Chapter 1: In which there is a reunion and lots of happy tears
If Sans had skin he’d have jumped right out of it when his pocket started buzzing, instead he pulled his phone out and barely glanced at the caller ID before accepting. “hey alph, there was no sign of frisk at the core so i’m down in your old lab now.”
“It’s okay, Frisk came back,” Alphys’s voice came strongly through the phone, a testament to just how worried she had been herself.
“thank goodness.” Sans sagged against a convenient wall. “the kiddo really had me worried, they alright?”
“Yeah, they’re just fine. Though I’m sure they’re going to be in for the grounding of their life once things calm down.” Alphys giggled, Sans responded with a weak chuckle of his own. “We’re all uh… over at Toriel’s place, you should come by. Frisk brought an old friend back with them, someone I’m sure you’ll be happy to see again.”
“oh?” Sans couldn’t help the interest in Alphys’s comment. “you gonna tell me who or do i gotta guess?”
“It’ll be faster if you just come see for yourself. Like… like I said, we’re all over at Toriel’s place.”
“ok, gonna take me a little bit to get back.”
“R-right, we’ll see you soon. Oh! And make sure you bring Papyrus too.”
“can do, see you soon alph.” Sans ended the phone call before taking a shortcut to the surface. While he could easily go from one end of the Underground to the other with barely a thought, it was twice that far just to get to the outskirts of the nearest town and not half so familiar. Between the sheer distance between everything on the surface and the spike in his anxiety from Frisk going missing, Sans wasn’t sure he could or should try going too far in one shortcut. Instead he took a steadying breath of fresh air before hitting the speed dial on his phone and holding it up to his mouth.
After the second ring the call was picked up: “BROTHER, ANY NEWS ON THE MISSING FRISK?”
“yeah, they’re back with tori now. they’re fine, everyone’s fine.”
“THAT IS WONDERFUL NEWS! BUT WHY DID THEY EVEN GO MISSING IN THE FIRST PLACE? WHERE DID THEY GO?”
“dunno, but alph said they brought a friend back with them and wants us to go over to tori’s and meet them.”
“THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALWAYS READY TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS.”
“well… alph did say they were an old friend,” Sans scratched his chin as he paused briefly, “someone we’ve met before, or maybe just me? she was pretty vague about it.”
“HOW PUZZLING, I’M SURE WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT BY GOING TO MISS TORIEL’S HOUSE AND MEETING THIS MYSTERIOUS FRIEND.”
“sounds like a great idea, paps. meet you there?”
“CERTAINLY, I’M ON MY WAY NOW.”
“ok, drive safe, bro.” With that out of the way, Sans took another deep breath as he gathered his magic and focused on the location of his destination.
Once on Toriel’s porch he slumped against the wall to wait for his brother’s arrival. He didn’t have long to wait, Papyrus pulled up in his shiny, red convertible only a few minutes later and quickly bounded out of the car and up to Sans’s side.
“SO WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS NEW FRIEND FRISK BROUGHT HOME WITH THEM?”
Sans shrugged, “dunno, was waiting for you. ready to head in?”
“YES, LET’S GO MEET THIS MYSTERIOUS NEW FRIEND. OR RE-MEET THIS MYSTERIOUS OLD FRIEND?”
“it’s a mystery.”
Papyrus glared at Sans suspiciously, but seemed to decide either Sans’s little word play wasn’t enough of a word play to warrant his ire or to just ignore it. Either way, Papyrus turned his attention to the door and gave it an enthusiastic knock.
“Papyrus!” Alphys greeted happily once she opened the door. “Is Sans with you?”
“hey alph,” Sans greeted from his spot leaning against the wall next to the door. Alphys had to lean out to look at him. “was gonna tell you a knock knock joke about a dull pencil, but there’s no point.”
Alphys just grinned sheepishly as Papyrus glared at Sans. “Come on in, you two.” Alphys stepped back and opened the door wide to allow them in. Frisk sat on the couch with a wide grin plastered across their face while Asgore and Toriel were huddled together and Undyne was talking to another person hidden by the three tall monsters. “Everyone,” Alphys called eagerly, “guess who just arrived.”
Undyne turned at Alphys’s voice, though Toriel and Asgore barely spared them a glance. The monster hidden by the others was now in clear view: a tall, lanky skeleton who looked remarkably like Papyrus.
“OH MY GOD! ASTER!”
“Aster?” Undyne asked as she turned back to the new skeleton. “I thought your name was Gaster?”
Papyrus spread his arms wide and barreled across the room, causing everyone to scramble out of the way, and hugged the new skeleton. “BROTHER! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD, WHAT HAPPENED?”
Gaster’s face lit up as he returned the hug, after a moment he pulled back slightly to better rest his forehead against Papyrus’s and murmur something to him too low for the others to hear.
Papyrus put his hands to the other skeleton’s arms and held him out at arm’s length. “GOODNESS, YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED ONE BIT!”
The other skeleton held his hand up to the top of Papyrus’s head in that universal sign of “I can’t believe how tall you’ve gotten” while speaking in a weird, warbling, stuttered language the others couldn’t understand.
“I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN I GOT TALLER THAN YOU, HONESTLY. IN FACT, UNTIL JUST NOW I DIDN’T KNOW I HAD GOTTEN TALLER THAN YOU, IT MUST BE ALL THAT MILK I DRANK GROWING UP. NYEH HEH HEH.”
Sans chose that moment to go say hello, he sauntered over and raised a hand in greeting, “hey dings, it’s uh… it’s been a while.”
Gaster’s face lit up when he spotted Sans. He eagerly reached for the shorter skeleton and leaned down to pull him into a kiss. Sans looked briefly surprised before closing his orbits and reaching up to caress Gaster’s face as he returned the kiss.
There was a gasp from the other occupants of the room.
“WHAT THE HELL?” Undyne asked at the top of her lungs. Frisk stared in unabashed, open mouthed horror while Asgore and Toriel looked them over in confusion, a smaller goat-like monster that had been hidden from view until then held in both their arms.
Sans and Gaster broke off their kiss, Gaster’s face now flushed faintly cobalt. Papyrus looked about ready to murder Undyne, metaphorically speaking. “what?” Sans asked as he looked over at Undyne, hands still cradling Gaster’s face.
“Y-y-you’re being awfully affectionate w-with your um… brother?” Alphys trailed off in confusion on the last word, her claws rubbing over each other nervously.
Gaster’s blush had deepened until his whole face was a cobalt that perfectly matched the scandalized cobalt Papyrus’s face had turned.“we’re not related!” Sans blurted out in embarrassment, his own face flushed brilliant cyan. “not at all!”
Undyne looked between the furiously blushing couple and Papyrus. “So is Papyrus your half brother or…?”
Gaster hid his face in Sans’s neck to laugh while Sans pinched the bone between his eye sockets. “paps ‘n i aren’t related either.”
“Oh.” Looking between Papyrus, Sans, and Gaster as he stood up to recover from laughing, it seemed much more obvious that Sans simply did not look like the other two skeletons. “So..?” Undyne trailed off, unsure what her next question even was.
Sans sighed before continuing, “dings ‘n i were best friends growing up, so of course his kid brother was always trying t’ tag along. and then when our parents all fell down it was just the three of us left so uh… what i’m tryna say is i always thought of paps like a little brother so that’s just what he is. i guess.”
“That’s so sweet!” Alphys’s words were muffled by her hands covering her mouth.
“Who knew your brother was such a sappy dork,” Undyne slapped Papyrus on the back as she grinned at him. Papyrus looked absolutely touched and was grinning right back at Undyne.
“but the important question is,” Sans took a step back from Gaster and slapped the taller skeleton’s arm with the back of his hand, “where’ve you been for the last decade or so? what happened?”
Gaster opened his mouth and more of the strange, stilted language came out.
“dings… aster, use your words, aster.”
Gaster closed his eyes and took a breath through his nasal cavity. “The experiment was a failure,” he said in clear, precise, perfectly enunciated tones.
Sans waited a moment, then made a ‘continue’ gesture at Gaster. “… and?”
“And uh… I was shattered across time and space? Honestly, my memory is a bit shattered too, I do not recall much of my missing time.”
“and frisk brought ya back?” Sans glanced over at Frisk, whose hands became a flurry of motion once they realized he was looking at them.
“I SAVED him,” they signed, finger spelling the ‘SAVED’ to emphasize the word. “Just like I SAVED everyone else in the Underground.” Frisk looked ridiculously proud of themself, though their face shifted as they looked back towards Gaster.
Sans wasn’t sure how to react to that, Frisk still hadn’t explained how they broke the barrier after all. He turned to Gaster, who just shrugged. “I am not quite sure how they did it either, it took some time for me to come back to myself. I was already being introduced to Miss Undyne and Dr. Alphys when I finally became aware of my surroundings.”
“I thought he was just in shock over seeing the surface for the first time,” Undyne laughed.
“It is a bit overwhelming,” Gaster agreed.
Sans’s shoulders slumped, “well i missed ya, you big doof.” He wrapped his arms around Gaster’s torso for a very awkward hug, which Papyrus quickly joined.
“I TOO MISSED YOU, BROTHER.”
“And I missed you both.” After the hug went on just long enough to start getting uncomfortable for everyone else in the room, Papyrus shifted his grip and picked both Sans and Gaster up.
“uh, bro? kinda can’t breathe like this.”
“OH HUSH, WE DON’T EVEN HAVE LUNGS.”
“still need to breathe.”
“Where are we going?”
“HOME, WE HAVE A GUEST ROOM THAT YOU CAN HAVE. IT WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE FOR THE NEXT TIME UNDYNE BURNED HER HOUSE DOWN BUT SINCE SHE FINALLY TALKED TO ALPHYS ABOUT HER FEELINGS AND THEY ARE DATING NOW SHE CAN JUST GO TO HER PLACE INSTEAD.”
“Damn right I can!”
“I find the fact that she regularly burns her own house down to be rather worrying.”
“AND YOU CAN BORROW MY THINGS,” Papyrus continued as if he hadn’t just been interrupted, “UNTIL WE CAN GO SHOPPING AND GET YOU YOUR OWN THINGS. OH! I’LL START A LIST!”
“Goodbye you three, and it’s good to have you back, Dr. Gaster,” Toriel called as Alphys scrambled to hold the front door open.
“It is very nice to be back, your majesty. Have a lovely evening.”
Chapter 2: In which Gaster manages to embarrass himself in front of his former employer and king
The next morning Sans was sitting in the only armchair they had, trying not to nod off as he nursed a cup of coffee while Papyrus bustled about in the kitchen making breakfast. There was a knock at the door, starting Sans out of the light doze he had slumped into. “SANS, CAN YOU GET THAT?”
“yeah, sure… no prob, paps.” Sans absentmindedly left the coffee mug on the coffee table and shuffled to the door. He opened it to find Asgore of all people standing on the doorstep in all of his tie dye floral glory. Sans barely had the time to wonder where Asgore even found clothes to fit him before the former king start speaking.
“Well howdy, Sans! How are you this morning?” He smiled gently down at Sans.
“oh, you know… awake. can I help you?”
“I was hoping to speak with Dr. Gaster, is he in?”
“oh sure, c’mon in.” Sans shuffled back to allow Asgore in. There was a thunk as Asgore bashed his horns against the door frame before remembering to duck his way in. Sans had just shut the door when they heard footsteps on the stairs and both looked up to find Gaster on his way down. Gaster stopped dead in his tracks and made an unintelligible noise. His hands flew up in a vain attempt to hide himself or perhaps just his choice in clothing. He was wearing Papyrus's shortest crop top, leaving his lowest ribs exposed, and his pants were slung so low they hung off the joint and left his crests completely exposed.
“Excuse me,” Gaster stuttered out before turning around and fleeing up the stairs.
Sans bust into laughter and had to lean against the wall as he wheezed to catch his breath. Papyrus called from the kitchen, “IS EVERYTHING OKAY OUT THERE? WHO WAS AT THE DOOR?”
“Everyone’s fine, it’s just me,” Asgore called back as he hovered over Sans, unsure how to help or even if it was needed.
“OH, YOUR MA- ER… MR. ASGORE. I WASN’T EXPECTING YOU, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?”
“Tea would be lovely, thank you.”
“OF COURSE!” Papyrus happily disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving Sans wheezing against the wall with a hovering Asgore.
Someone cleared their throat, causing both occupants of the entryway to look up and see Gaster coming back down the stairs, now sporting a rich burgundy sweater and pants that were pulled all the way up. His back was ramrod straight as he finished walking down the stairs, though there was still a faint dusting of cobalt over his cheek bones.
“Shall we go sit down?” Gaster asked politely while gesturing to the living room. Sans chuckled again as he sauntered over to the armchair and flopped into it while Asgore gingerly sat on their couch. “What can I do for you, your majesty?”
“Oh, I’m not king anymore, I abdicated once we got to the surface. You can just call me Asgore now, Dr. Gaster.”
“Well then… good morning, Asgore. You may simply call me Gaster, if you prefer.”
“Good morning, Gaster.” Asgore beamed up at Gaster, who was still standing ramrod straight with his hands clasped behind him. “I came to see how you are setting in and thought we might take the morning to catch up.”
“I am doing quite well, your maje- uhm… Asgore. Sans and Papyrus have both… wait. I am not the royal scientist anymore.”
“Ah, no… after the accident we uh… declared you dead and held a service.” Asgore winced as he hesitantly forced the words out.
“Completely understandable,” Gaster waved Asgore’s concerns away. “And I am not going to be the royal scientist again, correct?”
“No, that is no longer a position at all since there is no longer any royalty.”
“Okay then.” Gaster’s posture immediately relaxed, then he walked over to the chair Sans was half dozing in and flopped onto it.
“geddoff!” Sans tried to push the taller skeleton off him, but Gaster barely even budged.
“If Asgore wants to talk we are going to be here a while, so you may as well get comfortable.”
“so now yer saying I got up early for no reason? rude.”
“I am sorry, did you have plans?” Asgore asked in concern.
“Just a shopping trip to get me some clothes and other essentials, that can wait until later. So, how have you been, Asgore? How is the pri- young Asriel doing?”
“Toriel has taken him and Frisk to get supplies for him as well. I would have gone along but Toriel and I...” Asgore trailed off, his shoulders slumped as he remembered the poor state of his relationship with his ex-wife.
Papyrus came back into the living room with a tray of steaming mugs and a plate piled high with pastries. He set the tray down on the coffee table and turned to Gaster with his hands planted firmly on his hips. “WINGDINGS ASTER! BE NICE TO SANS!”
Sans, meanwhile, had accepted his fate and sunk into the chair.
“What?” Gaster asked with utmost innocence. “There was no where else for me to sit.”
“I’LL ADD CHAIRS TO THE SHOPPING LIST, WE’VE NEEDED TO FOR A WHILE ANYWAY. WE SEEM TO GET FAR MORE GUESTS SINCE WE MOVED TO THE SURFACE.”
“It does seem that monsters are visiting each other more often despite the greater distances involved,” Asgore agreed as he picked up one of the mugs and sipped at it. “And since the three of you have such a busy day planned, I shall cut right to the chase. Gaster, what happened yesterday? When Frisk brought you back?” Gaster stiffened and sat up from his previously relaxed, sprawling posture. “Frisk hasn’t explained how they brought you or Asriel back, and Asriel has not told us much either, but he has said that you helped bring him back while Frisk was bringing you back..?” Asgore’s statement trailed off into a question as he looked towards Gaster with a sheepish smile.
“I… do not recall much,” Gaster admitted as he moved to sit on the edge of the chair. Sans shifted to look between the two, more awake than he had been all morning. “While I was gone I saw so much,” Gaster paused and put a hand to his head with a pained expression. “I do not know what I saw… felt… experienced… lived through. It is all a confusing mess. I know Frisk somehow pulled me out of that, and something important happened in the middle of all that involving the prince but… it is all a blur.”
“Do not push yourself, my friend.”
Gaster looked up to find Asgore had reached forward to put a great paw on his knee, Papyrus was standing next to the chair and put a hand on his shoulder, while Sans was gently running a hand up and down his spine. Gaster took in a deep breath, “As I said yesterday, it was not until I was being introduced to Miss Undyne and Dr. Alphys that I really became aware of what was going on around me, and I am not even sure how long it took to get from being pulled from where ever I had been to those introductions.”
“Thank you for telling me all this. I suspect we may never find out what exactly happened, Frisk and Asriel have not wanted to talk about it and I suppose we should simply be grateful it happened at all and be content to let them keep their secrets, just as Frisk will not tell us how they broke the barrier.” The skeletons all nodded, unsure what else to say to that. “And I should let you three continue with your day,” Asgore stood up then. “Next time I’ll be sure to call ahead and let you know I am coming by.”
Gaster stood with Asgore, “We greatly appreciate that. And it was nice to see you again.”
“And you as well, we are all very happy to have you back.”
After seeing Asgore out, Gaster returned to the living room to find Sans and Papyrus sitting on the couch eating pastries and staring at him expectantly. “SO...” Papyrus started while Sans took a drink of his coffee, “DO YOU REALLY NOT REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED?”
“IT IS MORE THAT MY MEMORY IS IN PIECES AND OUT OF ORDER AND… RATHER PAINFUL TO THINK OF,” Gaster replied as he slipped into his natural font. “I THINK IT’LL TAKE SOME TIME TO SORT IT ALL OUT. IN THE MEANTIME I’D RATHER FOCUS ON GETTING ME A SECOND SET OF CLOTHING.” Gaster tugged at his sweater, which still smelled faintly of acrid smoke and ozone.
“THEN LET US GO TO THE STORE!” Papyrus stood, causing Sans to overbalance and fall over on the couch, and pointed in a random direction enthusiastically.
I know I said the next chapter comes out on Friday, and a new chapter will still be put out on Friday, but I'm just too excited! Have an early chapter!
So while I said the point of this fic is to add some fluff to the Sanster tag, it's also just an excuse for me to play with all my favorite tropes and personal head canons. That means there's a lot of silliness ahead! Just characters being weird and embarrassing themselves and a lot of harmless fluff. Also Gaster is a lot younger here than he is in most fics, I don't have an exact age picked out because I also have monsters aging slower than humans just in general, but I have everyone's mental ages mapped out.
In case it's not clear: Gaster switches between speaking in Aster and speaking in Wingdings. Proper capitalization is Aster, capslock is Wingdings.
Also, Gaster's font is really bugging me but for the life of me I can't figure out how to make text bigger in CSS! Why can't I just use HTML?!?!
(blurb from last chapter moved here because I'm tired of it being on every chapter)
So if you've read Assumptions then this first chapter may seem a bit familiar. Believe it or not, this fic is not the one that one was going to be, I had two similar fics and I was debating which one should or could be written because I felt they were too similar to write both. Except most of the similarities was they both had the reunion scene because I just love it so much. But thanks to Skerb that story has gone in an unexpected direction and I've moved a lot of the ideas that don't fit it into this one and I think both stories are going to be richer and more fully developed because of her. And also different enough that I do plan on writing both. Eventually. It takes a while and I have some other stuff planned first.
Anyway! I will admit to being a bit of a bacteria when it comes to fanworks: I consume and consume, and anything I like head canon or plot point-wise in what I've consumed I'll incorporate into my own. So here are the fics that I find personally inspiring and full on interesting characterizations, ideas, and lore:
Postcards from Waterfall by the lovely Skerb
Ebott's Wake by TimeCloneMike
The Fired Up and Bone Weary series by perniciousLizard (though I love everything they've written, you could read any of their stuff and have a marvelous time)
Lastly: I have a few chapters written out and ready to go, I plan on updating every Friday. The chapters are short, 1-2k usually, and there's a bit of skipping around for the first few while I get everything set up. And while I won't mention them, you can expect there to be time skips between chapters because the skelebros aren't going to be spending every minute of every day in each others' company, so most of the chapters are going to be evenings at home or weekend stuff. The main point of this fic is to add a little fluff to the Sanster tag, because there's too much angst, sadness, and all around horror in it and sometimes it's just nice to let the science boyfriends be soft and in love and happy for a change. That is, before I start adding my own angsty, sad, horrible contributions to the tag. ;D
Chapter 3: In Which several conversations are had
This chapter's a bit out of order, mostly these are scenes that were too small to be alone so they all got shoved in together. Most of them take place before the next chapter, but one could take place after. Also there's some angst, because I can't seem to write anything completely angst free. But hey, the first step to healing is talking it out, right?
Gaster was sitting on the couch with a photo album in his lap, to either side sat Sans and Papyrus as they pointed out the pictures and explained them to Gaster.
“and that’s when papyrus graduated from grade school.”
“THAT WAS SHORTLY AFTER THE ACCIDENT, WASN’T IT?”
“UNFORTUNATELY,” Gaster agreed. He grimaced, thinking about how much of Papyrus's life he had missed.
“AND THIS ONE IS IN FRONT OF THE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL I WENT TO THE NEXT YEAR. I JOINED THE PUZZLE CLUB.” Sure enough, there was a picture of young Papyrus and several other children in a work room full of spikes, gears, and tools.
Gaster flipped the page and listened as Papyrus pointed out school trips and other photos. “WAIT,” Gaster said as he looked down at Papyrus's junior high graduation photo. “SANS, WHERE’S YOUR GRADUATION PHOTO? SURELY YOU HAD SOME TAKEN WHEN YOU GOT YOUR DOCTORATE.”
“uh… about that, technically didn’t ever actually graduate.”
“YOU DIDN’T GRADUATE?”
“SANS WENT TO COLLEGE?”
“OF COURSE HE WENT TO COLLEGE, WE BOTH DID.”
“yeah paps, was almost done too, just had another year to go. but then dings uh… had that accident. we all thought he was dead and me and argyle didn’t have anyone to be assistants to anymore. i mean, yeah i tried taking over as royal scientist but that didn’t work out and me an’ argyle were out of a job. well, we got transferred over to core maintenance at least, but the pay wasn’t as good as being personal assistant to THE royal scientist. that and i suddenly had to take care of papyrus all by myself so between our income suddenly taking a massive nosedive and not having the time to really focus on school I ended up kinda… dropping out.”
“I’M SORRY,” Gaster mumbled as he wilted over the photo album.
“aw, dings, no! don’t blame yourself, you couldn’t control what happened.”
“YES, BROTHER. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF FOR SANS’S LAZY WAYS.” Both skeletons threw their arms around Gaster.
“BUT IT IS MY FAULT, IF I HADN’T-”
“IT WAS AN ACCIDENT,” Papyrus interrupted. “YOU DIDN’T WANT TO GET LOST IN WHATEVER LIMBO YOU WERE STUCK IN.”
“and besides that, the past is the past. stop worrying about what we can’t change and focus on the here and now. you’re back, we’re all okay, and we’re all up here on the surface. things are good, be happy with what we got.”
“YEAH… I SUPPOSE THAT’S TRUE.” Gaster didn’t sound convinced.
“AND SANS COULD STILL GO BACK TO SCHOOL,” Papyrus added thoughtfully. “THAT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS FRISK AND I WORKED ON FOR MONSTER RIGHTS, RIGHT AFTER ACTUAL MONSTER RIGHTS OF COURSE. MISS TORIEL HAS VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT EDUCATION, SO ALL DEGREES GOT TRANSFERRED UP TO LOCAL SCHOOLS. SANS COULD EASILY START TAKING CLASSES AT THE UNIVERSITY AND FINISH HIS DEGREE.”
“eh… sounds like too much work.”
“SANS, YOU REALLY SHOULD!” Gaster insisted. “YOU’RE BRILLIANT, THE DIMENSIONAL BOXES WERE AN INGENIOUS INVENTION, AND NO ONE BACK HOME HAD FIGURED OUT THE… WHAT DID YOU CALL THEM? WORMHOLES? QUANTUM TUNNELING?”
“nowadays i mostly just call ‘em shortcuts.”
“EITHER WAY, I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE ELSE FIGURE OUT ACTUAL TELEPORTATION. AND YOUR CONTROL OF SPACE TIME MANIPULATION IS EXCELLENT.”
“yeah, but i didn’t need a degree to do any of that, i figured it all out on my own.” Sans tried not to notice the kicked puppy look Gaster was giving him. “oh, alright. i’ll think about it.”
“… so while it is important to know where you are, it’s not nearly as important as knowing where yer going. even if you don’t know where you are, it’s not changing just ‘cause you don’t know, it’s already a constant. but if you try to shortcut without knowing exactly where you’re going uh… things get pretty ugly. it takes a bit of work, but you can set a default point to go to when you’re too rushed to plan properly, or something.”
“WHERE’S YOUR ‘DEFAULT POINT’ SET?” Gaster asked curiously.
“my bedroom. the bed, specifically. if i’m in a rush i might need a soft landing.”
“THAT EXPLAINS THE POOR BED FRAME,” Papyrus groused from nearby.
“I WAS CERTAINLY GRATEFUL FOR THE SOFT LANDING THE OTHER DAY.”
“yeah, it’s pretty useful. so, all that make sense? you remember the formula?”
“I THINK SO...” Gaster said uncertainly.
“IT ALL STILL SOUNDS LIKE NONSENSE TO ME.”
Sans shrugged, “i did go to school for this stuff so...”
Gaster closed his orbits and took a deep breath, then vanished from sight.
Sans heard a distressed squeak, and it took him far too long to realize the sound hadn’t actually come from him. He turned to see Papyrus with his hands to his teeth and his sockets wide. Sans guessed Papyrus was feeling just as close to panicking as he was. “don’t worry, bro, he just took a shortcut, he’ll be right back.”
“I KNOW THAT,” Papyrus declared defensively as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. “WE BOTH KNEW ASTER WAS GOING TO ATTEMPT ONE OF YOUR LAZY SHORTCUTS.”
They both looked over when they heard footsteps on the stairs, sure enough Gaster was just coming into sight as he tugged at his shirt. Sans felt a wave of relief flood his soul, and from the way Papyrus's tense stance relaxed he was feeling the same way.
“WELL THAT CERTAINLY WAS… INTERESTING,” Gaster commented as he stepped off the last step.
“WHERE DID YOU GO?”
“I WAS AIMING FOR MY BEDROOM, BUT ENDED UP INSIDE THE CLOSET.”
“so how many skeletons you got in there?” Sans winked at Gaster while Papyrus groaned.
Gaster was in the kitchen pouring party sized bags of chips into large bowls to the background noise of popcorn in the microwave. Papyrus and Sans were out in the living room chatting with Undyne and Alphys as they picked out which ‘animes’ they were going to watch that evening and Gaster had taken it upon himself to act the host and finish getting the snacks ready. He also couldn’t help feeling a bit left out when the other four were already friends and he was still practically a stranger to their guests. The microwave beeped just as the tall fish woman, ‘Undyne’ Gaster reminded himself, wandered in. He nodded to her as he turned to pull the bag of freshly popped popcorn from the microwave.
“Heya, Dings, how’s it going in here?” Undyne asked in her usual loud, friendly voice while grinning at him.
“Please do not,” Gaster replied sternly while frowning at Undyne.
“Oh er… what?” Undyne stepped back in confusion. “Did I say something wrong?”
Gaster angrily tore open the bag of popcorn and poured it into the waiting bowl before turning back to face Undyne. “Please do not call me that.”
“Okay...” Undyne agreed before continuing on in confusion. “But Sans calls you that all the time so-”
“Sans and I have been friends our whole lives, he can mangle my name however he chooses.”
“Okay then, sorry.”
Gaster looked down at the bowls of snacks and heaved a sigh before looking back up at Undyne. “I apologize too, I should not have snapped at you about my name, you could not have known how I feel about it.”
Undyne gave her signature sharp toothed grin and held a hand out to Gaster, “All forgiven?”
“Of course.” Gaster smiled as he accepted Undyne’s handshake, then winced at the strength she put into all her handshakes. Once she let go he shook out his aching bones.
Undyne grabbed several of the bowls and turned to head back into the living room, practically shouting her next question over her shoulder, “So Papyrus calls you Aster, but everyone else calls you Gaster. Which is it?”
“My full name is Wingding Aster,” Gaster replied as he picked up the remaining bowls and followed Undyne into the living room. “But there was a typo on the paperwork when his maje- when Asgore hired me to be the royal scientist. I found the name rather endearing and decided to just roll with it.”
“UNDYNE, BROTHER, THANK YOU FOR BRINGING IN THE SNACKS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT WE SHALL BE WATCHING MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE SINCE ASTER HAS NOT SEEN IT YET AND ALPHYS INSISTS IT’S THE BEST INTRODUCTION TO THESE BABY CARTOONS SHE IS SO FOND OF.”
“I KEEP TELLING YOU IT’S NOT BABY CARTOONS!” Undyne hollered as she pointed a bowl of chips at Papyrus.
“personally i think we’d be better off just starting with season two, that’s when all the good stuff happens.” Sans winked at Gaster while Alphys sputtered indignantly from her spot on the couch.
Sans flipped on the light as he led Gaster into the combination storage/workshop he kept behind the house. “i moved the door from snowdin when we moved up here, but the room itself is actually in waterfall.”
“THAT EXPLAINS THE HUMIDITY,” Gaster commented as he followed Sans into the surprisingly spacious room.
“yeah, even though it’s in one of the drier sections there’s only so much to be done for the humidity. but the machine’s over here.” Sans led Gaster to the far corner, where a large sheet covered in dust hid The Machine from view. Sans pulled it off and Gaster looked it over with a critical eye socket.
“YOU’VE BARELY DONE ANY REPAIRS SINCE THE LAST TIME I SAW IT.” Gaster left off the unspoken “since before The Accident” but Sans still felt it.
Sans shoved his hands in his coat pockets and scuffed the floor with a slippered foot as he looked at The Machine’s base. “right after the accident i spent all my time trying to get you back. when that didn’t work and i couldn’t give asgore the results he wanted i had to give up trying to be the royal scientist.” He sighed as he moved over to one of the drawers and pulled out a small pile of papers. “i had to pack everything up when asgore dissolved the royal science division, but i did manage to get a bunch of readings from the accident and later analyze them and...” Sans handed over the papers to Gaster, who immediately started leafing through them. “i don’t think there’s anything left t’ go back to.”
“NO...” Gaster agreed quietly, “I KNOW THERE’S NOTHING LEFT. I SAW IT WHILE I WAS...” Gaster gestured vaguely with his free hand, unsure how to describe the chaos he had lived through.
“so you know there’s no point in fixing it.”
“YEAH, I JUST… IT’S SO HARD TO GIVE UP HOPING, YOU KNOW?”
Sans shrugged, “i think it’s easier to just give up.”
Gaster pulled Sans into a hug and just held him for a while. Eventually Gaster let Sans go and waved the papers around, “SO WHAT’S WITH THE REST OF THIS DATA? IT’S A CONFUSING MESS.”
“okay, so that is a bunch of timeline craziness that apparently we already lived through.”
Gaster nodded as he kept flipping through the pages, “TIMELINES SHIFTING, STARTING OVER, FLIPPING AROUND AND THEN… THEY ALL JUST STOP?” Gaster frowned as he looked at the last page. “THEY ALL. JUST. STOP.” He looked up at Sans in horror, “THEY’RE GOING TO BE DESTROYED. WE NEED TO ESCAPE.”
“well uh… that’s what i thought at first too, but we’re temporally past the point when they should all stop, so i think maybe it just means all the timeline wackiness stopped. plus shortly after we all got to the surface frisk pulled me aside and promised ‘no more resets’, whatever that means.” Gaster quirked a brow bone at Sans, who only responded with another shrug. “they didn’t explain and i didn’t bother asking. but they did know my secret triple-secret codeword so they must have some kind of time travel powers.”
“IF WHAT YOU’VE SAID IS TRUE, I’M PRETTY SURE IT MEANS NO MORE TIMELINES JUMPING AROUND.”
“stars above, i sure hope so.”
It took several days to get Gaster settled in, between buying more furniture for his room, buying him a whole new wardrobe, getting him caught up on all the latest breakthroughs in science, magic, and technology, introducing him to all their friends, and just generally getting used to having him around again their week had been nonstop. Today was the first day that wasn’t a flurry of activity, Sans had just gotten home from one of his jobs and flopped onto the couch next to Gaster. Papyrus wouldn’t be home for a while yet, so Sans and Gaster were watching some TV when Sans felt Gaster’s hand on his knee. He turned to find Gaster looking at him with hooded eye sockets.
“HAVE I TOLD YOU YET THAT I MISSED YOU?”
“yeah, and i missed you too. but i think we should maybe talk about us a bit before doing anything else, yeah?”
Gaster blinked slowly at Sans before his orbits widened in shock. “ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?”
“no! it’s just… look at it from my perspective, up until a couple days ago i thought you were dust. for the last twelve years. you were dead for the last twelve years… that’s a lot to take in. i just want to try pulling back a little and maybe try taking this a little slower.”
“I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, I JUST… I CAN’T IMAGINE NOT SPENDING MY LIFE WITH YOU. WE ARE STILL DATING, RIGHT?”
“hell yeah we are.”
“OKAY, GOOD. AND… I’M SORRY ABOUT BEING GONE FOR SO LONG.” Gaster leaned against Sans, his arm against Sans’s shoulder. Then his skull softly fell against Sans’s.
“it’s not your fault,” Sans soothed.
Gaster snorted, “BUT IT IS, I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU.”
Sans repressed a sigh, “we’ve been over this...”
Whatever else they were about to say was interrupted by Papyrus walking in through the front door. “I HAVE RETURNED HOME.”
Papyrus looked at how the other two were leaning against each other and a grin spread across his face, he tried not to look about ready to burst into rainbows and sparkles as he started to cross the room. “WELL I’LL JUST GO GET DINNER STARTED, NO NEED FOR EITHER OF YOU TO MOVE.”
“ARE YOU SURE? I CAN COME HELP,” Gaster offered as he sat up straight.
“NO, NO, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS THE MASTER OF CULINARY EXPLOITS.” He crossed the living room in only a few long strides and was about to make his escape into the kitchen.
“BUT I INSIST,” Gaster stood up and followed Papyrus into the kitchen. “AFTER ALL, YOU’VE BEEN AT WORK ALL DAY AND I’VE JUST SAT AROUND THE HOUSE. IT’S THE LEAST I CAN DO.”
Papyrus seemed torn, he glanced back out into the living room where Sans was flipping through TV channels, then back at Gaster who was already poking his skull into the fridge. Papyrus’s shoulders drooped, but his voice was no less genuine as he said, “THANK YOU, BROTHER. YOUR HELP IS APPRECIATED.”
“so, what didja think?” Sans asked as they appeared on the front porch to their home.
“I ACTUALLY RATHER LIKE THE FOOD,” Gaster replied. “I DON’T KNOW WHY PAPYRUS SAID THE PLACE WAS NOTHING BUT A GREASE TRAP.”
“yeah, but i like the greasy stuff too. whoa, what’s this?” The pair stopped, staring at their front door where a note was attached.
“DEAR SANS AND ASTER,
I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH UNDYNE. WE DECIDED TO HAVE SOME IMPROMPTU TRAINING, BECAUSE IT’S VERY IMPORTANT TO STAY IN SHAPE EVEN WHEN YOU ARE NOT IN THE ROYAL GUARD. AND SINCE I’M NOT A LAZY BONES LIKE A CERTAIN BROTHER WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS, I AM DOING JUST THAT. AFTER WE HAVE WORKED HARD WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SOMETHING CALLED A “SLUMBER PARTY” SO I WILL NOT BE BACK UNTIL MORNING. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT AND I WILL SEE YOU BOTH IN THE MORNING.
THE GREAT PAPYRUS”
Attached to the note was a yellow sticky note which read: “P.S. I KNOW THAT YOU TWO ALREADY HAD DINNER, BUT JUST IN CASE THAT GREASY FOOD DIDN’T SIT WELL WITH YOU I HAVE LEFT SOME OF MY SPAGHETTI IN THE FRIDGE.
THE GREAT PAPYRUS”
Below that was another yellow sticky note: “P.P.S. THERE IS ALSO SOME WINE IN THE FRIDGE, A GIFT FROM MISS TORIEL. ADDITIONALLY; DID YOU KNOW RED WINE GOES GREAT WITH SPAGHETTI?
THE GREAT PAPYRUS”
And attached to that was yet another sticky note: “P.P.P.S. IT IS VERY LIKELY THAT I WILL NOT BE BACK UNTIL VERY LATE MORNING, AS UNDYNE AND I ARE ALSO PLANNING ON GOING FOR A MORNING JOG AS WELL. SO I WILL SEE YOU THEN, MUCH LATER IN THE DAY THAN IS USUAL.
THE GREAT PAPYRUS”
There was yet another sticky note under that one: “P.P.P.P.S. SINCE YOU HAVE THE HOUSE ALL TO YOURSELVES, TONIGHT WOULD BE THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO CATCH UP WITH EACH OTHER. I ALSO HEARD THE NEIGHBORS ARE PLANNING TO BE OUT TONIGHT, SO THERE’S NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT POSSIBLE NOISE COMPLAINTS. AUDIBLE WINK.
THE GREAT PAPYRUS”
And finally, under that was one last sticky note: “P.P.P.P.P.S. YOU’RE WELCOME.
HUGS AND KISSES XOXOXO,
THE GREAT PAPYRUS”
Gaster was leaning against the porch railing, trying not to bust a rib with laughter while Sans was just staring at the note and post scripts with a huge grin on his face. “oh man, paps is trying to hook us up?”
“THAT IS THE SWEETEST, MOST EMBARRASSING THING I’VE EVER READ.”
“yeah, paps is the best. wait right here.” Sans shortcut out of sight, leaving Gaster to wheeze against the porch railing as he tried to get his breathing back under control. Sans reappeared with a sticky note in one hand and a pen in the other. He stuck the new note to the very bottom of the line of notes and quickly scribbled something on it.
Once Gaster calmed down, he leaned in to read the note: “ok”
“OH, HE IS GOING TO HATE THAT.”
“yeah, he really is. i can’t wait to see his reaction.” They went into the house then, Sans flopped onto the couch and Gaster sat next to them. There was a moment of awkward silence as they both stared at the blank TV. “so uh… now what?”
“I’M NOT SURE, WE COULD TRY THAT WINE TORIEL SENT OVER.”
“nah, don’t got any cheese to go with it.” Sans scratched his chin absently as he looked toward the room’s corner. After another long pause Sans suddenly lunged at Gaster, causing the taller skeleton to fall over on the couch. Sparks of magic trailed over Gaster’s clavicle and up his neck, wherever Sans’s teeth touched in skeletal kisses.
Gaster’s hands trailed over Sans’s ribs as he pulled the small monster closer, “I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO TAKE THINGS SLOW?” He teased in a low voice.
“fuck that,” Sans punctuated his exclamation by nipping at Gaster’s jaw.
“I’D RATHER FUCK-” The rest of Gaster’s sentence was swallowed up by Sans pressing their mouths together.
Gaster’s hands found the edge of Sans’s shirt and slid the hem up, his fingers tangled in the spaces between the other’s ribs. Sans moaned in response, giving Gaster the opening to slip his tongue between Sans’s teeth. Gaster pulled Sans closer, until their ribs were pressed against each other.
The next morning the only warning Sans and Gaster had that Papyrus was home was a loud screech of irritation followed by the front door bursting open. “SAAAAAANS!”
Sans and Gaster both started and froze in place staring back at Papyrus, who also stood frozen in place staring at them with Undyne peeking over his shoulder curiously. Gaster was sitting in one of the two new lounge chairs, Sans straddling his lap with his arms around Gaster’s neck while Gaster’s hands were on Sans’s hips, and both of them seemed to have lost their shirts at some point.
After spending far too long staring at each other in silence, Sans and Gaster simply vanished, followed immediately by a thump and muffled laughter from upstairs. Papyrus turned around and started shoving Undyne bodily out the door. “I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD COME BACK LATER, AFTER ALL THE DAY IS STILL YOUNG. IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE WE HAD A COOKING LESSON.”
“Okay,” Undyne agreed eagerly while not at all letting herself be pushed out the door. “Yeah, let’s give those two dorks some alone time.”
Before they could finish getting out the door more muffled laughter along with that strange language Undyne had started calling “Skelespeak” drifted down from upstairs. Papyrus’s shoulders slumped and he stopped trying to push Undyne out the door. “NEVER MIND,” he sighed. “I THINK THE MOOD IS BROKEN.”
“What happened?” Undyne leaned against the door, unsure yet if she wanted to hang out here or take Papyrus somewhere else.
“ASTER FOUND SANS’S DIRTY SOCK COLLECTION,” Papyrus sneered in disgust. More laughter could be heard from upstairs.
Special thanks to Skerb for helping me with this chapter. Without her there would be no yellow sticky notes, and also probably way less steam.
Chapter 5: In which Sans and Gaster make sweet music together
I just want to say a big "thank you" to everyone who's left kudos and comments so far! You guys are great!
Sans walked out the door at one of his jobs and in through the front door at home, he was about to let the others know he was there when voices coming from the kitchen distracted him. By now dinner should be close to done, if not just waiting on him, so voices from the kitchen shouldn’t be unusual; but something about their tone didn’t sound like the usual kitchen banter. Sans sauntered over to find the stove pulled away from the wall and the two taller skeletons hovering over it.
“hey guys, what’s going on?”
“OH! WELCOME HOME, SANS!” Papyrus eagerly greeted as he looked up from where he was leaning over the stove. Sans pulled one of the kitchen chairs away from the table and sat down to watch the show.
“I BROUGHT HOME ONE OF THE DEVICES I HELPED ALPHYS DESIGN,” Gaster said, showing off said device held delicately in his hands. “AN ATTACHMENT THAT CONVERTS ELECTRICITY FROM THE HUMAN POWER GRID INTO MAGICAL ENERGY.”
“DOESN’T THAT SOUND SIMPLY AMAZING?” Papyrus asked gleefully. “NOW EVERYTHING WE COOK ON THE STOVE OR IN THE OVEN WILL BE MONSTER FOOD, NO MORE HAVING TO ACTUALLY DIGEST MY DELECTABLE MEALS.” Papyrus sneered at the word ‘digest’ before posing dramatically while talking about his own culinary skills. “OF COURSE THE BRILLIANT BROTHER OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS THE ONE WHO INVENTED THIS INGENIOUS INVENTION.”
“IT WAS ALPHYS’S DESIGN, I JUST HELPED WITH REGULATING THE OUTPUT AND FLOW.”
“i dunno dings, if the thing is converting non-magical energy into magical electricity then it sounds a whole lot like a miniaturized version of the core.”
“SEE ASTER? EVEN SANS CAN TELL YOUR HELP WAS INVALUABLE.”
“I… SUPPOSE IT IS LIKE A MINIATURIZED CORE.” Gaster stared down at the device in his hands. “ALPHYS SEEMS TO BE BRILLIANT AT THAT.”
“yeah, alph likes to make things small and easy to use. you should see what she did with the dimensional boxes.”
“PERHAPS I’LL ASK HER TOMORROW. BUT FOR NOW WE REALLY SHOULD GET THIS INSTALLED.” Gaster knelt down behind the stove and beckoned for Papyrus to join him.
“SANS, AREN’T YOU GOING TO HELP US?”
“nah, i’m no good at this sort of thing. and you know what they say, too many cooks spoil the brother.”
“SANS, STOP IT WITH YOUR INANE PUNS! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID TO ASTER, YOUR AWFUL PUN HAS CAUSED HIM PAIN AND NOW WE WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIM TO RECOVER BEFORE WE CAN INSTALL HIS INVENTION.”
Gaster’s shoulders were shaking and his voice choked as he tried to hold back laughter. “NO, I’M FINE. I’M FINE. LET’S JUST CONTINUE.” A few tears slipped from his orbits as he set about trying to explain what they were doing. Once they started actually installing it, Gaster started speaking again. “TECHNICALLY WE’RE FIELD TESTING THE BETA VERSION, NO NOT THAT WIRE. RIGHT, YES. THERE WE GO. ANYWAY, WE’LL HAVE TO REPORT BACK HOW WELL IT WORKS, WHAT KIND OF USAGE WE PUT IT THROUGH, WHETHER OR NOT IT BREAKS, AS WELL AS RETURN IT ONCE IT BECOMES AN ACTUAL PRODUCT AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE. YES PAPYRUS, THAT CONNECTION THERE. ONCE THAT HAPPENS I’M SURE I CAN SWING AN EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT, OR HOPEFULLY THE LINE OF MTT BRAND COOKING APPLIANCES WILL BE READY FOR FIELD TESTING. THIS DEVICE IS MORE OF A STOP-GAP MEASURE WHILE THE MERCHANDISE DESIGNERS FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE A STOVE THAT LOOKS LIKE METTATON AND ISN’T A FIRE SAFETY HAZARD.”
“WHICH I’M SURE IS VERY DIFFICULT BECAUSE OF JUST HOW HOT METTATON IS.”
“that don’t sound half-baked, i’m sure this invention won’t be just a flash in the pan.”
Papyrus screeched as Gaster burst out into laughter. “MAYBE,” Gaster started to say once he calmed down a little, “MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE UNTIL WE FINISH?”
“sure, it’s the yeast i could do.”
“THAT ONE BARELY EVEN MADE SENSE!”
Papyrus hummed to himself as he carried his favorite snack and a can of his favorite soda into the living room. Mettaton was appearing as a guest on a talk show tonight, and Papyrus was all ready to sit down and fully enjoy it. Sit down he did, and immediately regretted it as a long, loud, obnoxious fart sound came from the couch cushion.
“SAAAAAAAAAAANS!” Papyrus heard a door open upstairs, followed by three long notes from Sans’s trombone. “SANS! STOP PLAGUING MY LIFE WITH INCIDENTAL MUSIC! AND YOUR IMMATURE PRANKS!”
Gaster chuckled from his spot on his desk chair as Sans tucked the trombone back into his inventory. Sans settled back into his spot on the floor leaning against Gaster’s bed, then picked up the papers he had just been reading over. Rather than turn back to the papers he had scattered over his own desk, Gaster continued to chuckle and shook his head. “DO YOU ALWAYS KEEP YOUR TROMBONE IN YOUR INVENTORY?”
“never know when you’ll need some incidental music,” Sans replied with a wink. “oh, that reminds me.” Sans set aside the papers and stood up, then took a shortcut. A few moments later he reappeared with a familiar case in his hands. “i did manage to keep aholda something of yours.”
Gaster’s orbits glittered as he eagerly reached for the case and opened it up, inside was his saxophone. Amazingly the instrument was still in good condition, as if it had been in stasis the entire time Gaster had been gone. “WOW, THANK YOU SANS. THIS IS GREAT!” Gaster happily began assembling the instrument, testing the keys, and shoving the entire reed in his mouth; much to Sans’s amusement.
Sans grinned and flopped back onto Gaster’s bed, he pulled his own trombone back out and began testing the slide as Gaster finished readying to play. The first few notes Gaster played were low and hesitant, but quickly grew in both confidence and volume. Once Gaster broke into a song Sans recognized he put the trombone to his teeth and joined in.
“OH MY GOD!”
Both skeletons broke into helpless laughter as they faintly hear the television’s volume rise. Once they had a chance to calm down Sans looked down at the papers littering the floor around his feet. “we should probably get back to work.”
“EH, THESE AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE.” Gaster held the sax back up to his teeth with a grin, which Sans returned as he readied the trombone. They started playing together, falling into an old song Sans hadn’t played in years. He had to admit he felt horribly rusty, when Sans hadn’t had anyone to practice with he had felt like playing less and less often, he hadn’t seen the point. Well, one more old habit being brought back wasn’t going to hurt anyone, and maybe this time they would actually join a band like Gaster had jokingly suggested once.
There was the stomp of boots going up the stairs, steadily getting louder as they turned and stomped down the hall. Both skeletons cut their playing short when the door to Gaster’s room banged open to frame a fuming Papyrus in the doorway. “REALLY YOU TWO? DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT RIGHT NOW?”
The grin on Gaster’s face turned mischievous as he played a few notes. Sans replied by putting the trombone to his teeth and playing a few notes of his own. They went back and forth like that while Papyrus looked all the more annoyed.
“AND NOW YOU’RE DOING THAT THING WHERE YOU’RE TALKING IN CODE WITH THOSE SILLY INSTRUMENTS JUST TO TEASE ME!”
Gaster replied by playing a trill. Papyrus screeched and slammed the door shut before stomping back downstairs.
“you know, one of these days we should come up with an actual code so we really can talk about him in front of his face.”
“NAH, TOO MUCH WORK.” Gaster winked.
“yeah, you’re right.” Sans winked back before looking down at the trombone in his hands and chuckling. “man, i haven't done this in forever, i didn’t even realize how much i missed it.”
“WANT TO PLAY A LITTLE LONGER?”
“yeah, sure.” They both put their instruments to their teeth and started playing again, both silently agreeing to just freestyle. After a while Sans ended up with his trombone resting in his lap while he leaned back on his hands and simply admire the other skeleton as he continued to play. Gaster was slumped down in his desk chair, leaning back as far as he could with one foot stretched out in front of him to gently turn the chair from side to side. His orbits were closed as he continued to play a slow, smooth song. His posture had caused his button up shirt to ride up a little, giving Sans tantalizing glimpses of the bones beneath, all in all Sans was enjoying the view.
Eventually Gaster noticed Sans had stopped playing and pulled the sax out of his mouth to quirk a brow at him. “SOMETHING WRONG?”
“nothing’s wrong at all, just enjoying the view.” Sans sat forward to rest his elbows on his knees and support his skull on his hands as he looked Gaster over.
Gaster dug his heel into the carpet so he could pull the chair he was in closer to the bed and likewise leaned forward. “I MUST SAY, I RATHER LIKE THE VIEW FROM THIS SIDE OF THE ROOM TOO.”
Sans sat at the kitchen table watching Gaster bustle about the kitchen making snacks. It wasn’t much, just some popcorn and those little pocket pizzas from the frozen section at the nearby grocery store. Sans would have just tossed everything in the microwave, but Gaster was actually taking the time and effort to properly bake the pocket pizzas in the oven. These snacks were going to rock when they were ready. Any further musing was interrupted by a knocking at the door.
“i’ll get it.” Sans stood up from the kitchen table, then leaned in close to the door. “who’s there?”
“Lettuce,” a familiar, feminine voice replied.
“Are you not going to lettuce in?”
Sans opened the door and grinned at the three people standing on his doorstep. “hey tori and kiddos how y’all doing?”
“We are all just fine, thank you.”
Frisk launched themself at Sans while Asriel nervously hung back next to Toriel.
“oof, watch it buddy, nearly bowled me over there.”
“Hi Dad!” Frisk eagerly signed as they clung to Sans.
“hi bucko, good to see you too.” Sans fondly patted Frisk’s head.
“Where’s Uncle Papyrus?”
“he’s out tonight, but dings is in the kitchen whipping us up some snacks. wanna come in and have a bit, tori?”
“As tempting as the offer is, I really must be going. Thank you again for watching my children while I am out.” Toriel put a hand to Asriel’s back to usher him through the still open door.
“no problem, i always got time for frisk. oh, and asriel too, of course.” Sans winked at Asriel, who smiled weakly back. “yeah, that joke was pretty weak. but you two hungry? i guarantee dings’s cooking is 100% edible.”
Asriel and Frisk both nodded reluctantly.
“Have a lovely evening you two, and be good for Sans and Gaster.” Toriel leaned down and planted a kiss on each child’s head and waved before turning to leave.
Sans softly shut the door behind her. “alright, let’s get some food in ya.”
Gaster walked into the living room carrying the snacks as Sans was getting the kids settled on the couch. “Sans, could you get the drinks please?”
“sure thing.” Sans sauntered over to the kitchen.
Gaster set down the steaming snacks, “The pizza bites are monster food, but the popcorn is human food.” He found himself a spot on the couch right next to Frisk. Frisk quickly crawled over Asriel, forcing him to switch places with them. Gaster quirked a brow at the two children, “Are you two okay?”
“We’re fine just… Frisk would rather sit next to Sans is all.” Asriel beamed up at Gaster.
“Azzy’s afraid of Dad,” Frisk signed while smiling mischievously.
“I am not!” Asriel loudly protested.
“I still do not understand why Frisk calls Sans their dad.”
“that’s because it made the whole adoption process easier for tori if there was another legal guardian on the paperwork.” Sans sauntered back into the living room with several soda cans in his hands, which he passed out to the others. “so legally i kinda am their dad. asgore offered, but frisk insisted it be me.”
“Mom didn’t want Asgore to be my dad either,” Frisk added.
“So what are we watching tonight?” Asriel quickly asked, then just as quickly popped open the soda and took a large gulp.
“we’re still catching dings up on pop culture so i thought we’d do a classic.” Sans held up a DVD case featuring several humans, what appeared to be an artificial planet with an artificial crater, a couple odd looking airplanes, and a lot of stars.
Gaster grinned, the whole thing seemed incredibly space themed, how very like Sans. Then Gaster squinted as he looked closer at the title. “Do not those Roman numerals mean this is a sequel? Should we watch the ones that came before?”
“nah, those were made later.”
“They aren’t even worth watching.” Frisk insisted emphatically.
“I haven’t seen this one yet either,” Asriel said as he looked the cover over.
“Then we shall both be absorbing some pop culture tonight, it seems.”
“That was a rather exciting movie,” Gaster commented as the end credits started rolling.
“yeah, it’s pretty cool. there are two more in the trilogy, and then a whole lot of other stuff to go with them that isn’t really worth sitting through.”
“So, now what?” Asriel asked as they watched more names scrolling up the screen.
“well yer mom’s not gonna be back for a bit, so we could try to find something on tv to watch, we can pull out a board or card game, or you two can pick another movie out and risk stopping half way through if tori doesn’t want to stay and watch the end with us.”
“Let’s pick out a movie, Mom’ll let us finish it.” Frisk grinned at Asriel.
“Yeah, if there’s not much of the movie left Mom’ll definitely let us finish.” The two hopped down to start rooting through the skeleton brothers’ movie collection. Gaster stood and gathered up the now empty snack dishes and soda cans before heading into the kitchen. After digging around for a bit, Frisk ran back over to Sans to show off their choice.
“sorry frisk, not that one. your mom’d dust me if i let you watch that one.”
Frisk pouted in reply and shook the DVD case insistently.
“don’t give me that look, you know as well as i do that not every cartoon is for kids.”
“You know the human rating system, do you not?” Gaster asked as he walked back into the room with several soda cans in his hands. “You should use it while making your choice.” He placed the sodas on the coffee table and sat down next to Sans.
Frisk stuck their tongue out at Gaster before turning around to put their choice back.
“What about this one?” Asriel shyly held his choice out to Gaster.
Sans leaned forward and nodded in approval, “another classic, good choice buddy.”
Asriel smiled nervously and nodded before turning around to go switch out the movies. While he was doing that, Frisk crawled back onto the couch. Right between Sans and Gaster.
“hey kiddo, there’s plenty of room over here.” Sans patted the other side of the couch where indeed there was plenty of room. Frisk simply kept squirming and shoving their way between the two skeletons until they gave in and scooted out of the way. Asriel came back and Frisk patted the small area of couch between them and Gaster. Asriel hesitated for a moment before shrugging and trying to squeeze into the small space. With a sigh Gaster moved even further down the couch to let the children sit between him and his boyfriend again.
Soon they became engrossed in the movie, Sans happily reciting the rhymes and word plays along with Frisk while Gaster and Asriel were content to simply laugh after the fact. While the heroine was bargaining for her lover’s safety, Gaster happened to glance down and find Frisk looking up at him while making the most grotesque face he had ever seen. He stared at them, unsure how he should react.
“wow, will you look at that? the human face is pretty flexible.” Everyone looked over at Sans, who was winking at Frisk. Sans then grabbed Frisk’s cheeks and started squishing and stretching them. “your face is just so squishy, how do you do it frisk?”
Frisk reached up and tried to squeeze Sans’s face, but the bone didn’t budge at all. Asriel snickered, Gaster valiantly fought back his own laughter, Frisk just stuck out their tongue to show their displeasure. Big mistake, Sans pinched it between his fingers.
“ew! your tongue is all wet and squishy.”
“And yours is not?” Gaster asked without thinking, then blushed as Sans shot him a look over the children’s heads.
“i’m a skeleton, don’t got a tongue.”
“Of course, I too am a skeleton and know we do not have tongues.” Gaster looked away in embarrassment, his blush growing darker as the children stared up at him as if they did not believe him.
Frisk patted Sans’s arm until he looked down at them. “Do you have a tongue?”
“when i need it i can make one,” Sans admitted.
“Show us!” Frisk demanded. Asriel nodded in rapt agreement.
“alright, but only ‘cause I like you both so much.” Slowly, Sans opened his mouth and stuck out a translucent, cyan tongue. Frisk quickly pinched it between their fingers, but they barely felt the tongue before Sans dissipated it. “sorry pal, don’t like you that much.”
Frisk puffed out their cheeks and pouted. Sans poked their cheeks, causing them to let out a long, loud raspberry as their face deflated. That was when there was a knock at the door.
“welp kids, looks like it’s time for you to go home.” Before Sans could get up to go answer the door Asriel had already hopped off the couch and run over to it.
“Asriel, hello! Did you have fun with Sans and Gaster?”
“Yeah, I guess we did. But I’m glad you’re back.” Asriel hugged his mother, Frisk squirmed off the couch to go join in.
“Hello, Frisk. I am glad to see you too.”
“Did you know skeletons sometimes have tongues?” Frisk asked after they decided they had hugged Toriel long enough.
“Do they?” Toriel asked in mock surprise. “I did not know, but I am not surprised. Skeletons are known for having good taste.”
So in the Fired Up and Bone Weary series perniciousLizard has Sans be one of Frisk's legal guardians and I love it so much! I just... I had to add it to my general HC zeitgeist. Isn't Sans such a good dad?
Chapter 7: In which Undyne is so cool even she can't handle it!
Undyne enthusiastically knocked on the front door to the skeleton house, then stepped back to wait for someone to answer. She was a bit early, but she knew only uncool dorks were ever late, so the earlier you were the cooler you were. By that logic, a whole hour early was really cool. She started tapping her foot, usually someone would have at least hollered they were coming to answer the door by now. She knocked again. An hour early wasn’t that unusual for her, and she thought Papyrus would like to get an early start to their 5k run this morning. They had to keep in shape, even if school was out for the summer and they weren’t coaching right now.
She was about to knock again when some noises caught her attention. It sounded like something hard whacking something else hard, and maybe voices? She looked around. No, no other people around. The skeletons lived at one of the points in the city that used to be between two smaller towns, houses were spaced farther apart, the sidewalks were just dirt, and behind the houses were trees and wilderness. The thwacking sound happened again, it seemed to come from the wilderness behind the house. Cautiously Undyne slipped around the back of the house and followed a footpath into the dense foliage, tense and ready in case of a surprise attack. What she saw did surprise her, and it was an attack, but it wasn’t a surprise attack.
Papyrus and Gaster were throwing bone attacks at each other while Sans stood off to the sidelines with a steaming mug in his hand. One of the attacks went a little wide and thwacked a tree, leaving gouges in its bark. A few other trees around them had similar gouges.
“Yo,” Undyne greeted as she walked over to stand next to Sans.
“’mornin’,” Sans replied before taking a sip from his mug.
“What’s going on?”
“training, paps thought it’d be humerus to go out on a limb and spar before you two went on your jog.”
“He pulled out the old battle body, I see.”
“yeah, said if he’s gonna battle he should wear his battle body.”
The two lapsed into silence after that, Sans occasionally taking a sip from his mug as the two skeletons threw bone patterns at each other and dodged. “It’s rare to see you up so early. Well...” Undyne added thoughtfully as she eyed the sun through the leafy treetops, “early for you anyway.”
“hey, i’ve gotten better at getting up early since we got to the surface and the hate orb shines right into my window every. single. morning.”
“Yeah, isn’t it the best?” Undyne put her hands on her hips as she crowed about how awesome the sun was. They lapsed into another silence as the two tall skeletons continued fighting, though Gaster was starting to breathe heavily while Papyrus still looked fresh as a golden flower. “Nice kicks, by the way.”
“thanks, they’re velcro.” To emphasize is point Sans stuck out a foot to show off the neon green shoes he was wearing. “aster got them for me, said he lucked out and found a pair in my size over in the kid’s section.”
Undyne snorted, “Seriously?”
“not like yer gonna find velcro shoes in the adult section.”
“Why not?” Undyne asked incredulously. “Velcro shoes are awesome!” Rather than reply, Sans just shrugged and took another sip. “Was the jacket a gift too?”
“what? this old thing?” Sans looked down at the heavy, leather bomber jacket he was wearing. He reached up to run his fingers over the fur lined collar, “nah, lucky find at the dump back underground. this sweater though, one of the first things i bought when we got topside.”
Undyne simply nodded, just looking at Sans wearing the heavy jacket with a thick turtleneck sweater underneath was enough to make her sweat. She turned her attention back to the fight instead. By this point Gaster was panting with effort and beads of sweat were starting to gather on his brow.
“BROTHER, YOU ARE CLEARLY OUT OF SHAPE! WELL DO NOT WORRY FOR I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL HELP TRAIN YOU! IF WE SPAR EVERY MORNING SURELY YOUR STAMINA WILL IMPROVE.”
“NOT SURE IF I WANT TO DO THAT,” Gaster panted in reply.
“YOU MUST NOT LET SANS’S LAZYBONES ATTITUDE INFLUENCE YOU!”
“I’VE NEVER BEEN ONE FOR MUCH PHYSICAL ACTIVITY TO BEGIN WITH, PAPYRUS. YOU KNOW THAT.”
“Hey nerds! Watcha talkin’ ‘bout?” Undyne yelled.
“we got a guest,” Sans added as Papyrus and Gaster looked their way.
“UNDYNE! YOU’RE EARLY, WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE YOU GET TO WATCH THE GREAT PAPYRUS SPAR WITH HIS SLIGHTLY LESS GREAT BROTHER.”
“Hello… Undyne...” Gaster gasped out.
“BUT SINCE MY BROTHER IS NOT AS GREAT AS ME, WE SHALL HAVE TO CUT THE SPARRING SESSION SHORT. OH, I KNOW! SINCE YOU ARE HERE, HOW ABOUT WE ‘GO OUT WITH A BANG’ AS THE HUMANS SAY. GET READY, BROTHER! I’M GOING TO USE MY SPECIAL ATTACK!”
Sans shoved his mug at Undyne, “here, hold this. if we’re pulling out the blasters then let the gaster blaster master show you how it’s done.” Undyne took the mug and watched in confusion as Sans sauntered over to Gaster.
“OH, SANS! ARE YOU GOING TO JOIN US FOR A CHANGE?”
“something like that. ready to tag out, dings?”
“Gladly.” Gaster and Sans high fived as they traded places.
“alright paps, i’ll even let you go first.”
“PREPARE YOURSELF!” Papyrus summoned two blasters and aimed them directly for Sans, who merely sidestepped them. “VERY NICE DODGE SANS, BUT CAN YOU DODGE THIS?”
“what, don’t i get my turn?”
“OH, HOW RUDE OF ME! OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE YOUR TURN.” Papyrus shifted his stance to a more defensive one while Sans simply stood there and grinned placidly at him.
Sans summoned a ring of blaster around Papyrus, who had just enough time as they charged to recognize the attack pattern before they started firing. Papryus deftly danced around the shifting beams.
Undyne whistled, “That’s a lot of blasters!”
“That is more than I have ever seen anyone do before,” Gaster commented as they watched the ring of blasters continually replace itself.
“Yeah,” Undyne agreed. “Sans packs quite the punch, too bad he only has one attack. Those things look scary but they don’t really do much damage.”
“What about his KR ability?”
“A trick Sans figured out when I was first developing the blasters. It is actually quite impressive, though slow acting. It whittles at the enemy’s HP.”
“Wait, go back, what do you mean ‘developed’ the blasters? They aren’t just a normal skeleton thing?”
“SANS! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP? WHILE THIS IS AN IMPRESSIVE NUMBER OF BLASTERS IT DOES GET A LITTLE BORING AFTER A WHILE.”
“sorry bro.” No new blasters appeared as the remaining ones finished firing and vanished. “guess i was showing off a little bit.” A fine layer of sweat was coating Sans’s skull and his breathing was starting to become labored.
“I DON’T BLAME YOU, UNDYNE IS MY VERY COOL FRIEND WHO IS WORTH SHOWING OFF TO.”
Sans glanced over to where Undyne and Gaster were watching them, the slightest hint of blue colored his cheek bones. “yeah.”
“WELL THEN,” Papyrus announced happily as he bounced over to Undyne and Gaster, “I SUPPOSE WE SHOULD CALL THIS GOOD. I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU, ASTER, YOU WORKED VERY HARD AND DID VERY WELL FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T EXERCISE REGULARLY. OR AT ALL. AND I’M PROUD OF YOU TOO, SANS,” Papyrus looked over his shoulder at Sans, who was ambling slowly back over. “I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D JOIN IN AT ALL.”
“aw, thanks paps.”
“Thank you, Papyrus.”
“NOW THAT I’M ALL WARMED UP, ARE YOU READY FOR THAT FIVE KILOMETER RUN, UNDYNE?”
“Am I ever! And I know the perfect place for it! The park! I’ll race you there!”
“PREPARE TO LOSE, NYEH HEH HEH!”
With that the two took off at a full run out of the small patch of wilderness and out of sight.
Just a warning that next week there won't be a new chapter posted. I'm taking a small break from this fic in order to post a short multi-chap that monopolized all my inspiration the last couple weeks. It's gonna be simply adorable, so I hope you all take a moment to read it. Home will resume its usual schedule on the 23rd, and it's one of my favorite chapters! I'll see you all then!
Chapter 8: In which Gaster sets Sans up for the perfect joke
And we're back! With my favorite chapter! It's a long one, there was just no way to fit everything in and keep it the same length as the others or a good place to break it up. Also some of the tags are coming into play this chapter, I hope everyone's ready!
Lastly, I hope everyone had a chance to read Mystery Machine Mishap! last weekend, I promise it has nothing to do with Scooby Doo, the alliteration was just too much to resist.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“SO WHAT’S UP WITH METTATON ANYWAY,” Gaster asked one Sunday afternoon. He and Papyrus were sitting on the couch, with the younger leaned up against his older brother, watching TV together. Sans had been sitting on Gaster’s other side but had gotten up when the program went to commercial break, the first one featuring said robot leading to Gaster’s rather vague question.
“METTATON WAS BUILT BY DOCTOR ALPHYS,” Papyrus replied. “A ROBOT WITH AN ARTIFICIAL SOUL! HE’S THE REASON SHE BECAME THE NEW ROYAL SCIENTIST.”
“I KNOW THAT, I WORK WITH ALPHYS AFTER ALL. WHAT I MEANT WAS WHY IS HE SO POPULAR? I DON’T GET IT.”
“WHY WOULDN’T HE BE SO POPULAR? HE’S METTATON! HE HAS THE FINEST BODY MODERN TECHNOLOGY CAN PROVIDE, HE’S CHARISMATIC...” As Papyrus continued to list Mettaton’s many assets, Sans came back into the room and sat next to Gaster angled so he could lean up against him.
“I JUST DON’T SEE THE APPEAL,” Gaster commented once Papyrus finally trailed off.
“BROTHER, YOUR JOKES ONLY GET LESS AND LESS FUNNY.”
“I’M QUITE SERIOUS.”
Sans made a noise somewhere between a wheeze and a high pitched squeal, causing the other two to look down at him in concern. He was looking up at Gaster with wide, shining eyes and a grin spread so wide it looked almost painful. “hi serious, i’m dad.”
Papyrus groaned while Gaster chuckled lightly. Then as if the two had choreographed it, they both froze and slowly turned their heads to stare at Sans, who stared back at them with barely contained glee.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” Gaster asked in disbelief.
“no, we just went over this: you’re serious and i’m dad.”
Gaster put a hand to Sans’s belly, the fact that he had one at all should have been confirmation enough but he sent a magic pulse into the construct anyway. “OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SERIOUS.”
Papyrus squealed and put his hands up to his teeth in excitement.
“well, if i’m serious then i guess you’re dad.”
“SANS, YOUR AWFUL JOKES WILL NOT RUIN THIS DAY. OH MY GOD, I’M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE!” Papyrus hopped up and danced in place before pulling his phone out and jabbing at it excitedly. “I NEED TO TELL UNDYNE!”
“welp, looks like if there’s anyone we want to tell ourselves we should get on the phone, once undyne finds out it won’t be long before the whole world knows.”
“PAPYRUS, GO IN THE KITCHEN OR SOMETHING, WE WANT TO TELL OUR FRIENDS TOO.” Gaster made a shooing motion as he pulled his own phone out, then turned to Sans excitedly, “WHO SHOULD WE CALL FIRST?”
“let’s call alphys, you can put it on speaker phone.” Gaster and Papyrus both did as they were told while the phone rang. Papyrus was was already yelling the news at Undyne as the phone kept ringing, it seemed about to go to voicemail when Alphys finally picked up.
“H-hello?” Alphys’s voice wavered as if the phone were being fumbled, distantly in the background they could hear Undyne’s voice though not what she was saying.
“Hello Alphys, is Undyne there with you?” Gaster asked.
“Y-yeah, she’s here. She’s on the phone with Papyrus now and-nd it sounds like big news, I guess th-that’s why you’re calling?”
“UNDYNE SAYS CONGRATULATIONS!” Papyrus said as he poked his head out from the kitchen. “NO, NO, SANS ONLY JUST NOW TOLD US...” Papyrus’s voice faded away as he retreated back into the kitchen.
“So you already heard?” Gaster asked Alphys.
“W-w-well maybe? I mean… I’m not entirely sure what’s going on but Undyne and Papyrus both sound really excited.”
“SANS IS PREGNANT!” Gaster gleefully shouted.
“Uh, sorry. Didn’t quite uh… didn’t catch that.”
“i’m pregnant,” Sans translated.
“Oh wow! That’s amazing! Congratulations!”
“you already had that figured out, didn’tcha?”
“Well yeah, kinda. But I mean… I wasn’t one h-hundred percent sure and I wanted to hear it from y-you two first. Since you went to all the trouble to call me. But still! That’s amazing! Congratulations!”
“Yes, thank you Alphys,” Gaster added in a more subdued voice.
“So how far along are you? When is the baby due? Are you going to have a shower? Oh gosh, this is so exciting!”
“We only just found out,” Gaster said once Alphys stopped for a breath. “We have not had a chance to make any plans yet, between Papyrus and Undyne it is a race against time to tell our friends.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” They couldn’t see it, but they were sure Alphys was looking at Undyne with adoration right then.
“well i would hope the next plan is to make an honest monster of me,” Sans said with a chuckle.
Alphys squeaked, “Omigosh! Are you two getting married?!”
They heard Undyne shout “What?!” in the background followed by a confused echo of “WHAT?” from Papyrus in the kitchen.
“They’re getting married too?” Undyne’s voice was louder than two seconds ago, she must have moved closer.
“WHAT?!” Papyrus stormed into the living room, “YOU TWO GOT ENGAGED WHILE I WAS IN THE OTHER ROOM?!”
“hey alph, maybe put your phone on speaker too.”
“Huh? O-oh! R-right!” There was a shift in sound and a beep from the phone. “Okay, you’re on speaker phone now, Undyne, you can hang up.”
“Can you nerds hear me?”
“Yes, we can hear you, Undyne,” Gaster replied.
There was a beep as Papyrus hung up his own phone. “YOU TWO HAVEN’T EXPLAINED YET!”
“Congratulations!” Undyne yelled over Papyrus. “Isn’t this so exciting? I can’t believe you’re gonna have a baby!”
“still getting used to the idea myself...”
“And married! Paps and I have to start planning, your wedding is going to rock!”
“Gaster hasn’t said ‘yes’ y-yet,” Alphys tried to cut in.
“WHAT?! OF COURSE HE SAYS YES! BUT I WANT TO KNOW HOW SANS ASKED, WITH A PUN I’M SURE, BUT I STILL WANT TO KNOW.”
“How about this?” Gaster handed the phone over to Papyrus, then angled himself so he was sitting mostly facing Sans on the couch. He picked up the smaller skeleton’s hands and looked deeply into his orbits. “Sans, I love you dearly and with all my soul. Will you marry me?”
There was a trio of high pitched squeals from Papyrus and the phone.
Sans simply looked Gaster up and down, then said “i asked first.”
“You did not,” Gaster laughed before leaning in to give Sans a skeleton kiss on his brow. “You made a demand, you gave a statement, you did not actually ask. So, will you?”
Sans leaned back and made a show of thinking the question over before shrugging. “yeah, sure. ok.”
“HE SAID YES!” Papyrus shouted as he danced a jig.
Gaster pulled Sans into a full kiss while Papyrus celebrated with the phone, then the pair rested their foreheads against each other. “I love you.”
“i love you too.”
“UNDYNE, WE NEED TO START PLANNING NOW!”
“Can I have my phone back first? We have other phone calls to make.” Gaster held his hand out for his phone.
“OH, RIGHT. UNDYNE, I SHALL CALL YOU AGAIN ON MY PHONE IN JUST A MOMENT, I AM RETURNING MY BROTHER’S PHONE TO HIM NOW. HERE IS YOUR PHONE BACK, BROTHER.” Papyrus handed over Gaster’s phone before running up the stairs to his room with an excited, “NYEH HEH HEH!”
“Congratulations you two!” Undyne crowed.
“Yes, congratulations again! I’m so happy for you both!” Alphys’s congratulations were interrupted by a ringing on her end. They heard Undyne’s voice fade into the distance as she answered. “So… a baby and engaged, huh? A-any other news you want to share with me?”
“i think that about covers it.”
“We hate to cut this call short, but we have other friends to tell.”
“T-that’s okay, I understand. I’m just so flattered you called me first! Oh, and b-before I go, can I post about this on Undernet?”
Sans and Gaster looked at each other before Sans just shrugged. “We do not mind,” Gaster answered.
“Great! See you tomorrow, Gaster. And congrats, again!”
“See you tomorrow, Alphys.”
“that was fun,” Sans commented once the phone line went dead. “so, who should we call next?”
“I think Toriel would love to hear from us.”
“oh! that’s a great idea, i got the perfect knock knock joke for the occasion.”
“Do knock knock jokes even work over the phone?” Gaster dialed Toriel’s number and set about putting it on speaker phone.
“doesn’t matter, just keep quiet while i tell the joke.”
Gaster smiled and nodded as he held the phone closer to Sans.
“Hello Gaster, how are you today?” Toriel asked when she answered the phone.
“hey tori, it’s sans. just borrowing my boyfriend’s phone because i got a great joke i just have to tell you right now.”
“Oh! Hello Sans, how wonderful to hear from you. Yes please, tell me this great joke.” Toriel’s voice was already bubbling over with suppressed laughter.
“knock knock,” Sans rapped his knuckles on the coffee table with each knock.
“Who is there?”
“interrupting pregnant monster.”
There was a snort from Gaster and a gasp from the phone followed by a moment of silence. Eventually Toriel gathered herself enough to continue the joke, though her voice was shaky, “Interrupting pregn-”
“it’s me,” Sans interrupted. “i’m the interrupting pregnant monster.”
“Oh my goodness! Congratulations!”
“oh, and we’re also engaged. that happened too.”
“Sans! That is wonderful! Congratulations again!”
“Thank you, Toriel.”
“Oh! Gaster, I did not know you were also there.”
“Sans wanted to tell you his joke.”
“And what a wonderful joke it was, I am so happy for the both of you. When is the wedding? When is the baby due?”
“We have yet to make any plans, this all just happened.”
“papyrus is busy yelling about us to the whole world,” Sans added, “so we wanted to call up all our friends and tell ya before the news got to ya first.”
“Ah, that is understandable. Then I suppose you will have a few more phone calls to make, but before I let you go, should I hand the phone over to Frisk or do you want me to tell them the good news?”
“oh hey, yeah. let’s get frisk on the phone.” Sans grinned as Gaster shifted uncomfortably.
The phone beeped and the sound shifted, there was the sound of soft footfalls for a moment, then Toriel said, “Children, Sans and Gaster are on the phone and they have some news to share with you.”
“Hello Gaster and Sans!” Asriel called cheerily. “Frisk says ‘hi’ too!”
“hey kiddos, guess what?”
“You decided to quit selling hot dogs in the park?” Asriel asked.
“well yeah, that too. but that’s old news.” There was a whine from Frisk. “don’t worry pal, i’ll still make you hot dogs any time you want. and hot cats. any hot animal you want, really.”
“So what’s the big news?”
“We are engaged,” Gaster announced happily.
“Oh! Congratulations!” Asriel said cheerfully as another whine came from Frisk. “Uh… Frisk says congratulations too.”
“Are you feeling unwell, my child?” Toriel asked quietly in the background.
“Thank you, Asriel,” Gaster said.
“yeah, thanks kid. and uh, guess what else.”
“yup, is frisk still there?”
“Yeah, Frisk is still here.”
“so frisk, you ready to be a big sibling?”
There were gasps from the phone, “You’re going to have a baby?”
“sure am kid.”
“We are very excited,” Gaster added happily.
“Thank you, Asriel.”
“yeah, thanks kid.”
“Frisk says congratulations again! They’re uh… really excited about being a big sibling.”
“awww… thanks kiddos, that’s so sweet of you.”
“We have more people to call,” Gaster interrupted. “Alphys has likely made her post on Undernet by now and Undyne and Papyrus are currently shouting the news from atop Mt. Ebott.”
“Are they really?” Asriel asked in wonder.
“Not literally, but they certainly are in the figurative sense.”
“Well, congrats again!”
“Yes,” Toriel added, “congratulations again. We hope to have a chance to chat more with you soon.”
“yeah, talk to you soon, tori.”
“We will definitely let you know about the wedding plans. And the due date once we find that out as well.”
Confession time: I actually struggled a lot with this chapter. Or starting it anyway. With the backstory I have for these guys and the personalities I'm working off of a surprise baby should actually be something of a worry rather than going from 0 to excited in .5 seconds. But while surprise baby is one of my favorite tropes, only when it's a HAPPY surprise. Probably because I personally was a happy surprise and I've known this basically my whole life. Plus this fic is supposed to be just self indulgent fluff! It took a lot of effort to cut out all the angst but I did! So I hope everyone appreciates that I'm actively stopping myself from writing angst for this fic. I'm saving it up. ;)
Chapter 9: In which we are introduced to an OC
The waiting room chairs were surprisingly comfortable: wide set with plush padding. Then again, considering the usual clientele that would make sense. Gaster looked to his left at Papyrus as the younger monster intently studied one of the pamphlets from the reception desk. “Thank you again, Papyrus, for driving us to the appointment.”
“OF COURSE, BROTHER. I’M JUST GLAD SANS IS FINALLY GOING PLACES LIKE A NORMAL PERSON INSTEAD OF TAKING HIS LAZY SHORTCUTS EVERYWHERE. I’M MORE THAN HAPPY TO DRIVE YOU AROUND UNTIL YOU CAN GET YOUR DRIVER’S LICENSES.”
“probably be a bad idea to drag a baby through rips in the time-space continuum,” Sans offered nonchalantly from Gaster’s right.
“I WOULD THINK RIPPING UP THE TIME-SPACE CONTINUUM IN THE FIRST PLACE WOULD BE A BAD IDEA.” Papyrus glowered past Gaster at Sans.
“Mister Comic Sans?” A water elemental wearing scrubs with a cute teddy bear pattern all over it called from the door into the back of the clinic.
“that’s us,” Sans said as he and Gaster both stood and headed over.
“GOOD LUCK,” Papyrus called as they left.
“Right this way,” the nurse led the pair further into the clinic, straight to the first door in the hallway. Inside the room was one of those hospital weight scales, a couple more plush chairs, and several devices sitting on carts. “Alright,” the nurse said as he looked down at the clipboard in his hands, “first up we need to take some measurements like weight and height, so please remove your clothes.”
“sure,” Sans started by toeing off his shoes, then handing his hoodie over to Gaster. “should i be making a show of this? maybe do a little dance?”
“Not with me in the room, please!” The nurse laughed. Once Sans was finished undressing, the drawn out process of getting all his measurements began. “So, this is your partner?” the nurse asked as he wound a tape measure around Sans’s middle.
“I most certainly am,” Gaster said proudly from where he had tucked himself out of the way in one of the chairs.
“How sweet,” the nurse cooed. “It’s so wonderful of you to come along, the first visit is always the most tedious and usually nothing interesting like baby’s first picture to make up for it.”
“Of course I came along, I would not dream of making Sans do this alone.”
“yeah, dings is a real sap like that.” Sans gave Gaster a sweet, lopsided smile.
“Well aren’t you two just adorable? Alright, you can put your clothes back on, then take a seat right over here.” Sans did as he was told, sitting down in the chair next to Gaster once he had his clothes back on. Gaster took Sans’s hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. “I’m afraid for this next part we need Sans to not be in contact with anyone, it interferes with the readings.”
“sure, no prob.” Sans gave Gaster’s hand one last squeeze before letting go.
The nurse wheeled over one of the devices and aimed it at Sans. “This machine simply runs a Check on you, then prints out the results.” Sans and Gaster nodded, then the nurse flipped a switch. The machine hummed briefly before printing out a paper. The nurse frowned as he looked it over, “That can’t be right.”
“What is wrong?” Gaster asked in concern, he shifted around in his seat as he tried to get a better look at the printout.
“It says all of Sans’s stats are just one. One health, one attack, one defense...”
“yeah, that’s right. never uh… never really had what you’d consider normal stats.”
Gaster nodded in agreement, the nurse eyed them both for a moment before jotting down some notes and adding the printout to the rest of Sans’s paperwork. Then he switched out the first device for another. “And now just hold these and stay completely relaxed,” he held a pair of rods with wires leading back to the device out to Sans. “This one gauges your magic reserves, so no active use of magic, please.” Sans took the rods and sat back. The nurse frowned as he looked at the readout, he tapped the screen then looked back at Sans. “You’re not using any magic, right?”
“nope,” Sans answered.
“That’s… some deep reserves.” The nurse jotted the results down, then cleaned and put away the device. “Okay, that about does it for this part. I’ll take you to the exam room and Doctor Spookins will be with you shortly.”
Once in the exam room Sans hopped up onto the table while Gaster stood next to it. He took Sans’s hand again and gave it another comforting squeeze while Sans let his head roll back in exasperation.
“ugh! this is taking forever.”
“THE WORST PART’S OVER, JUST A LITTLE TALK WITH THE DOCTOR AND THEN WE CAN GO HOME, RIGHT?”
“i sure hope so.” Sans sighed and ran a hand down his face. “it’s worth it though, right?”
“YES,” Gaster agreed as he dropped a kiss on Sans’s skull. “I THINK YOU’RE VERY WORTH IT.”
There was a faint knock on the door before it swung open. A rag doll a good head shorter than Sans came walking in. They were wearing a lab coat over a mauve shirt and dark slacks, in their hand was a very familiar looking clipboard which they masterfully held onto as they climbed onto a little stool on wheels and used magic to scoot closer to the couple. “Hello,” the rag doll greeted cheerfully, “I’m Doctor Spookins, you must be Sans and...” Spookins turned their button eyes to Gaster expectantly.
“Dr. W. D. Gaster, Sans’s fiancé.” Gaster held a hand out to Spookins, who politely shook it.
“Well congratulations, it’s always wonderful to help expectant couples such as yourselves.” Spookins’s stitched on smile spread wide before morphing into something less cheerful. “Before we start the exam though, I have a few concerns I want to discuss with you.” They held up the clipboard and flipped over to the printout of Sans’s stats. “Are you sure these results are accurate?”
“yeah, been that way for a while.”
“His HP used to be higher,” Gaster added, “but it has always been very low.”
Spookins hummed and nodded, they turned their attention fully to Sans. “How regularly do you exercise?”
“i uh…once in a while.” Sans looked to the side bashfully. Gaster gave Sans a sidelong look.
“How’s your diet?”
“it’s um,” Sans sighed, “better than it used to be.”
Spookins nodded, “And what do you do for a living?”
“i got a couple part time jobs.”
“Four. He has four part time jobs,” Gaster cut in. Sans squirmed and shot Gaster a look of utter betrayal.
“I take it this baby wasn’t exactly planned, then?” Sans shifted uncomfortably on the exam table while Gaster blushed. “That’s happened a lot since we got to the surface, we’ve had at least twice as many pregnancies since reopening up here. Seems the sun and fresh air are good for monsters, who knew?” Spookins chuckled to themself before continuing, “So I hope you take this as a chance to start taking better care of yourself, Mister Sans. Your low health is very concerning, anything below double digits is considered a risky pregnancy.” Spookins turned and shuffled through some pamphlets in the drawer next to them before finding the one they wanted and handing it over to Gaster.
Spookins continued talking, laying out instructions and advice for Sans, who just placidly nodded along. “And remember,” Spookins said as they wound up, “baby steps. Big changes are harder to keep up, so start with small changes.” Spookins gave Sans a comforting smile, “I know, the first visit’s never fun, but now that that’s out of the way we just have one more step and then you’re free to go. We’re just going to take a quick look at the baby, so I’ll need you to lift your shirt, please.”
Sans took off his shirt instead, revealing a flat, faintly cyan belly that his spine could clearly be seen through. He leaned back a little to straighten out said spine from his slouch. Spookins rolled their chair closer as green magic gathered around their hands. They leaned forward to run their hands over Sans’s belly and he couldn’t hold back a giggle.
“Sorry about that,” Spookins offered as their hands slowly moved down. “Not much to be done about- ah! There they are.” Spookins’s hands paused, then narrowed in on a spot just to the left of Sans’s middle. “They’re so tiny, you must have caught this very early.”
“one of the advantages of not having a body.”
“To illustrate,” Gaster lifted his shirt and motioned to his empty abdominal cavity.
Spookins nodded, “Well from what I can tell the baby is healthy, a little hard to tell this early on. Especially as you’re my first skeleton clients. Which reminds me,” Spookins’s hands lost their glow and they sat back to jot down a few notes on Sans’s paperwork. “I couldn’t find any literature on skeletons at all. Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened, you wouldn’t believe how much information was completely lost during and after the War. So I’ll have to rely on you two for information, such as how long do skeleton pregnancies usually last?” Spookins sat with pen poised over paper, looking at the couple before her expectantly.
Gaster and Sans looked at each other uncomfortably for a moment. “how long did it take paps to be born?”
“About a year… I believe?” Gaster replied doubtfully.
“You aren’t sure?” Spookins asked even as they jotted down the estimate.
“we were pretty young when our parents fell down.”
“There are only the three of us left: Sans, my brother, and myself.”
“ 'Our parents'?” Spookins asked with a raised brow.
“his parents and mine both kicked the bucket at the same time.”
Spookins nodded, “Well that’s about all we can do today. We’ll keep track of the baby’s growth rate and hopefully extrapolate a more accurate due date. So unless you have more questions...” Spookins trailed off.
“nope, can’t think of anything. i think you covered just about everything.” Sans slipped his shirt back on, then took his hoodie back from Gaster.
Spookins stood up, “Well it was very nice to meet both of you.” They shook hands with each skeleton before going and holding the door open for them.
“Thank you, it was nice to meet you as well,” Gaster said as they walked out.
“yeah, thanks.” Once out in the hall Sans turned to Gaster and quietly asked, “so what exactly are we telling paps?”
“IF WE TELL HIM THE DOCTOR WANTS YOU TO START EXERCISING AND EATING BETTER HE’LL DECIDE HE HAS TO TAKE CHARGE.”
“yeah, paps is very eager like that. but the doc also said to take baby steps.” Both skeletons snorted at the pun.
“WE’LL JUST TELL HIM THE DOCTOR SAID TO REDUCE STRESS.”
“yeah, okay. and hey, you know technically just walking everywhere instead of shortcutting is already being more active. i’ve walked up and down the stairs more times this week than in the last year.”
“I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU.” Gaster dropped a kiss on Sans’s skull. “AND THAT’S A VERY GOOD START, WE’LL HAVE TO SEE ABOUT ADDING SOMETHING LIKE WALKING IN THE PARK TO OUR ROUTINES.”
Sans grumbled, but otherwise didn’t respond as they walked back out into the waiting room where Papyrus was waiting for them.
I find how ghosts work in Undertale endlessly fascinating. If I had a plot for it I'd probably write a fic that was nothing but ghost OCs dealing with life on the surface. Just the idea that they'd now have the freedom and choice for what kind of body they want to possess the way MTT did! I bet Alphys would totally build robot bodies for ghosts at a discount. But why stop there? A ghost could probably custom order any kind of doll or mannequin or other object to possess! The only limit at that point is your budget, and since this fic is all about self indulgence none of the characters I care about are strapped for cash! Anyway... that's it for my rambling at this point. Just... ghosts are fascinating.
Papyrus carefully adjusted his flower crown one last time, then looked himself over to make sure there wasn’t a single stray piece of lint or loose thread. He had to admit, he looked good in the tuxedo Gaster had chosen for him. It was strange Papyrus hadn’t seen the outfits his brothers had picked out for the wedding when he had gone in to get his own tailored, but since they had insisted on the tuxedo for him he was sure they had something just as nice or even nicer for themselves. And besides, the ceremony was going to start in just a few minutes, it was far too late to worry about that now. Poor Papyrus had enough to worry about making sure this day was going to be absolutely perfect, as best monster it was his duty.
Satisfied with his appearance, Papyrus left the little side room he had dressed in. It was time to do one last, final round before the ceremony started. First he went into the hall to make sure the caterers had all the food set up and ready to go. This was only his fifth time checking, but anything could have happened while he was changing. The monsters setting up the tables all smiled as they greeted him. The food was all out and warm, the tables were all set up, the decorations were all in place, Papyrus smiled and nodded to himself before heading to the other side of the hall where large, glass, double doors led out to a beautiful, tiled patio.
He peeked outside to find the guests were all in their seats, the trellis was set up and artfully full of flowers, Toriel was waiting patiently under the trellis for the ceremony to start. Papyrus pulled is head back inside and looked off to the side, what he called the ‘staging area’ had a rather impatient looking Frisk holding a basket of flower petals. Why Papyrus’s brothers had insisted on inserting a few human traditions into their wedding he’d never know, but the flower crown Frisk was wearing was rather adorable on them.
Papyrus checked his phone, it was just about time to start. “ARE YOU READY, FRISK?”
Frisk solemnly nodded and gave Papyrus a thumbs up.
“I’M GOING TO GET MY BROTHERS, THEN THE CEREMONY WILL BEGIN.” Papyrus nodded to Frisk before setting off for the slightly larger side room Sans and Gaster were dressing in. He knocked on the door, “IT’S ABOUT TIME FOR THE CEREMONY TO START, ARE YOU TWO READY?”
“SURE, COME ON IN PAPYRUS,” Gaster replied.
Papyrus opened the door and stopped to stare in shock. “OH. MY. GOD!” Neither one of his brothers was wearing a tuxedo. In fact, neither was dressed half as nicely as Papyrus! Sans was wearing a dark blue, knit sweater and a pair of black slacks, but at least he was wearing the pair of ‘loafers’ Papyrus had gotten him to make sure he wasn’t wearing slippers or sneakers to the wedding. Gaster was a bit better, he was wearing a black bow tie over a pale blue, button up, long sleeve shirt, a pair of dress slacks held up with a nice belt, and shiny dress shoes. Maybe Gaster just hadn’t put on his coat yet? “NEITHER OF YOU IS DRESSED YET! WHERE ARE YOUR TUXEDOS?” It was only a small relief to see they both had the extra fancy flower crowns they had specially ordered for the wedding party.
“we’re not wearing tuxes, bro.”
“WHAT?!” Papyrus asked in a panic. “OF COURSE YOU ARE! I’M WEARING ONE, THE ONE YOU TWO SPECIFICALLY GOT ME FITTED FOR!”
“RIGHT,” Gaster agreed as he walked over and brushed a hand over Papyrus’s shoulder. “AND YOU LOOK VERY HANDSOME IN IT.”
“but we want to be more comfortable,” Sans added.
“I CAN’T BE BETTER DRESSED THAN YOU AT YOUR OWN WEDDING!” Papyrus felt a panic attack coming on. “GOOD GRAVY, I’VE SEEN THE GUESTS! HALF OF THEM ARE BETTER DRESSED THAN SANS!”
“hey, this sweater was hand knit for me specifically as a wedding gift.” Sans tugged at the hem of his thick, cozy sweater.
“DO THOSE PANTS HAVE AN ELASTIC WAIST?” Papyrus asked suspiciously as he eyed the outline of Sans’s sweater.
“yeah, ‘course they do,” Sans answered placidly. “a belt would make the sweater look all weird and lumpy.”
“AND SQUISH THE BABY,” Gaster added helpfully.
“right,” Sans agreed, “and squish the baby. you wouldn’t want your little nibling squished, would you?”
“DON’T WE HAVE A WEDDING TO START?” Gaster asked as Papyrus looked about ready to go into full meltdown mode. “WE WOULDN’T WANT TO BE LATE TO OUR OWN WEDDING.”
“i’m actually going to be on time for something,” Sans teased as they both herded Papyrus out to the ‘staging area.’
Papyrus wanted to argue with them, but they had a point about being on time. And he doubted even someone as great as him could find two tuxedos that would actually fit a pair of skeletons in time for the wedding, most clothing was lamentably made with more fleshy beings in mind. He took a deep breath through his nasal cavity and let it out through his mouth as he stood up straight and tall. He held his elbows out, Sans latched onto his right side and Gaster his left. Papyrus nodded to Frisk, who nodded back before heading out. The trio watched as the child spread flower petals over the aisle that led between the guests to the trellis and waiting former queen. In her dainty flower crown and lovely evening gown. That looked far better than what either of Papyrus's brothers were wearing. Papyrus squashed the thought; it was too late to worry about that now, and if it made his brothers happy then Papyrus was just going to have to be happy too. Until everything was over, then he’d scold them for doing this to him.
Frisk made it to the trellis and moved off to the right. They turned their face to look back at the trio and all the guests expectantly turned to look as well. Papyrus started down the aisle with a brother on each arm and suddenly found himself fighting a prickling sensation at the corner of his eye sockets. This was happening, this was really happening!
They reached the trellis, where Toriel looked like she was also holding back a few tears of her own, and Papyrus took a step back. He took Sans’s and Gaster’s hands and joined them together, just like they had rehearsed only a couple days ago. Unlike at the practice ceremony, Papyrus leaned over and pressed his forehead against his brother’s briefly, first Gaster, then Sans. They smiled up at him so brightly Papyrus thought his soul was going to burst. Then he stepped off to the left to watch the rest of the ceremony.
There was Toriel, presiding over the two older skeletons as they said their vows, Frisk standing next to Sans, Papyrus next to Gaster; their family was still small but Papyrus couldn’t help feeling so happy about how it had grown recently, and soon it was going to grow even more. Papyrus glanced over at the gathered guests, their closest friends who had come here to celebrate with them. He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, he pulled out a handkerchief and started dabbing at his eyes as a wide smile stretched even further across his face. This day really was perfect.
Alternate title: in which Papyrus has about three simultaneous heart attacks
It's the wedding! Also, there wasn't enough brotherly teasing recently so of course some had to be added in. Can you blame them? Paps is so easy to rile up! Poor boy, he just wanted his brothers to have the most magical, beautiful, wonderful, special day.
Undyne: Here ya go.
Paps: WHAT... UNDYNE... IS THIS A GUN?!
Undyne: Yeah. A shotgun specifically.
Paps: WHY DID YOU GIVE ME A GUN?!?!
Undyne: It's apparently a human tradition. Oh don't look at me like that, your bros want some human traditions in their wedding, right?
Paps: WE ARE NOT INCLUDING DANGEROUS HUMAN WEAPONS IN THE CEREMONY!
Undyne: Don't worry, don't worry! It's just a replica, it can't even fire.
Paps: OH, WELL... IN THAT CASE... WHY WOULD THAT EVEN BE A HUMAN TRADITION?!?!?!?!?!
Undyne: Dunno, but it's apparently a thing they do sometimes.
Papyrus was a blur as he flitted around the hall, doing his utmost to make sure the wedding celebration was just as perfect as the ceremony itself had been. Already the hall was filling up with the additional guests who hadn’t been invited to the ceremony. An old monster tradition: the ceremony was a private affair for family and close friends only, the celebration afterwards was open to anyone and everyone who wanted to come or happened to hear about it as they passed by. There was even a group of curious humans who had cautiously walked into the hall and seemed surprised when they received a warm greeting.
Papyrus paused as one of the humans flagged him down. “Are you one of they grooms?” they asked him curiously.
“NO, I’M THE GROOMS’ YOUNGER BROTHER,” he gently corrected. He knew this would happen.
“Well, congratulations!” the human replied cheerfully.
“THANK YOU. HELP YOURSELF TO THE BUFFET.” Papyrus smiled at the humans before extracting himself to go find out why the music hadn’t started yet. He had almost reached the DJ when upbeat music started playing. Papyrus nodded and smiled at Undyne’s former neighbor before turning to go check that the patio had been re-arranged. Before he got there though, Toriel waved him down.
“Hello Papyrus! Have you given your brothers their gifts yet?”
“NOT QUITE YET,” Papyrus admitted as his eye sockets flitted past Toriel. “I JUST NEED TO CHECK A FEW MORE THINGS...”
“Papyrus, dear, everything is just fine. See for yourself,” Toriel waved a paw at the slowly filling hall, guests were already out on the dance floor having a ball, the buffet tables had a steady stream of people smoothly being shuffled along by the caterers, and Sans and Gaster were seated at the place of honor. Papyrus squinted, at some point Gaster had lost his bow tie and his sleeves were now rolled up. “So relax,” Toriel continued. “The hard part is over, go give your brothers their gifts then have some fun. You have certainly earned it.
Papyrus sighed, “YOU’RE RIGHT, THANK YOU MISS TORIEL.”
“You are quite welcome, now you had best get going.” She gently patted his back as a send off.
Papyrus walked over to the table of honor where Sans and Gaster sat with a few people gathered in front. He stood nervously on the edge of the small crowd. Gaster was the first to spot him, his eyes lighting up. “Ah, there you are Papyrus. Come join us, have you eaten yet?”
“The younger brother,” one of the guests whispered as they made shooing motions to the rest. They quickly cleared out of the way to allow Papyrus to step closer.
Papyrus cleared his throat before finally starting. “SINCE YOU TWO WANTED TO INCORPORATE SOME HUMAN TRADITIONS INTO YOUR WEDDING FOR SOME REASON...”
“we’re on the surface now, bro. so when in rome.”
“WHEN IN ROME… WHAT?” Papyrus asked in confusion.
“i honestly have no idea, it’s just something humans say.”
“Perhaps we are missing half the saying?” Gaster mused. “Humans seem to leave off the second half of most of their famous proverbs.”
“THE POINT IS,” Papyrus continued forcefully, “THAT A COMMON HUMAN TRADITION IS TO GIVE GIFTS TO THE NEWLYWEDS AT THE WEDDING CELEBRATION.”
“aw, bro… you didn’t have to.”
“You have already done so much for us.”
“NEVERTHELESS, I HAVE GIFTS FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.” Papyrus pulled a manila folder with a bright red gift bow stuck to it out of his inventory and placed it gently in front of Sans.
Sans took the bow off and stuck it to Gaster’s shoulder before opening the folder. Papyrus danced from foot to foot as he watched the expression on Sans’s face go from curiosity, to confusion, to amazement. “paps,” Sans asked quietly, “what is this?”
“I DID SOME RESEARCH AFTER I FOUND OUT YOU HAD BEEN WORKING TOWARD A DEGREE YOU NEVER FINISHED GETTING, AND THE CLOSEST SCHOOL YOU CAN GO TO TO FINISH IS THE STATE UNIVERSITY. THAT IS OBVIOUSLY TOO FAR, SO AS THE MONSTERKIND MASCOT AND ALL AROUND GREAT MONSTER I AM, I PULLED SOME STRINGS AND ARRANGED IT SO YOU COULD FINISH YOUR DEGREE LONG DISTANCE. OF COURSE FRISK AND MISS TORIEL HELPED TOO, AS THE HUMAN-MONSTER AMBASSADOR AND FORMER QUEEN THEY WERE ABLE TO PULL STRINGS THAT EVEN SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME COULD NOT.”
“i don’t know what to say. just… wow.” Sans looked back down at the folder. When he looked back up there were tears glimmering in the corners of his eye sockets. “you’re the best, paps.”
“I ALREADY KNOW, BUT IT DOES NOT HURT TO SAY AGAIN, NYEH HEH HEH.” Papyrus preened at the praise.
Gaster pulled Sans into a one armed hug as the smaller groom pulled himself together. “This really is a very sweet gift, Papyrus.”
“AND NOT THE ONLY ONE. I SAID I HAD A GIFT FOR EACH OF YOU, AFTER ALL.” Papyrus pulled a lacquered wood box with a pretty flower pattern and another bright, red gift bow on it from his inventory and presented it to Gaster.
“Thank you,” Gaster murmured as he accepted the box. He pulled the bow off and stuck it to Sans’s head before pulling the lid off the box. Inside was a pile of artfully arranged spaghetti, complete with a pom made of string cheese stuck right in the center.
“A HOME COOKED MEAL MADE WITH LOVE.”
“Thank you, Papyrus. This was so sweet of you.”
“YOU’RE QUITE WELCOME.” Papyrus leaned over the table to give his brothers a hug. “NOW I’M GOING TO GO GET MYSELF SOMETHING TO EAT. I KNOW FOR A FACT NOT EVERYTHING HERE IS SWIMMING IN GREASE!” Papyrus waved before heading for the buffet.
“he really is the best,” Sans murmured as he leafed through everything in the folder.
“YEAH,” Gaster agreed as he carefully put the lid back on the box. “HE REALLY IS. I WONDER IF THIS WAS WHY HE ASKED ME TO WRITE A RECOMMENDATION FOR YOU A COUPLE WEEKS AGO.”
“you wrote a recommendation for me?”
Gaster’s reply was interrupted as a familiar flame walked up to the table. Sans grinned up at his friend, “oh hey grillby, glad you could make it.”
“Congratulations,” Grillby signed, his face as unreadable as ever.
“I brought you a gift.” Grillby pulled a dark bottle with a bright blue ribbon tied around the neck from his inventory and presented it to the couple.
“aw, grillbz, you didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to,” Grillby insisted.
Gaster took the bottle, then showed it to Sans. “It is a very nice gift,” Gaster said hesitantly.
“it really is,” Sans agreed just as hesitantly, “but uh… i can’t really drink this so uh...”
“Consider it an early first anniversary gift,” Grillby insisted.
“that really is sweet of ya, thanks.” Sans carefully tucked the bottle into his inventory. Sans was about to say more but Grillby waved and moved away from the table as more guests lined up to greet the grooms.
After shuffling through the buffet line, Grillby headed out to the patio area. It was much quieter and less stuffy than the crowded hall, the breeze and sunshine were delightfully refreshing. Grillby looked around, the tables and chairs set out were mostly filled, many monsters seemingly feeling the need for space after a lifetime living Underground. There was one table with only a single occupant: the former queen. Grillby didn’t know Toriel very well, but he had been introduced by Sans and she seemed to be a very friendly monster.
“……… Excuse me,” Grillby said in his soft voice, “mind if I join you?”
It took a moment for Toriel to register what Grillby had said, if her delayed reaction was anything to go by. “Hello, Grillby. Have a seat.” She motioned to the chair next to her.
Grillby nodded his thanks before sitting down in the offered chair. Once seated he looked up to find they had a perfect view of Sans and Gaster through the open patio doors. A glance to the side showed Toriel gazing at them with a mixture of fondness and longing.
“They are a lovely couple, are they not?” She asked as if feeling Grillby’s silent inquiry.
“But at the same time it is also a shame.” Grillby couldn’t help the surprised flare of his flames. Toriel glanced briefly at him before continuing. “Sans has been a dear friend for a long time, and Frisk absolutely adores him and his brother. I knew he was going through a hard time back Underground and wished to give him time to recover before approaching him about possibly changing our relationship but...” She trailed off and motioned to the couple, who were taking a moment between guests to stare into each others’ eye sockets.
“……… I feel the same way,” Grillby admitted.
Toriel simply nodded and took a sip from her wine glass. “I had a feeling.”
“… I wish I had said something earlier, told him how I felt. If I had just… if we had been in a relationship when Gaster...”
“Perhaps that would be you over there right now with Sans and Gaster here commiserating with me. Or perhaps he would have still chosen Gaster over you.” Grillby flinched at Toriel’s words. No matter how gently she said them they still stung. “I do apologize, that was unkind of me.”
“…… you only said the truth.” Grillby took a swig from his own wine glass.
“Howdy, mind if I sit with you?” Toriel and Grillby looked up to find Asgore standing before them, a plate piled high with food in one hand and his own wine glass in the other.
Grillby nodded, after a moment Toriel inclined her own head in acceptance. Her acceptance changed to a glower when Asgore tried to sit next to her, he switched to the seat on the other side of Grillby. “What a lovely view,” Asgore commented as he looked into the hall. “And what a missed opportunity.”
“You too?” Toriel asked in a teasing tone.
“Sans is very cute, and has the same sense of humor as you. I did always admire your sense of humor, Toriel.”
Grillby looked down at his plate as if he wished he had sat anywhere else.
“I did not know you had developed any feelings for Sans,” Toriel said in surprise. “Wait, when you thought he and I were dating, were you jealous of him or of me?”
Asgore shrugged, “A bit of both, I suppose. You know, it was Frisk who told me you two were dating, I suppose it was all a misunderstanding on their part.”
Toriel giggled, “More like wishful thinking. Asriel told me they had wanted Sans and I to get married and were quite upset at Gaster for interfering. Of course I have since sat them down and had a discussion about how sometimes you just don’t get what you want and you have to accept other people’s decisions no matter how you feel about them.”
“……… How did they take it?” Grillby asked softly.
“It is still a work in progress.” Toriel winked at her neighbor.
“Well I propose a toast,” Asgore said as he raised a glass. “To missed opportunities.”
“And what opportunities have we missed, darlings?” Mettaton came strutting up, though the effect was somewhat lost do to the lack of hips on his boxy body, even if he was sporting his most fabulous set of legs.
“Just mourning the loss of another bachelor,” Toriel responded as she raised her glass to touch Asgore’s, Grillby likewise raised his glass.
Mettaton sat down to join in on the toast. “While I suppose the point is thoroughly moot, which groom in particular are we mourning the loss of?”
“Sans,” Asgore offered with a sheepish smile.
“Oh yes, he certainly has a unique charm to him. I had considered asking him out a while ago, back when he did stand up at the resort Underground.”
Toriel couldn’t help laughing at that, “Well I certainly do not feel so bad now, knowing I am not the only one with mixed feelings about the wedding. Now how about a toast to the grooms’ good health and a long, happy marriage?”
The other occupants of the table all raised their glasses with a “Here, here” before moving onto other, less heart breaking subjects.
Alternate title: in which the author makes jokes about Sans being the fandom bicycle. 8D
Papyrus: I'M THE GROOMS' YOUNGER BROTHER.
Human: Oh, which one?
Human: ... both?!?!?
Chapter 12: In which Sans has strong opinions about puns
Warning: this chapter contains non-graphic depictions of a character vomiting.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The three skeleton brothers walked up the short path from the street to the front door of a rather ordinary looking house. Aside from the fish themed mailbox there was nothing that would make one guess that Undyne lived here, not like her (still burning) home back in the Underground. Papyrus personally liked her old home better, it was full of personality and passion! This one was just so… ordinary. But it was on the surface, so that pretty much made up for it. Papyrus eagerly knocked on the door.
“Hey guys!” Undyne happily yelled when she answered the door. “You ready for an awesome end of summer slumber party?!”
“YOU BET WE ARE!” Papyrus yelled back just as happily. He pumped a fist in excitement, causing Gaster and Undyne both to casually dodge the wildly swinging overnight bag he was carrying. Papyrus carefully wiped his shoes off before barging into the house along with Undyne, Sans and Gaster following behind at a more sedate pace.
“H-h-hi, everyone,” Alphys cheerfully greeted from the floor in front of the TV she was currently setting up. The TV was huge, a definite plus when you planned on having lots of people over for movie night. The living room furniture was pushed off to the sides, the couch up against the far wall, and several air mattresses covered in blankets and pillows were laid out over the floor. “I’ve just about got it all set up. I thought we c-could watch Magical Candy Suite Adventure since it’s only thirteen episodes and a complete story. No cliffhanger with a missing second season l-like in some anime.”
“ugh,” Sans moaned. “does it have to be that one?”
“I-I thought you’d like it...” Alphys trailed off nervously. “It even has a p-pun in the name.”
“a bad pun, and not even the good kind of bad pun.” Sans said derisively. “cards come in suits, not suites. and the cards she uses aren’t even the kind that come in suits either. not to mention there’s no candy anywhere in the whole show, the translators just jammed it into the name to really drive home their forced pun.” Sans rolled his pupils as he rambled on about poor translator choices.
“So the translators m-m-made a few silly choices for the name, it’s still a good show.” Alphys huffed, “It even has a good dub, you know how rare that was back in the nineties.”
“they tried to justify their bad pun in the title by jamming in as many other mediocre and nonsensical puns into the dialogue as they could fit, and some they couldn’t.”
Before the argument could escalate any further, there was another knock at the door. Undyne ran to go answer while Alphys turned back to fiddling with the TV. “Hi guys, glad you could make it!” Undyne shouted as she let Toriel, Frisk, and Asriel into the house. Frisk ran in to give everyone hugs while Undyne kept talking, “Alphys is just finishing setting up the TV, so all we gotta do is figure out the seating arrangements. Like who gets the couch.”
“Sans, obviously,” Gaster said as if that were the most natural thing in the world.
Undyne quirked an eyebrow at Gaster, “Really?”
“He is expecting, you are not going to make him lie on the floor in his condition, are you?”
“dings, relax, they got these mattresses and blankets and stuff, it’s fine. besides, if i sit too far from the tv i can’t throw popcorn at it every time a character says a lame, unfunny joke.”
“We can watch something else,” Alphys huffed at Sans with her hands on her hips. “If you’re going to make that much of a fuss we can watch Prima Donna Princess instead, it’s twice as many episodes but there aren’t any puns for Sans to complain about.”
“tori, you agree with me that forced puns just aren’t any good, right?”
“I do not want to judge a show I have not yet seen...” Toriel trailed off as she tried to hide a smile behind her hand. “But I do find that forced puns are nothing to joke about.”
Sans chuckled while Papyrus groaned. “WHY DID I AGREE TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS THESE TWO?”
“Because you get to spend time with the rest of us too!” Undyne cut in enthusiastically. “So Sans isn’t taking the couch after all?”
“OH RIGHT, THAT’S WHY WE BROUGHT THESE!” Papyrus opened his inventory and spilled the entire contents onto the nearest air mattress: every last pillow they had in their own house. Well that explained why Papyrus hadn’t put his overnight bag into his inventory.
“Thank you for the reminder, Papyrus.” Gaster pulled several comforters and blankets from his own inventory and piled them on the pillows.
“nice,” Sans commented.
“If that is all settled, I think I would prefer to sit on the couch if no one minds,” Toriel said as she moved over to said couch. Undyne offered her a blanket and pillow as the former queen got settled in. Soon everyone was settled in various spots around the floor, covered in blankets and clutching pillows as the soft strains of a piano backed by violins filled the room.
Toriel must have dozed off at one point because she slowly, drowsily came to. She wasn’t sure what woke her, perhaps something happened in the show that was still playing on the TV? She looked over the room, Frisk was valiantly trying to stay awake, firmly nestled between a rapt Alphys and dozing, blanket wrapped Sans. Toriel couldn’t help smiling, from what she had seen before drifting off the heroine chose Mercy over Fighting every time, of course Frisk would love the show. Her eyes drifted further, there was Gaster cuddled up to Sans, though his orbits did seem to be trained on the TV. Strange, hadn’t Asriel been sitting next to Gaster? Toriel looked around the rest of the room, ah! There he was, fast asleep in a pile of blankets on the other side of the room. Strange there was so much space between him and Alphys, almost as if there had been others…
Where were Undyne and Papyrus?
Toriel jolted upright, suddenly fully awake. She heard muffled noises from the kitchen and finally realized what had woken her. “I smell smoke!”
“W-w-what?” Alphys turned and looked at Toriel in confusion, then around the rest of the room, then her eyes darted towards the kitchen in horror. “U-Undyne,” Alphys called loudly, “everything okay in there?”
“We’re fine, everything’s under control!” Undyne’s reassurances were belied by a sudden billow of smoke coming from the kitchen followed by hushed curses. Then there seemed to be a small explosion and flames were leaking from the kitchen into the rest of the house.
Gaster grabbed the pile of blankets Sans was rolled up in and they were suddenly outside, Frisk along for the ride. The sudden change in location seemed to wake Sans up, he groggily started to ask “wha...” when he abruptly slipped out of Gaster’s grasp and puked onto the pavement. Gaster crouched down to try to untangle some of the blankets from around Sans while Frisk gently patted his back.
They heard a door open, Gaster looked up to find Alphys carrying her things and Toriel carrying a rather groggy Asriel out of the house. “Oh good,” Toriel said happily, “you are just out here and have Frisk. Oh dear, is Sans quite alright?”
“I uh… panicked.” Gaster admitted. “It seems shortcuts and human snacks do not mix well.”
As if in agreement, Sans retched again.
“Poor dear,” Toriel sympathized. “Well, I am going to see if I can help get the fire back under control, but I fear there is not much I can do for a non-magical fire. Please watch Asriel for me, and perhaps call the human authorities? I do believe that is standard practice in such situations.” Gaster simply nodded as he accepted Asriel from Toriel, who turned and walked boldly towards the burning building. “Do not worry,” she called over her shoulder before disappearing inside, “I shall send your brother and Undyne right out.”
“I-I-I-I’ll call the authorities,” Alphys offered as she pulled her phone out and typed in the emergency number.
True to Toriel’s word, Papyrus and Undyne quickly came walking out of the house. “Man, and that popcorn was going to so rock!”
“PERHAPS NEXT TIME WE SHOULD JUST USE THE POPCORN POPPING MACHINE YOU BOUGHT SPECIFICALLY TO POP POPCORN?”
“Can’t, it’s in the kitchen along with the rest of the fire!” Undyne chortled and shook her head.
“The fire department’s on its way,” Alphys said. “The operator s-says I should stay on th-th-the line.”
“And we should all probably move across the street,” Gaster added. “If Sans is feeling up to moving.”
Sans groaned, but nodded.
“IS SANS ALRIGHT? WHAT HAPPENED?”
“Shortcuts and human food do not mix well,” Gaster replied as he tried to help Sans, who was still tangled in blankets, up while also holding onto a half asleep Asriel.
“I THOUGHT SHORTCUTS AND DEVELOPING BABIES DID NOT MIX WELL AND HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO TAKE ANY SHORTCUTS UNTIL AFTER THE BABY IS BORN??”
“I panicked,” Gaster offered sheepishly. Papyrus just nodded.
Eventually they all managed to migrate across the street, the cars were moved away from the burning house, the fire department arrived, and all the neighbors were lined up or gathered around the group to watch the show.
“So, now what?” Undyne asked when it looked like things were under control. “We move this party to someone else’s house?”
“I think we have had quite enough excitement for one night,” Toriel said with a smile. “If someone would help me get these two buckled in?” She looked down at the two sleeping children in her arms, then around at the others.
“I WILL BE HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU, MISS TORIEL,” Papyrus exclaimed.
“A-and you can come s-s-s-stay w-w-with me. Un-n-n-n-n-ntil your h-house is fixed, I-I-I mean.” Alphys blushed harder and harder as she made the offer.
“Thanks, Alphys! That’s really sweet of you.” Undyne gave Alphys a big grin, which Alphys returned with a shy smile of her own.
So far as I know, Magical Candy Suite Adventure is not a real anime. I made it up just to have something for Sans to mock. Prima Donna Princess, on the other hand, is totally based on one of my all time favorite anime. If you can guess which one you get absolutely nothing!
Chapter 13: In which Sans has a very special doctor's appointment
Hey, I haven't said this yet so it's way overdue but thank you all so much! This story has gotten so many more kudos than I ever thought it would, and regularly gets tons of views every new chapter, and even a few comments here and there! Thank you all so much, I honestly never thought anyone else would care about this self indulgent fluff fic. I really appreciate each and every one of you.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“And next is Sans.”
Sans and Gaster stood up from their seats in the waiting room and ambled over to where a familiar water elemental was holding open the door into the back of the clinic. “hey potamoy,” Sans greeted as they walked into the back.
“Good afternoon, Potamoy. How have you been?” Gaster asked as the nurse led them to the usual room.
“I’ve been just fine, thanks,” Potamoy answered. “How about you two? How’re the driver’s licenses coming along?”
“Excellently! My instructor says I am doing very well, especially for an adult who did not grow up around cars.” Gaster beamed at Potamoy.
“great for you,” Sans groused as he stepped onto the weight scale, having just finished his usual strip.
“Having trouble getting yours?” Potamoy nudged the weight back and forth before jotting the number down.
“yeah,” Sans sighed. “cars are all too big, i have to adjust the seat uncomfortably close to the steering wheel just to reach the pedals, and then i can only just barely see over the dash. and until at least one of us gets a license we can’t really justify buying a car.”
“Not that it would do much good,” Gaster added. “Papyrus and I find most cars to be rather cramped, I cannot imagine what trying to find a car that comfortably seats one of us will be like for the other.”
Sans groaned again, even louder this time.
“You did marry into a tall family, Sans, I’ve met Papyrus.” Potamoy grinned down at the tape measure wrapped around Sans’s waist.
“married into? i’m from a tall family too, not my fault i’m a bit short.”
“A bit,” Gaster murmured to himself with a snort. “And I should think we were of average height, honestly.”
“yeah, sure, guess you two are about average height.”
“Tall or average, the baby is still probably going to be taller than you when they grow up, Sans.”
Sans’s pupils shrank to mere pin pricks, he turned to Gaster and asked in a shaky voice, “how big was paps when he was born?”
“I honestly do not remember.” Gaster put a hand to his chin and stared at the floor in thought. “He broke a record of some kind, though.”
“oh god, this kid’s gonna be huge, aren’t they?”
“You have been gaining weight steadily,” Potamoy unhelpfully added as he flipped through the papers on his usual clipboard. “We’re all done here, but if you need a moment...”
Sans groaned yet again as he started dressing. “why me? why is it always me?”
Gaster and Potamoy both chuckled. Once Sans was decent again, the nurse led them back out into the hall. “You guys get the special room today.”
“And we are so excited!” Gaster truly was excited, practically vibrating like a Temmie once Potamoy left them in an exam room they had never been in before, his orbits continually drifting over to the machine resting atop a cart tucked into the room’s corner.
“Good afternoon,” Dr. Spookins greeted as they entered the room. “And how are you feeling today?”
Sans shrugged, “about the same as usual, lots of schoolwork to keep me busy while the two tall ones are away at work every day.”
“Not too much schoolwork, I hope. I know how hard that last year for a doctorate can be.” Spookins moved their stool closer to Sans, who obligingly lifted his shirt to show his now completely opaque belly.
“nah, not too much. honestly most of this stuff is just review for me, jumping through hoops to make the school happy. the thesis i gotta write, on the other hand...”
“And how have you been feeling physically? Any extra aches or pains? Overly tired? Hungry?” Their hands glowed green as they ran them over Sans’s belly.
“a little achy i guess, starting to feel the kid’s weight.”
Spookins nodded, “Well they sure look healthy. Have you been doing those exercises?”
Sans groaned and rolled his eye lights. “yes.”
Spookins turned to Gaster, who had to fight to keep his laughter back. “Papyrus and I have been exercising with him, for moral support.”
“not to mention papyrus’s encouragement.”
“He is very enthusiastic.”
“That’s wonderful, Sans is so lucky to have two such supportive monsters in his life.”
“yeah,” Sans smiled lovingly at Gaster, “they really are the best.”
“Well! Everything looks good, the baby is healthy, you’re healthy, I take it Gaster and the much talked about Papyrus are healthy...” Sans and Gaster snorted at the joke. “So, are you two ready for your baby’s first picture?”
“Yes!” Gaster hopped out of his chair in excitement, he ended up dancing in place, unsure what to do with himself as Spookins doled out instructions.
“Alright Sans, I just need you to lay back and keep your shirt up, yes. Just like that.” They got up and pulled the machine from the corner of the room. Once it was next to the exam bed, they turned their attention to Gaster. “Go ahead and move your chair next to Sans’s head, or just stand next to him, it’s up to you. We’ll be getting things going in just a moment.” Gaster moved his chair, where he sat and squirmed in anticipation while Spookins booted up the machine.
There was a whir as the machine came to life, the wand in Spookins’s hand started glowing, it cycled through a few colors before settling on a bright cyan. Gaster took Sans’s hand and intertwined their fingers as Spookins pressed the glowing tip of the wand to Sans’s belly and angled it while staring at the screen.
“Alright, there’s the little tyke. They look so much like you!” Spookins turned the monitor to face the two skeletons while expertly keeping the wand steady.
“OH MY GOD,” Gaster whispered and held his free hand up to his teeth. On the screen was a tiny little half formed skeleton baby with a rather bulbous head. Their little hands and feet occasionally twitched as their fathers watched. “SANS, ARE YOU SEEING THIS?”
“yeah...” Sans stared at the screen, completely at a loss for words.
Spookins rotated the wand a little, changing the angle they were looking at the baby until it was head on. “Well, it’s my first skeleton so I can’t say this with complete confidence, but they look very healthy. They have all their limbs, at least.”
Gaster just nodded, so overwhelmed that tears began leaking from his orbits. Sans was craning to get a better look at the screen without jostling the wand. “so that little guy’s inside me?”
“Yes, they certainly are. Really brings it home, doesn’t it?”
“yeah… really does.”
“So what angle do you want the picture taken from? Front on? Or perhaps you’d like a profile? I believe that’s traditional for humans.” Spookins moved the wand around until the baby was in profile again.
“profile… i guess?” Sans looked over at Gaster for confirmation, but his husband had become a blubbering mess.
Spookins got the wand in just the right position, then pressed a button. That taken care of, they pulled the wand away from Sans and wiped the tip off with a sanitary wipe before tucking it back into its holster. Then they turned their attention to the machine’s screen, now angled solely towards them. “You can sit up now, I’m just sending this to the printer at the front desk so you can pick it up on your way out. You’ll also get a digital copy in the e-mail we have on file, you’ll be able to print out as many copies as you want! Isn’t technology great?”
“IT REALLY IS,” Gaster replied with a watery smile as he tried to mop up his face.
Spookins gave Gaster a blank smile as they handed a few tissues over to him. Sans decided to take pity on them, “yeah, tech is the best. thanks so much, doc.”
“You’re both quite welcome! So we don’t need this exam room for a little while, if you need a moment before heading out you’re more than welcome to. Just don’t forget to stop by the front desk on your way out.”
“sure thing, doc.”
“Thank you,” Gaster managed as Spookins left.
After taking a little time to calm down and clean up, the pair headed out to the front desk to make their next appointment and pick up the printout of the photo. It was a black and white picture on regular printer paper, but that didn’t stop it from being the most amazing picture either of them had ever seen.
“SO HOW WAS THE VISIT TODAY?” Papyrus asked with blatant excitement as he hopped out of the waiting room chair. Rather than answer, the couple simply handed over the picture with matching grins spread across their faces. Papyrus squealed in delight as he accepted then stared at the very first picture of his little nibling.
Alternate title: In which Sans has a terrible revelation (and the author makes another terrible meta joke).
So at this point the baby is 10 weeks along, which is a bit early for getting the first picture but they're just so excited! Next chapter is going to be so much fun, what do excited first time parents do the moment they have their baby's first picture? Just be glad you don't follow these guys on Facebook! XD
Chapter 14: In which a file cabinet gets suplexed multiple times
“GOOD MORNING, UNDYNE!” Papyrus happily greeted as he entered the teacher’s lounge.
“‘Morning!” Undyne replied, before she had a chance to say anything else Papyrus was already bounding up to her and waving his arms in excitement.
“AS YOU MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW SANS HAD ANOTHER DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT YESTERDAY AFTERNOON. A VERY SPECIAL APPOINTMENT!”
“Oh yeah? What was so special about it?” Undyne asked with a huge grin.
Papyrus shoved a glossy photograph at Undyne, which she grabbed eagerly. “BABY’S FIRST PICTURE!”
“Oh my god! Look how round and tiny they are!” Undyne yelled as she looked down at the photo.
“YES, THEY CERTAINLY SEEM TO TAKE AFTER SANS. BUT! LOOK AT THEIR TEENY! TINY! LITTLE! HANDS!”
“Their hands are so tiny! NGAHHH!” Undyne grabbed the nearest object, a half empty filing cabinet, and suplexed it.
“Whoa! What’s going on? Who pissed off Undyne?”
“STEVE!” Papyrus chided the human who was hovering at the door to the teacher’s lounge. “YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, THIS IS A SCHOOL AND THERE COULD BE CHILDREN HERE AT ANY MOMENT IN THE DAY! ESPECIALLY MY GOOD FRIEND AND NIBLING FRISK!”
“Yeah, Steve! You shouldn’t say naughty words in front of children!”
Steve looked down at the dented, upside down filing cabinet, then back up at the two stern faced monsters. After a moment he shrugged and said, “Yeah, sorry about that,” before taking a sip from the coffee mug he was holding. “So, what happened?” He still seemed a bit wary about actually entering the room.
“MY NEW NIBLING’S FIRST PHOTO!” Papyrus happily bounded over to Steve and held out a photograph to him. Undyne waved her own copy at him.
“Oh wow! That must be so exciting.” Steve took the photo. “Holy cow, this sonogram is so clear, some new technological advances from your girlfriend?” Steve directed the question to Undyne, who looked at Steve strangely.
“WHAT’S A SONOGRAM?” Papyrus tilted his head in confusion.
“It’s uh… it’s how you take pictures of a baby before they’re born since you can’t see through uh...” Steve eyed Papyrus’s bare spine, “… flesh.”
“SANS DID MENTION THAT DR. SPOOKINS HAD TO USE A SPECIAL MACHINE TO TAKE THE PICTURE.”
“Yeah,” Steve said with relief, “that sounds about right. Anyway, the kid’s real cute! Tell your brother congrats for me.”
“I MOST CERTAINLY WILL. AND WHILE I WOULD LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN TO STAY AND CHAT WITH YOU BOTH AND WITH ANY OTHER TEACHERS WHO MAY STOP BY BEFORE THE SCHOOL DAY STARTS, I MUST GO FIND MISS TORIEL AND MAKE SURE SHE GETS ONE OF THESE PHOTOGRAPHS!”
“Yeah! I bet she and Frisk will be stoked to see your nibling’s first photo, you gotta make sure they get one before you run out!”
“NOT TO WORRY, UNDYNE, WE PRINTED OUT MORE THAN ENOUGH COPIES TO SHARE WITH EVERYONE. AND YOU SHOULD PERHAPS CONTACT DR. ALPHYS AS WELL, I’M SURE ASTER HAS GIVEN HER A COPY BY NOW AS WELL.”
“Alright, I’ll do that, see you at the gym!” Undyne waved as Papyrus left the room, then threw a friendly arm over Steve’s shoulders as he cautiously entered. “Isn’t this exciting? I never imagined Sans would ever have a kid, but just look at the little babybones!”
Steve looked down at the photo. “I don’t really know Sans, so I can’t say anything about him being a parent, but the baby really is something else. Just look at those tiny little feet!”
“Yeah! They’re so tiny I just… JUST GOTTA PUNCH SOMETHING!” Steve quickly stepped out of range as Undyne picked the filing cabinet back up and suplexed it upright.
Meanwhile, Papyrus found Toriel sitting in her office with paperwork spread out over her desk. “GOOD MORNING, MISS TORIEL.”
“Papyrus!” Toriel greeted with a smile, “good morning. How are you today?”
“I’M VERY EXCITED! BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING WONDERFUL TO SHARE WITH YOU!”
“Oh, does this have anything to do with Sans’s very special doctor’s appointment yesterday?”
“YES INDEED, THOUGH I SUSPECT MY BROTHER MAY HAVE ALREADY SENT YOU A DIGITAL COPY.”
Toriel giggled, “Gaster was far too excited to wait yesterday, he sent me a digital copy while waiting for the photos to print.”
“WELL THAT IS NO MATTER BECAUSE EVEN IF YOU HAVE ALREADY SEEN THE PICTURE IT IS STILL NICE TO HAVE A PHYSICAL COPY TO KEEP FOR YOURSELF AND SHOW ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!” Papyrus held out a photo to Toriel, which she graciously accepted.
“Thank you, Papyrus.” Toriel gently smiled down at the photo. “How wonderful the advancements in technology are, we could only dream of such clear images when I was expecting Asriel.”
“YES, TECHNOLOGY TRULY IS AMAZING! AND SPEAKING OF ASRIEL, ARE HE AND FRISK OUT ON THE PLAYGROUND?”
“That is where they told me they will be until class starts. I am sure Frisk is looking forward to having a photo of their little sibling to show around.”
“THANK YOU, MISS TORIEL. I SHALL GO GIVE THEM A COPY RIGHT THIS MOMENT.” Papyrus waved before leaving the office.
Out on the playground Asriel, Frisk, and M.K. were playing jump rope, but they stopped the moment they spotted the tall skeleton and immediately ran over to shower him in hugs. “Papyrus!” Asriel beamed as Papyrus knelt down to gather the children into his arms.
“Yoooooooo! Papyrus hugs are the coolest!”
“YES, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS AN EXPERT AT GIVING HUGS OF EVERY VARIETY, EVEN GROUP HUGS.”
After a moment Frisk pulled back from the hug and tugged on Papyrus’s shirt to get his attention, then asked: “Do you have it?”
“YES, OF COURSE! I WOULD BE A TERRIBLE UNCLE IF I DID NOT BRING YOU A COPY OF YOUR LITTLE SIBLING’S FIRST PHOTO.” Papyrus proudly handed the photo over which Frisk just as happily accepted. They stared down at it in wonder as Asriel and M.K. looked at it over their shoulder.
“They look so weird,” M.K. said after a bit.
“OF COURSE THEY LOOK WEIRD, THEY AREN’T READY TO BE BORN YET. RIGHT NOW SANS’S MAGIC IS THE ONLY THING HOLDING THEIR BONES TOGETHER. BUT THEY WILL LOOK MORE LIKE A PROPER BABYBONES THE NEXT TIME THEIR PICTURE IS TAKEN, AND EVEN MORE THE NEXT.”
“Well I think they look cute!” Frisk said defensively.
“I dunno, looks pretty weird to me.” Asriel leaned over Frisk’s shoulder, “But weird in a cool way.”
M.K. nodded, “Yeah, weird in a cool way.”
“REST ASSURED, YOUR LITTLE SIBLING WILL BE ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE BY THE TIME THEY ARE BORN.”
Frisked grinned up at Papyrus and gave him a thumbs up.
When Asgore had told Alphys stories about the previous Royal Scientist he had described someone dignified, calm, and poised. But Gaster in the figurative flesh was something else entirely. Today, for instance, he skipped into the lab with a huge grin spread across his face, she could really see the similarities between him and Papyrus during moments like these. She smiled as she waved at him. Rather than respond, Gaster simply bounded up to her and held out a photo before even saying good morning. “Alphys! Good morning.”
“Good morning, Gaster.” She took the offered photo and looked down at it. “Still excited about the baby, I see.”
“Of course! Who would not be excited about their own baby? But do not they have the cutest little feet?”
“The very cutest!” Alphys agreed.
“Oh! And this copy is for Mettaton.” Gaster held out another photo. “Since you are more likely to see him than I am I had hoped you would give it to him.”
Alphys nodded as she accepted it, “I’ll b-be sure he gets it.”
Gaster’s head whipped around, he had just spotted one of the lab assistants coming through the door. His grin widened as he bounded happily over to them, another photo already in his hand.
Sans typed a few last words, then clicked the attachments button on his email client. He was very careful to systematically name all his files, then double and triple check that he was sending the correct assignment to the correct teacher, after a few mishaps during the first few weeks he was always careful. While on the triple check his eyes drifted over to the side of the box, where the most recently opened folders were on display for easy access. The one at the very top of the list specifically. It would be so easy to just drop that file in with his assignment, but should he?
Sans shrugged, then opened the folder and quickly added the lone picture in it to the email before sending it off. A moment’s thought later and he was putting together a mass email to all of his teachers, his adviser, and all the classmates he had managed to get in contact with. The grin across his face widened gleefully as he hit the send button, and stayed in place even as he stood up and stretched before ambling to the kitchen for a much deserved lunch.
Chapter 15: In which the brothers take a trip to the mall during prime skeleton season
This is it. This is the chapter that had me start writing this. I had a vague idea for a while, but then I had the idea for this scenario and it's what the rest of the fic formed around and... well... I love it. It's perfect! And since it happens to be going on the same week as my birthday (I did not plan this I swear) I decided that as a birthday present to myself y'all get an extra chapter this week. Horray! *throws confetti*
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The unmistakable scent of pumpkin spice hit the skeleton brothers right upside their nasal cavities as they entered the local mall. Pumpkins, spiders, bats, and ghosts were up in every display window, along with an embarrassing amount of fake skeletons: all completely naked. They passed by an employee spreading fake cobwebs over a child sized plastic skeleton hanging off the end of a rack of clothing sitting just outside the wide entrance into the store. The employee looked up just as the three skeletons were passing by, all four stopped and stared at each other. To Sans’s amusement the employee’s face started turning an interesting shade of red before they looked down at the fake skeleton in horror. Sans couldn’t help the snort that escaped his nasal cavity, followed by a similar snort from Gaster. Papyrus rolled his eye sockets before guiding them away from the poor, embarrassed employee.
“REALLY YOU TWO, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR BROTHERLY BONDING TIME SPENT AWAY FROM THE HOUSE, NOT TO TORMENT HUMANS FOR THEIR STRANGE HOLIDAY RITUALS.”
“IT IS A RATHER RIDICULOUS TRADITION, THOUGH.”
“ASTER, WE ARE IN PUBLIC!”
Gaster sighed, “Yes, yes, I know. My apologies.”
“hey, check it out.” Sans had stopped a couple paces behind the other two and was currently pointing at one of the stores, his pupils likewise trained on a rack of clothing just inside the store’s entrance. It was a maternity store, and the clothing displayed front and center was a selection of seasonal print shirts, including shirts with little baby skeletons on the front. Sans sauntered over to the display and started looking them over.
Papyrus sighed, “OF COURSE THE BABY SKELETONS ARE NAKED TOO.”
“well, the baby is naked right now, you think they got clothes in there?” Sans motioned to his middle.
To help prove Sans’s point Gaster had pulled out his phone and held it up, his new lock screen on full display. “They are quite naked in the photo you were happily handing around when we first received it.”
“FINE, YOU BOTH HAVE A POINT AND I SUPPOSE IT MAKES SOME KIND OF SENSE HERE.” Papyrus huffed and crossed his arms in annoyance, he always hated admitting when they were both right because they always teased him about it.
“Good afternoon,” and employee greeted as she walked up to them. “Can I help you find anything today?”
“yeah, i wanna try on these shirts.” Sans already had a couple he thought would fit in hand, and was rifling through the options. “oh! this one’s even the right color.” The baby skeletons on the shirts each had little brightly colored upside down souls offset in their rib cages, the particular shirt he held up had a cyan soul.
“We can certainly set up a fitting room for you,” the employee said with a bright smile.
“Sans, you must come look at these!” Gaster had wandered further into the store and was waving from a section near one of the walls. Sans, Papyrus, and the employee all went over to see what he had found. Gaster was holding up a tiny, black onesie with white bones printed on it.
“oh my god!” Sans said with glee as he took the onesie from Gaster.
“OH MY GOD,” Papyrus groaned with a sigh.
“I am not sure about the sizing,” Gaster murmured as he rifled through the clothing for 3 month olds. “These are all sized for human babies, are they not?”
“we could just buy a few in each size, anything too big they’ll just grow into anyway.”
“YOU’RE NOT EVEN DUE UNTIL NEXT JULY.”
“yeah, but these are seasonal, we won’t be able to buy them later.”
“Oh!” The employee said in surprise. “Is one of you expecting?”
All thee skeletons looked at her in confusion before Gaster and Papyrus both pointed at Sans, who just grinned and put a hand to his belly. “yup, got a little babybones on the way.”
Gaster pulled out his wallet and from there pulled out the photo of the baby to show to the employee. “Are they not adorable?”
“Oh my goodness!” The employee cooed as she looked at the picture. “This ultrasound is so clear, I could count its ribs!”
“Not an ultrasound,” Gaster corrected. “A photo that has been magically filtered-”
Gaster looked up to see Sans holding several pairs of tiny socks in bright colors, behind him Papyrus was holding all the things Sans had already picked out, including the shirts he still hadn’t tried on yet.
“How about I set up that fitting room for you now, then you can try on those shirts.”
“oh, right.” Sans shoved the tiny socks at Papyrus before grabbing the shirts and following the employee to the fitting room.
“WHERE ARE WE GOING TO PUT ALL THIS? WE HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED RENOVATING SANS’S OLD ROOM YET. AND THESE SOCKS ARE NOT EVEN SEASONAL.”
“Perhaps we should put back all the non-seasonal items,” Gaster admitted as he started rifling through the socks Sans had picked out. “But look at these socks, they have little red human souls on them!”
“OH! FRISK WOULD LOVE THOSE, THEIR SOUL IS RED!” The red soul socks were added to the keep pile. By the time Sans came back from the fitting room they had finished putting back all the non-seasonal items only to add others covered in skulls and bones.
“good news and bad news: they have the shirts in my size. but they’re all meant for people with big ol’ baby bumps so they’re all loose around the middle.” There was a sound of disappointment from Gaster and a sound of relief from Papyrus. “i’m getting them anyway, gonna start showing soon anyway.” Papyrus just groaned.
“Are you ready to check out or did you want to look around a little more?”
“i think we’re good.”
It was a couple weeks later and Papyrus had mostly forgotten the Halloween shirts hidden away in the back of Sans’s closet, patiently waiting for when the baby was big enough to fill them out. So when Sans received a package one afternoon Papyrus did not expect Sans to pull out regular sized T-shirts with cartoony baby skeletons on them and… oh good grief! Puns!
“SANS! WHAT IN THE WORLD? WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THOSE?!”
“the internet. there are all kinds of websites that will custom print T-shirts for you, and a few even have artists that can draw stuff you can’t draw yourself.”
“isn’t it great?” Sans held up a shirt that had “babybones” blazoned across the top in cyan and in the same goofy font that the online troll that used to besiege Papyrus’s online persona had used. Papyrus squinted his eye sockets at his brother. “and this time the souls are the right orientation and color, see?” He held up a shirt that had an adult sized rib cage above the baby skeleton, both had white souls in the center of their rib cages.
Papyrus sighed, “IT IS NICE THAT THE SOULS ARE ACCURATE.”
“and this one was an experiment, but i rather like how it came out.” Sans held up a cyan shirt with black outlines around the white bones printed on it. The colors were very striking. “got it in cobalt too!” Sans held up a darker blue shirt and waved it at Papyrus.
“I DO HOPE YOU WILL AT LEAST LET ME LAUNDER THOSE BEFORE YOU START WEARING THEM, THERE’S NO KNOWING WHAT HUMANS DO WITH THEIR CLOTHING WHEN THEY MAKE THEM.”
Too late, Sans was already pulling the cobalt shirt over the one he had been wearing when the package arrived.
I know the whole "upside down soul" thing is silly and doesn't fit canon, but I adore cultural misunderstandings like that and I'm not giving it up!
Chapter 16: In which the latest Action Movie (TM) is discussed
Sans yawned as he, Gaster, Alphys, and Undyne left the movie theater. Not that he had fallen asleep, the movie had been interesting enough to keep him awake through the whole thing, but after sitting still in a dark place for so long he felt cheated out of a perfectly good nap.
“Well, that was a rather exciting movie,” Gaster commented as they headed over to Alphys’s car, or rather her large van.
“Yeah!” Undyne agreed energetically. “There were so many explosions and all that ass kicking! This movie rocked!”
“I’m g-glad they didn’t try to explain away magic as just super advanced mundane technology,” Alphys added.
“Not that they seem to have a firm grasp on how magic works,” Gaster commented bitterly.
“hey, it was human magic. no one’s seen human magic in centuries, that could be how it works.”
“Please!” Gaster exclaimed with a roll of his eye sockets. “Human magic can’t be that different from monster magic, they both have to work on the same basic principals.” They had reached the van and were piling in.
“you would be the grand master scholar of all things magical,” Sans teased as Gaster helped him up.
“I have a PHD in theoretical metaphysics, I think I would know the basics at least.”
“I don’t have a fancy degree, and even I know magical electricity doesn’t just zap across a room like that.” Undyne scoffed as she buckled her seat belt, her position of ‘shotgun’ left undisputed.
“We still going to Muffet’s?” Alphys asked as she started the car and shifted into gear. Everyone murmured their agreement before going back to their discussion.
“i just can’t get over that slowmo shot of that guy jumping from a construction crane to the skyscraper next door.” Sans chuckled softly with a shake of his head, “all known laws of physics say he shouldn’t have been able to jump even half that far.”
“Aw, man!” Undyne groused. “And that was my favorite part, aside from the explosions! But how can you be so sure he couldn’t make it, I could’ve made it.”
“because you can do magic,” Sans held up his phone with a picture of a dark, muscular human running against a blurred background. “this is usain bolt, the human with the fastest running record at 44km/h. guy mcactionman would have to have been running at at least 76km/h to make that jump.”
“And it is not as if we saw any magical or mechanical assistance in the movie,” Gaster added. “Even if he drank a sea tea I doubt he would be as fast as the human speed record holder, let alone nearly twice that.”
“Don’t tall buildings like that have updrafts and stuff?” Undyne asked skeptically.
The conversation carried on that way, Alphys mostly just listening to the other three argue back and forth over the movie until they were safely parked. Soon they were all comfortably seated at a little table, each with a cup of tea or cider in front of them and in the center of the table a plate of pastries to share.
“but if you incorporate quantum tunneling you’ll not only reduce the space and materials you need, you’ll also reduce the energy loss,” Sans insisted.
“You think the answer to everything is quantum tunneling,” Alphys shot back with a roll of her eyes. “The space and energy saved would be negligible, it’s only a few centimeters at most. In fact, any space saved would be taken up and then some by the devices needed to transfer the energy.”
“What you need is a stronger power source, have you looked into the human invention of nuclear fission?” Gaster asked as he pulled out a pen and looked ready to start jotting down notes on a napkin.
“The amount of shielding he would need would be absolutely ridiculous!”
“you know, you can use quantum tunneling for more than just power transfer. it is the backbone of dimensional technology, as much space as you need in there for no actual space. plus since his insides would technically be outside of our space time continuum you would need very little shielding, if any at all.”
“It’s always quantum tunneling with you, Sans!” Alphys laughed.
“hey, i’m a quantum physicist, it’s what i do. and you weren’t complaining when i was applying it to the core’s energy transference.”
“I wasn’t even there when you were working on that! Besides, I know for a fact we didn’t have the raw materials needed to string power lines all across the entire Underground.”
“And upkeep would have been a nightmare,” Gaster agreed.
“WE’RE ENGAGED!” Undyne blurted out, causing the other three to fall into silence. Alphys blushed such a dark shade of red Sans was surprised her nose didn’t start bleeding, while Undyne leaned back and looked rather proud of herself. “Well? Aren’t you going to congratulate us?”
“Congratulations!” Gaster said with a grin.
“yeah, congrats,” Sans added before shooting Gaster a sly grin. “toldya it was gonna be sooner rather than later.”
“I never disagreed,” Gaster replied.
“Oh g-gosh! We were going to tell you together but I guess I got a l-little side tracked...”
“so who popped the question?”
“I asked her, of course!” Undyne declared with a wide grin. Alphys just smiled and nodded from her seat. “We were watching Mew Mew Kissy Cutie Live: Special Act, and at one point there’s this proposal, and it’s the lamest proposal ever! Donovan just shoved a ring into Mew Mew’s hand and then walks away to stare moodily at the ocean. I was like ‘What is this shit? That was so lame!’ And Alphys said… you wanna tell them what you said?” Undyne grinned at Alphys.
“I-I said ‘That really is so lame! H-he could have at least said a umm… a single word. Or something’.”
“Yeah! That proposal had no passion! I could pull a better proposal outta my ass! So I did! I turned to Alphys, took her hands, and asked her to marry me right then and there. PASSIONATELY!” Undyne waved a fist around to prove her point.
“I w-wasn’t sure if she was really asking or not, but I said yes anyway. Because! I wanted to!” Alphys eagerly leaned towards the other couple as she recounted her half of the tale.
“I wasn’t sure if she meant it at first either, but I’m so happy! WE’RE GONNA SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER AND IT’S GOING TO ROCK!”
“Congratulations!” Muffet called from behind the counter. Everyone turned to see her smiling indulgently at them as she leaned on one set of arms. The rest of the customers were staring at them with faces that ranged from confused to happy to one human who was crankily frowning at them over his cup.
“Thanks!” Undyne grinned at Muffet and gave her a thumbs up.
“So, have you set a date yet?” Gaster asked as he linked hands with Sans.
“Not quite yet,” Undyne admitted. “We know we want a spring wedding, but we’re still working out the details.”
“I’m thinking April,” Alphys added. “If we c-can find a venue with cherry trees that’d be just… just the best!”
Big thanks to my hubby for “theoretical metaphysics” as a fancy, scientific sounding way of saying “study of magic”! Also how many curse words are allowable in a teen rated fic? Because we know Undyne’s willing to cuss when there aren’t children around…
Bonus points if you can guess which anime proposal Undyne and Alphys are actually talking about. Fufufu!
“SANS, I’M HOME! AND I’VE BROUGHT A VERY SPECIAL GUEST WITH ME!”
Frisk darted past Papyrus and into the living room, where Sans was just closing his laptop and setting aside several hefty text books. “well hey there, kiddo!” Sans opened his arms for a hug as Frisk dropped their backpack next to the coffee table and hopped up next to Sans on the couch. They went straight for his shirt, lifting it up to press their face against the gentle swell of his belly. Sans laughed and patted Frisk on the head. “guess the little sib gets their hellos first. just remember, no flirting until after they’re born at least!”
“HOW WAS YOUR DAY? DID YOU GET A LOT DONE?” Papyrus asked as he joined them on the couch.
“yup, just sent off all the homework due for monday as well as my part of the group project. got nothing else to worry about for the whole weekend. how about you two? have a good day at school?”
“YES! WE PLAYED DODGEBALL FOR GYM CLASS TODAY. FRISK DID EXCELLENTLY, THEY DODGED EVERY SINGLE BALL.”
“didja now?” Sans looked down at Frisk, who finally pulled away from his belly to look up at him.
“Yeah I did!” They grinned as they signed.
“good job.” Sans ruffled Frisk’s hair.
“We also really lucked out, no homework this weekend.”
“that really is lucky! guess the teacher knew it was daddy weekend and didn’t want to spoil it.” Sans winked at Frisk, who giggled in response. “so, ya hungry buddy? dinner won’t be ready for a while but we got all kinds of snacks in the house.” Sans started to get up.
“NO, YOU STAY THERE, I’LL GET THE SNACKS. AND ALSO SEE ABOUT GETTING DINNER STARTED.” Papyrus gently pushed Sans to sit back down.
“aw, bro… you were at work all day, you don’t gotta do that.”
“NONSENSE, YOU ONLY GET TO SPEND EVERY OTHER WEEKEND WITH FRISK WHILE I GET TO SEE THEM PRACTICALLY EVERY SINGLE DAY. YOU TWO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER, I WILL RETURN SHORTLY WITH THE SNACKS.”
When Papyrus returned with a plate of various vegetables in stick form covered in peanut butter, Sans and Frisk were already deep in discussion. “our house is just bigger, it makes more sense to have Christmas morning here. And just look at our tree.” They paused to look at the tree set up in all its glittering glory, literally. Papyrus has sprinkled a heaping helping of MTT brand Gyftmas glitter on the tree despite Gyftmas being a completely different season.
“It is a really nice tree,” Frisk commented.
“AND THEN WE ARE HAVING CHRISTMAS DINNER OVER AT ALPHYS AND UNDYNE’S HOUSE, CORRECT?”
“yup, it’s gonna be a blast.”
Frisk giggled, “Hopefully they don’t burn the house down again.”
“nah, alph told me about all the safety measures she put in to make sure that doesn’t happen. she’s got this whole set up, a fire suppressant system she called it.”
“THAT’S GOOD NEWS, GETTING A REPLACEMENT HOME ON THE SURFACE IS SURPRISINGLY MORE WORK THAN IT EVER WAS UNDERGROUND.”
“that’s because we never bothered with all the red tape like zoning or insurance back underground.”
“AND I’VE YET TO SEE A SINGLE PRECARIOUS BRIDGE OR SPIKE PUZZLE.”
“not to mention just how far away everything is.” Sans winked at Frisk.
“Yeah,” Frisk giggled, “the Surface is soooooooo inconvenient.”
“I’M GLAD YOU AGREE.”
“so, you got presents for everyone?”
Frisk thought it over for a moment, “Not quite yet.”
“eh, you still got time. if none of the presents are for us we can take you to go shopping tomorrow.”
Frisk nodded eagerly, “That would be perfect!”
The trio talked a little more, they planned out their shopping trip, talked about what Asriel planned for his weekend with Asgore, about what Frisk had learned at school that day, and then Papyrus got up to go start on dinner while Sans and Frisk watched some TV together.
“I’M HOME,” Gaster called as he walked in the door.
“hey dings, look who made it home safely.”
“Hello Frisk, hello Sans.” Gaster waved at Frisk as he walked past them to lean down and kiss Sans. “Is Papyrus home too?”
“he’s in the kitchen working on dinner.”
“I had best go help him.”
Frisk gave Gaster a parting thumbs up before cuddling closer to Sans. A few moments later Gaster hurried out of the kitchen and stood staring back into it. “Never mind, it seems my assistance is unnecessary.”
“oh, must be having spaghetti tonight. that sure takes me back.”
Gaster settled down on the other side of Sans and put an arm over his husband’s shoulder. “So, how was your day?”
“same old, same old. how about yours? any interesting scientific breakthroughs?”
“Well, Alphys did seem interested in some of your ideas for Mettaton’s power-”
Frisk shushed Gaster, then pointed at the television screen.
“Ah, my apologies. I can tell you over dinner.” Gaster settled back into the couch and leaned so his head lay against Sans’s. Silence reigned as they continued to watch whatever Frisk chose, they had the ultimate power of the remote control after all.
“ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE! DINNER’S READY,” Papyrus called from the entrance to the kitchen. Frisk hopped up and ran in while Gaster pulled Sans up from the couch. The pair entered the kitchen to find Papyrus helping Frisk into their seat and the table already set with plates full of steaming, sauce covered noodles.
“mmm… smells good.”
“THANK YOU, SANS! I HAVE EMPLOYED SEVERAL TECHNIQUES ADVISED TO ME BY A COWORKER. YOU REMEMBER ALEX, RIGHT?”
“We met them at that staff party near the beginning of the year. The new music teacher?” Gaster asked as everyone sat down.
“i liked them, nice sense of humor.”
“IF BY SENSE OF HUMOR YOU MEAN THEY GOT ALL OF YOUR MUSIC BASED PUNS, THEN YES, THAT’S THEM. THEY HAD SOME EXCELLENT ADVICE FOR PREPARING PASTA DISHES AND IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I MADE SPAGHETTI. AND SINCE WE HAVE FRISK THIS WEEKEND I THOUGHT IT THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY. A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE, IF YOU WILL.”
“It really does bring back memories,” Frisk grinned at Papyrus, who grinned right back.
Papyrus’s hands fluttered in anticipation while he waited for the others to take their first bites. “WELL… HOW IS IT?”
There were general hums of approval from around the table and a thumbs up from Frisk.
There wasn't enough Frisk in this fic, so now I have an excuse to have more Frisk interacting with their unborn sibling!
Chapter 18: In which Sans watches day time TV and Gaster collaborates with Alphys
Big thank you to Skerb for all her help with this chapter. The basic outline was all her.
Sans kicked his slippered feet up onto the coffee table and settled deeper into the couch. Papyrus wasn’t home to nag him about how unsanitary it was, or to complain about the flavor dust and chip crumbs littered over his housecoat and falling between the couch cushions. The kid was squirming around a lot, but they always seemed to do that when he ate human food. Not like he had much choice, you couldn’t just bake snack foods. Or well, Sans could but it didn’t seem worth the effort when he already had magic flesh summoned either way. He gently ran a hand over his belly before turning his attention back to the TV.
“the answer’s pluto, everyone knows that, watch this dingbat mess it up anyway.” He shoved another chip in his mouth as he waited for the contestant to give his answer. “knew it, this guy can’t even tell the difference between a giant, flaming ball of nuclear fire and a big, round rock, let alone the difference between a planet and a dwarf planet.” He ate a few more chips. “ceres was a good guess from her though, she knows her space history.”
Sans winced and put his hand back on his belly, the kid’s squirming was really getting out of control, he started rubbing soothing circles on it. Maybe baking all his snacks before eating them would be worth it if the kid kept this up. “you really don’t like human food do ya? can’t blame ya, the taste is way more intense but the effort to digest it is ugh… just not worth it most of the time.” He ate a few more chips. “and now they’re doing history. i have no idea what half the stuff they talk about even is, but watch these guys who grew up being taught this stuff still somehow know just as little as me.” Sans chuckled to himself and ate a few more chips. He absently kept his other hand on his belly as he finished off the bag and continued to ‘critique’ the contestants of the game show.
Sans’s pupils went dark, he pushed himself into a slightly more upright position and brought his other hand to his belly as he looked down at it. After a moment his pupils burst back into existence and he scrambled to dig his phone out of the housecoat’s pocket. The phone tumbled from between his fingers and he had to dig it out from between the couch cushions, then wipe chip crumbs off it before he could type out a message and send it off.
“If we use that waterproofing spell it’ll interfere with conductivity so long as we’re using magic electricity rather than a mundane power source.”
Gaster hummed in agreement, “So either we need to find a way to simply use the waterproofing spell on otherwise mundane phones or find better materials to make phones utilizing magical power sources.”
“Not to mention getting any kind of signal in the middle of the ocean is nigh impossible, let alone under it.” Alphys sighed. “Th-this was so much easier Underground. Since the signals were all generated down there and they couldn’t get past the b-barrier that kind of distance wasn’t an issue.”
“But getting it through the walls between areas, especially one as convoluted and sectioned off as Waterfall, was an awful issue back when… well. Before the uh…”
“When you were Royal Scientist,” Alphys supplied.
“Yes, it still feels strange to talk about. Anyway, how did you solve that problem?”
“Sans helped with that, actually. It was something we worked on before… uh… well b-before the Amalgamate issue happened.”
“Yes!” Alphys agreed eagerly. “Dimensional technology was extremely useful for getting power from the Core all the way across the Underground without wasting a bunch of resources on cables was brilliant of you two. Sans and I just adjusted all the relays you two had set up to also transfer cell signals.”
“A task in and of itself, there are many relays all over the…” Gaster trailed off as his pocket buzzed. He pulled his phone out and looked at the screen. “I am sorry, I need to go.”
“Is s-s-something wrong?” Before Alphys could even finish her question Gaster had already vanished into thin air. “Huh, first time I’ve actually seen one of them do that.”
Gaster appeared in the living room to find Sans settled comfortably on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, watching TV. “SANS! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WHY’D YOU SEND ME THAT OMINOUS TEXT?”
“dings, c’mere! you won’t believe what this moron just said.” Without looking up Sans held a hand towards Gaster and flapped it at him.
“SANS, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF WORK. ALPHYS AND I WERE HAVING A VERY SERIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT MAKING CELL PHONES FOR AQUATIC MONSTERS.” Gaster’s phone buzzed, likely Alphys asking him to let her know what was going on.
“c’mon, sit with me a minute?” Sans looked up at Gaster with pleading eye sockets. Gaster grumbled but sat down next to Sans anyway. “so ‘the final frontier’ is all about space related questions, and not a single one of these yahoos has managed to get a single question right.”
“THIS IS NOT A PRODUCTIVE USE OF MY TIME,” Gaster groused. “JUST BECAUSE CLASSES DON’T START UP UNTIL MONDAY IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO JUST DRAG ME AWAY FROM WORK.”
Sans took Gaster’s hand and pressed it to his belly. Gaster stopped scolding, but kept a scowl on his face. Until he felt it.
Gaster gasped, then turned a pulled a leg up onto the couch so he was sitting sideways. He put both hands to Sans’s belly. “OHMYGOD!”
“this a productive use of your time now?” Sans snickered.
Gaster pressed his face to his husband’s belly in delight. “THEY KICKED! OH MY GOD, SANS! THEY’RE KICKING! MY FACE!” He giggled in delight.
“then get your face outta there, ya dingus!” Sans laughed, causing Gaster’s face to bounce a little and the baby to kick again.
“THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” Gaster nuzzled Sans’s belly before moving up to nuzzle Sans’s face. Sans happily put his arms around Gaster’s neck and let little bits of magic spark wherever bone met bone. “I LOVE YOU.”
“i love you too.”
Chapter 19: In which Sans and Gaster have a serious discussion about dogs and pasta
“I’M HOME,” Gaster called as he walked through the front door. He was already shrugging off his soggy coat and was about to take off his muddy shoes when a muffled noise from upstairs caught his attention. Was that the sound of someone crying? “SANS? PAPYRUS?” Where were they? Papyrus should have gotten home a while ago, and Sans had no obligations outside the house. The noise came again, a little louder this time. That was definitely someone crying.
Gaster ran up the stairs and into the bedroom he shared with Sans to find said skeleton sitting on the bed with a box of tissues in his lap. He needed the tissues too, his face was a mess of streaming tears and snot. Sans looked up when Gaster burst into their room, then tried to hide his face in his hands.
“SANS, WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU HURT? IS THE BABY OKAY? WHERE’S PAPYRUS?” Gaster kneeled in front of Sans and gently cradled his crying husband’s face.
“i’m fuh… fine. paps is at the suh-store.” Sans sucked in a breath and tried to say more only to break down into helpless sobs.
Gaster was relieved to hear that Papyrus was alright, but he didn’t believe Sans was fine. Very gently he tried again, “SANS, WHAT’S WRONG? WHY ARE YOU CRYING?”
“it’s stu-u-upid,” Sans stuttered out as he fought sobs.
“IT’S NOT STUPID. YOU’RE CRYING FOR A REASON, AND IF IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU CRY IT’S NOT STUPID.”
“it is stupid,” Sans insisted with a sniffle. He snatched a few tissues and buried his face in them as he continued to sob.
Gaster moved so he was sitting next to Sans on the bed and put an arm around his shoulders, then pulled Sans to lean against him. He gently murmured quiet reassurances and pressed gentle kisses to Sans’s skull until he calmed down a little. “FEELING A LITTLE BETTER?”
“WILL YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED NOW?”
“it’s so stupid.” Sans sniffled, then blew his nasal cavity into the mass of tissues in his hands.
Gaster got up and grabbed the little trash can he kept near their desk. He set the trash can down next to Sans, then sat back down and pulled Sans close again. “IT’S NOT STUPID, WHATEVER HAPPENED. AND IF YOU DON’T TELL ME I’M JUST GOING TO WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU DO TELL ME.”
Sans sighed, “paps wants to make lasagna.”
“OH… KAY????” Gaster asked, completely confused.
“see? it’s stupid.”
“DO YOU NOT LIKE LASAGNA?”
“no, paps makes pretty good lasagna. even back when he was in ‘training’ with undyne he made pretty good lasagna. well, when we got any anyway.” Sans sighed again, then mopped up his face a bit before continuing. “back when we lived in snowdin there was this little dog that lived with us. great guy, always pestering papyrus, we hung out a lot, we were buddiiiieeeeees...” Sans trailed off as fresh tears started leaking from his orbits, he buried his face back into the handful of tissues.
Gaster gently ran a hand up and down Sans’s spine as he waited for him to continue his story.
“paps stopped trying to make lasagna because the little guy always got to it before us.” The sentence was muffled by the tissues, but Gaster still managed to make out the garbled words.
“AND PAPYRUS DECIDING TO MAKE LASAGNA TONIGHT REMINDED YOU OF YOUR FRIEND?”
“ye… yeah.” Sans looked up at Gaster, talking about his feelings seemed to have finally calmed him down. Then Sans burst back into tears and fell face first into Gaster’s shirt, which he clung to like a lifeline. “i haven’t seen the little guy since the barrier broke!”
Gaster held Sans close as the smaller skeleton continued to sob. “OH, THAT’S JUST AWFUL.”
“r-really?” Sans peaked up at Gaster.
“YES, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE FRIENDS WITH THIS DOG, AND YOU MISS THEM. THAT’S NOT STUPID AT ALL.”
“yeah… i guess it’s not so stupid.”
“WHAT THE?! WHO TRACKED MUD INTO THE HOUSE?!” Sans and Gaster both laughed at Papyrus’s angry outburst.
“sounds like paps is back from the store.”
“OOPS, GUESS I’M IN THE DOG HOUSE TONIGHT.” Sans snorted at the joke, which unfortunately left a mess of snot on Gaster’s shirt.
Papyrus angrily stomped into their room, “ASTER, SANS, WHICH ONE OF YOU… OH.” Papyrus’s face softened when he saw Sans curled into Gaster’s side and ineffectively trying to wipe up the tears still streaming down his face. “SANS? ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT’S GOING ON?”
“SORRY ABOUT THE MUD, PAPYRUS.” Gaster toed off his shoes and leaned down to pick them up. “I’LL CLEAN IT UP IN A MINUTE, BUT COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND PUT THESE BY THE FRONT DOOR?”
Papyrus gingerly took the shoes, “SURE, ASTER. I’LL JUST… BE DOWNSTAIRS… MAKING DINNER.” He retreated from the room, gently closing the door behind him.
“FEELING BETTER NOW?” Gaster asked once Papyrus was gone.
“yeah, i’m feeling better.” Sans grabbed a few more tissues wiped up the last of the tears.
“WANT ME TO STAY HERE A LITTLE LONGER BEFORE I GO CLEAN UP MY MESS?”
“yeah, i’d really like that.” Sans leaned into Gaster’s side. After a moment he flinched and put a hand to his belly. “ugh, kiddo really isn’t happy right now.”
“THEY’RE JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU.” Gaster laid a hand against Sans’s belly and smiled when the baby directed a few kicks at him. He started gently rubbing circles over the baby and his hand lit up as he started a stream of soothing magic. Soon the baby had calmed down, “THERE, SEE? HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW?”
“much better, thank you.” Sans looked up at Gaster with a rather weak smile, but Gaster was just happy to see the tears had truly stopped.
“WANT TO COME DOWNSTAIRS AND WATCH ME CLEAN UP MY MUDDY FOOTPRINTS?”
“watch you bent over and working up a sweat? sure, sounds fun.” Sans winked at Gaster, who laughingly helped Sans stand up. The pair walked arm in arm out of the room.
I don't know, I just wanted an emotional Sans for some reason. Skerb said it's cute and to just post it so here. Take it.
Chapter 20: In which PTA Linda makes a special guest appearance
Frisk happily swung Sans’s hand as they, along with Gaster, walked into the pizza parlor. Once inside Frisk ran over and snatched the carefully wrapped, brightly colored package Gaster had been carrying out of his hands and ran over to a table with a couple similarly wrapped packages sitting on it.
“Hello Frisk, welcome to the party!” An adult standing near the table greeted, then bent over and held out a hand for a high five. Frisk happily gave one. “Toby’s over in the arcade if you want to wish him a happy birthday.”
Frisk nodded, then ran off to the little side room full of stand up arcade booths. Gaster and Sans held up hands in greeting as they approached the other parent. “hey irene, how’s it going?”
“Hello Sans, Gaster, glad you could make it.” Irene’s eyes shifted to just behind the pair, “Hello Asgore, Asriel. How good of you to come!”
“Hello Irene,” Asgore rumbled in his deep voice as Asriel held up a gift bag.
“I have Toby’s present!”
“Go ahead and put it with the rest,” Irene motioned to the table with a smile. “And Toby’s in the arcade if you want to tell him happy birthday.” Asriel nodded before running off. More people were trailing in, So Asgore and Gaster moved over to the side where a few other parents were chatting while Sans found himself being dragged off by a few excited children.
“Goodness,” Asgore commented, “Sans sure seems popular with the children.”
“They do seem to find ‘living’ skeletons to be endlessly fascinating.” They watched as the children curiously poked and prodded at Sans’s hands, then asked to see his belly. “So how have you been? We have seen very little of you lately.”
“I have kept myself busy,” Asgore replied with a chuckle. “Between being the only groundskeeper at Toriel’s school and having Asriel to care for again I find my life has grown quite hectic. But it is a pleasant hectic. Why, did you know I have started aging again?” Asgore proudly ran a hand over his beard, where a few silver hairs were mixed in with the gold.
“I did not, but I am very happy for you. Though… you only get to have Asriel with you every other weekend like we do with Frisk, correct?”
“Yes, but since I work at the same school the children go to I do spend time with him during and after classes. I wish I could spend more time with both children, but I think it better they have a stable schedule like this. The children cling to each other, to split them up for our own sakes would be cruel.” Both men looked over to where Asriel and Frisk were standing with shoulders pressed together as they chatted happily with the other children at the party. After a moment Asgore started speaking again, “And Toriel and I have been talking.”
“Oh? What have you two been talking about?” Gaster quirked a brow in interest.
“About ways for me to spend more time with Asriel, and with her. I do not know if she will ever fully forgive me, let alone ever have me back, but I have hope that we may be friends again.”
“That is wonderful, I also hope you two will be friends again.”
“Hello your maje- Mr. Dreemurr.” A white rabbit monster smiled as she walked up to them. “And Dr. Gaster, right? How are you two doin’?” They fell into a comfortable chat as more parents and children arrived.
Gaster eventually found himself off to the side, taking a moment to himself after spending so long talking. “You’re Sans’s um… partner, right?” One of the other parents asked, a human woman with short hair wearing a stylish dress.
“Yes, I am his husband.” Gaster smiled politely and held a hand out, “Dr. Gaster.”
“Oh!” The woman seemed very surprised. “I didn’t know. I mean… we see Sans so rarely.” She hesitantly reached out to shake Gaster’s hand, “and I’m Linda.”
“A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“Likewise,” Linda said as if unsure of something. “I just… I never would have guessed Sans would marry a doctor.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s just he’s so...” Linda gestured vaguely in Sans’s direction. “Uh… you know… he’s...” Linda trailed off awkwardly, the silence falling between them growing tense.
“Which child is yours?”
Linda smiled proudly before pointing to a couple children who were screaming loudly and running back and forth across the restaurant. “Timmy, he’s in the green shirt.”
“He seems… energetic.”
“Yes, he’s at that age.” After a moment of awkward silence Linda motioned to where Sans was letting a new batch of children inspect his hands and arms. “He seems to have gained some weight since the last field trip he chaperoned.”
“Yes,” Gaster couldn’t help the indulgent smile spreading across his face as he looked towards Sans, “he certainly is getting big.”
“I didn’t even know it was possible for a skeleton to get fat.”
“ExCUsE mE?!" Gaster all but shrieked, his natural speech of warbling static and dings mixing in. The conversations in the rest of the room fell silent as every eye turned to them.
Linda took a frightened step back, “Well… I mean… you did just agreed with me that he’s gotten fat.”
“I never once used the word ‘fat’, and with good reason! He is not fat, in fact it is not even physically possible for a skeleton to gain a single ounce of fat. But even if he were, did not your parents teach you any manners?” Linda tried to respond but Gaster was not about to let her interrupt him. “How rude and oblivious can-”
“dings, dings! c’mere!” Sans waddled up and tugged on Gaster’s sleeve.
“What is it? Are you alright?” Gaster put a hand to Sans’s belly in worry.
Sans quickly moved Gaster’s hand to a different spot. “they’re kicking!”
Gaster smiled in utter delight, “Oh my goodness, so they are!” He crouched down so he could press his face against Sans’s baby bump and hum soothingly as he rubbed a hand over where the kicks were concentrated.
Linda seemed unsure what to do at the point, after hovering a moment longer she turned and walked to the other end of the room. Once she was out of earshot Sans turned his attention back to Gaster, who was still happily pressing against Sans’s belly. “why were you talking to linda? nobody likes her.”
“I can see why,” Gaster replied dryly.
I adore PTA Sans so, so very much! PTA Linda is the worst, the way he's always just shutting her down is the best! But I didn't want to do a PTA meeting so we have a birthday party instead. We also have a special guest appearance of a reference to one of my oldest fandoms! 8D
Also! I'm pleased to announce that I have finished the rough draft of the last planned chapter of Home! Now all I have to do is the re-writes and then formatting for the fonts (never again! not worth it!) and I will officially be done writing it! Then I can focus on writing the next fic, which is all planned out. I'm so excited, I've finished so few longfics. I hope everyone will stick around until the end, the last chapter is going to be super sweet!
Chapter 21: In which Sans loses a battle with his own willpower
“SANS, HAVE YOU SEEN MY-” Papyrus looked up as he walked into the living room and stopped dead. “SANS… WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?” Sans was sitting in one of the armchairs, feet up and leaned back, one hand on his belly and the other holding a ketchup bottle to his teeth. Sans blushed brilliant blue, his pupils darted down and away, but he threw back the bottle and took another swig.
“THAT’S THE PRANK BOTTLE, RIGHT?” Papyrus insisted. When Sans refused to answer or even make eye contact Papyrus began to sweat. “THE ONE YOU TAKE TO GRILLBY’S TO GROSS OUT TOURISTS AND HUMANS? RIGHT???”
Sans’s only response was to squeeze the plastic bottle harder, which should have been a big tip off because Sans’s prank bottle was an old glass one he had stolen from Grillby’s just for the continued prank. “OH MY GOD! SANS! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY DRINKING KETCHUP!”
“s’not so bad,” Sans mumbled around the bottle against his teeth.
“SANS!” Papyrus exclaimed in horror
“i can’t help it!” Sans whined. He flopped further back into the chair and laid an arm over his orbits. “i don’t actually want to drink it, baby does.”
“THAT MAKES NO SENSE, THE BABY DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT KETCHUP IS.”
“well they want me to drink it and i’ve run out of the willpower to resist.” Sans put the bottle back up to his teeth and gave it a hearty squeeze.
“WELL THEN I SHALL SIMPLY HAVE TO GIVE YOU SOME OF MY OWN WILLPOWER.” Papyrus reached down from his position towering over Sans and grabbed the plastic bottle.
Rather than let it go, Sans snarled and clung harder, causing the bottle to squirt ketchup all over his “babybones on board” shirt and the chair he was sitting in. Papyrus let go of the bottle and backpedaled at his brother’s unexpectedly feral outburst. “SANS?”
Sans put the bottle to his teeth and quickly guzzled down the rest, much to Papyrus’s horror. “SANS! THAT… THAT CAN’T BE HEALTHY! WHAT WOULD DR. SPOOKINS SAY?”
“they said to listen to my body’s needs and that cravings were a natural part of pregnancy,” Sans muttered before despondently checking if the bottle truly was empty. Then he looked down at his shirt, “aw man… this was the biggest of the specially ordered shirts too. i hope it’s not ruined.”
“YOU STILL HAVE THE MATERNITY ONES YOU BOUGHT DURING HALLOWEEN,” Papyrus offered sheepishly.
“yeah, but they don’t have the puns i ordered. i hope it’s not… not ruined.” Sans’s sentence petered out into hitched sobs as tears started trailing down his cheekbones. “and i can’t believe you tried to take my ketchup away from meeeeeeeee...”
“I’M SORRY SANS, I’M SORRY!” Papyrus awkwardly pulled Sans’s skull into a hug. “I WON’T DO IT AGAIN, DO YOU WANT ME TO GO SEE IF WE HAVE MORE KETCHUP IN THE KITCHEN?”
“this was the last bottle,” Sans sobbed.
“I CAN RUN TO THE STORE AND GET YOU MORE.”
Sans sniffled and shook his head, “don’t leave me!” He dug his phalanges into Papyrus’s shirt and clung to him.
“I WON’T LEAVE, SANS. I’LL STAY RIGHT HERE FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT.” Papyrus pet Sans’s skull soothingly while staying in the awkward position of half bent over the armchair his brother was sitting in. After too long of this, Sans’s sobs quieted down. “THERE, FEELING BETTER?” Sans nodded, but continued to cling to Papyrus. “IS THERE… SOMETHING I CAN GET FOR YOU?”
Sans sniffled, “there is… one thing...”
“WHATEVER YOU WANT!”
“can you… make me some spaghetti?”
“OF COURSE, I’M CERTAIN WE HAVE EVERYTHING WE NEED.” Papyrus started prying Sans’s fingers from his shirt, but Sans only gripped tighter as he looked down and away again.
“but not like you have been.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, BROTHER?”
“make it like… make it like undyne.”
“LIKE… UNDYNE???” Papyrus asked in disbelief.
“yeah, like when she was giving you battle training.”
“BUT SANS… I HAVEN’T… THAT’S NOT… I KNOW NOW JUST HOW AWFUL THAT ACTUALLY WAS! FRISK AND MISS TORIEL MADE ME TRY SOME, REMEMBER?”
“yeah, i was real mad at them about that, heh.” Sans chortled, but still refused to look at Papyrus again.
“SANS… ARE YOU SURE?” Papyrus leaned down to attempt eye contact, Sans’s pupils were shrunk to tiny little specks in his overly large orbits.
Sans nodded once, “yeah. i’m sure.” He sounded like a man signing his own death sentence.
“WELL, IF YOU ARE SURE...” Papyrus was not sure he wanted to let Sans subject himself to that, but the relief that flooded across Sans’s face made him feel a little better. “NOW, WHY DON’T YOU GO UPSTAIRS AND CHANGE WHILE I MAKE THE SPAGHETTI. THEN WHEN I’M DONE I CAN TRY TO GET THIS STAIN OUT BEFORE IT SETS, ALRIGHT?”
“ugh...” Sans moaned. “fine, i’ll do it.” Sans turned the handle on the side of the chair to bring it forward and the footrest down, then Papyrus helped him stand up. At just over half way to term, Sans was getting to the point where moving around was difficult. He put a hand to his spine as he waddled over to the stairs and stopped at their base. He heaved a huge sigh before putting a hand to the rail and hauling himself up the first step.
Papyrus turned and with a huge sigh of his own went into the kitchen. Perhaps if he put down some towels or plastic wrap before punching the vegetables clean up wouldn’t be so bad? Ugh, he was not looking forward to this!
Some time later, somehow without Papyrus setting the house on fire, Sans was sitting at the kitchen table with a heaping plate of something that could approximately be called spaghetti was sitting before him. Papyrus was torn between not wanting to witness this at all and being unable to look away as Sans took the first bite. His face scrunched up and tears formed in the corners of his orbits. He took another bite.
“SANS… ARE YOU… ARE YOU OKAY?”
“it’s great paps,” Sans assured as his face continued to contort. “really brings back memories.”
“IF THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY...” Papyrus trailed off, he was almost certain that Sans was in fact not the least bit happy, but he also didn’t stop eating. Papyrus finally tore his gaze away and decided now would be the best time to head to the laundry room and try to salvage that awful shirt Sans had been crying over.
More emotionally wrecked Sans! Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Also, didja see the chapter count up there? 8D