Thundercracker : Rollin' Like Fuckin' Thunder! And SICK Of THIS SHIT! #1
Can you fuckin believe this shit.
Who has to clean up after Starscream's fuckin incompetence, lead our Trine in the background and listen to his little, high pitched, bitch ass primadonna fits? Yeah.. Me.
Who has to pick up Skywarps slack, when we're ready to fight and he's fuckin daydreaming... Me.
Don't get me wrong, I have my motherfuckin faults. But not as many as these fuckers. I care about their welfare, I honestly fuckin do, but their shit winds me up and fucks me right off.
They try to take the fuckin piss just because I'm successful, a better leader then Starscream will ever be, and the way ladies love me. Resident number three on CybertronBangs for like two fuckin years. I have nothing but great fuckin reviews.
Sometimes a fan will fuckin make a profile in your fuckin name and leave reviews and if you want you can fuckin verify it officially and take over the fuckin profile and add to it. Which I fuckin did. See the the blue fuckin tick? Verified. Its really me answering questions and leaving return feedback. Most of us have fuckin official profiles on that shit, but a lot of my team mates ain't even in the top forty.
I have a big, ongoing retained penthouse room in a nice part of town. This is where I take my girls back to. I certainly wouldn't take them back to the fuckin base or some shithole. The proprietor always makes sure that the Energon is refined, chilled and ready, and even fixes the room the morning after the night before. All I do is pay the fuckin monthly bill. Fuckin sweet.
They used to leave only two glasses but the bottle, but if I score more then one girl thats pretty fuckin lame and I have to call down for them to send up more glasses. Now they leave ten to cover all fuckin odds.
People fuckin ask me if I ever have a fuckin non-starter. Very fuckin rare. But there was this one girl who was so fuckin drunk she passed out. But her friend was there and found it funny, so that was cool. Best thing is to fuckin sleep it the fuck off if it's that fuckin bad. .
But back to my Trine and others, Skywarps good at following orders, but you ask him what the fuck he wants on a menu, he's dead in the water... Nobody fuckin home. I hate the indecision when we go out to eat, or even when we get a take out.
Starscream, who's paid more then all of us, will bitch over the smallest thing like what a sause sachet costs, yet he'll fuckin order four sides. Skywarp will change his mind at least three times whatever the fuck he's ordering, it's worse when we have other Seekers with us.
Then comes the split argument.
We all agree that Energon drinks should be ordered and paid for by the drinker and not put on the main bill. Cause that shits expensive. Especially the poncy fuckin vintage stuff Starscream fuckin drinks.. Which is like... Fuckin pink. The only way I'd drink the kind of fuckin girly drinks he drinks is if a group of girls are drinking it. Then I'll drink that shit.
Now, I bet you have a fuckin friend that does this bullshit...
Fuckin Novastorm will order a dumb fuckin salad or some shit then at the end when we're splitting, he'll bitch he doesn't want an even split because he ordered cheap so doesn't want a even split if someone (Normally Starscream) has ordered a fuckin steak.
Novastorm. Man, fuck you, fuck salad.
Then Skywarp wants to argue over what the fucking tip should be and bases it in the fuckin service or how poor, oppressed and destitute the server fuckin looks. Then I gotta fuckin sit there and watch Starscream struggle to work out a fuckin simple percentage, which is pain cause his cunting math is terrible. Real scientist right motherfuckin there. Then he asks fuckin Jetfire to work it out and he argues over what's the fuckin regional custom is. At least he's quick with motherfuckin numbers.
Good thing fuckin Starscreams not in charge of working out our fuckin payroll. Shockwave does that shit. Mostly because he has fuck all else to do up there so Megatron keeps him crunchin fuckin numbers, payroll and shit, while he's on fuckin guard duty.
Ramjet. Sitting there lookin at the fuckin menu and his arm is moving. He's fuckin jerkin off under the fucking table.
NO. I do not want fuckin salad cream with mine.
Then starscream starts screaming 'He's having a wank...' and the whole tone lowers.
Bitstream, when we can tear him off his fuckin MMO, he comes out. He's our codebreaker but when he's off shift, be sits in his fuckin room playing online games and buying fictitious money with real money... What a dickhead. He has a 'IRL' 'girlfriend' in the game. They Skype and shit but we all joke that it's probably a massive male triplechanger catfishing him. He said they exchanged 'pix'. Hmmm fuckin idiot.
When he boasts about how beautiful his girlfriend, that he ain't never fuckin met, is and shows us the pictures she sent him, Skywarp (made me proud) said 'I don't know anything about this girlfriend of yours, but all I know is... He has a dick. "
Nacelle, he's a fuckin decent guy and a master of combat. In fact I spar with him often and have a really good fight. He keeps me up to date with CQC and shows me really good hand to hand skills. I attribute why I'm such a good fighter to him. He's no drama, quick in restaurant ordering, level headed and can take a joke. All round good fuckin guy. Only. Thing I don't fuckin like is how Megatron favours him and has him marked for big fuckin things. The only one who's favoured more then him is fuckin Starscream, who Megatron is completely blinded by and he gets away with fuckin everything.
Hotlink, Anything we don't wanna spend our fucking money on, he will. He has to have the latest shit. He loves gadgets and often even buys different brands of the same fuckin thing. He's also a fuckin gut bucket and he'll even polish off your fuckin food, which is gross.
Red wing is the Starscream wannabe. Some people can't tell the difference between them and Red Wing like to emulate Starscream, from his voice to his bouncy arrogant walk. Once, I heard second hand, he even went over to Jetfire and in a darkened room and felt him up, but the game was up when Jetfire grabbed him and held him close, then realised it wasn't Starscream, also the fact that Red Wing didn't want to risk doing 'The Starscream voice' because it would fuckin give him away, as if his fuckin silence didn't already do that. For some reason, Jetfire seems to know Starscream so well that he knew right away as soon as they were fuckin close. A bit of trivia here but Red Wing and Skywarp hate each other... Weird I know. Skywarp likes everyone, and he loves Starscream.
Whizzing Arrow is a fuckin hypercondriac. He'll ask the server to list every fuckin ingredient in whatever the fuck he wants, then he claims he's fuckin allergic to everything.
He carries fuckin inhalers, and is a pill popper like you wouldn't fuckin believe. He refuses to touch things with his hands and uses so much alcohol gel it ain't fuckin funny.
He wants a fuckin girlfriend?! Yeah sure.
He'll want to be wearing a fuckin Hazmat suit to fuck her. And probably wash his fuckin dick down fifteen times times after due to 'the contaminants' out here in the big mean old fuckin world, waiting to get him. Starscream keeps taking the piss out of him by licking things in front of him, which sets him off.
Sunstorm thinks he's some kind of superhero and is a massive Starscream fan. Those two sit and giggle and are always whispering shit in each others ears. Sometimes Sunstorm will order anything Starscreams having. So, here come four more fuckin sides.
Slipstream, the apple doesn't fall far from the fuckin tree. She's hot, but she's also rude, acidic, witty to the point of being fuckin offensive, but she's calls it 'Keepin it real', in other words, she can become a hyper bitch.
Her and Starscream really, really don't get on. She says she intimidates him, and that he's jealous of her, her body and her vajayjay.
He says she's just a cunt and a prossi and that she's jealous of him and the fact he can do anything she can do and fuckin more.
She threatened to get a strap-on and fuck some fuckin sense into him. We always joke that he'd fuckin love that, bein a Degenerate whore and all, but he just looks back at her snarling and seething claiming she has penis envy.
Then they have a who's fuckin tighter argument.
Watching those two fuckin bitches tear into each other is hilarious. Even Megatron is fuckin glued to those two queens and their bitchy fights. He's fuckin loves it.
Sandstorm is a close buddy of Ramjet. He's a bit dim, even though he looks like us, he's sort of designated a fuckin conehead.
Starscream likes to send him on fools errands, like giving him a list of fuckin shit to buy like a glass hammer, a chocolate teapot, etc etc. Then he'll run off for hours looking for this shit, then he'll fuckin ask Ramjet for help. If that ain't the blind leading the fuckin blind.
They order at restaurants random dishes that someone else has ordered and hope for the fuckin best. Dirge and Thrust are very much the fuckin same.
Then we have our new guy. Some fuckin VF-1S Super fuckin Valkyrie carrier fuckin Eastern build guy called Jetfire. He hardly ever fuckin speaks and when he does its some ideological bullshit. He and Starscream are always together and Screamer is the mouthpiece for the two of them.
I have a theory, that Skywarp dismisses, based on the way Jetfire walks I reckon he's some kind of faggot.
Cause there's many kinds, and he's silent gay.
Once, Starscream got up, from next to Jetfire, to get something. When I happen to sit there, Jetfire was busy talking to Sunstorm to his right, and he put his fuckin hand on my thigh. I turned to him and said 'Is your fuckin hand on my fuckin thigh. You don't want your fuckin hand on my fuckin thigh.', he took it off quickly. Claimed it was a fuckin mistake.
When I asked Starscream if Jetfires a bender, he didn't fuckin answer... He just looked at him to answer.
He looked at him!
Rest my fuckin case.
Especially since somethings always breaking in their quarters and the other has to go over and fix it, which takes hours, and the fact that when we eat out, they even go to the fuckin restroom together too. Fuckin come back looking sheepish. Fuck me.
Soundfuckinwave, he's Starscreams babysitter. Whenever we go out, he has to mind Screamer. Support him when he's drunk, assist him and generally wipe his fuckin ass. They hate each other.
So the next time people bitch 'Oh Thundercrackers always in a fuckin bad mood. This is why. Cause I have to put up with all this motherfuckin bullshit on my time off. Fuck me.