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I'll haunt the shit out of you

Chapter Text

First of all- ghosts shouldn’t have anxiety.

Of all the fucking things that could have followed him into death- it had to be an ever-impending sense of doom and discomfort? Hadn’t he already reached his doom? Was death not doom enough?

Secondly- Katsuki listened to some god-awful music.

It hadn’t entirely been his decision to haunt Katsuki- though out of all the things that had happened to him since he died he supposed this was the thing that bothered him the least. Probably because it reminded him the most of when he had been alive.

He stood- or uh; floated now he supposed- there and tried to get Katsuki’s attention and either he ignored his existence entirely or he yelled and threw things and told him to go away.

Originally, he had just intended to go back home- because what the hell else was he going to do? And he had for a little bit- but his mother had cried and cried, and he just felt so terrible.

There was no consoling her, she just wept and looked at pictures of him and no matter how hard he tried to hug her; he just couldn’t reach her and it was just torture.

He was going to stick with it though; after all he was here for a reason he supposed and he should probably figure out what that reason was. But then he went to his funeral- and let me tell you that was the weirdest experience- ever.

Staring down at yourself lifeless in a coffin- like he knew he was dead but he was really dead. Like that was his body- laying there. Dead.

That was when he realized that ghosts- fucking have anxiety.

Well maybe not all ghosts- but he did; lets correct that. Ghosts had the capacity for anxiety.

How fucked up is that?

So, there he was- having a panic attack at his own funeral. Staring down at his lifeless green mop of hair and trying to tune out his mother’s high-pitched wails when Katsuki Bakugou looked him dead in the eye.

Now; he could have been looking somewhere else- it is entirely possible.

But Izuku just could not shake the feeling that he saw him.

Saw him.

He looked away quickly and left the funeral as quickly as his legs would take him and Izuku could have just brushed it off and gone home- but it wasn’t like anyone was going to miss him If he wasn’t there to awkwardly float around in the kitchen; or attempt to possess an all might doll.

So, he followed Katsuki home.

That had been a week ago and as it turns out.

Katsuki can see ghosts- or he can see Midoriya anyway. They hadn’t really delved into the seeing other ghosts part of things.

Also, as it turns out; Katsuki did not want to be able to see ghosts.

Which would have been fine if anyone else in then entire world could fucking see him- and believe him he tried. He followed every one of his classmates around the classroom- pulling faces and yelling and nobody so much as looked up from their worksheets or glanced in his direction.

So, they were in a bit of a situation.

“you can’t ignore me forever!” he yelled, positioning himself between Katsuki and his homework.

The boy huffed putting his eyes anywhere but on Izuku and continuing to work.

“I know you can see me” he added taking the liberty to wiggle around a bit on top of Kacchan’s desk.

Still no eye contact.

Of course, not because when had Kacchan ever made anything easy.

Midoriya huffed.

Of all the people in the world that could see him; and he had to get stuck with this surly asshole who won’t even acknowledge his existence. It was stupid. He wished his mother could see him; or Iida they would at least talk to him. They wouldn’t make him feel like maybe he was crazy- maybe he was just a crazy ghost yelling at a teenage boy who couldn’t hear him at all.

He wished-

He wished he wasn’t fucking dead is what he wished.

But that option was long gone so he settled for wishing that Katsuki would just fucking answer him for once. Because he knew- he knew he had to be able to see him.

He caught him staring- when he though he wasn’t looking.

At spots that would just be blank wall- but never the same spot. Spots that only made sense to stare at because Izuku was there.

He caught him whispering things- under his breath.

Soft reassurances that he was fine- that it was the grief talking. That he wasn’t crazy.

Caught him snickering when he had all but flown through Minatas’s head- still half worried he would get stuck in the stupid grape juice balls the dumb kid had attached to him.

But after all this he still hadn’t believed a single word out of Izuku’s mouth and it was driving him mad.

He flung himself across the room, as dramatically as you can when you don’t really have legs- or arms; or body mass at all.

Just a vague outline of where those used to be.

He had been trying and nothing was getting through to this kid and he was about at his wits end.

He didn’t know what to do anymore- what do you do when you’re dead? You’re supposed to pass on- do something but he was stuck here.

He was stuck here, and he didn’t know how to get back and he didn’t know how to cross over, and he was just- stuck.

With this asshole- and his stupid rap goes country- bullshit CDs that Izuku could hardy understand, and it just made him so angry he could explode- he tried to slam his fist into the cd player willing it with all his might to just die.

He surprised himself when the contact his hand made was solid and the cd player crashed onto the floor.

“what the fuck?” Katsuki yelled “what are you doing you stupid nerd?”

“you can see me!” he had yelled back relishing the fact that he finally got Katsuki to speak to him; even if that hadn’t been the original intent; but hey he wasn’t going to complain.

“of course, I can fucking see you!” he hissed back- “you’re here all the fucking time and I can’t manage to get you to go away! You’re in my room, and following me to class, and hovering over me when I try to do my classwork I can’t even threaten to kill you because you’re supposed to already be dead!”

Katsuki sounded angry but his face betrayed him- it was pale, his normally firm unwavering stance was slightly off kilter and his breathing was uneven.

He was scared.

Izuku had scared him.

He didn’t know if he should feel bad, or laugh.

“you could have at least acknowledged I exist.” Izuku huffed.

“yeah and let everyone think I’m insane? No thank you?” Kacchan brushed him off.

Midoriya thought about it for a moment- deciding that it was fair; at least partially that Kacchan was ignoring him after all they didn’t really want Heroes that talked to their ex classmates long after they were buried. That was just on the wrong side of crazy.

But when they were here- when they were alone and nobody else was around. Well he didn’t see why he had to float around aimlessly when Kacchan could see him. Could talk to him even.

“you could just talk to me when we’re here.” He suggested- and Kacchan’s face twisted in annoyance Midoriya rushed to elaborate before he could say no. “because you’re the only one who knows I exist- and I think If I don’t talk to someone soon I’m going to explode.”

Kacchan said nothing.

But he didn’t look away from him either and Izuku couldn’t help but think that this was a point they wouldn’t come back from and he honestly didn’t know if he was happy about it or not.

“fine.” He finally muttered. “but you have to relax a little at school- you’re really distracting im going to fall behind.”

Izuku considered it a minute and then nodded. It seemed like a fair trade- he would get someone to talk to and all he had to do was be a little less distracting in class. That couldn’t be too hard.

“deal.” He replied- and he felt- happy.

He wasn’t sure what he expected would happen when he died; but he was sure it wasn’t this. He didn’t expect to be floating around as a ghost- he didn’t expect to still feel things so vividly. Like he was still- alive. Everything in life had not prepared him for this and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was somehow doing everything wrong

Because leave it to Izuku Midoriya to not even be able to die properly. Honestly- he could have messed it all up because he didn’t quite remember what happened to begin with.

One minute he was walking down the street; and he heard someone screaming for help- and he rushed down the ally to find a woman drenched in her own blood held against a wall by -someone that he couldn’t quite place. He remembers fighting- vaguely; and he remembers it being harder and harder to breath and then he remembers blacknes.

Dark. And cold- and then nothing.

The next thing he remembers is staring down at himself in a hospital bed- wires hooked up to him everywhere; beeping, and screaming and crying and so many doctors clamoring to fix it.

But- it couldn’t be fixed.

He had struggled for a little while- to figure out what was going on. Because his mother was weeping and begging him to come back and he couldn’t because he was right here.

And she just couldn’t see him, couldn’t hear him.

He would have screamed his throat raw if he could have- because he just wanted to be there. To help her.

Some fucking hero he was.

but this was his life now; or his death- he supposed.

He didn’t really know what to call it because it felt like he was sill living. He still laughed, and cried, and had panic attacks. He still wanted to learn- he still wanted to live.

It didn’t feel, final like death was supposed to feel.

And he still had Kacchan-

He didn’t know if it made it better or worse.

Because sometimes it made him forget that he was- you know.

And sometimes- sometimes that was good and other times it was terrible because he let himself forget and for a minute everything was the same.

He was still pushing himself into spaces that Kacchan didn’t want him in- still making terrible jokes and assessing everything around him. Kacchan was still calling him a stupid nerd- but was asking his opinion a little bit more; because after all he was there when he was training. Watching- so it would have been stupid not to.

And for a little while it would be beautiful- and then he would remember.

Or- he would stop pretending.

And he would realize that nothing was the same at all.

That he wasn’t a student anymore- even though he sat through the classes in the back of the room- and he wasn’t a son because his mother had lost her son and he was just a-

He was just a ghost.

Of a person who used to be a person but was now just-

He didn’t fucking know.

And that’s when it would always hit him.

The panic-

The overwhelming fear that he had no idea what he was doing- or where he was going and he didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do because ghosts aren’t supposed to be real. And he wasn’t supposed to be one and he just didn’t know how to stop- being.

The worst part about panic attacks when you’re a ghost- is that you cant breathe to calm yourself down. You just have to let it happen- and remind yourself through the haze of emotions coursing through your non corporeal frame that- the worst that could possibly happen to you.

Has already happened.

And you just have to hope it will go away.

Or at least that’s all he had figured out so far.

Except this time it just wasn’t really working- which was fine; great even because why the hell would he need to be doing anything else other than trying to breathe air into lungs that don’t exist.

And this time was worse- because Kacchan had to walk in right in the thick of it and if Midoroya wasn’t already dead he would have wished he was.

“what’s wrong?” Katsuki asked sounding almost concerned- and Midoriya should have seemed more surprised- but he wasn’t really. Because you don’t spend every waking second with someone and not grow at least a little bit attached to them

Even if you hated them before.

But he couldn’t speak.

He couldn’t find words.

And he just- floated there. Probably looking like a dead fish.

And Katsuki looked confused- and worried.

Midoriya wanted to help him but he was wrapped up in his own panic- wrapped in this preassure- tight and unrelenting and he was fucking drowning in it and he couldn’t come up for air no matter how hard he tried.

“breathe.” Kacchan reminded him.

And wasn’t that just rich.

He laughed- sharp and mocking and a little too full of spite for his liking but there Is something about dying that puts a bit of a damper on ones overwhelming optimism and he coudnt help but be a little jaded.

“I cant fucking breathe” he retorted- still laughing like maybe he had gone mad- he felt a little like he had gone mad because one second everything was crashing around him and the next everything was still crashing but he was laughing and- maybe this is what madness felt like. “im dead.” He finally finished after a good bout of laughter.

Katsuki was staring at him- like he was crazy.

Which was fair- because what teenage boy needs a fucking crazy anxiety ridden ghost of his ex classmate in his bedroom.

But then he was laughing too.

And they were both laughing- and Kacchan’s face had this way of just glowing when he laughed- he almost forgot what that looked like but here they were- and he was fucking laughing- and nothing was okay; and he was dead for gods sakes but- for a minute, it felt like it was all going to turn out alright.

Chapter Text

The arrangement they had was working; for the most part anyway. Izuku was happy; as happy as he could conceivably be- but he just wasn’t sure what was going on, wasn’t sure why he was there.

It was making his life a bit of a mess if he was honest- his death a bit of a mess?

He was a mess.

That was the point.

Because here’s the thing; when you’re alive you have goals.

Get a job, become a hero, find a husband, make a family- the whole nine. And everything you do leads up to those goals. You study to pass hero school- you pass hero school to get a job- being a hero- you go on dates to find a boyfriend- you date your boyfriend who becomes your husband who becomes the daddy to your adorable babies and you all live happily ever after.

But Izuku couldn’t be a hero.

He could go to school and sit in the back absorbing everything same as everyone else- but he couldn’t be recruited to an agency or anything.

And he couldn’t date- or make babies or anything like that.

Hell, he couldn’t even read a book without Kacchan’s help turning the pages.

They had almost worked that one out though because Izuku would just stand near by him and read as he read, and it would work out okay—but that was besides the point.

The point was that he had no goal.

And at this point it seemed like he was doomed to float aimlessly through the world- not knowing when it will end or what will happen and that thought- it made him feel so insignificant that it hurt.

He tried not to think about it- but that only served to make him think about it more.

“stop thinking so hard nerd- you’re fucking with the lights again.” Kacchan scolded- body slumped over his desk- face pressed too close to the papers before him. He really should just wear his glasses but every time Izuku suggested that he spat back about how ‘glasses are for nerds and I don’t have time for that shit’

“sorry.” Izuku replied, sheepishly attempting to scratch at the back of his neck and feeling nothing against his hand- he would never get used to that.

“don’t be- “he replied “just stop doing it.”

Midoriya nodded, ghosting over to Kacchan’s chair and peeking over his shoulder- he should let him work he thought to himself silently. Some people still have work to do. Just because he was stuck in a meaningless and dull existence with no prospects for a proper future didn’t mean he could go around messing other peoples up.

“you think too loud.”

Panic.

Small and low but still panic that bit at the bottom of his spine and rushed up into his neck- making him; uncomfortable and squirmy.

Because he hadn’t even done anything- and Katsuki hadn’t even looked at him.

Honestly there was no way for him to even know he was standing so close or a reason for him to be bothered by it. But here they were.

“sorry.” He started but Katsuki cut him off.

“stop apologizing- just tell me what you’re thinking. Its obviously bugging you.” He replied still not glancing away from the paper he was writing on- quirks and their uses in business?

That was a hell of a topic.

Izuku sighed- where should he even start?

“do you have- goals?” he asked knowing that was a stupid question the second he said it- he wanted to back track, but he didn’t he just left the words hanging there in the air.

Katsuki’s brow furrowed a bit and he set his pencil own and turned to look at Izuku for the first time.

“what the fuck are you on about?” he asked.

“I mean- “Izuku started, honestly not too sure himself what he was on about. “obviously you do- but like; I don’t know what makes you do what you do? Because I feel like- I just; I lost all of it. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore- and I like hanging out with you. But I’m sure you’re going to get sick of me always hanging around in your shadows- and right now its fine at least for a little bit but—you’re going to keep going and keep working. You’re going to finish school and become a hero and get married and what? Am I supposed to just follow you around for the rest of your life?”

He felt hot- a sharp contrast to the way he had felt for the past couple months; something inside him burned and it radiated, something. Pain- and hurt and confusion and- he didn’t know what else. It made him feel- heavy.

All he knew as he couldn’t stand to look at Katsuki while he waited for his response, honestly, he wasn’t sure he could hear the response at all.

He could hear him- breathing. And then he could hear footsteps across the hardwood floor until he was standing right behind him- body radiating heat. And then-

He could feel him?

Which was- impossible he wasn’t supposed to be able to do that, but Katsuki’s hand was resting on his shoulder and it just- stopped there. Like he was real-

He whipped around, and they just stared at one another in disbelief.

“I- “he started. “how?”

Katsuki gaped at him “I don’t- I- you were talking- and then you were fucking glowing; and then you were- you again.” He supplied.

And Midoriya looked down at himself to see that he had in fact gained some opacity.

He wasn’t alive by a long shot- but he was; solid.

He could touch things, he walked over to the shelf, reveling in the fact that his footsteps made a faint sound on the wood below him and picked up a book.

With his hands- he picked up a book and turned the pages.

“what does this mean?” he asked Kacchan- flabbergasted.

“I- don’t know.” Katsuki replied, still staring at him with a look of shock-

He didn’t know what to say- he didn’t know what to do, only that this was fucking amazing and he didn’t want it to end.

But of course, because the universe is a fickle bitch and nothing in the world is fair.

The book fell through his hand and onto the floor.

Because of course it did.

Kacchan frowned.

“I’m transparent again, aren’t I? Izuku asked.

And Katsuki nodded at him.

“of fucking course, I am.” He threw his hands up in the air and floated angrily to the corner he had pretty much claimed as his own. “why wouldn’t I be.”

Katsuki laughed.

And Midoriya had half a mind to strangle him- but firstly, he couldn’t kill the only person capable of seeing him he would get bored, and secondly, he couldn’t murder anyone with his stupid useless ghost hands.

“Deku,” Kacchan said, and Midoriya turned around to face him. “don’t be stupid.”

Midoriya glared at him in response

Katsuki just shrugged in response and threw himself onto his bed, peeling his shirt from his abdomen and Izuku tried not to stare but it got increasingly more difficult every day to pretend that he didn’t notice that Katsuki was fucking beautiful.

He was sure he wouldn’t appreciate the statement- and he had never said it loud, but it was overwhelmingly true.

The lights turned out and he sighed to himself, this was the worst part of the day because entertaining himself for hours was almost impossible.

Usually Katsuki would switch the television on for him so he could at least have something to do while he slept but tonight he didn’t do that.

“you’re thinking again.” He spoke out into the darkness; and Midoriya frowned.

“is that illegal all the sudden?”

“only if you could be telling me what you’re thinking instead.” Kacchan replied- and it sounded almost sincere, like he actually cared.

“you never tell me what you’re thinking.” He retorted, almost hesitantly because it was possible that he was really pushing his luck here and that Kacchan would just revert back to pretending he didn’t exist and willing him to just go away.

“that you’re a nerd.” He joked back; malice that used to linger in his words long gone. He sighed, and Izuku could hear himself pushing himself back into a somewhat seated position against his pillows.

Midoriya wanted to know- what he was thinking, what he was going to say next. Anything. Everything.

But he didn’t press it- because he knew that if he did he would probably do more harm than good. So, they sat there for a while in silence. Katsuki’s even breaths the only sound in the otherwise silent room, finally broken by his willingness to answer.

“you- were always kind of my goal.” He half whispered- but to Izuku it was the loudest sound in the world. If he had a heart, it would have stopped- so he supposed he should have been thankful that he was dead already, so he didn’t have to suffer the fate a second time.

Silence again.

The words hung in the air all around them, but he didn’t dare speak- there was more. He knew it, he just had to wait for it to come.

“I wanted to beat you- To be the best hero, and to prove to you that I had finally done it. Hell, sometimes I wanted to be you; because fucking everyone loves you- loved you.” He corrected, voice going suddenly gravely as he did. “I don’t know how you did it, but I never met a single person that didn’t love you.”

Midoriya was shocked- but he didn’t dare interrupt.

“but then you fucking died- “he continued- sounding more broken than Izuku had ever heard him in life or death, “and for a minute I forgot who I was- and who I wanted to be- I lost that goal, but then you were here, and it was so confusing, and I’m still really lost.”

He sighed.

“but- I don’t want you to think you’re getting in the way, because without you I’m not sure there would be anything to get in the way of anymore.”

He didn’t know what to say to that- because what the fuck do you even say to that.

But he floated over to the bedside and turned himself horizontal beside Katsuki, sending a chill down the other boy’s spine.

“I don’t know what to say.” He replied honestly.

“of course, you don’t- fucking nerd.” Kacchan managed and it wasn’t until that moment Izuku realized that there were tear tracks racing their way down his cheeks and he wanted nothing more than to be able to reach out and wipe them away.

Laid there silently for a bit- before deciding he should probably go elsewhere and let Katsuki sleep.

He attempted to leave when Kacchan glared daggers at him.

“don’t you dare.” He hissed.

And Izuku laughed and resumed his horizontal position hovering slightly above Katsuki’s bed.

“someone’s clingy.” He teased.

“fuck off.” Katsuki retaliated, but he wiggled down into his blanket and flipped onto the side closest to Midoriya- close but not touching.

And Izuku smiled at the heat that radiated from him; content with the fact that for now- he had found himself a goal.

He was going to figure out how he had managed to turn himself solid tonight- he was going to figure it out and master it because the next time Katsuki cried- he would wipe the tears away with his own hands.

That he was sure of.

Chapter Text

Midoriya had absolutely no idea what the fuck he was doing- and the internet was absolutely no help. Turns out that nobody actually knew what the fuck ghosts did- they were all just guessing and- usually incorrectly.

There was no internet forum for “what to do to make my ghost ass solid again”.

Because of course there wasn’t- why would there be. That would be too damn easy for him and that wasn’t the way things worked for him. He huffed slightly frustrated- taking the time to float away from the computer screen.

He had gotten nowhere on the grounds of turning himself solid again- though he had been capable of minor possession in the last few days- just tiny things- the lamp- the figurine- the cd player.

That one had been fun-

It had taken Katsuki a while to notice his disappearance and even longer to equate it to why his cd player was messing up all his music and refusing to work properly.

They had a laugh about it.

Things had shifted slightly between them since that night, not drastically- just enough.

Whatever lingering animosity there was between them when all of this insanity started- seemed to be replaced. They still argued- but they ended in laughter and not tears. they talked more- well Kacchan talked more- Izuku talked about the same amount, just now he listened too.

Because now Katsuki would tell him things- Small things, but still enough to make him think that maybe he kind of trusted him.

It was tenuous- and terrifying but Izuku was happy- it was stupid but now he was glad that Katsuki had been the one who could see him.

“what are you thinking about?” Kacchan asked.

He had been doing that a lot lately- asking.

What Midoriya thought or felt- it made him feel- he didn’t know what. He couldn’t find the right word for it- accepted? Elated? Loved?

None of those were quite right.

“that I’m happy you can see me.” He replied as nonchalantly as he could. He didn’t want to go around sounding all sappy- it was hard enough to literally be dead- living with a boy who used to hate you but now kind of didn’t hate you but you were kind of falling in love with- he didn’t need Kacchan to know all of that.

Katsuki nodded- turning his attention back to the novel he was reading on his bed- it wasn’t one Izuku was particularly interested in- so he had taken to attempting google.

Not that he could do any of it on his own- but cool enough if Katsuki spoke to google- she would search for whatever he wanted- so he didn’t even have to get out of bed and fix it all on the laptop for him.

They were getting scary good at this.

He looked up from the laptop to find Kacchan staring at him- really intensely.

“woah!” he let out- attempting to diffuse whatever tension had just emerged.

“why?” Katsuki asked- eyes still burning a hole in Izuku’s soul- “why can I see you?”

Honestly- in the last little while Izuku hadn’t given that too much thought-. He should have; obviously because it was strange that only Katsuki could see him but honestly, he had just brushed it off as Katsuki’s secret paranormal instinct.

But- now that he thought about it- it had been three months. And Kacchan hadn’t seen another ghost- Izuku hadn’t seen one either. He knew they had to exist- logically- he was one. So, there should have been more.

Why weren’t there more?

Why were they the only ones-

Heat rose from his shoulders into his neck making him tense up- he didn’t understand, and it was just so fucking frustrating!

“Uh- Deku- “Kacchan started from the bed.

“I don’t know! I’m thinking about it!” he responded aggravated.

“that’s not what I mean idiot- You’re- you again” he said standing up off the bed and taking the few steps over to where Izuku was standing- he reached his hand out and placed it on Izuku’s chest.

Solid.

“mother fuck!” Izuku yelled out- “of course it would be- why couldn’t I turn solid when I’m happy- or I don’t know anything else- of course I have to pull a full-on Bruce Banner and only not be useless when I’m fucking angry!”

He turned away from Kacchan- missing the touch instantly but knowing if he allowed it to stay there it would calm him and all of this would just go away- he didn’t look at his reaction- he didn’t want to know.

“can you see other ghosts?” he finally asked- anger simmering down to strong frustration- and he was sure that soon it would diminish entirely because he wasn’t good at being angry. He was good at being hopeful- at finding ways out of things- at being scared- and anxious- and generally uncomfortable- but he hated the way anger brushed off on the people around you. Making them feel small and guilty when they have done nothing to provoke it.

He hated it more than anything- and he spent his whole life trying to avoid it- and of course it would be what triggered the one thing he was trying his hardest to accomplish because it was just the one part of himself he didn’t want to let take control.

“no.” Kacchan offered after a long moment of thought- “can you?”

“I should be able to, shouldn’t I?” he sighed, wrapping is arms round himself and revealing for a moment in the fact that he almost felt it- but it was fading.

He turned back around to face Kacchan- “it wouldn’t make sense if I couldn’t”

Kacchan looked more concerned than angry- and honestly that was just funny because they had switched roles now hadn’t they- he was flying off the handle- wanting to destroy things. And Kacchan was just standing there worried about him.

He almost laughed.

He almost cried.

He reached out instead, hand wrapping itself around Kacchan’s wrist. Feeling the pulse against his fingers was enough to diminish his anger but it was enough to remind him why he was doing all of this as well.

“there are always more questions than answers.” He supplied, letting his again transparent arm drop down to his side.

Kacchan frowned at him- looking like he was going to say something- but he didn’t.

Neither did Izuku.

Because there wasn’t really anything to say- nothing that would make any of this better- any less confusing- any less frustrating.

He didn’t know what they were going to do anymore- what he would do anymore- it seemed like the more questions they answered the more appeared.

Izuku wished he knew what he was doing- but the truth was he was still just a teenager- struggling through life and now struggling through death.

And fuck was it a hell of a mess.

Chapter Text

Izuku thought maybe it was too morbid- but sometimes he liked to go to his own grave. He would sit there in the silence and try to remember what it had been like to be alive- because he had been- so alive.

And he knew he should have been proud about the way he lived his life, but he couldn’t help but kind of hate himself- he had made all of his decisions based on who he wanted to be in the future. On who he would become one day- which seems fine when you’re doing it.

Until you’re sixteen years old- and dead- and haunting the boy you just now realized you want to spend the rest of your life with- but that life is gone and all you ever did was work towards a goal you will never achieve.

Yeah- maybe it was morbid.

And depressing.

And he probably shouldn’t do it- but; he was there like clockwork every Wednesday morning. His mother went to work early on Wednesdays and it was the only day she didn’t come. He shouldn’t have been so keen to avoid her- but the hurt in her eyes was just too much to bear.

So, he came when he knew nobody else was around- when his friends from school were in class- and his mother was buried under a mountain of papers- and he could be alone- just him and his dead body to think about all the things he regretted about his life.

He wondered sometimes how he died- he figured it would have come back to him by now- but it was still just an empty space in his mind. Sometimes he would get flashes- little bits of memories- the scream was what stood out to him the most.

There had been a woman- she was so distraught in so much pain and she had cried out- begging- his blood had turned cold when he heard it.

He knew he had run to her- he knew that there was- someone.

But he didn’t- he couldn’t remember who it was. He couldn’t see them in his mind and it only served to frustrate him more because he felt like he would never know.

His cause of death had been listed in the newspaper as “Villain inflicted casualty.”- because he was a minor they hadn’t gone into much more detail. They mentioned only that he had been found by another classmate- and was transferred to the closest hospital where he lost his battle minutes later. Instead they focused on the life he could have lived had it not been stripped away from him so early. Listing testimonies from his friends- his mother- All Might himself telling what a bight star he could have been.

It all seemed so stupid now.

Being a bright star- being a good boy- not giving into the things he wanted because he would have everything he wanted if he just worked for it. He would be a hero- and everything else would come after that- he didn’t need a boyfriend- they distracted from school- he didn’t need to see the world; pro heroes saw the world enough he would see it when he was done training.

He didn’t have time to see that film with his mother- or go shopping with his dad- or do fucking anything because he was so set on the future he couldn’t see the present and now he couldn’t see anything but the present and he didn’t know what to do with it.

He stayed there much longer than he had intended to- eyes glued onto the tree they had buried him beside. He was thankful for that- it was a very beautiful place to rest. He didn’t notice as the lights slowly faded, and the grass developed dew around him. It wasn’t until a voice pulled him from his head he even noticed he had spent the whole day in one spot- completely in his own head.

“come home.” Was all he had said- and it easy really all he had needed to say- because Izuku did just that.

Only when they were safe inside Katsuki’s room did it really occur to him to ask- he had to know more than the news paper had told him- maybe it would be a bit of a- rough question but he kind of felt like he deserved to know.

“how did I die?” he blurted out- and they were both sitting cross legged on the bed face to face- Izuku had been watching Katsuki read- he did that a lot- watch him do everything but mostly Kacchan liked to read and Izuku liked watching him.

Katsuki finished reading the sentence he was on- before setting the book down on his nightstand and turning his attention back to Izuku.

“you don’t know?” he asked- and had it been a few months ago Izuku would have taken it as an insult to his intelligence, like he thought Izuku was the dumbest person on earth for not even being able to remember how the fuck he died. It wasn’t like that now- it made him uncomfortable honestly- how real they had become in the last little while.

Unguarded. Like there was something.

But there wasn’t something.

And there never could be.

So, he let himself brush those thoughts away and bring his attention back to the conversation at hand. “I only know what they said in the paper- everything else Is just a blank.”

Katsuki nodded but looked uncomfortable like he knew this conversation was coming but had not been looking forward to it in the least.

“They- uh. The Villain they don’t really know what his quirk was. Only that he had been trying to attack someone else in the alley that night. It wasn’t far from here- so they think you were walking home.” Katsuki’s voice broke a little but he continued on- “they haven’t found him yet- but he hadn’t hurt her yet if you’re worried about that. You saved her; they took her to the hospital with you, but she wasn’t even injured. She was released the next day.”

Midoriya nodded- he was happy for that at least; to know she was fine- would be fine.

“by the time I got there though- he had:” he cut himself of because his voice was wavering, and he took a deep breath. “you weren’t dead, but you were hardly breathing and I couldn’t get you to talk to me-”

Midoriya wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold his hand- but he couldn’t, and he hated the man who had taken that from him. But he waited- For Kacchan to be okay with speaking more because he was sure there was more.

“He wasn’t gone either- “he added after taking a few steadying breaths; “but I couldn’t get you out of there quickly enough- and I fucking let him go because I had to get you somewhere safe. And there was blood- so much blood. I didn’t know that people contained that much blood. I- I was too late; I think they knew that when they took you to the hospital. They stopped the bleeding- and they had you hooked up to so many machines, and every recovery hero in the country was called in but- he just did too much damage.”

Fuck.

“I didn’t know.” Midoriya started, but Katsuki interrupted him.

“we had to talk about it sometime.” He said shortly- wiping the tears from his eyes with his palms and pushing himself farther back on the bed. “I’m sorry.”

Midoriya followed him to the head of the bed, settling himself there next to him- he knew he couldn’t- that there wasn’t much comforting he could do like this, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to fucking try.

“its not your fault.” He supplied after a few moments- letting his mind float back to that first week when he had treated Kacchan so harshly- like he had no right to ignore him and he was overwhelmed with guilt. “none of this is your fault.”

“I should have gotten there sooner.” He mumbled into his pillow-

“hey!” Izuku admonished lightly- “there is no way that any of this is your fault- you can’t save everyone; it’s not possible. You just have to keep trying and save the next person tomorrow.”

Katsuki looked at him- his eyes were ringed with red, tears still welled up in the corners despite the amount of times he had pushed them away.

“I don’t care about the person tomorrow- I wanted to save you.” He whispered. “I want you to come back.”

The tears flowed freely down his face now- and he knew- he was the only person to have ever seen Katsuki like this. Seen him in a way he considered weak- seen him broken- and beaten- and he had never felt more privileged – and more terrified all at the same time.

“I wish I could.” He answered, reaching his hand outward and hoovering it over Katsuki’s arm; close enough that he could feel the heat radiating from his skin. “there is nothing I want more in the world.”

They laid like that- silence only interrupted by Katsuki’s light sobs until he slowly drifted off into sleep. Izuku eventually sat up pulling his knees to his chest- He wasn’t sure he was going to make it though all of this- wasn’t sure he should even be here. All he knew is that by being here he was making Katsuki’s life worse. Making it impossible for him to move on.

He spent the rest of the night wondering if the world would in fact be better if he just disappeared from it entirely.

Chapter Text

Izuku tried not to be worried- he really did- but it really wasn’t like Katsuki to come home late- sure maybe fifteen- twenty minutes- but never hours. He was never out past dark- and for some reason it was almost nine pm. and Kacchan was nowhere to be found.

It was upsetting.

More than upsetting- it was wrong really fucking wrong and he could feel it in every inch of him because something was just not okay.

He didn’t even know where to look- where to start.

Where the fuck could he be.

Where the fuck had he gone.

He hated to assume the worst- but he couldn’t help it. There was something really wrong here- and he needed to fix it.

He didn’t know what to do though- because what the hell was he supposed to do- he couldn’t ask someone for help and he had no idea what the hell to do or where to go and he was starting to freak the fuck out.

He could check the school- or maybe- fuck.

He didn’t know what the hell Kacchan did when he wasn’t home- all he did lately was go to school- and then come home and spend his day with Izuku.

Why hadn’t he asked him what he did in his spare time- what did.

But he hadn’t been doing anything lately- which admittedly was weird, and he realized now- too late- that by existing at all he was tearing Katsuki away from the real world where he belonged and wrapping him in this unhealthy relationship they shared, and it really wasn’t fair to either of them.

But that wasn’t the problem right now- the problem was that Kacchan was fucking missing and he couldn’t breath- and he was being crushed under the realization that there was no way this wasn’t his fault- and he couldn’t breathe- why couldn’t he breathe- how was he supposed to calm down If he couldn’t breathe.

It wasn’t fair-

None of it was fair and none of it made any sense.

He was having a panic attack- he knew that, and he tried to do all the things he normally did to pull himself out- but he couldn’t touch the things that grounded him, couldn’t place his hand on his stomach and feel the way it moved when he breathed in an out-

He couldn’t count his own heartbeats.

Why did all his coping mechanisms have to be so ingrained in life.

He cursed himself mentally- trying to pull himself from the hazy fog anxiety had cast over his being. He tried to focus on anything else. His mind kept throwing back in his face that Katsuki wasn’t here- that he couldn’t listen to the boy’s heartbeat in place of his own.

Finally, he found solace in the ticking of the analog clock hanging in the hall- he counted the clicks as the seconds delved deeper into the evening.

He wasn’t calm by any sense of the word- and it felt like every inch of him was on fire. But he was better; which honestly said quite a bit about how bad he had been to begin with.

Hours pass before the phone rings- Izuku is still floating around trying to think of where Katsuki could be when it rolls over to the voicemail box.

“Izuku- darling. It’s been a while.” A poisonous voice seeped from out of the message box. “I’m not sure you remember me- but I could never forget you. After all my sweet; I did kill you. Ahaha.”

The man on the other side of the line laughed- slow and drawling and terrifying and it made Izuku shudder just to hear.

“it seems to me that I have something- or someone you might be interested in seeing again- say hello my pet.”

The sound of a receiver being shuffled rang out- and then-

“don’t fucking do it you stupid nerd! Whatever this asshole wants fro- “Katsuki cut off with a pained groan indicating that someone had injured him- and Izuku was feeling a million emotions build up inside him.

He was- angry; and fucking terrified- and confused but most importantly-he was fucking ready to kill this bastard once and for all.

“now; now- that won’t do at all.” The voice rang out- “apologies Izuku my love- it seems you keep rather- volatile company. Regardless of that fact- it seems we should be able to come to some sort of an- arrangement.”

Static streamed into the phone- and out into Izuku’s ears- silence filling him with dread as he waited for the continuation.

“meet us at 32nd and Broad- fourth building to the right- all the way in the sub-basement. You have one hour to get here- or I start cutting pieces from this- charming- young gentleman.”

The dial tone pierced his unbeating heart like a spear.

He tried to wrap his head around it

Someone had kidnapped Katsuki.

Someone had managed to kidnap Katsuki Bakugou and he was expected to go find him and save him- as a ghost. If they had managed to subdue Kacchan there was no way- not even if he was still alive that he was a match for them.

He floated around the room freaking out-

What the actual fuck was he going to do?

Chapter Text

Izuku knew he didn’t have any option but to go where they wanted him to go- it was a trap. Of course it was a trap. He knew that- but it didn’t change anything.

This fucking asshole had come into his house and taken his—his Kacchan. That wasn’t something he was just going to roll over and allow. Even if there wasn’t too much he could do he had to fucking try, he had to do something.

Which is why he was floating outside the door to the sub-basement in the sketchiest part of the city- the part nobody ever wanted to talk about. Where villains outnumbered heroes 2-1 and try as hard as they might- they never seemed to be able to catch all of them.

He tried to settle himself- calm his nerves a little and then pushed his way into the room.

The first thing he noticed is that it was dark- not impossible to see but not easy either. There was dim lighting coming from the right-hand corner and he found himself gravitating to it.

The second thing he noticed- is that there was nobody there.

He fought back against the urge to yell out for Katsuki- he didn’t know who they were up against here- didn’t know who they were or what they could do.

Could they see him?

Could they hurt him?

Questions floated around his brain feverishly brawling one another for his attention. But he pushed them all backwards.

Katsuki,

Katsuki was all that was important. He needed to find him. It didn’t matter di hey could see him, id they could hurt him because they had Katsuki and they could see him, and they could hurt him and Izuku needed to get to him before that murdering piece of shit did something Izuku couldn’t repair.

A tiny and terrible part of his brain supplied him with the thought that maybe--- that wouldn’t be so bad; they could be together then.

But he pushed it back- back as far as it could go. Guilt bubbling up deep inside him for even having thought about it. He was horrible- truly horrible and he deserved to burn for eternity.

He found himself standing at another door; and pushed his way through that one as well.

This room was brighter, and not nearly as empty.

A man stood right in front of him- inches away really and the conversation he continued to have with the person on the other side of the phone indicated that he had no noticed Izuku’s arrival.

Good- that was good- he floated around the man trying to take in the rest of the room- it seemed empty other than the man and the large cage in the corner- there was a dark object hanging from the ceiling inside the cage and his stomach twisted in anticipation of finding out what that—object was.

He pushed forward- eyes adjusting to the lack of light cascading over this part of the room- before finally making out what was hanging from the chains.

He suppressed the urge to cry out in anguish. Katsuki’s arms were twisted above his head- wrists bound together and wrapped around a thick chain attaching him to the ceiling. His feet dangled just inches above the cement floor- Izuku knew that if his body was still capable of it he would have vomited at the sight.

Izuku couldn’t see Kacchan’s eyes- his neck was flopped forward, chin pressed flush to his chest. He looked like a rag doll that had been torn away from too many children but Izuku could hear the shallow breaths- and see his chest moving with them.

“Kacchan- “he had let escape from his lips against his better judgment- reaching out for him but knowing it would be no good. Sure, the bars wouldn’t keep them apart- but he couldn’t do anything once he got in there.

A second glance at Katsuki confirmed his suspicions that he was unconscious- and Midoriya was confused because the guard had suddenly turned his attention to him

Fuck.

He could see him.

Well- he thought- he might as well use it to his advantage.

The fire that was in his chest burned with a heat he hadn’t felt since he had been alive- “is that your boss? He asked causing the man’s face to grow panicked in an isn’t” I’m going to take that as a yes.” He replied- taking steps towards him with a confidence he didn’t even know he contained but flowed from him more naturally than anything ever had. He smirked- energy pouring into his every limb- his veins were on fire.

Being solid like this- it took a lot of attention- but nothing had ever felt so right. He knew however if he let himself get too comfortable- let himself slip for even a second it would begin to wane.

He tried to focus on the resentment and rage that had filled his soul upon first seeing Katsuki like that-.

He let venom seep into every word- the only thoughts flashing through his mind were images of the boy to his right- tortured- and broken- bruises scattering his arms- unconscious body limp again the shadows.

It was more than enough. “alright you fucking asshole- you wanted me here and you got me- come out from your hiding spot” he yelled out into the darkness-

The guard seemed to have brushed off his initial confusion and sorted himself out a bit.

It took significantly longer than Izuku thought it should have and he was honestly a bit offended that they had left him such a beginner to play with.

The man started running at him- uncovering his wrist and pressing a button on the device on his wrist which emitted a high-pitched noise- it made him uncomfortable for sure- but it wasn’t debilitation- he wondered vaguely what else that device could manage to do- a but he knew it wasn’t going to be something he would have time to find out.

It made him feel tense- and heavy and he wanted that feeling to end as quickly as possible- he gave a brief moment of thought to the idea that it was possible he would have attacked the man even if he hadn’t swung first.

It wasn’t something the old Izuku would have done- but he didn’t have the luxury of being the old Izuku now.

This was who he was.

This was who he had to be.

he laughed at the man “Is that all you’ve got?” he taunted “my mother’s got more bite than you.”

Izuku reared back and swung his fist harshly into the man’s chest- knuckles digging harshly into his sternum and sending him backwards into the wall.

It knocked the breath out of him and Izuku took advantage of that fact to grab the man by his neck and lift him up against the wall.

“where is he?” he hissed through his teeth, “We have some business to talk about.”

He had forgotten how good it felt to hit things- and he let himself slide backwards towards happiness for a moment too long because he felt his hand beginning to tingle like it did when he returned to being a ghost.

He shook the feeling off- returning to his stare down of the guard whose heartbeat pulsed against his grip.

Though he was close to slipping into unconsciousness the man stared him right in his eye- before spitting directly in his face.

If he hadn’t been mad before- he was now.

He clenched his hand harder- cutting off all blood supply to his body- and dropping him on the floor when he passed out.

He dragged his arm across his face clearing it of the man’s saliva- say what you want about this man- but he appeared to inspire loyalty on a level Izuku had rarely encountered before.

This guy was good- after all it wasn’t just anyone who was capable of kidnapping Kacchan – and even fewer who were capable of killing a UA student and getting away with it.

Too bad for him though- Izuku was better.

Izuku reached into the guard’s pocket and searched around for anything that could help him out- it was stupid to assume he would have a map, but it was possible-

‘ah’ he thought with a grin, ‘perfect. ‘

He pulled a small knife out of the man’s leather pocket. That could prove to be helpful.

So far there was no sign of the man- or any other back up. It was safe to assume that he was either hiding somewhere very safe- or that he didn’t assume Izuku was a threat.

Either one made him angry.

He glanced down at the crumpled man by his boots.

“should I finish him off?” he yelled out into the distance “will that get your attention?”

He was hesitant to try to get Katsuki out of the cell- once he started he wanted them to have a straight shot out of here- it felt too much like a trap to put Kacchan in the line of fire with him.

No when they left here- he didn’t want anyone to be able to follow them.

“Maybe not- you don’t seem entirely fond of him. Though it is always worth a try.” He taunted- relying on the assumption that someone was listening he bent back over the man- knife glistening in his palm.

“Oh, Izuku my sweet- I didn’t know you could be so dark.” A chilling voice rang out from behind him.

Well- he had asked for his attention and now he had it.

“something about dying will do that to you.” He spat- turning around to face the man.

He was just a grungy outline in a dim room at this point- but even that made Izuku uncomfortable. His skin looked dull- and too well worn for his body. His eyes didn’t shine with the same life as others- as any other he had met in his life and he had to fight the urge to avert his own eyes.

Instead he stared at him- anger streaming out of every pore in his body.

The man laughed at him- high pitched and petrifying.

Izuku got the feeling that never in his life had he faced someone so truly evil.

“I suppose it is only fair that you hold some resentment for me- but I do have a proposition of sorts for you- so if perhaps we could bury those thoughts for the moment and try to behave civilly.” He replied- taking a step forward into the light.

His body was more terrifying the more you could see of it—Izuku fought a shudder at the sight.

“ah yes- horrifying isn’t it?” he noted- “I suppose that is the price one has to pay for reanimating bodies of the dead.”

Izuku wanted to vomit.

“you see- I- unlike you do not possess the unique ability to turn myself solid- actually for most of my life I didn’t believe I had a quirk at all. It wasn’t until late one night when I passed through what I thought to be an abandoned alleyway that I figured it out.”

The man’s long since dry tongue slipped out as if to attempt to wet his chapped lips- he seemed feral with hunger- And Izuku was torn between needing to know more- and shoving the dagger into his brain stem.

“you see I can absorb the spirit that a person leaves behind- and I can use that energy to re animate their corpse and will it to do my bidding- cool right?” he explained excitedly as if he actually thought Izuku would find it cool. “anyway- you were meant to be no different- cut your insides out- maybe have a little snack- watch the life drain out of your beautiful eyes- and then borrow your body until it grew old. That is until that little bastard over there decided to get right in the way. I’ll admit it did make it a little harder to track you down- not being able to see you. But I managed- I couldn’t be sure you were with him- after all I had no way of telling if you even realized he was the last one to see you- or if you had concluded what that would mean.”

Izuku’s eyes darted over to Katsuki’s almost lifeless body in the corner and then back to the man animating the corpse in front of him- he was a whirlwind of emotions- anger- frustration- fear-.

“I had almost abandoned all hope of getting my hands on you- after all animating your corpse at this point really isn’t worth it- but then we saw it- saw this!” he exclaimed gesturing to Izuku’s body- “I almost didn’t believe it until they gave me the proof- in all my years I have never seen this.” He commented. He stepped forward – crowding into Izuku’s space.

His throat felt tight and raw- he was- too close. The hairs on Izuku’s arms stood on end.
“now- this is where the proposal part comes in- are you listening; hero Deku?” he drawled out the last part, while circling around Izuku’s shoulders.

His urge to tear the man to shreds had never been stronger than when those words slipped from between his lips. But he wasn’t entirely sure that a pocket knife was enough to kill the undead.

“I have something you want” he said gesturing over to the cage where they left Katsuki hanging- “and I want- you.”

Izuku furrowed his brow angrily- gripping the knife against his sweaty palm.

“absorbing the power, you have will do nothing but make me stronger- and in turn- I will release this young man without harming another hair on his head.”

“how do I know that’s true?” Izuku asked.

His thoughts were running a mile a minute- he didn’t know how to fight his way out of this- or think his way out of it. He- he didn’t know what to do.

And as much as he hated to say it- this seemed like- maybe it was the solution he had been looking for. Like- maybe this was all meant to happen in the first place and he had just been putting off the inevitable.

It wasn’t that he wanted to die- it was just that he was already dead.

And-

And that Katsuki deserved better in his life than being haunted by his memory.

“you will just have to trust me.” The villain laughed- “though- I think you’ll find the decision isn’t as hard to make as you think it is. After all- he would be better off without you.”

Chapter Text

It was a trap- clearly it was a fucking trap. He wasn’t even trying to disguise the fact that it was a trap. Izuku wondered briefly if that meant it wasn’t in fact a trap. Because most traps don’t come right out and say- hey join my creepy undead army and let me preform invasive experiments on your undead body-

He wanted to laugh- at how stupid this had all become. This wasn’t what his life was supposed to be-Him was sixteen years old! He was supposed to be laughing with his friends- and having anxiety about asking his crush to the movies, not begging a psychopath to set him free from chains.

He wasn’t supposed to be here.

He wasn’t supposed to be dead.

Wishful thinking, right?

“okay- fine. Let him go and I’ll do whatever you want” Izuku answered- completely unsure of everything that was going on, but he didn’t feel like he had much of an option. Also, it wasn’t like Katsuki was going to miss him too badly- he was already dead. It wasn’t like- there was no way they could be what Izuku wanted them to be.

Their relationship- it was unhealthy. It was born out of grief and necessity- he clung to Kacchan because he was the only one in the world he could cling to- and if he didn’t stop- he was sure he would drive the other boy mad.

It had already happened hadn’t it? He never had friends over- never went out. He went to school- and came home and read novels in bed with Izuku- completely blocking out any life he could have been living- should have been living because Izuku needed him. Because Izuku was fucking selfish.

“Izuku- “a strained voice called out in the distance and his head snapped up- heart calling out in his chest- Kacchan.

It went against every fiber of his being not to run to him- not to reach out and touch him- to try to make him feel better.

But they were in the middle of some- tense- negotiations. So, he only allowed his eyes to venture over to Katsuki- the sight still made his stomach twist in discomfort- and anger wash over him like a waterfall.

“don’t- “he coughed out- words coming out broken and raw- like his voice just wouldn’t do what he wanted it to and the thought of it broke Izuku’s heart into a million piece. What had they done to him? He knew Katsuki wasn’t one to go quietly- getting him to a point where he could be held captive.

Izuku shuddered just thinking about it.

It was no easy task.

Beating down a spirit like that- Izuku was almost certain Bakugou would rather die than give up. That was one of the things Izuku loved about him, one of the things he wanted to keep loving about him.

He steeled himself.

“let him go.” He repeated, “I’ll do whatever you want but- You have to let him go.”

The creepy necromancer nodded, pressing a button on his watch that summoned more henchmen. They shuffled into the room and started over to the cage before Izuku could find the words.

“No!” he yelled out, “I mean- just- let me do it.” He offered, still trying to focus on how fucking angry he was at these people for doing this to Kacchan.

He glanced at his murderer- who shrugged.

This guy- was fucking weird.

But he seemed to be rather lenient and Izuku was going to take advantage of that.

He entered the cage after the henchperson unlocked the gate, struggling with the chains that held Katsuki up until he got them to release and lower Katsuki to the ground.

“are you alright?” he whispered, pulling him up into his arms and looking into his eyes.

Katsuki found his feet okay.

Good Izuku thought, he was better off than Deku thought he was.

He didn’t reply though- he just stared blankly at Izuku like he expected him to pull some crazy ass plan out of nowhere and save them both.

But he didn’t have a crazy plan. He didn’t even have a plan at all. He just wanted to fucking save Katsuki- after that, nothing mattered.

Katsuki slumped against him slightly and he felt a pain of anguish in his heart knowing this was the last time he would ever touch him- ever hold him.

He wrapped his arms tighter around Kacchan and didn’t let go until it was clear he was making it difficult for the older boy to breathe.

“I’ll have one of my men escort him home; though I am afraid my pet that I cannot in due conscience let you both leave together. I may be lenient but I’m far from stupid.”

Izuku wasn’t naïve enough to think he would have been allowed to take Katsuki home and tuck him in safely- but he didn’t know how else to make him safe.

“fine.” He replied reluctantly handing Katsuki over to the black clad man to his left.

Its for his own good

Its for his own good.

It for his own. Good.

He reminded himself over and over as he watched the pain flash through Katsuki’s eyes.

“you stupid fuck! Get your hands of me!” he spat, eyes finding Deku’s as he attempted to shake himself from the goon’s grip. “Deku you dumbass, we need to fight. That’s what heroes do! That’s what we are!” he screamed while being pulled out of the cell and into the first room Izuku had walked into.

His heart shattered-he was sure if he still had the ability he would be sobbing hot and wet tears. but as it was- he was at least granted that reprieve.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke out quietly- watching as the broken Katsuki flailed uselessly against the man holding him.

There was no use- the guy was clearly strong and Katsuki was clearly not at full health. Probably not even at half health.

Had he been- maybe they could have finished this fight. Side by side like he wanted to. But like this- this way he would be the one holding Katsuki’s lifeless body in his arms and he would do anything to avoid that fate.

Even if it was a long shot.

Another henchman walked into the room- smile plastered across her face, bowing to her master before speaking.

“Mr. Akuma, sir. I have readied the machine- to the specifications you requested.” She spoke- softly but sure of herself.

“Chammied my dear- there is no need for such formality. We are all friends here- are we not Izuku?” Akuma asked, words rolling over Deku’s spine like a knife.

There was something so wrong about a person that would kill you one day and speak to you with seduction dripping off his tongue like poison the next day.

He was a thousand layers of fucked up and Izuku didn’t even want to begin unwrapping them.

Instead he shrugged- not wanting to mess up the tentative thing they had going here. Instead still choosing to focus on the anger he needed to keep himself like this.

The longer he went the harder it was.

The angrier he needed to be.

Thankfully—this situation provided him with plenty of anger to fuel him.

“I don’t believe we have all been formally introduced. - Izuku, this is my right-hand lady- Chammie,” he said gesturing to the woman beside him- as if this were just a present conversation between friends- not a hostile negotiation between a murderer- and his victim. “Chammie- this is Izuku- he is going to be a darling and let us experiment on this wonderful little trick of his until I use it myself.”

He wanted to vomit.

But there was no use in even trying.

This guy was disgusting.

Everything Izuku hated in the world rolled up into one rotting package of flaming human garbage and he wanted to kill him more than he had wanted to kill anyone in his entire life.

But he was sure that generic henchman A wouldn’t allow Kacchan to see another sunrise if he allowed that to happen. So, he swallowed a bit of his anger and nodded.

“what’s first?” he choked out

“that my little pet- is an easy one.” Akuma replied- “I just need you- to turn back into the ghost you are meant to be. Then we can get started.”

Izuku was hesitant.

He wasn’t sure he would be able to get back to this form if he needed to right now- he felt drained and exhausted and he was sure when he turned it off he wouldn’t be able to take it back.

He thought of Katsuki.

“fine.” He spat back- letting all the anger pour out of his body and with it- letting his body disappear until he was nothing again.

He felt cold- and naked- and wrong.

“happy.” He called out into the room- but he received no response.

The two stared at where his body had just stood awe struck.

“very interesting- it seems that even in such a close proximity to you I’m not capable of seeing or hearing you.” Akuma observed. “no matter; I have developed a little tool for just this problem.” He stated walking over towards the man Izuku left unconscious earlier and plucking the device off his wrist.

He pushed a different button and suddenly Izuku’s mind- hurt. It was fuzzy and painful and like someone was stabbing him repeatedly with a million different needles.

He yearned for the ability to slip into unconsciousness because anything would be better than the torture he was currently experiencing.

He watched as the asshole fiddled with another button on the device- smile cracking over his face.

“sleep now, Izuku my pet. In the morning we’ll start the real fun.” He laughed- malice twinkling in his eyes.

And suddenly the pain was gone but he was surrounded by- nothingness. Thick black nothingness and harsh steel walls. All he could see for what felt like miles was black and all he could feel was himself. He felt enclosed in a small space and lost in a great nothingness all at once.

He wondered for the first time since his murder-

If this is what it felt like to die.

Chapter Text

He didn’t know how long it was between when he was pulled into this- place. This seemingly strange alternate dimension where nothing in the world was right and he wasn’t sure who he even was anymore. It could have been minutes- or hours- or years.

He wouldn’t have had any idea because to him it felt like an entire lifetime. Every second was torture. Each moment dragging out longer than the last and he would literally kill for the at that moment but it- much like the rest of the entire world was unattainable.

The only benefit of it all was he had plenty of time to think- to think about all the horrible ways this was surely going to backfire on him and bite him directly in the ass.

This guy- was clearly not a good guy. Honestly there was no reason for him to believe he wasn’t going to rip Katsuki’s throat out the instant he had a chance. But- for some reason he believed him.

And honestly- Izuku wasn’t wrong about people often. Something told him that though this guy was a fucked-up psychopath- he was at least true to his word.

In most cases- fucked up psychopaths often were. They adhered to their own strange moral code the rest of the world wasn’t privy to. That they wouldn’t understand.

Izuku thought he might understand it now- funny; how it took being murdered to help him understand his murderer.

He wanted to laugh at himself but there was no air in his lungs- there were no lungs- there was no nothing.

He wondered briefly if this was what being a soul was- if he was just a – soul floating through the world untethered to a body. Wondered briefly if he could be reattached.

Wishful thinking.

After what felt like literally forever- Izuku accepted- finally that his was going to be his existence from now on. He was going to be stuck in this place forever and there was no getting out. There was
no freedom. There was no- Katsuki. Or his mother. Or his friends. He was- dead.

 

Being ejected from- the canister. That was unexpected.

Being ejected into a room that was entirely on fire- filled with screaming and cries. That was even more unexpected.

“come with me- now.” A harsh voice whispered.

He couldn’t see.

He couldn’t feel anything.

He was still a ghost and he wasn’t even sure what he was doing or where he was going but he followed the figure with the thick black hood down the hall.

“where is Katsuki?” he managed to ask.

Brain whirring a mile a minute.

What in the hell was going on right now. Where the hell was he. Why did that voice sound so- familiar?

He followed through a maze of hallways- each burning as bright as the other. The masked man coughed once they reached the fourth door.

Right… it must be getting very difficult to breathe. No wonder he wasn’t answering. Or maybe? He couldn’t see him.

This whole situation was a mess.

They slammed through the last door harshly- breaking through the locked metal with ease. A strong hard hand busting through the entrance while coughing through the smoke.

Midoriya’s mind spun a mile a minute- was that?

No, it couldn’t be. There was no way any of his classmates knew where they were let alone were crazy enough to go on a suicide mission to save someone that was already fucking dead.

They weren’t that stupid.

The last door leads them to an exit on ground level. The man’s breathing seemed to even out more, but he never stopped walking.

“I hope you’re fucking keeping up.” He yelled out past Midoriya.

That answered that question. This guy had no idea if he was here or not.

Hope sparked inside him.

That meant that- Katsuki had to be alive. Had to have told someone where he was.

They rushed up the street and barreled into the back seat of a van. There they weren’t alone. There they were surrounded by a mass of people who’s faces used to shine bright with hope and excitement. Who he once thought would surround him for the rest of his life- providing him with challenges and friendship and- he didn’t know what else, but he was so shocked he couldn’t move.

“did you get him?” Mina asked searching around behind Kirishima as he tore the mask from his face.

“how the hell would I know?” Kirishima asked- sounding more like Katsuki with each passing moment.

“what did you do? Just run in and yell ‘ANY GHOSTS IN THE BUILDING PLEASE FOLLOW ME!’” she quipped back.

He glared- “and what if I did huh?”

She laughed- “you’re hopeless.”

She made a puzzled expression. “what else did Bakugou say when you found him?” she asked turning to Iida.

He nodded- “that Deku wasn’t dead- that he was dead but not really. That they were holding him captive inside a canister meant to contain his soul and he refused to leave the building until we got him out.”

He was still in there?

No fucking way that building was going up in flames.

He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, but it wouldn’t do any good because nobody would hear him! He hated this! He was so fucking useless!

Why were they all just sitting around fucking twiddling their thumbs while Katsuki died in this building?

“holy- fucking- shit.” Kirishima yelled from beside him. “YOU’RE NOT DEAD.”

Right.

Anger.

Midoriya wanted to laugh- and cry- and fucking break things but most importantly.

He wanted to save Katsuki. And now- he had the team to do it.

“let’s go save that explosive asshole.” He hissed- trying terribly to stay in that zone between so angry he could kill something- and killing something.

That could wait- there would be plenty of time for that later.

Kirishima, Mina, Iida, Ochako, Denki and Jiro stared back at him like they had seen a ghost.

A fair reaction he supposed.

But not right now.

They could deal with his resurrection later.

Right now?

 

He was going to save Katsuki.

Chapter Text

Sometimes his existence on this planet seemed like it had gone by in a flash and sometimes- sometimes it felt like it stretched on for a thousand years.

 

Katsuki struggled against the chains that held him down; wrists weary from fighting against the metal that contained him. Sparks bouncing off the walls around him.
Had he been level headed; clear minded and not-- well kidnapped he was sure he would have been able to rid himself of all these inconveniences but unfortunately for him these last few months had done nothing for sharpening his skills.

 

His mind was all over the place- he vaguely wondered if they slipped him something else in the time he had been here. Vague concepts floated their way around his mind- flashbacks of his childhood.

 

Memories of his first year at UA.

 

Images of his mother; the smiles of his friends; fear in the eyes of his enemies- billowing around in his mind in a cloud of pink smoke.

 

He urged himself to stay focused- to center in on getting out of here but something- something kept pulling him back out of reality- pressing back into his mind.

 

He shook his head harshly forcing his eyes to focus on the room around him- he smelled- smoke.

 

Was he burning- had he caused this?

 

He couldn't get his mind to center on how to get out of here- panic bubbled up into his throat as he struggled against his own mind.

 

He kept being pulled back into his mind- forced away from reality.

 

Bakugou let out an agonizing scream.

 

There was no way he was this weak- something- someone had to be fucking with his head; and he was going to force them out if it was the last thing he did.

 

“You stupid villian! Come out here and let me kick your ass! What kind of punk gets off on messing around in people’s heads.”

 

A laugh from somewhere- it could have been the corner of the room- or a hundred miles away- all he knew with 100% certainty was that whoever- or whatever it was. Was inside his head.

 

And that- that made him very very angry.

 

“I must admit- when I was first asked to join this little- team hell bent on destroying a pair of children I did not expect it to be nearly this much fun.” the voice rang out- feminine and piercing. Bakugou gritted his teeth at the sharp pitch of the laughter echoing against his own hazy mind- sharp. Cutting through all the haze for just a moment he could almost feel his own body again. No longer wrapped up in what felt like a mental cloud.

 

The feeling lingered there- but it was clear to him that this woman’s quirk was much less effective the more she focused on speaking to him and less on rifling through the contents of his mind.

 

He wasn't sure what they were hoping to achieve by sorting through his memories to begin with- but he would be damned if he was going to give them anything they wanted to begin with.

 

“Of course it doesn't really matter- duty calls and I must obey.” the woman cackled

 

Bakugou tried to force his eyes to search the room- seeking out anything- anyone he could lay a physical punch on. Something he could kill. Some way he could get out of here. Get back. Find Izuku.

 

“Don't strain yourself now sweetheart- i promise you- you’re not getting out of here any time soon. How about you just take a deep breath. And - relax” she breathed out the last word and all the terror and fight drained out of him.

 

Pink clouds enveloped his mind once again- body going slack against the chains.

 

No-

 

His mind screamed .

 

He tried to fight against it- to do something- to do anything.

 

He couldn't even find his voice-

 

He was just being pulled- deeper and deeper into his subconscious .

 

Images of his past swirling through his mind in a desperate haze.

 

“ no” he thought.

 

“ no- i've got to- get back- to Izuku.”