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(The Lack Of) Regrets

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“Did anyone see you?” Levi asked, letting the papers in his hand drop to the table gently. He grabbed the stamp, and dabbed it in ink before pressing it to the top sheet. Standing, he put his things back in the desk drawer, eyes finally moving up to meet Eren’s.

 

“No. I didn’t see anyone, at all.” Eren replied, licking his lips as he locks the door behind him. He pulled off his boots, setting them beside Levi’s next to the door. After all this time, it had become a routine.

 

“Good.” Levi said simply, humming softly when Eren had moved away from the door to wrap his tanned arms around Levi’s waist. The black haired man would never admit it, but he really adored the feeling of being held by Eren.

 

“Have you finished the paperwork for tonight?” The brunet asked softly, chin resting on Levi’s shoulder. “You look exhausted. More so than usual…”

 

“Mm…” Levi grunted softly, feeling Eren’s hair tickling his cheek and jaw as he sighed. “Most of it. The rest can wait until the morning.”

 

Eren nodded, head turning to press his lips against Levi’s neck, who let his head tilt to give soft lips more access. From the time Eren had turned seventeen, he and Levi had gotten far closer than any two friends. Levi hadn’t wanted to get involved, hadn’t wanted to come to care for someone so deeply… But with death right around the corner, and Levi’s chances of survival being so low despite being Humanities Strongest, he had given up.

 

Why fight the one thing that may bring him happiness?

 

“Eren…” Levi breathed, “Not tonight…”

 

“I’m not gonna, just gonna enjoy this for a bit…” Eren replied, moving back slightly so Levi could turn around. Eren smiled softly, pressing his lips to Levi’s, one hand cupping the raven’s cheek. Levi’s fingers moved to rest where Eren's uniform jacket ended, right below his rib cage as he, too, relished in the feeling of their lips moving against one another.

 

It was bliss.

 

So was ignorance, Levi supposed, but they weren't ignorant. They were accepting. They fought for humanity, and they still do. They will until the day they die, but until then--… Until then, this would be their escape.

 

Their breath of fresh air.

 

Pulling back, Eren grinned as his thumb brushed along Levi’s cheek. His stare was intense, Levi noted, even as soft as it was, it felt as though it bored into his very being. A tan hand clasped around Levi’s own, leading him through the room towards the bed in the far corner of the room. Crisp white sheets and grey blankets undisturbed, as they tended to stay unless Levi was pulled into using it by Eren.

 

“Let’s lay down?” Eren asked.

 

Levi sighed, nodding as he pulled away from Eren’s hold to slip off his jacket, setting it over the wrought iron bars that made the footboard of the bed.

 

Eren did the same, both of them loosening and removing the gear that they still wore, that they still felt bruising their skin every day. The war may be over, the people may have found some form of peace, but the pain in their hearts never ended, and those in the military never left the memories or fears behind.

 

They were too strong, too bright, too painful to forget.

 

But they had found ways to soothe them, and for Levi, Eren was the salve slathered over the burn.

 

As they laid down, Levi pressed his back to Eren’s chest. He used to find it embarrassing. He used to find it odd to be held so close, and so lovingly by a person so many years his junior… To be held so closely by anyone . But not anymore, now, Levi invited Eren to lay so closely, invited Eren to wrap his arm around his waist, to press gentle kisses to the back of his head and neck.

 

Nowadays, the hold only provided comfort and safety. Gave Levi the calm he needed to rest his eyes for a while, even if he couldn’t sleep. Even if he couldn’t get rid of the nightmares, he could fill his mind with pleasant daydreams before they could grip his thoughts to remember the things he never wished to.

 

Levi sighed, feeling Eren's knees pressing against the backs of his own, one foot pushing until he could fit his leg between Levi’s comfortably. It was amazing what a little contact could do for Levi, could do for his tense muscles and exhausted eyes. Eren's hand rested over Levi’s chest, feeling the steady thudding beneath his palm. Levi’s own hand slid back, resting over the surprisingly gentle one that pressed against his shirt covered pectoral.

 

“You feel tense today.” Eren commented, thumb slowly sliding back and forth as a small way to comfort.

 

“Flashbacks.” Was Levi’s simple answer.

 

Eren hummed sympathetically, holding Levi a little tighter after the admission. “Did they last very long?”

 

“About an hour. They’re getting better, at least a little.”

 

Eren simply pressed a kiss to the back of Levi’s neck, right on the hairline. “ I’m glad.

 


 

Eren laid in one of the open, treeless meadows, arms tucked back under his head as he watched the stars overhead. He was far enough from Trost that no peering eyes would see him. Down in the lowest part of a hill until he couldn’t see the city any longer, he felt he may have found a good spot to rest.

 

Holiday leave had finally begun, removing him from the paperwork and fraternization that consumed him day in and day out finally ended, if only for a week or two and, of course, most of that would be catching up with the overdue work he was already struggling with.

 

But, at least there was more time he could spend with Levi. With Mikasa and Armin. So many others he hadn’t been able to just hang out with, to just treat as friends, rather than fellow soldiers.

 

The muffled trotting against the grass soon became noticeable. He glanced back, seeing a familiar silhouette atop the horse.

 

“What are you doing?” Levi asked, basket in one arm and reins in another.

 

“Watching the stars.” Eren chuckled, sitting up and standing to go greet Levi. The raven hopped from his saddle, and in seconds, tanned hands rested against his hips. The brunet stared down at Levi, if only for a second before he greeted the man with a warm, sweet kiss.

 

When they parted, Levi let out a near silent hum. Pleased, Eren noted, Levi was pleased, as he tended to be after they shared a kiss. Licking his lips, the brunet pulled back just enough to where Levi could pass and lay the blanket down onto the grassy area. It was chilly out, but not horribly so. Not yet, anyway.

 

Levi wore a deep blue scarf, and his green cloak that was without any emblem stitched into the back. Eren thought it looked quite nice laid over his everyday dress shirt and black pants he had come to favor over the tight white jeans.

 

It wasn’t long before they had both settled down on top of the blanket, Eren laying down and Levi still sitting as they both stared up at the night sky, moonlight brightly shining down over the meadow, bathing everything in a soft white glow.

 

“It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it?” Eren mumbled. “I remember when I damned the world, the sights, the sounds, the beauty… All for allowing titans to exist.”

 

“You had your reasons.” Levi shrugged, laying back alongside Eren. “I hated the world for a long time, too. Couldn’t really take time to think about why it was the way it was, that would only leave you with more questions, more things to hate it for.”

 

Despite Levi’s cold demeanor as a soldier, he was rather expressive in private, with people he had grown close to. Eren had been shocked by the realization when he first witnessed Levi laugh, truly laugh, at a simple joke he had made. It still baffled him at times, but Eren knew that Levi had always been acting as the rock, the person who never broke. He was being strongest for the sake of the weak.

 

That was one of the many things Eren still admired about Levi.

 

Eren’s hand found its way across the blanket to wrap around Levi’s own, squeezing gently. “You’re right.”

 

Levi simply hummed in reply, slowly circling his thumb against the back of Eren’s hand. The raven sighed, turning towards Eren with a pointed stare. When Eren didn’t understand, Levi made a face, letting go of the hand wrapped around his. He sat up, moving to straddle Eren’s hips, hands pressed against the brunet’s chest.

 

Green eyes widened, hands moving down to press into Levi’s thighs. Surprised as Eren was, he knew they would be doing this tonight. They had both felt a bit… Frustrated as of late.

 

“Did you bring the, uhm-”

 

“Yeah, it’s in the basket.” Levi replied, leaning down to press his lips against Eren’s own, demanding, wanting, and suddenly Eren couldn’t breathe. He felt Levi’s hands grip the front of his jacket, pulling him up into a sitting position. The lips pressed up against his where strong, already full of desire even though this was only the beginning.

 

Eren gasped when Levi’s hips rolled down into his own. A moan slipped out, Eren’s hands slid to grip the raven’s hips tight in his fingers. Teeth caught his lip, nipping and pulling back slightly until their eyes opened, met, and Eren took that moment to flip them over. Levi grunted softly at the sudden change, but invited it as his legs wrapped tight around Eren’s hips.

 

“You gonna fuck me, or what?” Levi taunted, licking his lips as Eren hovered over top of him. “Just gonna sit there and stare?”

 

“I might.” Eren replied, brow cocked as he dared Levi to bite back, hand moving to cup Levi’s cheek. “I’m not gonna rush this.”

 

Levi didn’t respond, be it for lack of words, or just not caring to. He let Eren lean down and connect their lips in a deep, slow kiss that left his toes curling slightly in his riding boots. Unfair, probably, that Eren had a way of taking over Levi’s thoughts. Unfair that Eren knew one too many ways to split Levi open and look inside to the parts of himself he didn’t show.

 

Unfair, that Levi liked it so much he’d never complain.

 

Levi .” Eren murmured against his lips, hips rolling once, steady, firm, making a quiet groan leave Levi’s throat. The brunet moved one hand down to Levi’s dress shirt, kissing quickly down the front of Levi’s neck, pecking the skin that was newly revealed with every opened button. Scarred, hard skin that rippled with muscles, but never once looked anything other than absolutely amazing.

 

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” Eren whispered, leaning back up towards Levi’s lips, connecting them for a split-second before he pulled back to look at Levi once again. “Amazing.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“No. You tell me to every time and I never do.”

 

“Call it wishful thinking.” Levi hummed, smirking subtly when Eren moved down to work his lips along Levi’s neck.

 

It wasn’t long before clothing had been discarded, Eren still wearing his underwear, and Levi still covered by his cloak. The position had returned to Levi straddling Eren’s hips, rolling against one another with desire, passion, and love. Eren’s hands had been running along Levi’s torso for the past few minutes, staring at his hard, scarred body like it was perfection.

 

Underwear was shucked from their bodies only moments later, and Eren was holding the glass container of oil in his hand, pouring it over his cock and fingers. He sat up and gave Levi a deep kiss before moving his hand down in between them, finding Levi’s entrance. He slipped a single finger into Levi, listening to the muted gasp next to his.

 

Fuck .” The raven breathed, arms wrapping around Eren’s neck and shoulders, hands tangling into chestnut strands. Eren’s finger worked inside of him, nice and slow until he felt confident enough to introduce a second. “Gods, yes .”

 

The brunet crooked his fingers in a memorized fashion, feeling Levi jolt softly against him, his hole fluttering from the sudden sensation. Eren’s lips soon began working along Levi’s neck, coaxing him to tilt his head back to allow more access, more skin to worship with wet lips. It was like a dance, almost, the way Eren guided every little noise, every gasp and whispered plea from Levi.

 

Intimate.

 

Once upon a time, this would have been something Levi would fuss about. He wanted a good fuck, not a love making session, he would say. Don’t treat him like a fragile girl on her honeymoon, he’d gripe.

 

But now, the only words slipping from Levi’s lips were begging whispers of “ Harder ,” and “ More .” So much had changed, yet so little was truly different. Odd, Levi thought, that this kid has so much power over him.

 

Then again, at twenty years old, Eren must not be as much of a kid anymore. Not with the way he’s working his fingers in Levi’s ass so well, making him shiver with every brush of pink lips against his collarbone.

 

“C’mon, Eren. Just fuck me already.” Levi whispered, breath hitching only seconds later.

 

“I am, aren’t I?” Eren said with a devilish tone, punctuating with a rub to Levi’s prostate for only a second. “Or is it that my fingers just aren’t enough?”

 

Little shit, Levi thought, pushing all the right buttons at all the right times.

 

“You know what I want.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

Levi swallowed. Eren was a bastard. Had to be, there’s no way someone could get under Levi’s skin in such a way. But look at him now, smirking into the folds of Levi’s cloak that still rested over his shoulders. Levi had no control over the way Eren made him feel, and at times like this, he didn’t care.

 

“I want your cock, Eren.” Levi breathed, hips rolling back against the three fingers slowly pumping within him. “Want to feel you so fucking deep inside of me.”

 

Eren grinned. Levi was letting go, he knew, and that made Eren swell with pride. Levi would only give himself this freedom, this intense relaxation in front of Eren. It was like a breath of fresh air, filling his lungs with pleasure and desire.

 

“Go on. Tell me more.” Eren whispered, lips finding their way to Levi’s ear, nipping and sucking at the sensitive lobe and shell. The raven let out a shuddering breath that turned into a soft moan.

 

“I-... Fuck, I just want you to make me come… Let me ride your cock until I’m satisfied.” Levi murmured, licking his lips quickly before swallowing. Eren grinned, nipping at the flesh where Levi’s ear and jaw met.

 

“Take what you need.” He hummed, fingers retreating from Levi’s hole. The raven was quick to scoot forward and line up Eren’s cock, sinking down so deliciously slow.

 

Eren’s breath hitched in his throat when Levi’s ass met his hips, clean hand roaming over Levi’s chest and stomach. “That’s it… Fuck, yeah.”

 

Levi’s hands gripped at Eren, trembling slightly because he was just so full . He felt like he was falling apart and becoming complete at the same time. He felt completely relaxed at the same time as it felt like the air had left his lungs behind. Eren’s hand slid up, slow until it reached Levi’s chin and pulled him in gently. Their lips met in a slow, deep kiss, moans and gasps mixed within.

 

Levi rolled his hips once, drawing a gasp and whimper from his throat. Too good, too full, too much desire and heat filling both of them. “Please. Eren, c’mon… Move with me.”

 

“Okay, fuck, okay, yeah, Gods, you’re amazing.” Eren replied against Levi’s lips, rocking his hips up when Levi’s rolled down. Levi’s brows pinched, lips parting because Eren filled him up in all the right ways, perfectly pressing against his insides.

 

Eren …” He gasped. Their slow, languid pace had been set, Eren’s hand that wasn’t supporting himself gripping Levi’s hip tight, guiding every movement they shared. “Fuck, fuck, faster.”

 

Levi whined when Eren pushed him off gently, confused, but when Eren moved into sitting on his knees, Levi was eager to turn around and let himself be pulled back to the brunet’s chest and stripped of his cloak.

 

Slipping inside with ease, Eren began a deep, but slow pace. He loved hearing the way Levi begged him for more, for faster thrusts, deeper, harder, please, just fuck me .

 

“Touch yourself for me.” Eren whispered into Levi’s ear, his arms moving to where they wouldn’t be in the way. “Nice and slow. Don’t go fast.”

 

Levi pouted internally. He always did when Eren made love to him slow and deep, but it was all for the sake of not becoming a broken mess because of how Eren touched him like he was everything he’s ever wanted to be. His hand moved, wrapping around his throbbing cock, his other arm moving to grip the back of Eren’s head, pull him closer as the heat in his abdomen burned a hot white.



Please, Eren. ” Levi begged, panting from the heat inside him and the cold wind brushing across his skin. When Eren’s thrusts became a little more powerful, Levi nodded in a jerky manner, stroking his cock just a bit faster than before. Eren was close, Levi knew, the way his breath was shuddering and moans were floating out on airy notes.

 

“Fuck, Levi , I- I’m gonna come.”

 

“Do it. Please, come in me. Fuck!” Levi cried, tightening around Eren as he felt himself reach his own release in the very same moment Eren began to fill him up. He shivered against Eren, letting out ragged, unsteady breaths.

 

“I love you… Even if we are forced to hide this, I love you. I don’t regret anything that’s happened between us, and I never will.” Eren said into his ear before slowly pulling his softening cock from Levi’s entrance.

 

“Love you, too.” Levi whimpered, still quaking from the intensity of his orgasm, and blushing brighter despite his best efforts to seem unaffected by Eren’s words.

 

Levi didn’t regret their actions, either.

 

How can he regret the one thing that had ever felt right?