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The Last Time

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Rey sat in the transport ship wondering yet again why she was doing this. She didn’t want to keep coming to him, she wanted to hate him, but she kept coming back. So far she didn’t think anyone knew, but it was only a matter of time before someone figured it out. Finn probably would have at this point if he weren’t so wrapped up in Poe. Sometimes Rey thought Leia knew, but Leia never said anything. If she did know, was she hoping Rey would be able to bring Ben back? Rey shook her head. Leia was far too smart for that, she knew Ben was gone for good. So then why was Rey still going back to see him? Ben showed her time and again who he was, and yet he was someone else when they were together. When she lay her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, Rey sometimes allowed a small flicker of hope. In those moments he didn’t belong to the First Order, he belonged to her. But then they parted and things went back to the way they’d always been. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. It was a little harder to say goodbye each time, it hurt a little more to leave a part of her heart behind. This had to end, she knew it did, but even though Rey swore that each time would be the last, it never was.

“This time it will be,” Rey told herself. “This is the last time.”

******

As Ben flew his plane towards Rey’s waiting transport ship, he didn’t have to wonder why he was doing this. He was weak. He was weak, but he loved her. What Ben didn’t know was why Rey kept coming back to him. He used to wonder if it was some sort of ploy to use his weakness against him, to kill him, but she never did. Would he be willing to sacrifice himself to her if she did try to destroy him? Ben thought he wouldn’t, but didn’t he keep going back to be with her? He was too far gone for redemption, he knew that, but when she kissed him he sometimes thought that maybe he wasn’t. Ben straightened up in the pilot’s seat. This had to stop. It was too dangerous.

“This is the last time,” he said aloud, gripping the controls tightly in his hands. He didn’t even sound halfway convincing.

******

When Ben boarded the transport ship, Rey was already back in the sleeping quarters. She sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes fixed on a point Ben couldn’t see. He crossed the room and sat beside her, resting his forearms on his knees. He looked at his hands and wondered briefly how she could stand to be touched by hands that had destroyed so much, not the least of which was his father.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Rey said, still not looking at him.

“I know.” Ben waited for her to say more, but she didn’t. When the silence became unbearable, thundering in his ears, he finally asked, “Do you want me to go?”

Rey looked down at her feet, folding and unfolding her hands. Ben felt the beginning of a painful ache in his chest. He hadn’t thought she was actually going to send him away and the thought of losing her, really losing her this time, made him numb. He felt angry tears prickling the corners of his eyes and he stood up quickly, unwilling to fall apart in front of her. Not again. Ben went to walk away but before he could take a step, he felt her grab his hand. He froze. Ben looked down at her, but she refused to meet his eyes. He knelt down in front of her between her knees, threading his fingers between hers. When Rey finally looked at him, Ben was surprised to see the tears there, but when she spoke her voice was steady.

“Why are we doing this?” she asked.

“You know why.”

Rey searched his face, although Ben couldn’t be sure exactly what she was looking for. One of the tears fell over her eyelashes and down her cheek, a lone raindrop. Ben brushed it away gently with his thumb and she leaned her face into his hand, resting her cheek against his palm. He rested his forehead against hers.

“Do you want me to go?” he asked again, softer this time. Rey said nothing, but instead she pressed her lips to his, giving him her answer. Ben kissed her deeply, his lips melting into hers. She tugged at his shirt, pulling it off to reveal the crisscross network of scars across his chest. Ben trailed kisses down her neck, gently pushing her back onto the bed. He knelt over her, kissing the hollow of her throat as he made his way down her body, Rey’s fingers in his hair. Ben slid his hands up the front of her shirt, tracing the hardening peaks of her nipples as he kissed his way down her stomach. When his lips reached the waistline of her pants, he hooked his fingers in them, tugging them down as she lifted her hips before throwing them aside. Ben brushed his lips along her inner thighs, drawing them closer to her center. Rey sighed as he gently rubbed his thumb along her lips, her sigh shifting into a soft moan as he parted her with his tongue. She was warm and wet and Ben felt intoxicated by the taste of her. In moments like this, he felt ready to give up the galaxy for her.

When her breath began to quicken, Ben slipped a finger inside her, then two. Rey moaned, pulling at his hair, urging him closer. He doubled down on his efforts, licking and swirling and sucking as he moved his fingers faster, her hips bucking against his mouth. Finally she came undone, dissolving on his tongue as the sounds of her pleasure echoed off the walls.

Ben reluctantly pulled away from her as Rey lay back on the bed, breathing hard. He stood and removed the rest of his clothes before he stretched out beside her, naked on the bed. She reached over and cupped his face in her hand, tasting herself on his lips and tongue when she kissed him. Rey let her fingers drift down his body until she felt his hard length and took him in her hand. Ben groaned softly as she moved her hand along him, rubbing her thumb across the tip.

“Rey . . .” He whispered her name against her lips, furthering her desire.

Rey sat up and straddled him, positioning herself over him. She guided him inside her as she slowly lowered down onto him. Rey closed her eyes, overcome by the sensation of Ben inside her, filling her. She took off her shirt, throwing it aside as she began to move up and down, up and down. Ben’s hands felt like they were everywhere, cupping her breasts, sliding across her skin, his fingers digging into her hips. He slid a hand towards her clit, still sensitive from his tongue. She let her head fall back as he touched her, losing herself in the rhythm of their bodies as he thrust up into her.

Before long, Rey felt the climax swelling within her, threatening to burst at any moment. Ben could see it on her face, that face he knew so well, the one he loved. Finally she came undone, her voice ringing out as she tightened around him. Ben sat up, wrapping his arms around her as she clung to him, still thrusting her hips against his. He was close, so close, and he buried his face against her skin as he came, spilling inside her as his fingers raked down her back.

Still trying to catch her breath, Rey tilted Ben’s gaze up towards her. She liked him like this, soft, vulnerable, open. They were still connected to one another and Ben cupped her face in his hands. He kissed her gently. She was his equal, his balance in the universe, and he never felt as whole as he did when he was with her.

Later, as Rey lay beside Ben with her head on his chest, she listened to his heartbeat as he held her close, trailing his fingers down her back. She knew then that no matter how much she might try to stay away, resistance was futile. Two halves of a whole, one unable to exist without the other. Rey always came back—and so did Ben.