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Walk On Water

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Lance was usually a good citizen. Usually. And when he wasn’t, he made sure he didn’t get caught. This was one of those times.

“Pidge.” He whispered into his headset.

“What Lance?”

“Are you almost in?”

“Yes, Lance.” They said dryly.

“You remember what to do once you get in there right?”

“Of course! I hack into the system and disable all means of security they may have, then you will break in and steal the supplies you need.”

“And?” He prodded

“And no questions asked…” they huffed, “Ok I’m in.”

“The control center should be 37 steps forward 12 steps left.”

“Yessir.” They followed his commands precisely and sure enough came upon the control room. There was one small problem, “Lance,” they whispered, “there’s a shit ton of guards in here.”

“Ah- fuck. Altean or droid?”


“Stun them, do your thing and get out fast.” He ordered.

A blue light washed over them as they stepped quietly into the room, they raised their gun and fired at the guards. It happened so fast none of them could react. They started to type a system override into the computer and told Lance they’d successfully gotten in and shut down the security. They quickly erased all traces of their presence and left the way they came, passing Lance on the way, greeting him with a slight nod.

It was a surprisingly simple looking store for the amount of security Pidge had to bypass, but Lance knew what he was looking for was hidden in the back. He gracefully walked across the floorboards, carefully tapping each one. Looking for one that echoed. Straight behind the counter, he found what he was looking for. He used a laser to separate the board from the rest and pried it up. The hole was just big enough for him to get in and out of.

He jumped down and landed with a quiet thud. Brushing himself off, he looked up and saw a safe. While it had incredibly advanced technology this is part of what he did, and like hell was he about to let that deter him. He approached it and pressed his ear to the cold metal, checking for the grinding and vibrations of gears. Nothing but the slight buzz of electricity. Pidge should be able to turn it off remotely.

“Pidge, I need you to hack one more thing for me.”

“Goddammit, Lance I’d better be paid extra for this. What is it?”

“You’ll get your money. I need you to access the electricity in this vault.”

“And do what with it?”

“Turn it off, preferably.” He said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Alright smartass.” They laughed, “Done.”

Lance didn’t have time to thank them. He opened the door to see another door staring at him. This one had a combination lock. Lance spun the dial and listened for the clicks that signified a correct numeral. It took 3 tries but he eventually got it right.

Fifteen minutes had passed. The security would only be disabled for another ten according to Pidge. He dragged the heavy door open, and what he saw was better than he could have ever dreamed. He quickly shoved it all in his bag, and jumped up through the hole he came, not bothering to close the safe behind him. They won’t discover it for weeks anyway, he thought to himself.

He left the building as soon as the security turned back on. Perfect timing. He walked leisurely down the street, now dressed in his regular attire -a white tunic, light gray skinny jeans, and a pale blue zip-up hoodie- Pidge joined him a block from away from the shop.

“Now let’s discuss payment!” They smiled.

“Pidge I’ve known you since childhood do I really have to pay you such a great sum of money?”

“Don’t try to back out of this one too, McClain! You can’t charm your way out of everything, you know.” They laughed, but there was a truth in their words.

Lance flashed a shit-eating grin, “I know, I just figured I should try it!” He pulled out a generously sized sack of golden coins from god only knows where and tossed it to the shorter Altean.

“What was all of this about anyway?”

Lance tsked, “No questions asked, my friend!” He smirked while saying it.

“Ah, you can’t blame a Bot for trying!” Pidge was a cybernetically-modified Altean. They liked to call themselves a Bot because it sounds more -and I quote- “Badass”.
“Where are we meeting Hunk?”

“He should be switching shifts with another guard right now. We’ll meet him a block or two away from there.”

They walked for a slightly longer time, waving to the guard Hunk had just switched with as they passed him, they turned a final corner and saw him sitting in front of a cafe.
“Hey, guys!” Hunk welcomed warmly.

“‘Sup fucknut!” Pidge called, jumping and then sliding into the seat next to Hunk.

“Pidgeon! Language! A young sprout such as yourself should not use such vulgar language!”

“Where the fuck did she even learn that word?” Lance chimed in, sitting gracefully across from the two geniuses. Pidge snorted out a laugh that slowly turned into a haphazard guffaw and Hunk laughed as he did everything, boisterously. It may have been a joke repeated a multitude of times throughout the existence of intelligent life forms but it would never not be funny.

“So, what were you getting anyway?”

Pidge tsked, imitating Lance, “No questions asked.”

“What could you be up to that makes you keep such a big secret, Lance? You couldn’t keep your mouth closed if someone taped your it shut!” He said, splaying his arms wide in a gesture of confusion, hitting Pidge in the face on the way.

“Owww…” they groaned. They checked their nose in a dramatic display of making sure nothing was broken, causing Lance to be thrown into a fit of laughter.

“Well lemme just say you might be surprised when I’m done,” Lance said with a smirk.

“Is that a euphemism?” Hunk asked concerned.

“WHAT?! NO!!” Lance blurted out defensively. It made it sound slightly like that was what he was talking about, but his face was so red as he was leaning so far away from the other two that they knew that’s not what he meant.

“The reason I’m not telling you too is because you’d probably try to talk me out of it,” he said plainly.

“Shit Lance, now we gotta know!” Pidge begged, giving him their biggest puppy eyes. Hunk followed suit and although he was much bigger than the other two it made him no less adorable.

“Pleaseeeeeeeee?” they both sing-songed. How the fuck do they do that in perfect unison?
“Fine! I’m going to try to summon a Galra!” he shouted.

Listen up, hear the patriot shout:
“Times are changing!”