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   "Cas!" Dean shouted. Castiel glanced behind him and locked eyes with Dean, making Dean stop in his tracks..he just stared. The two of them communicating with one another just by simple eye contact. Dean dropped to his knees and reached out a hand to grasp Castiel but the distance between them made it impossible. Deans eyes began to burn with tears when Castiel turned away from him.

"Please...Say somethin' Cas" Dean pleaded, tears began to dance down his face. The slow dance of tears slowly turned in to waterfalls of pure damage. Just then he heard Castiel take in a sharp breath. The silence between them grew once more soon to be filled with the quiet sobs from Dean. And with that, Castiel turned his head once again to face Dean.

"No.." He whispered. "I have to.." And with that, Castiel dissapeared in to the light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought I saw the Devil, this morning..

 Dean dropped the bottle lazily, the glass clinking in defense against the motel counter. His beer coated upon his bottom lip, gripping on to it as a single drop rolled down his chin. His eyes were still burning from the recent tears he had shed just before Cas dissapeared, he was so deep in thought the small kitchen seemed to swirl before him. He had just lost Cas. And now he was drinking away his problems like a teenager dealing with his first break up, He knew he would have a hang over in the morning but at the moment he couldn't give a rats ass if he tried. Sam was out on a food run and Dean knew when Sam walked in he would find Dean by himself and depressed surrounded by beer bottles, he had officially surrendered himself the glass bottle. The bottle he knew made him forget everything from when Sam first offered himself to Lucifer to now. How would he deal with this forever? He couldn't just drink beer all day. Sam wouldn't let him, it always felt like Sam was the older one even though Dean himself was the older one. Sam had been the one to go to college, get a girlfriend, and actually have an apple pie life. Sam was always picking up Dean's mistakes and fixing them.

As Dean was drowning in his thoughts, Sam had walked through the door to find Dean surrounded by bottles. Sighing he picked a napkin out of the bag and approached dean with a gentle reassurance. He wiped the lost drop of beer from his chin gently, and with that Dean snapped back in to Reality realizing Sam was right there. He wiped his face with his hand and stood up from the chair stumbling as he walked away from him. Using the nearby wall as a support, a feeling of sickness rose in his stomach and Dean darted to the bathroom slamming the door behind him and dropping to his knee's in front of the toilet supporting himself upon his elbows and gagged and threw up. Dry heaving a few times, Sam leaned against the bathroom door and sighed deeply as he heard his brother gagging and throwing up all 10 bottles of beer he had drank while he was away.

Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue..

"You know you cant be like this forever Dean" Sam said crossing his arms. Dean didn't raise his head from the toilet bowl and just listened to his brothers criticism, He gagged dryly once more then just sat in the silence between them.

"Hes gone Sammy.." Dean stated, his voice cracking at the slightest "He ain't comin' back..." he finished. He heard Sam sigh again, soon the sound of his footsteps walking away from the bathroom door filled the air. Sam leaving Dean alone once more.

"Im going back out" Sam shouted to Dean, Dean dry heaved in response. The motel door could be heard as Sam left him in silence.

Dean laid curled up beside the toilet, tears filling his eyes once more as they soon began to drip down his face forming a puddle beside him. He shakes slightly as he sobbed, praying that Cas might hear him.He punched the tile floor once fiercely, blood tickling his knuckles painting them a deep shade of red. As Deans sobs got louder he pulled himself to the side of the tub and started the water, he placed a shaking hand underneath the warm liquid. It held his hand, the blood washing away and reforming the longer he held his hand underneath of it. The warm feeling reminded him of Cas and the way it felt when Cas held him at his lowest moments from battle when Sammy wasn't looking

With the warning..

"Sshh" Cas whispered to Dean soothingly while rubbing his back in small circles as they laid on the couch tangled within each other. Dean had a fresh wound upon his forehead from the fight. Dean shook and cried quietly as Cas held on to him.

"I-I almost lost him Cas.." Dean said, the crying breaking his voice as he spoke. Dean lifted his head to look at Cas, Cas returned the look with sorrow swimming in his eyes. "But you didn't Dean" Cas explained, his voice calm and deep. Cas's voice always soothed Dean like a small child. Dean sniffled and wiped his eyes with his hand, Cas captured the fresh ones that Dean had missed, "Dean" Cas said "Sam is alive and well..Yes he is injured but only in the slightest. Dean filled with anger.

How could Cas brush it off so easily?

Dean untangled himself and backed away from Cas, "Only in the slightest?! Castiel..H-How can you say that so easily?! Sammy almost fucking died!" Dean barked at Cas. But Cas remained where he was and laid there patient. Dean's anger would soon pass, "But he isnt dead Dean" Cas told him quietly. Dean looked at Cas with disbelief, fresh tears of anger filled his eyes.

Cas stood from the piece of furniture and walked over to Dean and hugged him once more, holding Dean close to him. Dean gripped at Cas's shirt and tried to pull away from him but failed from his weakened state caused by his anger. Cas kept his hold upon Dean and started to rub his back soothingly once more, they both sat in the comfortable silence as Dean calmed slowly. The scent of Cas soothing him as well, and the warmth of Cas's embrace. Little did the two know, as they stood there in the silence, Sam Winchester was just around the corner grinning stupidly at his brother and the angel.

To help me see myself clearer
I never meant to start a fire
I never meant to make you bleed
I'll be a better man today

Dean removed his hand from under the running water and slipped his shirt over his head tossing it to the side not caring where it landed. He dipped his hands in the filling tub and brushed the water through his hair and over his face, the small droplets of water coating his skin lightly.

I'll be good, I'll be good...

Dean unbuckled his belt and pulled it through the loops and tossed beside to where his shirt had landed, He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans pulling them down past his waist and to his his ankles, he kicked them off.

And i'll...Love the world like I should...

Dean traced his fingers along the waistline of his boxers, the feeling of the fabric reminded him of Cas once again. He closed his eyes and lifted his head to face the ceiling. 

Cas was laying on the bed, his back leaning against the headboard lazily as the rest of him was sprawled out among the old motel bed. His blue crystal eyes were fixed upon Deans figure, never breaking contact. Cas studied the shine of Deans tanned skin from being outside for the Hunts he accompanied himself with them with, He studied the beauty of Deans frame, the way his muscles moved along with his movements. His freshly toned abs lined among his body, Dean was a truly beautiful human. Gorgeous...Dean looked at Cas and grinned, emerald green locked with crystal blue. Not breaking eye contact, Dean crawled on to the bed. The motel bed protesting against the additional weight. Dean's pupils were blown and filled with lust and hunger just as Cas's eyes were. When Dean was in reach of him Cas reached out and traced his finger along the thin line of Dean's boxers, Dean reached his hands down and ran his hands up Cas's body soothingly, "Beautiful...My Angel" Dean said, going back down and stopping his hands at the line of Cas's boxers, Dean flicked his eyes down then back up at Cas. With a small nod from Cas, Dean pulled Cas's boxers down slightly and leaned his head down licking the free skin. 

Cas hummed in pleasure at the movement, Dean moved his heaad back up and captured Cas's lips with his own. Kissing his angel with all the passion he had, and Cas gladly returned it wanting to please his hunter. Cas gripped the thin rim of Deans boxers and pulled them down, biting Dean's bottom lip gently but growling to assert his dominance. "Mine..." He said.

Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good
For all of the time
That I never could

Dean put his head back down causing small droplets of water to flick off of the tips of his hair. Dean took a deep breath and pulled his boxers down and tossed them aside, then slipping off his socks quickly. The cold air welcoming his exposed his skin, Dean crawled in to the now filled tub but didn't care to turn off the running water. Dean settled himself in the tub, his head leaning against the end of it. He intertwined his fingers together and rested them on his upper chest, he closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the water running. The warm water soothing his skin and hugging him..He dosed off slightly, his head slipping under the welcoming water. He opened his eyes for a second looking at the sight before him from underneath the water. He then closed his eyes once more, and just laid there. His senses began to dull and blacken.

So I wield an iron fist
Grace is just weakness

He felt the water consume him as his senses finally gave out. This was it..He may finally get to see his Cas..His Angel..He continued to hope silently in his head. He was finally getting what he wanted. But his hopes were cut off when Dean soon woke, still in the tub but above water and being held by caring arms. He coughed harshly, water escaping from his mouth.

Or so I've been told
I've been cold, I've been merciless

Dean had opened his eyes slightly only to see a worried Sam in the bathroom and what looked to be dried tears. "Damn it Dean!" He said, his voice hoarse. Sam wiped his eyes and looked at Dean again with his worried look. But, if Sam was there..Then who was holding him? Dean closed his eyes and reopened them to look at his supporter. He met a pair of crystal blue eyes looking back at him, "W-Who?.." Dean managed to stutter out.

But the blood on my hands scares me to death
Maybe I'm waking up today

"Castiel.." Cas told Dean softly. Dean managed to sit up more in the tub with the support of Cas, Dean smiled weakly and chuckled with disbelief. One of his hands reaching up to touch the side of his lovers face, Cas placed a hand over Deans and nuzzled Deans hand lightly. "Sshh.." said Cas, "Save your strength". Dean nodded but kept his hand with Cas's. "You're here..." Dean whispered weakly, a small smile repainting his face. 

"I am.." Cas said, returning the smile to Dean. And with that, Cas leaned down and captured Deans lips with his. The kiss was gentle and reassuring, Dean Winchester finally knew for sure he had his angel back.

I'll be good, I'll be good... 

Castiel...