"You want what, now?" John dropped his Golf Digest and gave Rodney his full attention.
"Sex in space. Anti-gravity sex." Rodney made a contorted gesture that John had to assume was supposed to illustrate space sex, although it looked more like a spider trying to eat a rock.
"This is what you want to use your fantasy coupon for? Space sex?"
"Anti-gravity sex," Rodney stressed, his face as red as an Athosian carrot. It was kind of cute. Even though the whole idea sounded like a recipe for an infirmary visit.
John shook his head. "It's your dick."
"Jumper 3 Zelda flight access granted for Bullfrog Nebula space survey." Chuck's voice sounded kind of funny. John hoped he wasn't coming down with a cold or something.
"How did you push this through so quickly?" John asked Rodney, who was fiddling with his tablet as if he were really setting up mission parameters.
"Oh? Ah, you know." Rodney waved his hand. "I've had a survey in the works for some time."
"You mean we're supposed to use our brains and our dicks at the same time?"
“I know, an amazing concept! But we’re amazing men and we can do it. Well, I’m amazing—”
“Rodney…” John said, impatiently.
"The jumper is going to do all the survey work, okay? Give me a little credit." He continued tapping while John turned back to his preflight. Dr. Z. always kept Zelda in tip-top shape.
"Buckle up, cupcake," John said to Rodney, and once Rodney had, John keyed his radio. "Flight, we are go for launch."
"Copy that, Jumper Three. Launch at will." Chuck's cold seemed to be getting worse.
John turned to Rodney, who was smirking for some reason. "You'd better not be taking me for a ride, sport." John felt a phantom itch from the last prank; he'd had to toss out his favorite boxer shorts, damn it.
“Nothing, never mind!” Rodney dropped the grin. John tried to look at the tablet. Whatever he was up to was on that computer. As soon as they hit atmo, he’d wrestle it away and get to the bottom of this operation.
“Jumper Three launching.” John let the jumper do the work. This part of the flight was easy enough but it felt like the best part, the rush to find the sky, and John wanted to get up there for more reasons than Rodney McKay’s ass.
That moment when the jumper broke through the wispy white of the exosphere and into the black never, ever got old. John shared a grin with Rodney, who for once wasn't eyeballing his tablet.
"Okay, where to next?"
"I've programmed our course; let me just relay it to the jumper," Rodney said, and bent down to plug in the tablet to the spaghetti of wires below the console. He momentarily rested the tablet between them to do so, and John took his shot, spinning it to page past the course data and see—
"What the fuck?"
Rodney jerked up fast and, from the sound of it, banged directly into the console with his big, fat noggin.
"You deserved that, you jerk! You're doing sex experiments on us?"
Rodney scowled at him and rubbed the back of his head. "They're merely data sets. This is completely anonymous."
"We're going to be the first! How many people do you think are joining the seven thousand mile club?"
Rodney's expression momentarily went smug before he caught John's glare. "Well, so maybe not completely anonymous...but it's for science!"
“My orgasms are not science!” John said. “And as long as Chuck’s involved, there’s gambling. I don’t want to end up on some bookie’s over and under.”
“Well, that’s math at least.” Rodney’s face remained stubbornly innocent, and John thought he had a cure for that. He threw the jumper into a tight roll. Rodney screamed and clutched his tablet.
“You want Chuck taking bets on that?” John asked.
“No, no! I’ll cut that part of the program.”
“Alrighty, then.” John waited while Rodney made the changes and plugged in their course before he engaged the autopilot. He licked his lips. “Are we ready?”
Rodney slanted him a look. "I'm ready. Are you ready?"
"Hey, you're the one with all the zero-g experience, here."
Rodney shrugged and slipped his tablet under its bungee cord next to the console before standing up. "Well, it's not that difficult. First we make sure everything is secured, and then we go hog wild."
"Do me a favor and don't ever say 'hog wild' again." John slipped by him to check the rear, but as usual everything was fastened securely behind the storage webbing. He picked up a stray sock and wondered for a moment if they really were the first before he stuffed it behind the first aid kit.
"All secure back here," he yelled, and started stripping. Rodney always had a gratifying reaction when he unexpectedly ran into John's naked dick. John was counting on it to rev things up a bit before he turned off the inertial dampeners.
Rodney said, “All secure up front—oh, my.” He turned pink.
John palmed his cock and grinned at Rodney. “You might want to get naked now,” John said.
“Oh, yes! Um, naked. I can do that. Clothes.”
It never got old, how flustered Rodney got, the way his eyes couldn't seem to settle on any part of John's naked body, like he couldn't decide on what turned him on more, John's dick or John's mouth or John's chest, so John rubbed his hands over his ribs and then squeezed his dick until a little pre-come dribbled out, and Rodney tripped over his own pants and fell to the deck.
"It's just easier from down here," Rodney said, his voice muffled by his shirt.
"Yeah, stay safe," John said, kneeling down to get Rodney's shoes and socks and stowing them with his own in the storage bin under the seats. Rodney's uniform pants followed, with a quick grope to Rodney's thigh that had him yelping something blue. Once he was naked and flushed with effort, his slate blue eyes dilated almost black, John hauled him to his feet and pulled him close.
This part was normal, at least—holding Rodney and kissing him, Rodney's eager tongue shoving in his mouth. Seemed like all systems were go, including their dicks.
“And here we go.” John closed his eyes and told the jumper to turn off the dampeners. He felt the drop in his stomach as gravity slipped away, and then they were floating.
Away from each other.
"Hold on," John said, slipping his arms around Rodney, and then his legs when that action forced their bottom halves apart. This was going to be tricky.
"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction," Rodney said condescendingly, and then squirmed his way down John's chest, nibbling as he went.
John pressed his hands against the ceiling and tried to keep hold of Rodney with his feet. Rodney’s hands on his ass weren’t helping; John wiggled to get his dick near Rodney’s mouth but the motion pushed him away instead. This really shouldn’t be that difficult, if only… The jumper rotated suddenly, and Rodney yelped.
“Stop thinking about physics!” Rodney swatted him on the ass. “That’s my job!”
The jumper rotated the other way and Rodney’s mouth closed over John’s dick.
“Houston, we have capture,” John said.
Then Rodney gripped John’s ass tight with his razor-sharp nails and John yelled, “Jesus, my ass!” And accidentally kneed Rodney in the ribs.
John said, “You weren’t supposed to let go of my dick too!”
“I can’t do both! You can thank Newton for that, you moron!” Rodney rubbed his ribs.
"Enough of this BS," John said. Winding his arm through the storage webbing, he spun and executed a sharp 180 to catch Rodney around the waist in a 69. "Now keep your claws off my ass," John said, and sucked Rodney down.
From Rodney's squeak of pleasure, he was game to go. Warm, wet sucking on John's cock followed, and he started rolling his eyes at the pleasure.
"We're doing it," Rodney suddenly pulled away to say. "Zero-g sex!"
"I swear to God, Rodney—"
"Shutting up now," Rodney said, and sucked him back in.
It was hard to focus on the dick in his mouth when Rodney was doing that with his tongue, so John just copied Rodney was doing, swirl for swirl, suck for suck, occassionally squeezing Rodney's meaty ass until, fuck, John started coming without warning, Rodney was that good with that smart mouth of his. Damn it. John stopped long enough to savor it, and Rodney's gentle lapping at his limp dick, before John stepped up his game and went deeper, swallowing around Rodney's cock.
Rodney made a whimpering sound and came right down his throat.
John patted him with his free hand before sucking him clean. Rodney got a little twitchy so John let him go free.
"Good?" John said. Rodney's eyes were closed and he floated with a broad grin on his face. John smiled at the sight.
John shook his head. Except for the need to swallow to prevent any free-floating jizz, he didn't get the difference.
"Enjoy your glow," John said. "I'm going to see how hard it is to get dressed in zero-g.”
Turned out, pretty hard.
"Oh my god—you screwed up all my data!" Rodney stared at his tablet with a scowl on his face. "Did you have to spin the jumper? We were pointing at the wrong location."
"I thought you spun it back?" John leaned back, hands behind his head. Zero-g sex made him lazy.
"Not completely. In fact, we were pointing back toward Atlantis. I screwed up the experiment."
"So basically, you took a bunch of readings of—"
"Our own solar system, yes." Rodney's shoulders slumped.
"I owe Chuck $50 Canadian."
January 6, 2018
San Francisco, CA