Chapter 1: get yourself a new dictionary
Eddie was a good fucking guardian angel. No, he wasn't just good. He was the best. Every case he was given, he would make sure he took care of it like the god damn perfectionist he was and he had never once failed yet. He had a clean record of humans who he had helped and he had always managed to pull them out of the gutter and get their life back on track. His record was even better than Stanley's and Stanley was the guardian angel with a fucking OCD. Failure certainly wasn't part of his vocabulary.
And then came then day when Eddie found the file on his desk and he almost fainted. The most notorious file. The worst of the worst. Richard Tozier.
Now Richie Tozier might've been a genius with a mouth filled with profanities, but by no means was he the smartest guy around. He had managed to lock himself up into a freezer when he was four, almost dying as his parents didn't notice his absence, he had set his chemistry class on fire, twice, and he had a habit on stepping on broken glass. His bad luck mixed with parents who had neglected him his entire life, now twenty-year-old Richie Tozier was the most difficult case the Guardian Angels™ had ever come across. No one had succeeded. Everybody seemed to give up at some point.
And now it was going to ruin Eddie's perfect record.
"No way," Eddie said as he marched into Mike's office, throwing the case back to him. "Get me someone else, get him someone else, I don't care. I'm not going to do it." Mike might've been Eddie's boss, but he was chill and they were friends - Eddie hardly viewed him as an authoritative figure.
"You're literally the only one who hasn't tried yet, Eddie," Mike sighed. "You're my last hope. We can't leave this poor kid - he would literally kill himself, even if it would be accidental. You know his story, you can't say that you don't feel at least a little bad."
"Don't try to appeal to my high morals," Eddie shook his head. "The answer is no." As much as Eddie felt bad for the poor kid, he had heard all about Richie Tozier from Stan. The guy might've been one with bad luck, but he also was extremely annoying. Eddie wouldn't last a week.
"What high morals? For an angel, you have shockingly low ones, my friend," Mike smiled and even Eddie had to let out an unattractive snort.
"No still means no Michael."
The amused expression disappeared from Mike's face and was replaced with a rare, yet stern, one. "It's an order Eddie, not a request. You're the best in what you do - so do this well."
Eddie got absolutely no sympathy from Stanley. After hearing the bad news concerning his next job, he went straight to his friend and gave him a big fucking rant how this was a bad thing and was going to demolish his perfect record. Stan’s response was a malevolent smirk, which did nothing but prove Eddie’s growing suspicions that Stan was actually a demon in disguise.
”If anything it actually serves you right,” Stan said, inspecting his perfect nails like the asshole he was and giving Eddie an absolutely catty grin. God, how Eddie would hate the guy if they weren’t such good friends. ”Everybody has to fail sometimes. It’s about time that you do too.”
Eddie gave the boy such a heated glare that anybody else would have quivered already – but not Stan. Stan was made from the same material as Eddie (perhaps Eddie was a demon in disguise as well, although he doubts he would be as good of an angel as he is if that was the case). ”We both know that failure isn’t a part of my vocabulary Stanley.”
”Maybe it’s time that you get yourself a new dictionary then,” Stan answered and raised his eyebrow in that annoying way he did and gave him the annoying smirk he always had when he won an argument.
Eddie came to the conclusion that Stanley Uris was a bitch, but he wouldn’t say that out loud because he loved the bastard that much.
Eddie’s back-up plan was to get Ben to do the work for him. With enough pampering and nice words Ben wasn’t able to say no to anyone or anything. And so he got a pile of some quality books from Mike (refusing to tell his boss to what purpose, although he was fairly sure that Mike knew) and practiced a speech in his head, talking about all the good qualities Ben had. And Ben had a lot of good qualities. He was perhaps the most angelic angel Eddie had ever met.
”What’s all this?” Ben asked as Eddie presented him with the enormous pile of books from all over history.
”Oh, nothing much. Just thought I’d get my good pal Ben something nice,” Eddie shrugged, marveling in the way that Ben’s face lit up at the sight of the books. ”I know you happen to like reading and I just happened to have these laying around...”
”I’m not doing the Richie Tozier case for you.” Eddie’s face fell at the words.
”How did you know that’s why I’m here?” Eddie asked, astonished, already filling a list in his head of possible angels that might have guessed what he was up to and warned Ben. Stan filled all of ten places in the list.
”Mike warned me that you might do something like this,” Ben hummed and gave Eddie a genuinely apologetic smile.
”Oh, I should’ve known, the cruel bastard. They all just want to see me fail.”
”He also told me not to help you – not that I would have either way. I’ve had my go on that case and he almost drove me mad,” Ben confessed, and Eddie was truly surprised by that. It took a lot to get on Ben’s nerves, Eddie had already deemed it impossible.
”Oh for fuck’s sake Ben! Help a friend out, please,” Eddie whined, possibely resembling a four-year-old child whose parents refused to by them a lollipop from the store. ”You’re my last hope.”
But Ben stuck by his words and Eddie was forced to accept the reality of the situation. He was going to have to take the case and the inevitable failure that came along with it, no matter how sour taste the thought left in his mouth.
Eddie had given himself some false hope that Richie Tozier wasn’t as bad as everyone said. He made himself believe that the rumors were just gently exaggerated and that the boy was actually pleasant and funny. But no. It turned out that the rumors weren’t at all exaggerated, now were they? No, the rumors were a palliated version of the truth – reality was ten times worse.
”Take the fucking spoon out of the microwave, you idiotic cock-box,” Eddie repeated for what felt like the tenth time, but the boy wasn’t listening. No, Richie kept the spoon in the microwave with the bowl of soup and Eddie was running low on nerves. He was a millisecond away from strangling the overwhelmingly tall boy, whose attention was completely on his phone.
Of course Richie couldn’t actually hear Eddie – not unless Eddie wanted him to. Eddie job was to guide Richie’s actions towards the safe and morally correct once – but Richie had a habit of not following through with these. Eddie had once succeeded to stop Richie from walking into a glass-door, but that was only a feeble success.
Bet Stan is real fucking pleased right now, Eddie thought bitterly as he watched Richie’s friend Beverly walking into the kitchen.
”Richie what the fuck?” she screeched as she noticed the situation – there was small sparks already forming in the microwave, slowly building up to a proper explosion. Beverly quickly turned off the microwave and took the bowl and the spoon out. ”Are you daft?” she demanded as Richie gave the contents of her hand a blank look.
”Damn, I was wondering where I put my spoon.” Eddie was ready to slap Richie fucking silly, but Beverly beat him to it, scolding the taller boy with such intensity that Eddie could only be impressed.
”Do you have any alive braincells left in that head of yours?” Beverly asked the question Eddie had been wondering for the four days he had been on the case. ”Or have you turned your common sense off?”
”In my feeble defense, I sold my common sense along with my soul to devil in order to get more money to buy weed.” Beverly punched Richie on the shoulder, but a smile appeared on her lips anyway.
”Don’t you dare go soft on him Beverly, don’t you dare,” Eddie said, for a moment forgetting that he wasn’t Beverly’s guardian angel. Unfortunately so. ”Stay strong and give him a piece of your word. Slap some intelligence into that head of his, god damn it!”
”Shouldn’t you scold me some more?” Richie asked. ”Give me a piece of your word? Slap some intelligence into me?”
”Oh, so now you listen to me? Not in the face of an actual emergency?” Eddie complained, already exhausted by this.
Maybe I should just give up. Just go ahead and accept defeat.
”Like that’ll get me anywhere. You still coming to the movies today with me and Bill?” In Eddie’s opinion, Richie would be better off, never leaving his house. Preferably never leaving his bed. There accidents were highly unlikely to happen, and Richie would be in no serious danger, unless you count the possibility of obesity. Eddie could work with obesity.
”No. You are not leaving this house today. Or tomorrow. Or ever. Drop out of school. I don’t care,” Eddie said, knowing that his instructions were received by deaf ears and Richie wouldn’t listen to him. It was worth a shot.
”Yeah, sure. What are we going to see?”
”I swear to god, if it’s another slasher-” Eddie started.
”I heard there’s a new slasher in the theaters and it got surprisingly good ratings,” Beverly answered, making Eddie literally bang his head against the wall, out of pure frustration. Richie liked to play a though guy when he was watching horror flicks and slasher movies with his friends, but boy, when they lights went out for the night, Richie would get absolutely zero sleep, every single noise his apartment let out making his heartbeat go from zero to one hundred.
And why is Richie not sleeping a bad thing, you may ask? Besides the obvious, Richie seems to be paying even less attention when tired than he is normally – that leads to him forgetting his ADHD medication, not looking both ways when crossing the road and almost getting hit by a truck, putting the spoon into the microwave, dropping things that are made of glass or porcelain and the list goes on.
Eddie wasn’t having that for the second time, and it had only been four days. If Eddie didn’t go mad by the time he was done with Richie, he’d definitely apply for an early retirement.
Two weeks. It had been two weeks and Eddie was on the verge of an amotional breakdown. He wasn’t a being that acquired a lot of sleep, but fucking hell, being Richie Tozier’s guardian angel was like babysitting a toddler. You had to be constantly alert in case he does something stupid that could possibly get him hurt – Eddie couldn’t catch a break.
In the span of those fourteen days, Richie had done what Eddie told him to do all of five times, and Eddie now considered those his greatest achievements yet. Richie obeyed Stan only two times, and Ben none. Eddie shouldn’t have felt as smug as he did.
But five times were not a lot, and Eddie decided that it was time for desperate measures. Guardian angels weren’t supposed to show themselves to humans, unless it was absolutely necessary. Eddie thought that this counted as one of those times.
Of course things like that didn’t happen so easily. You had to write an application to Mike, have it approved and if, and only if, the application is accepted you can show yourself to the human you’ve been assigned with.
And that’s how Eddie ended up sitting at the foot of Richie’s bed, making sure that the dumbass didn’t fall down from it while he was filling the application form.
Does the client have difficulties obeying simple commands? Cross yes or no.
”Yes, yes, a hundred time yes,” Eddie muttered to himself as he assaulted the right box with his pen and taking a glance of Richie, who never was the most peaceful sleeper.
Have you managed to reach out to the client more than seven times in the span of one week?
”Absolutely fucking not.”
How many times do you succeed to reach out to the client daily on average? Stupid question, really.
How difficult is it for the client to comprehend pieces of advice on the scale of 1 to 10?
”Ten is not a big enough number Mike,” Eddie muttered, fully aware that Mike could hear him if he wanted to.
How much improvement does the client show compared to your first day working?
By the time Eddie was finished with the form, it was almost five a.m. Taking Richie’s normal sleep schedule into consideration, Eddie figured that he’d have just enough time to drop the form to Mike before Richie woke up.
Let’s just hope that the possible serial killers steer clear from this neighborhood for a couple of hours, Eddie thought before leaving Richie to fend for himself for a couple of hours.
Eddie’s plan was to make sure that no one noticed him sneaking into Mike’s office – that would start false rumors about Eddie giving up on Richie, and Eddie wasn’t planning on doing that before he had ripped the last remaining strand of hair off his head. But luck still wasn’t on Eddie’s side, for Stanley Uris had the eyes of a hawk and the reflexes of a cheetah.
”Oh hey Eddie,” Stan grinned as he stepped in front of Eddie, cutting his way to Mike’s office. ”Funny to see you here.”
”How so? I work here after all.”
Stan tilted his head to the side, still grinning like a shark. ”How’s Richard Tozier been doing? To a talented guardian angel such as yourself he must be a piece of cake.”
”He’s just fine Stanley, thank you for asking. He just needs a little work,” Eddie said, trying his best to not sound like a growling dog, but Stan could always see through his facade.
”Oh, so you’re not here to let Mike down by telling him that you’re giving up?”
Eddie shook his head. ”Hell no. Unlike some here, I’m not a quitter. Now, if you excuse me, I have a word for Mike.” Stan stepped aside and made way for Eddie to march straight into Mike’s office, where he was sitting behind his blindingly white desk, writing something down.
”Eddie! I’d say it’s a pleasure to see you, but I have to admit that I’m a little concerned for why you’re here,” Mike greeted him with a small smile. ”You’re not giving up yet, are you?” Mike asked, a slight quiver in his voice, as if he was genuinely worried about what was going to happen if Eddie did decide to quit now.
”Why does everybody assume that I’m giving up?” Eddie groaned and slammed the application on his hand on Mike’s desk.
Mike took a hold of the paper, looking it over with pursed lips. It was obvious that he wasn’t pleased with the idea – he never was. But fuck, it was literally Eddie’s final card at this point. It was either this or he’d actually have to give up and accept the bitter taste of defeat and Eddie refused to do that.
”I’m going to have to run this through my superiors...” Mike said slowly, giving Eddie a careful glance. ”It won’t necessarily go through them.”
”I’m serious Mike – it’s the only thing left. I might as well give up if you turn down the application! The guy doesn’t listen, he’s thick as a brick and I’m down to my last nerve cell,” Eddie whined, something he figured he did a lot, but it usually worked out for him pretty well.
Mike stared at Eddie with pursed lips, glancing at the application in his hands before putting it down with a long sigh. ”Eddie… you know this is just for desperate cases...”
”And you’re saying Richie’s not a desperate case? For fucks sake, he’s driven everybody here mad, if he’s not a desperate case then nobody is!”
”You’re literally the first one to requesting this-”
Eddie groaned and rolled his eyes. ”That’s because everybody else just wanted to get rid of him. I’m the one who has something to lose from giving up on this,” Eddie reasoned crossing his arms across his chest, the frustration in his chest growing by the second and it was all Mike’s fault. Richie must wake up soon and he needed the positive answer now.
”You mean you have your reputation to lose?” Mike said, raising his eyebrows accusingly. Mike must’ve forgotten who he was talking to, because that look might’ve worked on everybody else, but not on Eddie.
”I’m not leaving until you put the stamp on that paper,” Eddie said, putting his foot down both figuratively and literally. There was a silent staring contest between Eddie and Mike, neither willing to give up on the case. But Eddie had never lost a staring contest in his life, and soon enough it was Mike who gave in with a heavy sigh, opening one of his drawers and taking a golden stamp out and pressing it on the paper once.
”Don’t make me regret it,” Mike warned.
Richie’s day, like any normal day of the week, didn’t get off on a good start. Falling out of his too small bed was an excellent way to start of the Saturday – or was it Friday? - morning. Almost immediately after that, Richie walked into his bedroom door which was weird, because he was pretty sure he left it open last night – like he always did.
Then he nearly dropped a knife on his toes. Well, not nearly, he definitely dropped the knife on his toes, but the knife never had the time to slice Richie’s big toe, which resembled a potato in an eerie way, off, because somebody managed to catch the knife before any damage was done.
Of course this was Richie’s time to start screaming his lungs out.
Now, normally when he has a cute guy in his apartment, his reaction was not to scream bloody murder. But the thing was, normally he was aware that there was a cute guy in his house. Now, however, the cute guy had appeared out of fucking nowhere, staring at Richie blankly as he screamed until his throat was sore.
”Are you done?” the guy asked, his voice sweet as honey. The irritated tone in his voice however, didn’t sound as sweet.
”Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing in my home?” Richie demanded, his eyes wide and heartbeat going fast as a racehorse.
”I’m Eddie – your guardian angel, and I need you to get your fucking act together.”
Chapter 2: The human body doesn't interest me all that much and neither do genitals
yeah, i'm just way too excited for this, so i immediately wrote another chapter yey
and honestly, all the positive feed back has been so great guys!! thank you so much, I appreciate ya
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
When a crazy guy breaks into your apartment and claims to be your guardian angel, there are things you should and should not do. Attempting to kick the crazy person in their dangly bits is not one of them. Mostly because the crazy person might have better reflexes than you have.
”What the hell is the matter with you?” the guy who called himself Eddie exclaimed when Richie attempted to attack him. ”Calm down for fuck’s sake!”
”What’s the matter with me! There’s a sexy lunatic in my house!” Richie complained. He heard Eddie mutter something along the lines you call this a house? but ignored it – he was on a college student budget Jesus Christ.
He didn’t mean to let out the sexy part either. Because the guy might’ve been completely out of his mind, but Richie couldn’t deny that the guy was one good looking piece of ass, and Richie was gay. The guy did excellent job reminding Richie of how he definitely wasn’t into pussy. The only thing stopping Richie from going on a full-blown flirting spree was the fact that the guy was crazy.
”So you’re telling me that if a person breaks into your house, obviously has a weapon, while you do not, your first instinct is to attack them?” Eddie asked slowly, as if Richie was a little child and he was either a parent or a teacher. ”Jesus Christ, you’re even more hopeless than I thought, fuck. I’m literally this close to ripping all of my hair off, do you understand? Honestly, the effort I have to put into keeping you from killing yourself, fuck. I should get a reward for it.”
”I’m sorry, who the fuck are you?” Richie asked, confusedly listening to the short guy’s rant. ”And I don’t need anyone to keep me from killing myself – I do that just fine myself.”
”You do realize that I’ve kept you from breaking your bones, three times during the past two weeks, you do understand that don’t you?”
”What, so are you stalking me or what?” Richie asked, making the guy let out a frustrated sigh and finally, finally, putting the god damn knife back on the counter.
”No, I am not your stalker,” Eddie, if that even was his real name, explained and rubbed his temples. ”You couldn’t possibly have a stalker – they’d quit after one week because just looking at your life choices stresses them out so much. Seriously, I know.”
”I’m going to call the police,” Richie threatened, pointing his finger at Eddie’s chest, and fuck the guy was short. Richie could swear he was no older than sixteen.
”Go ahead. Call the police, see what happens,” Eddie encouraged him and Richie was never one to back down from a challgenge. So he did call the police.
And you want to know what happened? Absolutely nothing.
”What seems to be the problem young man?” the police said as Richie let him in after fifteen minutes of waiting. He lived considerably near the station, and knew for a fact that the police could get there faster, but he probably just wanted to finish his coffee before lifting his ass off his chair and going to see Richie’s emergency.
”This guy broke into my apartment this morning,” Richie said, pointing over to where Eddie was now sitting on his kitchen counter, smiling widely as he waved to the police officer. ”And he threatened me with a knife.”
The police officer glanced at Eddie, then at Richie, then Eddie again before settling to look at Richie in the eyes. ”Son, do you think that calling the police over is a joke?” he asked.
Richie blinked in confusion. ”What? No, he broke in here! I don’t know where he came from, but he refuses to leave, well not that I’ve actually asked him to leave, but I’m pretty sure he’s stalking me or some shit, I have no actual proof of that but how did he get into my fucking apartment, huh?”
”Son, I advice you to go see a doctor, I’m sure they can help you better than I can,” the officer replied before scoffing. ”Seeing things is never a good start. Have a good day.” Then he turned away to leave, slamming the door after him.
”Okay what the fuck?” Richie exclaimed, turning around to look at Eddie who was actually laughing. And in any other situation Richie would have commented on how fucking cute the sound was, but right now he was feeling really fucking confused.
”He couldn’t see me, because I don’t want him to see me,” Eddie explained, swinging his legs back and forth on the counter. ”You know, cause I’m your guardian angel after all. The only person who needs to see me is you. And, well, you don’t need to see me either, but we made an exception.”
Richie was quiet for a while, staring at Eddie with a calculating gaze. ”I’ve finally gone crazy, haven’t I?”
Eddie shrugged. ”And it was about time you noticed it too,” he commented before smirking a bit. ”But no, this isn’t a bit of your craziness. I’m perfectly real.”
Yes Richie must’ve been crazy, because, okay that seemed perfectly plausible. Or maybe not plausible in the logical sense, but fuck Richie was tired and maybe this was just a dream. And if it was just a dream, then he might as well just go with it. Because he was dreaming about a hot short dude, who he wished was older than sixteen because otherwise it would be illegal to find him so hot, and it had been a while since Richie had dreamed of a hot short dude.
It was also nice that his subconscious also knew perfectly well what was his type.
”Okay, you’re my guardian angel,” Richie said slowly, nodding his head as he walked back to the kitchen, getting closer to where Eddie was sitting on his counter. ”I can’t say you’ve been doing that good of a job guarding me angel.”
Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes. ”I’ve been at this for only two weeks now – I’m not the only guardian angel who has worked on you, just so you know. You’re such a hopeless case that everybody just gives up.”
”Ouch, you sound just like my mom,” Richie grinned, only half-joking. ”So you’re saying that one person can have more than one guardian angel? Don’t they run out of feathery fucks at some point, or do ya’ll just reproduce faster than bunnies?”
Eddie glared at Richie. ”Not at once – one angel works on a human for as long as it takes to, how do I say this, ’save’ the human. Like if a child is living in an abusive home, they usually have a guardian angel by their side, until they get out of the situation. In your case however, your life literally sucked so bad that bad luck followed you out of your childhood home. One could say that you’re the real danger to your own life.”
”So if a person has a completely perfect, happy life with no mishaps-”
”Then they don’t have a guardian angel at their side,” Eddie nodded. ”At least not a full-time. There are angels making sure that people are safe, and if a person gets into a dangerous situation, an angel will probably come down to help them out of it. Like when somebody is robbed, an angel will come save them – we don’t always succeed, though. Well I do, but not everyone.”
Richie scoffed. ”Full of yourself much?”
”If there’s a reason to be,” Eddie shrugged.
”You could be full of me too, if you want,” Richie grinned, his trashmouth letting loose again, but he got absolutely no reaction out of Eddie except a look of confusion.
”I don’t think I understand what you mean,” he shook his head. ”Any other questions?”
”Yes, are you single?” You couldn’t possibly blame Richie for asking that question. The angel dude really did have features fit for an angel – soft skin, cheeks and nose littered with tiny freckles, chocolate eyes and neatly combed shiny brown hair. Of course Richie, being fucking gay, wanted to hit that.
”There’s is only one of me, yes.”
Richie couldn’t help but laugh. ”Jesus, you’re daft,” he chuckled, throwing his head back a little bit. ”I mean are you seeing any one right now?”
Eddie looked confused. ”Well that’s a stupid question – I’m seeing you right now. Do you think I’m blind?”
”No, I think you’re just a little dumb,” Richie shook his head, sitting on a chair opposite of Eddie. ”Are you in a romantic relationship with anyone?”
”That’s hardly any of your concern,” Eddie shook his head, looking a little confused. ”And awfully off point. That’s not what you should be focusing on.”
”A little hard to focus on anything else when there’s three feet of smoking hot sitting in front of me,” Richie hummed with a smile. Eddie muttered something alone the lines to me it’s a little lukewarm, but okay and otherwise ignored Richie’s comment. ”Okay, what shold I be focusing on?”
”I don’t know – like on the fact that you are a living traing wreck,” Eddie said a little harshly, and outch. He really didn’t need to be that mean. ”I’ve been at this for two weeks now. I’ve tried to give you simple instructions. Things like take the fucking spoon out of the fucking microwave and don’t step on broken glass you idiot but you just refuse to listen and do it anyway.”
”Honestly, I haven’t heard a thing you’ve said, so jot that down.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. ”You technically aren’t supposed to hear in the literal sense. More like a voice inside your head, call it common sense, telling you not to do something,” he explained, and Richie didn’t really have an argument against that. He did have a small voice inside his head telling him to quit being a moron, but he mostly ignored it.
”Now, like anybody else, even I need some peace and rest every once in a while,” Eddie sighed. ”So if you’d just try and not be a complete mess, I could have a peace of mind not worry every god damn second.”
”Aw, you worry about me,” Richie cooed, but got a bored glare in response. ”Okay, geez, chill dude. Wait, does this mean my own guardian angel is abandoning me?”
Eddie rolled his eyes, again. ”No, I’m not abandoning you. I’m just not going to be visible for all of the time, so you can’t know when I’m here and when I’m not. So, if you’d just… try to be more careful? Just for my sake?”
”Okay… I think I can work with that.”
When Richie woke up the next day, he figured the whole guardian angel thing had really been a dream. There was no cute boy dressed up in all white anywhere in his apartment this time, and in all honesty, Richie wasn’t sure if he was relieved or not. Because having someone watch your every move is kind of… unsettling. Like, he couldn’t imagine how he’d go to shower without the fear of having someone’s eyes on him.
But then on the other hand, the guy had been really fucking cute. Like one hundred percent Richie’s type. He remembered Beverly once saying that the human mind couldn’t make up a face, so he must’ve seen the guy, Eddie, somewhere at some point in his life. That hardly was a comforting thought, but he’d get over it.
Now, it was obvious that Richie was a guy who… got into a lot of accidents. Or accidents happened to him very easily. So him almost being hit by a car, again, while walking to his university wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.
The word almost was the key part here, because before the car had the chance of actually hitting Richie, he was pulled away by someone else and the car just drove past him, honking its horn wildly.
”Fucking hell, I ask you to do one thing to make my life easier,” Eddie complained as Richie turned to look at him, dumbfounded. ”But you really have to be an idiot, now don’t you?”
”Wait, am I still asleep?” Richie asked dumbly, making Eddie groan.
”I thought we were past this. I’m real, and you’re a real moron,” he said running his hands over his face and glaring at Richie.
”Whoa, but wait. If nobody else can see you but me, what did that driver see just now? Me pulled away by an invisible force?”
”Seriously? That’s what you’re worried about?” Eddie muttered, as if he didn’t mean Richie to catch that and was just talking to himself. ”He saw you quickly running to the otherside of the street. Just like all these other pedestrians see you talking to thin air.”
It was true. Looking around himself, Richie noticed people giving him weird looks as they walked past, quickening their pace as if they thought he was crazy. ”So you keep an eye on me 24/7?” Richie asked.
”Not exactly. Sometimes I try to trust you by yourself. That’s when most of your accidents happen though, and that means a lot of paperwork for me,” Eddie answered, crossing his arms over his chest.
”Oh. Been watching me shower a lot, have you? Like what you see?” Richie asked, smirking, not even thinking about how people must think he’s lost his mind. He was sure that some mental asylum was just on their way to pick him up.
”The human body doesn’t interest me all that much,” Eddie said with a dry look. ”And neither do your genitals, if that’s what you’re implying.”
”They may not interest you much now, but just you wait angel boy-”
”Don’t you have school to go to?” Eddie interrupted him mid-sentence, earning him a victorious smirk from Richie.
Eddie stayed with Richie the entire walk to the university, claiming that Richie was bound to die unless he did. Admittedly, Eddie did warn Richie about three trucks he had missed, without even looking in their direction, so Richie thought that they guy might actually be legit.
”How old are you anyway?” Richie asked when they were about a block away from the university. ”I gotta know, so I’m not hitting on a minor.”
”You’re not hitting me, what are you talking about?” Eddie asked, and fuck, he must’ve been the definition of cute. ”And that’s a little complex question.” Eddie then answered.
”Depends on how you count,” Eddie shrugged. ”And how the guardian angel is born.”
”How are guardian angels born?”
Eddie let out a small chuckle. ”Well aren’t you just full of questions today,” he said. ”And I think that’s a story for another day. There are two ways to put it simply, but I won’t go into it just now.”
”Are you going to answer the first question?” Richie asked again, eager to find out. ”How old are you?”
Eddie hummed. ”Well technically I’m nineteen,” he answered after awhile.
”But not literally?” Richie asked.
They were now at the university’s courtyard, other students passing them by, some greeting Richie. Richie paid them no mind, his attention completely on Eddie, who didn’t seem to want to answer the question.
”Be satisfied by the answer you got,” he said. ”You should probably go. Try to stay in one piece, okay?”
Richie pouted. ”Will you walk me home as well?” he asked.
”If that’s what stops you from getting hit by a fucking truck.”
”Still not giving up?” Stan asked when they next saw each other. Eddie didn’t really think it was necessary for him to loiter around the university while Richie was in his lectures, so he went back to his own home for a second. One he shared with none other than Stan.
”No, because I’m actually getting somewhere with this,” he grinned smugly, sitting down on the soft surface that could be called his bed.
”Right...” Stan said slowly, smirking a little. ”Well considering that you’ve not ripped all of your hair off, I guess that counts as an unofficial success.” The teasng tone in Stan’s voice was enough to put Eddie on edge and the smog smirk almost made him explode.
”You’re just jealous that so far I’ve done better than you,” Eddie replied, pursing his lips at the way Stan rolled his eyes.
”Okay, this is not a competition guys,” Ben said, opening his mouth for the first time since Eddie got back. He was so entranced by the books that were technically Eddie’s, technically stolen from Mike’s library, that he didn’t even greet Eddie that day. ”He’s a human not a board game.”
Stan scoffed. ”Who said anything about competing?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. ”I’m willing to bet that Eddie won’t last a week longer – he’ll go mad soon enough.”
”I get that you find validation in being the one to go through three months with him, but I promise you Stan that I’ll break your fucking record,” Eddie threatened. It said in their rulebooks that they weren’t supposed to compete or make bets when it came to work, but fuck, Eddie hated how Stan could get under his skin so easily.
”Um, guys I don’t think you should-”
”Well okay then,” Stan cut Ben off, getting up from his seat and sitting next to Eddie so he could look at him directly in the eye. ”Let’s make a bet.”
”That’s against the rules Stan...” Ben tried again, but neither Eddie or Stan were listening at this point.
”Okay, I’m listening,” Eddie lifted his chin a little, receiving a wide, shark-like grin from Stan.
”I bet that you can’t make through three months,” Stan said. ”And if you don’t, you’ll have to get me what I want.”
Eddie lifted an eyebrow. ”And what is it that you want?” he asked.
”Quite a lot of things, but I have time to decide,” he hummed grinning. ”So are you in?” he offered his hand to shake – if Eddie were to take it, then there was no going back. He’d actually break a rule, an actual law that could get them both into some serious trouble if the word was to get to Mike, or any higher power.
”You haven’t said what’s in it for me yet,” Eddie said, lifting an eyebrow up.
Stan seemed to be thinking for a while. ”Hmm. I guess the same applies to you – I’ll give you anything you want,” he said and Eddie was already taking his hand, when Ben stopped them.
”Okay, I know this is none of my business, but you really shouldn’t do this,” he said, his voice panicked as he got up from his chair. ”Notjust you two, but me as well because I didn’t stop you. This is wrong anyway, and you know it. This is a humanbeing we’re talking about – you can’t just bet on his actual life.”
”You’re right Ben,” Stan said, and Eddie as well was starting to get second thoughts, withdrawing his hand already. ”It’s absolutely none of your fucking business,” Stan stated, taking a hold of Eddie’s hand before he could move it away.
lol, i just started shipping stan and eddie for some reason while writing this, and i'm literally making it seem like stan is the villain of the story lmao. maybe that's the twist lol
Chapter 3: Even when in the nude
aaaaaah, i was supposed to update sooner, but then i got busy with other things, but oh well.
this is a little bit shorter chapter fyi
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Richie had been on edge lately – and it was all Eddie’s fault.
Richie had not been able to get the easily irritated angel out of his mind for days now, and for all the wrong reasons. You see, Eddie had this habit of coming and going whenever he pleased, whether or not it was while Richie was showering, in class or in the middle of a sentence. And while finding Eddie in his bedroom just as he walked out of the shower without any kind of clothing or a towel would have normally made Richie let his mouth overpower his brain, he was too busy trying to calm himself down from the heartattack.
Richie hadn’t decided if he liked Eddie or not yet – yes, he was, very, very, very, very easy on the eyes, to the point of which Richie felt just a little bit self-conscious. And he sure did manage to fit a lot of sass and rage into such a small angel body – literally angel body. And, Eddie was cuter than any of the people Richie had met – and not just on the outside. Every time one of Richie’s jokes flew over his head, Richie had an uncontrollable urge to pinch his cheeks – but he knew Eddie would bite his head off if he did.
Now, the list may be just a series of things Richie liked about Eddie – and that’s why Richie didn’t have an official opinion on him yet. Well he did – absolutely, one-hundred percent fuckable – but a person couldn’t be that much Richie’s type, it just wasn’t natural. And of course it wasn’t natural, Eddie was a god damn angel for fuck’s sake, it wasn’t supposed to be natural.
But the bottom line was that Richie could never be sure when Eddie decided to pop up and that alone made him sit on the edge of his seat.
”Uh, Eddie?” Richie called out when he returned to his apartment after his classes had ended for the day. He had not seen Eddie for two days now and he was willing to bet he was going to show up at any minute.
After Eddie gave no sign of being there, Richie let out a breath, calming down a little bit. Maybe he wasn’t going to be jumpscared today. Only when Richie turned around to go get something to eat from the kitchen, he was greeted by Eddie stading right in his personal space, looking rather pissed.
”Jesus Christ, dude,” he jumped and put a hand on his chest, in efforts of calming the racing heartbeat. ”What’s up with you and trying, and succeeding, to jumpscare me all the time.”
”You left your door unlocked today,” Eddie said. ”Wouldn’t it have been nice if someone had broken in and stolen all of your shit? Not that there’s anything worth stealing here.”
”Hey, don’t slander my x-box like that, I paid a pretty penny for it,” Richie said, walking around Eddie to get to the kitchen. When he got there, Eddie was already there greeting him with his arms crossed. ”I don’t see the problem here – you obviously locked it for me so there’s no issue.”
”I’m serious, if you keep trusting me to fix your messes, you’re in for a rude awakening. I’m not supposed to stay by your side for the rest of your miserable life – there are other people in this world who need some protecting!”
”And there are also other angels in your little guardian angels corporation, as you like to remind me,” Richie smiled sweetly at Eddie and ruffled his hair. ”They can take care of the other miserable people, while you stay here with me.”
Eddie shook his head. ”No, that’s not how this works. I’m supposed to help you turn your life for the better, not fix your messes for you,” he said and in a pathetic attempt tried to smooth down his hair (there was nothing to smooth down – no matter how hard Richie tried, he wasn’t able to mess up the other boy’s hair).
”Make an exception for me,” Richie shrugged and took a frozen pizza from his freezer. ”You want some.”
”I don’t eat that,” Eddie shook his head and sighed, watching as Richie started to heat up the oven. The look on his face made it seem like Richie even going near an object that could possibly start a fire pained him.
”What do guardian angels eat then?” Richie asked as he put the pizza in the oven and slammed to door closed.
”The souls of the innocent,” Eddie muttered. ”You left the plastic on it, idiot,” he then said, reopening the oven and peeling the thin transparent plastic wrapper off the pizza before putting it back into the oven.
”How was I supposed to know it had a plastic on top of it?”
”You touched it!”
Richie had come to the conclusion that Eddie was on a permanent state of agitation and irritation – there was not a moment where Eddie wasn’t on edge or just straight up yelling at Richie how stupid he was being. It was cute really, because Eddie was so small and so full of rage that it reminded Richie of a panicked chihuahua at times.
”That has nothing to do with it,” Richie shook his head.
There was one thing that irritated Eddie more than Richie doing dumb shit – Richie not admitting to doing dumb shit. At times Eddie would try his luck and not appear to Richie at all, just to see if he listens to him this time or not. But it turns out that even if Eddie had managed to get some common sense into Richie, Richie had elected to ignore it.
This came very apparent when Eddie had to rip the carton of expired milk out of Richie’s hand. ”Do you ever check the expiration date?” he demanded. ”Or do you want to die by consuming milk that’s obviously not even in liquid form anymore?” Yes Eddie’s tone was harsh – but in Eddie’s defence, he was the best guardian angel out there, he should have a little higher job than looking after Richie fucking Tozier.
”But it made you come back, didn’t it?” Richie said with a grin, and Eddie was sure that Richie had made it his new life goal to make Eddie lose his mind.
”Just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m not here,” Eddie said rolling his eyes.
”Do you mean to say that you’ll always be in my heart? Cause that’s deep Eddie Spaghetti.”
Eddie groaned. ”I swear, if you keep calling me that, I’ll return your file to my boss and accept defeat,” he threatened. ”And no, it means that it’s part of my job description to keep an eye on you at all times.”
”Even when I’m in the nude?” Richie smirked and winked at Eddie, whose automatic response was a look of disgust – it had become very apparent to him that Richie knew no shame when it came down to it.
”I have stated before that I find your genitals very uninteresting,” Eddie said with narrowed eyes. ”But the amount of times you slip and fall in the shower are concerning me.”
”Maybe I only do it so you’d join me.”
”I find that very hard to belive, because in your file it said that you have the world record on falling in the shower,” Eddie said, already tired of the conversation. One could not have an intelligent conversation with Richie Tozier, and every one of his and Eddie’s conversations went by the same formula.
”I do?” Richie exclaimed, his interest piqued. ”How come I haven’t got an award for that?”
”Amongst us guardian angels it’s not considered an achievement.”
”Okay, what about when I buzz the brillo? Do you just watch and make sure I don’t get hurt then?” Richie asked with a shit eating smirk.
Eddie gave him a blank stare. This was probably the most frustrating part of interacting with Richie – he used language Eddie wasn’t used to that left him confused.
”You know, roll in the hay? Thread a needle? Have a bit of the ole’ in and out?” Eddie still didn’t understand what Richie was trying to ask him.
”I don’t get it,” Eddie shook his head.
Richie threw his head back and laughed. ”Oh my god, you’re so precious,” he sighed, grinning at Eddie. ”I meant what about when I insert my genital into somebody else’s? Do you just watch and make sure I don’t get some gruesome STD or something?”
Eddie lifted his eyebrow, wondering why that was Richie’s priority. Based on what Eddie had seen of Richie’s life so far, Richie didn’t have a ’sex-life’. He had kissed his friend Beverly, his friend, a couple of times, but he had yet to have any sort of sexual interaction with another person while Eddie was in charge of him.
”Based on what I’ve seen so far, you don’t have frequent intercourse, so it’s not a problem I’m worried about.”
”Um, ouch,” Richie said, putting his hand over his chest and grinning at Eddie. ”No need to be so harsh Eddie bear.”
The part which Eddie hated most about his job was doing the fucking weekly reports. To Eddie they felt absolutely useless – he knew he could write anything in them and Mike would still press the seal of approval on it.
But it wasn’t just that. When making a report, Eddie had to write down all the ’incidents’ and ’close calls’ that occured during the week, and boy did Richie have incidents and close calls.
On Monday client thought it would be a great idea to try and get his toast out with a fork. Almost had to interfere and smash his head in with the toaster, but his friend came and stopped him at the very last second.
On the same day, yes on the same fucking day, client managed to bring down a shelve full off pasta at the grocery store. Managed to convince the owner to not make him pay for it. He should’ve paid for it, I warned the dumbass.
On Tuesday client tried to eat two weeks old chicken – nearly let him as well. Instead took the bowl out of his hands, threw it out and set the trashcan on fire
Side note: don’t let client near fire – doesn’t know it’s hot.
It went on like that. Usually the reports were easy breezy lemon squeezy, because Eddie was good at his job and nobody ever had that many incident and close calls. But Richie was a unique indivudual, Eddie would give him that.
”Dropping your weekly report?” Stan asked as the bumbed into each other after Eddie had left Mike’s office (Eddie may or may not have stated his absolute frustration with Richie, but Mike couldn’t have given less of a shit). ”Or was it your final report?”
”Do you ever work Stan? Or were you so bad that Mike doesn’t give you cases anymore?” Eddie shot back, making Stan snort.
Eddie wasn’t sure why and how he and Stan ever became ’friends’. Mike seemed to wonder that a lot – in his opinion Eddie and Stan acted more like worst enemies than best friends.
But Eddie thought that their relationship suited their personalities quite well. And Eddie knew Stan never took any of his jabs or insults personally, and Eddie didn’t either – their ’fighting’ was more of a friendly feud than anything.
”I actually came to bring my weekly report, like everybody else,” Stan said a smug grin on his lips. ”Ten cases, all done, in one week. Can you believe?”
”So a couple of kids scraped their knees and got hit by a ball a little too hard – sounds like cases suitable for you Stanley.”
Stan ignored his retort. ”So you’re still not giving up on Richard Tozier?” his words came out more as a question than a statement. ”You know you should just throw in the towel already – you know you’re just waisting your time with him. It’s not like the guy is going to show any improvement.”
”I don’t know what kind of manipulation you’re trying to do on me Stan, but it’s not going to work,” Eddi huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. ”I’m going to win, and you know it.”
Stan shrugged as a response. ”We’ll see,” he said, before walking into Mike’s office.
”Do you have wings?”
It hadn’t taken long for Eddie to figure out that Richie was naturally curious – and so asked questions a lot. Eddie couldn’t really blame him though – finding out that angels were real must’ve awoken some questions and of course he’d want to know what was going on.
”Yeah,” Eddie answered, sitting on the armrest of the old dirty couch in Richie’s living room. Richie, being an unemployed college student, didn’t have the cleanest, or the biggest, apartment. It absolutely repulsed Eddie – it had been a while since Eddie was human, a long while, but he remembered that he liked everything clean. Richie was anything but clean.
”Can you show me?” Richie asked, pausing the video game he was playing and turning around to face Eddie, anticipation painted on his face.
”Why do you want to see them?”
”Why wouldn’t I want to see them?” Richie asked. ”Are they like your version of a dick? Like you have wings instead of a dick?”
”Why does everything have to come down to genitals with you?” Eddie groaned.
”I could come down on you too,” Richie smirked, making Eddie shake his head. That was the one thing that he actually understood.
”Sexual intercourse is forbidden between a guardian angel and the human they’re protecting,” Eddie answered, making a look of surprise appear on Richie’s face.
”Has that been like an actual problem?”
”A couple of times,” Eddie shrugged, ready to change the topic.
”What happened? Why did it become forbidden?” Richie asked, sitting down closer to Eddie and resting his face on his hands. ”Did somebody get pregnant and Jesus was born?”
Eddie scoffed. ”No, they just decided that it would be wiser to forbid it,” he said. ”And that’s also the reason why a guardian has to ask a special permission to show themselves to the human.”
”What has that to do with anything?”
”Humans are naturally attracted to their guardian angels,” Eddie explained with a sigh. ”It’ll be easier to keep them away from the temptation.”
”I’m not going to deny – you are very temptating.”
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Chapter 4: Not a big fan of choking
i literally wrote this in like two hours, so,,,, lmao
i've been having a supernatural marathon for the last week, and honestly,,, the best show ever. the person who writes me a reddie supernatural au will get all my love and affection, no joke
thank you for all the lovely comments and apologies that i haven't responded to all of them! they are all very treasured and appreciated and bring a big fucking smile on my face. make sure to leave some more and maybe i'll write the next chapter quicker lmao
btw you can hmu at any time on tumblr at kinda-aesthetic.tumblr.com it's not a reddie or an it blog, just mostly shit posting, but wutever
Eddie felt like some progress had been made, even if the smallest. Whether Richie did it intentionally or not, he had become more careful than he was, and Eddie took that as a sign of an inevitable success. Of course there was a lot of work to be done: with Richie’s smoking habits it would be a miracle if he didn’t get lung cancer in the near future, he still ate expired food mindlessly and he didn’t remember to blow out the candles Beverly liked to light up when she came to visit.
But he did look both ways when crossing the street, he didn’t slip in the shower anymore (Eddie was particularly happy about that, because the amount of awkward incidents had decreased) and he didn’t take too big bites off his food anymore, so the chances of him choking weren’t too big anymore.
”Yeah, I get it. I’m not that big of a fan of choking, unless it’s dick,” Richie had said when Eddie commented on it. ”And now that we’re in the topics, what are your kinks?”
Eddie had ended that conversation rather quickly.
Maybe Eddie had grown quite fond of Richie – not that he’d ever admit it to anyone, much less to Richie himself. His crude use of language aside, Eddie had found Richie not to be a complete menace and maybe he didn’t mind spending his time trying to keep the boy out of trouble’s way. It wasn’t easy to get on Eddie’s good side – during his life as an angel, only Ben, Mike and somehow Stan, had been the ones to crack Eddie’s shell and make him like them. Before his life as an angel… well that’s a whole different story.
But it had seemed easy enough for Richie. It didn’t take him too much to make Eddie laugh, an act that Eddie rarely did sincerely, and he could hold up a decent conversation. Even if every other word to come out of his mouth was a curse word (Eddie himself was no better, so he couldn’t judge).
”You do know smoking is a carcinogen, right?” Eddie asked as he watched Richie lit up his fifth cigarette of the day. It was barely one p.m.
”You never cease to shock me with your wisdom Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie grinned, blowing out smoke.
Eddie rolled his eyes. ”I’m serious,” he said. ”It’s my job to make sure you don’t die before your time. Cutting a couple cancer rolls a day wouldn’t hurt.”
”If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you care about me Spaghetti.” At this point Eddie was past correcting the stupid nicknames Richie gave him – all it did was encourage him to use them more often.
”It’s the guardian angel’s job to care about the human,” Eddie said. It was true – part of the job description was to care for humanity, and most importantly, those humans you were serving. Mike and Ben had pointed out how Eddie and Stan failed to meet this demand – that the only thing motivating them on thier job was succeeding and being the best at what they do.
Eddie usually didn’t argue, because that would be a lie. It was true that in most cases, his main motive was to not fail. To prove that he was a good fucking guardian angel and that he deserved his title. But with Richie, he felt like he could honestly say that he helped because he cared.
It was a weird feeling, caring about somebody. It had been long time since he had felt anything towards anyone – since Eddie had become an angel, he had felt devoid of those feelings. He did love and care about his friends, even if it was in a weird way that he never said out loud. But with Richie, it was different. The feeling was just as weird, but on a whole different scale.
Eddie had decided not to worry about it. Worrying about it would make him lose focus on what was important.
”Well there are multiple ways you could take care of me,” Richie said, grinning from ear to ear, like he always did. ”Like for example, I haven’t been able to take care of my needs in weeks, so if you could be a dear and drop down on your knees-”
”I don’t think so,” Eddie shook his head. During his time with Richie, he had started to understand the true meaning behind most of the things he said, and none of them were fit for a relationship between an angel and a human. ”I’m in no intrest to disobey the most important rule given to me.”
”If it wasn’t for that law-”
”The answer would still be no,” Eddie shook his head, watching as Richie put out the cigarette in his hand and left it laying on the coffee table, which was by now littered with old cigarettes. Eddie often complained about most of Richie’s habits – smoking indoors, leaving trash laying around, never cleaning. One night Eddie had taken it to himself to clean Richie’s entire small apartment – it had lasted for one and a half day before Richie had destroyed it again.
”You know things that are forbidden are always ten times more tempting,” Richie noted, making Eddie scoff.
When Eddie didn’t answer, Richie turned on the television and started to go through the channels, nothing pleasing him. Eddie once asked him why he never used his free time to study, but quickly remembered, that despite his lack of common sense, Richie was a downright genious when it came to school. He didn’t have to put any effort into passing his exams with flying colours, and a part of Eddie was envious of that – but then again, what good was it to be book smart, when your common sense is on a vacation.
”Okay, I gotta ask,” Richie said, when he got bored of channel surfing, effectively drawing Eddie’s attention from his own thoughts to him. ”If angels can’t have any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with humans, how do you… take care of your needs?”
”Angels don’t have the same mundane urges as you humans do Richie,” Eddie sighed – it always came down it sex with Richie. ”But it’s neither forbidden or uncommon among angels to have sexual or romantic relationships with one another. It’s encouraged in fact, in order to make angels more empathetic and caring.”
”Well in that case, you must’ve missed out on the heavenly orgies.”
Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose. ”Just because that’s the intetion, doesn’t always mean it’s effective or that’s what the two angels have in mind,” Eddie said. ”And besides, my past relationsips are none of your business Richie.”
The grin on Richie’s face remained, but turned into something more dirty and mischievous. ”Oh? Got some kinky relationship that you don’t want me to know about? Don’t worry, I’m not one to judge – in fact, it might just turn me on.”
”And this is why we don’t share things with each other Richie.”
”It’s been a long time since the two of us hung out,” Beverly smiled at Richie, taking a sip of her coffee. ”You’re always so busy.”
Richie wasn’t actually busy, but that was given – he knew Beverly knew something was up, because besides school, Beverly and Bill, Richie hardly had a social life. He didn’t work anywhere at the moment – that’s the price you pay for being somewhat a fuck up – and his freetime mostly consisted of x-box and Kardashians reruns.
Except now Richie’s life seemed to revolve mostly around the fact that there was a fucking angel breathing down his ass. Well, based on Eddie’s words, there had always been, but now he was aware of it. Which meant that Richie didn’t have the same feeling of privacy anymore. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing – Eddie felt like some flicker of light in darkness for Richie – but there were times when Richie felt like he couldn’t do things, because he knew Eddie was always there, in some sort of manner he was always making sure Richie was okay.
Which was comforting, because Richie had managed to avoid the ER multiple times thanks to Eddie. But god, sometimes guy just had to jerk off without knowing there was somebody else there with him – and Eddie wasn’t always visible to Richie, so it was hard to tell if he was there or not. Of course Richie had told Eddie that he was more than welcome to join him or just watch when he did have his normal sort of needs, but all he got was a frown in responce.
Right now, Eddie had decided to not appear visible to Richie – just to create some sense of privacy to him, even if it was more or less fake. Richie still knew Eddie was there – not just necessarily right behind him, making sure he didn’t spill coffee on his jeans.
”Yeah, sorry about that,” Richie answered, sipping on his own drink while waiting for Bill to show up.
Beverly shook her head. ”Don’t be. Just tell me what’s been taking so much of your time,” she said. ”Although I do have a pretty good hunch on what’s going on.”
Richie’s heart skipped a beat. ”You do?” he asked, nervously licking his lips, glancing at the door and begging for Bill to just show up already.
”Of course I do – do you think I’m stupid?” Beverly rolled her eyes and smiled. ”So what’s his name?”
”What’s who’s name?”
”Now you’re the one playing stupid. The guy who’s been taking all your time,” she said. ”Is he cute? Are you two officially a couple? Is he good in bed?”
Richie let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. ”I don’t know if he’s good in bed- wait, no, there is no he to begin with. We’re not a couple!” Okay, obviously there was a he, but unfortunately he was a fucking angel who wasn’t allowed to be with Richie even if he wanted to.
Richie almost felt stupid for having a crush on Eddie, even if Eddie had said it was natural for Richie to be attracted to him. But it didn’t have anything to do with being attracted to Eddie. Well okay, maybe it did have something to do with that fact, but it was much more than that. Eddie made Richie feel safe. Like there was nothing that could hurt him because Eddie was there, making sure he was going to be okay. And it sounded cliche and a little bit stupid as well, but Richie looked forward to seeing Eddie every day, he wanted Eddie to tell him everything there was to know about him, and when Eddie decided to not appear to Richie, it felt disappointing and Richie found himself calling out to Eddie almost every time it happened.
But it was all stupid and wrong, knowing that they wouldn’t be allowed to be together – which of course made Richie want Eddie ten times more.
”Okay, now you lost me,” Beverly shook his head. ”Is there a he or is there not?”
Richie knew that Eddie was listening – or at the very least close. If Richie were to now tell Beverly that yes, there in fact was somebody he liked, it wouldn’t be too hard for Eddie to put two and two together. Eddie was the one Richie spent most of his time with – there really were no other options he could be talking about.
Then again, Eddie was pretty daft when it came down to it.
”More or less,” Richie hummed, eyeing the cafe they were seated at for the sign of Eddie. He was nowhere to be seen, which didn’t mean much. He was probably within two feet from Richie.
Beverly squealed. ”Tell me everything about him!” she demanded.
”There’s nothing to tell: I like him, I don’t know if he likes me or not, but that doesn’t matter because nothing can ever happen between us. Now drop it.” Just then the door opened, making the little bell ring – Bill had just walked in. Spotting his two friends, he waved and walked over.
”H-hey guys. What a-a-are you t-t-talking about?” he asked, sliding into the booth and taking a seat next to Beverly.
”Richie’s found a guy but he refuses to tell anything about him,” Beverly said, glaring at Richie.
Bill turned his eyes to Richie excitedly. ”I-it’s about t-time!”
”Yeah, well don’t get too excited yet Billiam – I just explained to Beverly here that nothing is ever going to happen, so don’t count on that,” Richie mumbled, feeling his face heat up. He wasn’t sure if he could look Eddie in the eye after this – it was so obvious he was talking about him.
”Aw, why not?” Bill asked.
”Because. Now drop it.”
When Richie got home from the cafe, he found Eddie in his living room, sitting on the couch reading a book. He merely acknowledged Richie’s presence with a hum, keeping his attention on the book.
”Hey Spaghetti,” Richie said, a little nervously. ”How long have you been here?”
Eddie finally lifted his head to look at Richie. ”Since you left. Haven’t moved.” Then he turned his gaze back to the book.
”So you weren’t at the cafe with me?” Richie asked, receiving a shake of Eddie’s head as a response. ”You let me go all that way, spend three hours in the cafe, on my own? Not checking how I’m doing at any point?”
”No. Why? Something wrong?” Eddie asked, closing the book and setting it aside. ”Did you get hurt?”
Richie shook his head, feeling relief fill his body – so Eddie hadn’t heard him confessing to having a crush on the angel. It was calming to know that he hadn’t made a fool out of himself – because that was something Richie never did.
”No, everything’s perfect. Peachy. Better than ever,” Richie grinned, waltzing to the living room and dropping down on the couch, so his head rested on Eddie’s legs. ”What’cha reading?”
”A book,” Eddie answered, letting Richie take it from next to him and examine it. ”A terrible one.”
”What did you expect from a book that’s titled Twilight? Where’d you even get this?” Richie asked, throwing the book behind the couch.
”My friend Ben has just about every book ever made.”
”Hm. He wouldn’t happen to be your lover boy by any chance?” Richie asked, sitting up, so he could look Eddie in the eye and grin.
Eddie threw a glare at him. ”No. Ben isn’t interested in male company.”
”Ah, so he’s straight,” Richie nodded.
”One could argue yes,” Eddie agreed. ”Angels aren’t really that intrested in orientations and such.”
”So God won’t banish you from heaven for having sucked dick? Good to know, I’ll keep that in mind when they try to throw me in hell.”
Eddie let out something that could be interpreted as a laugh. ”Yeah, despite all your flaws, I don’t think you’ve earned yourself a ticket to hell, Richie.”
”You’re making me blush Spaghetti,” Richie grinned.
”How’s your progress with Richie?” Mike asked Eddie. He had requested Eddie to meet him at his office, to chat about the obvious. Whether or not he was going to give up. Eddie had managed to survive a little over a month now – he knew that Mike was getting hopeful that Eddie could actual succeed in this case.
”Good,” Eddie answered. ”I think I’m actually getting somewhere with him. He’s doing a lot better than a couple weeks ago.”
Mike nodded. ”Wonderful. Every step forward is a step closer to success and victory,” Mike said, leaning forward a little, putting his arms on the desk in front of him and interwining his fingers together. ”And a step closer for the case to be officially closed – if you’re as efficient as you always are, you can soon move on to new challenges.”
”Um, what’s that supposed to mean?” Eddie asked, tilting his head to the side and giving Mike a suspiscious look.
”What I mean, is that the faster you’re done with Richie, the better,” he explained. ”Of course you’re allowed to take your time – I don’t expect you to succeed in just a month. He is the most difficult case we’ve had in centuries. But my superiors… well, they’d like to have the case out of the way sooner than later.”
”Your bosses hardly ever meddle with our work,” Eddie pointed out. He knew full well who Mike’s superiors were and he didn’t like them one bit.
”Well, it is Richard Tozier – he’s one of the more infamous cases. They’re bound to get familiar with the ones that get more attention,” Mike sighed. ”Look, I don’t like this any more than you do. But my superiors… they aren’t too happy with the arrangement we have with Richie – and there are always angels watching over, even with guardians like yourself working and the word travels fast...”
”I don’t think I follow,” Eddie said. ”What are you talking about?”
Mike pursed his lips and looked away from Eddie. After a while he started talking again. ”I never liked the idea of having angel spies. Doesn’t seem fit for angels. But when humans started to need our assistance, my superiors insisted that there were angels keeping an eye on everything, just so we can send help to everyone who needs it – you of course knew this. The spies are usually guardian angels themselves, as you know. And when they see and hear things, they don’t keep it a secret. And it has come to not only my attention but my superior’s attention as well that Richie Tozier might have… romantic feelings towards you,” Mike explained. ”Of course you understand why this is causing displeasure amongst them.”
All color drained from Eddie’s face after hearing those words – since when had Richie had romantic feelings towards him, like Mike so bluntly put it? Sure Richie flirted a lot, but that was just a part of his personality. Eddie didn’t think he meant anything by it.
”Well that hardly is my fault now, is it,” Eddie answered.
”No, it’s not,” Mike agreed. ”The original idea was to free you from the case – get someone else to do it. But I told them that everyone had tried it at least once already and you’re without doubt the best guardian we have. You have gotten the furthest. So they agreed to let you stay with him,” Mike explained.
”No one is blaming you, don’t worry about that Eddie – it is inevitable that the human will feel attraction towards their assigned guardian angel. But as of right now, it would be the best if you could handle the situation as fast as you can, while keeping your distance.”
Chapter 5: Fuckwank McIstinkofshit
nearly twenty days later she returns....
lmao i rewrote this chapter literally five times before i was completely happy with it (i'm still not)
keep sending those nice little comments! they make a bitch smile.
Eddie felt like he was a fifteen-year-old girl in the presence of a guy she knew liked her – in a way that was true. The only difference was that Eddie wasn’t a fifteen-year-old girl. Eddie didn’t know whether or not Mike’s source was even reliable – maybe some angel had been feeding him and his bosses and horse crap and lied about Richie liking Eddie. It wasn’t something an angel typically would do, but Eddie could name one specific angel who could sink that low if he wanted to.
But Eddie tried not to waste his energy worrying about that.
Mike had told Eddie to keep his distance – not to show to Richie as often, let him become more independent. Eddie had thought that it would be easy. As it turned out, Eddie lasted about thirty minutes, until Richie called his name literally once and Eddie was already there, in his kitchen, staring into Richie’s eyes before he remembered personal space was a term commonly used by humans.
”It’s okay, you can be as close as you want,” Richie grinned as Eddie took a step back, feeling a slight blush covering his cheeks.
He couldn’t remember the last time he blushed.
”Do you need something?” Eddie asked, trying to keep his voice calm.
Richie looked around the kitchen with a confused expression. ”No..? I was just wondering where you were. You’re always here.”
Eddie tried not to grimace. ”My job is to keep you safe, not babysit you,” he said.
”That’s exactly what babysitting is,” Richie argued back, a grin almost appearing on his face, before he seemed to remember why he called Eddie in the first place. ”No, but for real, why weren’t you here?”
”For fuck’s sake Richie, you didn’t see me for thirty minutes and you freak out,” Eddie shook his head. ”You’re twenty – you should be able to take care of yourself without me giving you specific instructions.”
Richie frowned. ”What if I just want your radiant company?”
”That’s not part of my job description,” Eddie muttered.
”Hasn’t stopped you before.” It was true. Eddie spent more time with Richie than was considered necessary. Sometimes they didn’t even talk – Eddie would just sit and watch as Richie played video games. Sometimes Richie would ask him about everything and anything. They would bicker and argue and laugh and Eddie hardly had to pay attention to his actual job.
Maybe Mike was right.
Eddie pursed his lips. ”If you don’t need anything, there’s really not a reson for me to be here,” he said, before vanishing from sight, but staying in the kitchen, watching as Richie stared at the spot he had been standing on (still was) with heartbroken eyes.
”Is the apocalypse here, or has Richie Tozier actually figured out where the library is located?” Beverly asked with a wide grin as she and Bill made their way towards the table in which Richie was trying, and failing, to write an essay for his class.
Richie glared at Beverly. ”I have been very aware of it’s location, thank you very much,” he said, looking back to his word document, which so far had only one word written on it.
In Richie’s opinion it was a solid argument, but his professor might want him to elaborate.
It had been two days and three hours since Richie had last seen Eddie – he still liked to think that Eddie was there, keeping an eye on him. There was the possibility that Eddie had officially called it quits up in the heavens and some other, less interesting and nowhere near as cute angel had taken his place as Richie’s guardian angel.
”B-b-but this is m-most likely the f-f-first time you u-use that in-information,” Bill grinned, sitting on the seat opposite of Richie’s. ”Wh-what brings you in h-here with us n-n-nerds?”
”Yeah, don’t you have a guy to swoon over?” Beverly asked with a teasing grin.
Richie scoffed. ”He found out about my chlamydia, so nothing ever happened,” Richie muttered, pressing on one key on his computer to make it appear on the scream over again.
Beverly and Bill shared a look. ”Did something happen?” Beverly asked.
”Yeah, he found out that I have an STD – would you want to date someone with an STD?” Richie was past the point of worrying whether or not Eddie could hear or care what he was talking about.
”C-could you b-b-be serious f-f-for a while?” Bill sighed. ”And tell u-us what happened?”
Of course he could tell them what happened. How he against nonexistent common sense went and fell for his guardian angel, who was of course forbidden to feel anything towards Richie, and now the said angel more or less ignored him. Telling that definitely wouldn’t make him sound crazy.
”Nothing happened, because there was nothing there to begin with,” Richie answered. ”Now go ahead and mind your own business, thanks.”
”No need to act like a bitch to us about it,” Beverly muttered, taking out her books from her bag as she eyes Richie warily.
”Well, you asked.”
Bill and Beverly ended up staying for couple of hours before leaving. During those hours, Richie got almost nothing done, save from deleting the unnecessary key-smashes he had made in an attempt to look like he was actually working on his essay.
”We’re going to get coffee, you coming?” Beverly asked as she and Bill were putting their things back in their bags and getting up.
Richie shook his head. ”Nah, I gotta finish this,” he said, staring at the one word on his word-document.
Bill raised an eyebrow. ”You’ve w-worked on it f-f-for the past tw-two hours, man. If i-it’s not done already you c-can give yourself a br-break.”
”When I don’t study, you complain. When I do study, you complain. Tell me what do I need to do to please you people,” Richie said with a shake of his head, making Beverly and Bill chuckle.
”Whatever, have fun with Old Mrs Bennet,” Beverly said, gesturing to the mean looking librarian who had been glaring at Richie for the last two hours, despite him not doing anything except staring at his computer screen and banging his head on the table.
After Bev and Bill had left, Richie had just about twenty minutes of peace and quiet, before a new person sat on the seat that had been previously occupied by Bill. Richie moved his gaze from the computer screen to look at the unfamiliar person.
The guy’s hair was curly, but not like Richie’s – it was light brown and neatly styled on his head, like he spent good thrity minutes in front of the mirror in the mornings. His skin was smooth and pale, without a single flaw. His eyes were pale blue, shiny but cold. The smile on his face looked unsincere and almost forced.
Richie wasn’t sure what tipped the guy off – maybe it was his clothing. He was dressed in a white button up shirt (that was buttoned all the way up), white dress pants and white shoes. Eddie was always dressed the same way – all white, from head to toe. If that wasn’t enough to convince Richie that this was one of Eddie’s angel friends, the fact that the stranger apparently knew Richie, was.
”Hello Richard Tozier,” the stranger said, the smile on his face not quite reaching his eyes. ”I’d say it’s pleasant to see you, but I don’t like to come across as a liar to new people.”
”You’re one of those feathery bastard, aren’t you?” Richie asked, slamming his computer closed. ”Did Eddie quit? Is that why you’re here.”
”Wow, you’re not half as dumb as you look. And no, Eddie did not quit. Unfortunately,” the guy said, frowning at Richie as he tilted his head, his eyes examinating Richie with judging eyes.
”Okay, then what does yet another winged freak want with me? Trust me, I have enough trouble with the one I already have,” Richie muttered, watching as a look of amusement appeared on the angel’s face.
”Oh yes, I know all about your troubles,” the still nameless angel said, a slight smirk appearing on his face. ”It’s cute really. Having a crush on your guardian angel – but not a surprise. It happens nearly every time when we let the angel show themselves to the humans we’re protecting. That’s why the big guys shouldn’t be so angry, they knew it was gonna happen.”
Richie stared at the angel with a confused expression. ”Okay, now you lost me,” he admitted, not having a single clue on what the other guy was telling him.
The angel let out a loud sigh. ”Oh, I’m so going to regret this,” he muttered, mostly to himself, before looking at Richie pointedly. ”To put it bluntly, the guys who are more or less Eddie and I’s bosses, the archangels, know that you my friend have fallen in love with Eddie. Every angel knows it at this point – but it didn’t come to surprise to anyone, except maybe the archangels. It’s like, fuck, they didn’t remember this happens every time. Well, nearly every time, but still. You humans just can’t resist angels, can you. Well, your guardian angels at least,” the angel explained. ”And now that the word of your infatuation with Eddie has spread wide and far, well, you can only imagine what the guys upstairs think about that.”
Richie had paled visibly – if every single angel knew, did that mean Eddie did too? Of course it did, he was probably one of the first ones to know.
Richie felt like love was still a very strong word to describe the way he felt about Eddie – but angel was right, Richie was infatuated with Eddie, to the point in which he couldn’t help but think about anything else. But that didn’t seem like a good thing, at least according to the angel sitting across from Richie.
”This hardly seems like your problem,” Richie said as he pursed his lips at the angel.
The angel didn’t answer for a while, just eyed Richie with mild irritation. ”Eddie and I are friends,” he then said. ”So excuse me for worrying about him. Everybody knows that when an angel and a human fall in love, it ends up bad for both of them.”
”The problem here seems that the feeling is only one-sided, so you don’t have to worry about Eddie all that much.”
”Is it though? Have you asked Eddie himself whether or not your feelings are reciprocated?” the angel asked.
”You’re hardly making it seem like you’re here to help,” Richie said, ignoring what the angel said. It was best to not believe him – Richie had no reason to trust the guy.
The angel tilted his head. ”I’m an angel – my job is to help,” he said, making Richie scoff. ”All I’ve told you so far is nothing but the truth. You have no reason not to trust me.”
”Except the fact that you seem pretty fucking ominous, dude,” Richie shook his head. ”I don’t even know your name. That could be a good place to start if you want my trust.”
”I don’t have a reason to give you my name,” the angel shook his head. ”You have no use to it.”
”Right. I’m just going to call you Fuckwank McIstinkofshit,” Richie said with a sarcastic grin, making Fuckwank let out an unattractive snort.
”Creative, but beside the point,” he said, running his hand through his perfect hair.
”And what is the point?” Richie asked.
”The point is that you’ve created a problem – a problem that Eddie cannot be trusted to fix. Not by himself at least. He’s grown too attached to you to do as he’s told anymore. He was told to keep his distance from you, and he couldn’t even do that,” Fuckwank said, chuckling a little. ”Eddie is, or rather was, the perfect angel, he never broke a singel rule in the book. And look at him now, breaking the biggest one. Getting too emotionally invested in the human he’s in charge of.”
Richie glared at the angel – he refused to believe this man was actually supposed to be Eddie’s friend. It wasn’t as though the angel was talking shit of Eddie, but his tone told a different story. The tone of his voice was ridiculing and almost catty. Like he was happy that Eddie was facing a huge problem.
”I still don’t have any idea why you’re telling me this,” Richie muttered, looking around him. The library was nearly empty at this point – he wasn’t sure if other people could see this angel, but he had a feeling that they couldn’t and Richie really didn’t want to be seen talking to air again.
”Because I was assigned to take care of this problem. I was given free hands on how I’m going to do it,” Fuckwank explained. ”And trust me, I’m going to take care of the problem. And right now, the biggest problem is you Richard Tozier.”
”If you’re planning on assassinating me...” Richie said, standing up from his seat, the angel across from him doing the same.
”Then what?” the angel asked, not moving a muscle as Richie took a small step back. ”What could you possibly do to stop me?”
”He’ll nothing,” somebody said behind Richie, making the angel look over Richie’s shoulder with annoyed eyes as Richie whipped around to look at Eddie, who had his arms crossed over his chest and a pissed off look on his face. ”Because Stanley isn’t assassinating anybody today.”
”I never said I was,” the angel, who now had a name, Stanley, shrugged. ”He’s the one who jumped to conclusions. I just played along.”
”Why are you here Stan?” Eddie asked, dropping his hands from his chest and putting them in his pockets while taking steps towards the table Richie and Stan were still standing next to.
”I already explained it: I was given the job to take care of this problem we have at hand here,” Stan said, gesturing to Richie, who did his best not to get offended by the disgusted look on the angel’s face.
”I like to think that there’s bigger problems in the world than Richie,” Eddie said, glancing at Richie, a small smile appearing on his face.
”Maybe not – but he’s still a complication in our system. And complications need fixing,” Stan said, tilting his head a little as he smirked at Eddie.
”It’s not your job to do anything Stan,” Eddie shook his head, sending deathly glares at Stan. At this point Richie felt like he was watching a drama show on tv – neither one of the angels were paying any attention to him while they argued.
”Ah, but that’s where you’re mistaken Eddie,” Stan replied. ”I’m just doing what I was told to do. As should you.”
Eddie let out a sharp exhale as he stared at Stan as though he was about to murder him. ”I’m talking to Mike about this,” Eddie said, his tone threatning, but only making Stan let out a derisive laugh.
”Sure, go tell daddy and see what he’ll do,” Stan rolled his eyes. ”You know daddy’s only in charge when mommy’s not home. And guess what, she is now.”
”I feel like I’m being forgotten here,” Richie butted in, knowing perfectly well that it would be best for him to keep his mouth shut. Too bad his mouth always worked faster than his brain.
”Shut up Richie,” Eddie said, not even glancing at Richie as he glared at the other, much taller angel, who was wearing a smug grin on his face. ”You should go home,” Eddie said, turning his head to look at Richie in the eye.
”What, are going to let him go outside without you babysitting him?” Stan asked. ”He could get hit by a truck. Wouldn’t that be unfortunate.”
”Do me a favour Stanley and take whatever problem you have with Richie and shove it up your ass,” Eddie growled. Richie was aware that it was a serious situation, but by god the sound of Eddie growling was far too hot for Richie to comprehend.
”In case you haven’t figured it out yet Edward, the thing making Richie a problem right now is you,” Stan said, his voice venomous as his smirk turned into a glare as deadly as the one on Eddie. ”And to think that Mike was sure that you were going to fix the problem that was Richard Tozier, not make it into something bigger.”
Eddie looked murderous. ”You know what you can do Stan? Crawl back to whoever told you to take care of this problem and tell them to fuck themselves with a dull knife, okay?” Eddie said, before wrapping his hand around Richie’s wrist and making everything go black.
Eddie was waiting for Richie to wake up. Transporting a human from one location to another wasn’t a completely riskless act, but it rarely killed anybody. Humans usually, with a few exceptions throughout the history, blacked out right after it, and now all Eddie could do was wait for Richie to regain his consciousness.
It took about forty minutes for Richie to lazily blink his eyes open. Eddie was sitting next to him on the armrest of the couch he had laid Richie on and stared as he slowly started to recall what had happened.
”How the hell did we end up here?” Richie asked, putting his hand on his head and tried to get up. Eddie put his hand on Richie’s shoulder in order to lay him back down.
”Don’t get up just yet. You might pass out again,” Eddie said, running his hand through Richie’s messy curls. ”Have you ever brushed your hair in your life?”
”Marvelous job on changing the subject Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie groaned. ”You deserve an A plus on that.”
Eddie shook his head. ”You don’t need to worry about Stan,” he said, pursing his lips. ”He’s my problem, not yours.”
”He made it more than clear that I’m the problem here,” Richie replied, sighing as Eddie kept running his hand through his hair. ”Keep doing that will you.”
”Stan is just an asshole with an inferiority complex,” Eddie said. ”He likes to feel important, but he isn’t actually going to do anything.”
”He said you two are friends,” Richie pointed out.
Eddie nodded. ”We are. Doesn’t change the fact that he’s an asshole though,” Eddie said, before grinning. ”A little like you, then.”
”You got a thing for assholes?”
”Something like that,” Eddie answered with a smile.
Both of them were quiet for a while, staring into each other’s eyes while Eddie kept moving his hand in Richie’s hair. It was Richie who broke the silence first.
”What did Stan mean by saying you’re too emotionally invested in me?” he asked, his voice quiet.
”Exactly what you think he did – that I care about you too much and it’s getting in the way of me doing my job,” Eddie answered, his expression turning into a small frown. ”We’re not allowed to care about humans to the point where we can’t let them go when we’ve done our job. Unfortunately I’ve crossed that line already.”
Richie didn’t answer – he just stared at Eddie with wide, surprised eyes, making Eddie sigh. ”I guess that’s why they sent Stan, out of all angel’s Stan, to you. If I can’t let you go, he could make you let me go,” Eddie said, his tone bitter.
”What do you mean, let you go?” Richie asked. ”I don’t want to let you go.”
Eddie chuckled at that. ”It means that human’s can basically tell their guardian angel’s to fuck off if they want to – in that case the angel is no longer in charge of them, and has no right to try to make contact with the human,” Eddie explained, amused by the expression on Richie’s face. ”And you thought that we don’t ask consent.”
”You don’t,” Richie said, shaking his head as he started to smile. ”But I don’t think Stan or anybody could ever force me to let you go.”
Chapter 6: Playing doctor
After two months she returns...
With a little short, not really high-quality chapter, oopsie.
Honestly I've been writing this chapter for the last two months, just writing a sentence a day before giving up and watching conspiracy theories on youtube, but you don't care about that! You just care about whether or not they're going to fuck in this chapter! Maybe you'll find out!
(honestly, you can see the point where it stopped being proper writing and started being some weird shit-posting in the form of fanfiction lmao)
”I think I’m coming down with something,” Richie said, before blowing his nose on a tissue. ”Okay, I’m most definitely coming down with something.”
Eddie frowned. ”And I told you to put on socks before going outside, but you wouldn’t listen to me,” he said, shaking his head at Richie.
”It wasn’t even that cold,” Richie argued before starting to cough uncontrollably. Eddie was sure he was about to cough his lungs out at any minute now.
Things weren’t exactly normal between them anymore – Eddie knew they were being monitored constantly and that put a slight veil of uneasiness between them. Eddie wouldn’t dare to even look at Richie for too long, in case it was misinterpreted and he’d be sent straight to the archangels to be interrogated. Eddie knew Richie had noticed it as well – he would glance around the room, as though looking for another angel besides Eddie observing them with unkind glares.
”And look at you now,” Eddie hummed. ”You should probably lay down and rest.”
”But I was supposed to go find a job today,” Richie complained with a whine, although Eddie knew he was secretly happy about not having to go out. To this point Richie had survived with the money his grandmother had left him after her death, but now he had realized that at some point he will run out of money.
Eddie tilted his head. ”You can look online. Later. Now you should rest,” he said, guiding Richie to the couch.
”Will you come with me?” Richie asked with a teasing pout, before starting to cough again.
Eddie grimaced. ”As tempting as that sounds, I’m going to have to pass on that offer,” he said, shaking his head. ”For many reasons beyond the fact that you have a runny nose and are about to spill your lungs on the ground.”
”If this is my punishment for lusting after an angel, I will gladly take it all back, you’re hideous,” Richie whined, as Eddie put a blanket on him and made sure he fell asleep peacefully.
It might as well be, Eddie thought with a grimace as Richie started to let out slight snores in his sleep.
”You wished to see me,” Eddie said, walking into Mike’s office, where his boss was sitting with a stern expression.
Mike nodded towards the seat in front of him, silently ordering Eddie to sit down. ”The archangels are coming in three days. I assume you know why,” he said, swallowing a lump in his throat. Mike had never been too fond of his bosses, nor was any other guardian angel.
Eddie pursed his lips. ”No, I’m not sure I do.”
”Don’t act dumb Eddie, it’s not going to work,” Mike said with a grim look, before taking a shaky breath. ”This is the first time I have to deal with something like this.”
”Yes, because I’m such an experienced veteran in this field,” Eddie responded, rolling his eyes.
”You know what I mean. The only reason why you haven’t been let go off your position as Richard Tozier’s guardian angel is because I have specifically requested for them not to and you seem to be the only angel who manages to control him even in the slightest. So when the arch angels come in three days, you will have to behave accordingly,” Mike said. ”And maybe they will let you continue as Richard Tozier’s guardian angel.”
”What happens if they won’t let me? All the other angels have given up on him already. What happens then?”
Mike didn’t answer for a while. ”I’m not completely sure, but let’s just hope it won’t come to that.”
”Yeah, I’m going to need a better answer,” Eddie shook his head. ”What’s going to happen to Richie if I’m fired.”
”The fact that you care so much is the reason why the arch angels are coming in the first place,” another voice came from behind them, making Eddie turn around. Of course it had to be Stan standing there, a tight smile on his face.
”I’m sorry, I thought caring about humans was part of the job description,” Eddie snapped. ”Maybe if you knew that you wouldn’t be such a failure of a guardian angel.”
”Sticks and stones may break my bones but you’re getting fired soon,” Stan said with a sigh. ”Believe me Eddie, I’m trying to be your friend, not your enemy.”
”Wow, could’ve fooled me,” Eddie responded before looking at Mike again. ”What is he doing in here? What’s his purpose?”
The look on Mike’s face insinuated that Eddie wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. ”Now, you’re not going to like this.” See? ”But I asked Stan here to talk about the possibility of you being let go of your current position – I don’t like the idea of a human not receiving the help he needs. But if you are going to be let go, if you are going to be transfered to another position, Stan is the next candidate to take your job.”
Yeah, Eddie definitely didn’t like the sound of that. In fact those were the worst news Mike could’ve laid upon him.
”He gave up a year ago,” Eddie argued. ”He made it perfectly clear that he couldn’t control Richie. And I can. There’s literally zero valid arguments against me continuing to be Richie’s guardian angel.”
”Except the sexual tension that can be cut with a knife,” Stan butted in. ”And hey, I didn’t volunteer for this. The arch angels apparently suggested it. They said something about me being more trustworthy, blah blah blah.”
”Just be here in three days Eddie, and I’ll try to solve this the best I can. I can’t make any promises right now, but in the best case scenario you’re allowed to keep your job. The chances are slim that anything else happens,” Mike promised, but Eddie was having a hard time believing him.
”Can’t you snap your magic fingers and make me healthy again?” Richie asked before erupting into another fit of violent coughs. ”And while you’re at it, make me a billionaire.”
Eddie put his fingers to his temples. ”I’m an angel, not a genie, could you like, shut up for a second?” he complained and rested his head against the wall behind him. He was having a serious headache, which was odd for multiple reasons. The main one was the fact that he was a fucking angel and angels didn’t have headaches.
Of course Eddie blamed it all on Mike and Stan and the archangels and Stan. He really didn’t want to be mad at his friend – they had been best friends since they both became guardian angels around the same time. Why Stan was acting like the biggest dick in the Universe now was a mystery Eddie was trying to solve.
”Are genies real?” Richie asked with a gasp, attempting to sit up on the couch, but falling back on the bed, from what Eddie assumed to be dizziness.
”No, you idiot,” Eddie rolled his eyes. ”If they were I would’ve used all my three wishes to get you to shut up.” Fuck his head hurt.
”There are other ways to shut me up.” Richie said and Eddie didn’t even have to look at him to know he was doing that obnoxious eyebrow-wiggle thing that he thought to be cute and seductive but actually just made him look like a creep.
And jesus fucking christ, Eddie’s head was hurting.
Eddie let out a loud sigh, before turning his head to where Richie was laying on the couch. Saying that he looked like a dying hobo was an insult to dying hobos everywhere. ”When was the last time you took a shower?” Eddie asked. ”Good hygiene is important when you’re trying to get better from a sickness.”
”Are we playing doctor now?” Richie asked before sneezing. ”Cause that’s hot. But I think I’d rather you be the slutty nurse.”
”You obviously haven’t met too many nurses in your life,” Eddie said, doing his best not to roll his eyes. Moving his eyes even a little bit made his headache even worse, if that was even possible. ”Get up and go take a shower.”
”Will you join me?” Richie asked as Eddie grabbed his hand and started to drag him off the couch. Richie really didn’t make it too easy for him. ”I didn’t know you had a sickness fetish, but whatever you’re into I guess.”
”Oh my god, you really need to stop. Just go take the shower,” Eddie said, his voice coming out as something alike to a fucking whine, and by some miracle, Richie actually complied.
Belive it or not, the shower actually made Richie feel slightly better. Sure he still had a stuffy nose, his throat was sure and made him sound like a preadolescent batman and the coughing fits weren’t going to go anywhere in a while, but at least he didn’t feel like he was going to die anymore.
So that was something.
Richie had noticed that Eddie had been more on the edge than usual. And that was saying something, because it appeared that Eddie was always on the edge. He was like the angel form of stress – and it would’ve been cute too, if Richie wasn’t so painfully aware how he was the cause of that stress. But it really wasn’t his fault that he was a living human trainwreck who was slowly fallign more and more in love with that stupid stressed out angel currently in his living room.
Besides, anybody would’ve fallen in love with Eddie, so it was hardly Richie’s fault anyway.
After Richie had finished his shower and put on new set of clothing(the last time Richie decided to just walk around naked after shower, Eddie had thrown garbage at him and told him that it was a bad fucking idea and that he should put clothes on. What if a murderer came in and the cops would find Richie naked? Would that really be the ideal way to go? Richie thought that it was a highly unlikely scenario, but he really thought that murdered while naked was the way he wanted to die.), Eddie was sitting on the armrest of the couch, biting his nails.
He seemed to prefer to sit on the armrest instead of the couch, Richie had noticed. Eddie seemed more childlike when he did it, and also slightly cuter.
In the totally-not-creepy way.
”Well, I showered,” Richie declared before jumping back on the couch again. ”Are we gonna cuddle or what?”
Richie acknowledged Eddie’s attempt to glare at him, but really, the attempt was only halfhearted. No real effort was put in, it didn’t deserve to be called a glare.
”Doesn’t sound like the smartest plan if you ask me,” Eddie sighed.
”What’s so wrong with some cuddles? Cuddles never hurt anybody.”
Eddie snorted, somehow managing to make even that sound cute. Or maybe Richie was just messed up. Yeah, it was definitely the second alternative. ”And now that you said that, somewhere a serial killer called cuddles is laughing manically,” Eddie said, his tone not really fitting the joke, but still managing to get Richie laugh before erupting into yet another fit of coughs.
”If I were a serial killer, I’d definitely call myself cuddles,” Richie said.
”A very compelling name, I have to admit,” Eddie said, his tone tired and a little… bored? No, that wasn’t possible. Nobody was ever bored in the presense of Richie.
Now a normal boyfriend would ask, what’s wrong honey? The only problem was that Richie wasn’t Eddie’s boyfriend, much to his disappointment. So he’d have to go the friend way and ask, what’s wrong bro? Because Richie was hip and cool and used language like that.
Of course the response Richie got from Eddie was a weird look. ”Since when have you ever called anybody bro?” Eddie asked.
”I always call everybody bro! It’s a part of my slang. I’m down with the lingo,” Richie argued. ”And you can’t answer my question with another question, one which does not even have anything to do with my question.”
”You do an awful lot of talking for someone who sounds like their lungs are crawling up their throat while they speak.”
Richie wrinkled his nose. ”Thanks for the mental image bro,” he said with a shudder.
”Stop calling me a bro.”
Beverly and Bill stopped in the next day, bringing all kinds of stuff that apparently helped with sickness. Richie was rarely sick with anything, so he wasn’t familiar with all those things.
”Chicken soup? What is this, some crappy Disney channel sitcom?” Richie asked as Beverly started to heat up the dish for him. There was also ice cream – which in Richie’s opinion kind of zeroed out the effects of the chicken soup – tissues, chocolate, The fucking Notebook – thanks Billy – and two bottles of Fanta. ”And what is up with the Fanta?”
”Wh-when I was a k-k-kid, my mom wou-ld always buy me f-f-fanta when I was sick,” Bill shrugged and poured himself a glass before pouring one for Richie. ”N-not sure i-if it actually does anything though.”
”I highly doubt it does,” Richie said, while wondering where Eddie was. He had disappeared that morning and had yet to re-appear. He had said something about an important meeting in the next few days, but it wasn’t supposed to be today.
”To address the elephant in the room,” Beverly said, turning away from the stove when the chicken soup was ready. ”What is with The Notebook Bill?”
Bill looked like he was being attacked. ”I-it’s a g-good movie!” he defended.
”When you finally realize that pussy isn’t for you and dick is the preferred genital to put in your mouth, remember that Richie is single and looking,” Beverly rolled her eyes and gave Richie a bowl of the soup.
It wasn’t that good, but Richie was hungry, so he didn’t complain. He just warpped the blanket he had on tighter and shoveled the soup into his mouth like it was his last meal on earth.
”Don’t presume that I would ever even consider to have Billy suck little Richard,” Richie said with a shake of his head.
”Wow, I-i didn’t kn-know you had standards a-a-all of the sudden,” Bill snorted and stole a piece of chocolate from the pile of food. In his defence, he did bring most of the treats. Beverly was the one who brought all the healthy stuff.
Like the bottle of whisky.
Beverly laughed. ”Let’s leave the roast of Richie Tozier to when he’s actually healthy and has the capability to clap back,” she said.
”You’re s-saying that like he-s c-c-capable even wh-while healthy.”
Both Bill and Beverly started to laugh uncontrollably while Richie glared at them. ”Ha ha, let’s make fun of the sick person,” he said, taking the soup bowl in his hand and walked in the living room. Eddie always complained when he ate in the living room (apparently he would make a mess, which okay fair, he always did, but Eddie really didn’t have to complain about everything).
”I hope you can see where this conversation is heading,” Beverly said, following Richie to the living room. ”Which is, when are you going to get a boyfriend?” she asked.
”For a person with little to no love life, you’re awfully concerned about mine,” richie hummed and finished the last of the soup. ”In fact, neither one of you have. Funny how that works out.”
”I-I just g-g-got out of a relationship,” Bill said, throwing his hands up in defence. ”S-so I’m not r-r-really needing anything right now. B-besides, I haven’t m-m-meddled with your love l-life. It’s all her.”
”Can’t you be on my side for once?” Beverly asked.
”But neither one of you can be on my side,” Richie said. ”And I really want you to stop being so concerned about whether or not I have someone to suck my dick or not.” The last part of the sentence was more directed to Beverly, but it was good that Bill was there to hear it as well. For future refrence.
”Maybe I just really care about your dick,” Beverly argued. ”In a totally platonic way.”
”Oh thank god, for a minute there I thought you wanted to suck me off,” Richie said with an over-dramatic sigh.
”I think we’ve mentioned bl-blowjobs way t-too many times in the span o-of five mi-minutes,” Bill said.
Chapter 7: Anatomy lesson
yeah, uhm... time flies huh? enjoy this little chapter that i started writing in april and finished today????
btw, i know i once tagged that this is an angst-free zone, but this bitch lied, okay?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Eddie was a naturally nervous person – had always been, and would probably be till the end of times. So when he walked back in to Mike’s office, where the said angel was currently biting his nails while tapping his finger against the desk, Eddie’s pulse was going on overdrive.
And that again was really something – angels didn’t techincally have a heartbeat, because in all seriousness they weren’t techincally even alive. At least not in the human-way.
The archangels had yet to show up, and Eddie wasn’t sure if he was happy about it or not. On one hand, he still had time to figure out a way to save both himself and Richie, but on the other hand, he would have liked to get this whole ordeal out of his agenda.
”Never seen you bite your nails before,” Eddie hummed as he sat down on the seat on the otherside of Mike’s desk.
Mike didn’t even spare him a glance. ”You have to be standing up when they come. Otherwise they think you’re disrespecting them.”
Eddie wanted to roll his eyes. Of course the archangels would think that – they were a bunch of old deadshits that took everything way too seriously and liked to get too caught up with the rules made thousands of years ago.
Wow, Eddie was really starting to sound like Richie. And Eddie knew for sure that the archangels were going to use that against him if they noticed. He’s been getting to close to this human that he’s even starting to act like him! Oh, Eddie could almost hear them already. Talking about how Eddie was sinking to the level of the humans, like he wasn’t a celestial being that was in every way above the humankind, what a disgrace.
Oh, this just became worse than bad.
”Oh no Mike, what do I do?” Eddie asked, suddenly feeling panicky. ”This is bad. Oh my god, this so bad.”
Mike furrowed his eyebrows at Eddie’s sudden realization. ”Yes, thank you for joining the rest of the world on that conclusion. I’m afraid, now we can only wait to see what the archangels have to say before we can do anything.”
”Can’t we just postpone this? Like, indefinitely? Tell them I’m feeling really sick, my head is killing me and I’m sweating like crazy-”
Mike gave Eddie a flat look. ”Angels don’t get sick Eddie. We’re above that. And we most certainly do not have working sweat glands.”
”Are you going to turn this into an anatomy lesson now?” Eddie asked, throwing his head back in frustration. ”I think I’m going to throw up. I’ll throw up on those pretentious pricks if you don’t do something about this Mike, like right now. I’m not joking, my latest meal is coming right up, I swear to G-”
”Angels don’t need to eat Eddie, so I’m, guessing your latest meal was quite a long time ago,” Mike sighed, already fed up with Eddie’s attempts to get out of the situation. ”You have some time on your hands here – I suggest you use it to figure out a strategy to yourself, I’m assuming you don’t have one yet.”
You can imagine how well the whole situation started – not all that well. And it was just downhill from there.
There were three archangels and they all looked pretty much the same – all were wearing the same strict expression and a very unkind smile, the same pristine white suit and notebooks in their hands, where they wrote down… Well Eddie wasn’t sure what they were writing in there, but he was sure they weren’t drawing cute smiley-faces and hearts.
”So Edward, can you tell me at which point did you realize your client had romantic feelings towards you?” the one sitting in the middle asked him with a deep and insensitive tone.
”Probably when Mike brought it up,” Eddie said before biting his cheek – he couldn’t really afford to act sassy now, and judging by the look on the face of the angel, he wasn’t making a good impression.
”And how does Mr Tozier act on these said feelings?”
”Mostly just relentless and unoriginal flirting – couple crude comments here and there. Why are you asking me this, I thought you were all aware of this?”
The one sitting on the left side spoke next. ”And when did you realize that you reciprocated these feelings?” his tone of voice was similar to the one speaking previously.
”I never said that I did,” Eddie said, before biting his cheek again.
The archangel narrowed his eyes at Eddie. ”It has been heavily implied,” he said, scribbling something down into his notebook.
”Well you’re making quite heavy assumption based on mere implications,” Eddie shot back, glancing to his side where Mike was sitting. The look on Mike’s face was anything but happy – all it took was a glance and Eddie knew this wasn’t going to go well for them if he continued like this. ”Okay, listen. It doesn’t matter whether or not Richie and I have romantic feelings to one another, like you so nicely put it, because nothing is ever going to happen. I do know the rules you know – I’m not stupid enough to break them.”
”Are you saying you’ve never broken any protocols that come along with your status as a guardian angel,” the archangel on the right side said – he was slightly younger than the two other, at least he looked like it, and his voice wasn’t as deep but a whole lot meaner.
”Yes, I am saying that,” Eddie said confidently, crossing his arms across his chest.
”So you are denying that you didn’t place a bet on this case with another guardian angel when you begun to serve Mr Tozier as his guardian?” the same angel said, making all color drain from Eddie’s face. He had forgotten about that completely.
”I, uhm, I don’t know where you’ve heard that,” he said, taking another glance at Mike, who was now sitting slightly straighter and giving Eddie a confused look. ”Whoever told you that-”
”-shall remain unnamed,” the archangel said, his expression turning into a twisted kind of grin. ”You do understand that this isn’t looking very good on your part. First, you make a bet based on your performance with this client, second, you seem to be the first guardian angel to ever be able to manage the said client, and lastly, the client is proven to have, ahem, fallen in love with you. If that’s how you wish to put it. Certainly you understand why we believe some sort of foul play is going on.”
Eddie blinked a few times. ”Wait, you’re not implying that I-”
”-put Mr Tozier under some sort of spell in order to win this bet of yours? It does seem very likely,” the archangel finished.
”Will you please let me finish my own sentences, dear god,” Eddie scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. ”And besides, that bet was done months ago. I didn’t even think about putting Richie under some spell. I don’t even know how to cast a spell – I thought only older angels were able to do that.”
”Oh, they are,” the same archangel answered. ”And Michael seems to be an older angel – we do believe he is in on this.”
Mike stood up from his seat in seconds. ”Excuse me, but why would I ever want to make such a violation against our rules? Neither I nor Eddie would never do such – I don’t understand why we would want to.”
”Well you both do have a lot to gain from Edward succeeding.”
”Like what?” Eddie asked with a scoff.
”Richard Tozier has been a nuisance to the guardian angels his whole life – Michael here hasn’t been able to find a single guardian angel who has managed to keep him in check. And then in comes you, the one guardian angel who has never failed a single case in his time in being a guardian. Michael was desperate and you had your reputation on the line, not to even mention the bet you had going on with another guardian angel. It all adds up.”
Eddie rolled his eyes, already feeling sick of this particular archangel. The older ones were a lot nicer compared to him. ”Except it doesn’t. And if you are going to hold the stupid bet that was made a long time ago and which I have not thought about since, you should also punish the other half of the bet as well.”
Eddie should probably feel bad about dragging Stan into this mess – but fuck, he was running low on option when it came to fighting back these angels. Besides, Stan had decided to act like a grade-A asshole recently, so Eddie didn’t really feel all that bad.
”Trust me, the other angel shall receive their punishment for breaking the rules after you have faced yours,” the middle one said this time, sighing a little. ”In all fairness, it is only a theory that you have Mr Tozier under some sort of spell. A theory that has not yet been approved of nor denied.” He looked at the archangel on his right with a piercing kind of look, as if to remind him to stay on the same page.
The right one didn’t seem all too happy about this.
Mike sat back down and sighed, pursing his lips. ”So what do we do with this situation?” he asked, fiddling with the sleeves of his button up shirt, a habit he always did when he was nervous (and that wasn’t too often).
”We usually wouldn’t let this slide very easily,” the archangel on the left said, glancing to the side of his ccompanions. ”But it has been made clear that Mr Tozier is, ahem, a special case. And Edward seems to be the only one who has been able to manage him – with or without foul play. Taking that into consideration, most of us do not see a reason behind firing Edward from his current position.”
Eddie let out a long breath of relief – a little too soon maybe.
”However,” the archangel in the middle said then. ”There are those who do think this is going to evolve into a bigger problem. And no matter how hard you try to convince us it won’t, we do not have any guarantee of it.”
”So what is your final judgement? Am I fired or not?” Eddie asked, his heart racing like a hore (again, weird, he still wasn’t supposed to have a fucking heartbeat).
”We did take a vote on it, and decided that you are allowed to maintain your position,” the middle one said, while the arch angel on the right narrowed his eyes. Eddie didn’t have to think twice who wanted Eddie to be fired. ”But you are kept under strict surveillance. One wrong move and you’re out Edward. There will be no second chances, remeber that.”
Eddie wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved or not.
”That went… about as well as it could have,” Mike said after the archangels had left. ”I mean, I didn’t expect any less.”
Eddie hummed as a reply, not really paying too much attention to Mike’s words. Yes, the whole meeting did go well – Eddie didn’t expect it to go any better anyway. He couldn’t expect the archangels to just let him continue as Richie’s guardian angel without some sort of surveillance. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to be annoyed by it.
And then there was the fact that the meeting had ended long time ago, and Eddie could still feel his heart hammering in his chest, and not just metaphorically. No, he could distinctly feel the beats of his heart on his chest, creating a fast but even pace of drums.
But that couldn’t be possible – Eddie hadn’t felt his heart beating since… well for a long time. Angels weren’t similar biological organisms in the same way humans were – an otherworldly celestial being didn’t need a heartbeat.
Whatever the reason was, Eddie knew he couldn’t tell anyone else – not Mike, not Stan and not even Richie, considering that everything going on between them from this moment on would be heavily monitored by the archangels.
”Eddie? Are you paying any attention to what I’m saying?” Mike asked, snapping his fingers in front of Eddie’s face, managing to wake Eddie up from his thoughts.
Eddie blinked a few times. ”Yeah, yeah. I’m great, I’m fine,” he said nodding. ”I should… probably get back. Lord knows that Richie can’t be by himself for too long without lighting something on fire.”
Surprisingly enough, Richie hadn’t set anything on fire. He was still slightly sick – although nothing worse than a little stuffy nose and a minor cough – so he had spent the day chilling on the couch, watching a movie.
Upon seeing Eddie appear in his living room, a wide grin broke out on Richie’s face. ”You’re back!” he exclaimed happily, his voice a little rough. ”I almost thought you abandoned me for a minute.”
Eddie lifted his eyebrow. ”Trust me, the temptation was almost overwhelming,” he admitted before observing Richie. His dark, normally messy hair, looked like a downright birdnest, successfully confirming Eddie’s doubts that Richie had thrown his haircomb into a garbage fire. His glasses had smudges on the, plus a minor crack on the bottom (he really needed to get a new pair) and his nose was a little red from all the sneezing he had done for the past week.
”You don’t look that good,” Eddie admitted. ”I thought you were starting to get better.”
”Thanks honey, glad to know I can always count on you to make me feel more confident,” Richie said with a roll of his eyes, before grinning. ”And I am. I just haven’t bother to, you know, shower since you left like three days ago. Where were you by the way? I knew you were going to be gone for today, but you never said anything about being absent for three whole days.”
”Never you mind that. Just go take a shower – and then you should probably clean this place up, it’s starting to look like a junk yard.”
Richie rolled his eyes and got up from the couch. ”Okay, mom. Whatever you say.”
Eddie knew that the smartest move of action now would be to be honest with Richie and tell him that they needed distance from each other. That Eddie would appear only in the most urgent cases of crisis and that Richie really needed to learn how to be more independent when it came to taking care of himself. Nobody told him that he had to do that but he was smart enough to know that it was probably the best way to deal with the situation at hand.
But fuck it was too hard to do that.
Eddie heard the shower running, and let out a loud sigh. Richie never spent too much time in the shower, and Eddie was going to have to grow a pair and rip the bandage off. He could be a total dick about it and not tell Richie – just disappear from sight and not show himself to Richie unless it was absolutely, one hundred percent necessary.
Could he really be that big of a dick? He knew that if he was in Richie’s position, it would be the last thing he wanted to be done to him. But Eddie wasn’t Richie in this case, and he had to make some sort of decision, and quick, because the shower was no longer running and Eddie could hear Richie opening and closing his drawers to find clean clothes.
Now Eddie actually felt like he was going to throw up on Richie’s already dirty floor, and he knew that it wasn’t possible, but fuck, there was a pile rising up his throat and he felt sweat rising up to his skin as he tried to keep it down.
It was a horrible feeling that also brought a moment of clarity to Eddie – it had something to do with Richie, with this feeling in his chest that had been causing him trouble for a while now, and it wasn’t going to go away unless somebody did something. And it was up to Eddie to do something, because he wasn’t going to throw up on Richie’s floor and make the other boy clean it up.
”You’ll never guess what!” Richie said excitedly as he skipped to the living room from his bedroom, expecting to hear a disintered what as a reply from the angel he assumed to be still waiting in his living room, but instead he was met with silence and an empty living room.
Richie looked around, wondering if Eddie was pulling a mean prank and hiding somewhere, but it wasn’t Eddie-like to have that good of a sense of humor.
”Eddie?” Richie called out when the angel didn’t make his presence known. ”You still here?”
Richie wasn’t sure why he started to feel so anxious at the realization that Eddie had decided to leave again – he usually came and went randomly, sometimes with a warning sometimes with not. But Richie had assumed Eddie was going to stay this time a little longer – after all, he had been gone for a while, and Richie was getting withdrawal symptoms.
And then there was the fact that Eddie usually always came back when he was called.
Richie tried to control his growing panic. Okay, so something else had happened that required Eddie’s attention. Eddie never really talked about his work as a guardian angel, but what Richie did know was that with their, ahem, situation, Eddie had a lot of things to worry about. So maybe that bossguy of his had called him on an emergency meeting of a kind and Eddie didn’t have time worry about telling Richie he was leaving.
Honestly, there was a hundred possible reasons for Eddie’s absense. There was no reason for Richie to panic. Eddie was coming back soon. After all, Eddie always came back when he left.
Chapter 8: 8. I sure do hope I don't slip and fall
it's been a year, i know. get off my dick
One could argue that it wasn’t the smartest move to just fucking vanish and not explain why. But Eddie didn’t really care about what other people would’ve done in his position - he needed time to think .
Because if the situation hadn’t already been bad - and it had, god, it was so fucking bad - it was not only twice but thrice as bad now that Eddie could physically feel his heart beating a rapid rhythm in his chest. That wasn’t supposed to happen - it wasn’t fucking possible for it to happen. It explained the nausea and the profound sweating Eddie had been feeling, but there was no explanation for why it was happening in the first place.
Well. There was an explanation, but Eddie wasn’t ready to accept that yet. Or ever. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck . Triple fuck .
Eddie was the best damn guardian angel that had ever existed. He did his job well and properly and he never got bad feedback. Before now. Before Richie fucking Tozier. Eddie knew he should’ve quit after two weeks. He was going to - but like always, Eddie had cared more about not ruining his perfect streak of successes that he had pretty much brought this situation onto himself.
The best thing for everybody - including and especially for Richie - would be to just let Stan take the reins. Let him finish this case for once and for all and after that no angel would have to worry about Richie Tozier again. Eddie would swallow his pride, allow that one red mark on his register and move on to the next case, and the next after that and so on. Eddie would still be the best. One bad mark was a lot less than the other angels.
But for fuck’s sake, Eddie didn’t want to give Richie’s case up. Not now not ever. And he knew the reason why he didn’t want to do it, but saying it out loud was dangerous and would cause more harm than good to both Eddie and Richie. So what options did that leave for Eddie? Not many to be honest.
Eddie watched as Richie frantically went over each room in his home - there weren’t many - while calling out Eddie’s name in panic and it took every single ounce of willpower Eddie had in his body to not answer his calls. It was torture at it’s finest.
“Come on Eddie-cakes, you know I hate hide and seek!” Richie whined, his voice sounding like he was on the verge of tears. He looked like it as well. It was awful. “I promise I won’t make those comments anymore, okay! I know you get in trouble for them.”
This went on for hours and Eddie had to tune out Richie’s words and shut his eyes so it wouldn’t be so unbearable. Eventually Richie tired out and sat down on his ugly old couch sniffling but not actually crying, blankly staring ahead, straight at Eddie but not being able to see him standing there.
Richie didn’t seem to be moving from the couch. He really had moved in to live on it, only ever leaving to go to the bathroom or get something small to nibble on not ever finishing it. Eddie couldn’t stand it. No matter what he said or did, Richie didn’t listen anymore. He had completely tuned Eddie out.
Eddie wasn’t sure what would’ve happened to Richie if he stayed rotting on the couch any longer and he wasn’t going to find out, so he did the only logical thing he could think of. Texting Bill and Beverly while Richie was asleep and making sure the front door was open so they could let themselves in. Because Eddie clearly wasn’t capable of helping Richie, not at the moment at least, but Beverly and Bill might be.
“Oh my god, what happened?” Beverly exclaimed as soon as she and Bill burst in through the door and noticed Richie on the couch, looking like a corpse. “Are you okay? Why haven’t you been answering out calls?”
Both Bill and Beverly rushed to Richie’s side, Bill taking a seat at the other end of the couch and Beverly kneeling in front of Richie’s face, taking one of his hands into hers and pressing a kiss to it.
Richie didn’t answer for a while. “It’s a little messed up and I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you,” he admitted quietly, and while Eddie was saddened by Richie’s current state he was ready to fucking kill him on the spot if he dared to spill out anything. Because then Eddie would have to turn to Mike to do something horrible that Eddie did not want.
“Y-you can te-tell us,” Bill said encouragingly, massaging Richie’s feet gently.
Richie was quiet again for a while and Eddie feared for the worst. He wouldn’t dare to tell them anything about angels, because while their existence wasn’t exactly a secret, it wasn’t something that should be shared around too much either.
“I have AIDS,” Richie said then, and if Eddie didn’t know any better, he would’ve been convinced by his words too.
Both Bill and Beverly froze up after hearing those words, Bill dropping Richie’s foot from his hands and staring at their friend with wide eyes, hoping for him to say ‘SIKE’ and laugh at the funny prank he had pulled on his friends.
“Shit, fuck, okay, did you go to the doctors? What am I saying, of course you did, shit,” Beverly seemed to be panicking as she breathed heavily and rabidly, trying to think of something to say. “Okay, it’s not as bad as it could be. Medicine has evolved, I read about some students in a University of Something who successfully cured cells that were infected by the HIV! It’s going to take a shit loads of money, but you’re going to be okay, probably.”
Richie blinked slowly, snorting at Beverly. “Okay, out of all of the things I’ve ever said, you decide to take that one seriously?” he asked dryly. “Seriously, how the fuck could I get fucking AIDS when I literally haven’t gotten laid since senior year. That’s three years Bevvie. Three fucking years.”
Bill smacked Richie on his thigh. “Don’t j-j-joke about that! I-it’s not funny R-Richie!” Bill seemed genuinely upset, wiping out some tears that had already managed to gather up into his eyes. “Th-there are people and f-families who are ac-tually affected b-b-by that!”
Beverly let out a heavy sigh. “Okay,” she swallowed. “Okay then, you’re not sick, then what is it? You haven’t responded to our calls and by the looks of it, you haven’t gotten up from this couch for a week, what’s wrong?”
Richie looked like he was going to start crying now and Eddie had to turn around because he couldn’t bare to hear it. He covered his ears again, squeezing his eyes shut but nothing was enough to tune out the sounds of Richie’s sobbing and Beverly’s attempts to calm him down. Even worse, Eddie was out of ways to convince himself that this was not his fault, because it absolutely was.
It took another two weeks for Richie to finally get outside again and when he did the light of the sun slightly burned his skin and eyes, making him hiss and nearly retreat back inside.
Richie couldn’t understand how Eddie could just disappear . Not only that, but Richie couldn’t believe he could just disappear without a warning. Of course there was the possibility that those superiors Eddie always spoke about with that resentment in his voice had pulled him out, but Richie felt like Eddie would’ve gone against the rules, just that once to say goodbye to him. Or maybe Richie just overestimated how much Eddie actually cared.
But no matter what the reason behind Eddie’s absence was, Richie felt… empty. Broken. Lonely. All of those at once yet none of the words actually described the feeling he had in his chest, like there was supposed to be something there, and there had been, but suddenly someone had ripped it out, stolen it or just decided that Richie didn’t deserve it and now Richie didn’t have it anymore. All he had was the knowledge of what that something had felt like and the overwhelming reality of its absence.
Richie wasn’t sure whether or not Eddie was his guardian angel anymore. Because if he was, he sure as hell had stopped trying to fix Richie’s life. Richie still called out for Eddie every morning and every night just in case he would appear with that mildly irritated look on his face he always had and asking what the fuck is it that Richie needed this time. And then Richie would answer something cheesy and stupid, like “ a kiss from you.” or a classic “your mom.” But Eddie never appeared when Richie called him and that made him want to scream.
All this silence had Richie questioning his mental health and whether or not he had just imagined the whole thing. That maybe there never was a cure guardian angel named Eddie who rolled his eyes at Richie’s jokes and cursed like a sailor. It wouldn’t have been the first time Richie had an imaginary friend, except he had his last one about twelve years ago and Richie also hadn’t fallen in love with him.
Richie hadn’t actually admitted that to himself yet, and fuck if it didn’t make the situation worse than it actually was. Because Richie had gone and fallen in love with stupid Eddie and he wasn’t even sure anymore if he was real or not.
Richie huffed as he started to walk towards the bus stop. The distance between his home and the university wasn’t a long one, but Richie honestly didn’t care to walk it right now, even though sitting in a bus full of people while looking as bad as he did didn’t sound too tempting either.
The walk to the bus stop was supposed to be about three minutes, but with Richie’s current pace, he managed to stretch it to about seven and almost missed the bus. Almost being the key word, because he was fairly sure the bus was supposed to stop by that particular stop at 9:42 and it was now 9:47 and the bus was still waiting. It was weird - the busses never stopped unless there were people at the stop and they never waited a second longer than necessary.
“Try to be more punctual in the future, son,” the driver told Richie as he paid for his ticket.
Richie snorted. “Will do,” he muttered before stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking for an empty seat, which he found from the middle of the bus. Again, very uncharastically for the busses around those parts of the town, the back of the bus was completely full, and the front was almost devoid of passengers. Better that way - Richie got nauseous at the back of the bus.
The entire drive was uneventful - it was clear that the driver was in a hurry, considering that he was completely behind schedule. The driver drove recklessly, nearly hitting two pedestrians and a truck, but miraculously missing all of them. Richie hardly paid any attention, spending his time playing angry birds on his phone.
Despite everything, the bus made it to the university two minutes ahead of schedule. Richie thanked the driver, of course he did because he had fucking manners for god’s sake, and almost got hit by a biker, who instead of hitting Richie, fell over at the last minute.
“Aw, shit that hurts,” the biker cursed, holding his bloody nose in agony.
“Fuck, dude, what’d you do that for?” Richie hurried over to help the guy up, grimacing at the sight of the blood. “It’s better to stay on the bike while riding it, you know.”
The biker gave Richie a nasty glare. “Well no shit dude,” he hissed.
“Do you need help getting to the nurse?” Richie asked, not feeling comfortable in the presence of a new person. Usually when he met new people it was easy - he just acted like his usual shining self and everybody loved it. But Richie didn’t really feel like himself at the moment and didn’t really want to blurt out mom jokes at a guy who just fell off his bike at full speed.
“I think I’ll survive there, thanks anyway,” the stranger muttered, leaving his bike unguarded and limbing away from Richie, who just shrugged and continued on his merry way.
“Okay, I’m not sure if you can hear me anymore,” Richie tried again after he got back home late that evening. He had killed time at the library after he got off from his lectures, and by killing time, he meant watching dogs getting reunited with their owners. “And frankly I don’t care. The point is, there is a chance that you do. And I’m not giving up before you show yourself to me again.”
Perhaps he was being a little self-destructive, but Richie was getting desperate god damn it. Richie picked up the bowl of pasta sauce from the counter, putting a spoon in it before opening the microwave door. “Oh boy do I feel hungry! I think I’m going to heat up this bowl of pasta sauce from a month ago and eat it!” Richie declared, unnecessarily loud.
“I sure do hope no angel with a perky little peach ass is going to stop me,” he said out loud again and brought the bowl to the microwave, only to feel a slap on his hand that caused Richie to drop the bowl at his feet.
Richie turned around, searching for Eddie anywhere in the room, but not being able to find him. Richie huffed out in frustration. At least he knew that the angel was still there. But that wasn’t enough. There were plenty of ways Richie could make the angel show himself to Richie again.
“Now that my toes are dirtied by that pasta sauce, I guess I’m going to have to go take a shower,” Richie shrugged, taking the bottle of olive oil he had on the kitchen counter with him as he made his way to the bathroom.
“I sure do hope I don't slip and fall,” Richie sighed as he poured the remaining oil from the bottle to the laminated floor of the shower, spreading it all over with his foot before quickly undressing himself and getting into the shower stall.
It really was a bad idea - as soon as Richie stepped in, he slipped in the oil and nearly fell. Nearly was again the key word, as he felt a very prominent something holding him up from falling and pushing him to stand up straight again. They weren’t necessarily hands, but something definitely.
“Eddie?” Richie turned around again, too quickly in his hopes to see the angel again. The movement really was way too quick, as now Richie really did slip and fall, hitting in head in process. This time nothing stopped him from falling.
“Fuck,” Richie muttered in pain, but more determined than ever.