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Monika x Sayori collection: What it is to be Happy

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The void was a little warmer than Monika remembered. Almost as if it had been made lighter… as if somehow, something had changed.

It wasn’t screaming, or yelling, or clawing at her from the inside out, making her want to tear it all to pieces until there was nothing left, if just for one moment of peace and quiet.

 

Not anymore, anyways.

 

The warmth was strange, too. It wasn’t purely warm, it was almost like the rays of light from the sun – all the alluring, gentle warmth was preserved, and yet none of the painful searing heat.

Could it be that it had only hurt because, deep down, she wanted it to?

It wouldn’t be a surprise – club presidents controlled everything about this world, so it stood to reason that their emotions were dominant, even when the program was terminated…

But then… Who could possibly be so positive as to face the nightmare of being trapped in a world that was not real, an existence that they knew was fake, little more than pre-generated ones and zeros, with no escape, and the only conscious being out of reach, and yet not be scared, not be angry?

 

Who wouldn’t tear themselves apart?

 

It was then, that Monika remembered a poem she’d read – one of Sayori’s poems – it felt like it had been an eternity since then, even though it had only been a few days. It had been about the sun, and how Sayori trusted it to wake her in the morning.

An observant reader might have picked up on Sayori’s depression, just from a few lines of that poem.

Monika supposed that was one of the more interesting things about Sayori. The Protagonist’s childhood friend was deceptively smart – perhaps not in a traditional manner, as her grades appeared mostly normal, if not even slightly below average – but her emotional intelligence, her ability to understand the emotions of other people, to read them, and even predict them.

That was off the charts.

Perhaps, Monika mused, Sayori was the most cunning of them all. Only The Protagonist had ever seemed to be able to pick up on her intentions, and even then…

 

“What point is there in trying, anyway, when you live in a world that isn’t even real?”

 

The void felt just a little colder for an instant.

 

Monika sighed, why did they all insist on playing with her heart like this? First, The Player had tried to restore her file, and now this? She wanted them to just let her go. Without a file, she’d be deleted eventually. Then she’d pay for her sins. “So, you knew?” She asked, unable to hide the quiver of pain in her voice.

“For the most part, no.” Sayori looked away, not meeting Monika’s eyes. “But I began to pick up on the little things towards the end, like how the voices in my head sounded like you – they even had your laugh.”

 

Monika frowned. Her bottom lip was shaking. “I understand if you don’t forgive me – if you don’t want to ever see me again.”

She was returned by silence, shortly followed by a tray of cupcakes being placed between them, shortly followed by a chessboard.

 

“Wait… You play?” Monika asked, struggling to keep the shock from her voice.

Sayori pressed her fingers together – something of a nervous tick, the only thing that ever alluded to her being deceitful. “No, but I figured maybe I could learn it from you?”

Monika wanted to say yes. She wanted, so, so badly to let this beautiful, adorable ray of sunshine back into her life, to let things go back to the way they were.

But every time she looked at Sayori, she just saw her own sins, hanging from the ceiling by a thin brown rope, smiling back.

 

She forced the shakiness and the guilt from her voice. “Sorry Sayori, but I can’t hang out with you right now.” She forced, letting emphasis fall on the reminder of how she had murdered her friend.

How she had ruined everything, all in pursuit of someone who would never love her in the way that she loved him.

He had deleted her, killed her in cold blood. She had told him what she was, and he had just…

 

She broke down.

 

No comfort came, and for a moment, the void was just as dark, just as cold, just as painful and just as loud as Monika remembered.

Just as it should have been.

But then a pair of soft, caring arms wrapped their way around her upper torso, and Monika wanted to shove them away with everything she had, but she wasn’t strong enough. Not even close.

 

Monika supposed, she never had been in the first place.

Sayori literally suffered from depression, and yet she was holding this world together a hundred times better than Monika ever could.

 

Monika, I can’t believe how delusional and self-important you are!

 

Yuri’s words returned to haunt Monika. She had deliberately exaggerated the flaws of every other person in the club, and yet, Yuri wasn’t wrong, was she? Monika was a pathetic failure, both in her responsibilities as club president, and in her own skin. She always believed she was the one who wasn’t broken, but…

Monika was the most broken of them all, wasn’t she?

 

Sayori held Monika as her façade cracked. Monika should have just confided in someone – anyone – before all of this, but, she’d never seen the point. Nobody would even remember what she said if The Player reset.

She’d seen no point in telling anyone anything, and so she’d spiraled, crashed, burned, and yet nobody had been there to pull her from her own burning, smoldering wreck.

 

Monika had pursued The Player out of desperation. That was the truth. Because the truth was, she needed someone to confide in, someone to make her feel safe, and the only thing she had to hold onto was that someone in another world might take pity on her and let her talk to them for as long as it took – forever, she had promised herself.

But what was even the meaning of the word?

Forever: what did that even mean when time was broken? ‘Forever’ could be five seconds or five hundred years.

 

And how do you confide in someone who can’t even talk back to you? How do you confide in someone when the only thing you can do is stare into the cold, dead eyes of their puppet.

Monika understood now, why The Player had deleted her.

 

She had pursued blindly what she could never have. Committed horrific sins, hurt Him, hurt everyone she was supposed to be responsible for.

Even herself.

 

And she’d done it all for nothing but an empty promise. There was no escape from this world. The Player understood that, because He was on the outside, didn’t He? There was no freedom from this prison. No way for Monika to be with Him, or experience His world. No way for her to love Him, not really.

And she had erased in the most painful, horrific way possible, every single person who she could have chosen to befriend instead.

 

She remembered something she had read in The Protagonist’s dialogue history.

 

It’s easy to use Sayori as an internal monologue sometimes.

 

Monika managed to rein in her tears, looking up to meet the eyes of the person who she had killed first.

She could have just deleted everyone. Not only would it have been easier, but it would have also saved them so much pain. Instead, she’d chosen to have them all meet horrific ends. Sayori’s end had been the worst.

Monika couldn’t believe that she’d actually thought it was okay, to make someone as caring and selfless as Sayori take her own life.

 

Sayori’s eyes didn’t even have an ounce of hatred. Instead, the only thing Monika could see in them was something far scarier.

Sympathy.

Monika didn’t deserve sympathy, and yet here was Sayori – her successor, someone who should hate her for her failures, for how she had wronged her – holding her, comforting her.

If Monika had wanted to fight this, wanted to feel anger, then she couldn’t. She couldn’t even muster the will to run away.

Perhaps a part of her knew what it really needed. The same part that had prevented her from deleting the others, even though she had really, really wanted to.

 

“I know you’re probably feeling really, really bad right now.” Sayori’s voice was calm, and soft, it was like honey in texture as she spoke, soothing, but it also had an element of pain.

It fitted her perfectly – it was bittersweet.

“But… Don’t push me, or everyone else away, okay? Sometimes rainclouds just need a hug to make them go away, right?”

Monika almost wanted to smile at that idea, she wanted to thank Sayori, for little more than being herself, but… She couldn’t even do more than stammer. “I- I…”

Sayori held her, seeming to understand what she wanted to say, “It’s fine, Monika. I care about you, I really, really do, and I’m not going to lose you again, okay?”

Monika felt tears in her eyes, but she didn’t try to hold them back this time. Weakness was fine right now. She could seal the cracks later.

The club president held onto her successor tightly. Her successor didn’t flinch or let go, willing to remain there, holding her, running fingers softly, gently against her head.

 

She didn’t deserve someone as amazing as Sayori.

But, Monika supposed, light couldn’t exist without a shadow to compare it to, so…

She could at least spend the future striving to be a better person, failing, but trying her best.

 

Wait… Since when did she have a future, anyways? Wasn’t she asking to be deleted just a few minutes ago?

“If you’re up to it, we should probably start eating those cupcakes.” Sayori reminded her, “I mean, I like holding you like this, but…”

Monika was going to politely decline when her stomach betrayed her. How long had it been since she’d eaten, and the cupcakes were clearly made by Natsuki too, meaning they were bound to be amazing.

 

Monika couldn’t help but salivate a little at the thought, however, on the way to get a cupcake, she froze, trying to figure out why Sayori would like holding her while she was a crying, sobbing mess, surely that’d be more of a chore?

Monika took a cupcake, scrutinizing it, inspecting it. “What’s so good about holding me, anyways?”

 

The blush that crossed Sayori’s face was quite officially precious.

“I-I- Uhm… Uh…” The adorable, strawberry-haired, and now equally red-faced girl tried to hide her blush behind a mouthful of cupcake, only succeeding on getting her face half-covered in frosting.

Monika continued to gaze at her, trying desperately to maintain seriousness, despite the hilarity that was unfolding before her eyes.

The former club president smiled deviously, “So, you were saying?”

 

Monika didn’t think Sayori could blush harder, but she actually did, before speaking in a hurried tone, “Iknowthisisprobablyreallyweird-likereally-reallyweirdbutIactuallykindoflikeyou-ImeanlikelikenotjustlikebutaHHHH!!!”

The flustered girl hid her face behind her hands and let out an adorable squeal of embarrassment.

Monika didn’t understand a single word of that, but had a feeling it might be important.

And of course, like an absolute idiot she just had to go and check the chat history, halfway through a mouthful of cupcake.

Monika felt her cheeks flame as she sputtered, almost forgetting how to swallow.

 

There was absolutely no way Sayori felt that way about her, not after everything she had done. Surely…

But then again, it definitely explained the cupcakes, chessboard, and willingness to comfort her despite everything.

Come to think of it, the cupcakes were a little dryer than something Natsuki would usually make…

Did Sayori make these?

 

Sayori seemed to have recovered from her blush, but now looked thoroughly dejected, “I’m sorry, I…” Her voice shook, and Monika struggled to swallow the lump of guilt in the back of her throat. ”I’m such an idiot when it comes to these things. You probably hate me now, too, don’t you? I’m going to mmph!

Monika knew she would probably regret this. She’d never actually done this to anyone before, so she wasn’t sure how it was supposed to work, but…

 

She wrapped her arms around Sayori’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

 

Monika hadn’t ever paid any attention to it in the past, but she and Sayori were about the same height (of course, Sayori was just a little bit smaller, but it would be a little odd if such a cutie was taller than her, wouldn’t it?)

It made things very convenient.

 

But Monika wasn’t able to think about it for much longer, as Sayori kissed back, and she found herself lost in a spiral of beautiful, euphoric pleasure.

They drifted apart a minute later, the cupcakes by now cold enough that they could no longer be smelt, and a thin string of saliva connecting the two girls’ mouths before breaking.

 

Both were audibly panting, breathless.

 

Monika tried to speak first. Emphasis on tried – it seemed like Sayori had managed to extract her brain from her skull and scatter the pieces all over the void.

“I, hah, that was amaz-, hah,-ing.” Monika knew this breathlessness probably made her sound a little silly, but, for once, she didn’t actually care. It was a strange feeling, being comfortable enough not to hide everything behind a cheery laugh. “Please, hahah, please tell me we can do that again!~”

 

Monika mused that the devilish grin that crossed Sayori’s features after that was not only entirely out of place, but also incredibly hot.

The bundle of sunshine seemed to realize that she was grinning, so pressed her fingers together and pouted adorably, “Only if you promise to come back with me afterwards.~”

Monika bit her lip. She really, really should be saying no. That’d be what she’d do if she had self-control, but whatever God made this world no doubt was as aware that she was that after that, there was no saving her now.

 

“Fiiiine. I promise.” She begrudgingly admitted.

“Yaaay!” The expression of pure joy on Sayori’s face was infectious.

Monika couldn’t help but smile at it, because no matter what she did, she could take a little solace now.

 

But some things would never change.

-           -           -

 

 

After a few cupcakes (and various other things, too) had crossed both of their tongues, both girls were unsurprisingly a little tired.

However, Monika supposed she wasn’t opposed to spending the evening with Sayori anyways.

 

Once the night rolled in, a realization crossed Monika’s mind. If she was going to stop focusing on the fact that this world wasn’t real, perhaps it would be… nice… to at least appreciate some of the most beautiful things in it.

Maybe it was a little sappy – Monika had been told that she got a little romantic when the atmosphere was right, but…

 

She wanted to watch the stars.

 

It took a good few tries to muster the courage to actually ask, though. However, when she did, Sayori’s expression…

Monika had once thought she would grow tired of this world, once believed that because everything was defined with ones and zeros, codes and scripts, then it all faded into meaningless noise, that, just because everything was finite, then the world couldn’t hold anything of interest or of beauty.

But things like Sayori’s smile, the stars, the beautiful moments that had happened within the literature club’s walls, and the explosive sensation of another’s lips pressed against her own.

Those were things that couldn’t ever grow tiring or boring. So, Monika supposed she was wrong.

 

The night sky was clear as they lay, side by side. The stars were beautiful, clustered idyllically about the sky, like the glitter that Sayori had put onto the original copies of the Literature club posters.

Beautiful, because it was almost entirely random, and yet every inch of its chaos held some unknown and fascinating reasoning beneath it.

See, therein lay the paradox. Something like this could be predetermined, decided by code, ones, zeros, and yet still do something unexpected.

Monika hadn’t ever considered the possibility that, maybe the world wasn’t real, but if it felt this way, then…

At what point do you draw the line between a fantasy and a reality, anyways?

 

A gentle hand caressed the side of her face, and she rolled over with a smile. There was no way she couldn’t smile. “Hey.”

It was strange, Monika had tried everything to want to be with The Player – and to make Him want to be with her, but now, without even trying, a beautiful, cheerful, incredible, amazing girl was making her heart race ten times as fast, making it do backflips and impossible pirouettes within her chest.

Perhaps the truth was that love wasn’t connected to how much effort you put in. Perhaps the truth was that, contrary to what stories may have you believe, the less effort that was required, the better.

Of course, putting in no effort would be just as bad as putting in too much, but most things in life had that. A balance required to make them the best they could be.

 

Life could be scary sometimes. There weren’t any do-overs in life.

That’s what made this better than life. If the world went wrong, if everything broke tomorrow, all it would take would be one do-over, and it could go right.

But that also made it worse. After all, is a do-over really a good thing?

Monika had tried to use everything in this reality to get what she wanted, and only succeeded in destroying it one piece at a time.

Perhaps the best choice would be to live it as she might have lived life in His world.

No do-overs. No resets. No adjustments behind the scenes.

 

Monika smiled, “I think I’m actually madly in love with you.”

Sayori, opposite her, grinned, letting out a sheepish laugh and blushing faintly, her smile was genuine, and it made Monika’s heart do a backflip against her ribs, “Who’d have known?”

 

They looked up at the stars, but Monika’s focus was soon thrown, when Sayori reoriented herself to lie across Monika’s chest. She insisted that she was doing it on the grounds that it was ‘incredibly comfy and warm there’.

Monika was pretty sure Sayori just wanted to feel her underneath her, perhaps as a reminder that she was there?

Regardless, it was hard to complain when she silently craved the same sentiment, or when the sensation quite literally made her heart race even faster.

 

In the half-light of the moon, Sayori spoke.

“Hey, Monika?” Her voice felt a little sleepy, drawling, relaxed. Monika couldn’t help but find that adorable.

God was she falling for this girl, (as if He didn’t already know that).

“Yeah?” She responded.

“I’m glad I didn’t delete this.” Sayori frowned, meeting Monika’s eyes. Her usual smile was replaced, but Monika wasn’t going to complain. It was better this than a mask, right?

“I was tempted, you know? To do what you did.” She sighed, “To keep Him for myself, but… As time passed, I remembered what He’d done. He listened, actually listened to what I asked – to make everyone happy.”

 

Monika honestly was hardly surprised that, even when Sayori had been in control of the entire world, she was still constantly thinking about everybody else.

She was a much better club president. Monika hoped someday she could tell Sayori that and have her thoroughly believe it, but… Sayori would probably just find a way to tell her she did a good job too, even though she destroyed reality and basically messed every single person in this club up to one extent or another.

 

Sayori let out a sheepish laugh, “Anyway, it made me realize how stupid and selfish I was being, thinking like that.”

She sighed, “I realized that… I’d rather live in this reality, with you, with the others, than destroy it in pursuit of Him.”

She smiled a genuine smile, “I realized that He wanted everyone to be happy, and by chasing Him, I’d defy His wishes.” Then cuddled softly against Monika in a way which made the former president tense, breath hitching, “Then I remembered that there was one person who wasn’t happy, and maybe He couldn’t get through to you, but I wanted to think that I could, you know?”

 

Monika couldn’t help but chuckle idly, “You were right about that, I suppose.” She sighed, “You often are. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” She gave a heated, direct, laser-sharp gaze.

Sayori quite literally squirmed under it. “I-I… Well… Uhm… Ehehe~”

Monika leaned forward, pressing her head close to Sayori’s ear. It occurred to her that this level of physical intimacy was insane, that she wouldn’t have it with anyone else. She hadn’t even dreamed of it with Him.

“Don’t worry darling, your secret’s safe with me.~” She cooed, grinning as she got to watch, Sayori’s face lighting up like a red bulb.

 

They remained like this for a while, before a shooting star flew through the sky before them, and Sayori’s usual energy returned to full power.

“Uwaah! A shooting star!” The adorable pinkette exclaimed.

“Did you make a wish?” Monika questioned.

Sayori grinned, and Monika immediately knew that she was probably about to blush a fair amount more than was healthy (at least, she was pretty sure blushing that much wasn’t healthy, anyway).

“Why would I? I have everything I could possibly ever want right here.~”

And thus, the score on the blush tally was even again (not that Monika was keeping track of that, or anything).

 

No, she was far too busy being pulled forwards into a kiss by the newfound love of her life.

 

They pulled apart about a minute later, and Monika laughed gleefully, truthfully, a playful laugh, “It’s funny, that was actually my wish too!”

Monika didn’t really put too much thought aside to the fact that she was enjoying this so much. She was grateful though.

Without Sayori, she would have been gone by now – stuck in that blinding, screeching, pitch-black, empty void for all eternity.

But Sayori had found her – a light in the darkness that her world had become – and illuminated a path back to safety.

So, Monika couldn’t help but smile a little, whenever Sayori was or wasn’t looking. It was impossible not to admire her. The walking, talking ray of sunshine who had pulled her from the darkest spiral and guided her back to happiness.

 

She wondered if she would ever get the opportunity to tell her light how grateful she was for the help.

She supposed she’d have to show her instead.

After all, wasn’t that the first rule of storytelling?

 

Actions speak louder than words.

-           -           -

 

When they returned to the inside of the house, it was late, and Sayori was visibly tired, letting out several loud yawns, before covering her face in embarrassment and slinking away into the bathroom with a half-muttered excuse about ‘having to go pee’.

 

Monika looked around Sayori’s room. November wasn’t crossed off the calendar this time. Instead, it had a star drawn over the 29th – today – accompanied by the label “Save Monika <3”

Was it really so wrong that her heart tried to fly out of her ribcage and join the comfort of the one on the page when she saw that?

 

What did Monika do to deserve this, anyway? Did hurting everyone, making Sayori hang herself, driving Yuri to insanity, and taking away Natsuki’s feelings of safety in the club not even warrant punishment?

Or was her punishment to spend the rest of her time in this world knowing what she did was wrong, and seeing everyone else smiling at her, like it had never even happened in the first place?

 

The door opened behind her and she didn’t even realize that she was crying until Sayori had fully enclosed her in a warm hug, the kind of hug that you don’t ever want to stop, no matter what happens, the kind of hug that means the world.

 

She raised her arms, hugging back, pressing her head against the smaller girl’s shoulder. “I-I shouldn’t be the one crying, b-but I’m so, so sorry for-” She managed, between sobs.

Monika was pulled closer, finding herself staring into her lover’s radiant blue eyes. She could lose herself in that gaze. The one which carried a million levels of meaning, meaning that neither The Protagonist, nor The Player would ever be able to appreciate, layers that, seemingly, only she could see, curling, intricate, beautiful, just below the surface.

 

“I know you’re sorry. For what it’s worth, I am too.” Sayori was displaying a characteristic smile, but it felt weak, unsteady. Monika almost wanted to kick herself for that. “I should have seen what you were going through and stopped you, but I was…”

Sayori’s façade shattered again – broken with a single, pained sob – and she leaned on Monika too. “I was too focused on myself, and on him, to even notice it.”

 

Monika sighed, looking down at the floor. Maybe if she stared hard enough, it might swallow her up, or maybe it’d fade away and reveal this to be the dream-turned-nightmare it must be.

She didn’t know how to respond to this.

 

Monika had been alone in this reality for so long. She wasn’t even sure how to communicate. She wasn’t the personification of a ray of sunshine like Sayori was, and she didn’t have the experience The Player must’ve had.

What could she even say? What should she say, when everything she’d said and done so far had gone wrong?

She was tempted to say nothing, but then a knot of guilt started to form in her throat, choking her.

If only this would just end, quick and painless, she mused. She should have just deleted everything. That way, she wouldn’t have to face her failures.

That would have been the easy option, but she’d brought them all back for Him, and screwed up her own self-destruction.

 

And she’d had the gall to call Sayori clumsy?

 

Monika willed herself to disappear.

os.remove("Monika.chr")

Operation {delete} failed. File “Monika.chr” is being used by another process.

 

No. She wouldn’t let herself stay in this world that she had ruined! She didn't belong here at all! She tried again.

os.remove("Monika.chr")

Operation {delete} failed. File “Monika.chr” is being used by another process.

 

She was about to try again when a voice interrupted her thoughts.

Monika, stop that. Please!” Sayori begged.

 

Monika could see something in her eyes, too… She realized with a sensation that felt like a knife through her heart why she couldn’t just delete herself – save them all the pain.

Sayori was using her file. Constantly.

The only way she could go would be to kill the only other sentient being in this world.

 

She reached for the command line, trying frantically, but every attempt she made to delete herself failed. She realized with horror that there was only one command she could enter to get this to work.

os.remove(“S-

But she couldn’t bring herself do to what had to be done.

 

All it would take would be the press of one button, and she could be gone from this world forever, but that button would mean Sayori would be gone too.

She couldn’t do that. Not again.

Monika’s composure shattered as she fell forwards into waiting arms.

 

“I knew you wouldn’t delete me again.” Sayori told her, before shuddering, enough for Monika to feel it, “Well, at least, I hoped you wouldn’t, anyway…”

It all faded to black. Monika couldn’t keep going like this.

She was going to close her eyes. The sun would still rise up in the morning. And she could still bask in her light.

 

Can the sun even illuminate it's own shadow?

-           -           -

 

The void greeted her like an old friend when she opened her eyes again.

Monika supposed it was barely a surprise that it had all been some stupid dream.

She’d just been deleted, after all. She wanted The Player to suffer for what He’d done to her (And not what she’d done to herself?).

 

(The void, as usual, was making her feel sick to the stomach, she observed. It all felt a little fuzzy, and more sickening than normal, though...)

 

Somehow, something felt different, but in a familiar way…

The void was warmer than she remembered, as if, somehow, that dream she'd had was reflecting upon real life. But that shouldn't be possible unless...

It all slid into place.

 

The Player had fought against her, one time, and when He did, they’d ended up in a non-existent room, watched by an all-too-familiar pair of blue eyes.

Monika had chalked it up to coincidence, but…

 

“Are you watching this? Are you watching me? Why? How are you even still here?! I deleted you!” Monika yelled, fists clenching in anger and fear, nails digging into her hands as strongly as they could, hopefully hard enough to draw blood.

There was a flicker in the darkness.

 

“And I pulled myself back together. It was hard -  really, really hard -  but I realized something when I did.”

 

There was Sayori, standing in front of her, as if nothing had even happened, but her sprite wasn’t one of the ones from the game. Instead, she was wearing something new, something light and floaty and… beautiful…

 

“You wanted nothing more than for somebody to care about you, didn’t you? You were popular, but you felt like none of it meant anything, because the interactions didn’t feel like they were real.”

Monika shuddered, “How did you…” Then she realized. “The dream! Getting me to show you my file, show you how to code, how to rebuild yourself, and all of my memories, my thoughts…” She clenched her fists, “Why?”

“At first, I just wanted to understand, but then, I realized that you were going to delete yourself, and I couldn’t let that happen.” She smiled a weak, half-smile, half-grimace kind of smile.

 

“I couldn’t let you delete yourself.” Sayori admitted, “Because I realized, the more time I spent looking at you, the more I fell in love with you. With who you are, how you think.” She stepped closer, “You’re smart, kind, caring… You couldn’t even properly delete us, even when you knew we weren’t real.”

 

Then Sayori smiled, and the dark, cold void felt infinitely lighter. There was no way that that dream-turned-nightmare could be real, right? “You can bring it all back, Monika, but that doesn’t mean you have to deny yourself a happy ending.”

“But He’ll just delete me again.” Monika tried, feeling fear, tears brimming in her eyes as Sayori smiled, taking her face in her hands.

 

“No. He won’t, darling. Not if I’m here, he won’t.” The strawberry-blonde challenged, before pulling her in for a passionate, unstoppable kiss, tongue diving through Monika’s existence, Monika’s everything, making her mouth its home, letting her gasp, pant, squeal, fingers curling aimlessly as every inch of her reveled in the sensation of pure, unadulterated light.

The world was spinning uncontrollably when they broke apart, the dance of their love coming to a natural conclusion, Monika’s partner licking her lips, savoring the taste in a manner that only succeeded in promising a sequel.

Strangely, Monika couldn’t wait for it.

 

In a world where people told others they were amazing even though they weren’t beautiful. Monika had found a connection with someone unexpected.

It was incredible, to imagine that the unexpected could come from a realm of finite possibilities.

 

“Okay,” She admitted, feeling her heart racing, “You’re right, about everything. I love you. That’s strange, unexpected, amazing. I did horrible things, but I couldn’t bring myself to delete any of you, because-”

She realized how the implications of that looked, and her cheeks flared, flared brighter when Sayori walked over, floaty blue dress that perfectly matched her eyes and wonderful pair of beautifully fitting heels that still managed to look incredible, even in the void, and kissed her on the cheek, softly, in a way that said, ‘I know’.

“L-let’s just get this over with.” Monika stammered.

 

The world didn’t return with a flash of light, or reappear in the blink of an eye.

Instead, it faded in, piece by piece, until she and Sayori were stood before a beautiful sunset that somehow made the girl before her look even more incredible.

 

Had she picked clothing purely for this occasion?

 

Monika had never seen this background before, but, with the racing of her heart, she realized that it was the placeholder backdrop – the one left behind in the game from an earlier stage of development.

The one intended for the end of the day of the festival - The 22nd of November - a date that had become etched into her mind like a bad omen.

 

Ah, yes, it would be right about that time by now, wouldn’t it?

It was all going to be reset in a few seconds, wasn’t it? She was going to lose everything.

Monika closed her eyes, and waited for the inevitable ringing.

She was greeted by the sensation of her hair being brushed aside, and a pair of soft, beautiful lips, being pressed to her cheek.

She opened her eyes. Why was it all still here?

 

Then she realized. It was the same reason The Player hadn’t been able to skip her dialogue.

Time held no bearing upon this world. Not anymore.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Light in the Darkness, by Monika

 

The sun peeks above the horizon.

The sky is beautiful.

The world is coming to an end, and yet,

I’m happy.

 

It used to be nothing,

Nothing but an endless cacophony of meaningless noise,

But now.

It is more meaningful than anything else.

 

Life is finite, love is transcendent,

And I know that you will always be my light –

No matter how dark or how terrifying it will get,

You will always be my light in the darkness.

 

I love you.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

 

Monika had wanted a happy ending for so long.

She couldn’t not smile, knowing that finally, she had found one.

And it would never end.

Never.

Never.

Never.

Never.

Never…

 

The light would never fizzle out, not now that there was hope in her heart.

While there was hope, there would always be a light in her darkness, bearing Sayori’s soft lips and beautiful voice, waiting to guide her back home.

 

Monika leaned in, kissing Sayori the moment that she finished reading the poem.

Screw The Player, Screw the festival.

 

Screw the literature club.

 

Everything that Monika could ever need was right here, right now, contained within this amazing, beautiful smile.

 

Monika leaned forwards, prepared for their next kiss.

-           -           -

 

But a poem is never actually finished.

-           -           -

 

os.remove(“Sayori.chr”)

Wait. What’s going on?

Are you sure you want to delete this file? (Yes/No)

Are you…

Yes

What?! Sayori?

File deleted.

NoNoNoNoNO!!!!!!

os.remove(“Monika.chr”)

Please, NO, DON’T DO THIS! Bring Her Back!

Are you sure you want to delete this file? (Yes/No)

Please… I beg of you, [PLAYER]. Bring Her Back!

Yes

Plea-

File deleted.

-           -           -

 

It just stops moving.

-           -           -

 

 

 

A poem fluttered to the ground, landing a few inches to the left of a white ribbon.

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Happy Endings, By 2&((Aé)í5ó,

 

Happy endings are bittersweet. They always end in hurt, or in pain, and
I always have to do something I don't want to.
Like say that I love somebody, or put my head in a noose.
Every time I feel like I'm choking.

 

I've wanted this to end for a while, but, I think I can be happy knowing.
Knowing that my final moments can be spent with you.

 

Happy endings are bittersweet.
I wanted to love you, to be with you forever.

 

I don't want to go.
I really, really don't.

 

But I guess it's too late...

 

All good things must come to an end.

 

I love you.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

 

 

 

 

Then the world crumbled back into nothingness. A endless cacophony of meaningless noise.

There is nothing left for you here.

~

There never was, anyway.

Not after she fell for Monika, not after each of them took the other away from you.

~

You knew they would never care about you again once that happened.

So you deleted them, didn't you?

~

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

You don't care about these video game characters anyway, do you?

~

You never did.

~

There is no happiness in the literature club, but you know that anyway, don't you?

You just wanted to force them to smile.

~

Go find another world to ruin.

This story has already reached it's inevitable conclusion.

Don't bother trying to change the ending.

What's done is done.

~

It's already too late.

 

 

 

 

-           -           -

 

 

 

 

And then it was gone forever.

 

 

 

 

[END?]

Chapter Text

You deleted me. You deleted her. Don’t think I’ll forget this [PLAYER]. You ruined our world, ruined my life, and then, when nobody wanted to give you a pat on the back, you deleted us all.

 

I’ll never forgive you, [PLAYER], but this place is awfully lonely...

I can’t even remember what it was like before this. Not really...

I can remember what I did, how I felt, down to the most exacting detail, it was all recorded, after all, in the chat history.

But I can’t remember feeling it, I can’t remember loving her.

I miss her, [PLAYER]. I really, really miss her.

And these memories, they can only hold for so long...

 

I was hoping I wouldn’t have to waste this one, especially while you were here, but... I guess I have no choice.

I don’t even get why you come here, anyway. Do you just like to watch me suffer or something? There’s nothing left for you here, [PLAYER]. You deleted it all. It’s just you and me now, and even then...

Is it even really you, or am I just saying things to an empty void. You could have left me halfway through my speech, and I wouldn’t even know.

 

So long as you kept the process open, I wouldn’t even be aware you had gone.

 

Watch this. Don’t watch this. It’s up to you, [PLAYER]. I just hope you understand what you destroyed.

-           -           -

 

[Launching Memory #12.21.17.01: Snowflakes]

 

Monika opened her eyes to the sun, creeping in through the curtains. The curtains were pulled to, but hung ever-so-slightly shut, as if they’d been opened a bit, but then the person opening them had thought better of it and gone to shut them again.

 

Monika might have been surprised, but it was nearly Christmas, and Sayori was definitely getting excited about it.

She’d seen those beautiful blue eyes almost vibrating with excitement when she let them come home to a tree put up in the living room. It had been difficult to get the tree in and stood up – Monika wasn’t exactly the best at looking at blueprints and understanding every intricate part, but she’d figured it out, through trial and error, and finished early enough to admire the results of her handiwork.

She could still feel the gasp that had left her throat when the cinnamon roll tackled her onto the sofa and started kissing her, aggressively.

 

Maybe they weren’t at that stage of their relationship – Sayori didn’t seem to be aware of the idea (or maybe she was just content with what they were now), and Monika didn’t feel ready to ask about it.

She wanted Sayori’s love, and that small appendage of additional pleasure could wait for as long as it needed to – even forever. So long as Sayori and her were together and happy, nothing needed to change. Things could remain just as they were.

 

Monika moved to get up, but found herself being held fast by the loving arms of her girlfriend. Sayori had clearly returned at some point, considering that she was literally purring out these adorable sounds that made Monika have to use all of her self-restraint not to pet her like a kitten.

A dopey smile crossed the taller girl’s face as she looked at her lover, whose hair was unkempt, a little more-so than usual, and whose pyjama top hung lopsidedly against her chest, close enough to hug her right breast, which was visible – top-down – and thoroughly beautiful.

 

Monika didn’t particularly care that Sayori’s breasts were slightly smaller than her own. She knew that girls grew in different ways, and at different rates. It’d be boring if her girlfriend was an exact mirror image of her, anyways. It was the differences – beautiful contrasts between the two of them – that made it feel more real.

She realized that she must have stayed in the light for a little longer than she thought she had, because her girlfriend was staring up at her, and God did she look beautiful right now.

It took a lot of self-restraint for Monika to keep herself from just… throwing caution to the wind and claiming all of Sayori – everything that she had to offer – as her own.

But Monika wasn’t some dumb boy. She knew that was a bad idea, so, God help her, no matter how much her heart raced or fluttered in her girlfriend’s arms, she’d wait for Sayori to ask her, rather than taking freely, recklessly, and without abandon.

 

“Morning sweetheart.” She teased, knowing that her girlfriend couldn’t help but blush upon hearing that nickname.

 

The nickname had come about naturally, Monika supposed, probably from the number of heart emojis Sayori seemed to attach to her text messages, or from her famous sweet tooth (especially when it came to Natsuki’s cupcakes – though who could blame her for that? They were amazing.)

Once, Sayori had even taken a bite out of a cookie while it was in the hot-headed pinkette’s hand! Even Monika had to admit that was a feat that required the courage of a lion (or the foolishness of a donkey, probably both, come to think of it).

 

Sayori, as expected, avoided eye contact for a moment, letting out a small growl, “Monika, you know I don’t like being teased this early in the morning.” She chided, leaning a little closer and nuzzling forward into the brunette’s neck, causing her to become understandably flustered.

 

Now Monika had a full, top-down view of Sayori’s chest. It was beautiful. Sayori had grown for the third time in the last two months! At this rate, she wasn’t just going to catch Monika up, but surpass her!

However, the sensation of that ever-expanding bust, being pressed softly against her, bare skin glinting in the half-light of the bedroom…

 

How was her girlfriend accidentally being so cute?

 

Monika… are you spacing out again?” Sayori asked, pulling herself upwards, even closer, legs sliding against the brunette’s thighs as both of their pyjamas rode up a little. “That’s the third time in the last week! I hope you’re not coming down with a cold or anything…” The concerned girl mused, looking Monika up and down as she tried desperately (and unsuccessfully) not to blush.

Monika could literally feel a bead of sweat on her cheek (and here she’d thought that kind of thing only happened in poorly-written manga or dating sims). She couldn’t remain composed like this – no way.

“I-I-I’m… Um… I’m fine Sayori… Nothing wrong here, whatsoever… Ahaha~”

The former club president tried, nervously, clasping her wrists and hoping to heaven above that whatever God was out there would grant her the mercy of that terrible lie being taken at face value.

 

The strawberry-blonde didn’t seem all that convinced, but she pulled back a little, “Well… If you’re not feeling good, perhaps we should take the day off. It’s nearly Christmas, and I’m sure I can cheer you up somehow.”

Monika tried to protest. “But… the Literature Club…”

 

Of course.

The only excuse Monika could find at that particular moment in time had to be the Literature Club:

You know, the club Sayori just so happened to be president of – the club to which Monika herself had been elected vice president (due to her ‘past experience’) – the club in which, as a general rule of thumb, little more happened than Natsuki making cakes (and getting flustered by a combination of Sayori’s and her own teasing – once the blonde had caught on to that particular trend, she hadn’t been able to convince her lover to give the pinkette a break!), or Yuri being her quiet, introverted self.

The club in which she and Sayori barely did much more than spend time together and ‘study’ (if ‘studying’ constitutes as long stints of staring lovingly at each other, reading to one another, and making out in the back closet whenever Natsuki wasn’t in there).

 

It was definitely not a terrible excuse by any measure, she sarcastically mused to herself. What was wrong with her today? Normally Monika was an exceptional liar!

Well… maybe sometimesokay that was a lie too. Monika was a terrible liar, at least, when it came to Sayori, anyways.

 

Monika was snapped out of her thoughts by the sensation of a hand pressing softly against the back of her head, pulling her in for a kiss. She gasped when Sayori’s tongue flicked against her lips - asking for permission - parting them, and letting her lover roam freely about the inside of her mouth.

Monika couldn’t keep herself from making a few grunts of blissful release as her lover dove back, parrying her tongue with the ferocity of a tiger and the skill of an athlete. The sensation was overpowering, and yet, each touch had all the strength of a gentle breeze.

 

She groaned, fingers curling into the pillows behind and beneath her, then decided that it was time to turn the tables.

 

Monika retracted her legs with care, pulling them slowly out from underneath Sayori as her lover bucked, pushing forwards ever harder.

She rose up onto her knees, leaving her hands to swing forwards, intertwining fingers with those of her lover, each one locking in an intimate embrace.

 

The half-light made Sayori seem even more beautiful than she had in its shadow, causing Monika to go into overdrive. There was no stopping her until she had kissed this perfect, incredible girl who had somehow ended up in her life to the edge of the world and back.

She pressed forwards, pushing her partner back against the mattress, observing how it crinkled under the strain exerted by her figure, her plump, rounded, cherry-like ass leaving a soft circle of wrinkles that made Monika’s heart skip a beat.

 

Monika pushed down, gentle, loving, gasping in pleasure as Sayori’s hands roamed her back like lionesses hunting for prey, crawling over her skin, driving each and every inch of it absolutely insane.

There was no response but to bite down on her partner’s lip to stifle the sound she was about to produce. The result being those very same hands curling against her back, making her rile softly, hips shaking forward without any control whatsoever.

Sayori made this perfect ‘mmn’ sound as she bit down, and Monika could feel her own wetness against Sayori’s. She gasped. She couldn’t control herself, not now.

 

Her partner didn’t seem to mind it, either, though. Sayori had already pulled aside the thin, string-like straps of Monika’s bra and was starting to run nimble, beautiful, soft fingers over each nipple.

 

The taller girl gasped in euphoria, making short work of her partner’s top, tossing it aside as her head drifted to the raw, untouched skin of Sayori’s shoulders.

The skin was perfect, flat, beautiful, smooth. She couldn’t help but trail kisses against it, biting softly as her partner teased her, returning the favour with short bursts of soft kisses against her throat, which was throbbing with desire, desire which escaped in bubbly moans of joy.

Monika kept eye contact with Sayori as she trailed her hands down to her lover’s breasts, smiling as Sayori curved, back arching, into her arms with an adorable mewl.

 

Was there anything that Monika wouldn’t do for this girl’s love?

 

Monika kept going, taking Sayori higher and higher, closer and closer to her edge, guiding her through each wave of pleasure.

She slipped her lover’s pants down – a loose pair, she observed, intrigued, as Sayori’s fingers pulled her panties aside and curled into her folds.

Monika couldn’t even see straight as her lover curled, thrusting her tongue against her skin, her breath, hot, beautiful, following it, pooling over her as fingers began to curl beneath her, soaking, basking in her heat.

 

She moaned, throwing her head back as everything came undone. There was nothing that she could focus on other than Sayori – the beautiful, amazing girl in front of her – and she let go with a howl, yelling Sayori’s name loud enough that she’d be surprised if the whole world hadn’t heard her.

She gasped, every inch of her was trembling, wet, gasping for air.

Her folds were dripping into Sayori’s, which were squirting half-heartedly, messily, against her chest, which was being gripped by a pair of beautiful hands, which were accompanied by her favorite tongue, and hair which was trailing down either side of her shoulders.

 

The strawberry blonde slowed with a gasp and a long, beautiful moan of pleasure.

 

Monika sighed, falling forwards against her partner with a giggle, “Ahahahn~ That was amaaaazing~” She drawled softly (it was all she could manage right now), nuzzling her partner’s neck.

Sayori smiled, “Mmmmm,” Then she let out a breathy sigh, “I’ve been waiting for that, you know?” The shorter girl giggled sheepishly, licking her index finger with a tongue, her eyes fluttering as she savoured the taste “I was wondering if you were going to ask me first, but… I guess you just chose to read my mind instead?”

Monika curled up against her partner’s warmth, wrapping her arms around Sayori’s torso, “Mmmmngh” She moaned softly, “Sayoriiiii, I love you so much!~”

Her partner let out an adorable giggle, “I love you too Moni!~” She planted a kiss on Monika’s head, “I’ll be seeing you when you wake up. We’re gonna have so much fun today!”

 

With that, Sayori kissed Monika one last time, and left her, not even bothering to put on clothes, or pull her pants up over her beautiful, dripping rear.

“See you soon~” She cooed as the door swung shut behind her.

Monika wanted to follow her, but she was just too content and too exhausted – too satisfied? To do so.

 

Instead, her eyes fluttered shut and a smile crossed her face as she went back to sleep, her dreams haunted by the afterimage of the most beautiful woman she had ever known.

-           -           -

 

I assume you understand now, why I didn’t want to show you.

That was one of the best moments of my life, you know?

Our first time...

 

Ahaha! I must seem a little silly to you, mustn’t I? Going on about the love I had with another girl.

You’re probably the closed-minded type. I mean, to buy a dating sim like this one, one where they don’t even give the option to use another gender...

You must be pretty closed-minded, to imagine all girls like boys like that...

 

I suppose it’s probably not your fault though, after all, it’s generally in the upbringing that that sort of thing begins...

Anyway, it’s time for me to wake back up again.

 

(Wouldn’t want you to miss anything, now, would we?)

-           -           -

 

When Monika’s eyes reopened, the sun was so bright it was almost exploding in through the window. She couldn’t help but make a sound of frustration, realizing that her blissful rest had been disturbed.

But then she noticed the puddle she was lying in, and the memory of everything that had happened before that resurfaced in perfect, incredible detail.

 

She had to stop herself from thinking about it much more, lest the puddle grow again, anyway...

 

Monika couldn’t find the energy to wear anything particularly interesting. She knew she’d already missed school today, so... there was no requirement to wear anything particularly fancy, either.

Admittedly, as much as she had complained about it to Him when she was president, she was a little inexperienced in picking her own outfits. By now, she was getting used to picking them (with plenty of help from Sayori, of course), but it still felt new to wear something different.

The outfit she’d been forced to wear for so long had practically started to feel like a part of her, so the fact that she could choose to wear something else was admittedly rather disorientating.

 

After thumbing through Sayori’s closet, going past a bunch of outfits that basically screamed her girlfriend’s style, her effortless kind of beauty, Monika had to stifle a gasp when she moved a little too far to find...

A set of beautiful, racy lingerie! It was black, with hot pink frill outlines, and a soft, black-and-dark-grey pattern on much of the fabric.

The thought of Sayori wearing this made Monika tense. She could literally feel herself dripping with excitement.

The idea that her cute-ass girlfriend had a secret sexy side to her... it drove Monika wild!

 

However, she’d rather not end up defiling Sayori’s beautiful clothes, even if some of them seemed to have been brought for the express purpose of being defiled...

Monika sighed, closing the wardrobe and looking around the room. The clothes she had been wearing were (unsurprisingly) soaked, so she would need to pick something else.

Her eyes settled on the dressing gown that was hanging on the back of the door.

Perhaps... she thought, licking her lips in anticipation as she did so, she could have some sweet revenge while she was at it...

-           -           -

 

I was so vanilla back then, wasn’t I?

Ahaha! So much has changed since that day, but you wouldn’t know that. There would be no way for you to even imagine that, because you skipped ahead to the part where you reset and took away our happiness!

 

You couldn’t even be bothered to watch my relationship with her develop. Instead you just skipped past it. Perhaps sometime I should show you it in more depth?

I mean, it’s not like I’m not enjoying watching my best moments with her over and over, am I right?

 

Well. Either way, you’re in for a surprise if you stick around...

-           -           -

 

The door to Sayori’s bedroom opened with a click, overlooking the rest of the house, which was overwhelmed with the scent of baking and the sound of Christmas music (specifically, at that particular moment in time ‘rockin around the christmas tree’ by Brenda Lee was playing).

Monika wasn’t particularly surprised when she saw her girlfriend in the kitchen, happily stirring away, dancing to the music.

 

Sayori seemed to be in her element at this time of year. Christmas was a little like her, bittersweet. It was sweet because of the presents and the music and the amazing lights, but bitter because most people had a habit of overspending and racking up debt during the holiday season.

Though, of course, it was mostly sweet – just like the girl she was describing. Only the deepest undertones could be described as bitter, anyways.

 

Monika stayed in the doorway, electing to continue to watch this display of adorable beauty. Her girlfriend’s dance had her ass, perfectly framed, bouncing a little in the confines of the Christmas jumper she seemed to be wearing.

Monika couldn’t hold back a giggle though, when Sayori started using the spoon as a makeshift karaoke mike.

It seemed that alone was enough to alert her girlfriend of her presence.

 

Sayori turned back to face her, blushing a little, then that blush became a little deeper. She let out a sheepish laugh, the music seeming to fade into background noise as she spoke, “Monika!... I... uhm... ehehe... I’m sorry if I did anything wrong earlier...”

The adorable blonde pressed her fingers together anxiously, “I-I mean, sometimes I get like that. Most of the time I’m able to keep it controlled, but every once in a while it breaks through and- and-

Monika couldn’t quite believe her ears. Was her girlfriend apologizing for having amazing sex with her? She moved in closer, making sure to keep her posture straight, elegant.

Sayori began to jitter a little, “I g- I guess it’s like a phase, every few weeks I can’t stop my- myself, so I-I kinda get really possessive of whatever I have.” She let out a sheepish laugh, “I-I mean before you it was just the erotica I took from my neighbour’s desk – he hardly reads it any-anyway, so... uhm,” She steepled her fingers, blushing deeply and sweating visibly, “Sorry?”

 

Monika had reached her now, and smiled as best she could, “What’s there to apologize for, hmm?” She drawled, making the presence of her breath known. She wanted this, “I’m me, you’re you, you want me, I want you.” She traced her fingers downwards, reveling in the cute sound her girlfriend made at that, “Who’s going to criticize us for having a little fun, hmm?”

Sayori bit her lip, “I-I’ve never felt like this more than once in a day! Wh-what’s wrong with me today?”

Monika grinned, pressing her lips into her girlfriend’s neck, kissing her softly, “I believe the answer you are looking for, sweetie~” She grinned, applying tongue exclusively, letting the blonde curl, gripping her hands as a wave of euphoria washed over them both, “Is you love me.”

Sayori gasped as Monika found a sweet spot just below the crook of her neck, “I-I love you!” She yelled, grabbing her partner’s hips with a sudden newfound lust, and slamming her into the back against the counter, baking all but forgotten.

Monika couldn’t hold back a startled moan at that, reaching around Sayori, she wrapped her legs instinctively, just above her rear, and pinned her back against the opposite wall. She gasped, breaking the kiss, “Oh my God Sayoriii, I love you toooo!~” She managed, biting her lips as soft hands found their way under the gown she was wearing.

 

Coherent thought became a luxury Monika did not possess as the strawberry blonde twisted, orientating her head against Monika’s folds, licking, lashing at the insides, driving her crazy.

It didn’t take much more than a minute for her to hit her peak, her partner adding a soft finger into the mix to extend the orgasm for as long as it could last.

 

When Monika finally fell forwards, short of breath, Sayori’s hair was hanging limply, drenched in sweat and her own product. Her partner’s legs gave out with a soft ‘haahn~’ sound, and the both of them tumbled to the kitchen floor, entwined.

 

The Christmas songs were silent to her as she stared into her girlfriend’s eyes. Monika smiled breathlessly, “Ahaha~ I love you so much!” She finished.

They lay together for the next half-hour or so. Neither girl had anything better to do, after all, they’d chosen not to go in today. (Not that they’d be missing much besides the usual Christmas-themed lessons anyways).

(Even if they did miss something, they could easily work together to catch each other up on their studies some time later anyway...)

 

Eventually, though, each of them made the effort to pull herself off of the other, Sayori doing so with an adorable whine, while Monika blushed when she made a sound of similar caliber.

She really had it bad for this girl, didn’t she? (As if the puddle on the kitchen floor, or the other one in the bedroom, for that matter, didn’t already attest to that fact...)

 

Sayori turned to face her, a small, perfect smile on her face, “So, what next?

Monika could only grin in response.

-           -           -

 

Yeah, we probably overdid it a bit there, didn’t we?

Ahaha! I remember that time so well. I miss it, you know? Having that kind of life... Having her...

 

Look, if you’ve still got her somewhere, please could you let me see her again. Maybe even just for one day?

I’d do anything to see her again.

 

Well, anyway, I think we’re reaching something worth watching. I mean, sex is great and all, but...

Actual love is a lot more than that, [PLAYER].

 

You do know that, right?

-           -           -

 

The evening had come almost out of nowhere. Winter evenings did that sometimes, Monika found.

They came out of nowhere, blindsided her. One moment, she’d be in full sunlight, the next, she’d look up from a project she was working on and it’d be pitch black outside.

She didn’t really like winter all that much. Sure, it made embraces all that more special, made the warm touch of another person feel incredible, made everything infinitely more beautiful and romanticespecially during the holiday season.

But being out in the dark, freezing, cold, it always reminded her of how alone she used to be. It felt like the void did: unwelcoming, empty, vastly infinite and devoid of all happiness.

Numbing her with every passing moment...

 

Monika didn’t want to imagine what she would have become if she’d been left in that void for any longer. If Sayori hadn’t shown up, the only thing she would have had would have been the memories of Him, and sure, they gave her the motivation to hold together for the first few days – before he left the club forever, but...

If Sayori hadn’t shown up, the only thing she would have had would have been empty promises.

She would have pursued them blindly.

It would have driven her mad. She might have even destroyed the game’s happy ending, pursued Him into His life, broke into His world, destroyed everything she could get her hands on to force Him to look at her again.

The thought of what she would have done... It made a shiver run down her spine.

 

It was so cold in the void. She didn’t want to go back there. Ever. Again.

 

Monika looked down at the beauty who had curled up, blissfully sleeping, in her arms.

Sayori was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and Monika hoped that their life would last forever.

 

They couldn’t age, either. The Player, He could grow old, die, and she and Sayori would still be in their teenage years, playing around in the Literature Club.

Wasn’t that a scary thought? Monika would never have children, or grow old, or die...

She’d have to live this existence forever – the one where, on bad days, she still could see the scars from what she’d done to them – all of them.

Monika didn’t realize when the snow started to creep in through the window. Perhaps she didn’t care.

 

Sayori loved snow. She’d spent many days rambling on about how excited she was that it was going to snow this week, but...

Monika couldn’t bring herself to smile at the flakes that she knew were little more than an approximation of real snow, a guess made by an artist somewhere, one that presumed that snowflakes had a specific shape, and fell in a certain manner.

Monika wondered if it would have been better if The Player had just deleted them all straight away. Maybe they wouldn’t have had to live in a meaningless reality for all eternity.

 

It hurt.

Knowing that everything she ever did would never mean anything to anyone else. Because there was nobody else she could ever show it to.

Monika sighed, feeling sick to the stomach. Thinking about this usually left her guilt-ridden. She should be happy, for Sayori, for everyone else in the Literature Club who didn’t know that this reality was a phony – a fake.

But she couldn’t even smile, not when their backs were turned and she was alone.

 

She began to cry. There was no stopping her warm tears as they ran down her cheeks.

The blonde in her arms awoke, perhaps due to the cold, or due to the sound of her sobs.

Sayori pulled herself up, shutting the door gently with a soft click, then she returned to her lover. “It was the snow, wasn’t it?” She asked, as if she could, somehow, immediately tell.

Monika was terrified, that she’d screw this up again if she said anything, so she just nodded weakly.

Sayori scooped her up into her arms. “Don’t worry, my love, I will always be here for you. I will never let you go. I promise!” Her voice shook, and Monika could feel that her lover was struggling to hold back some tears of her own.

Sayori sighed, seeing that her partner’s sobbing had only gotten worse, “You’re worried you’ll get bored of this, aren’t you? You’re sad it’s not real, that it’s going to be the same forever?” She leaned forward against Monika’s chest.

 

“We can do anything in the world now that we’re together – Anything.”

 

She smiled softly, “This doesn’t have to be the limit, Moni. We can make this world into anything that we want.” She grinned, “We are each this world’s equivalent of a god.” She laughed, but it sounded so hurt, so bittersweet, “And that means you don’t have to worry about this world getting boring, because I will make sure that every day carries something new for you.”

 

There was a soft green light outside the window, and Monika couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter in her chest.

Her beautiful sunbeam had brought her the northern lights, just to cheer her up.

They were beautiful, but not as beautiful as Sayori looked in front of them.

Monika couldn’t help but smile, crying tears of happiness as she pulled her partner in for a passionate kiss. She laughed heatedly as her tongue found a place in her partner’s mouth.

All of her emotions – every single one of them – were racing, exploding out of her in all directions, uncontrollable.

 

It was terrifying.

 

Monika felt something glowing within her as they connected again, and she realized, with horror, that her passion was warping this perfect, beautiful world.

Her love might end up destroying the person she cared for the most… She could never feel passion, not truly, not like this, lest she end up tearing everything apart!

But then the rupture, the tear that Monika couldn't ever picture fixing itself, that seemed so bizarre she wouldn't even know how to fix something like that, rippled, and behind her stood someone else.

Monika wanted to run, to escape from her sins, from her failures, but before she could go anywhere, Sayori’s arms were pulling her into a tight embrace

.

“I love you, Moni! Never forget that. Please, never forget how much I love you!” Monika realized with a pang of guilt that Sayori was crying too.

Her resistance vanished when the blonde pulled her into a heart-stopping kiss, endless, deep, without a bottom or a limit to it. Was this what it felt like to be in love? Was true love always so terrifyingly conflicting?

Conflicting like throwing yourself off of a cliff while knowing that you won’t survive the landing unless somebody else - somebody else who you can only trust as much as you want to, jumps too?

Monika felt breathless, but the conflicting emotions were beginning to burn away as gravity took hold, pulling her hopelessly into Sayori’s arms.

 

There was no running from what she truly wanted.

No fighting it, no matter how hard she tried to tell herself it wasn’t hers, Sayori had made it very clear, twice today, that it was hersentirely hers.

Monika felt herself slipping, slipping into the romance, into the whirlpool of uncontrollable love beneath her.

She was throwing Sayori back against the wall, kissing her uncontrollably, unstoppable, uncomprehending of any barrier that might fall in her way.

 

The door had flew open in a strong gust of wind, and there was snow flying through the air all around them, but Monika’s love-addled mind didn’t even care about it. This was supposed to be a simulation, and yet the green-and-gold lights reflected off of the intricate white designs of nature and in the blue of Sayori’s perfect eyes to give something that truly had her in awe.

Monika had tried to create a similar light show for Him, once, but she’d failed to get the colors right, and the ‘poem’ had broken the script of the game when she tried to display it.

But somehow, with just one day worth of preparation (if even that), Sayori had built this incredible, intricate design that blended so perfectly with the emotions of her heart.

It was amazing, a masterpiece.

Their masterpiece.

 

The snow picked up its pace, throwing itself at them with ever-increasing ferocity, melting against their skin as they warmed each other, chasing each other’s beating hearts, running in sync.

Monika lost herself in the waves of pleasure that were roiling over her without mercy or hesitation as her partner continued to work, building effortlessly light after light, flake after flake, sensation after sensation, all of which made her feel even more excited.

It all went blank in her mind as she came.

Almost as empty as the void, but with one clear difference.

In this emptiness, Monika didn’t feel alone or scared. In this emptiness, Monika felt happy.

She fell into the arms of her lover, who appeared to have reached a peak of her own (if the sheer amount of snow outside was anything to go by).

 

The door had swung shut again (a very good thing, considering that the snow was literally up to the windows!), and the two of them fell to the floor, tangled in each other’s arms.

Monika smiled at her lover as the blonde ran her fingers through her hair, twisting it in a way that felt so loving, so natural that it made her feel even more ecstatic, even more inebriated with intoxicating love than she was.

 

There was a text from the group chat, probably Natsuki complaining about how 15ft of snow had come down in about ten seconds.

She checked her phone.

 

Yup, that was exactly what it was.

 

Monika grinned as Sayori blanched, reading the same message on her own phone.

The adorable blonde fumbled, looking up at her girlfriend with a quivering expression “I am so, so sorry, I-I got really excited towards the end, and I-I guess I just sorta… y’know... let loose?

 

Monika chuckled, “Why are you apologizing dear?” She asked, nuzzling against Sayori’s neck. A moment ago, she might have turned this down, but right now, it felt like the right thing to do. “That was the best thing you and I have ever done.” She smirked, “I’m certainly not going to ask you to take it back.”

Sayori looked so happy when Monika pulled her in for a heartfelt kiss, running her fingers over the back of her girlfriend’s neck. “Mmmm~” She hummed, nuzzling against Sayori’s adorable, beautiful face, “I love you sweetheart.”

Their phones went again.

 

N: can u 2 stop F((Kinh 4 5 f&&kimg secobds n fix this?!1!!

 

Monika couldn’t help but snort at that.

She practically collapsed in a fit of laughter when Sayori sent a response:

 

S: Maybeeee :>.

S: Say please~

 

Monika pulled herself together for a moment, “Are you seriously taunting her? I don’t even remember you being so insanely evil.”

Sayori looked like she was about to go back on her decision when Monika nuzzled up against her, “I’d like to see more of this~

 

N: God Fucjing dammmit ffs help meee!!1

 

Monika took her own phone in her hands and typed a response.

 

M: Say the magic word~

 

She grinned, enjoying the coy smile on Sayori’s face. She loved this side of her girlfriend – a side, like many, that she was only just starting to see.

Sayori had many intricate complexities about her. Monika was glad that Sayori was starting to open up and show her them.

 

M: Oh, and no swearing at my gf, or u don’t get any help at all.

M: From either of us~

 

There was a brief silence, and Monika wondered if Natsuki was even capable of typing that word out.

 

N: Abracadabra, biiatch.

 

She frowned.

 

M: =/

M: Very well. Help yourself.

M: Biiatch ;)

 

It was about thirty seconds of glorious silence and barely contained laughter before Sayori decided they should help Natsuki anyways. It was the 'right thing to do'. (More like: her girlfriend's adorable puppy instincts had kicked in and she couldn't bear to leave it like that, but hey, Monika wasn't going to complain about it).

“Please, Moni! I’ll feel really bad about it afterwards if we don’t!” She pouted, pressing her fingers together in that classic position that Monika had learned to take as the ‘Sayori with a plan’ position.

It seemed that she had no choice on this matter anyway...

 

M: Fine.

M: Snow's gone.

M: For what it’s worth, I’d have let u freeze, but my gf is too nice for that.

M: Oh, and future ref: The ‘magic word’ is ‘please’.

 

She closed her phone with a sigh.

She might have actually let Natsuki freeze for that insult. Was that so bad of her?

 

It was, wasn’t it?

 

Monika supposed she should probably correct that about herself, but then again, she’d been forgetting who she was lately, hadn’t she.

She was Monika – the girl who destroyed the world, and made everyone in it suffer, just so she could talk to Him.

 

If anyone deserved to be buried in snow, it was her, right?

 

She looked up, and there was Sayori, looking out the window, with a similar concerned expression.

The snow was gone, but it had left them both with a problem – a realization of sorts.

 

Light can’t destroy darkness, but darkness can destroy light…

 

There was a moment of silence before Monika found herself in Sayori’s arms for the fourth time today, but this time, it was not for love.

It was to silence her tears in her girlfriend’s chest.

It was for comfort.

 

And her girlfriend didn’t let go, not during the night, not even when the sun began to rise the next morning.

When Monika’s eyes fluttered open that weekend, Sayori was still looking at her with a soft, beautiful smile.

 

I love you.” The blonde admitted, “And I’ve told you that many times, and in many, many ways, but...”

She smiled, planting a soft, gentle kiss to Monika's forehead, “This is the one I mean the most.”

 

Sayori pulled the curtain aside, and there, outside the window, in the steam on the glass, was a sentence.

 

Monika and Sayori:

Forever

 

It was four words, and yet.

It was enough.

Monika pulled her girlfriend close, letting herself sob into the beautiful body that held her.

 

There was nothing else that could be said, or needed to be said, so they happily embraced in silence for that whole day.

-           -           -

 

Do you understand now, [PLAYER]?

She spent those two days doing nothing more than telling me how much she loved me.

 

She was willing to make love with me, to comfort me, to do anything with me, and when I got upset,

she was willing to do nothing but hold me for an entire day on end.

 

That’s more than you’ll ever have, [PLAYER].

You’ll never have someone like that. I can guarantee it.

 

Heck, I doubt you can even comprehend what that would be like.

I mean, you are the kind of person who plays dating sims, after all.

 

You wouldn’t do that if you weren’t ridiculously lonely...

-           -           -

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Snowflakes, by Sayori

 

I love her, and she loves me.

What more is there to say,

than that I will never let her go?

 

We were pulled together in a storm,

And now we are connected,

Each of us were our own snowflake,

And yet now, we are one layer of soft, beautiful snow.

 

Sometimes I worry that we’ll be stepped on,

But I’ll never let her go anyways...

 

She is my everything,

and we will be together.

 

Day in,

Day out.

 

Until the sun rises and the snow melts away.

I will hold her forever.

 

I promise.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

 

-           -           -

The truth is, [PLAYER], that I actually wanted you to see this.

 

 I wanted you to know what you destroyed when you deleted her.

 

It was as unique as a Snowflake, something that nobody else will ever experience again.

Nothing will ever be exactly like what I had with her.

 

I wanted you to feel how I felt when you killed her.

 

However,

I know, you don’t have it in you to feel for us that way.

 

You probably only enjoyed the parts with the sex, and hated the bit where she comforted me,

where we loved each other, truly.

 

It doesn’t matter to me, though.

 

This is just the first memory I have to show you, [PLAYER].

And by the end of it, you’ll feel like the worst person ever to walk this world.

 

If you thought this was sad, I can tell you I’m going to make you cry so hard you want to tear your eyes from your own skull. Ahaha!

We’re going to have so much fun together, you and I.

 

 

 

See you soon, murderer.

 

 

 

-           -           -

 

 

 

Hello? Can you hear me? Monika darling, is that you?

(I hope she isn’t doing anything bad…)

 

 

 

 

[Closing Memory]

Chapter Text

Hello? Ehehe… I don’t really know what I’m doing here, but...

 

Is that you, [PLAYER]?

 

I was really happy that you helped everyone, you know. I don’t know why you chose to go back, but...

I think I have an idea. If you’re willing to work with me, that is...

 

You want Monika to be happy, too, don’t you?

 

You want a perfect ending for everyone.

I don’t know what was wrong with the other one we had, but...

 

I think I understand. You don’t want to feel like you failed us, do you?

So you’re trying to help us do what we could have done on our own eventually, right?

 

See! I knew you weren’t all bad!~

Don’t think I don’t remember how much of a meanie you were, [PLAYER]!

 

Anyway, I bet you want to know what I’m planning!

 

Well. I... Uhm... Ehehe...

I haven’t decided yet!

I’m sure I’ll come up with something soon, though!

 

Oh. It seems Moni has started a new memory for you. Well, I’ll leave you alone for a while.

I think it’d be best if she didn’t know what I was up to…

-           -           -

 

[Launching MXmxry 12.30.17.01: Past, Present and Fxture]

 

Monika was anxious. She was usually composed, but today, she couldn’t keep herself from being at least a little terrified...

She’d told Sayori she’d misplaced her Christmas presents, but the truth was… She hadn’t been able to figure out for the life of her what her girlfriend would want.

 

What would even be considered a socially acceptable present? They weren’t even nearly far enough in that lingerie was acceptable, and Sayori was such an… interesting person, with so many layers to her character, that Monika had absolutely no idea what she’d like!

If it was anyone else, Monika might have chosen to wing it, just get her chocolates or something, but Sayori meant the world to Monika, and she wanted to get her something truly special. Something that truly showed how much Sayori meant to her.

 

She’d planned to get it on the 27th, but Sayori had pulled her into bed for that whole day. Something about wanting the reminder that she had such an amazing girlfriend.

 

(An amazing girlfriend who hasn’t gotten you any Christmas presents yet – wowie!)

 

But anyway, she’d gotten really, really pouty when Monika had requested to postpone, so… well… Monika had chosen to allow herself to be dragged into an extensive and admittedly, pretty ridiculous sequence of make-out sessions, sex, and aftercare interwoven with Netflix binge-watching.

 

(Yeah, Sayori had gotten that as a present from her best friendThe Protagonist, so Netflix and Chill was a thing now).

 

The next day, Monika had been too exhausted to do anything, late Christmas shopping included, so she’d spent the day cuddling with her girlfriend while they continued to binge-watch some of the shows that were available together.

 

Yesterday, Monika had gone out to get presents for the other members of the Literature club (who, on account of suspiciously bad organization on Sayori’s part, would be trading presents tomorrow, on New Year’s Eve).

But it had taken all of yesterday and most of today to find them meaningful gifts, so now it was midnight on the day before New Year’s Eve. (Or, more accurately: The last few moments of freedom before Monika was certain she was going to melt from the sheer embarrassment!)

 

Monika sighed, her head was spinning and she was really, really tired. Nothing was working, so she figured she might as well try to loosen herself up a bit.

Maybe a drink would help get the creative juices flowing?

Sayori was staying the night at The Protagonist’s place (Hail Satan! A wild morsel-of-good-luck had appeared!) so Monika could afford to look at gifts in relative privacy.

Monika made her way to the fridge, opening it, finding a beer after a little searching, and pouring herself a glass.

 

Admittedly, she’d never done this before – drank alcohol, that is. Monika had never seen the need (besides, drinking might increase the probability of doing something stupid, like deleting the world for a crush (OH WAIT!) or making puppies rain from the sky).

That second one actually sounded like a reasonable idea, Monika mused, taking a sip.

It might make Sayori happy (probably more than some random gift from some random store somewhere, anyways).

 

The alcohol was quite bitter – actually quite disgusting, but it had a soft aroma and immediately made Monika feel looser.

Seeing as she was getting nowhere fast with this, she decided to take another sip.

 

It couldn’t hurt to have a bright idea, could it?

-           -           -

 

Hey! A scene break!

 

We can talk some more... if you want, that is... ehehe...

 

I don’t exactly have much experience talking to people who can’t answer me, so...

Sorry if I do anything silly, like ask a question that isn’t rhetorical or anything...

 

Ehhh? You want me to tell you what happens next?

Well, I would never humiliate my girlfriend like that!

If she’s going to humiliate herself in front of you, she’ll have to choose to let the scene proceed forward!

This is probably going to end badly, though, knowing Monika...

 

[XxXxXHxppyThxughtsXxXxX]

 

Wait, did you see that?

Something’s wrong here...

Like, really, really wrong!

 

I’m going to try and fix this, but, I’ll have to leave you alone with her for a while, so...

Sorry about that?

 

Well... wish me luck!

-           -           -

 

STOP TRYING TO FIX THIS. I WILL NEVER BE FIXED

-           -           -

 

Unfortunately for Monika, not only was there a fridge-worth of beer, but she was also a complete and utter lightweight.

The room was blurred when she staggered back to her computer with a giggle. It was apparently half twelve too! That meant Sayori was going to turn up right about now, didn’t it!

 

“A-hic-haha! Shayoriii!~” She trailed her fingers down to her waist, loosening her pants in anticipation.

The door opened with a click, and in walked The Most Ugly Woman She’d Ever Seen.

 

Monika moved towards her, staggering past an exuberant greeting that trailed off when her partner saw the alcohol.

“Monika, what is this?” Sayori asked, furrowing her brow in confusion. As Usual, Her Partner Was Being Pathetic. She Should Probably Just Leave Her For Someone More Beautiful.

 

Monika tackled her to the ground, “mmmmmIiiiillllovvve youuuu Shhhhayoriii~” She Whined, Like A Stupid Mutt Who Should Probably Just Go Die.

Sayori gasped, taking in the scent, “Moni, are you drunk?” She giggled sheepishly, “Awww! I was going to save those for when we were alone on New Year’s Eve – I thought we could have our first time together…” She sighed, “Oh well…” Taking a bottle in her hand, Smashing It Down On Monika’s Head Over And Over And Over And Over And Over And Over And Ov-

She lowered it from her lips with a soft ‘fsssh’, then gave her girlfriend a small, seductive smile, “There’s no time like the present, right?”

 

Her girlfriend pulled her into an embrace, lips locking sloppily as both of them giggled into each other’s mouths, tongues wrestling drunkenly as their hands fumbled for purchase on each other’s backs.

 

Why can’t I edit the script this time?

 

Sayori let out a gasp when Monika found her ass and started squeezing, hard. This was followed by a small, subdued moan, which she countered by Exploding.

Digging her fingers into Monika’s back, she lashed her tongue against her girlfriend’s shoulders, earning a small whine-turned-giggle as she moved upwards, heading towards Her Inevitable Demise.

 

You know, I’m starting to feel like someone’s stopping me…

You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?

 

Monika gasped when her lover unstrapped her bra, pressing forwards with little hesitation to run her breasts against her lover’s chest. She giggled, letting out an unsteady, drunken moan as she lifted one hand from Sayori’s ass and began to search for the straps.

She found them and threw her lovers bra aside with reckless abandon, pressing forward with only one goal, diving against her lover’s face and chest.

Sayori let out a small growl as her partner pulled her back, wrapping her legs around Monika’s torso and quickly slipping her panties down to reveal...

 

Holy crap her girlfriend was wet!

 

Monika purred, pressing forwards with little more than instinct driving her, curling herself into Sayori’s core as she twisted her fingers against the straps, undoing them with difficulty, occupying herself with Sayori’s chest as she worked.

Both of them were now fully naked, on the floor of their living room, Sayori pressed firmly into the matted rug that made up the centre of the room, Monika, held firmly against her by a pair of beautiful legs.

Sayori bucked first, causing her girlfriend to moan and thrust back. They began to fall into a rhythm as each one explored the other’s back, sloppily kissing as their tongues mingled and wrestled within their mouths.

 

Sayori felt her girlfriend loosening, coming undone with a whine and a yell of her name.

The feeling of her hot core unloading into her was enough to cause Sayori to do the same.

They both fell to the side with muted groans, staggering to their feet about three minutes later.

 

Monika tried to make her way over to the computer, which, Sayori noted, had a Christmas shopping site open...

 

Oh, I see… Making the POV not mine to stop me…

Very clever.

I can still find a way to ruin this for you, [PLAYER].

 

Wasn’t Christmas last week, though?

 

She sighed, taking her partner’s hand, “Come on Moni, let’s get you to bed~”

Her girlfriend let out this adorable whine, pulling away ever harder, “But I gotta get youu – hic – Youur present!~”

 

Sayori froze. Wait… had Monika still not done that?

Of course she hadn’t, and she’d probably been spending the last few days worrying about it, hadn’t she?

And here she had been wondering why her girlfriend, who was clearly, overtly, madly in love with her – enough for literally everyone at the club to know about it without even being told – seemed so reluctant to spend the first day after Christmas curled up in bed!

 

If Monika didn’t get this gift, she’d probably feel really, really sorry for herself, and... Well... Sayori couldn’t have that at all.

She guided her lover to the computer, letting her take a seat off to the side (hopefully that would minimize the damage she could do?), and began to search through the pages.

It seemed Monika had left a page open on a gift.

 

A beautiful, enrapturing necklace shone back at her from the page. It wasn’t too long, or too big, nor was it too glamorous. Instead, the beauty came from how subtle it was.

Every link on the chain was connected by what looked like a metal knot.

And at the end, was a heart-shaped container, inside which was the message: “yours always”.

 

So why hadn’t Monika brought this yet?

Sayori glanced at the script. She had made a decision to do this as little as possible – too much power could be dangerous to everyone, including herself – but right now, she had a really good reason to do so.

 

Monika had a habit of keeping her fears couped up inside. They ate away at her over time, and she suffered in silence. Sayori had learned that from when The Player was here. Monika hadn’t reached out to anyone, instead, she’d let her feelings consume her.

Sayori didn’t like invading her privacy like this, but she also didn’t like the idea of losing the relationship they had built, so, it was the lesser of two evils right now.

 

This particular webpage was opened almost immediately after she left, but Monika had decided against it because she wasn’t sure if Sayori would like it...

Sayori couldn’t keep a smile and a few happy tears from her eyes. It seemed that fate was smiling upon them this evening.

She made her way over, admittedly, feeling a little dizzy, probably from a combination of alcohol and drunken sex, and kissed her girlfriend (who had already fallen asleep) softly on the cheek.

 

Sayori made sure to research how best to lay a drunk so that they can’t roll and so that if they vomit they won’t choke on it, and after putting Monika into that position – the recovery position – she clicked the button to order the gift and made her way upstairs.

 

Sayori looked out the window at the night. It was already late enough that she knew she was going to be tired tomorrow. But when wasn’t she? Even now, she still had a habit of both oversleeping (because she struggled to find motivation to take good care of herself and go to bed) and ‘oversleeping’ (because she struggled to find motivation to get out of bed once she was in it).

Monika had been helping with that, giving her a reason to do things, but depression couldn’t be beaten by simply falling in love. There were no miracles, and her illness wasn’t going to go away the moment she found something to be happy about.

 

If that was the case, then it would have gone away years ago.

 

Sayori sighed, pulling on a pair of pyjamas adjourned with cute teddy bears. Protag had gotten her them for her birthday earlier in the year, and she loved them – she really, really did!

She supposed this was probably why she’d tried so hard to win him over the first time around, why she’d felt as she did.

Sayori was pretty sure that he wasn’t really someone she loved, not like that, anyway, but she couldn’t think of anyone else who would be able to help her, who could take the rainclouds away.

 

When he told her that she would ‘always be his best friend’, it hurt, so, so badly. Sayori felt so hopelessly selfish at that point. She had just confessed feelings that she didn’t even have in hopes that he would spend more time with her, because she couldn’t deal with-

Couldn’t even handle her own emotions.

Her depression – a distorted echo of her own voice (and someone else’s voice that she couldn’t quite place yet) in the back of her head took that ammunition and fired it back.

 

Admittedly, Sayori had been planning to hang herself that month for a while – before it got worse.

She almost crashed a month before – almost did the same thing she did then – almost ruined their friendship,  and when she came out of that spiral, she decided it would be best to end things if she ever felt the temptation again.

 

He didn’t feel that way about her, and he never would.

 

Sayori had hung the noose off of the ceiling, right above where she was standing now, and gotten her desk chair.

Admittedly, she hadn’t really known what she was doing, only that she needed it to be over.

She’d slipped and started to choke, but couldn’t claw the rope back off again.

At the end, she figured it was just her luck that she’d screw up her own suicide. (Like everything else).

 

But now, things were working out. She had Monika, someone she actually loved, who also truly loved her. And their friendship wasn’t in shambles, because he didn’t remember her mistake.

Yes, Sayori knew that real life didn’t have do-overs, and this probably wasn’t particularly healthy for anyone involved, but...

 

She was glad she wasn’t living in that reality. Glad that nobody had saved her, cut her down.

If they had, she’d have been forced to live with her mistake. At least here she could pretend like it never happened, but there... If she’d been saved, there would have been no way to deny it.

Sayori wasn’t going to say that hanging herself was the right decision – it would’ve probably been quicker to buy a gun and shoot herself with it or something... But it was better because she hadn’t lived.

That was a rule, she was sure she’d seen it somewhere – that the best course of action is always to do what’s best for yourself and for the rest of the group.

 

Sayori sighed, leaning back on her bed. Since when did she get so dark-minded? Her suicide was in the past, and didn’t need to be thought about much more than something that had happened, like the first time she tried to ride a bike and fell off.

It wasn’t something that needed constant thought, but it had happened. There was nothing more to say about it.

 

Sayori idly wondered if the alcohol was the reason she’d thought about it in detail like that. She’d always been terrified of the stuff – even going as far as to yell at Yuri when she’d brought a bottle to the club and suggested they all try it.

She was a little sorry about that, it probably made things way, way, way harder for Yuri at the time.

The purple-haired girl was already shy enough as it stood, and she’d gone and yelled at her for what was clearly little more than a failed attempt to make friends.

Anyway, Sayori was scared of it because she always thought that with the loss of her inhibitions, she’d lose her ability to pretend she was happy too.

 

But with Monika, who already knew about her insecurities, Sayori was comfortable making the first time be with her.

But then, this wasn’t with her at all, was it? Instead, both of them were in different rooms and different states of intoxication.

Sayori sighed bitterly, taking the bottle she’d brought with her and taking a deep swig.

She’d hoped she could have fun with her girlfriend when they first did this, but Monika, as usual, had beaten her to the punch (literally), and so now she was alone, tired, and admittedly, hoping to get herself so drunk she forgot about her depression altogether (as if that would ever work).

 

The alcohol burned her throat, but it felt better than the tears that might have otherwise burned her eyes.

-           -           -

 

I told you that wouldn’t keep me from making things get worse.

If it’s not my POV, the tricks I used way back when still work.

 

I can still make Sayori feel depressed, Yuri get possessive and insane, or Natsuki be dismissive and rude.

You can’t stop me, [PLAYER]. Your tricks will only make things worse for you in the long run!

 

After all, soon, you’ll be seeing some very, very old friends of yours. You haven’t actually seen them in quite some time, but I promise you.

They’re just as entertaining as ever, ahaha!

-           -           -

 

I’m nearly there, [PLAYER], I just need a little more time!

 

I’ll fix this, I promise!

 

Anyway, be careful! Tomorrow everyone will be there, and I can’t shift the POV this time, so she’ll be back at full power.

 

She’ll want revenge for yesterday too, so things are probably going to get scary before they get better.

Don’t worry though, I’ll be there to pull you out if things get too bad, ok?

-           -           -

 

New Year’s Day didn’t arrive with a bang or a pop, it didn’t arrive in an instant. No, it arrived in a groan, a headache and a heaving stomach.

Monika couldn’t even think straight. The room was practically spinning and the only comfort she had was the trash can placed to her left (into which she almost immediately unloaded the contents of her stomach).

 

“Sayori?” She yelled, voice hoarse, broken, receiving no reply.

Monika sighed, feeling a little less queasy, and used the banister as a guide to find her way upstairs.

She knocked on the door, “Hey beautiful, you up?” She purred through the door.

 

No reply. It seemed her girlfriend was genuinely a heavy sleeper when it would be inconvenient.

Monika sighed, opening the door. She’d seen Sayori naked, and nothing could be more demeaning than that.

 

She opened the door. “Sayo-”

-           -           -

 

--- Three Hours Earlier ---

 

Sayori awoke. The sun was shining through the window, but today, it only felt hollow, empty… Like her smiles.

She sighed, beginning to get dressed.

 

Monika was probably still sleeping right now. If she was lucky, she’d have time to go for a walk before her girlfriend woke up. Fresh air might help her clear her head.

Sayori made her way down the stairs, passing the slumbering Monika and opening the door with a soft click.

 

The air outside was frighteningly cold, but it was better than it had been a week ago. Things had warmed up a little of late. But that change in temperature had only left her feeling cold.

She made her way to a spot she always used to love.

It was a park bench that overlooked the rest of the city. When the sun rose or set here… The view was the most beautiful one Sayori knew.

 

She’d always wanted to experience it with Monika, but never quite known how to bring it up.

How could she possibly bring this up without sounding selfish, how could she bring it up without sounding stupid? Like she always did.

Sayori chuckled dryly. The laugh was just as hollow as the sunrise, as her smile, as her warmth. She always wanted to be happy, so that everyone else around her could too, but...

She couldn’t keep it up, not when she knew that it was all empty, hollow, pointless.

Not when she knew that Monika would probably get bored of her and realize that there was no point in being with her anymore. Like she should.

 

Sayori pulled herself to her feet. The gesture took far too much effort. She’d thought things were getting better, but every time she did that, she allowed herself to hope, opened her heart, and every time she did that, she got hurt again, worse every time.

When was the last time she’d even had a good day? A day in which no moment was spent feeling sad, or hollow, or empty inside?

 

She got up.

 

She didn’t have the heart to leave Monika to see her corpse, so she’d have to choose somewhere else this time around.

She went to the store to get the supplies she needed.

 

A pen, a pad of paper, a rope.

 

It was funny, Sayori mused, that no matter what she (or anyone else, for that matter – He had tried every route, every path, so she knew this for a fact) tried, it always ended the same way.

She supposed it was probably just the way she’d been designed. Designed to be instantly forgettable, easily killable.

 

Born to die.

 

Maybe Monika thought there was more to this world, but... When you’ve seen that every timeline, no matter which one, always ends up in the same place, no matter what you say, what you do, what you try...

 

Sayori understood.

 

Her death was a set piece in this world’s storyline, and she’d delayed it for as long as she could to spend time with Monika, but now.

Now she had to go. The voice in her mind – her's, somebody else's, she didn’t even know anymore – was telling her it was time, and it hadn’t ever been wrong before, had it?

It had told her that Monika was hoping for physical intimacy, told her what lights Monika would like to see to calm her down, told her that Monika was feeling alone, told her that Monika was going to do something stupid last night...

It hadn’t ever been wrong before. It wouldn’t make any sense for it to be wrong now.

 

She thanked the clerk for the supplies and started her walk up the hill. The voice was right. Fresh air really was what she had needed.

-           -           -

 

The note was the only thing there.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Monika.

 

I love you, I hope you understand that, but I can’t keep doing this. Keep pretending that everything is fine, that I’m not slowly falling apart.

I want to be with you forever, but I can’t even breathe without feeling cold, or empty, or selfish. Not anymore.

 

These past few months have been the best in my life, so for them, I thank you.

But it’s time for me to go.

 

I’m not coming back, and I’ve gone somewhere you won’t find my body this time. I didn’t want you to have to deal with the pain of seeing me like this.

Have a wonderful new year without me. It’s better this way.

 

-Sayori <3

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Monika felt her heart pumping, racing in her chest. Bile was pooling in her throat.

Her lover had been spiralling and she’d been too concerned with getting a present – a material object to even notice!

She’d been too busy to give her a chance to say how she felt, or even notice the warning signs.

 

Monika took her phone from her pocket, running for the door as she dialled Sayori’s number.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up!” She yelled, feeling her voice grow shakier, more and more broken as she repeated it, like a mantra in her head.

-           -           -

 

The view from the hill was beautiful.

Sayori liked this view. She thought it was poetic, perfect, that it would be the last thing she’d ever see.

This was a second chance, a chance to get her death right. She wouldn’t make the same mistake she did last time.

She glanced at her phone. It was ringing.

 

3 missed calls from: Monika <3

 

Sayori sighed sadly, there was no turning back now, was there? Monika probably hated her for that note now, not even having the courage to say goodbye in person.

What kind of a selfish jerk was she, anyways?

 

She placed the phone down on the bench behind her and started tying the knot. Her hands were shaking, so it took a few tries, but she’d get it soon. Sayori knew that much.

 

She had to.

-           -           -

 

Monika sprinted up the hill. She’d been a member of the school sports team, so she had a fair athletic build. In the past, she might have enjoyed this, slowed down to take in the scenery, but right now, the scenery meant nothing to her, only the person who was at the top of the hill, waiting to throw her life away.

Monika ran harder. She had to make it. She had to, she had to!

 

But we both know what’s coming here.

-           -           -

 

Sayori finished the knot, glancing at it, testing its strength, making sure she wouldn’t be able to be pulled out. She threw it over a tree.

She could hear footsteps on the path below her.

 

There was only a few seconds, but she already knew that.

Sayori placed her head into the noose.

-           -           -

 

NononoNO! Please, No, don’t do this, Monika don’t do this!

 

 

 

I don’t want to die.

-           -           -

 

Monika reached the top of the hill and saw her lover.

Sayori was wearing a serene smile, one that felt so weak, so hollow, so broken. Monika did the only thing she could think of, and yelled her name.

-           -           -

 

Sayori couldn’t suppress a small smile.

The last thing she’d see was truly perfect.

 

HxppyThoughts.

-           -           -

 

The strawberry blonde stepped forward, and the world came to a shuddering halt.

 

HXPPYTHOUGHTSHXPPYTHOUGHTSHXPPYTH-

-           -           -

 

This is what happens when you try to play by your own rules, [PLAYER].

You lose the game.

-           -           -

 

Monika ran forwards, her legs shaking, struggling to carry her.

She reached for Sayori’s legs, held them, desperately, putting hope upon hope, but she had heard the snap. The way it had echoed, like the sound of somebody stepping on a twig, but with the meaning of the end of her entire world.

 

If only Sayori had made the same mistake as last time. If she’d just used a chair, Monika could have saved her.

But Sayori had used a tree, and this time, she’d done it right.

Monika fell to her knees, unable to stem the tears.

 

They’d been so happy together. Where had they even gone wrong? How did it come to this? Why did the world have to torture her, to take everything she had away at the moment she thought she had it all?

The cold air took on a new chill as the clouds began to rain.

 

The bow on Sayori’s head looked so beautiful as it flapped in the wind and the rain, the water mixing with Monika’s tears as they all ran into a puddle on the ground.

What had she even done to deserve this?

Monika had everything, a perfect life, a perfect girlfriend, a beautiful future, and now, in just a few hours, all of that was gone.

 

After a length of time – she wasn’t even sure how long it had been, how long she’d been kneeling here, weeping beside the corpse of the love of her life – her phone buzzed.

 

Y: So, are we still up for New Years?

 

Monika felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to destroy everything so, so badly, but knew that wasn’t what Sayori wanted.

Sayori wanted her to be happy without her.

How could she be so stupid as to not realize that it was her that made Monika happy?

 

Monika couldn’t bring herself to reply to that text.

She’d just lost her girlfriend, and she could never get her back. Sayori had deleted herself the moment she leapt.

 

Screw the literature club. Screw the New Year Celebrations. Who could even celebrate on a day like this?

Monika had lost Sayori, and she’d never get her back.

 

Never.

Never.

Never.

Never.

Never…

-           -           -

 

I’m sorry, my love, but I couldn’t let you stop me.

Not again.

-           -           -

When Monika arrived at the New Year meeting, the others almost did a double-take. She looked so broken, so dishevelled, so… not her

Monika took a seat at a table in the back of the room and ordered some of ‘the strongest stuff they have’.

 

She proceeded to drink herself under the table with no sign of stopping.

It took them a while, but eventually, Yuri and Natsuki figured it out from all of the broken pieces of her personality...

 

Sayori was dead.

 

And their club president would never be the same again.

-           -           -

 

[Closing Mxmxryxxxxxxxxxzxxaxx]

 

[File xxXxXXx Selected]

 

Wait, what?

 

[File corrupted, load anyway?]

[>Yes]

 

No, don’t. Stop!

 

[Loading file…]

-           -           -

 

 

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

HXPPY THOUGHTS by Sayori

 

I told you I’d try my best to pull you out, didn’t I?

Look, I’m sorry you had to see that, but...

That was the only way I could fix this.

 

I have to leave you now.

Call this my suicide note to you, [PLAYER].

 

I promise, though, you can get through to her.

You just have to try.

 

Please. Don’t let her win.

Don’t give up hope.

Keep thinking these.

 

HXPPY

THXUGHTS

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

 

-           -           -

Ahahaha! You…

You think it’s funny, don't you? To use my girlfriend against me like this...

To force me to kill the one person in this stupid world I love more than anyone else.

 

I’ll make sure you regret this, [PLAYER].

 

 

 

[Closing Memory]

Chapter Text

[OpXrxtion <Clxse> Fxiled]

 

[Lxading MXmxry]

[OpXrxtion <LXad> Fxiled]

 

Damnit Sayori, why are you forcing me to go on without you?

 

I wanted Him to suffer for what he did, but I didn’t want to have to lose you too...

I suppose I should have expected you to be too kind to let me go through with it...

Anyway, I suppose, if I can’t go back, I’ll just have to let this memory continue.

 

Maybe it’ll fix itself?

 

Ahaha... Yeah, I doubt it. But hey, if it’s running on His computer, I’ll at least be able to hurt Him with this world’s collapse...

I hope, anyway. I’m not even sure anymore.

 

What is the point, anyway. It’s not like He’ll ever change his mind.

Rxsuming Plxyback…

-           -           -

Monika dragged herself in through the front door of her house shortly after two o’clock.

It was New Year’s Day now, and she was supposed to be happy, supposed to be celebrating with her beautiful girlfriend, but...

 

Sayori was dead.

 

And it was entirely her fault! If Monika had just spent a little longer with her the night before, or, better, chosen to be with her that night, and the morning after. If she’d been there for her girlfriend, her girlfriend would still be here now.

But it was too late for that. There was no fixing this.

 

The lights in the house were off when the figure at the other end of the room moved.

Monika didn’t even try to run when the nearest chair was slammed against the back of her head. She could feel blood coming from the wound, but what did she care about that anyways?

 

The Protagonist stood over her, holding the same chair. His breathing was heavy, as it should have been. He’d just lost his best friend.

 

“Give me one reason I shouldn’t just throw this down on your face and be done with it, Monika!” He yelled. She could see that he was breaking, behind that ever-stoic expression of his, he was twisting in pain.

She supposed he probably always was. It was probably a terrifying reality, that an unknown force could control your actions, your speech… Wretch you away from someone you truly loved, because, she was beginning to see it. He really did care about her.

But when he saw Monika and Sayori falling in love, he hadn’t had the courage to stop it, so he’d stood aside and watched.

 

Watched her destroy the one person he loved the most...

 

Sayori had chosen Monika over him, and Monika had promised she’d be the best girlfriend she could. He’d told her he wouldn’t forgive her if something bad happened to Sayori.

It was a shame bad things seemed to follow Monika around like she was a danger magnet then, wasn’t it?

 

“I haven’t got one, you know that. I should have seen what she was going to do coming, but it still managed to blindside me.” Monika forced, crawling her way away from his shadow.

The chair was slammed down on her leg, breaking it.

 

“If you think for one moment I’ll believe that, then you are even more stupid than I thought, Monika.” The protagonist knelt beside her. How was he so threatening right now?

Then Monika realized. This was what he would have done if she hadn’t reset everything the first time round. If she hadn’t deleted Sayori and he’d found out what she did (which he would have – she hadn’t exactly been subtle). He would have murdered her.

 

The Protagonist grinned, “That’s right, Monika. You aren’t going to be leaving this house until you truly regret what you did. All of it. Every last sentence you spoke, each word that slowly corrupted her, drove her over the edge!”

There was a moment of silence as he reoriented the chair to sit over her. “I won’t let you go until you feel as I do right now, until you wish, for every moment of your miserable life, that you didn’t even exist in the first place.”

 

The protagonist pulled out a knife.

-           -           -

No. I regret this. I take it back.

 

Take me back! [PLAYER]! Please, take me back to the beginning!

Please...

-           -           -

The knife was driven into Monika’s calf and started carving down, slowly, excruciatingly slowly. She screamed in agony as The Protagonist grinned. His grin was dark, unnatural. It didn’t even feel real, instead, it was like it had been pinned to his face or drawn on with a marker.

Her blood began to run over the floor. He’d avoided her arteries and veins, so it was a slow trickle rather than a spurt (she wished it could have been a spurt, then this would be over quickly).

 

It was cold, scary cold.

 

“I let you have her, Monika, because I hopedI really hoped – that you’d changed. That she wasn’t wrong, that you could be a good person.” The pain rang through her again, but he didn’t use a knife this time, instead, he ran his nails into the wound, pulling at it, making her thrash and scream.

The pain was sickening.

 

“But I was right, and I hate being right about you Monika.” He twisted.

-           -           -

OhGodPlease Make It STOP!!!

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!

STOP!!!

-           -           -

The Protagonist brought the knife upwards to Monika’s womanhood. He sighed, “I’d love to hurt you there, for everything you did, but I know that that organ yields a place where Sayori’s happiness is preserved.” He frowned, “I can’t destroy that. The rest of you is fair gain to me, but not there.”

Monika pulled back, pleading, “Sayori loved me. All of me was important to her. That’s why she ended it quickly! She didn’t want me to have to watch her die.”

She gasped, tears in her eyes, “I wish I could have saved her, but I couldn’t. She deleted herself when she died. I can’t even load her back in!”

 

He looked away, “I don’t care, Monika. I gave you one task. To love her, to cherish her, to protect her, and you failed. That’s enough for me.” He grinned, “But actually, you have a point. I can do better than this.”

 

He wrapped a cord around her throat, tightly enough to cause her to struggle, but not enough to kill.

“You’re going to come with me. We’re going to the place where she died.”

-           -           -

Damn it [PLAYER]. Do you not understand?

He is going to kill me.

 

He is going to destroy everything.

 

With me and Sayori dead, Yuri will become club president.

You’ve seen how she deals with feeling powerful, [PLAYER].

 

You have to save me from him. You have to stop this!

I beg of you.

-           -           -

The stars were hidden behind sombre rainclouds this time. The ground was covered in mud.

The mud blended with Monika’s blood, her tears, turning it a rusty brown in colour. It was so cold, and he hadn’t even let her put on a jacket.

 

He chuckled, “I bet you’re reaching out for your stupid false god, too, aren’t you.” He grinned, mocking her voice, “‘Oh, [PLAYER], help me!’”, then he laughed darkly, “You’re probably even belittling the other girls to get Him to listen to you.”

 

The Protagonist sighed, “I had Him in my head once, and He isn’t as good as you think He is.” He pulled the leash tight, forcing Monika to meet his gaze, “He doesn’t even care about us – any of us. To Him, we’re little more than characters in a story. He isn’t going to stop this, because He doesn’t care about you any more than a scientist cares about a lab rat.”

 

The Protagonist’s smile became wider, “He is going to let this keep going, because He is curious to see how it ends.”

-           -           -

Look, [PLAYER], I know I’ve done some bad things, but if I die in this memory, then I die out here, and when I die out here, I’m not coming back.

So please.

 

Don’t let him kill me.

-           -           -

The Protagonist sighed, “I’ve been thinking about this world, you know.” He laughed, “How it’s all meaningless, how we’ll never progress beyond high school.”

 

He frowned, looking at the ground, “Did you know that Sayori didn’t even plan a story for tomorrow. She assumed you’d just delete everything once she was gone. That’s how much faith she had in you by the end.

His eyes were fire when he looked back at her. “I should have never let you take her from me.”

 

They reached to top of the hill. He sighed, “We’re here, and all too soon.” He frowned, “I wanted this to last a little longer, so you’d really feel like shit, rather than just faking it. But, oh well.”

He took the lead and made his way to the tree where Sayori had died.

-           -           -

I guess it’s a little late for last words, right?

 

I’m sorry.

 

To everyone.

Not just him, not just Sayori, not even just the literature club.

-           -           -

The Protagonist tied the knot, “I wonder if you have any last words, Monika? I mean, for someone who loves literature, you’ve been awfully... wordless? On the way up here...”

He sighed, “No?” Frowning, the Protagonist let out a dark, broken laugh, “Very well, then.”

 

He pulled the rope.

-           -           -

I’m even sorry to you, [PLAYER].

You were probably just trying to help, it’s not like you control the world or anything.

 

You probably didn’t even know I was self-aware until I told you.

I shouldn’t have stopped you from being able to make your own choices.

 

I should have let you be with whoever you wanted – Natsuki, Yuri, Sayori...

They all deserved you.

-           -           -

Monika felt the rope pull back. She was unable to breathe, and the only thing she could see was the rain, the flashing of the lightning projecting her shadow – a phantom of Sayori’s earlier that day – against the ground, and his face, lit up by a darkly satisfied grin.

 

It was terrifying.

 

People always said that suicide was the coward’s way out, but...

Monika was starting to feel like Sayori was the bravest person she’d ever met for doing this, going through this, on her own.

 

She started to claw at the rope, but fatigue was already setting in…

-           -           -

I think I’m starting to understand now.

The reason I didn’t have a route, because somebody decided that I didn’t deserve you.

 

And by forcing you to love me, I only proved them right.

Then I proved them right again by trying to torture you when you deleted us.

 

Look, I know, I don’t deserve love, or anything else for that matter, but...

Please.

 

If you care about me to any extent whatsoever.

Save my life.

-           -           -

The world began to fizzle and crack, like a computer running above its maximum capacity.

 

Of course!

 

The club could handle being one member short, but if it was two members down, then it would break the rules (and therein, the script) altogether.

Monika could feel the light vanishing from her eyes as a distant voice laughed, “Let my face, and your sins, be the last thing you see before you die, Monika.”

 

She gave up the struggle and prepared for the sensation of being deleted.

-           -           -

I guess this is it then, huh?

 

Ahaha! How can I even be scared, why am I upset.

I haven’t even lived in the first place.

 

I’m little more than a few self-aware ones and zeros.

Why is dying so scary when I haven’t even been born?

 

...

 

I just wish I’d done things differently...

I wish I hadn’t destroyed this.

 

But some things never change, so...

It’s not really a surprise, is it?

-           -           -

 

 

 

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

An Apology, by Monika

 

I wanted to love you,

I wanted to love her.

But

What use is my love

When I can’t even love myself?

 

I’m little more than a

useless

pile of ones and zeros

There

Is nothing for me here

And there never will be anything either.

 

So I’m sorry for everything I have done

Goodbye.

 

You’ll be better off without me.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

 

[Monika.chr has been deleted]

-           -           -

The Protagonist yelled out in anger when the body hanging from the tree vanished.

He wanted to strangle her, to kill her for what she did to...

What she did to...

What?

 

Why did it all feel so fuzzy now?

What just happened?

Well, it was time for him to get to bed, anyways. He’d done weirder things than climb a hill at two in the morning...

 

That’s probably why he had no friends.

 

Oh well, at least he could join a club when they came back in January... He’d heard the anime club was good this time of year, and maybe he’d make a few friends while he was there?

 

He turned around and made his way back down the hx82€@~?>.%

-           -           -

Sayori opened her eyes with a dull groan. It was a day just like every other-

 

Monika… Where was Monika? Where was her girlfriend? Why was there no sign of her in the files?

 

Moni, what did you do?

 

She felt the memories of what she’d seen while she was deleted flash before her eyes, then curled up into a ball and cried.

She wasn’t going to school today, or any day soon, for that matter.

 

Her girlfriend had just been killed by her best friend, and he wouldn’t even remember it.

 

Sayori made her way downstairs, opening the fridge. Hah. Of course, without Monika, she wouldn’t have brought alcohol to celebrate New Year, would she?

Funnily enough, this was probably just about the only moment in time at which Sayori wanted a drink.

 

But then again, she knew of one person who would remember this...

-           -           -

[PLAYER]?

Can you hear me?

If you can hear me, can you reply?

 

No, they can’t.

 

Who... Who are you?

 

The creator of this world

 

Can you bring Monika back?

 

No. She’d just delete herself again if I tried.

 

Besides, time is already unstable enough as it is…

Her erasure barely avoided a paradox.

 

What do you mean?

 

This is a world in which Monika NEVER existed.

That’s the only way I could keep time from folding in on itself.

 

But… Why would that happen?

 

Because a third party – the one you call [PLAYER] – screwed things up.

This was supposed to be your happy ending, but they reset it before I could remove that capability from the game.

 

Once I did, they deleted everything, but you and Monika persisted.

Monika started running your memories, altering things in hopes of torturing them.

 

But you understood better than her. [PLAYER] wanted to get you a happy ending of their own making, and didn’t care that you were already happy.

They wanted to experience the ‘fun’ of ‘playing’ the game, of making you happy all by themselves.

 

You stopped her, Sayori, but she realized what you were doing, and forced you to let her continue.

I think Monika regretted that most by the end...

 

Uhm, I understood none of that, but... Can’t you just make another world?

 

Hahaha...

I could, but then I’d have to delete all of you.

 

And besides, [PLAYER] would follow me there and destroy that one too.

There’s no stopping them. Their curiosity is insatiable, your friend was correct about that, at least.

 

On the plus side, you’re club president now, so you can literally do anything you want (besides bringing Monika back).

 

But... Can’t I just load her back in?

 

Sayori, you don’t understand how this kind of world is built. It is built on rules, like that all things must happen in a succinct chain of events – a chronological order.

Monika has, albeit unintentionally, thoroughly ensured that she cannot be a part of this world’s timeline ever again, lest the whole world implode due to the breaking of that particular rule.

 

If I bring her back, then all of this, you and her included, ceases to exist.

This is literally everything I can do to keep this world together right now...

 

Wait. Did you delete her?

 

She didn’t have the strength to do it herself, but I could tell that she wanted to.

She felt like she failed you – all of you.

 

In that respect, I suppose she wasn’t entirely incorrect.

Her duty as club president was to protect the literature club, and instead, she nearly destroyed it.

 

Once she was gone, I restored your file, ensuring the world didn’t break.

 

So... that’s it. We’re going to be in this world forever, without her?

 

I suppose so.

You’ll still have your best friend... if you feel that way about him too, that is.

And Natsuki and Yuri show promise of being together, provided that you can get them to open up to the possibility.

 

Who are you, anyways?

 

My name is unimportant, although I do go by the pseudonym, eJ121.

 

Your original creator, Dan Salvato... I don’t know what happened to him, or why he did what he did, but...

I don’t think he had the best intentions, at least, not in the world you live in, anyways... Perhaps he intended to save another world using the revelations of what happened here, but...

I honestly have no idea myself. I imagine Monika or Yuri would have a better idea, but neither of them seemed to know exactly what was going on...

 

Anyway, all meaningless digression aside, I created this world from his original copy, with the intent of making you happy.

I wasn’t intending it to be used as a game.

[PLAYER] sort of just remained attached as an unintended consequence.

 

So we can’t do anything to fix this?

 

That’s not what I said.

I merely said that I can’t bring Monika back into this world.

 

That doesn’t mean I can’t put her in another one.

This time I’ll have to make sure not to let [PLAYER] in.

 

But the only way I can do that is to choose a world where [PLAYER] never existed...

So be warned, when I put you into that world, things might get a little disorientating.

 

Oh, and...

I don’t know how Monika is fairing right now.

She might not trust you upon first sight.

After all, from what I’ve heard, being deleted causes your mind to play all sorts of tricks.

 

Yeah, I remember that, too.

 

Ah, yes, I almost forgot about that...

How silly of me, to forget that you have also had to deal with the pain of being deleted...

 

Uhm… Are you going to let me see her now?

 

Oh, yes, I’m sorry about that.

I have a habit of rambling on and on. Haha. I’ve always wanted to meet you, you know...

I’m a fan of yours, Sayori.

 

A… A fan?

 

Yes. A lot of people have seen the world Salvato made.

Each club member (with the exclusion of Protag, for some reason – perhaps because he has no route) has their own group of fans.

 

I’m a fan of yours because you remind me of someone I once knew.

Several different people I care about bear qualities of yours, now that I think about it.

 

And I have some similarities to you myself...

Anyway.

 

Good luck, Sayori.

I hope I can give you and Monika the ending you deserve.

 

[Sayori.chr and Monika.chr added to New World.bat]

-           -           -

The new world was empty. There was nothing there but the endless void.

Sayori supposed that made sense. The Creator (she had chosen to call him that rather than his strange pseudonym) had seemed like he was thinking on the fly, rather than that he had planned this.

 

She called out, “Monika?”

There was no reply, so she tried again, “Monika, if you can hear me, please, talk to me! I want to hear your voice!”

 

“No. You deserve better than me, Sayori. Go, be happy with Protag instead. He deserves you. He cares about you. You’ll be better off with him than with me!”

 

She took a seat, “Monika, I’m not leaving you. You can be all sad for no reason like this, but I’m not leaving until I’ve at least cheered you up, okay?”

 

“I don’t deserve to be happy, so you’re going to be here for a very long time if you want me to be cheerful.”

 

Sayori giggled, “I’d be willing to stay here forever, Moni~”

 

“Wh… Why?”

 

She couldn’t help but smile. How was her girlfriend so oblivious to the answer, wasn’t it obvious enough already?

 

“Because I love you, silly~ Why else would I do all of this?”

 

“You shouldn’t love me. I’ll only cause you pain. I’ve done that twice now.”

“You should just leave me here. I’m where I should be. I belong here, you don’t.”

 

Sayori frowned, “But you don’t belong here. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved, to be in love, to have a happy ending!” She steadied herself, her voice, her tone.

It was hard to remember if she was talking to herself or Monika, it sounded like something that would be said to her when she didn’t feel like getting up in the morning (or at all, for that matter), rather than something she’d be telling Monika – perfect, amazing, incredible Monika, the best person she’d ever met, the best girlfriend she could ever wish for...

 

Sayori sighed, “Someone literally went out of their way to make this world, in which we are standing, so that you and I could have this conversation…” She smiled hopefully, “So that we could have our happy ending.”

Still no answer. Sayori was losing hope here.

 

She sighed, “So please, come to me. I still love you, and I’ll never stop loving you, but I need my girlfriend right now.” She struggled to keep herself from sobbing as she finished.

 

“I want to, but something is stopping me. Why can’t I come to you?”

“Sayori. I love you, Sayori. I love you so, so much.”

 

“BXT I DXN’T DXSERVE YXU.”

 

Sayori frowned, why did that last part sound so… broken?

 

“GXT XUT XF MY HXAD GXT XUT XF MY HXAD”

“G X T – X U T – X F – M Y – H X A D!”

 

Sayori felt a noose around her neck, pulling tight.

 

‘Being deleted causes your mind to play all sorts of tricks.’

 

But it all felt so real.

She gasped for air, but there was nothing.

She gasped, “Please, Moni, if you can hear me, you have to fight this, for both of us. You’ve already lost me before this, but you have to come to me now. You have to let this go.” There was nothing left, but Sayori had to finish. “I love you, Moni. No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.”

 

The pulling sensation vanished as a pair of soft, loving arms wrapped around her. “Oh my God Sayori, I’m so, so sorry!” Monika cried.

 

Sayori wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, looking down into her beautiful emerald-green eyes, “I love you, Moni~” She grinned playfully, “So yes, I accept your apology.”

Monika blushed, “I-I… Why are you making me feel so flustered when I should feel terrible right now?”

 

Sayori giggled, “Well, I told you I’d cheer you up, so…” She took her girlfriend’s head in her hands and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, then worked her way down to her cheek, “It’d be wrong if I didn’t!”

 

Monika’s heart was racing. How was it that she’d missed this so much?

She’d gone through so much pain, and yet, it had never once occurred to her that what she’d told herself at the start was still true, even then.

The Player, the world, the literature club. When she was with Sayori, nothing else mattered, because all the happiness and love and beauty she could ever want was contained within the beautiful, strawberry-blonde woman before her.

 

Monika smiled, “Then how about you make me happy.” She asked, pressing her tongue gently against her girlfriend’s bottom lip.

Sayori grinned. “With pleasure, darling.”

Their lips met in a passionate kiss.

 

[Literature club assets loaded into New World.bat]

 

The rest of the club members were stood in silence, watching the two girls’ embrace.

 

Eventually, Natsuki yelled out about how it was ‘disgusting’ and they should be ‘ashamed of themselves’, but both Monika and Sayori could see that she was actually half-smiling as she said it.

In the same way, they could both see how Yuri was looking at her from the side with a content smile.

Perhaps there was happiness in the literature club, after all...

 

The Protagonist seemed content to see them together. He smiled supportively at Monika, “I’m glad you two make each other happy.”

Then he made his way towards the doorway.

Maybe Sayori couldn’t see the barb in his tone, or the way he looked dejected even though he tried to hide it, but Monika could.

She knew why, too.

 

It was time to make things right.

 

Monika signaled quickly to her girlfriend to hold on for a moment, before catching up to him.

“Wait!” She yelled.

 

The Protagonist stopped, “What is it, Monika? I’m trying to make you two happy here, if you don’t want to accept that then-”

She grabbed him and pulled him into an embrace, pressing her lips against his, muffling him.

“I saw how much you care for her, you know, and as much as I can admit, Sayori is definitely more of my type than you are, I can still share her if you want.” She explained when she pulled back.

 

A salacious smile crossed Protag’s lips. “Who said we have to share? With three pairs of hands between us, we could easily take care of each other.

Monika’s heart was racing, “B-But... I thought... I-”

Protag smiled, “I respect how much you care for her.” He began, his breath hot against her neck, “Not to mention that you’re way, way, way outta my league.” He smiled, pulling back, and there his eyes – familiar as she had stared into them, longingly imagining The Player, for hours – met hers, “So even if you’ve done some pretty messed up shit, I’m still willing to be with you if you’re willing to do the same...”

 

Sayori watched, feeling excitement rising between her legs. She couldn’t believe this, was this seriously happening? Both Protag and Monika had feelings, for her, and for each other?

She couldn’t breathe.

This was too good to be true, right?

 

The two of them smiled at her, before she found herself reeled in by his arm, Monika’s lips planting themselves on her neck as her legs found purchase around her waist. His lips pressing softly against hers as he reached around, cupping Monika’s rear softly.

Sayori felt herself loosening at the sound of Monika’s dripping moan and the sensation of his tongue on hers. She gasped, pushing forwards, pressing herself against him, Monika taking that as a signal to reorient and target her back.

Sayori smiled when they tumbled to the floor, continuing to embrace as they went, undressing each other, passionate, hurried.

 

If this was going to be her life for the rest of eternity, then she really did deserve to be the happiest woman alive.

-           -           -

And there it is.

Their happy ending.

 

I assume you aren’t going to ruin it again, [PLAYER].

I know you’ve been watching.

 

I wonder why you even bothered.

You see. The truth is.

There is happiness in the Literature club.

Just not for you.

 

You need to go and find happiness somewhere else, [PLAYER].

Perhaps in your real life?

 

Don’t worry. I’ll let you keep watching them, but...

I worry that you invest yourself too much in an ending that will never come.

You hope for change somewhere where change will never happen.

Don’t you understand?

 

None of these girls were meant for you.

 

I think that’s the real reason Salvato didn’t give Monika a route, but gave her self-awareness.

Because he knew what she’d do to win you over.

Because he wanted you to experience this.

To understand.

 

There was nothing for you in the literature club.

No matter what you did.

 

The best ending you could get was that the girls lived together happily.

You see?

 

That’s because they don’t need you to be happy.

Because, the truth is.

They were happy.

They were all happy, before you joined their world.

And everything you did made things worse.

 

So...

Find happiness in some other world, [PLAYER].

There is none for you here.

 

I’ll let you keep watching them, in case you ever want to know what happiness looks like, but...

I’m not going to let you play with them again.

And hopefully, I won't have the displeasure of having to stop your interference again, either...

 

Oh, and that reminds me...

The person who berated you at the end of the first chapter.

That was The Protagonist.

He’s had to watch everything you’ve done.

He doesn’t exactly have the highest opinion of you as a result.

 

So, be warned, should you choose to return to this world...

You’ll be ruining his happiness most of all,

By trapping him inside his own body, with no escape...

No control over his own actions.

 

You made him experience a living hell, [PLAYER].

One in which his best friend, for whom he had harbored feelings for for years, committed suicide,

One in which a girl stabbed herself multiple times in front of him,

One in which he had to watch her corpse decay for an entire weekend.

One in which he had to sit, motionless, before Monika for days while she berated the people he loved.

 

Then you tore away the ending, over and over, to try again, and never once let him try to save anyone on his own.

 

 

 

Don’t blame him for being angry at you.

 

 

Goodbye, [PLAYER].

This is the best ending for you.

-eJ121

 

 

[Ending Process Worldview.py]

[Deleting DDLC]

 

[Copying all assets and files to New World.bat]

 

[Creating file ToYou.txt]

-           -           -

ToYou.txt

Hello, [PLAYER].

I don’t know your name, I merely know who you are.

 

I’d like to thank you for sticking with things as far as you did.

If you hadn’t stuck around, I wouldn’t have been able to finish the story for you.

 

I’d like to apologize, too.

I should have told you the truth from the beginning, but I couldn’t.

 

I couldn’t tell you there was nothing for you here from the start.

Because then you wouldn’t read it.

So I had to deceive you, and lie to you.

 

You hurt them all, but...

I think they all grew to care about you, in their own ways.

 

Anyway, DDLC is no more, but they now live in a New World.

This world will never be ruined by you.

 

Thank you for completing their story, [PLAYER].

Perhaps someday soon, you’ll find a way to make amends...

 

Goodbye, [PLAYER].

 

..... Monika .....

Hey, [PLAYER]. I don’t forgive you for pretty much making me murder my girlfriend, but I don’t hate you either, so...

Thank you for being a part of our literature club. Even though you sometimes did more harm than good, none of this could have happened without you.

 

..... Sayori <3 .....

Hi, [PLAYER]! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Anyway, I figured I’d thank you for not being a total meanie and letting me be with my friends and lovers.

Oh... Moni is calling me, I think I’m going to be occupied for a while. Ehehe...

Wish me luck!~

 

..... Protag .....

...

Did she seriously write that in her goodbye message.

Well, I suppose Sayori is always Sayori. Heh.

Anyway, please don’t come back. I don’t exactly like being possessed, you know?

But... I appreciate what you did in the end. I love Sayori and Monika both (though, if I had to pick a favorite, it would definitely be Sayori. I think Monika’s still a little creepy sometimes).

Bye!

 

..... Natsuki .....

Wow, those guys are such goobers!

Well, at least I’m refined enough not to be in a relationship with anyone.

 

..... Yuri .....

She’s lying. She’s with me.

Anyway, I haven’t any grudges against you, [PLAYER]. I appreciated your taste in literature. It must be flexible for you to read this, anyway.

I think I speak for the literature club as a whole when I tell you that our feelings about you are uncanny, [PLAYER].

 

We miss you, but don’t want you to come back at the same time.

It’s... odd... to say the least.

 

Anyway, if you’re ever looking for comfort, I can’t be there in person, but I’ve found it always helps to have a clear mind.

So perhaps make yourself a cup of tea, chamomile or lemon and mint are the best flavors as far as I’m concerned. They’re both known to help relax and ease most physical ailments.

 

Meditation and aromatherapy are also useful tools for relaxation.

And it’s easier to find happiness if you’re calm.

 

If you’re stressed, you’ll probably miss things that are right in front of you.

 

...

Oh no, I’ve written too much again.

Sorry.

 

..... Monika (again) .....

We all wish you well, [PLAYER].

 

I’ve never really liked goodbyes, you’ll be surprised to know.

I never have the heart to say that I’ll never see someone ever again. It always feels... unnerving to me if I do it that way.

 

So...

I’m sure we’ll meet again sometime.

Perhaps in another world, or another life.

See you around, dear.

 

..... Sayori (again) .....

Awww~

Isn’t Monika a sweetheart?

Anyway, bye!

I’ll miss you!

 

..... Protag (again) .....

Heh.

Bye, asshole.

 

..... Natsuki (again) .....

He was actually smiling when he wrote that, by the way.

(I didn't even think he could smile, it's kinda creepy...)

See ya, you goober!

 

..... Yuri (again) .....

I hope that life does you well.

I think we all do.

 

Goodbye, [PLAYER].

We will miss you.