"I don't want to..." said Lukas, hooking a finger in Philip's beltloop to keep him from going too far away in spite of that. "I mean. Not right now."
Everything was so quiet, sitting out there by the lake, and Philip's heart was beating too hard, too fast. Part of that was Lukas, his thumb tucking under the waistband of Philip's jeans even as he kept a finger in his beltloop, his breath light on Philip's shoulder. And part of it was that the quiet didn't always feel entirely safe anymore. Not yet, anyway.
"No, me neither," said Philip. "Not that. But, um." Something.
He closed his eyes for a moment and ignored everything but the sunshine on the crown of his head and way Lukas felt by his side. He didn't open them when Lukas took a fistful of his shirt and kissed him, slow and hard and long, and he didn't even try to breathe. Like they were underwater.
"I'm gonna take my bike out tomorrow." Lukas's lips were still near Philip's jaw when he started speaking, and only afterwards did he pull far enough away to not look him in the eye.
"Really? You sure?"
"I've been riding already. Couple days ago. It's fine. I'm fine."
"You didn't tell me that."
"I didn't want to..." Lukas cut himself off and huffed with frustration. Philip knew enough now to give him a minute to find his words. "I wanted us to go out, you know, together, but I wanted to make sure I could, first."
"You didn't have to do that."
"Yeah, but I wanted to," he said. If it was partly that he wanted to share it and partly that he, like Philip, didn't want to spend a lot of time alone, well, that wasn't something that needed to be said. "Tomorrow?"
"Sure, tomorrow," said Philip. He smiled a little bit at the still lake waters, and ignored the way his stomach clenched, a combination of nerves and anticipation. "Do you want to..." When he hesitated too long, Lukas pulled him in and kissed him again, hands moving restlessly against Philip's chest and over his hip just under the hem of his shirt. Philip licked his lips after. "Do you want to come back to the house for lunch?"
"In a few minutes," said Philip, and leaned in and bit Lukas's lower lip, giving it a gentle tug. Lukas laughed and kissed him again, and hesitantly rolled over to put a knee between Philip's legs. Hesitant only because he was still favoring one side, and probably would be for a while yet.
Philip's skin tingled even though there were two layers of clothing between them, even though the only things touching his skin were Lukas's lips and two of his fingers, still moving against his hip and then slightly lower.
"Maybe a few more minutes than that?" he murmured against the corner of Philip's mouth.
"Maybe a few more minutes than that," he agreed, and closed his eyes again and let Lukas press him down into the grass for a little while.
There were still things they needed to talk about, still things they needed to share, but there would be time for that now. Now that Philip didn't have to feel like every day might be their last, if not because of the shooter then because Lukas was calling the shots. There would be time for all the things he only let happen in dreams and wishful thinking before.
Lukas's stomach rumbled, and Philip pushed himself up on his hands and laughed.
"Come on, Helen will feed you," he said. His heart was still fast, still beating hard, but it was almost entirely Lukas now. "Or Gabe will feed you. Someone will feed you.
Their hands skimmed over one another as they stood up again, smoothing a shirt here, brushing a bit of grass off there. And after a couple of false starts as they started back side by side, Lukas took his hand and he didn't pull away even when they heard a car pass somewhere nearby.
Philip didn't say anything, and that was a silence that felt, if not safe, then certainly the kind of dangerous that a guy could look forward to.