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All These Years

Chapter Text

The sun is usually up by the time Cas wakes up, this time, the sun is still hiding behing the heavy fog that announce a new season. The soft wind of the morning comes through the open window above Castiel's bed. He leaves it open even when no one has come through it in four years.

Cas wakes up frowning at the alarm clock, he stretches as he inhales the slightly cold air. He can't help the smile taunting on his face.

Today is Castiel's last first day of school. It is the beginning of the end, and he couldn't be happier. 

Don't be mistaken, Cas loves his high school, the teachers, his friends, his boyfriend and even the occasional school party where he can get high and pretend not to be. 

But he was ready for more, ready to leave this lame town, and attempt the college he'd always dreamt of just like his big brothers had. 

His phone buzzes as he tries to get his slippers on properly, he ignores it, as usual. He doesn't feel like talking to anyone in the mornings, or evenings, and most of his friends got used to it by now and never really ask why. 

He takes a long shower and spends a great deal trying to tame his hair into place, failing every time. 

When he's finally done, he leaves the room and is greeted by the loud sounds coming from all places. He can hear his sister Anna yelling from the staircase, and he can hear Balthazar singing from down the hall.

Gabriel, however, sounds distant but Cas can make out a few words (Mom! But! I look great!)

To put it lightly, Cas lives in a big house. His father is a famous writer, even though Cas never read a single book of his, and his mother is a lawyer, a few cases made it on the news. Cas didn't like it, his mother never seem to pick the good guy in her cases. 

But Cas never complained, he had a great house, food on the table and a good income. Even if it meant never seeing his parents for more than a few minutes a day.

Not that he was alone or anything, with five other siblings in the house, one never feels alone. 

Anna was the youngest, dark red head and a big smile on her face at all times. Definitely Cas' favorite sibling, she was quiet and smart enough to not enter on his room.

Balthazar, a year older than Anna, is starting to follow Gabriel's steps, giving Cas just another reason to put another lock on his room.

Gabriel, a year older than Cas, decided to stay at home this year, as his business is beginning to take off, or so he says. 

The twins, Elijah and David, were thirteen, so most of the time they were no where to be seen, only coming down for breakfast and dinner. 

Mom stopped caring as long as they were in school on time. 

Cas takes his usual seat next to his father as Karla, their nanny, puts the plates around the table.

"Last year of high school, right?" His father, Chuck, asks as his brothers and sister finally sat down to eat. "You must be so happy, high school sucks!"

Cas just gave him a smile. He doesn't bother to explain him things anymore, he knows Chuck just doesn't care. Cas thinks that is not an entirely bad thing, his father was very accepting of his and Gabe's sexuality. 

Cas gulps down his juice when he hears the loud horn outside. Nobody says anything as he picks up his bagpack and heads out. 

"Is that Gus?" Cas is surprised to hear Gabriel ask.

"Yes, of course." He answers, his defensive tone getting his parent's attention.

"Oh." Gabe finally says, his head snapping back into his plate. 

Cas is in a bad mood by the time he seats next to Gus, and can tell the other one is just as moody. 

"Something wrong?" Cas asks, forgetting his own feelings and focusing on Gus. He doesn't like it when Gus is angry.

"Singer put a newbie on our team. Just text me to let me now, who the fuck does he think he is?"

"The coach?" Cas tries to joke, Gus turns to him, his expression cold. 

Gus never got his sarcasm or his jokes, for that matter. 

Before he could know what was happening, Gus approach him and took Cas' lips on him. Cas reciprocate it unenthusiastic, he doesn't like kissing like this, but Gus does, so why would he denied him something?

Cas stares out of the window for the majority of the ten minutes ride, his house is significantly close to the school, but Gus still refuses to let him go alone. Cas used to think it was cute. He is not so sure now.

They'd started dating two summers ago, after a couple of dates and a very enthusiastic Gus, Cas had finally given in and committed to a relationship.

It wasn't hard, Cas never really dated anyone, and he didn't think it would impact on his school work or his social activities, so why wouldn't he be in a relationship? The sex was good enough and a good stress relief.

He was the captain of the soccer team, the teachers and parents loved him. He had beautiful blonde hair with bright blue eyes, everyone loved him. Cas was lucky.

"See you at lunch?" Gus asks as he drops his boyfriend off at the entrance of the school.

"Sure, I'll pick you up from practice." Cas answers, distracted by his friends, Charlie and Kevin, waving their hands at him.

Before Cas could even smile at them, he gets pull closer by a pair of hands and his mouth gets cover for another wet open mouth kiss.

Cas hates PDA more than kissing, but he holds it down and gives him a tight smile as he walks away towards his friends.

"Look at you, you look so tall!" Charlie yells as soon as he gets close to enough to hear her.

"We saw him last week, Char." Kevin says as Cas starts laughing into her hug.

"How is the most popular couple doing?" Kevin asks, and Cas tries to ignore the grunt Charlie makes.

Cas never meant to become this popular in school, but somewhere in the third year people started talking to him, even the teachers though he was funny. He was on the Drama Club, on the soccer team, always on Science fair and even got to be number one on AP math which made him earn a couple of friends in that class.

Even when he finally quit soccer he still got the respect of everyone, especially after being brave enough to come out and date the captain of the team.

It was bullshit, really, how they all acted understanding and open to his sexuality when only a week before he came out a kid got sent to the hospital for daring to come into school with sparkling shoes.

But Cas was popular for being nice, for minding his business.

Or that's what people want to believe, and maybe some of them actually believe it, but Castiel still remembers the real reason why everyone likes him.

"We're doing fine, really. How are you and Francine?" Cas politely asks, watching as Charlie relaxes her shoulders.

"We're-- good. I think so." Kevin answers a little confused.

"That's great." Its Cas' answer, he doesn't look at Charlie.

He knows she doesn't like the Gus, but why does she have to be so obvious about it?

Brushing off the awkward conversation, Charlie begins a conversation about last night's brand new season of their favorite show.

Kevin tends to get quiet around these conversations, he doesnt like scary shows and he wouldn't have watch it if it weren't for his best friend's obsession.

"I did watch it! I just turned the volume all the way down." Kevin explains as Cas and Charlie tried to hold a laugh.
"Hey, Novak!" Cas hears someone call behind his back. ("Oh, no, Alistair" Kevin whispers under his breath)

"What?" Cas asks, biting his tongue.

Alistair was one of those popular kids, the ones that bully and hate on everything that isn't them.

The only bad thing Cas had on school was them, Ruby, Alistair and Gordon. He was asked once, right after he became known in school, to be on their group. He declined, of course, Gordon had broken his nose when they were nine just because Cas manage a goal right in front of his eyes.

After that, they decided to make his life as bad as possible. Not as bad as the other students, but bad enough. Nothing too noticeable, just in case people turn on them. Cas didn't think that was possible, given how scare most of them were.

Gus, not that it matters that much, never helps Cas, and just tells him it'll be fine as long as he just mind his own business. Sometimes he likes to pretend he believes him.

So Cas takes the low jabs at him and pretends to not care in front of his friends.

"Watch your tone with me, Novak." Alistair threatens, his voice barely a whisper.

"What do you what?" Cas asks, his eyes lit with rage.

"I said watch it." Alistair was getting close, and Cas can feel Charlie's arm trying to pull him back.

Cas closes his eyes to try and remain calm. He is not like this, he is a nice guy. He won't give in to these assholes.

"Novak, Woodward. What's going on here?" Ms Harvelle came out of the classroom, making both boys turn around to face her.

Neither of them said anything and walked into the classroom followed by the rest of the students.

It was a suffocating classroom, and Cas wasn't particularly fond of literature, not from books he has been reading since he was seven.

Cas sat alone all the way back, he didn't like being around anyone screaming this early in the morning, he sat in a tiny seat behind the girl with big hair, enough for the teacher to see Cas but not what he was doing, next to the window with a clear view of the parking lot (now full) and this is usually the best part of his Mondays.

He was starting to dove off into sleep, his eyes closing as he tried to listen to Wendy read an apparently super complicated paragraph, when he suddenly gets awaken by the loud sound of a engine.

It wasn't loud enough for the rest of the classroom to notice, but it made Cas jump from his seat and run towards the window, his face almost press against it.

He could of swore--

"Mr Novak?" Ms Harvelle asks, concerned on her voice.

Cas shakes his head. It was ridiculous, to think Jonh Winchester's car could be going around the school.

Ridiculous that he could think--

Cas apologizes to the teacher, who seems a little annoy by now, and sits back in the chair. His arms closing around himself, trying to protect himself from whatever evil he had imagine.

By the time he sees Charlie and Kevin again, he is already tired of the week. Their classes never matched, so the only times they got time to see each other was in between clases. Three hours after Ms Harvelle class had pass and Cas found Charlie and Kevin annoyingly excited at the end of the hall, both of them staring at Cas as if he was a bride coming down the aisle.

"What is--?" Cas began

"HE IS BACK!" Charlie yells at the top of her lungs, her voice scaring the freshmans walking pass.

"Who?" Cas asks, his ears ringing. Charlie had a thing for yelling for stupid reasons, and an actor coming back to a show was one of them.

"Dean, you idiot!" Charlie smiles widely, as if she hadn't just break Cas' world into pieces.

"You haven't heard anything?" Kevin asks, equally excited, "Benny is practically yelling around the halls"

Both of them laugh, but Cas feels like he is going to puke. He can feel his cheeks hot, his mouth dry. He's only aware of the bell ringing, and his body moves on its own before he can stop it.

"We were thinking to go now, don't you think? Skip class and go?" Charlie says, following Cas along.

"You alright, Cas?" Kevin asks, suddenly aware of his friend's silence. "We dont have to go now, we can wait for lunch and go then."

"I'm having lunch with Gus." Cas says automatically, his brain barely working with his body as he continues to move.

"Oh, C'mon." Charlie cries out, and Cas can't bring himself to be mad at her as he reaches for the classroom door. She crosses him before he can open it, "I'm mad at him too, you know. I get it, he left with no explanation, not even a fucking letter. But we have a chance to know why now, right? C'mon, Cas, this is Dean"

Cas bites his teeth, his jaw almost cracking. She talks as if she has any fucking idea what he felt, as if she he had any idea what they were.

He bites down a snarky comment and pretends he is fine, he pretends to be nice.

"He is not our friend, Charlie. We're not thirteen anymore. We'll become adults in three months, people change, we changed. I wont go after someone I don't know anymore."

With a sympathetic smile, Cas opens the door an enters the classroom.

He doesn't let the guilt get to him as he crosses the room and sits down next to the window.

So it was Jonh Winchester's car the one he heard earlier.

His oatmeal and healthy nut bar revolve around his stomach, and Cas begins to grab onto himself again, trying to at least try to hear what the teacher is saying.

Half an hour into the class, Cas realises he doesn't want to see Dean. He doesn't want him in his classes, in his life, in his anything.

He is beginning to panic as the memories became present on his mind, like it hasn't in years.

Dean Winchester, the kid that drag him into soccer and help him make the players like him and think he was a good player. Dean Winchester who once heard Cas sing and encourage him to signed into Drama Club and promised to be in every crowd cheering for him even if no one else does.
Dean Winchester, the kid who listen to him talk non stop about Star Wars and Harry Potter and finally bring him the nerds from his class, Kevin and Charlie, to hang out with.

Dean Winchester had hold his eyes and told Castiel all he needed to be is himself, fuck everyone else.

And then he left.

So Dean Winchester can take that advice and shove it up his ass.

Cas had been nice and caring, even if he didn't give a shit, and it had work. He had moved on from Dean, and gained a fuck load of friends from it. A nice, sweet guy, that's who he was now.

Not matter how much Cas hates it, he can't change it.

Except he can't be nice now. Not with Dean, he can't lie to him, he can't pretend with him.

He can't face him, he doesn't know how.

Cas leaves the room frantically biting his nails, something he hasn't done in years, not after Dean had hold his hands down and drag him to the nail salon.

Both kids had spend the day finding the nail polish Dean had heard about.

They couldn't stop giggling as Dean put on the second coat on, the smell of peppers stinking their hands.

Cas remembers Dean's face everytime he caught him biting them, Cas making gag noises as Dean tried to hold himself together so the teacher wouldn't notice. He did anyway, and Cas and Dean spend the rest of the day on detention, laughing at the memory.

Cas puts his hands down and pushes all of it back down on his brain, he doesn't need those memories, he has new ones now.

He puts on his happy smile, the ones he gives to the people passing by him, and makes his way down to the locker room, where Gus must be waiting, hopefully without Alistair.

Cas doesn't think about Dean at all, instead focuses himself on the tasty food waiting for him at the Road House, just down the block.

He enters the locker room without problem, and instantly prepares himself to look for Gus on the mess of people that usually occupy the entire room.

But it's quiet this time, too quiet, and Cas makes his way to the back of the locker room, near the showers.

Then he hears it, above the sound of the water running, he hears a laugh, a true sincere laugh that he hasn't heard in years. One that he didn't think could have the same effect on him.

Dean's laugh sounds better than anything Cas has ever heard, it makes him smile without thinking.

He is scare to admit that he also recognises the grunt and rough movement that follows that laugh. Gus is there, and whatever Dean had been laughing about Gus didn't like it.

"Gus!" Cas warned as he came around the corner.

Dean turns to face Cas faster than anyone else in the room, his face instantly showing a big smile just for Cas.
They stare at each other for what it seems hours.

Dean's hair is still soaking from the water, and his cheeks are red, but Cas can't know if it is from the smile still on his face or the heat coming from the showers.

Cas can't help but smile back, a sincere one, one that he never uses anymore. Cas's mind enters dangerous territory as he notice Dean's hands coming up to his face to wipe of the water dripping down his five o'clock shadow.

Cas had to force himself to move as he watches Dean give him a very obvious once over.

"Cas, what are you doing here?"

His boyfriend's voice brought him back to earth and immediately jump up to look at him walking up to Cas, pushing Dean aside.

"Told you I was gonna pick you up." Cas explains as he is being drag away from the others.

Cas is very aware of Dean's eyes drilling on his back.

"I'm having lunch with the guys." Gus says, his eyes drifting towards his friends. "I forgot we made reservations at the sushi place."

"You don't even like sushi." Cas complains.

"I'm their captain." Gus gives the final argument, and Cas drops his head. He doesn't like fighting with him.

Cas can still feel Dean's eyes on him, and for some reason, he knows Dean is angry.

"See you later, then." Cas smiles up to put Gus in a better mood. It doesn't work.

"I'll pick you up for dinner." He says, and Cas wonders if he should believe him.

"You do like sushi." Dean's voice startles the couple and their eyes dart out to him. The rest of the students look from Dean to Gus. "You should come."

"It's fine, I'll have lunch here and--" Cas answers, looking at Benny rather than Dean. Cas doesn't understand why Dean is so angry.

"If anyone is gonna invite my boyfriend, It'll be me." Gus says, trying to move closer to Dean, Cas stopping him in the last second.

"Last time I check people were not properties, were they?" Dean responds, his body slowly moving towards Gus.

"Benny." Cas warns, and the man moves quickly, holding Dean back.

"What the hell are you doing?" Coach Singer's voice startled the players.

Someone had turned off the showers and the ones undress were quick to find their clothes.

"Already causing trouble, Winchester?" Bobby asks, his brow raising. He looks around the room and finally finds Cas. "Novak. That explains it."

"Hi, Bobby." Cas whispers, letting go of Gus and looking at the teacher with an apologetic look.

"You join us for lunch?" Dean smiles wide, "Maybe Winchester could convice you to be on the team again. You like sushi, right?"

Cas deliberate ignores Dean's grin when he answers, "I'm sorry, Bobby, I'm afraid I've grown up to dislike fish now. I'll stick with my sandwich."

"Well, your loss, kid." Bobby says as he leaves to the door, guiding the boys out.

Cas would do anything for Dean to leave too, he was starting to look at him funny. Probably feeling offended by his commentary of sushi.

When Gus finally finished picking up his stuff, kiss him (a small peck on the lips, thank god) and left after the guys, Dean and Cas were left alone. Bobby is at the door, but Cas had the impression he is guarding the door instead of waiting for them to leave.

Cas can tell, now that they're alone, why Dean looks so angry. Cas has been nice and submissive to everyone in the room, he had acted like everything Dean hates. Good.

He shakes his head and intents to leave the room when a soft chuckle stops him.

"I bet my car you still eat sushi on fridays," Cas breaths in as Dean starts talking, his eyes turning cold, "in your room with the fan on, so Gabriel doesn't notice the smell." Dean says, his smile still on as he walks up to his face. Cas feels young again. "I bet you my life your boyfriend doesn't know half the things you do."

Dean is waiting for an answer, and Cas waits for his own brain to process the assault. He is desperately trying to find his usual responds, but his brain just seems to havee stop, anger filling his entire body. For once, he doesn't need to pretend he is not pissed, that he is just not bother by it. He gets to be angry and pissed, and for once he can feel how frustrated he is.

He likes it.

Dean is already breaking him.

He tilts his face, and stares at that stupid smile. He makes sure his voice is low enough for only Dean to hear the utter anger in it.

"Go fuck yourself, Winchester."

"And this, ladies and gentlemans," Dean says to a non existent crowd "is my Cas."

Dean's smile finally drops as he watches Cas leave without a word.