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A Smashing Camp for The Hopeless of the Hopeless

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Chapter One

Peach

The bus screeched louder than a passing motorcycle behind it on the road. In a young, lively kingdom, you wouldn’t expect such poor roads. I’d need to make a note to Toadsworth about that issue.

Mario and Luigi followed closely behind me as we hauled our bags in the storage compartment of the bus and took our seats. I went to the very back and sat on a hall seat, so that nobody could sit next to me; or would even consider. The brothers sat in the set of seats aside mine.

The train started, so I fixed my sunglasses to the top of my head. “So, are you guys ready to go camping?” I flashed a smile so wide that it reflected in the brothers’ eyes.

They both nodded, Mario making an excited “Wahoo!” before going back to reading his newspaper. Luigi didn’t seem very excited, but I couldn’t judge. I mean, technically, I was unfortunately part of the reason he was going to this camp. Or Luigi just doesn’t like the outdoors.

I searched through my bag for my headphones after the awkward silence continued to reside and I didn’t have anything else in mind to say. Anyways, as long as I had my music, I was perfectly content. Tunes of Metal Knight and The Gavinners filled my ears as I watched the scenery outside blur by the movement of the bus. Slowly, I began to fall asleep.

~

I felt tapping on my shoulders, and immediately woke up, eyes wide and heart beating fast. ‘STOP TOUCHING ME,’ my mind screamed, and just then the person stopped, as if hearing my plea. I turned around and looked at the person, my face turning red because he was so close. I felt extremely uncomfortable.

“Please don’t touch me again. Also, what’s your problem?” I asked, looking him straight in the eye as to avoid looking at his thighs. The man was about six feet tall, had a red helmet with a bird, a tight blue suit, and wore gold gloves and boots with his outfit.

“I was just wondering if I could sit there,” he explained, pointing to the empty seat beside me, “since it’s the last open seat on the bus.”

‘Shit,’ I thought, my mind racing as to what I should say, ‘my perfect plan is ruined!’

Just then, a white glove touched the arm of the tall man. “Why don’t you sit with my brother right there?” Mario nodded to Luigi, speaking to the man, “I’m sure he’d love some new company.”

Luigi moved over to the seat beside him, allowing the strange man some room to sit.

“Sorry, Peach,” Mario apologized, moving into the seat that I had hopped out of in my frightened state, “I just thought you’d be better off sitting with someone you know.” I nodded and thanked Mario. He was truly a saint at this moment.

A few silent moments passed, and I put my headphones back on, listening to Toadsworth Jam, memories of home filling my mind as we approached the camp’s address.

~

“All passengers please exit the vehicle. This is our last stop.” Not only the voice on the loudspeaker but the sounds of all the people standing up and zipping their bags made me jolt out of my deep sleep. Mario smiled at me and said, “Good morning, Sunshine.” He chuckled lightheartedly.

I brought up my bus bag and hopped off when the bus had been emptied of the others, and grabbed my luggage from the storage compartment, and ran over to Mario and Luigi when I was ready.

“It’s about a street away from here,” Luigi said, holding a map up for navigation. We walked on for about a minute until Mario pointed out the sign and yelled, “Oh look!”

The other two of us tilted our heads over to where Mario was pointing, and we crossed the dirt road to see the sign. I put my glasses on so I could read it. “Camp—“ the rest of the name was cut off by decaying of the paint. This camp has already got quite the impression.

I followed the boys through the gate and towards what seemed to be a nice, cozy house. Old, but cozy.

When we went inside, we saw a young lady with a toothpick in her mouth. We walked towards her and she glanced sideways at us.

She had bright pink pigtails and smudged lipgloss and a bright red dress. Her appearance was that of a preteen, probably a very smart and independent one, though.

“Ahem — I knew someone would be here soon,” she mumbled, throwing the toothpick on the ground and walking towards us with a pep in her step.

“Have you seen anyone else here yet?” I asked timidly, afraid she might get up close and shake my hand or something.

“Nope.” Silence. Was that it...?

“Is this Camp Sakurai?” I asked, watching the girl take out yet another toothpick and start chewing on it.

“Yep.” Uh...

“...Thanks...” I said, and she invited us to sit down.

“The boss should be here soon,” the girl interjected, tapping her feet and crossing her legs.

“Who’s... the boss?” I mumbled, hoping she would understand me. I was a bit befuddled by that statement. What kind of boss worked at a camp for hopeless romantics?

“Master Hand. He owns the property,” she chuckled, noticing my confused expression. I felt like a chipmunk in the eyes of this girl. Sure, she was small, but she was quite intimidating despite that.

“So the landowner is a hand, or...?” Mario interjected, obviously as befuddled as I was.

“Yes, he’s a hand,” pause and crunch, it seemed like a pattern with this girl, “but not just any hand. I heard he can talk, and can basically do anything else a human can do as well. Pretty cool, huh?” We all nodded in agreement.

“So when do you suspect he’ll arrive?” I asked, and just then, I heard a rumbling sound outside the door. Dust from the sand flew through the entrance, the clouds making everyone start coughing hysterically.

“Well. There he is,” the girl chuckled, and walked over to the entrance. She stopped before exiting and turned her head around to tell us something. “By the way, I’m Villager.” She then continued out to meet the giant severed hand.

“Good morning, sir,” Villager greeted the hand, with a hint of reverence and politeness in her voice.

“Ha, hello!” Master Hand chuckled, “I’d shake your hand, but it’s a little to weird for that, ha!” Oh gosh. He was quite something. Also, who laughs like that? “Ha”?

“So you four must be Villager-” the pink-haired girl waved her hand as he pointed at her, “Mario-“ Mario gave an old ‘Wahoo!’ “and his counterpart Luigi-“ Luigi looked quite confused. Probably because someone actually remembered his name for once. “...and Princess Peach,” I waved politely, trying to hide the fact that I was uncomfortable.

“Why don’t you guys wait in the cabin across there? We’re about to conduct interviews once everyone’s arrived,” the hand explained. We nodded, thankful that Master Hand was actually quite a gentleman.

We got into the cabin, and it was quite warm and cozy. I took a seat on one of the comfiest chairs, and soon enough, I had dozed off into a nap...

~

Pit

Dammit! Did I forget it again? “Shit!” I grumbled, a little too loud for my taste, but never mind that.

I forgot my fucking bow. Not that I particularly needed it for the camp, but it’s my most prized possession! My beloved! Without that bow by my side, I can’t function!

I need to go back and get it! I turned around to try and fly up to home again, but someone tugged on my toga before I could start ascending. I fell and looked up, seeing Paluetena holding my bow with the tips of her fingers.

“Forgetting something?” she smirked.

“Thank you, Lady Palutena!” I shrieked in gratitude, getting up and reaching for my sweet, sweet bow — oh thank goodness for her—

She pulled the bow high enough so I couldn’t reach it. She grinned and clicked her tongue while waving her finger.

“You’re not getting this back,” Palutena teased, “Until you tell him how you feel.”

Oh no. No. She feels all high and mighty right now, huh—I know she always is, but metaphorically— she doesn’t understand! That bow is my precious! My preciousssssss...

“This is outrageous! This is blackmail! I’m gonna sue you!” I yelled, trying to reach for my bow, even flying around to try and grab it from her clutch. Eventually flying didn’t work either, Palutena shutting off my ability to fly.

“I’m trying to help you, Pit. Don’t make me regret giving you your wings even more.” What?

“Excuse me?!”

“Tell the dark angel how you feel about him, honestly, and I will give you your bow back,” she waved it in front of my face, I tried to grab it, but she pulled back right away.

“And when would I tell him that? It’s not like he’s gonna be at this camp. Plus, I’m going to find love. I don’t need the distraction of Dark Pit in my mind,” I sighed, knowing that she still probably would keep the bow. And she’d hide it well.

She just laughed gracefully in response and walked towards the entrance of the camp. What was that supposed to mean? I followed her, but I was mostly following my bow with a close eye. At least I’d know it was always nearby.

It seemed like when we got inside, there were hundreds upon hundreds of people —okay, maybe that’s an over exaggeration; but there was a lot of people. It seemed like we were the last ones to get there. And I seemed right. A giant hand floated over and called, “Alas, our final two! Lady Palutena, Goddess of Light!” Everyone looked over to the beautiful green haired goddess — yes, I admit she is beautiful, but if you’ve known her for long enough you would most likely not be attracted to her — and waved to her. These people seemed polite enough so far.

“Aha — and let us not forget, Pit!” The waves then directed towards me. How flattering. Odd to think that one of these people may possibly be my future spouse. Actually, it makes me a bit uncomfortable to think about.

I looked around the crowd, trying to see anyone familiar. There were a few famous faces there; the Mario brothers, Sonic, Link, Kirby, really most characters that you’ve probably heard about in your early childhood.

My eyes wandered around the crowd a little more, until I saw someone extremely familiar. The dark hair. The purple eyes. I thought my eyes were deceiving me, so I rubbed them a little and looked up.

He was gone. So I was just thinking a little funky. I’ve gotta forget about him.

Master Hand cleared his throat(?) in the microphone, causing a cluttered sound to fill the audience’s ears.

“Welcome one and all to our first annual Camp Sakurai Love Counseling Camp!” The audience cheered. “I’m glad you all are excited. Now I know you’re probably sick of carrying your luggage, so I’ll assign you to your cabins. These cabins with be labeled with a designated number, and you will each receive a key from one of my subordinates standing in front of whichever cabin you have been assigned to.”

“First off, let’s read to you your cabin letters and the names of your cabin-mates. First, we have A. That will be Mewtwo, Villager, Greninja, Dr. Mario, and Falco Lombardi,” I saw a few people in the crowd look for the others, but I saw a ninja-like frog and an anthropomorphic cat wave to each other. “Next, B. That will be Duck Hunt, Shulk, Lucina, Cloud Strife and Pit.” Oh! That’s me! I wonder who those people are! (Well, according to everyone who looked back at me, one of them is a dog. And a bird.) I might as well listen to the other arrangements.

“C. Link, Morton Jr., Pikachu, King Dedede, and Diddy Kong. D. Zero Suit Samus Aran, Princess Peach-Toadstool, Lucario, and Wendy O. Koopa. E. Ludwig Von Koopa, Princess Zelda, Luigi Mario, and Little Mac. F. Mr. Game & Watch, Sonic the Hedgehog, Yoshi, and Dark Pit.” My mind went blank for a moment. Could I have heard that right? No. It was probably a name that sounded similar. The microphone was a bit muffled anyways.

“G. Corrin of Hoshido, Olimar, Ganondorf, and Palutena.” I nudged Palutena with my elbow. She nodded her head, laughing solemnly. “H. Fox McCloud, Roy Eliwood, Ness Montague, and Kirby. I. ROB, Toon Link, and Rosalina.”

“...and Luma!” a faint voice from the crowd added, and the hand hummed.

“...and Luma. J. Mii Swordfighter, Lucas, Roy Koopa, and Bayonetta. K. Mii Brawler, Charizard, Donkey Kong, and Mario Mario. L. Samus Aran,” A blonde in the crowd looked utterly confused, “Lemmy Koopa, Larry Koopa, and Ike Greil. M. Bowser Koopa, Bowser Koopa Jr., Alph, and Sheik N. Jigglypuff, Ryu, Wii Fit Trainer, and Iggy Koopa. O. Prince Marth, Queen Robin, Mii Gunner, and Captain Falcon. And last, but certainly not least, though the letter is unfortunately humorous,” the crowd laughed, “P. Mega Man, Meta Knight, Wario, and Pac-Man. Since you have your room assignements, I would also like to give you your challenge so you can start thinking about it. You will all be writing letters every night starting next week to someone who means a lot to you. It can be anonymous, just as long as you write the letters. So over this first week, start thinking about who you might write to.”

The were a few oohs and aahs, but the rest of the crowd just groaned and made their ways to their rooms. This was going to be quite a long week.

 

Chapter Text

CABIN A

NAME: MEWTWO, UNKNOWN LAST NAME.

FROM: KANTO REGION.

ISSUE: ISOLATION FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

-

NAME: VILLAGER SMITH.

FROM: LEAFVILLE.

ISSUE: SHES ONLY MET TWO HUMANS IN HER LIFE, HER PARENTS. OTHERWISE, SHE HAS ONLY SPOKEN TO ANIMALS.

-

NAME: GRENINJA, UNKNOWN LAST NAME.

FROM: KALOS REGION.

ISSUE: TONGUE SCARF DISGUSTS EVERYONE. HIS TONGUE IS TOO DRY FOR KISSING THE LADIES.

-

NAME: DR. MARIO.

FROM: MUSHROOM KINGDOM.

ISSUE: IS ALWAYS FLIRTING WITH THE HOT NURSES, BUT HIS EFFORTS ARE CONSTANTLY REJECTED.

-

NAME: FALCO LOMBARDI.

FROM: CORNERIA.

ISSUE: IS DEEMED TOO ARROGANT BY OTHERS. (Note: I have noticed that he seemed to be hiding something. Maybe he has an ulterior motive for coming here?)

-

CABIN B

NAME: DUCK HUNT.

FROM: THE FIELDS OF HUNT-LAND.

ISSUE: CANT SEEM TO GET ALONG.

-

NAME: SHULK HOMS.

FROM: COLONY 9.

ISSUE: BROKE UP WITH HIS LONG-TIME GIRLFRIEND LAST MONTH.

-

NAME: LUCINA ALTEA.

FROM: KINGDOM OF ALTEA (AND THE FUTURE).

ISSUE: SHE IS FROM A DIFFERENT TIME PERIOD.

-

NAME: CLOUD STRIFE.

FROM: NIBELHEIM.

ISSUE: HAD TO WATCH ONE OF HIS FRIENDS GET MURDERED, AND NOW HAS TRUST ISSUES.

-

NAME: PIT, CAPTAIN OF PALUTENA’S GUARD.

FROM: SKYWORLD.

ISSUE: OVERALL, HE IS JUST SOCIALLY AWKWARD. (Note: Probably has a crush on someone and wants to get over it. I can tell by his tone of voice.)

-

CABIN C

NAME: LINK LINK.

FROM: HYRULE, ORDON VILLAGE.

ISSUE: CAN ONLY SPEAK IN INCOHERENT SCREAMS, OR SIGN LANGUAGE. EITHER ONE OR THE OTHER, BUT STILL QUITE AN OBSTACLE.

-

NAME: MORTON KOOPA JR.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: LOST HIS FATHER WHEN HE WAS YOUNG, JUST REALLY LOOKING FOR A FATHER FIGURE PTHER THAN HIS ADOPTIVE FATHER BOWSER, WHO ONLY REALLY FOCUSES ON HIS ONLY BIOLOGICAL SON. HE’S TOO YOUNG FOR ROMANCE ANYWAYS.

-

NAME: PIKACHU, NO LAST NAME.

FROM: KANTO REGION.

ISSUE: TRAVELS TOO MUCH TO STAY IN ONE PLACE AND SETTLE DOWN.

-

NAME: KING DEDEDE.

FROM: DREAMLAND.

ISSUE: IS OBSESSED WITH EATING, AND IS VERY SELF-CENTERED THOUGH DOESN’T REALIZE IT.

-

NAME: DIDDY KONG.

FROM: DONKEY KONG JUNGLE.

ISSUE: HAS A PRETTY GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. IS REALLY JUST THERE FOR DONKEY KONG WHOS TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS WITH HIS FINACÉ. (He’s a good friend and nephew.)

-

CABIN D

NAME: SAMUS ARAN (ZERO SUIT).

FROM: PLANET K-2L.

ISSUE: WAS FORCED TO LEAVE HER CLOSEST FRIEND AND FATHER FIGURE TO DIE. SHE JUST NEEDS SOMEONE CLOSE TO HER TO KEEP HER COMPANY, WHETHER IT BE A LOVER OR A BEST FRIEND. TO FILL THAT HOLE IN HER HEART THAT HAS BEEN ACHING HER FOR SO LONG.

-

NAME: PRINCESS PEACH TOADSTOOL.

FROM: MUSHROOM KINGDOM.

ISSUE: IS HAPHEPHOBIC (AFRAID OF BEING TOUCHED). SHE IS TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL CALM HER SENSES DESPITE HER FEAR.

-

NAME: LUCARIO, NO LAST NAME.

FROM: SINNOH REGION.

ISSUE: LOST THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN HIS LIFE, HIS TRAINER. WANTS TO FIND SOMEONE HE CAN DEPEND UPON DESPITE HIS... INTERESTING CHARACTER.

-

NAME: WENDY OLGA KOOPA.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: HERE FOR HER FATHER. WANTS TO ALSO FIND OUT HOW TO MAKE HER BEST FRIEND HER BOYFRIEND.

-

CABIN E

NAME: LUDWIG VON KOOPA.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: HE WANTS TO MARRY SOMEONE (That he loves) BEFORE BOWSER JR. DOES SO HE CAN GET THE THRONE. HE IS ALSO OLD ENOUGH TO MARRY NOW, BEING THE OLDEST OF HIS SIBLINGS.

-

NAME: PRINCESS ZELDA HYRULE.

FROM: HYRULE, CASTLE TOWN.

ISSUE: SHE WANTS TO MARRY A MAN THAT HAS THE MINDSET TO RULE A KINGDOM ALONGSIDE HER AND BE A STRONG WARRIOR AS WELL. (Totally not describing Link.)

-

NAME: LUIGI MARIO.

FROM: MUSHROOM KINGDOM.

ISSUE: HAS FALLEN IN LOVE COUNTLESS TIMES, EVEN HAD A GIRLFRIEND FOR A WHILE, BUT IT SUDDENLY ENDED. BELIEVES HE IS A HOPELESS ROMANTIC (Which is exactly what we’re here to fix).

-

NAME: LITTLE MAC.

FROM: HARERE, RHODESIA.

ISSUE: HASN’T EVER HAD MUCH INTEREST IN GIRLS AND DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY. HE IS TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT NOW.

-

CABIN F

NAME: MR. GAME & WATCH.

FROM: GAME & WATCH.

ISSUE: HIM AND HIS WIFE WANT A CHILD AND HE WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE NEW EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS.

-

NAME: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG.

FROM: CHRISTMAS ISLAND.

ISSUE: ALL OF HIS FRIENDS ARE REALLY WEIRD AND SORT OF SCARE HIM, SO HE WANTS TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS TO FIND A SOLID BALANCE. HE IS ALSO NOT VERY LOYAL TO HIS GIRLFRIEND, DESPITE ONLY BEING IN HIS TEENS.

-

NAME: T. YOSHISAUR MUNCHAKOOPAS.

FROM: YOSHI’S ISLAND.

ISSUE: EVERY GUY SHE MEETS THINKS SHE IS A MALE YOSHI BECAUSE OF HER COLOR (Note: Male Yoshis are typically green and blue, and female Yoshis are typically black, yellow, or pink. She is green, hence the stereotype.) IF SHE IS ABLE TO GET TO KNOW THESE PEOPLE BETTER, SHE WILL FIND THE MAN SHE IS LOOKING FOR INSTEAD OF ONE THAT JUMPS TO CONCLUSIONS.

-

CABIN G

NAME: PRINCE CORRIN OF HOSHIDO.

FROM: KINGDOM OF HOSHIDO.

ISSUE: HAS SO MANY PEOPLE FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM BEFORE AND AFTER THE WAR, AND IS OVERWHELMED. HE HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO TRULY LOVE SOMEONE BACK BECAUSE THERE’S ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE TRYING TO GET IN THE WAY.

-

NAME: OLIMAR, UNKNOWN LAST NAME.

FROM: HOCOTATE.

ISSUE: WANTS TO LIVE A JUST LIFE WITH HIS FAMILY WHILE STILL TRAVELING TO SPACE AND COLLECTING TREASURE AS HIS HOBBY. HIS WIFE SENT HIM HERE TO LEARN HOW TO HAVE COMPASSION FOR HIS FAMILY WHILE SHE AND THE KIDS WENT ON VACATION.

-

NAME: GANONDORF DRAGMIRE.

FROM: GERUDO VALLEY.

ISSUE: IS SO EVIL, THAT HE HAS NO ABILITY TO LOVE SOMEONE. HE NEEDS TO FIND THAT ABILITY WITHOUT USING POWER AND FORCE, BUT RATHER WISDOM AND SUSCEPTIBILITY.

-

NAME: PALUTENA, GODDESS OF LIGHT.

FROM: SKYWORLD.

ISSUE: DOES NOT LIKE THE OTHER GODS, AND WOULD RATHER FALL IN LOVE WITH A MORE EARTHLY BEING.

-

CABIN H

NAME: FOX MCCLOUD.

FROM: CORNERIA.

ISSUE: NOTHING REALLY. IS HERE TO SUPPORT HIS FRIEND, AND ALSO BECAUSE HE FEELS BAD BECAUSE IT WAS SORT OF HIS FAULT HIS FRIEND WAS HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

-

NAME: ROY, SON OF ELIWOOD.

FROM: ELIBE TRIBE.

ISSUE: AFTER THE EVENTS OF THE WAR, DOES NOT SEEM VERY INTACT. HE HAS FOUND MANY CLOSE FRIENDS, BUT HE WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. THE PROBLEM IS, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO; SHE WANTS TO KEEP BATTLING AND CONQUERING.

-

NAME: NESS MONTAGUE.

FROM: ONNETT.

ISSUE: HE JUST SAVED THE WORLD, AND NEEDS A BREAK. LUCKILY HIS GIRLFRIEND JUST BROKE UP WITH HIM FOR ONE OF HIS OTHER FRIENDS.

-

NAME: KIRBY, STAR WARRIOR.

FROM: PLANET POPSTAR.

ISSUE: IS JUST A BALL FULL OF LOVE. DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF ROMANCE BECAUSE HE DOESN’T REALLY HAVE AN EXCLUSIVE LOVE. WHICH IS PERFECTLY FINE, BUT HE MAY NEED SOME KIND OF MENTOR TO GUIDE HIM.

-

CABIN I

NAME: ROBOTIC OPERATING BUDDY.

FROM: NINTENDO HEADQUARTERS.

ISSUE: ONLY COMMUNICATES IN A SERIES OF BEEPS THAT GETS ON PEOPLE’S NERVES. THE POOR GUY JUST WANTS TO HAVE A CIVIL CONVERSATION.

-

NAME: TOON LINK.

FROM: OUTSET ISLAND.

ISSUE: HIS GRANDMA IS OVERBEARING AND WON’T LET HIM DATE ZELDA. INSTEAD, HE IS TRYING TO FIND A WAY FOR THEM TO BE TOGETHER WHILE HIS GRANDMA DOESN’T NOTICE. AFTER ALL, HE AND ZELDA ARE 17 NOW (even if they don’t look it).

-

NAME: ROSALINA, UNKNOWN LAST NAME (and Luma).

FROM: COMET OBSERVATORY.

ISSUE: SHE IS VERY SEPERATED FROM HUMANS, ONLY MEETING ONE OTHER HUMAN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE AFTER HER PARENTS DIED. THOUGH SHE LOVES THE LUMAS, SHE WOULD LIKE TO CONNECT WITH SOMEONE OF HER OWN SPECIES.

-

CABIN J

NAME: MII SWORDFIGHTER.

FROM: ???.

ISSUE: HIS FATHER THOUGHT THERE WERE TOO MANY SWORD CHARACTERS, SO NOW HIS FATHER DOESN’T LIKE HIM. IT’S NOT HIS FAULT THEY ADDED CLOUD TO THE ROSTER. HE ALSO HAS ANGER ISSUES.

-

NAME: LUCAS FLINT.

FROM: TAZMILY VILLAGE, NOWHERE.

ISSUE: WAS THERE WHEN HIS MOTHER WAS KILLED, AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLED HIS BELOVED TWIN BROTHER. HE’S BEEN THROUGH SOME TOUGH TIMES, AND IS READY TO HAVE SOMEONE FILL THE EMPTY SPACE IN HIS SOUL.

-

NAME: ROY KOOPA.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: FEELS LIKE HE IS TOO PINK, BUT STILL LOVES THE COLOR. HE JUST CAN’T HELP IT. HE BELIEVES PINK IS THE MANLIEST COLOR, BUT NOBODY BELIEVES HIM. HE NEEDS SOMEBODY WHO CAN RELATE TO THAT.

-

NAME: CEREZA THE WITCH.

FROM: UMBRA AND LUMEN CLANS.

ISSUE: ALL THIS WITCHCRAFT SHIT IS MESSING WITH HER BRAIN.

-

CABIN K

NAME: MII BRAWLER.

FROM: ???.

ISSUE: SHE DOESN’T LIKE OTHER PEOPLE. SHE’S LOOKING TO DATE OUTSIDE HER SPECIES, BUT ALSO NOT ANIMALS. (Note: Does she meaning like the Bee Movies??).

-

NAME: CHARIZARD, UNKNOWN LAST NAME.

FROM: KANTO REGION.

ISSUE: DOES NOT LIKE THE OTHER CHARIZARDS. WANTS TO FIND A MATE THAT MATCHES HER INTELLIGENCE, AND SHE IS ABLE TO CONVERSE WITH INTELLIGIBLY.

-

NAME: DONKEY KONG.

FROM: DONKEY KONG JUNGLE.

ISSUE: GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH HIS FIANCÉ, AND WANTS TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE AMENDS WITH HER WITH SOMETHING VERY ROMANTIC.

-

NAME: MARIO MARIO.

FROM: MUSHROOM KINGDOM.

ISSUE: THE GIRL HE IS IN LOVE WITH WAS ALSO THE SAME GIRL THAT HIS BROTHER WAS IN LOVE WITH. AFTER HIS BROTHER GOT OVER THE GIRL, HE HAS A CHANCE, AND DECIDED TO FOLLOW HER TO THIS CAMP AND SUPPORT HIS BROTHER IN HIS QUEST TO FIND NEW LOVE.

-

CABIN L

NAME: SAMUS ARAN (SUIT).

FROM: PLANET K-2L.

ISSUE: IS STUCK IN HER SUIT FOREVER, AND WANTS TO FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL LOVE HER EVEN IF SHE IS STUCK IN A ROBOTIC SUIT.

-

NAME: LEMMY KOOPA.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: WANTS TO BE IN THE CIRCUS SOMEDAY, AND WANTS TO START HIS CAREER BY PERFORMING FOR A LARGE AUDIENCE. HE GUESSES AN AUDIENCE OF ABOUT 60 IS A GOOD START. (Note: I support this child’s ambition. I will make it mandatory to watch his performances whenever he pleases.)

-

NAME: LARRY KOOPA.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: IS ALWAYS FIGHTING WITH HIS TECHY BROTHER, IGGY. HE FINALLY WANTS TO GROW UP AND STOP ARGUING WITH HIS BROTHER. HE WANTS TO ACCOMPLISH THIS AT THE CAMP. (Note: What a smart child. I understand the struggle of sibling rivalry and sometimes it is even still an issue for me.)

-

NAME: IKE GREIL.

FROM: TELLIUS.

ISSUE: HE FIGHTS FOR HIS FRIENDS, BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS WIFE? SHE IS CONSTANTLY WORRIED THAT HE IS IN DANGER, AND SENDS HIM TO THIS CAMP SO HE CAN TAKE A BREAK FROM THE INTENSE WARFARE.

-

CABIN M

NAME: BOWSER KOOPA.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: EVERYONE NOT FROM HIS KINGDOM THINKS HE IS AN EVIL, MENACING MONSTER. EVERYONE IN HIS KINGDOM LOVES HIM, BUT THINKS HE IS IN LOVE WITH PEACH. THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE IN HIS WORLD COULD TRULY LOVE HIM.

-

NAME: BOWSER KOOPA, JR.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: JUST FOLLOWS WHEREVER HIS DAD GOES.

-

NAME: ALPH, UNKNOWN LAST NAME.

FROM: HOCOTATE.

ISSUE: HE SAYS HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY ISSUES. (Note: I forgot he even signed up.)

-

NAME: SHEIK, UNKNOWN LAST NAME.

FROM: KAKARIKO VILLAGE, HYRULE.

ISSUE: IS TOO MYSTERIOUS FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND.

-

CABIN N

NAME: JIGGLYPUFF, UNKNOWN LAST NAME.

FROM: KANTO REGION.

ISSUE: LOVES TO SING, BUT EVERYONE SEEMS TO FALL ASLEEP WHEN SHE DOES. SHE WANTS SOMEONE WHO WILL LISTEN TO AND ENJOY HER MUSIC.

-

NAME: RYU HOSHI.

FROM: JAPAN.

ISSUE: HAS BEEN FIGHTING HIS WHOLE LIFE, BUT IS SEEKING TO RETIRE FROM HIS KARATE FOR A WHILE TO FIND TRUE LOVE.

-

NAME: WII FIT TRAINER.

FROM: WII FIT CENTER.

ISSUE: IS SO FOCUSED ON EXERCISING THAT SHE NEVER REALLY NOTICED THE IMPORTANCE OF CONNECTIONS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

-

NAME: IGGY KOOPA.

FROM: KOOPA KINGDOM.

ISSUE: CHAIN CHOMP MADE HIM GO. (Note: Ouch...)

-

CABIN O

NAME: PRINCE MARTH.

FROM: ALTEA.

ISSUE: HIS WIFE WANTS TO HAVE CHILDREN BUT HE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO RAISE KIDS FIRST. HE NEEDS ADVICE FROM OTHERS.

-

NAME: QUEEN ROBIN.

FROM: ALTEA?

ISSUE: IS HERE TO SUPPORT HER DAUGHTER AS SHE QUESTS TO FIND A SPOUSE.

-

NAME: MII GUNNER.

FROM: MII CHANNEL.

ISSUE: SHE DOESN’T REALLY LIKE WHEN PEOPLE CALL HER A ROBOT. I MEAN, SHE OBVIOUSLY ISN’T! SHE’S JUST TECHED UP!

-

NAME: CAPTAIN FALCON.

FROM: PORT TOWN.

ISSUE: DOESN’T KNOW WHO THE MOTHER OF HIS SON IS, AND REALLY WANTS TO FIND A WOMAN WHO CAN FILL THAT MATERNAL SPOT IN HIS SON’S LIFE EVEN AT HIS AGE.

-

NAME: MEGA MAN.

FROM: DR. LIGHT’S LABORATORIES.

ISSUE: DOES NOT BELIEVE HE HAS FEELINGS, BUT MAY HAVE DISCOVERED THEM RECENTLY AND NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO CHANNEL THOSE FEELINGS.

-

NAME: META KNIGHT.

FROM: ???.

ISSUE: HE WON’T MENTION HIS ISSUE. HE JUST UNCOMFORTABLY GRUNTED.

-

NAME: WARIO WARIO.

FROM: MUSHROOM KINGDOM.

ISSUE: JUST WANTS A BIKING BUDDY, ACTUALLY. HE WANTS TO CHILL ON THE BEACH.

-

NAME: PAC-MAN.

FROM: PAC-LAND.

ISSUE: MS. PAC-MAN IS FILING A DIVORCE. HE IS TRYING TO FIX HIS MARRIAGE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

-

END OF LOG.