, like something white hot was burning against the squishiest part of his soul, forever marking him with his feelings for the older men.

Eggsy had never thought he would find something like that. He knew true love existed, he saw it around in the way Jamal’s parents loved each other quietly, and Ryan’s grandmother had brought him up on her own, always forgiving him for getting into trouble; and he had seen it between Harry and Merlin, after the mishap with Professor Arnold and the coma, in the way Merlin always brushed his hand hesitantly over Harry’s as if afraid he would disturb his slumber - and in the way Harry stood just a bit too close to Merlin for days after he had woken up, as if to reassure him of his newly found health.

And yet, knowing it existed was different from knowing he deserved it, and that he would get it. Every waking moment he felt blessed for his lovers, his two Lazarus who tried to leave and yet came back - for each other and for him .

Blinking away a few tears of happiness, the kind that always tried to sneak up on him whenever he got too lost in this kind of thoughts, Eggsy smiled and pressed a few kisses to the back of Harry’s head as well, letting his hair tickle his lips. He then settled back in his spot in between them and reached to grab both man’s hands, wanting to feel them close.

As he closed his eyes, he heard Merlin mumble some mathematical nonsense under his breath as he turned around, and he heard Harry shuffle as well, snuffling softly as he turned as well, as if both men knew exactly what Eggsy needed even in their sleep. He chuckled breathlessly, overwhelmed by love as two very different arms settled around his chest and waist, holding him close (as if he could ever leave them) and two very different men snuggled closer to him, Harry burying his face in the crook of his neck as Merlin pressed his lips to Eggsy’s temple with another mumbled formula.

Despite the way Eggsy’s heart felt fit to burst with happiness, he found himself slipping easily into sleep, comforted by the way love radiated from one man to the other in an endless circle, hoping the two utterly ridiculous, incredible men wrapped around him could feel it just as strongly, even in their dreams.

Eggsy would make sure to remind them both just how loved they were in the morning - just in case.