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Understand

Chapter Text

'What the hell are you doing here, Mike?' I asked myself.

I had been at Graceland for a little over five months and even in this short period of time I started to think that maybe I was losing myself. Of course, all of this was over a girl.

And not just any girl. Abby. A girl who I had tried to blow off not once, not twice, not even three times. No, a girl I had tried to blow off a total of seven times now, but no one in the house seemed to get that.

Johnny, Briggs, Charlie, and Paige had decided that they were going to get me laid by the end of this month if it was the last thing they did. I just counted myself lucky that Jakes was out of the house for awhile because I do not want to see what he'd do to help.

But that was it. I didn't want or need the help really. If I wanted Abby in my bed she had given me enough opportunities to get her there. I just didn't want her in my bed at all.

It wasn't that she wasn't beautiful or that I wasn't the type of guy to have a one night stand. I didn't have them very often, but I have had a handful of one niters in my life time.

No, the fact was she wasn't my type. Her soft curves, sweet smile, and flowery scented shampoo did absolutely nothing for me. I just hadn't gotten around to telling her or anyone for that matter.

Okay so it wasn't that I hadn't gotten around to telling them as much as it was me being in total and complete fear of telling them. The first time around didn't end so well. I had no doubt this one wouldn't either.

It also didn't help that Johnny was there. Damn that man. So kind and helpful. Smiling happily while giving these funny remarks. Walking around without a shirt on showing off those muscles and tattoos.

Maybe I had a small crush on the man. But could you blame me? He was a really good looking guy. Add that with the fact he was the first person to be nice to me when I got here it was no wonder I wanted him.

It just wasn't fair. Alright I learned a long time ago that life wasn't fair. That didn't mean that I had to like it though. I was entitled to a handful of days filled with melancholy.

Which was exactly what today was supposed to be. I was just going to sit in front of the TV with a few bottles of sweet tea and not focus on anything until I had to. Of course, I didn't get to do that.

"Come on," Briggs said nudging my leg with his knee, "Let's go."

"Something happen with Bello?" I questioned standing up slowly.

"Nope."

"Need help with something else?"

"No."

"Do you really need me then? I was kind of hoping to have a little time to relax today. Just unwind and all of that."

"We're going down to the bar. You can 'unwind' there."

"The bar? Is this…Briggs, is this another attempt to get me to go home with Abby?"

"Yes, now let's go."

I opened my mouth to fight but I knew that it was useless. No one was going to leave me alone about this and I couldn't tell them because I didn't know what their reactions would be.

Which is how I found myself sitting across from Abby while Briggs was at the bar chatting up some girl. Still, even as he did this his eyes would wonder over to me as if to see if I was doing what he wanted.

For a moment I felt like I couldn't breathe. As if the walls were closing in on me. I needed to put a stop to this before the last bit of sanity I had left decided to leave the nest for good.

Without saying anything I pulled Abby out of the bar and into the alley. She sputtered slightly, but didn't put up much of a fight. She knew that I wasn't going to do anything to hurt her. At least that's what I thought.

When we were outside I found myself being pushed against the wall with soft grape flavored lips attempting to devour mine. Her soft body pressing so tightly to mine there was no room left.

"Stop," I pulled back.

"Mike," Abby pouted confused, "I thought…"

"I'm gay."

Abby's eyes widened almost comically and if I wasn't waiting for her hand to come down on my cheek I would have laughed. As it was I was waiting to see just how badly things were going to be.

The movements were slow but soon Abby was a few steps away from me. That look on her face remained. I knew it was hard to believe, I didn't think it was this hard to believe though.

"Wait, is that…Is that why you haven't made your move yet, Mike?" Abby questioned.

"Yes," I nodded, "Really, I was trying to pull away so you saw that I wasn't interested, but my roommates kept pushing me back and they don't give up or know about me."

"Why not? Are they homophobic?"

"I don't know. I've never heard them talk about it and I've never thought it was the right time to bring it up."

"That doesn't tell me why you…Wait, did something bad happen the last time you came out?"

"You could say that. Look, I'm really not comfortable talking about it. Let's just say it didn't end well."

A horrified, but confused look filled her eyes when I said that, but for some reason that made me feel calmer. She wasn't going to run away now that she knew. I had someone that I didn't have to hide from. Even if I was hiding everything else from her.

"Mike," Abby said sympathetically, "You have to tell them."

"Abby," I shook my head.

"They're not going to do…Whatever happened to you. Telling them your gay isn't going to be that big of a deal and if it is you can just crash at my place while you look for another place to live."

"I wish it was that easy, Abby. I wish it was that easy."

A soft sigh came from Abby's lips and this time when he body pressed against mine it was as she gave me a tight hug. I stood there in shock for a moment before letting myself have the most comfort I had in awhile.

I couldn't believe how well Abby was taking this. Ever since the first time I came out I thought that's how everyone was going to react to me. So I kept this part of my life to myself for he most part.

Now I had a girl, who I knew liked me, comforting me after I came out to her. It was a strange turn of events and as much as I didn't want to I knew that I was going to have to figure out why she was doing this.

It wasn't that I didn't think there were good people in the world. I knew there were. I just hadn't met any of them before and I was not about to let my guard down with her yet.

"Abby," I started pulling back, "What's going on? Why are you being nice to me?"

"My cousin was gay," Abby shrugged.

"Didn't turn out well for him either?"

"No, everyone in the family was supportive of him or just didn't say anything for fear of getting a tongue lashing from my Grandmother. He did say he wanted to kill himself at some point though. Bullies at school."

Sighing I nodded my head in understanding. I knew what that urge felt like, but I never let myself focus on it. I did everything in my power to make sure that I never thought about it.

That was how I learned so much so quickly. Why I ran every morning. It was the easiest way to keep all the thoughts at bay for me. I knew it wasn't that easy for other people though.

"Come on," Abby linked her hand with mine and pulling me away from the bar.

"Where are we going?" I asked confused.

"Your friends want you to get laid."

Hearing that sing-song tone in her voice I couldn't help but grin. She was right. They were adamant about wanting me to get laid and Briggs already did think that I had left with Abby.

"Wait," I sighed, "I can't."

"A little young for erectile dysfunction, Mike," Abby teased.

"Trust me. There's no problem there. I meant…I don't want to use you, Abs."

"You're not using me, Mike. I'm being your friend. We're going out to a bar, where you're going to hook up with a hot guy and go back to his place. If your roommates think that we're hooking up let them."

"If they ask…"

"Just smirk and say a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Here we are."

Looking into the new bar I took a deep breath. I hadn't been to a gay bar since I got here and honestly I was itching to get in there and do exactly what Abby was telling me to do.

"Come on," Abby laughing tugging me in.

"Thank you," I smiled honestly, "I don't deserve you."

"I know. Now go find a hot piece of ass, Mike."