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Too young to be so scared

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Nicole didn’t want to read into how Waverly held her face in her car. How amazing it had felt when she brushed her thumb over Nicole’s skin. How much she had missed having someone touch her like that. How it looked like Waverly wanted to kiss her. How she hadn’t been able to think about anything else since.

She didn’t want to think that Waverly liked her because what if she was just being nice, being friendly and comforting Nicole when she thought she needed it? Nicole knew she could have been reading into it, she knew she liked Waverly as more than a friend and that could easily make someone see things that weren’t actually there. Ever since Nicole moved to Purgatory, she had thought Waverly was one of the prettiest girls she had ever seen. She never thought she’d ever get the chance to even speak to her, let alone become friends with her. What if Nicole risked everything by asking Waverly if she felt the same way and it made her feel weird? She was accepting of who Nicole was but maybe she wouldn’t be so tolerant if she found out Nicole was crushing on her, hard. She knew she couldn’t lose Waverly, if she lost Waverly she would lose the only real friend she had in Purgatory and it would be awful. Worse than awful. First and foremost, Waverly was her friend, the best friend Nicole felt she had ever had. She’d never managed to be so herself around anyone before. She couldn’t lose that, no matter how much she wished for more.

She couldn’t get the thoughts out of her head even when her mom dragged her to the store. She pushed the cart around aimlessly as she pretended to listen to whatever nurse was pissing her mom off that week. Moving from a big hospital where she barely worked with the same people more than once a week to the one in Purgatory where she was faced with the same people every single day she worked was apparently not as welcoming as she had imagined. She started her OR rotation the next week though so hopefully she would find some common ground with someone there. Nicole knew her mom needed friends, she needed to feel like she was starting to fit in in town just like Nicole had started to feel since she became friends with Waverly.

“Hellooo?” Nicole shook the thoughts of Waverly from her head as a hand waved in front of her face. “Anyone home, Red?” Wynonna chuckled as she pulled her hand back to rest on Doc’s chest. Nicole’s eyes shot to her mom who had obviously realised she was in a world of her own and hadn’t been paying attention to anything she was saying. She scrunched up her eyebrows and gave her best apologetic smile before looking back at Wynonna.

“Hey, Wynonna!” Nicole forced a smile through the blush she knew was on her cheeks, although it was crazy to think she would know that she had just been thinking about her little sister, embarrassment shot through her. Wynonna was still in the same clothes as she had been last night before only now she had Doc’s jacket over her shoulders instead of her usual leather one. “Sorry, I was just…” Nicole didn’t know how to finish that sentence without lying, so she just let the sentence trail off.

“Cool story…” Wynonna quirked an eyebrow. “You want to come to Shorty’s? Waves has her first shift and we’re gonna annoy the shit out of her the whole time!” Wynonna shimmied her shoulders with a cheeky grin, Doc looked like he thought she was joking but knowing Wynonna it was the absolute truth. Nicole had forgotten that Waverly started work today, she didn’t even mention it the night before or maybe she had and Nicole had been too busy staring and not actually listening.

“You mind?” Nicole turned to her mom as she placed a big bag of rice into the cart. She’d promised to help her carry the groceries inside but Nicole knew her mom was really happy that she was making friends. She shouldn’t have used that to her advantage but she wanted to see Waverly. She needed to figure out if Waverly actually liked her or not and she wasn’t going to manage that overthinking every interaction they had ever had since they became friends.

“No it’s fine, just be back for dinner ok?” She held up a finger in Nicole’s direction and gave her ‘no nonsense’ look that always made Nicole smirk. Her mom was on nightshifts for the next few days and so they had agreed to have dinner every night before she had to go into work. Wynonna and Doc were waiting expectantly for Nicole to join them, already half turned away to leave the store. Nicole nodded furiously, wrapped her hand around the finger her mom still had pointed at her and shook it. “Have fun!”

Nicole rounded the cart and fell into step with Wynonna and Doc as they headed for the exit. Doc pulling away from Wynonna to roll a cigarette which he offered first to Nicole, who shook her head and then to Wynonna who took it and gave Nicole a look that said ‘don’t tell Waverly’. She waited with them outside Shorty’s until they had finished smoking, standing upwind from them so she didn’t smell when she got home to her mom. She didn’t think her mom would ever let her leave the house again if she thought she had taken up that habit.

They filtered in and found a booth near the pool table which was currently occupied by the York brothers but they looked to be finishing up. Nicole’s eyes searched for Waverly and saw her push through the swinging door from the kitchen up the back. She carried a plate on each hand effortlessly as she made her way to a table near the front door before heading behind the counter. She hadn’t spotted Nicole or Wynonna yet, would she have come straight over if she had? Nicole continued to watch as she served a new customer, totally at ease, being so utterly smiley that had it been anyone else Nicole would be sure they were putting it on. Not Waverly, though, with her it seemed genuine. Nicole couldn’t help but smile as she watched her.

Wynonna offered to go to the counter to get everyone a coke but Nicole stood up first and said she didn’t mind. She hoped it came off as casual as she wanted it to but she didn’t wait to see. There was one person in front of her in the queue but she caught Waverly’s eye as she fell into place. Waverly smiled at Nicole, crinkling her eyes before turning her full attention to the man in front of her. His order was long and complicated and for the first time Nicole thought she saw Waverly’s pleasant demeanour falter. When he walked away Waverly rolled her eyes before smiling brightly at Nicole. She almost forgot why she was there.

“Thought he was never going to finish ordering!” Waverly said with a flick of her wrist towards the previous customer. “Hey!”

“Hey!” Nicole wracked her brain for what Wynonna had told her she and Doc wanted but all she could focus on was how Waverly had tied her Shorty’s t-shirt in a knot at the back, showing off a stretch of skin along her stomach. Had it been like that since she got here? “Uh, I’m here with Wynonna and Doc.”

“Oh.” There was a look of disappointment on Waverly’s face that Nicole instantly felt bad for creating. Did she think Nicole hadn’t just come in to see her? She probably wouldn’t have had the guts to without Wynonna suggesting she tag along with them but she was so glad Wynonna had thought to invite her. Nicole was definitely there just to see her.

“To see you…obviously.” Nicole added as quickly as she could and the crease that had started to form between Waverly’s eyebrows loosened.

“Oh!” Waverly said again but this time with a smile and if Nicole wasn’t seeing things a slight blush. “What can I get you guys?”

“Just three cokes for now.” Nicole remembered what Wynonna had said finally and Waverly turned around to start filling glasses.

“You still be here in half an hour?” Waverly asked as she set the drinks down on a tray. “I’ll be on my break then!”

“Yeah, definitely!” Nicole smiled and picked up the tray, a queue of three people had formed behind her while she had been talking to Waverly and when she glanced back over her shoulder, Waverly seemed happier than ever to be serving.

Wynonna was setting up the pool table by the time Nicole made it back to their table, Doc was doing something on his phone and did not look in any way interested in playing with Wynonna. Nicole knew it was going to have to be her that got beat. Again.

Wynonna let Nicole break without tossing a coin because apparently she needed the head start. At some point Doc slipped outside for another smoke but Nicole hadn’t noticed him actually leave, her eyes finding Waverly in between every shot she took. She was playing worse than usual and she knew Wynonna was probably getting bored winning every game without much of a fight from Nicole.

“Alright, Red. What’s the deal? You’re on a totally different planet today…” Wynonna asked while she potted her third ball in a row.

“What? No, I’m…I’m right here.” Nicole grabbed her glass of coke and forced her eyes to stay on Wynonna, who’s own eyes narrowed on Nicole making her swallow a little more of the fizzy drink in one go than she’d planned to.

“Of course you are…does she know?” Wynonna thrust the cue forward and missed, her attention focused too closely on Nicole.

“Does who know?” Nicole feigned ignorance as she reached for the cue in Wynonna’s hand but she held it back out of Nicole’s reach.

“Waverly…does she know you like her?” Wynonna widened her eyes and held the stick close to her chest, waiting for Nicole to answer her. She couldn’t stop the blush that felt like it covered her entire body. Was she that obvious? “I’ll take that as a no then…you should tell her.” Wynonna shrugged and finally let Nicole take the cue from her hands. Nicole began lining up her shot, trying to think of the right excuse for why she couldn’t say anything to Waverly.

“I can’t…it’s complicated.” Nicole settled on something that gave little to no information away. She liked Wynonna, felt she could trust her but she had never thought that she would be having this conversation with her.

“What, you already got a girlfriend or something? I mean it wouldn’t surprise me, if I was into that I’d totally be into you!” Wynonna winked and Nicole rolled her eyes with a groan. She really didn’t think she’d ever be having this conversation with Wynonna.

“No, I don’t have a girlfriend. I just cant…” Nicole took her shot and missed, she pushed the cue into Wynonna’s hand a little too forcefully and sat down in her seat, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Well she is going to work it out eventually I guess, if she hasn’t already! It may come as a shock to you but she’s the smart one!” Wynonna let out a deep belly laugh and potted two balls in one go. Nicole’s chest tightened at Wynonna’s words, what if even without Nicole saying anything Waverly worked it out and didn’t want to hang out with her anymore? Would it be better to just tell her about her crush, get it out in the open so Waverly could tell her she wasn’t interested and hopefully Nicole could get over it.

“She beating you again?” There was a hand on Nicole’s shoulder and her eyes found Waverly standing beside her. Nicole swallowed hard and nodded her head with a small smile. She prayed that Waverly hadn’t overheard any of that. “You want a milkshake? Shorty said he’d bring some over for us.”

“Y-yeah, can I get cream on top?” It wasn’t the standard way they served milkshakes at Shorty’s but it was the way Nicole preferred them.

“Already asked him to put cream on yours!” Waverly said with a smile that warmed Nicole and sent her stomach buzzing. She took the seat opposite Nicole and when Wynonna realised that Nicole obviously wouldn’t be playing anymore pool until Waverly disappeared she came to join them. Nicole sighed when it would mean that Waverly had to budge up on bench but instead of moving along she got out of the booth so Wynonna could take the inside seat. She sat back down across from Nicole and took a drink from one of the coke glasses, she probably didn’t realise it was Nicole’s.

“So how’s the job going? Enjoying it?” Nicole said trying to swallow down the joy bursting out of her at the small action of Waverly sharing her drink.

“Already made $20 in tips so, yes!” Waverly laughed and all Nicole could think of was how she didn’t tip Waverly when she paid for the drinks. Would it have been weird if she had? Doc appeared at the end of the table and mirroring Waverly’s earlier movements Nicole got out of her seat to let Doc slide in across from Wynonna. Waverly continued talking about how she’d hopefully have enough money by the end of the school year so that she wouldn’t need to get a job straight away when she started university. She wanted to be able to enjoy herself for a little while.

Shorty dropped off the milkshakes and reminded Waverly she only had five minutes left on her break but with a look that said if she didn’t come back right on time he wouldn’t be mad. Waverly pushed the only one with cream on top in front of Nicole and she took a long pull on the straw with her eyes closed, the strawberry goodness cooling the ever warming feeling all over as she sat across of Waverly. Her eyes crossed when she opened them again looking at the dollop of cream that had found its way onto the tip of her nose and before she knew what was happening Waverly had scooped it off with her thumb. Which she then stuck into her mouth. Waverly’s eyes shot wide open, probably realizing what she had just done but Nicole couldn’t stop the smile creeping onto her face.

“Sorry…” Waverly released the thumb from her mouth with a ‘pop’ and stared down into her own milkshake .

“Totally ok…” Nicole watched as Waverly looked at her through hooded eyes, licking the remaining cream off her lips. She was sure that words were sitting right behind them, Waverly took a deep breath and Nicole held hers.

“Are you doing anything later?” Waverly seemed shy, it wasn’t uncommon for Waverly to ask this unless…this time she was asking something else entirely. Nicole was so close to saying no, to calling up her mom and saying she couldn’t make it to dinner but she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t just drop everything for this girl no matter how much she wanted to. Not when Nicole wasn’t sure what Waverly was actually asking.

“I’m having dinner with my mom.” Nicole looked down at the table but not before catching the look of disappointment on Waverly’s face. Twice she had been the cause of that today and she never wanted to be again. “She’s working from nine though so maybe we could do something after that? You could come over and find out more about my weird taste in movies.” Nicole could feel the flirtatious tone slipping through and she thought about stopping it but part of her really wanted to see how Waverly would react.

“How about we watch one of my favourites this time?” Waverly flirted back and Nicole felt her cheeks get warmer as Waverly’s eyes burrowed into her. “I finish at seven so plenty time to go home and grab it!” She had that smile on her face again that made Nicole’s head spin.

Waverly had to go back to work and Wynonna sent Nicole a wink after she turned back from watching her leave. Nicole groaned and pushed her from across the table.

“Just remember to use protection!” Wynonna stage whispered and Nicole picked up her jacket and announced she was leaving. She couldn’t sit there and let Wynonna tease her any longer or else she might actually lose her nerve on spending another evening alone with Waverly. On the other hand she knew that no one knew Waverly better than her sister and if she was pushing Nicole to go for it, surely that meant something right? She did seem to be pushing Nicole to go for it. She waved goodbye to Waverly as she made her way out, the smile they shared promising that they would see each other soon.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

To say that Waverly enjoyed the rest of her shift at Shorty’s would have been an understatement. All day she had been pretty happy serving customers, she liked people and almost everyone was understanding about it being her first day and taking a little longer for her to do certain things. After Nicole had invited her round though, that pretty happy attitude had quickly turned to ecstatic. Even with the lingering embarrassment of wiping the cream off of Nicole’s nose and then proceeding to actually lick said cream off of her thumb, she couldn’t fight the million watt smile that stayed firmly on her face until she had finished as she thought about her evening ahead with Nicole. Waverly thought the only saving grace of that mortifying situation was that she hadn’t leaned over the table and licked the damn cream straight off Nicole’s nose with her tongue.

Shorty sent her on her way, telling her she’d done an excellent job and since it was technically a trial shift, that she had actually secured the job. Not that she was under any impression that she wouldn’t get the job, it was still nice to hear that Shorty thought she had done so well on her first day.

Doc had headed home an hour or so before she finished but Wynonna hung around until her shift was over, hustling some clueless teenagers out of their money at pool. At least when she would beat Nicole over and over they didn’t actually put any money on it. They walked back to the house together and Waverly could tell that Wynonna was dying to say something to her. She nudged her with an elbow and told her to spit it out.

“Nicole’s nice.” Was all Wynonna said and Waverly shot her a questioning look, she knew that Wynonna liked her, this wasn’t news so why did she feel the need to say that now. After all they’d been hanging out together for weeks, if Wynonna didn’t think she was worth her time she wouldn’t have put up with her just because Waverly was friends with her. She didn’t like Steph and made a point of literally never speaking to her. “She’d be good for you…”

“She already is?” Waverly wasn’t following Wynonna’s train of thought, Nicole was by far the best friend she had. Chrissy had Steph these days and Waverly couldn’t really blame her, after Waverly quit cheerleading she thought that would happen. Of course they hung out and were still close but that special thing they shared no longer applied to Waverly. She would have cared a little more if she didn’t have Nicole.

“You know what I mean, Waves…” Wynonna groaned, the same groan whenever anyone tried to get her to talk about something serious and Waverly finally realised what she had meant. Wynonna could tell that Waverly liked her, if Wynonna could tell then why the hell couldn’t Nicole? “I see the way you look at her, she must really be blind not to notice you like her just as much as she likes you!” As soon as the words left Wynonna’s mouth she snapped it shut. She opened it again with no sound coming out and then sighed, clearly deciding she had already said too much.

“You guys talked about me? About her liking me?! Wait…she actually said she likes me?” Waverly ran a couple strides in front on Wynonna and held a hand out for her to stop walking. Wynonna huffed but stopped walking. She didn’t look like she was going to answer a single one of Waverly’s questions and so Waverly pulled out the big guns. “’Nonna…please tell me.” Waverly pouted, just a little but that combined with the nickname she hadn’t used seriously since she was maybe six years old normally worked wonders on Wynonna’s conviction.

“I’ve already said way too much! Just…tell her how you feel.” Wynonna batted Waverly’s still outstretched hand out of her way and continued walking. Waverly just stood there for a moment, a grin stretching across her face before she turned and followed.

She didn’t know what to make of the information she had just been given, Nicole liked her. That made her feel a warmth she had never felt before. She knew she had to tell Nicole how she felt but how the hell she was going to do that, she didn’t know. She wished she could just do what Wynonna did, get drunk and confess she wants to sleep with whoever had caught her eye or strut up to them and make out with less than a seconds warning. It worked for her but those were not serious, it wasn’t about feelings it was about being attracted to them. Not that Waverly wasn’t attracted to Nicole, of course she was, how could she not be? But she didn’t want to do it like that. She didn’t want to be able to blame alcohol for her bravery.

She picked out a DVD as soon as she got home, took it upstairs with her and suddenly felt self-conscious about what she was wearing. She couldn’t wear her work uniform, even if she thought she had seen Nicole’s eyes lingering on her exposed stomach earlier. She changed three times in total before settling on a gold crop top, that left a slightly larger window to her skin and a simple black skirt. She managed to find some tights without any holes in them, which now that Wynonna was back was becoming harder each day. She didn’t understand how Wynonna could completely ruin a pair after a single day wearing them and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know either. She stood in front of her full length mirror accessing the outfit, not noticing Wynonna standing at her door until she spoke.

“You look great, babygirl!” Wynonna’s voice startled Waverly and she held up her palms in apology before taking a step into the room. “You better get moving or she’ll think you’ve stood her up!” Waverly checked the time on her phone and it was just before nine, it took her at least fifteen minutes to walk to Nicole’s so she fired a quick text over to let her know she’d be a little late.

Nicole

I can come get you if you want? x

Waverly smiled down at her phone at the instant reply but wrote back saying she was happy to walk. The walk would do her good, give her some more time to figure out how she was going to do this.

It didn’t do much to calm her nerves but by the time she reached Nicole’s front door she had solidified her plan on how to move forward. She was never good with her words, not when it came to things like this and so she decided she would let her actions do the talking. She took one last deep breath before ringing the bell. Nicole opened the door and Waverly knew in a heartbeat that she had done well, Nicole’s eyes tracked the length of her outfit before she met her eyes and leaned back from the door, clearing her throat. Waverly slipped past her with a smug look on her face.

“I didn’t know we were uh…dressing up.” Nicole tugged at her oversized sweater, looking just a little embarrassed. Waverly thought she looked amazing, her hair was just a little messy and her cheeks just a tad blushed.

“You mean this isn’t your Sunday best?” Waverly teased as she raised an eyebrow to accompany her smirk. Nicole let out a musical laugh as she shook her head. Waverly shrugged out of her coat and Nicole hung it up beside the door. Waverly handed the DVD in her hand over to Nicole, their hands brushing for just a moment and Waverly swore she felt a literal spark of electricity between them. Nicole looked over the case with a smile, Waverly had picked a personal favourite and it was probably a stupid film to bring considering what she was planning to do but she really did enjoy Wall-E. The fact that there was next to no speaking for like half the movie would mean that if all went to plan, she wouldn’t get distracted.

Waverly followed Nicole through to the living room where a bowl of popcorn sat on the coffee table and Nicole placed the disc into the player while Waverly took a handful. Only to have something to occupy her hands and mouth as she worked up the final bits of courage. The pair got comfy on the couch and as the movie began, Nicole’s hand brushed softly against Waverly’s, Waverly instantly felt that spark again.

“Sorry.” Nicole said quietly and pulled her hand away from Waverly a little and suddenly Waverly realised why Nicole had never done anything about her feelings. Nicole knew she liked girls, she knew that Waverly knew she liked girls and yet Waverly had only ever mentioned Perry when speaking about ex’s. Nicole was respectful and she would never have wanted Waverly to feel like she was doing something inappropriate because she really had no idea how Waverly might respond. Wynonna said it herself, she hadn’t noticed how much Waverly liked her so of course she wouldn’t have put Waverly in a position where she might feel uncomfortable.

“It’s ok.” Waverly moved herself back into Nicole’s space and mirrored their positions from when they watched the fireworks together. Waverly could feel Nicole’s shoulders relax under the weight of her head but her breathing was far from it. Her fingers were flexing against the material of the couch between their legs and Waverly told herself that it had to be now. She couldn’t let Nicole think for another second that anything she wanted to do would make Waverly uncomfortable. She stretched out her hand towards Nicole’s and intertwined their fingers. Nicole turned her head slightly, swallowing loudly and Waverly lifted her own from Nicole’s shoulder so she could see what Nicole’s face was telling her. Nicole’s eyes fell briefly to Waverly’s lips, then down their interlocked hands before moving back to look in her eyes.

“Hey.” Waverly breathed, not quite sure how she was still able to.

“Hey.” Nicole smiled back. Waverly moved her face closer to Nicole’s, not moving to kiss her. Not yet. She rest her forehead against Nicole’s and let her smile take over as her eyes closed. Breathing in everything Nicole. She’d never been so close to her mouth before. She smelled faintly of vanilla and a little bit of garlic that Waverly was sure must have come from her dinner with her mom but it was nice. It was Nicole.

Nicole’s hand that wasn’t laced with Waverly’s moved to her cheek and Waverly’s eyes shot open. She stared deep, searching Nicole’s for what she wanted, a confirmation that this was ok. That she wanted Waverly to do this just as much as Waverly wanted to do this. Nicole’s eyes shot down to Waverly’s lips and it was exactly what she was looking for. She surged forward, releasing Nicole’s hand and placing both to the sides of Nicole’s face as their lips moved together. Smooth and slow but it still somehow felt absolutely desperate. Waverly knew how long she’d been waiting to do that and she wondered how long Nicole had too.

Nicole’s hands found their way to Waverly’s waist and she was stunned to find how gentle her hold was. The last person she had made out with was Pete, drunkenly at a party and he had gripped her so tight that it was uncomfortable. This was not uncomfortable, this was the safest Waverly had ever felt. Waverly pulled back an inch and Nicole’s face turned worried, she started to pull her hands away from Waverly’s sides but she quickly placed her hands over Nicole’s to keep them firmly in place.

“Wow…” Waverly’s breath was coming out staggered and she went to rest her forehead against Nicole’s again while she tried to catch it.

“Good?” Nicole smiled, leaning forward to place a quick peck to Waverly’s lips before pulling back again.

“Good…amazing…totally amaze-balls!”

“Amaze-balls?” Nicole giggled as her thumbs brushed against Waverly’s waist.

“Shhh.” Waverly connected their lips again, not caring that she had barely caught her breath. She started testing the waters a little more, she ran her tongue along Nicole’s bottom lip which immediately granted her access deeper into Nicole’s mouth. She couldn’t stop the moan that escaped as she felt Nicole’s tongue moving against her own. In an instant she was glad that there was no way she could have fought it because Nicole’s hands were coaxing her closer at the sound. Closer and closer until Waverly was basically sitting on top of her.

“This ok?” Nicole gasped as she pulled back to look into Waverly’s eyes. Waverly’s words had failed her and all she could do was nod in approval as she positioned herself more comfortably in Nicole’s lap. When Nicole’s hands started moving below her waist to rest cupping her ass, Waverly’s body felt engulfed in flame. Her lips found Nicole’s again with much more fervour than before. She had made out with plenty people, gone a little further than where she was now with Nicole but she had never wanted to be with someone before. Not until that very moment with Nicole’s hands gently palming her rear and her centre pressing downward into Nicole’s. Waverly could feel her skirt inching it’s way higher and higher as their kisses became deeper and deeper. The material stretching against her spread thighs giving her a taste of the friction she yearned for elsewhere. She had thought about kissing Nicole so many times but none of those thoughts compared to the real thing. She couldn’t believe she had wasted to much time just thinking about and not actually going for what she wanted.

Despite how amazing it felt to have her hands resting on Nicole’s impossibly soft cheeks, Waverly wanted to feel more of her. She had already wasted enough time. Her hands rolled down Nicole’s body to the bottom of her sweater and snuck underneath. The instant connection she made with warm, silken skin as she realised there was no top underneath made them both moan into each others mouths. Waverly took that as a good sign and let her fingers grip the edges of the sweater to remove it but Nicole pulled back from her lips.

“Do you mind if we just…I don’t think I’m ready to y’know…get into that just yet!” Nicole blushed and ducked her head, her eyes avoiding Waverly’s and Waverly immediately removed her hands from the sweater to sit on top of it.

“Sorry…yeah. Got a little carried away, you’re just…” Waverly paused, looking for the right words that didn’t sound cheesy or make her sound like a horny teenage boy. She raised her hand and let her finger trail a feather light touch along Nicole’s cheeks until she looked into her eyes again. “You’re a really great kisser.”

“Yeah?” Nicole said, looking a little smug and if it had been anyone else Waverly might have wanted to take them down a peg or two but not Nicole. Never Nicole. Waverly pressed her forehead to Nicole’s once again and sighed into her.

“Yeah…the best.” Waverly spoke the words like they were the truest she had ever said and they just might have been. They descended into making out again, Waverly being careful to respect Nicole’s boundaries until they found themselves enjoying the last bit of the movie in a tight embrace on the couch. “I know we didn’t really watch most of it but what did you think?”

“It’s one of my favourites actually…it’s my go to movie to watch when I’m sick.” Nicole admitted and watched as Waverly narrowed her eyes with a smile. “I was going to say something but then you kissed me and I kind of forgot how to do words.” Nicole laughed and placed a soft kiss to the side of Waverly’s head.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that…kiss you?” Waverly sighed and leaned closer into Nicole’s chest. “I wanted to kiss you last night…”

“I thought you did…but then I got scared that you’d totally hate me if I ruined our friendship.” Nicole let her hand reach up into Waverly’s hair and she closed her eyes as nimble fingers massaged into her scalp.

“I could never hate you.” Waverly sighed and she realised just how close she was to falling asleep right there in Nicole’s arms. She didn’t want to go home, she didn’t want the moment to be over and so she bit her lip and opened her eyes to ask. “Can I stay? Here, tonight, with you?” Nicole’s eyes went wide and Waverly cursed herself for not making it clear what she wanted.

“Uh…” Nicole blushed and let her hand fall out of Waverly’s hair.

“No…gosh, not for that! I just…I think it would be really nice to fall asleep in your arms.” Waverly nuzzled herself under Nicole’s chin and eventually Nicole’s hand made it back into her hair. Nicole clearly wasn’t ready for that and even though Waverly felt like she might be, she would never suggest something that Nicole wasn’t ready for.

“Yeah, that would be…nice. Of course you can stay, do you need to check with Gus and Curtis?” Nicole leaned forward, taking Waverly with her as she grabbed the house phone from the coffee table and handing it over to Waverly. Waverly smiled, her phone was in her jacket pocket and Nicole clearly didn’t want her moving away from her just yet. She took the phone and positioned herself more comfortably to dial, Nicole’s fingers still moving against her scalp making it difficult for her to remember the number to her own house. She was finally able to get the string of numbers out of the recesses of her brain long along to punch it in and held the phone up to her ear. Gus answered and was more than ok with Waverly spending the night. Just as she was about to hang up she heard Wynonna’s voice in the background begging for the phone.

“Staying the night huh?” Waverly could practically hear the wiggling eyebrows through the phone.

“Shut it, Wynonna!” Waverly said forcefully and hung up the phone as Nicole laughed beside her. She smoothed out the frown lines on Waverly’s forehead and kissed the space where they had been.

“I think your sister really wanted us to get together!”

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Waking up with Waverly in her bed, in her arms was something Nicole was not quite prepared for. Part of her expected to wake up and the previous night be some sort of incredibly realistic dream, she couldn’t believe that it had actually happened. Waverly had kissed her, had enjoyed kissing her, had wanted to do more than that, Nicole thought. Nicole wanted to do more too but she had never done that before. She knew the basics but beyond that it was a little daunting. To be that vulnerable with another person, that trusting. She trusted Waverly, she had never given her a reason not to but she had also trusted…she had trusted her before too. The one and only person other than her mom to know that she was interested in girls before it became common knowledge and that trust was betrayed, destroyed, smashed into a million tiny pieces. Giving herself to Waverly like that was going to take time, she had slowed down completely when Nicole had asked so she didn’t doubt that Waverly would be ok with waiting. For a while anyway because god did she want to do that. Maybe she needed to do some research first, make sure that what she thought she knew was actually correct.

Waverly stirred beside her, a gentle sigh escaping her mouth and Nicole wondered what she was dreaming about. She pulled Waverly closer into her chest and kissed her forehead softly. She still couldn’t believe it was real. Even in her sleep, Waverly smiled at the affection and settled into Nicole’s embrace a little more. Nicole was so focused on the girl in her arms that the footsteps making their way up the stairs and to her bedroom door were mere background noise. When her bedroom door opened and her mom stood in her doorway, she remembered the conversation they had had over dinner the night before. Her mom was going to make them breakfast that morning when she got home from work.

Nicole stared at her mom, Waverly pressed against her and thanked the lord that they hadn’t gone any further the night before because she knew what her mom was seeing was bad enough. Silence continued between them, her mom clearly wanting to say something but not able to be so rude as to actually wake a guest from their sleep, Nicole shifted uncomfortably and Waverly slowly woke up. Her eyes taking in Nicole’s expression as she looked down at Waverly before her eyes darted back to the doorway and Waverly turned to see what she was looking at.

“Oh, hi Susan…” Waverly’s sleepy voice barely carried to the door but her mom’s eyes moved to focus on Waverly after she spoke. Nicole would have laughed at how casual Waverly had sounded, greeting her mom while laying in her bed, wrapped up in her arms, if not for the look on her mom’s face.

“I think it’s best if you go home, Waverly.” She said flatly, Nicole could tell she was angry but she was far too polite to raise her voice in front of a guest.

“But mom,” Nicole knew this was coming, she should have been more careful, she shouldn’t have let herself get swept up in an amazing night.

“But nothing!” She interrupted, her voice stern but still no louder than before. “Get dressed, both of you.” With that she turned and left, half closing the door behind her and walking down the stairs. Nicole released her arms from around Waverly and let her head hit the pillow as she stared up at the ceiling. It had been the perfect morning, barely anything had happened and it had still been perfect to Nicole. Right until that moment. Waverly got out of bed and Nicole watched as she moved around the room in Nicole’s borrowed pyjamas, picking up her clothing from the night before. She wanted to appreciate Waverly wearing her clothes but it felt sour now, like the curtain had been lifted on whatever fantasy she had been living since Waverly had kissed her last night.

Nicole was sure that Waverly had said something as she turned around and replaced Nicole’s top with her own but she was too focused on the bare skin of her back to really listen. She turned around and said it again, or maybe it was something different but the tone was the same. Nicole turned away and faced the wall, her eyes closed and she slowly counted to twenty. Enough time for Waverly to change into her skirt. She felt a warm touch on her arm and she turned over to look at Waverly leaning against the edge of her bed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Waverly leaned closer and kissed Nicole goodbye, her eyes fluttered close and when she opened them Waverly was gone. Footsteps on the stairs, then an awkward sounding goodbye to her mom and she was out of her house.

She should have driven her home, she should have talked to her, she shouldn’t have let her leave without saying goodbye.

Nicole stayed in her room until the smell of bacon begged her to go downstairs. She had to face her mom at some point, she might as well get to eat at the same time. There were two plates sitting on the table when she got into the kitchen, her mom motioned for her to sit down. She pulled the plate away from the seat beside her mom and picked the one furthest away from her instead.

“What is the one thing I asked you to do when we moved here?” She looked Nicole in the eyes, anger and fear and love swirling in her own.

“Mom, listen…” She wanted to tell her that nothing happened, that Waverly just stayed over but she knew it was pointless. Her mom knew what Waverly staying over meant. Nicole had been worried that she wasn’t being careful enough when speaking about Waverly to her mom, she knew her smiles were too bright, her body language to happy whenever Waverly was the topic of discussion and she was sure that her mom had already realised she had a bit of a crush on her new friend. Her mom didn’t say anything though so she had probably assumed, just like Nicole had, that Waverly wasn’t interested in Nicole like that.

“The one thing, Nicole?” The anger disappeared as she spoke, the gap filling with more fear and love.

“To fit in…” Nicole conceded and picked up a slice of bacon from her plate, ignoring the cutlery that she had left in the spot her mom had wanted her to sit in.

“To fit in.” Her mom repeated as she pushed the knife and fork towards Nicole. “Do you think this qualifies as fitting in?”

“No…but…” Nicole tried to speak but her mom held up a hand to silence her. Nicole thought it would have been better if she had just raised her voice, then Nicole could be angry at her but she wasn’t. She understood.

“I don’t want to hear it, Nicole. We moved here so you could focus, so you could get into university and get away from those horrible kids and…the bad memories.” Nicole flinched and her mom’s eyes softened into an apology for even nearly bringing up the worst night of both of their lives. “I’ve done everything so you can have a normal life again, a good life.” Nicole nodded but there was one singular thought in her head. She didn’t want to be normal if that meant pretending that she didn’t have feelings for Waverly but she understood. Her mom left everything behind for her, her job, her friends. She knew she owed it to her to try and stick to her word, no matter how much she knew it was going to hurt.

She didn’t sleep much that night, Waverly text her a few times but she hadn’t opened them. She feared that if she did and replied she would go back on the promise she had made to her mom.

Standing in front of her locker feeling like a zombie, she forced it closed, not caring that she had most likely damaged a textbook that didn’t even belong to her. She felt someone standing behind her and she didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was.

“Hey, Waves.” Nicole sighed as she turned to face her, eyes focused intently on the book in her hands.

“Hey.” Waverly sounded sad, broken. Nicole forced herself to keep staring at the book. “Can we talk?” Nicole noticed Waverly’s hand stretch out to touch her but she pulled it back, Nicole looked up because she felt it too. The need to reach out and just feel her.

“I’m running late for chemistry, Torres’ll give me detention if I’m late again.” Nicole grimaced at how easy it was for her to lie to Waverly but she knew it was going to make it easier. Now that she was actually looking at her, the ache in her chest that she had been ignoring since the day before was too much to overlook. She was trying desperately not to get sucked in to her eyes, her lips, her scent and she forced her eyes back down onto the book in her hand. “Meet you behind the field at lunch?”

“Yeah…ok. I’ll see you there.” Waverly voice was barely above a whisper. Nicole looked into her eyes for just a beat before she nodded and walked towards her class. Ignoring the sad look in Waverly’s eyes and how she knew it was only going to get worse.

Her stomach tightened every time she looked at the clock and it was one minute closer to having to speak to Waverly. When the time came she walked the long way round to where they had agreed to meet making sure that no one else had decided to hang out there that day for lunch. It was going to be hard enough without witnesses.

As soon as she saw Waverly sitting on the ground, reading a book she tried not to think about how beautiful she looked. Waverly looked up as if sensing Nicole’s approach and smiled. It knocked the wind right out of Nicole’s lungs.

They talked about nothing for a while, how their classes had gone that day and who had given out the most homework. Not that Nicole had really been paying attention in any of her classes. Until Waverly seemed to lose patience with the small talk.

“I wanted to talk about the other night…”

“I know.” Nicole sighed and steeled herself for what she needed to do. “I don’t think we should act on our feelings again…” Nicole tried not to look at her as she spoke but she couldn’t tear her eyes away. The slow passage of emotions that crossed Waverly’s face hitting Nicole in the chest. Hurt, sadness, anger and then a realisation.

“So there are feelings?” Waverly asked, already knowing the answer and fixing Nicole with a look that dared her to deny it.

“Of course I have feelings for you Waverly, I wouldn’t just…I wouldn’t have kissed you back if I didn’t.” Nicole could feel the tears burning behind her own eyes. There were too many feelings for Waverly.

“Then why did you ignore my messages? Why should this have to stop?”

“My mom is pissed…she thinks I’m not even trying to fit in and I can’t do this to her if things get bad again. She couldn’t handle it when I…she had to take care of me…it’s not fair.” Nicole was using every ounce of strength she had to stop the tears from flowing, she wouldn’t put her mom through hell again, she couldn’t.

“That’s not fair on you either, I like you Nicole. All I want to do right now is kiss you and…”

“Don’t…” Nicole couldn’t stop them anymore, the tears came freely and she looked around to make sure they were still alone before taking Waverly’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry, Waverly. I just can’t.” Her heart ached, she wanted nothing more than to kiss Waverly, be with Waverly.

“So that’s it?” Waverly’s voice cracked and through her own tears she could see Waverly’s eyes filling as well. She was shaking her head and Nicole reached forward and let her hand cup Waverly’s cheek gently.

“I don’t want to lose you Waverly, we can still be friends.” Nicole didn’t actually know if she could do that, not straight away. To be close to Waverly and not touch her, not kiss her, not tell her how much it was killing her to just be friends with her. Not after knowing what it felt like. She needed to know though, if Waverly would even want that or if the one thing that had scared Nicole so much about admitting her feelings to Waverly had happened. She could have ruined the best friendship she had because she couldn’t keep herself under control. Because she couldn’t keep the one promise she had made to her mom.

“Tell me you don’t want to kiss me right now and I’ll walk away.” Waverly pleaded, she placed her hand over Nicole’s that was cupping her cheek. Nicole was too aware that there was no one around to see if they kissed, she could kiss her…one last time and no one would ever know. She closed her eyes, hoping to banish the overwhelming urge to just give in to her desire. If she couldn’t see her then maybe it would easier. Waverly’s lips were on hers before she even had a chance to process what was happening. Her lips were too soft, too gentle and Nicole knew Waverly was holding herself back, wanting Nicole to show her how much she wanted it too.

“Waverly, we shouldn’t.” She managed to say right before she leaned into the kiss, her head was screaming at her to turn and leave. To stop herself because it was only going to make things worse but her body needed to be close to Waverly.

“Tell me you don’t want this then.” Waverly pulled back just an inch, her lips brushing against Nicole’s as she spoke and Nicole pulled herself all the way back. She had to stop it because she couldn’t tell Waverly she didn’t want that, she had never wanted anything so desperately in her life. Waverly tried to chase her with her lips but Nicole held out her hands and stopped her.

“It doesn’t matter what I want…I’m sorry.” She pushed herself off the ground as quickly as she could, grabbed her backpack and walked away. Trying frantically to block out the sounds of Waverly crying her name as tears streamed down her cheeks.