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The Morning After

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Riya was watching him. Black Riya to be exact. He'd been like that all day, following Atsushi around the house while he cleaned. At first it had been a little annoying, especially since Riya didn't say anything and he didn't seem to be in a mood to talk. Or at least he didn't answer Atsushi any time that he tried to talk. After the first hour he'd gotten used to it, and Riya's presence was just like that of a housecat that would follow him around.

At least Riya wasn't avoiding him. After last night, he'd expected Riya to be mad him, assuming he remembered at all. But he hadn't changed back to white Riya, at least not yet.

Atsushi stared around the room. There didn't seem to be anything left for him to do here. A glance at his watch told him it was almost noon.

He glanced at the blonde perched on the couch. "Do you want some lunch?"

Riya just stared back at him.

With a sign, Atsushi headed for the kitchen. The soft padding of bare feet on carpet followed him. The kitchen was bright and clean, mid-day sun shining in through the large windows. He'd cleaned the kitchen first, while he was making breakfast before Riya woke up. There was still a bit of food left in the refrigerator – he'd have to go grocery shopping later in the week, but they at least had enough that he could keep Riya and himself fed until Wednesday.

"Do you want anything in particular?" Atsushi asked as Riya settled on the other side of the island counter. There was no answer, but he hadn't really been expecting one.

He pulled sliced bread from the cabinet, then pre-sliced meat and cheese from the fridge. Sandwiches were simple enough to make, and Riya had eaten the same type last time Atsushi had made them so he assumed the younger boy didn't dislike them.

Atsushi set a plate in front of Riya before seating himself. Riya looked at the food for a brief minute and then thankfully he started eating. Atsushi had been slightly worried that Riya's whole silent kick meant he wasn't going to eat or interact at all with Atsushi.

They ate silently, the sound of their chewing the only thing heard in the kitchen.

"Why did you say I don't love you?"

Atsushi jumped slightly. He blinked, almost not sure he'd actually heard Riya speak.

"Pardon?"

"Why don't I love you?"

The remains of Atsushi's sandwich were carefully set down on his plate before he would return Riya's stare. He knew they'd have to talk about this at some point but he hadn't thought it'd be this soon... Well, actually he'd almost expected Riya to come after him last night and demand an answer, but after they'd spent the night apart and then Riya hadn't been talking to him all morning so he'd assumed Riya had put the whole thing behind them.

Apparently not.

"Because you don't," Atsushi answered slowly. He wasn't quite sure what answer Riya was looking for, or if he'd even be able to articulate something he knew beyond doubt.

"Why?" There wasn't any incrimination in Riya's voice, just calm curiosity.

Atsushi leaned forward on his elbows. "Why did you want to sleep with me?"

Riya frowned. "I just wanted to."

"Because the other Riya had sex and you didn't like it. So you wanted to do something white Riya wouldn't like."

Riya's frown darkened. "But I thought you loved me. Don't you want to have sex with me? I thought you wanted me?"

"I do, and I do," Atsushi answered both questions at once. "And it's because I love you that I can't have sex with you, not when you obviously don't."

He could see that Riya wasn't getting it, but Atsushi hadn't fully expected him to. "But I do."

Atsushi stood slowly, being careful to make sure his chair didn't scrape on the tile. He tossed his sandwich into the garbage and set his plate in the dishwasher. This conversation really wasn't going anywhere. Riya didn't move from his seat. He'd barely eaten two bites of the sandwich. Atsushi would come back later to clean up. He didn't think he could deal with much more of Riya's shadowing right now.

He paused in the doorway and looked back at Riya. "I really do love you," he repeated, "but if you can't even look at me when I'm touching you, then it's not a mutual attraction and I love you enough not to force it. I'd be happy to sleep with you, if you returned my feelings, but until then... I really can't."

Riya didn't say anything as Atsushi left.

He hadn't expected him to.