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The Echo Of What We Could Have Been

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She said yes. Of course she said yes.
Their eyes were shining when they told everyone in the base that Saturday night.
Fitz had proposed to her the night before and it was obvious she said yes. Jemma loved him.
She congratulated them, hugged them and excused herself saying she was very tired after a mission. None of them really noticed, too caught up in each other and their happiness.
She felt like she couldn't breath, the base's hallway too small for her to do it properly.

 

She left the place with shaking legs to her apartment and throw herself on the couch, not even having the strength to get to the bed or wanting to.

She closed her eyes and remembered the only time she was brave enough too do what she always wanted. It was that moment of full happiness after knowing everything was okay again. She had taken Jemma to a room and she had put both her hands in every side of her face and kissed her. It was soft. It was also burning Daisy inside. So many years being in love with the same girl and finally kissing her. They kissed for a while, not sure how long. But when they pulled away Jemma's hands where on her hair and her eyes were still closed.

The moment she opened her eyes they were filled with guilt and sorrow, and her stomach flipped because of course Jemma didn't want her and of course she wasn't completely and utterly in love with her.
"Daisy..." She whispered while her hands feel from her hair and she took a step back. "I can't- I'm- I- Fitz and I-"

Fitz. She had completely forgotten about him. He and Jemma are together. The reason she can't scream every single day that she loves her and wants to be with her.
"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." She didn't want to say that.
She wasn't sorry. But she couldn't do that to Jemma. Make her choose. Or tell her that she loves her and watch her go with him. So she turned around and left the room.
Ignoring the "Daisy, wait!" behind her.

She always wonders what would have happened if she stayed. If she hadn't run. If she hadn't ignored Jemma for weeks. If she hadn't gone to that long mission and came back to know that Jemma and Fitz would get married.
That Jemma would get married. And not to her.

A knock on the door wakes her up hours later. She tries to ignore it and keep sleeping but the sound is continuous and her back hurts from sleeping on the couch.

When the person doesn't look like going to stop, Daisy gets up from the couch and see who is annoying enough to wake her up through the peephole and her breath got caught in her throat and her heart stopped because Jemma was on the other side of the door.
She opened the door and Jemma passed by leaving a slight lavender perfume in Daisy's nose.
"What are you doing here?" She sounded rude, she knew she did.

"I'm here to hear what you actually think about me marring Fitz." A chuckle scaped Daisy's mouth but Jemma was standing still in the middle of the apartment, waiting for her answer.

"I told you in the base, I'm happy for you guys." That was a straight up lie and they both knew it.

"You never were able to lie to me, Daisy. Please tell me truth."

"The truth? You want the fucking truth? What do you want me to say, Jemma? That I've been in love with you since forever? That the thought of you jumping off that plane made me want to jump myself just so you wouldn't die alone? That every time we are in some new fucked up shit, every time, I just wanna make sure you're okay..."

The words were just coming out and she knew she shouldn't say them, that whatever friendship that could have been between them now was broken but she was so angry and she wanted Jemma to know.
"But it's not my fucking job to know you're okay, because Fitz is there so I have to go to your room hours after you're back and you're okay and give you some crappy flowers that you only took as a reminder of my name and just see you there and not kiss you, it kills me."

The last words where a whisper so soft she wasn't sure Jemma hear them and when she sat next to Daisy, her whimper made her realize she was crying.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Why would I? You were always so amazing, with I don't even know how many diplomas and being one of the youngest and smartest of SHIELD and I was just a hacker. And then I had powers and you all were scared of me and when I thought that, maybe, I had a chance you and Fitz got together and I could never fight that because I never I wouldn't win."

Jemma took her face between her hands and whipped away her tears. Daisy didn't miss how her eyes rest in her lips for a few seconds but she didn't think anything of it. She wouldn't let herself do that.

"For what it's worth, you could have always been enough Daisy." When Daisy didn't answer, with a big sigh she stood up and said "I guess I should go"

The door was open and she was about to leave when Daisy's call made her turn.

"Would you call me Skye, one more time?"

It was soft and somehow full of hope.

"Why?"

"Skye could have had a chance if she was strong enough, Daisy never did."

The slight nod and "Goodnight Skye." didn't make her feel better and she just throw herself on the couch again and saw the picture of her and Jemma smiled at her.

With a single move of her hand, it was on the other side of the room, glass shattered. Lavender perfume hanging in the air.

 

Jemma looked beautiful in her wedding dress, so so so beautiful. Fitz was radiant with happiness. Everyone looked happy because, you know, weddings are a happy place or whatever. Not really for Daisy.

The whole thing just reminded her of what she wouldn't have.

They said "I do". Jemma not giving a look at Daisy's side for a moment, too caught up in Fitz's eyes.

They had the first wife and husband dance and the cut the cake with smiles on their faces.

Daisy would smile at them, clap and pretend for a night that she was the happiest person in the world because her friend has found true love and got married.

Ignoring every person who tried to dance with her, take her home and buy her a drink, she stayed at the bar, waiting for the acceptable hour to leave without being too much of a bitch.

 

One would have thought that they would last longer than a year. That they would be together forever. Grow old together with their 4 children and 2 dogs.
No one would have expected that after around a year of being married they would start to see them argue. Jemma would sometimes appeared in the base with puffy eyes as a clear sing that she's been crying. Or Fitz walking around with his jaw so tight it looked like it would break at any second.

After a couple of weeks like that Daisy made some tea for Jemma and brought it to her table, took a chair that wasn't being used and put her hand on top of Jemma's.

"What's going on, Jem?"

She heard her took a big breath and let it go shakily.

"It's just- it's complicated." She turned her hand around and started playing with Daisy's fingers.
"Fitz got a job, back in Ireland, and he wants to take it but I just can't. Everyone here, all our friends all that we worked so hard for. And you're here too."

She said the last thing in a soft whisper and Daisy got stuck in her place but of course Jemma said that because she's her friend.

"So, you're fighting because he want to leave. Why does he want to leave?"

"He's just too tired of almost dying and fighting all the time." She took a big breath. "It's not just that though, we just haven't worked so well lately. It's not as comfortable as it used to be, I guess. It was more easy being in love with each other when we were in a problem after another and never together."
She let it all out in that quick but specific Jemma way and Daisy realized that she really wanted to take it all out to someone for some time.
She didn't know what to say but she put a string of hair behind her ear and said "it'll be okay Jem, you'll see." It did made Jemma breath a little easier.

 

Fitz left four weeks after that and Daisy slept on her couch for the next month because Jemma couldn't bear to sleep in what once was their apartment.

Six months later he came back to get the last of his things. He and Jemma didn't talk much. But none of them looked like wanting to. They were both doing more than okay on their own.

Another six months passed when Jemma got a phone call from Fitz, saying he was sending her the divorce papers. She cried herself to sleep for a week. Sometimes she would let Daisy hold her, sometimes she just wanted to be alone.

The day she singed the papers and send them back to Fitz, Daisy thought it would be another night where she cry until exhaustion took over but Jemma opened the door more relaxed than what she had been in a while.

More months passed by and Daisy was used to the second set of shoes by the door, the second coat and the weird healthy food Jemma eats.
She was used to find her on the couch reading a book and drinking tea. She was used to her worries and quick talking when she got hurt in a mission.

It warmed her heart how domestic they were with each other. How they would know what the other was thinking and their many inside jokes made up in late nights talking about everything and nothing.

She wasn't so used to Jemma taking her hand in the streets or Jemma bringing her a cappuccino to the base after she's was out. And the times she would find her staring at her and the way her eyes shine.
But she wouldn't comment on any of that.

It was a Sunday when, trying to catch a group inhumans that used their powers to steal banks, she got shot in the leg and came back to the base limping.

Once the bullet was out she asked Jemma, who was putting the bandage on her leg, why she was here since it was her Sunday off.
"I got worried when you didn't come back home so I came here to check if you were okay."
Home.
The word left her lips so easily, so calmly and Daisy noticed the light blush there was on her cheeks.

She didn't notice she had been staring at Jemma until she looked up. Her breath got caught in her throat when Jemma's hand rested on her cheek.
She leaned in giving her time to back off but Jemma leaned in more until her lips where just about to touch hers.
Daisy's hand went around her waist, the table she was sitting in making her a little more taller than Jemma.
They both leaned in at the same time and their were kissing again, Daisy's hand went to the back of Jemma's back, pulling her closer and her hands went to Daisy's short curls.

After minutes of getting lost in each other, they pulled away, heavy breath and swollen lips. They both started to chuckle at the same time.

Daisy got off the table, took Jemma's hand in hers and asked her, "ready to go home?"

With a big smile and nod from Jemma they left the base, hand in hand. And utterly and completely in love with each other.