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Touch Starved

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“What the...?” Erin mumbled, waking up to the dip of the mattress behind her. “Holtz?” she asked, squinting in the dark.

Holtzmann shushed her, wriggling under the blankets and spooning right up against her.

“Holtz, what are you doing?”

“Umm, trying to sleep, but someone keeps talking.”

“No. What are you doing in my bed? ” Erin asked pointedly, trying to sidle away from the warm press of Holtzmann’s body.  Erin wasn’t wearing pants, for god’s sake. Or a bra.

“Like I said, sleeping,” Holtzmann answered.

“Holtzmann. Sleeping is usually done in your own bed, right?”


“So why are you in mine? ” Erin said, hissing out the last word.

“I heard you talking to Abby earlier, so I invited myself.”

“What are you even talking about?” Erin asked, teetering on the edge of her own bed, arms crossed protectively over her chest.

“You told Abby that you were, hmm, what was the phrase? Oh, yeah, ‘touch starved.’ So, here I am, to provide the touching.”

“Ohhh my god, Holtz,” Erin said, jumping out of bed, shifting on her bare feet, crossing her arms back over her thin t-shirt. “This … that … this is not what I meant w-when I said that.”

Holtzmann blinked up at her for a long moment, while Erin just stared pointedly back, unwilling to say any more.

Holtzmann snapped her fingers, grinning as she settled back into Erin’s bed. “You meant sex.”

“Uhh, yeah. So, you want to like --” Erin gestured toward her bedroom door.

“Are you suurree that’s what you want?” Holtzmann drawled out, grin still stuck on her face.

“Holtzmann, we are not going to have sex .” Erin whispered the last word, as if someone would hear her.

“We aren’t? But, I’m already in your bed,” Holtzmann said playfully, snuggling deeper under Erin’s sheets.

“Holtzmann, no,” Erin said firmly.

“Alright, fine. At least come back to bed, I can see the goosebumps on your thighs from here.”

Erin blushed furiously. “Stop … stop looking at my thighs,” she mumbled, pulling the covers back and slipping into bed again, against her better judgement.

“See, it’s cozy in here. Snuggly,” Holtzmann said, draping an arm over Erin’s stomach, pressing her entire body up against Erin’s side.

“Mhm,” Erin answered, her lips in a tight line, lying stiff and unmoving. She was trying not to feel the warmth of Holtzmann’s body. Trying not to notice how soft she felt, how good she smelled even. Ugh. That was weird. She definitely didn’t want to notice the way Holtzmann smelled . But she was very, very close, and it was impossible not to.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

“N-nothing,” Erin stuttered.

“Aww,” Holtzmann pouted, burying her face into Erin’s shoulder. “I was hoping you were reconsidering the sex.”

Erin swallowed hard, shivering just a little as Holtzmann shifted a leg over hers, fingers tracing lightly over her stomach toward the waistband of her panties. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you want to.”

“How would you know?”

Holtzmann snort laughed. “How could I not know? Have you ever met you? You’re not exactly subtle.”

“I-I can be!” Erin said defensively.

“How many coffee mugs have you broken in the past two weeks when we’ve been in the same room?”

Erin stayed stoically silent.

“Three. But you dropped two more that didn’t break.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Fine. What about the way you stare at me when you think I’m not looking? The way your cheeks get pink when I catch you?”

Erin was breathing harder now, Holtzmann’s fingers were toying at the waistband of her panties, her mouth dangerously close to her neck. Her warm breath was making her skin prickle. “It … it’s…”

“Nothing?” Holtzmann asked, giving a slow lick up Erin’s neck.

Erin moaned. It was a soft moan, it was quiet. But, god did it sound desperate. “Definitely nothing,” she answered, her voice shaking as she grabbed Holtzmann’s hand and shoved it roughly into her panties.  

Holtzmann made a noise that was equal parts surprise and unbridled satisfaction as she let her fingers slowly relax beneath Erin’s panties.

Erin was quivering. All of her was shaking as Holtzmann started to move those fingers. Oh god, it had been so long. She was embarrassingly wet and it would only be another moment before Holtzmann…


“What?” She asked, sounding defensive even with the pitch of her voice too high, her arousal much too obvious. She was completely found out.

“I think you lied to me.”

“L-lied? Ahh,” Erin moaned as Holtzmann effortlessly slipped a finger inside of her.

“Lied,” Holtzmann echoed, adding another finger. “I think you were thinking about having sex with me. I think that’s why you’re so wet. I bet you get this wet every time you think about my hands, or my mouth, maybe even other parts of me. Hmm? Am I right? Am I?”

“No,” Erin answered, not sure why she couldn’t just admit it. Couldn’t just admit that Holtzmann was all she thought about every time she masturbated. Holtzmann was generally the reason she had to slip away to touch herself too. She felt ridiculous about it.

“Oh, really? Are you sure?”

Holtzmann pressed her thumb firmly against Erin’s clit, angling her two fingers up to rock against her g-spot. Erin saw stars, her hips lifting off the bed.

“No, no!” Erin groaned.

“Is that a no, you aren’t sure? Or are you still denying how much you want this?”

Holtzmann hadn’t let up the rhythmic movement of her fingers and it was making it hard to think straight. “Fuck,” Erin moaned out while she writhed against Holtzmann’s hand. “Shit I don’t … I just … okay! I want this,” Erin said. Quietly adding, “I want you.” She reached over to grab a fistful of Holtzmann’s shirt, pulling her in for a kiss.

If Erin thought her head was spinning before, Holtzmann’s lips on hers was a whole new definition of off balance. It was rough, and there were teeth, and tongue, but also Holtzmann moaning wantonly into her mouth, and suddenly Erin was shaking as she came hard, heat flooding her cheeks.

“Now, isn’t that better?” Holtzmann asked with a wide self-satisfied smile, gently pulling her fingers free.

“Don’t you dare stop,” Erin whispered, her voice rough, her chest still heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

“Stop?” Holtzmann laughed, throwing the covers off, sitting up and moving down between Erin’s legs. “Why would I stop? We’re just getting started.” With that Holtzmann reached up to pull Erin’s panties off, gleefully running her hands back up Erin’s legs to her hips, then over her stomach, gripping the hem of her shirt. Erin sat up, letting Holtzmann pull it off, then leaned in for another kiss.

Erin’s heart was still pounding much too hard, even as she started to tug Holtzmann’s shirt off too. She figured it was only fair.

Holtzmann kissed her again, bullying her back down onto the sheets before she started to lick and nip her way over her jaw and down her throat. Erin moaned, twining her fingers into Holtzmann’s crazy nest of hair while she worked her way down Erin’s body, stopping to suck each of her nipples, then again to dig her teeth into each of Erin’s hip bones.

Erin was practically having an out of body experience. She could feel everything, of course. Intimately. But, it didn’t feel like it was really happening, like maybe it was just an intensely vivid dream and she would wake up and none of this would have really happened. God, she hoped that wasn’t the case. “Is this really happening?” she mumbled as Holtzmann sucked a bruise into her inner thigh.

“You tell me, beautiful,” Holtzmann answered, grinning up from between Erin’s legs. She nuzzled her cheek into Erin’s thigh, lowering her voice until it came out rough as gravel, but infinitely sexier. “Is this happening?”

“Yes,” Erin said, breathless.

“Mmm, so you do know that word. Good for future reference.”

“Oh my god, can you please shut up before I change my mind about whatever the hell it is we’re doing.”

“We’re having sex, Erin. It’s pretty straight-forward, really.  Well … not straight. But, whatever, you get the idea.”

Erin groaned, pressing her head back into the pillow in frustration. “Please, Holtz.”

“Please, what? I want you to tell me what you want, Erin. In detail , if you don’t mind.”

Erin groaned again. This was embarrassing, but she was starting to think that Holtzmann wasn’t going to do anything else until she asked for what she wanted. Erin was bad at asking for what she wanted. It’s why she hardly ever got it.

“Come oonnn. I wanna know,” Holtzmann teased, her face still pressed to the inside of Erin’s thigh.

“I want --” Erin’s voice cracked and she paused to swallow, “I want you to … oh my god. I want you to, to l-lick me.”


“A-and use your fingers inside me while you do.”


“And I want you to make me come,” Erin said, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. Why was this so deathly embarrassing, even with Holtzmann, the unchallenged queen of not giving a fuck about anything except her equipment. It was the mystery of a lifetime. Erin’s lifetime to be exact.

“I can work with that,” Holtzmann said, shifting between Erin’s legs.

Erin opened her eyes and Holtzmann gave her a wink before gently opening Erin up and lowering her head. She started with one long lick all the way up Erin’s slit, before honing in on her clit, circling it with her tongue. Erin gasped as she clutched at the sheets. It didn’t seem to matter that she had already come once, because she was practically on the edge already again.

She whined when Holtzmann slipped two fingers back inside of her, starting up a push-pull rhythm with a bit of a twist on the withdrawal. At the same time she started to press her tongue hard against Erin’s clit, rocking it back and forth.

“Oh my god,” Erin moaned.

Holtzmann didn’t answer, she just kept up the movement of her tongue and fingers, but speeding up just a little, varying the pressure of her tongue.

It was so good. Erin literally couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this good, and not just with someone else. She tended to be a bit utilitarian when she masturbated. Orgasm and she was done, like she just needed to get it out of her system. But this felt luxurious already, maybe even a bit obscene given the noises that Holtzmann’s fingers and mouth were making.

“Oh, fuck,” Erin groaned out, starting to rock her hips to just get more as Holtzmann changed the angle of her fingers. “Fuck, yesss.”

Erin couldn’t actually see her mouth, but when she looked down, meeting Holtzmann’s eyes, she could tell that she was smiling. She wondered briefly if Holtzmann had always been attracted to her too, but it was only a fleeting thought because as soon as she had it, another orgasm was making her whole body throb and thinking impossible.

Holtzmann sat up licking her lips. “I like knowing what you want.”

“I … I like you knowing what I want.”

“So, why don’t you tell me what else you want, and then I can tell you what I want, and then we can both get some more of what we want.”

“I don’t, umm, actually know what else I want,” Erin answered honestly, still breathing a bit hard. She could feel how flushed she was. Maybe it was because her post-orgasmic brain wasn’t functioning well enough, but all of Erin’s masturbatory fantasies had suddenly slipped her mind. She really couldn’t think of anything she else she wanted in that moment.

“Well, let’s start with mine and we can go from there, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Erin smiled. She felt almost a bit giddy now.

Holtzmann crawled up the bed and laid down next to Erin again. “First, I want to make out with you until I can’t feel my lips. Heavy petting included, of course.”

“Of course,” Erin echoed.

“Then, I want you to use those fingers of yours that can’t properly hold a coffee mug on my clit until I come. Sound good?”

Erin bit her bottom lip and nodded. It did sound good. It sounded like exactly the sort of thing that Erin wanted to do. It sounded like what Erin had wanted to do practically since the moment she had laid eyes on Holtz in all of her weird, overexcited glory.

She moved to be on top of Holtzmann, arms on either side of her, knee between her legs, and took a deep breath before she dipped down to kiss those lips again. It was softer this time, slower, but it made Erin’s heart beat just as hard as before.

“You know you can touch me, right? I won’t break. Or run away.”

“I-I know,” Erin said, “I was just, umm, taking things slow.”

“You really don’t have to. We’ve had, like, months of foreplay, Erin.”

“I’m aware,” Erin said through her teeth. “I’m new at this, alright?”

“New at what?” Holtzmann said with a laugh. “Abby told me you totally swung both ways since forever.”

“I’m new at having sex with someone I actually have a crush on, okay? Someone who’s my friend.”

“Oh,” Holtzmann said, a slow grin starting to spread across her face. “Say it again,” she urged.

“Say what?”

“Say you have a crush on me again. I mean, I knew you for sure did, but it’s just nice hearing you say it.”

Erin groaned, dropping her forehead to Holtzmann’s chest in exasperation. “I hate you,” she said, her voice muffled.

“No you don’t.”

“No,” Erin sighed, raising her head, “I don’t. It’s not fair that you know so much more about me than I do.”

“Well, you had best get studying, then,” Holtzmann answered, suggestively raising an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah?” Erin asked, propping herself up again.


“Are you sure?” Erin asked again, pressing her body down against Holtzmann’s, nudging her knee up against her panties.

“Ahhh, very,” Holtzmann answered, her cheeks starting to turn pink.

“Well, okay then.” Erin moved a hand up to cup Holtzmann’s breast, letting her thumb stray over her hard nipple. She opened her mouth against her skin, tasting her, letting her lips glide over the heat and salt and realness of her being underneath her. And when Holtzmann moaned, she felt it on her tongue as it vibrated up her ribcage.

“I have a crush on you,” Erin said as she pulled Holtzmann’s other nipple into her mouth. “I have since I met you.” There was something freeing about saying it now, about laying everything bare now that it was finally happening. She was starting to accept it, and accept that Holtzmann returned her affections. This was either the best dream she had ever had, or the start of something that could change her life, so either way, why not go with it? “I think about you when I touch myself.”

“Ohhhh my god,” Holtzmann moaned, moving her hips to rub herself against Erin’s leg.

“Uh-uh,” Erin said, sitting up and pulling her knee away. She shuffled down the bed and pulled Holtzmann’s panties off, nearly getting kicked in the face in the process, but that was alright, it was worth it to finally have Holtzmann completely undressed in her bed.

Holtzmann sat up, wrapping her legs around Erin’s hips. “I’m definitely not done kissing you.”

Erin answered her with a deep kiss, wrapping her arms around her, feeling warm, and aroused, and a little bit giddy. That last bit was possibly a distinct lack of oxygen making it to her brain, but really, that only made things even better.

Holtzmann returned the kiss harder, deeper, wanting more and Erin was happy to give it, or let it be taken. She let Holtzmann lead, clutching tight to her and moaning when her hands started to wander over her breasts. Erin could feel her lips getting red and swollen, especially as Holtzmann bit gently onto her bottom lip, pulling back, then letting it slip between her teeth. She could see now how blown Holtzmann’s pupils were, how her breath was coming just as fast as Erin’s was. It was every bit as good as any of Erin’s fantasies.

“You look incredible,” Erin whispered, ducking back in for another kiss, letting her own hands wander this time.

“So do you,” Holtzmann said, smiling against her lips.

“Are you done kissing me yet?”


“Good,” Erin answered, pushing Holtzmann back down onto the pillows, taking up position above her again, a knee between her thighs. She kissed her again, her tongue slipping past her lips to meet Holtzmann’s while she trailed her fingers down her sternum. Erin felt Holtzmann’s abs flinch under her touch as she grazed past her belly button.

“I think you should tell me again,” Holtzmann said, her voice hitching just a little as Erin’s fingers met her pubic hair and just kept going.

Erin put her head on Holtzmann’s shoulder, one leg still wrapped around her as she moved her hand. She paused for just a moment before she let her fingers glide between Holtzmann’s lips, dipping into her wet slit. “I have such a crush on you.” The words came out all rushed and trembling, as Erin pressed her face into Holtzmann’s shoulder, her fingers finding her clit.

Holtzmann moaned, spreading her legs wider and wrapping an arm around Erin. “You have no idea what that does to me.”

“I have some idea.” Erin smiled, moving her fingers briefly lower to trail through Holtzmann’s slick.

“Ha! I guess you do. So, you should probably keep doing it.”

Erin positioned her fingers on either side of Holtzmann’s clit, keeping it relatively tight between them as she started to rub, bending and straightening her fingers like a wave crashing on the shore.

Holtzmann moaned again, her head pressed back against the pillow and her lower lip caught in her teeth as she started to rock her hips in rhythm with Erin’s fingers.

Erin’s breath caught in her throat as she watched Holtzmann. It was so much better than any fantasy she had ever had. She couldn’t possibly have imagined the way that Holtzmann’s throat worked around a swallowed moan, or how sweat trailed its way from her hairline to her collarbones, pricking up goosebumps along the way. And Erin never could have imagined the heat that Holtzmann gave off, her fingers practically burning with it as she worked them against her swollen clit.

“You’re amazing,” Erin whispered right in Holtzmann’s ear. “I’ve never known anyone like you. I wanted you to kiss me the minute we met. I wanted more after that.”

“Unnh,” Holtzmann groaned as she squirmed on the bed.

Erin felt heady with the power of it. She had always pictured Holtzmann as the fully in control one in her mind, which she had been, but this part she had never thought about. She didn’t realize it would feel this incredible to get Holtzmann off, to have her shake and moan under her hands.

“I dream about you fucking me.”

“Oh, fuck!” Holtzmann shouted, her muscles twitching as she came, her face contorted in pleasure. She panted as her body started to relax after her orgasm washed over her. “Mmmm. I could listen to that forever.”  

Erin blushed a little, suddenly shy again despite … everything. “I mean,” she started, coughing as the heat in her cheeks just kept rising. “W-we could .”

“Could we?” Holtzmann asked, teasing.

Erin huffed out a laugh. “Shut up. You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

“Mmm,” Holtzmann hummed thoughtfully, bending her head to kiss the top of Erin’s head. “You were going to say that we could do this more often. Then, I was going to say that would be probably be best for the sake of the mugs in the building.”

“Oh yeah? And then what?”

“Then you would kiss me to make me stop talking and tell me that you guess I could stay, but just for tonight, even though we both know I’m going to be spending the night a lot from now on. Does that sound about right?”

Erin sighed and pulled the blankets up over both of them, moving to place a slow, soft kiss against Holtzmann’s lips. “Yeah. Sounds about right.”