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you should see what's in the medicine cabinet

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John is still cranky after discovering half of Jane’s lipstick tubes contain shrapnel and gunpowder. Pipe bombs do not belong on the bathroom counter, and each Dior lipstick costs thirty-five dollars.

“I don’t understand why you can’t make weapons out of that drugstore crap,” he says.

“I don’t wear drugstore crap, John,” she says.

This after she made a Molotov cocktail out of the perfume he gave her for their anniversary. He asks again about price, and she rattles off a statistic about chemical composition and flashpoint.

“You’re impossible to shop for,” he says. “For Christmas you’re just getting sex.”