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"This is not what I was expecting but I'm surprisingly okay with it" by Panic! at the Disco

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Brendon didn’t expect to be running, half naked and terrified. He just wanted to get laid and have a good time. There was no way he could have foreseen this!


He didn’t think he had bad taste in hookups but this last one makes him think that maybe his friends were right.


He’s stumbled down the staircase and he’s in the kitchen when he hears that thing behind him. It’s going to attack him or kill him, he knows it, so he grabs a lamp and throws it straight into the thing’s head. It fails, of course, because it has tentacle arms and it grabs the lamp out of the air as if it were a soda can.




He hears its voice saying his name but his mind is a blur of drunkenness and fear. “No!” He shouts, waving his arms in a drunk gesture of “I’m not interested, go away!”


Then the lamp is thrown back at him and it hits him in the chest and he falls backward.


Then he’s being dragged out of the kitchen. He grabs onto a chair but it doesn’t do anything.


He imagines if this were a movie or one of his music videos, the scene might be hilarious.


The creature takes him to the bedroom and he claws at the door frame as he’s forcibly pulled inside.


It says his name again and its voice is reminiscent of the woman he met hours ago. It holds his body above the bed like a ragdoll and he squirms, terrified and confused.


He's way too drunk to be dealing with this.


“Oh God, oh God,” Brendon says, squeezing his eyes shut as the thing stares at him. “Please don’t, oh my God.”


“I’m not going to hurt you,” it says and it’s /her/ again. “I just wanna have a little fun.”


“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” he says, wide eyed. She looks concerned for a second.


“I thought you wanted to take this woman for a ride. You seemed like a cool guy back in that club. You’re not gonna leave me all alone, are you?”


He swallows, unsure. “Uh.. I don't know.” /I'm too drunk for this,/ he thinks again as she lowers his legs to the bed.


She moves her arm tentacle so she can run it down his cheek.


“You’re cute,” she says and it’s strangely comforting.


He blinks. “I definitely didn't expect this to happen to me tonight when I walked into that club.”


She smirks then. “Same here. I don't usually go for your type but you were /so desperate/ to get me to come home with you... I couldn't resist.” She grins, remembering. “You're so handsy.”


“It gets worse when I'm drunk,” Brendon says with a matching grin.


She laughs with a display of beautiful white teeth, at odds with the devious look on her face.


He hadn't notice the tentacle crawling up his leg until now; it kind of feels like a snail, leaving a thin trail of wetness across his skin.


“Is that normal?” He says joking and she nods.


“You like it?” She asks when his eyes linger on the tentacle. He looks up, unsure.


He doesn't pull away.


She wants to test him, she decides. See how much he can take so she lets the grip on her human form slip, her other arm becoming a tentacle as well. He swallows as she slides the tip of one under his boxer briefs.


“Okay,” he says, blinking rapidly and sucking in breaths. “This is weird.”


“Too weird?” she asks.


There's a challenging look to his eyes when he looks at her again “Not nearly. I've seen weirder.”


She smirks, lifting him up to drop him on the floor none too gently and his legs sprawl in front of him at the movement. He tracks up her form, eyes half lidded.


“Oh fuck yeah.”


That's more like it.


She trails her tentacle arms over his legs again and Brendon doesn't pull away this time, only gazes at her with a curious desire.


“I haven’t been this drunk in a long time...” He begins to say. Her touch is cool and wet on his skin, which - surprisingly - feels kinda good.


She kisses his neck when he leans his head back against the bed. “Ah yeah. Mmh.”


He hums as her tentacles wrap around his middle, moving over his bare middle and one creeps into his underwear but he really can't care.


The rest is a blur of pleasure and sensation and Brendon falls asleep just as happy and sated as he would with anyone else, if not more. He falls asleep to the sight of her lying beside him, smirking at his lax form.


“Good night, handsome man,” she chuckles and turns out the light.